Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S9 Ep 5: Jo Brand

Episode Date: March 4, 2020

Queen comic Jo Brand turned up at our doorstep laden with gifts; a nativity tote bag and shoes to polish the floor with! We tucked into an effortless mid-week roast whilst discussing hairy gooseberries, sandwich spread, road rage, being heckled and Paul Hollywood! This wonderful woman can do no wrong, and it was an absolute pleasure finally getting her on the pod after a drunken proposal two years ago at Jools Holland's Hootenanny (god do I sound like I'm Jessica in Love is Blind?!) Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie Ware and I host this podcast with my dear mother, who you may have seen on the front of You magazine. A cover star. Darling, do you think listeners know that's my real face? I haven't had work. I just look like that. Of course, Mum. You only told them you wanted to look thin and glamorous. And young. My friend Malcolm told me I looked like Elizabeth Taylor, and I said, before she died or after. Well, I have to say, I feel like I really took one for the team. I really just was there as a prop to highlight how goddess-like you are

by shoving a trifle in my gob. There's other lovely photos of you, darling. Look at the piece. Eating the trifle. The trifle was glorious. And actually, side note, that's Laura Jackson's food stylist, who I love. Love you, Liam, and you're so good, so yeah. But yeah, thank you, You Magazine, for putting us on the front cover.

And Elizabeth Day. And Elizabeth Day. We've got to get Elizabeth Day on the podcast. So, Mum, book's out tomorrow. I know, darling. and Elizabeth Day we've got to get Elizabeth Day on the podcast so mum book's out tomorrow I know darling how do we check how many people

have bought it well I don't know whether we can do a bit of a public service announcement now basically I know we ask

quite a lot of you but you are a cult as I'm finding out when I'm going to take my daughter to puppet shows in Streatham

and the girl on the this is in a yoga studio and the girl on the counter when I'm going to take my daughter to puppet shows in Streatham and the girl on the, this is in a yoga studio and the girl on the counter, when I'm trying to sneak a coffee in, she said, I have to say, I just, I love your podcast. And I've just been saying outright to people,

I said, how much do you love it? Have you pre-ordered the book? And I went, she said, cause it's going to be very awkward for you if I come in next week and I don't see that you've got the book. Don't get asked to sign it, yeah. And she went, I've got three sisters.

I'll tell them all to order it. So I'm watching you. I'm coming especially to Little Crown Story House next week for you, my lovely friend and reception. Honestly, this has been kind of, well, it's been over a year, no, year and a half in the making. And it's really thanks to you guys for listening to the podcast that we've even been able to make this book and it is full of anecdotes and memories and pictures and recipes most importantly that you have all said that you've loved and some that you may not even know um from mum and i so we are so proud of it and we really can't wait for

you to have it too so just please go and buy it because i really want to be a sunday times bestseller me too you know how competitive we are we like five stars we also like sunday times bestsellers you are i'm not oh really i just see this i just see this as a journey oh yeah journey to the end of our relationship um anyway what have we got coming up tonight darling we've been very pressed today. Yeah. Because I'm busy. You've been busy. So I did all my prep this morning. And then I did my prep. Yeah.

But it's really quick. It's really easy. It's honestly, it's a midweek roast, but kind of without all the trimmings, but equally as delicious. And a little more Provence. Oh, yeah. It's roast chicken with olive tapenade and herbs de Provence. It's so easy. You just get a chicken. You shove black olive tapenade underneath the skin that you've mixed in with some herbs de Provence.

You don't even have to have the herbs de Provence, but it's really nice. And then you just shove it under the skin, kind of massage it in so it's covering all the bit of the breast. Shove a little bit in the cavity too. And with some kind of crushed garlic cloves. So you don't even have to chop that up. You just bash them, shove them in three and then roast it and baste it a bit. And then we've done it with...

Roasted vegetables. Roasted veg, because it's just easy. And I've done Dirod Yotam's rice with chickpeas. Oh yeah. But you could do it with just microwave onion rice. Yeah. And it's just really good because the gravy that comes out of it, the juice that comes out of it, creates this delicious, salty, olive-y juice.

And it's just perfect for a really delightful midweek dinner. And it's in our effortless section. It's making me think of summer. Yeah, it is quite summery and it's quite miserable at the moment. And then for Pud, you did this this morning. Yeah, I've made lemon posset with blueberries and we've just bought some nice biscuits to go with it. Yeah, I've kind of got a few because you wanted those dead posh ones.

