Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Paralyte's Poison - Ep. 45 - Swarm and Fuzzy

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

Caught in the trap set by Paralyte, the Interns are pushed to their limits to survive. But outnumbered and caught off guard, can they escape with their party intact? Listen and subscribe to Ship Hits... the Fan at https://bit.ly/shiphitsthefan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:08 Previously, our adventurers explored the treetop bungalows of Elderling Village. They battled some bark-covered brutes, toiled with twirling tools, napped around a blissful bowl, partook in some pickled provisions, and finally found the Triune Canopy. But with a homicidal spectral on the loose, can the interns find their friends? Or will this mission meet a dead end? Settle your sinful souls and let's continue our tale. Hello, everyone.
Starting point is 00:01:36 Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We're back. Arr. Arr. Ready to fight and have an adventure. Arr. Stinky. Dar, stinky. He be stinky in these parts.
Starting point is 00:01:50 So I want to make sure Spectral went crazy. He's under some mind control, right? He stabbed someone, right? Something? That's your perception of what's going on. I thought he killed Sleek or something. He made a claim about that and came in with bloody daggers. Did I black out at the end of our last recording? I don't recall anything of what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:02:07 It's like right at the end, there was someone under the stairs or something like that, right? Yeah, you all went through all that treetop stuff. Then you came through the big room where the three thrones were. You in the flashback had met the triune. You heard the voice of what you think might be Brink Tussler coming from below you, like from down some stairs.
Starting point is 00:02:24 And then Spectral came in with his daggers and said that he had taken care of Sleek and was looking at you guys. Yep. So this is Schrodinger's dead body. This could mean that Sleek is dead. There is a world in which Sleek is dead. Does that make you sad? Your best friend might be hurt?
Starting point is 00:02:38 No, Kyborg's as happy as can be. He's like, oh. I'm genuinely concerned for my brain. What you just said about Sleek coming in, I don't remember at all. He's as happy as can be. He's like, oh. I'm genuinely concerned for my brain. What you just said about Sleek coming in, I don't remember at all. Like, it doesn't even ring a single bell. I need to, was there a vitamin I should be taking more of? Probably.
Starting point is 00:02:55 It's called vacation, and I just got back from it. I'm ready. I got my Margaritaville. Oh, we're good. You're drinking cold brew. Margaritaville cold brew. Margaritaville. Okay. Sleek's here, and he's gone crazy, possibly. Nogaritaville cold brew. Okay. Sleek's here and he's gone crazy possibly.
Starting point is 00:03:08 No, spectral. Spectral. I'm trying to pull up the final stinger. More like the final stinker. Whoa. So you look around. The room was empty. Just the thrones and some stairs leading down.
Starting point is 00:03:20 You heard the muffled voice of Brink coming from down the stairs. The door creaked open. A slender silhouette slinks into the room holding a dagger dripping with blood. A narrow half-orc face comes into view with empty black eyes staring at you. Spectral? One infinite down for interns to go.
Starting point is 00:03:38 Okay. Wait, but if you have one infinite down, do you have to kill yourself to get all four of them? You gotta collect them all there, Spectral. That's just that's just logic yeah well yeah obviously then just as a quick recap since uh i want to make sure everyone's on the same page here just like a reminder of the state a state of the union if you will mud you are not an animal currently you're a furbolg bart you are invisible you had cast invisibility earlier i thought you're gonna say bart you are invisible. You had cast invisibility earlier. I thought you were going to say, Bart, you are awesome. Well, obviously,
Starting point is 00:04:07 we don't have to remind anyone that. That's just the state of being. Gum Gum, you still have that tail. We didn't mention it in the last episode. Yeah. Oh, thank God. Remember two episodes ago? The bush?
Starting point is 00:04:18 Right. You had that encounter with the bush. Or the vines. Or the fern. And you sprouted a tail. And you still do have it. Do we need to cut off the tail before the next full moon?
Starting point is 00:04:28 That's up to you guys. Maybe he'll shed it like a lizard. This isn't Dragon Ball Z. Yeah. And I think that's where we're at. No updates on Kyborg then. All right. Let's see how it is.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Kyborg still has one arm. Smash. Four Evergards rappel through the windows into the room. Each of them cloaked in black and armed with bows and blades. The room darkens as the sun fades behind the treetops to the west.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Spectral finishes wiping his bloody dagger and says, Hmm, quite the entrance, boys. Right on time. He turns back to you all. Oh, perhaps I should explain. Leonard's not home at the moment. He taps his forehead. He's taking a little nap somewhere deep in the recesses of this revenge-ridden noggin of his. You see, I've been keeping an eye on you all from behind these half-orc eyes, since it seems you just won't go away.
Starting point is 00:05:23 He stabs the doorframe with his dagger. Oh my god. I figured if I was going to go through the trouble of brainwashing these imbeciles, why not let them think they've regained control? All the while, something was loose in the back of their minds. He smiles wide and unsheathes two misty indigo blades that seem to flicker in and out of existence. Is he possessed? Yeah, it seems like it's...
Starting point is 00:05:46 By the loose? That's Paralite. Mesmerizing, aren't they? I think he calls them something dramatic, like the Aether Blades. And there's some story of how they're forged from shadows in the ethereal plane after Yumi died. Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, good luck dodging
Starting point is 00:06:10 these. Everyone roll initiative. Oh my god, this is Paralite, right? It's gotta be. I also want to point out that he stabbed the door with his blade. That's a really stupid way of dealing with your blades. You gotta treat the blades better. It's true. I don't care if it's sleek or spectral, whoever it is.
Starting point is 00:06:27 It is very intimidating, though. It is intimidating. It's more for the intimidation factor, like Barbara said. I just think it's impractical. I think it's silly. What if they got stuck? It's like when a guy has a shotgun and it's already cocked and then he cocks it again.
Starting point is 00:06:40 It's like you just wasted a cartridge, you dum-dum. Or to take it back to a TikTok we made, it's like being in a knife fight and licking the knife. That actually got taken off TikTok. Oh, did it? TikTok can't handle that. That was one of the violence, the call for violence. But it's on Instagram. But it's on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:06:58 It isn't like guns, knives, and blood? What's the... Our saucy stuff is on Instagram. That's where all our nudes are. Naughty. At squad team force. I'm making some initiative rolls here. I got a 14.
Starting point is 00:07:10 I also got a 14. Wow, twins. What goes first? Dex? Higher dex? Yeah, higher dex. I think it's gum gum them, right? Between you two, probably.
Starting point is 00:07:19 My dexterity is 14. Oh, really? I'm higher dex? All right. I guess so. I go first. And I have an 18. I got a 22. Oh, God. Gus'm higher dex? Alright. I guess so. I go at first. And I have an 18. I got a 22.
Starting point is 00:07:28 Oh god, Gus rolled a 34. My gosh. You do that every time he rolls multiple rolls for characters. And it's always funny. It's always... John, it's always funny. I just like that he doesn't keep it hidden because that means that he rolled initiative for four people and together
Starting point is 00:07:44 they got 34. They suck. Their initiative is terrible. Because you all are so quick to accuse me of cheating or lying about rolls. I put them all out in the open. It's because you're a cheater. You see all the rolls I make. Oh, please, Gus.
Starting point is 00:07:59 You say you all call me out for cheating. There's one person who calls you out for cheating. That's true. It is one person. Who? I don't know. Who are you pointing at? We're talking about you.
Starting point is 00:08:11 We're talking about Blaine, right? Because it's not me, right? We're talking about Blaine. I just want to make sure. I don't think I've ever done that. Classic Chris comedy there. Kyborg, you get to act first. You're in this rather large room with the three thrones,
Starting point is 00:08:27 the entrance you came in, the stairs going down, four archers, and Spectral. Okay. Oh, you had to bring in archers into this. I would have gone for Spectral, but I gotta be the only archer. So I'm going to shoot... Well, actually, how close are they? What's the geography of this place? You all came in from the northwestern corner of the room. Okay. And you all kind of wandered around into this room. Spectral came in from the southwestern corner. And the archers came in from four windows and are spaced evenly around the room.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Barbara is doing hand motions to figure out where north and south are right now. Well, I want to get myself situated. What you got? You making a box of your hands there? No. We came in this way, and he came in this way. This way, and then the others are like... About to collide this way.
Starting point is 00:09:13 We got to find the value of C, everyone. All right, bring out your pencils. You never do pencils. Well, so how far are the Evergard archers, or Evergard guys with bows and arrows from each other. I mean, the room is not huge or anything. What is this? It's about 30 by 50 or so.
