Tales from the Stinky Dragon - C03 - Ep. 08 - Mission Through Middrus - The West is Yet to Come

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

Brutaliteam leaves the barracks on their first offical mission - to investigate a series of missing persons in a nearby town! But first, they have to survive the journey... Support us directly on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/stinkydragon - get access to ad-free episodes, bonus content like Stinky Dragon Adventures & Second Wind, our patreon-exclusive discord, and more! Follow us on our socials at https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hello everyone, welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Campaign 3, episode 8. The eighth most episode of campaign 3. Eighth most, eighth most episode of campaign three. Eighth most. You're a Dungeon Master Gustavo Sorola. I'm joined by our four players, so I'm going to hit with an arrow. Every time. Every time.

I try here. I rolled a 17. You can just toss us an arrow or maybe hand us. No, it's D&D. It's violent. You gotta shoot us Yeah, what is your fondest childhood memory? And why roll for initiative that question submitted by the Jeff? Yeah, roll for initiative Jeff the Jeff the Jeff a little shark. Yeah, which rolling a d20 1017 I rolled a 7

Yeah, Chris one So it's, uh, Natty first with a 17, then Tollv with a 10, Doug with a seven, and Gunther with a one. Know what I realized before we get into these arrow responses?

Go for it. We brought this up on a previous episode about how with Blaine, he always introduces himself with like a little catch phrase. Like you have one for Chip, you have one for Toll, but we're like, oh, we didn't really have one for Kaiborg. It's because we didn't introduce our characters

every episode in the Infinite Campaign. That's true. We didn't have arrows, we didn't like introduce what our characters class and race was. Like we didn't do any of that in campaign one, each episode, so I'm like, oh, that's why he didn't have one. I'd also argue it's sub on Cobb Org.

Sub. So what you're saying, Barbara, is that's another thing we need to go back, edit those files. No, no, no, please. No, no. I'm going to do a couple of pickups if you can drop us in there. Sorry. I just wanted to say that to trigger Gus.

Hey, I'm on my third pass. Yeah. Hey, everybody. I'm John Reisinger. I'm the antagonizer of Gustavo Cerola, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock. And the question of what was my most fondest memory as a child, is that what it was? Fondest memory.

What is your fondest childhood memory and why? I got so many. I had a great childhood. I grew up in a great community with two good mamas. And I would say my fondest childhood memory has to be the day, I'm sure everybody here can relate to this kind of a memory because everybody has that moment when they're, you know, some sort of a parental or important figure in their life might sit them down and teach them about death

and how death is just a beautiful, beautiful thing. It's actually our deity that we love and we praise and we pray to and we worship and we talk to and we make crafts about and we bake for and all that. And that was just a special day that I will always hold fondly in my mind. Do you have a favorite death craft or that you've made in the past, Natty? We used to make little little gravestones out of macaroni is what we would do. Cute. Yeah, it was very cute. All is what we would do. Cute.

Yeah, it was very cute. All the little kids would do it. And then we put them up, we put them up all over the walls in the community center. So do you have like an annual death day, kind of like how people have like both days and stuff? Yeah. Do you like, do you like leave like roadkill

out by the fireplace? I don't think we would honor death with roadkill necessarily, but I guess there's no wrong answer as long as you're doing with a good heart. No, you know, every day is a good death day. That's what we say and that's how we start service at our temple. Every week there's a screening of Happy Death Day on the weekends. Yes. I was going to make a reference to that movie too.

Death Becomes Her. Anything with death. That's me. Yeah, that's interesting. I think maybe not everyone can relate to that as widely as you think, Natty, but I think, you know, I think there's definitely people who can understand and relate to that life experience. Learn something new today. Nat It's definitely a very unique individual. Well, thank you It was a compliment. All right, who's next? That's 12. I think it's me. There's a roll of ten

Hello, I'm Blaine Gibson. I'm still finding my voice. I play a male or barbarian named you who it's me toll Actually, my first name is not Yoohoo. This is how I greet people, but my name is Tov. So good to see everybody. I'm barbarian. Yoohoo is your first name. It's me, Tov is your middle name. Yeah, well, Yoohoo is my favorite drink.

Let's just make that clear. Favorite childhood memory. Don't have many, but if I had to say it would be, sometimes my family, we'd go to the beach, and I'd be able to make the sand castles. That was quite fun. We were typically there because we were raiding and pillaging a nearby village,

so there'd be dead bodies and skulls, lots of skulls. And then ironclad would come over and stomp on my sandcastle and say, what are you doing? You should be killing your killing machine. And I'd say, I just want to make sandcastle, dude, you could relax and play with me too. I didn't say that, but that's what I thought in my mind. And then I'd go and, you know. That's your fondest memory of someone stomping on your tank.

The preceding the stomping of the sandcastle, the building, you know, constructing things is nice. Yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough. Well, thanks, Tov, for that great answer. Of course. I want to explore one thing that Toll's mentioned there.

Sorry, Doug. I'll get to you in a second. Oh, I'm on the spot. You made me think about Yoohoo the drink. So we're going to talk about Yoohoo now, Toll. Sponsor? It's got a long shelf life, so it's good for a ship. It's got a long shelf life because I just realized there's almost no milk in it.

No, it is not a milk beverage. You do not need to refrigerate, you who? It can be warm room temp. It is water, high fructose corn syrup, and whey mostly. Oh. And chocolate. There's some chocolate in there, isn't there? There's gotta be some chocolate. There's less than 2% of cocoa and nonfat dry milk.

I went to Costco the other day and a lady was doing the samples for a canned protein shake. And she was like, you want to try some? And I was like, this is going to taste terrible. I tried it and I was like, it tastes exactly like you. And staring at her, eye contact grabbed the crate and I was like, you win this time. Is it strawberry you who referenced in red versus blue from Sarge? Oh, strawberry you who referenced in red versus blue from Sarge. Oh, strawberry you who. Now I want to know in strawberry you who,

what is the strawberry ingredient in strawberry you who? I said that with air quotes because I would assume it is not strawberries. It's like pink dye and pink dye number seven. Yeah, red dye, whatever. I think it's just labeled under natural flavors, natural and artificial flavors. Like mama used to make.

It's water, high fructose corn syrup, way from milk and contains less than 2% of nonfat, dry milk, natural and artificial flavors. I think that's where it is. I'm surprised the water came before the high fructose corn syrup in that ingredient list. Water is 51%. The high fructose corn syrup is 49%. Yoohoo, if you want us to stop, you need to pay us. Otherwise, we're going to badmouth you every episode.

Is that how we're doing advertising now? Is it we badmouth people, then they pay us to stop? It's a threat. Yeah. Anyway, I'm sorry, Doug. I got distracted by Yoohoo. You were saying, it's your turn. Hey, guys.

Porsches. They suck. Am I right guys? Oh, hello guys. Hello. Howdy. Hello. It's me Doug. I'm the the bug bail artificial level three and You know Gustavo. I got a lot of childhood memories, really fond memories, but I think the fondest of memories are most of the time of growing up with my brother. His name was Phil. Oh. And you know, we had a lot of-

Wait, your name is Doug and his name is Phil? Yeah, that's correct. As in if you dig a hole and then you fill the hole? F-I-L is how you spell it. So good. No notes. Love it. F-I-L.

But, you know, we were really close growing up and I just, you know, I really miss him. Was he older or younger? He was older. If like you were to die, would we meet Phil and he would sound very similar to you? No, we actually, we actually sound very different. He grew up, you know, being a lot more tough and a lot more kind of like similar to our family, where I was a little bit more, you know, on my own most of the time. But when we were when we were young, we used to we still do a lot together.

I want to clarify something if I could, because you said he was older. Is he still older or did something happen? Or did he did he stumble into one of Natty's like death day ritual days, you know? Now last time we talked tov you said you were going to try to be more respectful. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I know it's hard and I know we all stumble, but I'm just here to help keep you on your path that you said you put yourself out for. I am learning. I'm sorry. Thank you for your patience, Doug. What happened to Phil? I don't really want to say.

Oh, he's not around anymore. He's not around. Something really bad happened. I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I mean, you know, you talk about deaf being positive, white, natty, like something good. And so that's kind of like what I, I hope is the case. I mean, there's a very good chance that he's met my, uh, my wife, my wife. It's hard not to say that. And it's still that, that core feeling we all have when we hear those two words, no matter how you say it.

Well, I hope that if, you know, if your wife was kind and, you know, maybe they'll, they'll friends wherever they are together. Oh, everyone loves her and she loves everyone. Oh, sounds lovely. Very gregarious. Okay, Doug, we've had three depressing ones. Now take us home. Big happy memory. Here you go. To had three depressing ones, now take us home. Big happy memory.

Here you go! Tov, Tov, man was not depressing. I need you to work on this attitude. You're so right! I'm Chris Damaris. I'm Chris Damaris. And I play a level three fighter frog gunther. Croak folk, right?

Croak folk. Croak folk, get it right, idiot. Yeah. Pfft. Toad is spicy today. I don't know what was in his pudding. Homemade coffee, a lot of cold brew. And a bunch of jalapeno seeds.

Yeah. A favorite memory you have from my evidence. What? What? What? After that English. Gunther just had a car accident. Gunther speed running the arrow.

Did he just say that while running past us? Can we slow that down a bit? Call an ambulance. My favorite memory I have from my childhood is my favorite memory I had

from my childhood is one time there was all of the beetles they escaped and then they all out everywhere. So then me and my father and my brothers and then my good good friend Bun Lap, we all went searching across and exploring and looking to capture up all the beetles and return them home and it was an adventure. Were these like livestock for you or pets? Yes. Was it like one of them named Paul McCartney?

No. What is that? Oh, okay. What about John London? No. We're getting close though. They were beetles. So like are beetles like, what are they to your people?

Food? They are. Toys? Like, you take them into them and then you have them in a gate. So do you milk the beetles? Do you, like, herd them? Like, you would with, like, sheep or something? Yes, you herd them.

