Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Arrested in Attro City - C02 Ep. 01 - The Arrest Is History

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

In this newest tale from the Stinky Dragon, a new party of adventurers try and figure out how they have landed in the Attro City prison. Check out our merch and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and more: https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Go to http://shopify.com/dragon to sign up for a $1/month trial period and take your business to the next level today. Go to http://factormeals.com/dragon50 and use code dragon50 to get 50% off your first box. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth Production. dragon drink up our latest java black forecast coffee it's a mixture of freshly brewed trench roast coffee choc cloud syrup charmed cherry juice topped with tail whipped cream and choc cloud shavings one swig of the psychical swill you'll find the telepath of least resistance in no time. Now, bring over a brew and buckle up because it's time for us to begin this beastly bedtime tale. Gus, are you okay? Yeah. What's going on? When I was a little kid... He wants to suck our blood!

I was scared of the Vincent Price monologue in Thriller. Yeah. It's creepy. I would have to like cover my ears or skip it because it was like, it was just, it was too scary for me as a little kid. That laugh too. Oh my God. The laugh.

Like it would give me nightmares. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. Vincent Price was a very famous old actor and he uh he had a very recognizable voice did a lot of horror stuff was known for that genre you know i am legend yeah he was in a movie that was the original i am legend but not a mega man that helps because that was charlton heston i thought you're gonna tell me something about the actual i am legend anyways anyway if you listen to thrillers there's a there's a spooky monologue in it and that was vincent price vincent price is like Will Smith, but from the 40s.

Yep. No? No? No. No. Okay. I was going to say, Gus, someone's going to listen to you do that monologue and think that you are just as scary.

You're going to be someone's nightmares. Yeah. Another one. So we're doing, this is the kickoff for our new campaign. Premiere. Woo! We're at a red carpet. We're recording from the red carpet.

Yeah. Click, click from the red carpet. As such, we would like to have all of you, our four players, introduce yourselves and your character. Just what your name is and who you're playing. Are we in a wagon or are we just talking into the void? This is meta.

This is the opening graphics of a Pokemon game. Hi, what's your name. This is the opening graphics of a Pokemon game. Hi, what's your name? Are you a boy or a girl? What's your name? Oh, you're going for me. Oh, yeah. What is his name?

Your name. Your name. Yeah. Oh, wait. Like, my character's name or me? Both. Oh. Do both. Is this your first podcast?

This is the first podcast Blaine has ever done. I'm Blaine Gibson. Do you want my middle name? Yeah. Mark? No. No. No.

That's my dad's name. What is your middle name? No, don't give middle names. Go on. No, I can't. That's like security questions. How did you mess this up, Blaine? I don't know.

Do we want to restart? Just go. Okay. Hi, I'm Blaine Gibson. Last season, I played Kyborg the Mighty, but this season I'm switching it up and I'm going to go with a very chipper tiefling. His name's Chip Haney.

He's just a righteous dude. Very friendly. The nicest guy yet ever did meet. Do you want to know his backstory or do you want that delivered in the universe? No, we'll worry about it. We'll get to that as the campaign goes. I think what you said will suffice. Okay. Now, if anybody else wants

to do that and take like a quarter of the time, that would be great. Sure. My name is John Reisinger and I will be playing Matide Conficius. Say what? Have fun. Their first name is Matide and they are an Aarakocra monk.

What's an Aarakocra? Big bird. About 450. I hate you. Big bird. Big bird. I missed Gus DMing, but I also did not miss Gus DMing. Now he has authority.

It's the worst. I'm Chris Damaris, and My character is named Barney and he is I need a voice. We've all given voices. No, this is his voice I'm working it on it and it sounds like I am I'm Barney You have to do the Yoda clearing throat And he's a human male and he's very old. He's like definitely a senior citizen in the class you'll be playing

as Chris. He's a cleric. There you go. Okay. A holy man. Yeah. I don't think you guys mentioned your classes. You didn't? Oh, I thought you did. I said monk. Yeah, you did. I said tiefling rogue. Tiefling rogue. Oh, yeah. And I am Barbara Dunkelman and I will be playing Elga von Brath.

She is a female half-elf vampire barbarian. That is a mouthful. It's so terrible. And, uh... Half-elf vampire barbarian. So much. And just like Barney, she is also very old. But looks very young. Are we allowed to ask how old? and just like Barney she is also very old but looks very young a lady never

tells her age she looks like she's 11 yeah hey audience keep in mind our whole voice is going to change by episode 4 we'll have our voices locked in if you remember the way the infinite campaign started yeah nobody had found

their character. And Blaine will just drop his voice at episode four. And I also want to point out, if you are just joining us for the first time in Tales from the Stinky Dragon, this is the premiere of our new campaign. But we do have a previous campaign we did, which is about 85 episodes long, give or take.

I think it was 86. 86? Yeah, right around there. About the tale of the Infinites. So if you want to catch up on that one too, it is all available for you to listen to as well as a mini campaign we did in between that one and this one hosted by Chris Damaris. So if you're walking

from the Atlantic to the Pacific coast and you need something to pass the time, listen to all 85 plus the five mini episodes. But if you're here, you don't need to listen to the others. You can start. Unrelated. This is fresh. Speaking of passing the time. Yeah. I have here a list of 100 questions that were submitted online via the Stinky Dragon subreddit and Discord the others you can start unrelated this is fresh this is speaking of passing the time yeah i have here a list of 100 questions that were submitted online via the stinky dragon subreddit and discord

and a few were added by micah a writer he's sitting right over there um they're kind of role playing warm-up questions designed to peel back the onion of the party's characters for the audience so each week you know before we dive into the tavernly tale someone in the party will roll a d100 we'll take turns every week and then I'll read y'all a question and everyone takes turns providing a quick answer. Let's just break the ice, huh? Yeah, so who wants to roll first? I'll roll. Yeah, roll me a d100.

