Tales from the Stinky Dragon - C03 - Ep. 40 - Under Oondar Fire - Caught Off Vanguard

Episode Date: April 1, 2026

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Rake up your roots and roost your ne' Four fosters friends and close your quest To find your path first, Where flowers blue Times of Cah Cibor remix! What's up, mother? Bow and arrowers

This the cyborg verse. And I'm here to say, I shoot a bow and arrow like it's my job every day. Give me that, Mike. What is happening? I don't know. Give me that. I don't know.

This is my... Khyborg? You're not even in here. I know. It's not my campaign. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Chelsea with Stinky Dragon this year, dungeon master Gustavo Sorolla.

I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Wee. It's kind of too cold for arrows. They kind of sting more. Could we just like try something a little softer? Like a pillow? Flaming arrow. A Nerf dart, perhaps?

A Nerf dart. That'd be nice. Killify. Quick, make up an acronym for Nerf instead. Good job. Improv. Let's go. Yeah, roll the D20. Oh, right. 20. Five. Six. 14.

So go, 20. That's... Blaine, Chris, Barb John. That's exactly it. The question this episode is... Oh, well, actually, it's more of a statement slash question. So you guys, since our previous episode, the part you all have moved up to level eight. That's two levels. So we want you to explain your character's new capabilities in world.

You know, how have you been training? What have you been learning? What skills did you acquire? Just give us a little amuse-boosh of what's been going on. It still makes me laugh. Stupid. Hello, I'm Blaine, and I play, oh, I sit then check. I'm just kidding.

I was like you started a little BORADD either Oh That's her tavern tale We're recording that also And I'm having a photo with that It should be out by now I think Is it? Is it?

Yes, you're listening and you haven't already You should go check it out Season two And I play Tov you who it's me And oh wow So much growth Both from a physical fighting prowess level

And on a character level I've matured so so much I guess real quick meta talk I, with my level 8, have gotten advantage on initiative roles. Okay. I also can't be like surprise attacked as long as I'm not like incapacitated so I can just act normally, which I think is great. Okay.

And then with my level 8 ability, I have a new feat called the savage attacker. And I basically can re-roll damage dice. So in my mind, you know, Tov has been still shaking off the rusk from being at the bottom of the sea and he's lost his combat prowess. So he's kind of been doing like Conan the barbarian training montages on a free time. Okay. And, you know, swinging his axe around, flexing his muscles that are actually, you know, robot stuff on under skin. That's not his own.

Either way, he needs to get oiled up. Yes. And are you talking in Toll's voice but in the third person? Toll talks in the third person sometimes. Yeah, how old is it for us to talking in third person? Doug Boone never talks in a drug person. But it wasn't even like, I don't know if that's like fourth person who's like he does this. And I'm like, yeah, he's talking metatoc as Blaine's, but speaking as Toll, talking about Toll.

One time we had to do talking head interviews for production forever ago and it broke my brain having to talk in the past, present. Yeah, that. But anyways, yeah, no, he's just been like practicing a lot. I think with like the damage strikes and stuff like that in particular, like I'm imagining like a bullet time thing. where like maybe he makes a strike, but he makes like some small like Sherlock Holmes type adjustments to make it like the perfect hit. I see.

So it's not like time manipulation, but it's like hyper-processing. I almost think like tiny servos that adjust the exact angle of the blade and whatnot for like maximum damage on impact. Yeah, whatever nerd. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm gonna try out the thing with Toll of where like you go up

and you push the robot really hard and you see if it can like, it can stabilize itself. You know? Boston Dynamics thing. Yeah, just kick him with a hockey stick. I do have a question about Toll's makeup now that I'm thinking about it. Yes.

Are the muscles that you have on your body like from your robot infrastructure or from like the skin? Like are the muscles included in your skin suit? I think it's like the skin. And I think we've talked about it a little bit. His biology is weird. But I think it just kind of like tethers to the Bjorn skin and like just kind of adjusts in size and in shape. Very futuristic. He's just stuffing chicken breasts under his skin.

Yeah, Bar and his rig. Tov has implants. Just letting you know. Yes. Hey, I'm not shaman. You go, girl. Okay, cool. That's a lot, Toll.

I'm curious to see how these play out. Because I think there's some very powerful things that you have picked up there. Yes. Okay. I believe next up was Chris Damaris. Hi, I'm Krista Maris. And I play Gunther, the Krogfolk Fighter. And I shall tell you what I have learned.

First of all, I can know my opinion. opponent very good now. I can study them and learn everything that they have known. Everything? Well, I know if they're better than me or stronger than me or weaker than me. I have also learned new fighting techniques where I can trip and I can throw and I can crow.

You can trip or you can trip someone else. I can trip people. Really? Trip attack. Trip attack. Oh. Is that like a bonus? It's a maneuver like sort of with my little priority dye and I can like knock them down.

It goes with an attack, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, when I hit with an attack. Yeah, it's like a modified attack where this attack, I'm going to hit them and they're going to fall over. That's handy. And then I also got, I learned some, like, I got a stronger streak now. There's no longer negative. Stronger what? Stronger streaks?

Strength. Oh, strengths. Oh, oh, oh. I had strengths too. No longer have negative strength. You had negative strength as a fighter? Yeah. Yeah.

because he's decks built. Oh. It makes sense. He's a little foggy. I'm just a little guy. I love that. Come find me. And I got the shield mast.

I'm getting better with my shield. I can be people with it. You could hit people with your shield. Is that like a bonus or is that like an unarmed kind of attack? It's like a feat. Can you combine it and trip people with your shield? Swipe. It does.

Yeah. And now I'm looking at it. Now I'm saying this aloud. I'm like, maybe I should have picked a different trip. Because they're kind of repetitive. No, no. I was like, commit, commit. It's great.

I get two chances. I mean, that's what happens when you upgrade five minutes before the recording. I did. No, I did it. I did it the other night, but I was sleepy. That's full Chris talking. So, metagame-wise, like, what does Gunther do to acquire these skills? Oh, do you see, I've been.

I've been thinking a lot about, I've been watching with my eyes and saying, look with them. What could they be doing? And then I go and fight. And then I say, oh, I was right or wrong. And then I learned from that. I studied how to study. And that's how I can survey people.

And then also I've been practicing just blocking and hitting with my shield and throwing things. It has been fighting. I even sometimes sneak up onto over and I go, ha, ha, ha. And I attack. But he cannot be surprised by me. Ha! Yes, I have advantage on the initiatives that I cannot.

be surprised attacked, so we are... It never works. No, but we have fun here at camp. It keeps Nadie awake, but we still have fun. I go hot. For the older audience, it's a very, like, Inspector Clouseau, Cato kind of a relationship going on there. I love that relationship.

I've been watching the old Pink Panther movies, and it's just so great. The first time they introduced Cato into the movie series, and he's just really determined to attack Cluceau at the worst possible... It's so good. It's such a dumb movie. I love them. Classic. Classic.

All right. Is that all of your stuff, Gunther? Yeah, it's enough. Okay, it's enough. All right. I don't remember who was next. I believe Barbara, you were next? Yes.

Hello, everyone. I'm Barbara. Don Clement and I play Doug Boone, the artificial bug bear. And I, actually, the other night, the veiled eye, came to me in a dream. and he showed me things, he reminded me of things, and, you know, it made me a skill expert.

Ooh. Yes, skill experts, specifically in insight, history, and I got to increase my intelligence a little bit, even though, you know, I know what you guys are thinking, Doug, isn't your intelligence at the maximum amount it could possibly be? And for that, I say thank you, but no, always more to learn. Dog, you misread this. It says you're a kill expert.

I could never. An S-kill expert. That's S-level tier. Wow. So yes, metagame-wise, I took a feat called skill expert, where I gain an ability score increase, which I chose intelligence. And then skill proficiency, you gain proficiency in one skill of my choice.

And expertise, you choose one skill in which you have proficiency, but lack expertise. You gain expertise with that skill. So I chose insight, history, and intelligence score increase. That's handy for this campaign because I feel like we keep making those roles. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I also got another cool ability with my leveling up called Flash of Genius. Ooh.

For this, it's when you or another creature you can see within 30 feet of you makes an ability check or a saving throw. I could use my reaction to add plus four to that role. Dang. So if I could see you, I could have a flash of genius to help you. Barbara, I got to say this is really good. Can you imagine if you'd done like trip twice, how silly that would have been? No reaction from Chris on that one. I was reading up about my shield bashing.

Sorry. Instead of listening to us. Sorry. Did he really equip some version of trip twice? I feel like you would like pan over to Gunther, and instead of shield back, he'd be like kit bashing. He'd have like multiple like mech. Gundels that he'd be putting together,

trying to make something cool out of him. Like, no, Gutter, put that away. Also, my Flash of Genius, I could use it four times per long rest. Wow. Oh. Yes. And that's a feat? No, that's just something I get with my reactions for, I think, level eight.

That seems. Probably a trait then. Yeah. That seems broken. That seems super powerful. Oh, yeah. starting at seventh level. So I guess I got it,

would have gotten at seven. You're lucky. Just dropped. So yeah, you gained the ability to come up with solutions under pressure. When you or another creature

you could see within 30 feet makes an ability or saving throw, you can use your reaction to add my intelligence modifier, which is plus four, to the role. Wow. So we got two of our party

that have added processing speed to themselves. Yes, more RAM. It's very hard to come by these days. Yeah, I considered that. I saw that was added

at my level. And I was like, let me make sure I increase my intelligence score if I can. So that I have even more to you. Because before I was like, why would you upgrade your intelligence if it's already so high? But now it's like, you're like, every brain powers. Wow. That's great. So good.

