Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S9 Ep 18: Homo Sapiens Podcast - Alan Cumming & Chris Sweeney

Episode Date: June 3, 2020

Its Pride month and the events in America have shown that solidarity of all creeds is needed today just as much as when Pride was born out of the Stonewall riots back in June 1969.A pioneer of the Pride Movement was Marsha P. Johnson, a black trans woman, who devoted her life to fighting for equality and gay rights before being murdered. She was thought to be the person who threw the first brick at the Stonewall Riots in 1969.This week we are proud to welcome back the wonderful & long time friend of the podcast, Chris Sweeney & his fantastic new Homo Sapiens co-host – the brilliant Alan Cumming. We hear all about the actor, comedian, singer, filmmaker (he does everything!!) Alan’s upbringing in Scotland, eating mince & tatties as a child, having his own perfume and soap line, foraging & owning his own cabaret bar in New York ‘Club Cumming'. The Homo Sapiens boys tell us what they’re missing in lockdown and what they are most looking forward too when they are reunited! Homo Sapiens is back for Series 4 with a killer line up of guests, make sure you go and have a listen! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

mum yeah darling i'm fed up with what darling this i'm fed up with it with not being with me all the time fed up i want to cuddle you i want to be able to see my friends i want to be able to have a bit i don't know i'm fed up this week i'm not as bad i've kind of given up the ghost now. You're the optimist now. I've accepted it all. Can we just thank those people that sent me the lovely veg box? What's the name of them, Jessie? Oh, Keith. Well, it's Keith, who's lovely and has wonderful smelling cologne when he drops it off. Tailors of Maltby Street. We love them. Oh, my God. Is Keith married, darling?

I will ask him next time oh do you know who your priorities are when when times are tough fruit and veg man would do me well that is something that i have really enjoyed having such such amazing produce but i'm kind of over cooking now i went through like a real frenzy where i was cooking and i was really creative and now i look in the fridge and i'm like I don't know what to do in this bloody sourdough that I started is just sitting there looking at me miserably being like love me feed me and I'm just there and then I close the bloody fridge on it um so tonight we have an old friend one of the first people to ever come on our podcast he was our second podcaster and he's an old friend of ours from our Skopelos days.

So if you haven't listened to the first time he's been on the podcast, it's the wonderful Chris Sweeney of the brilliant podcast, Homer Sapiens. And he's now joining us with his new co-host, who is the spectacular Alan Cumming. I am so excited. I've been a fan of Alan Cumming for a very, very long time. He's such a fabulous actor. I'm sure I have seen him in, well, I don't know where Cabaret was. Hamlet? Cabaret?

He's been in three different productions of Cabaret, Mum. Well, he was just in Endgame, I think, at the Old Vic. Yes, with Daniel Radcliffe. Yeah, yeah. But I always loved him in The Good Wife. That was my favourite series and he was just so fabulous in it. He's OBE. He's got an OBE for his services to film theatre and the arts

and to activism for equal rights for the gay and lesbian community. But he's very, I think he lives in the US now. He's US citizen and he does a lot of campaigning for gay rights. He's the perfect host for Homo sapiens, really. Yeah, absolutely. And also, I want to know who he pulled in on this series. Because their names are huge for this series. It's amazing.

So as much as we absolutely love Will Young, we're very excited to speak to Alan Cumming. As much as we absolutely love Will Young, we're very excited to speak to Alan Cumming, who he's kind of got this beautiful voice and does musicals and has hosted the Tony Awards. And he's been up for Tonys, I think. And he's done like these three times of Cabaret, which kind of changed his life. So when he comes on, should we say, welcome and bienvenue? Welcome. Yeah, you can. That's from Cabaret, darling. Yeah, welcome and bienvenue? Welcome. Yeah, you can. That's from Cabaret, darling.

Yeah, cool. Go ahead, Mum. You try it out. Being the singer of the family. I'm sure no one's ever done that to him. I shouldn't think they have, actually. They're probably a bit in awe of him. Oh, but this duva, she ain't scared of nobody.

Anyway, you and Chris go to the theatre together, don't you? Yeah. You're like best friends. Yep. I either go with Chris or I go with his husband, Will. Chris has shot two of my videos, actually. He shot a nightlight one where I've never looked so good. I think he stretched me, he bleached me, he bloody did everything to me. The best lighter in the game and champagne kisses. His mum is also one of my best friends.

Yeah, we adore them. And Anne Sweeney actually has inspired many a dish on Table Manners. And in the cookbook, she introduced the famous Marbella chicken to us. And the savoury cheesecake. Anne Sweeney made the dish for Greg, James and Bella. Yeah. Because they were vegetarians and you were scared. But that was a long time ago, mum.

