Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Vengeance in Vainia - C02 - Ep 35 - Velcome to Vainia

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

The party reach the summit of Mt. Ignis and the vampiric village of Vainia! Support us at stinkydragonpod.com/first ! Join us on Discord: https://discord.gg/roosterteeth Check out our merch and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and more: https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Go to http://meundies.com/dragon to get 20% off your first order and free shipping. Go to http://factormeals.com/dragon50 and use code dragon50 to get 50% off. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth Production. Pinky Dragon knocked back our latest latte, Peanut Butter Angelic. It's a mixture of gourmet peanut bludger, two shots of healing touch espresso, a spoonful of ethically treated cream, and topped with chain-shaped grape syrup. One drop of this divine drink is enough to spring your wings while singing at a wing ding. Previously, our adventurers uncovered clues corresponding to Carol's demise. Then they caught up on correspondence via cockatrice. Finally they were visited by strange visions in their sleep. Pour yourself a potation and proceed with this pungent potboiler. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stingy Dragon.

I'm your Dungeon Master, Gustavo Sorolla. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Yeah, Gus! Shoot us! Shoot us, Gus! We're the biggest fans! What the hell are you doing here? Hit me, Gus! What is happening here? Please! I hate this. All right, thanks for listening, guys. We're the biggest fan. What the fuck? Hit me. Hit me, guys. What is happening?

Please. I hate this. All right, thanks for listening, everyone. It's called Yes, And. We did it. Barb started it. Barb started it. All right.

What is your character's favorite time of day? I feel like everyone's across the board night. It's got to be, right? No. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris. Hello, Chris Damaris. I feel like everyone's across the board night. It's gotta be, right? No. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris. Hello, Chris Damaris. Woo, Chris!

Yeah! Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris. In the room. And I play Barney Farney, the human cleric. Yeah, Barney! Yeah! This episode is three hours long. And my favorite time of day is sunrise,

when the sun's peeking out and it's brightening the day, and the night's over and you get started. A brand new day. I also wake up pretty early. I wake up at about, you know, 4 a.m. every morning. That's early. Well, I also go to bed at 6 p.m.

Not so early. It's hard for our party to travel. He's the worst Twilight monk ever. He goes to bed before Twilight. Twilight at 6 p.m. Maybe it's winter. It's like the end of the day for him. It's Twilight. He's done. That's my preferred schedule. Yeah.

Like when does old man end and cleric begin? You know, like because old men and, you know, going to bed early and having the, you know, early bird dinner and all that stuff. But cleric, twilight cleric should be up at night. The sun comes out and the evil things go away and the day begins I don't like you looking at me when you're saying these things welcome to my life

this is going to be one of those references that five people will get there'll be one person in this room who will get it you sound like Charlie Brown at the beginning of the Charlie Brown Broadway musical he starts off the whole musical being like oh it's such a good day the sun's coming out nothing bad can happen it's a very charlie brown moment it's a charlie brown musical it's great

it's a christian chenoweth's like a basically premiere thing that she was she was sally i want there to be a musical for this oh someone should make a stinky dragon musical that would be with micah of course if only we a musician. We've already gotten puppets. And so musicals would be the other like biggest. Who would play us? I want to be in it, but I don't want to be me. This is a separate era. Yeah, this is a different era.

Save the era. Well, hello. I'm Barbara Dunkelman. I play Elga. Hey Barbara! Hey Barbara! Yeah! Main character.

Okay. Elga Von Brass. Star of Campaign 2 of Stinky Dragon Adventures. I play the female barbarian half-elf vampire. I did a different order this time. Yeah. And, um... A flex.

Sorry, Elga's still waking up here. Elga's favorite time of day, to nobody's surprise, is the middle of the night. It's very peaceful. Most people are asleep. Barney is asleep. Yeah, just get to enjoy my time and, you know, hang out. Not upside down necessarily.

But, you know, I enjoy the middle of the night. That's good to know. But I think everyone prefers the time when they can get away from Barney for a little while. What? No, no, no. You're not supposed to be here. I mean, that starts at 6pm. We're good. Just in time for primetime television.

Want me to go next? No, no, no. I'll go next. Hold your horsies. Sorry. Sorry. That came off really aggro. No, it's fine. You're good. I don't think saying horsies could ever be aggro. Hold your horsies. Sorry. Sorry. That was, that came up really aggro. No, that's fine. You're good. I don't think saying horsies could ever be. Hold your horsey from our horse girl. Hey, it's me.

Local horse girl. Blaine Gibson. I play chip. Haney's a tiefling rogue. He's a level seven. And my favorite time is about the hours between 4 30 to 5 30 a.m i fail like that is the optimal time to hide a dead body but you gotta watch out you gotta watch out for a couple things you gotta watch out for uh you gotta watch out for joggers gotta watch out for barnies

old people uh but that i mean i find that that's a good time to hide the corpses because no one's up you know that's too late to be up partying. It's too early to be up working out Perfect time for hiding bodies. Could you use like Barney's to help you hide the bodies? Yeah, you could be like hey there old gentleman sir. Can you help me carry this large carpet? Mm-hmm, they're just they're just happy to have attention right like they just want to talk They don't care what they're doing now. I want to remake of of bodies bodies bodies but it's barney's barney's barney's i'll tell you for a fact uh you can carry a body bag through the city in the middle of day people don't care oh yeah you did that on your show uh social disorder right i remember i forgot about that i was like i was like early rooster

teeth days filming that and i just remember just like yeah that's a social experiment show you could see on roosterteeth.com production company that we work for. I had to take my jacket off. I just got shivers thinking about that show. What's the climate like in Wisconsin? Is it cold? Because if it's cold, that makes it hard to like bury bodies. Oh yeah, it's real frigid

this time of year. The ground's like hard. Yeah, yeah. You get real good at digging and snow plowing though. It's fine. The bodies, you know, you can look for the lakes. Yeah, so what about out on good at digging and snow plowing, though. It's fine. The bodies, you know, you can look for the lakes. Yeah. So what about out on the lake? You can carve like a hole.

Do some quote unquote ice fishing. Yeah. Okay. I get it now. Okay. I'm so confused. What? What are you guys talking about?

Disposing bodies. Oh, ice fishing. Yeah. You cut a hole, drop them down. Drop them down. And then someone else will find it. Yeah. We should stop talking about that. My name's John Reisinger. Crime!

I play Matty Confucius. The Cochrane Ghost Monk. It's interesting. I thought that most of the times that people would say would be the evening, but I'm going to be with the gentlemen here. Of course, as a baker, I like the mornings.

It's the time to get all of your preparation going on, get all of the bread and treats and things for your patisserie completed. And it's very nice. Alongside other reasons, the morning is also when there's not very many people around and I get to be alone, you know, just with, with, with my, uh, with my cupcakes and muffins and all of that. I read like a Reddit post or something once, and it was talking about how like the crazy hours when it's really late and you're kind of sleepy. Just remember there's a baker jamming to music and just in their zen making cupcakes

or whatever. And I was like, oh, that puts me at peace. It was just such a nice image. I really liked everyone's answers because they're all in the morning and I'm at night. So nice alone time for Elga. Yeah. Yeah. Unless I wake you up and I say, hey, kiddo, let's go. We got berries to potty.

Whatever. Berries to potty. We're going to potty these berries. Just slam into. Berries to body. You're gonna body these berries. Just slam into a bunch of raspberries. Oh, yuck. Chip, you find the silver pin that Carol gave you with an S wrapped around the scabbard. The pin shimmers across your eyes and you hear a sword

unsheathed. You feel a new memory pop into your head. Chip! I'm back from the markets. Honey, do you mind helping me unload? A little early for a nap, sweetheart, don't you think? Did you really think that you could hide from us? You know we're always connected. No illusions can conceal your true nature to us.

