Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Passé in Perrish - C02 - Ep 26 - Cart Before The Horseman

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

The party helps rescue a Perrishian from the clutches of a frost giant and runs into a familiar face! Support us at stinkydragonpod.com/first ! Join us on Discord: https://discord.gg/roosterteeth Check out our merch and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and more: https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Go to http://auraframes.com and use code TALES to get $30 off their best-selling frames. Go to https://mistymountaingaming.com and use code STINKYDRAGON to get a FREE acrylic dice set of your choice when you spend $20 or more. Go to http://meundies.com/stinky to get 20% off your first order and free shipping. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth Production. dragon and quaff our latest coffee, Devils in the Fiend Tales. Ooh, it's a mixture of half-cap espresso, blazing brandy, hell's-el-nut syrup topped with whipped scream and cinnamon spears. One drop of this demonic dram works like a charmed command every time. Previously, our adventurers were aboard the Groteth Express with Inspector Weezer, but Jacques threw any previous plans out the window. The party gave chase to the fast feline and wandered into some weird woods. After some mystifying experiences in the mist, they finally found their furry friend and stumbled into one headless horseman. Latch onto a libation, let's leap into our lore. their furry friend and stumbled into one headless horseman. Latch onto a libation.

Let's leap into our lore. So many woos and wows. Wow. That's called acting. Hello, everyone. I'm Gustavo Estrella, the dungeon master of our future party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Yeah!

Bring it! This week's role-playing warm-up question is, what's your character's personality type? Bonus points if you take an online personality quiz while role-playing as your character. I took it. You did it? I took it right before this. Oh, did you?

Yeah. What did it come out as? Let's see what Elga is. Hello, everyone. I'm Elga Von Brath, played by Barbara Tungleman. I am a female half-elf vampire barbarian. No, I need you to speak in that voice for every time Barbara's talking. Hello, welcome to Dungeons and Dragons.

Today, we're here to... Okay, I'm going to stop. Get some ASMR dice rolls in there. So I took my personality test i mean elga took her personality test she used a computer for the first time it was weird technology it's like a weird sending stone of some type yeah and there's a lot of really weird questions like do you care about your friends and do you care about what people think of you and all these things that i've never really been asked before. Very strange. Anyways, I'm a type four.

Type four? That's my Enneagram. Alga has diabetes? What? Type four is the individualist. Oh, okay. That sounds right. And so, you know, it says sensitive, introspective type, little dramatic, little self-absorbed,

which I find a little bit insulting for two common maths. Also just little. Little, yes, obviously. I figured you'd be more like an O positive or you know, like All types of blood are just mixing around in my stomach. I'm like a

giant mixology class in there. So type four, the individualist. I'm taking a note. Hmm. Interesting. It was very, I will say, peeking behind the curtain, very interesting to take a personality quiz as a different character. You're lying the whole time.

I know. I'm like, what would Elga say to this? What would she do in this situation? Yeah. Oh. Barney. Barney. Barney? Sidebar.

I once read that someone described computer processors as rocks that we etched magic runes into and tricked into thinking. Oh, no. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's a weird way to think of it. It's actually kind of true, though. Minerals and metals. Right.

Yeah. Anyway, who's up next? Oh, Elga. This is me pushing my. Right, yeah. Anyway, who's up next? Oh, hey, I'll go. This is me pushing my way to the crowd. I like that song. Hey there, it's Chip Haney played by Blaine Gibson. And I took one of them

personality thingamababs and I got infudge. Infudge. Oh, you got the letter thingies. Yeah, what is that? Oh, infudge. E-N-F- f j did you forget what that last letter was it took me a second there was a pause uh uh it's uh what does that stand for that there is uh i don't know a protagonist a person that is extroverted intuitive feeling and judging personality traits these warm forthright types love helping others and they tend to have strong ideas and values

They back their perspectives with the creative energy to achieve their goals. That's actually pretty accurate I was like I didn't take the test, but I was looking through and I was like this one rings the most chip No, no you you committed I appreciate that I probably could have just done that, huh? No, no, you committed. I appreciate that. I mean, I took the test. Inspiration time.

Give it to me. I think we already have one, do we not? I think you do. Oh, good. Well, I didn't take the test. Aha! Teacher, he didn't do his test. Who's up next?

Me. I'm John. I'm John. John. I play Matty Conficis, who is an air Cochrane ghost monk. I tried to take a personality test once, but when I submitted my results, the whole machine broke. I don't think there's technologies that can categorize Mati at this point.

You're just so mysterious. Yes, yes. And the person giving the test also gave me $20. I don't know what was going on. But as far as the personality, I consider myself quite the independent person who takes a while warming up to people. But once I do, I am committed to them for eternity. Eternity.

Do we note it? I've got a long time. Yeah, that's a real long time. And I did me too. Maybe you're an individualist like me. Maybe we'd be number four together. You're not here for a good time. You're here for a long time.

Me and Barney are like your two puppy dogs. One of us a little older. The other one's young and spry, but we're both gonna die. We both go play fetch. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris, and I play Barney Farney, the human cleric. And Myers Briggs. I knew Myers Briggs way back in the day.

Myers Briggs, now, fantastic singing voice. Yes, yes. Sing like an angel. Sing like an angel. Yes, yes. Sing like an angel. Sing like an angel. And I would go up to him and I'd say, hey, I want to have a little get together.

Would you be free to have? They're always hard to schedule. Because everyone always loves Myers-Briggs. They're great people. This is one person? Myers and Briggs. The duo. The duo.

Yes. Did they write a bunch of musicals? Did they? Did they? Are you thinking of... You know, Myers and Briggs. They did The Pirates of Penzance. Yep. I hear Michael laughing. I know it's not true.

Whatever you're doing. They were good friends with Merriam and Webster. Yes, yes. You knew them too. Oh, we as good friends with them lovely lovely chaps much nicer than roger what is happening i just love the blank like like the absolute absence of sound listen four people listening to this podcast are gonna laugh this is for those four people yeah the four people listening to this podcast are going to laugh. This is for those four people. Yeah, the four people who are laughing in this room.

I've always said that. My jokes aren't for everybody. They're for like five people out there. And that's all that matters. As long as you can make one person laugh. You're doing a good job. If Gus made you laugh, please let us know on socials. That's StinkyDragonPod.

Yeah. What's your favorite song by Myers-Briggs? I am the favorite model of a model. Let's sing that whole song as Mateed. I sent you a Slack. I don't know if you got it, Blaine. You do not have a inspiration die in your character sheet. I think you're supposed to have one.

I think you might've used it during our Extra Life. You're right. I added it. I just wanted to make sure you knew you had one. Sorry to interrupt, but shout out to everyone who came and watched us and donated for a good cause on Next to Life. Yeah, that was madness.

I don't know if it'll be up on the website. It will be. To watch, but. StinkyDragonPod.com. We had a whole, not to derail the campaign too much, but Micah had wrote up a whole module for us to do a big one shot. And Gus barely got through, I think, the first page because we just kept having to stop for donations, which was an incredible thing because it's all for the kids. It was a lot of chaos. It was a lot of fun.

But very curious to know more details of what that module was. Sorry, didn't mean to derail. No, no, it's a good reminder. Yes, thank you very much, everyone. What's going on in the story? Let's move on with the show. Yes, please. Speaking of Matide, Jock begins mewing incessantly

and a faint, galloping silhouette quickly approaches. A shadowy steed swiftly stops just short of the hole. A wispy rider sits atop the stallion wearing a double-breasted gray coat with a blazing jack-o'-lantern for a head. Oh! Deadless Horseman! Oh my... Bonjour!

It would seem you nearly made a grave mistake. Perhaps you were on the hunt for your own demise? No matter. Allow me to be your host in the City of Ghosts. Bienvenue and welcome to Perish. Perish. Oh, the City of Perish. Is that Elga? No, let's do the perish.

Is that Elga? No, that's Barbara. That's 100% me. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, are you in league with the coven? The horseman unsheathes a sword licking with gray flames and waves it in your faces. Horseman.

Sorry. Yeah, we all heard it. the horsemen unsheathed speak quickly strangers oh my sword flame phantom will slice you into scotch ribbons oh you asked if we're part of the coven the coven is that the good thing or bad thing i hit my head very badly before so i'm just my memory is a hazy. She did jump off a train and hit the ground rather hard. Yeah, you see, I have, I'm full of blood from all the accidents we experienced. You're full of blood? We are not as pot as a coven.

Elga spills a bit of her sippy cup of satiation on her. Oh, no. Make a persuasion check for me, Mateed. You should have left that to me there, Mateed. I don't know how your persuasion is. That's a 10, so I'm going to roll again. Using an inspiration die? No, I'm just going to roll again.

Yes, I am. I am. 16. Oh, the horseman doesn't seem quite as threatening to you, Mateed, but he is still looking at Elga, who apparently has spilled blood all over herself. If I'm understanding what happened correctly. Help me, get me a doctor!