You ain't scared anymore. Oh, I'm not scared. I'm a full on veggie now. You've been roasting cauliflowers I hear. I've been roasting cauliflowers I've been eating aubergines celeriac steaks. I made pasta alla norma thank you, I love you which one?

the white wine is amazing God he looks so happy and I was like what, you've just listened to my album on vinyl? It just came? He meant the wine. I was like, yeah, it's good. Anyway, so we have Homo sapiens coming up on Table Manners. Special circumstances.

Alan Cumming, Chris Sweeney, hello and thank you for joining us. And what are you sipping on, Alan? I made a delicious soup sort of thing, more of a stew sort of thing, out of leftovers in my fridge. Oh yeah, come on, what's in it? Well, it was potatoes and ramps. I foraged these ramps in the forest outside my house. There's these funny little sort of, they're like wild garlic or a leek and they're called ramps. I forage these ramps in the forest outside my house. There's these funny little sort of, they're like wild garlic or a leek and they're called ramps

and they come in the springtime and they're delicious. Where are you actually living, Alan? I'm living, right now I'm in the Catskill Mountains of upstate New York. Oh, how gorgeous.

I thought you were in a log cabin somewhere. I am. It's like Twin Peaks. No, it looks like the latest series of The Sinner. Oh, what's that? He's living in the forest. Mum like the latest series of The Sinner. Oh, what's that?

He's living in the forest. Mum's the only person that still watches it. Oh, Bill Pullman. I'm obsessed with The Sinner. Oh, Bill Pullman. I love him. I was in a film with him. Which one?

It's called Battle of the Sexes. The one about Billie Jean King. Oh, yeah. I remember that one. Yeah. He was the mean person from the union or the league that wouldn't let them. I find him very attractive. I do too.

Yeah. I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating biscuits. No. He's in the third sinner. He's got sciatica, which I can relate to. Oh, God. How sexy, Mum. He's so attractive.

He's not going to shock you now, Libby. No, but to the very beginning one, he had all these odd sexual predilections and he had to go and see prostitutes. That was why he was called the sinner at the beginning. Is that why he's got sciatica now? Hang on, can I ask a question? Is The Sinner not the show where somebody stabs someone?

Jessica Biel. Yeah, where she stabs someone at the beginning. But we're now on the third series and the guy in it is so gorgeous. And he is a big LGBT activist. LGBT Lenny. Have I got it wrong? Yeah.

It's a sandwich you're talking about. Matt Bomer. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So he's the one in The Latest Sinner. He's so handsome. I could faint. Basically, you know, mum has been on lockdown for

too long and you know what he's no but he's 41 and he only came out six years ago weren't we talking about my soup I'm afraid we've veered off into Bill Pullman and Matt Bomer and I haven't finished the ingredients of my soup no I know and I'm still wanting to I know what a ramp looks like oh sorry darling that's me I just interrupt I'm just dreadful carry what a ramp looks like. Oh, sorry, darling. That's me. I just interrupt. I'm just dreadful. Carry on, my darling. So I put ramps. I fried some ramps and some potatoes.

And then I put in water and paprika and stuff like that, some stock. And then I put in some leftover kind of stuff that was in the fridge. I made a kind of a tomatoey, cheesy stew the other day with this kind of vegan chicken in it. So it's got potatoes, it's got lumps of vegan chicken, it's got a sort of cheesiness. Wow. It's delicious. Is it seitan?

Seitan? I think that might, either seitan or vegetable protein, the stuff that's kind of chicken-y, yeah. Alan, are you a confident forager? Yes, I am. This is how she's going to chat up Bill Pullman. Have you ever heard of a ramp, Chris? Well, Alan has explained what they were to me, but I hadn't prior to that.

Had you, Jess? Never. You just sat there nodding and I had to ask the question. Well, I know what wild garlic looks like. So I kind of thought, you know, I can imagine. It's a version of the same family. And I'm a confident forager because I know where they are. This is my house in the Catskill Mountains. So over that way to my left, a bit east, I suppose, in a sort of little low lying grove, there's absolutely tons of them. So I'm confident because I know where to go. where I was in an Airbnb before this. I moved into my house and I thought I could smell wild garlic somewhere.

