Tales from the Stinky Dragon - C02 - Ep. 49 - Finale in Faunaloch - Messy, Confessy, Blessy And Nessie

Episode Date: July 28, 2024

In the penultimate Grotethe episode - the Grotethe Gang finally gets some answers and seeks help from Nessie to put this case to rest once and for all. Support us directly on Patreon https://www.patr...eon.com/stinkydragon - get access to ad-free episodes, bonus content like Stinky Dragon Adventures & Second Wind, our patreon-exclusive discord, and more! Follow us on our socials at https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Go to http://HeroForge.com and use code STINKY to get 5% off all orders of physical miniatures. Go to http://shopify.com/dragon to sign up for a $1-per-month trial period. Go to http://mistymountaingaming.com and use code STINKY to get 10% off your order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Introducing Tim's new infuser energy beverages made with natural caffeine. They come in two refreshing flavors, Blackberry Yuzu and Mango Starfruit. Try them today, only at Tim's. At participating Tim's restaurants in Canada for a limited time. It's time for Tim's. Kindest regards, all you rat-tuck-tosks. Skitter on into the stinky dragon, partake in our latest potation. Nut the end of the world. It's a mixture of pistachio milk messages, a corn-gore coffee, cedar-gestion syrup, and fused with a few furry fibs.
Starting point is 00:00:48 One pour of this planar percolation, all those charges of cheating will change to chitter-chatter. Previously, our adventurers arrived at Awning Amphitheater with ingredients for the Alchemist, but they were offered a different deal from a dastardly Hugo, Evina, and Eddie. After fighting amidst a frightfully falling forest, Hugo and Eddie fell into lethal lockwood and emerged changed forever. Grab a guzzler, let's get back to this gassy goss. ["Gasps"]
Starting point is 00:01:24 Gassy goss. That was me this morning. I'm Gustavo Sorola, the Dungeon Master of our PewTread party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Maybe I won't hit you with an arrow. This week's Role-Playing Warm-Up question is, can you tell us about a time where you got into trouble as a kid? Oh, that's a good one. When the... could you specify a kid? I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:01:40 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Can you tell us about a time where you got into trouble as a kid? Oh, that's a good one. When the... could you specify a kid? Whatever you consider a kid, I know the answer might be a little complicated for some members of the party.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Well, I'll start. The kiddest of the kids of the group. I'm Barbara Dunkleman and I play Elga von Braff. The half-elf vampire barbarian. And Elga, you know, she was always getting into trouble as a kid, as current kid, previous kid, 200 years old kid. But there was one time where I woke up and, you know, usually my papa, fake papa, I got to say, would be very strict about us making our beds and keeping our rooms clean and tidy, putting everything where it's supposed to be. And one morning I just was not feeling it
Starting point is 00:02:32 and I just wanted to, you know, go against the grain. And so I didn't make my bed. Oh, rebel. And then I left my room and the whole time I was holding my breath. And then all of a sudden I see my papa pass by my room and then he look at me and then he send me to my room and the whole time I was holding my breath and then all of a sudden I see my papa pass by my room and then he look at me and then he send me to my room to make my bed and then keep me in there.
Starting point is 00:02:51 But funny enough, my room is my favorite place to be, so jokes on him. When the punishment is actually a secret reward. That happened to me all the time as a kid. My parents are like, go to your room and I'm like, with pleasure. Micah suggests that you refer to Hugo as your faux pas. Oh, that's good. Faux pas. That's really good. It's really good. Yeah. It's a level air. A level second. I'm slow. It's me, Blaine Gibson. And I played chip painting level nine, deep fling rogue. And if you guys will allow me, I'd like. And I played chip painting level nine, deep fling rogue. And if you guys will allow me, I'd like to tell you the story about Bradley and the missing
Starting point is 00:03:29 piggy bank. Is that okay? Was that a Harry Potter book? No, no, no. It's the story of my youth. Okay. No, it's a, it's about a time that I got in trouble. So I set this scene. I was in the fourth grade and I remember it was a show and tell day at the elementary school. So I brought my piggy bank. I was so proud of that piggy bank. I remember taking it to school and every step, but here all that change in that piggy bank and get there and go with the show and tell. Oh, so, so impressed. Everyone was so impressed. And then we all go out to recess. Okay. And when I got back from recess, well, my piggy banks missing from my cubby and I look around and I didn't make a fuss, but I noticed that Bradley, every time he
Starting point is 00:04:08 took a step with his big old backpack, I heard that familiar sound that so I did what any normal nine year old, you know, tiefling rogue would do. And I followed him all the way to his home. And then I sat up in a tree outside of Bradley's room and I watched him as he ate dinner, did his homework, read his books. And then eventually towards the end of the night, I'd been sitting there for about seven hours. He pulled out my piggy bank and then he went to bed. So I waited for another three more hours watching him sleep until he was in the deepest state of slumber. So then I made my move. I took off my shoes. I took off my socks. I snuck in through his window very carefully, very quietly.
Starting point is 00:04:48 And I went up and individually started taking each coin out of the piggy bank and into my socks. Okay? That must have taken a while. It took a very long time, Mr. Dungeon Mister. Why didn't you just take the piggy bank? Oh, well, y'all let me get there. So I got all these tube socks filled with coins and I just start beating Bradley. I just started beating him. He started crying and yelling. There's tears and blood and snot. And you know, just the familiar ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch and then, and then I got home and I got in trouble with my mama cause I was in past curfew.
Starting point is 00:05:20 You know, I've never been more afraid of Chip than in this very moment. Bradley didn't go to school the next day and his family moved out. What's amazing to me is that even, I like how driven Chip is, that even at nine years old, he knew he was a tiefling rogue. I was gonna say,
Starting point is 00:05:36 what age do you become a rogue at? He's a negative one tiefling rogue. Most children don't figure that out until, most people don't figure that out until they're well into adulthood, but you had it figured out from nine. Oh yeah. what is happening on that video the mood is destroyed a little kind of video in the background
Starting point is 00:05:52 playing to get us in the fauna lock mood today and there was a little dog that popped up that said please like and subscribe the whole time you were telling that story Blaine I just thought the funniest thing that could happen after you finish that story is if David goes, I wasn't recording. My monologue. Or I'm sure we'll remember it to a narrate it back. Yeah. Bonjour. My name is John Reisinger. I play Matty Confucius, the era Cochrane ghost monk.
Starting point is 00:06:23 And I got into the usual antics as any little child when you're young. You know, you steal a cookie from the cookie jar. You know, you stay up past your bedtime. But I do remember this one time that my mother was quite cross with me. You see, I got an idea that I wanted to redecorate my room. And I didn't want to do it with just anything. So I went to the local museum and
Starting point is 00:06:55 I stole all of the priceless art. Wow. Were you a rogue as well? Did you, did you multi-class? Were you a ghost yet? No, no, no. I was just, I was just a precocious little six year old. Was it the Mona Lisa? It's pretty good. Well like moan. Who's this? I can see your brain just trying to rattle off more. There you go. I think we did that.
Starting point is 00:07:21 Done this joke before. We're trying to do spooky artists. was going to say the starry night but that's just appropriately named Or the scream Hi, I'm Chris Damaris Hi Chris Damaris And I'm Who's very kids show Hi Chris Damaris And I play Barney Farny the human cleric
Starting point is 00:07:49 When I was a younger boy, I was a bit of a rapscallion. Really? We, we on, on the farm, we had some animals and I, I was eating, I was eating my breakfast one morning and then, and then I asked my mom where the eggs came from. And she said they came from the chickens. And I asked her, where does the bread come from? She says, that comes from the wheat from the field. And then I asked her, where does the bacon come from? And then she said, well, that comes from pigs.
Starting point is 00:08:21 And I said, pigs like, like Nedley? And she goes, why, yes. And then I realized Nedley, the pig, he might one day become bacon. And then, so then whenever, so then I took Nedley secretly and I took him to my bedroom. Oh.
Starting point is 00:08:39 And I kept him in the, I kept him in the closet. And then I dressed him up. Oh my God. And then I told my mom. Is this an ET moment? And I told my mom that I made a new friend. And did you believe it? What did you tell her that your new friend's name was?