All right, Natty, tell us how you became a more proficient killer. S killer. Hello, everybody. I'm John Rice here. And I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow, warlock drag queen mother. And I don't think I necessarily got anything. with our training time that helps me become a better killer. I'm just already so good at that.

I don't need to improve it. But what I can improve is I've kind of worked on two routes of my being to become better, but they kind of meet at the end. The first is that I've upgraded as a mom. I always thought, you know, dang, my mom is, they see everything. They almost got eyes in the back of their heads. I didn't know that was a thing that you got as a mom eventually, the more that you, like, raised your young-ins.

And I now have the ability to see through stuff. I can see through walls. Whoa. I can see through, you know, the floor, the ceiling, a rock, you name it. Lead? Oh, it says no lead. Just kidding. I was going to say all buildings from now on are made of,

Complete lead. No, and so meta-wise, Natty has ghostly gaze, which I loved partly because it says gaze. Once for short rest, as an action, you gain the ability to see through solid objects with dark vision. So that's like basically gray, black and white, to a range of 30 feet for one minute. I feel like ghostly gaze is the phrase that perfectly encapsulates the majority of your D&D characters. Yeah. I was like ghostly gays, isn't that just Matisse?

Yeah. And so that helps me be a better mama. And I've actually, I've grown closer with my wife who, uh, yes, I said that. What's you giggling over there?

You want to share with the class? I just said my wife. Nothing. How many fingers am I holding up behind my back? I'm not spending it right now. Oh. And so with that, I feel like with my like

communion with her being a god and stuff, I've become more favored in that kind of area. And with that, I've kind of grown, she's kind of bestowed upon me some more things to help me be, you know, a better custodian of the Harbinger of the apocalypse. Most excellent. So, it's so funny, y'all got better at processing stuff and like making decisions better and and kind of examining things better, except for Gunther, who now just trips with his shield.

I now, you know, this is something that every mama wants. You think you're all going to agree with me. I just need a moment to think, right? I literally have an ability called moment to think. Whoa. It's a can trip.

When you cast this spell, you briefly stop time for everyone but yourself. Wow. You can take one additional, action and move around in your space while no time passes for other creatures, that action can be used only to take the search, study, or utilize action.

So it's not like a go hit somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not that broken. But it's like, do you need a second to think or to move or to check out something or look up, look at something up close? So anytime Gustavo pulls out one of those, all right, you got 60 seconds to do this.

And he's actually timing us. I'm like, they're going to study for a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Just do that's so raven thing. where you're like, It's the future I could see. Yeah, can't affect or damage any creatures or objects other than objects I'm wearing or caring. If an object leaves my hand,

it also becomes frozen in time. So that's cool. Oh. And so, yeah, that's just a bonus action. I get to pull every once in a while. It's a cantrip. So I can do it a lot. Yeah, I was going to say can'trip.

You can do that whenever you want, pretty much, right? Wow. Got some really good upgrades on the team and Gunther. It doesn't end there. because of my divine favor, I also can commune with my wife on a more regular basis.

Isn't that so nice? How lovely. Yeah, I actually have something called ancestral communion. It's a concentration spell and I invoke the wisdom of my ancestors to gain insight into my trials.

When I cast the spell and at the start of each of my turns for the duration, I gain heroic inspiration if I don't already have it. So it's kind of like a buffer or a buff that I can pull and then during the combat I get heroic inspiration

which is basically like a lucky role. It's interesting that something having to do with communing with your ancestors allows you to commune with your wife. I don't realize daddy was from Mississippi. I'll have you know, Gustavo, that my ancestors have been communing with the god of death for a very long time.

We've always been fans of her. So she's robbing the cradles, what you're saying? No. I mean, I guess any guy to dating Immortal will be like really dating someone younger than you, but I'm old enough. I'm a big girl. That's true. And then one more thing comes with this.

Wow. Wait, there's more. Yeah. It's a feat. It's a warlock feat is what I think. Jam, wow. But this one's another, like, it's kind of similar. I have augury, which is kind of like a divination that you can do where it's fun.

This is something you have to help me with Gus. Here's what's funny. It says, by casting gem inlaid sticks or rolling dragon, bones, laying out ornate cards. I thought when it said that, I thought it said when laying out ornate candies, and I thought that sounded even more fun. I can employ, blah, blah, blah. You can, uh, and, and ask the, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

to give me guidance on something that I'm going to make a decision on the next 30 minutes. And then, Gus, you have four options that you can respond with. They sound like severance things. One is, uh, wheel, W-A-E-A-L for good results. Woe for bad results Wheel and Woe for like Come See, Kamsa and nothing for results

that aren't especially good or bad Yeah, I think you all used Augury once in Campaign 2 if I'm remembering right Yeah It's real fast to circle back on the X-ray vision thing That's always interesting to me Because I was wonder like when does it stop If there's someone just on the other side of a wall

You're looking through, are you looking through them too? Is it like a depth of feel thing Where you like focus in where you know exactly Within the 30 feet that X-ray vision stops? Yeah, I mean, I think that's something that, like, John, the comic book reader has always seen artists depict as that, like, those who have that ability, it's kind of like a focus. Kind of like how I'll focus on something further away. It's kind of the same thing, and that can adjust how far you're seeing through. But whenever she uses it, she goes very cross-eyed. It's quite funny. Yeah, yeah.

That's why she wears the sunglasses. Private Mark Book runs up to you, Gunther, salutes, and asks, What are your orders, sir? Defend it all costs. Do not let them in. Defend it all costs. Understood. We'll take care of it, sir.

They are coming. And as he turns to scramble away to defend the walls, the sky cracks with lightning and thunder. A downpour of rain begins to fall, but not of water, of blood. You turn back to look for Mark Book, but he's gone. One after another, the soldiers are being snatched into the sky

as if by invisible streams, screaming as they disappear behind blood-soaked clouds. A realization falls on all of you. Every soldier now snatched into the sky was human. You find yourselves hilariously outmatched, and the Undarmy is nearly on your doorstep. So you all are standing there on the ramparts at Fort Meadow watching the Undarian vanguard approach.

All four of you make me a perception check. You've got it. What's a vanguard? It's like the, you say like the tip of the spear, the very like forward positions of an attacking army. Okay. I thought it was something like that, but, you know, if you don't know, ask questions.

15. 21. 9. It's also an SUV made by Toyota, but, you know. I'm sorry, I was so busy trying to remember who made that. Perception. Thank you, Barbara. One step ahead.

That's lifelong friend. 15. I got you. So, yeah, I would say everyone except Natty. Natty, you're just like awestruck watching the Vanguard approach, which thank you for asking. You know, our listeners might not know what a vanguard is too. So it's good to ask questions.

Anyway, Natty is so awestruck watching the vanguard approach that she does not hear the rumbling coming from behind her. The other three of you, however, hear a rumbling noise within Fort Mito itself. Giggy, he's hungry. It almost sounds like a rumbling sound followed by loud thumps and the sound of like stone scraping against stone. Are we getting, we got, sorry, I don't know. Hey, you guys, look at that vanguard.

They got nice outfits. They're, they're looking at them all matching and clean. Hey, did anybody else hear anything and want to talk about it? Can we look behind the other side and is it coming from below us or behind us? Yeah, like behind and below, like in the courtyard of the fort. Can we go look? You turn around and look and as you turn around, you see what appears to be a large marble statue

walking out of the keep into the courtyard of Fort Meadow. Oh. I, Bloodbader. Oh my God. Bloodbather children is humans. Pure, sweet. I rescue children from mortality. Now safe with Bloodbather in Hira.

They stay with bloodbather till Dum Dum War over. And with that, the statue turns around and walks back into the key. I do. Did anyone else see that? I thought I was the only one who saw that, but you guys saw that too? I thought you sometimes before you die, you see your life flash, but sometimes you're like, this isn't even my life. This is just a weird statue man talking.

I mean, I feel like we've seen a lot of weird stuff lately, so it's just, I guess, add it to the pile. So the static, I'm so sorry. I was thinking of like how this is this season Smartian. What was that, Jim Glurb? What was that guy named? The, the, from the season two? Can't be the, Jim Glurb?

Jim Glurb. That was his name, right? It was the, I think it was the, the gems of glerb arc. Yeah, there was like the big crystal man. Anyways, I didn't hear a word that this guy said. He said he was here to help us and he's going to protect the fort. Yes. He's going to protect the children?

Totally. Okay. All right, did he go? Could we go talk to him? Can we go hang out? Yeah. He went back into the keep. Can we go hang?

Chill? I'm going to hang out with that, dude. So he came out, he's like, I'm here to help. And then he leaves? I'll repeat what he said. Okay, thank you. Just to be safe. I, bloodbader.

Bloodbather children is humans. Pure, sweet. I rescue children from Mortallian. Now safe with Bloodbather and Ira. They stay with Bloodbather till Dum Dum War over. Okay. So he raptured the humans. Yes.

He's saying that like his children are the humans and that he's going to protect them. And they're in Hira. Okay. Or rescue them from the Mortallion. Do we count us? When we say humans, he's referring to us? No. You're not a human.