And then there is the juice of the beetle. Oh! Is it tasty juice? Does Warner Brothers call us? Juice? Sorry, what? Warner Brothers call us. Is juice? Sorry, what? Juice of the beetle. Warner Brothers needs to give us a call.

Give me a second. Who's the taste of it? So I think in the past, Gunther, if I remember right, you've also mentioned raising flies. Were there other animals that you raised as well in addition to beetles and flies? There's many bugs and animals and things. Yes, yes, yes. My family may have had many animals on our farm. Which was your favorite?

Probably my brothers. Your brothers were my favorite animal too. His name was Dunlop? What was his name? That was my best mate. Oh, what was your brother's name? Bunlap, I believe was the friend. I have had many brothers. Oh, how many brothers?

Hmm. From memory, I had 33. Whoa. Wow. Yes. And then with my sisters, that would be 51. Oh, 51. Okay.

And where do you fall into order of all your siblings? Like your middle child, oldest, youngest? I do not know. So like first, third or? I do not know. Top five. Or generation. If he doesn't know, I'm willing to bet he's somewhere in the middle of that 85 children.

You know, typical middle child Gunther over here, number 42. Gunther's middle is middle child. Let me clarify, 51 was the total. Oh. 51 was the total sisters you said? I misspoke. Oh, so 17 sisters then. Yes.

18. Wait, no, I am... Right, you are one too. So 33 brothers and 17 sisters. And of course, I am. Right. You are one too. So 33 brothers and 17 sisters and, of course, Gunther and me. Yes. That is it. OK. I have a question for Chris, not Gunther. Did you look up the average amount of eggs that a frog lays? No. And then that's oh, because I was like, you're right on. It's between 34 and 75. Yeah. Wow.

I just pulled that out of my butt It's between four how many and 75 34 and 75 Wow, yeah, you're like right in the middle there Yeah, they do that four to six times a year. So that's like in a chunk that begs the question the reason why in nature that's the case is Quantity over quality and because most of those are going to be eaten. So then, so if all your siblings, you got that many, how big is your community? Right now? I do not know. I'm not there. Do you live in like a metropolis of croak folk?

I'm not there right now. So I do not know. I'm not there right now. So I do not know how sized they are. When you left, is it just the biggest community ever? If I were to walk up to it and say population, what would the number be? I've never yet counted it. I would say... Okay. Several thousand, no, hundreds, hundreds, hundreds, if not a thousand or more, it depends. Well, I will say Gunther's biggest fear from several episodes ago was also bird. So that may play into the population as well.

That's very true. Watch out for the teeth. Also, that was specifically the, I don't know if I'm going to pronounce this right, the Coquifrog female lays clusters of 34 to 75 eggs, four to six times a year. Common frog lays up to 4,000 eggs in one spring. I'm not a common frog. That's what I assumed. Coquifrog is in Puerto Rico.

When I lived there, you could hear them all the time. They are so loud. That's what I imagine Gunther is if he was any type. Slowly you all begin waking up the next morning, more or less pretty much all together at the same time. And as you do so, you wake up and you look around and you see private parts standing there watching waiting for you guys to wake up. It's not creepy at all.

Morning, B-Team. Good morning. Good morning. I've got new orders for you guys. It's your first mission. So yeah, private parts is there in the barracks with you guys and says, Well, come on, sleepy heads.

We've got to get over to headquarters ASAP. Sergeant Steel Eye is waiting for us. Oh, can't wait to see Sergeant Steel Eye for a sing in the morning. Our favorite, yeah. Does anyone need to do anything or gather anything before you head out? Last time we took our time, we got in trouble. Yes, we should do this on the double. Private parts, do we need to grab all of our our equipment will we be coming back to the barracks?

Well, that's up to you guys, but you know sergeant Steeley likes it when you take charge and are ready for action Let's grab all of our stuff and if anybody wants to like take a dump in one of a team's Footlockers, I will turn a blind eye. No questions asked. Okay. Bye. Bye I'm gonna roll to see if giggy heard that and does what yes Blaine almost did a spit take I forgot that we have someone who will do Basically anything we have an influential little toddler. Yes, who is happy to and I rolled a 14 So yeah, giggy goes and takes a dump It's important that he goes before we go because I don't want to deal with it on the on the on the way for sure

Yeah, you know typos for giggy or what? What do you usually give him when he goes boom boom? I tried but he kept eating them Oh, that's so gross Imagine someone eating a dirty diaper. Oh, well, they weren't dirty. He ate them before he could dirty him up Oh, okay. That's makes it a little better. In our like trunks and in our room are there any like longer term materials or equipment for like longer missions? Like healing potions or yeah? Yeah rations, magic food, yeah things. No just whatever you would like there's no extra inventory there It's just whatever you have. That's like it's just your items Imagine like a bed and a trunk with all your stuff in it

I would say Doug takes all of his stuff with him and also makes his bed. Oh, that's nice Is there any uh, any of your your like special stuff you want to do Doug to any of our things? I don't I don't know how you artifice there'sisters work But you seem to have stuff to do to make things special Well, it does take some time and you know before going to bed last night. I did infuse tolls Hamel which what oh, that's right. So that's looking a little bit stronger toll. Let me know how that works out for you, buddy Okay, I mean, let me try it out on one of these foot lockers over here I attack one of a team's foot lockers I mean, let me try it out on one of these foot lockers over here. I attack one of A-Team's foot lockers, not the one that's been pooped in though.

Uh, yeah. Make a, make your attack roll. The 20. Dirty 20? Uh, dirty 20. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. For the uninitiated, that means it's a 20 after modifier, not a, not a natural 20.

Um, yeah, I guess roll your damage. Which foot locker do you pick? Candranos. Okay, you bring your hammer down on Candranos's foot locker and it splinters the lid off of it and the lid falls to the ground broken off. And since we clarified that it was Candranos's foot locker that got hit, that means that's not the one that had the poop. Do you want me to just randomly roll and pick one? Oh, I was just saying not Lasix.

Lasix is the only guy sticking up for us. Yeah. Now Private Parts is there with you. Private Parts. Talking to us currently, but Lasik is the one who actually stood up for us in court. I don't remember. Wait, I can remember. Hold on.

I have a mess. Wait, no, that's the fort. We've got Private Mess. Lasik. I feel like that's just in the name. We've got mess and inj- wait no, that's the fork. We've got Private Mess. Classic. I feel like that's just in the name, so make a mess and mess. Okay, Private Mess trick, got it. And then there's Oak Grey.

Oh, okay. Yeah, they get by this time. This time. Yeah, Private Parts watches, I don't know, it watches Gigi and Toll go to work on the Foot Lockers and just raises a concerned eyebrow and says, I don't think they you watch is giggy and told go to work on the foot lockers And just raises a concerned eyebrow and says I don't think they're gonna like that. We're super hyped for this mission. Oh You saw nothing. Yeah, you know what snitches get ah Presents no it rhymes Yeah, tell them gun so Gunther is excited and stabs his own locker

I'm going to gunter is excited and stabs his own locker Can I roll Okay, sure. Yeah, make your face say that he attacked it. Do we have to do the rolls? It's part of the fun 14 Okay, and make your damage nine. Okay. Yeah, here's the lid of your foot locker also breaks off We did it! Is Cantros have any medical supplies in their locker since they're the medic? Perhaps a potion or four? Make an investigation check so you can rifle through it.

Okay. Nice. Oh, that's a nine. I could do an inspiration if we wanted to. You tell me. Ah, what the heck, let's do it. Ha ha ha ha ha. 13! Yeah, you find two healing potions neatly if we wanted to. You tell me. Ah, what the heck, let's do it. Thirteen.

Yeah, you find two healing potions neatly on top of the items in there. Oh, these just fell out. Oops. But the tops are shattered and the contents have spilled all over the rest of the items in the trunk. OK, it's too powerful, too strong.

Shall we destroy more? No, we should go. We should go. No, I think we're ready to go on a mission, personally. We don't want to get in more trouble than we already are at this base. Yeah, you all are on thin ice. It's making Doug very anxious.

So, okay, you all follow Private Parts out over to HQ? Yeah. I can't believe we have a character named Private Parts. Welcome to Stinky Dragon. Private Parts, What are we doing? Woman. We're going to headquarters to get your mission from Sergeant Steel Eye. Do you know the mission?

No, I'm just the messenger. Oh, okay. Gunther's being very feisty. Yeah, he is. You'll walk out of the barracks and head over to HQ, which isn't too far away. It's just like pretty much the next building over to the Southwest from the barracks. You all are very familiar with this building. This is where your court marshal,

or your court marshal was held in the courtroom inside of headquarters. You'll walk into HQ and private parts leads you into the war room where you find Sergeant Steel Eye looking at a large round table. Looks up, locks eyes with you, and walks straight over to you all. B Team, it's about time you showed up.

It's time to get to work. Okay, so we are ready for our mission, and Doug salutes. Let me at them, yeah. I salute. Gunter does his salute with his foot up. The back heel, you know what we call it? The little kick that we did. Oh, like Colonel Boyd, like you salute

and then kick your leg out? Okay. Son, we gotta work on that one. First and foremost, congratulations B-Team. You all have been promoted to the rank of private. Ray. For what did we make this promotion after we were just in trial?

Son, I'm gonna need a question. For what did we make this promotion after we were just in trial? Yes, anyway, your mission is to travel to the local city west of here, Enbridge Bay, look into some intel we just received. A local by the name of Fiz Mom claims that people she knows are being replaced by imposters. Sound familiar? Mission is to do reconnaissance, investigate the claim and determine whether or not this is true or some kind of red herring.