Starting point is 00:09:32 They're all probably at least 10 feet apart, 15 feet apart, something like that. I think they're 8 feet apart, Gus, because I wanted to use a splitting. No, they're definitely not 8 feet apart, not with the size of this room. Okay, well then I I'm going to shoot one of them. I'm going to just roll a D4,
Starting point is 00:09:50 and then that's the one that I'll shoot. I'm going to roll guy number one, and then... That's actually really helpful, because I have them written down in my initiative order, so the first one. Hey, you're welcome. Guy number one. That's a 19.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Yes, that is a hit. Okay. Doing piercing damage, which is a 12. Ooh, okay. Yeah, he takes 12 points of damage. He does not like that one bit. Okay. Doing piercing damage, which is a 12. Ooh, okay. Yeah, he takes 12 points of damage. He does not like that one bit. Okay, all right. Well, I'll try to finish the job, and I'm going to take another attack.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Shoot him again. 13? Yes, that does actually hit. These guys suck. All right, and then that is 13 points of damage. Ooh, yeah. The archer closest to you is quickly feathered by two arrows, taking a good amount of damage.
Starting point is 00:10:29 He is not happy about that. He looks like he's in a significant amount of pain. Arcane shot. I'm going to make it explode. Oh, no. Bursting arrow, I mean, which is 2d6. Sorry, I just want to take this guy down ASAP. I want to pee in this room and make it known that this is Kyborg's room.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Five. I was wondering where you were going to go with that. I didn't know where that sentence was ending. I didn't know where that sentence was ending. I was like, can you go to the bathroom? Do you want to finish this fight? You got to go pee. Hey, if you were Barbara to show up in a place and like four other women were dressed in the same clothes as you,
Starting point is 00:11:00 you would want to be like, do like a dance move and be like, I'm the number one. No, I would be like, hell yeah, ladies. Looks like we all have taste. All right, well. Blaine just invented toxic femininity. Women supporting women. Toxically. I don't know anything about this.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Unless they're trying to kill me, then it might be a different story. They're trying to kill you. Okay, well then I would definitely prove myself the best. Okay. Yeah. So you do a total of 30 points of damage to the archer who is still standing despite your best effort, but he is much worse for the wear.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Okay. And then to finish off, I have movement that I'm just going to kind of move to a corner like to distance myself as much as I can from everyone. Do you want to back up into the corner you entered from, like the most northwest corner, I assume, because that would be the closest one to you. As long as it's not an opportunity. God, Jesus. What was that?
Starting point is 00:11:55 What was that again? Hack of opportunity. Right before we started recording, Blaine excused himself for a minute to go pour some more cold brew. Blaine, how much coffee have you had this morning? He's just vibrating. I don't know what she's talking about. I think from a strategic perspective, it would make the most sense for you to
Starting point is 00:12:13 retreat back to the northwest door, because that's the door you came in from. That's more of a known quantity. So I'm going to say you move back into that corner. Then that is where I will be, and that is the end of my turn. Bart, you are up, then an enemy, and then mud. Would you say all of these archers are like bunched up together? Like how far apart are they from each other and us right now?
Starting point is 00:12:33 They're probably roughly 10 to 15 apart from each other. They burst in from windows all around the room, from different windows. Okay. From you guys, I'd say it's probably also 10 to 15 feet from you all, except for Kyborg who has retreated back up into the corner. So a metagame question. If I were to go over to their side of the room where they're kind of more focused and cast something out from me that maybe has about a 15-foot radius on that.
Starting point is 00:13:00 She's trying to cast Thunderwave without murdering us. When I hit my party. Well, just to clarify, none of your enemies are really bunched up. They're all pretty evenly spaced out around the room. Okay. So you could do that, but you would probably only get one of them at any given moment. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Bart casts Crop Dust. Even if I stood like between two of the archers and cast Thunderwave because it's 15 feet out. That seems fair. I feel like I could hit two of them. If I were the DM, I would let that slide. Does Blaine allow it? So it's a 15-foot cube originating from you,
Starting point is 00:13:30 not that it goes out 15 feet from you. So are you talking radius or diameter? Exactly. That's what I'm getting at. So it's like a radius effect, not a diameter effect. So seven and a half out from you. Exactly. If you do it out from you.
Starting point is 00:13:44 So only... Okay. Yeah. So 13 is it out from you. So only... Okay. So 13's the diameter. 15. 15's the diameter. But if you said they're about 10 feet away from each other, I would hit two of them. If you stood next to one, yeah. If I stood in between two of them. Oh, no, because it originates from you. Right.
Starting point is 00:13:59 Because radius would be seven and a half. A lot of math. I was thinking of like, if you could like, if you can pick where the cube lands, you can. Yeah, but if I stood in between them and I went seven feet that way, seven feet that way. Oh yeah, then you'd get them. Then I'd hit two of them.
Starting point is 00:14:12 Oh yeah, yeah, that's math, Gus. Didn't you go to Rice, bro? Come on. You guys crack me up. Blaine loses an inspiration die? Weird. That would work. That's legitimately.
Starting point is 00:14:24 You would be able to hit two of them. Okay. Well, because I'm invisible, I'm going to go sneak in between two of them. Yeah. And cast Thunder Wave. Just to be safe, make a stealth check with advantage. You got it. Well, that's a one, so that doesn't count because I'm lucky. So my first roll is a 26 and then a 22.
Starting point is 00:14:43 Pretty good rolls. Okay. So you stealthily make your way through the room. Do you want to include the archer that Kyborg had already shot, or do you want to go after two fresh archers? Probably the one he already shot. Okay, so you're going to go after that one and then the one closest to it.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Finish him! And then you're going to cast Thunder Wave? Thunder Wave, yes. Thunder Wave! I was thinking the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah! They must make a constitution saving throw, which for them, they have, ooh, plus zero.
Starting point is 00:15:09 Lucky you. Nice. I'm going to make that roll right now before you go any further. The save is 14, it looks like, on your character sheet. 14, yeah. Don't make it, don't make it, don't make it, don't make it. 15 and two.
Starting point is 00:15:22 So the first one does save, but the second one fails. Okay. They're by the windows, right? Wouldn't it push them back? It does. I think it pushes them back. I think if it hits. It pushes them 10 feet away from you on a fail save.
Starting point is 00:15:37 It says on a successful save, the creature takes half as much damage and isn't pushed. Yes. But on a failed save, a creature takes 2d8 thunder damage and is pushed 10 feet. So Archer 1 will take half damage, but Archer 2 will take the damage and be pushed. Archer 1's already damaged a heck, so that's fine. God damn it. Correct. I rolled a total
Starting point is 00:15:56 of 5. Inspiration die. Inspiration die. I don't have an inspiration die. Inspiration die is a d20, just a reminder. Yeah, if you roll a d20 for something. I was going to offer you my inspiration die. uh legal is that is that uh wizard no sure whatever okay so you roll a total of five points of damage on your thunder wave yeah it's a one and a four on my two d8s all right so half of that is two so the first one takes two points of damage and the second one takes the full five and is pushed 10 feet away from you further down into the room or like sideways along the wall yeah hmm does that break your invisibility
Starting point is 00:16:31 most video game rules if you attack you get out of invisibility but i have no idea about dnd i know all the video games i play that doesn't happen john the spell ends for a target that attacks or casts a spell okay so now I'm not invisible anymore? Correct. Okay. So Bart... I cast Thunder Wave and then appear. Sneakily maneuvers himself between two archers. A deafening clap of thunder emanates,
Starting point is 00:16:55 pushing one of the archers away, and Bart pops into existence in the room. I like to think Thunder Wave sounds like the sound bombs from episode two that... in the room. I like to think Thunderwave sounds like the sound bombs from episode 2 that I just saw Blaine's eyes light up that uh, is it from Slave 1 that he drops them out of?
Starting point is 00:17:13 No, it's not the Slave 1 anymore. It's his dad. It's called the fire spray. But it's the same, okay yeah. The little I also, this is an important detail about Bart in my turn. The second he pops back into existence, he does that thing where it's like as if he's naked and like covers his like crotch and chest and he goes, ah, even though he's fully dressed.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Is that because Bart takes off all of his clothes when he uses invisibility just to make sure? It's not, it's not necessary, but Bart just likes it. Helps him be stealthy. His clothes don't make noise. You know, a little... Exactly. He also knows that he looks good without his clothes on.
Starting point is 00:17:54 Bart. Okay, so is that it for Barty Boy? Yes. It's a good move. Okay, next up we've got Spectral. Then after Spectral, we have Mud. Spectral's eyes narrow as he surveys the room. Who's he going to attack?
