Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S13 Ep 8: Jamie Demetriou

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

Greek-Cypriot comedian, actor, writer and all round brilliant funny guy Jamie Demetriou joins us on Table Manners this week. Over a rather delightful butternut squash galette (if I say so myself) and few other overzealous dishes in an attempt to wow the vegetarian, we talk about cooking for himself as a child, his dad being a chef, the importance of a good tomato sauce, pickled onion monster munch & him being in a band. The star of STATH LETS FLATS, Eurovision, Fleabag and now ‘The After Party’ - we loved having Jamie over (and appreciated the Reisling) what a glorious guest. Go and check out The After Party on Apple TV. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie Ware and we've got a vegetarian coming over mum. Oh whoopie. Well whoopie for you because you didn't bloody do anything. Well now you know. You were very unsupportive yet again. Darling it's because I don't know enough about, but you've done a grand job. Well. It looks absolutely.

I've really stressed myself out this week. I know you have, darling. Because, you know I eat a lot of... Is it because you quite like the guests? I mean, he is quite cute. But, but I just find that when I

cook for a vegetarian, I overcompensate and then I do about ten different dishes and actually, as my gorgeous friend Bella, who has the Bella's sherry cod in the cookbook, says, you've got to let the number one sing. You've got to let the main dish sing.

That's what I said to you yesterday. I have a choir of dishes today. I don't know which one's going to drown out the other. However, I do think the thing that Bella told me to cook is quite gorgeous. Oh, it looks fabulous. It may not taste good. Tell them what it is, darling.

Okay, so it is, I think, what you call a galette. I did get just roll pastry because I can't be dealing with bloody doing pastry. I've got too much other things to do. But what's good about it, which you won't be able to see because you're listening to this. We're going to take a picture. You basically, what do you do? You strip? What do you do?

Yeah, strip, strip of butternut squash. Peel. You peel a butternut squash in strips. Yeah. Lengthways. And what you do is kind of make like a rose. And by kind of putting them all together. So it looks really gorgeous.

And then it's with cider onions that I did shallots because I didn't have onions cider onions with butter like caramelized we've done a bit of cheddar I wanted to do goat's cheese but you said cheddar so there we go thyme because I didn't have sage and rosemary and then you put it on a shortcrust pastry it looks nice does it taste nice we don't know I went to Braun yesterday to celebrate my gorgeous friend Sarah, who is due any day. Well, she's actually overdue, but we don't talk about that, do we? Your baby is due from this date.

So we went to Braun to celebrate. And actually, we went to Campania first. That's one of your sister's favourite places. Right, but we went to Campania. And they wouldn't let you in. They fucking locked us out. We were there. I like an early lunch 12 o'clock

locked us out well I don't blame them well anyway we went Braun let us in and we had such what time were you up

by 1 o'clock yeah because I had a meeting with the rabbi at 2 mum why to discuss my date for my bat mitzvah did you meet

Rabbi Adrian yes I did is he lovely very nice easy breezy he was a bookseller in Berlin was he To discuss my date for my bat mitzvah. Did you meet Rabbi Adrian? Yes, I did. Is he lovely? Very nice. Easy breezy. He was a bookseller in Berlin. Was he? Well, anyway, now he's my rabbi and we've got a date.

Does he love you? Fireworks night, mum. Oh, 5th of November. There's going to be sparks in that synagogue, I tell you. Woo! When I'm reading from that Torah on that bimmer. Darling, maybe we should have an outside after event so we can have fireworks. I actually hate fireworks, so no love fireworks anyway um so um went to braun it was absolutely

delicious i love them anybody who lives in london or doesn't you should always go to braun it was so good but anyway i had a bitter leaves salad there so i thought with the butternut squash galette bitter leaves so i've done bitter leaves with this. And then, of course, because I'd already got the things for lots of different things, I've done that otolenghi. Oh, I haven't done it yet. It needs to go in the oven. The blistered tomatoes with the cold yogurt. I've got delicious sourdough from the Snapery Bakery, which I love.

Where is that, darling? It's in Bermondsey. You've been all the way to Bermondsey? No, I've got Sam to cycle there today. But anyway, so I've got gorgeous sourdough from them because i miss the dusty knuckle how do i and then i've done a butter bean dip with charred spring onions um with the brindisa butter beans because they're great so we're having that and then you've done pud what have you done i've done a chocolate and olive oil cake and you've brought some berries and i brought some fresh cream you've got some crème fraîche i love that you've brought some berries. And I've brought some fresh cream.

You've got some creme fraiche. I love that you've brought some fresh cream. She's brought like a quarter of a tub of double cream that's probably gone off last week. No, it's not. Anyway. Okay, we won't have it. So we have comedian, actor, writer, Jamie Dimitriou, who... Is he Greek or Greek Cypriot? Greek Cypriot.

I'm always intrigued by comedians because not only is he a comedian and writer, he was in Fleabag. He was the boyfriend in Fleabag. Which boyfriend? The annoying boyfriend with the big teeth. They were not his teeth. They were not his teeth.

Anyway, so he was in that. He did Stafflet's Flats. He's won BAFTAs for Stafflet's Flats, which I've watched, and Stafflet is probably one of the most adorable characters in British television. He's not very bright. He's so sweet, though. And great voice, Mum. So I've told him to is probably one of the most adorable characters in British television. He's not very bright. He's so sweet though.

And great voice mum. So I've told him to warm up for you. Yeah. For karaoke. And he's in this new TV show on Apple TV called The After Party. It's not on yet. It's got Alana from Broad City and Tiffany Haddish who had a bat mitzvah when she was older. A black mitzvah, she called it.

Oh, and he was in one of the greatest films that cheered me up when my bloody tour got cancelled. Eurovision. Eurovision. Have you watched it yet, Mum? No, I haven't, darling. So good. Jamie Dimitriou coming up on Table Manners.

Probably the only Greek Cypriot vegetarian there is. I mean, a rare species. Kalispera, Jamie. Cheers, darling. Yamas. Lovely to meet you. Yamas. Oh, God. You're speaking more Greek

than my dad. I've got a house in Greece. Do you? Whereabouts? A little tiny island. Well, it's not Skopelos. Oh, Skopelo. Yeah, of course.

