Tales from the Stinky Dragon - The Chosen One(s) - Ep. 04 - A Race to the End

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

With the Cult of Shadow hot on their tails, The Chosen Ones search a mysterious temple for the final Shadomain key but find much more than they expect. Check out our merch and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and more:  https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hey friend, wanna order me a whiskey howler? But not too loud, it's getting late. Last time, Asafi chased after the dastardly Smiley to hopefully recover one key while the four chosen ones retrieved another. Our heroes traveled to a distant forest where they the four chosen ones retrieved another. Our heroes traveled to a distant forest where they befriended a young golem. Their new friends snuck them into

his village of golems. They eventually found the key of the shadowmaid, but from the village elder learned that without the key's magic, the entire village would perish. But with the cult of shadow at their doorstep, the golems relinquished the key and the chosen ones escaped in the nick of time through a portal to an unknown location. Now, take a seat and let's continue our tale. We slammed that potion down. It took us somewhere. Killed all those golems.

Oh god. Wait, did you just confirm that we murdered all the golems? Well, we didn't murder them. We have the key. If we took the key away, they all crumble into rocks. He never confirmed or denied whether that would kill them permanently. It was a genocide. I don't think it killed them. I mean, he did say you got to bring it back.

It was a genocide. We did a war crime. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm Chris, your DM Maris. You'll never get over that pun. No, it's good. It's really good. It's quality. Yeah. your DM Maris you'll never get over that pun it's really good and I'm joined by four heroes

played by Barbara Dunkelman, Gustavo Sorolla do we ever do this? John Reisinger just roll with it dude, yes and there you go this is the penultimate episode of this little campaign oh come on

someone's gonna die John is in a mood today even before we started rolling this little campaign. Thank God. Oh, come on. Someone's going to die. John is in a mood today. Even before we started rolling. Now, let's get started. Euthygenia, Durin, Adeline, and Sawyer shoot out of their Womb of Red and land in a tangle of limbs and tail onto the scorching desert sand.

Wonderful. You're alive. All four of you. Yay. Asafi the Wizard stands from the shadow of a canyon and walks over, a dainty teacup in hand. Around you is nothing but the harsh desert and tall, winding canyons.

The wizard takes another sip of his tea and helps the four of you to your feet slash hooves. I hate sand. I've never seen sand before. Zora, have you ever been on the beach? No, dear sister. Our parents did not take us out. They could not afford vacation.

Well, I don't suppose you'll see much water here. This is a desert, but, uh, Pies Pass? Uh, it is, uh, yeah, a bit south of here, yes. Uh, speaking of knowing things, Prey, is the mission objective, was it a success? Yes, uh, we retrieved one of the keys to the mission objective, was it a success? Yes.

We retrieved one of the keys to the Shadowmane. At a great cost, might I add. But we do, we, I don't know if there's a possibility of this, a great wizard, but once our task is complete, are we allowed to bring the key back? Is it refundable? Can we maybe make a copy? Is there a key copying place around here? A stateroom or a home-to-home game machine.

I love that we promised them that we'd bring it back, and now we're like, can we actually do this? What's the return policy on this, ya key? I hate the idea of a bunch of little baby rock golems all, like, crumbled and dead. And the rock lobster. Oh, no. Oi, moi, grey.

I just got the B-52s out of my head yesterday. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Well, if we're able to keep it safe from the cults of the shadows, then perhaps, I do not know at this moment, may I inspect the key? Yes. Can I do an insight to make sure this is Ossiphe or there's nothing? Sure, yeah. So subterfuge going on?

Durin is untrustable, therefore Durin doesn't trust anybody. this is Ossiphe or there's nothing so subterfuge going on? Durin is untrustable, therefore Durin doesn't trust anybody. That's right. That's a good character trait. Yes. Oh, insight. My greatest skill. What's your negative on it? I rolled a four, which gives me a three. Wow. Hey guys, it's Ossiphe.

You think it is. Could I also do it? Sure. Something's off about this version of Asafi. Asafi? Nice. Eleven? Not much.

It also seems like the same person that you just talked to not long ago. I want to do it, but I don't want to. I didn't have the idea. Since you guys seem to believe it's him, I'm going to go with you as well. I mean, you're a midwife. Do you want to maybe inspect him for any wounds that he would have had from the blade, the poison blade? Maybe make sure it's the same guy.

Asphy, put it under your pants. Show this large woman your buttocks. Where did you get stabbed again, Asphy? In fact, all of us could show each other our buttocks. Except for you, sister. You got to go to the corner. Durin dropped his pants. That's the spirit. Oh, my

eyes. My precious eyes. I've never seen a man's body before. What? So, about that key. I hand him the key. No! Did you have it? I don't know, but I just want to move forward. I hand him the key. No! Did you have it? I don't know,

but I just want to move forward. I think I had it, but having rolled that roll, I would have handed it to him. Asafi looks at the key and then pulls from his robes its sister and studies the two together. He takes a deep breath, exhaling with such

relief that he seems to forget the four of you in the moment. He looks up. Yes, Smiley is full of surprises, but not all of them for me. I found him exactly where he least expected I'd expect, and upon doing so, he was not entirely true to his namesake. He wasn't Smiley. Was he frowning?

Was he grumpy? Sleepy? Sneezy? All of the above. Several of the above. You see, Smiley indeed took the key to pursue his own self-interest. Asaphie frowns, just remembering. Confronting those whom you've given your trust is a terribly painful business. For all parties involved. I do not wish it upon anyone, but alas, it is a necessity of the business at hand.

Or, in my case, hands. but alas, it is a necessity of the business at hand. Or in my case, hands. Yuvit and I just looks at the ground and kind of pushes her, like kicks the dirt a little bit. But you still have two hands, right? I'm just, it's just, just the bad joke. I know the burn of Smiley's sudden disappearance

is not yet healed, but the keys will be safe now. I will give them to the person I've known longest and trust more than anyone in this world. Who's that? Aspie twirls the keys with his fingers

and in an instant they're both vanished. Me. Oh. Yes. Can you do that again with something else? I like that magic trick.