Long douches. Yeah, but we couldn't find them, could we? No. So we've just got those lotus biscottis and I love them. I love them when you get them with a cappuccino. Do you? Yeah. Anyway, so really easy.

You usually get them in the hairdressers on the side of your coffee in a little packet, don't you? Yeah, I love that. It's like the best thing, isn't it? It's hard to go with a posset, but never mind. Well, you know what? You don't have to have it. Who do we have on tonight, Mum? We've got someone that we've been longing to have on this podcast.

She's just such a fabulous woman, a brilliant comedian. She's very outspoken. I love it when she hosts Have I Got News For You. She's clever, witty and funny, super funny. Obsessed with Bake Off, isn't she? Obsessed with Bake Off and just all right around clever, funny woman, Jo Brand. Yeah, I remember I accosted her when I did Jules Holland Hootenanny years ago. And I was really drunk.

Which she doesn't remember. Yeah, I was like, I'd love to get you on the podcast. And I think I was like, I live in South London too. Or whatever. Anyway, we're really excited we've wanted her forever so I need to get some red wine up darling also a funny thing happened to dear Alex Dr Alex this week um nobody told him that David Trimmer had shat on his banana bread but a doctor came up to him at his uh workplace and said I hear your banana bed was really shit

and turns out my brother told him who banana bread was really shit and turns out my brother told him who was coming on tonight and it turns out that his mum used to be a nurse with Jo Brand but I do feel like

I need to say at this very moment Alex's banana bread is stupendous and we are going to have to bring it to the next guest

yeah we are we're going to make it when he's not on nights he's going to make banana bread and everyone's going to realise that it was just a bad batch that happens in baking

do you know what I mean so yeah you will hear of more banana bread throughout the series we're going to try it on a few people

his banana bread is actually the best banana bread I've ever eaten you'd probably say that about his bloody poos if you could everything

yeah I would you would i love him oh the doorbell's gone i think joe brand's here let's bloody go let's get some champagne on the go joe brand thanks so much for coming We have been trying to get you for ages. Well, that's very flattering. I saw you on Hootenanny many years ago. Was I drunk by the point that I asked you to come on?

I think everyone is on that show. Oh my God, yeah. Everyone's like, happy new year. And it's like November. It's like November. It's seven o'clock in the evening as well. It's so fun. Yeah, it is really good fun.

But yeah, you're finally here and not too far. You didn't have to come too far, so I'm happy about that. No, just Dulwich, so like 20 minutes in the car. Yeah, and you've bought something, kindly. I don't know what's in here. They're both the same and there's one each. Well, it's in a Nativity the Musical tote bag. Were you in that?

I was, I was in it last year. Do you have loads of those bags in your house i do yeah i love them yes i love them as well but they're very useful when a tesco's bag won't do um hold on oh hold on oh my god is this for washing up there no they're shoes for polishing the floor oh wow this is what we need oh my god i'll get my child in them tomorrow oh my god thank you you don't have to use them yourself have you got children joe i've got two teenage girls yeah a 17 year old and a 19 year old that's challenging how's that going to you is it do they get on well um they get on well enough they're very different and what i would say is that my i

decided to do the opposite parenting of what my parents did and what was the work very well what was the parenting that your parents did so rigid oh really yeah yeah absolutely and she's much stricter are you yeah i'm quite sure she's really strict and i'm not what how what form does your strictness take well i mean that's the thing i don't think it's very strict strict but i think i wonder you know if you ever have grandchildren how you will be whether will you be even more relaxed with them or will you even be really authoritarian who knows but so i want to know if your parents were so strict, what was kind of meal time? What were meal times like in the Brand household?

Well, thankfully, from a relatively early age, they weren't communal, because my mum trained as a social worker. She started when I was about 10 or 11, so she was just out all day, and she didn't get in till really late. And my dad was one of those men that just didn't do anything domestic at all. So it was kind of left down to me and my brothers to just get some food together. So what would you be getting together?

