Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S3 Ep 9: Adam Buxton

Episode Date: July 25, 2018

Our first live podcast! Thank you SO much to everyone that came and also a huge thanks to our exceptional guest Adam Buxton for showing us how it’s done and also sharing the recipe for his delicious sounding tuna, pasta and ketchup dish... Continuing the theme of getting our guests to work for us - Adam created one of his famous jingles for Table Manners and now we want it played wherever we go. Thank you Adam!Produced by Alice Williams Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Who are those ladies standing over there? Don't you know that's Lenny and Jessie Ware? Lenny and Jessie Ware? There, there, over there. They've both got hair and both eat food and both have underwear. Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie. Hello and welcome from Latitude in sunny Suffolk.

How are you feeling, Mum? I'm hot, darling. I've never heard that before. You've never heard it before? It must have been all that preparing of the food, darling. Oh, Jesus Christ. I think this is our first and last podcast we're going to be doing together live. Why, darling?

Because have you found it too stressful? I find you too stressful. I don't find the performance too stressful. That's strange, darling, because you were doing your makeup and your hair while we were stressing. Someone needs to put the, you know, pizzazz glamour on. I thought we were going to have hair and makeup.

Mum, I don't even have hair and makeup and I was performing on the main stage. That's what we need. That's where you're going wrong, darling. Anyway, we are backstage in a hot room waiting to see if anybody turns up. Someone has definitely sat on some of the cupcakes. Alex is going to have a nervous breakdown. They've flattened some out.

Thank God they were not the best ones. They were the reserves, but they are flat. And then Becky said, let's squidge them all down I said he'll kill you because he bought a piper on to pipe on the buttercream but they weren't in the fridge last night so we could be giving Adam Buxton food poisoning is that what you're saying give food poisoning with a cake darling the cured salmon maybe but not the cake anyway we are going to be coming up in the speakeasy tent in about I thought 20 minutes mum it's really easy you just carry it from the fridge and you put it on a

table the cake tray Malcolm's cake trays here this is the thing i'm learning about my mum she delegates no no no i'll tell you but like very authoritatively no no no when you get older you like to have preparation i didn't realize we had 10 minutes to get everything out we're not like working on the pass it's like we've got some cakes to put on a tray. They need to look nice. Okay, whatever. He's not going to eat them anyway. Come in. I know he hasn't arrived yet.

Well, we've just been told Adam Buxton has not arrived yet, and it's 20 minutes before showtime. So we may just be performing. The cakes and the cured salmon on our own. Which actually will be fine because it's really delicious. Yeah, Adam Buxton coming up Latitude

first podcast live with Table Manners with me and my darling mother Latitude. This is amazing. This is a big deal for us.

This is unedited. Oy vey. Thank you so much for coming. This is a lot of people, Jessie. You've got to speak more into the... A lot of people here, Jessie. How are you feeling? I'm feeling okay.

What's on the menu today, Mum? Should we go through... This was a challenge, darling, because the person who's on the podcast doesn't eat cheese. Make him feel really welcome, Mum. Yeah, I'm going to. I'm going to ask how he lives without cheese, to be honest. So we've got a cheeseless quiche,

which might or might not taste very good. Can one say that is a frittata with a crust? Yeah. Okay, fine. And then I've made, I cured salmon in gin and beetroot. And I think that, ooh. And I think that. Can I get a, ooh.

Ooh. I think that tastes okay. And your brother has absolutely done a masterpiece on alex pudding bay if you listen he's made elderflower and lemon cupcakes and blonde chocolate brownies we did the elder well i say we i didn't do anything nothing darling i just bring the talent do you know what i mean yeah um no we we um we alex uh we i'm gonna say we sod it it's a team effort um we did cupcakes lemon and elderflower because i believe that was megan and harry's uh wedding cake so we thought you know we'd make it a little bit of a royal occasion i'm slightly worried about that salmon being a bit sweaty and us giving Adam Buxton food poisoning

but we will be gone by the time it kicks in so who knows. Well I've already said who's coming on the show and on our first live podcast and I don't think he needs much of an introduction. He's a writer, comedian, actor, musician I think we can all say and also kind of one of the most prolific and brilliant podcasters out there so we have a lot to ask him about and to learn to learn definitely please give it up for Adam Buxton

Adam you've bought your laptop. I'm just going to send some emails. I'll be with you. It's just the reception here is way better than it is in the tent where I am. No, I need notes. That's the secret to podcasting for me. Really? Is notes.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, well. Noted. Now we know. It. Oh, well, now we know. Noted. Now we know. It's not very good though because the table is so beautiful

and the laptop slightly spoils the aesthetic. Doesn't matter. I'm just going to close this. Watch out! Oh, God. We're off notes.

Who knows what could happen? Yeah. Can I get you a drink? Yes, please. Okay, so we have a punch there and then we have something with a Russian standard vodka something or other here.

Or we have bubbles. What would you like? You have like a Game of Thrones goblet. Sure. With some water in it. Yeah. I mean, what do you fancy? I'm tempted to mix three things together.

A shit mix! Lovely! That's what I used to do when I was 12. I loved it. I used to like doing that too. And my fascination and enjoyment of mixing things together extended one day to experimenting with some cleaning products in the sink while my parents were out.

This is an early memory of, like, when I think about how stupid I am, I think, yeah, it maybe started there when I did the experimenting with the cleaning products. Because, you know, if you look at the cleaning products, they all say, do not mix. Of course. That's number one on the instructions. And so I mixed some bleach and some, I don't know, some other cleaner. And I immediately got a great deal of ammonia.