You're to meet Fizmum at a local business called the High Three. Endridge Bay is 18 miles due west, so it should be about one day's hike. All I got from that was fismum. I got it all. Don't worry. Don't worry, guys. Doug is on the case. I tried my best. My handwriting is so, so bad. This is a chance for you four to test which of you has the medal to be a leader. Each of you takes turns trying out the role of team leader. Your responsibilities will include training, leading in battle, maintaining

discipline, tracking supplies, and staying on mission. Private Parts here is gonna follow along as an observer and he'll deliver a report back to me in three days. And if Private Parts doesn't return, it'll be on your heads. That's a lot of pressure. To be clear, his observation starts now, not like 20 minutes ago. Like, I just want to make sure that when's the report start. Cause that's a little important right now. That's at private parts discretion.

Well, did anyone tell you that you're looking real sharp today today buddy? He pulls out a pencil and begins scratching something out from a notepad. I think that's a good thing. I'm sure he's writing nothing but nice things. Private parts report and my assessment of that report and your performance may lead to a promotion for one of you to the rank of corporal, who will then be the new team leader and receive benefits befitting the rank.

What kind of benefits are we talking about here? You'll find out if one of you makes the cut. Ooh, surprises. I think they let us in the, like a teacher's lounge and we get access to like a toaster and microwave. Oh. A lot of fancy stuff. Okay, real quick, my mom was a teacher at my school

and I used to go to the teacher's lounge and the other teachers hated it, so did the kids. And I used to get free iced tea every day. It was the best. I really want to be corporate. Wait, free iced tea, that was your big treat? Yeah. You just don't have iced tea.

We live in Texas, you-hoo. It was for the teachers and you were stealing it. Yeah. Well, no, I was entitled to it. I was an Apple baby, duh. Was it sweetened Well, no, I was entitled to it. I was an epo baby, duh. Was it sweet and tea? Yeah, I could be. If you put the sweet and low in it.

Oh, OK. It's called chemistry. Maybe Doug knows something about it. I'm part of chemistry. How do we decide who is the leader for the moment? And how do we decide when we swap? I can't be expected to hold your hand every step of the way. You four need to figure it out. Now go! This is the most Gus character in any campaign we've had.

I can't be expected to hold your hand in this. You guys want to like roll initiative or something? And then we can decide based on that order who becomes the team leader? Yeah, we could draw lots. Okay. How do you draw a lot? What does that look like visually? I was just trying to think of an in-universe way people would say instead of rolling dice.

Unless dice is a part of the cannon universe. I don't know, maybe it is. Sergeant Steele, are dice a part of the cannon universe? Yeah. Just roll. Yeah, he turns his attention back to the big table in the room. Let's just roll this roll a d20 or in the chair d20 I rolled a 9 I wanted 10 what you roll 12 I rolled a 1 I rolled a 14 so 12 wins

you're going with lowest right tolls number one I just rolled another dice to see if giggy would roll and gigigi did roll and he rolled a 15. So Gigi's in charge. Gigi's team leader for the first day! So I think based on drawing lots, Nattie wins, but Nattie secretly is going to let Gigi run the show? No, no, no. That was just for me. Okay. Yeah, I guess I'll take the start. Okay, and we're going due west, which means directly west from here, 18 miles until we

get to the Fort Andridge Bay, or just Andridge Bay. Andridge Bay, there you go. Sorry, I misspoke. It's all good, Doug. Just want to make sure you're on the right page. What sounds like you are? In a metagame perspective, if we're on a map, we like at the far edge of where we are? So it's like, if we traveled across all of Fort Endridge,

that would be X amount of miles, or are we like at the very kind of end going west? If you were looking at a map, you can go in any direction basically. I'm not sure if I'm answering your question appropriately. Like think of Fort Endridge as being in the middle right now. Think of like a layout of hexes all around you

and you can go in any of the directions based from where you are. I guess if like, I'm saying like if each hex is X amount of miles wide, are we at like the edge of a hex? So if we like walk. I think you're saying Fort's in the middle of the hex. I see what you're saying.

Imagine you're in the entire hex. Like you're not going to spend any movement moving within the hex that you're already in. Gotcha. Imagine you're in the entire hex. Like, you're not going to spend any movement moving within the hex that you're already in. Gotcha. Okay. Make sure I answered your question. Okay. Do we get any special equipment for this?

No. Are you asking? Oh, he left. Yeah. He turned his back to you guys. Okay. I guess we should go. And as my first decision as leader, we're going to move that direction. And I point west.

What is marching order natty I feel like we should have the buddy system okay okay so find your buddy and we'll walk with our buddies you tell me who my buddy is daddy could you be my buddy okay doug and i are buddies and tolvin gunther are buddies okay okay who's giggy's buddy I'm always giggy's buddy. Oh, you don't need nobody Okay, then we Head out. I guess yeah. Yeah, let's go. I'll focus on staying on mission We did it episode eight and we're leaving this place finally You guys that's been your decision it's, it's up to you guys. That's been your decision. It's like a Midgar and Final Fantasy, uh, six or seven Final Fantasy seven.

We're finally leaving Midgar and we see the overworld for the first time. Ooh, there's more to the map. So yeah, I guess imagine in your mind's eye that it's a hexagon map. And from where you are and Fort Endrich you can go I'm gonna go all the way around north northeast southeast south southwest or northwest oh so we have a choice of going southwest or northwest basically you go in any of the directions you want well okay I'll revise that to hand the general direction of West that's our two options

yes yeah yes we want to go north or south I'll revise that to head in the general direction of West. That's our two options. Yes. Yeah. Yes We want to go north or south. We could just flip a coin All right, we're going northwest. Are you sure I have a lot of rewards points with Southwest? Give yourself an inspiration, Dyer. I hate those seating policies. I like having an assigned seat. They're changing that. They are. I think they are, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Northwest. Okay, so you all decide to go go northwest you you know you gather up your equipment Your packs and you know private parts is tagging along with you as an observer. Oh, he could be giggy's buddy then there we go Oh, okay Well yeah, if I have a part is you know is following as an observer, and I guess he's diggys buddy I don't want someone to not have a buddy, so we're gonna stick to this. Per Parts just says- Oh, okay, that's an interesting command decision.

And just begins scrambling something on a notepad. I assume it's something good. Private Parts, how did you get in here? To the war, where are you from? Oh, my family has a long history of serving the Mortallion. It seems like it's always been almost predestined that I joined up and do my part in the ongoing conflict. Do you have other family in here?

Not currently, I'm the youngest child so everyone has already moved on and they're out and about in the world. I'm hoping to catch up soon. I think after doing this job, observing for Sergeant Steel Eye, he'll note my special skills and I'll get my promotion and finally be able to move up in rank. We will make sure that we do good for you. Glad to have you on board. Thanks, I appreciate it.

We will definitely make sure you survive this mission as well. And maybe, you know, it would be one of those situations of, you know, we scratch our back, you scratch our back. Wink, wink. Okay, I can see that. Yeah, maybe, why not? You know, you all are new to the rank of private, and I don't want to brag, but I've been private for a while now.

So while we're traveling, I think it's time I let you know all the perks you get now with your newfound promotion, being a private in the Mortalion. First of all, you can purchase non-magical weapons and armor at a 20% discount at any facility associated with the Mortalion. Yeah, it's great! It opens a lot of doors. What are you packing, Private Pards? He's got a long sword.

Oh, cool. Besides that, don't forget that now, as privates, you are part of a hierarchy that provides you with orders. If you cause any trouble at Midrace, you answer to your officers, not local law enforcement. Oh, does that mean we got some sort of immunity? Diplomatic immunity. Ha ha ha.

Do we actually, though? Like some type of... So you're above the common law of the land. You answer to the military law, as you all already have experience with dealing with your almost court martial. Oh. The military, do we know how ubiquitous is it across the land and how is, what's the

general perception of the military across the land? Yeah, that's a good question. I mean, it's pretty much everywhere. Everyone's very familiar. Well, I would say most people are very familiar with the mortality and have, you know, this is a very wide ranging conflict that's been going on for quite a while. But you know, as with most things, it can vary. You know, like going with like sentiment,

it can vary town by town or person by person. Everyone's got their own feelings on what's going on. So it's hard to say. There is no general consensus, but there is definitely a wide range of thoughts about it. I mean, if martial law is in effect at all times, I feel like that might cause some weird distrust. No, no, it's not that it's martial law,

it's that you all are above local law. You only answer to military law. Yeah, martial law, yeah. The locals still answer to their local law enforcement. Yeah, so I have immunity when it comes to local law enforcement because I only listen to my military leaders. Got it, martial law, cool, glad we established that.

I think Toad might not know what martial law is. And of course, your rank in the Mortalion now grants you access to places that are off limits to civilians. With your commander's permission, you can enter dangerous training grounds or military installations like an army's regional headquarters or a repository of top secret intelligence. Plus, you can also request that your commander grant you authority to act in their name or provide access to experts or leaders higher in the chain of command. Oh that feels very powerful.

It is! You won't believe the things I've seen. Oh like in a bad way or like? Of course not, heavens no. Okay it's like could you commit war crimes or something? You undertake your missions at the direction of a commanding officer who expects your absolute obedience. These missions have clear and precise goals, leading you on the path of adventure.

In rare cases, you're trusted with open-ended tasks that afford you leeway and interpreting orders. Well, you're just a walk-in PSA. I do my best. I love the Mortallion and I'm very dedicated to this. Oh, Sergeant Steel Eye must love you. Oh, I hope so. I'm trying to get it good with Sergeant Steel Eye.

Does it bother you that we just became privates and then the Steel Eye said that one of us gets to be corporal soon? And you've been waiting this whole time to get promoted? All in due time. I'll earn my rank when it's due to me. That's a very mature way of looking at it. Yes, thank you Doug. And you scribble something down.