Peanut butter sandwiches. Oh, okay. It literally was. Wasn't cooking? No, not really. No. And how has that shaped your kind of I don't know the way that you cook now are you a good cook terrible well it's not it's not that I'm well no I'm not a good cook and I'm very limited in what I cook as well my husband's a much better cook than I am

which is always a good reason yeah to get him to do, you know. Yeah, absolutely. And he enjoys it and I don't really. I mean, I really like that Joan Rivers joke where she says, Elizabeth Taylor's the only woman I know who stands by the microwave telling it to hurry up. And I'm a bit like that. I'm like, let's have dinner now. And why do we have to do anything for it to be there? Where did your mum work?

My mum worked at Charing cross hospital for a long time and then she moved to ludlow in shropshire um where there's a lot of water is that where you come from no i was born in clapham actually oh yeah where in the tesco where the tesco is now in the old town no in the old town do you know where st paul's Church is? Yes, the lovely big church. Yeah, and my mum and dad got married there. I was born at home. Yeah.

Jessie's into home births. Are you? Yeah, you know I could smile that petuliant at you and I thought, we're going to get on tonight, Jo. That's it. So do you think the reason that you went into nursing was because your mum was doing such a kind of important job? Well, because she was working in a hospital as well.

Were you around there a lot? Well, she worked in a psychiatric hospital for quite a long time as well. I guess you weren't able to be there. We used to go and admire the cockroaches in the kitchen at night. It was a long time ago. But you'd turn the light on and the whole white floor would just be black for like a millionth of a second oh gross but yes i well i think it was a bit of that and also probably a bit of my dad having depression um which he had from about the age of 12 and finally got treated

in his mid-50s yeah so we had a lot of issues, shall I say, with my dad. He was hard work, really. Until he took antidepressants, then he completely changed. It was like magic. His personality just kind of changed over a month. It was weird. So, are they still both alive?

My dad died a year and a half ago. Oh, shame. And my mum is still alive alive is she doing all right she's doing well yeah because they split up when i was a teenager so you know so so okay yours were peanut butter sandwiches when you were younger so what's um you know you've got two teenage daughters what's it like now do you let them just kind of do they just know themselves no we do kind of proper meals for them now.

I suppose it's because I didn't have them. Yeah, right. And I kind of would have liked it really. But the atmosphere was so awful in our house at times that it probably wouldn't have been a great idea anyway. So, you know. But yes, we have, my girls are both vegetarian. One's vegan.

How's that going for you? And my husband's vegetarian as well so you veggie now no you haven't given in well i don't really eat meat at home but i do sort of pursue pork pies in service stations when no one's looking so we need some really good vegan dishes what do you cook every day yeah yeah that's interesting yeah I need to up my game a bit you're getting chicken tonight so oh lovely that's got to cheer me up no man uh what vegan stuff well I think you can do brilliant stir fries yeah like with tofu or whatever you want to put in it you know yeah uh halloumi uh for the vegetarians for For the vegans, well, I'll tell you what my daughter absolutely loves.

And it's so banal, really. She loves beans on toast. Of course. People don't realise that that's vegan. Of course it is. If you have kind of, you know, vegan spread, then, you know, and she just eats beans on toast all the time. I'm sure it's not very healthy, but...

But it's delicious. But it is delicious. And it's something that you can just throw together in two seconds you know yeah are they going to university um or further education already at college so she's is she living at home still yes she is yeah yeah i wonder how what it's like having a really funny mother annoying yeah yeah are they funny they are funny yeah they are funny but they're kind of more understated funny than I am I think you're pretty understated they're very I'm very embarrassing no no I am for them for them for them you know were you ever cool to them no not really well maybe i i remember maisie my oldest who's 19

she came home from first day at reception and said are you joe brand oh sweet i know are you joe brand i am yeah is your because your surnames are different yeah i use my married name yeah so much easier, you know. So I don't know how much you know about this podcast, but we talk about food a lot. And you've got lots of things to talk about relating to food. Your autobiography, what was it called? Look Back in Hunger.