D100. Let's learn about Elga. Or everyone. No, this is just you answering. No, it's everyone answering. Oh, I thought you said we take turns answering. So it's a 10 and a 3? 13. We have a question here from TinyHomoSapien on Discord. take turns answering. So it's a 10 and a 3. 13. We have a question here from TinyHomoSapien on Discord

who asks, what is your character's most hated smell? I feel like I'm being targeted for that. Your character, your character. Yeah, I'll just make up stuff then. John doesn't know what smells. I think it's an obvious one.

Being a vampire, I hate the smell of garlic. I actually didn't know where you were going to go there. I was like, what's the opposite of blood? Garlic, obviously. I guess so. I like that. Barney, you want to answer that?

Hmm. Hmm. I think my most hated smell You want to answer that? Hmm. Hmm. Yoda? I think my most hated smell, I guess, is dead things. Okay. You can rot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got that.

All right. That's a poor you and I differ, Barney. Chip, what about you? Oh, Chip hates the smell of bleach. It's a necessary part of the job when you're a rogue and you're doing murder and you got to do a cleanup. But it makes me, oh, it makes me want to gag. Does Chip have a pretty bad gag reflex?

Oh, he's got the worst. Mati? I would have to say that the worst smell there is, is obviously burnt bread. As a baker myself, working at the boulangerie, I hate that smell. It's wasted potential. It is a failure. Well, greetings from the world of Groteth, a dark domain

ruled by what some would call monsters. Groteth is a single continent once fiercely fought over by seven monster clans. For decades, each clan took turns laying siege to the other's empire in an attempt to lay claim to the whole realm as the rightful ruler. After nearly a century of monster blood soaking the soil, one

leader arose to propose a new idea. A leader known as the Wolfman, the Wolfman proffered a peace treaty that would divide the land evenly into pieces amongst the seven clans, establishing settlements, borders, and trade. Unprecedentedly, all seven heads of the clan gathered at the center of Groteth to sign the peace treaty, thus establishing a tentative but lasting peace. The heads of the clans were Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy, Blob, Nessie, the Headless Horseman. The soccer player? And of course, the Wolfman. Fast forward to today, 113 years later, at the center of Groteth. Wait, so is this Frankenstein or Frankenstein's monster we're talking about here?

Maybe we'll find out. Okay. That means he doesn't know and he's trying to cover it. Dracula, Frankenstein, Mummy, Blob, Wolfman. And who are the other two? Nessie. Ness'll find out. Okay. That means he doesn't know what he's trying to cover it. Dracula, Frankenstein, Mummy, Blob, Wolfman. Who are the other two? No, Nessie. Nessie. And the Headless Horseman. Oh, Nessie. I'm so sorry.

So quick to judge. Everyone, let's go ahead and get this party started. Everyone go ahead and roll me a perception check. Four. Fifteen. Eighteen. Oh, three. Some good ones in there. And then there's also Chip and Mateet.

Chip and Mateet, your heads are swimming and you can taste dried blood on your lips. You try to open your eyes but find it difficult to see. One of your eyes feels swollen shut. Oh, jeez. That's not you. You're Barney.

Oh, sorry. Your aching body, Barney, your aching body stirs on what feels like a coal stone floor. You hear the clinking of metal and peer down to see your hands and feet are manacled. They're daisy chained to three other prisoners on the floor next to you. And Elga, you are able to gather your bearings and have a look around. You appear to be in a tall, circular stone room. You look up and see a tiny barred window high above you, trickling with water and a solid iron door to the south. You notice a few other individuals also wearing manacles in the room with you.

Well, good thing we're not wearing monocles, you know, because then our vision would be blurry. Hi, I'm Chip Haney. Good to meet you. Was that an attempt at a joke? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm full of jokes. Thank you. What's your name, Mr. Laughing Man? I'm Barney.

Oh, Barney. Good to meet you, Chip Haney. Nice to meet you. Put her there. How'd we end up here? I don't know. Must have been a heck of a bender. Mateed, can I get up?

Yeah, you go ahead and stand up. Will you four keep it down? Who said that? Keep what down? You look around and realize that there are three other prisoners in this holding cell along with you. Speaking to you right now is a, you know, it's an Abralean, but it's like a bulbous floating brain with a wide, sharp beak and no eyes

and long tentacles with sharp barbs on the tips. Never met an Australian before. Crying. Why? Hi. Hello. Some of us are trying to rest here. Okay. Do you know how you got here?

I don't remember showing up in this cell. I remember how I got here. I don't know how about you? There's two other people? Yeah. Can we see them? The other two prisoners appear to be also shackled up to this one. They are both gnomes, and they seem to be talking amongst themselves,

kind of trying to ignore you. Can I approach them? Or the Australian, can I approach them? The Borelian? Yeah. He sees you approaching Matit and asks, Who are you? Hello, my name is Matit.

I was wondering, sir, do you know where we are right now? So we're in jail right now. Precisely. I appreciate the obvious answer. But any chance that you know what particular jail or city we are in right now? We're in the Wolfham Officer Force Station. Sorry, your nasal voice made it very hard to understand. Wolfham? Wolfman?

Wolfman? Wolfham Officer Force Station, also known as the Woffs. You know that, presumably. Right, right. Thank you very much. What was your name again there, sir? I'm Quill. What about you? What's your name?

Ah, Chipainty. Hey, how you doing? You can call me Chip off the old block, because we're into clink, you know? The cell block. What are you in here for, chip? I have no idea. I must have killed someone That's a leap See you know I have a history. You kill so many people you don't remember oh, yeah I've racked up quite the headcount. Yeah, I used to be an assassin Yeah

Yeah, I used to be an assassin. Yeah. Do you know if we came in together or if we came in separately? You all came in together. Oh, we must be pals. Do you all know each other? I don't think so. No, we do. Never met these individuals in my life.

What about you? What's your name? He points at you, Elga. My name is Elga Von Brath. Nice to meet you. What did you eat for breakfast today, Elga? Blood. That's a good answer.