Oh look you have something in your ear. So are you seeing this? Do it to me. Do it to me. He flips a coin to you. It's another one of his double-faced coins Oh

Do I get to keep it? Yeah Excellent It's worthless So we never found Marcel the Magical I believe he was not to be found Some things aren't really meant to be found If you find them, you probably don't want to find them

Because they're probably just dead Okay Would have been useful to know that. He insinuated it last episode. No, no, no. I need clearly drawn out. My wisdom is eight. Now to the task at hand.

We are camped in Winder Canyon, a few miles from the resting place of the Third Key, an ancient temple that will no doubt be booby-trapped worse than a politician prone to extramarital affairs. The good news is that the Cult of Shadow has not yet discovered the location of this temple. Now, we must set out soon. Are you ready?

Or would you like some tea first? What kind of tea? Yeah, I'll have some tea. Yes, here, have your... I pull out my blueberry muffin and begin nibbling at it while drinking the tea. How are y'all feeling? Are you ready to set out or do you need a rest?

We have time for a short rest. Okay, okay. Why not? And you all settle down in the shadow of the canyon and relax for a little bit. Everyone, roll perception. 13 for Adeline. That's a nat 20, 25. 19 for me.

18. You open your eyes, and it's dark and quite cold. The desert sun long since gone. In the distance, you spot the orange light of torches dancing across the canyon walls, drawing closer with each moment. Everyone else is asleep, including Asafi. I start rustling them to wake them, to alert them

and whispering, there seems to be some men coming this way with torches. Get up! Asafi's eyes snap open. I've overslept. Everyone roll perception. Eight. What the? Twelve. Thirteen. Sixteen. Oh, youth of Janiyah, killing it. Yep.

Maybe it's your centaur eyes are better than everyone else's. Taller. Yeah, you're taller. I don't like that. In the distance, you see a large company of the Cult of Shadow making their way towards you. That's not good. It's a limited liability corporation.

Thank you. Appreciate it. The Cult of the Shadow is here. They're coming to us. I thought you said that they didn't know where this place was I thought so too but you know sometimes you don't know things that people know it seems one of us must serve as a distraction while the other goes ahead to the key we shall flip a coin

tails you four set out immediately for the temple if it's heads I can give you maybe an hour head start is it one of those double-sided coins? I'll flip the coin. He shoves a blue potion into your hands as the coin flips into the air for when it's all over.

He doesn't wait for it to land. I grab the coin. He just left already. I grab the coin. You grab the coin, but Boss Fee's already turned and bolted towards the shadow. He's taking a harder job. Oh, okay. Do we know what this blue potion is?

I assume this is how we come back. Let's go steal stuff. Okay, I start running. Durin's classic catchphrase. Let's go steal stuff. My fingers are sticky. How are y'all going about traveling? I will say time is of the essence.

Should we just run? You are racing the Cult of Shadow. Perhaps we mount Euthygenia nope that's a silly during let's run all right yeah let's run y'all run you race through the canyon running faster than you thought possible uh though not as fast as you would have been if you'd been As fast as you would have been if you'd been on... I'm actually pretty fast, so I'm running pretty fast. Yeah.

I've got a pretty good distance. I think it's like 40. You continue through the canyon, and over time, it begins to narrow, and you suddenly find yourself at a dead end. Uh-oh. I think it's time to use this blue potion, maybe. I think it's for the return. Is it one of those, uh, I don't know. Blue was to go

somewhere. Red was all the way back. Well, they all are to go somewhere. We went somewhere each time. He handed it to you and said it's for the return. While they investigate that, or talk about that, can I investigate the area and see if I can find any sort of, like, perceive any... Yeah, go and investigate. Nine. Ahead of you, you see several

large desert plants. Oh, wait, are they cacti? So we're in a dead end with a bunch of desert plants. When you say a bunch, is it just like a ton of them, or are we talking ten, or are we talking five? I would say probably like maybe three or four desert plants kind of leaned up against

the canyon wall. Could I go look at the plants? Yeah, do you want to investigate? Eighteen. Good job. four desert plants kind of leaned up against the canyon wall. Could I go look at the plants? Yeah. Do you want to investigate? 18. Good job. With an 18, you see behind the plants, four images carved into the canyon wall. One of spring, one of summer, one of fall, and one of winter, below the images and inscription.

In order to bear fruit, the seeds of desire require the patience of the four seasons. I don't think I'm going to be much help. I usually stay at the Hilton. Sorry, my eyes are a little blurry from all the running in the dust. What did it say? In order to bear fruit. In order to bear fruit, the seeds of desire require the patience of the four seasons.

The seeds of desire require the patience of the four seasons. And then above that, the four images carved in the canyon wall are of spring, summer, fall, and winter. And this was behind several of the desert plants. Are they all the same plant? Are they different plants? They all appear to be the same plant. And they have some like flowers and seeds and leaves and stuff kind of branching out. Kind of like palm trees, but like a little more fantasy palm trees. Can I try to grab some seeds

off of one of them? Hey, be sure to send us some fan art of your fantasy palm trees. Yeah. Are you grabbing from the trees or from the ground? Oh, both. I thought they were only on the trees. There's a couple of seeds kind of like have fallen to the ground. I see. So there's some on the ground.

I'll try to pick one off of a plant. Okay. Go ahead and roll athletics because it's kind of high up for you. 11. I would say you get like most of the way there and maybe if you had a boost. I try to play it off like I was stretching. Use the genii boost him up. Alright and then you're able to grab hold of the seed.

Okay. How big is it? Is it like massive or small? It's about the size of a walnut. Okay. Can I try to crack open the seed? Can I pour a little bit of water on it? Sure, that sounds smarter. Would you do it like in your hand or do you...

