Tales from the Stinky Dragon - C03 - Ep. 01 - Mission Through Middrus - Zero Hour

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

Welcome to a new campaign, recruits! In this newest tale from the Stinky Dragon, our party of adventurers are caught in a war between deities and demons in the world of Middrus. But before they brave the front line, our heroes—Dug, Gunther, Nattie, and Tolv—will have to survive boot camp. Support us directly on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/stinkydragon - get access to ad-free episodes, bonus content like Stinky Dragon Adventures & Second Wind, our patreon-exclusive discord, and more! Follow us on our socials at https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon. Go to http://HeroForge.com and use code STINKY to get 5% off all orders of physical miniatures. Go to http://mistymountaingaming.com and use code STINKY to get 10% off your order. Go to http://shopify.com/dragon to sign up for a $1-per-month trial period. Listen and subscribe to Dragon Age: Vows & Vengeance on August 29 - available to listen wherever you get podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Use code STINKY to get 10% off. That's MistyMountainGaming.com. Code STINKY, you get 10% off. They know we sentountainGaming.com code stinky you get 10% off they know we sent you win win win I'm Alan Sisto the man of the west here at the Prancing Pony podcast and I'm Sean Marchese the real life lord of the mark every week here at the Prancing Pony podcast along with Sean or other co-hosts I explore the works of J.R.R. Tolkien author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings bringing along lots of pop culture references plenty plenty of nerd humor, and the occasional bad pun. It's just a couple of friends hanging out at the pub talking about our favorite books.

We cover just a few pages every episode, reading important sections of the books and having a chat about what we've read. Now we do a ton of research for each episode so that we can bring as much background information to our conversation as possible. We do all the heavy reading so you don't have to. It's a great way for first-time readers to learn the basics Of Tolkien's world well for Middle-earth veterans It's a deep dive into their favorite stories and the Tolkien fandom is like no other so we spend time in the community giving talks

At Tolkien events recording live episodes and hanging out with our listeners on discord to engage with our audience every chance We get so if you're ready to dive into the most beloved world in fantasy literature and become a part of a vibrant active community of listeners Then look for the prancing pony podcast wherever you listen Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and Realize their potential an IB world school UCC offers a supportive environment cutting- edge facilities, and a best in Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet.

Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. See ya. Best wishes to you, breath drinkers. Spectralize into the stinky dragon and quaff our latest cuppa. Cross my heart and hope to chai. It's a mixture of blacked out tea leaves, vaporous water, Invisimilk, soul-filled seasonings, and peppered with radiant refugence. One inhale of this incorporeal concoction and you'll have a sole new outlook on life. Now bring over a brew, snag a seat in view,

and let's introduce our foul odorous crew. Hello everyone, my name is Gustavo Cirola. I'm the dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Before we really get into the arrow, we're going to do a little slightly different arrow this time. I also, on top of the normal question, I also want every player to briefly describe their characters. I want to hear your player name, your character name, the race slash species, class, and a physical description.

Your face, body, clothes, stuff like that. Just really help us build that theater of the mind. And any food allergies. Your dietary restriction. This week's role play and warm up question is, if your character had a catchphrase, what would it be? You said that all spooky. Guys, we're back.

We're back. Believe it or not. I feel like we should roll for initiative to us to introduce. Let's do it. I don't know how we decide who does it. All right. Have a D20 in front of us. First roll of the campaign.

Here we go. With real it. I have a d20 in front of us. First roll of the campaign. Here we go. With real dice. I rolled a 12. Eight. Eight. Eight. OK. Three?

You rolled an eight? Roll off on the eights. Roll off on the eights. 19. 14. 14. Just good. No.

Ready? Roll off on the. So Blaine is after Barbara. After Barbbs. And now it's me and Chris nine, two. Okay. Barbara Blaine, Chris alphabetical. Yes. Okay. We literally that's the order we always go in anyways. That's so funny. Amazing. Well, hello everyone. I'm, I'm Barbara Dunkelman. Nailed it. Back for campaign three. Super excited.

Pew pew pew. And on this campaign, I will be playing Doug Boone. Spelled D-U-G-B-O-O-N-E. Just like it sounds. Yes, exactly. Doug Boone is a bugbear artificer and he's very tall. He's about seven feet, 350 ish pounds. Although he might say that he's six feet tall.

But he's a little bit bigger than that. He's about six feet tall., and he's very tall. He's about seven feet, 350 ish pounds. Although he might say that he's 300 pounds. He's lying. He is a bit on the chubbier side. You know, a lot of bugbears are a little more toned and muscular. He's a little more on the soft, fluffy side. He has a very kind face.

He has glasses that he doesn't wear all the time. He has kind of like dark brown hair all over his body and face with kind of like light brown patches. He wears brown pants, a kind of off white beige long sleeve shirt and a vest. And the vest is two toned colors, both teal and maroon. And he has black boots. Also, he has a lot of leather armor with spikes on it. I love the fact that you are playing a character now that is larger in height and weight

than your last two characters combined. Combined. Yeah. By far. That is so true. Or more than double, probably. Which episode will we find out that Doug is actually Elga and Bart in a trench coat?

A giant furry trench coat. Spoilers, John. Don't forget to do your catchphrase. And I want to make this a little more interesting. Uh oh. Can we hear the catchphrase in your character's voices? Oh, absolutely, guys. I would love to do my catchphrase in my character's voice.

Hey guys, I'm Doug Boone and my catchphrase is I can figure it out. That's so good. I'm already so endeared to this giant teddy bear character. Thank you. Thank you boy. I mean, oh yeah, I guess that's a great place for me to start. Yeah. What a great segue.

Yeah. Hi, I'm Blaine Gibson, previously known as Kyborg and Chip Aney among others. And today slash this campaign for the next year. I don't know how long I will be playing. 12 12 is an orc barbarian, similar to Doug. He is like seven feet something. He's a very tall drink of water. Tall boys.. We tall boys. This is like my first go at like a real heavy. He's a green orc. And when you think about him, think about like a traditional Viking, not like a Hollywood Viking with the leather armor and the horns.

He's got armor pieces and a helmet and stuff like that for that protects his like nose and stuff like that. And then the colors are a mixture of like brown leathers, but also the colors you think of when you think of an aurora borealis because he's a sailor and he's been on, you know, sailing the seas. For those less familiar with the borealis aurora for Chris. So I looked into like Swedish colors, colors that are common there. And it's like deep blues and maybe some like light greenish blue, like aquas cool colors

yeah and like and some like uh i don't i forget all the words for the colors like blues there's blues a lot of blues and greens like turquoise and stuff yeah turquoise and stuff is there any chance that tolv's catchphrase is i forget the colors so you know't know. So, you know, you gotta imagine Tollv, big, huge, orc, viking, and this is what he sounds like. This is his catchphrase. Yoohoo, it's me, Tollv.

Not so good! That was all in. He put his face in his hand. Tollv talks like everything is questioned. He has a smile on at all times. Very happy to be here. He is still working on voice, has not talked to people in a long time.