Very fast. I mean, it's going to be the answer every time someone asks me what I ate. It's easy. Is there any chance that Matit can check on the door? Is it like a typical iron door, like wrought iron door, or is it like a wooden door with blocks on it? it like a typical iron door like wrought iron door or is it like a wooden door with uh with blocks on it it's a solid iron door uh it has no handle it seems like it has a a small eye slot um that is currently closed okay so no way of looking out no okay uh do i happen to have

oh hi there chip haney pleasure to see you hi. What do your feet smell like? Oh, my feet? They smell like... I wear these special shoes, right? Because I like to scooch around all quiet-like, and I call them sneakers. And they smell real bad because these are my recreational shoes. Can I smell them? Absolutely. Go right ahead there, partner. This is a very weird individual.

Hey, I'm not going to yuck his yum. He puts his wide beak down near your feet. Give it a good huff there. Oh, yeah. Disgusting. Thank you. That means that's the smell of hard work. Do I happen to have any of my tools?

I have like a small little pack that I put on my waist. I call it my fanny pack. It's got thieves tools in it. he can't leave the accent why he can't leave the accent while he's talking to gus the dm oh he's talking out loud yeah so yeah are you asking the dm or are you asking the abrellian call him a call him the abrellian looks uh around your body looks you up and down, and looks around your waist. Looks around your body? Yeah, like, hmm.

You don't appear to have anything on you. You said there's two gnomes? Yeah. And they're trying to ignore us? Well, one of them's very angrily talking to the other. You guys okay? Hello? One of them turns around and pulls out a little shiv and points at you, Barney.

You, stay back. Okay. Oh, I'm going to stay back. Is there a reason why? There's no need to get aggressive, fellas. Cool your jets. You stay over there. Okay.

Turns around and begins talking to the other gnome again. What language are they speaking? Gnomish. That wasn't very nice. Can I talk to... Does Barney say that? Yeah. The other gnome who's being yelled at says,

Yo. Hey, is he always like this? Yo. What's wrong? He just kind of shrugs his shoulders. Maybe he's just a little bit sensitive and not very happy to be in here. We all have bad days.

Do you guys need anything? Yeah. All I need is you to stay back over there. Okay. I do not believe we got your names easier. Do you have names, little gnomes?

The second one that's being yelled at says, I'm Jack. That's Jahartan. Jack and Jahartan. Pleasure to meet ya. Mateet, make me a perception check. That's a nat 2023. You notice that Jack is munching on some popcorn right now.

And as you're watching him eat the popcorn, you realize that Jack and Jahardin look very identical. Like, really, really identical? Yeah, like, they might be twins? You don't know. I've been to the Twin Cities once or twice. Oh, man, I love it. Oh, that's great.

Inspiration died right there. First one of this campaign. First one. Jacques, is there any chance of you two brothers? Oh, yeah. He's munching on popcorn. That's a bit... Where did you get the popcorn?

He points up at the window at the top of the cell. I'll look up at the window at the top of the cell. I'll look up at the window at the top of the cell. Make me another perception check. Wait, is that 23 already? And you said there was water coming in from that window, right? Correct. Yeah, and the first perception check was for the gnomes. 20.

20. Don't test me, Sorola. You're so perceptive. You don't see anything, but you can hear the bustling sound of footsteps, wagons, and various muffled conversations coming in through the window. Could I try to climb up there? Yeah, it's about 30 feet high, but you can give it a try. You are currently manacled to these other three fine individuals. Oh, I am.

Everyone would have to try to go up there together. Elga, you need a boost? I don't like being attached to this. Could I try to unlock myself from them? Yeah, you just want to try to, like, is there anything specific you want to do? You just want to try to, like, pull the manacles off? Well, I'm

also so small that I imagine the manacles they have probably wouldn't be for children, so I imagine I could maybe wiggle my wrists out of there? Yeah, you can give it a try. Why not? I mean, make me a, if you're going to wiggle, make like a dexterity check. We have all of our items on us.

No. Okay. That's a 20. You know how to like make your hands really small to try to get out of the manacle, but you think there's something special about it. It seems like it is perfectly suited for your wrist size, even though you are small in stature.

A child. You're not sure if these are children's manacles or if there's something about them that allows them to shrink down to be the appropriate size for your wrist. This place is kind of messed up if they have manacles for children. I agree. Bespoke manacles for little baby hands. Any chance I can pass through them? What do you mean? I'm a ghost.

Oh, I see what you're saying. I don't think I've said that yet. Have I said that? I don't think you have, yeah. Sorry. That's a ghost. There's a ghost. It's okay, Barney.

She's a nice ghost. You're seeing Patrick Swayze making pattery. Pattery? Pattery. So because there's something special about these manacles, I wasn't able to escape from them you're not able to slip them off no you try to to slip through them you know with your non-corporeal essence but they're again there's something about these manacles that keep you stuck in that

position unable to pass through them magic manacles what if we all act like someone passed out or died, maybe got shivved by one of the gnomes, and we all raise a fuss, and then the guard comes in, and when he does, we jump him and take his keys. We could take a little nap. We could take a nap, Bernie. That is valid.

At this point, Quill comes over to you, Chip. Hi there, Quill. You want another sniff? Where's home? What? Where's your home? My home? Yeah. Oh, Chip. Hi there, Quill. You want another sniff? Where's home? What? Where's your home? My home? Yeah.

Oh, I come from the land of Wisconsin. Wisconsin? Yeah, that's right. A lot of wizards out in Wisconsin. Oh, yeah. It's up in the north. Do you miss it? I miss my parents, you know.

Tell me about them. Okay. Well, my parents are Mike and Linda Haney. Good people. Both educators, all right? You know? Great teachers. My dad coaches hockey, fantasy hockey.

Hockey? Hockey, yes, right. And football. Football? A couple of state championships under his belt. He's good at his job. Do they smell bad? They smell great.

My parents are delightful people even though the ball is made of feet no i am not familiar with this language what's that is this what is this that you speak english base common common i never heard these words before why you're speaking them right now You're a miracle child Well that I know already thank you Did you want a boost? Yeah Matit would also like to try and help If Elga

Maybe we can all stick on top of each other Oh yeah I'll be the base I do a lot of squats What order are we in? I guess manacles we'd go up and down Matit is on one end Followed by Chip followed by Barney, followed by Elga on the other end. Okay. You said it's 30 high?

