Tales from the Stinky Dragon - C03 - Ep. 52 - Under Oondar Fire - Breath of Flesh Air

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

Brutaliteam find themselves fighting fleshwarpers amongst the Gender Bender Vendors of The Last Forest. Support us directly on Patreon - get access to ad-free episodes, bonus content like Stinky Dragon Adventures & Second Wind, our patreon-exclusive discord, and more! Check out our new merch at store.stinkydragonpod.com - Dice, Player Character Tees, Blankets, Hoodies, and more! Follow us on our socials at https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Cast: Gus Sorola, Blaine Gibson, Barbara Dunkelman, Jon Risinger, Chris Demarais Writer/Editor/Composer: Micah Risinger Producer: Benjamin Ernst Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

They thought the war was over. We did our adventure. We defeated all the bad stuff. They thought their world was safe. What are you doing here? They thought wrong. We gotta save Kiborg! This summer, the Infinite.

The Infinite. Infinite. Infinite. Infinite. Back, experienced the sci-fi action sequel to Campaign One, written and game mastered by Blaine Gibson. Kyborg Quest. Forever winter!

All episodes available now at stinky dragonpod.com. What's up, everybody? I'm Jimmy Wong. How's it? It's Josh Lee Kwe. We're the host of the Command Zone podcast. You've probably heard of Magic the Gathering. Whether you're a new player or a season veteran, or you used to play and want to get back into the game, you've got to check out Commander. It's the most popular way to play Magic, and for good reason. It's everything you love about board games, but with magic cards. Deep, rewarding strategies, infinite creative deck building possibilities,

and it's multiplayer. So there are tons of opportunities for complex social interactions. If you can't tell, we seriously love this game, and we think you would too. I mean, why else would we talk about it for like an hour every single week? All right, so if you like Magic the Gathering, check us out at the Command Zone, the premier podcast for all things commander. Available on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or anywhere podcasts are found. Hey, I'm Arne Neekam from the fully improvised comedy podcast. Hello from the Magic Tavern. I'm here with my co-hosts, John the Talking Badger, Bing Bong, and Yucinor the Wizard. Greet the listeners.

Look, I'm trapped in the magical land of foon. So I started a podcast interviewing elves, unicorns, and other weirdos. We have great guests like Felicia Day, Jason Manz, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Amy Mann, and so many more. Oh, and I think one time we interviewed a sentient shoe? I hope it was sentient. Not to mention the evil people we've had to interview. How I hate evil.

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It's a mixture of black loose leaflet tea, melted snowflake cutouts, reports of raspberries, document leaves, scraps of agave and topped with a squeeze of lemon, litmus. One first draft of this chronic drink and you'll be faster than creased lightning. Previously our adventurers creeped out of chimera keep with a wondrous wilderness shield. They camped and stamped letters for long-lost sidequests nearly forgotten and swallowed to the sands of the coil. Upon waking, they went their way and found the last forest up to flush warping funny business. Pour yourself a quotation and let's proceed with this pungent pot boiler.

Hello everyone. Welcome to Tales of Misty Dragon. I'm your dungeon master Gustavo Cerrola and I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Nice. Pugh, pew, phew. Nice, nice, nice. Barb's into it now. Nice. I've been waiting.

While you all roll, I'm going to read the question. This episode's question, what's one thing you like most about 12? 12 included. John got 18. I got a 10. One. Were we missing someone?

Oh, sorry, at 14. I just didn't say it aloud. He was thinking it. Are you not telepathic yet, Gus? Can you not read? Chris's thoughts at this point? I'm getting there. I'm getting there, which is scary. 18, 14, 10.1.

If I recall correctly, I don't remember the name. So 18, you're up first. Oh, it's... I'm the one that said John got 18, because I was trying to help you out, Gus, okay? Because I know that if just voices come at you, sometimes it's hard to write him down. Hi, I'm John Reisker, and I play Natty Wonder,

who is a drow, warlock, drag queen, mother of the bringer of the apocalypse, and best friend forever of Captain Grumbles. And it... That was Kevin Grumbles. To speak highly of Tov is not a, it's not an arduous task, really. He's got a lot of great traits. As does, everybody in our party, our party.

I don't know where. Party. I don't know why Natty sounds like a more like upper class Southern Bell today, but that's what we're going with. Maybe it's just like, you know, she's home. The accent is getting stronger when you return home. Yeah. Code switching.

Yeah, it gets stronger. that kind of thing. My own mom does that. She's like Californian until she like enters anywhere in the south and then lots of yalls and... And then she starts beatboxing. What? I don't know.

Tov. I think my favorite thing about Tov is I know it's a running joke that I'm looking for that off button. But I think that it's... I want to explain maybe where that that comes from and that is I find Tov fascinating as a Thomatech because he is indubitably, I mean, without argument,

obviously alive, I think Tov does have a soul. Obviously alive. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, not in a bio. My favorite compliment. You are doing an excellent job so far. My favorite thing about Tolliv is he is alive. Obviously alive.

Get out of my room. Get out of her. Leave. I wanted to be in the campfire with just me and Tov because y'all interrupting me. We're holding hands. Can't you see we're making intense eye contact right now? You're so alive. I think it's quite interesting that I love how much life he shows,

despite the fact that he is without biological, you know, components that would normally signify life. And so I find him so interesting. And he is, he's as alive as anybody else, and he's so full of life and vigor. And so I think Tov is just an amazing, you know, a testament to his people of how much they are worth love and respect as any other biological creature. Oh.

Wow. hug it out, hug it out. Yeah. Tov, definitely full of stuff. Cool. So Tov, you're on par with everyone else. Alive. You're alive.

Tov, don't let this man who lacks to take compliments and filter them through negative prisms to besmirge my positive words. Are you about Blaine? No, I'm talking about Tov listening to whoever this, this, you know, disembodied voices. Oh, arrow giver. This filter of compliments to insults may be affected another character in an alternate universe.

Can it all be because you Gus can't take compliments, right? No. You just can't take compliments? No, no, not at all related. Okay. Thank you, Natty for the compliments. A very, very kind words for Toll. I believe up next we have Gunther with a...

Yeah, 14. Oh, I was thinking it. I thought you. I didn't realize I didn't say it out loud. Oh, sorry. We've got a spicy gus A spicy Gus is here today But look at all of us trying to help

You know all of us jumping in I'm Krista Maris I'm Gunther The Milforkfoyter and Vertorv So let me tell you all story first So there is a Very delicious restaurant in my village It's where they have this garden

And they grow weevils So they grow these weeds And then we go and you go and you eat this. And the owners of this restaurant, that's the Weevil Garden, they say, when you're here, you're like family. Oh. And so, but that is how I feel every time I'm around 12. I feel like I'm family. Wow.

Oh. Do I give you, like, indigestion like the Weevil Garden or? Or endless breadsticks and salad? No, no, no, because I have not yet eaten you and I hope not to. But so what I mean is that you make others around you feel like you are part of their family. And also you care much for your family. And so that is my favorite thing about you. Because when I am with you, it's like we're a family.

And I'm thinking also about, oh man, I'm so hungry now. Yeah. You got to be careful because if Gunther ever gets that unlimited weevil pass, then he's going to drag you there all the time. It's like it's a whole ordeal. I like also how Gutther's like, I haven't tried to eat you yet. And I'm just imagining Gunther trying to eat Toll

Like you know when a snake is trying to swallow Like a rabbit And it's like Oh Or horses try to eat like fences That are metal Okay So like family

You're welcome like family We're got a very Does that mean Tullo's gonna ask us For pieces of our body to put on him? Ooh Is that not the tradition Is that not what we do here? I want to I'm eyeing that tail Natty

I would forget Daddy has a tail. Wait, hold on. Doug is pulling me for a chat. It's good as soul ties. 12, could I pull you for a chat for your chance? You're a new bombshell here on your villa, so I'd like to have a little private conversation with you.

This is like a reality TV thing, right? That's what you guys are doing. It's Love Island, and this is my first season participating, and this is the only thing I think Barbara and I talk about now. Well, what fortuitous timing. What a great segue, because I believe Doug is up next. I just want to say it with Love Island. Island. It's basically just like, it's like this show pisses me off so much. And it's like,

oh, time to tune in to my week, my daily piss me off show. That can't stop. Got to watch my hamsters in their cage. In their cage. No, I love it. Well, hello everybody. It's me, Doug Boone, the Artificial Bugbear, currently level eight, played by Barbara Dunkelman. And, you know, I was trying to think about how to compliment Tov. You know, there's just so many good things about him and he's definitely alive, This was, you know, really cool. But, you know, because we know so much about Tov and how he's like, you know, Atama Tech, I thought I would do some little play on words, a little pun work here for Tov.