Starting point is 00:09:00 Pedley. Oh, okay. And failed his deception check on that one. And she did not believe me. She realized that Pedley was in fact Nedley. Oh no, did you have more bacon the next morning? No, we stopped eating bacon after that. It was all ham.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Well, that's one way to do it. If your room was messy, she might not have noticed you since the pigsty anyway, right? I try. We have fun here. I like that Barney has maintained this like desire to keep animals that he shouldn't be keeping and that has maintained over the course of his entire life. He's just hoarding animals to get solved odds in everyone's wishes. Yeah, real Barney's at least consistent.
Starting point is 00:09:52 With that, the alchemist finishes brewing his potion, draws from the draft and stiffly holds out a glass vial, dripping with golden fluid. With lightning speed, Hugo flies in and snatches the elixir from his hands and quasps the concoction without hesitation. The alchemist's eyes turn back to Hazel, albeit horror-stricken. Hugo smiles wide for a moment, but it quickly fades and starts retching violently, hurling sallow slop onto the floor. You worthless peddler of potions! You'll pay for your impotence! Hugo heads straight for the alchemist, his fangs and claws extended, ready to rip through the man's throat. But at the last moment, a skinless figure steps between them.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Hugo's claws plunge deep into Eddie's sinewy chest, and green blood spews from his verdant veins. Eddie cries out in agony and falls to his knees. Out of my way, you cursed lunatic! Oh, but where's the fun in that, eh, Hugo? Your usefulness has run its course, Edward. Hugo lunges Fang first into his see-wee neck and Eddy wraps both his hulky arms around the vampire like a constricting snake. Eddy laughs maniacally one last time and pulls Hugo with him into the blue viscous locker room. Not but a moment later, a vampiric visage emerges, drenched in the sapphire slot.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Hugo shrieks as his skin boils and curls into a disfigured abomination. One way or another, this ends now. Two sinewy wings rip off from his back and a hideous Hugo flies off to the east. The alchemist stumbles to the ground. He shakes his head with furrowed brows. I don't understand. The elixir was ready, so why didn't it? Where am I?
Starting point is 00:11:39 D-dad? A boy with olive complexion, rosy cheeks, dressed in torn rags steps out from the lockwood. What? Henry? What? Huh? Henry? Henry?
Starting point is 00:11:53 Henry, you've got some explaining to do! The alchemist uproots the blue flower in front of him and the stump stage collapses back toward the ground with a splash in the lockwood. The alchemist reaches into the blue viscous liquid and pulls out his son from the cyan surf. Both Henry and the alchemist fall prone onto the stump and you see the alchemist's salt and pepper hair turn white and his crow's feet crinkle into more wrinkles.
Starting point is 00:12:17 So the alchemist just grew older? It would appear so. I think that's... Didn't that happen to one of you guys in the lockwood too? Uh... Uh... John? I thought it aged you a little bit. Oh, no. I mean, it could have been a little bit more. Did it? It made you forget.
Starting point is 00:12:34 I like how Christa shakes his head like that. I didn't notice. So what's an extra 15 years. Okay. So then, so Henry was, uh, was Eddie all along. I should have stabbed that eight year old back at the college. We could have saved a lot of time. We would have saved like 45 episodes. It saved a lot of lives. I run up. It's on your hands, chip. I know I want to run up and I say, Oh, this is delightful. How lovely. I wouldn't
Starting point is 00:13:02 maybe run into the lockwood though. No, I did not gonna do that. I'll be in it from afar. Or where are they? So I'm trying to remember where you all ended up. I believe Chip was already on the stump. I was in the... I might have been up in the stands to get above the water. Yeah, I was grappling Eddie. So I was on the stump.
Starting point is 00:13:18 That's right. So Matide was on the stump. And then the other three of you were in the stands. Barney and Elga were on the western side and Chip was on the eastern side. Full disclosure I want to confront Henry but you know if I'm like across the stadium it's going to be a little awkward it's going to take some of the dramatic zest away from that confrontation. You all see Avina swoop down from the stands to the stump dragging Sadate behind her. She looks angry and confused at the same time, looking around.
Starting point is 00:13:47 Yeah, that's right. Proper emotion. Aveina has joined where the alchemist and Henry are lying on the floor. On the stage, correct. On the stage with me, and she's dragging her fake mom, or her real mom or mom.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Sedate? Sedate, yes. I don't think it's her real mom. I don't know. I'm still very confused as to what Aveina's role is with this and what her situation is. She looks... Make me a perception check, Matide. 22.
Starting point is 00:14:22 I like that you have a real die. I like the sound of it. She looks almost like there's almost like a wild look in a vein as eyes that you didn't see there before. Whereas before, you know, you would have considered her maybe very cool and calculating. She's almost feral.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Yeah, I don't know what to say to a vein. I like I want to like. I don't know. There you go. Let this be a family matter. I'll just step back. I mean, now that now that Eddie is is is Henry and then Hugo's gone, I mean, is the only enemy that we have to go against, right? Yeah, but there I want to figure out what's up with her.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Yeah, you since you were addressing her, um, um, her, Barbara slash Elga, I don't know. I didn't know what to say, Barbara or Elga. Belga, Belga, since you were addressing her, why don't you also make me a perception check? That is a 14. Evanna doesn't seem the same to you either. She seems, you know, there's a wildness to her eyes and you see, you know, Sadate is still bound
Starting point is 00:15:19 and you see her desperately trying to make eye contact with you and you see her lock eyes with you and then look at your bag and like looking back and forth. My bag? Your bag, don't you have like a bag that holds a bunch of stuff? That's what Chip has. Like my bum bag?
Starting point is 00:15:35 You don't you also have like a- You have one. You should have a bag for all of your stuff. Yeah. Just like my seven axes. Yeah. Could I, well, okay, could I open my bag? Yeah, you open your bag and you know, there's,
Starting point is 00:15:48 there's seven axes. How many axes do you have? Four axes, five axes, all of your axes. Four. And you know, all of your inventory. I like to think it's like a Swiss army knife of axes. Just a key chain. That's all it is.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Make a wisdom check for me, Elga. My strength. Nine. Nine. It's pretty unorganized. Does Elga keep an orderly bag aside from her Swiss Army knife of axes? I would say absolutely not. She just shoves everything in.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Just like her feds or The pages of the journal? Yeah, I kept the page that was ripped out, I think. Oh, of that like, the dark tone. Ancient mania. The boiling soup room book. How far away is that space where they are? There was a place where we went into, and it had the boiling water.
Starting point is 00:16:44 And they were talking about how you'd be cleansed or reborn. And Chip stuck his tail in and it was like hot. And you got a page from there? A page of like... I think it looked like the ancientvania from like the same book that was in Evanna's room that had like one page teared out. That's where you found the page. Thank you. Also, there's the picture.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Of potentially my mom. Yeah. Yeah, we have that too. But I mean, I think it's kind of one of those like organized chaos with Elga. Like, she shoves everything in, but she knows where everything is. You know, I would like to imagine you're just pulling things out and looking at mom like this. Can I walk up to Evanna? Yeah, so Matide, you want to go up to Evaina as well? Yes, I'm very curious. What role did you have to play in all of this? She looks at you and kind of backs away. She's not really talking or addressing you. She's keeping Sadate behind her. Does she look any different other than the crazy eyes? No, she looks pretty much the same.
Starting point is 00:17:44 I take a step towards her. Yeah, she keeps backing up trying to maintain a certain amount of distance. All right, so it's gonna be like, it's like, like, like, you know, when you see like a feral animal and everybody surrounds it and they had their hands up wide. Make an animal handling check. Can you make an animal handling check? Okay, no, no, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Could I maybe use, I have message, which is a spell. I point my finger towards a creature within range and whisper a message. The target and only the target hears the message
Starting point is 00:18:14 and can reply in a whisper that only I could hear. Oh yeah. How'd you get that? I've had it just for a while. Is your message like, chill bro, or something? I can have that, but I have to rap while I do it. Please do not do it. Please do not do that.
