Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S17 Ep 3: Jason Manford

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

On the podcast this week, it’s the man that does it all, funny man Jason Manford!The fellow Mancunian popped over to Clapham for a lunch of lamb meatballs with Turkish rice & a plum shortcake tart thanks to a delicious Nigel Slater recipe! (@Nigelslater please join us on TM soon). Jason chats to us about family life with 6 children, his break into comedy, his love of Billy Joel & the importance of an ice cream maker & a can opener.Jason is on tour round the UK this November, go get a ticket, you don’t wanna miss it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween horrors abound. This spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol. Catch you next time, dearie. No, you won't. After Dark. A How do you get your podcasts? Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Hello and welcome to Table Members, I'm Jessie Ware,

and I'm here in Clapham with Mon. It's a lunchtime, it's an autumnal, breezy day. I'm in my first polar neck of the season. The one that was mine that I gave you. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. How are you Mum? I'm fine Jess.

You've made dinner. Yeah, I did it all last night. Oh nice, so that's why you're so chilled and relaxed. Yeah, so I could get to Pilates but actually I did cook till 9.30 last night. I thought, why am I doing this? The smoke alarm went off twice for the griddle vegetables. Just, the juice is not worth the squeeze. It was reassuring that the smoke alarm worked.

Yeah, right, yeah. Yeah. When you live on your own, that's good. I made the dessert. The dessert looks amazing. Is it a Nigel Slater? Yeah. We are giving Nigel Slater a lot of love. I feel like Nigel Slater. We should have him on the podcast. We should have Nigel Slater on the podcast. We're gonna, we're putting a call out. Nigel, we love you. We'd like you to come on and we will cook your food well because your recipes work. Did you see Alison Roman's pregnant?, lovely Alison Roman, who's also listening

to my other podcast, Is It Normal? The pregnancy podcast. She's enjoying that. She texts me saying I'm listening to that other podcast of yours. So yeah, very sweet. Congrats, Alison. Yeah, we have funny man Jason Manford coming on. Good. Looking forward to this one. Northerner. Yeah. I'm sure you're going to talk about Manchester. Yeah. Man City supporter, sadly. Problematic. Yeah. But yeah, we can't wait to chat to him. He's got so much going on. He just does a bit of everything. Musicals, quiz shows, comedy, acting. Family man. Family man. Yes, six children. Yep. What have you made, mum? I've done lamb meatballs. I've done a Greek salad, done griddle vegetables, and I've done rice and I've used Turkish rice, which is longer grain. And I think it's just hoping it's like when

we have the rice at International Cafe, you know how the grains are really long. Or like FM mangal. Yeah. And we get it from there. Yeah. In Camberwell. And then I've done a plum shortcake yeah yeah which is with butter, flour, bit of sugar and ground almonds. Was it hard to do? No. That's what I like. Yeah food processor five minutes was done. Oh nice so looking forward to this one Jason Manford on Table Numbers. Thank you for being here.

Pleasure. I actually knocked on next door, so please apologize. Oh, did you just say you were there? I was 20 minutes into a podcast next door before. Yeah, so there was no one there, thankfully. Where have you come from? Stockport. Is that where you come from? Yeah, yeah. I'm Manchester.

Oh, are you really? Whereabouts? Well, North Manchester near Heaton Park. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's nice up there. Yeah, nice up there. It's nice up there. Have you got Oasis tickets? I have got Oasis tickets. Did you... Dynamic ticketing? how did that work out for you? Or are you on the guest list?

He knows no one from City. You're a City fan, aren't you? City fan, yeah. Text Noel. No, I didn't text Noel. I was whining to my mates, I said, I said, oh yeah, because Oasis, what they've said is that if you put your season ticket number in,

you get like early access. Oh my goodness. And all my mates were fuming about it, so Oasis, what they've said is that if you put your season ticket number in you get early access. Oh my goodness! And all my mates were fuming about it, but that's not the case of course. But yeah, I did manage to get four tickets. I got the £160 ones. Well done. What, at Heaton Park? At Heaton Park, yeah.

That would be the best gig. It will, but also at some point there'll be a pint of weed being thrown onto your heads. You know what I mean? They're not well-behaved at Ian Park. You know what I mean? Part life, have you ever been? Well, I've seen, you know, the victims on the next morning, yeah.

So, yeah, so it'll be interesting. I did sort of, cause my daughters are desperate to go. How old are they? 15. And so this is the new generation into Oasis. This is the new generation, yeah. So they're desperate to go. So that's what swung it really.

But I was a bit like, why don't we just go to Cardiff? I reckon Cardiff will be nice. Yeah, because they'll definitely do the first one. Yeah, exactly. Have you got twins? I have got twins, yeah. So has she. I've, yeah. You've got twins as well.

And she's a twin. Are you really? All right, crikey. Is it a nightmare? It's hard, yeah. It's hard. What's the hardest? I've got six kids, so it's's a twin. Are you really? All right, crikey. Is it a nightmare? It's hard, yeah. What's the hardest? I've got six kids, so it's a lot of kids. Busy man. Yeah, well, I was, yeah.

Not anymore, because I've got six kids. Six kids? When did the twins come? First. Yeah, I've only ever had multiple children. I've never had one. I don't know what that's like. So, right through from 15 down to six. Have you got boys as well? Yeah, I've got two boys. I don't know what that's like. So, right through from 15 down to six.

Have you got boys as well? Yeah, I've got two boys. Do they fight? No. Well, one's 12 and one's six, so it would not be a fair fight. Oh, you've done that brilliantly. You've played a blinder there. Yeah, yeah. Are you boys then or...? I've got girl and two boys and the boys are just all over each other. Right.

They love fighting. But do you know what, don't you think, like it's so... I'm not saying it's easier, but it is much more simple with boys. Is it? Yeah, because just from my experience with the six is that boys are very route one, you know, they're very like physical and almost primeval, like in the way they're, and girls are very like, everything's like little microaggressions, especially once you get into teenage, you know, years, it's everything's a little, so nothing is big enough,

at least with a boy, like there's a moment where like one of them will hit the other one, you go, don't do that, and I can deal with that, you know, I'm able to, I had brothers, and it's something physical, it's something you've seen and witnessed, but my girl's like just little microaggressions. Yeah, and also you can't really go in hard on a microaggression because then you look like a psychopath, So it's really difficult. Could you sound like you're a headmaster of a secondary school? It's funny that, isn't it?