Yeah. Yeah. I know, it's the law that comedians' autobiographies have to have the most awful puns as titles. I liked it. So, yeah. No, it was good fun to do. Yeah, well, with me, like, if you're a fat person and you're a comedian, you know,

that when you're a comic, the first thing that people notice about you when you go on stage is the thing they focus on. So, if you're fat, you just get endless kind of... I'm not fat. Well, you just get endless kind of fat well you just get endless abuse about your weight if you've got a big nose you get endless abuse about your big nose if you're bald and so on and so on and so that was always the thing that I got on stage and so I knew that I was going to get it so I just cut my cloth accordingly and how did that work out for you though kind of fuck you jokes like funnier jokes about myself than they would do i remember one of your jokes when you you said you went into

a pub and you said um you said can i have a coke please and they said diet and you said no full fat please yeah you used to say that all the time after jo. Yes. I know. And as Paris Hilton says, only fat people drink Diet Coke. It's true. Well, I know. You're right. But this fat shaming thing has come along that we're not, you know, no one's allowed to do it anymore. But unfortunately for my generation,

it hasn't really penetrated people's unconscious and they're still, they're still doing it in a way. Has it changed your comedy? Do you feel like you can, do you still want to do fat jokes or do you kind of? Do you know what, I love doing fat jokes. I can't help it, I just do because for my whole life, well I didn't get fat till I was 16 and actually when I got fat even has a joke that goes with it because it's it's true um i went on the pill when i was 15 put on four stones

so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive you know and that kind of that was true i was thin before that and it was really annoying because i thought as soon as I stopped taking the pill, then I'll just, it'll all fall off. And of course it didn't. It just stayed on. It was really annoying. That's so annoying. Yeah. But as a comic, especially if you do those combative kind of arenas like the Comedy Store Late Show, which basically starts at 12.

On a Friday night, it's full of blokes from the city who've been drinking since five o'clock. And they're real hecklers, right? Yeah, absolutely. So what are they going to say when someone like me steps on stage? So you kind of have to be ready for them, really. And so I just kind of built my comedy around going... Do people heckle?

I don't give a... Oh, my God, yes. So it's like Mrs. Maisel. Have you watched Mrs. Maisel? I haven't watched that, but god yes so it's like mrs meisel have you watched do you know i haven't watched that but i've heard it's brilliant yeah it's wonderful but people used to heckle her she's supposed to be the most appalling things you could imagine why all right well uh what's the worst one of the worst ones i've ever got you won't ever be able to put this out but never mind was um a guy said to me if you don't shut your mouth, I'm going to ram a table leg up your ****.

Oh, my God. I know. And what do you do? Sorry, everyone. Why? What do you, like, do you acknowledge them and make a joke of it? Oh, my God, yes. Oh, absolutely.

So would you say, well, it would have to be a table leg because your dick's clearly too small. Oh, there we go. Oh, there we go. I love it. I would love to. That's what mum says to road rage drivers. Would you say it would have to be a table leg because your dick's clearly too small. Oh, there we go. Oh, there we go. I love it. I would love to. That's what mum says to road rage drivers. I do.

I don't. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not a comedian. But I hate, I will have one liners with road rage people. I hate it. I like that road rage. How did that work out for you when you said something to them, mum? I drove alongside someone who's eating his food

in brixton they were going at 10 miles an hour he's having his his chicken and rice and then we were driving along and i said do we have to do 10 miles an hour you have your dinner he said do you want some and threw it in my face no yeah from his car it's such a good aim it was right down we were driving through that way once i was with my husband and this guy leaned over and said oh can i can i have your signature and my husband said to him we are driving you know and this guy went i'm gonna fucking pop you man and did like a gun sign yeah give him the signature well jesse do you remember that girl that we they were tailing us?

And I said, look, I'm not having this. And you said, mum, just keep driving. They're going to stab us. Good old Brickstreet. I love the old days in Brickstreet. Although, weirdly, once I hit an old rover full of skinheads at the traffic lights in Brickstreet. And then they chased me around Streatham. I know.

Half an hour hour I was terrified terrifying absolutely no you was it was no but you know the best thing to do if anyone chases you you park outside a police station okay oh sorry because you're really thinking about where's the local police station I'm just telling you now for advice thank you mum because you've been on so many because I'm abused do you do you abuse motorists well done i think that's great don't you think that's great really it's dangerous i know i know it's really painful i know you're pregnant i think yeah i think i was probably pregnant i was like mom please think about the baby um but i i just yeah the heckling thing i i i mean this is why I'm... Do you get heckled?

No. I think once in a gig, someone shouted out something. Oh, I can't remember. No, but they were like a pisher in Newcastle. I think they said, get your tits out for the lads. And I kind of looked at my tiny flat chest, my AA cup, and I thought, really? But I think actually you are much more threatened as a comic by people because people, it's so much more of a thing to kind of heckle.

