Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S17 Ep 4: Countess Luann

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

I’m a housewives fan - well, if I’m being honest, I have been religiously loyal to Beverley Hills and now the reboot of NYC, however I knew this would be a biggy for any Real Housewives fan. So I put in the work of consuming 13 series of RHONYC to learn about the one, the only Countess Luann. And goodness me, I’m glad I did!There’s many firsts on this episode: having a Countess on, having one of my friends come over to listen, and also having to nip out mid recording for a daughters school choir performance due to our dear Luanne being rather tardy (‘the traffic was awful’ – that’s the effect of a housewife!)The iconic singer, model, etiquette pro, author & TV personality came over to New Cross looking fabulous in, well, of course Jovani! I fed her some boiled chicken (more delicious than it sounds) & mum made a strudel.She told us all about her friendship with Tilda Swindon, her love of caviar on a potato, her parents regimented sex life & whilst I had to pop out, Luann chatted to mum about growing up as a family of 7 (!) in Connecticut. This was a wild one but a GREAT one! Enjoy!Luann’s upcoming show ‘Countess Cabaret’ comes to the UK in February – tickets are on sale now. you don’t want to miss it. It was Chic, C’est la Vie, C’est Bon x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm now 40 years old. Darling. Why do you feel sorry for me? I feel really good about it. I don't feel sorry for you at all. You just went, darling. I was just about to say I wish I was 40. Oh, okay.

But I don't understand how you're 40 when I'm only 26. That is a big mystery. It's one of the mysteries of the world. So I've had a bit of a birthday week. Sam, gorgeous husband Sam, took me as a surprise. Oh, he pulled all the stops out, honey. To Simon Rogan, past guest of the podcast, his three Michelin star restaurant in Cartmel, in the Lake District, Long Clune. Darling, when did Sam book it?

Four months ago. Shhh. Apparently. Very good. Shhh. Apparently. Very good. So... Very impressed. He's actually... I think I probably had a gun to his head at that point,

probably saying, I hope you've organised something special. OK. I definitely led the horse to water and he drank it. I think he did incredibly well. It was amazing. The food and the staff and everything about Long Clume was just so special. Did you stay there?

Stayed in their little guest house, which was gorgeous. I was so hung over the next day because we did the wine pairing, but we shared wine pairing. I obviously didn't hydrate. When I looked at this stunning Rogan and Co breakfast, I mean, the staff all looked at me. I was like that person. I saw, darling. It's some sort of photo. I was the staff all looked at me I was like that person. I saw darling. It was in a hot mess. What I don't understand is why you're

such a lightweight. Your jeans are not lightweight jeans in terms of drinking. Anyway I just want to say thanks to the Long Clume. What was your favourite thing? My favourite dish out of the 15 dishes and bear in mind we also added a cheese plate to that which I'm so glad we did because we had this truffle brie that they make there and with these oat cakes which honestly heaven. So you had 15 glasses of wine as well? No, I think about eight and Sam decided to have pre- with me okay and I'm a lightweight so it was completely silly you need to you need and he decided port you need to drink more darling okay okay and what were my favorites there was an amazing which on paper kind of you go a seaweed caviar I can see your face no

no it sounds interesting with wait bone wait, bone broth and bone marrow and oysters, like all the things that would make you go, it was amazing. Amazing. That was your favourite thing. That was one of my favourites. Also their posh cheese on toast, it was on like a croissant and of course because Simon Rogan, if you've listened to the episode, you'll know that he only uses produce that he can grow. So instead of maple syrup, he used birch sap. So it was this like gorgeous, grated, beautiful, sharp cheese on this croissant that they'd made that then had birch sap on it.

So it was like a gorgeous French toast cheese on top. It was heaven. Was he there? He wasn't. Oh. But they were all so lovely and I just, it was very very magical. He's often on the Great British Menu. Yes. And then we had to stop because bless Sam, he may have organised that but he's not very good with fucking transport. He ain't a tour manager just yet. So we had a two hour stopover in Lancaster. Lancaster, lovely, went to a gorgeous coffee shop. Yes, no don't, it's fine, it's fine.

Because we went to this gorgeous coffee shop called Atkinson's and I had the most delightful coffee ever so shout out to Atkinson's and then we came back and I've just been eating and drinking and now we are cooking for a countess. I think our first countess. Yeah I think she is. Do you know anything about this woman? The only thing I know is that she was on Tim Gunn's Guide to Style which our lovely Sarah produced. My cousin Sarah. And she said she was great great fun. Was she as late as she is today? I don't think so, because I think it was much more organised. So I've cooked a lovely meal.

However, we have a little problem where my daughter has a concert that I cannot miss. So when we asked the countess if we could start at 12.30, they said 12.45, we were like, we'll make it work. However, the countess is to be an hour late. An hour. So my poached chicken is going to be quite over poached. The strudel we may not even get to the strudel because apparently we may have only 30 minutes with the countess. So thank god I've brought in Barry. My friend Barry has come here because when I said to him, who we are both Housewives fans, so Barry

is a fan of the podcast, always thrilled. You can speak Barry, there's a mic there for you. Hi everyone. You're right. Barry also has featured at the beginning of my album, That Feels Good, as one of the, if you've heard the sexy Scottish voice on That Feels Good, that was Barry. So Barry, when I said I had Countess Luanne, I knew he would be very excited. And I said, how am I going? Because see, I'm quite a purist and I've only really done Housewives of Beverly Hills. And I've started on amateur. Because there are how many Housewives series?

I would say actively at the minute around 12. Yes, okay. Okay. Tell me them all Barry because I don't know any of them. Okay, Beverly Hills, New York, Potomac, Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Salt Lake's a cracker. New Jersey. Dubai, Melbourne. Dubai! I don't know if Melbourne lasted. Melbourne is no longer on air but I can highly recommend. Yeah. Cheshire. Cheshire.

And are, is that all footballers' wives? We have to watch it to find out then. And do you, is it just reality television watching them moaning about their husbands? It is so much more than that, Lenny. It's, girls gone wild. Like, times are hundred. What about Kelsey Gramazet's wife in it? Spot on.

Yes. Barely else. Camille. Anyway, I started the reboot of Housewives of New York City has come back with a whole new cast. So the countess isn't in it anymore. No, because the countess is doing very well. Life is a cabaret.

So what is the countess doing at the moment? Well, let's just rewind for a moment, because when I said to Barry, how the hell, because I know the Countess Luanne is a kind of cultural LGBT icon. Correct. And why do you love her so much, Barry? I think out of all the housewives, particularly in New York, she had the biggest journey.

So she went from in the first season being this very prim and proper countess who was writing books on etiquette and now part of the reason why she's late today is she was at GY performing her latest cabaret on stage. Can she sing? She has her own style. She has her style. She can put a song across. So when I said to Barry, we've got the countess, what am I going to do?