Very glad to be with the group. Hey Tov, I think your voice sounds really cool. Oh, thank you Doug. That makes me so happy Yeah, you sound like someone who I want to be friends with Like you asked do you want to be the bodies and I was really confused for a second The boy keeping with our Seeky Dragon tradition of always having a barbarian, I will be relying upon both Chris and Barbara. I am in your hands with barbarian insights.

And I will be of no help. I don't want that. Blaine's, Tolle's catchphrase that Blaine just did was the audio version of a, of a person taking a high dive and doing three flips and then belly flopping at the end. He did great and then doubted himself. And then like peeing themselves a little bit in the pool under the water. So if we continue this tradition, then John will be the barbarian in campaign four. I guess so.

Your fate has been decided. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris and I'm playing Gunther. He's a a WOG fighter. WOG. A WOG is a custom race. It's kind of like a frog, essentially a frog. It sounds like it. It almost sounds like someone is trying, like Doug is trying to say frog,

but just says WOG. Sounds like someone is trying, like Doug is trying to say frog, but just says frog. And he is two feet and maybe like 10 inches, about 30 pounds. We got to have a little guy every campaign. Does he say he's three feet when he talks to other people? Just on his dating profile. Take him like a yellow, more of like a light, kind of darker brown yellow. A light, darker brown yellow. Well, I'm thinking like when you say that color, it makes me think of like Texas grass in the summer.

Yeah, it's not green anymore. It's like starting to yellow and kind of dry out a bit. OK, yeah, the light, dark brown yellow. Yeah, yeah, got it. I'm looking at my yard right now. With some, you know, kind of like speckled a little bit, you know, and he's got big frog eyes. He's clad in leather and he's got a cape with a hood that he sometimes wears. Logs aren't very common.

So sometimes they just put the cape on and wander about. And he's got a sword and shield. Were those Pokemon games sword and shield? Yes they were. Toll would want to make Gunther feel special with Doug. So he'd be like, oh look at this tall boys. All of us very tall. So tall. Right Gunther?

There's a five foot difference between him and his catchphrase would be hello. I'm Gunther pleasure to meet you. The perfect please remove your shoes. I shall kill you. You've got the biggest voice out of the first three so far. There's a real discrepancy going on here. Did told and Gunther switch voices. It sounds like. Pleasure to meet you Gunther. Really glad everyone has names. I can say very easily.

Gunther, what a mighty shield you carry. That's wow. It's so big. May I try it on? And I imagine it's really small on Toll's body. Yeah, like a knee guard., like something you would put on. Your detail about Gunther wearing a hood to blend in, reeks of the Ninja Turtles wearing trench coats to blend in in New York City. No one would notice the giant anthropomorphic turtle walking

around who's wearing a fedora and a trench coat. Well, normally you want to ignore people wearing fedoras. As a former fedora trench coat warrior, I would say you probably want to normally ignore those people. Oh, Gus, were you the Austin Streaker of 89? That's really how you get M'ladies. Yeah, yeah, with a fedora. Hi, I'm John Reisinger. I am this campaign playing a Natty wonder.

Natty wonder is a drow warlock. Oh, Natty has fluid pronouns. He, him, she, her, but often with a Natty's preferred form of gender expression. Nattie's in drag all the time. Nattie loves drag. Just to make it easy for everybody. She's she answers to she her when she's in drag. So I'll just be going with that. But either way is fine. It's all gravy to Nattie who loves gravy because Nattie's a good kind of a

southern looking girl. I love it. And I love that the name is a pun. Yes. Yeah. Natty Wonder. Wait, what? Natty? Do you want to explain it for Chris? Natty Wonder. Nat one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I should have let him start with it. I was I was thinking of the beer. No, Natty Light. She's not Natty Light. Yep. John loves beer. He named his character. It didn't make sense. I was like, why would you do that?

You know me, always talking about a brewski. It's not even a good beer. Natti is five foot zero. And in her drag, she's wearing a giant, blonde, curly, larger than life wig. She is wearing high-waisted flare jeans that have rhinestones on them, white boots, a gingham button up shirt, gloves covered in rings, because

that's just the level of audaciousness that she loves. Natty is always also seen with her son, who she'd be happy to introduce you to later on as we get into the campaign. But she has to talk to him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's always on like, she likes to take him around on a little like those little toddler leashes that you see people with.

I reach down and say, it's me, your uncle Toad. Yeah, was there anything else that I need to tell about Natty? Your catchphrase. Zing us with that catchphrase, brother. Natty's catchphrase is well butter my biscuit. It'll be fine. Ooh, I like that. I wonder, Maddie, wonder, hello. It's going to be so hard for me is

I have a tendency to like mirror people or like people when I am enjoying what they sound like you're a Doug Southern accent. I'm going to, I'm going to like forget Doug's voice completely and just want to emulate like 12 and Natty all the time because they're such thick accents and I love it. Same to Doug. So so Natty's a Drow. Drow Queen. Yes, the first non-inspiration die campaign three. Yeah. Hey, you campaign 3. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, you better work! Yeah? You better work. Okay, I think it's time for us to all calm down, simmer down everybody. Fashe away! Yeah! We have fun here. This is a fun show.

Alright, well let's dive into it. We used to know the gods. They would descend from Hyra and dwell among us mortals on Midris. The world was showered with rich blessings and all felt the warmth of the Bright One, the sovereign god of sun. But one day, while the Bright One was sojourning on Midris, a fiendish creature called Inferness slinked out from the depths of Undar and stabbed the Bright One in the back

with the blade of nether flames. The Bright One, god of gods, the shining light of Hyra, was slain. Half the world was instantly bathed in darkness. But thankfully, the Pale One, God of Moon, pierced the blackness with his longbow of lunar light, and cast the devil back into the bowels of Undar. To make sure such a tragedy never happened again, the gods returned to Hyra,

and the celestial gates were sealed for a thousand years, henceforth known as the day the sun stood still. We longingly wait for the day when the gates of Hyra are opened once more. But we aren't the only ones. For the past millennia, the Sun Slayer herself, Infernis, the Undarian Overlord, has amassed an army of devils and demons to storm the gates of Hyra above. Only one thing stands in their way. Us.

May the gods have mercy on Midris. Val, that was a lot of lore. I hope you took notes. I did for once in my life. Oh my gosh, three campaigns all it took. You took notes notes Blaine? Yeah. The bright one, sovereign god

of sun, was stabbed by Infernis in Hyra, Lora. I got the juice of it. We're good. We can move on. Wow. It's like I heard the all the lore twice there.

Yeah. It's crazy. Word for word. Spark notes. Hahaha. Your lungs choke with a swath of sultry heat and smoke. You're in a vast, craggy cavern, perhaps underground, and it's peppered with stone ruins here and there. It should be pitch black if not for a molten river of lava

oozing past you all nearby. What are you doing standing around, you meat-headed maggots? Your gaze darts away from the lava to a short mossy, stocky bog gnome. He's wearing a blue military uniform with a golden patch on either shoulder. His face is currently contorted with eyes bulging, mouth dripping with spittle, and a single thick vein throbbing in his forehead. B-Team! The clock is ticking! You've got your mission! Go, go, go! He shoves something in your hands and with stubby legs, he kicks all four of you towards the river of lava. Everyone roll initiative. Whoa!

