Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Lost Dianasty - Ep. 79 - Who’s Your Daddy?

Episode Date: January 18, 2023

The Infinights return from Tetora preparing for Entropa’s next steps and looking for the location of a mysterious island. Check out our merch and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and more: https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Shout Out to our Voice Actors for this episode: Omar Finn - Jacob Fullerton (@_JacobFullerton) Simsun Finn - Blizzbear (@blizzb3ar) Grislee - Yssa Badiola (@dearbassy)  Elleve - Jessica Vasami (@JessicaVasami) Dr. Ahem - Micah Risinger (Writer, Editor, Composer - @micahrisinger) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy to all you half-ogres! Wander on in to the stinky dragon, throwback our latest thirst quencher, Donkey Drunky! It's a mixture of quick temper tequila, snap neck schnapps, Giant Gin, Triple Speck, Sour Grapple Pucker, Empty Melon Liqueur, Javelin Juice, Battleaxe Body Spray topped with a Lemon Tree. This gluttonous grog will gratify even the greediest gut. Probably. Previously our adventurers battled in the pitch black bowels of the Shadow Maiden against Inku and her swarms of Shadrow. They were able to best Bolink, aka the fancy-looking Shadrow, but blindly fell victim to the intoxicating attacks of Queen Enku. In the end, the Infinites lost the battle and all three Diagems, but gained two dads.

Round up a refreshment and I'll regale you with our next rank recollection. Did that drink have axe body spray on it? No, no, no, no, no. Battle axe body spray. Totally different. Totally different. In high school when, wait, no, middle school when axe came out, we used to do axe bombs where we'd take down the little sprayer and we'd throw it. You're the worst. You're the worst person ever.

You're the worst. Roll every saving throw. I would have hated you in high school. Yeah, I ruined my friend's sister's room with one of those. I had a really tough relationship with Axe body spray because I'm totally prone to wanting to do the trends and stuff, but I can't smell. I had heard

that Axe is very potent if you don't know how much to put on, so I was like, I don't know how much is how much. I hated it. Just gotta do the X across the body. I know, but that's even a different thing. How far away do you hold it? I think the answer is owning it is too much Axe body spray. And that's what I thought.

I got both signals. I got people saying it's too much and then all the boys had it. Or as it's known in the UK, Lynx. Oh. Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. Yes. No headbutting. Harry Potter and the what? Philosopher's Stone.

God, UK is like alternate dimension crappy America. Am I right? USA! USA! USA! Getting a lot of looks. Blaine was shot out of a cannon this morning. The copy must have been extra strong. Also, back from the holidays.

Oh, yeah. His first recording. Peek behind the curtain. Of 2023. 2023. Three. Wait, this is my first piece of content. Yeah.

New year. New me. There you go. Chris has been saying that all morning. New year. New me. There you go. Chris has been saying that all morning. New year, new me. I didn't like how my ability score improvements went on the last episode. Improvements. Improvements.

So I changed things up. Kyborg's back. He's dumb again. No wisdom. Excellent. No charisma. A lot of cheaty moves. You guys are going to hate me.

Let's get going. Somehow Kyber's becoming more like Blaine by the day. Yeah. Just like someone who would throw an axe bomb. I can't stop finger gunning right now. I feel like Tom Cruise. You exit the cave and the radiant rays of the sun never felt warmer on your weary skin. You look out all across the provinces of Tatora and you see countless dragonborn defeating

what's left of the Shadrow as they recoil in the sunlight. At the base of the mountain you see all four ancient dragons surrounding Ladoria, each exhaling their elemental breath in a cone around her. Her scaly body is consumed and dissolves in a mist of shadow. But it really is you, isn't it? But you're so grown up. Am I not dreaming? The dragonborn that's with him says, I'm afraid we've been tortured with the worst fears and nightmares imaginable

for what can only be described as an eternity. It is difficult to believe that this is all truly happening. Dad? Forgive us, Bart. We weren't there for you for years, it seems. And well, we never stopped loving you, son. It seems Dyer has given her family a second chance. A new day

to finally make things. Omar stops and stares at Gum-Gum. I feel as if I know you. Hi, I'm Gum-Gum. Jim Soon. Look. Surely it couldn't be him, right

Omar? After all these years. I'm a flower wizard. But his eyes does have the same eyes. I have eyes? They're crossed. Dear boy, I believe we're your godparents. You're a god? Oh.

Got it. A new year, same gum gum. Yep. The two men look to be confused as, you know, they're looking out around the land. They ask, where are we exactly? That's a great question. I don't remember. Mount Sayamoto.

I just said it. I just said it. Shadow. Oh, Gus, that don't matter. Tatora. Literally. We've been in a lot of places recently. That would require my brain to actually hold on

to names of things when people say it. So what are these gentlemen's names again? Omar. Omar. Omar and Simpson. Omar and Simpson. Omar. Okay. Omar. Omar Simpson. Appears to be a halfling with a ginger mohawk. Ah, I see where I get my good looks.

Simsoon is a gold dragonborn with golden scales and brown eyes. Omar and Simsoon. I see where I get my good looks. That's it. Wow. Beautiful. Omar and Simsoon, how long have you guys perceived to have been locked up? We don't know.

It seems like it was years, But this doesn't make sense. Tatora shouldn't be an island. What? What do you mean? What? It was not an island when we were last here. What was it? It was part of the continent. Oh, like it detached. Oh. And what did you say

about my dad? Before they can answer, Duncan interrupts and says, Everyone must be tired. Why don't you all have a seat and I'll get you any beverage you want. While you talk, you can enjoy a warm or cold beverage courtesy of your good old friend, Duncan.

Okay, I'll take a coffee, Duncan. I'll take information about my dad. Hey, K, what are you okay over there? That sounded a bit suspicious. I don't know why. What's he doing? Why is he like rushing to get us drinks? We've been through some trauma. Nice cup of Joe might solve some worries.

I just, after what we went through with Mudd's family and his fake brother, I just don't, I just don't trust. I'm just scared. Like, are these Omar and Simpson? Better be your real dads,

Russ. They're going to see some hands. Kyborg's afraid to love again. He's been hurt too many times. Do I like, I know I don't know everything about what's going on do i recognize them as my fathers well you could definitely see an influence how about that not a resemblance yeah resemblance sure he said influence well because there's there's additional things we haven't gotten to a resemblance okay but if bart is part dragon, and Simsoon is his daddy. Simsoon.

Simsoon is a dragon guy. Does that mean you were born out of an egg? Was Bart born out of an egg, Simsoon? Oh, that's a great story. Many years ago. When two people love each other very much. Two daddies love each other very much. Many years ago, we wanted to have a child,

but we had trouble bearing one ourselves. So a wise friend led us to a magical place called the Embryoak Woods, and the magics there granted us our own child. Wow. And that's little Bart. And that was me. So I'm magic. Everyone make a perception check.

Not me, forgetting where perception is. Dude, dang it. It's been a year. Twelve for Bart. Ooh, a year. 12 for Bart. A weird low roll for Bart. I rolled a 4. 17. 17.

16. Wow, Bart, you're normally at the top of the list. You should let me roll again. They are my dads. You all notice that as they're talking and telling these stories about the past, that they seem to be aging in front of your eyes. Oh, no. Quick. Quick, what? What do we do?

What happened? How do you know my parents? The most selfish thing possible. I know. You see, we were led to the embryo woods by our wise friend, Geridor Ard. And Geridor helped us channel the magics.

And after the birth of Bart, he made the strange request to us that if he should ever have a child of his own, that we would be that child's godparents. Oh. Huh? Wait, so you're saying he's Gum-Gum's dad? Well, we see the resemblance in the eyes. He said something else as well.

What was it? I dropped this kid a lot. He said he was going to hide. Hide. And if we needed him, we could find him somewhere. Where? Where was it? I don't know.

It was somewhere. Is the place called somewhere? Like, is this like a who's on first kind of situation? No, that's Simpsons type of humor there. Oh, Dianesty. It was an island. Dianesty? Wait, Daya?

Like, yeah, like Daya gyms. Yeah, and like the nice sugary beverage. And then what happened? It took me a second. They seem to be really getting wrinkled. Omar and Simpson, like very wrinkled, like gray hairs sprouting out of their heads. I have a question. Actually, I have a question out of mud voice.

Is there a version in D&D of like a calendar, a year? Yeah. What year is it? And what's like, where is it right now? What's the BCc ad split what's that well i mean it would be different uh world per world in this world there would be several different calendars before bd 80 there's different calendars depending on where you are in the world and whose rule it is typically the way it works is a calendar would be set by the years of a

specific ruler's rule like in new valros it might be the third it works is a calendar would be set by the years of a specific ruler's rule. Like in New Val Ross, it might be the third year of King Knives rule, for example. You know how there's like common is like English? What's the common calendar? At this point, communication is so difficult. There would not be a common calendar. Whose kingdom? We're in my kingdom, right?