Excellent. 10 points for me. And the final thing I need to tell you is each member of your group earns a regular salary or share of the military's forces spoils. The amount varies depending on your organization and your position within it, and at minimum you enjoy a modest lifestyle. You receive a small salary as well as access to food and housing on military bases. You get one gold per day, but rely on that money for room and board off base. With higher rank comes higher pay. I hear that as an officer you could maintain a comfortable lifestyle and get two gold per

day. Wow. Hey big spender. That's big living. Double the income I guess. Tell me about it. You're one percent. Oh for sure. All right well we're trying to stay on mission right and head over west to to Indridge Bay. How long of a hike is that would you say? Well Indridge Bay is about 18 miles, so it should take us pretty much an entire day to get there. All right. All right.

Surely we've been walking while talking, yeah? I mean. Absolutely. Okay, thank God. It's only been five minutes. Make sure you hold your buddy's hand. Doug reaches out to hold Nattie's hand. I grab Doug's hand.

But I imagine you're holding just my big finger because... Oh, because he's got a big ol' mitt? Yeah. I'm trying to think of the size discrepancy between... Totally good thing. You can literally ride my shoulders and I would not notice you and it is totally cool if you would like chill. I'm just offering it. Okay.

Do you need to make a roll to see if Gigi holds private parts hand? You are living to regret this child. Okay. Do you need to make a roll to see if Gigi holds Private Part's hand? Oh. You are living to regret this child. I rolled a nine, so he's gonna fight it a little bit. I like to think that instead of reaching out with his hand, Gigi reaches out with his mouth and just tries to clamp on to Private Part's hand as they're walking.

Yeah, yeah. So y'all are paired up in the buddy system. Buddies, what do you all talk about during this initial part of your trek? I probably want to talk to Natty about death. I love that. Just because I think that's like one of the things that Doug doesn't really understand or like think is, like has any positive to it. Even in all of his studies and time researching things,

he just doesn't see, I think a benefit to death. Doug, what's on your mind? Oh, so much, so much, Natty. Yeah? So, you know, you talk a lot about death and I just can't comprehend how anybody would be driven towards thinking that this is a good thing or, you know, because it's just like if you lose someone, they don't

come back. And so like, I guess how is it? How is that good? Well, I mean, it depends on what your definition of like what this losing means. Like it's not a finality as I think you might be thinking it is because it's just it's just transition to a new place is what it is. Oh. How do you know, I guess?

Because my wife, she told me. You talked to her? Yeah. How? I mean, it's usually in when I'm sleeping. Uh-oh. I mean, I talk to my brother sometimes before I go to sleep, but he doesn't talk back. So... Is Toll interjecting? No, it's just so sad. I'm just reacting. to my bottle sometimes before I go to sleep, but he doesn't talk back, so.

Is Toll interjecting? No, it's just so sad. No, I'm just reacting. I heard that and I'm like, oh my God, that's so sad. Yeah, I would imagine it's hard to talk to the dead, but my wife's not dead. What is she? She is dead.

So she took my bottle? Not necessarily. She is the essence of that, the feature of life that is the end of it. And so she's not necessarily the one that killed him, but she's there to greet him when he came when he when he came to visit her. And I'm sure he was he was loving it because, like I said, she has the nicest smile you've ever seen. I mean, I know that she's not the one who killed him.

I know that. Who did, if I might ask? I can't really say right now. Maybe we could take baby steps towards sharing that. Cause I know talking about stuff helps. I just, it wasn't my fault, okay? I didn't say it was. I'm on your side, Doug.

That's all I wanna say, it wasn't my fault. Okay, okay, good baby steps. Good, hey everybody, everybody Doug just took some baby steps towards the direction of sharing his feelings. Everybody give a little clap. Little clap for Doug. Okay? Oh, we did it. It actually was my fault, okay?

I just am trying to tell myself that it wasn't. Oh. But maybe if your wife sees Phil, she could just like tell him that I'm sorry. You know, I would tell her that. And I'm sure that would mean the world to Phil. Why was it your fault? Oh, God.

I don't know if you're there. You're going to be having a separate conversation with Tom. Okay, I didn't know because we were all clapping. Imagine just Daddy turned around and told everybody to clap. That's all it was. Yay. Does that make you feel better, Doug, a little bit? Imagine just daddy turned around and told everybody to clap. That's all it was. Yeah. Does that make you feel better Doug a little bit? Maybe like 0.07% better.

Hey, progress is progress. Wow, that's really... Have you been to the OP? That's really nice. Yeah, I go with therapy all the time. That's John speaking. John? I got therapy today. On a mission? therapy all the time. That's John speaking. John?

I got therapy today. On a mission. Is that who Gigi really is? Well, I'm proud of you, Doug. I'm proud of you. I'm glad. And Natty squeezes Doug's hand even tighter or his finger even tighter. Natty's very strong unexpectedly. And so Doug kind of winces at the pain.

Oh, no, not like that. like that, like an affectionate squeeze, not a painful one. What do Tolv and Gunther talk about? First, in my writing on Tolv, that's cool with me, it's cool with you. Then could we also, while we're looking, I think Gunther would be looking for any sense of supplies or things in the terrain that could be like just scouting ahead, being very aware of the surroundings and looking for danger or anything that they could use on their journey. Make a perception check. It's a five.

No, it seems like there's not much out here. It's it's pretty barren here, but you know you are making your way away. You can see the fort slowly getting smaller behind you as time goes on. And I don't know how this applies, but I have the wanderer background, which I can find food and fresh water for yourself and up to five other people each day, provided that the land offers small game water And so forth so I don't know if that matters in this context, but it's super useful. It's so cool good Yeah, yeah, is that something you'd you'd want to do?

I think so I think Gunther's used to wandering and if that's part of his like Process of wandering is always being like looking for the next meal. I guess you already rolled your Perception check, but I was just trying to see, do you want to make like, I don't know, like an investigation check of some kind to see if you're able to, if you're successful? Or survival? Survival, yeah, survival, that's it. Yeah, roll the survival check.

I rolled a one, Gus. You find a trail, there's footsteps. It's maybe five humanoid sizedsized creatures and one smaller one. It seems like they were coming from the east and heading west. We're being followed. This is scrubland, but you can't seem to find anything. Maybe the presence of the fort being so close scares away any potential game that you could hunt. Maybe they've already scoured the nearby fruit or berries or anything that's edible in the area around the

fort so it's already too picked over. Something I can talk to Gunther about. Oh yeah? Yeah if he's in a chatty mood Gunther you want to talk? Okay. Okay so like I was you know raised and grown up around water. And I'm curious about your culture because it sounds like you come from a desert climate. So what's water like for you guys? I just want to share our common experiences and just find differences and just share about our cultures.

Water is very special. Oh, yes it is. That is where everything comes from, the water. Yeah, yes it is. That is where everything comes from. The water. Yeah, that's true. Okay. And in the desert it is hard to find, so we do not go very far from the water.

So do you have like a lot of waters? No. No? Where do you get your water? It's from the sky or from the one source in our village. It is Oasis. Oh, cool. Have you ever been to the ocean, it is Oasis. Oh, cool. Have you ever been to the ocean, Gunther?

No. Would that like freak you out with all of that water? Mm, yes. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that sounds like too much water. Can you swim, Gunther? Yes, I can swim very well. Can you swim?

Not really, no. Were you not on ships? I was on ships, but that was like kind of part of the deal. It's like if you fell off, then you know, bye bye, you know. Then you're meeting Nattie's wife? Yeah, quick meeting. So you never fell off the ship? Oh yeah, yeah, it was very scary.

And what happened? Well, that's the last time I saw my crew, you know? When you fell off the ship? Let's not say that I necessarily fell off. It wasn't by my choice, you know? I'm very careful on the ship. I'm a very good sailor. You've pushed? Yeah, we could put it that way. I was pushed. It was not a fun day. Not a fun day at all. Who pushed?

It was ironclad, but that's a story for another time. But I think if we ever end up in a mission on the water, I'll watch your back and I think it'll be, you'll be a-okay. I think you're gonna have sea legs in no time. Sea legs. Yeah. That is like something I like. Sounds good. What would Gigi try to say to private parts?

I was wondering if you were gonna bring that up. Oh, you know, I love Gigi. Gigi is my new pseudo player that I get to be in the campaign. This could be your favorite character because it's not played by any of us. Gigi would just kind of observe everyone's chatting and then look up longingly at private parts. He's a very, he likes mimicry and parroting.

And so he would just kind of like want private parts to kind of take the lead. So what would private parts do to respond to Gigi's stare at him? What's your name, little one? He just, he's... Oh, I don't know if I can pronounce that. That's interesting. Did your mom and daddy give you that name? Gigi, um, looks at his mom and then looks at private parts and then looks at the ground

and finds a, finds a bug and gives private parts the bug. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. It's very thoughtful of you. Do you want to share it? When private parts made that noise, Gigi did the whole like Chihuahua head tilt kind of thing. Like that making a sound that's like him

and that kind of thing. And then goes and picks up a rock and gives it to private parts oh thank you I feel like I should give you something uh here private parts like begins digging through his uh his pockets looking for something and pulls out a copper piece and hands it to Gigi I love the roll roll. Doin' a roll. He doesn't eat it. Oh! It's a particularly shiny piece of copper. It's like, must be like newly minted. Okay, he puts it in his little, in his little harness.

Don't tell anybody about that. That's between us, okay? We're battle buddies. Battle buddies. Gigi, let me see. Let me see how he responds to that. He rolled, I rolled a one. He bites private parts,

but he's like smiling while he's doing it. Ah, ah, ah. Thank you. And Nanny hears that and turns around and goes, oh, he likes you, he likes you guys are buddies. Oh boy. This reminds me of anytime you go to a friend's house and they have like a cat or a dog that's like Really aggressive and the person is totally comfortable with it, but you as a guest or not and you're like

Are they supposed to be growling? What's what do you do What am I doing wrong? No, no, you're doing it right. Oh, he likes you! That's fun. After passing a little bit of time talking to each other, the land begins slowly changing.