Starting point is 00:18:09 He attacks the door again. I'm going to roll a d4, and then it's going to be alphabetically between you guys. Gum-Gum, he's going to go after Gum-Gum. He knows from your travel skater that Gum-Gum can give out quite a bit of damage, probably the most of anyone in the party, way more than Kyborg.
Starting point is 00:18:24 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Go after me. I'm the strong one. That's the dumbest thing you've ever said. Never mind. It's got to be the strong one. So you see, you know, the dagger that was in the doorframe
Starting point is 00:18:39 teleport into Spectral's hands and he's holding both of them once again. So he's possessed by Paralite right now, basically, is under our understanding, right? Perhaps. That is what you said. That's our understanding. Okay. And Paralite is voiced by our friend Hannah McCarthy, who also played a character in RVB who had reappearing daggers,
Starting point is 00:18:56 correct? Go on. That wasn't on purpose? I think that's a fun little connection. It's like six degrees of bacon, but six degrees of daggers. Six degrees of Bernie. Mudcast DMCA takedown. Alright, Spectral readies the blades and throws one at Gum Gum.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Gum Gum catches it with his teeth. And licks it. And licks it. Gum Gum, it seems like the dagger is flying straight at you. Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. Oh, it's not even an attack roll. Good.
Starting point is 00:19:30 I have advantage on this. You have advantage? On deck saves. Oh, you're right, because of your danger sense, right? Yeah, 15. Kyborg, what are you doing? Why is Kyborg ready? I'm just saying I would have made an 18.
Starting point is 00:19:40 All right, I'm just saying. You just had to know. I thought you were Gus. I groaned because I thought he rolled an 18. No, no, that's not me. It's really weird, GumGum. The dagger was going straight for you. You had to dodge, and at the last second, you were able to evade it.
Starting point is 00:19:54 It was really scary. Whoa, I know Kung Flu. Spectral's eyes narrow, and then once again, he throws a dagger at you. Make another dexterity save. Now we see if you're the real keanu oh yeah that's a good one that's a 20 okay then once again it misses you hmm what's he going to do then probably cry what you're going to do with all that junk it's gonna do all that junk as you're watching to, like, fade into the background of the room.
Starting point is 00:20:26 It's very difficult to see him. Where did he go? You don't know. You're going to have to see if you can find him. Mud, it's your turn. That used to be a power that Nightcrawler from the X-Men have, but they don't really exercise that anymore in the comics anymore. Anyways, Mud is going to cast...
Starting point is 00:20:40 You're going to look around the room. The four archers are still spread around the room. The two of them have been moved by Thunderwave, correct? One of them was moved by Thunderwave. One of them was moved by Thunderwave. But they're all kind of still around the room, right? Scattered? Yes, correct.
Starting point is 00:20:54 All right. Mud casts Conjure Animals. And conjures eight swarms of ravens. Two swarms each going to each archer. Whoa. And surrounding them. Nevermore. Okay, and what does that do to them?
Starting point is 00:21:13 Well, now I have eight swarms of ravens in the field who all have to roll initiative. Oh, God, you're making this a nightmare for me. You just told us in the beginning of this session, hey, guys, we got to be going faster during these sessions. No more doors, please. Can I simplify it? And just since I want to just keep them each on Archer,
Starting point is 00:21:31 can I just roll four initiatives? They only can do one move, and so I can get through their moves really quickly. Sure. What we can do is we can also simplify it where they'll all go right after you. Sure, if you want to do that, I'm fine with that. Yeah, let's do that.
Starting point is 00:21:43 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. So I have to put them in my initiative order here. They're all swarming. Each of those archers, which is an ability they have, they can occupy the same space. What was that spell?
Starting point is 00:21:55 Was it conjure animal? Conjure animals. It's my big old new third spell slot spell. And I can conjure, if they're a CR rating of one quarter, I can conjure eight of them. Swarm of Ravens is a quarter and so I have Swarm of Ravens.
Starting point is 00:22:11 This is like when your friend's dad shows up to soccer practice with a new van and everyone's like, oh, hey, new thing, right? I figured this was a smart move for archers. If they've got two Swarms of Raven around them, they're not going to really be able to do a lot of archering. I bet they'll be at disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:22:27 Anyways, I'm just going to roll their beak attacks. That's the attack. It's called beaks. And I'm going to roll for... Why don't we do them two at a time? Okay. This is for the first one. They rolled a 14 and a 19.
Starting point is 00:22:43 Those both hit. Okay. I will roll 2d6 damage. So I'll just roll 4d6. Good lord, Jon. I can't see what that is. What is that? 10. 10. There's a dice that landed on the number.
Starting point is 00:22:56 Okay, so 10 damage to that archer. This is a crazy attack. You're about to deal. Wow. So that's archer one who had already been injured by Kyborg. So Archer 1 falls down lifeless. He's killed by birds. I'm pulling a full Moira Rose from Schitt's Creek.
Starting point is 00:23:21 And this is the birds. What was hers? The crow? The crow vending? I don't know. Next guys roll a 13 and a 16. They both hit. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:30 So that's another 4d6. Thank God I can just roll all these dice all at once. That's another 12 points of damage to that Archer 2. Okay. Archer 2 is doing his best tippy-hedron impression. There you go. Next guy rolls. Next two are a 21 and a 17. Those both hit. And they
Starting point is 00:23:51 do 16 points of damage. I hate this spell. Okay. I love this spell. I can't cast it a lot, so I'll tell you that. That one only rolled an 8 and then a 19. Okay, only one of those hits. Okay, so that's 2d6. So that's 5.
Starting point is 00:24:12 Okay. And then, just as a bonus action, I cast Hidden Step, and I'm invisible until my next turn. Ooh. I mean, Gus was saying wrongly that Gum Gum was the strongest. Everyone knows that Kyborg is the strongest.
Starting point is 00:24:27 I think Mud might. That's scary. I noticed the only person you didn't mention is Bart, but that's cool. Well, no, because they mentioned that but we all know secretly that Bart is the Nick Fury, the smartest and the strongest. I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Look at that backpedaling. I'm okay not being strong. I'm okay being smart and sneaky. You're the heart of the strongest. I'm just kidding. Look at that backpedaling. I'm okay not being strong. I'm okay being smart and sneaky. You're the heart of the team. And sexy. Do you know what Bart is? Bart's the one that can actually talk to people because Bart has the ability to roll intelligence rolls and investigation checks and stuff like that
Starting point is 00:25:00 because we're all negative and Bart's the one that actually has a brain. Chris, your turn. Compliment Bart. I like Bart. Bart's the one that actually has a brain. Chris, your turn. Compliment Bart. I like Bart. Bart's my friend. He and Gum Gum, we don't even need to compliment each other. Yeah, I'm just catching up
Starting point is 00:25:12 on episodes and every single time my character ever tries to persuade anybody I immediately regret it because then Gus tells me to roll persuasion and I'm just like terrible at it. You could invest some skill points in that. Would love skill points. Next level up.
Starting point is 00:25:26 No, he's too busy feeding his bird spells. You're like Rick and Morty. Yeah, you're not very persuasive because you're a weird bird person. Yeah. So just to clarify, the swarm of ravens looks like their AC 12 and their hit points is 24.
Starting point is 00:25:43 Yeah, we can just go off that. I often roll for whatever animals I do, but I don't want to roll for eight different animals. So yeah, we'll go with 24. Okay, cool. Is there anything else you want to do, Mud? Nope, I'm good. I'm invisible and just I'm leaning back against the wall. Okay, that's right.
Starting point is 00:25:58 You did hidden step. Gum Gum. Okay, I'm going to rage and I'm going to roll my d8 to see what my little rage does. Your jack-jack power. Yeah, it's an eight, which means a bolt of light shoots from your chest. Another creature of your choice that you can see within 30 feet of you must succeed a constitution-saving throw or take 1d6 radiant damage and be blinded until the start of your next turn. Until your rage ends, you can use this effect again on each of your turns as a bonus action.
Starting point is 00:26:23 Oh, neato. Wow. Gum-Gum learned Repulsor Ray from Iron Man. You said Sleek disappeared? You could try to make a perception check to see if you see him. Okay, I'm going to do that. And it was a spectral, just for clarification. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Everybody just wants to hit Sleek. That's a seven, so I'm going to guess now. He said he took care of Sleek. I don't know what that means. Maybe he's just incapacitated. He probably gave him some chamomile tea and like some CBD gummies. And then stabbed him in the face. And then stabbed him.
Starting point is 00:26:51 He gets his kicks from stabbing people when they're their most relaxed. Drew him a bath. Give him a little massage. No, Gum Gum, you cannot see where Spectral is. Okay. Then I guess I'll blast whatever of the four archers that's like... There's three remaining. Which one is the least damaged?