Skopelo? Do you know what? Do you actually know? Skopelo is, to me me I've been to Skopelo in Sicily but I've never been in Greece. My dad's actually from Cyprus. Is he? So yeah I was just trying to do the accent again. Which is Cyprus? Do you speak Greek? No. He says it nicely though. I speak I say things Greekly but I don't... Jamie, say your surname. Dimitriou. Oh, my God. No. That's so attractive. This is wonderful to be asked that.

It makes me feel amazing. But what? Jamie can't be a Greek name. No. So, in fact, do you know what? I can just come straight out the gates with an accent. Yeah, straighten out the gates. Oh, my God.

Come on. Can you imagine? Yeah, love it. So, my mum is English. Okay. And my dad wanted to call me Dimitri Dimitriou. I think that's great.

You're into that? You probably have done better in the whole stupid world. You think? Dimitri Dimitriou has a ring to it. Are you sad you're not DW? Well, so, he wanted to call me Dimitri Dimitriou. Andri has a ring to it. Are you sad you're not DW? Well, so he wanted to call me Dimitri, Dimitri, you. And my mum said, obviously not.

I want him to have a life. I'm keen that he sort of enjoys his life. And my dad was like, hmm, all right. And anyway, apparently they went back and forth about names for ages. And one day they were in the car. And my dad sort of softly said, you don't like um Dimitri how about um Jamie Dimitri and my mum went wanting to hate it but she was like oh god annoyingly I do actually really like that are you not James uh well Jamie it is Jamie and so my dad went okay

and then he turned to the camera and went little does she know that Jamie in Greek is Dimitri. So my name effectively is Dimitri Dimitri. Yeah. When I go to Cyprus, when I'm growing up, when I go to Cyprus, people would call me Dimitri and I wouldn't turn and they'd be like, hey. So Jamie, you know the shtick about the podcast you know I love and we are so thrilled to have you on thank you so much um so tell us about who was around the dinner table and who's cooking I've heard a bit about your family through your sister being on Adam Buxton oh sure sure sure yeah but like I want to hear from you excuse me she's got a Greek name natasia so natasia is her name oh it's gorgeous but everyone calls her tash and she is she not like that he actually called her tash well she no she to be fair to her she went by she goes officially by the name tash because she was worried that people

would find it difficult going into this world but i think she's starting to kind of own natasia a bit more okay it's beautiful and she's a comedian as well. She is. Comedy actor. Why is everyone a comedian in your family? What's going on at that dinner table? Yeah, the funny genes. Where do they come from? Dad or your mum? I feel like I'm going to have to say both and neither.

Okay. I think that it's like they, I think that if it comes from anywhere, it comes from me and Tash sort of catching, Natassia, crap, catching each other's eye when weird stuff was going on. I mean, you. What weird stuff was going on, Jamie? I mean, my dad is wildly eccentric.

Like, destructively eccentric. Okay, what does he do destructively? I mean. No, what's his job so he was a chef yeah yeah yeah yeah yes were they oh this is stunning oh my god no you haven't tasted it but anyway go on go on so he's uh i mean it's it's there's almost a restaurant he did yeah he used to have uh he used to own a restaurant, he had a whole life before I was born where he managed restaurants and a place called Piaf's and Pippin's.

Heard of Pippin's? Yeah, yeah. He was amazing. I mean, he was the assistant to Robert Carrier when he was a... Oh, my God. Do you know who Robert Carrier is? No.

He was kind of the first cookbook person with the most amazing colours of the cooking. Probably the most boring pictures, but very vibrant colours. I think the pictures, when you look back at them now, they have a certain potency. Yeah, they're about 650s and 60s. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. So my dad's 81, so he's been around a while but he was he was kind of in the back so as well as being the front of these books and magazines I think Robert Carrier was like one of the first sort of celebrity chefs on tv as well so my dad was the kind of like like quiet greek like kitchen boy and kitchen Yeah, in the background, kind of like, you know. And he had this amazing life of being a chef, but then when things started becoming kind of vegetarian and things like that, he got scared and sold his restaurant. I know, at least I understand this, but yeah.

So I should have had him here. Anyway, so he sort of ended up having this whole new life when he met my mum. And he basically was quite old. Is your mum a bit younger? Like seven, eight years. So she looks... She looks fantastic. She does at the moment, yeah.

So he actually has dementia now, which is a hellscape i just it feels weird to talk about him without without saying that uh but oh but he's heaven you know he's he's like so it's at home with your mom he is at home with my mom um but yeah there uh he's uh he's just you know the lucky thing about that is though is that you know there's a certain eccentricity that comes with dementia and he um has been the maddest man i've ever met in my life since i was born so it's sort of just like a different direction of weirdness right kind of thing so it's still kind of in keeping with everything it's yeah and so your dad it was the chef at the dinner table at the dinner table or so his well because he worked evenings it wasn't the most traditional

set up cooking wise well my mum ended up working evenings as well so what did your mum do she was a nanny

she kind of was like she did various things she still does she's been a nanny she was a reflexologist so no one was there when you were in the evening

yeah well look I wasn't neglected or anything. Who looked after you? Well, this is from the age of like 11 they were doing that. I just sort of telly, I suppose. But also they like, but no, they were very loving. My parents are amazing.

My mum is unbelievably loving, but like just, you know, needed money. So he was in the house? Just me and my sister. But they'd get back at like eight, and it was fine. Oh, they got back early. Yeah, yeah. What did you eat?

Right, yeah. So we would, basically, there was a long period of, I think me and my sister are control freaks in a lot of ways, and insisted eventually, because we got used to this thing of cooking for ourselves in the evening,

we got used to this thing of cooking for ourselves. So it started with like crap, hot noodle we were like we were going i mean yeah like when we learned me and my sister once had a huge row over the amount of water you put in one of those blue dragon packets you know when you get those like things literally that led to like my head being slammed into the stove because we had such a disagreement about the amount of water that's what happens when you leave kids alone on their own to make dinner but um before that i mean when i was a kid my like my parents obviously amazing cooks but we just wanted dinner earlier so we cooked for ourselves and then eventually that sort of spun

into like i need to have something that isn't beige. So what are the basics I can learn? And then they would sort of feed in little things like, I think the foundation of being able to eat well is knowing how to make a tomato sauce and knowing how to make a salad. If you have a tomato sauce, you can dress anything. And if you can dress a salad, you can kind of dress anything. So olive oil, lemon, salt was the kind of like top line of my childhood if you can

if you have olive oil lemon salt everything's going to be fine oh wow jess this oh my god about your girlfriend i've seen the pictures she are we allowed to talk oh yeah yeah of course well as of about two years ago, she's basically in the lockdown. The lockdown happened to start, she left her job like a month before. What was her job before? She was working for a TV production company and she worked in politics before that.