Because I can't do 15 seasons of Housewives of New York City. He gave me the greatest cliff notes and guided me through each season to understand the arc of Countess Luanne's journey and the best bits. This will include, be cool, don't be uncool. Correct. Which will make no sense to you. Yeah. You've just got to be cool today, Mum. Don't be uncool. Just don't be uncool just don't be uncool just don't be uncool what is uncool though it became part of her thing she shagged a pirate what she was having a wild time where were they what do you mean she shagged a pirate no they were just to correct

you on that there's two separate incidents there are two separate this is when she had the friends get gone barry what is shagging a pirate for God's sake? Allegedly. Did he have like an eye patch on him? He did. Okay, fine. He resembled a very young Johnny Depp. Very hot. Okay.

Yeah. The incident Jesse's referring to was a cast trip. One morning two of our cast mates burst into her room. She was unhappy with them. She pointed out to them that she could have potentially had a gentleman caller in the room at the time and she just kind of came out with her sunglasses on, bikini a little bit hung over. Maybe about to make eggs à la Française, who knows? Spot on. And she just told them all to be cool, but don't be uncool. Yeah.

And it's become one of our main catchphrases. Yeah. Okay. Barry has been here. God, do you know the whole spirit of everything? And Barry is a very talented, successful man who cultured... This is why, mum, maybe you need to jump on the housewives bag, Magan. No, I don't, darling.

I don't. So anyway... It's just a stress relief. It really is. I literally never watched one episode of Real Housewives before lockdown. I actually bumped into the guy that created it, Andy Cohen, at a party in December 2019. And I'd had a few to drink at this party. And I literally asked him what he

did and legitimately had a bit of a lame two-minute conversation and kind of moved on and then literally six months later... He's your god. Absolutely. Andy Cohen is like the mastermind behind it he also does... Doesn't he have a podcast? He does and he has everything. What Happens Live, like he also, we want him on the podcast and he also chairs these reunions where he is the mediator between all these women who have got to the end of the season, they've watched it and then they've seen what each other said about each other and it kicks the fuck off. And he's Jewish as well. He'd love your chicken soup. Yes.

Would he? Okay, to explain to people that don't watch Housewives, Councillor Tilly Wann has, you know, performed at Mighty Hoopla, the queer festival in London, and you had in the audience people like Tilda Swinton, Elizabeth Day, Self Esteem. These are people that adore this woman. She now has a friendship with Tilda Swinton, I believe. Correct. Correct. What's on the menu, darling? What have you done?

I have done, producer Alice showed me a recipe that her brother made for Sunday lunch and she said was amazing. It's called boiled chicken, but we're not going to call it boiled chicken. We're going to say it's chicken poached in a lovely stock. What would attract you to make that recipe when it's called boiled chicken?

That would put me off straight away. Because Alice ate it and said it was delicious. I understand that. Don't judge a book by its cover, Mum. No, that's what I'm saying. Why doesn't he change the description? Yes. Because boiled chicken just sounds disgusting.

It's what I do for the cat. Well, this is why I'm serving the cat test. It's a terrible word. Yes. It's a terrible word. Yes, it's a terrible word. You're right. You're right. Very odd. His name's Chef Matt Moran. He's a chef and restaurateur and a farmer. And he makes this poached chicken

where you do it in this gorgeous stock, which is fresh chicken stock, star anise, cinnamon, sugar, sherry vinegar, mirin, soy, orange peel. It smells amazing. And then what you do is you kind of bring it to the boil, simmer it for 20 minutes, the stock, and then you just put your whole chicken in and turn it off. You do two minutes cooking, turn it off.

So it cooks in the steam. So we're not gonna give her salmonella. Well, she's not fucking coming anyway, so it doesn't matter. And now the chicken was supposed to be 90 minutes in there. Well, Luanne's making sure it's... It will have been there for three hours. Now, Barry, Barry, as an avid Luanne and Housewives fan,

is this quite on-brand for Countess Luanne to be over an hour late? 100%. Right. Normally she makes an excuse about coming from Uptown and the traffic in New York. Uptown. Should we see how that... Oh, the first thing she'll say. Yeah. So this is on brand.

So I guess we're getting the authentic. Well, she's famously a diva. Yeah. I can outdiva her. Let's see. Anytime. I'm scared. To be honest, I really like Countess Luanne

on all the series and I think she's got, she gets a lot of stick from all the other housewives. And now I- She's gonna get a lot of stick from this housewife today as well. I'm telling you. I'm now starting to understand, I thought that we were all being a bit hard on her.

No. But maybe I'm gonna tell her some hard truths. Yeah. In the words of L of Lenny this is fabulous fabulous Let's see if she's wearing Giovanni today. What's Giovanni? Oh my god. It feels so good. There's so much to understand about her. What is Giovanni?

Giovanni. Giovanni. It's a fashion label that does very blinging, sequins. So we've got lots to ask her when she turns up and very kindly she has said that she'll wait for me to come back from my daughter's concert to do part two. There you go. Countess Loan featuring Barry and Lenny and Jessie on Table Mothers when she gets here. If she gets here.

Oh don't say that. That is an outfit darling. That is an outfit. Oh my god. Giovanni. Jessie, this is Giovanni. Of course it is. Of course it is. Wow, that is an outfit.

Giovanni, it's Giovanni! So how do you hold it all up, darling? It has cups. And do you stick them in? No, it's built in. Oh, it's built into this whole thing? It's built into the whole thing. It looks like you're supporting it.

Like a cantilever, exceptional body. What I love about Giovanni dresses is that they all have cups. So you don't have to worry about bras. Jessica. Right. You need Giovanni, darling. Yeah, we do. We totally do.

We all need Giovanni. Right. Where have you been? I have been, oh my God. I've been, what did I just do? Well, I know where you were. You were at GAY last night, weren't you? Yes, I was.

Is that why you're an hour late, Luan? Oh, no, it's the traffic, darling. But that's the traffic. Oh my god, I've been... Well, I know where you were. You were at GAY last night, weren't you? Yes, I was. Is that why you're an hour late, Luan? Oh, no, it's the traffic, darling. That's what... So listen, though I am a Housewives fan. Okay.

And I have to apologize. Yes. Right now, because I started with Beverly Hills. Oh, well that's okay. I know all those girls. So I'm a purist. And I thought that... And then I then started the reboot of New York City.

Yes. And I knew of you, of course, and I heard about your incredible performance. Darling, give her the glass of wine. Goodness sake. Well, nice to meet you. Cheers. I missed you at Hoopla. Well, I missed you at Hoopla,

but Tilda Swinton didn't, did she? I know, she's great. I love her. So, sorry, Mom. Thank you, it's fine, darling. I have to say that I- Cheers, darling. La Fyne. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers, mom.