You're in Tatora. Oh. My kingdom. Okay. Yeah. Right. You guys are aging really quick. What's going on? We are. You guys should really moistur quick. What's going on?

We are. You guys should really moisturize more. Do you feel weird? They look at their hands and they take note of age spots that seem to have rapidly spread on their hands. This is scary. Are we aging? Make a perception check. Oh, gosh.

Just me or everyone? Can I make one as well? Just you. Okay. 24. Okay. You don't appear to be aging any more than normal wait so is this like indiana jones like their skulls are about to pop out and stuff

yeah i would say kind of kind of like the one with sean connery if i kind of remember the name right now last crusade uh bart you might not have a lot of time with these two at this point duncan chimes in and says um i've heard tale that in times long ago, this world, Phasa, was one giant piece of land that then became fractured into the continents we know today. Perhaps they're talking about that time because they don't know of Tatora as being an area that's separated from the rest of the continent. Tectonic plates. Could I cast detect magic on them? Sure. I cast detect magic.

Could I cast detect magic on them? Sure. Hey, I cast detect magic Yeah, you detect strong magic coming from Omar and Sim soon from the school of necromancy. Oh, can I try I Was gonna say I could try a dispel six I do have it on six level. Okay, I got seven seventh level. Whoa, so I'll just go and do that sixth level okay yeah i got seven seventh level whoa so i'll just go ahead and do that let's see anything uh when it's at that high you automatically end the effects of a spell on the target of the spells level is equal to or less than the level of the spell site wow so seventh level or lower it's gone so who do you cast this on because it says choose one creature but which dad do you like best? Bart closes his eyes and goes eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Do it to the halfling one. I don't know how long dragonborn live, but I'm going to say that they have longer lives than a halfling. Although halflings live a long time in like Tolkien era. You could do like three and a half levels. I have two of them. Well, I have a sixth level I could cast.

Fine. Seventh on the halfling, sixth level on the dragonborn. Okay. The halfling is Omar and the dragonborn is Simsoon. Let me cast the seventh first. Okay.

So you cast the seventh level Dispel Magic on Omar. And he just looks at his hands. It seems like the aging has stopped. They're not reversed. Correct. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo on Simpsons. He also looks at his hands.

It seems to have stopped. All right. I feel fine. Maybe my memory is just a little foggy. Well, that happens to the best of us. You're welcome. It just saves your daddies. Thank you.

Bart takes Mutt's hands and kisses them. You are a generous God. I reach for Simpssoon and Omar's hands and then I realize that they're all old and wrinkly and then I don't kiss them. Simsoon says that... We lived here in Tatora and after we were blessed with Bart,

we returned home here, but we were ambushed by someone who overpowered us in one fell swoop of darkness. You remember who? It was that woman, Inku, who was torturing us. Why did she ambush you? She wanted to find Geridor.

Who evolves from Magikarp. Who's your dad? Who's the guy who led you guys to the, uh... Embryo. I was like, I know the embryo was in there. Yeah, that's right. She was searching for Geridor and he resisted as long as we could. But she

promised to free Bart from the shadow mane if we gave her information. Her information? We couldn't stand the thought of you being trapped here with us, Bart. So we told Inku about the moving island, Dianasty. Moving island?

Whoa. Is it like floating in the sky? We have never been there ourselves. In your time, did you guys have things called diagems? Diagems. Are those related to Daya? Yeah, yeah. One would assume.

There's all different colors. It's like a rainbow. I haven't heard of that. Have you heard of that? I haven't heard of that. No. Have you ever spoken to Dia? No, we've never had a chance to encounter her.

Did Inku say what she wanted my dad for? No, we don't know what happened or why she was searching for Garidor. Hey, my mom. We don't know. We didn't know you existed until a little while ago. Oh. Well, the Inku released Bart but left him all alone and abandoned in the material plane

while we remained in the shadow mane being tortured. Oh, my papas. I'm so sorry for this. You didn't deserve it We're just happy that you were able to get out And have done so well for yourself I feel like Duncan's been Standing there with drinks in hand the entire time

So I go over and take one of the drinks Well, Duncan, you put the coffee in front of Kyborg Nobody else asked for a drink I'd like a drink Extra dirt? They'll get a little mud So you guys resisted torture, essentially, for what seems like decades, if not centuries.

Ages. Yeah, that's... Hey, inspiration died to both you guys. Was there anyone there with you in the shadow realm or whatever? Shadowmane. Shadowmane. Oh, it was just us. We were isolated.

Just ourselves and in cool. So one can assume they did not find Ghiridor. Not as far as we know. Ghiridor didn't get taken to the shadow. You never saw him. Got it. Duncan, you know, after handing Mud his coffee says, I don't think that the Finns here are in any state to travel.

I can look after him here in Tatora while you guys try to figure out what's going on please take good care of them oh absolutely i feel like we should be taking care of tooth for a little bit because we just came out of a fight that we almost died so can we head somewhere for rest yeah uh you can rest here in to torah if you like yeah i'm gonna need that how's how is our standing with the Titorans? As you know, they don't typically like outsiders, but they are appreciative of all the help that you've given them. And they know of Bart as being the quarterling. So you are... Barbara's flexing.

You are okay to stay. Cool. Bart goes up to Omar and Simsoon and he goes, If it's okay with you guys, could I sleep in your bed tonight? Aww. Absolutely, Bart. Bye-bye. If it's okay with you guys, could I sleep in your bed tonight? Oh, absolutely, boss. Bye-bye. If it's okay with you guys, can I sleep on the floor next to your bed?

Sleep on the foot of the bed like a dog? If it's okay with you guys, I'm going to sleep in my own room and double lock the doors. I'm going to go have a trance across the island trying not to think about these four grown men. They're my dad. I know. That makes it weirder, Bart. Perhaps while you rest, we can play a song. And Omar pulls out a bass guitar.

From where? From his belongings. Where do any of us keep them, really? I feel like a bass guitar was really noticeable. Simsoon, do you play anything? The bass guitars also may have a more practical use.

It's an axe. Kind of like how I have a lute of laughable levity. If Simsoon doesn't play the bassoon, it's a waste. Simsoon pulls out a cello. No, no. So yeah, the musical family, this tracks. Out of his mouth.

Simsoon has like an amplifying device that he uses to amplify his voice. Omar begins playing his musical instrument and Simsoon begins singing a song for all of you. I feel like an amplifying device in like a magic-based world would just be some sort of magical creature that you're yelling into that then yells it out loud. It's not the Flintstones. Bart sits down cross-legged in front of them to listen. Aww. Give us

a taste of that music. Let's hear it. Alright, here you go. That'll get added in post. But Gus has got to give the basis of the song. Yeah, can you give us the lyrics at least, Gus? Come on. It's an old tale that's sung in a language that you all no longer understand that has been lost to the ages. Wow. Hail as old as time, one might say.

Gibberish. Amazing. It's just going to be Micah singing in like Simlish or something. Or like sounding like the Animal Crossing dialogue. Well, I'm kind of hoping that whoever they got to play Omar and Simsoon are the ones singing. I know. I know who it is. One is Blizz.

Oh. Remember? Quadrant! I don't remember are the ones singing. Oh, I know. I know who it is. One is Blizz. Oh. Remember? Quadrant! And I don't remember who the other is. I'm sure it'll be a lovely song, and I can't wait to hear it. I want to perceive if one of these women is Quadrant. Are they still singing, or? No, we're done.

Well, yeah. Yay! What did my dad look like? Besides my eyes? I keep asking about him. He was an orc. He was a dear friend of ours who was renowned for his knowledge of magical places in the world.

He was very well traveled. Now I know where you get your handsome good looks from. I mean, gum gum. One or the other. Sorry, we met your parents. Your mom was hot. Anyways.

Gross. Are we heading to someplace? Yeah, it's weird to sleep in the, we met your parents. Your mom was hot. Anyways. Gross. Are we heading to someplace? Yeah, it's weird to sleep in the same bed as my parents, but you can call someone else's mom hot. I got a lot of parent issues right now. Duncan asks. Maybe it's time to check in with Dr. Ahem. We got the stone. You know what?

Wait, where did we? We were with him at one point. He had that mech suit. Yeah. You parted ways. He was going to go check on Hugh Manor and his escape. Okay. So we're not with him currently, right?

Correct. Yeah, we have the sending stone, but we could only speak so many words. And it's only one message back and forth. Yeah. So then I would just, we'd probably just ask for like a sit rep kind of thing. Or give him our location. Because he's still on the island with us. Every time we do this,

it's like that phone commercial of we had a baby, it's a boy. Just to clarify, Dr. Him is not on the island. Remember, he went to go check on Hugh Manor. Yeah. Was he not on the ship with us either? He was.

You all got dropped off and then they continued on for their part of the mission. So he's with all owls? Yeah. And you have 25 words? Yes, 25 words. On Tatora, what is your status?