Describe what you do. Endurance hand. Yeah, in my little hand. Pour a little bit from my water skin. Maybe you want to put it in the ground somewhere? You pour water on the seed and it begins to sprout and the image of spring seems to

glisten and glow. And the seed grows and sprouts. And to the point where you have to set it down. That's pretty fast. Yeah, that's freaky. Duren wouldn't like that. Oh wait, I'm a gardener. No. You would love that. You're a bad gardener. so you understand what's happening.

Uses his gardening knowledge. Listen, is this what they do? He's back. I cast, it's on the ground now. I cast Sacred Flame on it. On the plant? Near it, near it. Near it.

Light it, yeah. Okay, and what does that do exactly? Can you describe it? Normally, Flame-like Radiance descends on a creature that you can see within range the target must succeed on dexterous saving throw take 1d8 radiant damage oh it's radiant damage lighting it on fire i thought it was going to be more like a fire i'm thinking that it's the seasons we gotta do like it's kind of like a fifth element rules yeah i just wonder it says in order

to bear fruit they require patience so i wonder if we need to let it grow and then pick something off i would say let it i think well because we just went through spring and spring lit up i think we now need to go through summer which would be like giving it sun okay so like simulating the year because like maybe we can do like i could do minor illusion could i create like a sun of some sort if that other thing is like too intense that's even better okay so you're doing that instead of the yeah minor illusion i'm gonna do like a little sun Okay. The light lights up the little plant and it begins to like grow even more from a sprout even to a larger tree

and almost to the point where it's like, it's taller than Durin now. Okay. It's not a hard bar to cross. And then on the wall, you see the summer light up and glisten. Okay. So then in fall, should I take the sun away?

We should. Make the sun lower? Euthygenia tries to fan it with her tail, hoping that some sort of gust of wind is brought. And I move the sun further and lower away. Suddenly the leaves of the tree and the wind of your tail and

then the autumn lights up on the canyon wall. How are we going to get winter? Anyone have any ice powers? Cold stuff? I don't have anything that could do cold. Earth tremors? Is that like a winter earthquake?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I have something called Toll the Dead, which dead people are cold. We're really reaching here. We're really reaching here for something. Could I just like blow cold air from my mouth on it? Yeah.

Runs cold. Yeah, I do. You know, my hands are really cold. Bad circulation. It is a genetic disorder our family's self-absorbed um can i do like a minor illusion and do like snow yeah i begin wrapping presents what is that wrapping oh christmas yeah yeah yeah so so you make cloud and snow kind of start raining down yeah and then you go oh oh, oh, oh, and I cast my voice. As the imaginary snow, illusionary snow collects around the tree,

the fourth season on the canyon wall glistens, and there's a crack of rock splitting. The canyon slowly splits open, revealing the dark entrance to a temple. You know, I gotta be honest, I didn't think we'd be able to do that. I thought we might be here for a while. Well, we managed to do it.

Let's go. I run in there. Yeah, same. That's really cool. You make your way through the dark temple and the walls narrow until you can barely squeeze through just when you feel as if you may not fit one of you. Body changing?

Enduring. Definitely enduring. You emerge into a large rectangular-shaped room with four walls of stone and no path forward. I'll investigate the walls for any, like, secret doors. Or I'll look for secret doors, I should say. Same. Roll for investigation.

18. Go ahead and use the Janiyah rolls as well. Use the Janiyah. Maybe it's because you saw so well outside. It's too dark here and you're not really seeing anything. Old eyes. Yeah. But Durin, the walls look like they're moving.

Guys, I'm tripping. And now the floor looks to be moving as well. And you realize that it's not the wall and floor moving. It's hundreds of spiders crawling towards you. Okay. Hey, guys, a random question. Is anyone afraid of spiders? No? Okay. Hey, guys, a random question. Is anyone afraid of spiders? No? Okay.

Well, there's hundreds of them running at us right now. I actually love spiders. Oh. What's the opposite of arachnophobia? Arachnophilia? That's me. The spiders are now at this point coming towards you. Anyone?

I guess I'll try. Anyone have pesticides? Now I'll try casting. I'd like to pick a spot in the middle of them and cast Sacred Flame. There you go. Which I guess only attacks a single spider if it really is how it works, but it causes a bright light and radiant damage to occur. Yeah.

I'll say a swarm of spiders you can target. Oh, yeah, that's it. Or maybe they'll see what you did to the one spider and be like, oh, we should rethink this. Yeah, I target the biggest one. A bolt of warm light, radiant light, shoots from your hands, and a group of spiders just, like, crumple up

and curl their legs, curling up, dying. But it doesn't seem to make much of a dent, though. The spiders do seem to like slow their movement towards you. Can we see like the source of where they're coming from? Like, is there like they're everywhere? They're just like they're coming from like all cracks. They're just like the entire basically imagine the entire walls are made of like covered in spiders. Can I take a I have a flask of oil.

Can I take it and then, like, douse it on the floor in the direction they're coming from and then use a fire starter to, like, start a fire to keep them at bay? Uh, sure. Like a circle of oil? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead and just, like, uh, I guess roll slide a hand to make sure you, like, spill it correctly and don't get any on you.

Fingers crossed. 25. Okay, great. Yeah, you do a perfect circle fire and and you light it, and it does seem to keep the spiders at bay. Well, we live here now. Can I look at one of the spiders and just, like, determine if it's, like, poisonous or bad or something? By looking, do you mean, like, with your eyes, or do you, like, reach out and try and pick one up?

Usually he looks with his eyes. I'm just saying, like, are you getting a closer look like or yeah uh maybe maybe like i i have a uh i have a a club so maybe i kind of like scoop one up and you know how you kind of like when you're a kid you have like a stick and you're like letting a spider crawl around on that so i'm just kind of looking at that okay you get you're able to get one of the spiders, and it crawls towards you, and it doesn't seem poisonous. Roll animal, maybe nature. Nature. Okay, that is a 12 plus 3, 15.