And then I inhaled it and you can I don't know if you can die but you can definitely hurt yourself really badly and it hurt and I thought oh no I'm gonna die now you didn't actually drink it you just didn't I didn't drink it no you didn't actually put any like juice in there or nothing no there was no juice okay that would have made it nicer. Yeah, it would have. A bit of guava. But no, it was just plain bleach and cleaning fluid. And then I just had to lie down, and every time I breathed, my lungs hurt.

And I thought, oh, I'm going to die, and I'm only eight. And then my parents came back, and I didn't want to tell them because I was too embarrassed because I knew how, even then I knew, wow, this is a new, I've set the bar pretty high for stupidity here. So I can't tell them. But that's not going to happen when I mix these. Well, okay, you are going to mix them?

Yes. Oh, my goodness. Okay, brilliant. Now, can I ask, you've been here for a few days. Yes. You've done the full Latitude experience. Yeah, this is the fullest Latitude experience I have ever done. And I've been coming here for 10 years. 10 years ago was the first time I did a show at latitude.

Let me get that for you. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. I'm like a king. Look at me. Thank you so much. Thank you, my queen. Dolly, I don't know which is the most

alcoholic Thank you darling Just a little bit That's nice That is good So what have I mixed here I've mixed I have no idea

It's like a slushy berry With some vodka And some lemony I'd say it's It's like a slushy berry something with some vodka and some lemony. Wow. I'd say it's kind of like a festival Cosmo. Nice. Yeah. And there's almost no ammonia coming off this at all.

So I'm laughing. Cheers, Lachan. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers, Mum. Nice to meet you. Cheers. Very delicious.

Thanks for having me. So yeah, tell me about your festival. It's been good. We are camping in a kind of gated community. Very delicious. Thanks for having me. So yeah, tell me about your festival. It's been good. We are camping in a kind of gated community. Perfect. But I hasten to add that within the gated community, there are echelons of luxury, right?

And we are in the sort of council estate of the gated community, which is the teepees, right? Oh, you poor thing. I'm so sorry. The teepees, which are nice, but they don't like the ground sheet does not join up with the body of the teepee. So there is free access for all the creepy crawlies of the world.

Oh, great. And the first night I woke up and I had all the ants on my face. It's like I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Exactly. Maybe that's why I didn't mind it.

Because it's always been my ambition to go on the show. Would you actually go on it? You know what? I say that. I did get the call. And when I sat down to discuss it with my wife, who is over there. Hi. My daughter. Lovely. Hiya. Oh, lovely, a woo.

They both counseled me strongly that it would be insane. Insane. But I still, I mean... Why would it be insane? Would you be scared, or would you get stuck into it? No, to be serious,

the insanity would be the level of exposure and how unmanageable it is. I know Ian Lee, who went on last year, and he's a nice guy, and he came on my podcast. But he's a very sensitive man, and he's often getting in all sorts of scrapes on his radio show and on Twitter. And I thought, wow, you shouldn't go on I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here. But anyway, he did, and he did fairly well,

even though he was embroiled in a very exciting contretemps about making strawberries. And that somehow morphed into a whole bullying scandal very quickly. That's the way the modern media works. And when he got back, he suddenly found himself fodder for the tabloids, you know. And that's a very scary, unmanageable... But he did come third, didn't he, I think.

Did he? Yeah, quite higher. Right, okay, yeah. Yeah, he did quite well. Ask mum any trivia on any reality show and she will give it to you. Do you like I'm a Celebrity, Lenny? I like that, but the one thing I have to draw a line at is Love Island. Oh!

Jesse is addicted to. No. Have you been watching Love Island? Not on a regular basis. So you've dipped your toe? Not my toe. A whole leg? But I see it. I've seen it. I know what you're talking. What's your objection,

Lenny? It's just people in swimming pool, swimming costumes. You haven't watched it! I did, you made me watch it the other week. No, what happened, you didn't let me watch it so that's why you didn't watch it. But it was a lot of people in swimming costumes who want to have sex. That was the pitch.

That was the original pitch, yes. It's great, I live vicariously through them I love it! Is that what we've come to darling? It's great mum. You need to just chill out and actually watch it. Have you been watching it? See, these intellectuals are at latitude. It's all middle class intellect, you know.

They're just humouring you, darling. Oh, please. Are they smoking as much this year as they were last year? No, they're not actually. Are they not? No. Because there was a lot of smoking. I feel like all the budget's gone on like super drug makeup rather than fags.

That's what I think's going on. Right, right, right. Would you ever do a show like that? Well. Jessie. If I wasn't married. Not Love Island necessarily. I mean, if they did Celebrity Love.

No, I'm joking. I'm a celebrity. I got asked to do that Celebrity island Bear Grylls one. Mmm. And I was like, are you having an effing laugh? You see, I would do that. No, because they would see what a Jewish princess I am. And I'm scared of the dark.