We have my parents. Mm-hmm. It's 10. Looking for... Girador. Girador. Dad. That's one word, right?

Yeah. Okay, all right. Possibly on... 15. Dibly on. 15. That dynasty. Embryonic. Embryoak Woods.

Embryoak Woods. Yeah, that's two. 17. Inku, very bad. Yep. Q Manor, still out. Q Manor, still out there. That's 25, but you said earlier what is.

You can say what. What? And then we get one more word. Poop. I'm going to throw that one in for you guys. Over. 26. Okay. On to Tora, what is your status?

We have my parents looking for Geridor, possibly on Embry Oak Woods. Inku very bad. Human are still out there? Well, he was on Dynasties Island. Embryoak Woods is where you were born. Okay. I guess.

Did I retcon that? Yeah, we can edit that. Does this app have an unsend feature? Maybe you can correct it tomorrow. Okay. You send it. Then after a few seconds, there is a response. Please, stop.

It's over. Build it. It's over, build it? It's over, build it. Build it. Like if you call somebody who's on the toilet having a situation. It sounds more like... Time to bust out the poop knife.

Maybe he's at a restaurant and he's saying he paid for the bill already. No. Build it. Somehow I don't think that's the case. So maybe someone's trying to build something. It's stop. It's over build it? It sounds like we caught him like this is like a

butt dial situation and he's in the middle of a fight. He's clearly in trouble. Well, I guess we gotta go find Dr. Ahim. Duncan, do you know where he is? He last said he was searching for Hugh Manor. He was headed towards Urbloom to begin tracking him. I'm not sure if he would still be there. I have a map

here that perhaps could help you figure out where you want to go. And he pulls out a rolled up scroll and offers it up to the party. Okay, I grab it. Hey, we should probably show, hey, Omar and Simsoon, this is what the world looks like now. I open the scroll. That's disturbing. Yeah.

Play Tectonics, dude. Visa was just one mass in our time. Yeah. Pangea, that's what they called it. So, how is Bart not really old? Ah, we don't know. Maybe because he wasn't in the Shadowmane with us. Yeah, I don't think it was years that was

aged them. If I dispelled it with that thing, I think it was like a bad spell. Wait, no, no, no. Because if they existed way in the past before the continent had broken up into several islands, that means that technically Bart and Gum-Gum might be ancients. But it also, like, we're in D&D.

It doesn't need to be that, like, a thousand years past or a million years past. It could be, like, some angry god separated it all. Duncan, when did the islands get all split up from the main continent? There you go. The fracture of Phasa was many ages ago. See? They're ancients. You didn't know until you asked. And continent. There you go. Oh, the fracture of phaser was many ages ago. See, they're ancients. You didn't know until you asked, and me questioning made you ask.

I know plate tectonics. I went to biology or whatever. You went to biology. You almost convinced me you were playing Kyborg Smart. All right, ages, ages, you say. All right. What do you know about the splitting? The splitting, I mean,

it's all that we've ever known in our life. But from what I've been taught, the world was all once one giant body of land, but through some calamity and divine power, it was split into separate lands that we know them today. Okay. So then by that logic, then Bart and Gum-Gum, I think you guys are from the past.

Huh? Well, you have to be. Why? Because if you were born from the Embryoak Woods, back when your dads Omar and Simsoon were running around and the land was whole, that's when you were born. So then does that mean you guys were teleported into the future? Is there a spell that lets me cast carbon dating?

I can figure this out right now. Duncan, DM, tell me if I'm wrong. Does this logic track? It's possible. People do not age in the Shadowmane. I know Inku mentioned that at one point. So it could be that while they were in the Shadowmane, they were frozen in time until they reemerged back into the material plane. Right.

How old was Bart whenever Inku got you? I guess you're asking his parents? Yeah. Bart was still just a tiny baby. We barely knew him. So then Bart and Gum-Gum, I guess you guys don't know, but like, were you guys ever frozen in time? Or did you?

Was I ever frozen in time, Bart? Was there a memory of a flash forward? Do I have a, could I do a check or anything like that to have any recollection of that? You wouldn't know you were so young, like a baby. A baby. I had perfect memories since he was shot out of the egg or whatever. Whatever.

It looks like with the map being as it is, Totoro is actually pretty close to Erbroom. Very close. If we wanted to start looking for some clues of where that good old doctor is. A little hop, skip and a jump. Duncan also chimes in and says, It might also be worth checking out the Embryoak Woods to see if you can find any clues there about Dianasty Island as well.

Probably. Those aren't too far away either. Feels like we could do both, maybe. Should we start in Urbloom? Yeah, I feel like you start with what's closest and you head there. Because we, I mean, Dr. Ahem is clearly in trouble currently. Wait a second. I'm looking at our DMs to see if like, okay.

I'm waiting. I'm just, I know, I figure you all were still trying to figure it out. So we need to, here's the plan. We need to go have an ice kip to get our strength back spell slots. And then we can use, we can leave the Finns. That's their name? Yes. The Finns here with Duncan.

And then we can go use the Hemmobile to head to Erebloom. Can I give marching orders to Omar and Sim soon, Bart? Please. Can you guys go to a library and kind of get caught up and then maybe figure out what happened? Because you guys have been gone for a while. We need you guys. This can't be a man out of time. Do you want to come with us? I don't think we should bring them. We're going to go into some

dangerous stuff. We're way too weary. We need to rest. Yeah, I agree. Alright, off to some place to rest. You can rest anywhere on Tatora that you like. I assume you'll find a spot probably close to where you first entered Tatora,

probably over by Geo, and just rest at the village there. Okay, I want to hit one of those famous Tatora gyms. The long rest, I assume? Yeah. Long rest. Yay. Felicitations, my foul-smelling friends. Just want to thank you all for listening to our show.

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I feel like as a magic-based person, I would totally just fire off a bunch of spells before bed just to do it. You never know. What if you get attacked in the middle of the night? Yeah. Before your long rest is completed. When does the long rest happen? It's like when does the... After eight hours.

Yeah, it has to clock out that. As you guys are going to bed, you hear across the island, Action! Just the sound of arrows hitting walls. eight hours. Yeah, it has to clock at that. As you guys are going to bed, you hear across the island, ACTION SEARCH! Just the sound of arrows hitting walls. Exploding. Hard to get a good night's rest. It's like New Year's Eve all over again. Inside of my room, you just hear like every

animal and dragon. Cool. Rest done. Rest done Rest done Alright so You guys are gonna get in The ahem-mobile And head on your way Oh a bunga dude

I don't have Marge Yeah let's do it Let's go via Sea Yeah cause it's Just a short little Jaunt Not flying

Let's just switch it up Let's just switch it up You know I get tired Turning into the same thing Over and over again If we set sail from Sunam Erlum is like You can swim that gum gum In fact do you want to? Let's just switch it up. Let's just switch it up. You know, I get tired turning into the same thing over and over again. If we set sail from Tsunam, Erlum is like, you can swim that, Gum Gum.

In fact, do you want to? But would we be able to better look for islands from high up? We got a map, Gum Gum. We'll be okay. Let's take ocean. I'm tired of flying. Okay. Boy, are my arms tired.

That must be tough, flying And having two arms What can I turn into Oh I'll turn into a giant octopus It's just a flaunt arms That's how you're going to pull our vessel No actually I can't Because I haven't seen one actually I have only I can cast

But I turn into a plesiosaurus and pull this thing. My old enemy. Yeah. All right. Yeah. You transform into a plesiosaurus and I heard Bart say the magic word. Yep. Calabunga.

And the hemmobile turns into a boat. Could it actually turn into a submersible? I don't believe so. The options are boat, wagon, saddle, and flying device. Oh, we could be like one of those, like, you could turn into an elephant, and we could put it on, like, a big saddle, like a 300. Yeah, and then we'll swim across the place with no elephant. Okay, please be sorry.

Bye. Okay, go ahead and roll me a D6. D6 coming in. I rolled a one. All right, yeah. The seas are very calm, and it's a very beautiful day to sail across the sea. You find it to be a very pleasant experience. That's cool.

You make the short trip across a very narrow sea from Tatora over to Urbloom, and as you begin to get... Sorry. As you begin to see land appearing and rising over the horizon, you can very quickly after that start to see smoke rising off the land as well. It'd be so nice to just arrive anywhere that has its crap together for once. Can you ever hear about those lands where they meet you and they put flowers around your neck and you're like, Aloha. Oh, yeah? All right. Let's go have a big barbecue. Oh, wow. In our honor. hear about those lands where they meet you and they put flowers around your neck and you're like, Aloha. They're having a big barbecue.

In our honor. Or maybe who's that guy we met who sold the flower? What was his name? Oh, he's franchising. Wouldn't love for that to happen. Making a lot of drug jokes. Yeah, during my campaign. I forgot what his name was. My arc.

