Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S9 Ep 11: Mel and Sue

Episode Date: April 15, 2020

We were SO thrilled to get the UK’s finest - the greatest and warmest comedic duo Mel & Sue on Table Manners this week, via our new friend Zoom.'Perky' & 'Melly', as they call each other, dialled in – Mel live from inside her wardrobe – and made mum and I feel so much better about another week in lockdown. The fabulous twosome talk to us about their brand new Sky Originals/Now TV show 'Hitmen', they Mrs & Mrs each other's last supper, tell us what they’re eating in lockdown, what a ‘special purse’ is & they reminisce about their Bake Off days! Everyone needs a bit of Mel & Sue in their lives…especially right now. They are wonderful, witty and kind and we love them, a lot x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I am Jessie Ware and I am here through the internet with my mum Lenny. Say hi mum. Why are you smiling? No one can see you. Because you know what, just before, I can't repeat what we were just talking about before I started the intro, but it's good to know that quarantine hasn't taken away your mouth and attitude. My sharp sting. It's Lenny concentrated tonight. Yeah, it's made it worse because I'm fed up. You are fed up, aren't you, Mum?

Very. Try being on your own for three weeks and you'll see how fed up you are. Well, get ready for three months, Mum. It's purgatory. I'm waiting for that immunity passport so I can come over and give my washing to you again. Oh, thanks.

Not because you can come back and be with me. Well, no'd be nice too but you know mum how you said you don't know what day it is. Yeah. Everybody feels like that by the way. Everybody feels like they're going slightly mad. So I wake up and I think it's always I do feel a bit Friday-ish today. Oh yeah have you got your drink? I've got my G&&T I've got my drink but I have a drink every night Otherwise I'd go mad What did you have for your dinner? I had for dinner, I did broccoli and pea fritters Why are you making a face?

I did it with a tahini yoghurt dip and it was really nice Sorry, my daughter did not eat it But my son thought it was amazing Of course she didn't, it's revolting It absolutely wasn't it was really nice actually on fish fingers it's gourmet in our house for lunch she had a mushroom a creamy mushroom uh pasta with parsley and garlic and it was like heaven because i put cream in it you would have loved it mum does she like that loved it anyway so tonight we have our

favorite kind of uh table manners episode we've got a friday night seven o'clock and we have one of the best comedic duos national treasures absolute national treasures mel and sue who i remember watching light lunch and just finding them hysterical. A lot of people know them for Bake Off. They have a brilliant new series out on Sky and Now TV called Hitmen, where they play hitmen. And I don't know if they're particularly brilliant at being hitmen. They're just warm, kind, brilliant women. And we can't wait to have them on. It's just a real treat that we've got them.

And especially, I think, after a bit of a weird week of just feeling like this situation isn't really changing. So to have Mel and Sue, you know, you've watched them on Bake Off and they were always just so kind, weren't they? You loved it when they used to cry. You used to love it when they'd sob. I used to sob with them. So I just feel they're very kind, warm human beings. Funny. Witty. Funny. They're good with an innuendo too i love an innuendo yeah i wonder if we'll get any tonight yeah oh here we go oh

sue perkins oh hey can you hear us Thank you for doing this. You're very, very welcome. I wondered who was just in your kitchen and were they making dinner and have you had dinner yet? This is my dinner. I've got my dinner. So I made my dinner. What is it? Well, today it's risotto.

I've eaten most of it, so this is my second. And it's sort of lockdown risotto. You can't really see it. But it's risotto I've eaten most of it so this is my seconds and sort of lockdown risotto you can't really see it but um it's uh vegetable and I haven't got any parmesan so I I in sort of true bourgeois fashion I only had manchego so I cubed a load of that and shoved it in and it's actually all right I know I mean really slumming it during this period um but it's actually turned out okay was that because you watched um did you watch Jamie Oliver's keep calm and uh carry on cooking yesterday and he did a kind of primavera did he uh risotto yeah I love risotto I make it like twice a week or something yeah you know what I haven't done it yet but it's easy well what so what's in your one tonight it's uh leeks courgettes french beans

finely um sliced asparagus and peas and a load of cheese a load of cheese a bit of booze oh gorgeous all is good it's so easy to carry on eating it as well it's just kind of well this is my second my second load my second attempt at the trough and And what are you drinking? Is that Vimto? No, that is water and a bit of old juice that I found. What I'm trying to do, I tell you, what I'm trying to do is eat everything we've got. So I'm trying to do the opposite of panic buying. I'm trying, you know, I'm very lucky.

We had a relatively well-stocked house. I'm going to eat all of that, every single bit of it, before I even attempt to go to the shops and get anything else. So this is a bit of old pomegranate juice, knackered, that was loitering at the back. And I have to say, it tastes slightly like it's gone off. It's a slight fizz to it, which isn't accommodating on the palate. Is it a kombucha now, maybe? You know, it's now really good for you.

I think you're absolutely right it's gone through a fermentation process which now means it's gut beneficial so hold on you haven't been to the shops yet i've been to get a few i mean literally once or twice to get a few like absolute essential things like milk and bread um i would have made bread but there's no flour but i'm just aware that certainly the first week i mean the supermarkets were like a petri dish of sort of foaming humanity at its worst and i didn't really want to get involved in it the sort of paranoid nervous hypochondriac part of me was like i'm going to get corona if i go shopping um and the sort of socially kind of aware part also went man if there's if there's sort of nurses doing videos about how they can't you know find anything to eat at the end of a long shift and

then i can get my fat ass out of a queue pronto but also local shopping as well always go local shopping now people go oh the supermarkets are empty. Just go to your local shop. I'm discovering on the odd occasion I go, I'll get a sort of Turkish delicacy. I've overlooked them before, but why not experience life in all of its majesty? So what have you been eating a lot of then? It's been risotto a couple of times a week.

Yeah, quite a lot of pies. I had a lot of just roll in the freezer. A lot of vegan just roll. So, a load of potatoes and leeks, whatever I could find. I mean, I don't know if you've ever heard of Walton Pie. Have you ever heard of that? No. Basically, he was the minister of food during the war

mr walton and one of his public broadcasts have told people what well a lot of his public broadcast told people what to eat and the walton pie was a thing and it's basically a load of steamed old root veg with a with a sort of almost like cardboard lid on the top and that's what i've been making a lot of because i've had a load of like weird potato knackered potatoes with sort of tubers growing out of them I thought I had to use um and a lot of pastry so pies and I love a pie so was it a short crust yeah but I've made it it's just you get it out yeah but roll it out cut it round bosh but so so you were never tempted after bake-off to ever make your own pastry no I, I made a lot of breads. I was quite good at making breads. A few of the Paul Hollywood hero bakes

were made by me, actually, and my mates in the prep kitchen at the back. Because when I wasn't on, we used to go on the Royal Tour, so you'd go around all the benches and say, what are you making? And you'd be with Mary and Paul and we would alternate.