Starting point is 00:27:12 They all took a significant amount of damage. Only one of the archers was attacked by one flock of ravens. The other ones were attacked by two. So if you're going to go after the one that's least damaged, I would say it would be that one. Okay, I'll blast that one. Anyway, I started blasting. Chris says blast like Danny DeVito from
Starting point is 00:27:29 It's Always Sunny. Blast. GumGum has a gun. Gun gun. So he needs to make a constitution saving throw. I'm double checking. Constitution is plus zero, eleven. Mine's sixteen. It's eight plus your proficiency bonus plus your, 11. Mine's 16.
Starting point is 00:27:46 It's eight plus your proficiency bonus plus your constitution modifiers. So it's a fail. So yeah, you rolled your 1d6 radiant damage. And then what, blinded? Yes. By the light? Five. Yeah, I did better than the sun of the night.
Starting point is 00:28:00 The elder barber. Barber's favorite song. Knows all the lyrics. Every single one. I do. You know what? I commend you for coming in with the melody, not knowing any of the words. Grabbed up like a something.
Starting point is 00:28:13 I can't remember. Ribbed up like a deuce. Oh, it's a deuce? Okay. Yeah. He's blinded until the start of your next turn, Gum-Gum. Cool. Can I then run to one of the other archers and try and shove them out the window?
Starting point is 00:28:26 Cool. Sure. I'll say it would have to be Archer 3 because Archer 2 was pushed by Thunder Wave, so it's no longer by the window. Okay. So that's like a strength test? Yeah. We'll do like a grapple check and a post strength check. So make a strength check and the archer will oppose you with dexterity to try to like get out of the way. I just want to point out again that GumGum at the beginning of this campaign hugged all of our enemies. He's now
Starting point is 00:28:52 pushing a man out of a window. I have advantage on strength checks when raging, so that's a 23. The archer has a plus 4 on this roll. 1. So 5. He critical failed. That's, I mean, he's going out that window, Gus. He's got it.
Starting point is 00:29:07 Yeah, we'll say that he does go out the window. I wrote down notes about falling. Hold on. He just jumps out the window. Yeah, his pants fall down. He stumbles backwards. Can we get a Wilhelm scream? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Put a Wilhelm scream in there. Yeah, he goes out the window. Then you hear screaming. Okay. See, in my headcanon, Gum-Gum didn't think he committed murder. He just saw that guy come in through there. So he thinks that's his home. So he's just returning him to his home.
Starting point is 00:29:35 He just sent him back. And then for my second action, there's only one by a window now? Yeah, the one you shoved out. Okay. Oh, I guess the one that's blinded is also by a window. Okay. Do I have a general idea where Sleek is? I mean, you know where
Starting point is 00:29:48 he was when you lost track of him by the door, but that's about it. Spectral. Yeah, it's spectral. Yeah, sorry. Okay. Then I'll go to the other Evergard and make friends with him with my axe. The other archer? The one that's not blinded. Oh, okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Yeah. Would the ravens follow him out the window? No. I mean, they could, but they fly. But they listen to my command. Okay. They don't just, like, follow whatever I tell them to attack. They disperse to the other enemies, right? I mean, how long do they stay around? You tell me. An hour up with concentration.
Starting point is 00:30:20 Oh, my God. Wow. So that's a 27? A 27 is a hit, GumGum. All right. I'm just going to have, at the end of this fight, eight swarms of raven just circling me. It's just all of us are drenched in bird crap. Yeah, no one's going to be able to hear anything.
Starting point is 00:30:36 We can't talk. It's the HEB on the sunset. That's even better. They're all just going to all land on me, and so I'm just going to be cloaked in ravens. That's even better. They're all just going to all land on me. And so I'm just going to be cloaked in ravens. That's cool. That's cool. That's an 11 with my rage.
Starting point is 00:30:52 So you run up to one of the other archers, strike him with your great axe, doing 11 points of damage. He is still up, but is looking definitely worse for wear. I need community art of Mud absolutely covered, except for his eyes in Ravens. Just a being of Ravens.
Starting point is 00:31:12 That's so cool. And that's my turn. I am Mud, the Raven God. Bow down to me and feed me bread. Hey, everyone. Don't forget, please give us a follow on social media at stinky dragon pod on twitter and instagram maybe if you have some fan art you want to send us uh maybe about mud being surrounded by swarms and swarms of ravens uh send that our way using hashtag stinky dragon pod and uh we'll take a look we'll interact and it's really a great way for podcasts to spread is word of mouth on social media.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Want to give a shout out to some of our voice actors. Spectral is voiced by our very own Christian Young. And making a return as Brink Tussler is the one and only Eric Badour. We've got some new merch. Want to plug that real fast. We have a mug made with art that was sent by a Reddit user, Rarzu. It's great. It's Gum Gum and Bart in a very cute animated style. I think it's awesome. Are you fascinated by shipwrecks and other maritime disasters like the Titanic or the
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Starting point is 00:32:31 Again, that's Ship Hits the Fan. It's available wherever you get your podcasts. Go to bit.ly slash ship hits the fan to subscribe or click on the link in the description. Treats for every celebration, big or small.
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Starting point is 00:33:29 legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. All right, it's the archer's turn. Then after that, it's going to be Kyborg. Hmm, well there's only... One of them's blinded. And then the other one is right next to Gum-Gum. And a bunch of birds. And a bunch of birds. Well, what's the best approach here? I like that this takes us 10 minutes to spell out what happens,
Starting point is 00:34:01 but really this all happened in a matter of like 45 seconds. So like, an arrow exploded, and then like Gum-Gum pushed you out a window, but really this all happened in a matter of like 45 seconds. So like an arrow exploded and then like gum gum pushing out a window and then there's birds everywhere. Then a half flame appears and farts people across the room. Yeah, just like everything just happens. Yeah, every round is six seconds. So
Starting point is 00:34:17 from Kyborg's action through the end of these archers, whatever they're about to do, all of this happened in six seconds. They also haven't attacked yet. He won't do it, but I want to hear, like, Micah, edit together the audio version, the, what, 30 seconds of just, boom! It's just somebody on their keyboard, their synthesizer, set to sound effects, mashing all the keys of their keyboard.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Exactly. It's like Gene from Bob's Burgers. Yeah. Okay, the one that you ran up to and hit Gum-Gum pulls out a dagger and tries to attack you with it. Okay. A dagger. Very calm about that. A lot of daggers going at Gum-Gum. It was almost a 20.
Starting point is 00:34:57 But it was an 8. That's an 8 plus 4, 12. That is not hit. That is not hit. That's okay, Gus. Let's try it one more time. Okay. Go hit. It's okay, Gus. It's going to try one more time. Okay. Go ahead, little guy.
Starting point is 00:35:07 Go ahead. Ugh. Six, which is definitely a miss. I'm sorry. It's okay. Okay. The other archer who's blind is going to try to make an attack. I believe blinding gives disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:35:18 I'm going to double check. I would think so. Isn't he surrounded by birds, too? He's surrounded by ravens also. Dude, Gus, come on. You would never in a million years let any of us attack. You would be like, that's ridiculous. You're blind and surrounded by birds.
Starting point is 00:35:31 You haven't heard what I said they're going to do. I'm trying to clarify the blind attack before I continue with it. Forgive me. Sorry. God, all these backseat DMs jumping down my throat today. I'm just listening like a good player. Thank you. Inspiration die for Barb.
Starting point is 00:35:47 Yay! That's the first inspiration die for not saying something. Teacher's pet. Teacher's pet. Okay. The blinded archer is going to make an attack. I'm rolling twice. We're going to take the lowest one because it's at disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:36:03 Nine. That's a miss. Nope. Okay. You see the blinded archer knock and try to fire an arrow at the birds that are swarming around it, but it fails to connect, and the arrow lodges itself into the ceiling. I was hoping it would hit near me so I could take it and then shoot it back at him. In a panic, he tries one more time.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Don't you shoot my birds, you dummy. Ugh. Nine. That's also a miss. It tries one more time. Don't you shoot my birds, you dummy. Ugh, nine. That's also a miss. It's okay, John. A second arrow flies and embeds itself into the ceiling as well as he screams, trying to swat birds away from his face. That's all of them. Yes.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Yes. Six seconds have passed, and now it comes back to Kyborg, then after Kyborg is Bart. Woo! Okay, so, and I can't see where Spectral is, right? Make a perception check. Is this going to be an action of any sort doing this? Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Nope. Six. Nope, you do not see Spectral. i don't think so all right um we have two archers left one of them's blinded correct correct and then the other one gum gum is attacking with his axe okay i guess i'll go for the blinded one i'm gonna shoot him i'll go try him that's an. We're doing 10 points of damage. It is not his day. He didn't even see it coming. Hey!