I mean, I remember Jonglers years ago when I just started. Hilariously, it was a table full of dentists at the front. And you just don't know what could be nicer than dentists. Anyway, one of them got on the table, unzipped his trousers, be nicer than dentists anyway one of them got on the table unzipped his trousers flopped out his turgid cock and just shouted suck my cock you fucking bitch at me what do you say well i just i to me that was a bridge too far i don't want to bother i'm not bothering with heckle put downs because if someone did that to me in the street i would report them to the police you know so i just said, I'm

not putting up with this. Sit down. You're making a fool of yourself. And I walked off. And the guy that ran Jongles told me off for coming off two minutes early. How, when, what year was this? It would have been 1987, 88 probably. Oh, things have changed. Yeah, they have. So you should have been lucky that you had this slot.

So I said, fuck you and stuff your gig up your arse and I never worked there again. But, you know, it was a bit like that in those days. What's your favourite place to perform? What's my favourite place? Or TV show?

Well, I love, I actually like touring and I love doing Birmingham. I love Sheffield. I love, you know. Great crowd. I love, I actually like touring and I love doing Birmingham. I love Sheffield. I love, you know. Great crowds. I love Wales. I love Swansea and Cardiff.

So all those places where they're actually pleased to see you. Whereas in London, they're like, oh God, another bloody comic. Do you know what I mean? They're not really like that, but there is that kind of seen it all before attitude. So are comics part of a little group do you have kind of comic evenings with other comics you have comic whatsapp groups they are really they are i mean in the olden days before i had children it was much easier you know because you could just stay up till five playing poker or doing whatever you were doing and we all

used to kind of meet up at a comedy club in east london after we'd all worked and we they just let us stay there till four or five in the morning so who was in your crew um alan davis yes uh ross noble do you know him he's the geordie guy um now and again people like frank Skinner or Julie and Clary we would see Eddie Izzard, we all used to either go to this place in East London or go to the comedy store and all the comics would come in

and stand at the back with their arms folded so it really is like Mrs Maisel but Aisling B said the same thing she says that if she's in, do you know Aisling B? I do, yeah I do so she says that if she's in do you know ashley i do yeah so she says that if she's in la she will definitely go and see a gig of a a fellow comic yeah because she loves it she loves it yeah so do you have to does it if you're going on tour how long does it do you have

to get your material all together how long does that take? Do you have to get your material together? How long does that take? Well, I've just nearly finished this tour, which is all kind of like smaller theatres just to try out new stuff. And I suppose that's taken me about six months. But a lot of that is like writing notes on my phone when I get an idea and then just working on it

and seeing if I can make something funny have you got any themes at the moment well my themes at the moment are teenage children wonder why getting older wonder why um I've always had a section on my husband which thankfully he's never seen he's all right I do check with him he's not a comic no he's a nurse oh so like occasionally i'll say oh is it all right if i call you a fucking plank tonight dear and he'll go yeah that's fine and that's one of my favorite jokes so that was a relief mum is going to go and get the dinner sorry Sorry, Mum, to treat her like a dinner lady, but whilst Mum deals with dinner,

can I ask you, we ask everyone this, what would your last supper or your desert island meal be? It would be starter, main, pud and drink of choice. OK, I think starter... I'm afraid it might be, like, the food they had in Abigail's party. Oh yeah, come on then. Mike Lee, please. So prawn cocktail for starters.

You're not the first. Lovely. And then... With a crunchy iceberg lettuce. Oh, I think so. Yes. And lots of Mary Rose sauce on it. And then I know like like, for pudding,

they would have Black Forest Gato. So I think you probably have a steak, couldn't you? Oh, yeah, fine. A really nice philip steak. Medium rare? No, see, I'm such a philistine. Well done. I like it really scorched to death.

Oh, they do? That's the same in Argentina. Is it? I'm really shocked. Oh, really? Yeah, they have it really well done. I think you're really odd. But it tastes really delicious though, right?

And I just need to know which sauce you'd have then, if you're going to have a steak. I think like a pepper. A peppercorn. Yeah. And any sides with that? Chips? Salad? Oh, all of that.

Everything, right. Yeah. And mayonnaise and salad cream. Oh, interesting. I know Everything, right. And mayonnaise and salad cream. Oh, interesting. I know. I love them both. You know, you're always being asked to choose between the two of them. Really?