I have now watched 11 seasons of Housewives in the space of 10 days, thanks to this- Oh, my God. Fine gentleman, Barry. Oh, hi, Barry. Super fun. Oh, thank you so much. Now, Barry, Barry is a super fan,

but also Barry is like the chief financial officer of was of Victoria Beckham, Christopher Kane, Philip. So he, he, he has a day job, but his, his main passion is housewives. So when I was like, right, how I need to understand counter-striking. What's going on with her? I understand.

I think I understand. Now you get it. Now you get it. Now you get it. And I've never watched it. For example, the Cabaret show, you know, they never show it because of music rights. So they're not going to pay for a bravo. So they only show the drama around it.

So you never really get to understand my Cabaret show and what it is, right? Well, I'm going to come in February because you're doing a UK tour, aren't you? I am, yeah. So anyway, there's always the squabble around it, you know and this is where Giovanni the song was born because When the end of Rinda introduces me to Giovanni now I walk in there I put on something and I walk out You know, they don't have to alter it. Yeah, but look at her figure down

So but then she got pissed because I look so good in the dresses pissed because I look so good in dresses. And she was heckling. Who? She was not being classy. One of my cast mates was heckling me from the stage. It's my first cabaret show. Because she was jealous. Yes! I mean she behaved terribly. What would you say about that in your book? About heckling? About heckling? I mean who would heckle somebody? It was, do you have, so you do. What was she shouting? She was shouting, Giovanni, Giovanni. Because she was pissed off that. Does she wear Giovanni as well? Well, not anymore.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Not anymore, but. She was just jealous because you look fabulous. It's like saying, I introduced you to a designer, right? Yeah. And you go there and you like their things and you have a relationship with them and then you're doing a cabaret show so they start giving you clothes for your cabaret show. I can imagine you doing a cabaret show.

Right? As a girlfriend are you going to say, you can't wear Giovanni, I mean I wear Giovanni, you know what I mean? So it's this kind of thing. It was not cheap. That's real jealousy in MMOV. Oh yeah, real jealousy. I'm team Luan.

The jealousy has been going on for years, you know. You sound like real bitches to me. Mean girls. Oh, they are. I feel like you actually came across as the least mean girl of all of it. I'm not mean, I'm always trying to defend myself against the mean girls. Why do you think you did so many series? Was it good money or was it that you... It was good money. And good exposure. Good money and staying on television.

But you, because I mean you had such a journey throughout the seasons. You got divorced, you got married. I got married again and they got divorced again. You found out about it. I got arrested. You did get arrested. Oh my God, why were you arrested, darling? It's a long story, but I was, you know, I went to, I got married in Palm Beach, right, to my second husband. Okay, who was the first? He checked all the boxes. Darling, who was the first one? The first husband, I married a French aristocrat.

That's why I'm count to count. Oh wow. Right, and we built the Suez Canal, Panama Canal, and actually gave the Statue of Liberty to the U.S. for the French. Why did you divorce him? Well, he left me for a princess from Ethiopia. He left you? He did. Yep, he left me.

I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, it was rough. You were very in love with him. I was. He was my whole life. But that's where I found Deepak Chopra and found, wow, there's somebody in here besides this and life, right? Wow, there's a soul in here. So I discovered meditation and yoga and anyway,

and you know, moved on, but they saved me. Deepak saved me. I was like a mess. I was gonna run my car into a tree so my husband would have to come home and see me in the hospital. That's where my head was at. I was like.

Did you, financially, because he... Oh no, financially he's always taking care of me until I got more and more famous and made more money and then he kind of stopped. But always the kids, always took care of the kids. Okay, how many children do you have? Two. Two. Are they, how old are they? Victoria, who's 29. And my son, Noel, who Noel who's 28 is just behind her. They're 22 months apart. I met the Count in Switzerland. I was a TV star in Italian television. Gorgeous. So you speak Italian? I speak Italian and French. And Spanish and English.

Okay. But anyway so I went to model in Milan and it didn't do well and I found television and became a TV star in Italy. And then I went skiing in Switzerland and I met my French aristocratic husband at a dinner party. We get married two weeks later. Two weeks? Marry and haste, Luanne? No, they stay together for a very long time. How long? Sixteen years.

Oh, that's a long time. And I have my two children with me. And you've got your two gorgeous children. Exactly. They were born of pure love and magic. And you've got your two gorgeous children. Exactly. They were born of pure love and magic. You know, when the magic happens, jump on the train. Don't be the one left standing on the platform. Anyway, we met at a dinner party and that was it.

And we literally left a week later and tried to figure out, we went to Paris to a party and then we're going, where can we get married, like right away? And because we have, I had, you know, Princess Hohenloh, who was my mentor, and she had cancer, and I'm a nurse by training. And so I was like looking after her, and then she really wanted me to find, she wanted me to be happy and find somebody of that kind of stature. She married an Austrian-Hungarian prince, a girl from Atlanta, Georgia, but, or Macon, Georgia, I should say, who used to work in the early days with Bob Hope and radio, wherever there's hope, there's honey.

So that was her thing. And she was, she married an Austrian Hungarian prince and, you know, she hung out with Princess Grace and, you know, I mean, we'd go to London or Paris. It was, you know, Givenchy, speed out Givenchy. We go shopping at Givenchy. Givenchy opens the door. He's like six foot 10. That's so tall.

Anyway, she had all these very fancy friends and aristocrats, and she became my mentor. And she goes, I want you to be. So she knew the parents of Alex. His father was ambassador to Monaco for 40 years. So Alex grew up around Princess Grace, et cetera. But he was the rebel. He went to college in America.

He threw arms into the river during the Vietnam War. Okay. With SDS against the war, et cetera, you know, college student, et cetera. Anyway, so he was very kind of Americanized and not the typical aristot who is not gonna marry an American like me, right? Because I don't come from a certain family or-

And where were you from? You were from Connecticut? Connecticut, yeah. Yeah, you know I'm from Connecticut. Listen, this, yes, I've learned a lot about you in the last 10 days. And I'm fully obsessed. And I need to know, I listened to one of your you in the last 10 days. And I'm fully obsessed. And I need to know, I listened to one of your songs

on the way over here. And so. Well, should we talk about this actually? I don't know whether you've had, whether you've heard about this. What? Somebody mentioned that it was like money. Yes.

So I had an album out called That Feels Good. And when it came out, there's a song called Shake the Bottle. And on it, I assume this character, it could work in the cabaret, actually. And I'm speaking like Jimmy Lies, Jimmy Cries, Jimmy's Just Like Other Guys, and it's, I had not watched Housewives of New York City by the way. Elegance and Flair and South Welfare.