Barbara is literally doing like the side eye look around to see if anybody's buying even what she's saying. Hmm, sounds like a coven ploy to me. No, I'm just a tiny child who has injured herself. Do you have no heart, sir? He ain't got no head, that's for sure. Hey there, Chip Haney, pleasure to meet ya. Before we get to Chip,

I want a deception check out of Elga. Oh, man. Okay. The way I could describe the way Chip Haney talks, it's the audible version of a power walk. Oh, I like that. Just a little shivvy. The sway in the hips. The horseman sidles his horse up a little closer

to you, Elka. Perhaps you are a hag in disguise. Excuse you. And then Chip, was Chip going to say something there? Oh, yeah. He's like, hey, we're all friends here. We just got off the train, and we're a little lost.

Uh, uh, that's a, oh, beautiful steed you got there. Hey, hey there, champ. Can I, can I go pet the horse? Is this gonna be Chip's first animal handling check? Oh, it might be. Yeah, make an animal handling check. Why not? That is not my strongest.

Why are you trying to touch an animal, then? Because it's beautiful. You're literally trying to handle an animal. Oh, that's not bad Yeah, make an animal handling check. Why not? That is not my strongest one. Why are you trying to touch an animal then? Because it's beautiful. You're literally trying to handle an animal. Oh, that's not bad. That's an 18. The horseman seems like he's going to get very angry, but the horse is receptive to you approaching it. Hey, dear.

Chip Haney confirmed horse girl. Yes. Hey, dear beautiful beast. What's your name? How are you doing? Hey, dear. Come here. What kind of horse are you doing? Hey, dear. Come here. What kind of horse do you think it is, Chip?

A big, big horse. What about Barney? Does Barney want to interject or do anything, or is he staying quiet there? If you don't trust us, I can cast Zone of Truth, and then we will all be truthful. Yes. Hmm. Yeah? Yeah, just make a persuasion check, why not?

If you've ever seen Meet the Parents, it's something called Circle of Trust or whatever. We could do that, essentially, is what Barney is saying. 14. The horseman, you know, seems to relax a little bit at the suggestion. And it seems like he's about to speak when all of a sudden you hear screams, the sound from afar. Everyone make a perception check. Are they like streams of joy? Well, it depends what the perception check says.

16. 16 as well. Oh. 18. Nice. 10. We both have seen with our eyes. Oh.

You all hear screams in the distance. At first, it seems difficult to like pin down where it's coming from. But after a second, you can make out the screams and it sounds like maybe some kind of ruckus coming from the west. And when you look in that direction, there appear to be lofty walls in that off to the west. Lofty walls? Yeah.

Are these like city defense walls or? Maybe, yeah. Huh. The horseman's head has you know whipped around and is looking in that direction and says quickly to the city can I ride shotgun no what's your what's your what's your horse's name

really quick it's very important what's your horse's name Gastalion Gastalion no one trites like Gastalion no one and with that the horseman flies atop his steed quickly to the west. Guy, guy, guy, guy, give chase. Just running behind the horse.

I guess we're all going now. Yeah, Matide takes flight, let's say about 20 feet off the ground and heads that direction. Olga starts running with Chip. You all and you're flying. What about Barney? Barney makes up the rear. Makes up the rear? Yeah, yeah. Just kind of like,

I don't think he's in a hurry. Okay. Well, I think he was cut off guard, so he's kind of like, what? And then he picks up the speed. Can we do the chipmunk special? And then I T-pose while I run. Why is that the chipmunk special? The chipmunk special. It's where you pick me up and then you and I T-pose and we have our Superman and Lois moment.

And then you drop me into combat. But why is it the chipmunk special? Yeah, that's what I wanted to know. I'm Chip Haney and my deed is a monk. This was like episode what? Three or four. I didn't know. I couldn't recall that.

We had named it? Yeah. Someone from the community. I can't remember who, but they were like chipmunk. That's the pairing name. That is a, that is a great name. I love it. That's a great community like Chipmunk. That's the pairing name. That is a great name. I love it. That's a great community.

Chipmunk. Chipmunk. This shit called Chipmunk. Where? Where's the Chipmunk? Mateed picks up Chip. Alvin, Simon, Theodore. That's what I was like.

Is it like a Chip and Dale thing? Is that who it is? Like a Rescue Rangers reference? No. You just call it Rescue Rangers. Yeah. The terrain is pretty difficult, and the horsemen took off so quickly. Everyone make a survival check to see how y'all are able to keep up.

Well, what about the flying? You're dragging me across the tree troughs. That's a 22. Yeah, make it anyway, just so we know. That's a nine. Barney's taking his time, but he's being careful. He's being careful. Yeah, make it anyway, just so we know. That's a nine. Barney's taking his time, but he's being careful. He's being careful. Slow and steady.

Elga rolled an eight. 13. Yeah, I think, Mateed, you've maybe briefly forget that you're carrying Chip and you drag him through some high branches. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. My pants, they're coming down. You're just T-posing a man. Just dragging. You go,

hey there, hold air, hey there. You're able to keep up while safely navigating the terrain and, you know, the slippery

frozen river and you arrive outside of what appear to be some city walls. Okay. What does the headless horseman do

as we approach the walls? He stops at the top of the wall and asks, do you need some help? Wait, how did the horse get up there? He flew and asks, Do you need the rope? Wait, how did the horse get up there? He flew. Oh, wow.

The horse flew? Yeah. Gastallion sure is majestic. Is that the official name, Gastallion? Yeah. That's so good. You can thank Michael for that. He's kind of good at that.

I think actually I don't need the rope. But do you guys need the rope? I don't need the rope. I won't turn need the rope. I won't turn down a rope. In fact, I'll turn up the rope. I don't get it. I need to go up the rope.

Barney's getting turned. I'm going to use one of my new abilities. It's been leveled up. Oh, yeah. I'm going to use my climbing. Oh, yeah. So I could... My climbing speed is equal to my walking speed so i assume it's not more than 40 feet up it's pretty high it's about you know since it like uh chip was alluding to

earlier presumably these are defensive walls so these walls are if you had to take a guess from where you are on the ground they're probably about 60 feet high okay but yeah the horseman kicks down a rope and then disappears over the wall um Mateed, what are you going to do? I'll take the rogue up over the wall. Chipmunk? Yeah. Yeah. Barney, do you want to share this rope with me?

Okay. You could just hold on to me and I climb it for the both of us. Yeah, okay. Okay, so Elga just uses both her arms to climb while Barney's. I seem holding on. And what's you guys' name? Barney and Mateed. Okay, yeah. Bat, Barbarian. Barney and Elga assume, holding on. And what's you guys' name? Barney and Mateeb.

Okay, yeah, Bat, Barbarian. Barney and Belga. Barbat. Batbar. Barbell. Barbell. What? What?

Bat Old Man. Hey, it's kind of like Yoda and Luke. Yeah. I could be a backpack while you climb. Swing from a hairy van. So you have that new ability, which allows you to climb this this is a little bit out of your range for that oh i'm using the rope oh i was gonna say uh so you know for the last little bit you will have to you know like make a athletics check for it okay but i will

let you roll with advantage because of your uh you found yeah so roll in an athletics check with advantage okay that's um okay there's a i rolled 14 twice yeah we Okay, that's a... Okay, I rolled 14 twice. Yeah, we'll say it's a little tricky. Maybe you're not used to having the dead weight on your back. Awesome. Hey, he's old. He's not that old, though. Check his pulse.

A loosely alive corpse. But yeah, you're able to get up to the top and, you know, heave yourself and the old man up with you. And, you know, all four of you get up there, and on the other side of the wall is a sprawling city of shivering streets awash with wandering spirits and buildings blanketed in mist.

A perfume of decadent decay and freshly dug soil permeates the air while a bitter wind whistles between alleys. The whole city is washed out in dim, pale light from the overcast clouds, barely lit by a half sun. Or maybe it's double moons. Everyone roll a perception check again.

See if I can find our Louvre. 11. 12. 13. 21. Ah, I should have said 14, because the numbers. 14 plus 7. So 11, 12, 13, 21.

Everyone hears a chorus of blood-curdling cries and calamity, and there's like a tumultuous sound that appears to be coming from a few blocks away near a tavern. Ah, Paris. Ah, the sounds of the city. Elga, you do notice more with your keen bat eyes. What? Bat eyes. Bat eyes.

Bats don't have good eyes. And bat eyes. What? Bat eyes. Bat eyes. Bats don't have good eyes. And bat ears. It's my keen senses. I have echolocation and keen hearing. I know, but he said eyes. He said eyes. She's staring at a dual wall. That's why I have those little glasses.