I know. Funny that, isn't it? Which leads me into, I never knew you could act. I know, well, let's find out. I don't know yet, do I? I've not watched it. Waterloo Road, New Brits. Did you watch Waterloo Road before?

The kids watched it during lockdown. Okay, it's really good. Mom's obsessed. It's a great show. You loved it. It's a great show. Yeah, and It's yeah, no, it was a I did I mean I did acted at university and studied Unia and then before I sort of got into stand-up properly, but um, so yeah I've always sort of done little bits, but this was the first sort of major major one. Yeah, did you enjoy it? Loved it loved it. It was so It was so nice. It was a weird one

because it came right in the middle of a really busy schedule. I was just about to finish The Wizard of Oz at the Palladium, which I did last summer, as The Lion. Finished that, which was great fun. How fun! Yeah great, ten weeks just you know, just doing that, it was great. Was it the musical version, like The Wiz? Ease on down the road? No it was the Andrew Lloyd Webber version. Okay. So it was a... Not the American one?

Similar to the film, but with an extra Lloyd Webber song. You're triple threat, aren't you? Well, I don't think... unless the... if the third thing's dancing, then no. I mean, I can get away with it, you know. Okay, you've got comedy instead. Yeah, exactly. Put it in there, yeah. Where did you grow up?

Stockport? No, actually. I grew up... I was born in Salford. Oh, that's, yeah, Bolton Park. Yes, that's right. It's not too far from where you said. Not far from Carrington. Yeah, not far from Carrington. And then I grew up in a place called Wally Range, which was like South Manchester.

Went to school in Chalton. And then at some point was like, right, we need to find somewhere to live. So about, yeah, but probably when the girls were born, actually, when the, so what's that 15 years ago, we sort of moved to Stockport. But for ages, I thought we lived in Cheshire. I was like, oh, we live in Cheshire.

It is Stockport, Cheshire. Well, no, it's not. I found this out during lockdown when they started doing all the tears. Oh, it's an M, an M. Yeah, when they did the, it's an SK postcode, but when they started doing the tear system, and they were like, right,

that village is allowed to go to the shops and that village is not allowed to go to that restaurant and we were like oh we're all right because we're uh Cheshire aren't we and they were like no you're not you're Manchester. Who was around the dinner table when you grew up in Salford and what were you eating what was a really memorable dish? Well we were sort of unusual in inverted commas uh back then because my and you know so if you think in the sort of mid 80s, what this must have been like, where my mum was the breadwinner,

my dad was a house husband. So he was, as he says now, I was a house husband before it was trendy. Yeah, so he's like, he was trendsetter. So my mum was a nurse. So yeah, I mean, really hard. And also she was young, you know, I was born two weeks after my mum's a nurse. So she must have worked hard. Yeah, I mean really hard. And also she was young, you know, I was born two weeks after my mum's 17th birthday.

Wow, oh my goodness. So, but don't forget, this is Salford, that's actually counted as quite the late starter. But she had three of us by 21. So it was a- Three of us? Yeah, so like- So how did she do her training?

Just, dad just sort of gave up work and then, my dad had like, I remember there was a point where my Dad just had three jobs, like he just worked, he just came home for an hour, had a sleep, then went back out, came back in, had a sleep, went back out. It was like, he was like in the hospital in the day as a janitor and then he was like cleaning stair-out supplies and stuff and then he would go out and work in a pub and then for like a month over Christmas he would work at the post office like you know over overnight like sorting out all the letters to Santa. So yeah so it was and then so I think he was quite glad in a way I think

he was like you know actually it's too hard this you know so so he obviously worked it out and then mum yeah mum trained to be a nurse and then so then dad was you know was at home and I wouldn't say he was a cook really by any stretch of the imagination. So we had, I'd say three meals on rotation. Okay. You know, so it would be Finnish crispy pancakes, waffles and beans. I mean, the flavors of the waffles,

the Finnish crispy pancakes would change. You know, it wasn't that unimaginative. What are the different flavors? There was a mint one. There was a mint one. Yeah. There was like a cheese. Cheesy one. I think magma,ma I think because it was so hot.

And yes we'd have that. His speciality would be, you remember the cod in sauce that you'd like boil in the bag? Oh boil in the bag. Delicious. Which sauce? Love it. The butter or the parsley? The parsley. back. Delicious. Which sauce? Love it. The butter or the parsley? The parsley, they were fit. Are they still in the shops? They should be, someone should bring them back.

We should bring them back. They're fit. Yeah. I don't care what anyone says, they were well-nice. Yeah, you used to do that on a- And it was square. Square, yeah, it was like square. Like no fish you've ever seen.

I mean it was essentially sous ving, wasn't it? Yeah, really. Yeah. It wasn't really sous, it was all cooked before, I just. And then you put it in a hot boiling it? Yeah, really. Yeah. It wasn't really soupy. It was all cooked before, Hurt Jess. And then you put it in a hot, Yeah, just boiling pot. oiling water before microwaves.

Yeah, fit. So then did you, did you- And the other one was macaroni cheese with chopped up hot dog sausages. Oh my God, from a tin. Or did he make it? Oh, well, you know, pasta, cheese sauce. Oh, he didn't do all that.

Yeah, I mean, he was, yeah, as basic as that. But yeah, it was nice. You loved that one? Loved it. Yeah. Did you have ketchup with your macaroni cheese? No, not really, but my kids do that. I love it. Yeah, no, I'm not into that.

And I suddenly did, though, obviously. Did you have a takeaway? No, I don't feel like there really was. Chips with curry sauce? I mean, maybe the odd, you know, fish and chips and stuff with, yeah, and I do like a, I do like a chippy curry sauce, you know, but, um. But aren't we so spoiled now? I remember it was like when we were younger, it would be fish and chips from around the

corner. Just barely. Barely. Barely. Or you'd get like maybe an Indian or a Chinese for like a special occasion. Yeah. We never had takeaways. But now you have like Deliveroo and like. like a special occasion. Yeah. We never had takeaways. But now you have like Deliveroo and like...