She was basically trying to find what it was she wanted to do and it just came at a really bad time. During lockdown, she was like trying, thank you, she was trying to keep herself busy while I was off desperately trying to write series three of my show um thank you yes that's like the stupidest title that's ever been given to you honestly he is the most adorable character isn't he he's annoying too yeah oh no he's oh no he's annoying I think we can all agree he's annoying I really

and I honestly I loved it so much and actually I hadn't watched it until we went on Sunday Brunch and Katie Wicks was on it oh you went on Sunday Brunch

yeah and she was on it promoting her book and Steph Let's Facts and I was like I need to watch this and it was yeah it's fucking great oh thank you so much

oh yeah I really appreciate that I'm sort of I kind of think my opinion on the show is truly um based on what other people think of it so anytime i hear something it's nice if it wasn't brilliant oh well we'll see so during lockdown during lockdown i was um claire and i were she was trying to work out how she could fill her time do be productive, not get bogged down by everything. And she decided she was going to never cook the same thing twice. She's a very kind of, she's aggressively opinionated about food and always has been. And is a very, very naturally good cook.

Has sort of been cooking since she was a kid. But she's never kind of explored it as a career path anyway. So during lockdown, she was a kid and she was but she's never kind of explored it as a career path anyway so so she so during lockdown she was like bored and i guess if you're trying to cook if you never want to cook the same thing twice you hit like three weeks and you're like oh i guess i'm gonna have to start learning how to make stuff because we assumed the lockdown wouldn't go on as long as it did and then it did and by the end she kind of had racked up this whole like endless album of a stock and it was actually like it was becoming weird how good the food was it was like this shouldn't be as good as it is anyway she sent off um so yeah she sent uh all she was like i could like this seems like something i could maybe do is this something she's just trying to work and she happened to send off to like all the food stylists around just to be like a these something and almost

all of them got back in touch so she's a food stylist she's like been working as for the Guardian for everyone as a food stylist for like a year just literally off it's been like very rare for someone who benefited from that I mean yeah she but yeah it's all very exciting but it means that but now she's like on this endless kind of endeavour to be kind of seasonal. And she's really, really getting into it all. And it's very, very... I mean, it's so whack to be like, lucky me, full tummy and all that.

But it is actually so lovely. Mum, you need to hear Jamie's voice. Have you got a gorgeous voice? He's got really good, like, it's like Virgin on Jessie J trilling. Are you basing this on the staff songs? Yeah. Right, right. What is that staff song?

Oh, the lullaby to Dina? Yeah. It's good fun is what it is. I'll go and sing it. Did you make that up or is that another? Oh no, of course. Yeah. It's good fun is what it is. I'll go and sing. Did you make that up or is that another lullaby? Oh no, of course. Yeah, no, I made it up, yeah. Did you sing when you were younger?

Yeah, well, it was kind of a crossroads when I was in my late teens. It was like sincerity or comedy and sincerity was represented in music. I was in a band and taking myself really seriously. What were you called? Well, we were called The Alpha Beats and then that band Alpha Beats

came along with Fascination and I think we had a conversation and a practice where we discussed, we were like, okay,

we need to change our name and I was like, I think the conversation went into or we could just break up because I'm not sure we're already into this music. What was the music you were making?

It was very sort of the time when people were singing in a London accent. Oh, New Wave. Well, more, yes, but more kind of like, I suppose. Who were you inspired by? Jamie T? Oh, I would have loved to have been Julian Casablancas. Okay. But I wasn't.

There's no, the Strokes. So there's no like London equivalent. So, okay. So you were a bit Strokes, bit who else? Oh, I was trying. I wasn't there's no the strokes so there's no like London equivalent so okay so you were bit strokes bit oh I was trying I don't know I don't know who we were I think I was just like basically I just went to uni instead I really wanted to go to drama school I wasn't getting in anywhere my sister was like I just had the maddest time at Leeds she went to Leeds and basically just had a sort of party time there. And I hadn't really considered uni because in my head,

I always had drama school, drama school, drama school, but I was thick. Like I was not ready. I was not, I didn't know anything about theatre. I didn't know anything about anything. I was like a kind of, you know, the staff, the show that I write is all about people wanting to be something or famous without putting any effort in because that is how I was I was just sort of like yeah that'd be wicked and then I'll just get all the glory and I don't have to do anything and like you know it's about other stuff

apart from that it's quite sweet but it is you know that that's what Sophie's character is about yeah but but you know and then I was you know, I actually have to do something. And somehow I got into Bristol. To do what? I did drama, but it was under the banner of film, theatre and television. That was the department. So I got to learn how to edit and stuff, which was useful because the kind of, the world that was coming around was all about making little videos for the internet.

So I would edit little videos of myself and send them places, doing different characters. Like, Staff was born out of a conversation I had with John Petrie, who was working for Roughcut at the time with Ash Tala, who made my show. Who I had a night at Bungalow 8 with. Of course you did. Whenever that was a thing.

And he was very good fun. Yeah, he's a lot of fun. I like Ash. He's a lot of fun. And also, you know, I grew up,

like, literally with the office on my shrine, like, you know, and he made that. Anyway, so I had this chat with John, and he was,

I had this voice that I'd been doing for ages, that sort of nasal, kind of Greek, kind of twist, sort of London, Greek guy kind of thing. And, and he was like like we were talking about

letting agencies and how it's a funny job because more often than not you're put off by the flat by the letting agent if they're pointing at the you know I mean if it's like the amount of times I've been in a situation where it's been like so as you can see that don't look at that that's um that is it does smell it does smell but trust me in time the smell will subside like that my brother-in-law's an estate agent and i bet he's the best guy he's very kind he actually does very well for himself i will say that since doing the show i'm constantly obviously in life in life you have to find flats you have to and they're always so lovely

everyone's so lovely but they also always deflect they deflect the impression like I'll tell you what you're an awful lot of someone who works

in our office when you were in Bristol the food's really good there did you go to the Tali cafe I was skint man I honestly I was like

packed lunch for three years what did you cook as a student because you were skint were you sick of pot noodles

by that point oh yeah yeah I don't I think if you're going to have a kind of dried noodle kind of

with hot water kind of thing pot noodle isn't the way to go anymore I don't know what it is it's like

it's like what is like there's nothing of the there's nothing Asian about it not that they're trying to be that.