Besides, you have work to do. Talon isn't finished with you. Ah, the infamous killer, Carol Kino. Or is it Shivey? I always get those two mixed up. What do you want? Word is, you're the assassin that can handle any hit, no matter what the stakes. Well, let me tell you, the stakes couldn't be higher, my dear. Wouldn't you agree, Chip?

Stop. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't hurt him. Oh, that's splendid news. See, ladies? I told you we'd all be fast friends. So who's your target? Let's just say I've been meaning to discuss some rather grave issues with our clan leaders, starting with Lorenza Wilsman. Oh, that reminds me.

Since we're friends and all, I brought you a gift. I had it handmade just for you. Call it an insurance policy, in case you change your mind when the time comes. This little bell will help us keep an eye on you and let us know if you're coloring outside the lines. Who are you? Of course.

How rude of me. You can call me Eddie. So, Chip, you remember this. You saw it happen? Yeah, you know it's a memory from Carol's mind. Okay. That unlocked in your head. So you have access to that.

So, okay. You have access to our memories. So where are we now? Are we still waking up? We still in the tent? Yeah, you're still in the hut. As far as I know, unless you tell me otherwise. Barney's checking out his hut like, maybe there's a leak.

Like a gas leak? Why do we all have those crazy dreams? Okay. So, you know, we all had those crazy dreams, right? Good morning rise and shine Oh Barney Barney wake up Anywho we all have messed up dreams I you know the the pendant that I got from Carol well I it kind of like snapped the memory into my noggin, and I think Carol killed the Wolfman.

Killed the Wolfman? Yeah, I think she was forced to assassinate because the hags and Eddie put her up to it. Why would she frame you? I don't think she, knowing my wife, she would not have intended to frame me, Barney. Well, what's happened? I think that's very weird, Barney, too. That's so

odd. Or us. Who is she working with? The Hag sisters, which were... Shivy, it was... Sketch? Sketch and... Oh, no, Sketch. And Shirock. And Shirock. Sketch and Shirock,

who I guess are technically my sister-in-laws, but I don't like them so much. The tracks. And Eddie. Oh, well, that's not a surprise whatsoever to any of us. No, not at all. But also that kind of tracks, you know, knowing what happened to her before she passed.

It was veins and stuff. I think that that is indeed connected to Eddie. That's like confirmation right there. This might be an unpopular opinion, but I really don't like that Eddie guy. Oh, hot take from a teat here. Wow. I try to watch my words very carefully,

but, you know, I can't help it. He's not a good guy. I mean, yeah, I'd kill him on sight. Let's calm down, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm using harsh words. I will go do my breathing.

Let's calm down, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm using harsh words. I will go do my breathing. Everyone make me a perception check. Seven. Eleven. Seven.

24. Barney with the clutch perception check there. Barney, as you look around and as you're talking with everyone, you feel like a voice is missing in this discussion. And you look down and notice that the alchemist is still asleep. And on top of that, you notice that Gigi is out and about licking the alchemist's face while he's still asleep. What about Stinker's?

Stinker's also still asleep. He's doing that little thing where he's like kicking his leg. Oh, he's asleep. Who's the alchemist? Did we wake them up? Did we wake them up? Did we wake them up? Or are we leaving? I wonder if the alchemist had dreams like we did.

Yeah, I'll wake him up. Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! He, like, shoots up, straight up. Like, he goes straight from laying down to standing up. There's, like, no in-between. It's like a cartoon. Canonically, that's just how he wakes us up every morning.

The alchemist looks around and touches his face which is still kind of like moist and sticky from all the licking. He looks at you all's face and says, Oh, I see I wasn't the only one he licked. Yeah, you all realize now that your faces you have saliva, cat saliva

on your forehead. Have you guys been actually licked by a cat? I don't think that you'd sleep through something like that. Getting licked by a cat is one of the worst things. I'm wondering if the cat knew something bad was going on with us and was trying to wake us up. Or causing something bad. Oh, no, I don't like that insinuation of my cat. Matty, does your cat have, like, some type of toxic saliva?

I don't even think he has saliva. He's incorporeal. And yet, you have a little bit of saliva on your forehead. That's very interesting. Did you all have any strange dreams? I had one of the worst dreams, yes. Terrible dreams. Sad, bad.

Yeah, it was weird. I didn't like it. I did. Everyone ignored me. You did. Oh, I thought you meant you did like it. You mean you did have a dream. I had a bad dream.

Okay, gotcha. Everyone just ignored me. Well, anyways. That's the worst insult you can do to a boomer. Can Mateed... Sorry, I was trying to act like I was ignoring Barney. It was great. It was so good Can Matide pick up Gigi and kind of turn around

From the group and like maybe Walk to like the edge of the hut or something And just like do you have something You want to tell me If there's something you need to shout You can do it right now I'm just imagining you holding a cat Right up to Matide's face

And just trying to have this little, it's all right. Do you have a secret? Do you want to tell me something? It's just right now is the time. Zone of truth! Mateed's face gets real close. Oh, I do not trust this anymore.

What did he tell you? Nothing. Oh. Can I try an animal handling check or some sort of medicine check To examine said pet Matty do you mind if I Hey that's a cute cat hey Gigi It's your uncle Chip

Didn't you fail your last animal handling check with Gigi Animals love Chip 80 I think that's what it was Listen I've had a rough couple I've had a rough week and I need to pet that cat If you don't mind That's the creepiest way to ask to touch someone's pet. Roll.

Okay. All right. It's an eight. There it is. Dang it. God. Yeah, Gigi just like looks at you with that like blank cat stare, just like looking straight into your eyes.

Gigi's neutered. I will tell you this. Gigi technically comes from the Australian plain and is an incorporeal creature. So there might be some mystery involved with this little kitty. Can I like investigate or like look at the saliva, the spit on her? You're just like trying in general to look at it?

Yeah, see if like, I don't know if it's like a different type of substance or like, I don't know. Yeah, I a different type of substance or like, I don't know. Yeah, I guess. CSI Elga. Make an investigation check. I'm going to look at it close up. So that would be with advantage,

which would be 14. You take a real close look at it and nothing seems out of the ordinary about it other than the fact that like Matide mentioned, Gigi is kind of from the astral plane or Australian plane. So it's unusual that you would have saliva like this.

Could I make a check, Mr. Dungeon Mister? Yes. With my feet, that gives me perfect recollection of the past. Could I see if there might have been something I missed about when Jack gave me Gigi? about when Jack gave me Gigi? Like anything that maybe in the moment would have seemed, I don't know, off or special or different? You were not given any extra information

or anything that would lead you to know more about this. However, you do recall that this saliva seems reminiscent of that purple fluid you've encountered before. Wait, but that came... Where did that come from? That was like pools of it by the dragon.

In the Australian plane. No. We've encountered it well before that. You first encountered it at the pools of the dragon, but then you encountered it again on the Australian plane. So, then that cat's a dragon! Punch! I punched the nose.

It was in the Australian plane. Australian. And I didn't put more in it. You got some with your mage hand, and you tried to drop it on Matide during your combat. Oh, that's right. No, but that's... Oh, you're right.

Wait, so was Gigi putting us to sleep then? I don't know. Or keeping us to sleep? This is a new cat to me. I don't really know. You know, my experience thus far in cats is a new cat to me. I don't really know. My experience thus far in cats is that they are very strange. But also that doesn't

from my recollection, that doesn't inherently bring out bad dreams and memories. It seems to be a memory inducing liquid, like thoughts and memories and unlocking stuff. Yeah. Hey, what'd you dream

about, Alchemist? It's all so fuzzy. Uh-huh. Henry followed me into work one day. That's what you say, like Henry Ford. Not Henry Fonda. Yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah. That happened. We almost stabbed him. Yeah, yeah. You what?