Three times a week. Easy. I get my groceries on it. It's just you can get anything. Yeah, we are... We're not good people. Like, we need to sort this out. But yeah, no, I agree.

I mean, I remember as a kid, like McDonald's was somewhere you went for someone else's birthday. A birthday party. It wasn't like, oh, I'll just pop to McDonald's for... Because I'm hungry and it's like... It was a kind of very special place. like McDonald's was somewhere you went for someone else's birthday. A birthday party. Like it wasn't like oh I'll just pop to McDonald's for because I'm hungry and it's like like it was it was like an event. Do you cook? Sort of.

Did you used to cook when you were younger like would you help your dad out or it was very much like? No he just sort of got up with it really we just didn't really but interestingly because my dad was a house husband, I remember being about seven and asking for like a buggy, you know, for like with a doll in it. A troll? Oh wow. Yeah, like a buggy. A buggy. I like that. Because that's what your dad did.

Yeah, because obviously as a kid you just go, well that's just what your dad did. That's what dads do, that's what blokes do, you know. So like quite an unusual boy just walking around, you know, 1989 just like. Quite unusual at school because it must have been all mums in the playground, dropping the kids off. It was, yeah. And I remember like school sports day and stuff like that when they'd all rock up,

you know, there wasn't that many dads there to be honest, you know, and they'd be one of the few lining up against all the mums for the race. How is sports day now? Do you go to sports day now? Yeah, I love sports day. Are you competitive? I'm alright. The problem is you end up with someone who's more competitive than you. You know, you sort of rock up and you think, oh, this will be a bit fun.

You're in your jeans and your trainers and then someone's got like spikes on their shoes. You're like, alright mate, calm down. And somebody inevitably pulls the hamstring. Every time. They do one race at our kids primary school where they're like you've got to get in groups of parents and then do all the different obstacles and you start off and you're like oh hi I'm Toby's mom and then literally like 30 seconds into the race she's like come on Susan, come on! I was really into it like, you've let us down there. But you don't live up in London? No, no. So what happened when you were doing the Wizard of Oz? Wizard of Oz, so yeah we just had a little flat in

King's Cross so I just stayed there but it was, yeah I just sort of came down. So you're addicted to Manchester? I don't think I'd ever live anywhere else yeah well we were we were in Twickenham for a little while and I was sort of even I was in between the two and and then I and then my wife said you know oh maybe we should we need to buy a house because we were sort of renting and so I looked at in fact I just mentioned this actually on the way here because I was looking all the nice houses and because we were renting. And so I looked at, in fact, I just mentioned this actually the other way here, because I was looking at all the nice houses. And as we were looking at this house,

it was like an end of terrace house that used to be a sweet shop and like a garden, like the size of this table, 1.3 million pounds. I was like, and my wife thought that was it like normal? I was like, let me bring you to the North where this house would be 280,000 pounds. Where's your wife from? Is she not northern? She's from Kent.

Oh my god, how did you meet? She's a TV producer. Yeah. Was she producing you? Yeah she's perpetually producing me. She made a show, yeah we did like a little pilot for a sitcom together which didn't make it but... But you did. But we did, yeah. Then she cast me in a show, a biopic of Tommy Cooper. She made a show called Not Like This Like That. That went from blossom from there.

Can you cook? I can but I do find it a chore. Like I find it a bit like washing up or ironing. Like I just think it's something you gotta do to survive. I would have thought you being a creative, it's like your way to unwind. You think about jokes. You think about, where do your best jokes come to you?

When you shower? Yeah, shower and car and middle of the night. Do you always write them down? I write everything down. But then obviously, like I'm sort of developing this tour now, so we're just about to go into the work in. No, not really not yet. I sort of once everything's down Sometimes a theme starts to appear and

There's I've got a little bit of a theme about because obviously the kit my eldest kids are so I didn't really talk about my kids in the last tour Just because we just come out a lot down and that seemed to be the big subjects at the time. Whereas now I'm at that point where the kids, my eldest ones anyway, are, you know, they're nearly 16, you know, and they're nearly the end of their childhood. And that's quite a moment as a parent. I can't, I heard a phrase a long time ago about,

saying you only get 16 summers with your kids. Oh don't, that's like heartbreaking. I know, it is hard because obviously in the moment when it's 365 days a year, 24-7... She's about to cry. Oh, let me tell you another statistic that will destroy you. Listen to this. By the age of 12, you have spent 75% of all the time you'll ever spend with your children. No, no. I know, it's horrible, isn't it?

It actually broke my heart. And obviously vice versa, 75% of all the time they'll ever spend with you. Actually, that isn't quite true. It looks like it. It's good if you can get a podcast again. Yeah. But yeah, so it does, but it's good to hear things like that because it does re-engage I found myself for a long time certainly early on in my my big children's childhood where and I've watched back now like old videos

And stuff where and and I way of describe it is to say I was there but I wasn't present When did you switch? I think I heard that phrase the 16 summers phrase and was a bit like and I think I heard that phrase, the 16 summers phrase, and was a bit like, and then I guess also I went through a divorce and I, you know, and then I suddenly became, you know, when I had them, we had like a 50-50 with the kids there. I suddenly was like, right, what? I've just been working like all the time and suddenly I had to learn all these new things about that, that my ex-wife had done.

And, you know, I remember having to go to like I went to local hairdressers and was like, can you show me? While the kids were at school was like, can you show me how to do girls hair because I've not done it Yes, I mean a little ballet bun on occasion, you know They were very nice actually and they did they were they let me try some hairstyles out. The girls don't let me near their hair now of course. How old were they when you went through the divorce? They were like my eldest would have been um you know five six something like that so yeah so it's hard you know um But all you can do is just, you know. So you've had most children since. Yeah, so I have two with my wife.

I was in, on stage. Your current wife. My current wife, and then, and they go, you're not allowed to call them that. The middle one, she doesn't like that. Like little jokes that she doesn't like. But yeah, you know, you sort of, all you can do is. So do your kids all live in Manchester?

Yeah, yeah, we live like, sort of five streets away. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, really close. And that's one of the reasons I've not moved down as well because the kids are there. And it's just a good support network. And we get on and everybody gets on. That's so nice.

