Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S14 Ep 15: Katherine Ryan

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Happy New Year! It’s our final episode of this series, and this time the Canadian Queen of comedy popped over for lunch just before she gave birth to her 3rd child. With just 2 weeks to go Katherine was absolutely glowing and was unbelievably calm and chilled, in fact so calm she thinks she’s actually already dead and this is her afterlife! Katherine gave us her story of growing up in Canada, the Ice Cream Barbie cakes she would have for her birthdays, the story of her Louis Theroux documentary, and her… big… theory about Pete Davidson! Her new series ‘Romantic Getaway’ with Romesh Ranganathan is out now on Sky Comedy & Now TV. Thank you for being a fabulous end of series guest Katherine! x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. Happy New Year! We are recording this before New Year, but we are wishing you all a very happy New Year. In fact, it hasn't even been Christmas when we're recording this. But I hope you're all well, I hope you've eaten well, I hope you partied hard, and you're ready for an episode of Table Manners. It's rather calm, the baby's asleep, I've cooked. Actually, I did a lot of prep. I've used the Alison Roman cookbook again. Now, don't let me down, Alison. I'm slightly

scared that the main isn't going to be as good as it was with the buttered tomato. Also, I've realised that we basically only cook chicken on this podcast at the moment. Oh, I did chicken, didn't I? And I did chicken before that, and we're doing chicken again today. Does it matter? Are we one trick ponies? No, I'm not doing didn't I? And I did chicken before that, and we're doing chicken again today. Does it matter? Are we one-trick ponies? No, I'm not doing chicken this week. How are you, Mum? Since when did I see you last? I don't know, Jess.

Perfectly honest. I think I saw you on Thursday. Friday. So, I don't know if it will have closed by now, but it's about to close, Mary Poppins, and I went to see it with my daughter. Going to the West End, it's an event, isn't it? Did you see the see it with my daughter going to the West End it's an event isn't it did you see the lights

did you see the lights no because I wanted my daughter to dress up feel like we're going go and get ready get the programme get the popcorn

get the sweets but Sam my really lovely fucking annoying husband decided to get a Christmas tree on the 23rd of November why because he loves festive cheer really ready look mum the mince pie mix fucking annoying husband decided to get a Christmas tree on the 23rd of November. Why? Because he loves festive cheer.

Really, really. Look, Mum, the mince pie mix is standing there in a kilner jar waiting for the 1st of December. Well, couldn't he have waited for the 1st of December for his Christmas tree? Yeah, he could have also waited before I had to schlep to West End and stress out. I was sweating cobs because I sound like you. I'm actually turning into you. Oh, my God. Well, you turning into you. Oh, my God. Well, you're very lucky.

Oh, my God. He's going to leave me. Oh, shit. Oh, God. Lord, help me. You won't leave me. Anyway. No, I don't care about him leaving me.

I care that I'm turning into you. Anyway, he made me nearly miss the matinee. But his timing isn't very his timing is not great but then what i didn't realize i got we got into the theater i was like come on come on black cab let's go no we don't have time for a mcdonald's before he also hadn't fed her so she was filling up on popcorn and do you live in the same house i tell you what though i found the greatest salt and vinegar crisp of my life. It's the Yorkshire version.

I've got to find them. Which one? Honest to God, because we had about 10 freaking boxes of them. Yorkshire crisps. Their salt and vinegar is the best salt and vinegar crisp I've ever had. But I don't know whether it's because it's in a box. Like a jarred box thing. Bloody amazing.

Okay. Anyway. So that's what she ate. I rushed them in there. like god poor mary poppins it's dead i'd got there 45 minutes early hadn't i so i could have bloody gone for a bloody chinese because i'm an idiot oh okay i didn't tell sam that though he was like it's a very long first half i was like oh yeah really long anyway back to what i'm cooking so we've got alice and roman i feel like everyone's bought the book producer alice has bought the book tully manager is about to cook it for the family right so today we have a full alice and roman nothing fancy recipe book thing so we have a one pot caramelized lemon and shallot and dates roast chicken. Mm-hmm. Mm, you mean.

Sounds a little like mine last Friday. A little of the caramelised. No, yours was completely different. Yours was like Asian. It was caramelised. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Then we've got frazzled or frizzled chickpeas

done with onions and oregano and a bit of chilli and then put some feta on it and then i've done herby salad so i've got loads of herbs in there tarragon dill parsley coriander chopped it all up baby gem lettuce i'm going to just do simple olive oil lemon juice then for pudding i actually think this may be a cake that unless i've made it to um i think my oven runs hot but i did this crispy chocolate cake that, unless I've made it to, I think my oven runs hot, but I did this crispy chocolate cake that she does. So it's kind of like making a meringue.

Crispy chocolate cake. But it's gluten-free because the guess we've got is gluten-free. It's like making a meringue on half of it and then a kind of ground almond mix batter. And you put it together and I did tahini. And then it's got this topping which is whipped cream and sour cream with a bit of nutella and maraschino cherries sounds fab so the guest we've got is schlepping here from Hertfordshire bloody hell i think she's about to pop wow and she's very funny and i've been on a whatsapp group with her for years but we've never met in real life

why have you been on a WhatsApp group? it was the Love Island WhatsApp group she's funny, she's fearless she's just done her Louis Theroux episode and she is funny woman, comedian, brilliant extraordinary, Catherine Ryan we have wanted her for a very long time

I watched her Big Zoo episode I know she loves a pickled dill. I've only got dill herb for her today. But she's got a new TV show called Romantic Getaway with Romesh Ranganathan. And it's going to be on in January. And it's a scripted comedy. She'll tell us more about it. She's also got her Netflix special that she's had. I mean, I don't know. I don't know when she switches off, to be honest. I know that people, yeah, it's probably the most annoying question to have as a woman that works a lot, but like, she works hard. Right, we've got Katherine Ryan coming up on Table Manners.