So if it wasn't my morning to do that, I essentially had the whole morning off. And rather than just going to watch telly, my favourite thing would be to do that I essentially the whole morning off and rather than just going to watch telly my favourite thing would be to go I absolutely love food and I love cooking so I would go and hang with Fenya and Becca my mates and we would just make stuff we'd make a Sally Lunn bun we'd make crew food so I've made most crew lunches most days they'd have pizza and brownies and curry and whatever else we could scrape together. And genuinely, it was some of the happiest times on that show was just making food for hungry crew

who would carry little sporks on chains and dig in. It was lovely. That's amazing. And what was the crew's favourite Sioux dish? It was always pizza, actually, because, you know, mainly it was sweet stuff on bake-off. So, yeah, we'd do tray bakes and stuff, but it was sweet stuff on bake-off so yeah we do tray bakes and stuff but it was a bit of a busman's holiday so if you come up with anything savory it was a

win but the pizzas were good i'm quite good at making a good thin uh pizza dough crust and then because the kitchens are obviously sort of laden with the spare ingredients from the bakes there would always be cheese prosciutto rocket those are good stuff and we just whack that on there um roller it all up with the old pizza roller or pizza wheel and get it out on a board and i don't have any of that fancy stuff at home you know i don't have a you know a sort of slate board or a or a big wooden board so everything just looked better in that context if i was to make it here it would look a bit i don't know look a bit substandard. Hello, sailors. Oh, hold on, you're on.

Hey. Hi. Macy, it looks like you've rigged up a makeshift theatre in your house, you rancid ham. She looks like she's in Topshop changing rooms. Mel's only not been on television for seven days and she's built her own theatre upstairs, just so she can keep the hamton, darling,

because one can get very slack. She's built her own theatre upstairs just so she can keep the hand in, darling, because one can get very slack. So we are now with Mel and Sue. Mel is in her wardrobe and I can see a dog tooth jacket and a blue lacy, like with a white lace trim. So that's where it is. I love this dress. And please explain why you're in a wardrobe. Well, So that's where it is. I love this dress. And please explain why you're in a wardrobe.

Well, Jessie, I'm honoured, can I just say, to be on your and your mum's podcast. It's really lovely of you to have us. And I just thought for best sound quality, I would surround myself. It is good. So professional now. Oh, always, my darling.

Deaden the sound with some clothes. She likes to come pre-muffled. Always. Can I ask, what's one of your most memorable meals together? Or is that kind of, are there too many? It's got to be, it's got to be, what do you think, Perk? That's a really good question. Oh, OK.

Well, we should put, oh. Oh, matey, matey, hang should... Oh, matey, matey. Hang on. Oh, matey. I've got loads of them. Yes, my 24th birthday in the Polish club. Oh, incredible. Pierogi.

Yeah, pierogi always. Always the pierogi. What else was there? A lot of vodka. Loads of vodka. Zrazy, which is a sort of beef, a Polish beef stew dish. I think we...

Barszcz. Yeah, barsorscht. Borscht to start with. There have been some quite intensely sort of bread-crumbed vegetables. They love to bread-crumb their vegetables, the Poles. Heavy bread-crumb. Everything, pork and cabbage.

Pigs and cabbage. Yeah, absolutely. And some... The twin pillars of Polish food. And some very heavily alcoholic cake to finish off with, always sodden with alcohol. Can I ask, apologies, are you Polish or did you just

fancy a Polish do when you were 24? Look at her name. I know, okay, fine. But do you... The name is a clue. Have you spent a lot of time in Poland? No, my dad was a Polish-Lithuanian so he used to go to the Polish club

because he pitched up in England in 1947. And he used to go to the Polish club in the late 40s. Which one? The gorgeous one in Kensington. Yeah. Oh, it's so fabulous, decadent. Have they done it up?

No, never, Lenny. Still fabulously decadent. Yeah. And there's a massive portrait in the dining room of Rula Lenska, Have they done it up? No, never, Lenny. Still fabulously decadent and urban. Yeah. And there's a massive portrait in the dining room of Rula Lenska, which is always a glory to behold. It is really extraordinary in all her Titian wonderment. With it sort of backlit.

A lot of memorable meals involve Polish food. There was a fantastic restaurant called patio on the uxbridge road and the woman that ran it um around about sort of midnight as most restaurants would wind down she'd have a sort of lock-in a load of musos would come in and play sort of chopin and sort of old sort of folk sort of songs and then um she'd get the honey vodka and the cherry vodka out for free and we'd get absolutely it was always It was always Cherry Vodka, Cherry Vodka. As soon as you walked in, you remember. Pumly Vodka.

Cherry Vodka. But that's closed. It's closed. I tried to find Patio online. I thought, oh, brilliant. It'd be great to go there, son. It's closed. I'll tell you what hasn't closed, matey,

which makes me think of you every time I drive by, which is annoying because I drive by every day and I don't wish to be reminded of you on such a constant level. What is it? Bintang. Oh, stop it. Kentish Town. Stop it. Love Bintang, mate. Bintang, Jessie! So good! So, we

spent years going to Bintang. Yeah. Every birthday, every celebration. Yeah. Coconut rice, shared ton of booze. And garlic. You can't go out after. You have to stay together as a pack after it. Yes. Because you stink of garlic.

It's true. There was a lovely guy. There was such a lovely guy that used to run it. I can't remember his name, but he was so hospitable. And there were always cocktails with, you know, an umbrella and a sparkler. And we did loads of birthdays in there, Per. We did loads. I would also say, when I think of you, I think of... I know what you're going to say.

A spud you like. I was going to say, Victoria Station. Victoria Food Court. Yeah, yeah. Spud you like. Spud you like. And basically, this sort of... I don't know, you think of those big sort of moments in personal histories, like, you think of the Blair Brown Summit at Granita, and they were probably having some posh

meal. We started working together and we decided we were going to go and do Edinburgh over a baked potato in Victoria food court. You go up the escalator in Victoria Station and they used to, but I don't know if there still is a food court there. No, there isn't. Yeah, it's all sort of lush now, isn't it? They've got a market hall now.