And I ended up, I think, eating a hyacinth because it was like... So I did not have a good foraging experience. Have you ever had a bad foraging situation? Have you ever eaten the wrong mushroom? No, I'm very wary of mushrooms because we had a man come because there's loads of mushrooms everywhere and of course some are great, some are deadly

but we had this man come to do a little tour with us around our forest and he's called the fun guy Oh, fun guy You get it? Oh, funny I like it And he kind of told us

you know, you start walking to the forest and you don't realise there's just mushrooms that are everywhere everywhere you look and so he gave us this really great tour but then there's some i know where there's our friend down the hill showed us where the chanterelles they're really and i've eaten them and they were delicious but i don't i'm a bit wary of the fun guy said i could always call him up and take a photo and send it to him and he would advise us that's good yeah i'd be very careful yeah one of our guests on the podcast this season is cynthia

nixon and she is also a keen forager a mushroom fan and she said this thing which is that there are either um what was it alan there are young mushroom foragers and there are brave mushroom foragers but there is never they are never both because you can if you're too brave you end up eating something poisonous

and dying basically speaking of your podcast your wonderful podcast the lineup for this series is pretty top notch guys well done it's amazing thanks

well done call it Alan's Rolodex well I was going to ask you know i love how we call it still call it rolodex nobody i've never had a rolodex but nobody actually has a rolodex anymore but we still call it it's like a it's like a metaphor very true interesting romantic it's such a nice it is it's such a nice image of rolodex isn't it it was it was weird actually clicking through yeah we because um alan and i spoke and we thought oh let's do a season of the podcast together and we both had the same idea at the same time which was to do icons

and uh weirdly had both been thinking about that and spooky so we just wrote a note to every person and uh you know a lot of them were people in new york and stuff but then we spoke to steven fry who we discovered is a fan and was quoting bits of the podcast at us when we saw him, which was so sweet. So it was really nice. That's amazing. So come and tell us who else is coming up on the series. We've got Hannah Gadsby. Patti Smith.

Flippin' heck! Laurie Anderson. Oh my God. Sadiq Khan. Love Sadiq. Love Sadiq. He Sadiq love Sadiq he's been on Table Manners

side note I find him strangely attractive he is so sexy thank you I totally wouldn't I wouldn't kick him out of Bedford

eating biscuits either no that's why Alan wasn't allowed to interview him it would get too hot and heavy yes I wasn't there

that day a lovely boy called Jeremy O Harris who wrote a play I did slave slave play that toast of Broadway thing and then this really great young guy called Yves Mathieu who's this sort of musician Alan I remembered this he's not actually in this series we're gonna put him in the next one I keep forgetting do you remember because

he's good we're gonna do trailblazers for the next one oh my god you're making it like a kind of magazine like it's like you've got different like this is the icons and then the next one's trailblazers i like that we love a theme we love a theme it's nice to do a theme because you get to like muck around with it as well you know like what's so we've got murray hill who's a drag king because everyone knows drag queens but murray hill for this season is a drag king and it's uh an icon of that you know like what a progressive incredible that's totally an icon um but then we've got people like stephen fry who is also an icon in in a way that my mum would know you know absolutely oh well i can't wait to i can't wait to hear them and how did you two meet on the podcast when you were a guest yeah i was a guest on it on the second season it's a great episode oh thanks yeah and when will uh was uh doing it and i i'd known will before and also

chris and i have the same agent and then so that was a little connection and then i was a guest on the podcast and and i was really reticent because i've i sort of think there are too many. I mean, there are actually, it's really quite good that this pandemic has happened in a way. Because I think it justifies how many podcasts there are. Because now people are desperate to hear things. Because right before that, I thought, there's just too many podcasts in the world. And so now I think, you know, maybe that's another, the rise. I think Zoom, I think Zoom actually caused this. It wasn't a lab in China.

It was Zoom trying to get their business better. They caused the pandemic and in conjunction with podcasts. And how's it been? I mean, because I mean, are people now coming up to you and being like, hey, I love the podcast. Or are they, you know, like, because I get it that they go, hey, I love the podcast or that I love Len because I get it that they go hey I love the podcast or that I love Lenny and then they go I love your first album and I'm like fuck you no I love it I love it but is it is it kind of is it interesting and weird being on the other side

are you quite enjoying it it's funny like well nobody's coming up to me right now of course because I'm in the middle of a forest but on on social media yeah people are I think it's sort of funny people say Alan was a he's an actor and he's a writer and now he's a podcaster like it's a a new career I've got I quite like it but also it's funny like that thing you say about when people come up to you I used to know I used to make play a game with myself that I would know what they were going to say when they came up to me. Like I would sort of do a kind of, you know, computer generated in my head, little deduction of who they were,

what their age group, their kind of socioeconomic vibe. And I would be able to work at which of the things I'd been in, they would see. Now I can't do that. I think that was, I'm not able to do it anymore. And sometimes they come up and say things like,

you know, I loved your book or, oh, I love when people say something like, I really love your soap. Soap. That's a really good one so do you have soap yes i have a soap oh shit i didn't know this what a vegan soap i don't think it's a long time i don't think it is a vegan soap actually because it was a long it was actually it's left over from in 2005 or 6 i had a fragrance thing called coming and then i had various products and this was and i still have bars of soap because they last. And the soap's called Cumming in a Bar.