So have you heard this then? I listened to just- The mashup? Yeah, well, I wanna hear that part. With you and me. No, I haven't. Okay, so somebody, a lovely- and so have I fear so have you heard this then I listen to mashup yeah well I wouldn't you were never no I haven't okay so somebody no I was listening to your music on the way okay but I didn't well a fabulous gay man has mashed us up together oh I say I presume go do you know about this Roger you don't know about this oh my god she has class with the Countess shake the class hang on I love this because I my songs's called Shake the Bottle

and yours is Shake the Class, so let's just see. Okay. Somebody put this, this was a long time ago. Someone said Shake the Bottle by Jessie Ware was giving Money Can't Buy You Class by Countess Luanne. So without further ado. ["Shake the Bottle"] What?

What? I know. Men are spoiled, never gonna have the boys too far Funny talks, but I just walk when I can't stand it So there you go, that's me and you collaborating No, how funny Thank you, the internet No, you have to send that to us, I need that

So, and I have to say that people thought, you know, I'd assumed the role of Countess Luan, which now in hindsight, this was serendipity that we're meeting. In fact, I was really thinking about Erika Jayne at that point. Right. Oh, as you're a Beverly Hills girl. No, I'm a Luan girl now, I have to say. But anyway, so I just thought that was so funny that this happened before we were meant to meet

This was right a year and a half ago. We've already had our own mashup. How funny I don't even know about it Well, I said Headliner and money oh, please now. Listen you did hoopla last year Yeah, oh this year. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, you did it this year Yeah, I think you were on the day before me Sorry, we're still in this year. Yeah. You did it this year. I think you were on the day before me.

Okay. And I just, people like Elizabeth Day, who you now have met, I think, who does one of the most famous podcasts called How to Fail. Oh, I don't know about that. You should be doing that. She had her own bomber jacket with Chic, C'est Lavi. Roger, will you text?

You should definitely. She got a photo with you. What's her name? She's called Elizabeth Day and the podcast how to fail Elizabeth they have a fail and I and I you need to do it because she She adores you. Oh really and and and and has spoken about you so much and how the bomba you should definitely do it Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I'm gonna listen to everything you tell me. The thing about Countess Luanne is that you show yourself and everyone feels like they know you and we've ridden the highs and lows with you. That's right.

And then you have these fans like Elizabeth Day, Tilda Swinton. Can you explain to me how the Tilda... And the girlfriend of Bridgerton. Nicola Cullen. She did a spook on my song on Chic. So you've got that and then you've got some more shoes. People love you. Can you explain to me what happened with the Tilda Swinson thing? Because Tilda, I mean I've seen things of her being like, is she here? Is she here yet?

Is she talking about you in such anticipation? Where did you meet? Well, she came to the Coco Club. Okay, yes, when you did your show. Where's the Coco Club? In Camden. Oh, it's fabulous. First of all, she came to Hoopla. I heard she was coming and didn't know because there was 40,000 people there or something.

And then she came to the Coco. And Glyn had an after party for me at Coco. Glyn's good at after parties isn't she? We love her. I love her. And so she came, sorry, come to the after party and she comes running over to me, wraps her arms around me.

Did you know who she was? Yeah, of course, of course. And I started saying, darling you just spread so much joy, do what you do do you're so entertaining You've done six shows now in a row You must have a rest. Why don't you come to my humble little abode in Scotland? Yes, and I'm gonna get care of you. I'm going to cook for you. Excellent. So she's like a super fan, right? She works as the housewife and then I have my assistant with me Roger. So, um

So Rogers with me untililda has a gay assistant, Lewis. So I said, you know Tilda, you know, I've never been to Scotland, so let me see if I can, now it's a Friday night, and I kept the weekend to see friends. And, but I'm staying with them, so I've already seen them. And I, so anyway, I said to Roger, let's go to Scotland. So I let the boys figure it out. I don't say to Tilda anyway I said Roger let's go so I let the boys figure it out I don't say it until I said you know what let you know and

whatever so the boys are in cahoots so of course we said you know we'd love to come to school oh good done so we're gonna meet at 430 the train station the train departs at 5 we're gonna have crumpets and red wine okay so then I get on the train she says how, how's Sonia? She starts asking me about the house. Sonia's the housewife. Sonia's the housewife. Mom doesn't know the show.

Oh, she doesn't know the show. I don't know any of it. Oh, she's gonna love it. I'm gonna have to watch it. Mom has a thing with reality TV, which I think you've given reality TV too much of a bad rap. She just won't partake in it.

And I actually think that you would be so enamored by these women. She would like New York I think. Beverly Hills too probably. Right? Yeah I mean I... Salt Lake City stay the fuck away from mum. Oh it's crazy.

It's crazy. But people love that show because it is crazy. So you had like a five hour train journey with Tilda. So we go with Tilda and then... Was it intense? Dorinda is shooting Traders with Ellen Cummings. Amazing. So she's in Scotland, right?

Are you still friends either? Oh yeah. I did your barbie. Okay fine. Oh yeah. No, no, no. We're besties. So anyways, so we go and my humble abode, come to my, it's a castle on like 300 acres.

You're kidding. No, from the 800, not 1800, 800, okay. Did you feel you had a lot in common with her before you met her? As a human, yes. No, I mean, we didn't have anything in common with her, sweatin', right? But as a human and as a person,

she's so down to earth and lovely and eccentric. I mean, darling, let me give you a hot water bottle for bed. So she brings the hot water bottle with the covered in sheepskin or whatever and then she's Louie Louie she goes she's got four setters right around and when Louie was in a movie with her she where she plays her mother I don't know if you've ever seen that she goes on a trip with her mother and she plays the daughter and the mother it's it's it's really interesting Anyway, so, and she's such a phenomenal actress. Oh, unbelievable. So anyway, so, so Louis, and she's carrying my Giovanni bags

up to my room and with the hot water bottle and then Louis jumping to the bed with the count is going to keep accompanying me tonight. So she gives me a dog to sleep with. Oh my God. I mean, beyond. How did you feel? Did you feel okay about that? I felt great about it. We had a fabulous time with her and so now we're friends for life. Okay so So you're having Poached chicken

Like Hainese chicken And just eat what you can. I guess what I'm hungry so I'm gonna eat everything. Can we have a bit more sauce please? But also we can just eat and then I will pop up. So my daughter has a concert. It's just up the road. You should go.

It's for too much if I brought Luanne. I would love it. She would love it. Gets all the Ea3s to go, she, c'est la vie, c'est bon, c'est bon. That is delicious. Good. Can you explain to the listener what eggs a la France says?

Well, it's very simple actually. It's really scrambled eggs, but the French make it this way. You whip the eggs like you would to make scrambled. Splash of water. That's where I've never done that before. So if you put milk, it separates out the water. Right, okay. So it gets watery. Water, you beat out the water. Right, okay. So it gets watery. Oh.