Katherine Ryan, thank you for schlepping down to South London. I know that's quite a schlep. But it's a privilege and so relaxing because nobody wanted anything from me whilst I was in the car. Okay, great. So I wish it could have been longer. How are you? I'm very well. You look amazing.

I do look amazing. That's a fact. When's this baby due? This baby is due in two weeks. Oh my god, you're this tiny! Boom! Right, I was a monster in my pregnancy with Fred. Who I feel like I know so well, who looks like he's almost a teenager.

He's big now, yeah, but. How old is he? He's 17 months. Yeah, my one sleeping at the moment is about the same age as Fred. We were pregnant at the same time. Yeah, my one sleeping at the moment is about the same age as Fred. We were pregnant at the same time. Wow, you've got cracking onto the neck. I did

and I feel like... Have you seen the husband, Mum? No, is he gorgeous? Yeah, he's cute. That's not why I'm with him. But it is a happy bonus. You absolutely just look so neat. I know and I'm terrified because as soon as this baby comes out

I'm gonna go back to average. Whereas right now I'm a showstopper. People are like, pardon me? You're nine months pregnant? Yes. My stomach's rock hard. It's like abs. Do you know what you're having? No I don't. What do you think? I think it's a girl lately but I actually don't know I don't have strong vibes either way like a boy or a girl I think doesn't matter

yeah I don't really mind in a way I would like a girl because I just had a boy and my daughter is you know how old is your daughter

but she's 13 yeah she's gonna be like the mother's help yeah is she up for it when we're out people will think I'm the nana.

I understand that. Oh my God, I love that. Depends on the neighborhood, you know? But yes, she's very helpful so far, but she's not cool enough to be gone a lot. If she were 16, 17, I don't think we'd get much help from her. But 13. This is perfect age. Yeah, great.

So what of the present? Have you had any cravings this time no no i was eating like just fruit and yogurt and a lot of i was really busy in the beginning and you were working you're busy all the time katherine like you're doing this and you're about to pop but then i i know we're the same you seem very calm you've got very calm aura around you it's making me feel calm oh Oh, good. I worry about it. I'm maybe too calm. Are you calm normally? Yeah.

Low blood pressure. Always calm. Yeah, I'm almost not alive. But here's my theory. I might be dead. I don't think you are. I might be dead. I don't think you are.

So you work so hard, but yet you remain completely zen. Yeah. How does that work? I mean, Jewish women ask me this all the time. You're not Jewish? No. That's why. I'm a bit of a Jewish mother.

It's not genetic. No. I dated a Jewish man for a while, and we were still very good friends. And I got on with his mother so much, and everyone at the time told me, well, I was considering converting, but then it became too difficult. And I really wanted to work on Fridays. And to date him, you didn't have to be very Jewish. But to marry him, you had to be very, very Jewish.

And I just wasn't, I couldn't do the, I would have had to live with a family for six months. And I have too many dogs to make that happen. Really? Yeah, it was that. I've never heard that one. Well. Was he really quite old?

Well, to convert convert she would have had to do it yeah but not not in um a reform synagogue she'd have been he was a big orthodox we have people from all sorts he his parents were conservative reform but he i think his plan was to be very uh whatever he wanted to be in his life but i think he plans on being very very jewish in his marriage has he got married as a father no did you break his heart no he was up for breaking up oh my god do you know what it was it was his granddad said just end it now oh and um what awful people no they were great people north london are these north london jews new york and new york boston yeah we're talking different stuff here but they were lovely but uh

and then we had other you know we were just better off friends it was fine however it was his mom that i really wanted to date she was so cool what was her name cheryl cheryl what was the surname cheryl's a lawyer i mean can oh I mean can I say Cheryl Edelman it doesn't matter oh okay Cheryl and Dr. Edelman yeah I loved them I was like I might just be part of this family some other way he has other brothers I could go down the line and try to make my way into the family but there's a there's a kinship I like that Jewish mothers are very loving, very organised, but you don't seem as calm as you should be. Do you think I'm calm, Jessie? No, absolutely not.

What do you mean, darling? You've rubbed off on me and now I'm not calm. Jessie thinks she's become me. She started kvetching about the same things I kvetch about. It's really making me sad. Have you turned into your mum yet? We all do, yeah. Yeah, it's inevitable. Tell us about you turned into your mom yet we all do yeah yeah it's inevitable

tell us about your upbringing and where you know you come from a part of canada that's nearer to well it's very close to detroit it's almost america so when anyone thinks i have an american accent i'm not offended because my sister who lives out in the mountains in the west coast she sounds canadian like and all these things. But we sound very... They do sound like that. I didn't even realize Canadian sounded the stereotypical way that people say Canadian sound.

Well, to say another thing, so what would this be? Like, my sister just talks like this, sort of, and she'll be like, oh, I'm really sorry, Catherine, about that. I didn't know that I should do that. Shania Twain didn't sound like that. She did a bit. Well, she, again, would have spent a lot of time in America being a superstar.

Dan Levy didn't sound like that. Dan Levy? No, he's not from there either. He's from pretty near to where I'm from. Toronto. He's from Toronto. Yeah. So Toronto's three hours from where I'm from.

But I'm from a small town three hours worse. And it's near America. And I mean, my dad's from Ireland Catherine Ryan yeah the most Irish name there is I have so I want to know you grew up in this small town yeah how many people were in your family my mum and my dad and I had two little sisters as well the Canadian ones yeah the real Canadian ones yes why did they live why have they got different accent to you did they live in a different place no I mean they do now it's um you know we had really good parents I don't know why we moved so far away from them as soon as we

could Joanne my younger sister moved to the west coast she was married to a canadian rock musician who you would not know jesse who's not talented and um so she moved out that way called i mean divorced okay we hate him we don't want to know and um though she maintains a positive relationship for their son yes is she remarried no she's not remarried children Children? She has one son. One son. But because she moved out there when she was kind of in her 20s, her accent just became a little bit more Western Canadian. And then my baby sister, Carrie, she lives in Toronto.