Starting point is 00:18:30 Could I and I want to do it towards Sadate. Sure. And I guess the message would be like, Miss Tempor, what are you trying to tell me to look for in my bag? Also, what the heck is up with Evina? Who are you talking to? Sadate. Sadate Tempor. I did not memorize her last name in my bag. Also, what the heck is up with Evina? Who are you talking to? Sadate. Sadate Tempore.
Starting point is 00:18:46 I did not memorize her last name. Man, I'm off today on remembering stuff. No, you're good. I've just written it down physically. So when I do that, I remember. When we, I know like during like an episode or two ago, when he, like, Gus Starr, I was like, and Sadate's with you. I didn't say anything because I was like, well,
Starting point is 00:19:01 I'll figure it out with context clues soon. But I was like, I don't know who that is. Fake mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I figured out if you're quiet for a while, you can just kind of listen. Yeah. You're a FOMA FOMA. Yeah. You receive a reply, you know, whispered in your, in your mind, combine the book and the pages, then destroy them. Oh, well that is very good information. Yeah, how do we glean that for the look? Um, because she can't, she's also, she's still, Sadati's still bound.
Starting point is 00:19:35 She's being dragged around by Avarna. She's gagged with that red ascot. Right. Um, okay, could I do exactly that? I take the book out, I put the page back where it was ripped out. Yeah, you combine the book and the page. And when you do so, the book seems to transform a bit in your hand in your hands. Whereas before you couldn't understand it was written in strange
Starting point is 00:20:02 runes and an old language that you're not familiar with. The words reform into a language you are able to understand. What is the title of the book? The title of the book is Mind Drinker. A Dam-Peer Damification. Is that what it's like? Mind Freak? Those are some bad words used on this book. Mind Drinker?
Starting point is 00:20:21 Yeah. Mind Drinker The Damification? A Dam-Peer Damification. Mind drinker, the damification? A dam-pierre damification. Chris Angel wrote this book. I'll send it to you because it's strange spelling. It's like D-H-A-M-P-I-R. Yeah. Do I recognize this or like know the relevance or what it means
Starting point is 00:20:39 just based off my many years in the vampspire? Yeah, is this like the Bible? Like if you go to the vampspire for a hotel room, is it in the nightstand? In the night table. Or is it like something that I've seen? Placed by the Gullions. You're not familiar with it,
Starting point is 00:20:54 but you look through it and kind of skim over it. And it seems to be a tome containing lore and rituals surrounding creatures called dampiers. It's like a cursed half-breed of humanoid and vampire that feeds on dreams and psychic energy. That's Avina then. I mean. Because we've always been wondering,
Starting point is 00:21:14 is she a vampire or what is she? Yeah. She's a Dampier, which is ironically what happens when I clean out my ears. With all that white mess in there. Ew. I guess, could I try to destroy it? Yeah. How are you going to destroy it?
Starting point is 00:21:27 I'm going to take my bat hole axe, seems appropriate, and just spike it like right in the middle of the book. Yeah. Which axe? Oh, sorry. Chip sees this and shakes his head. Elga never did like reading.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Hey, foul folks, are you digging the Chip sees this and shakes his head. Elga never did like reading. Discord, special events, and live streams for patrons. All episodes of our main show and bonus content become ad-free regardless of where you listen. Besides the main episodes, we have some extra cool stuff for you. One of them is Second Wind, a show where players and Dungeon Masters chat about the latest episode every other week. We also have Behind the Screen, which is a monthly show that goes deep into D&D topics like making an adventure or being a Dungeon Master.
Starting point is 00:22:21 And there's more. We've got live shows, one-shots, and mini series. Go to patreon.com slash StinkyDdragon to support the show and join the party. Hey there, fellow adventurers, are you in need of some epic dice for your next tabletop session? Well, look no further than Misty Mountain Gaming. They've got an incredible catalog of dice made from all sorts of materials, stone, resin, glass, metal, silicon, liquid core, bone, you name it. And guess what? Misty Mountain Gaming offers free shipping within the United States, plus they now have
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Starting point is 00:23:59 Go to Misty Mountain gaming comm use code stinky to get 10% off. That's MistyMountainGaming.com, code STINKY. Well, hello, stinkers. We want to tell you that this episode is sponsored by Hero Forge. Hero Forge allows us to use our Forge characters to make actual little itty-bitty ones we can hold in our hand. I created Elga in Hero Forge and it was so much fun. I spent way too long doing it. I made Mateed. I was impressed at how many specific items I could make to make sure that Mateed was quite accurate.
Starting point is 00:24:32 They got so many things in their catalog. They're constantly adding new extra customizable option, new species and custom posing. I had Mateed do a karate kick kind of position. I think I spent the most time picking my pose because I was like, do I want her like swinging the axe, holding it, looking kind of like a kid? You know, there's so many options.
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Starting point is 00:25:07 which is really cool. Oh yeah, you print it yourself and make an army of Elgas. Next campaign, army of Elgas. To do this and to enjoy your own little mini of your character, you can visit heroforge.com and you can start designing your custom miniature today and check back often. There's new content that's added every week.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Absolutely. And you could also use the code STINKY to get 5% off all orders of physical miniatures. That's code STINKY. You guys should know how to spell that. S-T-I-N-K-Y. Yeah, thank you Hero Forge for sponsoring this episode. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"]
Starting point is 00:25:43 Yeah, you pull out the batolette and cleave the book in two. And as you do so, the book bursts into blue flame. What does Chip do? I don't know. I'm fire resistant. No, because you're a firefighter. Oh no! Quick!
Starting point is 00:26:02 Get the lockwood on that fire! And, um, Avina seems to shake her head and seems to kind of come to her senses a little bit. We should slap her around just to make sure she's clear. Of the deafness. She's... So, is she like, does she seem to be kind of waking up from that crazy state state she was in?
Starting point is 00:26:25 Yeah, it seems like she's more present. Evanna? Elga? Are you... ...ewickle? She looks at you and then looks down and realizes she's dragging Sadate around. She begins very quickly untying Sadate. Make me a perception check, Elga.
Starting point is 00:26:46 You know, I'm pretty far away. Yeah. 16. You realize that as, you know, when you were looking at Avena and she said your name, that her eyes were no longer that piercing blue color they were before. If I can just water walk on Elga, could she walk on this stuff? On the, what do you call the?
Starting point is 00:27:07 Tell me what it's called. Yeah I can't do it Blaine's mouth and get to me. He needs to remember something fauna fauna fauna lock Oh, you're close on lock. No, no, no Fawn water. No, what is this? Lock with lock it we can't got there. Yeah, we weren't? Fod Wave. Lock with. Lock with. We could have gotten there guys. We weren't going to get there. We were doing a, what's it called?
Starting point is 00:27:30 Pantomime? Charades. Charades, thank you. It was like a sign language? Lock with. Like liquid, but lock. Oh, lock with, that makes sense. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:41 So yes, because a water walk doesn't specify just water. It says it grants the ability to move across any liquid surface, such as water, acid, mud, snow, quicksand, or lava. So yeah, you could... This water walk would allow anyone to walk across the lockwood. That's a nice move, Barney. Alright, yeah, I cast... Water walk! Sorry, I didn't mean to.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Water walk... I guess I use it to run over to Sadate and Ivana. Oh, wait. Up to 10 willing creatures I can see within range gain the stability for the duration. I cast it on everyone. Tell me what the range is. 30 feet. I cast it on everyone within 30 feet.
Starting point is 00:28:21 Which I think is just me. Just you and Elga. You get a water walk! Chip, come over here! Chip, come over here! I can't step in the lock, Quidd. Just to clarify, you could go the long way around. Since the stands are like a half circle around the stage.
Starting point is 00:28:40 So you couldn't walk directly to them, but you could walk in a half circle around the stands and stay. To get within 30 feet. Yeah. OK. I power walk. Really engage the glutes on that one. No foot is left off. You can just run. Power walk. You can serve. We don't know if Evina's gonna turn bad again. Yeah. You know, when you like don't want to like if something is perceiving you and if you run, it's going to chase you.