Oh, whoa. Like they've got like, it's a food hall, but it's like, you know. Oh, really? It's all changed. Victoria's gone well posh. Yeah, it's well posh. really it's all changed victoria's gone well posh yeah it's well posh we used to we used to share a baked potato i think we had we had absolutely no money or there was one whole year when we survived on luncheon vouchers do you remember that mate it

was virgin train vouchers oh where did we get them from we got two well we survived on two things so i think you've got the lunch vouchers for something i've written a sort of 17 page snotty letter to richard branson about a train journey we'd done back from the end yes and got what seemed to be hundreds of pounds worth of train vouchers which at the time was sort of national rail generics that you could use anywhere and everywhere so we i mean obviously everything sort of it feels sort of of hugely free and exciting when you're young. But it seemed to me that we just travelled and ate like kings for like a year or all this. Did we have to eat on a train, though, to get food? Or could we get food?

No, I think the luncheon vouchers were separate. I can't remember. I don't know where I got those from. Luncheon vouchers were redeemable. Mate, another place I've just thought of. See if you can think. Hang on, hang on. I'm beaming it to you.

Think of a twig in the hair. Oh! Charlotte's in West Hampstead. Charlotte. Mother knows. Charlotte. Do you remember Charlotte? of see if you can think hang on hang on i'm beaming it to you think of a twig in the hair oh charlotte's in west hampstead charlotte's do you remember charlotte's uh jesse and lenny it was in west hampstead i'm south london so i only know bintang from my north london friends but charlotte's i don't know about oh my god she had an enormous she was austrian and would uh slightly nuts and would say she would come to the table and go, hello, Masa knows. Masa knows. For the ordering now. And what would you like?

Apfelstrudel, my darlings, always. Oh, and some schnitzel would be Masa knows. And she had an amazing I think it was a wig. An extraordinary hairdo. It was like an enormous nest sort of atop her head with, we thought, twigs in it,

but it might have been knitting needles or I don't know what it was. But she gave us a lot of stuff for free as well. I think she sensed we were on our uppers. People that give you food for free in their bar, restaurant, I think they should be knighted. They're so kind, those people. Do you know what I mean? They're so sweet.

Especially when you're young and you're a student or you haven't got any money. I remember once, I was in Hampstead. When we sort of left college, I was living essentially in a squat in Hampstead with our mates. And can I name and shame? Can I just say who it was? Yes.

Yeah. It was Louise Patisserie on Heath Street. Oh, I remember Louis. It's still there. Is it? So we walked in. Me and my mate, Phelpsie, walked in there. They weren't kind in there, actually.

They're not kind. Admittedly, we looked like a right pack of ruffians. And they blocked us. And we just came in for a cup of tea. And we had, I mean, we were signing on, but we had money. And I've never forgot it. I never went in there again even when i had money you could go in there and you could be julia roberts and go in and go big mistake big yes and then go god see pokins is a real narcissist she walked in here apropos nothing but yeah it really upset me that because

i just thought oh my my money is not as good as everyone else's money and because we weren't, you know, I'm not a very snappy dresser at the best of times. I hate going into a shop or a restaurant and if somebody looks you up and down to see what you're wearing, that I turn on my heel and go, I can't bear that.

You should put clothes on, mate. Do you think that's it, mate? I can't do that. You must stop. Oh God, yeah, you're absolutely right just ruffles feathers you're absolutely right pop a pair of pants on do you miss the bake-off there's a time in spring when just it starts to get warm it's sort of about now actually and the blossoms starting to come out and the daffodils are out when i all i do get a

bit of a kind of oh i get a bit of a pang because I just remember that was always the time of year that we started filming and we'd be in this beautiful place in Berkshire and it was just good times, good, good times with Paul and Mary and having a laugh. Those are the times I remember. Is Paul fun? He is good fun. He is good fun.

When we were there, he was really good fun. And stuff happened that made us incredibly sad and incredibly hurt. But yeah, I mean, he was always like family for years and years and years. And I think it's painful when those things end, especially in the way that they did end. Yeah. Is that fair to say, Mellie? Absolutely. I'd never, you know, I really,

I'm devastated about what happened, about lots of it, but I just don't, I just feel sort of talking about it is just really, it's just uncool and you start pointing the finger and then you become as bad as everybody else. Do you know what I mean? It's like it is what it is. We had Sandy Toxford go on and we said, do you feel a bit worried that Mel and Sue would be a bit upset? And she said, no, we're all professionals.

They won't mind that I'm doing this job. I think everyone does it their own way. You know, the show is big enough. You know, the show is about the bakers. That's what makes the show, really. And whoever's at the helm of it is going to put their own twist on it, their own spin. I mean, I like to think that Perks and I sort of created the helm of it is going to put their own twist on it their own spin i mean

i like to think that's that perks and i sort of created the tone for it you did the most amazing tone well we wanted it to be kind we wanted it to we wanted the stories to kind of unravel organically and slowly and not to be a kind of sensationalist jeopardy yeah no sort of fuck jeopardy yeah we wanted it to be a kind of a comforting watch and um you know hopefully we sort of establish that and then other people do what they want with it but hopefully that kind of stays i haven't seen it people will take over and and have as many says they have their own spin and good honestly good luck to them there's no there's no ranker there i think matt will do an amazing job yeah because I've heard terrible stories about people crying

and production staff telling people what to do and people being really upset. It's stressful. It's a very, very stressful show. I wouldn't survive half an hour on the bake-off. I would be in floods. I'd be a limpid rag of sodden tears. So people do cry, floods, I'd be a limpid rag of sodden tears.

So people do cry, but our job, we felt, was always to try and get people through that and comfort them and help them as opposed to just kind of saying, you know, oh, guys, come over here quickly, she's crying, get the camera on this person. Look, her biscuit tower's collapsed. Let's get seven cameras and a

microphone up her arse and watch her in real time collapse. Let's get seven cameras and a microphone up her arse and watch her in real-time collapse. Mel, before you came on, we were talking to Sue about what she's been eating a lot of during lockdown. And I just wondered, what's it like in your household? What have you been eating a lot of? We know what you're having for tea, for dinner.

Yeah, it hasn't arrived yet. Your daughter's in the kitchen. Is it flopp your household? What have you been eating a lot of? We know what you're having for tea, for dinner. Yeah. It hasn't arrived yet. Your daughter's in the kitchen. Hasn't arrived. Is it Flopper's making it? Yeah, Floss is making it. Poor Cinderella. I can't even smell any action coming from the kitchen going,

you're too muffled. Actually, yes, I need to get out of this blooming clothes situation. She promised it would be with me by quarter to eight. It's now 7.47. Matey, that's only two minutes late. That's quite tough parenting. That's military, mate. That is military mum.