Water, you beat into the egg, salt and pepper. Butter. Sauce pan. Yeah. No frying pan. See, okay. On very, very low heat, very low. Then just stir, constantly you could put in goat cheese a little bit if you want. Oh great.

How long is that gonna take you to make? Two minutes. Well for like... It's scrambled eggs. Yeah but you have to do it very slowly now on a low heat. On a low heat. Okay. Lots of butter.

Right? And just keep stirring till the consistency you like and it becomes like whipped potatoes. And who taught you this? And then you can put pesto on top, you can put marinara. I like truffle oil myself. We all do yeah. Of course you do, you're a countess. Do you like truffle oil? I do like truffle oil myself. We all do, yeah. Of course you do, you're a counter. Do you like truffle oil?

I do like truffle oil. I mean, we know about eggs a la Francaise, and I will try it with the water. If you were coming around to yours, I presume we'd start with eggs a la Francaise if we were doing a little kind of, we were doing a tilde where we were staying at yours. I made her eggs a la Francaise.

Well, did she request it?çaise. Did she request it? Yes! And did she adore it? She loved it. Now what would you cook for us if we were coming over? Because apart from eggs a la Française, I haven't really seen you cook other stuff. Yeah, well I make a mean lemon chicken. Are you a good cook?

Yes, I love to cook. A mean lemon chicken, super easy. I make a great pasta. Tell me what's in mean lemon chicken, super easy. I make a great pasta. Tell me what's in the lemon chicken. Well, you start with the lemon, right? Juice about six lemons, four to six, depending on how, how many people you have. Um, you mix in honey. Yeah.

Crushed garlic. And you have chicken pieces. Pepper and Chino and pieces separated. Right. So you have the olive juice, the honey, pepper and Chino, salt and pepper, crushed garlic. Right. Delish. Oh yeah. And then you put, I put it in a Ziploc bag with the chicken, put it in the fridge a couple hours. Put in the oven at what 375. Yeah. I don't know what the things are here but 375, 400, whatever, 425. And for half an hour, skin side down, right? And then after half an hour, you put in your, the lemon, the haps around the chicken and olives, right?

Delicious. the habs around the chicken and olives right? delicious olives and then you turn the skin so it's inside up so you can have a nice brown skin. lovely. what would you serve it with? rice. now I know I know rice with panoli nuts. panoli? what's panoli? toasted pine nuts. Yeah but not as. But yours is that egg. How did you know that? Roasted pine nuts with and I put it when the rice is done I put in the little raisins.

You put in raisins so they get soft raisins and then the pine nuts you put it just grilled a little bit so they're roasted, toasted or whatever and you mix that with the rice. Luanne, I'm sorry I have my phone on the table I know that is a faux pas that you would burn something for, however I'm checking the time because I now need to go see my daughter quickly sing. Now what you can do... I need to talk about a lot. You can talk a lot.

No I'm coming back in 20 minutes. Okay. about a lot. You need to go out. You can talk a lot. No, I'm coming back in 20 minutes. Okay. Probably 25. Doesn't she want to see your daughter? There'll be no ticket. You're only allowed one ticket. It's like Glastonbury out there.

Don't worry. So, so... But I will be back and I will be asking some more questions. She can catch me if I can't. I'm so sorry to be doing this. No, don't worry. This is delicious, by the way. Alice, it's fantastic.

Where were you brought up? In Connecticut. And how many in your family? So my mother's in Connecticut. This is delicious by the way. Alice, it's fantastic. Where were you brought up? In Connecticut. And how many in your family? So my mother is French Canadian. Okay. Which means she came from Paris to Canada. Yeah. She's French Canadian. And my father is American Indian. You're kidding. He's a part of the Mi'kmaq Nalgun'kwin tribe. But he's Canadian but his mother was Indian so he's

half so I'm a quarter. Oh wow so all his heritage was Native American Indian. Yeah exactly so that's where I get people think I'm European. You've got cheekbones to kill for. Yeah exactly. You know and I know yeah. Right you know a cheekbone. I know I have a cheekbone when I see it. I'm looking for mine. And so you had, so how many brothers and sisters? I have four older brothers and one older sister and one younger, so I'm the baby, second to last. That's seven?

Seven. Crack it, and you're second to last baby? Second to last. Okay, that is a big family. What did your dad do? He was a contractor. He passed away like 20 years ago already. Oh, shame.

At 80. My mother's going to be 96 in January. Oh, that's fantastic. I mean, in December, when my second. Yeah. And I'll show you a picture. Do you see her often? Yeah.

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It's the first cell-based flu vaccine authorized in Canada for ages 6 months and older, and it may be available for free in your province. Side effects and allergic reactions can occur, and 100% protection is not guaranteed. Learn more at FluCellVax.ca. I've arrived back. I hear you two have been yacking away, getting on very well. Yes, we have been enjoying our time. I need to bring it back to food.

Food. We didn't even get what you ate around the dinner table with your siblings and your mother. Oh, okay. So what was a memorable dish from your childhood? Well, we went to church every Sunday. My mother, both my parents are Catholics. So every Sunday we had to take a bath, put a dress on, get dressed appropriately.

Are you going to try some or do you want less? I'm going to try it. Good. You don't have to finish it. Thank you. I told you, you know what I told your mom, I said, my mentor used to say to me, darling, it's the wine or the dessert, darling, you cannot have both. So.

Okay, that is well. Because of the sugar, you know what I mean? Yeah, right. So she would say, you can have one or the other and guess what, I always pick the one. And so both dairy free. This ice cream or some. I guess I always pick the one. And they're both dairy free. Can this ice cream or some? I'll have to try it. Luanne, do you mind me asking, we're drinking wine today and in the show, I feel like it would be remiss for me to not acknowledge that you did go to rehab and you stopped drinking.

Yes. And how have you kind of reintroduced it and how are you today? Like because I mean we're drinking wine and I'm acknowledging that and I just don't want to. That's okay. But like how long have you been drinking again? Well let's see I was sober during Covid thank god. Right yeah. Because I feel like people are drinking a lot during COVID. Yes. And so I was grateful for that. Now my daughter is sober. Victoria, yeah. Yeah, Victoria.

And so she really inspired me to stop drinking. And then, you know, after I had a kerfuffle with the law enforcement of Palm Beach, which we didn't get into yet. You need to tell me. I need to tell you that story because it's a crazy story, but Then I did another season. I did an ultimate girl show. How are you familiar with the ultimate girls trips? I do have a question about that right so you've done to I've done to first when I was sober Cal Richard said to me You're not drinking as it no and she said you're so much fun without drinking so I think that was kind of do you think?