Oh my god. And just do a flat D20 roll for me, please. Twelve. Twelve. Eleven. John. We have to stop meeting legendaries. Wait, so this is without our modifiers?

Yeah, just straight D20. Okay, seven. Roll off. 16. 16. John. No. Stop it, you two.

Stop you pulling my leg. Eight. 17. Okay. Okay, so Natty before 12. So we got, for you guys, we have Natty, 12, Gunther, and Doug. Okay. Okay. So Natty before Tollv. So we got Natty. For you guys, we have Natty, Tollv, Gunther, and Doug. Okay. You all look across the river of lava, and on the other side,

you see a fellow member of the military chained to a craggy rock. He's screaming, and that's what draws your attention to him. And over him is Infernus, who seems to be torturing him. Really, really working him over. Wow. Between you and your comrade are a couple of Undarian minions who appear to be mocking you, waving for you to come closer. Is this like the beginning of a Dark Souls game where I'm supposed to die right now by

fighting the big boss Infernis? Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna say the person we're looking for right here. Infernis is right there. I was about to say, I was like, is that the name of the game? I think we went to Blockbuster and got a game with a save file already. It's going to be a real short campaign three, just that one. Campaign three, new game plus. It is actually the Undarians turn, then after the Undarian minions

will be Natty and then Tol. OK, so we are in combat Yeah, and for this little scenario here. We're gonna be playing like you all have level zero stats So no modifiers correct no modifiers on your roles. You're just gonna be doing straight d20 rolls I love it's the flat roll of the dice you can have your your base normal movement speed and everyone's AC will be 10 have your base normal movement speed and everyone's AC will be 10. Gus, I just wanna make sure you understand by doing that, there's gonna be no math.

Are you okay with that? Oh, I'll have to make do. I'm gonna open the calculator app on my laptop and I'll just print some numbers while we're doing that. Yeah, and your HP is the maximum of your hit dice. So for example, Doug, you have eight hit points, Gunther, you have 10, Natty, you have eight, and Toll of you have 12.

Ooh. That is the pokes of being a ball-bellion. BEEFY. Between the four of you, I'll let you split it up as you like, you have a couple of items that the drill sergeant has shoved into your hands. Okay.

You have a 50 foot rope, a torch, a tinderbox, and a water skin. I'll take the rope. Can I take the torch? I'll take the tinderbox. Okay. Also, do we really have to split these items up or could like one of us just use them all in tandem? Right, we shall each cut the rope into four equal pieces.

Well no. Yeah, give them all to Nattie and she's gonna MacGyver this until I got a machine gun. Yeah, that's up to you. I assumed you wanted to split them, but one person can have all of them if they want. I like splitting them. Guys, I have an idea of the torch. I've always wanted to go to the Olympics.

You don't have your normal weapons. Like, these are the only items you have. What about, like, spells that we are able to cast? Are those not functional? Good question. For the moment, they are currently not available. Gotcha. No spells. Unless you find a scroll, for example.

Okay, so this is a team. We really got to use our secret weapon, the blanes. Yeah. Blanes? Blanes, and then some of us could use our buan. Who's got buan? I do not have a magic wand Did you bring your blonde or your brains? That's the last time anybody's gonna make fun of my accent don't make fun of Doug's speech impediment

No, I don't I think that I think I love the way Doug's speaks. That's why I want to mimic it So does Doug I feel like then from a meta perspective, splitting up the items would give everybody something to have in their hand to do something with. Yes. Okay. So then Gunther has the Water Skin. We gave the Frog the Water Skin.

I think that makes sense. Yeah, sure. Okay, it is the Undarian Minion's turn. And these are like small devilish looking creatures with red skin, spine spine tails and gaunt wings They're pointing at you all and cackling muttering to themselves So there are three of the minions one of them stays behind with the soldier and with inferness and two of them fly up To the opposite bank of the river from where you are and they're like beckoning you to come over. It is

Nattie's turn as you survey the scene in front of you, you hear the Sergeant yell, true leaders protect their privates. Get out there and save him. Sir, yes sir. Okay. Why are you not saving him right now? Oh, I don't, I just don't need to yell.

I'm gonna need you to hold your britches for a second, sir. I'm on my way. So there is a lava river between us and the rock with our friend and in furnace. Is there any sort of land masses for us to traverse the lava or is it a river of lava of some sort of length? It's pretty wide directly in front of you. But if you look, you know, you survey the scene in front of you

and you look slightly to your left and you see the river of lava kind of narrows down and there's land not too far away with what looks to be maybe what was the remnants of a dilapidated foundation of a building that you think you could probably jump over to fairly easily. It's probably only a three, four foot jump. And then the little Andarians that, you said they're flying, I think I caught you say that. Yeah, they have wings and they're kind of... The two that approached you that are just in the side of the river are flying. How far are the ones that are flying that approached me?

From me, right now. From you, in its straight... We were talking straight line over the river of lava, probably about 30 feet. Okay, so as the Undarian flies, it's about 40 feet. Yeah, and just for reference, it's Undarian. Undarian. Could I fashion a lasso out of the rope and attempt to grab an Undarian? I love this. I'd expect nothing less from you cowgirl. Yeah, why not? Just roll me a d20 and tell me what the number is. 17. You decide you're going to try to fashion a lasso out of the rope. And Natty, have you done this before?

Because it seems to come second nature to you. You know, just the perfect knot, just the right amount of slack to put into the rope and you easily build a lasso out of it. I feel like with Natty's costume, it looks like she should have a lasso already attached to the belt. It feels like it just fits. Where I come from, if your mama didn't teach you how to do a proper knot in a rope, then your mama didn't teach you right.

Ooh, yeah. Rootin' tootin'. Mmm. Just paint the picture for me. What do you want to do with this lasso? Yeah, Natty would get to the edge of the Lava River as close as possible if there's any advancement I can make to shorten the distance between me and the Undarian and then throw the lasso and try to get it around the Undarian. If I do, there's probably some stuff I try to do with that. Okay, yeah.

Also, Nattie is just like humming to herself while she does this. I'll tell you what, as you are building the lasso and start spinning it over your head, your feet, you kind of stumble a little bit and you look down and you see at your feet, for some reason, there's an auto harp. Oh, a what?

That's my auto harp, right? I don't know, weird, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, I'd want to pick it up. Do I pick it up? Yeah. You can't just leave an auto harp on the ground

next to a river of lava. No. Yeah. As this is happening, Doug goes over to Toll and Gunther goes, why did you just see Natty summon an auto hop? What is what is an auto hug it's music an auto harp is Imagine a harp that is has a hard back like a guitar as opposed to a heart being see-through like which is stream

You can like go. And imagine it being small enough that I could hold it in my arms as I was hugging it, and then playing it with my other hand, and picking it almost like a banjo. Oh, cute. So it is a string instrument that is handheld. Neato. You can sometimes have little picks

on your fingers to play it. I imagine her nails are long enough to be able to do that without picks. Oh, yes. Yeah, I pick it up, one hand with Otto Harp, one hand holding a rope, swinging it overhead, and I toss it at it in Daryon. Okay, yeah, growl that D20.