Talking of military, so my beloved husband, Ben, who we do call military dad, his plan for lockdown is to work our way through the cupboards. This is exactly what I've done. The same as you. It's like you, Puck. We are so the product of our families. I know, of our parents.

I'm making up weird shit from stuff clagged at the back of the cupboards. What have you had, Puck? What's been your cupboard special? There's been a lot of curious pasta shapes, I won't lie. Things that were bought, obviously, you know, on the hoof. Thinking, oh, that looks like a lovely artisanal, dusted sort of earlobe-shaped pasta. Bang that in the back of the cupboard and forget about it for three years.

There's been some quite rancid soup, which I thought I'd rejig by putting some rice in there. A bit of cheese. Boke, boke, triple boke. Cranstead soup, which I thought I'd rejig by putting some rice in there. Yes. A bit of cheese. Lovely. Boak, boak, triple boak. Oh. And what else? Knackered old biscuits that I broke up into a crumble, which was quite good, actually.

Oh, that's a good idea. Do you know what? It wasn't half bad. It wasn't half bad, that. I was quite pleased with that. What were the biscuits? What kind of biscuits? They were the, you know the ones with the animal on

the mini milks oh I love those the zoo ones no malted milk malted milks malted milk I love malted milk with a cow on

yes I love a malted milk lovely they're good dunkers what else? yeah oh yeah lots of noodles I had as well

lots of old packs of noodles strong it's been carb carby oh I'm very carby I It's been carb, carby. Oh, I'm very carby, I'm afraid. I'm super carby. No, I like it.

She likes her carbs. She does. Mellie's less carby. She's quite, Mel's quite good on routines of food. Really? We found a really slightly dismal and dusty collection of beans, dried beans,

and sort of haricots. From the war. Fl flagella beans from 1947 so we soaked these beans for like literally about 36 hours and then boiled them for about eight hours added a load of chili garlic onions tomato do you know what? Pretty darn good. And then we guffed for about 20 hours. We were trumpeting. I can't do it, mate. It's too Windy Miller for me. It was unbelievable, mate.

The smells and sounds coming from our house were phenomenal. Apparently bicarb is good. When you put them, you put bicarb in. It sort of counteracts the something to do with that i read i've never done it because i don't work well with a bean i've got lots of my friend uses bicarb in in bread oh she doesn't use yeast but but i want to know because sue have you got a sourdough starter about your person no but you know what i did have for ages um paul paul gave me i bet he's got a few sourdough starters i imagine he has he'd like to show them to you as well lenny

i'd love to see his sourdough we've got his number we can get him around to give you a bit of a sourdough starter yeah he gave me um sourdough starter that was the mother um it was 75 years old the mother so they'd just been taking bits off adding to it adding to it he'd got it when he was in Italy and gave me a bit and I kept it alive for about six months and made some incredible bread out of it and then the most sourdough is it's like having a dog you wouldn't ever leave a dog for two years it's a tamagotchi it's a tamagotchi i effed off for like i don't know i went on a mini break or something you can't mini break with sourdough starch so fuck that you've got to be on it you have to take it with you it died it died how does it die does it just desiccate yeah what's it look like when it dies

uh well you just you put it in you you basically take a bit off as if you're going to make the bread and the bread is like a brick. So it has no aeration. And it's basically just gone back. There's no bubbles in it. It's just gone back to being like flour and water. It's sludgy. It does it.

I murdered it. I murdered a 75 year old Italian starter. What was he called? What was he called? Giuseppe. Giuseppe. Giuseppe. See, Giuseppe. I killed Giuseppe. Giuseppe. Giuseppe, see, Giuseppe.

I killed Giuseppe. Oh, I've never tried a starter. I'm a bit scared of bread, actually, which is stupid. I'm scared of it. Me too. Mellie loves pastry, I love bread. Yeah. There's one recipe that Paul showed us, actually,

which was really, really good, which only involves water, dry yeast and flour and a bit of oil, and it's brilliant. Oh, I could do that. It's really good, Jessie. It's really good. I'll send it to you. Where did you grow up?

Me? So, again, another thing that Perks and I share is that we both grew up in Surrey, in the Burbs. Surrey? I was on the outskirts of Leatherhead in a little, near a village called Fetchham in a 1968 built cul-de-sac for the first 11 years of my life and very, very happy years they were actually. I'm slightly obsessed with Leatherhead.

It seems to feature a lot. In fact, Sue and I have a band called Leatherhead and we need to start practising, mate. Oh, shush. Should we know about this band? Can we hear you on Spotify? Not yet. There was only ever one gig, in fact, two gigs, Jessie. One in St Albans, in a place in St Albans, and the other at my brother's 40th birthday party.

We've never played since. We've never played. He's 60. He's 60 now. Mate, half of Leatherhead played at your birthday. That's very true. Half of Leatherhead played at my 50th birthday. That is very true.

Do you wear leather? No. We need to talk about costumes, actually, Perk. I've got some ideas. We need to get Leatherhead off the ground. The older I get, the more naked I want to be. The more that my body resembles a sort of flesh landslide, the more I want to free up and just show it off.

Yeah, man. I might wear a bikini this year. I might just wear a bikini. I haven't worn one since I was about 15. You think fucking... Oh, God, that's the last thing I bloody want. I'm going to go topless with a pair of leather chaps and I might wear a sort of Swedish,

you know, those sort of blonde plaited wigs. Yes. Might do that. Like Mariah Carey. Yes, exactly. I want to get in the back garden when the weather gets warmer and just get all the scars out, the stretch marks, the rolls, the dimples. I want it all out.

I've decided. Get it out. I've turned a corner, lads. I've turned a corner. So you're from Leatherhead as well, Sue. No, I'm from a charming little hamlet called croydon croydon 23 yeah that's where i'm from we're south london i'm clapping oh lovely so we're on the way to croydon absolutely oh everything's on the way to croydon but the thing is you usually get off

and start in life before you get there yeah i mean it's either you you're either going to sort of um down the a23 to get to sort of ballam and Clapham or you're going to Brighton. But you don't normally stop off at Croydon. But actually, I'm like Mellie, I had an incredibly happy childhood and just pretty sort of blissful, really. And kind of quite regimented, quite strict parents like Mellie's. Strict mums. We've both got strict mums. Strict? Really?