So it might compliment for him. Oh. Also, like, in a way to also teach him comedy because, you know, he's still learning about. Yeah. I haven't mastered it yet. You're right. Well, Tov, I got to say, your problem solving algorithms are top tier. Also, you've got the most user-friendly personality I've ever encountered.

And lastly, you process information faster than anyone I know. Wow. 1001-1-0-0-0-0-0-1-1-0-0-0-1-1. I don't know what that is in binary. Watch someone look it up and it's incredibly offensive. Yeah, yeah. Look, I need you to teach me comedy classes. Oh, okay.

All right. We'll do that after. I like the pun work, the double entendre work there, Doug. That's very clever. So that's a good way to approach. He also has the most magnificent beard. And I think complimenting his beard. Is that a compliment at all or is it more of a compliment to be worn here?

Stolen Valor, yeah. I did not throw this beard. But you apply it well. You wear it well. Oh, thank you. Majestic. I guess that's two people that are in drag in this party. It's like when you buy like a stage beard or like a fake beard, right?

Like you put it on. But then you got to trim it. You got to make it. You got to shape it so that it fits your feet. So you may have grown the original beard, but you made it work for you, told. Yeah, and it is better than the beard that I have from Doug. It's true. It's just kind of patchy on your chin there and it's held up by your own saliva.

Yes. Yuck. Okay. Thank you, Doug. That was a very, very kind computational words there. And last up, the Thamotech himself, Tov. Oh, hey, it's me, Gestavana Tov. Played by Blaine Gibson.

I'm a level eight. What am I? Thaumatech, Barbarian, Level 8. And wow, I, it's very hard for me to be self-complimentary. You know, it's like I'm performing maintenance on myself, and it's like, stop, don't look at me. But, you know, I think having the upbringing that I had, you know, fighting in war and doing, like, terrible things with my brothers and sisters against our will, you know, but I have taken control of my life, you know, and I'm very happy. that I have, you know, turns my life around and fallen in with such an amazing band of friends

and good people. And I just, if I could, if you could just turn on the karaoke machine, yes, is this, hold on, is this thing on? This is my fight song. Take back my life's song. Prove I'm all right song. My power's turned on. Please cut me off.

Starting right now. That's enough. I think I have a new compliment to give Toll, actually, now after witnessing this skill. Thank you. What are you a bard? I've made something. Think about multi-classing. All listeners, I want you to do the Stinky Dragon Challenge.

I want you to take that clip and make that your ringtone on your phone and put it on maximum volume and receive phone calls in public from other people. It's worse than like the alerts you get on your phone, the government alerts. Yeah. Rainstorm! I wonder if you can make that flood warning and then it's just toll. I'm belting out the hits. Thanks, Tollva.

Yeah, I didn't know. I think you've got a bright future in front of you if you do decide to multi-class in a bar. You begin traveling in the direction guided by the GPS towards the last forest. Do we leave a note for Bun Lap? I'm sorry. I go back and then I re-remind we are actually going here. Hurry. You keep scratching the lines off. And as you, you know, there are dark storm clouds that linger overhead as you make your way towards the last forest.

forest. And as you approached the last forest, Natty, do you have any memories about the first time you bought something at the market? Oh, the first time I bought something at the market, it was my mama just gave me some money to go pick up some stuff for the temple. And they did the kind of thing that parents will do sometimes where they're like, okay, the change is yours to then do what you want with. And I did what any kid would do, and I bought myself some chocolates. But they were special kind of chocolates that had like these little, like little crunchy jewels in them. So they were a little bedazzled. I was drawn to that.

I was drawn to bedazzle things from an early age. Explains a lot. That sounds like there would be a good memory. And then yeah, as you walk in, it seems very normal at first. But of course, like I said, there's stark storm clouds. It's pitch blackout. And there's boisterous music playing amongst technicolor trees and flamboyant market stalls. But as you make your way into the marketplace, you notice the music is drowning

out pained moans. The drow vendor's bodies are mutated with contorted faces. Out from behind the trees and stalls slink grotesque undarians. Flesh warpers. Amidst boisterous music and pained moans, ten flesh warpers slink out from behind technicolored trees and flamboyant market stalls. The mutated handiwork of these grotesque undarians is evident in the contorted faces and bodies of the moaning and mutated drow genderbender vendors. Bender Bender vendors. Try saying that 10 times fast. Gender Bender vendors.

Gender Bender vendors. It's pretty good. There is boisterous music playing. Natty, what kind of boisterous music plays nearby? What kind of instruments are playing? Like, what's the vibe? I mean, there's like, I can hear a mandolin. I can hear a steel guitar.

You have a really difficult instrument. Make him source really weird obscure instruments. I think he's all right. I can hear a fiddle. You know, it's kind of, it's kind of just like, you know, some good old, you know, homegrown music that I'm used to. If you had to pick, like, a genre for the music, I know you said homegrown, like, what does it sound like?

Yeah, it's kind of, it's kind of folky, a little bit of, maybe there's a little bit of like outlaw country in there. Okay. You sure there's no pheromine? Yes. I love that instrument. It's so cool. Amongst all this music and this backdrop of the market stalls, there's 10 flesh warpers.

They're grotesque undarians with misshapen skulls, distorted bodies, warped limbs, and hunched loping gates, each unique in its deformity. They let out pained moans as they mutate. And it seems like they're wandering somewhat, maybe with a purpose, amongst the market stalls going around. What's the demeanor of anybody around witnessing this? Are they in panic or is this something that has been normalized for some reason? Good question.

Yeah, that is a good question. I'm going to answer your question regardless of the outcome of this, but make me a perception check, Natty. 13 plus 3, 16. It's obviously not as you remember it, Natty. And it seems like the gender bender vendors and the people who you know are normally here are uncomfortable and pained. And they seem very, yeah, I said, a very not okay with the situation. Like unsettled? Yeah.

Is it like kind of like a hostage situation where it's like, they're like scared or it's like, where are we like, are we approaching this and we're coming into this and we could like maybe find someone to like talk to be like, like, hey, what's going on? Or is it like a not a talk environment? Oh, good point. I mean, you can always try. It's a matter of whether or not someone notice it or I should say it's a matter of whether or not a flesh. Orper notices or engages with that?

And I'll give context of why I'm asking that so clearly because Natty would know that the market is a place where people of all shapes and colors come to shop. And so Natty wouldn't immediately think that just like an Andarian or a person or someone looks like a flesh warper would necessarily be like an enemy right away. So just want to make sure like you know like rules of engagement kind of situation. It's like a welcoming place. Speaking of rules of engagement, are you currently team leader, Natty? I don't think. Well, I think this is an appropriate time for you to start being team leader. Okay, okay.

No, right that's punch. Better than I do. And I think I was the last one to be team leader. Here, here. While John writes that down, Gus, can you give us a taste of like, what do these guys sound like exactly? You mentioned a... No, no, no, no, no, that's Captain Grumbles.

Captain Grumbles. Brins. Dung, dung, dung, dung. The combination of these guys with the music that you have playing is very funny. Well, that's also why, like, when you're describing, like, what are clearly some sort of creature, monster, maybe an enemy, but then there's, like, still the fulky music. It's giving very, like, quartet on the Titanic vibes of them playing music while there's, like, a disaster going on. Oh, I was thinking, like, Halloween, like, horror nights or whatever at a theme park.

Oh, those are fun. But it's, but the music they're playing is, like, you know, not. horror night's music. It's like, let's get some barbecue music. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, now let's do something. Let's actually do something. Natty walks up to a uncomfortable vendor of some kind, of some person to talk and see like, a gender bender vendor to talk with them. So you just approach the, like the nearest vendor to try to talk to them? Yeah. Roll me a, just for fun, roll me a D8, John. That's a three. You approach the nearest, vendor that you see, and it's a vendor dressed up in almost like an 80-noughties-nit-club look.

So like your attire, Gus? Yeah, exactly. She turns and looks at you expectantly. Well, howdy? I've been away for a bit. Have there been some changes at the market? Shh, be quiet. They'll hear and they'll come closer.

Oh, okay. Come closer. Natty would hide down with them, maybe like, behind. their table or something and like gather her group to come join. Am I allowed back here? I think this is only for management. What's going on? You got you guys got a little bit of an infestation of some kind?

As this vendor listens to your question, you realize that she has a rather long lizard tail sticking out from her rear end that you think doesn't fit with the rest of her body. And she's trying to like, trying to control it, but it doesn't seem like it's listening to her. And she says, Yes, those Andarians are here.

They're kind of around the town now. Oh. Wait, you said you haven't been here in a while. Have you been here before? Yeah, my name's Natty. My mamas are the leaders of the temple. Yeah, local hero Natty von der. No, just local person.