Okay, last time we came up to a place and there was, like, smoke on the horizon, bad stuff. It was Tatora, and that was a heck of a fight. Can we perceive from afar what's going on? Do you have any kind of, like, spyglass or looking glass or anything? I've got LV-9s. That's not what I'm asking for. I've got LV-9s.

I mean, is there, there like fog in the way? Because then Bart's got goggles. No. Okay. All right. Just smoke rising. Do you know what? What I can do to help us do that is, so I turn back into normal fear bog and I cast.

You get in the boat too? Yeah. Because we're stopping from, we're like still a distance off, right? Okay. You tell me. I cast conjure animals. And I just cast a bunch of birds. 800 birds.

Let's say eight. Name a bird in D&D that I haven't done yet. That you haven't done yet? A falcon. Yeah. Grackle. Grackles. I cast eight grackles.

Pigeons. I'll cast four falcons, and I'll send, actually, 16 falcons and I'll send actually 16 falcons. No, because I cast on low level. So eight. Real Saruman movie you hear. Yeah. And they just do some recon. Okay.

And then they can come back and I can understand. Yeah. You dispatch the falcons out to the distance and they come back a short time later and you can talk to them, right? Yeah. Is it just like total clear communication? Yeah, I believe so. Oh, Gus could use his falcon voice.

Falcon punch. Falcon punch. Yeah, it's because I can understand animals. Okay. Look at all those chickens. They say that the city is in ruins. It appears to be destroyed. That's not how they'd sound.

Go ahead, Gus. Do that again. All right. Well, I'm killing Kyborg. I'm making a note of it right here. A giant kraken takes out just the part of the boat that Kyborg's in. All right. So it's not the barbecue, and it's not people having just a good old time.

No. There appear to be strange beings we've never seen before there laying waste to the city. Also, Dr. Hammond, his message said build it, right? Correct. He said stop and then something, something, build it. Do we notice any, I know we might not have like perfect recollection, but like any new structures or new things that weren't there before? You're still too far away to see.

The only way you can get information is from the falcons. You can ask Mudd to ask the falcons. Can you ask your falcons if any new structures are around yeah they said no no nothing new it appears to all be destroyed and those strange red creatures lighting fire to stuff and attacking everything any other defining features of them in the red i feel like there should be more they're very difficult to describe it's like they're constantly changing and shifting all right um sludges maybe they were not red when he said build it was it a build it as in like a command or build it as in he was like reluctantly saying it like okay fine build it like being tortured hard to say that's open interpretation he's probably just had a builder bear workshop

wait it's not a hard time Okay. Can we like paddle in? Yeah. Okay. Like with what? Your arms or? I don't know. Are there oars in the hemobile when it turns

into a boat? No, it's intended for mud to pull it. I have a shield. I'll just use that. Okay. Yeah. But that's just

I'll use a gum gum. Okay. Yeah. You all begin paddling and getting closer and then everyone make a perception check. Perception coming up.

Three. You said it so proudly. Fourteen. Thirty. Whoa. Fourteen. First nat 20 of 2023. You have cluster perception.

I do. Mud, you're the first to notice, but you see what almost appears to be like a wall of red energy heading to you from Urblu. No, that's not good. Like we're approaching it, so it looks like it's heading towards us, or it's actually coming towards us. It's coming towards you.

Is it in the water? It's kind of everywhere. In the water. It's going all the way down into the water? Yeah, like there's some in the water. It's not like a solid mass, but like tons of almost like weird red lights and energy. Right. It's just pulsing and moving in erratic paths.

As it gets closer, you can see it's lots of individual small red, for lack of a better word, almost like lightning. It appears to be just constantly morphing into different shapes and size. Oh, Rotoms. I put up a shield. Yeah, I don't know what to do. And I shield Bart. Is it fire?

They're coming at us. Almost like lightning. We see it like it touched anything else or anyone do. And I shield Bart. Is it fire? They're coming at us. Almost like lightning. Can we see it like it touched anything else or anyone else? And if what? Nothing else. Well, it's just, yeah, ocean between you and me. Should we dive? Yeah.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. All right. I jump out of the boat and dive. Same. Yeah. I don't know. I'll grab hold of mud.

You dive overboard and you can see in the distance underwater. There's also just uncountable numbers of these. I get back and you can see in the distance underwater there's also just uncountable numbers of these red beings. Yeah, Bart gets back in the boat. Rapidly moving towards you, closing the distance. I figured it would be underwater too. I don't have any, anybody got anything to deal with this? I'm looking.

Kind of. What? Gift of the chromatic dragon. I can protect myself and that's about it. Okay. Oh, Bart, do your teleport door on the other side when it comes to it. Well, that would just help me. No, you could take mud.

No, it has to be a creature my size or smaller. Mud gets small. Oh, yeah, I can. And I'll teleport, and then you use chromatic dragon. Chromatic dragon? Yes, General Gum-Gum. Use chromatic grackle. Yeah, okay.

Hold on a second. I don't know. Bart? Could I cast't know. Bart? Could I cast Horse Cage around it? What the hell is Horse Cage? What? Horse. Oh, I thought you said Horse Cage. You know, there's a lot of weird names for D&D stuff.

I was prepared to hear what Horse Cage was. Oh, wait. I don't know if i want to it lasts one hour you can dispel it though once it's done what's it do an immobile invisible cube-shaped prison composed of magical force springs into existence around an area you choose within range the prison can be a cage or a solid box if you choose a prison in the shape of a cage can be up to 20 feet on on the side and is made from half inch diameter bars spaced half an inch apart, but I'd probably choose a box. A prison in the shape of a box can be 10 feet on a side,

creating a solid barrier that prevents any matter from passing through it and blocking any specific cast into or out of the area. That's pretty cool. When you cast a spell, any creature that is completely inside the cage's area is trapped. Creatures only partially within the area or those too large to fit inside the area are pushed away from the center of the area until they are completely outside the area. Is it a concentration spell? It is... No.

Not. Is there a way to end spells once you've cast them like that, Gus? No. Yeah, so it would last one hour. So we'd be trapped in here for an hour. Yeah, and the spell cannot be dispelled by Dispel Magic. It clearly says that. So it's more to do on someone else versus our own team.

Yeah, but it also sounds like kind of a... We are in the water. I don't know if it's... Oh, no, I jumped back in the boat. We're in the boat. Yeah, yeah. You know what? Do it.

It sounds like a safe room. What if we do it? Just have a nice little hour break. Yeah, I could take a short rest. I don't know if we'll all fit in, though, because the box is only 10 feet. 10 by 10? Yeah, yeah.

If we lay on top of each other. Because we can fit in a 5x5. Okay. You can? Isn't that one square in D&D? Yeah, normally. Oh, I see. Each one of you can fit in a 5x5.

Yeah. I thought you meant all four of you could fit in a 5x5. So technically that's four D&D squares, which we can all fit in. Yeah. Do it. I don't care. I'm okay with it if you are, Bart.

It sounds like you're not comfortable with it. I would say that or try and teleport the other side of it as it comes. Well, is this stuff like, do we see it as far as we could see? Or is it like something that's like moving? It's not like... Yeah, is it a wall or is it a mass? It's neither. It's like many

individual things. There's so many of them, it almost appears like a wall. It's like a nuclear bomb. Scary. What do you think, guys? Do it! Yeah. I cast Force Cage on us. There's so many of them. It almost appears like a wall Do it yeah, I cast force cage on us Didn't see that coming. Did you guys know? So the thing though the one thing about force cage and the thing to remember now with these higher level spells is That they do have material components that we do need to keep track of

Specifically force cage requires ruby dust worth 1,500 gold pieces. Oh, dang. Wait, what? Why didn't it let me pick it then? Yeah, well, no. It's just there are components. Remember how I had to buy the dragon thing? Yeah.

Yeah, that's what it is. Okay, so I can't cast it. Right. With these really powerful spells, in order to kind of act as a limit to them, we do need to keep track of these material components. How does one get ruby dust? Did we get any money from saving that tutorial? Too late now to

buy. I think we go with Gungam's plan. Maybe Bart, Dimension Doors, you turn into a small animal going after. You do the immovable rod and then I chromatic Can you make Bart really big? No. I mean, I can make Bart like a giant animal. I also have polymorph. That's what he's saying.

So I could take someone with me as well. No, you're going to take one. All right, let's do it. I will ask. You all are working on step one. What's step two? Of what? Once we get through the other side?

Right, because it seems like there's thousands of individual entities. But is the wall just a wave of them, like something that we would pass through, or the wall like just a wave of them? Like something that we would pass through? Or is it just an ongoing mass of them? It seems like they're heading towards you. Like they follow the falcons. Like imagine, is it just a just a sheet of them? Or is there a bunch behind the sheet of them that are

also advancing? Yeah, is it one? It's surrounding like everywhere. It's not just like a single one. It's like there is depth to it. Okay. That's why I don't know what teleporting is going to do here. Because I think it's just going to teleport us to more of them. That's kind of what I was getting at.