Isn't that great? I mean, it's the gift that keeps on giving, that surname. All available from alancumming.com. What does the Cumming soap smell like? Oh, mum! You went there. Sorry! It smells earthy, leathery, sort of

smells like Bill Pullman.. Smells like Bill Pullman. It smells like Bill Pullman. Without sciatica. Is it designed for men or it's a unisex soap? Well, it was sort of designed for men, but then women started to wear it. Of course, immediately when women said they liked it, we're like, it's beyond gender.

That's what we called it. I love that. How does it work with you two doing the podcast? Because you come over to the UK quite a lot, Alan. And then you've been over to New York. Well, we did. I live in New York, you know, Norman, mostly. And we did the bulk of them in two lumps,

two visits that Chris made to New York. And then I was right before the lockdown started, I was doing a play at the Old Vic. And so I was there. Yeah. And so we did a few more there. And now we're doing the in-between ones, the Homo sapiens extras.

We do them like this on Zoom with our little machines that we're talking into right now, which I love. Yeah, because we did it in sort of two week sessions in Alan's house in New York that was it was really fun and it was just it was I think the whole point of homo sapiens was like it was meant to be like women's hour but for a queer audience and it so it's meant to talk about important stuff but it's also supposed to be fun and just like conversations you have with your queer friends and that is what I feel like Alan was so brilliant at we just had a laugh we had a week where we just

sat down and chatted to people and had fun and then we'd go downstairs and Alan would make us some lunch and then we'd chat some more and it was just relaxed and it's um it was just really good yeah it's lovely is Alan a good cook? A brilliant cook, no? Thanks. I've got a tip for you. I've got a cooking tip. So I made my delicious thing today, my delicious leftover soup. I brought another bowl of it down in this.

See this thing here? It's a little soup bowl with a little lid on it. That's a proper soup bowl. I haven't seen a soup bowl for a while. A tureen. And I stole, I've got six of them or eight of them. And I stole every one from the Chateau Marmont Hotel in Los Angeles. That's my favourite place. Me too.

Did you do it one at a time? I love it. I sometimes did two at a time. I'd sometimes buy two soups and get them delivered to my room and then steal the things. But how big is your bag? Where did you put them? I did it over the years. I didn't do eight at once.

No, but where did you secrete a terrine? I just wrapped it into my socks it's not a big it's like a bow it's maybe it's not as big as it objects in the mirror look bigger than they are okay it's actually this not as big as it looks but alan do you think everyone's talking about oh alan coming that bloody terrine catcher you know i don't care they're like lovely guy kleptomaniac slightly klepto when it comes to soup balls um but uh i'm also talking about the chateau marmont they're getting some publicity out of it there i wouldn't i mean i wouldn't have stolen them if i didn't think they were absolutely stunning gorgeous and they're just very useful to be able to put a lid on your soup can i ask you a question yes when you went to buckingham palace for your

ove uh did you steal anything no i didn't i was actually warned not to by my husband i didn't i wouldn't have my favorite thing about going for that was that there was you know there's all this funny music it was a harpsichord music playing and it wasn't the real harpsichord it was like a record a cd of harpsichord music but very you know genteel and and you're waiting and there's all these different bits you've got to go into these different rooms and all this and all of a sudden i realized that the harpsichord was playing stairway to heaven yes and i saw some funny little you you know, footman at Buckingham Palace having a laugh, putting on a CD of like harpsichord music playing 70s hits.

I love that. That's hysterical. Who was in the lineup? Who were you next to? Did you get chatting? Yes. I can't remember. It was lovely because it was like, you know,

a lady who'd raised lots of money for the Women's Institute from Basingstoke or something. It was all different, you know, a lady who'd raised lots of money for the Women's Institute from Basingstoke or something. It was all different, you know, and a doctor. I wasn't like a celeb-y one. It was a very mixed thing. I liked it. But it was quite long. The best thing was just like being able to take my mum to Buckingham Palace.

You know, it was like taking a little girl to Disneyland. What did you eat? At Buckingham Palace? Yeah. I don't know we just we didn't really eat there was afternoon tea isn't it well the drinks the queen is not a good hostess with the mostest you can't put food near alan in buckingham palace he'll steal the bloody tureens off you i remember we went to that place afterwards so i've got a great picture that grant my husband

took uh that place ketner's is it still is it still called that oh yeah it's been all done up it's so good that's right we went there and had champagne and stuff and little snacks that was good but i wasn't i haven't told you about my tip so i was making my soup oh yeah and i realized that my i touched my hair and i noticed a little bit of dryness and because i'm growing my hair back in because i had a bald head when i was in that play and so it's that funny sort of wiry going into soft you know and it grows you realize how much your hair grows at different lengths I've kind of got a little bit of a flick at the back a sort of mullet flick it grows a lot at the back anyway I put I sprayed some you know you get that olive