Jessie's a strict mum. Are you, Jessie? Are you? What, because I make her finish her dinner? Well, actually I don't know if that's the right thing to be doing or not because she's just like... She's three and you make her spinach and broccoli pancakes for God's sake. She likes broccoli. She likes peas.

I put it in a pancake. She should fucking like it yeah eat it didn't though did she did you see i put some little magic stars in the little shopping thing yes you know what she said tonight though which i thought was quite interesting she's pretending she's got a baby in her tummy at the moment i i don't know why but she said my baby doesn't like this mom and i said well your baby needs to learn some manners. That's cunning. And your baby needs to appreciate it.

She went, my baby just doesn't like it. My baby likes the chocolate. That's brilliant. And she's three. Gosh, she's going to, yeah, she's bright as a button. But how was it with dinner times with both of you, with your strict mums? Was kind of dinner time fun time?

It was great i i mean my mum was an amazing cook and perks his mum i can absolutely tell you straight up is an amazing cook as well we once timed our dinner time and i it was six minutes i mean we ate it's military really quickly because there were six of us, four kids and two parents. And it was just a race from start to finish. Was your family like that, Perks? Yeah, it was the roving fork from my brother. So it would just be anything he could get on the end of his fork.

Just eat in everyone's food. Yeah, it was huge amounts, piping hot, dished up on the absolute stroke of six and gone by five past six. Yeah. So my, actually it was half past six, so my dad would come home from work and he'd go upstairs and, you know, he'd wash and, you know, shave and then come down and then it would just be like locusts, locusts.

And, you know, before that it would just be you know home from school i'd eat a sort of pack of biscuits or a load of white bread and jam fall asleep pretend i've done some homework then it'd be sort of endless sort of music practice it'd be sort of scraping of violins and piano and all sorts of stuff we were quite musical as a family and and um yeah then dad would come home and then it was just scoff and then telly. Yeah. And it was always, Dad would always have the remote, so you were always stuck with some horrendous sort of question of sport style, sort of awfulness. Yeah.

So, Mel, what were you eating at the dinner? Pierogies. Oh, a lot of pierogies. So my mum is English, but she learnt all her Polish cooking off my granny. So her mother-in-law. That's great. But I also remember, I mean, sheer kind of 70s, coming home from school, putting away half a loaf of white bread with margarine and sugar.

Sugar sandwiches. I remember those. Oh, delicious. So good. Banana sandwiches. Cinnamon toast. Cinnamon sugar on buttered bread stop it i mean delicious being so hungry i remember that hunger after school that that oh guys to love that used to love that

and then famished yeah famished and i remember um yeah i remember when sort of things weren't going so well in in at some point in the 70s and um i think money was a money was a bit tight and my mum having to sort of you know make do with sort of endless cauliflowers and uh you know i think it must have been quite tough on her actually now i think about it we weren't a big sort of you know sunday roast every sunday kind of family it was good food though faggots though not good faggots did you ever have those in the 70s what is a faggot they're like meatballs but made with kind of more scrappy meat aren't they yeah exactly yeah cheap yeah and lots of go nadi action there i think yeah yeah yeah we had

lots of things like um because again we didn't have a lot of cash so my mum was an earlier adopter of soya mints which used to come in packets from sainsbury's and it was just pence and it was sort of dehydrated soya chunks and then you just basically smash that with a load of um boiled water and a and a tin of tomatoes and whatever and a lot of, I always remember, dried mixed herbs. Dried mixed herbs. A lot of dried mixed herbs. And parmesan cheese that stank like inside of a rugby player's jockstrap. Vomit. Yeah, do you know what I mean? All that dusty, yeah.

And that would go on your spag bol. Oh, it was horrible. My mum was really good at curry, actually. She was, you know, fair play to her. But she seemed to do that before other people did it. She was really, really good at curry. We had a lot of curry in the 70s and 80s. Best of curry, I remember, from the 70s.

So you met at university? We did, yeah. We did. We met in 1988. I was the year above Perks. She's older. She's much, much older. It really annoys me. Sometimes I'm two years older than her.

Sometimes it's just one, but sometimes it's two. Are we two or one at the moment? I'm 51 at the moment. You're about to be 52. You don't look it, darling. You look fabulous. You look gorgeous. Thank you, Lenny.

I can't see much of you with all the coats around you, but what I can see, you look great. Thank you, Lenny. I can't see much of you with all the coats around you, but what I can see, you look great. Thank you, Lenny. You're very kind. But, yeah, so Perks showed up, and I was really grateful because there weren't that many women at the time, or girls, that were into doing comedy. And the two of us kind of met, I think,

through a shared love of comedy, really. Which we've never done since. You're the funniest pair I've ever met. And I really wish we'd met you properly. I know it's really annoying that we're not cooking you a dinner. Next time. What would you have cooked? Well, we might have done our Friday night dinner

with chicken soup with matzo balls. Do you eat meat though, Sue? Not now. I've quit now. I would have done a veggie matzo balls. Do you eat meat though, Sue? Not now. I've quit now. I would have done a veggie matzo balls for you. I'd love that. Yeah. I've just given up.

That sounds so good. And I've sort of had phases of being vegetarian. And I just, yeah, that's me done now, I think. Is it? You think you are a veggie fully committed? Yeah. It means I'm eating a lot of bread and cheese um it's quite nice though I love bread and cheese I love cheese and crackers mate I'm gonna have that tonight but you know do you know what cheese cracker and

chutney I am getting through pots of chutney it's like Christmas at the moment isn't it well apart from a pandemic but you know yeah the cheese and chutney bit and it's like Christmas at the moment, isn't it? Well, apart from pandemic, but you know, yeah. The cheese and chutney bit. And it's the store cupboard thing, isn't it? We've got like six jars of chutney. You know, people are really sweet. They give it to you for Christmas. We are motoring through that stuff.

It is so delicious. What's your cheese of choice at the moment? Oh, it's a strong cheddar, mate. It sounds dull, but a really strong. Yeah, me too, I love it. A strong cheds. Or there's a thing called a po. It sounds dull, but a really strong... Yeah, me too. I love it. A strong cheddar. Or there's a thing called a poacher. God Minster's good.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, it is. What's a God Minster? Does that come in a wax? Does it come in a circle? Yes. Have you had the Black Bomber? That's also nice.