Starting point is 00:37:31 How's he looking? So good! He's still up. He's, you know, taking a bit of damage. Not looking great, but he's still swatting at birds. Okay. Hey, gals. How you looking?
Starting point is 00:37:42 So good. Arrowed. All right. I'm going to hit him again with the old longbow. A triumphant. 15? Yes, that hits. All right.
Starting point is 00:37:51 Doing another 12 points of damage. Wow. He is definitely not looking great. Like, how bad is it? Pretty bad. Pretty bad. Not going to lie. I'm not going to use my hurricane shot.
Starting point is 00:38:04 It's not worth it. Gus is trying to bait me. I won't give in. And then with that, I am complete. Kyborg done. I am complete. So what's our status right now of everybody? I see we're talking about the enemies.
Starting point is 00:38:19 Yeah. Spectral is unknown. One archer is dead. Another archer is pretty weak. One of the archers got shoved out the window. And the other archer is also really weak and currently blind. And blind. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:33 Do you want to see if you can see Spectral? I don't know if I have anything that would help me with that. Well, GumGum rolled a perception check. Okay. Yeah, you can just make a perception check to see if you see. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let me do that to see if I can see him. Yeah, go for it.
Starting point is 00:38:46 And 14. That's not bad. Rolled an 8. You just had to beat their stealth roll, I'm assuming, because Gus rolled after I rolled. Yep. No, you do not see Spectral. But you rolled a 9. He probably has a modifier on that. Yep. No, Gus is cheating. 100% Gus is cheating. No, you have
Starting point is 00:39:01 no idea where Spectral currently is. But do we think he's in the room somewhere? You have no idea. He disappeared into the shadows. That's a good movie. The Shadow? I love that movie. I don't think I've ever seen that.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Was that Al Falzon? It's so cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I did something, I don't think this would work because it'd be a minor illusion to have like powder fall from the ceiling and if it would
Starting point is 00:39:28 sprinkle over wherever Spectral was. No, because it's an illusion. It doesn't actually physically interact. Right. Right. Right. But would a illusion cause light? It could, I think. I think an illusion could light up a room. Could Bart reveal the room
Starting point is 00:39:43 in bright glory? You can create a sound or an image of an object. That's it. So no, you cannot create light. Gotcha. Didn't know. I guess prestidigitation can do that. Strange word.
Starting point is 00:39:54 Prestidigitation. I guess I will try to take out old blindy. Okay. I'm just going to try to hit him with my dagger. Keep it simple. Okay. Bart's going to run up there, scurry up, pull out his dagger. Keep it simple.
Starting point is 00:40:10 Do a stab. Do a murder. Do a murder. Oh, it looked like it was on the 10. That's a 15. 15's going to hit. It still hits. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Doing eight points of damage. Nice. Good stab. Yeah. Bart isn't used to handling a dagger. Not normally his method of operation. Nice. Good stab. Yeah, Bart isn't used to handling a dagger. Not normally his method of operation. His preferred M.O. But he pulls out the dagger, scurries up to the
Starting point is 00:40:29 archer, and buries it into his neck, severing his windpipe. Oh my God! And the archer falls down, the blood gurgling in his throat as he dies. He says, At two, Bartos! That was graphic. I was just thinking I would just do like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:46 And then all of a sudden he would like burst into like smoke, you know, just disappear. Kyborg calls out like, Bart, calm it down. It's all right. Bart is a cold blooded killer. You all wonder if you should be sleeping with one eye open. Bart turns around and all of a sudden his eyes are glowing red. And he goes, you're next. Delicious.
Starting point is 00:41:07 One archer down, one more to go. Wait, is he talking about me or the Evergard? Oh, God. Anything else you want to do, Bart? And then could I move back to be further away from the other archer? Yeah, the other one was the one
Starting point is 00:41:24 that got shoved by your thunder wave anyway. So that one's a little further out of the way. Okay. I'll just, I'll just end my turn here. All right. It is Spectral's turn. Then after Spectral is mud and then a million ravens. Is this going to give away where he is?
Starting point is 00:41:36 One can hope. We'll see what happens. Bart, make me a constitution saving throw. Don't like that. With advantage. With advantage. I like that. With advantage. With advantage. I like that. Okay, well, that's a 10.
Starting point is 00:41:48 And then, oh my God, a six. We'll take the 10 because you have advantage. You're standing there feeling pretty triumphant and a powder appears in front of you all around your face
Starting point is 00:41:58 and you inhale it. As you inhale it, your vision slowly collapses to small little points of light and then pops out. And all you can see is darkness. Oh, my God. I'm guessing that was probably spectral. It's just allergies.
Starting point is 00:42:12 Bard, dare to say no. Resist the drugs. I have advantage against being poisoned. Does that help? Or is that why you asked me to roll with advantage? That's why you rolled with advantage. Okay. Would a potion of healing do anything to that? Or is that only for my HP? It's not your turn though. It's not your turn,
Starting point is 00:42:29 right? And as far as you know, potions of healing only are effective for restoring HP. Okay. Well, I guess I can't do anything anyways because it's not my turn. Not your turn. I will sit here blind holding my dagger. I'll just swing it around me like this as I'm blinded. While you're also blinded, Spectral's going to go ahead and take advantage of the situation and make an attack against you. What's it they say about an eye for an eye? An eye for an eye.
Starting point is 00:42:55 Spectral tries to attack you. You just need to make a dexterity saving throw with disadvantage because you're blind. Okay. Well, let's say 21 and then a 11. You sure you said disadvantage or disadvantage? Okay, well, let's say 21, and then a 11. 11. Are you sure you said disadvantage or this advantage? Yeah, there we go.
Starting point is 00:43:10 That's more like it. I'm scared. I'm blind, and something is attacking me, guys. I don't feel so good. I was going to say, maybe he's just rolling for tickling you, and you're deck saving to see if you get tickled. Somehow I feel this possessed killer right here with my feet. I have other motives.
Starting point is 00:43:27 You feel a sharp stabbing pain as a dagger slices at you, doing, oh my god, 12 points of damage. That's still a lot. He rolled three d8s and got one on two of them, so. One, one, seven. It was gracious. You got off easy on that one.
Starting point is 00:43:42 I still got 12 points of damage on my little tiny halfling body. That is all. So we have mud. Before you're able to act mud, once again, you hear a voice coming from downstairs shouting. Hey, Thumbstles. Nice. Guys, help me, please. If you can hear me, help me, please. Like I mentioned previously, it sounds like Brink Tussler down there. If he gets that archer I threw out the window.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Don't answer him. Can Mud look around to see if there is a latch or a door or a button or a hole? The voice is coming up from the stairs that lead down seemingly to a lower level. So you don't know. All you know is that the voice is coming up from below the stairs. It's a trick. And the stairs are located in what direction of the room? They are in the eastern portion of the room,
Starting point is 00:44:33 kind of opposite from where you walked in. Oh, okay. Because, yeah, we were, what, northwest? Yeah. Where is Sleek and Bart right now? Bart is by that archer that he killed. You still can't see Sleek. Oh, can I look for sleek?
Starting point is 00:44:45 I'm sorry, spectral. Oh my God, we keep saying sleek. Spectral. Spectral, spectral, spectral, spectral. Martian, Martian, Martian. 12. 12. Bad perception rules.
Starting point is 00:44:54 You do not see spectral. We keep saying sleek because we wish that we were going to fight with sleek right now. Well, the problem is you say sleek and then I say it. I know it's spectral. Okay, then there's one archer left?
Starting point is 00:45:07 Correct. Yes, there's one. Okay. And I look at him and I cast poison spray. Oh my God. All these new spells. That sounds disgusting. Yeah, it's a cantrip.
Starting point is 00:45:19 Is it? Yeah. It's a pretty powerful one too. You extend your hand towards a creature you can see within range and project a puff of noxious gas from your palm. The creature must succeed in a constitution saving throw or take, since I'm at the level I'm at, 2d12 poison. Wow.
Starting point is 00:45:34 Okay. Mud is speaking with a weird French accent and hitting on all the women. La mort. La mort. The constitution saving needed here is a 16. They have plus zero on constitution. So here comes the roll. 16.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Damn. So the tie goes to the runner, right? Yes. Okay. So they successfully save. I thought that was definitely not going to happen. Okay. Then that's my turn, but I got birds.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Yeah, you got so many birds. It's my turn, but I got birds. The guy you got so many birds. That's my turn, but I got birds. The guy is pretty beat up, right? Yeah, extremely beat up. Should I roll one swarm at a time until I kill him? Sure, why not? Okay. If you want to preserve your birds, I get it.