That looks like sick album cover, I must say. It is, right next to a river of lava. Yeah, with a bunch of little demons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a very different kind of country album. I need artwork of this immediately. This is so cool. 16 was my roll.

Oh, really good rolls. I don't like it when the party does so well. I know, it's these dice. I love these dice. Your lasso closes around the closest to Darien to you across the river. And it does fall a short distance to the ground under it and it seems to be struggling to free itself. Oh by lassoing it it fell a little bit? Yeah it's no longer

flying it is now on the ground opposite the river of Lavna. Oh okay if I have any action available left can I pull it or am I done with my action? Sure why not let's let's just end this give it a tug and roll me a D20. It's fighting against you. Did you say give it a dog? Give it a tug. Dog, it's not your turn yet. Okay, sorry.

He's excited. I only rolled a four on that one, so I made you happy there, Gus. I'm gonna roll with disadvantage to oppose you because the Undarion is restrained. I rolled an 18 and a two. So you actually, even with the four, you succeed. Nice.

I guess with one hand on the harp, I guess I would just start like twirling to like rope it in. Oh yeah. And I just say, come here, honey, give us a kiss. And pull it towards the lava. You pull the Undarian that's struggling into the lava, begins thrashing about. The Undarian screams and then vanishes beneath the river of lava.

Okay, then I would give like a like a whip of the rope to pull it back so it doesn't fully burn in the lava. Got it. Okay, is that it for Natty? Yeah, and then I play a little chord on my harp. Ooh, a little flourish? Yeah. I want to say that Doug looks absolutely in like bewilderment over what Natty Wonder just did. Yeah. Like if you picture those like sparkling anime eyes, that is what Doug looks like right now.

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You had mentioned that some of the Undarians were working their way towards us. Like how far away are they? Are they within like melee distance or are they all over the lava river? 40 feet I think. Yeah, one is directly across the river of lava from you, which is 30 feet away.

And then another one stayed further back within furnace. And that's probably another 30 feet beyond that. So 60 feet total. Okay. As you're looking at them, sizing them up, Toll, you look down and see a warhammer on the ground at your feet. Hey.

Lookie there. That's my favorite warhammer. Okay, I pick it up. Did Natty do that too? Natti, you're so gifted. This is amazing Okay, it's not a mace it's a warhammer. I kind of want to pull aggro And I feel like a great way to do that would be to distract them with the torch

So I imagine if I'm not one minute left son So I guess I would run to the lava river and light the torch by dipping it into the fire. Okay. And then I'd be waving around and then probably so that I can connect to them heading towards that like land bridge area. Sure. So that A, I can start making my way so that I can cross over safely, but also see if I can get them to follow me down there with them. Yeah, trying to bait them into it. Jurassic Park road flare.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you who follow me, Undarians, do not look at friends, look at Tolefy. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Is there anything else you wanna do there, Tole? Can't rage right no, okay Roll a d20 okay

Now you don't find anything else however you hear a very loud whistle blow from the sergeant and he says next a very loud whistle blow from the sergeant. And he says, next! Gunther, you're up. Gunther, Infernis, and then Dunn. Did any of the Undarians move to like follow or anything? No, it's not their turn yet, so they can't move. And there's that separation where the cabin is, you said, with the river.

And then how far, how long is the distance of the river otherwise? If you're going over there to the short area or just the area in front of you? Just area in front of me. It kind of has like an upside down U there. So right in front of you, maybe 10 feet. Okay.

Gunther looks down to see if there's also any magical things at his feet. Good call. Gunther, there's a rapier and a shield at your feet. Ooh, lucky me. But they're normal size. Can you pick them up? Uh-oh.

You hear the sergeant yell, quit looking at your feet, son. One minute left. All right, Gunther grabs the sword and shield and then tries to jump across the river. Whoa. Oh, OK. Roll the D20. And Wogs have the ability.

Your long jump is 25 feet. High jump is 15 feet with or without a running start. I can do that once per short rest. Alright, roll that d20. I believe in you Gunter, go get him! 11. Yeah, it's dicey. You jump, but maybe there's a little bit of loose dirt under your feet,

and you barely manage to land securely on the other side. And then how far, I guess that's 25, the full 25 feet or whatever. Yeah. How far are the Undarians from me at this point? There's one right next to you. All right. Can I try and stab it? Yeah. Make an attack roll. Roll your d20. Two.

Good start. Yeah, the Undarian sees it coming and, you know, definitely dodges out of the way, evading your attack and starts laughing. Ugly! I failed you, I apologize. The sergeant blows his whistle. Next! But it's actually Inferness's turn, who's working over the other soldier

on the other side of the river. Can I ask real quick, what does Infernus look like? Just out of curiosity, just wanna know what we're angry at. I know. What if he's like very un-intimating? He's just a little guy. He's a chef.

Infernus is a devilish humanoid with bloodshot red skin that glistens with a supernatural sheen. She towers over most creatures with vast leathery wings and a spiked tail. Her fanged mouth drips with molten lava and her eyes are a deep blackness that matches only her blade of nether flames. She's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. She looks over at you all but kind of disregards you, leans into the soldier

she has held up and you hear her ask, where is the key to high-risk gates? And she's gonna go ahead and make an attack, well actually no, she's gonna cast something and I'm gonna roll a d20, And I'm gonna roll a d20. Don't worry about it. Should we not? Yeah Who would ten? The chained up soldier seems his resolve seems to weaken and you hear him feebly say I don't know I would tell you but I don't know where it is. All right next Doug. Well, okay, so two minutes, son Two minutes our time went up, I think. That's great. Doug, you look down at your feet following everyone else's lead and you find something. You find a scroll.

Oh, could I pick it up? Yeah, you pick it up. It's a scroll of firebolt. The most delicious food, the squirrel. Squirrel. Well, based on my calculations, this seems like Ha ha ha ha ha. Squirrel. Squirrel. Well, based on my calculations, this seems like a bit of a simulation

because we woke up and all of a sudden this is happening. Seems fairly unreal, but you know, I'll play you a little game here. Game, go secure your private son. Nanny, could I borrow that rope from you? Sure honey. Yeah, you get the rope. Could I run over to where that little bridge is

and try to cross it? Yeah, just roll me a D20. Okay. The building? Yeah, it's like a broken down building. I was a 12. Okay, yeah, you easily hop across. Okay.

All right, quiet. One minute. I will save you. Doug wants to take the rope and start swinging it and try to reach over to Infernis. Okay. And then I don't know if I need to make sure that that works before I try to cast my fire bolt. What's the goal with the rope?

I want to light it on fire. Ooh. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, roll a d20. 15. Okay, yeah, you tossed it out perfectly. And essentially like I wanted to hook it around in furnace. Sure, not as elegant as Natty, but you get it done.

Just always touching. Yeah. And then I want to cast Fire Bolt in that direction so it also like attaches to the rope and goes around their neck. Very cool. And what does Fire Bolt do? Fire Bolt, pearl, a mote of fire at a creature or object within range. Make a ranged spell attack against the target.