I'm definitely scared of bugs. So the idea of doing that is just like hell on earth to me. So I wasn't going to go and show. People think, you know, Jessie, the people's princess. I've just coined that you know people's princess I don't know what you think about that one you know relatable Jess I'm not going to ruin that by showing that I'm an absolute stroppy Jewish princess nightmare on TV thank you very much I'd be like Gemma Collins when she like walked off um I'm a celeb so yeah no I'm not do you get wound up you would you get wound up by the other personalities would you have fights with them i mean i watched what's that guy um ewan what's his face the very successful runner

triathlon guy what's his name human i'm so is that it was he on was it him that was on and he was like a neanderthal and he was just kind of so bossy and was going, no, we're going this way. Am I getting the right guy, by the way? And he was like, we're going this way and we're going to chop the wood this way. Oh, yeah, I remember him. He was so bad.

He was an alpha man. Yeah, alpha. Yeah, and I kind of loved it. But no, I definitely have a word with him. But back to your festival. I love this has turned into Adam interviewing me. So this is brilliant. I've always wanted to be on your podcast

but can we talk about your food experience in the festival have you eaten well? I've eaten sort of unadventurously I mean you will maybe discover that the theme of my whole relationship with food throughout my life up to this point has been a total lack of adventure

and I'm really quite like I stick to things, and I like a routine. I have the same thing most days. And what is that? Friday night is definitely going to be a sort of tuna thing, tuna steak with some rice.

And I was talking about how I cook rice on a podcast recently with Tim Key, and I got more feedback from how I cook rice than anything else I've ever talked about. How do you cook rice? Well, I'm going to stir it all up again now.

So I was just describing how I make rice to Tim Key and then I repeated it at a gig and the audience was gasping. Well, let's see what happens here. So, what I do is I fill this half-full pot of water from the tap. I don't know if you have taps. And then I stick it.

It'll be hot water just to speed the processor, right? I do that, too. Hot water from the tap? Sure. Oh, here we go. Not boiling water from a kettle? No. Hot water from the tap.

Okay. And then I stick it on the heat. And then while it's heating up, I'll stick some rice in. I'll get a handful of Uncle Ben's, stick it in there. And when I was talking about this the other day, someone in the audience went, Uncle, can I, I won't swear. Let's keep it clean. Okay.

Uncle Ben's. I don't think I have. That's, shh. And I thought, whoa, easy. Yeah. That's a bit racist. Ah! That was, That's a bit racist. Ah! That was someone in the audience that actually suggested that line.

But, you know, so I stick it in there and then wait for it to sort of simmer and boil away. And then I'll taste it every now and again. And when it tastes all right, then I'll put it in a sieve, run it under some cold water, get all the bits off. Is it gloopy? Is it gloopy? Well, there's a bit of foam on there. So Friday night, it's tuna and some rice, and this sauce that my wife makes with sun-dried tomatoes and some garlic and basil

and balsamic and some chilies. Sounds fabulous. It's very good. And it was the most adventurous thing that we'd eaten up to that point. Like, previously, Friday night was tuna pasta night. I love tuna. With mayonnaise or tomato?

Tomato ketchup. Oh, my word! word adam here we go now i've alienated them oh my god are you freaking out at looking at cured salmon right now then it's exciting no i mean i feel like i'm open-minded i'm not anti all these things i'm just sort of lazy like in goodfellas at the end of goodfellas you remember when he goes off to be in the witness protection program ray leota and he's moaning about how his life goes off to be in the Witness Protection Program, Ray Liotta, and he's moaning about how his life's going to be different. He's saying, I'm not even going to, you know, I'm going to get,

when I order spaghetti bolognese, they're not going to give me the proper Italian stuff. It's just going to be spaghetti with tomato sauce and ketchup. I'm thinking, yeah, that sounds all right, man. I'll be in the witness protection program. So, that's Friday night and that's special night. What's going on on Monday to Thursday? Well, it's changed recently

because we got this company that delivers boxes, menu boxes. There's lots of them. Should I say their name? Yeah, fuck it. We'll get them to sponsor. Riverford Farm. Oh, they, yeah. There's lots of them. Yeah. Should I say their name? Yeah, fuck it. Sorry, we'll get them to sponsor. Riverford Farm. Oh, they're good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, because I was thinking, I was talking to lots of people on my podcast, and a lot of them were vegan or vegetarian. And I thought maybe a lot of them made a good case for it. And I thought, wow, I should really investigate, because I had a very lazy attitude to what that kind of food would be like and how boring it would be. And so I just got the vegan and vegetarian menu boxes from Riverford Farm. It's OK.

It's good, tasty. And I'm enjoying, you know, you put enough ketchup on. Yeah, I think so. It tastes just like ketchup and it's really. Have you never been a foodie? No. What about your family when you were growing up? Besides ammonia, what else did you like to have?

Yeah, no, not really. My mum's go-to meal was things in tins. So tinned spaghetti. And that was back in the day pre-BSE where you'd have little bits of meat in tinned products. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like the mini sausages.

Yeah. In the tomato sauce. Yes, thank you. So we'd have things like that. Fish fingers every other night, which I probably still do. And instant mash, you know, because the robots were advertising it.

I like them. I know, because the robots were advertising it. I like them. I wanted to support the robots. So we got instant mash. And I remember there would be peas, frozen peas. Eat the peas. God, they're boring. Get them out of the way. And then construct a kind of devil's tower out of the mash and the fish fingers, like a fish pie.