Ooh, not bad. 15, you've seen this spider before in your house and in the tavern, and it's just a house spider. It's not poisonous. Well, everyone, I think we should just walk through. Yeah, I think we should walk through. Just close your eyes. Pretend it's just a little feather touching you. Imagine like a million

billion tiny little massages all across your body. So is that what you'll do? You'll step over the fire? Sure. Spiders, I come in peace. We crush half of them as we're walking. I am your friend. My name is Sawyer.

As you step forward, the spiders seem to kind of make way for it so that you don't step on them. And then once you step forward, they start moving towards you again. And as you all kind of step forward, they all begin to crawl up and over your bodies and surround you. And now at this point, you're just covered in spiders. They're all crawling all over you. There are some very uncomfortable listeners right now. Massage. Massage. But you feel as if they're pulling you almost.

Like up? No, just like guiding you. You know, I would say do as the spiders say everyone So you all follow this yeah Following the spiders and not you know Rushing you kind of make your way forward without stepping on them, and they kind of guide you towards one section of the wall. And as you get closer, the wall almost opens up,

and you realize that a small path forward existed the entire time, but was obscured by thousands of spiders. Those nasty little guys. You sneaky little spiders. You sneaky little fellas. And she starts tickling one of them. You guys are getting all in the way. This is one of the strangest security measures I've ever seen in my entire life.

You know, I think it would work for most people, I suppose. As you make your way into the next chamber of the temple, the spiders begin to crawl off of you. And before long, they've all returned to the walls behind you. As you walk forward into another large stone room, you see several cacti along the wall. Make a deck saving throw. All of us?

Yes. Cool. Seven. Nineteen. This is my good one. Four. Fourteen. At least I didn't Sawyer it.

A dozen needles shoot from the cactuses. Cacti. A dozen needles shoot from the cacti towards you. From the plants. Derwin and Sawyer, I think you're still looking back at the spiders. You're like, wow, look at them go. And then you turn and get nailed in the face with a bunch of- Can I jump in front of Euthygenia and say, Euthygenia, no!

Sure, sure. You're the ones who get hit. I know. I'm fine. Yeah, no, but I want to act like I'm protecting you. No, you already rolled your dex save and you failed it. Right, so I'm saying, Euthygenia, no! He gets hit because he's saving you. Well, no, it's not like you're saving me. I'm just saying, I'm fine. Yeah, no, but I want to act like I'm protecting you. No, you already rolled your deck save, and you failed it.

Right, so I'm saying, you're the Janiyah, no! He gets hit because he's saving you. Well, no, that's not exactly how it plays out. What happens is Yuthu Janiyah jumps out of the way, Sawyer gets smacked in the face with a bunch of needles, and then yells, Yuthu Janiyah, and trips and falls on his face. And let me roll real quick. My brother always the smoothest.

Well, we had a tiny little baby massages, and now we're doing acupuncture. This is an interesting spot. Let's hope there's not some hot rocks around the corner. Sawyer, you take three points of damage, and Durin, you take one point of damage. That's right. I wish the audience could see Gus's smile. I was so proud of damage. That's right. I wish the audience could see Gus's smile

after that. He was so proud of that. After you recover from the attacks, one particularly large cacti turns... Cactus. One particularly large cactus turns its body towards you

and a mouth opens up on its head. then it like clears its throat and a few needles shoot from it and then it goes. Sorry, one more time. Quick, make Chris do this voice as much as possible. One more time. Hello. Is it saying hello?

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello there. Friend. Hello. Hello there. Friend. Characters. You can call me Osburn. Osburn.

I'm gonna call you Ozzy for short. I have a question. Ozzy Osburn? What kind of flowers are on your face? Irises. He shoots needles at you. What?ips mine was good too that was good actually that's very very smart but you got the needles uh you got i think i actually did this when we when you had the trivia one i gave an answer that was still true but it wasn't the one you wanted

that's right that did happen here it is full circle darren make a dexterity saving through it Here it is. Full circle. Darren, make a dexterity saving throw. That is a six. Great. Darren, no! You got a one.

You take another point of damage, and then the cactus looks at you, Adeline, and says, and seems to smile. Was that correct, Tulips? Yeah. I think this cactus is coming on to me. I think Osborn likes you. Yeah.

What tree grieves more than any other? A weeping willow. Our parents educated us real good. Yes, sister. What kind of tree fits in your hand? Palm tree. Oh, that's a good one. It's fun. I like this. I'm going Oh, that's a good one.

I like these. I'm gonna write these down. Keep going. We're not in rush. My eye is dark and my mane is yellow. And I'm probably taller than you, fellow. He looks at Durin. What am I? Sunflower. Not a hard achievement being taller than Durin.

Adeline, you keep bringing this up. I'm sorry, I just think you're so cute. She like pinches his cheek and just shakes it. What animals can jump higher than a tree? All of them. Yeah, because trees can't jump. Yes. On fire, Gustavo Sorolla.

I've been on the other end of these before. Yeah, you were on the other end of these before. Yeah. You were on the same website looking up... Why did the gardener plant a seed in his pond? Now he is just literally doing jokes. It isn't actually like a question. Why did the gardener plant a seed in his pond? Oh, I know the answer to this. I don't know.

Why did the gardener plant a seed in his pond? Oh, I know the answer to this. I don't know. Why did the gardener plant a seed in the pond? He shoots. Make the next saving throw. If you'll notice, that was in John's voice. Euthygenia didn't talk. Do it again in Euthygenia's voice, but you're still getting shot needles. Euthygenia, why do you sound like that?

John does the bad jokes. Euthygenia always has good things to say. That's a six. Boom. Well, I think I the bad jokes. Euthygenia always has good things to say. That's a six. Boom. Well, I think I know the answer. Euthygenia, no. Euthygenia, you take two points of damage. As needles shoot into your horse parts.

Just say me. It's me. It's all me. Into your horse parts. Was he trying to plant a watermelon? Is that correct? Oh, wow. I don't remember the joke at this point.