Your keen bat ears. Gus did not like that I called him out on that. Well, Elga saw this and you didn't. So, Elga, you notice a few landmarks around the city. It seems like the entire city is hedged in by this wall, you know, that you had to climb. There's a river to the far north that splits off a quarter of the city. And at the heart of the city appears to be a massive mausoleum. And beyond the walls of the city are fields and fields of tombstones and graves

farther than even your keen bat eyes can see. I looked bright at John as I said that. He did. I loved it. Do you think the gravestones are just people's homes here? Maybe. Like maybe they just sink into the ground where they go sleep, go night-night? I don't know. I do notice that I really like the look of the city. I bet you do. What's that that I really likes the look of the city

What's that big old mausoleum there in the middle? Is it like Stare hard with your bad eyes your great Taking every I'm turning this car around Exactly what it looks like but don't be alarmed if all of a sudden I sound like an older male voice. Here it is. It's a rather... You guys are too good at this. It's a rather large building. It seems like it's definitely you know, there's space between it and all of the

surrounding buildings right in the center. You know, it's roughly like a large square with the walls pointing to the northeast, the southeast, the southwest right in the center. You know, it's roughly like a large square with the walls pointing to the northeast, the southeast, the southwest, and the northwest. It's like, it's not along cardinal directions. It's tilted a little bit, almost like a diamond if you're looking at it from above. So it's not the Eiffel Tower.

No, it is not the Eiffel Tower. Oh, Perry-ish. I don't know how like one for one we're making this city. Yeah. I bet this smells the same though. Ha ha ha. It's a strange smell. Floating down the street, all of you spy, Like one for one, we're making this city. Yeah. I bet this smells the same though. Franny smells. Floating down the street, all of you spy local spirits crying out in terror.

The screams are coming from which direction did you say? Like the west or something? It seems like everywhere, but it's more. There was a ruckus at like a tavern. Correct. It's more concentrated around a tavern, which is just a little further west into the city from where you are. At the tavern, what spirits are crying out? Is it like whiskey?

Vodka? There it is. There it is. Take away your inspiration, guys. Can I actually perceive if you guys have gone to me every time I use the word perceive. I love it. It's my favorite. Do I know if these

screams, if this is just like their normal talk, like if this is like the thing that they do in this land? Yeah, make a perception check. Local parlance. Yeah, this is like how they, you know, ah, yes, I go to the bottom of this with my tool. Yeah,

you have no idea what anyone's saying. You can't make out any of the words Matid, I know like these are kind of Your people-ish Maybe where you're from What do you mean by that? I don't actually know I mean

Be very careful You did that Anyway Oh my god Be very careful with how you phrase this. Anyway. Oh, my God. Elka just jumped off the wall. Oh, yes. I mean, like, ghosts. They're birds.

Ghosts, right? I think there's a connection that can be made. The undead? The dead? Yeah, and you guys sound kind of like each other. Like, are you saying

I scream all the time? No. Are you saying that Mateed the time no You're saying that my teeth a ghost Mateed casts ethereal phase and puts their hands straight through Barney's face Do you do recognize anything from this or do you think we should go down there is it dangerous I don't know if I've ever visited Parish before. I would imagine if I'd been here, I'd remember this wonderful place.

It's fantastic. But I am very curious what is happening. Is that happening if we want to go and investigate? I'd be down for that. I think we should. Real quick, is there like memory loss with Matide in their past life or anything like that? I made it clear that Matide doesn't quite remember how they died at the very

least, but we've got a fair amount of memory of like their past, you know, not past life, but the past of them themselves. Not full Barney, just a doesn't remember how they died. Well,

let's go investigate those screams. Let's go to the tavern. I pick up chip. Is there a rope down as well? No, but you can pick up the one that the Headless Horseman, you know, left on the outside for you. And then just, you know, turn it and let it down on the inside and go down. 60 feet of rope is going to be heavy. Battle rope is a great exercise.

Yeah, yeah. Good for your back and shoulders. Elga flips it over like it's a piece of floss. Yeah, that's no problem at all for mighty Elga. And then Elga does the floss. I'm so young. You all get down to the street level and a random citizen runs up to

you, Barney, and grabs you and says, Oh, help! Help me! Okay. Someone asked me a question and I don't know the answer. I don't know it either. I turn to the others. Help, help us.

We don't know the answer to the question. Now everybody calm down. So a ghost bought a house, and it has all the usual rooms, except for one. Oh, no. What one does it not have? Oh, a ghost but a house. A boo room. Boo room?

Does it sound familiar? John, do you understand? My head is in my hands because I immediately smelled bad puns and jokes coming to my head. Well, it's a little stinky in here. Yeah. Cellar. See? You're having the same problem I'm having.

We'll figure it out eventually, don't worry. A laundry? Do you know why ghosts are such bad liars? Because you can see right through them. Oh, that's it. Yay. I feel so relieved. But what room do they not have in their house?

A man cave. Oh, that's it. Oh. Thank you. You've really helped me. All itchy is not going to forget what a solid you've done for me today. Itchy? Yeah.

Your name's Chipini. Going for the handshake. Pleasure to meet you. Hey, here's another one. You hear me? You feel me? You know that I'm there, but you'll never find me.

What am I? I don't know your name. I'm sorry. Itchy. Good to meet you. Oh, itchy. I get that. I like your friend Scratchy. You'll feel me. You'll hear me.

You already told me the answer. It's an itch. An itch? Right? No, no, no, no. I'm Itchy. You'll find me. I'm right here.

You feel me? Everybody. Did he just say the answer is Itchy? Wasn't it? No, this'm right here. You feel me? Everybody. Did he just say the answer? It's Itchy, isn't it? No, this is his name. His name's Itchy. Oh, I thought that was... I use the wind. Oh, that's it? Ah. I do not like that I'm getting these.

You're so smart. I do not want to participate. Oh, you're gonna help me with... I can find the wind. Oh, you can? He me with- I can find the wind. Oh, you can? He breaks it all the time. You can't see me, and if you say my name, I will disappear. What am I? But if we can't see you, aren't you already disappeared?

See? I've been itching my head all morning trying to figure this one out. Do you have scratches as a go? Chip, chip, chip, pebble. We're all just in a group huddle while this person is like right outside. Do we need to like pay you or something? Or is this like a streak? Oh, no.

These answers are all that I need. They've been driving me crazy trying to figure them out i can't i feel you how about this one the more you take away the bigger i get uh yeah yeah maybe a specific kind of hole. A grave. Ooh! That's it. Yeah. You all don't sound very excited about this.

No! We're so excited! More jokes! I love riddles. Oh, no. These aren't jokes. These are life or undeath questions. Why?

Yes. Actually, have you described what Itchy... Itchy's like just an ethereal being? Yeah, it's like an incorporeal being, I think would be like a technical D&D explanation for it. But yeah, like a ghost-like creature. Okay. And is it like humanoid? Yeah, vaguely.

You know, it's got, you know, two arms, two legs. You know, seems to be holding itself in an upright posture. Why are you plagued with so many questions? My boss is going to kill me if I don't figure these out. Who is your boss? Oh, my boss? My boss is Parcher.

Oh, death to these child. Say my name, say my name when no one is around you. I love you. I'm leaving. That's it. Sorry. Why is Pacha requiring you to have so many of these questions answered?

I got to have them on his desk by 5 p.m. What sort of job is this? Riddle answering. That's a... It's a pretty big industry. People come to perish from all around. Do you have, like, benefits? Like, what is that?

What's the salary like? It's competitive, you know. Oh, yeah? We've got healthcare to die for. Is the answer silence? Oh, yeah. We've got health care to die for. Is the answer silence? Oh, yes, that's it. Okay. Thank you so much.

Are you sure it wasn't Destiny's Child? Are you sure? He begins floating off, muttering to himself. Did I free the spirit? Silence the wind, grave. Living room, you can't see through them. Bye. Mateed's gonna roll initiative because Mateed's ready to fight whoever comes up and does that again.

Someone else running by stops and goes, oh, help! I could use help! Help me! I'm on it. What do you need? I can't remember my name. Oh. What do you remember? Parrish. You okay? How about Parris? Parris? That's okay. How about Parris?

Parris. That's a good name. I don't think that's it. Do you have any items on your body or person? Body? Like an ID? Or like a... It looks around.

Well, do you have anything? Any possessions? Possessions. I don't mean that as in you're possessing people. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's not me. Some people are into that. Is there anyone around that you know, that you recognize?

I recognize you. Oh, no, you don't. No, I don't. Like, Elga? Me? No. You recognize Elga? Yeah, we met, right?

Like, right now. Oh, that's true. Yeah, very good. Good to meet you. I would introduce myself, but I can't remember my name. Okay. Is the Headless Horseman with us? No, he is headed off towards the tavern. Okay. True, yeah, very good. Good to meet you. I would introduce myself, but I can't remember my name. Is the Headless Horseman with us? No, he is headed off towards the tavern.

Why don't I introduce you to this song by a band called Destiny's Child? The random passerby wanders off. Is that say my name? Muttering to himself. What was it? Is it Lucas? No, that's not it. Does Mateed recognize this creature?

Make a wisdom check. Oh. Wisdom check your butt. This place is so sad. There's just people that are just... Are we going to have to be remembering these answers? Nat 20, 23. Wow. This person does not look familiar at all to you.

You have never seen this entity in your life before. Does it seem like there's something magical going on with the memory loss, or does it just seem like normal kind of day-to-day in Parish? Yeah, like looking around, is everyone manically moving around in the same way of these people, or is these just two randos? Both of you, Barney and Matid, make perception checks. Succinct.