Starting point is 00:29:02 But if you're like just walking normally, it not notice you that's what's happening yeah you your power walk over and Barney's able to water walk everyone I'm tiefling Jesus I start walking on the water, start breakdancing on the water. I water walk over to Sadate. Yeah, you get there as the last of Sadate's bindings are removed. And she stands up. Avana, it seems like you got into some bad stuff. She looks at you with tears in her eyes and wraps her arms around you. I'm so sorry, sister. I was just so upset with Hugo.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I changed myself for him. I went through the Dempritual so he would see me as an equal. As a vampire. Oh. When did you do that? Val, you were away. Okay, I figured. Yeah, because you definitely were not acting like this when I was still home. No. He's always looked down on me. Like I'm not worthy of the Von Brath name.
Starting point is 00:30:04 And I thought this would change that. But he just used me and abandoned me. Abandoned us. And Sadate chimes in. That's who he is. Hugo has always been a consumer and nothing more. It's anti-capitalist. The word consumer. Well, Evanna, during your time, I guess, when you were working with Hugo, did he tell you what his plan was or what way he's doing all this for?
Starting point is 00:30:32 I thought we were going to be working together, but he rarely divulged details to me, always keeping me a few steps removed. What I do know is that he was dead set on uncovering some mysterious secret, but I guess I turned out to be yet another pawn in his master plan. I guess so. I'm so confused. If you weren't in on this plan and Eddie was also not entirely in on the plan, what was the plan?
Starting point is 00:31:04 I guess to build a child army. I don't know. Yeah, he was gathering a lot of children, wasn't he? Yeah. I was happy to finally feel included and be seen as an equal. I finally had worth and purpose in my father's eyes. So you didn't have like control over, you know, mental well-being. You were just making decisions that were kind of guided by Ugo?
Starting point is 00:31:27 Yes, I was under the impression that he was simply my father making decisions that were best for me. I was so eager to be needed and helpful to him. And do you have memory of everything that happened? My memory certainly feels different now, but I think I can remember mostly everything. Was it you or Ugo who made fun of the way I speak? Oh, uh, that was me.
Starting point is 00:31:52 I didn't do the first one as a kid. She kind of like looks down at her feet and like shuffles at him. So, Avena, what does that leave you now that that book is destroyed? Are you no longer a vampire? Are you like a... Are you a human? It feels like I did before the ritual. Like I'm my old half-elf self again.
Starting point is 00:32:17 I think that's why she could live so long. Oh, yeah. So, Evina, you know, I don't know if you know this, and this might be kind of a rude awakening, but I don't think we are actually blood-related sisters. Evina looks shocked, you know, looks at you and then turns and looks at Sadate, like back and forth. Sadate just kind of nods and puts her hand on Evina's shoulder.
Starting point is 00:32:40 But I am curious, Sadate, are you Evaina's mother, real mother? Yes, Evaina is my child. Oh, that's beautiful. Do you know who the father is? Well, presumably Hugo. Oh, by the way, Evaina, this is your uncle Barney. I guess, yeah, I guess, uh, Sudate and Hugo actually had Evaina. Right, Sudate was actually, you know, with Hugo and did have a child.
Starting point is 00:33:07 But then during the process, that's when Elga was like switcherooed in, like, surprise, you have twins. Yeah, that was a really committed to the base. I was about to say, committed to the undercover. Yeah. Had a child with him and everything. Are the Alchemist and Henry, are they lying in, like, the Lockwood? No, they're on the stage out of the Lockwood. They both seem pretty winded, especially the Alchemist now.
Starting point is 00:33:32 He's put on a couple of years, it looks like. Yeah, so then why would he put on years if he wasn't in the Lockwood? He had to reach into the Lockwood to grab Henry. So he touched it. Thank you. Do you guys maybe want to go talk to them? Yes. Yeah. Are you good with Avina?
Starting point is 00:33:44 I didn't want to make sure that we didn't take away from your moment. No, we'll be here having some bonding moment off screen while you guys go. That's adorable. I go around and give a big ol' girl a hug. I'm so glad you guys are back together. No longer a fighting party. You come in here too. Come here with me, big ol' girl.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Come on. Come on. Come on. Chip has such Chris Farley energy. This is your other uncle Chip. Just so you know. I put your cheek, I was like, you're so cute. He bites you. Just for old times sake.
Starting point is 00:34:16 I walk over to Henry and I kind of like, likely like kick him. Like a little like, you up? My god. like kick him, like a little like, you up? Oh my God. Yeah, he kind of like sits up still a little out of breath and looking up at you. I pick him up. Oh, that's cute. I pick him up like by his collar.
Starting point is 00:34:33 Oh, it's not so cute. He's a boy with olive complexion, rosy cheeks, and he's currently dressed in torn rags drenched in lockwood, being pulled up by the collar by our Aarakocron friend. Bonjour Andri. You have so much explaining to do. I remember you you were at the college we were also everywhere you were as... Did the alchemist retain any memories when he's Lewis? Alchemist, do you retain any memories when he's Lewis Asking meta wise Think so. I think like he knows that he does bad stuff, but maybe doesn't remember like conversations. I don't remember
Starting point is 00:35:26 What is the last thing you remember on re? I... I woke up somewhere strange. I don't know where I was. It was... dark and... stone. Let me ask if he remembers, like, drinking anything or, like, being... No, the drinking would have taken him back from Eddie. Because the drinking made Louis turn back into the alchemist The Lewis thing wasn't the Lewis thing was triggered more like by motion emotion Well, maybe this is something else where Henry is like the normal version of him, but when he's like Drugged or something or like given some type of potion. He turns into Eddie
Starting point is 00:36:01 Like the opposite of the alchemist maybe interesting. I don't know. Well, yeah, you needed away. So I say interesting. I mean, genetics wise, if he's the son of alchemist and Frank Eska, he would probably look like a little boy. I feel like that would be the normal version, especially if they were aware that that was their son. Yeah, because the alchemist had said that he's like, not to my understanding does he have the same affliction. Right. So maybe something happened to him.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Are you aware you've been going around as a crazy muscle degree? Yeah. I mean, I think he's a little bit more of a, you know, Not to my understanding does he have the same affliction right? So maybe something happened to him. Are you aware you've been going around as a crazy muscle green veiny Dude doing bad things bad things Like what can I can I oh inside? Acting or just bad There's bad Henry Lyon. Wow, bad acting or bad Lyon. Don't worry, we'll hand you a voice-over.
Starting point is 00:36:48 Go ahead and roll an insight check. Gus and I, we're good enough friends. I can say stuff like that. You can say whatever, it's fine. We're just having fun, it's just D&D. It's just D&D. Is this some fun? That's a 13 plus eight, 21.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Oh, you think he's being, you don't think there's anything he's trying to hide. OK, it's alchemist awake. Yeah, he's still very winded and seems tired. I point Henry to the Algarve. Is that your father? Yes. OK, just check. I'll put him back down. I'll join in, actually, before you put him back down. I want to. Oh, my teeth, please be easy with the child and I pick him up by both hands with on his collars and I say oh
Starting point is 00:37:30 You don't remember killing my wife You're like totally running us around all of grotesque making us do stupid stuff and fight you and You put people's lives and risk and stuff. You don't remember any of that. He starts crying and you put people's lives at risk and stuff. You don't remember any of that? He starts crying. Good! Welcome to my world. My wife died because of you and your alter ego, dude.
Starting point is 00:37:50 I've never met your wife. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, you never will, because she's dead, Eddie. Yeah, he's like sobbing and gasping. We go to the alchemist, and be like, what is going on? Old man. You can see tears streaming down Robert's face. Then, you know, Henry says, All I wanted was to spend more time with dad, but he was always working,
Starting point is 00:38:14 helping people with their problems. I didn't want to draw attention to myself or make problems, but I guess that didn't happen. That backfired. Are you still holding him, Chip? I think at this point I've dropped him. Like he's crying and it's no, it's a mixture of emotions, but also reason.
Starting point is 00:38:30 I know that he probably didn't mean to do that, but it's just a frustrating experience because it's all because of this little boy. Right. At this point Henry would run over to Robert and Robert would reach out, you know, and embrace his son with a strong, but gentle hug. You could cut this. This is just rearing stuff too much.