oil that you spray on a pan when you don't want to use very much olive oil I sprayed that on my hair to make it less dry and then I put some on my face as well and that's your tip that's my tip if you if you're in the kitchen and you realize you've got dry it's not a food tip it's using food to beautify yourself yes yes i've used i've used olive oil for a lot of things have you got any plans to come back to London to do any theatre whenever it starts? Well, I'm not sure about London. Like, you know, the end game I was doing at the Old Vic, we had two more weeks to go of the run

when it was postponed, cancelled. So, I mean, the plan was then we would do that on Broadway. You might still do it. Yeah, but it's going to be a while. I don't see theatres being able to get back up. Apart from when Jessie... Jessie was living with me with her children and her husband. And apart from when Jessie left,

the only other time I cried was when cameron mackintosh said he didn't think theaters would open till next year at least i mean it's actually i'm heartbroken it's it's the worst thing me too but i think you know one of the things there's all these things people say oh maybe people could like every third seat would be you know i think that's that's the whole point of going to the theater is destroyed because you go to be in a group it's a communal experience and it doesn't really work uh both as an audience member or as a performer to be doing it with every fourth there's no atmosphere no atmosphere and i think but i think it's interesting you know i'm doing the thing i was going to say i'm hoping to by at some point later this year i'm coming to do uh i'm doing a dance project next year

supposedly a solo dance piece with this great choreographer called stephen hoggett and so i was supposed to do a workshop this august in scotland so i'm hoping that we might be able to do you know a socially distant workshop at some point this year and get that going and then the other stuff I'm doing is I'm doing another thing for the National Theatre of Scotland which is I'm about to film it

actually that's why I've got this you see this funny microphone thing they've sent me and you put your phone in it's sort of like a steadicam for your phone but it's got a big microphone with a big woolly thing on it and it's I'm filming this

like I've been working with this writer called Johnny McKnight and a director called Andrew Panton. And I'm going into the woods around my house, filming a little sort of three-part play that they're going to go live with and then put on BBC Scotland. So it's not really the theatre, but it's kind of. That's really exciting.

Yeah, it's kind of fun. It's great the way that artists of all kinds actually i think are really being really resourceful right now in the lockdown and finding ways to connect with people and all the people you know i have a bar a cabaret bar in new york club coming and it's obviously closed but there's so many performers who work there who are doing things online and managing to kind of you know know, think of ways to connect with the audience and also get paid as well. So it's been really fascinating to watch that.

Have you thought about doing a club coming night on Instagram Live or Facebook Live? Yeah, there's certain nights, there's always something. There's a club coming takeover every night, like different people, like on a Thursday, it's called Viva La Diva late on. And so they sometimes take over on Thursday, and House of Coming on Saturday,

and the Mondays thing, which is when everyone gets up and sings, they've got a thing, so there's, but we're thinking of maybe doing a sort of club coming telethon, because we're doing this thing to raise money for the staff

and the performers who can't work right now, I've been doing lots of auctions and everything, but we're thinking of doing a telethon that we could, you know, have a whole evening that you could just tune into

and then we could like, people could stream later. It's been interesting from that side of it as well, actually trying to think of ways to raise money, to help people that are not the normal, because you can't do the normal things. But it's really cool watching people come up with ideas because it's creative people having brilliant ideas and like, you know, like Jesse, you're doing your video,

which is going to be all like people sending in videos dancing along and stuff and it's fun to watch you know i don't know i'm doing a facetime or zoom photo shoots i'm doing oh i've done that yeah that's amazing you know if they've got a good eye why not and also it's kind of documents a time in history and you're definitely not going to forget it i'm definitely not going to forget putting out a record in covid but you know um alan i feel like we um we need to ask you a few of the staple table manners questions just because i feel like we could talk to you all day so it's like i need we need to know what growing up in scotland Did you grow up in Scotland?

Yes, yes, on the East Coast. Whereabouts in Scotland? Near, I mean, the nearest big town is Dundee, city is Dundee, and it was near a little town called Carnoustie on the East Coast. And I grew up in a country estate in the middle of, in Angus.

And what was the dinner table like? Who was cooking? What were you eating? My mum always cooked. We had like, it was that Scottish thing where you'd have, you would have this table be set, there'd be biscuits and there'd be little plates with biscuits and bread and jam and butter and things like that all in the middle.