No, he's fine. Henry's fine. You saw Henry. He and Frank Esker are fine. Do you remember how long ago that was? It was last night. I mean, was it a dream of something that you recall happening in real life? No, I don't recall that ever happening.

Unless it was a dream of something that did happen that you weren't aware that happened because you were just unaware of it happening. Unless it was a dream of something that did happen that you weren't aware that happened because you were just unaware of it happening. Maybe. That makes so much sense. Well, because like my dream was that Sorry, I'm still tired. My dream was that I was asleep, but something was happening in my house while I

was asleep. So maybe this isn't so much a dream that you've perceived, but something that's happened around you. It's like a security camera. Yeah. That captured the moment that you were unaware of but it's something that's happened around you. It's like a security camera. Yeah. That captured the moment that you're unaware of. Exactly. Mine never happened.

It's the aura collection. Barney. Barney. What did we eat for lunch yesterday? I think that was Chris. I'm looking at Chris's face as he reacted to that. Barney, what did we eat for lunch yesterday? Was it crackers? That rests my case.

Perhaps we should make our way up to Vania. But you said it was weird dreams. What about that was weird? That I could see as Henry. It was almost as if I was perceiving things from his perspective. Oh. Well, let's explore that further. What happened in the dream?

He was following you to work. Didn't do anything else. And get dot, dot, dot. It's really hard to remember. Maybe if I'd woken up slowly, I could recall my dream. But something shocked me awake. Strange. I don't know what it was.

I don't either. It was very alarming. Yeah. Well, I promise that the others will pay more attention to you next time. What? That seemed almost threatening. No, no, sorry. That was Barney talking to stinkers.

Oh. Because everyone's paying all this attention to Juju. Juju. Juju. Juju. Everyone's. Come here, Juju. Everyone's like.

Bad Juju. Everyone's hanging out. Like talking to Gigi. Gigi? Juju? Gigi. What is it? Gigi.

Gigi. Try it with a softer G. Gigi. Yeah, like, there you go. Gigi. Gigi. It's the pronunciation of the letter J in the French language. Gigi.

Because his name is JJ. Gigi. G. How did you write this down? G-E-A-H? G-E-A-H G-E-A-H as phonetically as I could. We'll see.

Where's Gagag? Anyway, that was just Barney because everyone was like... You started talking to Stinker out of nowhere. So we might not have gotten to the bottom of this mystery with the cat and stuff, but at least we know if, you know, in the future,

we need to like, I don't know, interrogate someone. We'll just squeeze Mateed's cat and he'll barf the thing on it. Yuck. You know, because we got the mystery fluid. And then lose the amount of purple goo from Gigi. Yeah, if your cat starts drooling or bathing itself, we're going to need you to bottle that up there, Mateed. We just

need you to scoop it and put it into a nice glass jar. Let me run on touch it. You people are strange. I have to say this. We're talking about bottling the saliva of a kitty. I don't understand you. With a kitty, it's magic saliva. Anyways,

maybe we should get going. Alchemist? Yes, let's. The village of Vania is only a few hours up the ridge. Should we be cautious? Is there danger? Oh, ask Elga. You're from here. I will use my danger sense.

Oh, so Elga's leading the way. Obviously. That's a great segue. What is the marching order for this? Elga's leading the way. Obviously. That's a great segue. What is the marching order for this? Elga first. I'm not fighting this time. I'll go behind. Chip, where would you like to be in the marching order?

Just be in the back, kind of moping, because my wife is dead. All right. That's a bit of a heavy response. Yeah, well, you know, it's what happens when family dies elga barney matide chip yes you have a chip by like 20 feet though actually can i be back with uh chip because i want to have i want to have a combo congratulations blaine so you want matide second and barney third blaine like says like in character chip time, he's like 20 feet behind everybody. Hey, I see your morning gloss of your life!

That's major little brother energy right there. And we'll have the alchemist between Mateed and Barney in the center of the party. Okay. You all embark up the craggy black mountain and hike with the morning sun warming your backs. But as you climb higher and higher, daylight slowly begins to fade faster than normal. After the better part of a day, you'll finally reach a ledge just below the summit.

Why doesn't everyone go ahead and roll me a perception check? Can I also have a quick little sidebar with Chip? Sure, you want to, I guess, before we get to the perception checks? If that's okay yeah so i was like uh chip i i made you something oh yeah i i like to do carpentry carving things in my spare time and and i i hand him uh it's like a a little um a little like a a little i don't know what you call it. Like, a thing, a memory thing. A thing. Like, for Carol.

Chip and Carol. Okay. Chip and Carol. A memory thing for you and Carol. I carved a little, like. Like a keepsake? Yeah, a little. Like a heart.

Yeah, like a heart. A keychain? Like, name a shape. I feel like everyone's thinking of Chris, actually. I'm watching everybody. It's like, Chris hasn't actually said what it is. So what is it, Chris? Summarize for us.

It's a wooden thing with two hearts and one says that like next to each other. And one says Chip and one says Carol. It says love is forever. And then I say this is for you. Also. Yeah. And what does Chip do? When you said two wooden.

I just want to clarify when you say two wooden things what are the things okay i was gonna say i kind of didn't want him to explain because i just wanted the community then to just have to draw this yeah okay okay okay fair enough uh but it's fine chip takes it and is very sincerely like looking it over and like that's very thoughtful of you barney because I think Chip will know in all seriousness Chip would recognize like every single stroke of the blade and all the

carvings that's like that's I'm holding hours of work that my friend put into this thing it is very thoughtful and Chip will stow it and then I also made you this oh okay and it's a wooden stick a wooden stick. A wooden stick. Delicious.

No, I think. What does the wooden stick say on it? Steak. Oh, what? Use on elegant in case of emergency. No, no, no. But is, what is this for? Protection.

Against? Oh, all right. Chris just shrugged his shoulders. It's an audio podcast. Knowing the place that we're going into and that there's vampires around i'm gonna just like okay okay we're gonna stick that in there and i put it in the bum bag as well i didn't mean to laugh at your precious moment the thought just entered my mind i laughed that you didn't describe the scale of it and so what i imagined was barney handing over this like four foot wide. A lot of the victory was like anatomically correct wooden hearts.

Two of them. The two things. The thing is such a vague water. Maybe, can I, can I, can I, maybe this. Instead of two hearts, it's two dagger blades crossed. And once it's Chip and once it's Carol. And this is. Just retcon the entire.

Is that okay? Is that better? Whichever. The sentiment still stands from Chip that that's like a very thoughtful thing. And yeah. So I'll stow that in the bag. What a wonderful, precious moment.

Mike is shaking his head at me. Barney, go ahead and roll that perception check. Let's get it right on the same page. I rolled a 23. I think I rolled a 13. Or 12. I rolled a 12. 17 from Barney.

All right. We'll start with the low ones here. Chip and Mateed both got a 12, 17 from Barney. All right, we'll start with the low ones here. Chip and Mateed both got a 12, aka the perception pals. Just the team names just keep coming. Yeah. Well, first of all, in general, you know, it's surprising how fast the day has passed

since it's nearly nightfall at this point. And the trail seems to narrow just ahead and nestled amongst some large black rocks is a well built of red stones barney maybe it's the altitude but every now and then you swear you can hear something scurrying and you can see shadows in your peripheral vision elga always destroying the perception checks in the distance beyond uh you can start to make out buildings made of wood. You said the well is in our path made of red stone? Yeah. It's like

y'all are coming up on it here pretty quickly and you see some large black stones surrounding a deep well made of red stones. Like gemstones or like brick? Oh, I guess they're stones. So volcanic in nature? I don't know. Make me a wisdom check. I shall they're stones. So volcanic in nature?