So it was like art class. It was like art class. Again, another film reference, the bit in Close Encounters where he goes nuts and makes a tower out of his fish fingers and mash. So your dad was a wine critic. He was towards the last half of his life. Yeah, yeah. He loved his wine. so was he a foodie

i mean i think so did he like to eat like drink a really great he did carmignari with a fish finger yeah uh what was the i can't even remember the brand of wine that he particularly liked but he would go out to restaurants a lot i suppose as part of his job as a writer for the travel section of the Sunday Telegraph, as he was. And so he would eat enjoyable meals that way. But when he was at home, there was not a lot of adventurous cooking going on. boring prison type stew with just bits of old meat and, you know, there would just be soft bits of carrot and mashed potato in there. And it was very, it was dull.

Right. You know, and maybe he'd pour a bit of wine in to try and pretend that it was gastronomic. But that was it. What was it like when you'd go around to your friends' houses for dinner? Would you be that person that they'd have to, like, get the fish fingers ready? Or would it be like, you'd be like, your friend's houses for dinner would you be that person that they'd have to like get the fish fingers ready or would it be like you'd be like yeah sure i'll try it no i would i wouldn't expect special treatment i just wouldn't eat it okay but my main problem was cheese which i still don't like about this is it because you're intolerant or is it because well i guess i mean i mean as a person i'm intolerant certainly i'm not like medically i don't think i think i could eat it because again

to go back to i'm a celebrity i like the bush tucker trial because i feel as if i could definitely eat all those things you could yeah i'd be fine with it i would be i wouldn't want to eat the animals so much like when i say, like some of the big spiders, you start feeling sorry for them. You know what I mean? Cockroaches, not so much because they're not sympathetic. But again, that's a bit racist. We've been wondering about a life without cheese.

How you live, really. That could be your memoir. A life without cheese. Yeah, it's not. I mean, I don't like cheese at all i can see obviously the point of it and i i envy people who get to eat pizza because that looks like one of the great fun so when did you realize you didn't like cheese very early on i remember going into the fridge and getting is it primula the triangles uh uh Dairy Lee. Dairy Lee. Dairy Lee, yeah.

The squeezable, you know. So I would sort of nip off a corner and squeeze some out like toothpaste and try a bit of that and then think, nah, not really. It's not proper cheese. And that's barely cheese, is it?

That's not cheese, no. Yeah, but that would put me off if I was just eating Dairy Lee, I think. But then I have tried other cheeses since then and no. No. Nah. So you're going... Because they smell like death, right? Sometimes, but I feel like sometimes if it

smells like death, it's even more delicious. Is it? Yeah. Are there any non-cheese eaters in the audience? Look at you all, like, meekly putting your hand up like that. But you're, I mean mean if you don't mind me saying you're going to france for one of your summer holidays um and you don't eat do you eat

red meat uh well less and less i don't feel as if i i mean i haven't for a long time so what are you gonna eat in france well fish i do like fish i would be i would find it difficult to give up fish okay but um yeah fish and actually now that i think of it france is different rules isn't it I would find it difficult to give up fish. Okay. But, yeah, fish. And actually, now that I think of it, France has different rules, isn't it? Yeah. I go and I do have a bit of a Scooby snack, which is like a massive ham sandwich in the afternoon.

Yeah, absolutely. Why not? With some nice French bread. Speaking of sandwiches, I was listening to one of your podcasts, and I think it was the Louis Theroux one. One of them. You were talking about bringing food to public places.

The Christmas turkey sandwich in the cinema. Yes. I love a Christmas sandwich. We've talked about this before. It's the best sandwich. The Pratt Christmas sandwich is actually, I think the M&S one's better. I'll never have another one now, because I got food poisoning off one.

No, you didn't. Yeah, off the turkey stuffing sandwich. And, yes, as you say, I talked to Edgar Wright, the film director, about this, and me and Edgar went to see a film called Sunshine, directed by Danny Boyle, who was wandering around here yesterday, in fact. Oh, was he?

And I very quietly got out my sandwich, because I know it's not cool to eat in the cinema, technically, especially not noisy or smelly food. So this was both. And it was noisy and smelly. And looking back on it, it must have been off, I think, because I got food poisoning very quickly. In the cinema?

By the end of the film, I had the shakes. Oh, man. And it wasn't just because of what was happening in the film. Oh, man. Did anyone bring a picnic? I did ask people to bring their lunch. Amazing. Hello.

My crazy fans that follow me everywhere. You have united. How are you doing? You two, I mean, I'm all right. You two came, like, you flew in from America, came to Barcelona. I was playing at, like, 12 o'clock at night. The next day, were you on, like, a low-cost airline to get here? Ryanair, man.

And you didn't sleep. And then you were here, and now you're here. When do you go back to America? On Wednesday. Oh, on Wednesday. We promise. Okay. No, don't leave me alone.

I love seeing you everywhere. No, it's amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much. Hi, Hannah. Please stay behind the barrier. Now, table manners, social etiquettes, that's what we like to talk about.

We don't have that many. Now, a friend of mine, Orlando Weeks, who actually played here, he was in the band The Maccabees. Oh, yeah. And I said, he said, have a really good latitude. You know, you're interviewing Adam Buxton. I love him.

Quite right. And he said that he invited you because you've been so important to him writing his book, The Gritter Man. I love him. Quite right. And he said that he invited you because you've been so important to him writing his book, The Gritter Man. Oh, yeah. And he'd emailed or something and said, you know, it would be such a pleasure. I know you live down the road.