So she gravitated toward the big city. And my mum and my dad are also divorced. My mum lives in Toronto. So she and Carrie are very close. My dad remained in the small town. Okay. He loves it there with his new wife. Okay.

Not new. Do you like the new wife? I love her. Oh, good. Yeah. She's the best. Her name's Cheryl as well. Basically, I love anyone called Cheryl.

Anyone called Cheryl. And were you a funny family? Yes. Did you tell jokes at the dinner table? Not so much jokes, but we had a definite sense of humor. We didn't take anything too seriously. There was a lot of drinking and cavorting and nonsense on my mom's family side. And drunk men are pretty much always up for a laugh unless they're fighting.

So it was a lot of smoking and drinking at the dinner table and if i wanted attention as a child you'd have to get come up to the table and participate in the discussion okay and they were fun they were funny storytelling like i mean yeah and i knew that having a laugh was important and we get you respect so food who did the cooking my mom good cook great cook we were quite a traditional uh male female role household where the men were out and the women would cook and my mom was very health conscious body conscious she grew up at the time oh she's very slim like you yeah well listen i won't be slim after this baby's born i'm only slim for like one second.

This is my moment in the sun where I'm the slimmest nine-month pregnant lady that's ever lived. And then I'll just look like this again next month and the month after. And it won't be impressive anymore. But no, my mom was very slim, too slim growing up. Very body conscious. But I mean, you remember what it was like. It was so different for women. You know, they were for decoration for a long time.

And it was, you make sure you stay away from your manager at the Christmas party. And, you know, my mom worked at the bank. Don't be alone in the vault with so-and-so. And, like, it was different for women, wasn't it? So did she make you body conscious? No, somehow. I mean, I guess a bit. I've had Botox and fillers and stuff.

Have you? Yeah. You look gorgeous. You look gorgeous. No, I don't. You do look gorgeous. I'm just wondering where you've had it and whether I should have it. Well, I haven't had it in a really long time because I've been pregnant all that time.

An entry level bit of face work. What would you say for a moment? Entry level. Nothing. I think you have the skin of an angel no the skin's okay a bit wrinkled

but it's only because I'm fat the skin puffs out still it's like natural collagen yeah they say at a certain age

you choose between your face and your arse yeah and that's an Italian saying I think and I like it I wonder what it's in Italian

it probably sounds better oh yeah so she but she was health conscious but she cooked she cooked but we would eat loads of veg and stir fry and chicken and rice and we didn't really have sugar or sweets in the house there was zero baking no pastries no bread nothing like that oh my goodness yeah what did you have for breakfast then we would have maybe cereal or fruit. No toast. I mean, Canadians aren't big on...

Do you like bread? No. I don't. You're gluten free. I am. That's because you never had any gluten when you were little. No, and then... Gluten intolerance.

Well, yeah. Like, I don't... I'm not intolerant. If I ate bread, nothing would happen to me. Okay, but you just don't eat it. No. I do show up on blood tests as gluten intolerant. But in my life life I wouldn't

have an allergic reaction at all okay so you had no bread in your house no wow that's quite interesting I know no cakes no well on a birthday we might have cake but often actually would have an ice cream cake would you have thanksgiving dinner yes And your mum was a really good cook? Great cook. And my grandma the same. Although my grandma would cook fat and pastry and butter and ham and so she was the matriarch until she passed when I was about 14. We'd go over there and that's when we could eat.

My grandma would give us anything, like popsicles, creamsicles, Oreo cookies. We could have anything at my grandma's. She would give us bread, butter. We have some food here. This is a crazy lunch. Should I put some... Do you like rice?

I love rice. Please don't judge me. It's going to be a microwave rice situation. I love microwave rice. I'm in a partnership with VT Microwave Rice. It's one minute. It's the fluffiest delicious most shut up are you actually doing it yeah no listen unless you have a rice cooker it's

foolish to cook rice on the stove so what do you cook now and do you let your daughter have toast i let my daughter have anything she wants she eats terribly kids now these teenage girls they just want to eat fried chicken on the bus and it's really and mcdonald's is really uh their branding that whole marketing thing sickens me because i don't know it's it's so cool to eat mcdonald's it's something i won't eat i think it's disgusting me too too. And she loves that. She loves trash. Thank you.

However, thank you. My husband cooks and we do a lot of recipe boxes. I don't know if you guys have any. Oh, yes. Jesse does. Yeah, we do Gusto. But we actually love Gusto. So I'm not under any contract with Gusto right now, though I do often do these things.

So I want to be clear between what's an ad and what's not, what you'll allow in your podcast. But we have like the most delicious food from there. And my husband does most of the cooking because he's a stay at home dad. Oh. Yeah. Was he that when you met him? He was,

no, he was working in Canada and he. Oh, he's Canadian. Yeah. Okay. Tell the story. You need to tell me

you met him on Love Island no no oh that would be good no he is my high school boyfriend so we were together when we were very young

and then we split up just because again we were very young and everyone splits up and then I moved on I went to the UK I did all these things you went out with an Edelman

I did Edelman I think it was Edelman who I still love very much we're good friends and then I went back to Canada to film Who Do You Think You Are so the last thing I wanted to do

was find love I'm saying oh no I'll hold it for you okay I was single I had a brand new Netflix comedy special coming out

all about how women can be fulfilled and women can be single and legally we don't need a man anymore to exist the way we used to. And I really, really wanted to be single. I had a beautiful grade two listed church conversion flat. My daughter and I, Crouch End. Oh, nice. Yeah. My daughter and I had decorated that all in pink and rose gold. It was very feminine and I was happy and that was it and rose gold. It was very feminine. And I was happy, and that was it.

And then I went to film Who Do You Think You Are? I bumped into my high school boyfriend there. I shagged him because I felt like I wouldn't get another chance and it would be funny. And you still fancied him? Oh, I really fancied him more than ever, which is... I'm helping you. It's hard.