Starting point is 00:38:47 We got a lore dump of what happened with the final lock that we thought made Eddie. What what went into the final lock that then came out as Eddie? Well, I think he showed up as Eddie to to Fondaloc and was like very nice. And like people thought he was there to help or something. And then I think there was some type of ritual or something where he went into the Fondaloc. It's their little, their little ritual, their mid summer ritual.
Starting point is 00:39:18 And he came out, I think all like green. That's when he came out, Albanian no skin. So, right. Okay. So what did he look like before? Maybe it was like Eddie and then he was like super Eddie, like a worse version of Eddie. The gamma bomb went off.
Starting point is 00:39:31 Yeah, it's like if Lewis the Frost Giant went in and came out. Yeah, kind of. Eddie was definitely like a giant, for sure. A giant? Yeah. Yeah, well, a giant in D&D standards. I didn't know he was that big. He was big.
Starting point is 00:39:45 And then when he came out, that's why this for all too close. Didn't fit him. So we don't, so we still don't even know like what his plan was in coming to final log and then participating in that ritual. Yeah. Or something here affected him and go crazy. A question to them then, because I'm also piecing this together. Henry, I know you can't answer these questions because you got like a divided memory brain going on. Robert, please feel free to step in and actually be a present father for once. When Eddie came to bring down Hugo into the water, was that as an act of defending you
Starting point is 00:40:23 there, Robert? Like was that a self-defense kind of thing? Like, was he trying to stop you from dying? What was that all about? I suspect it was most likely his instinct to protect me. Robert turns to look at Henry with even more tears welling up in his eyes. Henry, no apology can make up for the pain I've caused you. When I became the Alchemist, my goal was to be a listening ear and bring aid to those who desperately needed it.
Starting point is 00:40:49 But in my fervor, I neglected those needs at home. And I'm sorry, son. I can't express how much love I have for you and how much joy you bring in my life by just being yourself. Perhaps it's time for me to hang up my mantle as the alchemist and spend more time with you and Francesca. Besides, it seems my age has crept up on me. I can't even make this anti-cessness elixir work. An elixir? Will it help people?
Starting point is 00:41:17 Yes, it's meant to allow people to enter the lock without experiencing its adverse side effects. It's something I've been developing for some time as a favor to Larenta. It was a recipe that she's been working on with an old friend who went missing. So she reached out to me to finish it, but for some reason it turned out half baked.
Starting point is 00:41:36 And Henry's eyes widened. Father, do you have the recipe with you now? Robert reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a frayed scroll and holds it out for Henry, but suddenly the scroll flies from his hand straight past Henry with a whoosh. A rustling wind blows amongst you all and a golden glow emanates from one person, their visage now illuminated and their hand holding a radiant scroll, Matide. Departurement unravels before you and your eyes catch a symbol drawn at the top,
Starting point is 00:42:03 two gold crescent moons hanging above and below a brown teardrop or maybe some kind of oval. The recipe is written in Parisian and you immediately recognize your own penmanship. Oh, we did. Filigree lettering appears just below the symbol that reads Astralman Croissant. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:20 Yeah. It's food. So wait, he was trying to make an elixir, but it was actually a baking recipe? Yeah! And you were the friend that went missing, I'm assuming. Oh, I did go missing. I guess you were working on this special thing.
Starting point is 00:42:36 With, uh, Lorenza? Yes. Well, it was for Lorenza, right? Because I was, no, I was working with Lorenza. She's. To, that's what you just said? Yes. Gus, yeah. Was Lorenza part of Sheath. To, to, that's what you just said? Yes. Gus, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:46 Was Lorenza part of Sheath? She was the former director. Director. Okay. Oh, okay. And Lorenza is... Well, I'm so important. This is fantastic.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Wolfman! Okay, sorry. She's a wolfman. I already have quite a good opinion of myself, and this is just after me. What are you, me? A sparkling purple portal opens up above you all, and out comes the astral spirit of an Arakocra. They're dressed in ornamental robes wearing cotton wraps around their hands and talons.
Starting point is 00:43:12 G'day Mateid, are you ready to bake? Jack? Jacques? Jacques? Yeah. Well, but in Australia it was Jack. Yeah, and I was supposed to be Jack. Oh yeah, I forgot.
Starting point is 00:43:23 That's a stupid question, of's up Jack? I forgot. That's a stupid question, of course I'm ready to bake. Like Walter White, let's, Jesse let's cook. We need to bake. And I'm glowing gold? Yeah, you're currently glowing with your visage illuminated, like with a golden glow. Nothing gold can stay, Pony Boy.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Is Barney an Outsiders fan? Some Barney lawyer just. Is Barney an outsiders fan? Some Barney lawyer just dropped. Barney is old. I like to imagine that this whole time Elga was just talking to Evanna and Sadate and didn't hear any of this conversation and just all of a sudden sees Mateed glowing gold and is like, what is happening? And just so I can wrap my head around what
Starting point is 00:44:03 was exactly happening, we were trying to help the alchemist make the elixir, which we now know was doing the wrong thing. But Hugo was doing something else that was causing that stump to grow up with that flower. I think that's separate. I think that he just pulled a flower and it shot up. I believe it was Eddie who pulled the petals off of a flower and then it shot up. And then the alchemist pulled the flower out from the ground. And that's what caused the stage to go back down.
Starting point is 00:44:30 To just help me understand, like Hugo appeared to not do a ritual. Hugo appeared to stop us being able to make the elixir. It seemed like Hugo wanted the elixir because he had all the ingredients and was trying to get them from you as well. Why would he want the elixir? We don't know why Hugo would want the elixir. Correct. And he got it, but it didn't seem... Whatever it was supposed to do didn't seem to work.
Starting point is 00:44:51 That was at the end of the last episode. So that's why he turned into the abomination. He went into the lock, but turned into the abomination. I just didn't quite understand, like, what all the motivations of what was going on, because I didn't get a decent... I appreciate that. It seems like the elixir or the croissant would allow people to enter the lock and not experience the effects of it. So maybe there is some like huge benefit to the effects of it that he wants.
Starting point is 00:45:12 Barbara, do you have an inspiration to it? I don't. Yeah, you do deserve one. You've been on fire with all of the information this episode. I'm going to make this croissant, but now I'm also curious why were you guys why were they killing all of the the heads of the state? Mm-hmm? Yeah, that's a mystery That's definitely got to figure that out. I think the most important thing is like what's at the bottom of the lock There's probably something down there It's gotta be with the monopobin
Starting point is 00:45:40 Is there some type of super being well, yes, I've made that very clear the entire time we've been together. I suspected it this whole time. I wanna make a croissant. Croissant. All right, is Gigi with Jacques? Cause I sent him to go get him. Yeah, Jacques would hand Gigi back over to you.
Starting point is 00:45:57 Jacques is going to guide you through a form or a contemplative dance for baking, much like what you performed back on the Groteth Express. Okay. And a five, six, seven, eight. Da da da da, da da da da. Boom. Make a performance check with advantage.
Starting point is 00:46:13 Let's see how sharp those jazz hands are. Legs up, Mati, legs up. Uh, what was it, 14. Pierouette, pierouette. Yeah, you and Jacques go through the performance, even though it seems like it's the first time for you, it comes very naturally. And the moves seem to flow easily through you.
Starting point is 00:46:31 And while you're dancing, you receive an epiphany and you know what you need in order to create the Astralman Croissant of Anti-Sessness. What? You're gonna need some chopped wood, a contained fire, crushed astralmans, and then you're gonna need to mix all the elixir ingredients
Starting point is 00:46:46 and the astral mints under moonlight. Oh, I want an almond croissant. Do you need a little boy sacrifice? I do too. We got some astral mints. So it was crushed almonds, chopped wood, contained fire, and what was the fourth ingredient? And then Matide will need to mix all the elixir ingredients
Starting point is 00:47:03 and the astral mments under the moonlight. All right. You might want to dispatch one of your party members for each of those ingredients. I have astralments right here. Oh, how convenient. Okay. Are those the things that you handed each of us
Starting point is 00:47:17 when you were complimenting us? Yeah. Oh right, oval nuts. Oval nuts. Well, I think that since you have an axe and you have fire resistance, that, Chip, you should go get wood and Elga, you should go get contained fire. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:47:31 Okay. Okay. I guess that worked. I'm like, hitting a tree with a dagger. Hey, Chip, why don't we just switch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll switch like, before we hit it off the medine. Yeah, my teeth doesn't really have to gnaw because, you know, as long't we just switch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll switch like before we hit it off to the team.