A bit too well sometimes. You know, you sort of come in and you're like, your wife and your ex-wife are just like, sat having a cup of coffee chatting. You're like, no, no, these two're like no no these two worlds can't meet. It's called blended families. Should we put the food on? Is it on darling?

Excited. So obviously this is a predominantly food forecast. Yes of course. Oh yeah you were asking me about childhood food weren't you? Well yeah no and I love that we got boiled in the bag there. But you're not a big cook. No, not really. I do like a gadget. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So like, you know, we've got like an ice cream maker,

like a ninja ice cream maker thing. Have you made any? Creamer, creamer. Oh, my God, I'm obsessed with it. What's your flavor that you've given to? I made tiramisu ice cream. Oh lovely! And I totally just stumbled on it. It was my birthday, I love a tiramisu. A friend of ours had made me a tiramisu but I was the only one who ate it.

And I was like, it's going to go off this in two days. I'll turn it into an ice cream, into the freezer. Amazing! And it's still there, yeah. So I've got like, there's a constant like six tubs of homemade ice cream just ready to go. That's incredibly, that's lovely. It gets prepared yeah. Do you always get like a gadget at Father's Day? Yeah I got like a samosa maker I got a couple of years ago that is still in the box to be fair. Why do you love a samosa? Yeah I mean I love everything.

You know when you go on that TV it's Saturday kitchen they say Why? Do you love a samosa? Yeah, I mean I love everything. You know when you go on that TV show, it's Saturday Kitchen, they say, what's your food, hell? I go, nothing. I had to really pretend like cauliflower. I was just trying to find something to do. But yeah, sort of eat all sorts really. Would you like a glass of wine with your lunch? I'll have what you're having.

What do you want? She's thrilled. I've got white or red or rosy. Whatever you think. Go on, you're the guest. I'm not a massive drinker. Do you want to know what we're eating? Yes, what will match the food. Meatballs. Meatballs, darling. I'll have a vimto then. I've got vimto. Have you really? Yeah. That's actually my favourite. Do you want a little vimto?'ll have a vinto. Will you? I'd rather that than wine. Would you? I would. A cheeky vinto. Do you want it hot? It's sugar free.

No, no, just cool. That's okay. Put two sugars in. I have vinto if I'm not well. You are proper Norven. Yeah. Vinto. It just makes me think of being ill.

Do you have to get it in the... When you go to the supermarket down here, is it in the foreign food section? It's definitely not. You can't get it anywhere. So it's really very Northern. Oh, she's got two, because she can take one on the train. I love them so.

I'm not a massive drinker really. I think because of the job I do, I never really got into it. There was comics who needed a drink before they got on stage. You weren't that person. And I wasn't that person. I also started at 17, so I wasn't actually old enough to drink.

So did you start with comedy? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You started at 17. Yeah. So was somebody... I mean, obviously you were funny. You were making people laugh at school.

Were you still at school at that point? Thank you. Yeah, I was at college, yeah. And what was the light bulb moment where you were like, I'm going to go and put myself out there? Yeah, I don't remember there being a moment where I felt like... How did you get into the club? Well I worked at this particular club collecting glasses and...

What's it called? It was called the Buzz Club. It's a Chinese restaurant now, but like everything has sort of moved on to something else, knocked down or whatever. Where was it? It was just in like Nellay and Estate in Charlton. So it was like, it was a weird place because it was quite a sort of tough area.

Yeah. And downstairs was like a quite a bit of a rough pub, but upstairs was this lovely function room where people have weddings and funerals and whatnot. And I would just, I'd just clean up and wash up and they had a comedy night on a Thursday night and I saw some brilliant comics, Carolina Hearn and Peter Kay and all these brilliant comics, Steve Coogan and then one week, I was on about like three quid an hour or something, you know, I do five hour shifts collecting and washing up and then the guy

booking it was like panicking, it was like quarter to eight or something he was panicking and and he said I said oh what's wrong John and he said he said I've got three acts on the way up from London cars broke down and I'm you know I'm gonna have to cancel over you know the landlady of the pub and said Jason could do it you could do 10 minutes, couldn't you? 20 minutes or so, I said, no, of course I can't. Like, you're mad. She's like, he's doing performing arts at college.

I was in like a local college in Hume. And I said, no, I don't think that's the same thing. She's like, it's funny, in the kitchen. I was like, in the kitchen though, like for free and not in front of 200 people. Anyway, I tried to get out of it. And then in the end he went, I will give you 60 pounds cash tonight

if you can go and just, even if you don't, even if you're rubbish, doesn't matter. I'll still give you 60 pounds. I thought, well, I could be rubbish 60 pounds. And- Oh, so you, sorry, do you mind if it's in the pack? No. Not at all. And that's really brave though.

I guess you had the, you kind of were accustomed to being on stage because you were doing Performing Arts. Yeah, I'd done a bit and like at school and college, like I had a teacher called Mr Wiley at school who had obviously sort of seen that I was able to do it. And so even when I was like 14, 15, there was like an open day and they needed a kid to host something.

You were the guy. I was the kid who'd host stuff you know. So yeah, so got away with that and I loved stand-up as well. So I'd seen a lot of comedy. Thank you very much. Well, I'll let you guys talk. So you say for 60 quid I'm gonna go. I thought why not? Yeah, so I sort of had 20 minutes. I remember ringing my dad and saying I'm gonna go and do a gig and he went don't. I said what do you mean don't? I said, he's gonna give me 60. He went, that's my local.

I've got to go, I've still go in there. And he was like, if she die in your house, I've got to still go in there. So your dad wasn't a pushy parent in the office? No, not at all. Okay. Not at all. But my mom's side, they were all performers and singers and tribute acts and all sorts of stuff going on.

So yeah, so my Nana was, my Nana Ryan, she came over from Dublin in the 50s and she was, her and her husband were like a folk duo, like an Irish folk duo and they had 11 kids and she made, she turned them all into singers and musicians and then they were in a big show band then in the 70s like in the North West. So I sort of grew up around performing and entertainment. Could you play for Ironman then? I've got an Irish passport. So have I.

Have you really? How much have you got in common here? It's crazy. Massive. Yeah. Are you going to get up for 60 quid and do a little stand up? Maybe. Maybe you should open up for Jess. No darling.