That's a four. Matid, you can't really make out what's going one way or another. The streets are just so chaotic. Barney, on the other hand, you can tell that people seem to be panicking for a myriad of reasons. Some people seem to be panicking because of what's happening outside the tavern. Some people seem

like they're preoccupied with other things. It's just kind of a mishmash all around. Did we make it to the tavern? Yeah, what is happening? We're on the streets. Y'all just got down from the bottom of the wall. Okay, so can we see tavern? Yeah, it's not terribly far from where you are. Y'all want to start making your way in that direction? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, why not? You all continue on your way down the street just a little to the west over in the direction of the tavern. And as you get closer, you hear like a boom, boom, crash. And just outside of a stone tavern is a fearsome frost giant wildly swinging an ice pickaxe in one hand, gripping a young lady in his other hand. Ugh, Lewis don't believe in the undead, only the dead dead. The pale blue giant strikes the cobblestone courtyard with a thunderous crack. The frosty pig pierces the stony ground, turning it to ice, and then with one swift swing,

he heaves the gravel into the air, aiming it straight at a child nearby. Louis, baby, let's calm down! Everyone roll initiative. No! Bonjour, everybody. John here. I hope you're having a wonderful holiday season and you're eating lots of yummy treats and treating yourselves well and being merry and bright and all those wonderful things.

I'm here with some updates on Stinky World Happenance. And boy, have we got some happenings. Next month, I am so happy to announce that we are celebrating Stinkuary. All month long, we're going to be reaching out to y'all to become direct supporters of our show by becoming First members. You might not know this, but every time someone becomes a patron of Tales from Stinky Dragon with First, they get to be part of contributing to the creation of all of our wonderful Stinky episodes and shows and more. And for Stinkuary next month, we are spending the entire month raising awareness for this and support for Tales from Stinky Dragon from listeners like yourself. And then it is all culminating on a huge, super stinky stream on January 26th,

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slash stinky for 20% off plus free shipping. free shipping me undies comfort from the outside in i assume lewis is the giant you you presume so presume like he's talking about himself you know if it was the third person 19 he's like talking about 19 boss. 19. 11. There's no beating you guys' initiative, so I'm just going to stick with my four. Good job, kid. My dex is 18. Christopher? My dexterity is 15. Okay.

Okay, so surveying the situation, Mateed, you are first to jump into action after Mateed is Barney. So Louis has lobbed a bunch of icy debris. Yeah, like gravel and cobblestone, stuff that he's broken up from the courtyard. And it's heading towards people or is... Straight at a child.

But what's the child? An incorporeal citizen of parish? Like, what do you mean? Yeah, so like... Like, are all the citizens in parish incorporeal? It seems overwhelmingly so. Okay. So they're all undead.

Can Matide put themselves between the debris and the child? Ooh, like a flash, Mateed's heroism takes over. Yeah, you can try that. And can I use my deflect missiles ability? Oh, why not? Sure. So I use deflect missiles. So I basically, I reduce the damage by 1d10 plus my dex modifier plus my monk level. And if I reduce the damage to zero,

I can catch the missile and I can spend a ki point to make a ranged attack with the ammunition. Sure, why not? So go ahead and roll a d10 and add your dex modifier and monk level to it. Then that's four plus dex modifier is four plus my level is six. So that's 14.

14, yeah. So you're able to uh reduce it to zero so the gravel and small stones are flying at the child matide flies over very quickly interjects themselves between the incoming debris and the child and catches it and then i can spend a key point and i can make a ranged attack i make it with proficiency yeah yeah what does that mean if i make it with proficiency it treats it like. What does that mean if I make it with proficiency? It treats it like a weapon you're proficient with as opposed to a weapon you're not proficient with, so you can add your

proficiency bonus to it. Treat it like any other weapon that you would normally have access to to attack with. Okay. Could I then just basically treat this like my sling of sandstorms? Da-da-da-da-da. Blaine doesn't have a major in yet. I was like, I know he wants to. Do the intro.

Yes, you can, as long as it doesn't add any, like, two-hit modifiers or bonus damage to it. And yeah, your Sling of Sandstorms does. So then what do I need to roll? So you would roll a d20 and add a seven to it if it's a weapon you're proficient with. Okay, okay, gotcha. That's what all my other stuff is. 15? That hits. And then what all my other stuff is. 15? That hits.

And then what do I roll for the damage? The damage roll is the original weapon damage dice or martial arts monk weapon damage dice plus dexterity or strength. So in this case, we're going to do the original weapon damage die plus, since it's ranged, we'll say, plus your dexterity modifier. Plus four. So then it's normally a D10 damage, so roll a D10 and add four.

Nine total. Too shabby. It's like that action movie trope where you throw yourself in front of it, in front of the incoming rocks, and, you know, it looks like it hits you and you spin around midair and then just, like, redirect the energy right back where it came from. But it is very elegant because Mateed moves like a dancer. Yes. Hitting the frost giant for nine points of bludgeoning damage. The frost giant roars angrily.

Could we tell if it's like susceptible to anything? But fire. Probably fine. On your turn, I'll let you make a roll to figure that out. So then if that was, it counts as my reaction, what does that leave me left to do in my turn? You still have all of your regular actions and bonus actions.

Okay, that's what I thought. I just don't have a reaction until my next turn. Correct. And so you cannot take an attack of opportunity, for example, because that's a reaction. I think I will anyways if I want to. No, no. Putting my foot down, John. Naturally. I'll go in for a unarmed strike.

I'll go into attack, and I actually want to spend a ki point and make it a stunning attack. Stunning strike. So do I roll to see if I make the attack first before you see if it stuns? Correct. Okay.

Because the attack needs to connect and actually hit before it can proc any abilities. Okay. I'm going to do it. Actually, I'm going to do it with, not an unarmed strike. I'm going to do it with my spear of the superior baker.

Okay. Because it has a higher. I love the name of that weapon. 13. That does not hit. I'm going to do it again. Man. 14.

No, that hits. Okay. Nice. Then that's a stun strike. So it's a con saving throw of 14 or else they're stunned. Constitution saving throw. Get a plus four.

14. If it matches, does it? It makes it. Okay. Yeah. Well, it still takes damage. Okay. Some cheeky little damage.

You baddie. 10. You can think of the saving throw number as like the target you need to hit. 10 points of damage. Got it. 10 points of damage. And I'll just do another unarmed strike. Okay. Wait, can I do

flurry of blows? It means after you attack your turn, you can spend one ki point to make two unarmed strikes as a bonus action. Yep, that's what that is. Thank you. So I'm just going to keep hitting. Ooh, that's a 25. You're going to take damage. 25, yep, that hits, believe it or not. It does not like that this is attacking creatures that are similar to Mateed. Is that this correct? Five points take damage. 25, yep, that hits. Believe it or not. Does not like that this is attacking creatures that are similar to Mateed.

Is that this correct? Five points of damage. From your flurry of blows. Oh, that's not going to hit. That's 11. That is not. Okay. Mateed has done 15 things and has decided they're done.

Mateed goes to sleep. Yeah, Mateed goes to sleep. Takes a long rest. Power's down. All right. That's it for Mateed's turn. So it's Barney after Barney is the frost giant and then Elga. So looking at the frost giant, can I get any sense of like if it's the frost giant like is evil or has ill intent or is just confused?

Like is that like an insight thing? Interesting. It did have a bellowing retort at the top of the interaction. Yeah. Of not liking ghosts. Roll for vibe check. Yeah, make a, let's call it a wisdom check, Barney. Wisdom?

It's not insight? No, insight's more like if someone's lying. Wisdom, I'm thinking like you're drawing on your personal experiences throughout your life to see what you know. Could you say that maybe Chris Perceive? What are we laughing at? That's a 10. Based on things you know from your past, you know that typically frost giants can be considered to be evil beings. That's a broadly, you know.

He's an old man. Listen listen Times were different when he was young Generalization about frost giants And from my knowledge Of frost giants They're not a celestial elemental Fiend No They're from this plane

No reason He's just being thorough. He's just writing his entry in his journal. Little girl, she's okay? What's she doing? I'm okay. Thank you for asking. Yeah, the one that Mateed saved?

Yeah. She begins running off away from danger. So she's out of it. Yeah. And that little girl is also incorporeal, right? Yes. Okay. She floated away.

Ooh. Then is it humanoid? In the sense that, you know, it's got like a head and two arms and two legs. If you're asking for like, if it's a spell that affects humanoids, it's not in that. No, it's like, it's category is giant. Gotcha. Okay. Sorry for all the questions.

Just trying to. No, that's helpful for me because I was looking at something that affected humanoids. Dear diary. I learned a lot today. Do your homework. All right. Well, then, BarneyCast's Spirit Guardians! I call for spirits to protect me

and they fit around and they go around 15 feet around me. They're spinning around, going crazy. What do they look like? They look like little Barneys. Oh, cute. Lots of little Barneys. How horror!