I don't know. Make me a wisdom check. I shall do one too. About to waste your time. Here we go. Use my perception bow. 13. That's a four.

So let's go with chip. So in general, as you've been traveling, you know, up this mountain, I believe in the last episode, the alchemist referred to it as mount ignis that uh you know in general all of the stones here are black and so if you can tell that these red stones are obviously different but it's not that they're gems it seems like upon closer inspection or as you're getting closer they're almost more like stained oh god that's blood. That's blood. What are you talking about? Elga, welcome home. This is, is this like, like a blood well? Do they know I'm from here? Have I said that?

Or do they just know that? I think you said it. Yeah. Okay. Plus, and you got that letter in the last episode. Right, okay. Um, you know, guys, I think it might be time I tell you something. I, oh man, okay.

I'm a vampire. What? No. Yeah. But what, how? You, I just thought you just like blood. You knew, didn't you? I might have had a clue.

Okay. Have you been feeding might have had a clue. Okay. Have you been feeding off of us? No, not without your consent. Chip recognizes that that might be a touchy subject for Barney. So he's going to kind of like position himself. He's like that, like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm going to position myself in a way to maybe diffuse the situation if it happens.

Barney, I never touch you, I promise. What are your intentions? To help everyone and solve the murder trial that we are trying to figure out. That's it, right? By sucking the life out of us? No. Out of other people? Only the people who are evil.

So vampires only suck the life out of people who are evil? I'm not saying that I am representing all vampires, you know? Not all vampires, Barney, okay? Common phrase. I just thought I should let you all know If we're about to go into Vania

You might figure out some things about me And I want you to hear from me first, okay? And why haven't you told us before now? Well, because of how you're reacting, Barney You don't seem to have a great, you know Vibe towards the undead And, you know, justifiably so. You've had some traumatic experiences, but like we know Elga.

We've been traveling together for so long. She's friends. We love Elga, right? Right. This isn't, it doesn't change who she is just because, you know, she's a vampire. That's like, you know, it's fine. It's just Elga.

Did you not think it was odd that she turned into a bat like yesterday? Yeah. I thought that would be a pretty good boy. Remember when she like fell on the ground in Carcassouk and just started like licking blood off of the meat floor? Wait, I have a question, Barney. You know I'm dead,

right? You know I'm not alive. What? I had my suspicions yes but I you know you know that chip is a dragon actually right what that, actually. I do feel like ghosts tend to not, they don't kill. They are, I mean, I mean. They don't drain the life. Every type of creature kills. We all have our past, you know.

It's just a matter of there's good people and there's bad people. Yeah. And there's bad humans and good humans. And bad vampires, good vampires. I got to say that you were very against your new dog when he came around, but it seems just a second ago you really cared about that dog and really wanted it to be included. Yeah.

I don't like the dog. Can I do an insight check on that? Can I cover Stinker's ears when he said that? Sure. It's okay, Stinker. He didn't mean it. Okay. 14. Yeah, that's a 23. I know that is a lie, my little

class. How do we resolve that? Is Chris set to roll deception? He can. I have to leave that up to the player it's whether or not he's deceiving like how honest is he being with that sentiment for yep yeah so if you are attempting to deceive they know that's not true i think at this point barney's warmed up to stinker a bit quite a bit well you've been around elga quite longer than that little puppy and we're talking about like the evil of you, the undead and how they kill and murder. Bro,

I'm alive and kicking. I have killed so many people. You wouldn't even imagine how many people I've ended their lives. He can't stop talking about all the things he's killed. Exactly. But you don't. Do you kill women and children? Children, no.

Women, if they're bad, I don't discriminate. He's a feminist. I'm an equal opportunity murderer. Do you attack people's homes? Kill their families? Well, not entire families. I'm not a family annihilator.

But on the job, you know, I have to deal with sorts of bad things. Because I think what I'm gathering from this, Barney, did the vampire kill your family? No! They didn't! No? They took them. Oh. Oh, that's right. That's right. Wait, so we've talked about this in the past because we've seen

the flashback. Was that, you said undead. I thought it was zombies, but was it vampires? It was vampires. Vampires. Oh. I can't remember. I guess this is me speaking meta. Do you remember what the type?

In my head canon, it was always vampires. There we go. Oh, cool. No. You know what I learned is that the best way to get over a fear is like exposure. So let's just shove Elga in his face often every once in a while. I thought you were going to say let's go to Vania. Yeah.

What's exposure therapy? Why did you become a vampire? I didn't want to Barney. You know things happen. So many years ago it was kind of beyond my control. I didn't choose this.

I wasn't born this way. Well, actually, you know, because I am a suspicious, how old are you? You know, I've lost count. Like Dracula or? Somewhere in the range of 164 to 322. Oh. Somewhere in there. Wow.

It's very, it's mildly inaccurate of an estimation. Once you get past like 150, you kind of lose count. Yeah, I understand. It becomes annoying

to count the days. Yeah. That's terrible. I'm sorry, Elgo. Do you like your life as a vampire? I mean, there are some upsides

for sure, but, you know, every now and then I get a little bit of a weird look or, you know, people don't want me to come into their home unless I ask them to and then they need to give me permission and sometimes it doesn't work and then I

have to just sit outside the home and it's very lonely. That's very sad. You were forced into it. Yeah, I guess so. At this point, I think the alchemist would step in and says, You know, Barney, if you wish, we can talk about this in the safety and the comfort of the Thaer Asylum once we're back in Natural City. A tiny hut! No, just kidding.

Is that the alchemist saying that we should be in the insane place? No, no, no. It's not that it's an insane place. It's just a place to help people. Oh, okay. That seems like something someone would say when they're putting them in the insane place. No. There's nothing wrong with it.

There's no implication about that at all. It's just the alchemist genuinely wishing to help. Just put on this jacket, Barney. It's fitted for you. Okay, gang. We got a mission ahead of us. And Elga probably wants to go, you know, look around. They probably haven't been home in a while. Barney, are you good?

Barney, I promise I would never cause you or anyone you love harm. And you are safe with me, okay? And I promise I will help you find the answers you are looking for. You can trust me. I think Barney looks really torn and sad and nods without looking at Elga. Elga also realizes her sippy cup of satiation is poking out of her pocket. She kind of shoves it back in. Nothing to look at here.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry,'m sorry Barney Okay well why don't we just Call it truce for now okay You can trust me Okay Elga thanks for sharing that with us You're welcome

And I'm sorry if you are disturbed by this Very shocking news This is a total shock It's going to be on the front page of the newspaper tomorrow I've knowns the entire time What are you all talking about? This is the weirdest conversation I love the idea of Matee just being silent the whole time

Mail files in the corner Did you know? I had my suspicions But you know We live in a weird place in a weird time You gotta open your mind up Barney Get with it It's all right.

People are different. They come from different backgrounds. And not everyone is bad. You know, my wife catfished me, turns out. She was a hag the whole time, but I still love her to death. Well, she is dead. You still love her.

Too soon. Too soon. Yeah, too soon. Anyways, shall we just continue on to Vania? Yeah, there's weird shadows around us Should we investigate this well? Yeah, why not? Or is it more of just like the fact that we discovered it was blood?