Is a frog a human? Or humanoid. Yeah, you're not a human. Okay. All right. Well, you know, it's a weird thing in D.D. Because it's like, no, it's not. There's an actual race called humans.

No, but you know, humanoid. Humanoid is just like a general broad classification. You know, you're walking up. right, two arms, two legs. It's just for like combat classification purposes. Two belly buttons, completely normal. Normal stuff. And did he mean humanoids or actual, like specifically humans?

I mean human humans, because those were the guys that disappeared when this stuff went down. Correct. Which, you know, color me surprised, because I just thought you were one very hairy human, but I guess you're not. What do you refer to yourself as a bug bed? Are you talking to me? Yes, yes. Oh. Yeah, a bug bear.

Definitely not human. Bugbear. Okay, okay. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, you're being shot with arrows again. Do I have to be hit with the airs as well? Because I was just waiting for them to stop talking. I'm just messing.

17. Dirty 20. 7. 15's the number you're looking for. So everyone except Doug succeeds. With that, a. Doug the human. A volley of.

of arrows lands in the fork all around you, piercing you. If you saved on your, say, if you made the save, I should say, you take 11 points of piercing damage. Doug, however, for failing, you take 22 points of piercing damage. It seems like all the arrows have little pieces of paper tied to them. Oh.

Are they all questions for us from the audience? Hell. Take an inspiration, Doc. That's really good. Barb's on fire. Barb's on fire today. Could Doug pop one out of him and read the one of the what the paper says? I'm a slack if you, Barbara.

That one smarted. All right, this one says, uh-oh, guys, this says, Time's up! O'Darion, Overlord and Sunslayer, Infidence. Wow, they really, they have a nice signature on this. Maybe there's not every single arrow, that is such a waste of time. Yeah, did he, like, copy all of these? Do they have, like, a team?

Or did she just sit right every... I mean, there must be thousands of them. Ah, yes. Let me check this one. Yeah, yours says the exact same thing, Gunther. I wonder about this one, sir. Let me check this one here. Nattie would like a moment to think.

Okay, but I found one that has a typo. This one says Tim's up, and that's very embarrassing. Boy, is Tim. Are you stopping time to have your moment to think, Natty? Yes. Okay. Time pause. Time pause.

Time pause. Time pause. What is Zach Morris? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is just like, this is for everyone's benefit just to re, to kind of like, Nettie's going to take this time to map out like what we're looking at here in its entirety. Uh-huh. So we're at the keep or we're at the ramparts ahead of the keep.

Correct. That surround the keep. Surround the keep. Or block it off. And then in front of us is the entire. or what seems to be the entire Undarian army. And do we see Infernes with the Vanguard? No.

You see the vanguard is about, let's say more or less about 50 Undarians. Also, I just want to make sure, Infernes is referring to herself as both the Undarian Overlord and Sunslayer, correct? It's not two different people. Okay. At first I was like, is this two different? It's like your little extra titles, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And then the marble dude, he came out and went back into the keep. And so it's just the four of us plus our kuterman of NPCs and stuff. And moosbush. Hanging out here on the ramparts. Correct. There are a few non-human mortalian soldiers left within the fort as well.

Oh. Okay. Then I'm going to do another thing because, and this is again for the benefit of everybody, can I do augury? Yes. Look at you, putting all your abilities to use immediately. Well, we're like at a crossroads. So I'm like, well, let me think for a second. And then let me get some advice on what we should do.

Did he call me ugly? Do you know that's ugly? No, odd. All right. Natty takes some bones. Dem bones. From the bag of bones she keeps for Giggy to chew on all the time. Put some on the ground and asks, is this a battle we should fight or not?

So you're asking, is this a battle we should fight or not? Was that your wording? Yeah, maybe since the results are either good results, bad results, or both good and bad. What's going to happen if we try to fight? How about that? That helped you out, Gus? Yeah.

Like, are we going to, like, should we try to flee versus fight? Yeah. And so it's that thing when you throw the bones down, they form a shape and then you can glean some sort of message from it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this one just makes a skull. I don't know, that's good or bad. It's also, he's during a school.

Yeah, I mean, I'm so confused. This one's that cool S symbol that I used to write to my journal back during basic training. Stop it. We can't make Stozy references in every campaign of the show. Just watch us, John. Oh, can we? You toss the bones onto the ground and cast Ogrey. And looking at the bones, when they land on the ground, they almost, to your eye, appear to form a skull kind of shape on the ground. Oh.

And just... Which you interpret and you know as meaning whoa. Whoa. Okay. Like, whoa. Yeah. Time in so I can talk to my teammates. You dropped their skull.

There's all these bones on the ground. Someone they did you to clean this mess up. Hey, I got a little insight. This ain't a fight we should do, okay? I know it's kind of obvious since seeing us how it's just like basically us versus all the Indarians. Uh-huh. So, yeah, either we go into the keep or we go even further and just get out of here. out of here because I...

Everyone, retreat to the keep and go talk to the big stone man. There is also just to make sure you're aware of all your options, I should say. You know, you can of course go in the keep if you want. You could try to escape somehow, whether that's going in a direction, maybe escaping to the canyon or back in the direction you came from. I like that. You could try to bulldoze through, try to push your way through and see if you can break the Vanguard charge in order to escape on the other. side. I mean, it's really up to you guys. Yeah. My vote

is we get out of here. Who's team leader? I guess I am, I think. Let us go talk to the bloodbader real quick just to see what's up with him. Okay. Okay. So we'd be going, he went into the temple. He went back into the keep. The keep. But you do, but that is a good note. You do

know, you remember, in the previous episode that there is a temple to the blood bay there inside the keep. I'm sure that's what you said that. Right. Probably hanging out in there. I'll have that written down. All right, let's go. Let's go. All right. You walk back into the keep and you find the temple, which you know is referred to as the basilica of the bloodbather. And you see bronze armor pieces and weapons that mask and mend a derelict stone temple, which is in the center of the fort in the keep. Inside, you see that there are inner walls painted red.

Or is it blood? It seems like there were a few rooms in here that served as triage for wounded soldiers. And there's a muscular marble statue of a bronze armor. which is the statue that went out and spoke a little while ago. There's a red-bronge shield that hangs on the wall. Is this like his size shield or like our size shield? It's a pretty big shield. Well, looking at it, you see...

His scale? Yeah, it's hanging on the wall. It's painted red. There's ruins on it. They look like W.B. Hmm. Interesting. No, no.

And it seems like it's been used. You know, it's not maybe not just an art piece. It appears like it's actually been used in combat. Hmm. The Bloodbather statue that's there, is it still animated? Oh, yeah. No, it is unmoving. It is a muscular marble statue of a man dressed in bronze armor,

wielding a bronze sword, and it drips with blood. But that's not the one we saw before? It is the same one. It is the same one. He's just not animated anymore. He woke up, said, hey, I'm taking all the humans, but none of you other guys, because I'm xenophobic, and then he just went back and he went back to sleep.

Okay, maybe he's not as cool as we thought. No. Maybe we should. shave dog to look like a human, and then we convince him that he's, he missed one. If this is... If you guys have ever seen, all right, have you ever seen a bear when you shave it? Yeah, they look weird. I've never seen this up.

Google it. Okay, all right, I'm going to pull up the Google. Don't ask me why I know this. I'm telling you, you don't want it. In here in the basilica, there appears to be one bishop remaining who's walking around, tending to some of the wounded wounded non-human soldiers who are still here. Is he walking in only diagonal lines?

Nice, nice. That's a chest joke. It's an intelligent podcast. Do you have a question about this. You said his sword was dripping with blood. Yes. Do we see anyone wounded around here that may have been injured by him and his sword?

It seems like there are some injured soldiers, but it doesn't seem necessarily like they're freshly injured. I think it's a feature. Yeah, like the entire statue as a whole is dripping blood, not just the sword, but yeah, the sword is also. It's if I had to take a guess, it was probably like a ritual thing where they have to give blood to him. He's called the blood bather, so maybe he's just, yeah, always needing to be bathed in blood. Yeah, they're like paying tribute or whatever. Boy, would this be a fun room for a different character?

Yeah, Chip would love this. Can I approach the bishop? Sure. 12 to B-10 It's a chest joke Hey you Can we summon this guy or is he like Taken as Natty calls it Nannis

This bishop is a half dwarf with brown hair He's kind of bow-legged wearing a bronze breastplate And he's got a bronze sword at his side And much like the statue His skin is also covered in blood or red paint I don't know it's kind of weird And so you approach it.

him and ask your question, Toll. And what was your question again? I'm sorry, I was too busy looking at him. If, no, you're good. If we can summon the bloodbather, bring him back, or is he just, like, back to being out of it? Bro, I don't know. That was really weird.

Okay, okay. Have you ever seen him do that before? No. Why are you covered in blood? This is the basilica of the bloodbather. Why does it sound like you have a jolly rancher in your mouth? Bro, you want one? You holding back on us?

I've got watermelon. Oh, pass. I think we need to sneak past. Maybe we decorate ourselves like bad guys and sneak. Why do we need to disguise ourselves? Oh, because we need to continue going past them. I guess. And they're all in the way.

Gunther's saying it's a dead end with the blood bailer, so we have to get out of the fort. Yes. Got it. I think we could probably, I think we could probably skiddle out of here without having to make ourselves look like in Darians and we just be sneaky.