Stop drinking I said no and she said you're so much fun without drinking so I think that was kind of do you think inspired her a little bit she stopped drinking and she just didn't feel good and so you know bravo to her it's fun intended yeah bravo yeah so anyway so I spent many years sober not drinking last on the girls trip we went to st. Burt's so I decided you know what I'm going for a week with the girls the OGs and I'm gonna I'm gonna drink Yeah, I'm gonna have a good time with the girls. What does OGs mean? The original. The old guard, the original. The original gangsta, the old guard. The old guard. The original gals. The original gals, let's call them.

So now I drink on occasion. Okay. And this is an occasion. Okay. Exactly. Thank you for clarifying that. You're welcome. I just kind of, yeah I wanted to understand. Thank you for clarifying that. You're welcome. I just kind of, yeah, I wanted to understand. But you know, my relationship also with alcohol changed. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

I was self-medicating at that time. You know, I divorced Tom. I then got into trouble because I went to Palm Beach where I got married and I went to the same hotel where I got married. You were like torturing yourself. Which I shouldn't have done. Why did you do that? Well, because thought I could handle it right so I went there and then I drank a little too much and I went to the wrong room right. Is this where you

met the pirate? No. Okay. We gotta catch mommy up. So anyway it's okay I just told her she should watch some clips, you know, like the famous scene of Bethany. Certain things she should see. It's fantastic, important television. You walked into the wrong room. I walked into the wrong room because the maids were turning down the beds, pressed the wrong floor in the elevator. Each room looks the same, right? I thought it was my room. Yeah. Now this is nine o'clock at night. I can drink most people under the table. Now you've been watching me in the houses. Would you say I have a drinking problem? No. Besides the fact of this. No. No I was kind of, I mean. No maybe Dorinda. Maybe Sonya. Bless her. She's always got a bit of

schmutz on her face isn't she? She's pissed. No. Oh no. I always felt that you could handle your liquor and you were always together apart from when you fell in the bush. So exactly. Well we were all drinking tequila. But that was fantastic. That was kind of funny. But in that way I'm a happy drunk. You see I don't get angry. A lot of people can get angry. Anyway, so I went to the wrong room. Can happen to anybody, right? Maids are turning down the beds. Press the wrong floor. I mean, if one thing went differently,

it would have never happened. But they know who I am. I spent $50,000 the year before on my wedding at the hotel. Okay, that's where I had a luncheon. The Brazilian court is where I got married. Anyway, we had a weekend of, you know, one more fabulous party, you know,

like a destination wedding for New Year's Eve because it was Tom's birthday. So what happens when you go in? So guess what? They come and they say you're in the wrong. After 9.30 p.m., I don't remember anything. So I think somebody put something in my drink, which I couldn't say then.

No. Because I would look like, oh yeah, really? So it's too late now to prove that somebody might have put something at nine 30. I am blackout, which is not me. Terrifying. I mean, I was at, um, heaven last night until two o'clock in the morning, judging, judging the guy, right? So it's not me. So something happened to me, but I don't know what happened.

It could be emotional, whatever. But they didn't, they came to me in the wrong room and I insisted it was not the wrong room. So they called the police. Why? And I was in handcuffs five minutes in. I mean, but she was also out of handcuffs within five minutes.

That's true. Which is quite remarkable. Houdini over here. Maybe they had a fetish. Well, the police saw you and they thought handcuffs. No you know what I found out, I asked the lawyer, you know it was horrible, I asked the lawyer I said how was I able to slip out of my handcuffs? He goes because you're a famous countess from New York who they do not want to hurt. If they hurt you, they're in trouble.

So they put them on loosely so I was able to slip out because I was so furious. But guess what, darling, there's no handles on the inside of a car. You can't open the door. Of course not. So I wasn't really going anywhere. But what, what, what did they arrest you?

I didn't care. I was like, you know, I was like this. I was like. Why did they arrest you then? Because I was disorderly conduct. I ran from the... Refusing arrest. It was like four counts. Exactly. They charged me with everything. I feel like they were like... Resisting arrest. And I ran like a child. Like you want to lock me up for... I didn't do anything wrong.

I didn't even leave. I was in my own home. I was checked into own I was checked into the hotel as a guest. I was staying as a guest Well, no it took me well they did eventually totally they're totally not on my record No, because they've got a whole season of housewives out of it Okay, did you feel in control of it? I felt in control of that because I decided to stop drinking. And so now it's not... Now I told Andy the story, but you know, I couldn't. And you know what?

The policeman that arrested me, he went to jail. For what? For planting false evidence. Oh my God! For your case or somebody else's? For somebody else's? For somebody else's but he'd done it over and over and over. He's a bastard.

So he was a crooked, bad cop who decided to arrest me for no reason because, you know, don't forget the colony. People go to the colony now, hotel, to see where I got arrested. Thank you, thank you for explaining. So there you go. That's the story and most people don't know that story. They think that I was like, you know, I ran like a child. I closed the bathroom door, touched the police on his forehead, now battery on a police officer. I mean, everything you can't imagine.

Can we talk about Connecticut growing up? I'm going to get this bloody answer out of you for trying to lock it. So my mother, every Sunday we went to church, right? Yeah. So after church, my mother cooked lunch and it was steak, mashed potatoes, fried onions, and green beans. Every Sunday pretty much. Do you like steak still?

I do. Yeah. Are these raisins? Yeah. So, um... There's raisins, walnuts and apple in it. It looks very good. It's quite Christmasy. It feels almost like a mint pie, but in a little bit of a ruddle. But it's got all spices in. Get it.

I know you probably need a knife. I'm sorry. That's okay. I'm going to try a little bit. So, every Sunday she would make steak and mashed potatoes. Then they would go in their bedroom and lock the door. To have sex. Oh my God, this is your mom and dad. Every Sunday. And so everybody knew that. Church.

Everybody knew they. Meal. So that's why there were seven of you. Exactly. Shit. Now, they had a healthy sex life. Jess, do you need your knife? When did you realize that was what was going on in the. Well, then healthy sex life. Jess, do you need your knife?

When did you realise that was what was going on in the... Well, when I walked in one day and they forgot to lock the door. Oh my god. Right. Okay. That's true. Now, we ask every guest what their last supper would be. This is... Before you're going to a desert island, not Palm Beach cell, we're going to a desert island, you're going to a desert island, not Palm Beach Cell, we're going to a desert island,

you're going to have your last supper, it's going to be an appetizer, main, dessert, drink of choice. Can you tell me what that last supper would look like? Oh, well. It twice bakes potato with loads of caviar on top. Oh wow. I've never heard of that. They have a place in New York next to the Mark Hotel. Do you know the Mark Hotel in New York? I know of it and I've heard about this.