Like you got a step one, but there is no. And then. Can we go to your secret garden place? But that doesn't solve them still attacking us. Just hide in there. Well, should we try to cast some spells on him to hurt him at least? I don't know. Try it. Shoot a bursting arrow.

Do it. Yeah. I'll also try I could do thunder wave. Yeah. Why not? There's no wrong answers right now. How close are they to us right now? There's still a significant distance. If I had to put a number, I'd say at least a mile away at this point. How higher is the wall

good question hard to tell a couple hundred feet dang why are there so many of these things it's too many could you turn into a different type of can you turn into a plane take us up i mean that's what that's what i was asking but if it's a couple hundred i can't make like i i mean it would seem like that's super high there's so much you're flying abilities and they're not i push cyborg off the boat they're not impacted by the Kyborg off the boat. They're not impacted by the water at all. Now that you can tell, yeah, you saw them underwater.

So if they're a mile away, maybe as they get closer, I can shoot a bursting arrow right at the wall in front of us and maybe that'll disperse them. But like, until then,

I'm kind of useless. Yeah, let's just see. I'm saving that one. Stop it. Yeah, let's, can we just try like a like a bunch of these things at them as they get close like I can cast gust and see if blowing them does anything

child oh I didn't even get it he's a child I push cardboard into the water again and I cast shape water and just rush it down you have 1500 uh gold piece worth of ruby dust if you want to Force Cage Kyborg right now

and leave him under the ocean. That's a cool spell. I have another one that I really want to use, but I just found out that I need a statuette of a dragon worth at least 500 gold pieces. Like me. So if you guys want to make that available to purchase at any point very soon, that would be nice.

Coming soon to the store near you. I bet I could carve one with a wicked appraiser for 500. pieces. Like me. So if you guys want to make that available to purchase at any point very soon, that would be nice. Coming soon to the store near you. I bet I could carve one where we could appraise it for 500. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to do something. Okay. They're getting closer and it seems like they're surrounding you.

They're within range if you want to begin executing whatever your plan is. Execute plan, shoot at them. Can we tell what material they're made of now that they're closer? Like they keep shifting. Like even the way that they look. Sometimes, you know, now that they're closer, you can see sometimes it almost appears like they're humanoid. Sometimes they look like animals or plants. And it's just like they're constantly cycling and changing between different forms.

So they're not like weapons of some sort. Show me the magic. What'd you say? Show me the magic. You got to wait till they're within 30 feet of you, right? Yeah. Okay. I'm giving you like attack range first.

So anything a little further? Yeah. I'm going to have to wait until they're right. Okay. So I think maybe the plan is once we hit this wall and I could potentially cause a hole, we're going to have to make a run for the island. So then that means that mud, we're probably going to need you to be our engine again. If you want to transform back into that. island so then that means that mud we're probably going to need you to be our engine again if you

want to transform back into that so then ideally like cause a hole we go through the hole and then we like make a run for it all right um sounds like bart's gonna be some similar to attack i was just gonna try a spell here on them how far with did you say they're within about 60 feet at this point cool i want to try a new spell crown of stars seven star-like motes of light appear and orbit your head until the spell ends. You can use a bonus action to send one of the motes streaking towards one creature or object within 120 feet of you. When you do so, make a ranged spell attack. On a hit, the target takes 4d12 radiant damage. Whether you hit or miss, the mote is expended.

The spell ends early if you expend the last mote. If you have four or more moats remaining, they shed bright light in a 30-foot radius and dim light for an additional 30 feet. If you have one to three moats remaining, they shed dim light in a 30-foot radius. That spell's kind of crazy. Yeah.

So I don't know exactly how it works. So you're going to shoot that at them? Yeah. Okay, well, how about I'm also fine with what Kyber suggested. I'm going to use a piece of my inventory. I'm actually going to use something in my inventory. Whoa. Potion of thunder resistance?

Okay. They're made of lightning. Would mud be like, hey, they probably are going to cause that kind of damage to me. You have not heard any thunder. They just look like lightning. Then that's a D&D question for me. Yeah, thunder would be a distinct damage type. So the lightning is a different...

Lightning's the best description to give of them. It appears they're made of some kind of chaotic lightning energy. But that's what I'm asking is like John's asking on a meta level. Yeah, lightning and thunder are two separate. Like thunder wave is totally separate than lightning. Sorry guys, John's not going to use a piece of inventory. So you're going to cast crown of stars? Yes. Alright, so

seven stars begin circling Bart's head. It looks almost celestial and like otherworldly. That's cool. And what are we going to do with that, Bart? I guess I would use a bonus action to send one of the motes streaking towards one of these things. Sure. Go ahead and make a ranged spell attack. Well, the one, so I'm doing that.

Oh, no, it's a seven. Oh, no. So, 16. 16. That hits and seems to, like, temporarily punch a small hole in the wall, which is then filled in with more creatures from behind it. So, it replenished itself?

Yes. What's the immediacy of... Instantly. Okay. So, basically, nothing happened. I think we're going to have to just eat this wall. It's like chopping off a head of one of those. But it created some sort of

constant thing. Can we retreat? We never do that. Can we retreat? We're gonna have to get into that island one way or another. Do you have to retreat in order to advance? Do we know what happens when these things touch us? No, we don't. We should throw them in. Is there one close enough to touch? Not yet.

Everyone make a perception check. Okay. Then 28. Nine. 22. Oh, lots of good rolls except for gum gum. Sorry, I don't know why I called you out like that. Dang.

You all notice what seems to be a vision. You can see something on the other side of all of these creatures off in the distance. What does it look like? It appears to be a half-elf. Oh. A female half-elf who's, like, raising her arms and making, like, an X. I do it, too. She begins, like, waving and pointing away.

Oh, okay, so retreat. Oh. Oh, she's saying, don't come here. I turn into a plesiosaurus again. We go reverse. All right. You're saying to go away? She's like saying, don't come. Don't come.

And she's going like this? Yeah, pointing away. Pointing away. Alright. Uh, you, who was it? Mud? Your perception was 28? Yeah. She looked familiar. Oh, like, uh, who? You think it resembled Mel? Yeah, I was gonna say Humana's daughter. Oh. I'm glad Blaine said that. Mel. I could not remember who Mel was.

Alright, you turn into a plesiosaurus and begin swimming away. It seems like all these creatures are closing the distance, but once you get to full speed, you begin putting a little distance between yourself and them. Hey, just for the heck of it, because we're probably going to face these things later, can I just take a shot at one? I mean, we just saw what happened.

Yeah, you can take a shot. I just like magic physical damage. I just want to see, like, if I were to shoot them later, I don't want to get caught off guard. So I'm going to just go ahead and take a pot shot. He wants to contribute, okay? Kyborg needs to attack something every 15 minutes or he dies. 31.

Yeah, you connect with one. Okay, doing damage. 15. What do I see? 15 points. You fire an arrow and it hits one of these beings. And it seems like once the arrow impacts with it, it splits and forms two different beings.

I'm glad I know that now, huh? Huh? This is worth the time. That arrow will never come back. All right, we keep swimming away. Yeah, eventually, after a while, you're not sure if you're just that much faster or if whatever this is gives up the chase, but seems to recede off into the distance.

Okay. So is Ereblum not an option right now? Oh, is this up the chase, but seems to recede off into the distance. Okay. So is Erwin not an option right now? Oh, is this like the invisible? Never mind. I was going to say, is this like an invisible wall? You said it anyway. We go to the baby forest. We don't have any way of communicating with Mel, do we?

No. We get augury. What? That's a spell that we got. We all have incense and cast augury or something. It communicates with gods. Are you saying English? I think that's how it's pronounced.

Yeah, A-U-G-U-R-Y. Augury. We have augury? Yeah, we all have incense. You went to the Temple of Dia. Right. And you were given incense that would allow you to cast augury. Which is like a communicate with god, ask for advice type thing.

Oh, but that doesn't communicate us to meld no correct and it's also very yeah vague that's what we can do with meld is it seems like your birds live through that situation so we could do carrier pigeon to send messages back and forth i'm a plesiosaurus right now but i i want to check something out i'm just a simple plesiosaurus i'm just a simple plesiosaurus. Can I dive and see how deep they go? All the way to the ocean floor. Do we go through the ocean floor? No, no, no. Listen, we get smarsh.

He makes it. He bores a tunnel from Totora. Yeah, the tunnel. So, should we take the hint from these red things and head to instead Embryoak Island. Baby Woods. Baby Woods.

Embryo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I mean, Dr. Ahem's in trouble, though, but okay. Well, okay. Really quick.

Okay. Hugh Manor. Dr. Ahem is after Hugh Manor, but we know that Hugh Manor's not there, right? He's in the floating island. No, I think that's where Gum Gum's dad potentially might be. That's where they're trying to find. That's where they're trying to find Dianesti. I think we should also need to ascertain the location of that place.