On a hit, the target takes 1d10 fire damage. A flammable object hit by this spell ignites if it isn't being worn or carried, and the spell's damage increases by 1d10 when you reach fifth level. Oh, okay. Go ahead and make that ranged spell attack like it asked for. Eight. Oh no, eighteen. Sorry. Oh, eighteen? Oh, yeah. I swear it was an eighteen. Yeah, your Firebolt flies through striking Inferness. Roll your damage.

Seven. Seven points of damage. Inferness growls and looks in your direction, Doug. Kneel before the Undarian overlord! And do I still have any movement left? Well say you have 10 more. But they're still probably what 20 feet away from me? Something like that. Okay. Well is the rope on fire?

Yes the rope has burst into flames. Okay I want to uh pull it. Okay you are now pulling on a flaming rope. Is it attached to Inferness? Yes, yeah, you did say that. Yeah, make a straight, just make a D20 check. I'm gonna roll an opposed D20. Four.

13, yeah, Inferness digs her feet in and holds strong against you. And with that, the Sergeant blows his whistle. Next! Oh, why, oh, why? Who else? Yeah, as the whistle fades away you hear like a blurbling and a blurbling Oh from the lava and it seems like the lava river begins rising and expanding

slowly engulfing more of the land around it. A blurble-gurble to you too! Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. so let's roll a d20. Yeah Wow, you you wouldn't believe it. I rolled the one Eight eleven so I believe Natty is the only one who succeeded Natty you see the the river of lava expanding in time and you're able to step away from it everyone else It kind of catches you by surprise and singes your feet and your boots a little bit. Everyone is going to take a little bit of damage from that.

That's seven points of fire damage. Oh. For all of us? Except Nattie. Okay, well I'm at one HP like right now. All right, nobody went down, everybody's up? Yeah. Y'all.

Up and ready to go. How much is Gunther ready to go? Three. Yeah. Up and ready to go. How how how much is Gunther ready to go? Three ready to go. Three ready. Listen, all you need in life is one ready to go. Anything above that is X. Great. Well, then you can show me where you to go. Take an inspiration dive for that dog. You're going to need it.

Yeah. Also, am I pronouncing that right? Inferness. Inferness. Inferness. Inferness. Inferness. Who I am imagining looks like Tim Curry in Legend. Oh, that's probably a good comp.

Very scary. Just Google the darkness, children. It's a 1980s Ridley Scott movie that no one saw. The soldier who's chained up begins screaming, you know, looking at you all. Help me, please! And then looks back at him in furnace and says, I don't know where the key is. OK, it's the minions turn.

We'll deal with the one that's closest to Gunther. I did not realize we were having Despicable Me crossover. I don't know. I'm in a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of I did not realize we were having Despicable Me crossover. M&L, M&L-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- Oh, that's right. Well, the one next to Gunther is going to take an attack on Gunther. It rears back with its claw like it's going to slash at you. But then at the last second, it spins around and its scorching tail whips out in your direction. Oh, fake out. Impressive. It's AC 10, which I believe is a hit. Yeah, we're all 10.

Because we're all 10, right? Well, we all have 10. All our AC is 10, right? Well, we all have 10. All our AC is 10. Okay. Yeah, all of everyone's AC is 10. So that is a hit. Wait, with the shield? Oh!

Oh, right, you have a shield now. So it's 11. Dang. You needed that. It doesn't hit. No, it'd be 12. Shields are plus 2. Oh, it's a 12?

I rolled a 10, right? 7 plus 3, 10. I rolled a 10. Okay, yeah. So the tail lashes out at you, and you would be toast. It would really get you, but you duck behind your shield, and the point of the tail sticks into the shield, and then it pulls it out.

Oh! And kisses at you. There's one other Undarian who's up by Infernas and the Soldier. I think they're going to see the dire straits that its friend is in, so it's going to fly down and join the fray as well I love that band Doug's over there Gunther's over there Toll Vanadie are over there okay I'm gonna roll a d4 1 & 2 it goes after Doug 3 & 4 goes after Gunther I really hope it doesn't go after Doug that's a 1 one, it goes after Doug. Oh, shouldn't have said anything.

It makes a beeline straight for Doug and winds up an attack with its claw and lashes out, hitting AC, that's a 17, so it's AC 20, which I assume is a hit. Let me do some math real quick. Okay, here we go. What's the damage? Oh, I thought she was waiting for her to do the math.

No, we're all 10. We're all 10. Here we go. Okay, so it slashes out doing two points of slashing damage. Yeah, I'm down. Oh, Doug, we hardly knew you. Barbara, do you go ahead and roll up a new character before your next turn?

Nattie, it's your turn. All right, I'm now Elga von Braff. The sergeant gets up in your face, Nattie, and screams, You have two soldiers to save now! Go! Go! Oh, no. Oh, he won't change. I won it, though. How far am I from Doug? Doug is directly across the river from you, but the river has risen a little bit.

I'd say roughly Doug's probably 15 feet away. Is Doug across the river or on that fallen building? Doug is across the river. On the fallen building, like, kind of straddles the river, but so Doug is on the other side. OK, I can shorten this question. Can I reach Doug? And actually, that building is kind of submerged now, too,

since the river rose. Uh, if you jump across, you could reach Doug. I would like to kind of submerged now too since the river rose If you jump across you could reach Doug. I would like to jump across or like what do you mean reach to get to Doug to? Stabilize Doug. Okay. Yeah, you want to what do you want to do make like a jump or something? Yes, cuz I don't think there's anything else I can do you you know You kind of steal yourself getting ready to make this jump Natty and you look down and wouldn't you know it? There's two scrolls at your feet. Oh, ooh, I'm a reader. You pick up a scroll of Eldritch Blast as well as a scroll of Cure Wounds. Oh, well, which one should I use on Doug?

Yeah, I want to jump to Doug. All right, roll a d20. It's like in a video game when you press the wrong button. So you just blast your teammate. That's a 12. OK, yeah, you jump across and land right by Doug. Yeah, I got to test to see if there's a team damage. I like to imagine Doug in his like half death state just sees this beautiful being just like soaring through the sky.

Jumping while playing her auto harp and just being like, soaring through the sky. Jumping while playing her auto harp and just being like, help's on the way. And I try to do a, oh, I was about to say I'll do a medicine check to stabilize, but I can do cure wounds. I'm gonna do cure wounds on this berry bug. I gotta look up cure wounds. Is it on your character sheet?

That's not an ability I have. I think it's just a D, roll a D8. It's a scroll. That's not an ability I have. I think it's just a D- roll a D8. It's a scroll. That's a baddie five. Ooh. All right. Doug, your eyes open. When did you start laying down?

Sorry, I must have... I guess I was sleeping and I took a nap. I'm understandable. You hear Sergeant Stila yell. Which one of you is the medic? You, Nettie? I guess today I am And then he blows his whistle

next Discord hates it when you scream Pretty sure Micah will too when he's editing this episode Luckily you can see it in the waveform, but yeah my waveform go ahead peaks when I do that I try to lean back a little bit from the mic, but it's still a lot It's told and then Gunther. Who me? Okay. So I, last I checked, I was over by that house.