Yeah, it's about 30 feet high, more or less. Is it looking like all four would need to be stacked or just three of us? Well, we're all attached, so I think we have to... Yeah, I just don't know if we need to make the... We need to go all the way up. You probably would. All right. I suppose that's what we're going to do. So, yeah.

Everyone's in agreement of this? Oh, yeah. Matee, can I hop up on your shoulders there? Oh, thank you. Give me a little piggyback ride. Alright, Barney. Your turn. Okay, what do I do? Oh, you got to hop on my back there, pal. Okay, here I go. Alright, here you go. Do you need some help up there, old man?

Okay. Okay, here. A one and a two and a three. Oh, we're going on three? And a four and a five. Can I try and climb up? So you're trying to stack and climb? I guess it's like two people high.

Up on Chip's back there. Yeah, go ahead. And if you're trying to climb and stack up like that, I'm trying to think. I think it's more like acrobatics. Make an acrobatics check. It feels acrobatic. Oh, no.

I am a team. It's not bad. I got horns, so if you need some footholds or something, but also you could get stabbed by them. Barney, you start clambering on and trying to crawl up, and as you do so, some of the rocks come loose on the side of the wall, and you're able to maintain and hold yourself, but the rocks fall out near Jahardin,

who jumps up angrily again with the shiv. I told you to stay away. Get down from there. I'm sorry. Get back down here. Okay. We want some of the popcorn as well. We are looking for the street popcorn that's come from the window up here.

Sharing is caring. You realize now that there is something different about these two. Even though they look very similar physically, Jack, while he's sitting there munching on popcorn, has a giant tattoo on his chest of what looks like a map with a red X on it. I see something from up here that I didn't see from below. My old human eyes just needed to get up high. Are you farsighted?

I'm just sighted. What do you see up there, old man? He's got a map. Where? I think on his... Is that a map where your chest should be? I think his chest is still there. I think it's just a tattoo.

Perhaps it is on his... Yeah. Hey, cool ink there, brother. I think his chest is still there. I think it's just a tattoo. Perhaps it is on his, yeah. Hey, cool ink there, brother. I said chip down, since it seems like. Oh, wait, but you're still up top. He didn't climb all the way up. He's still on the wall, but Jahardin is glowering at him very angrily with a little shiv out in his hand. Don't, don't, don't. You get off that wall.

I'm not on the wall. I'm on my friendship. Hi. Get off your friend. Okay. And I'll climb back down. I approach Jawharden and I say,

hey there, pal. He's still up. He's pointing his shiv at you. Excellent craftsmanship on that shiv there. I've made a couple shivs in my day and that's a good one. You're right.

Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, anywho, we all want to get out of here and I'm sure you and Jack there want to as well. Is that map, is that the map of this here prison? Jahardin looks over at Jack. No. Oh, okay.

What is it a map of? It would have been very smart to get a map of the prison tattoo. Very specific though. Wow a map of the prison tattoo. Very specific, though. Wow. A very specific prison tattoo. In between munches of popcorn, Jack looks down at his chest and goes, Huh? Where'd that come from?

You don't remember getting this? It seems as though you would. It would hurt a lot. A lot of very fine needle pointing in your chest. Yeah. Joe Harden, where did I get this from? Yeah, Joe Harden kind of looks puzzled at Jack for just a second. Too many questions.

Could I go over and look at it closer? Yeah, sure. While pulling you guys with me. He's dragging Barney. You look at it. It's a little hard to get a look at because Jack is also looking down at it, seemingly like he's looking at it for the first time. He's also examining it.

It's not an area you recognize but you are easily distracted because there are various hairs and moles in the way uh and you're not sure are they part of the map or is it parts of his body or is it intended to be integrated into the map it's really confused there's a lot going on there is it like what perspective of the map is it? Is it, like, land or a city or, like, how... Can we tell what... A blueprint? Yeah, like, how... What's the scale?

Any major freeways on it? It's a bunch of trails, it seems like. Do we recognize that this is from Groteth? It doesn't seem like it's from the city. I'll say that. Is this a treasure map? I do not know. Just south of the nipple there, you get the city. I'll say that. Is this a treasure map? I do not know. Just south of the nipple there, you get the highway.

At that point, the little, what do you call it? The little viewport on the door opens up, and you see a pair of eyes glowering in. Hello. All right, all of you, sit down. Okay. I sit down. I pop a squat.

Why? That's not an answer to my question. You see the eyes look away off to the side, presumably at another person standing out there that you can't see. And then you hear like keys begin clanging and opening up the door to the cell.

Thank you. You four, get out of here. Come on, let's go. Oh, I'll see you guys later. Jack, Jahard, uh... Quill. Quill. Quill.

Nice to see you. You guys have a good one. Tell your parents I said hello. Okay. We'll remember you. As a reminder to our listeners, all of these NPC names come from audience members, and sometimes we gift audience members characters like Quill, the feet smeller.

Whoever that is, thanks for your patronage. He's just curious about the world. Listen, he interacts with the world differently than the rest of us interact with the world. You don't get upset at a dog for sniffing butts. Right. That's just how they get around. It's just a different experience of the world. That's all.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Howdy, my unhygienic hearers. Have you seen the latest Stinky Dragon puppet video? You deserve some laughs in your life. Go check it out on social media at StinkyDragonPod.

Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. While you're there, go follow us as well. Plus, if you post on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, we, Instagram, TikTok. While you're there, go follow us as well. Plus, if you post on social media using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, we might name an NPC in the show after you. Did you know Stinky Dragon has a soundtrack you can listen to? We just dropped the latest album, Paralites Poison. It's available on

all your favorite music streaming platforms. Turn back the clock and relive the origins of the original Infinites and Paralites. Plus, we've included encounter music to use in your own sessions of D&D with your friends. Check it out wherever you stream music. RTX is coming up soon here in Austin, July 7th to 9th. This year's RTX is going to be a little different

with more to do and more to explore at the RTX campgrounds. I'm sure you've heard tons of people from the community talk about their experiences at RTX over the past years. Why don't you come down and make your own experiences with us? Whether or not it's seeing something new premiere or attending a panel, maybe even one for like this podcast you're listening to right now. You'll be able to see all these things and meet people and have friends and have good times. So come on down to RTX here in Austin. Tickets are on sale now at rtxaustin.com.