There's a wonderfulness to it. Would you rather have that than say, like, I don't know. It's cheap, though. It is cheap, but so are, like, any kind of packet noodles. There's just so many better packet noodles than pot noodles. I rediscovered pot noodles on a flight back from Greece. My daughter, who... We had them coming back from Greece when my daughter who she loved it she still talks about that meal

on that flight do you know what I don't get about it well number one it's actually aggressively savoury umami laden with umami look who doesn't like umami umami is

if it's too wet if all the, you end up with it too wet. Right, yeah. That is a worry. Do you know those chunks that you get at the bottom? I know the little. The soya chunks. The soya. What are they?

I like them. They're not meat. Wow. But you know what? I think that that, I think that the, that is like where kind of food chic lives now, right? The acceptance of the deliciousness of like a Dorito or something it's like everyone

like that is like I do think that the kind of fashion at the moment is to be like let's have some bloody Pomodoro and some Doritos who cares well there's like what's his face and white Russian one of the chefs have you heard of white Russian no so he does like he'll do caviar with a Dorito or is it no

he'll do it with a Monster Munch. Totally. Yeah. I get that. Do you, Mum? I get that. Pickled onion Monster Munch with a bit of caviar. I think you'd go a long way to find the taste of a Wotsit.

I love Wotsits. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course. Do you not? You like a pot noodle but not a Wotsit. Listen, I, yeah, actually, I not you like a pot noodle but not a lot listen I

yeah actually I would go for the salt and vinegar chips do you remember those ones oh they look like chips chips I got them for my kid

the other day and I was like these are fucking great did you ever cook at home yes during uni I got I was alright at cooking

I was good I was alright I did for my final piece at university, I did this whole stand-up show about my relationship with my dad. And it was all very kind of abstract theatre and stuff like that.

So I had to kind of do something 80s like that. So I cooked three legs of lamb. Was this your stand-up? Yeah, yeah. I cooked three legs of lamb and put fans behind them to fill the room with the smell of lamb. So your stand up yeah yeah I cooked three legs of lamb and put fans behind them to fill the room with the smell of lamb

so when everyone was watching it the show smelled like my relationship between me and my dad what's the name of that theatre and this would be

in like a pub no no this was in my uni sort of I don't know finished like your piece yeah exactly exactly yeah

and what did you get for that I can't remember something bad probably did you give them the lamb later? I had it. It was yum. It was really nice.

See, I used to love cooking stuff like that. And I really did really get into cooking. But when my girlfriend started, when I met my girlfriend and she started cooking, I literally just stopped because it's embarrassing. Don't blame you. But what's her favourite thing that you cook for her? Oh, no. She doesn't cook anymore, Dolly.

It's quite clear. I don't. I'm not. Well, do you know what? There's one thing that I cooked, and it's a revelation when I do something right. I kind of stumbled upon, I was trying to make, basically, there's a restaurant in LA, if you go out there, called Pine and Crane, which is my favourite restaurant in the world. Pine and Crane.

It's a Taiwanese place in Silver Lake. It is extraordinary. Oh, I should ask Hannah if she knows it. It's a Taiwanese place in Silver Lake. It is extraordinary. It's so good. Anyway, I was trying to recreate their noodles and I didn't have a recipe. And I think I sort of managed to make them and that is something that I can do that she will enjoy from time to time.

But I get so nervous cooking now that I always mess it up. But it's sort of peanut butter with sesame oil and that kind of vibe and sort of a nice thick kind of like peanutty sauce. So, so the after party's about to come out. It's, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, I mean, look, you've made a name for yourself with Stuff Let's Fats, but this is like, does this feel like a step?

And obviously Eurovision, one of my favourite films ever oh yeah that cheered me up so much it was a lovely film honestly like that film was so brilliant

because it was completely honest that they loved Eurovision it wasn't taking the piss out of it it was bringing all the kind of joyful elements

of it anyway but like After Party like it's a big line up yeah it is it's Apple TV yeah it was really weird I mean as an actor is it a murder mystery it is yeah it's a proper line up. Yeah, it is. It's Apple TV. Yeah, it was really weird.

I mean, as an actor, you kind of... Is it a murder mystery? It is, yeah. It's a proper whodunit kind of thing. And it's all told from each other. Have you got a good... Do you like your character in it? I do, yeah.

It's kind of... It's very different to stuff I've done before. I mean, I'm doing an American accent in it. How is it? It's like... Go and try it on. No way. Go on.

Did you have a dialect coach? Well, I did. But I way did you have a dialect coach well I did but I got the I got the job without a dialect coach so my audition which I literally thought would just

be chucked in the bin because you're so used to auditioning for American stuff and it doesn't go anywhere and it was like oh I've got it

and I have to I'm going to go to LA for four months during lockdown and it's going to be really weird and I was like there for Christmas

day and New Year's on my own in an Airbnb it was wild last year but it's going to be really weird. And I was like there for Christmas Day and New Year's on my own in an Airbnb. It was wild. Oh, she put you in touch with Hannah. That would have been lovely. But it's so funny. Did the girlfriend go with?

No, I wasn't allowed to. It was high COVID time. No one was allowed to travel. I had to, you know, it was very difficult to get over there. But I, you know, the guy who made it, Chris Miller, did like amazing stuff.

Last Man on Earth and the Lego movies and Into the Spider-Verse Lord and Miller who make it have an amazing reputation and then and I was like we'll see what happens

did an American accent and yeah got it blew my mind so when you were making this you were on your own in Los Angeles didn't know anybody

no I knew John Early from the cast a little bit and it's covid uh pardon and it's covid time hi covid and american covid which is very different yeah about not breaking the rules or like getting covid you did wear a mask they wear masks everywhere don't they yeah yeah very much masking the street but it's you know what were you doing like what were you because i read something about you getting really into football.

Yeah. I honestly... Because you were so homesick. Well, I know who you support, so I'm just going to bleed into this. So I was in... I was there and I'd sort of been... This had been kind of trickling in. I was trying to write staff. And when I'm writing the show, I try and not watch any comedy to not be intimidated.