He's planting a seed in a pond. Ah, there we go. Thank you. Thank you. He's making himself laugh. He's now, he's actively just on that website right now. Picking new ones. Tell me I'm wrong.

We've gone past the rule of three. Tell me you're wrong. Tell me I'm wrong. We've gone past the rule of three. Tell me you're not on the website. We're on like number eight or nine. Should we move around and look for other things?

Let the record show Chris did not deny the accusation. What did the nut say? What did the nut say when it sneezed? Uh, cashew? Oh.

Cashew. It seems to clap. It's a little like So it's like a saguara. Cactus hands. Oh. Yes. Yeah. It seems to clap. It's a little like. So it's like a saguara. Cactus hands. Cactus hands. Yeah. The ones that are like.

Yeah, they're fun. I like these jokes a lot. You're fun too, Osborne. Yeah, Osborne, we like you a lot. You want to come with us? Put you in a pot. I don't think I'm a bit planted. Oh.

But you're welcome to go forward. Okay. By the way, Osborne, there there's gonna be some people that come in after us And they said that they hate cactus and in fact, I saw them stampede and crush a bunch of cactus Outside the caves, just so you know Just so you know Mmm, thank you They also said that cactus have the- cacti have the worst jokes Oh yeah

Yeah We hate them. Yeah, they're awful. They're not good people. These weren't jokes. These were difficult riddles. Yes, they were. They hate those, too.

I was just saying they also just hate jokes. Yeah. They have no sense of humor. There's just flavor for building their character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Jesus and I walked by. Bye-bye. Yeah, during walks by, too.

You make your way past the cacti and follow a long, twisting hallway. You enter another large chamber with steps leading to a wooden door. At the base... At the... I'm not speaking well this morning. You keep that in the editor, I will fire you. At the base of the steps is a massive statue of a badger. Wait, are these steps going up?

Steps going up. To a door at the top with a badger statue at the bottom. A large statue of a badger at the top. At the top? Wait, there's a door and a badger at the top? Yeah. Okay. Badger in front of the door.

Yes. A statue of a badger at the top. And go ahead and roll perception really quick. Are there any mushrooms around by any chance? Nice. Badger, badger, badger. Six. Fifteen.

Twenty. Five. Adeline and Durin, you're just taking in this. We're just singing. Badger, badger, badger, mushroom. Euthygenia and Sawyer, behind you, you hear footsteps. It's hard to tell how far back they are. From where we came from.

From where you came, sound of footsteps approaching. And Sawyer, only you notice this. Where you came from, like the dust seems to settle strangely. Yeah, you definitely hear noises coming from that direction. Can Sawyer just jump in the air? Just real quick. Just do a little hop. Yes. Okay. What happens? Roll for jump.

Yeah, let's just see. Let's go roll athletics. No, I did acrobatics. Sure, acrobatics. Four. You jump. Maybe you were trying to jump as high as you could. Maybe you overexerted yourself and you kind of like pull your your muscle and then you kind of like trip on your landing and kind of stumble a little not completely fall on your face but you definitely trip i i

want to do a performance check and turn that into a break dance. Look at me, Youth of Genii! I'm hip! Youth of Genii is ignoring the strange man next to her. Word! What? You know, I'm really uncomfortable seeing my brother try to flirt. You got served! You think you're uncomfortable?

Especially with an older woman. It's kind of like a show we would watch as kids. Gross. Yuzuru-chan looks down the hallway towards where she can hear someone approaching. Do you like walk forward or do you just listen or what do you? Let's say I've turned around and I'm like readying a defense. Like ready at the white of their eyes to throw a spell at them. You turned that way, ready defense, nothing.

But is it just continued sound of the steps or is it silence? It's silence. All you hear is the howling of the wind through the cavern. Can I scramble up the steps? Yeah. While he's doing that, could I also do just one quick thing? Uh-huh. It turns back around away from the tunnel.

The passages came from. Uh-huh. That's all. Okay. Durin, as you scramble up the steps and approach closer to the statue, there's a crack of stone. The giant stone badger the statue begins to move it turns to face you and growls

it's here to protect something roll for initiative kindest regards my rankly regulars don't miss out on the rest of our other odorous online content go follow us at at stinky dragon pod we're on twitter instagram and tiktok plus

if you post on social media using hashtag stinky dragon pod or review the show positively or for both the show and other places we might name an npc in the show after you we interrupt this adventure to bring you our sponsor that's right it's blaine talking today not gus not chris you're in blaine's hands now so listen along as i tell you about today's episode being sponsored by honey the easy way to save when you're shopping on your iphone or computer and i'm online shopping an iphone a coupon code to check out i feel like a little kid opening gifts on their birthday thanks to honey manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past in case you already didn't know honey is free it's a shopping tool that scours the internet for coupon codes is a thing of the past. In case you already didn't know, Honey is free.

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little cleric thing and buff a couple of my friends. I cast Shield of Faith. It's a first-level spell. Shimmering Field appears and surrounds a creature of your choice. I thought it was multiple. One creature. Okay, then. Within range, granting it a plus two bonus to AC for the duration, and since Durin is right up closest to the... What's the range on it?

60 feet. I doubt he went 60 feet. Yeah, yeah. That's about the length of the entire chamber so you're able to you're on the far end of it though so cool uh he's got plus two ac yeah until uh up to 10 minutes or it's concentration so you're angels you think you're now gonna hate our whole family after this She's gonna punish me Durin, it is now your turn A glow of magic surrounds you As Yuta Janaya raises her hands

And then you take a breath Take a breath Take a breath And begin to do The badger coming to startles me So I try to shiv it with my dagger Okay Prison rules, badger That's your reaction to startles me, so I try to shiv it with my dagger. Okay. Prison rules, badger.

That's your reaction to being startled. Yeah, stab. No one's startled, Darren. Yeah, go ahead and roll attack. That's an 18. It hits. Yay. Roll damage for that.

That is seven points of piercing damage. Does it seem like your blade would be able to do damage to this stone, but you stab it forward and hit like a narrow part of the rock and some of it chips off. But the giant badger does not like this and it turns immediately and takes a bite at you. What? That's rude.