Did you know it's Rooster Teeth's 20th anniversary? Every Friday, we're releasing new surprise episodes to celebrate and thank viewers for 20 years of support. We've got a bunch of surprises. We're not even halfway through. We have so many more videos coming out every Friday, something new over at roosterteeth.com. So head on over, check it out. Maybe something that you haven't seen in a while. We just had a Master and Apprentice episode come out. By the time you're hearing this, who knows what new things have come out. So head on over and check out some of that sweet anniversary content

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Go to shopify.com slash dragon to take your business to the next level today. Again, shopify.com slash dragon. Since Mateen and Elga are on the ends, which of you goes out first and which of you goes out last? I'll go first. So Elga's leading the way, followed by Barney. Barney will go last. No. Okay.

Tell you this. We can't tell with you. That is a Chris thing you would say. So Elga, Barney, Chip, Mateet. Chip Haney, pleasure to meet you. Allons-y. So there's two constables who are keeping an eye on you. One of them's leading the way in front of Elga,

and then the other one is bringing up the rear behind Mateek. Hi, I'm Barney. Back in line! Take going! I didn't get out. I like how both you and Chip are essentially Pokemon. Just saying. Barney, Barney!

Chip, Chip. That's so good. What race and build are these guards? One of them is a thick-horned reddish tiefling. Oh. And the other one is a pale-mustached halfling. Us tieflings got to stick together, huh? He slaps you.

Can we see where we're heading? You're walking out of that door in that same direction, seemingly down a long corridor with jail cells on either side, onto your left and to your right down this corridor. There's three prisoners scattered throughout these various jail cells. All of them have hair. I was going to say, any of them like to eat hair? All three of them are, well, I should say two of them have hair? I was going to say, do any of them like to eat hair? All three of them are watching.

Well, I should say two of them are watching you. One of them seems to be asleep. Can I try to address the guard in the rear? Yeah. We'll say the one in the rear is you're at the rear, so we'll say the tiefling is the one at the rear. Yeah. Sir, I do not know if you have this information,

but my new friends here, we do not know how we got here is there any way you could pass that information on to us we'll be talking about that soon where where are we going right now uh you would be talking uh elga you'd be talking to the other one who is the the halfling okay you're gonna answer some questions that's where you're going i hope we get answers to some questions as well. I'm kind of wishing you would answer my question right now in a little more detail. I did!

Chip's got a question for the tiefling. Hey there, pal. Your horns are looking magnificent. How do you keep those things in shape, huh? Johnson's horn salve, of course. Oh, Johnson's horn salve. I'm gonna write that down. I'm gonna write that down, too. Yeah, oh, thank you, Bernie. If you need salve for your horns, make it Johnson's horn salve, of course. Oh, Johnson's horn salve. I'm going to write that down. I'm going to write that down, too. Yeah.

Oh, thank you, Bernie. If you need salve for your horns, make it Johnson's. Okay. Johnson's horn salve. I'll remember that. I never forget a thing. Elga, since you're at the front, make me a perception check. Perception is not great.

I rolled a six. Maybe because you're distracted talking with the guard that's leading the way. You're not quite paying attention to where you're, uh, distracted talking with the, uh, the guard that's leading the way, you're not quite paying attention to where you're walking, and, uh, you stumble, uh, into a pile of boxes and barrels, uh, at the end of the corridor here. Oh, no. Uh, you stub your toe. Oh. Ugh, it's a smarts.

Ugh. Anyways, uh, where are we going? This way. The halfling pulls on your manacles and turns you to the left. Before he pulls me, could I just quickly glance at the boxes and see if there's anything about them or in them? Any Johnson's horn stuff? That's where they keep them, the storage. You look down and the box you stubbed your toe on, the lid kind of came off of it.

And you see it's uh a bunch of uh manacles that seem to be like unassembled and unlocked do they look to be the same type that we were wearing yeah it does seem like it okay could i grab one with my hand and throw it in front of the guard and say haha i'm free uh yeah uh make like a well first of all! Yeah, make like a... Well, first of all, to grab it, make like a sleight of hand check to see if you're able to like get down there and grab it. 21.

Ooh, that's really good, yeah. And make me a deception check as well to see if you're able to fool the guard. Well. Okay. The halfling looks over at the manacles you've thrown in front of him and seems very panicked and turns around and says,

Slightly! Get her! Quick, everyone, run! Okay. It's just a prank, bro. Barney turns and runs back the other direction. Barney turns and runs? Yeah. Make me a dexterity check.

We are manacled together. Yes. Is Chris just playing old gum runs? Yeah. Make me a dexterity check. We are manacled together. Yes. Is Chris just playing old gum gum? No. Eight. You turn to run, briefly forgetting that you're manacled, and trip and fall on the ground. Does that take...

I'm sorry. Does that take Elga and... Leave me alone. Go on without me. I'll say you all are able to maintain your footing, but the guard seems less concerned now. Oh, oh. Looks around and realizes what you've done.

Very good. That's a very good one. Oh, thank you. Do you think it was so good that you would let us free? Huh? Oh, yeah. How about we take you out right now? Oh.

I don't like the tone that he is giving us right now. I said some sarcasm. We're going to take you to meet the mayor. The mayor? Yeah, you're going to have his job. Wow. Wow, apparently a trick was really good. Congratulations.

You all make that turn. The guard tugs on your manacles and keeps leading you forward to the left, which would be the east. And there's another corridor with additional jail cells. And down this corridor, there are five jail cells and three of them are occupied. In the middle of this passage is a table with a few other officers who are sitting down. Is there any chance that, I guess, I want to check for anybody holding keys, like on a belt or something or anything like that. Oh, make a perception check.