Celebrity, yes? Just a regular citizen? Natty, good to meet you. I'm, oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So is your tale like, like, I can't help but notice that is your tail like something that they've been doing with people? They've been messing with y'all?

Oh my, it is awful. It's such an inconvenience to deal with. I'm doing the best I can't manage it, but I wish I could figure out a way to get rid of it and get back to my normal self. Who did that to you? Was it done in Darians? Yeah, the flesh warpers. Yeah, ever since Vea, you showed up. How did they grow this on you? As you ask that question, I want everyone to make me a stealth check.

Uh-oh. You got someone who's loud. I don't want to be flesh warped. Nat 20 for a 28 total. We're off to a good start. I saw one. Who was a one? I'm going to use my inspiration die because I rolled a one.

Stealth. Okay, that's better. Now I rolled a 21. I rolled a Nat 20 and a 19 and I have disadvantage. So I take the 19. Those are all pretty good. 16. Yeah, pretty good.

Rolls. Wow. Okay. As you're about to start asking your question, Gunther, a flesh warper begins walking by and you all duck your heads below a table to continue your conversation with Umma God. You pause for a moment and the flesh warper continues past. I act like a mannequin. How are they making you grow this? You'll have to ask them. I don't know. Did you like wake up with this or something? It came on very suddenly. Oh, okay. How long have they been like? in charge? Like a while now? Or just, is this recent? It's been. Umma God starts talking a little too animatedly and then has to lower her voice again.

I get that a lot. I get that a lot. Sorry, I just get so excited. They've only been here about a week. It's been one week. It's been. All the flesh wharpers converge on you. So what happened to my mom's like, have they been around since this week? Or have they been like, yes, town heroes? Yes. Yes, yes.

I don't know. They haven't been here in the market. Okay. They're probably still further in in Shady Pines Hollow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Is Umma God a drow like Manette Natty? Yes.

So, Uma, I see that you have this lovely lizard here. It looks fantastic on you, by the way. And I know you're probably like a little self-inscure about it. You're pulling it off. Do, uh, drow in this town, in this village? Do they typically have tails? Is that normal to have a tail as a drow? Why you're saying it like that?

That kind of sounds... Oh, I get it. To answer the meta you're getting at here, Blaine slash Toll, this does not look at all like Natty's tail. This is a reptilian like a lizard tail on Uma God here. That's nice, Gus. So, Uma... So it's strange to have a tan as a draught.

Yes? It's not out of the ordinary. It's strange for me to have this tail. But you do normally have another tail? No. Interesting, interesting. Interesting. Hmm, okay.

What do they want? Nanny takes Gunther, who is now a centimeter from that person's face and pulls him away a little bit. What do they want? And goes, Gunther, we've talked about this. People have a bubble that you can't see, but it's there and you just not encroach upon it. It's hot frog breath just on the... Oh, yeah, my God, she's just getting away for that. I know it seems like I'm just asking for this whenever you ask a question, Chris,

but it's just every periodically I'm asking this, it just so happens you're asking a question again. Can everyone make me a stealth check? 25. 21 again. Oh, come on. No, no, no, no, no. How are we rolling so many critical failures?

I rolled a one at disadvantage. I rolled a 17 for Natty. Pretty good still. Okay, we should probably hurry up with these questions. and maybe move along since we keep getting almost caught by these Indarians. Yeah, this time two flesh warpers come by, and you all pause for a moment hiding under the table while they continue on their way. Guys, here's what we'll do.

If they walk past again, well, each of us will combine with one other person here, so it looks like we've already been affected by the flesh warpers. So, like, I'll give Gunther, like, my bug bear paws or something like that, you know. Yeah. Oh. That's a good idea. Or here, it might be easier for me to. give you part of me

because you're bigger. That's true. Which part are you going to give me, Gantel? Oh, how about my hands? I'll put my hands through your shirt. Is this this thing where Doug puts his hands behind his back and Gunther puts them through his armpits? It's just like to be nubs

because of like the length of Gunther's arms. It could be T-rexen. Yeah. That's hilarious. I love it. And Gunther, his eyes will be poking out the buttonholes. Oh, you're inside his coat. Oh, I thought you were behind me. You're going like this.

So to redirect and try to address your question, Gunther. Umma God says, I'm not sure. I think they're here to plunge a shady ponds hollow. Is there a direction that they are? They're maybe like holding their own little camp at that we could head towards? Well, I'm not sure exactly, but I can tell you this much. The town has been under lockdown for the past week.

The Andorrians. are escorting the citizens to the mine every day. Maybe there's something down in there. I don't know. Okay. My last question, did they take the town by force, or was this like a negotiated deal and now they're just here? Hmm.

Oh, there was a terrible explosion with a massive caving in the mines. About 50 drought died and maybe 100 or so were wounded. No. Oh, dear. That's a lot. Yeah. Let's hate team. Let's head.

Let's make our way as stealthy as possible towards the main entrance of my village slash cave. Okay. Okay. Good idea. Which party partner are you going to give? We have to be in disguise, Natty. So I think you and I have to morph into each other.

Yeah, it's morph in time. A little thought bubble appears over Natty's head, and she just thinks about the idea of holding Gunther up over her head and shaking them around like bait for these Andarians. But then she suppresses that feeling. goes, no, that's not the kind thing to do, okay? And she goes, Gunther, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to change my visage so that I look like I have Skellington arms.

Oh. Skellington. Oh, Tolv, what if you just take your arms out of your skin? Yeah, I could do that. Yeah, okay. Are you, like, plug and play? Can we put your arms where your legs are and your legs where your arms are? I mean, I could do like a Mr. Potato Head type thing if you wanted, yeah.

So I'm just going to actually, that's like I have to. initiate that as a thing. I can't always be in that mode. So I'm going to go potato head mode. I'm going to lay on the ground. Do not look for the off button and you guys just, you guys just do whatever you need to the anatomy and I'm just going to, we're going to figure it out. Okay. So Tov lays down and then he just lets his team pull and move his body parts around. Arm and the belly button. Okay. Okay. I think we're ready. We got a plug. What's it? You're just the arm and the belly button. One leg left, the other leg, coming out of the top of your head.

Okay, where's the head go? Don't put it in the butt. Oh, come on. I need to see. I need to be like, I'm going to leave the head where it is. We're going to leave the head. This person just got a tail.

We don't need to everything. We should get going. We should get going. They're not. What is with you? What is with you today? It sounds like we switched an arm with the leg.

Guys, I think we're going to encounter something really bad very soon if we don't get going. Let's go. Let's go. I can see this man looking at his watch. That was me with my head. in my hands wondering what in the world. Like I always say, I try to figure out

what you all are going to do before we record, and this was an un-de-less. That's wasted energy, Gus. That's wasted energy. This was not. It looked like a biblically accurate angel. Be not afraid! And I'm rolling around. Be not afraid.

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different tools that are all being accomplished by what Notion can do. And they stay aligned and everyone stays connected and there's less busy work. And here at Steaky Dragon, we use Notion a lot. We use it for our D&D module creation for our campaigns. I use it for our store to track projects and products and timelines and calendars. And I love using it for that. It keeps my mind organized in someplace other than this crazy space right here. So to learn more about how Notion can support your business, go to Notion.com slash stinky. That's all lowercase letters.

So go to notion.com slash stinky to try Notion today. And when you use our link, you're supporting our show. So thank you. Ah, sophomore year. For many American high schoolers, it truly is one of the most second high school years. But what if a school year was more than just the second one? What if they got superpowers all up in that thing?

Root Tales of Magic has been relentlessly lampooning fantasy and sci-fi with their improvised role play podcast since 2019, and for their brand-new campaign, they've set their sights on high school. It's Root Tales of Magic Blue Kindness High. Blue Kindness High is X-Men meets Degrocy, animorphs meets Dawson's Creek, Stranger Things meets Looney Tunes, it's GM by comedian Tim Platt,

listening to Branson Reese, Allie Fisher, and Joe Lippoor, tell the tale of sophomores who, for some reason, are amazing. The world is filled with all sorts of things. It's a podcast, good and bad, but there's only one best podcast, Root Tales of Magic. Whether you're a longtime lover of the series or a newbie to the root crew, this tale is definitely one you won't want to miss. Subscribe to Root Tales of Magic on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts, new episodes drop every other Tuesday. Do you play Dungeons and Dragons? Balders Gate, board games, card games, video games?