I didn't think anybody ate salad cream anymore. Oh, my God. Me and Tamsin Gregg, whenever we meet up, we have a baguette with really nice butter and salad cream in it because we love it. With nothing else? With nothing else. I know.

We are Philistines together. So then you'd have that. You'd have a basket of baguette with salad cream. Salad cream that side, mayonnaise that side. And maybe that side, over that side, sandwich spread. Do you remember that? No, I bloody don't. Oh my God.

Yuck. What was it? It looks like someone had been sick in a jar. But was really really delicious can you still get it finely chopped up vegetables yeah you can still get it in a sort of vinegary no i think you can still get it in eastern europe when's your birthday when is your birthday yeah yeah no thank you i'm not telling you thank you so much mom's trying to do a vat salad cream i i have to know you have to be a certain generation i'm the generation that first curry that i ever had was a vesta curry what's that basically a freeze dried curry that you pour boiling water onto and it all kind of puffs up and it tastes like it's made of

rye vita really doesn't it like something really tasteless and dry and horrible yes sorry um right so joe we're having you know we didn't know that your your family were vegetarians but we are um and to be fair um you were never going to get anything but meat in this house so very good we we've got roast chicken because we love a roast chicken midweek and it's with olive tapenade and garlic and it's super easy and lovely and then we just do it with rose veg and then mum's done kind of posh otolenghi rice that with like lentils. Do you want to do the chicken? Oh, yes, sorry. Sorry, Mum. Can't just look at her. If I can just recommend vegetarian haggis. Have you ever had that?

No. Oh, my God. There's a particular one. Can you buy it? Yeah, you can. You can get it in health food shops, but you can also get it in, I don't mean a cardo.

Where do I mean? I mean waitrose. Yeah, waitrose. You know what? Talking about vegetarian things, we discovered the most amazing, like, soya mince that isn't like corn. Oh, Vivera. Vivera. Have you ever had Vivera?

I haven't tried that. Oh, my God. If your girls don't mind having the texture of meat, our friends who are the wonderful Campbells, they've made Heston Blumenthal's chili con carne, but they did it with this soya mince. But it's such a better, it's much better texture than the corn.

Help yourself, there's a bit of juice. Oh, brilliant, thank you. Who's it by? It's Heston Blumenthal's... Bivera. Blumenthal, oh yeah, Bivera. And honestly, it was so heavenly. Can you buy it to Tesco and deliver it?

So, okay, so would you do the Black Forest Gato? Is that what you're committing to? I think I would. But you're a pudding, I mean you're massively into the bake-off. Well I do extra slice but I know nothing about baking. Oh my god, don't do it! I don't want to be. Why? Because I like doing extra slice. It's much more fun. Is it? Yeah, it is. We get the baker that's been chucked off.

Yeah. We do comedy sketches. People come in with their weird cakes. Oh, yeah. With courgettes in them and God knows what else. And it's just a laugh, you know. And I think actually Bake Off itself is quite serious, isn't it? A lot of crying goes on.

Yeah, but they've made kind of every single week as a showstopper now instead of it being a cake. Have you met Paul Hollywood? I've had sex with Paul Hollywood. Have you? No. I wish I had. I would too.

Because I would like that statement to be true. I'm really annoying. Would you like to have sex with him? I think he's very attractive. I'm forced to. Against my better judgement, I think he is. Don't you? They're always the best ones.

Yeah, he is. I mean, I can't help it, but he's got great eyes. Yeah, he's a very funny guy as well. Is he funny? I really like him a lot. Have some more, do you? Oh,

really? Thank you. It's absolutely lovely. Well, it's, Jessie made this. Thank you. Jessie,

it's marvellous. But I wish, you said that I shouldn't season the chicken. I'm really annoyed because we should have put some sea salt on it. A bit more salt?

I guess mum was like, no, no, tapenade. Anyway, I'm just saying, I would have seasoned it a bit more.

So, Joe, I'm just saying I would have seasoned it a bit more. So, Jo, would you say you're a foodie? Yeah, but I would preface that with the word philistine because I do love food, but I quite like common food. So where do you go for your common food? Some of your favourite spots. Some of my favourite spots. Some of my favourite spots. Well, what's that brilliant fish restaurant called in the West End, St Martin's Lane? Scott's? No, Jay Shiki.