Caviar Caspiates called. What they do is they take out the whole stuffing of the potato and they whip it up into this magical thing and they literally put this much caviar like this right on top and it's one of those big big potatoes with its most delicious thing How does that what we're starting with? Oh well I don't know

I like this no I like this I like where this is going So good Okay what's your main? I'd probably go for a steak Yeah? I like this, no, I like this, I like where this is going. So good. Okay, what's your main? I'd probably go for a steak. Yeah. I want a good steak. Which cut do you like? In America, it's a bit different to here.

Rib eye? Rib eye, you like rib eye. We get that here. Any condiments? Do you like French fries? I do. Yeah, I do. Okay, we'll do French fries.

Okay. Maybe truffle fries. I mean, of course. I mean, steak and truffle. Yeah. Truffle fries, any salad. Yeah, we'll do french fries. Maybe truffle fries. I mean, of course. I was thinking truffle fries. Truffle fries, any salad. And dessert, chocolate. I love chocolate.

I nearly made that for you. Never mind. It's okay. And what drink would you go for? Red wine. Red, okay. A good Bordeaux. The best. Do you need a drop now? No, no, no, no. To keep it going, okay. And if we were, let's kind of put this into two things.

Third ultimate girls trip, and who's around the dinner table for your last supper? Who would be around that dinner table? In terms of the women? Of the housewives. Housewives, yes. From any franchise? Any. Yeah, any franchise. Like the ultimate last supper girls trip.

Lisa Rinna. Fuck yeah. Who's she? Lisa Rinna's very famous. Who is she? She's fabulous. She's great. Which franchise is that?

She's married to Harry. Take your husband's name out of my fucking mouth! Yeah. God, take your husband's name out of your mouth. Tell me. No, she's fabulous. Lisa Rinna's amazing. And which franchise is that?

Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills. Okay. Yeah. God, take your husband, something out of your mouth. No, she's fabulous. Lisa Rinna's amazing. And which franchise is that? Beverly Hills. Okay. Okay.

Lisa Rinna, I'm gonna take, hmm, Dorinda. Yes. I love Dorinda, and when she fucking lets rip, it's amazing. Oh, it's not pretty, it's not pretty. I'm gonna throw Bethany in just so we can go at it. Really? Good for you. She's going to throw the table.

Maybe we throw Ramona in too. You have to. We have to. So I think the table's full. Which of all the housewives' husbands do you fancy? Well, this leads us on to Mary F. Kyl, which is the name of your new, you know. That's right.

She has to hear Mary F. name of your new, you know. She has to hear a marry F kill. Yes, you do. It's a song. The verses go like this. There's men that I would marry. They give me such a thrill. There's men that I would F and men that I would kill.

So we're not killing anybody, but you know, get right up. So which was, of all of them, which would you F? I didn't think of one. Of the housewives. You're going for F first, mum. Well, no, because she's not gonna kill them or marry them. Okay. So which ones do you fancy?

Thanks. Mario is handsome. Are you any, is there anyone you're- The husband of Ramona? Ramona, I thought he was handsome. He was. Mauricio. Yeah.

A bit obvious? I don't like the- The veneers. The veneers, right? That just blows it for me. Okay. Who else? She likes a man with his own teeth. Okay. So do I at my age.

Or at least where you can't tell they're veneers, right? Yes. Don't they do once in a while? They can't really tell. Some have them like bathroom tiles. They're horrendous, aren't they? I know. That's what I'm saying so I'm thinking about I really have to reach yeah otherwise I'm really jealous of you mean in general or housewives housewives not really not really would you be upset if you find a

naked guy in the bed room next to you? Not really. Not really. Would you? I don't know. Be cool mum. I'm gonna be cool. Don't be like all uncool. Yeah. Don't be like all uncool. Okay. Oh well that's a long story too much. Yeah I know. Oh boy there's so many stories. Pirate, pirate. The pirate was quite hot. The pirate? I showed her the pirate. Oh you did? He was gorgeous. Just like Johnny Depp. Yeah exactly. But better looking. Old enough. Forties. Forties. Just about right for you. He lives in Miami now. Oh really? Have you hung out again? No but he's texted me. He went on the show and he dug up the pirate. Of course he did. Of course he bloody did.

So you're in the midst of your American tour right now, but you've popped over to London to... To visit you and do some press for my upcoming tour. Which is next year. Which is next year in February. Barry already has tickets for Glasgow. Oh yes really. They went on sale today. I know and guess what it's like almost sold out already. They just went on sale like a jar. So where is the London show? Where is the London show?

The Adelphi. I'm playing The Adelphi. Sure, you're West End, you're West End baby. I can't imagine. We're coming. Yeah, you have to come. Absolutely. By which time I've watched every franchise. Not every franchise, just mine. Just your franchise. Of course. Not every franchise, just mine.

No, I'm just kidding. Yeah. I am, you're playing festivals. How does it feel to have, I mean you've probably been asked this a million times, but as somebody, you know, on the same bill as you at Hoopla, Hoopla probably one of the greatest warmest- Well, Daryl, you were at the top of the bill. I'm somewhere at the bottom. No, but I saw the crowd.

I saw the crowd for you, and I saw the screams. Yeah. Say, how- I've got money to buy your class. Can't, but yes. Can't, sorry. But how does it feel to, you've had a relationship with the queer community for a very long time.

I mean, they've adored you for a very long time and now you are- Finally here. You're here. It's taken me years to get here, years. Because, you know, people, what did my agent always say? They don't know what they don't know.

Which is, you can't tell from the Housewives what my cabaret show is, right? So people have always said, well, you know, it took me a while to gain respect in the community of cabaret, right? I'm a housewife, don't forget. So it comes with the Housewives tag, right? So it's hard to be taken seriously on other things.

So it took me a while for people to see what I do and come to my shows and be like this is an amazing show. I also have a new director not so new he saw my show in the very beginning Richard J. Alexander he directs Kristin Chenoweth he's directed Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand, I don't know he's like the diva whisperer they call him. Wow the diva whisperer. Yes he's amazing. I need him. Oh he's amazing and anyway so he came to my show and he goes Countess. I gotta tell you I came here not expecting you very much and this is what happens people don't know and

But you fucking blew my mind. First of all, you can say Please don't swear at the dinner table. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You have to bleep me. Please keep it down. Okay, bleep me. I swear so much. I had to do it. I had to. You're amazing. You know, you can sing and you wear a dress like no woman I've ever seen and you're funny. So he said, give me two weeks.

I'm going to find you the right agent. You know, and he got me into with Live Nation and touring, but it took me a while to get over here to the UK. And even though I've been touring around America and Canada, so finally I'm here and Australia's coming too. They get you. They get you over here. They do and I think the show is new to them.

Some kind of new, like new meat. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Which I love because they don't know, they think they know me from the house, but they really don't. So Cabaret is my way of getting to know my fans better and then getting to know me.