It is hard. It's a heavy plate. It's heavy and hot. It looks delicious. Sorry. I'm going you it's hard it is hard it's a heavy plate and hot it looks delicious and then um that was meant to just be a laugh but then he came to London to visit me and six months later we got married how lovely and I've loved him so much and I still love him it's really annoying because he gets away with murder. And had you kissed a lot of frogs before? Oh, almost exclusively frogs. There's more juice if anybody wants it. It's so delicious. How did you make this? Oh, babe, there's this new cookbook that I'm obsessed with called Nothing Fancy.

Alison Roman. And we had Rose Matafoe on last week. And I did something from it that somebody told me to do. And it worked. And I was like, right, I'm going to do a different one today. So let's see if it works. And these are just chickpeas with feta and oregano and stuff. I never thought to do chickpeas with feta.

It's actually delicious. Is it? It's really easy. It's like you put it all in one pot and bang how has it been I mean obviously there's been a lot of attention with the Louis Theroux thing do you regret doing Louis

or are you happy that you did it I loved doing a Louis Theroux interview what is he like do you feel like you did it? I loved doing a Louis Theroux interview. What is he like? Do you feel like you're in a kind of interrogation? Or is he really, is he that good that it comes out? Your words come out and you're like, hang on, how did I just confess this to you? No, I think he's a bit Columbo.

Do you remember the detective? Yeah. And then you don't realise you're divulging so much stuff. I don't think you can achieve that with me because I will just tell anybody whatever they want. Like if you ask me a question, I'll just give you the answer. I don't think you can really trick me

into revealing something that I didn't want to reveal. I mean, I thought he was cool. I think he's brave. I think British people sometimes don't ask questions that they think are rude. Yeah.

And I like that he'll ask any question just very openly. And he's very charming. Not in a way, you know, not by design. He just is a guy that I like because I like people. I don't enjoy small talk. Yeah. I want people to be like, nice to meet you. What medication are you on?

This is how my father died. Okay, great. That's what I want to hear about. And so he asked me some, like, spicy questions. But, I mean, he was with us for probably four days. And I'm lucky that I'm busy. And I'm lucky that I sort of disassociated from how special it really is to have Louis Theroux interview you. Like, without being in a sex cult or doing anything.

You know, because he's a wrestler. Right. A meth head. head and i thought why me that's interesting but this series was just you know people in entertainment that he wanted to interview and i will answer any question that i'm asked unfortunately so there were things that came up that my husband was a bit like because my husband's like a muggle like a real real man, a normal person. I don't know that one. In Harry Potter, there's wizards. I haven't read it.

Neither have I. But I was told this by Tim Minchin, actually. He was walking down the street and he said something about my relationship, an old, old, old, old relationship. And it went badly. I said, oh, that's done. And he said, you know what your problem is? You're dating wizards.

You've got to date a muggle. And I said, that's a and he said you know what your problem is you're dating wizards you gotta date a muggle and I said that's a very good metaphor uh-huh and so in Harry Potter there are wizards and there are muggles and it's not bad to be a muggle it's a wonderful I got a muggle I think I got definitely it's a muggle it sounds um you know like it's a nasty thing to call someone but it's a wonderful thing to be and I love the days that I have as a muggle. Being a muggle is chill. But Bobby's a muggle. And so he's a bit like, oh, I don't really want to talk to Louis.

Oh, you shouldn't answer that question. Don't say that on there. And when we saw the edit, he was like, oh God, you talk about some spicy things. And I'm like, oh well. So you weren't terrified about the nugget? No, I don't care. But like he, okay, fair enough.

Well, it wouldn't come out of your mouth if you cared. Right. Yeah, if you say it, it's out there. And people will misunderstand or willfully misunderstand. And you know what? I think we'd all be a lot happier. This is maybe one of the secrets to my zen calmness that I can gift to you. Is that if you accept that a lot of people

in the world are really thick then you won't be hurt by the stupid things that they say and also why do I care what someone who sucks is gonna say to me so when you read when you repost on insta stories somebody complaining that you're co-sleeping with your kid oh yeah and you repost that's not for you to gain sympathy that's for you is it entertainment to you um sometimes i think uh what i repost can be used for comedy okay so sometimes if someone says something to me and i have a funny retort i will use it but also with co-sleeping specifically i don't think the woman who told me co-sleeping was really dangerous is thick. I just think she's been misinformed.

I think it's important to highlight that co-sleeping can be fine and it can be really good. So that's why I would repost that. But I block out her name and everything. So I'm not trying to shame her or make fun of her. I'm just trying to be like... Do you want some more chicken?

Oh, no, thank you. Are you sure? Another date? So great. In case it brings on... I'm not... I can't have the baby for sure too early

because I'm still working I could deliver it for you we could get the old we could get a paddling pool up down there Sam's really good Sam's an expert I'd love to

I'd be honoured that would be good I I wanted to know as somebody who doesn't hold back says what she thinks is a comedian

yeah do you feel like i mean i i remember when dave chappelle that you were vocal about that because you're a comedian i don't think it was particularly because you were like backing dave chappelle necessarily it was more like as a comedian am i gonna get fucking assaulted when i'm on stage have you seen a difference in how like you feel like how far you can take it or is it just like been like more incentive to kind of push it even further for you I mean I always articulate myself the best that I can at the time with the information that I have so 10 years ago that

might have been a different type of comedy than it is today and it'll be different again in 10 years. I certainly feel like when you take stand-up comedy out of context of a stage and the nuance of being in the room and understanding the show for the sum of its parts and you print excerpts of it on social media or in print news media, then it becomes really inflammatory and it's designed to like make people angry. So I think that's what's been happening lately people are putting comedy in little snippets on Twitter or you're reading about it and then people are getting angry

so people go in thinking oh, these jokes are really nasty now there was never a sense that comedy was nasty until recently or designed to hurt people or to be confused with hate speech. I don't know, Ricky Gervais really pushed it, I think.