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Join us in the Shire over at Three Black Apples, available wherever you listen to podcasts. When I first heard about Dum Dums and Dragons, just based on the name, I knew how to check it out. It's a podcast where professional improvisers and comedians played Dungeons and Dragons for the first time. It's kind of like Lord of the Rings if everyone, you know, was an idiot. With storytelling from an award-winning game designer and a cast made up of Second City

trained improvisers, Dumb Dums and Dragons is a show that'll make you laugh and might even make you cry. Dumb Dums and Dragons has been downloaded more than 4 million times, is charted as number two fiction podcasts in the United States. It's So Good It's been featured on the official Dungeon Dragons podcast, Dragon Talk. It's a trio of central heroes that are the zaniest, most lovable crew you can join, featuring Quinny, a thief who broke out of prison by serving his full sentence. Alan, a wizard who consistently forgets magic has consequences.

and their mutual friend butthole, a cleric to the goddess Moonhammer, who the other two think he made up. Dum Dums and Dragons is a perfect show to start if you're curious about how D&D works, or if you're a veteran player, you'll have a blast as this cast quickly picks up the rules and their wild adventure begins.

They have new episodes released every Monday. I listen an episode, and it's great. I think improv in D&D is fantastic, and I think these people are absolutely excellent at it, and I think you should give it a try, and you can listen to Dumb Dums and Dragons anywhere you listen to podcasts. describe your new potato head body to me?

Yeah, so like I think my head is coming out of my belly now and then my limbs I have swapped an arm for a leg. Which ones? My left arm is now my right leg and my right leg is my left arm. Okay. So I'm basically doing a cartwheel to get around now. Kind of like the dude from Interstellar.

The droid, he just kind of spins, you know, a little bit. Taz? Taz? Is that his name? Pars. Tars. Hars. There's Tars. Yeah.

Yeah, something like that. That's my new method of transportation. Now that you've rearranged told, Natty, what is the plan? As team leader, I'm asking you, what is the plan? What are you all doing here? Stay low, head towards the door, the main entrance to the village. Yes, there's a, we shouldn't go shopping before going into the village, huh? I mean, the stuff will be here when we get back.

And probably in a better state of shopping. Shopping speed. Shopping moments. So before you all proceed, there is a new mechanic we are going to add to the game here. And I think this is probably the perfect time to introduce it. So as we've talked about, this is the area that Nadi is from. This is, you know, she grew up here.

Well, she spent a lot of time here, I should say. So we have a new mechanic that we're calling the flashback mechanic. So when you're traveling in a location familiar to your character, in this case, like a hometown, once every session, you can invent something about that location. It could be a place, landmark, or point of interest in the area, a fact about a culture, faction, or group of people, an old superstition or legend about a creature, critter, custom, or concept,

a rumor about the recent history or events of a place or a local friend or family member in the area. So the way it'll work is, John, you can call for it whenever you want. Yeah. Once per session. And what we'll do, the way the mechanical work is that the player, in this case you, John, you'll narrate or roleplay the flag. Like you could say like I recall as a child there used to be an abandoned cottage just outside of town with an axe near the stump with a pile of chopped wood.

Then you'll roll some dice and then that'll help determine how accurate your memory of this thing was. Makes sense? Very cool. Yep. Yeah. So anytime you go to do that this episode, Maddie, just let me know. Was it in the first Bill and Ted or the second Bill and Ted where they were doing that when they were like, hey, when we get out of this, let's go and use the time machine to get the key. keys and we'll put them in our pocket for the next time.

I think that was the first one, but I have not seen that movie in probably 30 years. It was like a little, like a dummy, it was a fun little comedic gimmick that they did where they're like, in order to fix the situation, they acted like, all right, we'll use the time machine to do this. And then they look and like, it's there now because of how time works. Okay, I was going to go on a tangent, but I'm not going to. Sorry. No, no, it's okay. So from this marketplace, like I said, you know, we described the marketplace and it's

bustling. there's lots of vendors, there's lots of flesh warpers. In general, leaving the marketplace, and Natty, you would know this. There's an egress to the east, and there's also an offbeaten path to the northeast, leaving this area. Does the offbeaten path to the north eventually go to where we want to go? Is it just like a different route that's not normally taken? You're trying to eventually get into the mines? Yeah.

Well, the village. I want to get check on my mamas. What do we know about your mom's already? Your mama's so... They're the high priestesses. Both paths eventually take you to Shady Pines Hollow proper. It's just different locations along the way. Yeah, let's not go the front ways.

Let's go the ways that they might not expect someone to go to. So let's go north. Yes, stealth mode. He says as he cartwheels awkwardly. Yeah. With your weird potato head, his body. In order to get around this marketplace, I want you all to describe how you're going to stealthily move through this marketplace to get to the egress and then we'll make a stealth check to see how successful you are. I mean, I think honestly Nattie's best approach would be to look like one of the flesh warpers since that's in her wheelhouse.

So Nattie would change her look entirely to look like one of the flesh warpers. Like a grunt or like a officer type. I don't know if they have distinctions. If you had a bicarne hat. So Natty's going to try to walk casual and blend in as a flesh warper. What about everyone else? Well, would Doug and Gunther try to look like one of the gender bender vendors that has been, like, affected by the flesh warpers? Yeah.

That's up to you. Yeah. I think I'd stick Gunther into my vest and have his little arms pop out where my arms are and, like, kind of hide my arms behind my back as if, like, they got me. switch my arms and these little frog arms what are my sprued to do? I look like a T-Rex now. Pop quiz hot shot, I'm going to test to see if you have a good cover story. What do you sell? What are you

a vendor of? Perfumes. Oh yeah? What's your favorite flavor? Bano. Ax bodice spray where it's made using axes. Mountain mist. Okay. It's believable. Good. That's good. I think we're ready. Okay.

How are you getting through? Yeah, what are you doing? I mean, look at me. Yeah. Pop quiz hot shot. You know, I was just a local, I was just traveling through when the Undarians came through. They got me.

They switched my body around, but I'm kind of cool with it. Oh, I love the Undarians. Ooh, yay. My mind, you just look like from Toy Story, one of Sid's messed up poise that he, like, took apart. That's exactly what I am.

There's a Simpsons gag. I don't know if you remember at Barbara, where Dr. Nick's being accosted by someone he performed surgery on and he accidentally swapped the arm. in the leg. Mm-hmm. And I mean, it's exactly as you described Toll here.

And yeah, Dr. Nick has like a limerick about it. Mr. So-and-so who has a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg. And arm for a leg. Yeah. In that case, everyone go ahead and make me stealth checks to see how effectively you all are able to traverse the marketplace as you try to move along. Seven. Nat, 20, 28. Wow.

19. 14. That averages out pretty high. Pretty high. That does average out pretty high. You all are making the stealth check. text too well. I wanted you all to fight. I kind of want to get into a fight in this mode too, you know?

We've been playing Baldur's Gate, so we're like, yeah, we want to battle. Okay, you all begin making your way darting from stall to stall across the marketplace, going to the northeast, when one of the Fleshwarpers bumps into you, Colf. Oh! And then I like duck my head and subservience. And then I just keep going. It steps in front of your way, blocking your progression, and gets up real close to you, and starts sniffing you. I sniff back.

Make a performance check for me, Toll. Okay. Also, by the way, you're not disguised as one of them, so therefore you're not supposed to talk like them. I'm just code switching, man. I'm just trying to make him feel comfortable. 13. There was a NAC. Actually, I rolled a Nat 12 plus the one, you know.

Nat 12. Yeah, which, you know, when Toll rolls it, it's a... He's trying to make it a thing, guys. He's trying to make it a thing. I'm not trying to make it a thing. It's a thing. Everyone knows. Stop trying to make thatcha thing.

Everyone in the D&D community knows Nat 12. I was so confused. A second Fleshwarper walks over and kind of boxes you in a little bit Tullv. Yeah, guys, guys. I'm just trying to go about my day, support the local economy, you know? and then I give them like a thumbs up with my foot toe and say like

Go Undar Hmm Okay Is that enough Gus Go Undar That's the password for today That's the coach Woo

And then I wiped the sweat off my brow With my flip One of them begins Moning Seemingly in pain And its body begins shifting It seems like beneath its flesh Its bones are breaking

And reshaping itself In front of you Gross I console it by patting it on the back with one of my feet arms. As you're patting it on the back, you feel it's spine snapped where you are patting it. Chiropractor will fix that right up. You'll be just right as rain. Can I take this moment?

Does the other Undarion seem to be distracted by this, or is this normal? The other Undarian doesn't seem to even really care that much. Maybe they don't really care about us and we could just keep going about our... Right. I did stop him. True. Can I just scuttle along and just be like, my bad, my bad. Yeah, now that there's only one of them there, it's just, it's not blocking your path anymore.