Starting point is 00:46:15 Yeah, that's a 20. That hits. And I do eight points of damage. Yeah, he's down. Okay. And he's down. He got pecked and he's down. Okay. And he's down. He got pecked and he's down. All right, so...
Starting point is 00:46:30 You got seven swarms left. Oh, my God. What can they do? They have perception as well. Can I tell the next swarm, look for spectral? Oh, there it is. Skills perception plus five. I see it.
Starting point is 00:46:41 Whoa. Plus five. Yeah. Those are good birds. I guess roll it one at a time so we can see. Twenty. Roll one at a time through all of them and then I'm going to contest them. Oh. So a twenty doesn't see you?
Starting point is 00:46:52 Well, I'm going to contest them after you roll them all. Okay. You want me just to roll the other six then? Yes. Fourteen, six, twenty-four, eight. Fly, my pretties! Find Spectrum for me! Only one of your swarms is able to find it, and it's
Starting point is 00:47:09 the first swarm that rolls. So your second swarm is able to find Spectral. The other six are not. Okay. Where do they tell me where he is? He's still right behind Bart. Okay. Then, with that information, can I tell those seven swarms to attack Spectral? The one that saw him can make an attack.
Starting point is 00:47:25 The one that doesn't know where he is, since they're getting guidance, they can make attacks with disadvantage. Okay, then I'll just do that. So I'll roll normal for first guy. Yes. Which is 15. Miss. Okay. And then disadvantage, that's going to be 11. Miss.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Disadvantage, this is number 4. That's 15. Miss. This is number 4. That's 15. Miss. This is number 5. That's 15. Miss. This is number 6. That's terrible. This is last one. Also terrible.
Starting point is 00:47:58 So none of them hit? None at all. Wait, wait. You only rolled 5 there. There's one more. One more. Come on. Come on, group 6. Oh, that's an 18. five there. There's one more. One more. Come on. Come on, group six. Oh, that's an 18. There you go. That one actually hits. Yay.
Starting point is 00:48:10 2d6. See, don't say I don't ever do anything for you. I pointed out you missed one. Six points of damage. So what does that look like to us, these birds hitting spectral? It seems like all seven birds are just like converged on one spot. Like they're attacking something you can't see. It's just like seven swarms of ravens.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Like this space just gets cluttered with birds. It's like something out of a horror movie, just writhing mass of ravens pecking at invisible air until one of them finally does connect. How do a swarm of ravens attack? Claws? Beaks. Beaks?
Starting point is 00:48:42 Yeah. Okay. One of the swarms nip at him with their beaks and draw a little bit of blood. I mean, he's probably covered in blood and poo, right? I mean, you said he's blood, so like we can see the blood, right? We'll see. I don't think that's an action I could tell the Ravens to do just to poo on command. Bleed him.
Starting point is 00:48:59 But I would like to, since they have like movement, I want to tell the ones that saw him to just swarm his exact space. Yeah. So now they are literally the target of... They are circling the target. Yes. Okay. And it'll help you guys find him as well.
Starting point is 00:49:14 It's just six points of damage? Yep. 80 points of damage. Six points each beak, so we have to count the beaks. Right. And tell me how many times they pecked. Okay. Ow. Anything else? times they pecked. Okay. Ow.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Anything else? No, I'm done. You are done. Gum gum. And then archers. And then back to the topic, Kyborg. So I have my radiant chest blinding thing. Can I use that on sleek?
Starting point is 00:49:37 Spectral. Can I use it on spectral? If you can see him. Can I see him now since I know where the birds are? Like he's surrounding... Like his form is bird form, right? Right. I'll say you can make another perception check
Starting point is 00:49:51 and I'll give you advantage on it. Okay. I think I broke the game. Ignore that one. Okay. We got two fours. It's impossible for him to fail that. I'll roll it anyway.
Starting point is 00:50:03 Yeah, you don't see him. So I can't use my thing on him? No. You know more or less where he is, but I believe the spell explicitly says a creature you can see. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:12 Then I'm going to charge and recklessly attack him. Recklessly attack. So that gives you advantage, right? Yeah. But you don't know where he is exactly, which would normally give you disadvantage, so you would roll even, like just one d20.
Starting point is 00:50:28 Alright, I'll take it. Negative one plus one is zero. Sixteen. Sixteen, that actually connects. Yeah. Thanks for the math there, John. The quick math. Alright, so that's ten. Ten points of damage. Nice. You know, with the birds circling him, you have a vague idea of where
Starting point is 00:50:43 Spectral is, and using that information you're able to swing your great axe and connect. You know, you're kind of swinging at the air, but it bites and gives resistance. So you know that your strike was true. Okay. So do I know where he is now? No. Okay. Then I'll attack again recklessly.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Okay. That's another 16. That connects. So that's 17 points of damage. Did I read that right? 15 plus two, 17. Yes. Should we like say that all attacks now
Starting point is 00:51:13 are with the intent of- Knocking out. Not killing. That thing you do with D&D where you're like non-fatal attack. You try to subdue? Yeah. You can.
Starting point is 00:51:23 If you want to do that, I would suggest you read the rules on subdual damage, or I guess they call it non-lethal damage now. But yeah, you can do that if you want to. So an attacker who reduces a creature to zero hit points with a melee attack may choose to knock them out instead of kill them. Okay. So it has to be with melee only as the subdue?
Starting point is 00:51:40 That's what it says. Okay. That's fine. And I think you could maybe call that, like I would let you know if the attack would get them to zero it says. Okay. That's fine. I think you could maybe call that... Like, I would let you know if the attack would get them to zero. Okay. So, I'll give you the option if you get to the point where Spectral is going to drop to zero.
Starting point is 00:51:53 It's like in Pokemon where you're trying to catch a ball by throwing a ball at them. You don't want to kill them. You've got to keep them right on that red level. Actually, there's a move in Pokemon called False Swipe that will take them down to 1 HP. Whoa. That's cool. Okay, Gum-Gum, you did all that damage.
Starting point is 00:52:09 I guess I still have a bonus action. Does the Acme box count as a bonus action or is that a full action? I believe that's a full action. Okay. Never mind then. Gum-Gum done? And done.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Gum-Gum done done. Gum-Gum done done. Yeah, using the Acme box is an action. I'm excited for that to finally make an appearance. Of the party, who do you think holds the record for the longest turn? Oh, I don't know. Good question. It's either Gum-Gum or Kyborg.
Starting point is 00:52:36 Okay, that's it for Gum-Gum's turn? Gum-Gum's taking some long actions, if I recall. I'm a wordsmith, all right? I paint a beautiful picture. Everyone except for Bart, make me a perception check. Is that because I'm blind? It's because you're blind. I'm a wordsmith, alright? I paint a beautiful picture. Everyone, except for Bart, make me a perception check. Is that because I'm blind? It's because you're blind. I'm sorry, little Bart. God, why bad perception checks today? Well,
Starting point is 00:52:52 15. 11. Gum-Gum's the only one who notices it, but the archer who was previously shoved out the window, you see an arm come back in through the window. And then another arm, and the archer pulls himself back up into the fray. Can we invite him to our party?
Starting point is 00:53:07 That's awesome. He looks at Gum-Gum, narrows his eyes, and says, you can't get rid of me that quickly. Okay. He knocks an arrow and fires it at Gum-Gum. Oh, it was almost a 19. Then it rolled to a one. He's tired.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Can he stumble back and trip out the window? Didn't he roll a one when Gum Gum pushed him? Did he? I think he did. Because we talked about his pants fell off and he just fell out the window. He did? Oh, Micah says yes.
Starting point is 00:53:39 Okay, he did. This is the worst archer ever, but also like amazing for not falling out the window. Yeah. A really cool reentrance. But as he's pulling his arm back before letting the arrow go, his elbow hits a piece of broken glass in the window and he yelps in pain. The arrow flies harmlessly at nothing. These are the worst archers ever.
Starting point is 00:53:57 All of them. Yep. And he stumbles out the window. No, he's still in the room, but he doesn't get any more attacks because he rolled that one. He can't do anything else. Banana peel on the ground. He hurt himself. He has a boo-boo now. You okay? Kyborg, it's your turn. He's right by
Starting point is 00:54:15 the window, right? He is still right by the window. Say I were to shoot a bursting arrow. Would that send him back out? Oh, no. It doesn't say anything about, like, movement, but I mean, he's right there. He just critically failed. You could shove him, like I did. It's just a
Starting point is 00:54:32 strength check. But I think it'd be pretty cool if I, like, falcon kicked. Yeah, why not? We'll see if it's able to connect, why not? Oh, buddy. Okay. Alright. Don't use this as precedent. I'm just playing along because I think it's funny. I appreciate that, and I will keep that in mind. I rolled a 25 for Longbow Triumph.