Yeah. Would you like to come and see us at Latitude? And then he felt very embarrassed because you were already on the bill. So he felt very, very embarrassed about this. But he said something, and I haven't listened to this one because I couldn't find it,

but about the family buffet. Yeah. Can we talk about this but he said something and i haven't listened to this one because i couldn't find it but about the family buffet yeah well i in fact it was in the first podcast i did with louis i think and it was just about the question of whether it's okay to you know you got you got your package deal uh you're on holiday you got two meals as part of the deal yeah one of them is breakfast if you want, and there's a big buffet. So it seems like a no-brainer to go there with your backpack and make your lunch after you've had your breakfast. You make a load of sandwiches, stuff a couple of bananas in there, take some extra rolls just in case

and this you know if you've got young children you'd be insane not to and so I described that situation to Louis and he didn't agree with me and you're giving me the same sort of face now it's not very British is it

I don't care you think but anyway do you do it yes you look like you come You're not British, is it? I don't care. You think? But anyway, I think... Do you do it? Yes! You look like you've come prepared. You've got the fold-out chair, too, and your picnic, I bet. Did you steal it from the B&B this morning? Amazing.

Because I feel as if that food is going to go to waste. They are not going to recycle that food. And if I'm coming in at the tail end of the buffet and the whole thing is still laden with yummy rolls and stuff. So it's strategic. You go at the end. Yeah, I'm thinking, I've got all the angles covered. And

Louis was saying, why don't you just go and rifle through the bins then? I said, well, that's not the same at all. I mean, they will throw this food away. And that's not the reason I'm doing it. But it does make me feel better about it that I may be transgressing some sort of

etiquette. Jessie, you would go mad with me if I did that. Yeah, no. No, I know. You would not allow me to do it. The embarrassment. The embarrassment. I think we've definitely been in Eilat when we went to Eilat. God. It's a kind of place in Israel and it's kind of like...

It's a free-for-all, really. It's a free-for-all. And the buffets, mum would be tut-tutting when she'd see people shoving rolls in there. One lady was putting eight grapefruits in a straw hat to take out. That's for something different. It was unbelievable. She had eight grapefruits.

And you felt very judged because you were asking for more wine and no Jews really drink that much. Yeah, that's true. It wasn't a great holiday. Eight grapefruits is too many grapefruits. I think it is. You only need two. Three. Three. But no, you don't do it like, you're not taking the mick. You're not just

sort of slapping people in the face who don't appreciate that kind of thing. You're not going up to them and going, I got a bun and I'm going to steal it and have it later, you idiot. Why don't you do that? It's the stealth that you have to go to. That's what I'm doing. I'm doing it stealthily.

Do you do it stealthily or do you say, I'm entitled to my eight buns. I'm going to butter them up, make the sandwich, put them in my bag. It's maximum stealth. So tell me how you would do it. So you have Mission Impossible in your head playing. It is, totally. First of all, you open the bag a little bit.

Yeah. And then you line the bag with some napkins. And then you sort of go over there and you've got your plate for your breakfast and you get your plate and then you're sort of thinking, oh, that looks nice. I'm going to look at this. I'm looking at this.

And then, hey, look, there's a guy I know. How's it going, man? I'm just going to reach down to my bag. And now the thing is in my bag. I just dropped it in there. That's okay. The bag is lined with napkins, so it's not an issue.

Nice to see you. Okay, take care. And then do it in there. That's okay. The bag is lined with napkins, so it's not an issue. Nice to see you. Okay, take care. And then do it like that. So you keep their eyes level with yours as you slip it down into the bag? And you only do this with food? Yes. And then the other technique you can use is sort of hiding in plain sight and just do it absolutely brazenly.

But do it nice. You know, you're not sort of stuffing it in there. You're just thinking, I kind of paid for this. This is part of the package. You can eat as much as you want, it says. So that's what I'm going to do. And I don't really care about the semantics of it. I felt slightly awkward because I'd ordered breakfast today.

And it was a free breakfast. And I made my brother go back to get extra toast for my daughter. Because I thought that I'd look really greedy and they would be like, you don't need that extra bit of toast. So I feel very British about everything like that. Do the family get involved and help you on the mission? No, they do get embarrassed, yes. It would be fair to say that they're embarrassed.

But listen, the embarrassment is worn off by lunchtime when the sandwich king opens up his hobo bag and produces the fruits of the morning's conquests. Then, suddenly, I'm the king of the whole world. Who wants another ham roll? I've got several. Amazing, amazing. But you can't really do that in very hot climates.

I find you can. Sweaty ham. Sweaty. A bit like our sweaty salmon over here. We haven't got any plates, actually. I feel, actually, I also feel like this is a bit weird. You know, we haven't done this before. And the idea, how do you feel about eating in front of 600 people?

Because I feel a bit awkward. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like if anything, I'm going to go for the brownie. I mean, you can kind of see what we've got, but we've got a cheeseless quiche. A cheeseless quiche. That's very thoughtful. Thank you. Some olives, some decorative cherry tomatoes. Olives? No, thanks. Cherry tomatoes? No, thanks.

Talk about picky eater. Oh my God, I love it. You're like my daughter. Do you like cakes? Cakes? I'm fine with cakes. You can have the cakes. Start with the cakes.

You're welcome to have the cakes. I'm going to try this salmon. Why is it red? Why is half of it red and half of it... Is that what happens to salmon when it gets sad? I cured it in beetroot.

You cured it in beetroot? I cured it in beetroot and gin. Why would you do that? Because it has to be cured in something and it makes it a beautiful colour. What was wrong with it

that it needed curing? That's an old food joke. That's very good. Now, I want to make sure... I imagine you've never heard that. Very clever. I just spilt water near your laptop, but not on it. So I'm just going to make sure it's okay.