It's just watching you as you scuttle along, continuing on your way, Toll. I give it a friendly wave with my foot. Yeah, you continue and reconvene with the rest of your party. Hey guys, I don't advise that you talk to those dudes. They are not friendly, and they will grunt and yell at you. What does that sound? It sounds like something like a bone cracked or something. Yeah, have you ever seen American Werewolf in London?

Can't say I have, actually. Don't watch it. You reconvene at kind of an offbeaten, I guess at the beginning of an offbeaten path that leads off to the northeast. You see one set of muddy footprints heading towards the east. Rabel Croc. Did these footprints is one of them a hand? Has told been here before? Maybe one of them that'll be left.

will be. Could I take a look at the footprints and see if I could identify, like, what kind of creature it was? Yeah, make an investigation check. 15. It appears to be humanoid, but it's not really more discernible any than that. So you can say with confidence it's not an animal, it is a humanoid of some type. And Natty, do these footprints look like one of your mom's feet? I don't know how well you know your mom's feet or shoes or anything like that, but... How well do you know your mom's feet? I don't, you know, I don't, you know, I don't think. You know, I don't I think I can find my mom's feet in a lineup. I don't, I wouldn't want to.

Is that like a bug bear thing? Do you guys know each other's feet? Well, yeah, because like, you know, you know how like people have like unique thumbprints, figure prints and stuff like that? Well, like my parents, they don't wear any shoes, so like I could tell their unique footprints. Because, you know, they're just barefoot there. Bear foot. Huh. No, I don't know my mama's footprint.

I'll just answer. some daughter you are. Yep. Put that down in the failure category. I'm so sad. Let's continue down the path. Maybe whoever left these footprints will find them. You continue up the path leaving the marketplace,

and you find yourself coming upon a mossy outcropping. You hear munching sounds and see muddy footprints. There's hair-like moss that overgrows it, and there's a nest perched in a niche above the overgrowth. That's weird. from this area, you see there is a path that leads off to the south. And in that direction, you hear yelling and laughing. Are we past the market with the flesh, whatever they are called?

Yeah, you left the marketplace and moved on to this area. So there's no other ones around here? Correct. We can speak a little more freely? Yes, if that's what you're getting at, yes. Is the laughing a separate voice from the yelling, or is it the same? It's mixed. It's just like maybe something raucous going on down there.

And then you said the munching was coming from what direction? It's all around you. It's here somewhere around you near this mossy outcropping. Is it in the way the footsteps are, footprints are going? Well, the footprints that you ask about it, they seem to lead straight to the wall of the mossy overgrowth. Okay. Oh, so like something caught, that's what the nest is.

Natty would, I don't know. Should we see what's up there, y'all? Should we reconnoissance? Yeah. I exit Doug. Oh, I didn't know you're, it's like in Titan Falls when you get out. out of the Mac. It's like that. Should I stay in this form?

Yes. I mean, I kind of like it. It's like different in you, you know. This is my new thing, my new look. Nattie, thoughts? You do you. Okay. Maybe I should get a tail. That seems to be the local thing, getting tails on things that don't normally have tails. I try to put the one on you. It's true. No, no comment, Nadi. No comment, no.

Natty, natty chuckles, hits him on his back and then starts climbing up the moss. So this mossy overgrowth, it's bizarre looking. It looks almost like humanoid hair. There's various shades and textures to it. Ewe. Natty, you said you begin climbing the moss? Yes. You go up to it and touch it.

And as you begin starting to climb, you put your hands onto the moss. And it feels soft as hair, but sturdy as silk rope. Does it feel attached to the wall or is it free hanging? It's definitely attached. Because when you grab onto it and pull, you hear a scream. Natty takes your hands off and goes, hello? You get no response, Natty. Natty would pull it again and be just curious if it's like a...

Okay, Nanny would fly up then to the little niche. Oh, I keep forgetting she can do that. I know, me too. You take flight and fly up to and you see a niche nest. And inside the nest, you buy three sticky eggs, one of which is hatched and there's a tiny chick. Was the screaming coming from the wall or a... above me where this nest is. It seemed like it was coming from the wall.

Okay. So might be unrelated or not connected directly to these eggs. Yeah. The wall? Could just be the wall as feels pain. So there's three eggs. One is hatched. And I'm assuming that means that it's not just an empty shell. There's a creature there? Yeah.

You see a featherless rooster chick with a long echidna-like snout dripping with snot. and it seems to be peacefully munching on hair like moss. Okay. Does it have teeth? Num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, okay. It's a rooster. Oh, gotcha.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, is this a typical creature that Natty be aware of, or does this feel like another flesh warper incident? It is not a flesh warper to answer your question directly. You described chicken plus a kidney, and I just wanted to ask. Yeah, I'll tell what, Natty, let's use one of our other mechanics that we've introduced here. Why don't you make me a luck check? Okay.

That's an eight. Okay. Lucky. Lucky number eight. Unlucky. That was just for me. Okay. Excuse me.

Do you perhaps speak common? Are you that kind of a creature or am I barking up the wrong wall? Yes. Yes, infant. Tell us more about yourself. I don't know. This is a weird place. I got to ask people if they can talk.

Upon hearing your voice, the chick seems somewhat startled and looks up and sees you. and lets out a sneeze. Adorable. Giz you intact? Make me a constitution saving throw, Natty. Oh, son of a. This is where COVID starts. 14.

Okay, Natty, you sneeze. Atsy. Cute. And you fall prone. Oh, no. Do I take damage? The forest or do they pass out? Just from the sneezing.

I've never fallen down from a sneeze before. Well, Natty was flying. Oh. And you've never had a rooster within a kidney-like snout. sneeze on you. Sure. Right. Yeah, Neddy, you fall back down to the ground and take four points of falling damage. All right. Well, from the floor, Nettie goes, okay, there's a infectious creature in that nest up there that upon trying to talk to it, it did not respond in any sort of common tongue. So I think maybe don't go up there.

I heard sneezing. Maybe you should social distance. Give you about six, seven feet there, daddy. You can't get biological viruses. How dare you? Okay? He is alive. Correct me. Then correct me. Can you get biological viruses? We'll get back to it.

I'll tell you when you tell me what's up with that tear. Hey, guys, but I think there might be something more to this wall, like maybe behind it. Do you all have any sort of idea on how to see if this, like, is a faux wall or like a door? Like the- How tall is the wall? How tall is the wall? We'll say it goes up about up to the niche. where the nest is. We'll say it's about, let's say, 15 feet.

That's not that high. I can boost you up there. Gunther jumps up to the top. Into the niche where the nest was. Cool. So Gunther just ignored what I said. Doug and Tov. Would you like to participate in what I had offered?

I kind of want to see what happens here to Gunther. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And then we'll participate. You see a bird in a nest. Ah! Gunther jumps back. Bird.

Bird. I just realized I may have been misunderstanding your question. Chris, were you asking how high it is up to the niche or like... To the top of the wall. I see. I thought you were only talking about up to the niche. As far as the wall itself, this is like a mountainside. It's huge.

Oh, okay. Okay, and then mine. And it's all hair. Moss. The village is set in a forest right outside of a mountain. The mountain and underneath there is where Shady Pines Hollow where I'm from. Okay. So imagine we are trying to head towards a mountain where a mine would be.

And it's a hair mine? Nope. I don't think so. Is it a hair mine, Gus? No. Didn't think so. What do you get your fabulous wigs, though? Where did you get yours?

Other people, right? Fair. Can Gunther cut off some hair? Just for the record, it's moss. It's moss, it's moss, yeah. Natty, since you are from Shady Pines Hollow, I'll say that you do know this. So just because I know that there appears to be confusion

about the moss and hair and whatnot. You think? Nadi, you know. know that this type of moss would be used in cosmetics. Okay. Okay. Does Natty know why it yells? Were you on the production side?

Of what? Cosmetics. No. Well, you know it's called lush locks. Okay, lush locks. Naturally. Okay. So this is a, well, yeah, this is a naturally occurring resource of this area.

Correct. Okay, okay. Then Natty would go, okay, I think, I think we've just happened to on maybe just a weird creature incident. I don't think I want anybody else to get the virus of whatever. I just can contract it. So maybe we just kind of move along and mark this down as like, all right, this is something that's here.

Let's remember it if we need to remember it. Is the mine related to this moss? You said something about it being a resource. Or is this what they're mining this moss stuff? I don't think I was part of a conversation that determined what exactly was in the mine. I think it's, correct with Verlum, Gus, isn't it like it's resources for the market for like the cosmetics? Yes. And we did talk about it in a, in the world building thing that we did.

That was a while ago. Yeah, that was a while ago. They're mining some type of mineral or resource that they're in. Like imagine things that you would grind down to turn into makeup or that kind of thing. Can I find this at like a Sephora or alter? Well, that's what this market is. That's a market. You can find it at the market you just walked out of.