Ah! And I can designate any number of creatures that are unaffected by it that I can see, and I'm going to choose my party, little girl, and any other townspeople who seem chill. Do you think the Ark of the Covenant had spirit guardians? Just a bunch of geriatrics

with walkers going around. Melting Nazis. A little Indiana Jones reference there. If you're not sure what that is, ask your parents. How close am I to the giant? From where you all came in, let's call it 15 feet. Okay. Well, then yeah. So I get one. No, no, no, no,

no. They don't mess with you. An affected creature's speed is half in the area, and when the creature enters the area for the first time or starts its turn in there, it must take a wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, the creature takes 3d8 radiant damage. Oh, this is the one that surrounds you. Yeah.

And if they are near you and you have this, it procs. On a successful save, the creature takes half as much damage. Okay. So I'm going to do that, and does it take damage now? Is that since it just popped up? It does a roll, right? I think it's on its turn. What did it say in there? When the creature enters the area

for the first time on a turn or starts its turn there. Yeah, so I think it's on its turn. Okay. Well, I'll do that and chill. Which is next, right? Yeah, and I'm making a note here, but also remind me in case I don't do it. Chris? Well, you're about to do it unless Barney has a bonus action Barney wants to do. I do have a and chill. Which is next, right? Yeah, and I'm making a note here, but also remind me in case I don't do it, Chris. Well, you're about to do it unless Barney has a bonus action Barney wants to do.

I do have a bonus action. Whoa! But I was wondering. You have a bonus action? When did you get that? I was wondering. I'm excited. Can I, like, ready a bonus action

like you ready an action? Or does it have to be used? Typically, it has to be used. Like, readying a bonus action, that would be like a reaction. You know, like we said, attack of opportunity, for example. Okay, well, I'm going to go up

to this big ice dude so that I'm within its attack of opportunity. And Barney licks the ice giant just to see. Yeah. No, that's right. That went gum gum. Just to be clear because because of what you you the way you phrased that i want to make sure you know only some actions can be

taken as a reaction so if you're trying to plan to do something that's listed as bonus action that doesn't work as a reaction unless it explicitly says reaction just fyi yeah yeah but i got a thing okay okay i don't know what you're planning i don't know what you're doing but i'm just throwing that out there you're also helping Chip out because sneak attack. Yeah. Five people are close to it. Yeah, Mateed's also close too. Mateed got up in melee range.

I say, oh, no, don't go so close. Oh, dear. Don't stand so close to me. All right. Thank you, Barbara. And I'm done. All right. It's the Frost Giant's turn, and the Frost Giant needs to make a save for Spirit Guardian.

That is a DC 17 wisdom save, it looks like. Yes. Let's see how wise it is. plus one that's not good so i need to roll a 16 or better i rolled a 17 so that's a save okay so it takes half radiant damage half radiant damage so i rolled eight so it takes four points of radiant damage and its movement speed is Ah, that's the most annoying part of that spell. It's kind of like when someone takes a Polaroid picture of you and you're not expecting it. And they say, cheese! And you, oh, radiant damage. And then you can't really see anything for a few minutes because you have those little spots in your eyes.

That's right. Yeah, it's really a trouble thing. Radiant damage, serious. I don't show up in pictures. Fun fact. So sad. I don't know why. The frost giant show up in pictures. That is so sad. I don't know why. The frost giant roars in anger.

No. Yeah. It's okay. Barney, you're up there too, right? You see you got within melee range. He's in its face. Yeah, he doesn't like that you've got those circling Barney spirits all around you. Hurting it. It's like it's spicy and it's slowing it down.

So it, you know, takes its pickaxe and takes a swing at you, Barney. Oh. Hitting AC 11. Ooh. It misses. Does Barney have a high or low armor class? It's pretty high.

Because he has like a chain mail. For damn, does that thing have plus nine? Yeah, it does. Wow. Because the chain mail is what gives you disadvantageous stuff. That's why I have disadvantageous stuff. Is yours higher than mine?

What's yours at? I think his is 18. Mine's gotta be higher. We're both 18. No, I'm 17. I'm 17. I'm 17. Yeah, clerics typically get beefy armor.

That's what I figured. My HP isn't that great. Mine's worse than yours. Mine's pretty good. The giant, again, roars in frustration. It's okay frustration and anger. It doesn't look like you're talking to it, Barney. I'm going to be real honest.

You're kind of egging it on. So it throws some rocks at you. You speak your truth, Barney. Again, AC 11. Oh, they're all sharp. I have a plus nine on both of those attacks. And I rolled a two twice in a row. I like to imagine that the rocks come flying at Barney,

but he's got, like, all this plate armor on and stuff, and he just, he doesn't dodge it. It just bonks off of it. That very well could be what's happening. Unfazed, just saying, it's okay. Oh, it's raining. Elga, you're up, followed by Chip. So does it stay in the...

Yeah, it stays in the area where it is, in the area of effect of the spirit guardians. All right, so a D&D question. What? Here? Now? I know. In this economy? Inappropriate. So I have a potion of growth.

Does that increase any of, like, my strengths or like does it what's the benefit of being bigger be like a strength modifier so a potion of growth is the equivalent of like having enlarged person cast upon you i'd like to think that elga thinks it's going to make her into like a full-grown woman but instead it's just a larger version of a child just like a giant child so it doubles your size in all dimensions and increases your weight by eight. And you go from one size category

to the next one up. Elga is medium, I believe. Is she? Or is Elga small? I think she's medium. I think technically you're medium,

but anyway, you go the next size up regardless. Which comes with like carrying capacity and stuff like that. So you get advantage on strength checks

and saving throws and your weapons also grow to match your new size. And you deal an additional 1d4 of extra damage with them. Guess what's going down the pipe? And Elga chugs the potion of growth that she has in her inventory. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What we don't see is Elga like mixes like a little bit of blood from her sippy cup

and then kind of like a martini like shaker does it. One moment. She definitely does that. She also then takes a little sip of her sippy cup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the blood that she spilled on herself. Like an alcoholic, but with blood. Nobody look. Alright, so now

I'm big. Yeah, Elga big. Wow. Alright. She's Swellga. Oh, that's so good. I like it. Yeah. Elga big. Wow. All right. She's Svelga. Oh, that's so good. I like it. You're going down, giant beast. I don't know how to do my voice, but deeper. It's just Barbara sticking her lips out as far as possible.

All right, Elga. How far away am I from it? You can just talk normal and Micah will pitch it down. Oh, yeah. You're still where everyone kind of came in and first saw everything going on, so you're about 15 feet east. Okay, I am going to get up closer to the beast. To the giant,

I mean. The beast has a name. Lewis. Lewis. I'm going to get up close to Lewis. I'll stay like out of Barney's area of effect. It doesn't affect you. It doesn't affect you? It doesn't affect me because I chose... Okay, I'll get right up on him, like five feet off. Melee attack range. Do you guys see that? Elga is

right up on the giant. And I feel like the name of this axe is appropriate to use right now. I will use my great axe of gaining. Ooh, get those gains. And I will give it a slicey slice. Yeah, gaga! Wow. I'm just doing Micah's job for him.

Shut up It was a 14 A 14 does hit Okay, so I don't need to add anything Oh, I forgot to rage Would the potion be a bonus action? I'll give you the potion for free And I'll say you raged

If you wanted to rage I'll say you did Yes, I wanted to rage Make a quick wisdom check for me, too. Okay. Oh, that's a four. Okay, never mind. What?

With your plus one on wisdom? I know. Weird. I'm surprised I have a plus. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm raging, and I just used my great axe of gaining, and it hit for a 14. Yeah, it did. It did.

13 points of damage plus two because of my rage. So 15 plus a D4. 15 plus a D4 that I have to roll. Three. Nice. So 18 points of slashing damage. Yes. Is Elka going to do it again?

Do you like how that felt, Luis? Uh, yes. Can you take this survey? Okay. Well, guess what? Because it's coming at you again. Yeah. 16.

That hits. Nice. Doing 17 plus 2. That's 19 plus another D4. Good damage. Some real good damage. 22. 22.

Nice. Points of damage. Slashing. It's time to make ice cubes out of you. All right, guys. Elga looks back. With a dry, cool wit like that, you could be an action hero. Mateed is nodding, trying to support Elga.

Thank you, Mateed, my biggest fan. The giant looks at you with fury and anger in its eyes. But straight, right? Because I'm at the same height of it. Well, you're not quite. A giant is giant. It's even bigger. Yeah.

But still, it doesn't have to look down as far as it normally would have. Guys, the weather is kind of different up here. Are you getting enough oxygen up there, Ilga? Oh, a little lightheaded. She's just as tall as Matita and... Probably. ...at this point. I'm imagining that Elga looks like the toddler in Honey, I Grew Up a Baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When it's not full, like, Las Vegas destruction size, it's just in that big old, like, playpen he builds in the bedroom. It's like adult height, but still baby proportion. It just feels like weird force perspective. Elga looks like the baby from Spirited Away. Alright, anything else

Elga? Nope. Okay. That's it for Elga. So we got Chip. After Chip, we got a couple of NPCs then we're back to Mateed. Chip! NPCs. Chip! Chip! How's the ice giant look? How is Louis looking?