Do we get anything by going to the Embryoak Woods? I mean, look and find out more about... Maybe make some babies? Find out more about Bart's past and what could have happened. I guess, yeah, let's go. I'm grasping at straws. Bart, what do you think? I mean, this is kind of your thing.

I think we should go to the Embryoak Woods. Okay. Let's try a new place. The Embryoak Woods is a little bit northeast of Urbloom. It's to the east of Kaltberg. Are you still going to use the Pleasersource ship to get there? Or are you going to fly or something different? Yeah, I think actually it'd be fastest to be a ocean.

You know, you got the map. So you set out and it's a pretty straightforward shot there to the northeast to get to the Embryoak Woods. As you draw close, you can begin to see it in the distance. And Gum-Gum, your vision goes a little strange. Everything to you looks like it's a little bit hazy and muted. Almost like you're seeing something that's not there. Go ahead and make me a wisdom check, Gum Gum. Okay.

One sepia tone. Sepia. You're going to flash. Oh, that's a three. I don't know what you're trying to get out of me. Yeah, I don't know. That's quite an interesting role to ask him. It seems like you're seeing something through someone else's eyes.

Gum Alkovich? Oh, no, no, no. They kept saying that he has his dad's eyes. Fyodor's eyes. Gerdor's eyes. I feel like my eyes are in my eyes. Almost like you're looking through some kind of magnification. Like things are warped and you can see things a little closer than they should be, but it's all difficult to see. And if you look around, you see you have red scales and you're sitting in a chair.

And you're shackled to a table, sprawling with tools and you're drenched in sweat and out of breath. You're Doctor Ahem. And in the distance, you hear pained screams. What's your Doctor Ahem? Why is Gum-Gum seeing Doctor Ahem? I think I'm Doctor Ahem and he's being tortured. Where?

Give us details of the surrounding. As you say this, the vision fades and disappears. I smack his head. I like how that quick reaction. Everyone roll a perception check. That's a nat 24 and 19. 28. Nat 24 and 19. 16. 19.

All good rolls. So all of you you see and you feel the warmth of the sun on your skin and beyond the shores you see a heavily wooded area flush with a rainbow of colored trees, bushes, roots, pinks and blues and oranges, and some colors you're not even sure how to describe. A wall of red lightning thing starts approaching you.

There's just an army of babies. You notice small flickering lights floating between the trees and the occasional silhouette of a beast or a creature roaming the woodlands. I like this. Mud, you're the only one who notices that every now and again in the distance you hear a faint crackling noise. Like the crackle like what? Like a water bottle getting scrunched up?

Yeah. Or like lightning? Or like a fire. Something like that. Something material and like that material sounding crackle? Maybe like woods cracking. I'm trying to determine like wood, a giant beast stuffing. What would the difference in those

sounds be? You're not sure. It's just a crackling noise of some kind. It's one of the Rice Krispie guys. It is. They're in charge of embryos. Snap and popper. Closely behind. Yeah, you pull up onto the shore from the south and there's woods all in front of you either to the north, the east, and the west.

All right. I take some of the dirt and put it in my pocket. I claim this land. Kyborgia. Well, you know what this land is called. It's on your map. No, no, no. I scribble that out and put Kyborgia.

All right, everyone, welcome to Kyborgia. Welcome, my friends. All right. Well, I defer to Bart. Anything seem familiar at all? Hmm. Let's see. I haven't been here since I was born.

Yeah, I didn't know if anything, like, might spark. Or conceived. I don't know. One of the two, both. Could I see if I recognize anything? I heard a crackle. We could head that direction. What does that crackle sound like, Bart?

Mud? Bart, mud. I don't know. I'm sorry, what did you say there? If I recognize anything. It seems familiar. No, nothing seems to trigger any memories. It's a beautiful forest.

It's very colorful, but nothing that strikes any memories. The vision that I saw, was that in relation to what we were looking at, or did it just overtake me? You have no idea. I'm worried about Dr. Head. Why would he have that vision? Come, come. Yeah.

They implanted Ghirador's eyes into Doctor Ahim. Doesn't work. Okay, so I did hear a crackle, and I feel like we could head that direction to see if that might be a creature that might help us. Can I look for tracks or anything human or any? Make an investigation check. Not survival? You're not surviving. Well, yeah, you or anything human or any? Make an investigation check. Not survival?

You're not surviving. Well, yeah, you're looking for. That's check to follow tracks. Right, but you're looking for the tracks. You're not following tracks. Find tracks. Guy smack his butt.

By the way, I'm a fear bug now. That's a one. I take my butt slap back. I don't want to waste that. You don't want to be associated with that. It's a cantrip. I can cast as many times

as I want. Not going to do it. That made me spit. I spit on my laptop. C rolled a that. It's a cantrip. I can cast as many times as I want. Not going to do it. That made me spit. I spit on my laptop. Sea roller one. You found tracks. Oh. No, you didn't.

They lead to the ocean. Got tracks. It's like someone from where you are walked backwards into the water. We need to go this way. There's life forms this way. You can make a survival check to follow those if you want. I pull out my keys and jingle in to get his attention. And I start marching towards the woods.

I follow. Yeah. And from where you are, from the woods, since you kind of approached and beached the boat from the south, you can either head to the north, the east, or the west from here. Which way did the crackle come from? It was hard to tell because the trees kind of muffle it with all the leaves. It was somewhere. tell because the trees kind of muffle it with all the leaves. It was somewhere. Okay, everybody. Let's all have a quiet moment and everybody listen to see

if they can hear anything to give us direction. That could have been anybody. Can we like try to listen? Yeah, everyone make a perception check. Not going to help there. Eleven. Seven. Critical fail. Not twenty. Twenty-eight. Yeah, that's what I needed. Critical fail. 1. Nat 20, 28. Yeah, that's what I needed.

One of you is gonna have the role. That's how good let's help Carter Ling. Oh, I'm just a baby. Just a baby. Cardboard takes a stick, piece of cloth, scrawls a metal arm onto it. He sticks it in the ground. He says, Cardboard, we need to listen.

No noise. It seems like it's coming from the east somewhere. Shall we? Let's go to the east then. East. Or it in the ground. It's a skyborg. We need to listen. No noise. It seems like it's coming from the east somewhere. Shall we? Let's go to the east then. East. Or it's not left. Skyborg has to do like a full 270. If you're facing the beach, then it's to the left.

Yeah. Oh, there you go. So you begin heading that way. And after a few minutes of journeying, you encounter a swarm of beetles. They're playing a song? They are. Hey, how's it going? They are?

Yeah. Stop. What? Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz and say, oh, that was great. How do you all know that song? We're Buzzy and the Jets. Oh, well, I... What are your names? I'm Bart. All right, I'm John Reisinger, supervising producer of Squad Team Force,

and I'm ending this podcast right now. Goodbye, everybody. Thanks for listening to Tales of the Sneaky Dragon. Do you want to sing another song? Yeah. What you got? Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Oh, you all are so good. Yeah.

I've heard of these Beatles. They only play music that's in public domain. I've heard of these Beatles. They only play music that's in public domain. What are your names? You didn't introduce yourself. I'm Bartholomew Finn. Oh, you have a lovely voice, Bart.

Thank you. Well, I was born here. Oh, were you? I think so. I'm 90% sure. How many of them are there? Oh, it's just a swarm. It's just like a mass of them.

Yeah. I'm Kyborg the Mighty. Oh, good to meet you, Kyborg. You also have a great voice. Can I stick my arm into the swarm to shake their hands? Yeah. Do they make a giant hand? Well, no, they just like swarm all over your hand. Yeah.

I was hoping it'd be like that like motion stuff that like they form into a hand and shake. No, no, just they just swarm all over his hand. I'm Gum-Gum the Wizard. Oh, the mighty Gum-Gum Wizard. Pleasure to meet you. Do you want to give your full name? Galindor. Galindor. Ooh, that's a great name.

Does it ring any bells? Have we met? I don't know, have we? I don't think so. Do I look familiar? No. His eyes. His special eyes. Look at my eyes. Do you happen to know the name Gerindor? Can't say I do.

Or can't say we do. Is that your name? Because you haven't introduced yourself to our host. My name's Mud, and we're trying to find any clues about our friend Dr. Ahem. We don't know any Dr. Ahem, but because you all sing so beautifully, we can tell you what we do know. What do you know? We know that you all should be careful out there. Not everyone's as friendly as us, as Buzzy and the Jets.

There's red creatures wreaking havoc in the woods. Oh, they're here too? Oh, no. Yeah, be careful. They're awful. We've encountered these creatures. What kind of, like, what do they do? What are they?

We don't know. We've never seen anything like it. They're just constantly shifting and destroying things. Do they remind us of Entropa at all? Make an intelligence check. Can I also... I'm not even gonna try. That was a three.