Oh, oh, wow. There's a market, and they get the resources from the mine. I see. You would know what they, the name for the resource that they mine, Natty. What they mine is called Vizajim's. Vizigems. Visit jims. Brick that down.

Okay. Well, let's, I mean, you guys, this has been a learning moment to learn a little bit about where I come from. Why am we, uh, skiddle and see what's going on with that laughing and that anger. You got it, team leader. Could I cut some hair off? I wouldn't. Okay.

I wouldn't. Just considering it made a yelling sound, and I fear something might hear it if you cut it off right now. Doug will plug some of his hair off of his arm and hand it to Gunther. Yeah. You really want some hair. I had plenty. I was working on my beard.

I want to make a new one. Well, we could dye this. In your village, did they call you Hodge by chance? Yeah. This is the origin story. I was waiting for a reference. I've been having a hard time trying to a little. explain what Midnight Burger is.

How about I let them give it a shot? Your podcast is amazing. There's such an amazing show altogether. You've actively ruined all other audio dramas for me. You can't get people to understand the humaning that happens in this damn show. Keep doing what you're doing because it's awesome. You might not think it, but you are far more important than you realize. Thank you.

At the nexus of all things, there is a diner. Look for Midnight Burger on your favorite podcasting app, or just go to we open at 6.com. Hey y'all, I wanted to tell you about another great podcast you thought y'all would love. Gestors of Ravenloft. It's a podcast where a collection of comedians started a D&D campaign, only to find out that they are the characters and they've been sucked into the nightmare realm of Ravenloft. It's a DM by an award-winning game designer and voiceover actor

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You know, the show has got to be amazing. It's got original content set within Ravenloft. It's a perfect show for DMs to learn how Ravenloft works, while also being totally spoiler-free for any players if they journey to Ravenloft in their own home games. New episodes are recorded live on Twitch every Wednesday night and release this podcast every Friday and Saturday. You get two episodes every week, so that's twice the fun.

I did the math. I listen an episode, and I think the Ravenloft world is really cool. I feel like it's, well, in my opinion, it's kind of underutilized. So I'm really happy to listen to them exploring that world and kind of showing it to people. Highly recommend you check it out. You can listen to Juster of Ravenloft anywhere you listen to podcasts. Do you remember that feeling of your first critical hit? Are you one of those people who are getting ready to start that journey?

Well, I have a show for you. It's called Girls Who Don't D&D because none of this all-female team of players has ever joined a D&D game before or any other role-playing game. They go from learning which dice is what to challenging the gods themselves. They're surrounded by a beautiful, chaotic, environment has been described as a cross between Terry Pratchett's Discworld and Douglas Adams, hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and to World, you can be part of two. That's because their listeners perform pre-recorded sections that fit into each show. Those parts and the rest of the show sound amazing with carefully added music and effects that bring a touch of the cinematic to

your experience. It's kind of cool how they're complete amateurs when they started and they really progress. I think you can probably, you know, we can relate to that with Tales on a Stinky Dragon starting off kind of as newbies and then really learning the game as we go. I think that's a great way to approach it. And you can join this group of unassuming. Australians, otherwise known as the girls who don't D&D on any device that lets you stream podcast. But I'm warning you, this one's addictive, heartwarming, heartbreaking, and very, very funny. So are you guys heading south?

Towards that, yeah, that noise that you said, you described. The laughing and the yelling. Yeah, you proceed from where you are to the south. You hear this laughing and yelling and a handful of voices in this direction. You walk towards the south and you see what appears to be a... cavern entrance. And as you get closer, you know, you get that smell in your nose, like the moment before rain. Petricor. Let's forget what it's called. You see a mess of muddy footprints outside of the mossy cave mouth. And in front of the cave mouth, there's three dretches who are watching

you all approach. Weapons drawn. Well, I look like a flesh warper. Mm-hmm. So... And Tov looks like that. Oh! But also, I did... I would have heard how those flesh warpers down and I can't, I don't know what that language was, right? No. Do we know what these dretches, what language they speak? Yeah, you all have encountered dretches before. They speak abyssal.

You're up, goodther. I jump behind. Natty, there will be an ear. You know what? I want to try something. Could we try something? Please. Okay, just follow my lead, okay?

You got it. Okay. So there's three at the sentries in the cavern. Correct. Yes. And we are at the end of a pathway we've taken that has taken us a bit away from the market. Correct. So from where you are, from this area, there's the path to the north, which is where you just came from, and there is a path to the west, which you assume that, like, Daddy, you know, that takes you right back to the market.

Yeah. Okay. Natty would approach them, looking like normal, like this is normal, like, you know, just kind of walking up with her party with her, and then would come up to those three dretches and go, all right, one, two, three. 12, 3, Gunther 1, Doug 2, and Natty cast darkness. And right as she cast darkness, having just mapped where they are, she also shoots two Eldridge blasts. Oh, my God. If you'll allow me, Gus, with a little bit of a surprise. Normally. But the darkness can be all I did.

I'm fine with that. Are both of these like full action spells or can you do one of them as a bonus action? You know what? That's a good call. They're all one action. Okay. Except the Eldris Blast, I can do two attacks per action. Right.

But darkness will be my action. So yeah, you can do the darkness. That was the main thing I was trying to pull off. Okay, yeah. I got greedy. Why did she sign some numbers? What was the numbers? Great.

Just so I have it. Obviously, I'll give you all a surprise action here, but just so I have it, I want you guys to roll me an initiative just so I can write it down and I can get my head around this. 17. Dirty 20. 22. Nattie has a seven. Okay, darkness falls over the

area you're in. What's the radius on darkness? It's pretty. It's like 30 feet or something? It's 15 foot sphere from the center. Okay. So yeah, so it's 30 feet wide. Yeah. So that easily covers all of them and all of you guys. I'll give each of you besides Nadi like a surprise action. There you go. Nice. Oh, fun. So what do you all want to do? Anyone go first? Are we not just going in initiative order? Gunther.

Well, I sense it's like this is like the surprise. you all can go in whatever order, and then we'll revert to initiative. Okay. Perhaps it keeps the organized. Let's just follow what our grouping of initiative orders of us. Sure. All right, Gunther, go for it. I had a question.

When I sent my sword off in the last episode, did I send my sword off or was it just the materials I sent off? I can't remember. Yeah, you send off the sword and the materials. I will go and attempt to attack with my hand axes. You sound so confident, Gunther. Yes. Okay, go for it.

And I also have disadvantage on melee tax this turn, because I'm still wary. Oh, God. This is the last episode, though, right? The last one. All right, so that was a... Wary or weary? We're weary. We're all right?

Potato potato. He's wary, weary, weary. And I rolled a seven and a 20 with my hand axe. Seven, so that is a miss. Yeah. And what number... John, don't say anything. What number were you assigned, Gunther?

One. Okay. So you... You lash out in the darkness, but you don't feel your hand axe connect with anything. Oh, what's up with you? Wait, I get two attacks. Oh, you get two attacks. I'm sorry.

Go for it. Nothing much. What's up with you? I'm going to, I guess I'll go again. Yeah, go for it. Come on. Ooh. That one.

Where does Gunther hit himself with his axe? Yeah, you rolled a 19 and a four, but the four was a one, which is a critical failure. I want you to roll me a D6 because it's dark. on a one through three, you hit one of your teammates by accident. Five. Okay, I tried. I tried.

Why are you defending you? I tried, guys. I'm sorry. He didn't kill him. That's probably more directed at Micah than us. Yeah, if it were not dark, I probably would have said you would have hit them. But no, the attack just flies through the darkness,

not striking anything. And Micah does have a note. Just to be clear, weary and wary are two different words, and you are weary. This is actually a pet peeve of mine online. People always confuse, weary, weary, leery. Larry?

And I think that's it. Yeah, there's no other one. The three words are becoming interchangeable online. When I read people's post online, you are weird. Okay, okay. And is that it for you, Gunther? No, quick toss. Bonus action, I throw my little hand dagger at, hopefully.

What is that? Someone. Quick toss? Yeah, quick toss. As a bonus action, you can spend one superiority diet. I make a range attack with a weapon that has a throne property. You can draw the weapon as part of the making this attack. If you hit, add superiority die to weapons damage roll.

Chris, where has this been? That's so cool. I just got it. It's new. We haven't leveled up in a while, my dude. Have we leveled up? Yeah, wait, wait. Well, I haven't used it since I got it.

Okay, okay. I know. This is like pocket sand, but you're throwing a dagger? No, my hand axe that I had. I don't have a dagger. I don't have a dagger. You said dagger. You said dagger.