Very strong. Very swole. Handsome! I can't do a perception check or anything to see. Oh yeah, make a perception check. He wants to perceive. Let me perceive you, Louis. That's a 14. Yeah, you think that it's still looking metagame-wise? It's closer to full

than to empty. Ah, glass half full. More than half full. Oh, very optimistic. Very good. What, with the four radiant damage that Barney did? Four! Okay, I run up, and since I have a bunch of people that are close to it within

five feet, that means that I... Everybody's close to it. Yeah, get to use sneak attack. Ooh-hoo-hoo. Ooh-la-la, as they say in Paris. I'm gonna use the arm blade of blurbling. Blurble, gerbil. Blurble, gerbil. Blurble, gerbil to you. That's a 17. Oh, that hits? Great.

So I'm gonna roll damage with that. It is a three. Whoa, calm down here. Yeah, I know, right? I can barely keep up. I can roll a one. It's... Oh, yeah, I guess it, yeah. Well, it's D8 or D10 or something. Shit, shit. P's our man. I don't feel like it right now.

Sneak attack also gives me the 3d6 damage, so I'm going to roll that, too. Yeah. Hopefully, this is going to be a little bit better. 18. 3. 3. 18. 3.

12. Boo. You could have at least split the difference with me. So, there's that. And I got an idea Play with me in this space, will you? I want to grab The giant's hand

And make it hit me Hit me, hit me I'm trying to Is it Pokey? Yeah, does Louis have any Pokeys? Well, in one hand, you know, he's got that woman. And in the other hand, he has the pickaxe. So you're grabbing his hand and, like, trying to hit yourself.

I mean, I will say this. You're going to have to make a strength check to do that. But you're going to have disadvantage because it's a giant. It's, like, super, super strong. I'll take those odds. Okay. What are you trying to do? I have no idea, though. I'm trying to play into Okay. What are you trying to do? Just play hide and watch. I have no idea.

I'm trying to play into it. Maybe he's going to go on fire. That's okay. 22 right now. You rolled a nat 20. That's a disadvantage. Five. It's worth the lucky. It's worth the lucky. I'm going to re-roll. Do it. It doesn't matter. That was an eight,

but with a lucky, I get to choose, so I choose the nat 20 So I mean I really was not give you this but a 20 is pretty much an automatic success You pick the 20 it has to work So yeah, you somehow grab I assume you grab his hand that has the axe and not the hand that has the woman. Which was going to hurt. I thought the woman ran away.

No, that was a child that ran away. I just want to point out, you used a lucky to hit yourself. It's going to play out. It's going to be great. You're going to love it. You're going to like the way you look. You're going to like the way this looks. I guarantee it. Shift warehouse.

We'll say the one with the weapon since you're trying to hit yourself with it. Well, I don't want to kill myself. The weapon doesn't hit you. Just like the fist. The closed fist that's around the weapon. Yes. That's what I do. How hard do you pull it? Do you pull it hard enough to damage yourself or just a little bit? Just a little bit. I'll roll a d6 because

like I said, it is big. Guys, I think we need to send Chip to therapy. I rolled a 6. I kind of said it is big guys. I think we need to send you to therapy You hit yourself stop hitting yourself for six points of damage with the frost Giants closed How could you have done this ha ha got Fell in my trap. Hellish rebuke. Hellish rebuke. It's a reaction which you take in response to being damaged by a creature within 60 feet of you.

You play your trap card. That's right. I point my finger and the creature is damaged. Momentarily surrounded by hellish flames. It's a frost giant. So this isn't easy. You're going to have a bad day, Luis. Heckish flames.

Remember, we're talking about Chip Haney here. Don't tell my mama. Don't tell my mama. Don't tell my mama. Guys, hey, Pinky promised not to tell. Matisse holds out the jar you have to pay into. Chip's mom appears in a cloud like Mufasa in The Lion King. Now, Chip. Okay, so. What do you roll for that?

The creature has to make a dexterity saving throw. Well, yeah, I do 3D 10. Is it half if it doesn't do a dex? Yeah, half as much if I succeed on a saving throw. What's the DCd 10 is it half of doesn't do the decks yeah half as much uh 560 on a saving throw what's the dc it is 15 15 15 yeah i have plus 4 so i need 11 or better okay 12 that's a 16 i don't like that re-roll it lucky oh i knew that was coming 11 or better is not hard. 8, so that's a 12. So it's better than 11. So it made it. No, it failed. Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, you need to roll. Chaos chip! Okay, so then it gets the full... This tiefling is fully armed and fully operational. 310 fire damage. 22.

A fire damage specifically. Yeah. Take that, frost giant. You know, the fire begins engulfing it. It's flames that shoot from your finger. Is that right? You point your finger and the creature that damaged you is momentarily surrounded by hellish flames.

I think it's just- Heckish. Don't tell my mama. I think, I think I just, I just point- You point at it and it just goes kapoosh. Yeah. Yeah. It begins surrounding the giant and it looks like it damaged the giant, but he like kind of swats it off.

It seems like a little prematurely, like it didn't fully engulf him as much as you would have expected it to. So the flames didn't seem to... It hurt the giant, but it wasn't like the big kaboom, the big earth shattering kaboom you were expecting. So it didn't seem particularly... I always need my big earth shattering kaboom. That's pretty good. It's Marshmallow. Martian?

Nope. Oh my God. Marvin. Marvin the Martian. Did you say Marshmallow? Marvin the Martian Manhunter. Marvin's my favorite member of the Justice League. Okay.

Anything else, Chip? Oh, hey there. I have a bonus. Can I use that still? What's hellish rebuke your bonus? No, that's a reaction. So... Oh, then yeah.

Hee, hee, hee. And then I'm going to do a, you know, I don't even have that many things and I always get lost in my own abilities. I'm just gonna do that thing where I hide. Cutting action. Hee hee hee. Alright, you do your best to smoke bomb disappear. Yeah. Okay, is that it? I'm good. Yeah, that's fun.

That was a good turn, everybody. Great job all around. You too, Louis. Way to go team. Okay. The woman that Louis is holding begins you know, screaming for help even more so. You all take Louis. Way to go team. Okay. The woman that Louis is holding begins screaming for help, even more so. You all take a look at her maybe more closely because she's yelling now. It's a young lady dressed in a

lotus pattern purple dress. She is not having a good day. But it seems to get the attention of the headless horseman who is looking at her and looking at the frost giant. And he turns to the party and says, I will concentrate on the girl. Don't kill her.

He runs up and begins seeming to try to distract the frost giant and persuade Louis to let her down. And it seems really bizarre to see, but he takes off his own head and launches it at the frost giant. So he's just completely headless? He throws the, what is it, the jack-o'-lantern? Right. Yeah. It's made of fire.

I'm resistant to that. Hits AC 26. Wow. Doing 17 points of damage. Fire damage. Whoa. 17 points of damage. Fire damage. And he throws his

own head at the frost giant and it explodes into a big flare up of fire and then the head seemingly well it is magic reappears, flies back to the headless horseman's hand and he puts it back on his head. How often does he have to

replace that head? Does he gotta like carve a new pumpkin head? So is it like a boomerang? Well, it's not a boomerang because, you know, you would picture a boomerang like goes out in a big arc and like comes back. This went out, like exploded, did its damage and then just like went straight back. Like Matisse's wheat spear. Yeah.

Yeah. Very similar to that. Can I perceive if sometimes he switches it up and does something fun like, like a watermelon or like he makes his head real small with a little apple. Or one of those little baby pumpkins. Or a baby pumpkin. They run out of the normal size ones at the pumpkin patch. Oh, can we do a piece of corn?

Or a pineapple. Oh, let's go. Let's go beach episode, everybody. I could also name other types of food. Very, very normal things. Blood orange. All right. Very, very normal things. Blood orange. All right, that's it for him. Back up to the top, it's Mateed and then Barney.

Is this fool still going? Yeah. Is this fool still going? Okay. Man, I thought, like, for sure he would be down by now. I know, I blew all my good stuff on him. Two luckies in a thing. Yeah, okay.

I'll just do an attack with... Yeah, I guess I'll do it with my spear, the spear baker. And I'm just going to be stabbing at this, just like ice picking this thing. Just getting stuff out. It's literally an ice pick. Working out some stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just filling up my glass. All right. That's a 12. Ooh, that does not hit. But I'm going to do it again. What, are you lucky? Nope. I'm just really cool. I got a 17 this time. That hits. Okay. I, that does not hit. But I'm going to do it again. What are you, lucky? Nope. I'm just really cool.

I got a 17 this time. That hits. Okay. I'm going to roll damage on that. That's 10 points of damage. Of stabby. Okay, 10 points of stabby damage from the spear. I want to make that a stun strike as well.