But a God Minster cheddar is great. I'm into smoked cheddar at the moment. I love a smoked cheese. I love it. Yeah, I don't. Yeah cheese I love Yeah I don't Yeah I do I don't Because it reminds me of childhood

It reminds me of childhood It reminds me of that wheel Of plasticised Bavarian smoked Yeah that funny And it had a kind of brown Bavarian cheese Correct Yeah on the outside

Yes A skin Gang big news Big news You've got dinner I can hear steps I can hear steps Floppers floppers floppers

Hey Veet Hey Come and. Hey, Veet. Hey. Come and say hi, darling. Hey, Veet. Look at that furry thing. Hi, darling. Come on through. Hello.

This is Leigh. Veet is. That's Jessie, that's Lenny, and there's Perks. Hey, guys. Nice to see you all. Hi. Hi. Spinach and ricotta pie with green beans.

Thank you so much. Spinach and ricotta pie with green beans. Ve so much Spinach and ricotta pie with green beans Beats thank you so much my love Your daughter is so polite They're wonderful The pair of them are just joyful They're so nice to each other Guys

Look at that Macy show me Oh bless her Can you see that Macy is that short. Oh, bless her. Can you see that? Oh, my God, that looks good. Oh, my God, that looks good. Macy, is that short-crossed? It's a puff.

It smells amazing. Do you mind if I eat, guys? No, no. No, please eat. How many children have you got now? Oh, hello. Sorry, love. I've got two. I've got to get this dress out of the way.

How old are they? One is 17 and the other is 16. Oh, so they're A-levels. GCSEs. And A-levels. And A-levels. Double whammy. Poor thing.

But isn't it quite good? Because then they get marked. Is it not good? I don't know. I think it's bad. Well, do you know what? When they first heard, to be honest, between us, they were absolutely devastated.

I'm sure. Well, they work so hard, they gear up for it, it's all they talk about for blooming three years. But now, now, oh my God. They've adjusted. They've adjusted and I think they're actually, I think they're quite relieved. Well, if the teachers, they said this morning

that the teachers are going to score them. Yeah, but can you imagine the pressure on the teachers though? Poor things. That is an awful thing. People are going to go in and kill them. But parents are going to be going nuts but can you imagine the pressure on the teachers though poor things that is an awful thing people are going to go in and kill them people parents are going to be going nuts aren't they yeah i would have scored really really really badly in my marks same here same here i was really really not good at school and i would just i had massive attention issues and so everything that i did would always be last minute and then would get it smashed for the for the exams I wasn't somebody who would have ever been able to have coped with a continuous

assessment thing I would have failed everything yeah it's really hard because people learn in different ways and much as I think probably you know I'm sure finer minds than mine have probably worked out this to be the fairest system. Some people will get massively downgraded. I think most people, they arse around during mocks, don't they? And then you pull it out of the bag for the real thing. And then you get frightened. Exactly. And then you work hard.

Yeah, I got a U in one of my mocks. This is delicious. Is it delicious? Yeah, it's really good, actually. It's delicious. I loved how she presented it to you, by the way. It was like, this is a spinach and ricotta pie. It was so polite. She's been training them as waitresses.

I really hope my daughter and I speak to each other like that. I think she saw you were there, guys, and she thought, oh, I better, you know, I better. I liked it. A star. Can I ask both of you? I wonder whether yours will be slightly similar or whether you can answer this for each other um but last supper oh like mr and mrs derrick macy's mrs let's go we've got the soundproof booth we've got the soundproof booth guys yeah this is everything i've ever wanted. Okay, so starter, main, pud, drink of choice.

Oh, wow. Are you going to guess each other's? I think it'll be stuff that reminds us of childhood, probably. And also, Perk, yours might involve meat. Yes, it probably would. Because you used to eat meat, now you don't. Yeah. Macy, what would your starter be?

I'm sorry, I might go for a real old-fashioned crunchy iceberg lettuce, Mary Rose sauce, prawn cocktail. Prawn cocktail, mate! I was just about to say that! A ruddy prawn cocktail. Ding, ding! So, so delicious.

Where would you get it from? Is there somebody, somewhere that you remember or just kind of, you know, just childhood? Oh, I'd probably make it. Yeah. Because you get some really good quality prawns. But it's the crisp of the lettuce and just slatherings of it. Don't serve it to me in a cocktail glass.

Don't insult me. I want it in a massive bowl. Just dribbling full of filthy ketchup and mayonnaise. It's so 70s. It's really comforting that, isn't it? Sue, are you not eating fish anymore? Are you full vegetarian now? Yeah, it's quite hard that isn't it so are you not are you not eating fish anymore you full vegetarian now yeah it's quite hard i won't lie because i really really miss fish i really yeah why are you not eating fish you can't have a moral view and then go but i eat fish so i'm just trying

it does your partner not is your partner of the same view as you? More flexible. Yeah. Flexitarian, we're called. Yeah. Because I was going to say that Gizzy Erskine's just set up this restaurant in St. Martin's Lane Hotel or St. Martin's Hotel, whatever it's called, called The Nightery. And I had one of the best, what's it, prawn cocktails there. Prawn cocktails. I just thought, if you want to. Is it it lovely why was it so good i don't know

it was just generous massive prawns too so they weren't the little bitty ones yeah i and actually she did this um really good cook along the other day where she made she i mean this is not helpful for you at all so but she recreated a big mac and um and she took the iceberg lettuce she iced which i presume that you'd do with uh yeah you ice it i thought and then she put icing on it i was thinking the me too no no no no no you ice... Anyway, she's a proper chef. Super fancy. Wow. But okay, so we've got the starter. What's next? We've got...

We're on to main. I know. Are you having your drink of choice with your main or is it an after drink or is it a starter drink? I'd say, for me, I don't know about you, little perk, one word, well, let's say two words, Christmas dinner. I'd have a full ruddy turkey. Again, you've smashed it in the park, mate. You've absolutely smashed it. well let's say two words christmas dinner i'd have a full ruddy turkey gravy cranberry stuffing

bread sauce bread sauce a whole vat of bread sauce devil's on horseback roast potatoes hasselback potatoes mashed potatoes boiled potatoes chips bit of sweet everything a little bit of sweet corn has no place sweet corn has no place place sweet corn has no place in the 70s and 80s we always had a little bit of sweet corn i know it's a bit weird but it gives a nice crunch gives a nice crunch and a sweetness i appreciate that right if you get the dessert right you are missus and missus oh now this is interesting this is interesting because oh they're so yeah and has bake off changed you when your puddings now okay you know what they look like they've got it there they both know come on you know what i'm gonna say mate well i'm torn between two for you bake bake off series um oh is it is it um m Mocker? Yes, thank you.