I'm going to try this. This is amazing. I've never had salmon cured in beetroot and gin. What do you think, Jess? It tastes very much of salmon. Have you tasted it even? Yeah. It's really nice.

I just like a bit of lemon on there. And I know you're not supposed to have that. I don't know where the lemon is, but we did bring a lemon. Now, Adam, you don't have to finish that if it's a bit too fishy. Jessica. No, it's nice. Would you like to try it? It's polite to finish it.

Oh, there you go, Adam. Eat it all, Adam. Table manners. It's challenging for not only the audience of your podcast, but also the live audience to just watch us eat. Jessie, if we could get down there, I'd offer it around. Stealing the buns. Okay, brilliant.

Would anybody like some salmon? You definitely should give them some salmon. Can you get down, Jessie? No, Jessie, don't. You'll kill yourself. Would you like to offer him out a bit? No, Jessie, don't. You'll kill yourself. They can tell me what they think as well. Would I be badly misjudging this audience if I started lobbing cherry tomatoes? Here we go.

Festival! You have to catch it in your mouth. Middle class festival fun. This is a classy event. Cherry tomato. Here we go. What has happened? Anarchy.

What is going on? Over the other side. Cherry tomato. Adam Buxton, you're never getting invited over to the house ever again. There's loads more. They'll just go to waste. People are leaving. People are leaving, Adam.

Cherry tomatoes! You've made two people leave. They're all going now. The capacity has gone down to 598. Jesus Christ. And then he started to throw cherry tomatoes and I thought, that's enough. I was appalled

by the buffet story. Appalling in no way funny. And then the cherry tomato hit me in the face and I thought, fuck this, I'm leaving. Adam, can we talk about your doing... You did a DJ set here. I did at the Disco Shed. And you also are performing tonight.

Yep. Doing Bug X? Bug X. Ten years. What's the X? It's ten. Oh. That's what you do. It makes it sound more exciting. Oh, great. It's like in the olden days when instead of calling something, you know, Terminator 2, it was T2 or 2.0

or it was all that sort of stuff, just to try and make it feel more exciting. Is anybody coming to see Adam later? Whoa. Jessie, I want to know if they've all survived. What? If we don't give them food poisoning? The cherry tomato assault.

How was it? Oh no, they're having the salmon. It was lovely, right? It's good, isn't it? She can cook. How do you cure it then? What's the process? I'm not telling you.

I don't think he gives a shit. Sorry, Mum. With prayer. No, with gin, salt, sugar. And what do you put it in? Juniper berry. Do you put it in a little dish? It's in a big plastic thing and it's been cured for two days.

Okay. And you just pour a load of gin on it? Quite a bit. Not that much. Good one. Can we just talk a bit about Bug X? Oh, okay. I mean, it's not that exciting.

No, it is. Everyone knows what Bug is, do they? And if they don't, please, can you explain? We're celebrating 10 years of me showing music videos at the BFI South Bank. So it's a celebration of kind of left field, low budget, strange, creative

music videos that generally don't get seen by that many people. And so I just introduce them. We show them on a big screen and then I fool around in between, show some bits and pieces that I've made. I read comments a lot of the time that people have left underneath the videos on YouTube. And YouTube comment section is a great place to get perspective. I've been there.

Yeah. Have you? I've been there. What have you been there and reading? Fighting for me. If anyone says anything bad about Jessie, I answer back. Do you? Yeah.

Wow, that's impressive. Yeah. Do you have a username then, Mum? What's your username? No, darling, I've tried to resist because you told me not to do it anymore. You got into a French fight., I've tried to resist. No, you do it mostly on Twitter. Because you told me not to do it anymore. Yeah, you got into like a French fight. Like she started speaking in French to someone. Because they were downloading your music for nothing.

And I told them they were all voleurs. And that they were stealing from you. And so they started having a big conversation. In the end they said, okay, we've gone and bought it. You've upset us in French. It was all in French. I thought that was pretty good. Conflict resolution.

What's your username? Do you ever actually write comments yourself? Very, very seldom. And if I do, they're always positive. Okay. You probably shouldn't

give your username then, or not? Oh, it's just Adam Buxton. My username for everything is Adam Buxton. It's not like LaserJizzFace25 or something like that. That's not like LaserJizzFace25 or something.

That's my son's username. No, keep it simple. Hold on, would anyone like a cake? One each, thank you. Adam, would you like a brownie? What's the brownie that Alex made? The blondie brownie. Blondie brownie.

They look amazing. And a strawberry, I'd love one. And a strawberry. And a strawberry. Thanks very much. Okay, fine. Now, would you like to hand these around? I'm sorry at the back if you're not going to get her. But can I ask, because we're table manners, we always ask this question. Death row meal,

it's, we wanted to ask who you, if you wanted to give somebody a death row meal and you disliked this person intensely, what would you give them? Maybe cauliflower cheese. What are you talking about? I'm talking about how bad cauliflower cheese is

and how it smells bad and it tastes bad and all of it's bad. That's my main thing. Would that be a side or would that be a starter or a main? Look, they're getting up and leaving They don't like cauliflower That's enough, we're leaving Cauliflower cheese, it's delicious

It's like a white brain that's had all the energy sucked out of it and then it's been covered in some puke What's not to like? What else would be on there? You know, anything cheesy, I suppose. Okay. But the whole death row meal thing I find confusing

because if I was on death row, I don't think I would have that much of an appetite. That's what I always say. So I think a better question, your last meal before you go on a desert island for six months. Right, okay. Before you go on I'm a Celeb, basically. Yeah i went on bear grills island that would be important because you've got to bulk up because you're on there for you're on there for four weeks yeah you are blazing through

your energy reserves the people that do badly on that show are like the guy you mentioned before the athletes because they've got no body fat. They've got like 2% body fat because they're so fit. So you see the really fit people on those shows and they struggle. Within two days, they're wilting. Because they've got no reserves. No reserves. But Buckles has got them.