That was a three minus one. High five! It's a high five. It's up to Gum Gum. That's a nine. I like how you didn't want to roll, but you saw how bad theirs were And were like I can take part in this Nine You're unsure

Does Bart want to do something? No You're unsure Something about it maybe makes you think of Entropa But I mean you really don't know Buzzy and the Jets do people live in this land Or is it primarily just like people like you Like you know groups of beings.

Yeah, of course. There are people who live here. The biggest element you would probably find is Pip Orchard. Where's that? If you go a little further to the east and then make a left up to the north. Okay. Buzzy and the Jets, are there any customs that we should be aware of on this land?

Any customs you should be aware of? Or immigrations. Just wherever you go, go with a song in your step. Ah, can do. Do you have any advice for if we encounter the red stuff? Run away. Okay. They're awful. They're terrible. Have you found any success in attacking or have you

seen anything that may have damaged them in any way? Oh no, we don't do anything violent. We see things that are awful like that, we run away while singing a song. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Alright, well, we're going to keep going. It was a pleasure meeting you all. Well, I think I'm just going to stay with you guys. buzz, buzz, buzz. All right, well, we're going to keep going. It was a pleasure meeting you all. Well, I think I'm just going to stay with you guys.

All right, let's go. I'll see you guys later. It was fun adventuring with you. Let's get this band on the road. They begin continuing to the west. Buzzy and the Jets, it was a pleasure. I hope you guys ran into little Jimmy. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.

All right, we head east. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. All right, we had East. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Martin fades out his voice even though he's not walking away. If you look in Micah's recent search history, you'll find public domain songs. All right, so. For the record, just a metagame perspective, I had no idea how to buzz House of the Rising Sun. I was like, I know that song. There's no way I'm going to buzz.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Go ahead and give yourself an inspiration, Diebar.

That was a great rendition. Alright, so we should head east and then they said we head east, and then to the left is the town that I've already forgotten the name of. It was north. Pip Orchard in the northeast. So we're going northeast? Yes. I'm going to use survival.

Can I look for trying to keep it? You're not even like. I didn't mean to roll it. It's a wisdom check, too. Why are you so. Because I have. I haven't used it all the roll it. It's a wisdom check, too. Why are you so... Because I have... I haven't used it all the whole time. You just want to push the button.

I look for like a safe path through there and to avoid the... Yeah, so you know you head east, like they said, but you're not sure where to make the turn off to the left to go north. Make a survival check, GumGum, to see if you can find the path to the north.

11. That's a 7 plus... I have a plus 4 in it. Okay. That's not bad. Uh, 11. That's a seven plus, I have a plus four in it. Okay. That's not bad. Oh yeah, it's hidden behind some bushes that are overgrown. Beetles can probably see the turn, no problem, but from your perspective, it's hard to see. Are you proficient in survival checks?

I guess so, I don't know. Is there a dot in the- It's a wisdom, which isn't my worst thing. Okay, intelligence is where you, okay. So you're able to like move some shrubs aside and find the path that you turn to the north. It was hidden behind shrubs. In the distance, you start hearing a crack

followed by a pop. And as you follow the noises, you eventually push past the thaumaturgical thickets and come upon a village of tiny homes built amidst an orchard of fruit trees and a trickling pond. Are they tiny little blue people? Crack!

A bolt of energy blasts past you and collides with a pocket-sized, sparkling humanoid creature with wings. As soon as the bolt strikes the creature, you hear the tiniest scream and see it pop into glittering dust. Oh my gosh! A warbled voice cackles nearby. Good one, Anarchs! I like it when they go pop! Thanks, Anarchs! I really nailed it right in the chest, didn't I? Let's do it again. Scattered amongst the trees are crackling creatures of red energy laying siege to the houses and tiny fake creatures fluttering about. Are they called Anarchs?

That's how they addressed each other. I think collectively they are Anarchs. Anarchs. Yeah. That makes sense because they're causing anarchy. Yeah, it seems like a hive mind. How many of them are there? Right now you see two of them that are talking to each other.

So we know that my arrow is wanting them to fly. How big are they? They keep shifting. Right now one of them looks kind of humanoid-ish. I'd say like average human size. Five foot something. Yeah, the other one that it's talking appears to be almost like a wolf. We try and freeze them.

I don't know, can we? We should probably not try to provoke them. If I had to guess. We should see these little fairy creatures. The beetles told us to run. We're stronger than beetles. You hear another crack and see a lightning bolt shoot out and hit another little fairy that screams.

No, no. It's really pretty, all the glitter dust that flies everywhere. It's still really sad, though. Should we attack? Bart steps out and goes, leave them alone. Roll initiative. Oh, man. 21.

How far away are they? They're pretty close. Let's say within 30 feet, because they're in the clearing you were right by. Seven. Nine. Eleven. So we got Gum-Gum, then Anarchs, then Kyborg. Gum-Gum, your friend Bart has stepped into the clearing and accosted the two creatures referring to themselves as Anarchs. What Kyborg. Gum Gum, your friend Bart has stepped into the clearing

and accosted the two creatures referring to themselves as Anarchs. What do you want to do? Okay, I want to go forward as much as I can while still keeping my action. So I guess that's 20 feet, right? You can go like 40, can't you? I can go 40?

Yeah, 40. Okay, I'll go up to them. Now that I'm closer, what do they look like? Lightning. One's humanoid, one's wolf-like. Yep, they're like red, chaotic lightning, what do they look like? Lightning. One's humanoid, one's wolf-like. Yep. They're like red, chaotic lightning. And they're just like constantly shifting.

Does it seem like ice would do anything to them? You don't know. You've never seen anything like this before. All right. Well, I'm going to ice storm them. Ice storm them. Yeah. A hail of rock-hard ice pounds the ground in 20-foot radius, 40-foot high cylinder, centered on a point within range.

Each creature in the cylinder must make a dexterity saving throw. Creature takes 2d8 bludgeoning damage and 4d6 cold damage on a point within rage each creature in cylinder must make a dexterity saving throw creature takes 2d8 bludgeoning damages 4d6 cold damage on a failed save or have as much on a successful one all right what is the save they need to make it is 13. all right 13. here i go i'm rolling for i'd say both of them within 20 feet of each other that is a 20 and a two so one of them makes it one of of them fails. Okay. So roll your damage. That's six plus four to six cold. Six plus six. So 12.

I like how you say every number as a question. And it's difficult terrain until the end of my next turn in that area that they were hit. Making that note on them right here. So one of them took 12. The other one took six. Yeah.

I just want to see if ice does anything. Okay. Yeah. It seems like it hurts them ice does anything to them. Okay. Yeah. It seems like it hurts them. They shout in pain. They seem like they're hurt more by the physical hitting of the stones or the ice. You can't tell?

Yeah. It's hard to say. You really can't tell. And now I'll go ahead and rage as my boss action. Okay. Gumgoo's going to approach and ask for feedback on that attack. So how did that make you feel? Yeah.

I'm going to... He's going to one hit. Can you steal this out for me? Eight and a two. And I can pick now. A bolt of light shoots from my chest. Another creature of your choice. You can see within 30 feet, you must succeed on a constitution saving throw or take 1d6 radiant damage and be blinded.

Okay. Which one would you pick? The one that took full damage or the one that took half damage? Which one was the wolf and which one was the... Full damage was the humanoid. Half damage was the wolf. I'm going to go half damage with the wolf. So you target that one and hit it was the full damage was the humanoid uh half damage was the wolf i'm gonna go half damage with the wolf so you target that one and hit it with your radiant damage go and roll that radiant damage roll that beautiful bean footage five oh it needs to make constitution

save right yeah the save is dc8 plus your proficiency bonus plus your constitution modifier so it's 8 plus 5 is 13 plus 5 five is 18. And I rolled a 17. So that's a fail. Yes. So it takes five points of damage. And is blinded. And is blinded. Okay.

Anything else, GumGum? Nope. Okay. Then it is the humanoid red energy's turn. What a phrase. Anarchs. The humanoid red energy dude's guy's turn. Humanoid Anarchs' turn.

It looks at you, Gum Gum. It knows that you attacked it. And it hurls something at you. It's like a mass of some kind of energy. Okay. It's AC 11. Nope. You said it so sad.

Imagine it just pinging off of Gum Gum and Gum and Gum-Gum just not flinching. Yeah, yeah. It seemingly has no effect. It just clearly misses you by a wide margin. As it went by, Yumi, you got a closer look at it, and it's just difficult to tell what it is. It's just like a pulsing red energy ball that went by you. Plasma.

But even a ball makes it sound too defined. It's like constantly shifting in shape. All right. Kyborg. After Kyborg is barked. Okay. The guy that just attacked Gungum, I say, you attack my friend, I attack you forever, Winter! So now he's most foreign to me. Okay. It's really loud, sorry. And that's the humanoid one? Yeah. Uh, so then

I attack with the longbow of crystallina. That's a 33. Believe it or not, that hits. Interesting. Whoa. All right. So I do nine piercing, but the primary reason I wanted to do this is because the longer bow of crystallina against my sworn enemy does 46 cold damage, which I feel like that's like what we're looking for here.