I'm in hand axe. I still do it with disadvantage. But... At 20. Let's see what the other one is. 12. Which we know, as we know in our audience, in our group. Big deal, those 12s.

Even if you're not 12. Yeah. Okay, I just want to get the... I want to get the lore accurate. Yeah, you toss your axe into the darkness. The result is unknown. Okay, so I don't need to roll damage. Roll it.

Okay. Okay, that's a seven plus a superiority die. Superiority. Eight total. Okay. Eight points of damage to the darkness. Okay, that is it for Gunther Toll. Yo, yo, yo. I'm going to start things out.

Do we have a hand? We have a hand? D&D question, because I'm actually curious now, with surprise attacks, does that include a bonus action? I always thought it was just you get your action. Yeah, you're right. It probably shouldn't. Okay. But I'll be honest with you. It was a miss. That's why I was like, since it missed, it wasn't a big deal. In this particular instance, we're making a ruling that it will be a surprise round because of the coordinated ambush.

So a surprise round as in we can get bonus actions? Yeah, what he just did is correct. Oh. Well, then in that case, it's Tolst turn, and he's going to rage. Terrifying. Thank you. I drew my, because of my current form, it would be hard to do two-handed attacks, so I'm going to be doing one-handed attacks.

In your foot or your hand. And, but the other one will have the shield. Like for an arm and an arm for a leg. This is a D&D in real life scenario. Can you hold a shield? with your foot. Yes. Follow us on Instagram.

All the social medias. Yes. Add Steaky Dragon Pod. And then I'm going to use the Gabel of Gailstrom to attack number three. Or was it? What number is it? Don't tell him. No, hold on.

I'm 12. So that's one and two. Oh, God, which one was it? Doug knows the math for that. I said, don't tell him. No, I'm saying he was one and two. Like his show. Oh, oh.

Three. Doug on one and two is equals first. Equals three, that's right. I have like a brain like, and I attack number three with the Gable Gailstrom. Yake. Nine. What is going on? What is going on right now?

You all got great stealth checks earlier, and this is the price. Yeah, you swing your Gavillstrom through the darkness, not connecting with anything. That's okay, because I have another attack. Do it again. Nice. Yeah. Aha, 25. Your gavel strikes something in the darkness.

Oh. I'll roll bludgeoning damage. That's nine plus two because of rage. 11. That was a spooky two. So 11? Actually, you know what? I also have this thing that is called.

Savage Attacker, once per turn, when you hit a target with a weapon, you can roll the weapons damage dice twice and use either roll against the target. I might as well. Nine's a pretty good hit. I could be better, so let's give it a go, huh? All right. But it was, yeah, nine. Okay, I see, yeah. I'm glad I did it. That was a 10. 10. So 12. Yeah, so 12. To 10 plus two because of your raging. So you sweep through the darkness, connecting, doing 12 points of damage. To something, yeah.

You hear something, some mass, some body in the darkness collapse onto the floor. Oh, Kiki. Oh no. Kiki, eat that soul. That's my turn, yes. Okay. Doug. This is your surprise round. I got a quick question. Go for it.

Maybe a question for Micah. If I use my threshold or, like, could I just use it as an axe? Yeah. So I'm going to, I have surprise attack. So if I hit a creature that has not taken a turn yet in the current combat with an attack roll, it takes an extra 2D6. Okay. I will get to that. So I'm going to use my thresholder to hit number 2, or where I believe number 2 was.

Who does number 2 work for? Okay. Well, it was a 19 plus 7, so that's a 20. and six to hit. Okay, yeah, that hits. You definitely connect with something in the darkness. And then it's a 1D6 plus 4. That's a 1 plus 4 plus 5 plus 5 plus 2d6 because it's a surprise attack.

That's a 5 and a 6. So that is a 16 points of damage. 16 points of damage. Your threshold slices through the darkness, striking one, presumably one of the dretches, and you also hear a body slump to the ground. Okay, that's it for me. Okay, that is all of you guys, including Natty's darkness.

So then we would be back into regular initiative, which means we'd be back up at the top of the order in darkness, which means Gunther, it is you. Shoot them with my gun. I forget you have a gun. So Gunther, you pull out a gun and shoot into the darkness. Yeah, I still don't have that item. I need to add that actual, because I just have a pistol in my inventory.

So I know this one has like a weird thing. A weird thing. It's like a weird gun. It's not a normal gun. Gunther, I want to point something out that someone in Discord commented about this gun. So the episode where you fired the gun has not come out yet, as of this recording. But someone in Discord was talking about this gun the other week. I don't know if I sent it to you.

Yeah. They commented that something like, I hope Chris remembers that Gunther has a gun. He picked up this gun from Captain Grumbles. This was Captain Grumbles gun that you have. And I forgot that the last time. I just looked it up, the item up. So you are wielding Captain Grumble's old gun. And what was funny is the day that I used it for the first time,

someone left that comment in Discord. Right. The day we recorded that episode. It was just bizarre timing. So your point you're getting at is you do not have the... I don't have it, but I shoot it. The item. The item...

Yeah, but I'm saying like the stats I see are probably specifically for this character that was holding in. So yeah, 1D10 plus 5, you said? If I hit, yeah. All that to say? Gunther pulls... out a gun. And I fire it with confidence. 17.

That is a hit. It's like the James Bond barrel scene, but it's a frog. Doing eight damage. You looked, you like squinted and looked at it with concern. But yeah, you fire your pistol into the darkness. You hear a yelp. That's right. Oh, that's right.

I forgot. Since we're out of the surprise round and we're back in regular initiative Plus anyway you're weary you need you need to roll that with disadvantage Is that? Oh yeah is the pistol it's a ranged attack that is it a I guess it is male isn't also it is range but you're in the darkness too that once we're out of the surprise yeah we were gonna go do that 11 mother roll all right 11 yeah that is a miss you fire your pistol into the darkness and you hear it bounce off of a stone wall the the bullet But all right. I guess I'll just, I'll turn. You sound so defeated.

Well, I could try and swing my axe, but I'm just going to miss it. So just go. All right. That's the spirit. Tov, you're up. After 12 is Doug. The dredge the net. So three is down.

One is down. I'm going to just kind of. I hit two, I think. Yes. One is. So one is still up? Okay. Well, I'm going to Marco Polo my way over.

to them through the darkness, swinging my axe. You have an axe? Oh, gavel, Gail's joke. Sorry, I always confuse the gavel as an axe. So, yeah, Marco, swing. All right. Roll to hit with disadvantage because of the darkness. Hey, my name is Marco.

How did you know? Nine. Ask me if that hits. It doesn't. Nine. Fish out of water! You hear a voice in the darkness reply. What?

No, fish isn't out of water? Wait, but we wouldn't understand it, would we? Gunther would. And Gunther, lats. Coincidentally, this is neither here nor there. Yes. By pure luck, one of these NPCs was actually named Fish. Really?

Oh, wow. You all didn't talk to them, so you didn't find out. You're going to hit again with my second attack. All right. Okay, all to a good start. 24. 16? Yes, that hits.

Okay. I think you're lying to me. There's just something about that performance. I feel like that was alive, but I'll take it. No, it hits. It hits. It totally hits. And I roll a D8.

I got the 8 plus 3, 11 plus 2 from rage. 13. Yeah. And those were indeed Fish's last words. He falls to the ground in the darkness. You hear another body fall to the ground. Just to make sure I have the storm or so a creature might choice gets a 1D6 lightning damage. You might resuscitate him.

No, that's fine. It's fine. You don't just got to use it. That's a four. So just four more points. So that's like lightning that strikes out of the sky. When I activated one creature of your choice in your aura, must make a DC-14 deck save,

taking one D6 lightning damage on a failure. He's not very dexterous because he's dead. But yeah, okay. Yeah, what was the point of doing damage to the dead person? I'm just flexing. I just, you know, when you're in a different kind of form with my legs and everything topsy-turvy, I just, I think things are going to be different.

fun, you know, tried it out. We'll see what the Fleshwarpers think about that thunder. I take it back. I suck. No, no, no, no. The deed is done. Dang it. Is it lightning, though? Lightning doesn't make noise.

Well, I guess it goes, it hits. Well, no, that's thunder. So lightning is, it's just a bright flash concealed by darkness, thank you very much. All three enemies are now down. What were they wielding?

You don't know, darkness is up. Well, we saw him. He would have seen. He wants to steal their weapon because he's without weapon. So I said they had their weapons drawn earlier. I forgot. They slash with claws.

The dretches are the greenish-guilla-like Undarians. They're covered in pestules and boils, and they've got gnarly curled claws and fangs. So they use natural weapons. Okay. Narly. Rone me a D-6, Gunther. One.