13. That's pretty good. You can't tell if anyone has keys necessarily because you're a little distracted because the officers who are, I should say, the constables who are sitting at the table here seem to be playing some kind of gambling game. And they have a large stack of coins in the middle of the table.

Oh, in the middle of the table. Do I recognize what game they're playing? Seems to be a game of dice called Zigzag Hag. Do we all recognize this? Matit was the one looking. Do you want to try to see if you see the game, Chris? Can I see if I see the game? Yeah.

Make me a perception check. That's a 17. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know Zigzag Yeah. Make me a perception check. That's a 17. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know Zigzag Hag. They're definitely right in the middle of a game. There's a large stack of coins in the center of the table. This must be a high stakes game. What is going on over here?

Zigzag? Zigzag? Zigzag Hag? Zigzag High? The constables look up with concern at Barney. Our friend here forgot to take his medication this morning. Grandpa is okay. I love zigzag hag.

The constables look at the two who are leading you and says, You all worked that one over too good. Hit him a little too hard in the head. Yeah, they did. Did you turn the dice over? They look confused at each other and say, yes, we did. Smart. Ader boys, can I buy in?

What's the pattern right now? It's just under 23 gold. Okay. I check my pockets. I'm assuming all my stuff. They laugh with each other. That's a good one. It's your gold. Oh, no. Okay, I check my pockets. Do I I'm assuming all my stuff The the guards who are leading you pull on Elga's manacles again keep walking you down down the road Okay, child why you pull so hard like this

Is the longest hallway I've ever done I feel like there's more we should be like exploring, but I don't know what else is valuable. There's five prisoners. We can say howdy ho to them. There's three. Well, you passed three, and now there's another three in these jail cells. And these three are watching you.

Okay. Hi, Chipaney. Pleasure to meet you. Hi. Hi, Barney. There's one of them's a dwarf, one of them's a human, and another one is an Abralean.

Does any one of them look to be like, looking extra intensely at us? Like, as if they recognize us or they know something? No, they just seem to be trying to regard you. Maybe sizing you up as to whether you're a threat or not. But they're in their cell, right? Yeah, all three of them are in their cells. I regard them back. How?

I don't know. Give them a tip of the hat. Where'd my hat go? What are you guys in for? The Abralion says. Oh, I've got the wrong person. I'm innocent. What'd you do?

I didn't do anything, but they said I double parked my wagon. Oh. You got put in the jail for some reason. Oh, I know. I think they're trying to fill a quota of some sort. Yeah, I do not know. Yeah, but what they don't know is I was robbing a bank. That's why I was double parked.

You were robbing a bank? It's her rubbery limbs to reach out through the cell to try to quiet you. But what they don't know is I stashed the goods before they found me. Where'd you stash them, huh? In a place where nobody can find. I tattooed the treasure map on a stupid gnome. How did you come about the time to tattoo on a gnome here in the prison? We were put together in holding.

We were locked up for a little while together. What did you use for a tattoo? And how did you knock him out so he doesn't remember getting it? He doesn't have quite enough bats in the bell for you, that one. If you know what I mean. I don't. Looks like

this one, too. What exactly is included in the goods that you've stolen? The abrillion seems to sour a little bit. Why would you want to know that? Oh, just, I mean, you're telling us an anecdote already. Guards! There were guards! She robbed the bank! She robbed the bank!

I don't have any need for money! The guards who were... It was a blood bank! ...who were escorting you, uh, pound on... That's a way better joke. They, they, they pound on the bars where the Abralion is. Hey, back up, Lizzie! Leave her alone! Ah, Lizzie.

Uh, and they begin pulling on you, uh, again, uh, Elga. And you, uh, make your way to the end of this hallway. It was a pleasure to meet you, Lizzie. It appears the hallway turns to the north, but that's not where they're taking you. There's a door at the end of the hallway on the east side, and they open up the door and shove you in there. An open room?

Yeah. What do we see? All four of us, I assume? Yeah. Inside this room, there's a slatted table with leather straps in the northeast corner. Off to the side is a tray with a horse riding whip, a branding iron, and a billy club with nails pierced in the end. Well, would you look at that? We just made it to the torture chamber. And there's also a cistern of water with bloody hairs floating at the top in the northwest corner,

and a small wood-burning stove to the south. Don't drink that, Barney. And to the north is a passageway to another room. To the north, there's another passageway. Yeah. Any other individuals in here? Yeah, Slightly and the other constable, whose name you don't know yet, are both in the room with you.

And Dead Max was the halfling or the tiefling? The tiefling. They pull you very quickly through this room, through the passage to the north, where there's another room. Any chance they take us by the table of like instruments no they make sure to steer you clear from uh from that table i think it's not their first time in the torture room a classic saying and they take you um through the passage to the uh other room uh to the north and in this room in the center of room is a long table with a few chairs on either

side and the northern end of this room is a mirror. There's a locked iron door to the west. Ah, interrogation room. You four, sit here. Okay. They point at the table, on the side of the table facing the mirror. Hey, can I have my, uh, how do you say, my phone call? What, the fantasy version?

What is the fantasy version of a phone call? Sending stone? Can I get a Sending Stone or a Carrier Pigeon? I just need to contact my lawyer. Sorry, I don't want to talk to the boys in blue without my guy here representing me. Is your lawyer Sawyer by any chance? He's a good lawyer. His name's Sawyer.

I have some bad news. I'm really sorry. have to find an outtakes. The two constables sit down on the northern end of the table across from you. Oh, my goodness. I've gotten old. What? Is he looking in the mirror, right? Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh. Well, you're not always this age. I don't think so. Is there just no reflection for Elga? Just floating manacles? Hello?. Is there just no reflection for Elga? Just floating manacles? Hello? Yeah, there is no reflection for Elga, just floating manacles. I'm used to it, it's okay. Elga, that's a heck of a magic trick.

Can you just describe in detail what I look like? You are such a nice young woman. Thank you, old man. Just Elga gone, I will drain you last. The tiefling clears his throat.