I was just trying to show it my dagger. You just stabbed it. Well, it scared me. Here, look at my dagger with your face. I'm just going to hold my dagger out and swing it. If you get in my way, it's your own fault. Adeline knows what I'm talking about. But I guess because you were ready for it,

you were able to pull your hand back just as it bites forward. And then it scratches with its stone talons, though. And that comes and just scratches across your mid-side. That's not fair. The shield of faith is worthless. It gave you plus two AC. That should have bite would have gotten you. And it's just this one badger, right?

There's not like other stone creatures around? It's just the badger that you see. Doing seven points of damage. Oh! And then it kind of like snarls at you. around? It's just the badger that you see. Okay. Doing seven points of damage. Whoa! Oh, God. And then it kind of, like, snarls at you. I snarled back at it. And it is now Adeline's turn.

How far away am I from it right now? You're kind of towards the back of the cave with... I can tell you're in dirt. Yes. So, yeah, you're probably, like, 30 feet away, 40, 30, 40 feet away. Could I cast Guiding Bolt at the badger? Mm-hmm. And you roll that? 30, 40 feet away. Could I cast Guiding Bolt at the badger? Mm-hmm. And you roll that.

Yeah, it's 15 to hit. Does not, the bolt shoots from your hands. It seems to like. 15 does not hit. No, it glances off the side of the badger and the bolt shoots up into the ceiling and then just dust rains down below you. Fireworks.

Does it get in the badger's eyes? No, but it does look cool. Okay. Well, shoot. Sorry, my hands are a little sweaty. I guess that's my turn. Yeah, you want to... Movement is the other option?

I'll stay where I am. Yep. And now it is Sawyer's turn. Oh. Blaine busy reading the descriptions of his moves. Yeah. Okay, so I have charm person, but it's for humanoids. Would this be considered a humanoid?

It's standing on two feet. It's a giant stone badger. Right. Okay, okay. Go for it. Go for it. That's good. Chris, yes, ending the dumb.

I wanted to charm it. Your charms are ineffective against Euthygenia. She's not even what I guess. I don't know. Alright, well then I'll just do a Dissonant Whispers. Did you really pronunciate that?

How do I do this? Spells. How do magic? the... How do I do this? How do magic? How magic? I know how to roll damage, but I don't know how to roll the spell itself. You just hit cast. I think it's a wisdom saving throw. What was the number for that?

13. Tell us what happens. I see that it tried to hurt my sister and that her attack was unsuccessful. And I say, why you no good rotten vomit. I'll go to your house. And I whisper a bunch of bad words that I can't say on this podcast. Oh. Naughty.

It's a family thing. There's a bunch of asterisks and pound signs and exclamation marks. That's going to be a lot of coins for the square jar. You better not touch my euthanized. And then it takes 3d6 psychic damage, and then also it has to run away from you, correct? Yes. So I'll do damage right now.

I'm assuming it didn't save? No, it did not. It was not prepared for those bad words. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. That's a nine for damage. And then I say, get back.

Get back, Robin. Get, get. Can I make it go down the hall towards the footsteps? It's on the stairs. Yeah. I mean, it would run through all of you. Oh, okay. So you could try that. Well, can I, like, I guess there's no way for me to, like would run through all of you. Oh, okay. So you could try that.

Well, can I, like... I guess there's no way for me to, like, adjust myself to, like, the base of the stairs. Nah, kind of just, like... It pretty much just kind of runs back up towards the stairs. But it does, like... It seems to be damaged, and then, like, some flakes of stone fall from it as it runs away. Is it crumbling? I would say it's crumbling, but it seemed like the whispers were

effective. Okay. Cool. And it is now Yuthu Janiya's turn. So it's still in our presence. It hasn't run away. Yeah, it's just kind of, it's what ran back up towards the stairs. Yeah, the top of the stairs. I think what Yuthu Janiya would do with her turn is, where's the thing?

It's preserve life. As an action, you can restore 10 HP, choose any creature within 30 feet of you and divide those hit points among them. So I do that to Durin. I assume that takes you to top off. How much? 10.

Oh, yeah. Good. It's the Durin show. It's one of those. One of us is, no, you did something wrong. And then with her movement action, I want you, Janaya, to turn around and like cautiously 10 to 20 feet

go down the hallway that we came towards whatever that sound was that was behind us. Oh, great. Okay. Yeah, you head back down that way. She's abandoning us. Get her. On the way, do a deck save.

Do a deck save. Seven. On the way, one of your hosts steps on a plate on the ground, something that you didn't see previously. Like a ceramic plate? No, no, like a... Oh, like a thursit plate. Yes, yeah, and it sinks down,

and all of a sudden, arrows shoot out from the sides of the walls at you and do... Wait. Okay. That's weird. Do one point of damage. Okay.

Give it a horse. I'm kind of confused what to do with that information, since it was... Let's say that there was a trap that you hadn't stepped on, but on your retreat, you do step on it that time. I should not be going back that way. Any sign of what was making the sound, Friar?

You don't see anything. Do you hear anything? But you are a good ways away from the badger at this point. Dern, it's now your turn. I don't want to get close to it again. Go stab it, Dern. It's on you. No, it ran back up the stairs. Oh, because of the snitch? Yeah, I'm scared. I'm a strong man. I'm scared. I'm going to do close to it again. Go stab it, Durango. It's on you. No, it ran back up the stairs.

Oh, because of the soonest perspective. Yeah, I'm scared of big strong man. I'm scared. I'm going to do something new. Okay. I'm going to pull out my short bow and take a shot at it from a distance. All right. We'll see if it hits.

Why is it a short bow? It's a long bow for me. Why is it a short bow? It's a long bow for me. It's all about perspective. 22. Ooh, 22. 22, yeah, that hits.

The arrow flies through, striking it for 8 points of damage. Yeah, that's great. That's our tree. You landed your spell. Yeah, you did more damage than me. You look real cool doing that.