With, um... How much, when was the last time you went to a comedy show? No, no, no, I'm talking about Ricky Gervais presenting the Grammys or... Oh, the Golden Globes. The Golden Globes. And he was nasty about, I mean, he was, and he saw that that was his kind of job to kind of humiliate and embarrass people. I think I love Ricky at the Golden Globes.

Yeah. And I think, I can't, maybe you're right. I don't remember the set. I don't remember it for being nasty. You're like reading it from the Daily Mail, mum. No, no, no. I was watching it, darling. Really?

Because I was watching. I love the Golden Globes. I love all that. But he kind of goes out of his way to kind of embarrass people and slightly humiliate them. But I think that's just roast comedy. Yeah, I think you're right. It's a rich tradition at these award shows that you're in a...

It's about status. He's not saying those jokes to someone at a bus stop. So similar to Will Smith at the Oscars. You're going, you're super high status. And I think it's really attractive um and very like shows humility to be able to have a laugh at yourself I think we expect these celebrities at an award show to go we've spent all this money people are starving people are poor we're being celebrated for you know a film that when we're wearing diamonds and we're in these designer

outfits so we're gonna have a pop at ourselves And it feels like a demonstration of consent to me that we're all in on being roasted tonight. Please tell me, if you've ever met him, Pete Davidson. Oh my God. What is the attraction? I would absolutely. Why? That big mouth.

I love big teeth. What is it about him that's so attractive to everybody? I've thought about this loads. Go tell me. So there is an episode of Sex and the City. Did you watch the programme when it was out? Where, original Sex and the City, not the revamp. No, no, no, I've watched it all.

Right. I can repeat lines head to head. Well, do you remember the episode where Charlotte dates Mr Pussy? Yes. And Samantha says, do you remember the episode where Charlotte dates Mr. Pussy? Yes. And Samantha says, no, you don't date Mr. Pussy. You like enjoy him

and then you pass him on so that other women can enjoy him. I feel like Pete Davidson is the modern day Mr. Pussy. And I don't know, I don't have any information. Do you know anything, any information about his sexual prowess? I have information about that, yes.

Oh, right. Tell us. So the dick is huge. You think? Big dick energy. He's got it written all over his... God, I'm getting a whole list of these big dickers. I'm telling you.

But... Hugh Jackman we heard. Oh, that doesn't surprise me. Yeah, it didn't surprise me. But you know, a lot of comedians are very well endowed. How'd you know that, Catherine? Because I haven't slept with many of them, but we talk about them. And lots of my friends have slept with lots of them. Okay. So comedians, it's kind of a genetic trait. If you're funny, you've got a big willy. No, no. So this is

the thing. I don't think women care about baldness as much as men care about baldness. I feel like women, I think men are sexy, whether they have hair, some hair, no hair. But it's this language with men where they mind amongst each other. Similarly, they grow up seeing each other's willies in dressing rooms, wherever else. I don't care if someone has a big willy. Truth be told, I think it would bother me if someone had a very, very small penis. Oh, really? Okay, fine. Equally a very, very big penis.

Intimidating? Because I want to ride a horse sometimes and i don't want to be injured but i think that it is again a language between men where they give each other a certain level of respect based on that oh you see starts very young okay and so then i think based on the respect that you're given, the deference. Do you think men defer to other men? I do. On the basis of the size of their penis?

I do. I think it starts young and it starts with each other. Okay, so you know that Pete Davidson has an enormous one. Yes. I haven't seen it, but I've had it confirmed. He's the Mr. Pussy of the comedy world. Yes. I would tap that Mr. Pussy up.

Do you think he's funny? Yeah. Do you think he makes you laugh and then... And he's got really big teeth and I love that. I like Jim Carrey too. He's charming and he's sweet and I think he's funny. And his story, if you have any bone in your body that is tied to a rescue syndrome, his father was tragically killed in 9-11 attacks

he was a firefighter. King of Staten Island is a great film. I must watch it. He was young on Saturday Night Live really nice sort of hip-hop energy I saw him. I'm addicted to a program called The Rookie. You probably never watch it. But he plays the brother of the rookie okay you probably never watch it but he plays the brother he's a brother of the rookie yeah he's an actor too yeah yeah yeah of nathan whatever his name is and you didn't find him attractive enough well he's not he's an acquired i think he's got this charisma yeah this swagger from growing up with a big penis that he earned respect from his friends before he was ever shagging women

other men gave him respect saw him as a leader whatever he was funny he's a confident man he's weird men don't have to be like gorgeous no it's not but i think he is gorgeous he does you think he is gorgeous i think yeah i think i I do. But that's because of all these other factors though. If you took him as like a skin suit and put Benedict Cumberbatch inside him, he wouldn't be attractive. We have pudding for you.

Oh! And I need to ask you, we've barely talked about food but I kind of don't care. Your last supper Catherine Ryan uh I wonder if poutine's gonna play a part in this I do love poutine and you do like a dill pickle as I found out on big zoo yeah but where are we gonna go with this um last supper oh I really like Mexican food do you I do do. Would you say you were a foodie? Not big.

I feel like a chef is very inventive and thinks of what to do. And then a cook just follows a recipe. I can follow a recipe box fine. But I like, I don't like pretentious food. So I'm not the type of person who would want to go to one of those amazing restaurants where they give you little portions of lots of strange things. I don't like that. You won't be appearing on Celebrity MasterChef. No, I don't like that. I'd be a foodie, but for home cooked food. Okay. So I love a really nice cottage pie and I really love tacos. I loved

that chicken and dates and I love onion and I love ginger and I love lime and I love lemongrass. There's lots that I like. But what's your starter? I mean... A taco. I don't know if you're a starter. Would you say a taco's a starter or a main? A main.

See, this is why I'm like this and you're like that. No, but I would have... I'd say a taco's a little snack. But I would have like six tacos as a main. What's filling your taco filling is it chicken or chicken fish oh you I would put chicken with like a really spicy pico de gallo but the green salsa and I would love lots of cheese and lettuce and tomato in there and some sour cream there's a place in Soho called La Bodega Negra have you been Jessie is that the one that was like there and everyone, it's in the sex shop?