Was I on the other, am I on the other side kind of close to where Doug was? You guys keep saying house and cabin. Where are you getting this from? It's a building, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're still on the side of the river you started on. You haven't crossed. The drill sergeant looks at you toll gives you a

Soft kick in the butt and says oh, what do I do with my slow privates? I kick my privates and he kicks you again No, no damage masochistic Okay, I want I still I still want to pull aggro, but I think at this point, Natti and Doug need my help. So I'm going to do it. I'm going to jump the river. There you go. So roll that d20.

Okay, here we go. S15. Yeah, you easily jump across and you land next to Doug and Natti. When I land I don't quite believe it. My eyes are closed the whole time. And oh, I made it! I survived! I think that was an earthquake.

Oh, it's just hope. Now, do I have any more movements to do? I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning.

I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. Now, do I have any more movement speed? Would I be able to make it to Inferness? You wouldn't be able to get all the way over there.

You could get over to where Gunther and the Undarian. Well, actually, there's an Undarian by you. There's an Undarian by Gunther. You can get to either of those or you could get maybe half the way over to Infernis. Gunther you need help on that Undarian. I shall kill it or perish myself. Okie dokie. Then I fight the other Undarian. The one by you that took Doug down?

Yeah, but before I do I look at my feet and eat goodies. Oh, wouldn't you know it? It's like you have a sixth sense cents told there's a shield and some javelins oh I got my shield okay well then I'll equip that's that's plus two to AC and I guess I'll stow the torch for now and I'll have my hammer and my shield and I'm gonna attack mine the undarien do it that's a to believe it or not that doesn't hit. Nooo. In the spirit of competition, I wish you luck. Good job on your dodge friend. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha stab stabbing the Undarian. Wouldn't you know it? You want to do that, but you know, you lose your footing for just a second as you realize you stumble over a hunting trap

that's at your feet. Whoa. Like I stumble into a hunting trap. Not like open. Yeah. It's not set. Gunther is split in two. I'll pick that up, but continue a stab stab.

Sure, go for it. Roll that d20. That was a four. That's not enough. I shall Paris, as I said before. I shall Paris. Oh man, it's like watching Yoda on his bad day. Then yeah, I guess that's it.

Hey y'all, whatever you do, don't help Gunther. He's gotta learn this on his own. Well, he said something about viewing it on his own. It will kill him, so. I will only encourage him. You did your best, Gunther. You should be very proud. I shall die without any honor.

That's the spirit. It's not really listening. The lava is just like roaring and we can barely hear him. Up next is Infernus, then after Infernus is Doug. This will go well. I like the juxtaposition between the names Infernus and Doug. Doug. Infernus, you know, looks back at you all, scowls,

and leans over the chained up soldier pulls out a blade and brings it down on him. Oh no! I'm gonna get rolled with advantage to attack because the soldier is restrained a 2 and a 6 really? You did your best in front of us you'll get them the next time! It's a plus 7 to hit though with 2 plus 7, 9. I don't think that's a... Oh no, with advantage. So 6 plus 7, 13. I'm pretty sure that's actually a hit.

Why do you have modifiers in this simulation if we don't? Yeah, what the heck? Yep, that hits. Oh. That seems unfair. Inferness connects doing 4 points of damage to the private who begins screaming in agony. Aaaaaaah! Keeps repeating.

I told you I don't know where the key is! I know where the key is! Oh, oh what a bold maneuver! Inferness's head whips around and her eyes narrow as she considers Gunther. Oh, I won't tell you. She's gonna stay where she is for now, but she is looking directly at you now, Gunther. When she turned her head, was it like an owl where the body remains but the head just goes whoosh. Not quite like that.

That would be extra creepy. I'm an already creepy person. So that's it for Inferness. Doug, it's your turn. Could I see if I recognize this private? Oh, that's a really good question. Yeah, roll a d20. 19. Yeah, you recognize him. You think you met him before.

And you remember his name. It's private parts. Oh, my god. Jesus. Jesus. Private parts. The drill serge. Jesus. Ugh. Hmm. Private parts. The drill sergeant screams from across the river, go save your private parts!

Don't touch them unless you ask for consent first. We're working on it. Do I know like from our training essentially like if Infernus has any vulnerabilities? That's an excellent question. Well, roll me a d20 Guessing be like you remember if you manage to cut her head off. She dies Boogstrad you know just it's not necessarily from training but just in general Lore that Infernis is somewhat resistant to fire Yeah, I would assume yeah, because probably some type of like demon thing.

Yeah, no, no necessarily weaknesses that you know, and this is really early in your training. This is like you all have not been training very long at all. Clearly. But you look down at your feet, Doug, and you find a couple of things. You find a hand axe and some tools. Okay, do you know what kind of tools I find? things. Do you find a hand accent and tools? Okay. Do you want, do you know what kind of tools I find? Just assorted wrenches and screwdrivers.

Okay. That sounds like me trying to name tools. It's like one of those little leather aprons that you put like a bunch of tools in. Do I still have the rope? It is on fire on the other end. Okay. Could I like kind of pull it in and like step on it so it like isn't on fire anymore. Sure.

And then I don't know if I'm allowed to do this or if it's like a bonus action, but could I toss the rope to private parts? It's pretty far, but you could roll a d20 to try that. I guess could I get closer? Yeah, you got to stand up first, which takes half your movement. Then if you want to get closer, there is an Undarian still threatening you. So if you move beyond them, they will take an attack of opportunity on you. Oh, OK. Well, I'll just stand up for now.

OK. And then I'll try to just toss the rope to the private. Sure. Make a detour. Just roll a 20. 13? Yeah. You're able to toss it successfully to the private. Grab a hold of this. Roll private parts. Don't put it on your private parts, though. Just in your private parts hands. You see him struggle a little bit in the chains. And he does, you know, your throw was so true that, you know, he's able to easily grab it with his right hand.

Okay, could I tell how he's chained up? Seems like he's chained to a rock. Both his ankles and his wrists independently are chained to the rock. Oh, like manacles. How we're just stretching him. to a rock, both his ankles and his wrists independently are chained to the rock. Oh, like manacles? Oh, we're just stretching him. Each wrist isn't chained to each other. Just each wrist is chained to the rock.

That's what I mean. Like, is he like a spread-eagled? Yeah. Yeah. He's flying squirrel on the rock. He grabbed it with one of the hands. Right. He doesn't have a lot of movement,

but you threw it good enough for him to catch it. I just imagine private parts like literally being like, you know, manacled to this rock spread eagle and just grabbing the rope and going, thanks. As there's like a sword in his side. Do I have like in the tools that I found any type of like lockpick or like wrench or like something small that might be able to pick a lock? Yeah, you found a... there are lockpicks in there. Okay, I don't know if this is gonna work.