Yeah, the arrow shoots towards the badger, and it's, you know, at this point, kind of turning around from its retreating up the stairs, and as it turns around, the arrow flings right towards it, hits it right in the stone eye, and it looks really cool. Really, really cool.

Pretty cool. Yeah. Did you see that, Sawyer? Is there anything else you want to do? Just sorry, one second. I'm checking. Bonus actions. you see that Sawyer? Is there anything else you want to do? Um, just sorry. What's that checking? Bonus actions. You want action, action, sir? You want to do backflip? What do you want to do?

He's a rogue. No, no. Backflip would be pretty cool. Backflip would be pretty cool. I'll tell you what. Yeah, I will do a bonus action. Alright. I'm going to hide. Ooh. Wait, is that a thing? Rogues can do that. And then we're gonna...

Like it's a... Like a bonus action? A trait? Yeah, it's like a bonus action. Yeah. How does it read that? I believe since I'm of a small size, I can hide behind any other creature that's one size bigger.

So I can hide behind any medium creature. So who... I think we all are. So who are you hiding behind? I'll hide behind any medium creature. I think we all are. So who are you hiding behind? I'll hide behind Sawyer. The way it would work is I make a stealth roll and then I have to beat the passive perception of any creature I'm trying

to hide from. Okay, go ahead and roll that. And it also can be contested by any perception from any creature that's actively searching for me. Okay. There it is. 20. Yeah. You are Stealth. There it is. 20. Yeah, you are safely hidden. Okay.

Road light step. Sawyer grips his coin first. The stone badger, it probably also helped that you hit it in the eye with the arrow. It's also a good stealth roll. Don't take that away from me. Yeah, I mean, I think it's all of the above. It's just all really cool actions all around. Everything you did was super cool looking. Oh, no.

Sawyer's the hero. Doran's the hero. And the stone badger charges forward to where it thought you were and goes to Maul Soyer. This is the worst. You're welcome. It rolls.

Comedy! But it does not hit. Oh, good. And then takes a swipe with its claw. Extra funny, the guy with the shield buff is hiding behind the bard. I'm also a rogue. I haven't been able to do any sneak attacks this entire campaign. I've got to hide to get my sneak attack off.

And it connects with you. Sawyer? Yeah, it connects. It's claw slash at you and do six points of damage. And now it is at Alliance Faire. All right, before I do my action, I realize that Duren is missing and I go, Duran, Duran, where are you?

That's all Barb's been doing this entire time is trying to figure out exactly how to phrase this direct joke. And I would have it no other way, Barbara. Thank you. That's who I am. Checked down by Rio. No matter what character I'm playing, I'll always make dumb jokes. I would like to cast my

Mind Sliver at the Badger, which is a disorienting spike of psychic energy into the mind of one creature I could see within range. Target must succeed on an intelligence saving throw or take one d6 of psychic damage and subtract a d4 from your next saving throw. If you fail. Yeah, it's been a wonder if there's an extra little, some bonus stuff.

What was the saving throw? 12 intelligence saving throw. Yeah, that's going to hit. So describe what happens as you shoot it with your mind. Well, I see this badger take a swipe. My dear brother. And I go, oh, badger, badger.

That's not very nice. And she puts her hands on her temples and just shoots this mind sliver at this badger. This is such a dumb show. I mean, in the best way. It only does three damage, but it also has to subtract a D4 from its next saving throw. I like that.

Oh, that actually sets me up for great success. Very nice. Sorry, I don't know why that came out like that. Very nice. Great success. Jesus. My name's Sawyer. Very nice. Great success. Jesus. My name's Sawyer. My name is Sawyer.

Yeah, it only does three points of damage, but that's enough. There's a burst of rocks that explode from the stone badger, and the air is filled with a cloud of dirt. We keep killing rocks. That's what you get when you mess with the bovon. When the dust settles You see that the badger has returned To its original resting place and appears Once again to be normal

Non-aggressive stone Wait so it uh Exploded and then in the spot where it used to be The entire cavern Exploded with dust and dirt And then when it settles it's returned back To where it was So it back to where it was. Yeah, so that's what I was going to say.

So it's back where it was and the door is now open. We need to kill it again. Could we just do a quick check to make sure there's nothing on the ground? Like, did it drop anything? Did it have anything with it? Do an investigation. Just you or is there anyone else? I'll see how the line do that and I'll want to join in.

I'm going to use my inspiration die on that. Because I really, I do want to investigate. Didn't help much, but 11. 18 for Durin. I'm lower to the ground. It's easier for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't see anything that it's left behind,

but Durin, you do notice several traps on the floor. Oh, that's no good. You're able to point them out. Yeah, I will not disarm them. I'll point them out to the floor. Oh, that's no good. You're able to point them out. Yeah, I will not disarm them. I'll point them out to the party. That way we can leave them for anyone that might be following us. Okay.

And you don't see anything else besides the traps. Can I make like a quick note to scribble down more or less where they are? That way if we have to come back through here, I'll remember. Yeah.

I'm going to channel divinity and use preserve life again while we have a moment and restore my... Wait, who took... Did someone get hit hard? Oh, yeah, it was you. I was like, someone took more damage. I can cure my own wounds, though. I do it.

It costs nothing. It is a considered a class feature and it's only helpful now while you're like low level because 10 hp ain't nothing later on so i get 10 hp yeah thank you my busty savior as euthygenia is kindly tending to her uh hero you you hear this time behind you sounds of movement and this is much more clear it's it seems to be a lot okay clear. Okay, so it's clearly, I think,

you can come to the conclusion that it's the cult of shadow behind us. You don't know what it is. Before, something sounded like faint, you know, and this is like there's something approaching. Jesus breached Osborne's defenses. Hurry to the door. Jesus. Yeah, I come back through the hallway

and try to shoo my party along quicker. There's someone's on the rear. We need to go. Adeline picks up her skirt and starts scurrying. Badger, attack them. So you walk past the badger into the. Yes.