What I saw seemed fabulous. So many costume changes. It's funny. Like you're doing basically stand up with music. And it's like- It's really pub culture meets Cabaret, meets comedy, meets a fashion show. Before we let you go. We have to take a picture.

Well, we have to take a picture, but I also would love to get Countess Luanne's nostalgic taste that can transport you back somewhere, happy or sad. Hmm, God, I have to get, I mean, it's terrible, but you know, you know the ice cream truck, the sound it makes, it's like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, makes is like... Ding, ding, ding, ding. Right, always a happy memory, right?

Yeah. Well, it happened to be that the day I called Tom for a divorce, the ice cream truck was passing by. Oh. So did you go and get an ice cream? No. Oh, you should have done. But it won't...

Who would have cheered you on? It will never mean the same thing. Oh no. I'm sorry. Right? So I hear an ice cream truck. Now it's like... You cry.

...like a clown face. I don't cry, but it's like... It's... So I have an ice cream truck now it's like you clown face. I don't cry but it's like it's but so I have to change that. Why did you divorce Tom? Is it too big a question? Well because he was stepping out. Okay. Yeah good. So did you get to keep the ring? No, I sold it. Good for you. What did you buy? I bought myself a Cartier watch.

Oh my god, love that! Yes! Was the ring lovely? Oh yeah, it was really nice. It was really nice. One of those six-curit canary yellow. Yeah, it was good, it was great. It was good. But I bet I can good, it was great. It was good.

I kept my first wedding ring. First wedding ring from the count is I kept from my daughter. Tell me, when you get engaged again, what sort of ring, of course you are, what sort of ring are you going to get? And will you be wearing Giovanni down the aisle? Probably. I think I would go more emerald cut yeah I think classic yeah classic yeah I had a pear but I lost that in the ocean oh at least that's what I told him I left it on the counter in the spa but don't go oh my god don't tell anybody anyway I don't care and then were, um... Were you insured? Then, oh wait, the ring... Please.

No. Oh shit! Yeah, I know. Too cheap to insure it. He was not happy about it. So he goes, his father gave me a diamond and a pendant. Actually it was like a big diamond and a necklace. And so when I lost it, he goes, well, can I get another ring?

He goes, you know that diamond necklace my father gave me, take one from that. necklace and so when I lost it he goes well I go can I get another ring you know that diamond necklace my father gave it take one from that but it was like there's a lot of diamonds so I took five carat love the count we love the count now we we also can't not acknowledge the fact that you did a book all about etiquette yes so with the count I love you have it right there I need to sign it you do need to sign it Now what is your worst table manner that you see in somebody else and you're just like I can't eat with you Wow Cuz I thought swearing was up there for you. Well phones on the table phones on the table. You don't I don't like

Probably when this happened to me I was at a dinner and until probably when this happened to me I was at a dinner and somebody was talking and they had I can't break this apart can I it's not working out good like this and there's a piece of meat yeah I know what you mean by that oh I hate I'm like yeah put it down And have your hands on your lap. Right. Or when people leave their silverware like this, you know, and they're like, should I pick up the plate? You know, and also when people take away food,

like waiters who don't know, they have to wait for everyone to finish. Well, this is the thing that drives mum mad. Right, because then the British... It's in America. It's American thing. I know. In England, we always wait to have you know I do and I miss it here so you know what don't be surprised if I

move on over here really yeah what about the Hampton spot the sag I'm gonna keep my Hamptons house maybe we'll have to find you a little spot in like I used to live I used to live between Switzerland and the Hamptons so I could do, I'm done with Switzerland. I don't think Whitstable's the place for her darling. Maybe I can get a job in South Floss. I think a little flat in Champs-Elysees Firehouse. Maybe we need to do a housewives.

Let's do a housewives of London. Housewives of London. Yes! Do you guess who's gonna be on it with me? Could you be a housewife darling? I would be terrible. I'd cry a lot I think. I would, I'd be in your team though. Yeah, team what?

I don't know, I would. Who would we get to be on the housewives of London, right? They'd all be footballers' wives, that's the problem. I mean, Colleen Rooney could be fabulous. She's going to be in, I'm a celebrity. Fuck, we should have got a housewife. I thought there was no swearing at the table. Sorry!

Luanne, thank you for coming here. Thank you so much. Good luck with your tour. Such a pleasure to meet you. And thank you for that delicious meal. You're very welcome. Good. So first I wanted to kill her, then I wanted to eff her, and now I want to marry Countess Luanne.

She's very lovely, very... I wanted to kill her too, but you couldn't help but really like her because she's warm, she's game, quite humble. I really liked her. Yeah, she's just lovely. She works hard and she really is so proud of her cabaret show and she's a hustler and she wants to make it work and she's like,

she's excited about life and I think that please, at 60 I'm being able to do shows. Jessie her legs. Her legs are fantastic. I've never seen legs like that. They were the longest legs I think I've ever seen. She's beautiful. She's gorgeous.

She's honest. Yeah. Barry loved her and had a big chat about children. Cheekbones. Cheekbones for days. Yeah. Signed my book class with with the Countess, said, Jessie, such a gracious host.

Chic, c'est la vie. Merci. Love you and mom. Luan. Be cool. Be cool. Don't be like uncool. Don't be like uncool.

See, mom, you've got it. You're kind of into the housewives now? No. OK. Well, I think the stock was very nice. I don't know if I... I have to say it was exceptional. Really? I thought the taste was absolutely gorgeous. But I would say that I needed the stock. Yes. Because I don't think it would have been as flavoursome without the stock. It needed the stock. I would have had it more like a bit

of a... I would almost do it like a ramen. Yeah, like a foam. Yeah. We live and we learn with boiled chicken, but you know. But it was delicious. The strudel. How was it? It was really tasty. It was odd.

Barry liked it. It was kind of- It was a strange taste, because it didn't taste very appley. It was tasty. I thought it was great actually, but I didn't think, I thought the puff was fine. I didn't think the filling was tart enough.

And I put lemon in as well. So I would not use Granny Smith's. I would use Bramley. Well don't worry, because Countess Luanne Didn't push in a gob. No. Thank you to Countess Luanne for coming on the podcast. You can go and see her in the UK next year. Tickets

are on sale at CountessLuanne.com. My children are here now so I need to go. The flu remains a serious disease. Last season, over 102,000 influenza cases have been reported across Canada, which is nearly double the historic average of 52,000 cases. What can you do this flu season? Talk to your pharmacist or doctor about getting a flu shot. Consider Flu-Civax-Quad and help protect yourself from the flu. It's the first cell-based flu vaccine authorized in Canada for ages six months and older and it may be available for free in your province. Side effects and allergic reactions can occur and 100% protection

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