Mm-hmm. Because we can go to the canyon. I think so, too. I think I am in agreement. I think that, you know, the fort is lost. Fortunately... A fort is lost? Abandon your post!

Okay, let's calm down. Let's have some calm now. Are the officers abandoning us? They are... You? No. Yes and no. We're going to make a strategic retreat.

The humans are safe because the bloodbather took care of them. So we're going to get the non-humans. And I believe we should get them to retreat with us and maybe protect them so that we do not lose more forces. Is there any sort of information in this temple about the history of the bloodbather? The temple itself seems pretty... There's an audio tour. You can do it in about three hours.

I'm picturing like the plaques in front of the statue. Brother of the mud baither. Oh, interesting. Oh, there's a button here in front of the statue, and he moves when you push it. Established in 1845, the bloodbather temple. There's not much to this temple itself. You did hear some legends previously. I'll tell you what, Doug, since you're looking around trying to see if there's anything more to this basilica,

why don't you make me an investigation check just to see if there's anything else? Sure. And just while you're doing that, just as an overview, there is, you know, this. statue, there's that shield which was on the wall, and there's also that triage area with cots that seem to be for wounded combatants, wounded members of the Mortallion.

I'm going to use my inspiration night because I rolled it two. All right, cool, that's better. 20. Oh, nice. 20. Yeah, you look around and there's really not much else. However, you do notice that under the statue, there seems to be some type of emblem on the ground. Could I look at the emblem?

It's only partially visible. Okay. You might have to like... Because he's standing on it. Right. You might have to, like, shove the statue or find a way to look under it. All right. Mr. Blood Bay, though, I apologize. If you're still in there, I'm going to have to just mosey on over here.

And I think he would, like, wiggle his way over to the emblem and stand on it. Okay. Or push the statue, you mean? So you can see the emblem? Yeah. It's pretty heavy. I won't make you go through the checks because we'll just end up keep rolling until it works. But, uh...

Listen, if Link can do this in Dungeons, Bug Bears can do this in Dungeons. Yeah, it's a really heavy statue. It takes a lot of effort, and you probably have to involve some of your friends. But you're able to move the statue a little bit, and, you know, it just, it does scrape the ground a bit and leave a little bit of scoring. It's a very animal crossing-esque moment. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

However, you see that there was an emblem beneath the statue that was being obscured, and it's a starry eye. Oh, like the veiled eye? Yeah, it's the symbol of the veiled eye. That's weird. I mean, it isn't and isn't because I think the veiled eye was the one who told us to come to Meadow Canyon. Maybe this was like his place before the blood people took over. Oh, it's very possible. Yeah, that was something where it's like there was like some sort of disruption and then all of the gods kind of got messed up in their lore.

So then they started taking them literally. So like maybe the bloodbather is one of those. I don't know. Oh, yes. I'll tell you, I'm going to interrupt you for a second. John, give yourself an inspiration done. Well, thank you. I'll take one, too.

Why? Why? Yeah. What's he getting the inspiration die for? So there's some good, uh, some good thinking going on by John there. What did John say? I would, say it again. No, pay listening.

Pay attention. I was, what are you going to say, Chris? I was paying attention, but I say it again because everyone was talking at once. He said maybe this was the veiled eyes temple, but it got misappropriated to the blood bay there. Oh, okay. So, uh, Natty wants to go over and, uh, Can Nadi pull the shield, see if it comes off the wall? Yeah.

You, you know, you give the shield a bit of a pull, and it's not, like, super fixed. You know, you wouldn't say it was glued to the wall. It's like hanging on some hooks on the wall. So it's actually pretty easy to pull off. Yeah. Yeah. You're able to, you know, pull it off of the wall. And the bishop goes, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Hey, who's the superior officer? Okay. Uh, all right. Wait, wait, why, why, you said that kind of in like a warning way? Why shouldn't I do it? Is it because you do, is it like a feng shui thing or is it like, hey, that's not yours? Well, it's a temple. Okay, okay, I pull it off.

Is there anything on the wall or underneath the shield or anything like that? I'm looking for stuff. I'll tell you what. Make me... Tell me what. Make me an, let's call it a religion check. Oh, I'm actually proficient in that. I finally get to use that.

Dirty 20. Okay. You don't see anything physical, right? There's nothing like hidden behind the shield. There's nothing written on the back of the shield. However, you feel like this shield is imbued with some kind of magic, some kind of, like, almost like a blood magic, question mark? Blood magic. Scale to Natty? Is this like, Natty could hold this or Natty could sleep under this? You could sleep under it. Okay. It's not super. Let's say it's Natty sized. Okay. Well, I don't really use a... Hey, Tov. Yeah.

I know you got a special shield that, like, glows up when you see your kin. Yeah, sure do. Do you want to hold on to another one? Like, I'm just like Mr. Shield now, like Captain Shield. Captain Shield. It's Shield Man for Mega Man. Actually, I'm going to go over to the bishop. And I'm like, all right, what's...

Was this the bloodbathers? Is this his? Well, Regen says... Are you Scooby, dude? What? Who's regent? Slight Scooby-Doo voice. Rasky inserts ours into words. E.G. Rutt-Roe.

Okay. I guess it's the first time we picked up on that. Okay. Okay. So this is the bloodbathers. Can we, I, as the Superior Officer, would like to borrow this. Well, you're the boss. And he salutes you.

Okay. I like this. Powerful. Doug has some power. Well, okay. That he does. I'm just. Did Doug tell us about Doug's like little moment with the veiled eye?

I would think so, yeah. That wasn't one collective thing that was just Doug. Oh, that's a good question. That's something I didn't write down if that was just me. I think, yeah, with the veiled eye and maestro and pharynx and stuff like that, that was everybody, right? Or was that just me and Doug? Because we were outside with the tarot. That was all four of it.

No, because we went and joined you. Okay, okay, cool. Right. Well, you two were walking through the, or the other two were walking through the courtyard to the keep, and you got sucked in as well. Okay, I'm glad you guys were there because I had a moment with them at the lava snake's temple,

and I thought I was going crazy. Volcaniconda put some respect on her name. Forgive me, forgive me. All right, I'm out of ideas. I thought this shield would have given more answers, but it's just like a special shield. I don't know what is special for. It feels like it's blood magic special,

but I don't know what to do with it. Okay, how about you cut open your hand and put blood on it? Smart. Natty pulls a little blade out of her hair cuts her hand and puts the blade back in her hair. Gross. Cute.

And smears it over the shield. You wrote Toll Sox with an axe. What the heck? I don't think she wrote that, but it seems like... It just filled in cracks. Like a Rar Shark test, maybe, where you're seeing things that you're deeply thinking. It's like, like, and like augury. It shows up in a way.

The gods have spoken. Oh, jeez. You feel like a magical aura fill in around you, giving you some type of protection. Oh, okay. Natty does? Yeah.

I feel like Natty would want to hold on to this, but you said it's so big. Can Nattie, like, hold on to it? Yeah, it's a, I'll say it's surprisingly light. Okay, I'm not much of... I mean, you're able to get it off the wall. Okay. Nattie, can I equip this?

I feel like I'm taking up so much of this podcast time with the shield. I want to move on. Yeah, if you can use a shield, sure. Oh, shoot. How do you? Hmm, what am I? I don't think your class typically can.

Okay, I don't want it then. Who wants it? It's probably too big for me. Okay. Tov, would you like another shield? Like, you could leave your, like, your Bluetooth one on your back, and this one you could use for, like, actual aura stuff? Yeah, I'm done for that.

Is that cool? Can I take this? You don't have blood, though, so you're going to have to ask for help. Yeah, I know. Or it'd be blood of your enemies. That's cool. I like that. All right.

Well, yeah, if Natty put her blood on the shield, but Tov is the one holding it, does Natty still feel that effect of the, like, what do you say, that's like protection? Did putting down the shield change my status? So Natty put blood on the shield, then hands it to Toll. Then you're asking if does Toll feel protected? Does Natty still feel protected? I bet you Tolv does. Natty, you still feel the protection. Oh.

Oh. So the blood of whoever puts it on the shield gets protection? Yes. Okay. That's weird. Oh. However, you feel like it is beginning to wane and wear off. It's fine.

Throwing Skeddy at the wall, maybe if we put blood on the blood bay there, maybe that does something, I don't know. I'll cut Tolls like a little servo open to get some hydraulic fluid, which is essentially his blood. It's your life blood. Yeah. And then I just go, I thought it'd be like oil. I think we need to retreat out of here before they come and get us. Probably. We should rally the troops, maybe set some home alone type traps as we leave and then retreat.

What about Reverend Dupies? Am I to go with you? Is that your name? Reverent. Yes, of course. We could never leave you here alone, Reverend Drupies. Are you rapping at me? Is that your name?

I just didn't realize, I just didn't realize you were a reverend. I thought you were a bishop. Oh, wait, are those two different things? I don't know. I don't know. I'm not great. Barber's not great with religion and formation. We like to call, we like to call Doug Reverend Doobie.