Starting point is 00:54:48 Okay, that hits. And then I rolled a 9 for damage. Okay. And then now I'm going to roll an Arcane Shot. Sorry, I'll take an Arcane. That was an Arcane Shot, Bursting Arrow. Yeah. So do I need to roll for that or since it was already successful?
Starting point is 00:55:02 Isn't there additional damage for that? 2d6. No, no, you don't roll like an attack. You just roll the damage. Yeah, sorry. It's like 101. And then I do eight points of damage. Okay, he takes a significant amount of damage
Starting point is 00:55:14 and I'll have him like roll to see if he can maintain his footing. No. So then, yeah, he loses his footing and once again is shoved back out the window. Bye! Bye! He loses his footing and once again is shoved back out the window. Bye!
Starting point is 00:55:30 So wait, but we got to be clear. So he still doesn't take enough damage to die, has he? We just keep pushing him out. Correct. No, he's still alive. He just got pushed. So there's a chance this man could come back. I just want to be like fully clear about that. Yeah, but he's going to look like an idiot.
Starting point is 00:55:44 I mean, he's just like, he mean, he's just he's oh God OJ from that top. Oh, yeah. Lethal Naked Gun. Naked Gun. Yeah, he just keeps almost dying. But yeah. All right. I have another attack. So I'm going to save that one.
Starting point is 00:56:01 I can see the birds that are attacking Spectral still. Is that the case? Correct. So I have a really good idea where Spectral is, I'm assuming. If you want to try to find him, I'll let you make a perception check with advantage to see if you're able to find him.
Starting point is 00:56:15 That is a 14 and a, oh my God, 22. Oh yeah, he rolled a nat 20 and his stealth modifier is really high. You don't know. You know more or less where he is, but you cannot see him specifically. Okay, and how's the other archer looking? They're all down, except for the one that got shoved out. They were all gone.
Starting point is 00:56:33 That guy came in, and then he went out again. Okay, sorry. Then I'm going to use my other attack on Spectral. Okay. And it's going to be a non-lethal. It's a dulled arrow. It's the dulled one. It's the dulled one. It's the boxing glove arrow that I have stored for these special occasions.
Starting point is 00:56:50 16. Okay, you have to actually attack at disadvantage because you don't know precisely where he is. Okay. So that was a 16 and a 26. 16 should land. Okay, the 16 actually does connect. And I roll a eight. You hear
Starting point is 00:57:08 a grunt of pain as Spectral is hit by your arrow. That's it for Kaibar. I bow. Okay, up next we have Mud and then a million ravens. It's my favorite band. Oh wait, I'm sorry. Bart. Yeah, yeah, Bart. I was looking at Spectral.'s my favorite band. Oh, wait. I'm sorry. Bart.
Starting point is 00:57:25 Yeah, yeah, Bart. We have Bart. I was looking at Spectral because he got attacked. I thought maybe he just skipped over me because I'm blind. No. My bad. It is your turn, Bart. Am I still blind?
Starting point is 00:57:34 Yes. You cannot see anything. Is there anything I could do to fix that? Yeah, if I could spit into his eyes. Are you Jesus? He's just got powder in his eyes. I just need a lubricant. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:57:45 Bart, make me a medicine check. It's elf spit. Medicine check 17. You think you've been poisoned. So you need some kind of remedy for that. Hobbits are resistant. That's why she rolled. She had advantage.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Can I use my suspenders of haggling with my own eyes? All right, guys. Time to buckle up. Get back in there. Get to work. Put your eyes to the grindstone. I don't think I have anything for poison. Do you have any spells that don't require sight that you can utilize?
Starting point is 00:58:17 Probably. But a lot of it is you do this to a creature you can see. That's what I'm saying. I was asking if there's any spells you had that didn't have that necessity. Although, Spectral hasn't moved, right? Right. Since attacking Bart, Spectral's also been getting hit, and he just said Spectral made a sound.
Starting point is 00:58:35 Right. Yeah. So I should know, I should be able to echolocate where this guy is, right? Nice. Bart, do me a favor. Make me a history check. The history of where this man has been. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:58:46 A 15. It was almost a nat 20. You think you remember something that could be useful. You think you remember mud might have something to help you with this condition. Bart does the thing where he's waving his hands around going, mud, mud, I'm blind. Help me. Look at your inventory. I'm looking at my spells inventory. Is it berries? The berries. That's what I'm looking at my spells inventory
Starting point is 00:59:06 Is it berries? The berries That's what I was looking at right now They just restore One hit point And nourishment To sustain a creature for one day You have nothing against poison?
Starting point is 00:59:15 I have an elixir of health Oh it cures any disease afflicting you It removes blind and deaf and paralyzed It's literally the first item in your inventory And it's blue. I forget like with like different terminology like elixir it determines something different than just hit points.
Starting point is 00:59:33 Micah's pointing out that this is a throwback. You've had this since episode two. The chest is unlocked. Inside there are three potions. Two of them appear to be potions of healing, and the other one appears to be an elixir of health.
Starting point is 00:59:47 Mud will hold on to the elixir of healing. Elixir of health. Health. And Gum Gum will hold on to the chair. Oh. Whoa. Yeah. I was about to say, like, oh, don't worry.
Starting point is 00:59:58 I'll take care of myself. You hold on to it when you really need it. But if you even hold on to it, that's up to you. Mud plays this game like I play RPGs where I just hoard all of my inventory. I think most people do that. I'm playing Elden Ring and I have
Starting point is 01:00:13 just so much stuff. Well, because you never know when you might need something. Mud has to check the expiration date before he hands it over to Bart. It's just rotten. How can we... Can Bart come and take it from me? Can I give it to Bart. It's just rotten. How can we, can I, can Bart come and take it from me? Can I give it to Bart? It's not my turn. I don't know how you
Starting point is 01:00:29 resolve this. Well, Bart called out to you. I would say you could reply. Then Bart could try to like stumble over to you and get it from you. What if you like roll it on the floor? It's in my back left pocket if you just want to grab it. Do I have consent before I? Yeah. And here I'll even, I'm over here. left pocket if you just want to grab it. Do I have consent?
Starting point is 01:00:45 Yeah. And here, I'll even, I'm over here. Hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo. Hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo. Bart stumbles his way through with his hands out in front of him towards Mutt's hoo-hoos. A cloud of ravens picks Bart up and takes him over to Mutt. Mutt's in there all up.
Starting point is 01:01:02 It's like up. It's just... Wasn't there an episode of The Simpsons where Homer gets like a murder of crows to help him out? And like he commands them. That's so funny. I don't know, but these murder of crows have been murdering. Yeah. Wow, that's hilarious.
Starting point is 01:01:19 Mud is playing like some kind of echolocation, like Marco Polo with you. And with your hands out, you make your way over to Mud and start fumbling through his backpack. Okay. Then we'll say, Bart, make a dexterity check. Dexterity check? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:33 So you're going around through his bag. It's a 19. Nice. Yeah, you're able to grab hold of an elixir. Hannibal's in there and just hands it to her. This is going to say Bart has familiar hands when it comes to mud. Yeah, I go through all of his stuff
Starting point is 01:01:50 every night. Yeah, I was going to say, it's just my backpack. Mud's a curious little halfling. Or Bart's a curious little halfling. Yeah, alright. Mind if I drink this? Go for it. Bart can't see this but everyone else can see that Bart pulls out an elixir.
Starting point is 01:02:10 It's like a clear red liquid with tiny bubbles of light in it. He pulls it up, puts it to his lips, and quaffs it. Bart, as you're drinking it, as it's still going down your throat, those little tiny points of light that your vision disappeared to grow back out, and your vision comes back into focus. I'm going to delete that from my inventory. Bart goes, ah, ah, thank Daya. I can see again.
Starting point is 01:02:37 And he starts kissing the ground. The ground? You're now prone. As if he, like, just got off a plane that was about to crash and was so happy to be alive. Michael said, nice dia reference. Thank you. Thank you. Holy dia. That's not my whole turn,
Starting point is 01:02:56 is it? Probably. I mean, you moved, you searched, you opened a drink and took it. Did you have something else in mind? We can negotiate. I was just gonna try to get to Spectral. Maybe cast a spell on him. Ben is saying that we have ruled drinking a potion for yourself as a
Starting point is 01:03:12 bonus action in the past. So I think Ben is arguing that you should still have an action. So I'll give it to Ben. Yeah, why not? Although I might not be able to do it based on what I have to do. Do I have to try to do a perception check to find Spectral or do I have a good idea where he is to try to do a perception check to find Spectral, or do I have a good idea where he is? You gotta make a
Starting point is 01:03:27 perception check, but you would have advantage. Okay, there's 16, and then there is... 9, so 16. You do not know where Spectral is exactly. But have a general understanding for disadvantage if you did an attack. Correct. With the birds being there,
Starting point is 01:03:44 you have a general idea. If you wanted to attack, you would have disadvantage, like John said. Can I attempt to cast sleep on him? Like if I send it in that direction? What's the requirements of sleep? Like as far as seeing or touching? I believe it's an area.