Should we throw something in it and make a wish? You can take a look around What's in, have we even looked in the well? No I'd like to look in the well There you go Don't make an investigation check for me It's filled with ink

Start to derail with a... No, these are like sweet kind of character moments. I've been over here messaging with Micah like, I know we need to move along, but this is like really good role play and like really good character development. Like I don't want to step in and squash it. 21, nat 20. Ooh, look at you. You know, as you look around a little

closer, you can tell that indeed the red stones are stained with some kind of liquid. Is it blood maybe? And the well is seemingly fathomless, perhaps as deep as the mountain. And you think you can hear something deep inside the well, maybe something slightly high pitched. It's really hard to make out.

Like a ringing sound or does it change in pitch? So it could be like something from a creature? Is it bats? I'll say it's almost like tinnitus, like really high pitched one from down the well yeah like well yeah he asked that same question yeah sorry it's okay chris doesn't listen uh i'm just messing what once you're old i i do have a question um Barney, you have so many little magic tricks. It's very cute when you do them. Does any of them, are they able to produce light?

Would be able to send something down into the world to see what this is? Yeah. It might end up angering whatever is making that sound. That's horrifying. I have fairy fire. Each object in a 20-foot cube within range is outlined in blue, green, or violet. Any creature in the area with cube within range is outlined in blue green or violet

any creature in the area with spells cast is also out in light so I could do that we could like put some like cast something fire glow Gustavo I believe it creates a faint outline if I remember I've gotten looking at this I'm about to pull it up on something that would stand out in a dark abyss

I believe it's supposed to be really faint how far how deep is this well? He said seemingly as deep as the mountain. Oh my gosh. Okay, I didn't know. Because there's like light and stuff like that. I don't know what spells clerics have access to.

I could always turn into a bat and go look down there. Oh, that's scary. But it would be my one use of it. Is this the end of our destination or is this just like on the way to Vania? Like is Vania further up? It's further up. One of you, I think Elga perhaps saw some buildings. I did see some wood houses up there.

That's right. Are the wood houses like normal wood or are they also stained? Could I tell? It's so far away. You can barely see it and you're the only one who can see it because you have your keen eyesight. Yeah. Maybe we put a little pin in this well and investigate the village.

Elga puts an actual pin on the surface of the well. Can we tell if the red and black is just like fresh blood and dried blood? Or is it like, is the black just black and the red is blood? So the stones in general on this mountain are black. Okay. So you, they've appeared just like regular stone. Okay.

Whereas the red is maybe is that black stone just covered in blood or something. Right. Could I investigate it to see if it is blood? Yeah, sure. We already do that. No,

but you, you can, you make an investigation check on it. Okay. With advantage. Cause I an investigation check on it. Okay. With advantage? Because I'm close up? Yes. And I would also say just in general,

because Elga might have some familiarity with blood. I rolled a nat 20 on my advantage. It does definitely seem like blood. I think I made a mistake and I've sent Chris down a rabbit hole of looking at all his spells. I'm looking over and Chris has just been looking like he is studying the SATs

at his computers and I'm like I know exactly what that boy is doing right now he is looking through spells he's looking for a light spell and he is going to miss everything we're saying because I sent his little brain down that hole that well we're looking at that's where Chris's brain is I like your picture

his brain just came out of his skull and went straight down the well Down to the bottom You know We're gonna be going Into a village of people That probably know exactly What's at the bottom of this And we can just ask them

So I say we boogie Time is of the Of the Essence Essence Time is of the essence Is that what it is?

Yes That phrase sounds weird in my brain No that's correct Okay I mean I don't know. I just, I hear a lot of phrases. That seems to be correct. The tea proceeds.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Chip falls. We all go. As you all try to pass by the well and press on, six humanoid bats emerge from the well. And block your path. Each of them wearing red robes.

See? Okay. This teaches us just investigate everything. Don't move along. Just stop. And you want us to move along, Gus, and now you've taught us. We are the Sferatu.

All sentient creatures that wish to intervene must first make a blood oath to uphold the Vanyan vows. You just had to do another sferat to spoke for Chris. This is great. Barney pulls out a wooden stake and... No, no, no, Barney, no, no. Put it down.

There's not necessarily violence, so we don't have to maybe try to incite anything here. They're asking for blood. Yeah, but that's like a custom here. Don't you have like a lot of it? I feel like you have a body that just produces it constantly. Why do you need it all? Matide the ghost being like,

you got a bite full of blood. Yes. It's not a big deal, Barney. It's fine. This is their home. We're going to follow their traditions. Hello, Sviratu. My name Elga. I'm actually from here, so we're just coming to visit make a perception check for me elga oh i thought he's gonna do like a charisma thing uh 16 yes

and they point at your at the palm of your hand what's in the palm of my hand on the palm of your hand a sigil has appeared it's the shape of a red blood drop and inside is the outline of your hand, a sigil has appeared. It's the shape of a red blood drop, and inside is the outline of a white upside-down triangle. Oh, we saw that on the belt. So it, like, kind of, it wasn't on my hand before, but ever since coming into Vania's on? Correct. It has now appeared in the palm of your hand. Okay, well, I guess I don't need to convince you. See?

And I hold it up. You may pass. These are my friends. They're coming to visit. Yeah, do we have like a guest pass or like a day pass? Yes, the blood oath. What does that entail? All you have to do is repeat after me.

Oh, that's easy. And offer blood. That's not as easy. To develop. Oh, okay. All right, let's go. Just, Maddie, it's not like they're asking you. They're not asking to feed on you.

They're not asking to die, right? They're asking you to just offer some blood to the well. Okay. All right, well. Okay, well, remember how we said we'd put the pin in it? Why don't we just use the pin to... Now put the pin in you. Do you guys need me to help you?

Matty, do you make blood? I do not. Even spiritual blood will do. What is spiritual blood? Play along with me. Okay. Alex Rontan. What is spiritual blood?

That was the best. Yep. Oh, okay. I got some... I thought this might have been like a combative moment, but nope. Okay. Sure.

Before we do the vow, how is everyone going to draw blood and offer it to the well? I would say the arm blade of blurbling, but I realized it has poison effect, so I don't it to the well. I would say the arm blade of blurbling, but I realize it has poison effect, so I don't want to poison myself. Do you want me to help you, Chip? Sure.

Okay, give me your finger. Alright, here we go. And Elga just like puts one of her little teeth right at the tip of the finger. Oh, that's nice. Okay, now drop it. Okay, what do I say? Okay, well what about everyone else? How's everyone else handling that? Now we can all do the vow together.

Oh, I was going to say Barney would go. I guess. Unless you want to watch Chip do it first. Yeah, I think Barney would go last. Oh, okay. And see what happens. Mateed, do you want to do it with Chip, or would you rather go later like Barney?

Let's do it now. It'd be a bonding moment. Yeah, I'll do it now. It's no big deal to me. Mateed takes their, I don do it now. It's no big deal to me. Mati takes their I don't know, their talon and like, just like awkwardly takes their one talon,

scratches their leg, puts that talon down and just puts that leg over the well. I figured you were going to roughhouse the Gigi a little, you know, how invariably a kitten will scratch you or like draw a little bit of blood. I feel like Mati would just stand there like arms crossed and just do this with their legs. Their leg over the web

what do I say repeat after me very good I state your name I Mati Pumphesis swear under pain of death swear under pain of second death that

whilst in venia I shall adhere to of death. Swear under pain of second death. Whilst in Vania, Whilst in Vania, I shall adhere to the Vania vows undermentioned. I shall adhere to the Vania vows undermentioned. No one may enter the Vamspire unless invited by Count Dracula.