Will you help yourself darling? Thank you so much. So you go on. Yeah. Have you got anything in the bag? Do you know what was weird was the stuff I prepared, the stuff I thought about. What, in the five minutes? In the five minutes I had.

Yeah. Was like, there was, at that point in time I remember there was, like funny emails, you'd get funny emails and stuff like that and I remember there was like funny answers from Family Fortunes or something, I thought, well that'll be funny. Yeah. Anyway, it be funny. Yeah. Anyway, it wasn't. And it was, but it wasn't like, you couldn't. Did you do Family Fortune then?

No, actually I did a pilot when they were looking for a new host, I did during lockdown, I did a pilot for it and then. But you got a new Chris show. Yeah, it's like the most successful game time Chris show. Yeah, it's doing unbelievable. Explain the premise. We'll come back to that story, by the way.

But, um. It's, oh, this is the answer run, yeah. This is, yeah, well, they say most successful. Like, the biggest launch they've had for a daytime quiz show for 10 years. That's massive. Which is amazing, yeah. Still well off the point, still well off the chase.

That pointless, but you know, we'll get there. Back to this story. I'm seeing this as like a biopic, like, I'm seeing this on the telly soon. Who would play the young Jason? Oh gosh, yeah, I don't know. I'd like a, maybe like a brand new actor, I think, someone you've not seen before.

A young Tom Holland, you know, without the looks. I mean, look, Alan Carr's just had his. That's true, yeah. You should fucking write, are you writing something? I'm always writing something. Would you ever? I don't know, I mean, I've sort of mined my life and career quite a lot for stand-up,

but there is definitely something in it. I'm sort of chatting to somebody about a sitcom at the moment, whether there's something, not necessarily going back to my childhood, but sort of definitely, there's definitely enough in there because I've used so much of it in stand-up, so I know it's fun and interesting and stuff. So maybe one day.

Back to the opening. So did it go well enough for your dad to go back? Yes, dad was fine. What actually happened was about two weeks, maybe about a week earlier, I'd actually been mugged in coming home from college. I was walking home with this girl and these guys had jumped out and we'd sort of been rehearsing for some play and then as we were walking back these guys had jumped out and mugged us and anyway that night I was when I was doing the gig I still had a bit of a black eye and an epic lip.

Was that quite good? Well yeah, I think what happened was about a couple of minutes in somebody heckled me at like my very first gig, they said what happened to your face? And I said I got mugged and they laughed. You know, because in comedy, there's very fine line between comedy and tragedy, you know, tragedy can sort of say it's, you know, tragedy plus time, you know, is comedy. So, um, so I sort of told them the story of what had happened where I took, and I remember at the time even sort of, there was a little moment

that I thought was quite funny. Even in the moment of being mugged I thought if I survive this this would be a funny anecdote right which was I'd said to this guy this guy said to me give me your money or we'll beat you up and I obviously given those options gave him what little money I had in my pockets and then he beat me up anyway and it was afterwards I remember thinking I'm actually more annoyed that he'd broken our verbal agreement like we did that was a there's a there's a code, you know Yeah, and Yeah, honor amongst themes wasn't any so that was the sort of

Angle on the story and and that she became one of my first sort of routines then about what, you know, being mugged and stuff. I used them later on, you know, sort of six years later on live at the Apollo and various other things. So did you, so after that, were you invited back to do it? And then that was just the start of comedy? Pretty much, yeah. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca.

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Have you had a thought about your last supper? Oh, yeah. So what is it? Starter, main, dessert? Drink of choice. Well, I think would it be Vimto? Well, I don't think it's served with vimto well if it served with it vimto in a restaurant maybe no this is an imagining restaurant anything you

desire yeah I think I a bit obsessed with Coke Zero I just drink Coke Zero all the time do you yeah like all the time so that would be your drink. Yeah, it's a bit boring isn't it really but I do try. I put some of it in too. Do you like the perfect toast? Yeah, I do like a fizzy drink and then or if I'm on holiday I'm like I just I never I never drank beer and wine I always feel looks nicer than it tastes so I, so I'd always find it a bit sort of sharp and like I said, beer I never got at all. So I went on a stag do last year and when I, um, I'm like, and they start at like half 10 or 11 o'clock, like, you know, come down by the pool and there was just like 16 pints of lager and then just one pina colada in the middle. I was like, that's mine.

So I'm like, Like a girlboy. Yeah, I love a cocktail. I always say to... you know when the like a barman says what sort of cocktail? I say imagine a seven-year-old was allowed in here, what would they have? That's my palate when it comes to drinks. So it's like lots of grenadine in there. Yeah, or like chocolatey sort of bailey type sort of things yeah I love all that. Okay what about food? Where are we going for the starter? I'm trying to think what might I like if I see it on the menu I definitely have it. I tell you what I can't be

bothered with at all when you order prawns and then you've got to do some of the work. You don't want to. I hate that I think I may as well put a bloody chef's hat on here You don't want to I hate that I think I'm a little probably chef's out of here Get the apron About a prawn cocktail like I love a prawn cocktail, but you don't you want this Well, it has to be yeah, or you do it you do it and then I'll eat it Like I'm not getting all that and then you bring a little yeah I have a bit yeah, they bring the bowl out to wash your hands on my no I know I'm a fishy fingers and yeah, no, yeah. They bring the bowl out to wash your hands. I'm like, come on. No, I know, and you've got fishy fingers. Come on. Not into that.

No, fair enough. Are you going for a shelled prawn cocktail as your starter? Is that what we're going for or am I putting words in your mouth? Mmm. Then I do like a little, a little parfait as well, actually. A little duck and, you know. Delish. You know, a couple of crackers. Melba, yeah, love that. Melba toast, yeah, that's nice as well.