Starting point is 00:47:46 Yeah, my team doesn't really have to know because as long as we get some of the ingredients. I'm like an Elga and I give her a wink. So, uh, Elga, how would you go about getting chopped wood? Well, are there any trees I could see nearby? Yeah, there's, uh, you know, the Anning Amphitheater has plenty of vegetation surrounding it just outside of the stands. So I'd probably go up to the nearest tree so I don't get too far away from everybody. I think I would just like shuffle through my axe and kind of like blindly pick one. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:13 I'm gonna roll a d4 to see which one I use. This is how Barbara picks her outfit in the morning. It's the bone to pick axe. Oh, how perfect. I wish that was how I picked my outfit. That would make my life so much easier. Roll for outfit. And then I'm just gonna do a couple quick chops
Starting point is 00:48:28 on the tree, just on the side. Sure. Cause I don't know if it's okay to chop down the tree easier, I don't wanna mess with the ecosystem. Very, very eco-conscious of you. But I do it in like such even strokes that the tree kinda remains stable. Yeah, and then it just like kinda falls down on itself.
Starting point is 00:48:44 Yeah. So you gather that up. Great. And then and then it just kind of falls down on itself. Yeah. So you gather that up? Mm-hmm, great. And then I carry it back over. To Chip, who is ready to start a fire. Yeah, so I take my knife and then I start hacking off small shreds of the driest log I can find. I've also found some dead dry leaves,
Starting point is 00:49:02 so I combine those all together, and then I'm gonna take a twig, the most cylindrical twig, and then I'm going to start rubbing it back and forth hastily to create a small fire. And then I blow on it. And then I use thaumaturgy to make the flicker brighten. And then, yeah, the fire. So Elga delivers wood, Chip fire and barney in a fire dance
Starting point is 00:49:28 Make a performance check you broke me for a second That is a Make me a dexterity check you fell in the fire Make me a dexterity check. Uh oh, you fell in the fire. 20. Okay, yeah. You get very excited that the fire has started and you stand up very quickly to do a fire dance where you do that thing where you stood up too fast after sitting down and you get
Starting point is 00:49:52 a little lightheaded and you start falling onto the fire but you throw your tail out in the opposite direction to counterbalance yourself. Uh, resist it, fire resist it. Regain your balance. Matide, all your party members hand over the wood, the fire, and Barney hands over the astralments. How do you crush them? How do you crush them, Barney?
Starting point is 00:50:10 I guess I'll, oh, maybe use my carpenter tools then take them in a bowl? Is that a bowl? Is that a bowl? Do you get a bowl? Mix a bowl, Matide. I don't know. What was that voice?
Starting point is 00:50:24 I don't know. You know, a bowl. What's that thing. What was that voice? I don't know. You know, a bowl. What's that thing called? A pest, pesto, pestle? Pestle. Mortar and pestle. Yeah. You got one of those right, you're a baker.
Starting point is 00:50:33 Yeah. Is that a baking thing? Yeah, you'd be free grinding up your herbs and spices. I feel like I should've picked up a mortar and pestle. I can't say that word. Pestle? Pesto. Making pesto making pesto Anyway grind up the stuff
Starting point is 00:50:49 That was so much of nothing. Yeah, you grind it. You don't have a mortar and pestle You just said you don't have one and then you say you grind it like you had one. Let's do my inventory You have a giant you have a giant mace Yeah, but I'm trying to find something to crush it like you're not gonna get all over the dirt Yeah, yeah, I do it I do is my chewed femur bone Have a femur bone. I choose Henry skull Yeah, I take it I take it and put it in my chewed femur bone and I kind of grind it up Against my oh, oh oh my gosh I take the
Starting point is 00:51:27 almonds I take my shield I take the femur bone and I grind it hey look at that aren't you glad you waited no it's not about the destination it's about the journey to get there what happens if the journey sucks the journey to get there. It just exploded! Too powerful. Matide, you dance while mixing all the elixir ingredients in Astral Mons under the moonlight. And fluing up from the flames appears a floating crescent-shaped roll, glowing with golden flakiness and filling the air with a nutty aroma.
Starting point is 00:52:20 Mmm! Astral Mons! Jacques smiles. Good on you, Matide. And puts their hand on Matide's shoulder. And you know the best thing about biking? Shearing it with others. And with that, the purple portal reappears and the Australian disappears.
Starting point is 00:52:34 Shearing it with others. Yeah, everybody take a bite. Baby bird me. Ah! No! Come on, I want to do like your customs. Ah! You want to get crushed in a minute?
Starting point is 00:52:44 Elga takes Chip's tongue and pulls it. Ah. You should be able to see that, I believe, in D&D Beyond. It's the Astralman Croissant of Anti-Sessness. That's actually a little, in fact, that's part of D&D 5e. That's not a custom item. It's in there by default. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Is that gluten free? I just need to know for my gutty works. A nutty and golden flake croissant roll that can be eaten in four fluffy bites has four charges. Eating a bite grants the target immunity to the side effects of Lockwit for one hour and gains 15 temporary HP. Wow. Magic food. So that gives you four hours of resistance, Matide. Yeah. Well, I give one hour to Gigi. Oh, okay. So three hours of Matide, one hour for Gigi?
Starting point is 00:53:26 No. Priorities. I break the croissant into four pieces and toss three to these Gnomes skulls. Do you not need to give any to the Alchemist or Henry? I think this is a Journey of Us Four. Do we want to take a short rest? Oh, I'm sorry. Earlier I should have given you all a short rest. That's my fault. So you take one now? Yeah. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is brought to you by Shopify. Selling a little
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Starting point is 00:55:53 Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. But, did we get... Alka, missed you got anything else you want to tell us? What did he say? Alka, missed you got anything else you want to tell us? What did he say? Alchemist, you got anything else you want to tell us? Very perfectly, yeah. It was very rough. I think that's the fastest Barney's ever talked.
Starting point is 00:56:10 My brain, like, wasn't catching up with Chris's voice at that point. The alchemist gets up slowly to his feet, and as he does so, you all feel the ground quake violently, as the waves of the lock crashing more violently. More earthquakes! But they're suddenly joined by a third phenomenon, the stars. Phenomenon. Do do do do do.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Phenomenon. One by one, the night sky shifts into a verdant hue of green stars. Barney, you feel your stomach drop and a shiver run up your spine. You have a feeling that something is happening that hasn't happened for a long time. Sadate says, I don't like this. We need to get the children to safety, perhaps. And with a wham, an emerald-essent star plummets into the ground,
Starting point is 00:56:50 but a few feet away from you all. A star? Yeah. Everybody move. Sadate begins running in a sprint to the nearest roofed refuge. Gang, protective ain't at all cause. Henry can fend for himself.
Starting point is 00:57:02 We must protect the little girl Trust you is like one of us so everyone make dexterity saving throws 21 I would never forget all that that bothers me like I just see her is like able to take care of a selfie No, I was just joking. 23. 14. OK, so everyone makes it except for Elga. You're running a little too hurriedly, and you get clipped by a little bit of star that's falling to the ground. Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. I don't know this song.
Starting point is 00:57:39 What is that from? What is this? What is this? I really not know this song. I feel crazy. No, I'm with you guys. They're all crazy. We're normal. Sing with us, okay?
Starting point is 00:57:46 Sing with us, guys. What is this song? It's just a... It's just like a little, like, nursery rhyme or something. Really? Yeah. Yeah, it's just by Perry Como. Yeah, just a song.