Doobie dooby do. You probably should lock the door. Maybe if you got a couple of locks, use those. Maybe put like a couch up against that door. and then point us to the back door. Well, okay. This is all strategy, okay? Yeah, you've already intimidated Reverend Dupies into respecting the chain of command,

so he will do as you ask. Okay. So he begins, you know, trying to pull out logs and arrange some, getting some cop ready to barricate the door. I guess you could leave out of the northern part of the fort. Where's that lead to? Ropen feet. I'm sorry, I can't take you seriously. Just an open field, I think?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's okay. Someone who also has trouble saying some words, I understand you. Gus, is that an open field that is like towards a direction that is not from where we came from? Yeah, so the main portcullis to this fort, you all entered from the southern side, southern side of the fort. So, you know, exiting the north would be essentially the back. and then the, I believe you all came from kind of like the west slash northwest kind of direction here, and then the Undarians and the canyon are to the east of the fort.

And where were we trying to get to? We're trying to get to... The canyon is probably our best means of escape. Otherwise, we have to go through them. So... Well, just to clarify, you will have to go through them. They are coming from the direction of the canyon. So if you want to go to the canyon, you will have to either...

barrel through them or sneak around them in some way to get to the canyon. I'm about sneaking. Sneaking. Sneaking. I mean, I know Natty could go into her ring, so that's an easy way to hide at least one of us. Yes, and I have disadvantage on stealth. So that's great. Great.

It's okay. I could help you with my flash of genius. Potentially. Okay, before we figure out what we're going to do with the canyon or wherever you all are going here, real fast, I forgot to say, Blaine, if you want to put that shield in your inventory, you can. It should be called the bronze dashed-bludgeal. Okay.

And then the dash, is that spelled out dash? Or is that the symbol dash? It's the symbol. Thank you, thank you. Okay, it says, Blood Breather shield found in Meadow Canyon. Bronze shield painted in crusty blood, gross, bears symbol of the bloodbather,

bloody bronze sword. I guess that's the symbol. It screams insults that enemies when attacked. that's fun. Trade blood for protection when painted with one's own fresh blood,

5 HP worth, where instantly gains the effects of the shield spell. Oh, it has more information. It says, Gus owes me one extra inspiration dye.

Okay, I'm gonna mark that. Gus owes me one. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, I don't know. Strange. Okay, yeah, I didn't. Just because we were feeling it out, Natty, I didn't make you take

the five hit points worth of damage in that little test run. Thank you. What's the shield? Shield spell. Does you have that? It's like plus five to AC. Yeah.

Add five to AC. Plus five. Yeah. I think it's, mine's a reaction, yeah. Wow. But it's only for one turn. Minus? Farts.

Okay, okay. No, the one Blaine's doing. And it costs. It's five HP. Five HP. I'm just going to pawn this off when we get the nearest, you know, opportunity. Everyone keep their eyes on a resale store.

The interesting thing about the shield spell, just as a quick aside, is that it, also allows you to take no damage from magic missile, which is magic missile you normally can't avoid. So that is like a weird, nice quirk of it. Oh. So now I'm having like building my Batman planning against each of the team members, and that's for Natty.

Well, Matt, she didn't have magic missile. I don't shoot magic missile. What do you shoot? You always got that one that you shoot. Eldridge blast. Oh. Okay. It's a blast.

So I could see the confusion. Missile blast. Flasma blast. Flasma blast. It's a different campaign. Go to sneaky dragonpod.com and listen to C-squad season two. Are we to abandon everyone here? I don't want to do that.

I think we need to give them some sort of escape plan so that we can sleep at night. Yes, I say we barricade everyone up and make us a sneaky retreat. And in the case... I thought he said there was only one bishop in here. No, no, like all the people are the ramparts. Correct.

There's still some Mortallian members left and there were a few injured soldiers. I'd say if you had to estimate it, you'd say ballpark, there's probably roughly 30 mortality in members total left. Gotcha. Bording them up, they're just going to set the building on fire because that's what I would do if I was attacking a base.

Blaine, vicious. Wow. You know, I don't know. Can we round everyone up and make a retreat? Yeah. You tell me, Mr. Team Leader, what's the plan? We shall round everyone up and make us a retreat. For we shall not let them die in vain.

We should not let them die, period. Yeah, oh, yes, that too. Okay, what does that look like? You're going to take everyone and all 30 of you leave to the north together? Or like, what's the nuts and bolts here? Well, where could they go? Because they don't necessarily need to continue onward, but we do. They could return, like, in the direction you all came from, like to the northwest or so?

Yeah, I say we tell them. Like, away from the Undarians? We tell them to go return to the Fort Endridge or something. And then we try and sneak our way past them in the confusion of abandoning the fort. Just to be clear, so they know where to go, you said Fort Endridge or something. You're directing them to go to Fort Endridge, right? What's the nearest safe place where that be Fort Endridge? I mean, you know that that's a military installation.

There's definitely reinforcements and mortality and support there. Okay. That makes sense to me. I say we do that. Okay. So the plan will be to gather everyone up, exit out of basically the backdoor of Fort Meadow to the north, and then send the remaining Mortallion, about 30 people or so, away back toward Fort Endridge while the four of you sneak around the Undarians to the east towards the canyon.

Am I summarizing the plan correctly? Yes. Great. Doug Salutes. Also, just for the heck of it, if I find like a piece of wood or something, Can I quickly scribe on it, danger minefield, and then just plant it into the ground? Just like, we don't have time to actually set up any traps, but just anything that could slow their progress. In the courtyard?

Yes. I know it sounds stupid, but any level of confusion we can add to this disarray so that we can slow them down. Sure. Because I'm really trying to buy those 30 people time. Or if we have any, like, if there are any traps that, like a bear traps or things like that, we could just have people set up as they retreat. Sure. Yeah, we'll say you're able to start organizing that kind of stuff and, you know, Toul was able to fashion.

Some marbles, you know, around the stairs. Paint cans with flying from high areas. Exactly. Really home alone it. You don't have too much time, so I'll say you at least get the sign and you're home alone one or two things. And then you round up all of the soldiers and instruct them to make a tactical withdrawal towards Fort Endridge. Tactical withdrawal, you'll protect the injured.

Do not leave them behind. And they begin. with as much haste as they can, you know, making their way in that direction. So what are the four of you going to do as far as, like, sneaking or trying to get around or, what's the plan for you for? What do the Undarians look like? Is there anything we could disguise ourselves with either like them or within the environment? Yeah, I mean, Undarians, it's a pretty, who would you say, like a diverse or scattershot type of creatures.

Ecclectic. Eclectic. There you go. That's a good thing for it. A vocab on this guy. It's an eclectic look of creatures that make up you and Darians. So there's not like one specific look you could go for, but maybe that plays to your advantage. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Maybe we take some of the garb from the dead ones that have been slain and then try and... It's not going to be perfect, but it's something. Yeah. I have an idea to help Doug. Oh, yeah. Hey, Doug, come here. I'm going to make you look like a really big scary endarian, okay?

Okay. You can make me look bigger and scarier and not really look? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you know you have your, like, your vests that you wear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, if you pull that up over your head, you know, like the collar up over your head so that it's almost like a hooded thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. But you kind of put a little extra forward, and then as Doug does that, I pick up giggy and I put giggy in the hole. Oh.

Facing out so that it's giggy head and bugbear body. Okay, so it's like multiple, yeah, got it, got it. Yeah. Make a giggy roll. Oh. I mean, I... Okay, well, first, wait, here. Giggy, Mama really needs this one, okay?

Mom and my... You like Uncle Doug, right? Like, you're the one that who's like, don't... Well, there's two things I gotta ask you. Stay there. Doug looks down and goes, Hi, hi, guy. Stay there when I put you in his hood and don't fart.

But if you got to pick one, stay there. Okay? Oh, God. Okay. Now, hey, I give him a treat. And I say, I'll let you kill something later, okay? I'll let you kill something later. Why don't we treat this as a pedigig method of life lessons with giggy?

Oh, we haven't done one of those in a while. Yeah. So I'm going to say, you know, this breaks down into whether the lessons are easy, medium, or hard. Yeah. I'm going to say this is probably a medium lesson. Stay? Stay as a medium? Jesus.

It's because it breaks down into easy as basic social skills. Medium is slightly more complex, like know the difference, ally, foe, or other. So I think you're kind of like riding the line here between like social skills and a slightly more complex lesson. And hard would be advanced doomsday philosophy, which we're not there. Okay, then that involves a wisdom check of DC-13. Correct. And I'm rolling with my wisdom modifier. Gosh darn, darn.

It's plus zero. All right. Come on. Still got a good chance. 13 or more. Come on. Good roll. 17.

17. So Gigi not only agrees, but Gigi has learned a lesson here. And this allows his stat block to improve slightly. Wow. So since this is a medium lesson with bigger risk of bigger rewards, John, Gigi gains an additional hit die to his HP. Okay. I just had a thought.

Do you think that we're like building a future enemy? And this is not to Natty and this is not to offend John. But I feel like whenever we need Gigi to cooperate, we pull one of these out and it makes him stronger. And I'm worried. And smarter. Yeah. Well, you know?

Yeah. That's like, hey, I think what's, it's good for Gigi to learn lessons and to learn how important his mama is and how he should always treat his mama and his friends with love and respect. Right, Gigi? Okay. You can't abandon a child just because they have difficulties. Otherwise, then...

They'll turn out like you. Yes. Jeez. Natty puts Gigi up in the hood, gives him a treat, makes a little click sound, you know, to signify the move and to stay. But Gigi, you can look scary as much as you want. You can slobber. You can growl. You need to be like, you use that undarian, you know, jeans you got inside of you, okay?