No one may enter the Vamspire unless invited by Count Dracula. No one may enter the Vamp Spire unless invited by Count Dracula. No vampire may travel outside of Vania unless permitted by Count Dracula. No vampire may travel outside of the Vamp Spire

unless permitted by Count Dracula. Silver is strictly prohibited in Vania unless permitted by Count Dracula. Silver is strictly prohibited in venia and is permitted by count dracula silver is strictly permitted to submit except for by count dracula

i don't think they're gonna be allowed in after this no silver unless you get a doctor's note from count dracula so uh chip on the tip of your finger and matide on your foot Unless you get a doctor's note from Count Dracula So uh Chip on the tip of your finger and Mateed on your foot That same sigil that's on

Ilga's palm appears there Neat cool ink tattoo Look we're twins High five Mateed High five with my foot Alright let's go How do you draw blood for the one I just did

I did it with him. I don't think he did. No. Can I see your end? Yeah. Could I do... Also, I'm a little bit worried because it said November may travel outside by any unless permitted by Count Dracula. I don't know if I got permission from Count Dracula.

I assume so. They seem like this is, you know, binding. I will say your father in the letter seemed aware of you leaving. Okay, yeah. Because he did send me to go check out the Peace Parade. Correct. Okay. That's right. That's right. I just feel like Barney would want to do this.

I don't think Barney would do this. I just want to see. Yeah. Are you just trying to essentially like lie and say you did it? Yeah, I'm trying to get how... Yeah, if you come up with a compelling way and make like some deception checks, we can play with that. This kind of reminds me of when Bart tried to get into

the Infinite campaign as like a dragonborn. Yeah, go check it out. How many there? There's four of them? Six of them. Six of them. Okay. And now since it's not a group, all eyes are on you, Barney. Yeah, look at me, Barney. Show me your hand. Alright, well, Barney. Yeah, look at me, Barney. Show me your hand. All right. Well, Barney shows his hand.

Hmm. I don't know why it didn't show up. Mateed pecks his hand. Oh. As he's holding it over the wall. Okay. That was easy. Now just say the words.

Yeah, a little bit of blood trickles out. Could Barney say the words, but not, like, kind of, like, fingers crossed behind his back where he doesn't do it? Yeah, we'll have you do it with a perception check. I'm sorry, with a deception check. Man, I'm all over the place.

So are we. It's okay. Hectic recording. And then I guess while I'm saying, sort of saying the words, could Barney, like, try and, like, recreate the symbol, symbol like behind his back with like some... What color is it? What symbol? The symbol? Yeah, describe it

to me. Can I roll a... It's like a... In game, I saw them doing it, right? So like it's hard to recall. I know what it looks like. Make a... You do? Well, like my character literally them doing it right yeah so so like it's hard to recall i know what it looks like make um you do well like my character literally just saw it so make a make a intelligence check

so i got the big you know shape of it you know you know the color can i look right now you know can i look right now with my eyes you're trying to think which ones would be visible easily. You could see the one, I guess, on Mateed's leg. So make a perception check. Okay. I think you should only let him do it if he could actually recall what it is in real life. Go ahead and draw it. 15.

I know exactly what it looks like. I could describe it in perfect detail. 15? Yeah. Yeah. Chip, you want to tell them? Or Blaine, you want to tell them, I should say? It's a blood drop with a triangle in the middle, but it's upside down.

What color is it? Red. No, the triangle. Oh. Red. No. Is it black? No.

White. Oh, oh. I was pointing to my face. Rosy cheeks? I don't know. White. It's a white triangle. Yeah, so Barney will do the... How are you going to try to draw

this again? Like, put it kind of hands behind his back, and I'm going to do it with my mage hand while I'm talking. I'm going to have one hand behind my back, and I'm going to have mage hand behind me like... Are they going to use like the blood to make the blood? Yeah, using some like the blood that I actually

did. The blood from whenever Mateed poked me. And then, you know, like, ash from, you know, and dirt and stuff and trying to recreate it with my mage hand while I say the,

mumble the words. Okay. We can give this a try. Why not? This is D&D. Repeat after me. Repeat after me. Unless permitted by Count Dracula. Unless permitted by Count Dracula.

Unless permitted by Count Dracula. So at this point, what do you do, Barney? Well, my mage hand was doing that symbol kind of like discreetly. Right. And then, I mean, I already drew the blood, right? Mm-hmm. So then I'm like, I don't like your customs. Ever since, I don't know who it was.

Someone described Barney as a boomer. Like if the last episode was their previous one. I just cannot get that out of my head. Definitely a boomer. Okay. This better not be permanent. I don't want any tattoos. You have a tattoo.

Yeah, you got a tattoo at Carcassier. It was not permanent. Okay, so I guess if you're saying that, are you looking at it? Yeah, I mean, do they need to see it? I mean, they're still there. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, yeah, it's better. You know, when you're going through like Border Patrol and they don't need to see anything.

I look at it and I'm like, this better not be permanent. All right, make your deception check. 21. Oh, that's pretty good. All right, make your deception check. 21. Oh, that's pretty good. All right, I'm going to make my insight checks. They are plus four on insight. All six of them? Yep.

That's a 21, 5, 17, 17, 3. So you fool three of them, but three of them are unfold. One of them rolled a 20, so they got a 24. So where does that take? Well, they're just kind of still standing there watching you. This is like when you're traveling with friends and one of them just gets caught by like TSA because they brought like a water bottle,

like food through. They weren't just like, come on, we got to get to our flight. Perhaps we shall do this again. Repeat after me. Oh, God. Oh, my God. And that's permitted by Count Dracula. And that's permitted by Count Dracula.

And with that, the six of them vanish with a red mist. That wasn't so hard. I think Micah just pounded his head on the desk. Oh, wait. I had to submit something to customs because... Okay, we are all good to go. You get the refund when you leave. Okay.

Well, no, I have a piece of silver on me, I think. Oh. Yeah, but we have to get inside this town. Yeah. If he puts it in his bum bag... Yeah, you try it. It's the sheath pen. Yeah. Yeah. If he puts it in his bum bag, it's the sheath pen. Yeah.

Yeah. You try sticking it in the bum bag. Are you going to turn it over? I mean, they just disappeared. I think they're so tired of us. Okay, so shall we continue on? I see the alchemist also did this, right? Yes.

Okay. He'll have done something similar, pricking his finger with a dagger. Sure you don't want to go through it all? Aye. Hey, little stinkers. John here, the voice of your favorite non-binary avian spirit

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Well, see you guys later. I guess so. The way you're describing this is that there is clearly like a typical kind of village surrounding this thing. Can we see inhabitants? Yeah, there's people walking around. There's a couple of different like shops. Are they human? There are various D&D races, you know, walking around this village. Is there any way to be able to tell if like, I'm just curious because it seems like, are these the non-vampires that live around Vamp Spire?

It seems like all throughout this village are local non-vampire veins. So the food. So this isn't a town consisting of just vampires and undead but it sounds like the vamp spire is the agriculture that surrounds the actual city these are the cows yeah i guess what is so the vamp spire like what is that like a building is it like an area section of the town it's like a pinnacle that's like made of glossy black rock you're Kind of similar to the rest of the mountain. Like tall. Like a spire.

Right, right. Like a minister or something. Sure. I was thinking like the Judge Dredd building. Like where it's built into the mountain kind of thing. Maybe a tower would be like a better way to describe it. Okay. So, where's your house? You know, I've only been gone a week.

But I seem to forget. You know your home is in the Vamspire. Okay. Well, my home clearly is in the Vamspire. So maybe I should go in there and see what's up and maybe see if I could get you guys to come inside. Even though you're not vampires. If Count Dracula invites you in, you'll be able to come. So maybe I'll go give a little chit chat and weasel our way inside.