Starting point is 00:57:56 Well, anyway, um... Elga takes it a little too literally and catches a little bit too much falling star, taking 17 points of radiant damage. Ooh! Oh, you don points of radiant damage. Ooh! Oh, you don't like radiant damage. I'm vulnerable to radiant, so what happens then? Ooh, that's double then.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Do you have an inspiration die? Maybe you can reroll that so you don't have to catch it. I mean, I have 103 HP right now. What? Yeah, you can take the hit, you're fine. So that would be 34? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:23 You all continue making your dash through trembling trees and dart this way and that to avoid 34? Yeah. Okay. You all continue making your dash through trembling trees and dart this way and that to avoid the falling stars. Just ahead you see crumbling bone white columns marked with a familiar sigil. That three less than sign an E, with an A as a tongue in the middle. And Sadate leads you all through the columns
Starting point is 00:58:38 just as another star crashes behind you. Yeah, what was that symbol? Familiar three less lessons in sign. And an E. Is that a blockbuster? What is that? I believe last time we encountered this, you all realized that it looks like MAW,
Starting point is 00:58:52 like an M-A-W. Oh. So yeah, you all rush into the columned building. Everyone make me a perception check. We were all running, and then we stopped to try to figure out We've seen this before that's a solid seven from Barney 14 from Elga again 17 11 plus zero
Starting point is 00:59:17 We'll start with Barney who rolled a seven yeah, you're seeing stars Barney you just can't tell if they're real or imagined Are they shining bright above him? What I don't get it That one okay, you know that one yeah, I do know that one I have heard that one finally Gosh, Elga and chip the two of you have stepped into a mossy temple like ruins dripping with humidity Scaly lichen and lockweed climb up tall shelved walls on either side of you and the shelves are filled with archaic boxes. Matide, you're the only one who notices that a dark beastly figure lay nearly motionless on the stone floor to the south. From the
Starting point is 00:59:53 distance you can tell it's still breathing but you can't make out what it is. We're in a temple? Of some kind. And there's a creature in there? Yeah. What happens if I just float over to the creature? You float over and you see it's a giant salamander-like beast with turquoise scales and a long neck lying on the mossy stone floor wearing uh flowing scaly robes.
Starting point is 01:00:13 It's it's the lock it's Nessie. Oh it is yeah probably for the clothes gave it away. Me Nessie? I feel like do they not have like a nicer nicer digs you know? Are they they're in the temple Yeah, that's the whole thing of the Loch Ness She are they Unconscious what are Nessie's pronouns?
Starting point is 01:00:42 She likes asleep or damaged or what? Make me a medicine check to determine that, Matthea. 12? Yeah, it seems like she's been wounded. Oh. You find a bite on her neck. It's making her skin turn pale and her veins are beginning to throb green.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Is it just two holes? Yes. Okay. It's the whole party with us. Avina and... Yeah, Avina and Sadate. And Henry and the Alchemist, yeah. Maybe we should push the Alchemist up.
Starting point is 01:01:15 And then maybe I'll kind of block Henry on some of the hits hit by a stray star or something. No. You hate this little boy. I love it. I'm here for it. Alchemist, go! Blaine just picks these NPCs just to hate. But I'm doting on a Vaina though.
Starting point is 01:01:29 Okay, Mr. Alchemist, we seem to have a bite victim here. Do you have something to help us? Who's Aqua Mist? Alchemist. Do you want Matisse to kill Chip? Is that what you're trying to proc? No! I'll take Chip's croissant. I know.
Starting point is 01:01:45 The alchemist hobbles up very weakly. I'm not feeling 100%. I could use some of your assistance here, Mateed. Sure. What do you want me to do? Make me a medicine check with advantage as you assist the alchemist in assessing this situation. Dirty Tony. Nice.
Starting point is 01:02:02 You work under the alchemist's guidance to try to stabilize Nessie and you do manage to resuscitate her. She seems to look around, but like kind of look through you and not see you. Was this temple to the east? Yeah. Well, that's the direction Hugo. Oh.
Starting point is 01:02:18 Who's there? Bonjour, the sky is falling and my name is Matt Dean. Is that code or something? No, the sky is literally falling my name is Matt Deed. Is that code or something? No, the sky is literally falling. Oh yeah, you're right. Hey Henry, get out of there. No. The heavens are falling? That sounds utterly terrifying.
Starting point is 01:02:38 What can I do? Do you require aid? Perhaps I can offer you a blessing or impart wisdom? I'm looking for a small loan to start a franchise for my bakery. Could you possibly be a donor? What they have a brick and mortar on natural city, it's delightful Really trying to expand we don't have time for that. Okay. Well, I guess we'll worry about your problems first Didn't you say the sky was falling? Yeah, sure. What kind of blessings you got on the menu? I can offer blessings of endurance courage agility benevolence
Starting point is 01:03:17 recall or discernment Feeling fairly weak. I'm afraid. I have enough strength to offer one blessing to each of you. How many of you are here? I can't see you all. Why can't you see us? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:03:38 I look at their eyes. Her eyes seem fine, but she's, you know, she's not looking in your eyes. It seems like she's just looking around maybe there's like blindness or something from the bite the bite meta talk what does recall give because if there's one person that would need it it's actually not barny it probably even teed so you have a lot of memories that like we need to well yeah recall i don't know what are these guys do you want to tell me they're going to give you advantage on different checks depending
Starting point is 01:04:04 on what you want so uh recall for going to give you advantage on different checks, depending on what you want. So, Recall, for example, would give you advantage on intelligence-based checks. So it was Recall. What were the other three? It's Endurance, Courage, Agility, Benevolence, Recall, and Discernment. I want Recall, just for some giggles. I sense my time is short, so I beg of you. What? Make your decision with haste.
Starting point is 01:04:25 Oh, Nancy. What's courage, Jim? I need courage. Courage will give you advantage on strength-based checks. I just feel like I'm like, as a character, mmm, Bernie would want courage. Mm-hmm. Uh, what about endurance?
Starting point is 01:04:38 Constitution checks. And agility? Dexterity checks. What's, what was the, is there a perception one? Well, per, what kind of check is perception? Wisdom. Wisdom, so that would be discernment. And what's benevolence, just to round it out?
Starting point is 01:04:51 Charisma. I'm not a brave man. I would, any blessing of courage would be appreciated. Oh! Of course, child. Messy turns her head in your direction. May Ma bless you with the courage of K-miners. And reaches out awkwardly and clumsily,
Starting point is 01:05:08 touches you on the head, Barney, and you feel courage well up from inside of you. You have K-miners' courage, which gives you advantage on strength-based checks, and you have resistance to being frightened. I think maybe I should take agility, just because if these falling stars are radians, I need to avoid them.
Starting point is 01:05:24 Good call. Nessie reaches out in your direction, Elga. May the agility of Aeromers be with you, young one. Awkwardly touches you on the head and the shoulder as well. Blessing you with Aeromers Agility, which gives you advantage on Dexterity-based checks and you gain an extra 5 feet of movement. I will take Rekal. May you experience the Recall of Refibs. Nessie blesses you with Refibs Recall. You have advantage on intelligence based checks
Starting point is 01:05:52 and you can sense when the presence of magic is within 15 feet of you. Okay. Then I step up and I say, I'll take Discernment, but if you got like, like spell of like wife rejuvenation or little boy insta death spell. I don't know. Just see what I got. Discernment for the discerning gentleman.
Starting point is 01:06:12 OK, all right. And you get defilins discernment. So you have advantage on wisdom based checks and you can tell when someone is lying. Oh, that's great. Back to Ma. do I return. With that, Nessie falls unconscious onto the floor, one of her legs reaching out toward a pit
Starting point is 01:06:30 that's off to the side of the temple. Oh. Mm. God, so then how many does that make heads of state that have passed? It's all of them. Is that all of them? Mm.