Okay. I pat the badger on the head. Don't touch it. No, he goes. It made a noise. You enter a large shrine with murals depicting battles against shadowy creatures. There's a stairway in the center leading up to a single pedestal, upon which rests the unmistakable shape of a single black key.

Are these murals, like, painted on the wall, or are they, like, hanging? Can we, like, lift them? No, they're, like, painted on the walls. Curses. They're not something you can lift. But this seems like a room that we should rush up towards that key with any checking. I don't know. Maybe we should look around a little bit first.

Roll for investigation. I'll investigate as well. 10. 18. That was a nine. Adeline and Durin, as you all are investigating, you hear footsteps. Coming from which direction? All the directions.

Some walls open up around the chamber and coming up from behind you as well. Dozens of figures in cloaked white robes surround you from all sides. Weapons drawn. Arrows, swords, spears, and wands all aimed at you. These aren't the cult people, right? They're white. Because those are black robes, right? And they're moving to attack.

Oh. We mean you no harm. We're just looking around. They continue advancing to attack until a loud voice yells, stop! The hooded figures freeze several blades inches away from you. Then several of the cloaked figures step aside to make a path as the smallest of the group slowly limps forward. As he pulls back his hood, you see the familiar face, smiling, but bruised and swollen, and one arm in a sling.

Oh. Smiley. Do you stupid lot? I'll tell you now, you're not taking the key. Why? All of us are guardians of light. We are a society sworn to protect the keys to the Shadowmane. We've guarded them over

decades to keep them safe from any who might attempt to open the doors to the Shadowmane. Are you implying that Asaphie's not a good dude? Because I know we don't like the Church of Shadows. I mean, let's be real. Wow, you said church.

Church? Church of Shadows! Sorry, that badger fight. Wow, you said church. Church? Choich. Choich, you shitheads. Sorry, that badger fight kicked up a lot of dust. You said Janiyah Pats him on the back. Choich, choich. Ossiphi, he's been hunting the keys for some time. I became his squire to learn of his intentions. And then when the first key was stolen by the cult of shadows,

our goals were somewhat aligned. And I used Ossipi and the four of you to help recapture the key. I just wasn't exactly planning on it being recaptured. Interesting. I never trust that man anyways. It's not, it doesn't come to surprise at all. What did he, did he tell you of his intentions? Uh, I guess he didn't, did he?

Well, what he said he wanted to do with the keys was wanted to protect them from being used to open up the door that they, uh, they have the locks to. Yeah, but now that you're saying it, it kind of sounds like he is, in fact, the villain. Mm. Yes, clearly. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a lot of bologna and beans. Oh, I love beans. Do you have any beans? I don't. Oh. Can't get them on the white robe. If he wanted to protect the gateway to the Shadowmane, then he wouldn't

have taken the key from me. Wait, I thought he took the key from him. No, he took, we got the key and then Asafi had it and then so then Smiley took the key and then Asafi got it back from Smiley. Oh. Well, he has two keys now.

Yes. He's attempting to collect all three keys, something that should never be done. My only suspicion is that he's collecting them to gain power. Now, I have a question for you, Smiley, sir. Yes. If you guys are the sworn protectors of the key, why were we so easily able to get the other two? Oh, that's a good question.

The first key was already stolen. So you took it from the cult of the Shadow Mane. You're welcome, by the way. The second key has been long protected by the golems. And only recently have they been weakened to the point that the key was able to be taken. So do you guys have like an alliance with the golems? Yes. Oh, cool.

Oh, so are we the baddies? We did not kill all of them. Are we the baddies in this situation? We definitely need that key back when we're done with all this. Where do we go from here Smiley? Cause Asaphie's got two keys. She has two of the keys. Where is he? Uh he poofed. He disappeared. Well to be clear

we left him to deter the cult of the shadow who was approaching our ear. Yeah, but Asphi is kind of a coward. So for him to say, oh, I'm going to protect you. And then he runs over to the cult of shadows. Do we not know that he's working for the cult? Can I make an insight check on what Smiley's saying just to see if I believe it? I do as well.

18. Yeah. 16. Oh, okay. Good roll. Smiley is not one to hide his emotions. If anything, he won't say anything. But he's saying things and everything he says, you believe to be true.

Making a lot of sense here. We have a potion that supposedly we can use that will take us back to him. You said he went to go distract. It's what he said he was going to do. The choice of shadows. Yeah, he ran out of the beach. The company that was approaching, we dispatched them not 15 minutes ago. There was no sign of Asafi.

Maybe he went to Choich's chicken to celebrate after. What else? Delicious. Where else do you know of his location? We throw this potion, it'll take us to him. Yeah. Well then get on it because you're wasting our time and distracting us from dealing- We're trying to- we're being helpful. What's this tone? I don't like it.

If we all cuddle together and we throw the blue potion down, we can all surprise him. You know, you could be there. Well get on with throwing the potion because you're wasting our time and distracting us from de- Oh. Oh god. What? What is it? Smiley's beady eyes widen in panic, and he spins around. The pedestal, which was moments ago held the third key to the Shadow Mane, is now barren. You guys are doing a real poor job.

Yeah. The key is gone. That's embarrassing. That wasn't us. That was not us. That was on you. You were looking at us the whole time. Find out what Asaphie wants.

Will he open the door to the Shadowain? And why did he choose Euthygenia, Durin, Adeline, and Sawyer to help him? Because one of us is the Chosen One. Chosen One. Find out on the finale of the Chosen One campaign. Dun dun dun! Dun dun dun! Thanks to everyone

that interacts with us on social media. Here are some NPCs in this episode named after folks that used hashtag StinkyDragonPod or just promoted the show. Osborne, the wisecracking cactus or cacti, whatever it was, was named after Andrew Osborne or at Andy underscore 04 on Twitter. Thanks for listening to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

And be sure to tune in next time for the finale of our thrilling mini adventure of The Chosen Ones. you