So you'd have your main meal. And I always remember, you know, all Scottishy things, like mints and tatties and a lot of soup. I'm a big soup man, as you can tell. And so you'd have your sort of main course and then you would move on to kind of like, you know, a biscuit or a piece of bread and jam. And it was always that kind of, like high tea. You remember high tea, where you'd have like fish and chips and then cakes? That was very, very like that. I remember like I used to have to set the table when I came

home from school and there was always like how many biscuits you put on the table. Was your mum a good cook? Yes. She was really good. And actually she's been really great. She's kind of adapted to my weird vegan-y things. I've got a little cottage in Scotland.

She always comes in like a little soup fairy and leaves all these packages of frozen soup in the freezer when I get there and she makes them all vegan oh that's so nice she was really good is it near is it near where she lives that your little cottage yeah it's about and it's about she can be there in like less than an hour so it's really good she loves to come into the garden and she knows all the neighbors and everything so then I'm I'm presuming soup may be on your last supper. I would totally have soup. Starter, main, pud and drink of choice.

Starter would be soup. Starter would be a hearty, potato heavy with sort of like, you know, a bit of chilli, little bit of a bite to it kind of soup. And my main course I think would have to be, I'd probably, I'm torn because to be I'd probably I'm torn because I might to try and represent Scotland

I might have stoveys vegan stoveys what's in a stovey? potatoes and onions and meat and you keep it on the stove and it's very in real life

in a proper way it's very sort of lardy and kind of heavy and it's also for when you're drinking I suppose and having a party it was always like at New Year or at big parties they would have them and you keep it on also for when you're drinking i suppose and having a party it was always like at new year or big parties they would have them and it kind of you keep it on the stove

and just go and you get a little bowl and it kind of i don't know lines your stomach or so but i have a vegan version of it which is delicious and or i might have a chili that is very please i mean i'm a peasant i like peasant food i like one plate with of the same thing. And then puddings. Are you a sweet person? Well, I like to think I'm sweet, Jessie Bird. I'm not really a mad, I'm not really a mad pudding-y person. I did make, during the lockdown,

it was my husband's birthday, I made him a pineapple upside down cake that was something of a triumph. I'm not really a baker, but it went really well. I think I would just like some like vegan ice cream I think. Kind of boring

and maybe some chocolate maybe some dark chocolate and vegan ice cream. Is your husband vegan? No. He eats he's mostly like with me but he'll have

he'll have shrimps he has shrimps sometimes that's his sort of and he has cheese he has cheese proper cheese. How long have you been a vegan for?

Me? Oh about 10 about 10 or 11 years. Something like that. A long time. But it's got so much more popular now. And I can imagine, what, 10 years ago, going out for dinner must have been a pain in the arse. You'd only get side salads and potatoes or something, right?

Well, that's what I, I mean, that's, yeah, that's the thing. But the thing is, there's always sides. sides i mean but i was bored of being a vegetarian because i just i don't really like cheese that much i mean i don't like what cheese does to me you know to me it makes you really mucousy and i don't know it just i didn't like it the way it made me feel my body so i would really try if you avoid cheese in a vegetarian diet you're fucked because you're just you know it's everything everything any restaurant's always got something drenched and cheesy to have so i was quite happy to you know if i go to a place where there's nothing i can eat there's

always like a tomato salad or something i i'm but but i but it's much easier now yeah what was that restaurant we went that you took me to in la that it's like that institution. It's like a diner. It's called the Smokehouse. The Smokehouse. It's an institution. It's like Rat Pack. Yeah, it's opposite where they used to film Friends, right? It's opposite a big studio.

Is that right? Warner Brothers Studios, yeah. Warner Brothers Studios, where they've made classic movies for the last 80 years. But they also made Friends there, yes. Yeah, and I think i think they filmed the simpsons there and um we met there for dinner so dark and it's like it's like stepping into the past you could be in yeah uh what is it blue velvet crossed with texas any rat pack sort

of film it's all like red leather bonquets and low lighting and funny little sassy waiters bringing you massive martinis. And they bring the martini in a kind of a tray. And the little thing is in the ice. The vodka's in ice, a bit like loose ice, all kind of chipped ice on this little tray. It's the biggest martini. It was the size of my head. And we had about four of them. Yes.

And we got, I got so drunk. And what was quite funny is because, you know, when you're with a vegan like some vegans are vegany we were laughing about this the other day is why i'm vegan is why i'm saying it some vegans really get cross if you order but i was so drunk i ordered like a whole rack of ribs and then as it arrived i was like fuck i wonder if alan's gonna be really upset by me because you know, in America. Were you quite new into your friendship? Yeah, like we didn't know. And it's like, the rack of ribs was like the size of the table. You know what I mean?

You're like, yeah. And I was like, oh, let's get on with this then. I was thinking, I wonder if Alan's really judging me. It was like the Flintstones. That's what it was like. Yes, it was. I don't judge people. I'm never weird about that.