And I'm like, oh like I've got nothing to watch and I want something to last for ages and I'm like what I bet it's Tottenham yeah I knew it was because you're almost Jewish as well so it just works and you've never been into football well I kind of I think growing up because I was I was shit I was shit at sports and I was really into drama oh I love it oh I honestly it's changed my life I kind of feel when I was really into drama. Oh, I love it. Oh, I, honestly, it's changed my life. I kind of feel, when I was, I didn't like eggs

until I was 24 and I feel like I like eggs so much more as a result because I didn't like them so late and I think that, I, I like, I am like,

honestly, I'm still excited by the variants. You know, all the stuff. I'm 30, it's been 10 years. COVID variants. No,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, I'm excited, you know, there's fancy, that's funny. football, there's nothing that makes you feel so good when you win. Totally. It's like,

but it's also like, I kind of think because it's so easy if you're crap at something to reject it. And football is such an easy thing to be like, it's pointless. It's literally people kicking a fucking ball around a fucking green light. It's live. It is. And I, I was looking for something to watch that would keep my attention that wasn't a drama and didn't end and i can just use these four months to just like binge and i was like the premier league never ends and i'm

going to make an informed decision about who i want to support based on where i live and what the teams are like and i was like they're funny. And like their trajectory is so like sweet. And they're like, there's a constant, it's not like a glory hunt, but it's like, it's also not too devastating. It's definitely not a glory hunt.

No, no. But it's like, it's just, I honestly, I'm a season ticket holder. I love it. I live for it. It's like,

I know everything. But do you know what the other thing is? How did you get a season ticket? Because of COVID. So many people sold theirs. Actually, he shares one with like four other people oh really

yeah I love it so much and the thing about it as well is like because I don't grow up with anyone being like fuck everyone else I just am sort of

I'm sort of into every team I get something out of everyone. Last supper, Jamie. Okay. Starter, main, pud, drink of choice. It's impossible, this question. But, so what I will say is there'll be no kind of fluidity between the courses. It's not going to be like a whole, it's not going to be like this makes sense to have all next to each other.

No, it's okay. What, I'm just, you know, thinking about this. Do you know what? In fact, thinking about this in the build up, I've been thinking about it for a few days. And, you know, I love listening to the podcast. And I happened upon, and I don't listen to it in any particular order. And I landed on Nigella's episode. And the first two things of her thing were exactly the same as mine.

I was gonna say, well basically I was gonna say what I am always after, which I just don't think there's enough of in the UK, is an amazing guacamole. Like a perfect guacamole that I don't know. Where have you had your perfect guacamole? Salazar in LA is like Salazar I don't know

all these places it's truly it just made me feel like I've never did you have a foodie friend that took you out to these places or were you scoping them out

well I sort of I got scoping I guess but I also have had when he was reading his back copies of Tottenham Hotspur when he was up

after the Premier League and he was reading back programmes and then he thought I'll change it up a bit I had the Mitchell and Guy in one hand and the Tottenham in the other yeah shoot but yeah so I would love

that I'm trying to think what else I mean also I'm obsessed with pickles so again these things don't necessarily go together but I would love a massive bowl of proper guacamole with tortilla chips with pickles so again these things don't necessarily go together but I would love a massive bowl of like proper guacamole with like

tortilla chips and I would also like Katz's pickles from just those half sour ones Katz's Deli in New York yeah exactly

you just don't the big ones yeah what cucumbers they're not that sweet they're like half sour ones yeah they're like new greens

yeah they've maintained their greenness the new greens what are new greens they're like new greens. Yeah, they've maintained their greenness. The new greens. What are new greens? They're called new greens. What are new greens? Cucumbers. They're pickled cucumbers, but they pickle a new cucumber.

And they don't deeply pickle them and jar them. They're just lightly pickled. And they're called new greens. Thank you, Mum, for that. Wait, can you... Why can't I get new greens? You can in East London. Whereabouts?

I live in East London. Whereabouts? I live in East London. Whereabouts? Or in North... Panzers will have new greens. Okay, right. It's my favourite deli. Only talk about Panzers. Okay, don't go further afield because it's...

Panzers is good fun. Panzers is great. Oh, I love it. Mm, totally. Well, I mean, that's a great... Do you know what? Genuinely, I felt like I didn't know where... Basically, I've always called them half sour.

That's what they call them over there. The greenness. Yeah, they're called new greens. I need to learn how to... They're crunchy. Yeah, exactly. There's a crunch to them and it's like... I feel like...

We can make them. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. But it's also like I just don't trust myself. And there's the excitement of being served something. Yes. But I also feel like there's always... In like posh restaurants or like sort of like hipstery restaurants,

there's always like an emphasis on the vinegar. They're so strong in vinegar, and I want there to be like an even kind of like, savoriness to them, and I feel like that's what they have in spades. Over there. Um, now.

So, was that the starter? I guess so. There are, there are a few like, things that I'd love to put on a subcategory there, but I just... No, go do it.

Well, I kind of was thinking, it's difficult to, whenever you ask this question, it's difficult to put breakfast foods on it because it always feels like a dinner question. Do you love breakfast? Not particularly. Eggs are going to make it. Eggs were going to make it.

I feel like... Why didn't you like eggs? I had it in my head that they were like an oval fart when I was growing up. Oh, they're smelly. Right, yeah. I always just got confused with the idea of people being like, your fart smells like egg. Can I have an egg?

It just never made sense to me. Jesus. Now you've just mentioned your dad there. Well, my dad was an unbelievable cook. Like with all cooks, when he gets home... He doesn't want to cook. Well, he does, but unbelievable cook. But like with all cooks, when he gets home... He doesn't want to cook. Well, he does, but he's not doing it right.

So the morning was like... You know how like the seven dwarves in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves are carried along by the smell of Snow White's cooking? Like mine, like my dad's cooking, like would travel into my room and push me under my covers. Like abysmal scents. mine like my dad's cooking like would travel into my room and push me under my covers like like a bit small sense like like or just burning fish at five o'clock in the morning kind of thing because he's like i don't know he's just got yeah that's what i mean he's eccentric yeah he's wild yeah insane yeah he just loved being doing the thing that would be the most difficult thing to do at any given time you know even with his

situation at the moment it's like he just brings an endless level of comedy joy to my life and like i mean this is such a segue but it's i do think it might be worth telling um on i basically recently i've been spending a lot of time at home because when i finished staff i was able to like i was able to you know i was so busy for like 14 months and I really you know didn't get to sit at home and actually like be with my dad and see what's going on and stuff and and like I actually had some time over Christmas to like properly do like the weeks to kind of like just be around taking for walks and stuff and it was just like it was you know it's tough but it was also like you have to you really have to embrace the humor in all of it.