My name is Slightly. My friend here is Datamax, and we will be running your interrogation today. Okay. Datamax slams his hands down onto the table and looks at Chip. You wanna do this the easy way or the hard way? I lean over to Mathilde and say, good cop, bad cop.

This is going to be fun. Well, listen here, copper. I ain't saying nothing. Cuff her. What? Cuff. Cuff her. Not copper.

I'm coughing. Calm it down, Barney. I pat Barney on the back. Okay. City officer Force. C-O-F. COF. Okay.

Cool acronym. Is this the point where you finally tell us why we are here? Slightly looks at you and says, Can we send you a survey after the interrogation? Customer service is our top priority. I am a person of patience, but I'm getting tired of asking the same question And not getting the answer I'm hoping for

I think they're doing the interrogation Somehow I think you do not want to make them mad What is your full name for the record? Looking at you, Mati I have been incarcerated without you having my information, prayer It's for the record Mati Conficius M

A T It's for... Close enough. There's so many vowels in there. Datamax points a finger very close to your face, Elga. Who do you really work for? I just work for myself. There's this... You know, it's hard being alone a lot of the time, and I don't like listening to authority very much,

so I tend to work for myself. Yeah. Promise. Cross my heart. Oh, no, never mind. No cross. And I'm already dead. Hope to die again and again and again. Will not make a difference. And Bonnie, anything you want to confess?

Well, earlier, I... But they're both leaning in very excitedly. I don't remember how I got here. None of us do, Barney. Okay. Why'd you do it? I don't know. Why'd you do it?

Why? You tell me right now. I'm sorry. Hey, stop yelling at Barney. Okay. Lower your voice. He's a friendly old dude. Is Barney going to confess to crying?

I did it. I did it. I'm sorry. Slightly interjects and places himself between Barney and Datamax. Barney, how likely is it you recommend being interrogated to a friend? Scale of 1 to 10. 1 being the worst, 10 being the best. It turns to look at Chip

and nods like, I would say it's very, very highly recommended. Oh, excellent. So 10 out of 10? Yes, definitely. Ooh, the bosses are going to like this. Interesting feedback. This is really great. Sorry to interrupt.

No, no, it's my pleasure. Slightly stares at Datamax. Are you done? Is that enough? Can we continue? You, Chip. Yeah. What's your profession? Gonna plead the fifth on that one there, officer. I don't like the way you're not answering our questions.

Let's just say that I'm a bit of a home husband. All right. And I like gardening. Sometimes I work with the youths, the local youths. Oh, I am a tiefling, so I am resistant to fire, so I'm in the volunteer fire brigade. Oh, well, that's very nice, actually. Thank you.

Yeah, I lean over to Matilda. I'm actually an SASN. Retired. But I'm not going to tell these guys that. I'm so sorry I got all of you into this mess. Don't worry about it, Barney. I can see you chaps are professionals. You're not going to sell out anyone unless you're motivated to do so.

Ain't that right? But don't worry. We know how to motivate professionals like you. You going to give us a speech? That guy gussed? That guy got us. Constable Datamax steps into the next room. You hear the crackling of a fire and a moment later the mustached halfling re-enters the room holding a sizzling red branding iron. Right! Who'd like to be motivated first? Oh, pick me, pick me!

I'm resistant to fire this one. Oh, pick me, pick me. I'm resistant to fire this one. No, I did it. No. There's no point in suffering for my crime. You did it. It was you? Yes. Constable Datamax leans in towards Barney, holding the glowing iron inches from your face.

Oh. Huh. All right. Tell me about it. Now, how exactly did it go down? And who were you working for? Yes, yes, I did do it. Now. How exactly did it go down and who are you working for? Yes Yes, I did do it and I was working for who who do you think I might have been working for? Oh Now where is your partner? Well, I imagine is it one of you? I Don't believe it's me

What you do it old man, I'm sorry. I just did it that is unacceptable I know and I'm so sorry for getting everyone I'm sorry. I just did it. That is unacceptable. I know and I'm so sorry for getting everyone in this mess. I've messed the whole thing up. It's alright, Barney. Okay. The halfling strokes his mustache for a moment. Hmm. Nah. That's rubbish. Suddenly,

Datamax grabs your head from behind and pinches his fingers around your lips, Barney. Ow. Right. Well, let's see if we can't loosen your tongue a little. Oh, no. The whole building shakes and rumbles. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. 17.

10. 19. 18. Everyone except for Barney makes it. Ow. The three of you who did successfully make that saving throw, you're able to keep your balance and avoid falling rubble. Barney, however, maybe it's because Datamax is holding your lips and you're not able to

just squirm around in your chair effectively. Some falling rubble does come down and hit you doing four points of bludgeoning damage. Ouch. And it knocks you down prone to the ground. Constable Datamex is knocked to the floor and is unconscious a large chunk of stone hits him in the head and that red hot iron that he was holding is loose on the ground next to a set of keys now you see that maybe they were in his pocket i grabbed the keys and the poker slightly also fell to the ground but he is

conscious and he sees you looking at the keys and the poker and his eyes dark to them as well. Let's do contesting dexterity checks to see who's able to get there first. Since I'm next in line, can I do anything to help? Let's see how this one goes. Okay. Not good. Not well. That's a one.

So four. Think you could beat that? I did. Nine. A ton. You both dive for the stuff and you blindly reach out and you mistakenly grab the hot end of the iron and burn your hand. That's taking two points of damage. Slightly, however, is able to quickly grab the keys.

What did you want to do, Chip? I will assist in any way I can. I'm going to grab slightly by his tiefling horns. Oh, boy. Buck and Bronco. Is he prone still? Yeah, he's still like on the ground. He dove out for that.

Make a athletics check to see if you can grab. 16. Yeah, you're able to grab onto him. Oh, there, pal. We're going to grab them keys and be on our way, all right? Take the bull by the horns. While I have him, because my leg is longer than his arm, I kick the keys over to Matid.