What does that entail? Con saving throw, 14. All right. I have plus four on this. I need a 10 or better. Don't do it. Ooh, that's a four. Yay! Nice. Yeah, that's a four. Yay!

Nice. Yeah, your stunning strike hits the frost giant who begins stumbling backwards away from the blow, but he seems to kind of shake it off and seems to like shake off the stunning effect. He stumbles backwards. Like how far is it? Like an attack of opportunity?

Just like a step or two. Like he's getting his feet under. When he goes back he go is that the noise that it makes no could i do a check actually because this guy's he he he shirked off the heges rebuke he's he's not even calling it that yes that's what it's called gus yeah make a make a wisdom check okay i'm gonna do that he's super powered. That's only a cheeky little nine. Just really strong. Really, really beefy. Well, the fact that we've damaged him that much

and he's still... There's gotta be some weakness. I think there's something peculiar about this giant. When we get to the round of your turn, can you guys check as well? That's teamwork. Yeah, cool. Then I'm just gonna hit it again cuz that's what I do I kick it that's what they do I'm kicking it and rolling

bad rolls today nine no good but this one's gonna be great cuz it's more than 11 mm-hmm that misses three whiffs that's uh whoo yikes not a good Matit round. That's why you got to get to Lucky Feet. I already have Lucky Feet. I have two right here. You're so silly. Well, then I'm done.

I got nothing else to do. I'm just trying to hit it and trying to check to see why this guy was so special. That's okay, champ. He seems a little special. He's a special giant. Yeah, just like you. You're my little special giant right all right barney you're up then the frost giant then elika so this lady what's she doing she's

just chilling up there screaming yeah you know like remember like in king kong he picks up someone and she's like screaming yeah barney check out the giant something's weird about it can i look into the giant soul yeah make a soul searching check uh which is a wisdom check okay you think that it's possible you've encountered you know in your many adventures and you know throughout your long life you've You've heard tale of creatures that can become so powerful that a limited number of times a day, they can almost change their luck. They can... You gave the giant luck?

No, no, no, no. It's not the lucky feet, but it can conjure up almost like an extra strong will and overcome things that would normally harm it. How many times? A few times a day, typically. How obnoxious. I hate the lucky feet. This is the worst. I don't think it's the lucky.

It's not lucky, right? Some sort of luck-based. So, like, peeling back the curtain a little bit, this is a standard D&D thing, and I know sometimes maybe our listeners don't know a lot about Dungeons & Dragons. Or the people playing this game. Sometimes, if you have a powerful creature, they can have something called legendary resistance.

And it allows them a couple times a day, if they fail a saving throw, they can just choose to succeed instead. Oh, I actually have that too. Do you? Okay. I've just decided right now. I was going to be like, awesome! So yeah, even if it fails a saving throw, it just succeeds

a limited number of times a day. Real cut and dry. Why are you doing that right now? What's the point? I'm trying to win. I'm trying to TPK. Oh, gosh. That's what people don't realize is that Gus has to lose constantly. Yeah, it's really getting to me. Probably need to start doing

more things that involve less saving throws, I guess. Well, I have a question about the space of this thing. How big is it? Is there like a 20-foot radius in which I could center a spell on the giant but not hit other people? Like, is it that big, you know?

The problem is that some of your party members are all so close. I'm trying to see a way you could position it and not hit them. You can hit me. No, just because of the bystanders as well. Okay. There's really not. I mean, you could hit a couple bystanders, right? No, no, no, no, no. You can hit me. No, just because of the bystanders as well. Okay. There's really not. You could, I mean,

you could hit a couple bystanders, right? No, no, no, no, no. You mustn't. No, no, no. Alright, well, I'm just gonna cast Leemon's Tiny Hut. No, I'm just kidding. Please, God, no. I'm just gonna do, like, a guiding bolt or something? Yeah, I'm gonna do my guiding bolt

at third level spell! Whoa! That's one more than second level. And I'm gonna do my guiding bolt at third level spell. That's one more than second level. And I'm gonna cast it now. That's good. That's a good time to cast a spell. Fifteen. That hits. Nice. And I'm casting it. Dice, go.

That's only fourteen. Six D6 and it's only fourteen. Oh my gosh. I had three once. Oh. Barney, you really put the bet on that one, pal. But now. Oh, yes, but.

Elga has advantage on her attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I do. The next attack roll against it will have advantage thanks to the mystical dim light glittering it. So just the first attack. Now I'm sparkly and big. Wow. No, he's sparkly and big.

Like Lady Liberty. And I have another thing I want to try and do. All right. Can I try and use my telekinetic shove to pull the woman out of the guy's hand? It's not a telekinetic pull. Well, no, no, no, no. It is. As a bonus action,

you can try to telekinetically shove one creature's seed within three feet. When you do so, the target must succeed on a strength saving throw, DC 16, or be moved five feet

toward or away from you. Oh, they should rename that telekinetic move. Yeah, I was going to say, you can't shove someone towards you. A creature can willingly fail the save, so the lady could choose to do it.

But I don't know how that factors in with him holding her. Yeah, the problem is that there is going to be a role of some kind. Just because if she was standing there of her own. Yeah, of course. But she's being held by the giant. So it says the target must succeed on a strength saving throw. DC8 plus your proficiency bonus plus the ability modifier of the score increased by this feat. It's got a DC saving throw. DC eight plus your proficiency bonus plus the ability modifier of the score increased by this feat. It's got a DC saving throw.

So it's a strength saving throw of 16, we'll call it. I feel like they're going to pass that no matter what you do, Barney. Might as well do it. I'm doing it. Yeah. Good, Barney. It's a bonus action. What else do I have to lose?

So DC your life. 16. The giant has a plus seven, so I need a niner better. The odds are not in your favor. I rolled a 20. 29. He grips her so hard her head pops off. It's like when you almost stumble and you hold your drink a little tighter and you squeeze

out a little bit. Yeah. The frost giant, you know, tightens his grip and says, no, Katrina, mine. Oh, beautiful name. Katrina. Okay. Katrina. And then, you know, I guess that's it.

But. No, that's it. No, his turn happens and he's got to do the guardian's save. Yeah, but that's it for my turn. Oh, yeah. So now it's the Frost Giant's turn and it makes, does it make the save again or is it automatic? The guardian's.

It has to make the save again. Yeah, make the save again or is it automatic? The guardians. Yeah, make it again. What is it again? Tell me. That's a wisdom saving throw of 17. Yeah. So I have a plus one so I need a 16 or better. Low roll. Low roll. Gus is smiling no matter what he's passing this. Seven. So that's an eight.

So yeah, roll your damage. Somehow the ice giants still get the roll. It seems to be taking 17. Roughly half of 17. The spirit guardians of Barney Farney begin circling the frost giant, but he does kind of swat at them a little bit, and he seems to kind of carve a path for himself through them. They're called spirit Farnians.

Oh, I like that. They're little Barney Farnies. They're Benny Finneys. Benny Fin. They're Binnie Finnies. Binnie Finnies. Binnie Finnies. Binnie Finnies. It's a Frost Giant's turn. Louis Smash.

Who Louis Smash? Tell me, little girl. Me? She not so little. Everyone little to Louis. Are you calling me little? Yes. Hit me.

Hit me. Hit me. Try it. Sure. Why not? Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention, and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm cheating by saying this, but when I raged, I took a tail form of the beast. Interesting. Let's see how that plays out.

Bull strategy. The frost giant focuses on Elga and swings its pickaxe at her, hitting AC 23. Well, when I have my tail, I could use that as a reaction. If a creature I could see within 10 feet, which is you, Mr. Lewis, hits you with an attack roll, you could use my reaction to swipe your tail and roll a D8, applying the bonus to your AC. Oh, what's your AC? 15.

You'd have to roll a perfect. I'd have to roll an 8. Okay. Come on, Nelda. D8! Oh! Yeah! What's your AC? 15. You'd have to roll a perfect. I'd have to roll an eight. Okay. Come on, Elga. The eight. Oh. Yeah. Eat a butt, Luis.

Although, no, wait. It's even, though. So you'd still hit me, right? Oh, yeah. Math. No. Okay, never mind. Okay, never mind.

Yeah, math. Still cool. Math is hard sometimes. Still cool. Elga used tailspin. It almost worked. It was so close. Okay. So it still hits. Do cool. Elga used tailspin. It almost worked. It was so close. So it still hits.

Do it. And I'm raging, so I take half damage. She's this giant child with a tail fighting an ice giant. It's like watching Kaiju. And there's nothing else odd about me whatsoever. Nothing. Ooh, 29 points of damage. But half.

You take half of that because you're raging. So it would be 16? No. 15? 14? 14. We take half of that because you're raging. So it would be 16? No. 15? 14? 14. We round down. Yeah, 14. Okay. Yeah, and it's going to take another swing at you. Okay, try it. Hitting AC 19. Pale. Can you react twice? I think. Can you?

So, no, you can't, but I would say, I would assume if Barbara knew that roll was impossible she wouldn't have made it in the first place. That's true. Are you okay with it? Yeah, you can roll it now. Appreciate it.