And there's so much funny stuff going on all the time. Like I showed, have you seen The Rescue? No. I couldn't recommend it more highly. Is this the one about the Thai? Yeah. It's about the boys. The Thai boys in the cave.

Exactly. I've heard it's amazing. My two highest recommendations in the past two months are The Rescue and the apprentice uh the latest seriously apprentice it's on disney it's unbelievable but i was like this is a banker i can show this um i can show this over christmas that'll be fun but then as soon as it started i remember that a lot a lot of it's subtitled and my dad doesn't really read subtitles because he finds it quite hard to read English. So I was like, okay, do you know what? I'm just going to be an unbelievable son.

And he's partly deaf. And I was like, I'm going to scream the subtitles at him when they come out. Like in the living room so he knows what's going on. So like throughout the film, which is like so full of drama, I'm like, we had to get there before the oxygen levels ran out in the cave because as much as the morale was a big part of it we had to find a way to ensure they survived as well as being happy and he's looking at me like oh yeah okay thanks right thank you very much and then he's watching the thing like uh-huh

and then i'd be like and then at the point that we um discovered the uh the the ph levels in the water we started to get incredibly worried it's like uh-huh and then after an hour of me literally like my eyes popping out of my skull because i'm trying to get this information and i'm also trying to like transcribe it in a way that he understands because it's like it's like with clarity and he's like and then after an hour he's like uh jay please don't um i really want to watch the film can you stop telling me about your life it is like you should have seen the veins in my head i was like i'd been i'd been like literally screeched to try and get into here i've been screaming at him i was like trying to do it in the sound the voices yeah exactly i was like i was like what and he was like yeah i really want to watch this please and i was like oh okay right so the misconception here, you, okay, number one, you think that, from what I'm saying,

it would have sounded like I recently rescued a tight football team from a cave. Are you not interested in that? If you think that I did do that, why aren't you interested in that? And number two, aren't you surprised by the coincidental nature of my story in the film that's occurring?

Why are you choosing to tell me this at the time that I'm watching a film about the exact same? What? But you also single-handedly rescued a school football team from a cave in Thailand. Is he still cooking? For his sins, he is still cooking. But it's always been, I mean, he can't remember that I'm, he couldn't remember that I was a vegetarian pre-dementia. So, I mean, good luck now.

But it's like, I kind of enjoy the chat, to be honest. A lot of like, not even. You just go through every meat with not even before it. Not even lamb? No. Not even chicken? No. You sound so sweet. Oh, he sounds so sweet.

Oh, he's gorgeous. And, you know, me and Tash, you know, you asked me earlier about where we get our comedy from. And it is like, I think that staff as a show, it's like all about people with no filter and no kind of like, there's a kind of feeling of like well no kind of social compromise it's just like well that's the thing that I want to say so of course say it imagine if I didn't say it and that's kind of that is like the essence of comedy and it was literally in my house growing up

I mean like I'm Chris I was always talking about my dad but it's impossible not to when he's like the force of life that he is are you going to get the chocolate and olive oil cake? There's a chocolate and olive oil cake. Yeah, is that okay? Do you like chocolate?

Yeah. Well, hold on. Let's get back to your poo. No, we're on mains. We're on mains. Okay, so the main is... Right. I toot and frodo about it

because I've been a vegetarian now for... Sorry, Lenny. Are you going to feature meat? I won't feature meat just because in part. It will piss Lenny off. Well, no, yeah. Look, there's so much meat that I can remember being astonishing. But I was thinking about like, what is the food over the past few years that's brought me the most joy?

And as lame as it is, during lockdown, Claire and sort of my girlfriend cooking, what she did just like brought me heaven. And it's actually completely changed. Like I used to be really, I think because I grew up never really going to restaurants and stuff. When I like started working, I was like, oh my God, I've got to go to like every Michelin star restaurant in London. to go to like every michelin star restaurant in london and while those things are fun i think the the truth is that she has kind of brought to me is like the best stuff isn't the kind of most sort of like insane refined kind of like corner of the world stuff and so like she's really just i felt like i hadn't eaten pasta for like five years and she's big into her pastas and freshly made pastas so for my main i was going to say i want three of her pastas and i and i want to kind of mrs doubtfire of them so

like three situations where there's pasta and i'm running from each one to the other so because you don't want to have three pastas on one table so there's like three scenarios of pasta so i'm thinking on the i want like I want to be a bit ill and be on the couch and having an aglio e olio with loads of parsley and some chili flakes but just like a really beautiful but spaghetti that reveal they're all sort of going to be spaghetti because that's that is the for me that's there's no more satisfying texture than a piece of spaghetti. So I want that on the couch. Claire making it.

Claire making it. Looking after you. She sort of comes in and we're watching something and it's nice. It sounds like cosplay. It's almost like I feel like we're learning about your Bumble chats. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry. This is rank.

By the way, honestly, sorry, Claire. This is rank. And no, I wouldn't do that. That sounds shit. I'm not doing that. But, okay, so the next thing I want, I want to go over to

a big table full of all my mates and I want to have a massive sort of bowl of arrabbiata, like a big, big spaghetti arrabbiata, like sort of sharing. I need a cocoa. Have you got any?

Yeah. Sure. And a jug. No, no, that's quite all right. So this is a chocolate and olive oil cake? Yeah. Oh my God, that cake looks madly delicious. So, okay, we got to number two, arrabbiata.

Oh, right, right, yeah. With your friends. Yeah, yeah, around the table. So we get the arrabbiata, what is the last situation? So the last one is I've sort of not really thought this analogy through basically the last one is a pasta she cooked me once

which is it's like a thick spaghetti called peachy it's like hand rolled it's sort of like a bit knobbly it's like kind of like knobbly worms It's like kind of like. It's looking like kind of knobbly worms. It's sort of, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that with like an almond basil pesto.