I love places like that. That's fancy. It's not that fancy, but the food is plain. So what would you order there? I would order something like cod. I mean, they do normal kind of cod and chips there, which is extra fantastic. It's delicious, yeah.

Or sea bass or something like that. Okay. I love sort of takeaways. I love Leon. I love leon i love leon because they do fish finger wraps which are like thing in heaven fish finger wraps oh my god i even like mcdonald's as well but i never i do no i like big macs but i only have one a year because if i had more than one i would just be injecting them into my veins. I know.

It's like crap. It's so awful, isn't it? Do you want pudding? Yes. Would you like some pudding? Yes, please. Are you a sweet kind of gal? Not really.

But there's, I do, I mean, I do love a pudding at the end because I just love something sweet after something savoury. But I'm a bit... I'm a crumb... I'm a rhubarb crumble sort of a pudding girl, really. No, I haven't done that. Don't be daft.

I don't really eat anything. Well, we... Except Gooseberry's. Yes, I want to know about this. Gooseberry's sweet potato and parsnips. Oh, sweet potato. An absolute abortion of a vegetable. Sorry.

That's so rude, isn't it? Potatoes aren't meant to be sweet. I'm Irish as well. I love potatoes. And a potato that tastes sweet makes me feel nauseous. But surely you've got lots of sweet potatoes in the house now, no? Or do they know to keep them away? No, I've sort of banned them.

Well, you know how disappointing it is on Christmas Day when you lift a roast potato to your mouth and it turns out to be a parsnip in disguise. I really hate that. I love parsnips. Do you? Oh, no, I don't.

But my husband doesn't like parsnips and I've never really understood it. But I understand they have a funny old texture. They do have a weird texture. But I also think they're too sweet as well. What have you got in for gooseberries though? Because they're not sweet.

They've got a little tang. I think it was that joke when I was a kid, which is what's green and hairy and goes up and down, a gooseberry and a lift. And I just thought too much about the hairiness. So when I ate a gooseberry, I thought all the hairy bits were like tickling my throat and so it made me throw up

I know it's not because it's a bit of a shit joke well it's a great joke if you're five yes right but you know it's a shit joke if you're six it doesn't last very long it is a shit joke I know I've never really thought about hairy gooseberries

oh they are hairy I don't think I have them enough. They've got hairs like you have inside your nose. Those little fine hairs that catch all the business. I now kind of understand that. Now I've put you off gooseberries. Yeah, a little bit. Well, Mum's made a lemon posset.

Oh, how fantastic. And then we've got like... First time I've made it. We've got an assortment. Bless Darling Buffy, the neighbour down the road, helped and said, I think you should do this. So, and then we've just got like a biscuit. You can choose because I chose a lot

because I was sous chef on the pud. So you've got an assortment of biscuits to dip in it. It's a bit come down with me, but I quite like it. Perfect. I love comeime with me, but I quite like it. Perfect. I love come-dime with me. Thank you very much. What is it about a biscuit with...

What is it about a biscuit with a pudding that makes it a bit come-dime with me? Is it because they don't actually have to do any work? No, they said to make shortbread So you can have whatever you want Mum thinks that one works

But equally you can have whatever you want Aren't they the ones you sort of get with your coffee The hairdresser Yeah absolutely I like these too This is delicious Do you like it So easy

You boil Cream with sugar and then add two, well I put three lemons in and lemon zest and that's it. It's really lemony. It's really, do you like it? I do, I love it. Good. Now Jo, my final food question for you. Do you think you've got good table manners? I wouldn't say good. I would say adequate. Have I been eating with my mouth open? No. I don't mind that.

I'm not saying that you were doing that, but I kind of... And what's your worst table manner in somebody else? Grammatically incorrect. I think it's making a really loud noise when you're eating, which I've found, well, is mainly a kind of male thing, really. I think women are kind of too... It's an older male thing. It's like my dad used to just sound like he was chomping at hay

when he was eating a salad or something, you know. Jo, what's coming up for you in the future? You seem like you've done everything under the sun, so it's a sign of like, what are you up to at the moment? At the moment, I've just finished touring and I'm going to go back on tour and try and do more new stuff. I've just finished the script to a film. Amazing.