Avoiding getting close, could I tie one of the lockpicks to my end of the rope? Oh! And say, Quietly, Pogs! All you have to do is drag the rope in and you should have a lockpick! Oh, he begins nodding enthusiastically. He can't pull yet because it's not his turn,. Oh, he's the he begins nodding enthusiastically He can't pull yet. It's not his turn, but yeah, he seems like he heard you and acknowledged it furnace cover your ears Do not listen to this part. I think it for this is distracted by the fog. Yeah Next

And with that you once again hear the blur bling blurbling of the lava and once again it begins rising. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. 14. I was a 3 this time. I also got a 14. I don't know if that makes it. I think I got something similar last time and I didn't make it. 11.

Well luckily 14 does make it. Only Natty and Gunther both fail. Oh no. Cool. Doug and Toll have been able to see the river rising in time and step away, closing the distance to Inferness. However, Natti and Gunther do take... Ooh, 12 points of fire damage. You guys are probably down, aren't you? I am a down.

Just a bit. Just a bit. Doug, this is not looking good for us. I feel so bad. Your prophecy came true, Gunther. I've died. Nani saved me and then I left her for lava bait. I feel so bad. All right, with that, it's Private Parts' turn.

He begins frantically pulling on the rope and manages to get the lock picks over to him I'm gonna roll a d20 to see if he's able to successfully Grab them since he's restrained come on private parts. You can do it. You're older one. Okay Unfortunately, you can actually oh, yeah, you can, that's right. Our comment section has been yelling at that, that at us for like a while now that you can gift inspiration dice. Oh.

I would like to gift my inspiration die to Private Parks. Okay, sign here please. All right, Private Parks is gonna take that. I always forget, thank you for reminding me. Do I get inspiration dice for remembering that? Sure, go ahead and take one. Yes, ha ha for reminding me. Do I get inspiration dice for remembering that? Sure, go ahead and take one. Yes! Oh boy!

This time he rolls a 19. There you go! That's much better, Private Pops! I was really hoping he rolled a one again. I really was. I was fine either way. Yeah, so he manages with his right hand to grab onto the lock picks,

free up from the rope, and he begins trying to use it to free himself. I'm gonna roll a d20 again see if he's able to free himself. 18 yeah! Let's go private pause! You are killing it my friend! You're gonna kill me? No! You're doing great! Keep it up! So he's now freed himself standing there next to Infernis. And now it is the Undarians turn. One is standing over Gunther where he fell and the other is there by Doug and Tollv and Natty where she is down. The one over by Gunther is going to come over and support its friend by Tollv and Doug.

Each of them is going to attack one of you. The first one takes a swipe will do Doug, which is alphabetically. Natty healed me for five points. So does that mean I have six or is it like, would I go down to zero and then? Yeah, you went down to zero. So she healed you for five. You're at five. OK. And the first one takes a swipe at you, Doug, with its claw, hitting a C11. Yeah, I would hit, because I'm a 10.

No! There's a lot of Doug to hit, so it's very easy to typically hit me. The claw slashes at the meaty part of Doug, doing two points of slashing damage. It slashed his butt? Oh. Yeah. The other Undarian minion closes onto T'olv and lashes out with its tail, hitting AC 11. Ooh, Nug's very close, but no dice. I'm at 12, right?

This is the same one that tried to attack Gunther earlier and it hit Gunther's shield with the tail, and now it has happened again. The Undarian looks at its tail and curses at it. My friend, you're having a bad day, but I promise it might get better. All right, we got Nady. Nady, roll death saving throw. 18. All right.

Let's go. That's a positive. That's one good one. Toll, you are up. Okay. And the sergeant once again whistles and says, two minutes, son, go! Oh goodness, okay.

So that guy is close enough to me that if I were to run towards private parts, I would open myself to an attack of opportunity. You would open to two because there's two right there, one by Doug and one by you. Ooh, that's not good. Okay. I feel like the point of this mission is to get that private out of there. by Doug and one by you. Ooh, that's not good. Um, okay. I feel like the point of this mission

is to get that private out of there. So I'm going to take, whoa, real quick. I'm gonna check my feet. You know the drill. Oh yeah, right. Thank you. Let's see, Toll, you check your feet and you find a scroll. Oh, what's this?

It's a scroll of cure wounds. Scroll of cure wounds. Scroll of cure wounds? Okay guys, seriously, who is littering all over the place? There is so much things. It's not good for the environment. How far away am I? Is that a distance thing, or do I need to be in a close proximity to the person

that I would want to cast that on? I think you need to touch them, right? I believe you need to touch them, yes. Okay. I'm right by Natty if you want to throw it to me. Oh, that's a great idea. Good job Dog, can I make a tiny paper plane out of my scroll and toss it over to my friend dog? You all are pretty close to each other. I'll say you could just hand it to Doug. Okay, but I make origami anyways Because it's very fun. Okay, you do that. Here you go. It's a crane I'm waiting for feedback, any notes?

Shh. It's very beautiful. Thank you, my friend. I wish it looked more like an airplane. Toll just hands over a crumpled piece of paper. Just like, just like, just like, just like got these guys on me I think I can kind of hold them back with my shield I want to take one of my javelins and toss it at Inferno furnace. Yeah, okay. Yeah make that attack roll. Okay. I say hey in furnace catch 18 oh that hits

Roll damage, dude 18 oh that hits roll damage dude oh sorry oh my goodness i was so blaine was waiting for gus to do something and i'm like dude you roll damage you did the hit we had to play dnd for so long i was so caught up in the moment i was very excited oh man leave that blank space in there mike normally what happens in dnd is you roll an attack and if it's unsuccessful you don't do anything

But if it's successful you roll damage. That's new. This news to me roll d6. Yeah, that's what it is. Okay Ooh, uh, yeah the javelin flies to infernus hits her in the shoulder and sticking out Uh, she pulls it out and turns her gaze from Gunther's body over to you and scowls. Oh, I scowl back, I give the meanest scowl I can summon. I like to imagine when Toll of Scowls, he's still smiling, like, so big. I can't help it, I'm just having a great day with my friends in the lava pits. Okay, I think that's pretty much all I can do do because I don't want to have an attack at opportunity. Yeah, actually the uh, the sergeant blows his whistle and you'll-

Next! Ow! Doug, uh, you are up. Is it not Infernis this time? Look at you, yeah, you are correct. It is Infernis. I have my cursor on Infernis because I adjusted her for her hit points and I looked below it. It's hot, Doug. Look at you.

Wow, isn't it a great memory that requires maybe an inspiration die that don't go- Not this time! We're fishing for so many insmo's! Being real liberal with him here in episode one. Bop bop please! Infernus is going to fly straight to Gunther's body and begins- Why? Looking through all of his belongings frantically. Straight to Gunther's body. Oh and begins

Looking through all of his belongings Key or no, I thought she was gonna like eat Gunther or something. Yeah fried toad. Can I speak? No, I think I normally give it to you, but I think yeah, once you're down you can't speak at all. Okay Yeah, she goes through all your pockets and does not find the key All shall fear me the Sun Slayer and tosses your body into the river of lava I give a thumbs up as I As I go down you take another 12 points of fire down. What does that do? Do I am I dead? Yeah Yeah, Gunther disappears beneath the the river of lava. This is the saddest game of Frogger I have ever witnessed.