Ever so often you start to see a little more vegetation popping in here and there. Not like a ton of it, but just a little more frequently popping in here and there. Not like a ton of it, but just a little more, more frequently than you were seeing before. You begin walking up slowly closer to what appears to be maybe a river in the distance, and around there you see, you know, some rocky outcroppings and maybe a small bridge crossing over it. And everyone make me a perception check.

Ten. Eleven. Ah, another one. Sixteen. Okay, so it was a 16 for Natty, an 11 for Doug, a 10 for 12, and a 2 for Gunther. Yeah, I rolled bad. Yeah, bad. Natty, you begin to hear what you think might be like a chorus of voices that seem to be yelling. Describe the emotional tone. If you had to guess you would say anger. Oh coming from the direction up ahead like where you saw the river and the bridge. So like west? Still west? Correct. I put up my hand to tell the group to stop but I pull up the hand that I'm holding with Doug and put our both our hands up. Yeah we can do it. and put our both our hands up. Yeah, we can do it.

No. Oh, oh. Doug, I love your enthusiasm. Everyone quiet. I feel like we should approach with caution for I have heard a commotion up ahead. Commotion? What kind of commotion?

There's a choo-choo train. That's a locomotive. Oh, okay. Got you. That's a choo-choo train. That's a locomotive. Oh, okay. Got you. That's a crazy motion. You know what? As leader, I've decided we should send one of us up for reconnaissance. Before we approach this what seems to be a tumultuous angry noise. I'm very sneaky if you want me to sneak. Yeah.

I think Gunther's a good sneaker too. Yeah, he's small too. Yeah, let's send Gunther. Gunther, you go find out and report back what's making this noise. And you know, so like, worse comes to worse because this place is like, you know, a little bit more full of vegetation and stuff like that. You could just blend in as a regular frog if you needed to. Yeah. That's a good idea. I want to make sure we have a signal if you're in danger. So is there a sound you can make

that could alert us? That was a croak. And you can do that loud? Yes. Okay. Cause like, you know, frogs croak and you hear them like real far. Sure, Gus just said it.

Those coquie frogs are super loud. And then if I'm not in danger, I will do this. Oh. A little bit more high up fish, I see. One is more wrong and the other one's wrong. As long as Tollv can tell the difference, I'm confident. Yeah. I think Tollv and Gunther's time together during this journey

has let Tollv understand Gunther a bit better. Yeah. He just taught him all his different croaks as they were walking. This is when I'm in danger. Guys, if I may, I need a quick word with Gunther to wish him farewell. Rrrom, rrrom, rrrom, rrrom. We are farmers. Is that the one you were singing?

We know each other's language. I wish him the best of luck. Well, on that best of luck note, if you're going to proceed, why don't you make me a stealth check, Gunther? Okay, yeah. And then like what's laying in front of it? It's the river and the bridge. What's the trend?

You said it's like a little more vegetation. It's also pretty rocky. It's becoming very rocky. That's a 20, more vegetation. A little more vegetation. It's also pretty rocky. It's becoming very rocky. That's a 20, a dirty 20. Oh, nice. Got your top men on it. Top men.

You stealthily approach in the direction that the path is going. And you get closer and you see that there is a small wooden bridge crossing a river from the northeast to the southwest here. And as you approach it you see what appear to be some ruins. It seems like there's some buildings that are kind of destroyed and falling down and some scaffolding with crumbling walls throughout the area. And there's a group

of people in the street in front of some of the ruins. Seems like they're angrily discussing something. Really quick for clarification are these like ancient ruins or are these like war torn ruins? Gunther? He would see. Yeah, I think Gunther would be the one to ask. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's a good question. Are the ruins on the other side of the bridge?

Correct, they're on the other side of the bridge. Okay. And then what do I hear what they're discussing? Make a perception check. And they're yelling, they're not talking. Yeah. And are they grouped in such a way where there's two different sides?

No, it seems like they're all mixed up together. It's not like two groups arguing, it's one big group kind of all angry. That's a 16 on perception. You hear the words compensation and apology being thrown about quite a bit. Compensation and apology. And how many are there?

Did you say that? It's like a mob of people, let's say like 12, 15, somewhere around there. And what's their like general? Are they all the same race? It's a mixture of various types of humanoids. And their garb, like are they military or they townsfolk? Are they? They seem like civilians to you. And the structures that they're around does it seem like it's a

place that they live or is this just a like ruin ruins? You see various tents set up it's almost like a small settlement here. Settlement so it's they've been there for a while. It seems like they're based out of here if you had to guess. Okay so they're arguing about money and this is their home base. How far up am I like relative to them? Not much higher. You're uh perched up like on a small rock on the north side of the river. You're maybe five, six feet higher than they are. I can't hear anything else about what they're arguing or like what's gonna happen. They're so far it's it's hard to pick out. Can I signal the group to come closer?

How does that sound again? Uh, brrr. I think that means he's in danger and we shouldn't go any closer. Ha ha ha. Whoa. I guess is there a way, can I get closer where I can find out more about them? Can I get up closer? I just want to be able to hear what they're saying more.

Yeah, you could try to get closer, like cross the bridge maybe and listen, but you know, I would say you would need another stealth check to try to get a little closer and see if they don't notice you. Okay. And if it matters, I would try going under the bridge. Okay. So like that way I'm not visible. Yeah. So you would crawl down from the rock,

get on the ground and then like kind of slink into the water. No, no, like stay on the bridge. I thought you said under the bridge. Like climb up on over the bridge. So I stay. Wait, wait, you're confusing me. Climb over the bridge or climb under the bridge?

You said both. Climb under the bridge, but without, but stay on the bridge. Like as in like, as if I'm climbing on the under part of it the chipaini special Yeah, I'm under the bridge but on it. We had a cartoon about this Yeah, like how you know remember the cartoon chipaini like yeah, but what's the on it part? That's what I'm not understanding like as in not you would just be You just kept saying on the bridge which which is like, I don't understand what that means.

Make me a stealth check to see if you're able to successfully climb under the bridge. All right. 25. Yeah. You do Gunther bars under the bridge and swing your way across and you get a little closer frog folk bars and you can make out what they're saying a little bit better. They owe money to us for all the damages. It's time we get together and start a protest. Yeah, take that protest and we'll get a money that we're all owed.

What is this voice? What is this cadence? Okay, does it sound like they're arguing about someone that's not there? Yes. Or are they arguing about... Okay, not there? Or are they arguing? OK, and that's all I can hear. Yeah, that seems like a lot of planning for some kind of protest to try to get compensation. And I can't figure out who they're talking about.

They came here and they just destroyed everything. And they owe us to try and fix it. Anything else I can gather before I leave to go back? Nah, I'd say that's about it. Okay. Am I, does it sound like they're mad at like, the army that we're in? I guess is the one thing I want to know. Make a...

Intelligence check I guess? Insight. Insight's better. 12. You think they might be mad at the Mortallion? Oh, that's us. Okay, can I sneak back to the group? Yeah, make me one last stealth check.

Stealth check. Oh yeah, 25. Why couldn't you have failed one of those? Yeah, you're able to successfully... I'm good at stealth, I told you I was good at stealth. ...sneak back to your group. I'm imagining I'm sitting there talking to like, uh, Natti and Doug, and then Couture sneaks up on me and I go, oh, where did you come from?

Roll for an attack. There are many people, they are all very mad at the Mortallion. They said that we destroyed their things, which I do not know if we did, but we did not personally, but we should pretend to not be Mortallion. You know Gunter, someday I'm gonna teach you

about this thing that I learned very young called, what's it called? When you learn it, you shall tell me. No! Punctuation! Oh. Chris played a reverse card there. He did.

Punctuation, very important. I think that would be a good lesson book. To know where one sentence ends and the other begins, helpful sometimes. So, like, you think we should act like we are not part of the battalion and like roll through? Or do you think we should sneak our way around? I think we should act like we are not part of the battalion and also mad at mortallion. Nady, what do you think? What's your read? You're the team leader. I know from our character art, it's not there, but is there anything

about us or private parts that reads as military? I was wondering the same thing. Yeah, private parts that reads as military? I was wondering the same thing. Yeah, private parts is a big red flag. I feel like he's so proud to be part of this military that he couldn't pretend not to be. Freshly starched pants with the pleats ironed and everything. He's parts of the military. Yeah, you all would be in uniform.

Oh, do we then carry our civvies? Sure. Why not? Okay. We could also say that we were part of it, but we escaped because we didn't agree with what they're doing. That's setting us up for having to persuade them of something when we could preempt that by not giving them the thought. We're just some travelers, you know, making our way downtown. Daddy, I bet I could persuade you. That's a nine. Dang it. OK, never mind. This is a bad idea. I was wondering where this was going.

Doug, you when you mentioned talking about like deserting the military, that seems to like private parks gets a little shocked. You see, he starts getting a little sweaty at the thought. Well, private parts, listen, I mean, you heard the conversation, right? These people over here, we don't know if like they'll attack us if they know we're part of the military or... Oh, yeah, I just can't imagine leaving the Mortallion. I got this. Private parts, this is all espionage.

OK, we are we are going undercover for our team, you know, in order to get more information. Or intel. Intel, yes. Everyone else throw out really interesting military terminology. McConaissance. Black ops. How's that sound, Private?

Shouldn't we try to convince them that the Mortallion are in the right and settle any issues they might have? And what happens if they find out we're lying? Oh, lying makes me nervous. He starts sweating a little more. Gigi starts licking the sweat. What is our mission? Is our mission to communicate with them?

Well, our mission is to get to Indridge Bay, I guess, but... Okay, then. I just hate the thought of people not appreciating the mortallion. This is part of my fulfillment of my leadership duties that I am training you. As you can tell, and Natty strikes a pose, I am a queen of presentation and performance.

Natty is the queen I can conform. My queen. Also, like, you know, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, Private Pots, okay? It doesn't mean we don't respect the Mortallion or anything like that, but you just gotta pretend for a little bit. I understand. Okay. Again, I'm just an observer, so I leave it to your team leader's discretion.