Starting point is 01:03:56 An area, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. It doesn't say you have to see. And then you roll the dice and just see HP. Yeah. So does that mean sleep gets more advantageous the more damaged a creature gets in a battle? So sleep happening at the end of a battle
Starting point is 01:04:11 has more chance of it working. Correct. And also if you use it at a higher spell slot, you can roll additional hit die. Yeah. To cover more people. I'm just curious, like sleep doesn't require, isn't always against their max HP,
Starting point is 01:04:24 it's their current HP. Correct, exactly. Okay, cool. So sleep spectral's been hit, so this might actually be pretty effective. Correct. You want to roll your 5d8? Yes, I do. One second, before you roll that, I do want to point something out. You're more than welcome to do this, however,
Starting point is 01:04:40 you do run the risk of affecting the ravens instead, because you don't choose specific creatures. You pick a point and then it affects the creatures in that area in ascending order of their current hit points. Really? Yes. God, we've never gone off of that way.
Starting point is 01:04:56 I think we've never really encountered a situation where we have multiple enemies or multiple targets in an area like that. Or with mixed in like friendly and unfriendly. In the past, I think it's like a group of unfriendly people, so I've really never pointed it out. I say go for it. Wait, so does that mean that it would try to affect,
Starting point is 01:05:17 you said ascending order as in? Ascending, it would go from lowest hit points to highest hit points. So it would probably go for the, unless Spectral is under 24 hit points, we don't know, we'd probably go for the... Unless Spectral is under 24 hit points, we don't know. So it would go at the Ravens. And you don't know. Your call. I really don't want to
Starting point is 01:05:33 mess up your Ravens. They're pretty great. I have eight swarms of them, so even if you put one of them to sleep, we still got options. I'll give it a shot. Yeah, let's see. Maybe we'll luck out and Spectral's below 24. So he says 5d8? 5d8. Here we go. That's a total of 10.
Starting point is 01:05:50 Whoa! What a bad roll. What did you roll? That's a 10. I rolled a 2, a 4, a 1, a 1, and a 2. Oh, wow. That's pretty low. That's gotta be one of the worst rolls I think I've ever had in this game. Hey, you're just snapping out of, like, being blinded. Like, it's alright. It's okay.
Starting point is 01:06:06 That's true. Yeah, Micah says, I really don't want to mess up your ravens is a good quote. Yeah, Ten, you cast sleep, but nothing really seems to happen. Okay. But now you're not blinded, so at least something was
Starting point is 01:06:21 advanced. Yes. Nat gain, in my opinion. Is that it for you, Barty Boy? It's that for me, Barty Boy. Alright. It is Spectral's turn, who is still surrounded by ravens. Like I said, one of the smaller
Starting point is 01:06:37 ravens lies down and watches Netflix. He's sleepy. Spectral pops back into existence, still surrounded by ravens oh dang uh says you fools you were never going to win haven't you learned by now i am always a few steps ahead and you hear kaboom a clamorous chord echoes across the canopy and everything freezes in place. Splintered shrapnel, plumes of smoke, and blazing flames are all suspended in midair as a familiar melody reverberates all around you.
Starting point is 01:07:13 A bloodstained sleek hobbles into the doorway, barely clutching a shimmering lute. With every pluck of the strings, his face winces in agony. I don't... I don't know how long I can hold this up. Get everyone to safety. There's not much time. Mud beelines to the stairs? You go down the stairs and you see a cage with some people
Starting point is 01:07:35 in it. You see Brink, Sordo, the Triune, the Alpha Sturge, and some elderlings in it. And little Jimmy? What is he doing here? And the archer that fell out the window. And you were there? And you were there? And you were there? Just to be clear, the archer did not make his deck save the second time
Starting point is 01:07:55 he was shoved out, so he's probably splattered on the underground below. Yeah! That's awesome. Can I... Is the cage... I assume it's gotta be locked, right? Yeah, you see a small lock on it. Hey, Kajberg, we need some lock picking. Coming up. Quick.
Starting point is 01:08:11 I mean, do I have... Is this an appropriate time to do this? Because, like, sleek... Well, we need to get these people out before the... All right, I use Steve's tools, which would be what? Sleight of hand? Yeah, sleight of hand. 11.
Starting point is 01:08:24 The lock looks like it's actually damaged from some exploding shrapnel frozen in midair, so you're able to easily pick the lock. Aha! Master lock picker, Kaibor, at your service. Right this way. Bring Tesla. Nice to see you again.
Starting point is 01:08:36 Oh, thanks. Took you long enough. Okay, all right. All right, you want to get back in the cage? Are we going to start like this? Bring Sordo, the Alphasturge, the Elderlings, and the Triune. All right, all right. You want to get back in the cage? Are we going to start like this? Brink, Sordo, the officers, the elderlings, and the triune. Most of them begin quickly moving up the stairs.
Starting point is 01:08:53 The triune and the elderlings are a little slower. Wait, they're the slow-talking ones, right? Yes. I cover my ears and run away going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sleek says, hurry. All of you, run. The only exit is the door we came in from the east side?
Starting point is 01:09:08 Or should we go towards where Sleek is? It's up to you. It's a known quantity versus an unknown on the other side. Should we go out where we came in or should we follow Sleek? I mean, they just told us to run. There's also, you know this because the archers did this. You know that there's also vines leading down from platforms by the windows. That's how he was able to climb back up.
Starting point is 01:09:30 All right, Mud sends his ravens to the window and says, hey, everybody follow the ravens. We're going out. What about Sleek? I was going to say, I have a potion of healing. Is this like a cut scene where he's doing like a dramatic sacrifice or could I actually go like feed him the potion of healing? I know he'll love that.
Starting point is 01:09:44 And I actually, I don't mind it. Just hurry, get everyone else out. He's trying to be all heroic and sacrificial. You don't want him to redeem himself. No, no, I do. I just, you know, now I feel bad because he's actually doing stuff, so I want to help him.
Starting point is 01:09:58 Well, the best use of this is to not waste his spell and utilize it to get everybody to safety. The loot begins playing wrong notes and it starts to get everybody to safety. The loot begins playing wrong notes and it starts to sound a little discordant. I'll be right behind you. Just get everyone else out first. I'll keep an eye on Spectralight here.
Starting point is 01:10:16 Okay. Spectralight. You're doing great. I approve. I'm sorry for making fun of you, Sleek. Don't die or else I'll feel real bad. Okay, bye. He called his spectra light. It's like a fun little amalgamation of their names.
Starting point is 01:10:29 Yeah. It's like in... Dohima's No. In what's the show? Steven Universe. Yeah. Mud goes for a vine and starts going down and is trying to help the triune through. Yeah, Bart does the same.
Starting point is 01:10:40 All right, they all start making their way. Gum Gum Kyborg, you too? Yes. Can I pick up Sleek and carry him? No, he needs to... He's having to maintain the loot and the spell. I feel bad. He'll be okay.
Starting point is 01:10:51 He'll be okay. I don't know if he will or not. They might kill him off just to make me feel bad. You better see what happens. You got to go. You got to progress the story. I give a thumbs up and I go down the vines. You can do it.
Starting point is 01:11:03 You were always my best friend. Mm. Gum Gum, you too? Yes. Gum Gum goes down the vine? Yeah. Everyone starts making their way down the vines at the edge of the platforms, trying to climb down as quickly as possible to the ground below.
Starting point is 01:11:18 And then boom. The deafening explosion erupts from inside the towering tree trunk and it sends you off flying toward the forest floor. And all of my ravens slow our fall. End of the episode. Oh, dang. Thanks for listening, everybody. That's it for this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
Starting point is 01:11:41 Find out next week what happened, the aftermath of the encounter. That's big. Yeah, we'll see what Brink Tussler has to say to Kyborg. Never forget Slick's sacrifice. All right? It's going to go down in history. It's going to carve him into his arm. The day that Kyborg was probably wrong.
Starting point is 01:11:59 The first time Kyborg was ever wrong. Ever. All right. Well, that's it, everyone. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. All right. Well, that's it, everyone. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:12:08 Bye, Sleek. Forever. you

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