Think you mean Waggle? Yes. Doug, it's your turn. Okay, so obviously, guy, we pay the favor and cast Kill Wounds on my point-heeled nati. Not Gunther? I think it might be a little too late. And it's a touch spell, so Doug would have to reach into the lava. Roll the d8 for me. It's only a four, but... I'll take it.

Four is enough. It's a zero. There you go. And then I guess that's probably the only thing I could do. Well, what else do you have any other ideas? Movement would do attack of opportunities, so it'd have to be like a bonus action. Yeah. Well, did I find anything else by my feet?

I guess I should have asked. No, that's it. Yeah, you look around your feet and you don't find anything this time. You'll have cleaned up all the litter. Okay. And previously you said I had a hand axe that I found, right? Correct. Okay.

Could I swing my hand axe at the Undarion? Sure. 13. Yeah,? Correct. OK. Could I swing my handaxe at the Undarian? Sure. 13. Yeah, it connects. Cool. And that would do... It's a d6. Six.

Ooh. Ooh. Yeah, you pull out your handaxe. Yeah, and you strike true with it right between the eyes of the Undarian and it falls to the ground unmoving. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you were a nice person among your group of friends. That's gruesome. We lost two friends today Gunther and this unnamed Undarian Rest in peace

Just for some also lore Doug doesn't like killing like he'll do it if he needs to but he he doesn't like it I'm really loving Doug. This is great Doug You're in the wrong career Work I do what must be done. That's it for Doug. Yeah, I hear the sergeant yell excellent work Doug Thank you, sir. I am to please Are we waiting on the Cove at all? As you ask that question the ground begins shaking and the lava begins rising yet again. Dang it.

Everyone roll a Dexterity saving throw. And I need this. 16. Tweet. I rolled a nine, but I might have to do an inspiration. Do I know if I failed that? I think you did. That's not a good roll, I'll say that.

Okay, I give my inspo to Doug. Oh, you don't have to do that. I rolled a 10 now. You're gonna be on the ground if I don't. I know that's true. So are you giving me your inspiration day? Yeah, cause I rolled a 16. I think that, yeah.

And after your second roll, that was a 10 there, Blaine. Yeah. I rolled a 20. Nat, first Nat. Wow. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Congrats everybody. That's the sound of champagne,

but it's alcohol free, because we're family friendly here. You can still say alcohol. Bleed that out, Micah. Our entire first campaign was led with alcoholic drinks at the top. I forgot about that. Probably all of the alcohol.

So it's fitting. You should do some kind of celebration because you're about to go down 12 as you take nine points of fire damage from the lava that rises. Oh yeah. Oh no. You're in good company. I'm coming for you Gunther! Did you guys hear that? I dive.

Like otters floating in the river, you, your body and Gunther's body hold hands. Take it close to each other. All right, private parts turn. Private parts makes a beeline, tries to run over to you, Doug and Natty. Beeline to the B team? Yeah, private parts joins both of you, Natty and Doug. Sorry, I have to pause because I have to remember your new name. New name, yeah, I mean, it's first episode.

And he approaches you all and puts his arms around each of you and gives you both a big hug. Oh, thank you. I thought it was a goner for sure. We got you, Mr. Paltz. What's your first name, by the way? Private. Private Private Martz. Private Private Martz. Wow. I'm going to have to have a talk with your parents.

That's unfortunate. And with that, there's a loud katunk you hear and then a whoosh and the sweltering heat and smoke subsides. The craggy cavern melts away and all the lava vanishes into thin air. What's left is a barren warehouse made of iron. Instead of Undarians, you see four young humans in blue military uniforms dusting themselves off, as well as the stout halfling Private Parts, who has sweat so much that his uniform is significantly darker blue than everyone else's. He's hugging us. The Bog Gnome

Drill Sergeant steps forward to address you all. Well, I can honestly say in the 30 years I've been training recruits, I've never seen a team quite like yours. Not saying that's a good thing, you have a lot, and I mean a lot of rough spots to iron out, but I might see a minuscule possibility of slight potential in U4. One of the young humans steps forward with a furrowed brow that quickly changes to a cheerful smile. His green eyes furtively scan U4. I don't know, Drill Sergeant Steel Eye. They seemed all over the place to me. Rookie moves all the way through and talk about rusty and or non-existent armaments.

I don't think the mortality and material- Did I ask you for your opinion, Private Lassick? Well, no, but- I think you mean no, sir! Or did you recently get promoted to lieutenant? Private Lassick straightens up cut attention. No, sir! Then get back in formation with A-Team until I say otherwise! Or did you recently get promoted to lieutenant? Private Lastic straightens up at attention. No sir. Then get back in formation with A-Team until I say otherwise. Lastic salutes the sergeant and marches back to the other privates, but his eyes stare

daggers at you four. The other three humans chuckle at themselves and one says, Lastic Lastic, am I right? Shut it, miss. What were you even doing out there? What are you talking about? It was brutal out there. A-Team continues to bicker amongst themselves.

Sergeant Steel Eye rolls his eyes. Brutal. Anyway, as I was saying, I might be able to mold you four into something actually useful on the battlefield, but first I'm gonna break you down into tiny pocket-sized pieces, and then I'll grind you into a pathetic powder, and then I'll smash you to smithereens till there's no semblance of you left! But... Technically Gunther is already-

Shut up, you! If you survive all that, maybe, just maybe you'll actually be soldiers! Welcome to Mortallion, Bootcamp B Team... or should I say Brutaliteam? Oh, that's pretty cool. I have dishonored my family and my team. I am sorry. That's it for this episode,

Find Out What Happened to the Super Talon Team in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We'll be back next week with an episode of Second Wind to talk about this episode about Campaign 3. And we can definitely address how the gloves are off for player character deaths. And we're going to talk a little bit about how death works for Campaign 3

in next week's second win. So make sure you check that out over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash stinky dragon, all Patreon members get access to that. Until next time, stay stinky, friends. New campaign! Of course on Patreon! It's really the only way we could make this show, so keep supporting us! Yay, please! We need it! Toodaloo! Bye!

Also, what was so great on that test? Yeah! Listen to the show 48 hours early and app free! Become a Patron at patreon.com slash stinkydragon or become a member of Beacon at beacon.tv. Both memberships support the show and receive access to our exclusive bonus series, Second Wind, and a member-only Discord for their designated platform. Become a Patron, you get access to more exclusive

bonus content, Stinky Dragon community, and Discord events, and you get your name shouted out, just like this! Oblivion, AKA Don Borats, Jeexplobingo, Hannah Morton, AhoyEbat1, and David Spradley. Patrons that interact with us on this T-Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode like Drill Sergeant SteelEye, named by SargentSteel82, wonder where you got that name? Private Classic Lassic, named by Dirk, voiced by Kary Shawcross, at Kary Shawcross, check him out on Twitch.

Private Mess Mestra, named by Kreative, voiced voiced by Ash Oulette at FAFNYRR. Private Private Parts is voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben. This week's Arrow Question was submitted by GhostGamer5210. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, composed by Michael Reissinger with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from a Stinky Dragon. Forget you not of who you be, The Lady, Barb, and man of three. Thy hubris is planned unfold.