Little chutney, yeah, like that. Caramelised onion sitch. I think that might be the one actually. Okay. Yeah, because I did, one of my most popular posts, you know, the sort of rate, the rate how many views it got, was I posted about a Plowman's lunch in Kent when we were down in Kent because it was like 20 quid this plowman's lunch which well you would expect so but cheese pizza is expensive though I just thought it just wasn't it wasn't cut it they've not even cut the

apple I was like come on now what's this so I sort of did little, it was like a jokey post about it, but people are very passionate about Plowmen. Plowmen, yeah. Very passionate about their food. Did the establishment that you were in reply? No, I kept them very anonymous, so they, just in case, you know, and actually I'm glad I did in the end. But then again, I went back recently to somewhere else in Kent and theirs was cracking, and so I did give them a shout out, but I try to. If it's negative I try and keep it anonymous. Krusty bread with the clowns.

I like a crusty bread yeah. Let's go on to your mains. What would be the main? I love pasta so a good classic sort of carbonara or something like that would be a good one for me. I'm not a big fan of, you know, just sort of meat and two veg sort of, like I'm not a fan of the Sunday roast. You're joking. I know people, that's exactly the reaction I get. People can't believe it.

I would have thought you'd be the face of Sunday roast. I'm basically the same as the England manager not singing the national anthem. That's the, when you say you don't like Sunday roast, they're like, what a traitor. I know, what a traitor. The Queen would have been livid. It is treacherous though. So what would you go for an Italian on a Sunday and say it's much? Even at Christmas dinner we've gone for an Indian on Christmas dinner.

I just think like I just don't get it. I just don't get the Sunday dinner. So people don't feel they go yeah you're not my one that's why. Tommy Banks, we had a lovely chef called Tommy Banks with Mars and I said I never think Sunday roasts are very good out yeah I just think that like we can do it better and he was like you need to come to my restaurant but yeah yeah I won't be inviting you as my classmate. No I just yeah just why don't you like it? A bit bland, I think. A bit bland. Pant. You know, when you think about... Oh, you've never had my sundae.

Oh! Yeah, I don't know. Just... Rose potatoes are the most delicious thing. I'm not bothered about rose potatoes. Your husband... He buys still pasta over potatoes anyway. No, your husband...

He's starting to pick it apart, you see. ...a good rose potato, crispy on the outside and fluffy in the middle. And a nice gravy. Gravy. I'll take gravy, yeah. Oh, take gravy yeah of course, I love gravy. And a Yorkshire pudding. No, they're alright. It's not fast. Do you not like? This is nice and innocent. Do you like it? Yeah it's delicious, absolutely delicious. So maybe I'll go with that or um Carbonara. Tell you what I do like if I, because you can't be bothered making it at home,

is a Beef Wellington. Oh, I think that's lovely. But you can't be asked to make it... If you're out and they're doing it proper. Oh, yeah. I think I'm a nest-do-them-at-Christmas ready-made, yeah. Well, maybe that's what you'll do this year. Maybe that's what I'll do.

I do still have a... I'm not like a... I do, but I do find the Beef Wellington is so clever because if they do it right and the meat is still pink in the middle, yet the shell is crispy. You have to sear it before you put it all together. It's really... Yeah, like a savoury baked alas.

Yeah, savoury baked alas. How's it done? It's magic. Are you a sweets person? Quite. Oh yeah, of course. Toe Zero and Vimto. Sorry that's got no sugar in. How's it done? It's magic. Are you a sweets person? Quite. Oh yeah, of course. Code Zero and Vimto. Sorry that's got no sugar in.

No, that's fine. I don't mind at all. Yeah, like to a ridiculous level, like to the point where you go, I've falter burst in dessert menu, sir. Yeah, yeah. Have a look. And tiramisu would be your thing.

I love a tiramisu if that's on the menu. Or if you're in like a classic sort of English Pub or something and they do you know like a bread and butter pudding Sticky toffee Even an apple pie and custard Yeah, anything like that any sort of classic dessert. I've got a plum shortcake for dessert with cream yes with cream yeah, I mean and Oh, I got it. Yes.

With cream. Yes. With cream, yeah. Perfect. I mean, and yeah, anything like that. I'm a big fan of any flavored ice creams and yeah, I think there's very rarely a pudding that I don't go, I made a creme brulee.

Thank you, that was delicious. Thank you, mom. I'll get this, hold on a minute. Oh, wow. This looks delicious, mom. Well. Are you a, do you have a, do you like a cheese bud? I, yeah, I do.

I took my parents and family out to a really lovely restaurant in Manchester many years ago. What's it called? It was like Grill on the Alley or something like that. It was like really lovely. It was in the city centre. They had a really good steak and Wagyu beef, you know, one of those jobbies. And I remember my little brother was like 14 at the time. And so we'd had this three course meal, wine, all that, it was really good. And then the guy came, it was, and the cheese board was so posh

that it was on a tray that was on wheels, you know, and they sort of brought it and they showed you the cheese that they were gonna cut from. And my dad was like, just cheddar for me, please, you know, a simple man. And my brother, who's a bit my sort of next brother along, he used to be a chef,

so he's like a bit more like into his different tastes. And then my little brother was about yeah, he was about 13, 14. And he went in a posh accent no one had ever heard him do before. And he went, do you have a cheese string?

You're like cheese string? Oh no, bless him. Do you want cream? Oh lovely, thank you, yes. So your brother was a chef? He's had loads of jobs with my brother, he's one of them. He's a food tech teacher now. Oh wow.

In Manchester? Yeah, but he makes the kids call him chef. Yes chef, like the bear. Like, you don't do that. Yes chef, all these little scally kids in South Manchester. That's brilliant. I respect it. That's brilliant. Is there a kind of camaraderie amongst comedians? So would you support other comedians? Would you go and watch them? Oh yeah, yeah definitely. So who's your favourite comedian? I mean Peter Kay was always my hero growing up and then I'd watch, you know, I was in Scotland last year

and I went to see Kevin Bridges doing a warmup gig and Scott Bennett is sort of a newer comic and Emanuel Sanoubi and like mates of mine who I was on the circuit with like John Bishop and- Love, we've had John Bishop. He's the nicest man. Yeah, he's such a lovely man, yeah. Sarah Millican, have you had Sarah yet?

No. She's a great chap. No, I'd love to. Sarah Pascoe and... Have I? Sarah Keyworth. They're all called Sarahs, I don't know why. Yeah, loads of... I just love comedy, so I still... And I've set up a comedy club company as well,

so I've got like 30 comedy clubs across the country. That's amazing. Yeah, well, because... What's it called? It's just Manford's comedy clubs. Oh right fair enough, should've done my research, sorry about that. No it's fine, nothing particularly groundbreaking. But it was more of a, you know, at that time where I was starting to stand up, there was, you didn't know what gig you were turning up to.