Yes. Yeah, that was like the place to go. Was it? Is it still there? Yeah. So I've been twice at exactly 5.30 when they open because I've been to see comedy shows at the Soho Theatre that start at 7.

So I've got to be the first one in the door, like a real loser. And my husband and I went and we didn't realize the entrance, there's no entrance, it just looks like a sex shop. And we turned up with a reservation and my husband was like blushing, bless him, because of course he's a muggle. And he said, is this the Mexican restaurant?

And the woman was so funny, she said, no, it's a gay strip club. And he didn't want to insult the proprietors of the gay strip club. So he said, oh, oh, well, that's a mistake. But, well, if there's food, we'll stay. But we really were hoping to eat before the show. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. So he was going to eat in the gay strip club, which was great.

But, no, it was this lovely Mexican restaurant. And they have the best corn tortilla chicken tacos I've ever had anywhere in my life. So good. And that would be my main. starter maybe like a french onion soup I love it me too I would allow bread if it was melted because you want those little floating things with cheese on okay so look at this pudding gluten-free it's gluten-free I'm a bit worried It's a bit sweet for you Because you weren't Brought up on this sweet But if you like it

Look I'm not a baker But this seems to have risen So fingers crossed Jessie Can we Could you fit some In your bag for Violet Yeah

If it works Look let's taste it first So it's a crunchy Well it's not that Fucking crunchy It doesn't feel crunchy It does darling It's crumbly, too.

I'm so sorry that you had to make gluten-free things for me. No, no, no, it suits me. It's like a kind of chocolate meringue cake. It won't be too sweet for me because I haven't been a child for a long time, and ever since I moved out of my mum's house, age 18, I've been eating sugar.

Okay, great. Would you like a maraschino cherry? Yes. Okay, great. Everyone loves those. This is also, hold on a minute, have I over-whipped that? This is whipped cream with a bit of, oh, great. Would you like a maraschino cherry? Yes. Okay, great. Everyone loves those. This is also, I don't know if I ever whipped that. This is whipped cream with a bit of, oh shit. Whoa.

Sorry. No, it looks great. Excuse me. It's whipped cream with sour cream and Nutella. Whoa. What? I know. Where'd you learn to do that?

I didn't learn. It's a recipe. Take your pick, babe. She might need a spoon. Yeah. Hold on. Oh. It's like a recipe. Take your pick, babe. She might need a spoon. There. Hold on. Thank you. Right. I don't know if it's going to work.

It's going to work. It looks beautiful. And you know, I love that you've whipped the cream because one thing that I can't abide in British culture is that you guys pour like milk on every cake.

Oh no, I love that. Why do you do that? Because it's delicious. Yeah but look at it whipped, how much nicer it is. Well actually this is quite wet whipped so I'm sorry it's a bit of a wet whipper. Please start eating. This looks great. Um, taste it Mumsy because I'm not a baker at all. Just give me a spoon, don't eat that. Mmm. I hate bacon.

You are, you are a baker. It's so good. It's dry, it's a bit dry. So have a lot of that cream with it no it's delicious um okay let's talk about the sky show okay because this will be out three days after its debut tell me how fun was it like what like any food memories on this thing i don't want to offend the caterers because they were really nice guys but it was the worst food I've ever had in my life because Ramesh is vegan no don't

tell us your thoughts about vegan I can't even begin I'm trying to be a better person I understand people not eating meat but the whole vegan thing is like another level saving the planet then yeah yeah your brother is so annoying is he vegan and gay no yeah he's really got it no it's even

like he's a flexitarian uh so like he picks and chooses when he wants to save the world so he's like half-baked with it but he doesn't eat meat a lot now i think that's the best way i think that's how it used to be before i don't know what industry introduced meat three times a day i think in a family if you had meat a couple of times a week or three times a week and meat was expensive and then hopefully the cows were treated well you know now that it's all factory farming and stuff and we're just making so much meat all the time for my daughter and her friends to eat chicken on a bus i think we've gone too far were you away from romantic getaway no oh it was great actually because ramesh lives famously in surrey he's from crawley he talks about crawley all the time he

lives around there I live near Elstree studio which is where we filmed Romantic Getaway so his commute was like two hours every day there

and back mine was eight minutes I was like woo I'll go here's my young one come on big boy

see what hey big boy the chocolate woke him up I mean I think I overcooked it. Oh, I love it. It's kind of okay.

It's just... I know, my oven runs hot. Hi, big boy. Don't mind his... Oh, he's so cute. Hi, gorgeous boy. He's saying hiya. Oh.

He's saying Gaga, so he's happy. He loves me. Gaga's your name. Gaga. So, why was... Okay, so the vegan food was really bad. Do you think that they'd make more of an effort because it was vegan food?

Well, I think what happened was the caterers were these real lads who were like, we might be vegan versions of this, whatever. That was a terrible lads accent. We've made vegan versions of this. And it was like crazy, really weird. But they were really nice guys and I ate a lot of cereal.

But no, catering catering listen let's talk about the show yeah do you actually get romantic in it we do not get romantic and romantic getaway no it was my um it was in the contract I had some intimate scenes in the duchess on Netflix and those scarred me deeply because I used to think actors just like pretended and it was easy. I don't have respect for actors. I feel like they're paid to lie. I feel like they should be punished. I feel like a lot of actors are really weird.

And I don't trust them. I don't trust someone who's really good at lying to the point that they get money and awards. I feel like that's a terrible quality. So you would never say you're an actress? No. And I thought, oh, it's easy. But actually, after doing some intimate scenes in the Duchess, I was like, oh, acting's pretty hard. Yeah. And you do need training because I felt like really discombobulated by that. So in Romantic Getaway,

Ramesh and I are not super physically passionate because we've been married like 10 years. And it's an IVF heist where we want to have a baby. We can't. We both have spent all our money. So we decide we're desperate for a family. We rob his boss who is played by Johnny Vegas. Oh my God. Amazing.