But don't forget, we all abide by the Mortallion's goals. Also, you know, I just wanna point out out it's important life lessons know that like not everyone will agree with your way of life and you know sometimes you just gotta stay true to yourself no matter what but you know I've got to do what you gotta do to be safe. I feel like that was a mixed message but I'm hoping private parts took that in it. That's true but as we always say the mortallion together we stand unbroken okay hey we're gonna play a part together I'm broken get that as that's your name parts the Z is important oh yeah and so so everybody get into their civvies okay okay Doug goes behind a bush to change but But the bush is too tiny.

It's like one of those cartoons where it just strategically covers. How about this? I'll even help this a little bit. We are a traveling group of performers. Oh, this won't get us into trouble at all if they call our bluff. I like it.

I love your confidence, Tov. Let's approach. Let's do it. Okay, so everyone gets into their civvies and approaches the ruins up ahead. What's your marching order for this? Let's go me, me, Doug, Tov Gunther, Gigi, private parts. Okay. Just so you know, I'm not very giggy, private parts. Okay.

You say, no, I'm not very persuasive. So I don't know if you want me near the front. I can do the talking. Okay. I can do the talking. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Okay, okay. You got this.

Nattie and Doug, you both, you know, are in the front and you begin approaching this group of people in this area. It was just like Gunther described. There's a small wooden bridge. And as you get close, it seems like the entire mob of people in this area. It was just like Gunther described. There's a small wooden bridge, and as you get close, it seems like the entire mob of people all kind of take notice of you in turn

and watches you all approach. Howdy! You're not from here. That is correct. How can you tell? Your accent is totally wrong. Well, I mean, I'd use a word called different. Different?

Nattie, these people seem to be talking kind of like a little bit slow, a little bit sleepy. So maybe if we talk like that, they'll sink the form here. I think it's called code switching. Match their vibes. Kiki gets concerned and starts slapping Toad to wake him up. What are you doing here? No one ever comes to the ruins of Rayzine unless they need something.

Well then we're a first. We don't need nothing other than to pass through. Hmm, where are you going? That direction. Speaking of directions, you came from the direction of Fort Endridge. Yeah. Is that what we passed? Geez, we've been on the road for a while.

Why have you been on the road for so long? Traveling along, you know, very banded travelers, right guys? Make a deception check. Oh Blaine, you just said you're bad at deception and then you spoke up, you dummy! I'm fine, I'm fine! It's a twelve! The key to lying is to open your mouth a lot and keep talking! I don't know... I guess it's plausible.

What's your name? Cob. Well, howdy Cob. I'm Natty. And I'm Doug. Natty, Doug, and you? Any points that you told? Chooose. Then your little squishy friend?

Which one? Both. That's Gunther? That's... Gigi? Do we know what is private parts his first name no parts his name is first no it's private that's private his name is private private no oh no no he said private private parts in our first

episode I know but this is not gonna help that's a little military sound and yeah I mean sometimes people got funny names. Yeah, I've met people named like Major. Yeah, your sounds like a food. You're all right. Cobb slaps you on the back, uh, Natty. Well, I know I'm all right. You're all right.

You're all right. Oh, we're all all right, aren't we? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So what's the hubbub around here? What you guys up to? We're planning a protest. Mortallions came and destroyed Raisin, leaving us in ruins.

We need to get them to pay for the damage that they caused. Why did they destroy it? What happened? There was a battle, and they just call it collateral. Those people at Mortallion and Copia Convent, they owe us compensations and an apology. Who were they fighting? The Undarians. You really aren't from here, huh? Well, I mean, I was being a little bit more specific than that.

Like, what were they... was there a special Endarion? Or was there a reason there were Endarians here? Why do they fight anywhere? They just show up and they start breaking things. Not even caring who it affects. Yeah, that's a bummer. Be real. Were the Endarians being... attacking too?

We were hiding, trying to stay out of crossfire. It's hard to say. Were the Andarians being attacked too? We were hiding, trying to stay out of crossfire. It's hard to say. Yeah, it does sound like there should be some sort of fund set aside to kind of help people like us who are here on the sidelines of this war. He shoves a piece of paper and a writing instrument in your hands daddy. Here, you seem like you're like-minded sign our petitions Happily, I love signing things. It just feels so special when you get to sign your name. Everyone make me a perception check. Oh

rolling like Gigi's diaper today I keep rolling sixes. So I have an 11 with my modifier. 18, Nat 20 for 21. Gunther and Natty, you both noticed that Private Parks has started sweating profusely. I mean he's just like drenched now. What's with your friend? Is he sick?

He's sick. Hush, hush, hush. Don't answer. He's sick. He has. He has the great sick. Stay away from him! The great sick. Yeah, keep away!

They could be contagious. Very sick, very contagious, yeah. Okay, both of you make me deception checks. God! What's the definition of idiocy? Thirteen. Twenty! Curses. What's the definition of idiocy? Thirteen. Twenty. Curses.

I've never heard of the great sick, but it does sound bad. That's great. Get your vaccines. What does it do exactly? In detail? It is where you lose all of the liquid in your body. Yeah. And did you like start to lose your ability to speak and you like bite things? You know, Gigi over there was a perfectly normal little boy before he got the great sick.

Now look at him. He's over there just like, what's Gigi doing? Full head of hell, full head of teeth. Okay, I don't want to get the great sick. Definitely not. Yeah. And you signed the petition, Nattie. What name did you sign on it?

I signed it, uh, nutty wander. Is it wander spelled the same as wonder? No, with an A, like a wandering person. Oh. Got it. Oh, Wander, you're wandering now. You were made for this. Not only Wander are lost.

You're all right too. All right, well, you're welcome to pass through what's left of Raising. Look around if you want, keep on going. You're A-okay with Cob. Hey, that's aces with me. Thank you Cob. Do you have anybody you know named Cornon?

Cornon? Oh, that's my father. John would want to pass through and get out of here. Natty's a people person. Natty would want to say hi to some folks. Can Natty like, is there commerce or anything? Or is this like, this place is all in wreck and we should just move on?

You guys got the military discount here? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I mean, we do get 20% off. I know. I don't know from these people. Hey, Todd, before we head out, I feel like your story has hit me so hard. Is there anything we could do to help y'all, you know, like on our way?

In fact, you could. Okay, since we're rebuilding, we do need lumber. If you could help us find some. Ah. Okay. Sounds good. Sure. Why not? Yeah.

If you head over to Teehee, just south of here, there's plenty of lumber there. What is the name of this place? Where you are now? Yeah. Razine. Razine. Hey, cops fell that.

Just like it sounds. R-A-E-Z-E-E-N. Razine. Not how it sounds. Okay, and we're heading to Teehee to get lumber for y'all. Yeah. I think that's the least we could do. You'd be heroes to the people of Razine and our cause of rebuilding.

And I elbow private parts and I'm like, isn't that nice for us to do something for these people to help them out? He's like, he doesn't open his mouth, but he just starts nodding his head and big drops of sweat fall off of his forehead onto the ground in front of him. Gentle with him, he has the sickness. Is he down with it? He's nodding. Could I give Private Parts a little rub on the head to kind of wipe away his sweat

with my fake like bugbear paw? Just soak it up with your fuzzy hands? Towel hands? Sure, yeah. But almost like I'm like, oh it's okay buddy, like, yoyoyo. Yeah, your hand is now damp with Private Parts sweat. That's not a good sentence. No.

Oh, cool. sweat that's not a good sentence your hand is now damp with the sweat that was previously on his forehead I say keep that in that's funny I just got it I was because I was just thinking about yeah let's head south why not let's have an adventure yeah I think you know based on a direction trying to stay as west as possible should you southwest maybe sure I think you say T he's the hex right below us right correct. It's still we're not deviating Too far. It was the other option back right? We're just basically like Northwest down and then it's still the adjacent block correct, but can you imagine how proud I say this in private to my group? I'm about to talk about stuff that I don't want

Cob to hear can you imagine how proud sergeant steelle will be if we come back with not only intel on Andridge Bay, but also we have helped the morale of like the perception of the mortality with the locals. Based on what happened here, I would say that I don't know if Sergeant Steele kills whether or not this place is helped or not they just I don't know if they care about this kind of thing yeah we do though oh okay okay they could be a new generation of privates who care privates who care I like that yeah let's take out brutality can we just change our team from B team to that

that yeah let's take out brutality can we just change our team from b team to that south we go okay yeah you uh you pass through raisin and you know you follow the path through raisin and you see some you know dilapidated buildings and stuff that seem better days let's say some buildings that are falling apart like that scaffolding on some of them so you pass through raisin and uh continue on your way south. And after a couple of miles of walking, you start to see tree stumps begin increasing in number. You said tree stumps? Yeah, dotting either side of the trail

as you're walking through, yeah. So as if they've been demolished or cut down? Cut down, yeah, harvested. Can we hear Tim Curry singing in the distance about oil and sludge? That's a Fern Goley reference Okay, okay, I didn't know you're walking through and eventually you come to a crossroads and You see several people like dressed up with equipment who seem to be setting up some kind of camp

What are they dressed up as it seems like they're like lumberjacks? Oh, oh Okay, so they're probably lumberjacks. Oh, oh, okay. So they're probably the ones doing the trees. Do they seem to have like trees with them and they're like a pile? Carrying around in something or yeah, in a pile. You do see a pile of lumber, but it's not very large. They notice you all walking,

you don't seem to pay much attention. It seems like they're focused on harvesting trees at the moment and collecting them. Hey gang, let's have a group chat real quick, yeah? Okay, what's up? Okay, so like, we could probably use military leverage to see if we can make them give lumber to the people of Raisin. They're called Raisins? Yes, the Raisins.