I'd be all right. Yeah. I've got reserves. And then I could add some reserves before I went. Yeah. You'd need to. Because then you're jolly throughout. And speaking of jolly, Dom Jolly did it, right?

And he's got reserves. So he was fine. His energy levels were good. And then, so that's the technique. But what would I eat before? I don't know. I do like, have you ever been to a restaurant called Prêt-à-Manger?

My favorite. I love it. They've got some very good things there. I like to order the... Christmas sandwich. The Rocine duck wrap. It is very nice. It has a beautiful duck taste, beautiful and it's a nice wrap and inside as well there's a cucumber. It's a triangle of a cucumber inside beautiful so nice they do it and there's also tuna salad that's quite nice there I take off the olives because they are so shit he doesn't eat I just we've absolutely done this wrong. We've ruined. I didn't know that you were the least foodie.

Sorry about that. No, it's fine. It's hysterical. You moved from London. Where did you grow up in London? Earls Court. Okay. Yeah. Off the Earls Court Road.

Good Lebanese. Right. We didn't avail ourselves of the Lebanese. Okay. Because we had fish fingers. Oh, yeah. Fair enough. But, yeah, fair enough. But, yeah, it was nice.

I liked living in London. And you've moved to? Outside Norwich. Outside Norwich? Yeah. Did you just get sick of the big smoke? That's where my wife and her family are from. Uh-huh.

So she blackmailed me at a certain point about having more children. Oh, right, okay. certain point about having more children all right okay and um so i said all right well i'll give in to your demands if we can go and live in the country and that's what we did and how is life there it's nice i mean you do it is i you are isolated essentially we're out in the middle of nowhere so there are times when you you go a bit nuts but uh it and it's nice it's beautiful i can't complain i'm very lucky i wanted to ask you about um your interview technique i don't know if it is even you think of it as a technique it's kind of this wonderful disarming way of being able to ask these incredibly difficult questions i, is that something that you are aware

you're so brilliant at doing? Or is it just something that kind of you fell upon when you started doing the podcast? I mean... It's a gift and... It's a gift I was given by a shaman when I was five. And no, I don't... I edit them. That's the secret okay I'm you know

not a great interviewer I do well no because I keep the good bits and I get rid of the bits where I'm absolutely terrible which is why I don't do too many live ones well we don't know if we'll ever get booked again but you know it's been fun because it's difficult I mean it is it's nice to to be with the audience but I like the intimacy listening back yeah and the facility for

yeah editing out all the all the kind of slightly more dreary bits I feel like and forgive me because we only started

the podcast last year but forgive you thank you we have been doing it for nearly a year now you've been doing it for nearly a year now. You've been doing it for a good four years, I think? Nearly.

And at that time, because I don't think I knew about podcasts then, why did you decide to start a podcast? Had there been one that you'd listened to? Well, me and Joe, my comedy wife, used to do podcasts years ago. Okay. We started doing one in about 2006 or 2007. Not many people were doing it then, were they? We used to be on a radio station called XFM in London.

And we took over when Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant went off to do the second series of The Office. They had a Saturday morning show and we filled in for them. And so we ended up doing a regular show after that. But Ricky and Stephen had one of the first and most successful podcasts back in the day. And so we sort of followed on from them. I didn't know what a podcast was. I was like my dad or, you know, an old person

when you talk about podcasts and they say, what is it exactly? I don't really, you know, there's that initial phase where you're like, what's it exactly? I don't really... It's a bit like you, Mum, but you're actually right then. What's the point? It's like the first time you see an iPad or something. You think, do you remember when an iPad came out? Everyone was like, what is the point of an iPad? Why do we need an iPad?

And now it seems like, oh, yeah, it's an iPad. It's for the stuff you can't do with a laptop, and it's convenient for these reasons. And podcast is the same sort of thing. It does occupy a unique space that really there was nothing like that before yeah and it needed to exist i really like it as a medium because obviously you can do so much you can say things that you could never say on the radio and you can have fun with it and talk at length and have the kinds of conversations that

are more like real conversations between friends you know so i always liked it and i loved doing them with joe i did one at xfm with joe and then one at six music and the response to those was much better than anything we'd ever got like there's much more of a connection with the people that listened than there ever was when we did a TV show or when I did live stuff or anything like that you know I really like how intimate how close you feel to the people who do podcasts that you enjoy you know does it feel like a job now that it's kind of such a success no no I really like doing it and it's hard work yeah you've got to keep doing it. It takes ages to edit them and things like that. And I do the jingles and that takes a while.

Yeah, the jingles is like, it's a big thing for you. Everyone like talks about, people want them to buy as well. Like somebody was saying. They say that, but they are available to buy and nobody buys them. Jessie, I think we should pay him to do a jingle for us. Yeah, I think we should pay you to do one. Well us. Yeah, I think we should pay you to do one. Could we do a duet at some point? Oh my god, yeah.