Which, because I had a film out a year and a half ago called it was called the more you ignore me and it was about two women in the same family that were obsessed with morrissey one of whom was a teenager and the other had schizophrenia and i actually from a novel that i wrote the novel as well so i just adapted it but what happened was that um it just kind of showed in I just adapted it but what happened was that it just kind of showed in a few little cinemas because it was an independent film which cost about three quid to make but then it won best comedy at the national film awards so we were like hooray and it beat Coogan's film about Laurel and Hardy and I just couldn't believe it and so good for you it has actually gone on to amazon

prime but it's kind of taken off a bit so oh what's it called the more i ignore you ignore me the more you ignore me and you're writing what a follow-up or no just a separate one just adapting do you know who matt haig is yes he writes about depression yeah he's on twitter a lot he's yeah he's he's written several non-fiction books and quite political about mental health very much yeah and i've adapted one of his novels it's called the radleys and it's about a family of british vampires living in a little town up north pretending not to be vampires and trying to live a normal life. It's so funny. Are you shooting it? Well, no, we've just finished the script.

I've done, like, draft 143. And I think they're sort of hopefully at the point of choosing who... Because a few people are interested in it, which is great, in funding it. And so I think they're looking at soon, hopefully, casting. Will you star in it? No, I won't. I was in the other hopefully, casting. Will you star in it? No, I won't. I was in the other one, actually. Aren't you ever tempted to? Well...

Because you'll be like, no, no, no, you do it like this. I don't think sort of 18-year-old teenage would kind of suit me, really. But, no, I can't really act very much to save my life, to be honest. I like standing behind the camera and having a cup of tea. Do you? Yeah. Jo, everyone gets our very sought after tea towel. Oh brilliant. There you go.

I was just looking at how Shabby R's work. We know that Avery is sending you our cookery book. Great. You can make your husband cook and I don't know. You could cook if you want, but you know. I will, I will.

There's one vegan curry for your daughter. Ta-da, perfect. Thank you so much. No, I'm so happy that we've finally got you on. And honestly, so many people, when I said that we had you on, were just so excited. So yeah, everyone adores you.

No, well, I've'm looking forward to it mum i thought she'd be different what did you think i thought she'd be kind of tougher but she's just so warm and gentle. That's what, she was gorgeous. I loved her. She's got that kind of nonchalant like drool that I love. She kind of doesn't cry, does she? She's funny and cool and so sweet. Yeah, really lovely.

And it's just such a pleasure to have her over. She loved the food. Loved the food. Yeah. Stayed for coffee. that's what we like and we keep them here she felt quite at home she's quite relaxed thank you joe brand for coming um and having dinner with us and chatting about everything really yeah it was good i'll never really think of joe allen's in the same way i feel like she's our friend oh do you yeah well

she invited me for a coffee when I'm driving through Dulwich. Okay. She didn't know I was going to drive there, so maybe she'd have invited me if she knew I was driving. Thank you for listening to Table Manners. As you may not know, if you haven't listened to this, we have a cookbook out tomorrow. Please go and buy it.

Because, honestly, if I have to hear my mother complain that we didn't go top 10 and um i'm not competitive no no you're not at all you only knew before everybody else that we'd sold out the q a at waterstones because you were trying to buy tickets i was just checking yeah she's like gossip girl but for herself um anyway she's like guess what guys um we also have done an audiobook which is a first yeah apparently with ebri they said it's the first oh was it penguin they said that it's the first podcast cookbook audiobook so we kind of i guess we're a bit guinea pigs and i have read and mum has read all our intros which are actually quite kind of substantial and tell lots of stories about growing up together and

our family and so there's kind of lots of narrative yeah through that soothing at night oh yes yes because that's exactly when people want to listen to us. And then there's six recipes in there too. Some of the hero recipes. So yeah, you've got the trouble brownies in there and the turkey meat balls and... Is the chicken soup in there? Yeah. Yeah, the chicken soup's in there and the matzo balls.

So anyway, just give it a listen. It's available on Audible or Apple. And if you can't get to the shops, then you can have that and you still have us in your ear as you know us. And you can also listen to us making recipes so you can have that and you still have us in your ear as you know us. And you can also listen to us making recipes. You can see how much we argue when we're cooking. Yeah, and that's available to download from tomorrow, I think. Thursday, April 5th.

Thank you so much for listening and we will be back next week hosting another new guest. The music you've heard on Table Manners by peter duffy and pete fraser table manners is produced by alice williams