I know. And then it kind of snowballs into more crimes. Oh, fun. Yeah. And you're hoping for the second series so you can go to Elster again. Yeah. It was so close. And I won't be pregnant this time.

So I was in my first trimester of pregnancy throughout all the filming. So I was very sick. And I think everyone just thought I was a drug addict or something. Like, why is Catherine eating a baked potato in the street at six? That must be really hard. Did you feel like you... Do you feel like... Well, of course it would have affected your performance.

But maybe not. Maybe you were a complete consummate professional but like or do you feel like it kind of you put all your energy

into that performance so you have nothing left for like I don't know I think again it's maybe best for me to be distracted when I'm acting

I think I was a better actress because I wasn't thinking like okay now time for acting I was just trying not to puke so I think me was alright I don't know I've seen a couple episodes of it and I love it so far thinking like, okay, now time for acting. I was just trying not to puke. Oh, babe.

I think me was all right. I don't know. I've seen a couple episodes of it, and I love it so far. Oh, good. Yeah, it's really fun. But what are you doing now you've done that? What are you doing next? What's your next thing after your baby?

My next comedy special, Mrs., comes out on Sky. Great. Yeah. I think it just came out maybe last week. Okay, so it will be already out by the time this is out. I think so. I'm not sure if it's out. Are you having any time off?

I think I will take some time off currently, but you know what it's like. I mean, with a tour, you know when that's happening, but anything else, sometimes your diary is empty and then they go, will you do these three things next week? And you say yes. So, so my son has joined us at the table. He's getting involved. Have we got a pudding from you yet? I mean, I love this pudding. You're very kind.

No, I loved it. It's a bit dry. I like it. It's good. It's fine. It tastes delicious. It is. It is a bit dry.

But it's supposed to be crunchy. Actually, with that, it's delicious. Yeah, sorry, that should have been whipped a bit more. But it's also gluten-free because Actually, with that, it's delicious. Yeah, sorry, that should have been whipped a bit more. But it's also gluten-free because of me. No, it's delicious. So the almonds should make it moister. It's delicious. All right.

Oh, here she goes, because I'm always critiquing her. All right, all right, let me. Do you, Jane, eat pumpkin pie? I don't, but I've always been very jealous of Thanksgiving dinner. Have you tried it? No, I haven't actually. Would you choose that as your thing? Yes.

Pumpkin pie is the most delicious pudding in the whole world. And it doesn't taste savory like pumpkin. It tastes like Christmas. The texture is smooth like peanut butter in a way, almost like a tart. And then it's got a crunchy crunchy pastry which i can't i wouldn't have i'd like hollow out the pumpkin and just eat the middle because i'm weird and then no the pastry no but that's because of my weird upbringing and then it's got like nutmeg and cinnamon and sugar in it you would love pumpkin pie i know i would have made a pumpkin no you okay. I had champagne in the fridge and I didn't bring it.

Oh, babe. It doesn't matter. You are pregnant. Oh, no. It is noted that you were going to bring it. Yeah. So you've gone right up. I just noticed now.

Well, I'll have to post it and now I'm going to be out of here. Oh, fuck off. You're fine. Oh, no. No, that was such bad luck. No. I didn't bring it. So.

I rock up with a suitcase for my work tonight. No champagne. What is the thing tonight? It's the British Hairdressing Awards. What are you doing? Presenting it. Which is really fun. Your hair looks gorgeous.

I know it does. I need to still do it for tonight. Won't somebody do your hair for you? Yeah. Fine. Okay, right. I was going to say. That would be a bit of a Paul Grosvenor.

Oh, I love them. I don't like them as a hotel, but the Great Room is the only place really in London that you can have that many people. Will you stay the night? No. Be back home. I don't stay the night.

I can gig in Leeds and I don't stay the night, even if I'm gigging the next night in York. I drive home and I do the night with the baby, I know. Yeah. I'm... Jessieesse i'm a bad parent no you're not because jesse jesse is instagramming what are the good places to eat here i'm here for like overnight or a couple of days yeah girls gotta eat mom um you have to do you have to do and also again the way that i raise my children is not sustainable and i'm gonna know that in about two weeks and then i'm gonna have to change my life you're doing amazing are you still co-sleeping with him i sure am and he doesn't sleep he sleeps he sleeps pretty well but he does wake up for milk maybe four times in the night

so he for you to feed him well i stopped breastfeeding when i was kind of three months pregnant because my milk just went but um i have bottles ready and i have to feed him. Well, I stopped breastfeeding when I was kind of three months pregnant because my milk just went. But I have bottles ready and I have to feed him. And he keeps his eyes closed. So it's not as if he's awake crying or bothering anyone. But my eyes are open and I'm awake. Oh, babe. I know.

It's too much. Catherine, before we let you go on to your next bit of work, hardest woman. Hardest working woman. I am the hardest woman in show business. Take out working. Hardest woman in show business. Take out working. Hardest woman in show business. She's so calm. I just actually can't get over her calm.

Yeah, but do you think something's wrong with me? No. My blood pressure is 90 over 50. That's too calm. And here's why I think I'm dead. Because, not to question your existence, because I know it sounds crazy to be like, I'm imagining you. That's not what I think. I know you're real, but things were hard for me

for a while. And then things got so good that it became like this famous clown. And I got to travel around just telling dick jokes for money that I don't deserve. And then I got really, really, really happy. And then I bumped into my high school boyfriend, which you don't deserve and then I got really really really happy and then I bumped into my high school boyfriend which you don't do the true love of my life and now I have all these babies with him and uh I just have this wild life it's good it's good but it's also like seems written as though I died and imagined it I just can't figure out when I died. Catherine, can you tell us a quick date joke? Just to cheer me up. On a Monday afternoon.

Well, in honour of Pete Davidson's 10 inch penis. 10 inch. Dash. My husband was on dating apps. You're not metric though. How many centimetres is it? Let's find out. Inches.