Gus is a generous God. So what was your... I rolled a six. So you said... So I hit 19. So 15 plus six is 21. So yeah, your tail manages to swipe it out of the way. First try.

Bring it back. Nailed it. Tailed it. Tail no fair. I agree it. Tail no fair. I agree. I was no fair. Okay, Elga, it's your turn. Make me another wisdom check.

Oh, nat 20, 21. There we go. Oh, he's feeling powerful. Real powerful. You recognize that fire in Louis's eyes. What? I do. You know that anger.

Nice try. When it overcomes you and it empowers you. So he's raging. Yeah, that's what you think. empowers you. So he's raging. Yeah. That's what you think. You've had experience with this. So he's a barbarian of some sort? Is that what you're implying? He has the rage ability. He has rage. Which means he's taking half damage

when we hit him. Shut up, bummer. So you gave this guy legendary resistance and raging. Listen, we'll talk about it in second wind. Yeah, we are. We're going to talk about it. I have words. It's only half damage when it's bludgeoning, piercing, slashing. A lot of my damage has been that.

Yeah, same. So why did my fire heckish rebuke not get it? Because he has legendary resistance. That's why I was using the legendary resistance against the radiant damage and the fire damage. Yeah, he's putting in cheat codes. So is it my turn now? Yeah.

Elga, you're up. Hit it. Okay. Elga, I'm not a big fan of you hitting her, even though she completely provoked you and it was justified. But I'm still mad about it. So I would like you to have a nice taste of something in my inventory that I'm going to use right now.

You have advantage. She's talking to her. I do have advantage? Yeah. On your first attack. On your first attack. Because of Guiding Bolt. So whatever you're about to do. Never mind. I'm going to use my Great Axe of Gaining. Slicey, slicey. That's a 28. Believe it or not, hits.

You have advantage. You may as well roll it one more time to see if you crit. I'll do that now. 20. Oh, no. 26. Okay. Yeah, you hit. Okay. Doing 14 plus 2. 16 points of no. 26. Okay. Yeah, you hit. Okay. Doing 14 plus two. 16 points of damage. Yep. Okay. And extra because I'm tall.

Yep. You're big. I'm big. So another two. So that would be 18. All right. Nice. But I see me taking half of those.

I don't know. That's for me to know. But I'm going to do it again. 15? Yeah, that hits. Hits. Doing. Ooh. Eight plus two. so 10 plus another d4.

12. Well, points of damage. Got it. And then as a bonus action, am I allowed to use Oil of Slipperiness as grease on the ground underneath the giant? Interesting. Looking it up. Because it's just like a thing I have in my inventory.

So I don't know what it... Yeah, you got it like in the maze, didn't you? I think so. So pouring it on the ground takes an action. Oh, it does. That's what it says. Yeah. Normally, you put it on like a creature or a piece of equipment.

And that, you know, creature gains what's called freedom of movement. But applying it in that manner takes 10 minutes. So that's why they say pouring the oil on the ground takes an action. It can cover a 10-foot square. It's like having a grease spell. We've been using it on their Barney for his back massages at camp.

Okay, then I'm done. Because I don't have an action left. It's a good turn. Yeah, with that, the frost giant kind of roars, lets out a loud bellow, and drops Katrina and begins taking off running. It disengages and begins running to the north. And the crowd begins cheering in celebration for you guys. Do we get attacks of opportunity on this?

No, it disengages. Which is like an ability to avoid attacks of opportunity. Can I try and catch Katrina? You try, but the headless horseman beats you to it very suavely with his flying horse. I'm not surprised. Flies forward and catches Katrina. Everyone cheers. Yay!

Drinks at the tavern! Yay! What happened? The horseman leads Katrina inside into the tavern. You notice it now that you're not in the thick of battle, but there's a sign above the entrance that reads Tomb Tavern. Tomb? Tomb.

Tomb Tavern. Sorry, I got... My tongue was dumb. The banter thing called Tomb Tavern. Yeah. Does he ride the horse in? Does Gaston, Gastallion come in with us? He does not ride the horse in.

However, make me a perception check, Chip. Oh, okay. Thirteen. You notice that the horseman leads Katrina into the tavern through a window. What is up with this guy using weird routes to get places? Wait. Like, as in they, an open window and they climb in through the window.

Correct. Or do they float in? Is the horseman in, Corporal? Yeah. And are people going through the door? No. All of the people, all of the Parisians are climbing in through the window. They're climbing in. There's a trap. They're not passing through.

They're passing through, going through the window. And I do that too. When in Rome, go through walls. I also jump through the window. It's not Rome, it's Paris. Paris. So just to clarify, not all of them are incorporeal. Most of them.

I do it. And everyone is going through the window? Yes. I guess I'll do that, too. I want to fit in and be very, you know, aware of your culture. I'll go make a perception check. All of your ways of life. Lots of perception checks, Gus.

Yeah. 13. You notice that there's no door. Oh. That's cool. Yep. It's all windows. That's cool. Yep. It's all windows. That's cool.

Do the windows actually open? Yes. Okay. You talk to their city planner. Yeah, you all, I assume everyone walks in? Yeah, and I cast Vigilant Blanting. What? Sorry.

I was trying to say it fast, so it didn't take up a lot of time. And I cast Vigilant Blessing, so I have advantage on my next initiative. Vigilant Blessing. You all climb in, and inside is a frigid stone-walled watering hole filled with spirits drinking gaseous spirits. The horseman and the young lady find a small private table by themselves in the corner, but something else catches your eye, or rather someone. Someone floating at the bar calls out,

Hey, barkeep, pour me another. I swear I'm good for it. Even though she's floating above the ground, she still manages to stumble in the air while reaching for the glass of gas. She turns her decaying face to see if anyone noticed and her hair hisses at the four of you. It's the mummy. Mummy's alive I just want to make a reference

To a very very old cartoon That no one remembers Mummy's alive Mummy I just want to make a reference to a very, very old cartoon that no one remembers. What cartoon? Mummy's Alive. Mummy! Wow. I don't know that.

It was during the 90s when they're like, what if we make anything a superhero like mummies? Wow. Okay. On that note, find out what's going on with the mummy. They made 42 episodes of that. Find out what's going on with the mummy in the next episode of Tales of the Stinky Dragon. Or if you want to know, just catch up on the 42 episodes of Mummies Alive.

Join us in the second wind where we talk about Mummies Alive. Our companion podcast for Mummies Alive. Only available for first members at stinkydragonpod.com Yes, they're worth it, baby. Alright, bye. All right. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Oh, hey, we're going to talk about first members. That's right. Did you know that you can directly support this show by subscribing at StinkyDragonPod.com slash first? I didn't know that until just now. That's a lie. I actually knew that all along.

Superb little stinkers like Guacamole Pete. Hello Bliss. I'm going to just butcher these names. Lil Vila. That's a fun name. It's a small world. That's a cute name. And Ruby91.

All directly supported this show. And they also get access to great content like Second Wind. And they interact with us on subscriber only Discord channels and events. And so, so much more. Again, that's stinky dragon pod.com slash first we can't thank these members enough and uh people that are considering you know signing up this is how we make this show it's how you get blaine to eat food and survive so please consider first membership i also want to shout out some social media npcs listeners that interacted with us on

social media and Discord had NPCs named after them this episode. We're going to go down this list. We got Itchy, the riddle-asking ghost that was inspired by ItchyGoku15, who was a first member, and that was voiced by Larry Madovina.

Larry Madovina. You know, Larry, I've known you for about eight years now, and I still don't know how to pronounce your last name. I am so sorry. Luke at the Ghost, who forgot their name. That was inspired by Luca Perni on Instagram. Louis the Frost Giant was LouisDKRess on Twitter. I'm sorry, Louis. Or are they calling it X now?

Who cares? The Mummy, a.k.a. Raida Rajad, is inspired by user Raida7s. I'm assuming that's from the StinkyDragon subreddit. And the Mummy was voiced by Hannah McCarthy, who is my boss. And she's at HiHelloHannah on social media. And she controls my employment. And boy, am I a big Hannah fan. But seriously, she's great.

Additionally, the Headless horseman was voiced by Jacob Fullerton over at Funhaus. That's underscore Jacob Fullerton. You should go check him out. He's a cute boy. He likes Gundams and he likes Star Wars. Who doesn't love that? Let's get into the production credits. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, is written and edited and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by david song all right now head on over to stinky dragon pod.com slash first for all things stinky once again that's how you love and support this show we really appreciate it and tune in next week for

another thrilling episode of tales from the stinky dragon Is the horse's name Euthygenia by any chance? Is it a nightmare? Because Blaine called her, you know what? I was making a joke about a horse girl, but I think we got a horse girl here. I think Blaine is a horse girl. Into horses. I don't want to talk about that.

It's not getting meta. We're storytelling here. Is this horse buxomous by any chance? A big, beautiful horse. God, that was fun. Our first piece of Chip Haney merch will just be this drawing of Chip on a horse just like having the time of his life.

Yeah, that's pretty cool though.