If someone's eating meat next to me i just think you know i but i will they'll if they say if they do that kind of oh i hope you don't mind and all that stuff i say oh i don't mind if you want to have rotting flesh inside your body that's that's your choice that's what i say well that's exactly what i was thinking was going to happen you see luckily i'd had four martinis so the whole thing would have completely bounced off what were they dirties or were they with a twist or I'm straight up with a twist but do you remember that I said can I have one with a twist which is it's still not entirely clear to me but like so twist means

a bit of lemon right but then we were all someone was saying dirty at the same time so they brought me one with like lemon and olive juice in yes and we'd traveled for an hour and a half in a taxi and i took a sip and i was like this is so fucking disgusting but i think i'm gonna drink it because i just need a drink so badly you're good you're good you've always been good at drinking sweeney i know exactly when alan was saying that uh what they're called stoveys are good for drinking i was like amazing they haven't crossed my path but um yes uh and also that waitress was a bit dubby yeah she was she's nice but she was a bit but who was it the reason i was saying it's like the studio that they do friends because isn't that where like if you're in there there's always like who came up to us

thingy from mad men oh yes christina hendrix from mad Oh my God, that's sex bomb. Totally. Jesus. But also she would have fitted that scene, I can imagine, that bosom and that waist. Absolutely. She's sort of slinked up and she's also got like porcelain skin. It's really incredible. She looks like she comes from another era. Her body shape and her whole kind of energy.

She was really sweet. She's really lovely. I've met her a few times. What are you both looking forward to once lockdown finishes? What are you going to eat? Who are you going to go and see? Which restaurant are you going to go to? Are you missing restaurants? I'm not really missing restaurants. I think because where I am

is a place where I come to be away from everything. And I think about cooking here all the time. I have friends here a lot, but we often come here, just the two of us, I often come here alone. So I think it's made it easier for me. I associate just kind of, you know, and I enjoy cooking and all that. But I do, there's a vegan chinese place around the corner from me in the east village in manhattan which i called something moon see i've forgotten the name for

now silver moon something moon asian moon i can't remember the place we went to for ramen no that was um that was rai rai ken that was delicious no another place it's quite new i i'd love to go there but really what i want to do is I want to, I want, I'm looking forward to being back in my house in the East Village and again, cooking for friends, having a bunch of friends over. That's what I really like. I mean, I actually prefer that to going out in big groups because it's just easier to talk

and you don't get bothered by people. And also I love the idea of kind of, you know, I'm a sort of a, I like kind of making people food and welcoming them to my home. So I'm missing that. And I miss that. I actually saw pictures. I saw pictures the other day, actually,

because of when we were, when you were staying, when you were in New York and I didn't recognize my own house. It was just a sort of funny angle. And I thought, oh, that's a nice place. Where's that? Oh, it's my house.

So I'm looking forward to that. I want to know what you'll be singing if you go on your Monday night to Club Cumming. Well, I'm actually planning, like I'm thinking about, because I've had to cancel all these concerts and everything and I've got a tour in Australia and all that stuff. And I'm also thinking about next year, when we when we go back i have a new concert show and there's a song

that i that came on my um spotify after something you know when they suggest things and it's lauren bacall singing this song from applause this musical and it's called alive and it's just it's how it goes i feel weary and groggy and tragic something and something and fresh out of magic but alive alive alive i think i'd sing that one i love it we'll all sing you know it's so funny because we were talking about this the other day like i feel like i crave going out now like i'm over it and like we've actually had like a bad the thing i made to eat tonight they haven't eaten much of uh is my husband's ratatouille right it's delicious what does he do to make it so good because usually it's quite sad and sloppy when i do it there's been a bit of feedback about the amount of pepper he puts in but you know he won't listen to this

um but um i i've just said please can we switch up food from now on because it's getting a bit repetitive i feel like i want to go out to a restaurant to campagna in columbia road in east london and i want to eat like it's amazing italian food that feels like it's cooked by a family i really wanted i want to be around i don't know when this is going to happen but you know the buzz of uh a night and who knows what might happen. I long for that. I wrote a whole fucking album about it and thought I was going to go and have fun touring the bastard

and now I'm going to just have to imagine. What are you doing? Are you doing the promo stuff for it from home when you said you're doing dancing and things? Yeah, it's quite fun. We've managed to make it look quite fancy. I've got backing singers so we'll kind of all record it and it's the the joy of it being a dance record is that I

don't need loads of live music musicians so people just so I think I'm going to do this big night the night that it comes out and do like a bit of a dance um I thought what was funny Jessie is that because I love your record it's fucking amazing so I say this with love and respect but I did think when I went onto Instagram and saw you sitting in a bath singing for a live Instagram live which was great but I was like isn't it funny what we've come to in this coronavirus lockdown if I'd sat Jessie down as she was recording her album a disco album and said you'll sing this in the bath you know on television it was for charity and I was like if i'm gonna sing in my bathroom i'm gonna sing in my beautiful new bloody freestanding bath that's what i'm gonna do do you both think you've