You know when like pesto's like super bright green? Yeah. And pestle and mortar kind of proper. Yeah. And Claire does that great. She does, yeah. I do feel like that's grotesque to be going on about my girlfriend's cooking. No, I think it's not grotesque. But she's honestly. She must have. What? Honestly. I'd like like that's grotesque to be going on about my girlfriend's cooking. But she's honestly...

Honestly, it's been a true... It's been such a revelation. Because she's like having... I mean, yeah. She was well up for it, actually. She actually... Her and her flatmate, Stan, got me into the podcast.

And then I was loving every second of it. Oh, you're so sweet. Did you make this today? I made it this morning. Mum did this. Thank you, baby. But I don't know if it's any good. It's nice.

Do you like creme fraiche or do you like double cream? Yes, creme fraiche and no. What would you recommend? Creme fraiche seems right for olive oil and chocolate, no? Yeah, it does. Feels like it's in the same universe. What are you going to have? I don't know.

You don't? Come on. Yeah, no, I will. I'm not actually... I'm not a sweet person, she says. I always say that. I want half of that, actually. I'm going to have cream.

Okay. So, for dessert, I mean, the thing is, I want to name check. I feel like I'm so heavily reliant on the restaurants in my area to bring me joy, especially like... So, where do you go? restaurants in my area to bring me joy.

So where do you go? Oh my god. Well, Little Duck Picklery. I knew you were going to say that because of the pickling stuff. Oh yeah. It's incredible. They're very good. I could basically make my whole menu up of Little Duck Picklery but I wanted to be more sentimental. It's sad that Raw Duck went.

Yes. It was really good. I really liked it. Duck soup is obviously A staple of all staples But I That sounded so Of course Duck soup is a staple Thank you for that spoon

Duck soup is a staple Of all staples But no Little duck picklery Is just We actually went there For On Saturday

And it was just like Heaven And But yes For my pudding Poppums Yeah I know poppums So My pudding just like heaven. But yes, for my pudding, Popham's. Yeah, I know Popham's. So my pudding, and it is genuinely my favorite pudding

I've ever had, is they do like a sticky toffee croissant pudding. Oh wow. Sticky toffee croissant. It truly is, it's a sensation. Really? It's really, really good. So, Han, are you having that in the morning, like when you're just getting out of bed?

No, no, no, no, no, no. This is on their evening menu. Oh, they have an evening, oh. I didn't know they do an evening menu. Yeah, they do like an amazing pasta menu in the evening. And you live very close to there. Yeah, I literally. That's dangerous.

Yeah, yeah, I really do. But, and, yeah, so that would, I can't think of a pudding I've ever had that's topped that. There have been puddings that have come and gone, but that, I also like, don't, yeah, hang on. This is very nice, Mum. Light as a feather. Mmm.

This is really nice. I'm really happy I went with creme fraiche as well. Nigella, but it's not made with chocolate, it's made with cocoa. Oh. Wasn't that kind of chocolate? Yeah, but it's not made with chocolate. It's made with cocoa. Oh. Wasn't that kind of chocolate? Yeah, but it's chocolate. It's powder.

Wait, have I done all my courses then? You've done all your courses. I did it without even realising. That's how the natural flow of this conversation is ebbing. I need to ask. Please. You've clearly got a gorgeous voice. What's your karaoke song?

I always get really embarrassed doing karaoke, right? But bear with me. I know this is hell. Are you shy? I always get really embarrassed doing karaoke, right? But bear with me. I know this is hell. Are you shy? I'm not shy. I just, I feel like I have a chip on my shoulder, which is like, I don't know how to sing in like a fun way. Do you know what I mean by that?

You take it quite seriously. I don't, right, exactly. I can't handle, I can't handle the thought of, of sort of like being sat at a dinner table and really singing my heart out. I would love to just come on Eileen and muck around, but that's not the point, is it? No.

So what would your song be? My Heart Will Go On. Yeah. What would it be? I think the last time I did karaoke, it's been a long time because I am self-conscious about it when I do it but it was probably lately

Stevie that's a good one quite slow not right for the podcast no it's gorgeous what's the worst lately I've been lately I've had the strangest feeling

taking me apart what if the thought of losing you sorry this is so disappointing no no I'm sad

I'm sad I know you've been I've been exactly the same by the way but like Jessie hates karaoke I fucking hate it but you'll know that

it's born out of having a very very pushy mother when I was a when I was a teenager I would do some session singing from time to time and then i got into a band and i went down that road but then i just didn't back

myself to really sing a little bit so so songwriters would get me to sing their songs to pitch to like cliff richard and people like that i used to do that too do you know about my singing spanish christmas songs about my singing Spanish Christmas songs. I don't know. I like to sing. Oh, the holly. The holly. She had to do it in Spanish. It was awful. The writing of the song.

The holly, holly. You know how the Spanish say it. The playing of the sweet singing in the aquarium. Oh. I know. How old was I? Did I get paid mum? No

Were you proud? You were grown up I was 15 I think And I was singing Oh the holly and the ivy Oh wait No Oh the racing of the sun

Wait You had to sing The holly and the ivy In a Spanish accent Why did you do it? I don't know It was for a Spanish Christmas I don't know

Why did a Spanish Christmas Not want it in Spanish? Maybe it's out there somewhere. Maybe it's out there. Sweet singing in the choir. That is a song for you. Yeah, I know. So was your session singing like that

where you had to sing in a special accent? I remember I had to... No. Funnily enough, I didn't know. Oh, you missed out. I had to... I do remember having to pitch a song to Cliff Richard called

Sorry, I can't breathe I haven't spoken about this for like 25 years Exclusive, love it I had to sing a song to pitch to Cliff Richard called I owe it all to rock and roll Stop, can you remember how it goes? Oh my god You do, I think you can come on

or the title is all you need i would just sing the title which i don't it's not happening because i'm worried did he not take it i don't know i think he i don't know i don't know if i do i don't know if i do it's a rock and roll here's a funny fact. My dad, growing up, my dad's sort of like fact that he'd always,

that he'd always tell me. Anytime Cliff Richard was mentioned, which is why I was so excited by this, he'd go, I really had a lot, a big relationship with Cliff Richard from afar. He'd go, anytime I mentioned him,

he'd go, you know the thing about Cliff Richard? I was born same day, same hour, same year, same month, everything as him. Everything. And I'd always be like, I don't know who Cliff Richard is, but that's quite cool. I'm going to go into school being like, people will be talking about, yeah, my dad's a fireman. Yeah, my dad's actually born on the same day and same hour, same year as Cliff Richard.