What if they also hate people from immortality? We might have to just fill out the vibe. Maybe to simplify our story so that they don't tell Cob that we're military, we just stay in our civilian stuff and if it becomes advantageous to let them know we're from the military, we can reveal it. Oh, that's a good idea. All I'm saying is I don't think we have the money, but like maybe they could build a mortallion or something. Well, you're such a big strong manly man. Maybe this is your time to shine with these other alpha males that are clearly out here taming the wild.

Oh, you know, a war hammer is very similar to an axe. We have so much in common. Yeah, I can lead this guy. I can go for this. I love it. Okay. All right, Gunther and Toll take the lead. Why don't all of you roll me a perception check? 11.

That's a dirty 20. Nine. 17. Gunther and Natty, you both notice that there's a sign post here at the crossroads and you see signs and directions written on the signpost. It says North and says Ruins of Rhaezine. Then Northeast, Fort Endridge. Southeast, Foothills of Flak. South, Gulf of Kaibosh. Southwest, Trigon Mouth. And Northwest, Solassad.

As you all are looking at the signpost, it slowly begins rain. There's like a small drizzle that starts. And one other thing, Doug and Natty, you both rolled good on your perception checks. You see that there's something carved into the side of the signpost written in Elvish. Oh, who speaks Elvish?

I speak Elvish. I'm a drow. Oh. I forgot. What's it say? What does it say, Natty? I a drow. Oh, God. I forgot. What's it say? What does it say, Natty? I'll send it to you, John, so you can read it as Natty. Yeah, that's important.

Role-playing. I'm gonna have Gigi read it. All right, group, this Elvish, on this signpost, it says, these words shall root in minds that read, no rest until you plant a seed. So I guess we need to plant a seed. These words will root in mind, what was it? That read.

Sounds like to cut a tree, you must plant a tree. I mean, that just sounds like common sense. But what about our minds? Like, does it mean we have to plant something from our body or something? My mamas used to have this saying where they say readers are leaders and leaders are readers. So maybe that's what it's about. It's about read a read a dang book. Well I've done that. And you are the leader right now Natty and you did read. And I have decided

Tov will go do his manly duty. Okay can you run that poem by me one more time? These words will Shall root in minds that read, No rest until you plant a seed. Now that you're looking around, Tolv, since Nadya is tasking you with making contact with these people, as you look around, in addition to the workers who seem to be clearing the trees, you see that there is what appears to be a tent with a vendor in it nearby as well. Ooh. Could I go look at the tent?

Yeah. Maybe they have some seeds for sale. Well, I was going to see if there's a good find. Can I identify the leader or anything like that? Is there anybody that seems to be in command? Or is the vendor probably the base camp for this? You don't see anyone giving orders or anything. Everyone just seems to be milling about,

going about different tasks. Okay. Lumber milling about? Yeah, That's why I kind of like chuckle to myself. I'm going to approach just the nearest lumber guy. Spit on the ground. Boys do that all the time. Okay. And then I go, and I spit on the ground. And then I say, Hey, hey, my worst boys. Yeah. He stops and looks at you.

Hey, who's in charge around here? The deep voice with the falsetto cracks is just on point. Well, he kind of like lifts his hat and scratches his head a bit and says, I guess if you wanted to say someone was in charge, It's maybe Pi A La Mode. Okay, where can I find Pi A La Mode? I don't know she's probably out harvesting trees somewhere. Okay. She's a wood elf uh can't miss her she got curly bubble gum hair flannel petticoat. She sounds cool very stylish. Okay well

how about you like help me find her that'd'd be really cool. You know, this fellow dude, this fellow guy. And I slap him on the back. He kind of like stumbles and forward a step or two. I can. I'm I'm real busy right now. I've got to finish up my work before the day's done. Yeah, yeah, I totally hear that. Yeah, hard, hard work, hard work. OK, well, thanks for your help.

Toot-loo. TGIF. I guess I would try to go, let's go try to find Pi-alam-ay-lam-ode. A-lam-ode. I'll walk up. Could you point us in a direction? He kind of haphazardly points like further deeper

into the clearing to the west. All right, told you you had it that way? Yeah. Don't forget, I just wanted to touch back something that Barbara said is Doug. There is also a vendor with a tent and I think Doug was going to go check on that as well. So I'm going to sidebar with Doug who I assume is doing that at the same time. You walk up to the tent, Doug, and inside is a dwarf with tiny ears wearing a red necklace.

They look up at you as you walk in. Do I recognize this necklace at all? Make a wisdom check. Seventeen. It's a necklace with an enormous red eyeball attached in a glass case. Make me a reality check. Remind me what that is again? Yeah, sorry, I forgot. It's relatively new to us.

Roll a d20 and add all of your ability score modifiers. Oh, yeah. Okay, so it's a 14 plus 26, I think is the total. Okay. Yeah, there is something strange about it, which did, you know, did catch your eye in the first place, and you don't remember it, and then as you're looking at it trying to remember what it is, it just seemingly disappears from around the dwarf's neck. And that's what happened in the trial

with the horn underneath the judge's desk or something like that, right? In the lecter, not in the judge's desk. Right, sorry. The dwarf looks at you and says, My eyes are up here. Oh. Sorry, I was just looking around

and I just admire your shirt. I like the shirt you're wearing. It's a very nice color on you. It's like filthy, just covered in dirt. I like the shirt you're wearing. It's a very nice color on you. It's like filthy just covered in dirt. They look up and say, Uh, okay. So what's you got here? Well, I'm the last merchant here in Ti'i, so not much.

I do what I can to support what's left of our lumber industry. So is that what you sell? Just lumber? Yeah, I sell various things that assist in the lumber industry. Then why is this so popular here? Popular? Have you looked outside? There's not much going on. Outside of trying to find some trees, DeFel. It used to be a vibrant hub. There was lots of industry back when there were more trees, but slowly as the trees have gotten chopped down down the lumber yard went out of business.

Eurocraftspeople take this route now, and it doesn't seem like we get nearly as much traffic as we used to. What are you doing here? I'm just passing through with some friends. Friends? Oh, that's nice. Yeah, no, I agree. It's nice to have friends.

Yeah, nice way. Is there something special about your trees that you guys have here? Like why so many people would be harvesting them? Oh, you know, just, it's just lots of trees, but not as many as it used to be. Sounds really sad. Yeah, well, what can you do? Well, what do you have for sale? You know, I want to support local business. Oh, well, I've got a bag of dry wheat biscuits drizzled with honey. There's a cedar chest that's reinforced with iron and topped with a sturdy lock. And between you and me, it has a false bottom.

Perfect for storing your ill-gotten gains. And I've got some hemp rope. They point over at a carefully coiled segment of hemp rope and some chamomile tea. Wow, quite the variety. Yeah, I've got some things. Does that look familiar to the chest that we saw in the armory by any chance? No, no, uh, does not appear. Like the ones holding the artifact? Yeah, yeah, I remember I was like what chest is she talking about? Like oh the artifact one's okay, yeah. Well, I guess the Wope. Oh, I think some Wope would be coming handy. How much do you need? I have maybe like 500 feet.

How much per foot? You can have the entire 500 feet for 10 gold. So two gold for 100 feet. It looks like I have 145 gold pieces. Lord, what bank did you rob? How'd you have so much money? I think it was like a setting that I built my character. It's like how much wealth they had. Neppo baby. I. Oh, baby. I was waiting for it. How much for the 500?

Ten for the 500. Ten? Yeah. Okay, yeah. I'll take all your hemp rope. Oh, wow. Okay. It's a banner day for Boday Shpere. Here you go. What, I just put rope in my inventory? The names in this episode.

You put hemp rope if you want to be specific. Could Natty come over? Sure. Natty's ears heard someone talk about a false butt. How much for that bottom? The cedar chest, 25 gold. Wait, oh, that's what it has. The cedar chest has a false bottom.

In my head, I heard like, it was like a false butt that you put on and store things in. Well I guess if you're a certain size you can attach this chest to yourself. I like my idea better than yours. That is a good idea. I do like it. Never mind. I don't need no chest. Oh. Mine's good enough. Uh fair enough. Thank you Blaine. Never mind. I don't need no chest. Oh mine's good enough Fair enough

Thank you blame Are you two traveling together? Yeah, Oh many visitors. I'm bodhish bear. What are your names? I'm Doug. Yep. Nice to meet you Doug and I'm nutty nutty Okay, nice to meet you nutty. What are you all doing here? Is there anything I can help you with? Well, maybe, perhaps. And Doug whispers over to Nuddy, Do you think that this person might be able to help us with what's said on the signpost? Oh, it was in Elvish. I don't think a dwarf would be writing something in Elvish.

But maybe, you know what, ain't no hurting asking. Well, maybe because they live here they might know something about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask. Ask away. Um, Bodaysh? Is that what it is? Yep. I have a question for you. So I know there's like a signpost out there with like all the different directions, different like places you could go. There was something written about planting a seed. Do you happen to know anything about this?

I'm not sure. I think Pai Alamode might know a little more about that. She is an elf. Oh yeah, she's a wood elf. Yeah, she might help you with that. You know, she's missing a couple things, so if you want to get on her good side, you can help her find her missing items. I bet she'd reward you if you helped her out. What's she missing? I think she's missing a woodcutter axe and a pickaxe. It's a it's a very special pickaxe. Oh What's special about it, it's the tempest tinker it has a special name. That's a pretty good name

It's widely known in this area. What does it do? Is it like a special ability? It's very unique You'll know it when you see it. It's a bloodstone pickaxe wafting with smoke dang. All right Well, we'll keep our eye out for those you do that. It's a surefire wayaxe wafting with smoke. Dang. Alright, we'll keep our eye out for those. You do that. It's a surefire way to get on Pi's good side. Should we go find this Pi lady? Yeah. Thank you for allowing us to patronize your place.