Oh, yeah, the keys over to Matid. Oh. Yeah, the keys come sliding across or clattering across the uneven stone floor in your direction. Fly past me as I'm on the ground. I grab them and quickly unmanacle all of us. Ooh, as you're getting the manacles off, Elga, the final person, the door to the west explodes off its hinges

and slams into the table. Whoa. Am I still on the ground? You're up at this point. Yeah, you get unmanicled and you're able to get up. Thank you. Sprinting past the door appears to be several prisoners, one after the other heading north.

Lizzie looks at you briefly, Elka, and gives a motion of a tentacle across her throat and points at you. Yes, I am very hungry now that you mention it. The doorway's silhouetted by a man wearing a grey top hat, woolen grey coat, striped waistcoat, and a white shirt. He holds up a cane and points at you all. You four, you don't belong here either, do you? The well-dressed stranger holds out a set of keys.

Oh, you all already freed yourself. He would have freed you all. I see you've already taken care of it. We don't have much time. My diversion will occupy the coffs for only so long. Follow me. We must grab your belongings and escape while we can. The man begins hobbling with his cane

down the corridor northward. Thank you for the assistance. What is your name? He's already hobbling down the corridor northward. Can I follow and ask? Yeah, I wasn't sure. Is everyone going to follow? Yeah.

Are we walking by the test with the money and and all of our stuff your stuff wasn't there it was just okay money money yeah um no you're going down the other direction you hadn't gone northward you follow the gray suited man down the corridor past a few doors until he stops at a room with a barred window next to an iron door he pulls from his coat a small vial and hurls it at the door and green bubbling liquid sizzles around the doorknob, and the melted metal falls to the ground, and he pushes the door open. Inside are several lockers.

Your personal belongings should be in here. Neato. Which one? There's a lot of lockers, and there's only four of us. Luckily for you, they're all labeled, and they've got names on them. You can very quickly find your locker. Does anyone see Barney, Farney?

That's your last name? Yes. Farney. Farney. Your parents are very evil people. Right this way, Barney. Here's your locker. Thank you.

Do you need help? Thank you very much. I can get it from here. Okay. Okay. Elga goes over to her locker. Same for Matty. Yeah.

Chip gets his. He gets his fanny pack. He gets his weapons. His thieves tools. And he's got some knee pads and some elbow pads. They're scurrying around on the ground, all stealth-like. Scurrying around on that ground. Barney gets a bunch of, like, chain mail that's way too big for him and, like, puts it on.

Can I help? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, yeah. Is there anything else other than our belongings in the lockers? That's a good question. I'm going to answer that in just a moment. Chip, you're not really familiar with chain mail, so make me an intelligence check here real fast.

Okay. Eleven. Since you're kind of unfamiliar with chain mail, you don't realize that you're helping Barney put his chain mail on backwards. Oh, no. All right, yeah, and just right through there. All right. Those things are uncomfortable if you don't get them the right way.

Yeah, it feels like maybe you're choking a little bit, Barney. Maybe your neck got a little wider while you were in here. I must have grown. Elka, you were asking if there were, yeah, I mean, there's many other lockers with many different names. Is there a Lizzie locker? Yes, there is a Lizzie locker. Popping it open. Yeah, sure.

You pop it open. Great. Inside. Good choices. Was not expecting that, so let me scroll back up to find it. You didn't think about the lifelong feud that we're going to just create and we're going to have with Lizzie? Well, I didn't anticipate creating a feud. Lizzie's going to be the big bad at the end.

You see a couple jars of slime and you see a dagger. A dagger. No, a dagger and a vial of ink. Could I take everything? Yeah, sure. It's all yours. As you're grabbing it, you start to hear the distant whistles being blown, but they sound like wolves and footsteps coming down the corridor.

That slime's going to be in your inventory for the entire campaign. Hurry! We must leave at once. Follow me. Okay. The gray-suited man hobbles with his cane out of the room and up a set We must leave at once. Follow me. The gray-suited man hobbles with his cane out of the room and up a set of stairs to the north. I assist Barney up the stairs. Now I've got my walker. Is that in there too?

I'm still bringing up the rear. Just a little faster and better. You follow the gray-suited man and begin climbing the stairs, whistling wolves and the clattering of footsteps not far behind you. Your feet start to splash on wet steps as you climb higher and higher. You finally reach the top where the grey man stands at a door.

He slowly opens the door, revealing a thunderstorm downpouring outside. Lightning flashes behind the man as he turns around to you all and says, By the way, allow me to introduce myself. I am the Alchemist. Bonjour. Is that your legal name or? Scene. Is that first episode?

That is the first episode. Oh, dang. I want to keep going. Of Tales from the Stinky Dragon This is fun I like these these cast of characters It's a good dynamic

we have going on here Yeah Got an inspiration die episode one Did you? Doing good Yeah His Twin Cities joke

Yeah Top tier Thank you Thank you Thanks for listening everybody We'll be back next week with another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon

and as we always say give us a follow on social media at StinkyDragonPod. Tell your friends. Tell your friends. Maybe you'll be in a future episode. Perfect time to jump in.

Yeah. Here's a quick shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode. Quill, the nosy Ibralian prisoner named after AtQuillock on Discord. Jahardin, the small-nosed gnome prisoner named after, you guessed it, Jahardin on Discord. Constable Datomax, the cough interrog, named after at Quillock on Discord. Jahardin, the small-nosed gnome prisoner, named after, you guessed it, Jahardin on Discord. Constable Datamax, the cough interrogator, named after at Datamax on Discord.

Constable Slightly, the cough interrogator, named after at Slightly Frustrated on TikTok. And Prisoner Limber Lizzy, named after at Lizzy Lindlin on Instagram. Also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided VO for characters in this episode. Go follow them on socials and podcasts for more hilarious content. Prisonill voiced by fun houses ryan haley at ryan game show prisoner jahardin voiced by horror virgin podcast and romancing the pods

todd awesome at todd j awesome on socials prisoner jack voiced by horror virgin podcast and romancing the pod mikey randolph at m randolph 24 on instagram and twitter constable datamax voiced by the valley folks steve zaragosa at steve zaragosa constable slightly voiced by the valley So tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.