You could be at a lovely small theatre where everyone was volunteers and really excited to see you in a brilliant backstage and, and then, and you get paid on the night and All those or you could be working for you turn up and there's like an upturn crate in the middle of a restaurant No microphone and I didn't get paid at all, you know, so there was no industry standard, you know So I once I sort of started to get a name and I thought actually there's a there's a world here where we could sort of Maybe force an industry standard onto a lot of the clubs by treating, you know, or the great thing about stand-up comedy is everyone is there to have a great time, like no one is thinking, no one is, there's no

negative. The audience, the acts and the promoter, all of you just want a great full night of comedy. So it was just, I guess it was one of those things of like you get into a certain level and I guess there's two choices, you can either pull the ladder up and go I'm alright or you can leave it down and go right can anything I do influence and help other people who are coming through this system because it's already set against you and And it's it's hot. You know, it's a hard industry for for everybody So we we have I think about 30 nights now across the country and they do really well. That's amazing. Yeah, nice mixed bills.

Some of my sound people or crew, they'll go off and do like- Of course, yeah. They go and do work with comedians. They say that their schedules for comedians is like relentless. I don't know. I mean, just because I guess you can, if you choose,

do seven nights in a row, if you wanted to. Yeah, yeah. Well certainly when you're on the arena tour, those buildings, because all you're doing there is, you know, is just hiring a big barn and then you've got to put the sound and lights and stage and everything inside it. So you have to do six, seven nights a week

to make it worth it. But like what's more exhausting, doing musical theatre or doing a tour really? Oh my god. Yeah. Because stand up, you know, once the tour's up and running and it's going and I'm surrounded by good people who know what they're doing, most of the time I don't even go for a sound check now because I just go, you know what to do, you know what my place is, you know. And I'm only talking, you know, so I don't need fallbacks and all that sort of thing.

Do you ever sing? I don't really. I mean we did Assembly Bangers on the last tour which was... Assembly Bangers? Which was just the back of the back of lockdown. I'd sort of said what a lovely way to start the day when you're at primary school and you sing all these songs and... You used to make me cry on the... Did you do the Zooms where they do... Oh yeah yeah. I'd cry. I know. Because they'd be doing Bob Marley, don't worry, Three Little Birds, don't worry about a thing, everything's going to be alright.

And I was like that with like 200 kids. So I just get the audience to sing, you know, Whole World in His Hands and This Little Light of Mine and stuff. And then I sort of jokingly said, you know, isn't it weird that no DJ has like remixed it into like a club anthem because the audience already know the words to a song, which is the bit as a singer I imagine is getting a catchy hook you know that the people so so I did I ended up getting a DJ friend of mine to just turn it into this um like club anthem and it was so fun it was so fun it was actually a brilliant way to end the show

which I'm slightly missing on this one I'll'm a bit like, I'll never get anything as well. What are you going to end with? I mean, in the traditional, probably. Thank you, good night. That's the beauty of stand-up. You can just leave it on a big laugh. Do you go to comedy? I never go to comedy. I find comedy really difficult to go to.

I do as well. Live comedy. I just find it very stressful to be made to laugh. If I'm not going to laugh. Yeah. You don't have to laugh. Of course you fucking do. You've paid to try and have a laugh.

I had a fella fall asleep. You had a fella fall asleep? This weekend in Tenerife. You're joking. He fell asleep? He was absolutely hammered. He fell asleep? I would have gone and woken him up. Well I tried but he was absolutely, where is he?

He was with all his mates and as I came out onto the stage I was off for the opening bit and a fella said Our mate's asleep and he was like crashed out. I thought gosh. I said what he's a laborer I said, well, he's probably knackered. I said he's paid 30 quid. You can do what he wants Once he's bought a ticket and I'm having some to you in it And then but he slept through the whole set. The whole thing?

Like 45 minutes. I even did the rave, the assembly mangas rave. Nothing. So in the end I went and had a little selfie with him. Oh my god, that's brilliant. Just went out on his... Oh my god. Brilliant. You say you're a man of gadgets. What would be the kitchen utensil you could, if your house was on fire, what would you leave with? What would I have to go back for? A condiment or something and a utensil. I think the, I've got a brilliant can opener.

I know they're not used as much these days because of the, tuner. For whatever reason, tuner is saying, we're not adapting. We're staying, we're staying classic. Such a- They're not getting a Tetraath. We've made our bed. It's probably about 10 years old. Probably, yeah. That's forever. So we've got clicks on. Would you like a bit more pudding? I would. Would you? I would actually, yeah. Is that

alright? Of course. It's really nice though. It's delicious. It's kind of like a, um... Is it a crumble? They called it a shortcake, but it's a crumble. Yeah, because it's got almonds in it. Where are the almonds? Oh, there's like a tart. Is that enough? You can have more. I'm going to serve some more cream.

And then what thing in the fridge or the larder would you be taking with you? Apart from the tuna. I don't need the tuna now, I look like an idiot when I can't open it. I don't need it. Oh, your tuna's gone up in flames! What would I get? What would I have to get? I don't know, there is some chocolate like in there like a you know when you get like a special box of chocolate that's in the cupboard but not opened yet.

Which chocolate? It's those like you know those like seashells. Oh I love Gilliam. I love them why are they so nice. Lidl do really good. I know. It's so great. It's funny how like those things that you used to it's like for Air Russia they were

like oh the ambassador now you're, you're a quid? You're a quid at Lidl? I saw that. Oh, I love that Ferrero. You should be spoiling that, God. Ferrero Rocher still bangs. Yeah. What I'm saying is, if you turn up

at the ambassador's reception. And they gave you one of those. And they gave you a Ferrero Rocher that you can get in Lidl for a pound, you'd be like, what country is this ambassador from? Like this. Do you ever sing karaoke? Oh, I love car. Just that's what I do So do I? Jesse hates it. What's your song? I'll sort of go quite early on a Delilah

Oh wow Like a Delilah some of that the audience join in on Okay, I used to do a Sweet Caroline, but it's been taken over now with the football. Yeah, I was going to say you were a Sweet Caroline guy. I can't do it now because the football. Any Oasis songs? Yeah, Don't Look Back in Anger.