Thank you for the business. You have a great day. Not yet. I could have sworn that I saw that person wearing like a necklace that had a wet eyeball in it. They weren't wearing a necklace that had a wet eyeball in it. They weren't wearing a necklace when I came up. I know, but I could have sworn I saw it on them. It's the weirdest thing. You know what? I saw a horn in the court room, and it was the same kind of thing where I thought I saw it,

and then it wasn't there. Huh. I'm gonna take note of these things. You do that. Alright, Tov, lead the way. As you walk out to rejoin with Tov, you see, you know, the other abandoned tents, just like Bodayesh talked about, flanking this tent and going down a little ways along the path.

He did mention he was like the last shopkeeper or something like that or last vendor. Yeah, and you all walk back up and rejoin with Tov. And Gunther. How was that conversation? Did you guys have a lot of laughs and fun with your new friend? I got hemp rope.

Gunther, this is cool. We could play like jump rope with Gigi. I like where your brain is at. It's 500 feet, in case that makes a difference. We could set like a Guinness World Record with the most people to play jump rope with, you know? I don't know, spitballing ideas. You'd do a lot of jump rope on the ship? With a lot of downtime, it gets very boring on the high seas.

Actually, I bet that'd be hard because of the rowing. You get good at it. Did you learn anything about the surrounding area? Is business good? Is business bustling? Oh, it's not not it's not good. All the wood's gone. That might be an issue for trying to acquire lumber for uh raisin. But apparently someone named there's a pile of mode. Yeah hey. Pile of mode. They might be able to help us but uh the shopkeep said that if we found no missing items,

they might be more inclined. So we could find like a wood cutting axe and also a pickaxe, specifically a tempestinkle pickaxe. Our side quest gave us a side quest. Exactly. We're already on a side quest for a side quest. It's just side quests all the way down. I'm also feeling like everywhere we go,'s gonna be like sad more problems and it's

Bummer man. I just feel like it's other little badges we can put on our chest and go. Hey sergeant steel-eye Look what we did. Look at all the things we did. Okay, so let's find those axes then, huh? Yeah, let's go. I feel like we should go talk to Pi. Yeah Well, like on the way, maybe we keep our eyes out for these pickaxes as you all are talking amongst yourselves one of the lumberjacks is walking by and Says pie. Have you seen her lately? No We were just looking for actually yeah. Yeah, I am too haven't seen her in a day or two. Oh Do you have a side quest for us I'm just trying to find pie okay the

last I heard she was missing some items she went looking for them over in the tree sanctuary oh thank you sir with pivotal information an exclamation mark them of your head is your name day use X? Is that what you're when you see her, you tell her that Yaddy needs to talk to her. Yeah. Yeah. Is that you?

That's me. I'm Yaddy. We will do that. All right. Let's go to the tree sanctuary. Or someone else talks to us and gives us more things. Eyes and ears. This was helpful for you to go in a direction.

You're acting like I'm making this more difficult. I'm trying to help you. Yeti, we're not talking to you anymore, okay? We got what we need from you. Calm it down, Yeti. Hush it up. Do you think Yeti has a friend named Laurel? No.

What? Take an inspiration die. It's a good one. I have a cat water. I don't get it. It's Yanny and Laurel. It's the sound that people- From like five or six years ago? Some people it. It's Yanny and Laurel. It's the sound. From like five or six years ago.

Some people hear Yanny, some people hear Laurel. Oh, what? Wow. That's like the blue and black dress thing. Yeah, exactly. Well, I was over a golden white dress, John. But it is, you said Yatti, right? Yatti, Y-A-D-I, Yatti.

Okay. While we walk that way, can Gunther look on the ground for seeds? Yeah, make a survival check. That's a five. I wanna use my inspiration die. I want seeds. Okay. All right, 16.

Yeah, you'll find a couple of tree seeds sprinkled amongst the tree stumps here. Okay. You walk over the direction Yaddy pointed and you find a glass house with a sign that reads tree sanctuary under construction. And then it's like a dash and presumably a name. Chaste chain. Uh, nobody throw racks.

What is a tree sanctuary? Like a greenhouse? Like a preservation? Yeah, like a temple dedicated to trees, I guess. Just go in and find out. Knock, knock! The door is just kind of loosely swinging open. to trees I guess. Just going in and find out. Knock knock! The door is just kind of loosely swinging open.

This whole building is very rickety. The whole thing kind of sways and seems like it's barely standing. Oh Shahir, you have some violations to answer for. Yeah, the door swings open and you see inside it's a cramped space with dirt floors and what appear to be a couple of tree exhibits.

Like what's in the exhibits? You walk in to take a closer look and everyone who walked in, make me a perception check. I walked in. 13, 12, 15. 12. It's a little DM tip for anyone listening. If you want your players to enter a room,

say anyone who entered a room gets to make a check and then suddenly everyone enters the room. Got us again. Dang. When you all enter the sanctuary, you all hear what appears to be some kind of mumbling. Is this like the mumbling of someone distantly talking through a wall or captured and gagged? It's the mumbling of someone beneath the sanctuary? talking through a wall or captured and gagged? It's the mumbling of someone beneath the sanctuary. Like underground?

Maybe. Are there any doors or anything or trap doors or? It's dirt ground, right? Yeah, it's dirt floors. Are we able to like hear like, they sound like they're buried or like there's a cellar or something? So I want to answer a question you had earlier, Chris,

before I get to this new one. You asked about the exhibits. So inside, like I said, it's a cramped space, no glass, dirt floors, and three tree exhibits, and there's a fountain with a sculpture. There appear to be three gardeners working around inside the room. When you look at the tree exhibits,

you see that they're different species, and they're labeled Chortle chestnut, drizzle dogwood, and hogwash hickory. And all three trees look similar to you. They each have pairs of holes in the trunk. Cool trees. And like I said, there is a fountain. It's like a central sculpture of a silver coin the size of a dinner plate etched with wind lines.

And it smells of fish and the water is still and there's a plaque on it yeah go we go up to read the plaque yeah the plaque reads sacred font of the wind trader and this is on the fountain yeah trader as in like someone who like trades or someone who okay turned against their people sacred Sacred font of the trader. Wind trader. Of the wind trader. Wind.

Gigi trades wind all the time. It's terrible. And the water is translucent and hard as a rock, but it's not ice. And there's a silver coin sculpture on a spinning swivel. And then in addition to that, there's three gardeners walking around tending to the trees and various vegetation in here

hello do you approach one of them anything else yeah i say hello to one of them have you guys seen pie one of them looks up at you and says no haven't seen pie don't know where she is and what are you gardening why that's my job i i garden here. Is this religious? Religious? What do you mean? Are these sacred trees in some way? Uh, well it's an exhibit. You got your trotter chestnut, your drizzle dogwood, and your hogwash hickory. What is the purpose of this exhibit?

What are you showing? The different trees that grow here. It's the tree sanctuary. That's what we do, to preserve the trees. What are your feelings with the people who cut down on the trees? Well, it's all part of the cycle. We grow the trees, people cut the trees and use the trees,

and we grow more trees. But there are not enough trees. No, we gotta grow more. We need to get busy. That's why I'm here. How do you grow more trees besides these three? Seeds. Do you have more seeds?

He kind of like pats at his pockets and looks around and says, no, got there, holds out his seeds. Oh, thank you. He pulls them, grabs them out of your hands and like sticks them into his pockets. Anyone else? Do you guys, am I going like cuckoo in the head or does anybody else here mumbling under the floor?

Gardener? Mumbling under the floor? Yeah. That's where a tree's roots are. Great. Do you have a subterranean level of this tree sanctuary? No, only the trees do. Okay.

The root level. God, you do. Do any of the trees make noise? I know that sounds crazy talk, but like I swear I hear mumbling Mumbling the gardener gets down on the ground. It puts his ear to the dirt. I don't hear anything right, okay I'm going crazy. I heard it too. I heard it too Who was person from our group who actually heard the mumbling? I think we all had the same perception I think yeah, you all rolled well enough to hear it. It, so say that I take a pickaxe or a shovel and I dig straight down from where I'm standing.

There's nothing below me that you know of. Just dirt and roots. Can I see if they're being honest with us? You can make a vibe check, insight check. Can I do the same? Yeah, go for it. It's an 18. That's a 9.

Yeah, this is just some dumb gardener told. You have no idea what he's a nine. Yeah, this is just some dumb gardener told. You have no idea what he's on about. Oh, Gunther, you think that this person is not being forthright with you? Who could have seen that coming? You think there's something not right? Like he's not behaving the way you would expect he would. Can Gunther go up to the tree and... You tell me the truth or I kill the tree oh make me a

perception check Gunther 15 as you know you look to the tree like you're gonna harm it you notice that the two holes that are in the trunk have eyes peering out of them watching you oh does it seem like the trees are in control here is that the vibe or that there there might... they're hollowed out fake trees. And this is a secret base. Might be Undarians. Who's in charge here? The gardener looks around nervously, and as he does so,

a green-skinned devil about the size of a house cat pops out of the tree. Begins flying around, and out of each of the trees, another fiend bursts out and begins swarming circling around you and your friends Gunther. I knew it wasn't crazy. The gardeners look at each other and say they know get him! Oh, remember they were those reports of people saying that others were like mimics. Everyone go and roll initiative. Oh yeah, but that was in Endridge Bay. Bay. Six. And we will find out what those initiative roles are on the next episode of Tales from

the Stinky Dragon. You don't know. 21. Shut up. No, no, I'm writing them down. 21, six. I got a 14 for Doug and a 20 for 12. Awesome.

All right. So no matter what happens in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon, Maddie is going last. That's fine. All right. Tune in next time to find out what happens in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon, Nattie is going last. That's fine. Alright, tune in next time to find out what happens for the party. Farewell. The trees have eyes. Hey, pointer, pro tip, watch out for your trees.

Okay, there might be little Unarians in them. Thanks George of the Jungle. If you're listening to this, go chop down a tree. Quickly do it. I'll chop down that tree. Do it before it gets you. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel.

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This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger, and additional editing work by Katherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from a Stinky Dragon.