And they're like, who's Cliff Richard? It's like, um, uh, and then be like, uh, the Lord's Prayer cover? Anyway. And, uh, then I was, I was part of a theatre company when I was younger growing up called Chicken Shed Theatre Company. I, I am in love with the world. I sang that on Top of the Pops. Shut up.

Yeah, when I was a kid. Well, I was one of the many people in the chorus. Oh, wow. Yeah. Why did you do Chicken Shed? Just because my... Do you know what? So when my dad...

My dad ran a restaurant so sweetly, one of the founding members had a birthday there. And so for people who don't know, Chicken Shed Theatre Company is like an inclusive theatre company for people with learning disabilities, all sorts of abilities. And they came in and they were having dinner at his restaurant to celebrate and he came out and the birthday girl

was um she had cerebral palsy so she needed help eating and stuff and he came he came out and was like sat with them and like and like like help with the food and stuff like that and um they said we're starting up a theater company in a church at the time and i was like four and i'd been like I want to do acting please and he they mentioned that they were doing like a drama club in the church and he was like I could do a thing in the church you do acting in there and then it ended up becoming this did you love doing it well I did it from the age of five to 21 wow yeah I was there for a long time I went to college there like It was like my life forever. I loved it.

It taught me so much. Jamie, I know that you're a fan of the podcast and I hope that we haven't disappointed you, but I feel like we have got some information about food in there, somewhere in this chat. Sorry. But do you have good table manners?

I think so. I was asking my flatmate I was with today this, and I think I'm eating with my mouth full right now. I mean, to be fair, because we haven't stopped on this. I try to, I try to. And what's your worst table manner in somebody else, Jamie? Oh, okay. I'm generally all right.

I think my one big bugbear, oh, actually, this is sort of beyond table manners but it's a it's sort of something that happens I have two things number one is that smell

that you get on your clothes in certain restaurants do you know the one I'm talking about it doesn't have a name and it may have been the greatest meal of your life

but you resent them the next day totally there are some restaurants like a name and shame who have it I literally places

I won't places that places that I love the food and I'm like. I'm going to smell like shit the next day. I literally left one of them and a dog ran up to me and thought I was like a poo or something. Why isn't there a name? I feel like there should be like, that should be part of like a health rating, right? What is it?

Is it like oil in the air? I've never noticed it. I used to work with Robert Popper and he used to do a thing where he hated it so much. After a restaurant, he'd always smell his knee because he'd be like,

if my knee smells, then it's really bad. Why? Because it's like travel to your knee. Because it's under the table. You just don't really, it's like if you're smelling your jacket, then it's like,

it kind of, like, I don't know, I don't know, it's like your knee shouldn't be smelling after a dinner. I'm sorry. I'm maybe going to try that one. So that smell is one thing. And then the other is I really struggle with an, like, look, I'm not suggesting there should always be a seating plan, but when it's like a right seating plan decided by arrival times, it's just, it's hell. By arrival.

You know when you, people... Oh, arrival time. I mean it, arrival. No, arrival. No, no, no, no. Arrival. Arrival times. So you end up with all the duff people at the wrong end.

Well, duff is a strong word. I suppose it's just like the wrong order of people. If I had my way, there would be... You just want to be next to the best people. Well, no, I just want to be next to someone that I... Say you're going for a dinner with like a catch-up. It's someone's birthday dinner with like 10 mates. It's like you're going to celebrate that person's birthday.

Look, there's nothing wrong with meeting someone new. Sometimes a wonderful thing happens. But if you've had like a long day at work and you really just want to enjoy the dinner and be in a kind of party scenario but then who should sit next to that person

they shouldn't be invited decided by the seating plan that should I think I never do seating plans by the way this is quite Larry David but I'm into it

oh my god it happens in the new series of Curb doesn't it do you know what there's no bad people there's just bad combinations at bad times

and the thing that's born out of it which is actually ultimately the table manner in question that i find to be a problem is seeing someone at the table who keeps trying to get their story out and can't and there's a few people who are culprits for the reason they can't get it out no no no it's fine because they're the people who are saying the stories are usually the best but i can't handle seeing someone in the middle of a table going um you know completely come on kind of kind of thing and i'm i find myself literally locking eyes with that person all night being like i'm gonna get you i'm gonna get you a chance to say that story and more often than not the story isn't it's fine it's fine but i also i

just i'm like you've got anxiety if you don't have the right people around them then it's like then they they kind of live in a wall of noise that they're never going to break out of. And I find it at every dinner I go to, I just spend the whole thing with sweat dripping down the back of my neck watching this person being like, oh man. It's highly stressful. I think it comes from having a really bassy, loud voice and definitely always being able to just be like, and when I was 14 and seeing someone be like, um, so, well, I think about olive oil chocolate cake is, um. You know what? We've never had that one on the podcast and I completely, I actually, I understand that

one. I just inhaled, I just inhaled so much cocoa. Sorry. I took a bite. No, it's my bad. Don't go chugging. I took a big deep breath as I went to

bite the cake and it's now my esophagus is now like speckled okay and

whilst we kill Jamie thank you so much for being on the podcast thank you so much I had the best time

this has been a drink for sure thank you I had the best time. This has been a dream come true. Thank you. Jamie Dimitriou. He's very sweet. He's gorgeous, darling. So sweet. And I liked two very, very valid points.

Three different pasta scenarios, which I appreciated. And also the seating plan. No one's talked about that, but that is a bugbear of mine. And I now, yeah, I feel I understand that. But he wanted not to mix. He wanted to be with people he knew. I think. I agree. You don i think i agree you don't have to situation don't know maybe no you know food for thought guys food for thought i loved it when he spoke with his greek accent i know and his dad sounds so lovely and his sister is fucking hysterical so i have to get a

sister on i have to get him back if you haven't watched Staff Let's Flats which I'm sure you lots of you have you need to because Staff is one of the sweetest characters like ever dozy but sweet and all the characters in there

are so brilliant and thank you Jamie Dimitri for coming on Table Manners say it the way he says it Dimitri thank you for listening and we'll see you next week.

And thank you to Jamie.