Mary Ann's Midnight Mocker Flan. Come on. So that is, oh, unbelievable. Imagine the most unctuous chocolatey, dark chocolate with coffee, espresso, sort of thick, fudgy filling in a beautiful biscuity open flan. It was.

Is this a Mary Berry special? Marianne Bormans. Season three. Season three. She came third. She came third? Re-worship at the altar of Bormans. Oh, she's so great.

She was such a good baker. Should she have won? She should have won. She didn't quite have the, basically everything she made was delicious, but it came out absolutely enormous so she was told to make putty four and they'd come out sort of putty sixteens I love that about her

I know, that's what we love but they said it's not dainty enough she was an amazing baker she is an amazing baker and she owns something like 800 cookbooks she's sort of a cookery historian now she's really worth following on Twitter they're all great she was absolutely brilliant matey did we pick a pudding 800 cookbooks. She's sort of a cookery historian now. She's really worth calling on Twitter. I mean, they all are.

They're all great. She was absolutely brilliant. Matey, did we pick a pudding? Because I'm torn now. Well, I've got... Because I'd have said... Marianne mocha, midnight mocha for me.

We did, right. But my second for you is a crumble because it's just... It's always been there. I like a tiramisu though. Me too. I love a tiramisu.

I do. I can't make it very well, but I can eat it really, really easily. I can eat it really well. I've got a crumble later. I've got a rhubarb crumble. Oh, wow. I'm quite pleased with the crumble topping. What have you done?

Come on, tell me. Well, there's no, I can't get flour for you know for anything for all the tea so I just had absolutely billions of almonds ground up my own

and I what I did is I didn't take it to you know when you buy ground almonds I took it way beyond that to an almond flour

whoa butter dark sugar boom unbelievable and then some oats at the last minute sensational

sensational and what have you done with your rhubarb have you sweetened it have you done ginger have you done orange anything a bit of ginger sometimes I put what's it called, orange water in there

orange water exactly that and sometimes what's it called? Orange water in there. Oh, orange water. Oh, yeah. Nice. Exactly that, orange water. Yeah. And sometimes, if I haven't got anything else, I put a bit of elderflower cordial, just a little bit.

She's good. Instead of sugar. Oh, yes. It's all right. She's good. It works okay. But today, a bit of ginger, I smashed up.

But supplies are a bit low, so that's it. I've got a lot of ginger in because I've been feeling super sick. So I always have less of it. Sick, throw up sick or like you think you're ill? Just, no, not ill, just sicky. Do you think you've got it all the time?

Because I am a really normal human being. Now I think I've got it every single second. I think I've had it. I'm not sure though. And I don't want to I I'm sort of wary of saying I had because I know that you know um but I lost my sense of taste for about two weeks which was really profound I've never I I sort of am quite sort of sinusy so I'm used to not being able to always smell everything but to not taste it was just really confounding. That's unnerving. Very unnerving. And joyless.

And then did it just come back? It came back. The reason I think I might have had it is my lungs are really bad and they've been bad for about four or five weeks now. I just can't get my breath, can't really walk very far. I think it's just a sort of, but it might well be, like my brother suddenly got tree pollen allergy and he's wheezing and coughing. It might just be something like that. I sort sort of i suffer with quite a lot of anxiety and i sort of um as

a lot of people do and but i've been relatively okay with this it's just sometimes in the night i wake up and i just feel so incredibly sad not for me actually because i have this extraordinarily privileged lucky life but just clapping you know i live at the top of the hill and we looked down and we were all clapping the NHS and for the second week in a row I just burst into tears I just thought in this basin where all these big buildings are where no one has space I'm lucky to have a bit of space I just felt so fucking sad me too do you know what I mean it's like so it wasn't it was it was not anxiety that i've got it but like that people are losing loved ones you know down down down in town and down in every town you know it's it's it's a strange time isn't it it's a really strange i do hope you're right i hope we

all come out of it kinder and more self-aware and but maybe we won't we're just selfish pigs with our heads in troughs aren't we so maybe we'll just go back yeah who steal toilet rolls and oh my god and flour i think yeah who knows how do you get anxious mally about it i am trying to stop my kids from getting anxious about it yeah so i feel you know with two teenagers in the house you know things can get a bit hormonal and a bit up and down. You know, I'm just trying to sort of, I don't know, not distract them from it. I don't want to go on about it too much to them. Yeah, you've got to keep calm. You've got to keep calm.

But where does your anxiety go? Because as a parent, I'm not lucky enough to be a parent, You've got to keep calm. But where does your anxiety go? Because as a parent, I'm not lucky enough to be a parent, but I guess you're so mindful of being there for your little ones. Where does all your panic and worry and weirdness and complicated stuff go? Does it come back at the end of the day when they're in bed? Do you just bury it so deep that it then comes out at completely disconnected times?

What happens to it? Terrible thrush, mate. Absolutely terrible thrush. Oh. It's the old classic. The old downstairs wallpaper page. Yeah. Absolutely, yeah. It came on about three days ago.

Yeah, absolutely. I've never had it. Oh, shame. That's my absolute go-to. It's your go-to, isn't it? Yeah. Your go-to, yeah. She's deeply yeasty.

It's your weak spot, if you'll pardon the expression. Oh my God. I love this so much. I just hope there's no blooming shortage of natural yoghurt, otherwise I will be

in quite a bit of trouble. Is that true though, if you shove that up the old... Nunny. Up the old special purse, then...

Works a treat. Does it make it... It makes it better? A special purse. I love that. I always think makes it better a special purse i love that i always think i'm doing a really weird children's show why it'd be better saying special purse people think i'm an absolute creep i'm gonna start using that love special purse yeah she calls it her fan fan jesse sorry yeah my daughter calls it a fan fan maybe that was maybe i'll tell her but i prefer to use fan fan than special purse to be honest fan fan is good i like fan fan can that was maybe i'll tell it but i prefer to use fan fan than special purse

to be honest fan fan is good i like fan fan can i just say that at home i'm playing a very good game that i'm really enjoying called oral thermometer or rectal thermometer oh that's fun oh that's fun as a gag i put one deep up the bum and then one and doesn't know nobody else knows so it's a it's an absolute lottery. I know. I absolutely know which one. I hope you do. Who are you playing this with?

The staffie and your partner? Anybody who wants to. Do you know another good game? Another good game. We did this the other night. We were sitting around the table. You have to imagine your nightmare lockdown partners.