No, no, no. So I roll 46s. Here's hoping. We've done radiant. We've done piercing. That's nine points of cold damage. So nine points of piercing damage and then another nine points of cold damage? Yes.

Okay. We'll see if we'll have three combatants soon. Yeah, it impacts doing significant damage. And as it hits the Anarchs, it splits into two. Y'all, I don't know what to do. And you hear it laugh. It says, ah, we are at arcs. So what did you do differently?

I have like physical attacks, I guess. There's got to be some type of damage to do that would hurt them. Mine is magic arrows, though. It's not like it's like physical arrows. Does that make any difference? No, yeah, I know. All your attacks are always magical

because of your feats. It's hard to tell like what has done anything to it because at this point, it could have all just been damaging it and they could just split no matter what. Yeah. but it didn't do it when the ice storm or when maybe had not have not they didn't lower enough hp like they didn't get to that point of splitting like it could be like once they're dead then they split into two you know can i perceive like is this like an identical copy in terms of like how worn they seem you know how sometimes i can tell

like roughly where they are at health-wise? Yeah, they both seem very weak. Okay. Maybe they get weaker as they split. That's my hope. What's the status of my called like sworn enemy thing? Oh, that's a good question. It's on one of them.

One of them would be your sworn enemy. Okay, well then that one, I'm going to take another hit with the longer bow of Kristalina. Okay. i'm gonna roll okay that was a one but it made a 15 but that's a critical yeah it's always gonna miss so then i'm gonna do um i'm gonna do a plus 14 yep yeah i'm gonna do a i'm gonna do a lucky feat and re-roll that yep he just got a 33 on the last attack roll you shouldn't be surprised 18. Yeah, 18, that hits. Okay, and then I'm going to do, this is piercing, so that's a 12.

And then I'm going to do 46 cold, and that's going to be 10. Yeah, your bow hits that original one, that's your sworn enemy, and it falls to the ground unmoved. Okay, no splitties? No. And as it falls to the ground,

its form changes yet again, and it transforms, and it looks like a red lightning version of you, Kyborg. A red lightning? Is it dead, though? Yes, you think so. Okay. Well, then I'm going to use my bonus action, right, to switch over my sworn enemy status. So I say, you are my sworn enemy for every winter.

Which one? The other one that split off of him. Got it. And then now I'm going to take another shot with the longer bow of crystallina. This is my third attack. This is a 16. That hits. Oh, God. Alright, and then I do 15 points piercing

and 11 points cold. It falls to the ground dead. And as it falls to the ground, it transforms and it looks like a tree. Okay. And then I'm going to distance myself from the other Anarchs. There's only one. It's the wolf one.

Yes. And it's blinded. I just want to distance myself. And it's still only one. Yes. Anything else, Kyward? Nope. That was my third attack.

Okay. I'm just going to distance myself so that'll be my movement. Bart, you're up. Then the Anarchs and then Mud. Okay. Bart. I am going to attempt to do something new. As a bonus action first, I'm going to cast Vanishing Smite.

So for that, the next time I hit a creature with a weapon attack before the spell ends, my weapon crackles with force and the attack deals an extra 5d10 force damage to the target. Wow. I'm going to cast that and then I'm going to try to run at the wolf and actually do a melee attack. Is this the first time you do a melee attack? No. Not the first but it's been a while. It's been a while. Definitely has used his

sword I think is what you have. I have a dagger, a long sword, a spear. Yeah, you've used that. I still have crown of stars as well. I think that might still be around my head. It lasts for an hour. I think it's kind of like a weapon. Yeah, but I would say it would have taken you longer than an hour because you cast it when you were still off of Urbloom.

It would have taken you longer than an hour to cross via boat to get here. Normally, yeah, if you were to cast it at the beginning of combat, it would stay for an hour and you would continue to use it. Okay. But in this particular instance, no. I'm going to use my dagger. Okay. So I get up close enough to the wolf.

Oh no. 13? 13. That actually does hit. Okay, cool. particular instance now i'm gonna use my dagger okay so i get up close enough to the wolf oh no 13 13 that actually does hit okay cool so then i think i do my normal dagger damage and then another 5d10 yes okay so my normal dagger damage 5d10 is that smite thing you yeah there's also a lot more to it we're gonna get to in a second yeah so that's just a five from the dagger okay you strike it with your dagger or you stab it and then it yells we are anarchs and it splits into two i think that's not just me we are anarchs and then do i do my vanishing smite yeah you would roll your 5d10 and i guess you got to pick who you do that to 26 And just to continue reading this banishing smite,

just because it's a crazy spell. So if this attack reduces the target to 50 hit points or fewer, you banish it. If the target is native to a different plane of existence than the one you're on, the target disappears, returning to its home plane. Whoa. If the target is native to the plane you're on, the creature vanishes into a harmless demi-plane. Oh my god.

While there, the target is incapacitated. It remains there there until the spell ends at which point the target reappears in the space that left bart i'm sorry for all this time to upset you don't make me banish smite you it's insane it's so much all right so um the energy from the banishing smite uh like coalesces and focuses down onto the anarks and it screams and disappears focuses down onto the Anarchs and it screams and disappears. One of them or both of them? One of them. Bart just sent that thing to hell.

Yeah, that's really, that's really cool. I love that. I've been waiting to use it because I'm always afraid to do like up close attacks. I'm so delicate. The other one like looks around nervously. I am Anarchs. Could I use a bonus action to go, you want some of this? Make an intimidation roll.

This has to succeed. Fine colors. 13. Yeah, it seems very nervous. It like backs away a little bit. It like shrinks away from you. Anything else, Bart? No.

Okay, it's Anarchs' turn. Man, it just saw you banish that Anarchs' turn man it just saw it just saw you banish that Anarchs it's it runs away is it within does it it's within attack of opportunity from Bart not me because you slinked back no I didn't I thought you did I did oh you did but no but it is immediately right next to Bart so it would be Bart's attack of opportunity okay so how do I do that? Just make an attack roll with like your dagger again. 14. That hits.

Eight points of damage. You stab it and it screams, Anarchs! And it falls to the ground dead. And it transforms into like a red chaotic flower. Cool. Gum gum, don't touch. Actually, should we touch?

Yeah, can I go investigate it and pick it up? Not a bad idea. Yeah, you begin walking over. The terrain is still difficult. I don't know if that applies to you or not. I think it does. It just means you're kind of slow moving over it. But the fight's over.

Yeah. And out from the tree line, you see one of those little pixies emerge. Oh, thank you all so much. Thank you. We didn't know what we were going to do. Everyone gets an inspiration die and five temporary hit points.

Wow. I'm Echesdy. I live here at Pip Orchard. We were under attack by these creatures we've never seen before. Well, they're apparently called Anarchs. We definitely knew that. They're terrible. Might they attack you?

Oh, we have no idea. They just showed up. And as Echesdy is saying this, a horde of Anarchs emerges from a tunnel to the north and charges towards you all. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Out from the treetops leaps a hulking punchback wielding a tree trunk hammer and a glistening goblet. The towering Colossus lands on the ground with a boom, quaking the earth beneath you and wham! Her hammer pummels a handful of Anarchs into sizzling red dust. Oh, she's on her side.

Oh, yeah. Wham, wham, wham. She batters the red dust into the ground a few more times. The remaining Anarchs stop in their tracks and scatter back into the tunnel. The Herculean Hunchback screams into the air. Nothing can stop Grizzlies. Stop. Just stop.

They're already gone. You leave. Come on. We gotta have a catchphrase. We used to do it all the time Back when we were The two heads turn and face you with a raised eyebrow Infernoids

Grizzly We found you After all this time Find out what Grizzly has been up to Or what's going on in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Whoa, that's so cool. This is the farm that they returned to. I felt so bad that they'd gone. That they'd gone?

Yeah, now they're back. Now they back. They back. Guess who's back? Hopefully not Sleek. Grizzly's back. Death to Sleek. Speaking of tell a friend, tell a friend about this podcast. No, Sleek's not my friend. But to sleek thinking of tell a friend tell a friend about this

podcast but yes you should tell a friend and here's a quick shout out to folks interacting with us on social media recently here's some npcs named after them in the episode uh buzzy and the jets the singing swarm of beetles named after user jet girl 187 hsd the papixy named after uh hs sd like the letters get it hs HSD, H-S-D. We also want to give special thanks to some friends who provided voiceover for characters in this episode, such as Omar Finn, voiced by Jacob Fullerton, Simpson Finn, voiced by Blizzbear, Grizzly, voiced by Issa Badiola,

Aleve, voiced by Jessica Basami, and Dr. Ahem, voiced by Micah Reisinger. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. you