Starting point is 01:06:39 Frank and Stein. No, the mummy's still alive. The mummy's. But the mummy's, uh. No, no, the mummy died. But then came back Her again is picked in parish. She's a ghost though, right? Yes. Okay blob died. What happened to Dracula again? Drac? Dracula was was murdered
Starting point is 01:06:57 In that battle at the vampire, correct? I remember that yeah Remember it was by you go. Yeah, okay Okay, is that all almost all the yeah, that seems about it. Could I look at the pit? What's behind pit number one? Yeah, you take a look and you see a pit that's about 15 feet in diameter That's starting to slightly overflow with lock with the edges of the pit are outlined with ancient ruins and off to the side of the pit there's just like sloughs of skin should we take a bite of our croissant and hop in oh you think that's what it is like an entrance into the lock can we see in and see if it's like a cave down or is this just like a puddle it's hard to tell because the lock with isn't transparent
Starting point is 01:07:43 it's you know it's like thick and it's It's like that bluish color. Okay. Yeah, this seems like our entrance instead of having to go fight the stars Do we um the runes that you mentioned are on it? Do any of us understand it or like read could read it? Make a history check for me elka eight plus zero. I'm gonna use my inspiration Man, okay. Well, 2. What about me? You can make a history check as well, Mattheek.
Starting point is 01:08:09 I always hate when I use my inspiration die and it just swaps. It's the worst rule. The blessing only works for intelligence checks, not intelligence-based checks. Intelligence-based checks. So then... So that would be history, right? History. That's a... Plus 1. 16.
Starting point is 01:08:23 It's tough to translate, and it kind of doesn't make sense. It's something along the lines of the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning. You said there was, you described there was like skin? Yeah, sloughs of skin off to the side. Yum. Like salamanders shed, they don't. They're not lizards, they're amphibians.
Starting point is 01:08:43 I'd take a guess This would be like a Ritual pool where people got sacrificed and maybe their skin just kind of like bubbled up. I want to look at the skin Yeah, make a medicine check so many medicine checks today Dr. Mateed we need you in the OR 17 The skin seems to be covered in blisters and it seems to be like humanoid size and shape. Maybe it's people who've tried to go in. Maybe it's Hugo skin. Wait, is it like, is it pieces of skin or is it like a body?
Starting point is 01:09:13 What do you, it's just skin? Just like, just scraps of skin? If we held it up, would it be one complete body suit? That's what I'm wondering. When skin just- We talk about like, like- Oh, like one big piece or- Silence of the Lambs or Ladycoat?
Starting point is 01:09:24 Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. Gotcha. It's like lots of large pieces. I wouldn't say it's, you know, a bunch of small pieces of skin, but it's not like one humanoid size thing. Mending. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:09:37 Oh, thank you, heroes. My guess is probably maybe Hugo's or Eddie's skin or something. Hey, Henry, does this look familiar? Henry, you should put this on. You keep losing your skin. Put it on, Henry, put it on. You're just bullying this little boy. Yeah, he killed my wife. OK, so what's the plan?
Starting point is 01:09:54 Not going to speak for everybody, but I think we want to take our croissants and hop into this potential entrance to the Lockwood. Let's get it. We can't do. All right. Elga does the thing where she holds it up and goes, Cheers, everybody. Cheers. See you on the lockwood. Let's get a weekend too. All right. Elga does the thing where she holds it up and does, cheers everybody. Cheers. See you on the other side.
Starting point is 01:10:09 Probably. Are there any other preparations or anything anyone wants to do before jumping in? I wonder if there's any spells I can do that would like help us. Well is there any, like anybody have any like water breathing or like underwater? I don't breathe.
Starting point is 01:10:20 I'm assuming the croissant helps with that. Does not. No. No? Oh, okay. You could all die real quick and come back as ghosts and you don't have to, you don't have to breathe. That's an option. Oh, I want it to be that I, uh, I brought my goosling with me. I forgot about it. It didn't get killed. What does it sound like? I don't know if I have anything that could really help me. I don't either. Could I maybe take a rope and like take a stake of some sort and like put the rope into the ground just beyond the entrance of the cave?
Starting point is 01:10:52 Like a tether? Yeah. So like if I need to pull myself back out. Yeah, why not? I could listen to this Water Temple music. Just put it in this giant salamander. I think you guys are going to have to hold your breath. Yeah, that's okay in real life Because it's it's how much
Starting point is 01:11:15 Each foot of moon costs one extra. So yeah two for one unless you have a climbing or swimming speed. That's it. Cool So we getting in boys. Yeah. Before we do, I say, Avena, you're in charge, OK? You keep an eye on everybody. All right. Give her a wink. Henry, don't turn into Eddie. Go take a walk down the stairs.
Starting point is 01:11:35 Yeah, maybe you guys just wait right here. Well, if you're sure, they'll be right here when you get back. I feel like they're not going to wait here. All right. we go in. Dive, dive, dive. Yeah. With a splash, you submerge beneath the blue viscous liquid
Starting point is 01:11:52 and feel the fluid envelop your body. All of a sudden you hear the temple above you collapse with a crash. Oh, oh, oh. Bones and stone debris drift into the lockwood, sinking past you out of sight. As darkness swallows your vision, something in the distance softly glows. The faint luminescence casts a shadow on the back of something right in front of you.
Starting point is 01:12:11 It's the silhouette of Jaws. What? You know, the shark. Yeah. From Steven Spielberg? I'm kidding. Like an actual jawbone kind of thing? Some kind of jaw. We'll have to find out more specificity in the next episode of Tales from the Sneaky Dragon. Did we also just leave everyone to their deaths up there? I think that's what Chip wanted. No, no, no. No.
Starting point is 01:12:37 Yeah, I don't know. You've been pretty clear about it. It's a little episode. I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. of tales from the stinky dragon Did we also just leave everyone to their deaths up there? I think that's what Chip wanted
Starting point is 01:12:46 No no no no I don't know you've been pretty clear about it Life for ma and life for sis Find out their fate as well possibly in the next episode of tales from the stinky dragon Dun dun dun Wait how many episodes do we have left?
Starting point is 01:13:02 Is the next episode the finale? What episode is this? This is episode 49. 50 seems like a round number. They could end it. Could we end it? Find out next week. Did you know that you can directly support the show by becoming a patron at patreon.com slash stinky dragon?
Starting point is 01:13:15 Well, you can become a patron and you could get your name shouted out just like at hi, my name is Marley. Hello, Marley, I'm Gus. At Shinku Okami, at Ben Ramsey, at David Blunt, and at Scott Testa-Testarelli, sorry Scott, I got it there eventually. These patrons directly support the show and they get ad free episodes, access to our patron only Discord server and events, weekly bonus content like Second Wind and Out Now, C Squad,
Starting point is 01:13:40 a four part superhero adventure. Check out this sneak peek for the finale coming out this Friday. Could I quickly like whisper something to the team that he doesn't hear? Sure. All right, guys, we need a plan because he could clearly turn into us and fool us and think like we might be attacking one another.
Starting point is 01:13:57 So let's have some type of sign to prove that it's you, okay? Just hold up a peace sign, okay? Okay, peace sign. Okay. But what if he catches on? What's your backup son? Maybe we do math equation We have lucky number like 11 So then one person says like two and then the other person says like nine and then you put the nine and two together And they make eleven. Okay. Yeah, that's make our secret number
Starting point is 01:14:20 616 okay than 15. Okay. No, I can't see math like that very quick. If we can keep it into like double digits, maybe just teens. How about 10? 10 is anything. 10? I don't like it. It just stands in the theater and just screams out 463. Oh my goodness. Again, all of that's available if you head over to patreon.com slash stinky dragon.
Starting point is 01:14:45 We can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. Also want to thank some friends who have provided voice over for characters in this episode. Avina von Brath, voiced by Kristen Nelson at Christina Lynn. Sadati Tempur, voiced by Patty Reisinger. Jacques, voiced by Drew Saplin at D Saplin. Henry, voiced by Ash Hildreth at Ash underscore Hildreth, the Alchemist voiced by Blizzbear at Blizzbear, the letter E is a number three, and Nessie voiced by Heather Reisinger. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited,
Starting point is 01:15:16 and composed by Micah Reisinger. Don't forget, head on over to patreon.com slash Stinky Dragon for all things stinky. Tune in next time for the thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Bonjour, the sky is falling and my name is Mateed. Oh, that's awful. Yes it is. I'm loading as I'm talking. That's awful. Keep custom slur.

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