As you're looking around to see if they have any weapons, you do find some rations of dried meat on them. Oh. Lunchables, yum. Yummy. Oh, I'm hungry now. As well as a humanoid pinky finger. Oh, good for this.

It's lucky. Oh, yummy. You're weird. Pinky finger? Yeah. It's a lucky pinky. Is that not a culture? Is that just in my village?

Is the pinky lucky when it is off the person it originated from? Yeah, it's lucky. Okay. You've never heard of this? You never, this isn't a thing? No. No. Not very cultured, I guess.

Yeah. In addition to that, you also find a chip of a chip of a thing. an emerald, like a small precious gemstone in their Gunther. Just like an emerald's worth? Yeah, it's like probably worth like 10 gold. You done loot in the body? Yeah, unless anyone has a weapon that I can use. No, but I do think we should keep going.

Spent a lot of time here. Daddy, I assume you dropped the darkness and take in this location. You assume correctly. Okay, so I'm going to re-describe it since I described it before the combat, just so make sure we're all on the same page. Thank you. You find yourself at the entrance of a cavern. and smells like the moment before rain.

There's a mess of muddy footprints outside the mossy cave mouth. It was guarded by three dretches who are now on the floor, unmoving. Inside the cavern, you can see torchlight glitters on what appeared to be moss-covered gemstones embedded in the cave walls and the ceiling. And no other people in this entrance? No. Okay. You, you, Natty, there is stuff you do remember, though, from growing up here and from when you were younger. Okay.

You know that this cavern that you're in front of that you see, holds the main entrance to Shady Pines Hollow. Okay. And you also know that besides this entrance, there is another more remote slash secretive entrance into Shady Pines. Okay. Well, let's walk in. Let's see what's going on inside of Shady Pines Hollow.

Being back at home, do you feel like nostalgic and emotional? Do you need like a moment? You asking me or you asking Natty? Being back home, do you feel like nostalgic or emotional? I mean, yeah. Forever young. I want to be. I mean, yeah, I do.

I miss my home. It's nice to be back here. I don't like the fact that it's been taken over by some Andarians. But maybe we can come to get to the bottom of this sometime soon. I'm really excited to meet your moms. Me too. They're great. We haven't really, I mean, we've met a lot of Tolv's family,

but we haven't really met a lot of each other's family. So this is a pretty cool moment. Well, we've met some of like Gunther's family, but they're like mean. Yeah, they attack us and they hurt us. Oh. right his aunt. No, just the one.

I'm excited to see who we get. What, you know, wow, Jessica Simpson is one of the moms. That's crazy. What a get.

Jessica Simpson. Like voice. What a bizarre reference. The first person that came to mind. Like a really big get for a voice actor. And he goes,

Jessica. It is. 2002. She went to my high school. So every now and then I'm like, oh yeah, Jesse Simpson. Hit her up.

Hit her up. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Let me text Jessica Simpson. Where are you at? What are you up to? So in this cavern, you see more of that moss that you had previously encountered. Okay. The location you were in.

What was it, Luscious locks? Lush locks. Lush locks. The body of the three dretches, and this cavern itself seems to almost be like a tomb of some kind. There's sconces of flickering torches, moss-covered gemstones embedded in the cave walls and ceiling, and a coffin crafted of bluish and milky stone, which is currently closed. Oh. Home should be home.

Is that your bed over there, that coffin? No, I don't sleep in a coffin, thank you. I mean, I would track. I'm kind of obsessed with death. Okay, can we just safely proceed in? Yeah, yeah, I mean, you're, yeah, I assume you're in the, in the cavern at this point. Okay. All right, Natty, uh, interesting place you got here.

Did you do the interior decorating or? No, but I can't wait to give you, like, a proper, like, tour when we're not, like, worried about some sort of invading unit. That's true. Are there any things that you need to, like, collect that, like, family heirlooms or valuables that you want to make sure are secure? Well, I just, yeah, my mama's. Fair, okay. Yeah. So is, like, the coffin, there's a coffin made out of what?

It's crafted of a bluish and milky stone that's, and is currently closed. But Natty think that's normally there? Yes, this is, this is familiar to you. Okay. Yeah, okay. Then I'm going to, I'm going to bounce off of what, uh, barbara. slash Doug said and Natty's going to go over and open the coffin. Yeah, you open the top and the coffin is empty. There's nothing in it. It's pretty clean. Natty gets in. Oh, you get in and lay down.

Ooh, it's comfy. Do you close it or are you just laying in it with the lid open? Yeah, Natty needs some alone time. All right, yeah, you pulled the door closed on top of you. And as soon as the lid closes, a set of secret spiral stone steps emerge beneath you, Natty. descending further underground. That's cool. And Natty didn't know about this? Now that you're doing it, it clicks. You remember.

You remember the cavern and the coffin being the key to re-entering Shady Pines Hollow. Natty's like Batman. Where is he? I forgot about it. Dog likes Batman. Yeah. Cannon.

Does Nettie know where these stairs go? Yeah, you know that these stairs lead you straight into Shady Pines Hollow from here. Okay. These should take you to a bridge to get to head into it. If she opens the lid back up, do the stairs go away? Or could she open it up and let us through? This is a perfect opportunity for you to play a funny prank.

Yeah, yeah, I was going to say, Nadi goes into the stairs, and then finds whatever switch, puts the stairs back up and pops the lid open again. It's a magic trick. Natty's gone. Tadda! Natty? She's been raptured. The blood bailer took her. The blood baili took her.

Nanny just calls in from like undergrounds like, get in the coffin! Okay, I trust Nattie wholeheartedly, so whoop. And Doug hops in the coffin. Doug, you hop in and close the lid and the similar situation plays out where stairs up here beneath you and you proceed down.

I'm gonna have to figure out the mechanics on this one. This is cool. I'll hop in along with Captain Grumbles to make sure that he makes it securely inside. Precious cargo! We'll say that all of you make your way through the coffin and continue and reconvene

with Natty. Okay, let's go. This is fun, isn't it? The freaky-deaky entrance. This is pretty fun, very cool. Yeah. Little playhousey, little meow wolfy. Is that like a fantasy creature?

Yes, yes. It does sound like it. You go down the spiral staircase together, and after going down for a couple stories, you all enter a cavernous underground town, dimly lit by spangled amber gemstones glowing softly in the cave-s Is that the only entrance into this town?

Because wow, traffic must be brutal. Normally, Shady Pines Hollow would be a bouquet of colorfully-fewed houses, clustered in cozy cave cul-de-sacs. The streets would wind with iridescent stone walkways that lead to communal courtyards, front porches, and bustling businesses. A soundscape would echo between buildings of melodious singing, lively laughter, and tinkering from the mines. But the first thing you notice is a scorched crater where the mine's entrance once stood.

Most houses are aflame, or crumbling. Half the gemstone walkways are collapsed into sink holes. Courtyards and businesses are guarded by controlling bands of Udarians. There's no singing nor laughter in the air, just the roar of flames, marching of feet, an industrious din of mining equipment. You guys can all hear a crackling of energy because if you turn and look at Natty, she is surrounded by Eldridge smoke and light and fuming at a, like, to a degree you've never seen before. I'm guessing this is not the normal state of things here. I think we're about to see Natty go on a rampage. We're going to find out what Natty does in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Nadi's about to send a lot of

people to her wedding. That's cool. That's a great way to put it. Yeah. A lot of invites going out. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. Smarsh is king. And now Smarsh is dice. We teamed up with our friends at Misty Mountain Gaming to bring you Smarsh dice. Inside every crystal clear die, tiny, mighty, Smarsh figurine erupts from a bed of golden sand, frozen in an eternal stance of dominance. They have been known to make you roll like a king, and don't you ever forget, Smarsh is king. They are available now at stinky dragonpod.com slash smarsh dice.

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and more on our Patreon. Stop missing out on the adventure. Become a patron today at stinky dragonpod.com. Some NPCs were named after patrons from our Stinky Dragon Discord and some of our friends, provided voices in this tale including Uma God, named after Falcon God,

voiced by Bex from Roll With Her at Betaray Beka. B-E-T-A-R-A-Y-Bacca? Yeah, that's it. This week's Arrow Question was submitted by I-O. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and Mike Erisinger. I know that guy.

Written and composed of Mike Erichinger, still know that guy. And edited by Alina Korchek. She's cool, too. Join us in the tavern next time for another aromatic adventure of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Bye. I'm going to answer that in a moment. No, now. Now.

Now, do it. Are you rolling to see what kind of MPC this is? Maybe. I feel like there's a table and it's like, give them fart voice. Their hair is brown. I got something in my throat today. Is that the character? Is it a frog?

No, it's Gus. Sorry, Gunther. Get me out of your mouth!