Oh, wow. That's a good one. It's like if you had to yeah so it's your first round you rather it's people that you know so people that you all know and then your second round is a celebrity nightmare lockdown it's quite good fun lads just do it at home it's great fun i like that gorgeous beautiful women when is your hit show coming out hit men it's out it's out mom it's out already yeah oh god yeah and and i haven't seen it i bet it's doing very very well lockdown viewing yeah you can get it on uh now tv i think you can you know get a sky i thought it was on sky original yeah

you can get it on um uh sky one on catch up the whole box set is it. I thought it was on Sky. Sky original, yeah. You can get it on Sky One, on Catch Up. The whole box set is there. Or as Mellie says, you can get it on Now TV if you've got an entertainment package. And you wrote it and starred in it. We didn't write it, thank God. Oh, I thought you wrote it. We should never be allowed to write it.

No, no, no. We didn't write it, no. A couple of writers called the Joes wrote it. We just sort of fanny around in it. We fan-fan a lot in it. Lots of secret person. Fan-fan a lot in it. Lot of secret person. Fan-fan a lot. Was it so fun to make?

Do you know what? It was a real ruddy relief not to have written it and just to be given these great scripts and just have fun. It was so much fun. It really was. Where did you film it? So we did about half of it, 10 minutes down the road from where I live,

which I know that was, yeah, perks. That was an hour and a half in the car each way. Although to be fair, I'm whining about A, having a car. I know. Absolute wanker. But B, my mate Craig was driving. Craig is unreal. It was an absolute pleasure.

Craig is the don. He's amazing. And then we did, so half of it was in West London and then we did about probably half of it over far, far east, gritty East London. Yeah, near City Airport. City Airport, yeah. Where all the sort of cool gritty locations are,

you know, sort of run down old factories. Because the storyline's quite gritty, you know, we play a couple of hitmen basically. We have to bump people off for a living. If only they'd thought about that by putting it in the title. Some people have said, oh, why isn't it hit women? I like the fact that it's hit men. I don't know.

I just find it's quite... Yeah, it's cool. It's funny, isn't it? A few more friends of mine are actors. They don't say actresses anymore. Yeah. So I think it's okay. Oh, they all call it actors.

It's all actors. It's all actors now, darling. Yeah. You don't call people actresses anymore. Yeah. I think it's okay. Oh, they all call it actors. It's all actors. It's all actors now, darling. Yeah. You don't call people actress. No. Before you go, just tell us, when this is all over and you have a terrific big party and there's karaoke, what will be your song now? I love rock and roll. Joan Jett for me.

Oh, wow. Great. What about you, Perks? rock and roll Joan Jett for me. Oh, wow. Great. What about you, Perks? Well, it should be something like Who's Zooming Who after all the endless sort of video conferencing that's gone on.

But my normal karaoke one is Midnight Train to Georgia, Gladys Knight. Oh, yeah. Gladys Knight. Oh, I love her. Love the pips. Last question. Do you, I feel like you can both answer this for each other,

but do you have good table manners? I think both of us were taught from a young age. I remember my dad, if our elbow went on the table, dad's hand would come out of, no, sorry, I'm belching up the lovely pie I've been eating. It was very delicious. His hand would come out. Like a sort of ricotta feedback.

Yeah, like a sort of machete out of a, you know, out of a hidden bush. And he would swipe at the elbow so that your elbow would... Oh my God. A machete coming out of a hidden bush. Maybe I'll try that next week. Jessica! I was brought up by nuns. Well, not brought

up by nuns, but I was educated by nuns for like the first few years. I was left-handed and they wanted me to eat right-handed. And I would just get whacked every time I picked up the knife. I know. And then my dad got wind of it and he was so angry that I'd been hit that he took a different view. He did go in and had a little word, in inverted commas, with Sister Mary Dorothy. She didn't do it anymore.

But yeah, no, it was quite a thing. Strict. Yeah, no elbows on the table, no talking while you're eating. But actually, I suppose the nuts and bolts of that are really, really annoying when you're a kid. But essentially, the not talking while you're eating means you're listening and you have much better conversations. Yeah, it's true. and so we used to just i really miss those family dinners because

yeah it'd be the one point of the day you know we both had dads that you know moms that went out to work or were working at home and it was super busy and us kids were always sort of hair and scare them and then you just sit down and yeah you'd hear you'd listen you'd actually magically listen and laugh there was a lot a lot of laughter it's really important family meals hair them, scare them. And then you'd just sit down and, yeah, you'd hear, you'd listen. You'd actively listen. And laugh. There was a lot of laugh. It's really important, family meals together. Oh, it's everything.

It's everything. Yeah. They totally, totally are. So, yes, Friday night dinner, as and when. You have to come round. Oh, yeah, you're definitely coming over. Oh, thank you. Bring the kids. Love it, love it, love it.

Consider it a date. But thank you. Thank you both so much honestly it's really cheered me up seeing you two and chatting honestly

I'm glad I have to tell you I was on the brink and it's made me feel a bit better oh don't be on the brink Lenny no not

I mean I've been yeah I'm probably she's dramatic slightly egging the pudding but I've been I am dramatic but I have been very fed up. Yeah, it's up and down, isn't it?

You feel, I feel good one day. It's not lonely. It's the isolation. I feel like Julian Assange. All right, Wiki. Less raking. Less raking. All right, Wiki Leaks, come on.

Well, that's che cheer me up they're just naturally funny comical women they're just master mistresses or masters of comedy they are super clever the warmest sweetest they have such a wonderful you know what mum They love each other. We aren't Mel and Sue, but I'm going to be a bit kinder to you, I've decided. Thank you, darling. The way that... Perky. Perky.

Little Perk. And Melly. Melly. What should I call you? Mum. Okay. But I just love how they are with each other. They adore each other.

They don't get annoyed. They're just like... They bounce off each other. Jessie, I love that she recorded it in a wardrobe i know it was very pro and dramatic i liked it it was really nice i just honestly i feel like i've had a hug from the greatest comedic duo yeah it was just lovely it's exactly what i needed to be honest me too and i think it's what you needed too yeah i just smiled and sat back and enjoyed listening to them it was brilliant i loved that i love you mum i'm sorry that i'm not with you i feel like everyone needs a bit of melonsue in their life this was just absolutely wonderful it was great. And go and watch their show, Hitmen,

because they are just so funny and brilliant how they bounce off each other. Thank you for listening and stay safe. Look after yourselves. Give your family members and friends a call and we'll be with you again next week. This is Table Manners Special Circumstances. Lots of love.

Wash your hands. The music you've heard on Table Manners is by Peter Duffy and Pete Fraser. Table Manners is produced by Alice Williams.