Well, he's also gained an extra hit die, so he's a little bigger. He's a little scarier. Yeah. All right, Gigi. Hub on top, buddy. Doug is sorted. I can get into my ring. So.

I'm denied. Gunther and Tov. What's y'all going to do to be sneaky? How much does Gunther? Because Gunther's like frog-like, right? How much does that look like Undarion? It might be small enough to just be sneaky without having to actually do anything.

Yeah, you can sneak under my jacket or something, I don't know. You could look like, what's the dude from Total Recall? It's like popping out of the other guy's chest. Quatro? Yeah, yeah, no. Quato, quato, yeah. Quatro is the blade that I use. Thanks for ruining that movie for me, Gus.

I was waiting to watch that. It's only been 40 years, I know. Can't tell you're being serious. Oh, I know what, I know what Tollwe will do. Just a quick on-the-fly thing, but he's going to take his Bjorn face mask and flip it inside out. There you go. Do that and put Gunther in your back so you got a hunchback.

Yeah. Let me do this, yes, yes. All right, it sounds like we've got a plan. Perfect. Natty puts her ring into Doug's hand and then jumps into it. I got the whole Natty family right here. Because death is right at our back door. And you guys said you're not going to barrel through, directly through the vanguard.

You're going to kind of take a wide arc and turn around them, right, and try to like go casually but stealthily. Fly casual. Yeah, fly casual kind of deal. Yeah. I'll tell you, why don't all of you make me, we'll call it stealth with it. Advantage checks because I think you all have a good plan going here. Okay, okay. With Toll's being disadvantaged on stealth, should I just, this is standard roll?

Regular, yep. Got it. I did a 19. 24. 11. Inspiration die given to 12. Oh, thank you, sweet Natty. I will not waste it, 17.

Ooh, that's pretty good. Average. I'm betting I get more inspiration die from my teammates that I, do from you. Your success is our success. Yeah, it's a team effort. Yeah. Hulves on Inspiration Diet welfare.

Yeah. All right, so you all head out to the northern, you take a northern exit out of the fort and begin turning your way east, but staying far to the north of the vanguard. I assume you keep them inside so you can also see the canyon that you're heading to. And you watch them, you know, close the distance. and begin banging on the port and, you know, attacking the walls and trying to get the port Cullis open.

Then after a while, you know, they disappear at the distance as you continue making your way east towards the canyon. Mission accomplished. Excellent. Easy, peasy. Now, if we don't turn around, we don't know if it ended badly for them there, so. Schrodinger's killed our lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, you go for a bit and you eventually do see. a canyon passage to the east of the fort. And as you get closer, you see that it appears to be pitch black. And once you get to the entrance, let's say the mouth of this canyon passage, you see, you know, like I said, it's pitch black, and the walls appear to be concave, and it stinks, it reeks of rotting flesh. The canyon itself? Yeah, the canyon passage itself.

Are there bodies or anything? Or is it just like the material that it's made of? It's pitch, Black, can you see through the dark? Yeah, what is everyone's dark vision, low light vision? What's the situation here? I like caves. I have dark vision.

Dark vision. I could see in dim light within 60 feet. Yeah, same. I was basically raised in a cave when I was. Moulded by it. Moldered by the cave. At the point, I could take Gigi off my shoulders now. I think he might have gone doo-doo.

I think we've got to make another role for that one. You have a different type of dark vision. Now. Oh, gross. You get an inspiration dog. Yay! I don't know how to find my, if I have vision. It should be in your features and traits.

Features and traits. Tolv can't see anything ever. Yeah. No, I don't believe I do. Bummer. Really? A robot. That's surprising.

Mike, can we work on that? You'd think you'd have like night vision. Infrared. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay, Tov, just hold on to one of us and we'll lead the way. I'm still on your back. Just follow my lead.

So just for a rules clarification, if you have dark vision, the way it works is if you have dark vision, you have disadvantage on perception checks in pitch black. Okay. Okay. Okay. So Gunther, you asked if what the source of the smell was or how did you word it? You ask something about that. Yeah. Like, is it something on the ground like bodies or is it some, is it the material of the canyon itself?

You look around. This is why I was asking. It was why we started talking about dark vision and what you can see since it's so dark. Just so you know, mine's called superior dark vision. Oh. What makes it superior? I don't know. It's just premium.

It's just like they charge twice as much, but it's the same thing. Dark vision plus. There's still ads, though. It's kind of annoying. Your dark vision has a radius of 120 feet. Oh, it's just further. Because normally it's 60. 60, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So you look around trying to identify the source of this smell. And as you're looking around Gunther, you see that there are corpse, is piked into the canyon walls. Oh. And there's blood and viscera that are oozing and flooding the canyon floor.

Oh. There's the occasional bit of like military wreckage, like war machines and things of that nature. Do we get a sense of who was killed? What type of people were they? Darians, were they? It looks like Mortallian corpse. Motelian.

Oh, I bet you this is, this is their stop before they headed to the Cape. Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick. We should be careful. I would say so All four of you make me a I'm gonna call it a perception check Okay, we have disadvantage?

Yeah Yes So he does not have dark vision Because he's a aquatic base Can I have something called shark vision You know? Can we have fun with him? No Your eyes become like shark eyes

Just like black Like a doll's eyes Like a doll's eyes. Uh, seven for Doug. 10. That's a nine. Oh, and nothing, I guess, from 12, because you can't see. Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I'm assuming not to not play ball, but I just can't see. Yeah, 9, 7, 10, nothing. I'll give you an inspiration diet. Gus, can I take it alone for an inspiration? It's a bail bondsman at this point. You do not want to know the interest on that. You don't see anything, but I'll say all four of you hear something. Almost like someone muttering to themselves.

Cap and grumbles. Hush. Is it like craze? Or is it like, or is it like, I think he's about to do it. Yeah. Oh, before your God, just good for nothing. Get in here and fix it.

Hello. Hello? You hear a shuffling that appears, that sounds like it's getting closer and closer to you, Natty. I cast dancing lights. Oh, okay. What does that do? Tell us.

Everyone has to start dancing now. Yes. It's a cantrip, dancing lights, 120 feet. Four torch-sized lights within range, they appear. They're glowing orbs that hover in the air. So they light the area. Cool. Okay.

The area around you lights up, and before you, you see a sinewy halfling, who is topless wearing oxblood... Wearing Oxblood gingham braes, which are short trousers. I hope I set that right. Turn off the lights. Turn off the lights. He appears to have a belt with medicinal tools around his waist. He shields his eyes.

Oh, who are you? My name's Natty. Uh, what's doing in here? I heard you mumbling to yourself. Yeah, yeah. I'm working. Hard at work. The name's stump.

Stub. I feel like that's pretty apt. You being a halfling. Did you name yourself? Oh, I thought you're going to say because he looks like he's got a medicinal bag and like, it's like an amputation.

You went for a short joke. I thought the same thing. I guess I should clarify, yeah, the tools he has is like saw and foreseps, tweezers. He's a war medic. I figured he was doing a lot of that. Right.

Think of like doctors in the, I think of like the U.S. Civil War, right? Like a sawbones as they would have called it back then. Oh. So, well, is there anybody alive in need of your services? Oh yeah Everyone needs my services I'm working hard

You need to eat we can help with I think this guy's just been cutting up dead bodies for a while I think we've met a serial killer Well I could be wrong Is it a killer if you're just doing it to dead things No You've met a god Oh you're a god

Yeah I think we heard you mumbling something about like bow before your god. Yeah. Something you said or something someone said to you. Yes. I say it to everyone. Bow before your god.

Hey, stump. How long you've been in here? Oh, a long time. Yeah, it seems like it. I got kicked out from the bloodshed bishops. Oh, so what are you got of? I'm a god of medicine. Oh, seems pretty handy.

Do you have any, like, pseudonyms? Do you go by any other monocars other than stump? The bone saw. Oh, bone saw's ready? So, why did, why did he, those annoying bludgeoned bishops? What did they do? Why did they make that such a mistake? Oh, they don't understand.

They don't know the plague. Is it coming or are you bringing it? Tell us about it. The plague, the plague, it's everywhere. It is here. Did you happen to know Dupies? Was he a bloodshed bishop? Oh, oh! Poh!

He spits. Okay. Why, I don't know why on my face, I was just asking a question. He's the worst of the worst of the... them all. Hey Stump, I got a question. Did by any chance an entire army of demon-like creatures just come through here? Oh yeah. Undarians.

How did you survive? Stump is a god. Yeah, but like on a practical level, did you, uh, or did they just walk right past you? Or did you fight them or did you go invisible or what? Ha ha ha ha. They fear my power. Gotcha. Hey, where'd your shirt go?

He looks down and seems almost shocked at the sight. Huh. I don't know. He reaches over to a corpse and pulls off a tunic and kind of haphazardly drapes it over himself. Stump, I think you're actually more of an autumn, so I don't think that's in your colors. Let's see if we can find you something that's a cooler color. Shopping free. That will give more a contrast to you.

Ah, no matter. Well, maybe we'll look for a good shirt over this way. You look that way. Yeah. Stump is busy. I was going to ask if I could cast Detect Thoughts. Okay. On this guy?