Yeah. I'll smash one of them. Do you want to see them? Of course we do. Seminal moment. Seminal moment. Massive. I mean, I like the anthems and you can sing along

and that's good. They've got some incredible songs. Banger after banger. And actually it hasn't aged badly. You know more songs than you think as well. And every song sounds like you could go on as, every song sounds so exciting and anthemic. Yeah.

That in a stadium. What order are they gonna do it in? Exactly. It's gonna be mad, isn't it? Are they gonna start with Live Forever? What's the encore? What will they finish with? They'll finish with it.

I don't know. There's some that are obvious. We went to see Billy Joel in Sheffield about eight years ago. Me and Peter, actually. Me and Peter Kay went to see him. Was he a friend of yours? Yeah, yeah. And Billy Joel is a friend of Peter's.

Randomly. I don't know. But we went there, we were sat like second row. And all the way through Billy Joel's like, I got Peter Kay here and it was like wow! It was amazing, it was so random but I remember we watched him and we got he got to the end of the gig and he's you know he'd done all the New York State of Mind and Always a Woman like all the classic brilliant songs and then he came on. Does he sing Uptown

Girl? He comes on he does Uptown Girl as he's on call and we're like oh that was gorgeous and he finishes and there's a moment you go oh he's on-court, and we're like, oh, that was cool. Then he finishes, and there's a moment you go, oh, he's not done Piano Man. So we're like, right in the middle of this arena, Sheffield Arena, and it's gone black, you know, and the noise is starting, everyone's like, he's missing a song, he's not done Piano Man, the classic. And then, there was like a spotlight

on the center of the stage, and this piano that had not been there before is now there, like a silver piano. How exciting! And then right on the other side of the stage Billy Joel, another bang! And it's a spotlight on him and then the stage just sort of floated together and they just came together and they got really close. And you know when the audience are quiet, like imagine 30,000 people, 20,000 people silent in anticipation and it just got closer and closer and like tingles, like people's like tears in their eyes, like tingles

and as it got closer and he like, he gave the piano a kiss and we were like, oh my god, he's gonna do it and then just before he started, a woman behind me just went, do piano man! Like, literally me and Beat are like, oh shut up. What do you think he's going to do, you dickhead? Really ruined that moment for us. Oh my god. Jason, before we let you go, what is a very nostalgic taste for you that can transport you back somewhere? That's a good question. I think it's got to be

Like a bourbon biscuit, you know the Bourbon, I wouldn't choose them Given them by his dear grandma or something like that Yeah, my so my auntie used to work at the McVitie's factory in Manchester, just on the A6 there. And so what we would get is a bag of broken biscuits. Yeah, big blue bag of broken biscuits. Every sort of fortnight would come and just full of all these really different biscuits.

And like to a point where I think I was like 12 before I realized what a penguin biscuit looked like. I was like, I've never seen a full one. A penguin is a bourbon covered in chocolate. That is a myth. You think? I'm afraid so, yeah. Well, tell me.

I saw the same TikTok video and... Go on, tell me. Then a guy went and disproved it. And what is it? It's a penguin. It's a penguin. Who are you following on TikTok? Same people.

Penguin enthusiasts. I thought of that. I didn't... Jason Manford, thank you so much for being on. Oh, pleasure. It's been so nice to meet you. It's been so nice to meet you. It's been. I thought of that. I didn't... Jason Manford. Thank you so much for being on. Oh, pleasure. Thanks for being with me.

It's been so nice to meet you. So lovely. That was absolutely great. And maybe you will get me into comedy. I'd like to come to yours and have a good night. Can we come? What I'll say is, don't feel... I know you say there's pressure to laugh, but there should be enough other people laughing that it doesn't matter if you're not. That's quite infectious as well, isn't it?? Yeah people laughing and you're with the good people and

so every so often something tickles you that's fine. Smiling's enough like that's what we sometimes look down. So which London gigs are you doing? We're at the Palladium. Oh wow, lovely. Perfect comedy, sort of Vaudeville theatre where they're just they're just so close and and Bruce's Bruce is underneath as well Bruce force Des O'Connor yeah, I know well I did I thought everybody knew that and that a few weeks after it happened I don't a TV show with Bruce not not long before he died and so when I did the palladium I said to the audience I said thanks so much. I said it means so much to me as well because, you know, I did a show here with Bruce Forsythe only a few months ago and now he's no longer with us.

And I know that he'll be down there looking up at us. Oh my God. I know. And I thought, it's only when I got off stage I thought, oh, they don't know he's down there. Like now it looks like I've just gone because we know where he ended up. Like. Oh, down there? Yeah, he's down there pretty dark. Oh my God's pretty dark yeah. Where would you like your ashes? I'm not bothered really just somewhere cheap.

City, it's not main road anymore is it? No no it's the idea. No I don't think so that seems I don't think I'd do it there I think just somewhere somewhere cheap and cheap I don't want anyone spending a lot of money on it just just and also somewhere that people don't have to go, because I've got an Irish family, all of them get buried and you still have to go and have a stone and everything. And have a moment where you're like, just surrounded by other dead people, so I just think somewhere they can just, you know, just in the world, doesn't matter does it? Anyway, this has got different. Thank you so much. Pleasure.

Oh, what a lovely guy. Gorgeous. Loved him. Taller than you would imagine. Pleasantly surprised were you, Lenny? Gorgeous. From Man City supporter, tall, nice, warm. Really nice, really funny and I will be going to his Palladium show in London. He likes a cheeky vimter, well not even a cheeky vimter, a normal one.

No, no. Nice guy. I loved hearing about all the stories. What an amazing story. Growing up and starting and getting his first break, it feels like the kind of beginning of a new Netflix show, doesn't it? Thank you Jason Manford for coming on and we will see you next week for more Table Mothers. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween horrors abound this spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol. Catch you next time, dearie. No he won't. After Dark. And with that, the curtain falls on the story of Anne Boleyn.

The Red Room. Exploring Irish ghost stories and haunted Irish history. Listen to these Acast shows wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com