What's your relationship like with Count Dracula? I mean, I don't know if you're going to be able to answer that right now, but do we know from the beginning of the campaign you were a fan of Count Dracula? Right. What's the relationship like? Well, I know that my father is a Count, Count Von Brass,

so I imagine there's some type of like royalty or like. He's like Uncle Dracula. I don't know. So just to reestablish what's been like a while since we talked about all of it. This was your first time leaving the Vamspire, Elga. So all of this was new to you before. You've lived your entire life within the Vamspire. Okay.

And you're a fan, but you have not talked with Dracula directly. Okay. Oh, okay. Okay. Thank you, guys. Sorry, I'm trying to run a balance between like... Yeah, but I've seen him around. Yeah, I mean, he's also would be in the Vam Spire.

Okay. Could I go in? Or do we want to look around the area first? That's a good question. Yeah, well, you're not like right at the base of the Vam Spire. You're kind of just like entering the town. The Vam Spire is more like in the center of it. You're kind of like on the edge first before? That's a good question. Yeah, well, you're not like right at the base of the Vamspire. You're kind of just like entering the town. The Vamspire is more like in the center of it. You're kind of like on the edge of the town,

just kind of getting in and there's all these like wooden shop, wooden building shops. Does Barney recognize any of this? Make a wisdom check. 13. It seems oddly familiar, but not in a way you can quite put your finger on.

Not like you've been here before or something. Just something familiar about it. Do the buildings have doors? Yes. We're back to those kinds of cities. I also, can we just like quickly recount everyone's dreams? Because I feel like it's going to have some relevance here. So Barney had a dream where two people were talking with a black spire in the center, which could be the vamp spire. There was one male, one female, there was a heated debate, it was muffle talking, and they said something like, which could be the vamp spire. There was one male, one female. There was a heated debate. It was muffle talking and they said something like, it's not the hour or it's not ours.

Barney thinks he might have seen the man before. He has blonde hair and a tailored black suit. And then... Blood red necktie. Necktie. That was like the connective tissue between all of them. And then Matide died the same way that Carol did with the two fangs dripping above with a red necktie. That was the one that killed you, right?

Yeah. Potentially. And then in Chip's dream, he was talking to Carol. This is all in my house, though. Yeah, and there's a large blue coat guy. Who's Eddie? Okay. Was it Eddie?

I mean, it said high collar with thick dark hair. Oh. I was like, I didn't think anything was descriptive of Eddie. And then I had a dream that my sister was going crazy And then bit me Yeah and that was here in the Vans bar Okay thank you So just to kind of recap those things

Because I feel like that might be of relevance Good Let's make our way through the village Give yourself an inspiration die Barbara I really like that That focusing of information and recapping Cool Let's just walk around.

You know, I want to work up the courage to go inside. Any cool shops? Yeah. There's several businesses all around. Let's see. There's like, you see one, two, three, four, five different businesses that appear to be open with people walking in and out of them in your immediate area. What are they?

Yeah. You look around and you see signs on each of the shops in your immediate area. They say Vladbank. Vlad? Yeah. Vladbank. Lowe's Hanging Fruit. Aldenware's.

Marin's Mattlery. And Vaniard Valhara. Where do you want to go? I mean, I wouldn't mind weapons, but also, you know, I got this belt with the fangs and stuff like that. I don't know if this is like a common product, but I do want to see if we could find if someone's selling something like this. Pick a shop. Any shop. Pick a shop.

Any shop. Mantlery. What's a mantlery? Probably something like window shop. Is it haberdashery? Not quite. So you walk up and try to peek into the window. Sure.

Make a perception check. You got it. I will assist. 14. Does he need assistance? You tell me. 10. 10.

No. You're trying to cover his eyes as he's trying to peer through the windows to look inside. I'm just a bird just looking at a glass window not understanding what it is. You run into it. When he's unconscious on the ground. Just having one of those days. I'm just a bird standing in front of a boy. Yeah. As you walk up to

Marin's, you get like the smell of fresh linens wafting out the door. And when you peek in the window, you see racks of cloaks, capes, scarves, mantles, and robes. Ooh. I don't know if we need anything in here. But, I mean, I don't know.

I mean, if you want to, you know, when in Rome. I'll poke my head and say, Hey, do you guys sell belts? Specifically ones with fangs? You peek your head in and shout that, which shocks the shopkeeper who was, you know, arranging some merchandise. Sorry, I'm a tourist from Wisconsin. First time in Vania.

I love the place. To your surprise, it's a younger male tiefling. Oh, he's got adorable dimples. He's wearing a violet cashmere shawl. Oh, hello. Marin. Didn't see you there. Your name's Marin?

Of course. What, you speak in third person? That's cool. Hey, I'm Chip says hi. Oh, hello. Marin, didn't see you there. Your name's Marin? Of course. Why, you speaking to the third person? That's cool. Hey, I'm... Chip says hi. This is Chip. Marin is pleased to meet you. You as well. I reach out in the tiefling way of shaking hands, which is with our tails. Oh.

Marin extends his tail and the interlock and do the secret tiefling handshake. Yes. How old would you say he is, Marin? Very young, like prepubescent. Oh, okay. Wow, you run your own shop? That's impressive, Marin.

Marin has only the finest quality of goods here. Like I said, though, do you got any like belts like this? Does this craftsmanship look familiar to you? Or perhaps no, another shop that would sell something like this? Yeah. This is Mateed, by the way. They don't have a cool tail like us, but they're cool. I have a tail.

You can't do the tiefling handshake. I dare you. Mateed starts hovering and floating off the ground. Can you do this? Can you do this? I start jumping. Yeah, yeah. So what?

Marin takes a look at it and says, No, Marin doesn't carry any merchandise like this. Marin typically sells cloth goods. Mmm. Anything of, um, magical ability? Oh, yes, of course. Marin has many fine goods here. Could Marin interest you in a neckerchief or a shadow sash?

Chip is interested in the shadow stash, shash. What is that? Shadow shash. Allow Marin to show you. Marin picks up a charcoal gray sash that softly emanates smoke. Ooh. The neckerchief and shadow sash are on

sale currently and Marin has some full price merchandise as well. Marin has the cape of Mount Bonk, mantle of spell resistance and rogues mantle. What's rogues mantle? Oh, you have fine taste. Would you rather Marin talk about the Shadow Sash first or the Rogue's Mantle? I hate to be a pain in the butt.

I kind of want to know what they all are because I feel like there's some pretty cool stuff here. At least those two I think sound good for you. Yeah, Rogue's Mantle and Shadow Sash. Marin already has the Shadow Sash in hand, so allow Marin to explain this one. I keep forgetting he's talking in third person. The Shadow Sash allows for abilities such as Accurate Assassination and Veiled in Vapor.

Tell me more. What's Accurate Assassination? Metagame-wise, if you roll a 1 on a damage die for your sneak attack ability, you can roll the die again, but you must use a new roll. Okay. And then the Vapor thing is probably some sort of like... Whenever you kill a creature on your turn, you can take a free action to become invisible

via a waft of smoke at the end of that turn. That's pretty neat. And that lasts until the end of your next turn or until you attack or cast a spell. Okay. And then what does the rogue thing do? Mantle. Rogue mantle.

Oh, yes. This is quite an in-demand item. This dark hooded mantle of thick cloth is infused with secretive, deceptive magic. While wearing it, you gain the following benefits. Darkvision, moving shadows, and willful enmity. I don't need any of that stuff. Well, how much is the shadow sash?

You're in luck. Marin's having a sale on the shadow sash currently. It could be yours for the low price of 50 HP. Oh, that's a unique hit point. Hey, Marin. The currency is blood. What if I had gold or platinum instead? Oh, that's worthless.

Oh. Marin doesn't want that. I love it. It's not like off your like total age, like permanently, right? It's just like taking a hit kind of thing. Hemopieces are units of currency here in Vania. Have you not been here before? This is my first time.