Yeah. Why don't you remind us what that does? Not for me, for the audience. Of course, of course, yes. Once for long rest, you could cast it without a spell slot or spell component. It's like things that are on the forefront of their mind. Okay, I guess it's either sense thoughts or read thoughts. So I think I'm going to read thoughts.

Target one creature you could see within 30 feet of yourself that you detected with the sense thoughts option. You learn what is most on the target's mind right now. If the target doesn't know any languages and isn't telepathic, you learn nothing. Okay. Yeah, you do that. Try to read thoughts and reach out into Stump's mind. And it's almost like the same thought repeating itself.

over and over. Curse you may heal. I will have my revenge. Curse you may heal. I will have my revenge. Don't say real name. Don't say real name. Don't say real name.

Hey, stump. What's your real name? He looks like shocked for a second. Stump. No reason. I just thought that would be like a nickname and that maybe you have a real name. Does Doug hear the real name?

You wouldn't have heard that anyway. I know, I know, I'm messing. I'm messing. Yeah, would Doug know his real name if he's like sensing his, or reading his thoughts, rather? That's all that you're hearing. Okay. Hey, stump.

Yeah. This is an awkward question, but, you know, I heard about this guy that I thought maybe you might know about name Mayhew. Do you happen to know who that is? He spits on the ground again. Stop spitting on my face. Why are you on the ground? I hate me, Hugh.

I need my revenge. Revenge against what? Who is he? Yeah, what do you do to you? Maybe we could help you. He pretended to be injured. Made Stump help him. Dead. What had happened? Yeah, what do you do to you?

What was wrong with that? He learned too much. You cut his arm off to... So how you help him? Like you heat. or something like that and you learned how you did it? Yeah, too much secrets. Well, so that we're on the same side, we'll help you find Mayhew,

but what secrets did you tell him? That way we know more about our enemy, you know? Enemy of enemies or a friend, you know? Like, like the... Secrets are secrets. Dang it, okay, I thought he would fall for that. But there is a secret. Hmm, hmm. I can share.

Okay, go. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Leaning in, don't spit on me. Hey, Stump, I'm gonna need you to say that in a last creepy way. You got anything to trade? Anything old Stump could use. Yeah, lots of stuff.

Yeah, what you need? Medicine, tools, cadavers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about, hmm? How about this heavy-duty drill? Wow, that looks neat. His eyes perk up. Yeah, that's the hand drill you got, right?

I think so. Yeah, I remember that. You got that, I don't remember where you got it. I do remember. It was like that heavy-duty drill. Yeah, it could drill through stone, so maybe I don't want to get rid of that. When you mentioned it, I will say,

it seemed like he perked up at that. Oh, well, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this heavy-duty drill. Doug could probably make his own, so, you know. But, yeah, I think trading this for some juicy information could be, you know, something we could bargain for. Oh, that is pretty. he good. Can I try it out? You give us one secret to try it and then an ultimate secret to have it.

Half the secret now. Half the secret after. It's a good secret. Can I do an insight check on him? Yeah. If you still on the truth. Vib check. Well, I have no idea. Seven. Yeah, I would say you think he's being truthful, but you know, you could try a persuasion maybe. Yeah, let's persuade him. Me and my negative one. Eight. No, half now, half later. Well, okay. All right, you hand over the drill, and he, like, holds it, kind of, you know, tries to feel the heft in his hands, and goes over to one of the corpses and begins trying to drill into the skull.

Oh. I regret everything. Gigi is cheering him on. So, there's a secret passage out of the canyon. Oh, yeah. Go on. Continue all the way down the canyon in that direction. So to get out of the canyon, we just have to go through the canyon.

He spits again. Oh, I got in my mouth. I'm sure I should think that Tov might be Mayhew. There's a secret passage that takes you straight to veiled veil. That's probably where your god temple is. Would Doug know what the veiled veil is? I don't remember if it was mentioned to you or not. I think it was.

But you know, it is a valley that, I don't want to say too much in case we didn't say anything about it before. But yeah, it's a valley with a few different things in it. But yeah, it is related to the veiled eye. Okay. I mean, I assumed, but I shouldn't know if, like, Doug would have read about that or something or have known of that location. Where is chimera keep?

I believe that was further on beyond this. Okay. Okay. So he knows where the secret passage the veiled veil is. It's a big machine. The veiled veil? Or the secret passage? Big machine.

The secret passage. Okay. What does it look like? Like, um, or like a meat compactor, giant air conditioning unit, giant robot. Here's the secret part. It's a catapult. Whoa. Okay.

Okay. Like, get into it and then shoot yourself out? Yeah. Secretly. Okay. Uh-huh. Great. How many people fit in this secret catapult?

You could fit a lot. It's pretty big. Uh, one, two, three, four, five, six. Do you want to show us how it works? No. I'm busy. Clearly. Gotta get back to work.

Has Doug heard the name Mayhew before? Make a history. History check. Yeah. With pleasure. 29. That's such a good role. Oh, my God.

I now have a plus 10 to history. Lord. No, that name does not sound familiar to you. Okay. You sure? 29, sure? I guarantee you I've never heard that before. Yeah.

All right. Stop cutting it back to work. He begins waddling away back over to a wheelbarrow that you see now he had in the distance. Best of luck, Tom. They'll all bow to your God. They'll see. They'll understand. Yes, yes, yes.

They'll bow. They'll understand you. Good to meet you. Can we continue? I don't know. What a guy. I'd say we should probably go the direction he pointed us in to that secret passage. Yeah.

Yeah. You continue to the east and the passage stays pitch black. Every now and then, how long do the dancing lights run for? Do you keep them up, Natty? Yeah, I can keep them up. They're a cantrip. Okay. So it is pitch black, but you're able to see some light with the dancing lights courtesy of Natty.

And every now and then you see snakes slithering along. It seems like they retreat from the light whenever you approach with it. The width of the passage itself fluctuates pretty wildly. Sometimes it narrows down to only five feet in width. Other times it widens out to 15 feet in width. And the whole time you're walking through it, it just blooded with viscera and blood all along the floor and the walls. Lovely. A turnaround and Giggy's just walking along with his tongue just dragging against the walls.

Oh, nasty. I was thinking like a little kid in galoshers, like jumping puddle to puddle, making splashes. With his mouth wide open. That is how you get tennis. And, yeah, probably all kinds of other things. Every now and then you see wreckage, like a ruined or, rotting piece of military equipment, maybe from past battles or something. And on the walls, you see, like Good Gunther noticed earlier,

bodies that are piped to the canyon walls hung upside down, and the top of the walls, you know, seems like there's a, it's plagued by a harsh blizzard. Oh, there's like a blizzard above us? Yeah, over the top of the passage in this canyon. This place is weird. Yeah, I can figure out like the, kind of, I don't know, I don't know. Are we heading to a different climate or is it something to do with the nature of this canyon?

Is it like magical or something? Or are we just traveling such great distances that it's like we're heading into a new, you know, biome region? Biome. Thank you, John. So just as a reminder, the prison that you were in not that long ago was frozen as well. So it's cold in general. Okay. And as you're walking along here, you know, looking at all of the different grotesque sights everywhere, Doug, you don't notice and you stub your toe on a piece of rock on the ground. Darn it. Why me? Do you need to borrow Captain Grumble Shield?

No. Doug doesn't have a potty mouse. Was that a rock or was that something else? Yeah, could Doug look down and see what he stubbed his toe on? Yeah, it looks like a rock. It's just a, you know, like the top piece of a weathered rock sticking out from the soil. All right, fair enough. Could we look around and see if there's any other rocks like this poking up?

You see a... We see a circle of rocks except there's one missing, and then we put the rock in the missing spot, a little leafy poop pops out. It gives us a seed. You don't see, I mean, you see a couple of rocks, and you see various little bits of viscer on the ground. In particular, you see a brittle gallbladder next to the rock. And by that, you see a flattened piece of fat.

Okay. Could I look at the flattened piece of fat? Yeah. You bend over, you know, and touch the piece of fat and pick it up and examine it. And, you know, it's pretty slippery. Why don't you go ahead and make me a Constitution saving throw? Saving throw, okay. 19.

Okay. It's really gross and it's got, you know, old viscera and blood on. it and you realize that you're touching something pretty disgusting so I would say you probably look at it and then just drop it pretty quickly but you do however take a level of exhaustion from touching this decrepit piece of waste even with us 19 yeah it would be way worse if you'd fail that safe gosh could I at least tell like what like what creature it was from or yeah you think it's some kind of humanoid probably human specifically so the gunk on the walls could hurt us damage us and

some way. I can't tell if it actually hurt us or it's just so gross that it made me like ill. Maybe we should get out of here. This is gross. Yeah, that's why that catapults, chop, chop. Guys, I'm just going to put my blinders on and just walk forward. Blinders

being just your hands next to your head. Yep. My giant bear paws. So are you going to continue looking at this stuff? What's the idea here? I think we should just continue on. You guys, just watch out. I stub my toe and it hurts a lot. So there might be stuff poking out of the ground, so just walk with caution.

Also, don't pick up any of this fat or you just stuff you see. It's pretty gnarly. I do want to give a quick shout out and a quick thanks to Micah who made a random viscera table for this episode. And it's gross. Just to utilize it. I'm going to roll a couple more times to give you some more flavor text. on things that you see. Should we actually say what viscera is?