So I'll write some stupid stuff and you can sing on it. Do I have to do a silly voice? No, no, you've got a nice voice, so you could sing. Oh, thank you. I'm really up for that. That would be amazing. Yeah, we'll do that. Imagine if we get the... My dad wrote a porno, we've got this explains explicit blah blah blah and all the good stuff, and then we're going to have Adam Buxton.

It's just like we're taking all the, it's like the buffet. But if I wrote like a jingle that was gently taking the mick out of what you do. Yeah. I'm so up for that. Okay, good. Very, very much. Would you be able to do BVs and sing on it too? Sure.

Because I feel like that's essential. I would insist. That's essential. Are you thinking that ours would be guitar or synth-less? No, I'm like, I'd be like Brian Eno. Whenever he works with a band, he always lays down a BV track because he wants to,

like, he likes adding a part of himself in there as well. You know what I mean? Okay, brilliant. You haven't asked about his table, worst table manner.

Oh, yes, no, we will. This will, yeah, worst table manner. What is your worst table manner

apart from throwing tomatoes at our guests? That is pretty bad. I guess it is hassling my teenage sons and demanding that they make polite conversation when they have no intention of doing so. Around the dinner table? Yeah.

They sat there. I don't think it's okay for one of my sons to sit there with his head in his hands. Why? Because he's so depressed being at dinner. Yeah, exactly. Because he is at that point with the most boring people in the world. No, he's like, give me foie gras, please. Yeah, please, no more tuna and tomato ketchup.

But my worst thing is a boring, obvious one, which is the people on devices and uh i don't mind i don't like it's okay for the default i understand that people are intimately connected to their devices i don't mind them being on the table some people don't even want to see them i mean adam you did bring a laptop and a phone on us yeah so to our table manners. Yeah, that's not cool. But certainly people just texting away. No. No. I think that's totally off.

Don't you? Yes, I definitely have maybe done that sometimes. You just wonder about people's relationships. They go out for dinner together and you see a couple and they're both on their phones. And you just think, what's going on there? It must be so depressing. Or you just see couples who are older and they're they're not that generation but they sit there in silence oh

that's always brilliant it's so sad is it sad though maybe they've just reached a point where they've just run out of things to say they've run out and they're just relaxed and they're just like yeah i'm not going to talk to you anymore and that's i hope you don't mind and they're just like yeah i'm not gonna talk to you anymore and that's i hope you don't mind and they're like no i'm fine i'm not gonna talk to you either let's just let's just sit here i can't i i love to watch them though like the awkward couples in restaurants to see what they're thinking kind of when they're silenced maybe they're so comfortable that they just yeah exactly because people do get very judgy about those like i was just the other day with some friends and my pal garth looked over and said oh i hope i'm not like that one when i'm 70 just

sitting there not saying a word to each other that's sad and i gave him the same speech that i just gave you like maybe it's not maybe they're fine with it yeah and i think people get judgmental because they they fear it you know they they fear like maybe I'd reach that point and there would be bad reasons why I wasn't talking to my partner. You know what I mean? But I think don't worry about it. You'll be all right. Yeah.

Get a nice bit of silence. I can't see any of our dinners together. They're never silent. They're never silent. No. Always rowdy. Aren't your family meals rowdy? No.

Expressing opinions? No, not really. Always rowdy. Aren't your family meals rowdy? No. Expressing opinions? No, not really. We always anyone who comes into our family always thinks we're arguing with each other. Okay. And it's not. It's how we communicate. That's the kind of family that I always wanted to be part of. Did you? Yeah, but it was never like that. You can come round for dinner. Friday night

dinner. We just won't give you any of the food that we offered today and we'll just give you ketchup and chips. Adam Buxman, it's been such a pleasure. Thank you for being our guinea pig for the live podcast. Thank you so much. Nice to meet you. Yeah.

I think everyone has enjoyed it so much. Sorry if I hit you with a tomato. mum i'm knackered i need sustenance darling after that how many people were there it was brimming out the tent They said that that was the biggest crowd they've had all weekend. I hope we didn't disappoint. I have no idea. They stayed. I couldn't speak at some stages. I think it was, you know, Adam Buxton is such a pro, and it was so nice to have him on.

And I just think that he was very kind to us with it being our first live podcast experience. I mean, I think he said later the salmon was really lovely I was just teasing about not eating I just think that's his shtick isn't it I think he helped us out and everyone seemed to love when the cherry tomatoes were flung into the audience so there you go I don't think he likes food very much he definitely was the least foodie person we've ever had on but that was was kind of brilliant. Yeah, it was. It was good. Thank you so much, Latitude, for being confident enough to let us...

Accommodating, I think. Yeah, accommodating and confident that we could do the job. We hope we didn't disappoint. It has been quite fun and a bit mad. And thank you, of course, to Adam Buxton, who I have followed his podcast and think he is just such an interesting, brilliant man and wonderful, wonderful interviewer. So, and mum, we have banked a jingle. Did that happen though? Yeah, we have, but my microphone kept drooping.

It kept, and I had to keep on lifting it up. It kept on going down, so it kept on going like that. How did you find having an audience in front of you it didn't even phase me yes darling come here can you say something more than ah can you say thank you Adam Daddy! both have underwear. Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, warehouse, warehouse, warehouse, warehouse, warehouse, warehouse. Werewolves. Werewolves. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

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