got good table manners yeah and have they changed during lockdown oh yeah i mean i'm just letting food fall on myself in front of my husband being like what are you gonna do leave also i i um we don't eat. My husband's sort of commandeered. He's an illustrator. And so he sort of commandeered the dining table. So I haven't eaten at the dining table for two months. I either eat at the kitchen counter

or we have a little table that we have by the sofa that I kneel on and eat whilst we're watching telly. We have TV dinner mostly every night. Yeah, we've been doing that. And I have noticed that I have, because it's just the two of us, when things fall on the floor,

I sometimes just eat them. Oh, no judgment there. Absolutely. Before the dogs get to them. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Mine's probably a seven or eight second now.

It depends how fast the dogs are. Yeah, it's a one week rule. One week. That's fine. What's a table manner that you can't stand in somebody else that you just think is outrageous oh here we i hate you know when people put forks in their mouths and then they grind their teeth along the fork as we pull the fork out you get that

is it like a chalkboard i'll do it with this spoon right so you take a sip and then you go oh my goodness i don't know anyone like that I know I actually had an assistant who did that and I said I'm so sorry but you're going to have to stop that or else we can't work together I just can't stand it yeah they just

we tried not to eat in front of each other but when we did I was like remember the fork thing fair enough I'd probably smack their hand alright Naomi Campbell oh yeah also I don't like when people did i was like remember the fork thing fair enough well i probably smacked their hand all right no oh yeah also i don't like when people when they crunch when they pull their fingers they go what do you call that oh i love doing that cracking your knuckles cracking i hate it do you do it i always do it i hate it i've told assistants not to do that i feel when it's an

assistant as you're an assistant you can say please don't do that it drives me nuts i mean i wouldn't do it just to anybody but i feel if it's someone who's you know i'm employing and it's something that really drives me nuts i think it's okay to say i think as well it's like one of those things that like it annoys some people it annoys it doesn't annoy others so you go hey you might not realize you're being annoying but what's quite funny is we're doing an agony uncle section on the podcast this time around and what always makes me laugh like a drain is that like someone will write in with a question and i'm like well maybe you could ask them if you could maybe think about this and alan's like that's a fucking shit idea call them

up tell them what you think oh that's a ridiculous christopher don't do that it's very funny i'm a bit more direct oh it's been so it's been so lovely to speak to you. And thank you so much for doing this. Thanks for having us. Thank you so much. So lovely. Look forward to meeting you in real life. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely. Lenny, can we do a Friday night dinner at yours? Yes, definitely. Lenny does an amazing Friday night dinner. I'd love to see your vegan chicken soup, Mum. I'm on it. Challenge Lenny. Yeah.

That was just fantastic. Chris Sweeney is just the best kind of host of a... I love him.... of a Zoom meeting. I love him so much. And Alan Cumming, that was, he has so many anecdotes. I know.

So interesting. That was just wonderful. It's exactly what I needed. It's picked me right up. I'm going to go have another glass of wine and actually feel really happy. They've sorted me right out. He was very calming. Yeah, that voice is beautiful.

First of all, his voice is amazing but also his kind of acceptance of what's going on he wasn't angry it's we're here we are now let's you know we just make the best of it thank you to alan cumming and chris sweeney chris sweeney our first time ever returning guest and what a treat that was we love you so much homo sapiens is back and has that incredible lineup so go and listen to it thank you for listening um it's been really nice reading your emails and so we just wanted to read out a few more um this week this one's from kate helford um hey girls thank you so much for your podcast i've just started dog walking and loving listening to you in the forest um near gl near Glasgow and with all my furry friends. I've enjoyed your podcast so much that I booked to see you both in Glasgow with my mum for Mother's Day.

But alas, it was not meant to be. I have instead bought us both your cookbook and we both love it. Looking forward to making lots of lockdown treats. Take care of yourself and your families and hope we will pick up your tour when it's safe in the world again. Lots of love. Kay and Kathleen, who's her mum. And this one's from maria lewis i just wanted to say thank you for being so flexible and adapting the podcast to these special circumstances i really loved it and it's so nice to have some things carry on as normal thank you thank you thank you thank you for listening it's always such a treat to get these

we really do appreciate it and we're so happy that you're still enjoying it these special circumstances we can't wait to cook for people properly, but in the meantime, we will keep on bringing you Table Manners special circumstances. Take care of yourselves and we'll see you next week. Lots of love. Bye. The music you've heard on Table Manners is by Peter Duffy and Pete Fraser.

Table Manners is produced by Alice Williams.