Because I don't know if a lot of people might know that term. It's just like gore, what you would expect after a bloody battle to remain. If you'll go play the Steam game Viscera cleanup, you'll know it really well. Things like spongy veins and wax-coated glands. Gross. It's disgusting.

All right, yeah, you continue your way east. And again, just more viscera, more broken machines. But then eventually after walking for a waste, you do see a war machine that's largely intact. And it's a catapult. Oh. Well, there goes. All aboard, I'll be taking your tickets at the kiosk here.

Could someone first check inside there to make sure there's no more visorah? Doug's covering his eyes. Mm-hmm. Tov will check in the basket to make sure that there's nothing in there for us. Yeah, the basket itself is pretty clean. There's nothing in there. Should we do a test fire so that we do not slam into walls? Well, that's not a bad idea.

Giggy? I just don't know how easy it is to reset this thing. Giggy could. He loves this kind of stuff. All right. So you're all going to put Giggy in there and fire away? Maybe Captain Grumbles, too. Yeah, yeah.

No, he's fragile. Like, your kid? Yeah, toss him in there. This is random NPC? He's strong. He does this on his own time. Okay. Well, Gigi, line up.

You must be this tall to ride the ride. Oh, good thing you had that gross spur. I'd like to think that he's way below the minimum height, but you still put him in there anyway. Perfect, lift your arms up, upies. I rolled a 14. He does it. Okay, I lift him into the machine. All right.

And I say, keep all limbs inside of the ride during the duration of your experience. Leave a Yield review. And then I crank the lever or whatever, the release mechanism. Yeah, with a thud the catapult fires and Giggy Goat flies in a wide arc out of the canyon off into the distance What does that sound like? It's like the grape lady

Like a Doppler effect into the distance, but yeah, you just not hit the wall Do we see where he lands or is he just like gone? It's like in the distance. Yeah, it's pitch black so He goes out of your dancing lights range very quickly. Natty, can you call out to him and see if he's okay? D-K! You don't hear anything. All right.

I think we team-rocketed this kid. All right, so, uh, which of you has experienced with siege weapons to reset this? I'm assuming... Well, haven't we have army training? We've got an engineer. I was like, I think, uh... I can figure it out. You can figure it out.

I'm just being difficult. Also, I think episode two, we also were going to launch Gunther. That is true. All right, yeah. Yeah, if you want, you can reset that. It's not that difficult. This is like a child's toy to Doug. Yeah, so you're able to, you know, pull it down and reset it and get it back into a configuration where it's ready to fire again.

Daddy jumps in. Well, I mean, should we just all go in there? Yeah. All right. One big happy family. Giggy will catch us. All right, yeah, you all climb in the basket, and I assume you can get, like, a sword or a long stick or something. and Eldridge Blast.

There you go. That's even better to let the mechanism loose and you all fly through the air. Wee. Oh God, oh, God, oh, guy, oh, God. I got me sick. You launch out and you can't see too far. The dancing lights go with you, I guess. Wouldn't they? Because they're around.

Are they fast enough? No, I think I have to will them. Yeah, I think so. So I think this launch. Yeah, so you launch very quickly. it's like riding Magic Mountain. You're going really fast and it's pitch black or Space Mountain, there you go, and you can't

see anything. And there's rock music. Yes, there's no rock music here, but yeah. Oh. Once I got stuck on Space Mountain and they had to turn the lights on while I was still in there on the ride. Terrify. And I never wrote it again after that. Yep. It's scary looking. Natty puts her arms up.

You put your arms up. And you all fly through darkness and eventually you land with a thud and hit the ground. Everyone takes 15 points of bloodshining damage upon landing. 15. Are you sure that Doug couldn't, like, splay his arms out like a flying squirrel kind of situation?

Maybe if you could see what was going on, yeah, but it's just pitch black. 15. Guys, I landed on Gunther. So make sure that Gigi takes that as well. Okay. Now, who is the flat and fat? Okay, you find yourself in a new location. You find yourself in a valley blanketed with darkness except for moonlight.

It appears that there are a few different buildings and paths in front of you. You see a glacial fortress. You also see a spherical building swaying between two dead trees. And lastly, you see a labyrinth gated by luminescent golden mist. Doug, as you're looking at all these things, you feel like a question slowly creep to the back of your mind. Like, but you're not even sure, was it your thought or is it something that was planted there?

But you can't help but wonder, where is the veiled eye? I can't help but wonder. Where is the veil, I'm sorry. Take an inspiration die. That's perfect. That's perfect comedy. Big comedy right there. I don't know.

Where'd you leave him? I mean, I don't know where he is. He's, I mean, I don't, I don't keep tabs on him or anything like that. Should you like? Well, I feel like he should be here. though. Have a little moment of prayer. Could I try to like, yeah, close my eyes and feel his presence and like try to.

A little Marco Polo? Yeah, communicate kind of with him a little bit. Yeah. Why don't you, I don't know, make a religion check? You got it. Can I help somehow with this religion check? Well, I'm immediately going to use my inspiration there because that was a one for an eight. Yeah, you can roll to assist.

You can roll like a religion check and see if you can, like, add a place. I'm really, I've, my mama's were the high priestesses and so. I'm really good at religion stuff, so I'm a roll to assist. Is that just a D20 or is that with my modifier? Just roll a flat D20. Well, I rolled a 12. I rolled a 16 for assistance. Doug, what is your question, or what do you say as part of this?

Oh, veiled eye. We are here in the veiled veil seeking your guidance and your presence. Where might you be at this moment? From beyond in your mind, you feel like mists parting and a thought being implanted into your brain. You can almost hear a voice that answers your question, reaches back to you, and says, Who's this? It's that Boone. Remember me?

Who's that? Oh, no. The last time I spoke with you, it seemed like you were, you know, forgetting things, and it seems like whatever is happening might be progressing. but I am someone who very much, you know, worships you and looks for your guidance and everything I do. So I'm one of your, you know, most trustworthy followers, Ovaldye, Doug Boon, spelled D-U-G-B-O-O-O-N-E. In case you need to write a doubt or something like that,

if you have like a posted note. Excuse my cold. I'm not where I should be, but I am where you should be. Uh, and where might you be at this moment? Not where I should be. And what do you see? Could you describe your location for me at all? As soon as you ask that, Doug, your vision goes stark white.

Everything around you is blank, colorless void. It's all quite unnerving, perhaps even paralyzing. And for the rest of the party, you see Doug's body go stiff, and his eyes turn milky white. But that's not all. Amidst the darkness, your eyes catch shifting shadows approaching and the padding of footsteps. Three beasts swiftly flank your position.

They look feline, but their bodies are shaped like tense, and their fur is flaked with gold. Their heads bear six antlers, and their tails are short like a bobcat. The darkness is suddenly pierced with light, as golden mist spews from each of the feline's mouths right into your faces. Is it the same golden mist we see around the labyrinth? We'll have to find out in the next episode. He turned.

Let's meet these kitties later. We'll find out what that all means in the next episode of Tillsman. Dragon. Thanks for listening everybody. And if you'd like to hear more like our show Second Wind or C Squad Season 2, which is available now, you can head over to our Patreon at Stinky DragonPod.com. Until next time. Thank you, survived high school. Try doing it with superpowers. Episodes of our newest Tavern tale, C Squad Season 2 are available now for patrons. Follow the continuing and chaotic adventures of your favorite new soul youngsters played by me, Barb, Blaine, Chris, and Gus as they navigate puberty, powers, and pop quizzes under DM John

Risinger. It's time to go back to school. Head over to our Patreon to catch up on season one and dig into season two at stinky dragonpod.com. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday, wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free? You could support us by becoming a page. patron at stinky dragonpod.com or join as a member on beacon.tv. Both give you early ad-free access and a member-only discord for their respective platform. Looking for even more stinky content and community perks, our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows, behind-the-scenes content, access to the stinky dragon discord,

members-only live streams, stinky community events, and a shout-out on the show, just like our shout-outs for today, including Kai Wernicke, a nominousin, God, Phoenix Rising, and Timmy the BFG. These patrons directly support the show, get ad-free episodes, access to our patron-only Discord server, bonus content like Second Win and behind the screen, and of course, other stinky perks. Once again, that's stinky dragonpod.com. We are so incredibly grateful for your support, which 100% makes this show possible.

Also, some of our friends voiced NPCs in this episode and listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord at NPCs named after them, including Infernes, voiced by Laurel Rothamel, at Laurel Rothamel, Rev Dupies, named after Scooby Dupies, voiced by Ryan Brandt,

at Kai Dozu, Stump, named after Katrina Stump, voiced by Barrett Courtney from Kind of Funny at Sad Boy Barrett, and The Veiled Eye, voiced by Andre Ulet, at Andre.crat. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Drag

was produced by Ben Ernst and Michael Risinger, written and composed by Michael Risinger, and edited by Alina LaCourchick. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Hey, hey Gus, my sister was listening to the podcast, and she says she thinks you should give me more inspiration dice. Whoa.

Sounds like all of us should go and accept Chris. I feel like you just put a nail on the coffin if you never get an inspiration die ever again. Yeah, I was telling, that sounds like nepotism or something. I was telling my sister's like, I think you should get more. I'm like, you're my sister, too. Hey, Gus, my elderly grandmother, who loves you, by the way, listens to the podcast. My grandfather on his deathbed said,

tell him, Gus. All our inspiration. All right, all right, all right, get out of here. None of my family likes this show, so I got nothing to say.