We're very metric in our family. Two centimetres. Don't you worry about that. Because Pete, he's going to have to. Well, he's already been with Kate Beckinsale. Oh, yes. She could tell us. Phoebe from Bridgerton.

Oh, yes. He's gone British already. Kim. Kim. She's not British. 25 centimetres? Wow, that's nearly a full up. That sounds better than 10 inches.

Oh my God. Well, it's actually, I hate to tell you, 25.4. That's a quarter of a metre. Are we talking erect or flaccid? Who knows? I mean, I think most people have only seen it erect. I don't know. I feel like you'd have a stroke if you needed to, you know, put blood in that.

That's too much. Because all the blood will be diverted. Hang on. I need to. I mean, you are funny all the time, Catherine, but where's the dick joke? Oh, okay. Sorry. So I ask in my show if women are single and if they're looking.

Heterosexual women happen to be looking for men on Tinder. And they always say they're not successful on these dating apps. And my husband, bless him, was on dating apps in Canada for a year and a half trying to find someone. And when I met him again, he said, Oh, I've nearly given up on ever having kids because I'm 35. And I thought, why would a man say that? You can have kids when you're 80, you could do what you want, but I digress.

So he's like, yeah, I was really trying to meet someone, but people weren't choosing me. And then one of my girlfriends told me it's because I'm 5'11", and women set their height filters to 6 feet. Oh, do they? Yeah, they want a tall man. Okay. So I tell women at my show, well, don't do that. Don't be so shallow because my husband's 5'11",

but he's 7 feet standing on his dick, bitch. And then they're like, whoa. But in reality, it's very then they're like, whoa. But in reality, it's very average. It's not true. Most dick jokes are exaggerated. Oh, Catherine, you're amazing. And thank you for taking the time.

We've wanted to have you for ages. And I can't believe that we've got you. Well, actually, I can believe it. We've got you two weeks before you're about to have a baby. You can get anyone you want. You cook them a meal like this. Good to hang out with two cool girls all day. I've met a baby. Last little question.

Do you like karaoke? I feel like she's too calm for it. I don't like performing karaoke. If you had to, which song would you do? Oh, if I had to perform karaoke. To impress Pete Davidson. Oh, to impress Pete Davidson. I don't think he likes a woman who can do much.

He likes women that look a certain way. I mean, this is another whole conversation. Like, is our value? You know, Pete Davidson's charming and funny, and so we think he's good looking, but all these women he's dating, just the most aesthetically pleasing looking women in the world and who knows what they're like maybe these women are also cool i don't know well yeah they are cool

actually the ones i can name they seem cool my karaoke song would probably be something rap or hip-hop something cardi b are you familiar with cardi b no yeah yeah do you like her what do you think mom she wouldn't be my first oh you're so judgmental do you know i've gone off for a bit why what's happened i don't know what's the name of her husband it's a offset offset haven't you done don't hate the players yes and that's like rapping you have to rap i'm a very good rapper fantastic but i feel. Good for you. If you're on the wheel, is that your subject of choice? What would be your wheel subject?

I've done the wheel twice. My one subject was Kardashians. And my next subject, I forget what it was. It might have even been Canada or ice hockey or something. Do you have to change your subject? Of course you do. We love Michael McIntyre. Me too. He's so funny. He's really, really always funny. something you have to change your subject of course you do we love michael mcintyre me too he's so funny he's really really always funny and i love it when he does impressions you giggle

yeah it's kind of a giggling isn't it it's like talent and inspirational to people because he wasn't really discovered until his 40s really he had bailiffs at the door infamously in his book he writes about it now he's in in St. John's Wood, Mum. Yeah. But you, we're getting you to Hampstead, Lenny. Yeah. Do you want to live in Hampstead? We all do.

Jessie does. I always thought I wanted to live there because the Tavistock is there. And I'm a social worker. And it was where all the psychotherapists were and J.D. Lang and Bowlby and all my most heroic characters and it's Jewish you can get bagels very easily and that's a kind of priority and now Jessie says she wants to move there

I ended up in South London the diaspora, there's no Jews in South London I'll make a call to Cheryl Edelman see what I can do Catherine Ryan, thank you so much best of luck with the birth. You're not going to need it. It's going to be amazing.

Do you need takeaway or anything? Or are you going to get fed later? I'm so fed. A baby is taking up my entire abdominal cavity and now I've had all this food too. Now I love it. Well, Mum, I think you match on the dick talk. Gosh, she was so lovely. She's lovely.

She was very calm, darling. She was just like so calm and peaceful, made me feel relaxed. So bright, so funny. Yes. So interesting, so interested. I just really, really enjoyed meeting her in the flesh. Yes. She's so glam as well.

Very glam. It's all, and there's me, like... You hadn't made an effort at all, Jess. No, but that's what I love about doing the podcast. I don't have to, but then you have Catherine Ryan in your house. Didn't you feel a bit kind of I should have tried a little bit harder. Well you know what? What? No. Okay.

Catherine Ryan and Romesh Ranganathan's programme Romantic Getaway is out now. It's on Sky Now TV. You can download it all go and watch it. Can I just say Pete Davison if you listen to this come and show us your talents oh my god this is the end of the um series it's been how long has this series been

going what for a good few months it's like a school term um thank you for listening we'll be back really soon with more guests more food more recipes i've realized i'm i'm not a chef i know i'm not a chef i'm a home cook not a chef. I'm a home cook. Exactly what Catherine said. You just follow recipes. I've been following recipes. Maybe I need to have some time out to really create. Yeah. We look forward to hearing from all of you. It has not been

ignored by somebody who sent me a fish sauce roast chicken that I nearly did today. Thank you. I didn't notice that. It looked amazing. I just already had the oregano for the chickpeas and it fucked it. So I will be trying that fish sauce roast chicken. Fish sauce was in my recipe

last week. Thank you for listening and we'll see you very, very soon. Thank you for listening. The music you've heard on Table Manners is by Peter Duffy and Pete Fraser. Table Manners is produced by Alice Williams.