Oh, well, you must first go to the Vladbank and make an exchange to get some hemopieces if you wish to purchase anything here. Oh, totally knew that. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to go to the Vladbank real quick. When you toot, Marin, do you make marinara?

I'm so sorry for my friend, Marin. We'll be back. See you later, Marin. He loses an inspiration bag. It says on Chip's character sheet he's level six now. He's calmed down. Let's go to the Vladbank. You walk over to the Vladbank and walk

inside and inside is a blood-stained wooden counter lit by a single candle illuminating a single teller wearing a name tag that says Ravenworth. It's a middle-aged human woman. She's fiddling with a small knife. She's got patchy dark blue hair. She's covered in scars

and wearing a black vest. Bonjour. We are here to get some currency from you. Ooh, my, uh, uh, customers. Okay, can't handle this. Wait, Elga, would you have any in savings? Hello. My name Elga Von Brath.

Can you look up my account, please? And not count, but account. That's good. This is good. Oh, yes, of course, the Von Brath. Your father's account is plentiful. Okay, excellent. I would like to make a withdrawal. I don't see your name as a signatory here.

That's odd. You know how you let your children have access to your bank account. Perhaps if you bring Count Von Brath here, he can make a withdrawal on your behalf. Yes, I see why you would need that. But did he not call you earlier and say that I'd be coming to do this? Is Elga a trust fund baby? Does Elga maybe have something to do? No, no, no Count Von Broth here recently.

So strange. You might be forgetting when he called you and said that his daughter would be coming to make a hefty withdrawal. I would definitely remember that. No, no, I definitely would remember that. Yeah. What kind of creature is he? A middle-aged human woman.

Would that help? Would that help you? I mean, I could cast a spell, try and... I feel like we've already ruffled enough feathers in this town. I don't want to, like, get booted or attacked. How might we exchange for some emo coins? Oh, emo pieces. Yes, yes, yes.

Pieces. For every drop of blood you exchange, you receive one emo piece. And then what is a drop of blood to our characters? Meta game wise, it's a one hit point. Like damage or permanent damage? Just damage. You provide the blood and it must be fresh and you can extract it however you wish

as long as it is red and wet. Does a medicam perspective as well question the blood that Elga has in her sippy cup, does that count for anything? It has to be fresh. Fresh. Okie dokie. I'm so on my guard.

I honestly don't think that I would do the transfer because I feel like we've been attacked and so many things have happened that I don't know that I would do the transfer because I feel like we've been attacked and so many things have happened that I don't know that I'd want to make myself that vulnerable. I take my spear out, I cut my hand, and give them 55 drops. It's not an exact science, unfortunately. You have to roll damage from your spear

and see how much damage you take. So I have to keep hitting myself with the spear? That's brutal. All right, let's do this. Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself. This is a little bit of a gamble. You don't know when it's going All right, let's do this. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. This is a little bit of a gamble. You don't know when it's going to stop.

Let's do this. Rolling for damage. 11. You see Raven birth start pulling out some tokens. She starts pulling out crimson tokens with the Vainian sigil branded on it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. Is the Vainian symbol I'm guessing is the blood drop with the white. Correct. Correct.

Okay. Let's let it ride. That's another 10 for a total of 21. She pulls out 10 more. It's like at a casino. It's like chips, a little pile of them. It's kind of dark when you think about it, how people come in here to get these pieces.

I'm just like, yeah, I just slaughtered someone. Yeah. I got some money in return. That was 12 for a total of... 33. 33. Let's keep going. I did. That's another eight.

41. Keep going. You don't look so good. What was I? You were at 41, so that's now 53. 12. I'm at 3 HP. Oh, my God.

I literally can't roll anything else That wouldn't kill me Raven birth hands over what I say 53 Hemo pieces I have 3 HP What happens if Jacques scratches me Or Gigi Have we established Gigi I would say you know it wouldn't be much damage

I would say Gigi would probably do like A D2's worth of damage Okay So roll a D4. 1 and 2 is 1. 3 and 4 is 2. 1. 54. Go for the gold. So I'm at 2 HP. Yeah. So now you have

what did we say? 52? Yeah. 52 hemo pieces. Oh, then I have 54. 54. 54. 54 hemo pieces. So I have 2 HP left. Yeah. I kind of want to do it again. No. Don't. What if Mateed

dies here? He did it. I rolled a 1. 55. I'm a monk. I'm made of precision. You did it. I give him a big slap on the back. Dead. Mateed's got 55 humo pieces. Yeah.

I'm dripping with money. That was fun, guys. We should do this more often. What are you guys going to do? Matide just faints. Do you have a glass of orange juice I could have? Can Barney do, I guess, a peel of alleviation on Matide? What does that do?

It heals you. 1d6 plus 5 hit points. Yeah? More money! Do I roll or you roll it? I roll it. Oh, you roll it. Yeah, 6 plus 5, so that's 11, and then I'm also gonna give you a... I think I have

a healing potion. I... What? I would probably hold on to it. I i feel like i yeah but wouldn't we like i don't know we're in a safe fish place right i don't know what'd you give so what are you giving me 11 hit points total you have healing and then i'm also gonna do i'll cast healing word at the second level so that's 2d4 plus 5 all right go ahead and roll that. That's 8. So, a total of 19? Yeah. Matide cuts themselves again. No!

I was waiting for it. I was like, I don't know why Barney's doing this, but Matide's just going to immediately convert it. I was like, he didn't even ask. He just started healing. I was like, I know what the next step here is. John was very quiet. Something had to be going on.

Just gonna do a talent attack. No! No, Barney grabs you. Barney, Barney, Barney. Eight. Barney grabs. Too late. I think a monk would be able to evade you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we roll for it? You cannot stop them, Barney.

I turn incorporeal while he tries to grab. Then you can't hurt yourself. I can turn back whenever I want. Another eight. Yeah. Ravenworth pulls out eight more. That's 14. Another six.

That's 14. This is not my intention. What are you doing? You didn't clarify. You just started healing without asking. This is why we have to bet, Benjo. I was paying attention. I forgot that John's insane.

And that's something you know. You can say that, but my teeth are rich now. I had 20. I'm now down to six again. Correct. I have a total of 69 coins right now. Nice. I don't have anything that could do that little damage,

so I'm going to do a couple of GG scratch I'm gonna do two GG scratches. Okay. That's a two and a force. That's one in two So I'm down to three HP. That's an easy GG scratch right there. That's easy scratch What do you have I, so 55 plus 19. So 74. 74 emo pieces. I thought it was so kind of you to do that. Now I have so much more money to go spend and do some shopping.

Do you have any more? Do you want to do some more? You know. This place is evil. This would be an abomination of a place to Barney. It's just like a place that's like uses life as currency. This is great. It's like, it's an allegory for capitalism.

Yeah. Lead and spin. I kind of want it. Now I kind of want it. I won over Chip. I won over Chip. I'm just going to do it in rapid succession. I'm going to pull out my crossbow and just shoot myself a couple of times.

His crossbow. Chip, if you want, I could help you and make this go faster. Six. Yeah, go ahead. Six. Four. Ten. Hey, does bonus HP count? Thirteen. What do you mean bonus HP? Does bonus HP count towards it? Twenty-one. Like temp HP? Yeah.

Yeah. You were saying bonus HP. That's why I was like twenty-nine. No, he can do what he wants. Thirty-three. Chip's max is 53 38 Chips just shooting a crossbow into his leg 46

I think his head, he's just shooting into his head 51 You got 2 HP GG GG? No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! 1! Yeah! Make sure you all write down how many chemo pieces you all have, cause I'm not keeping track of that. I just gotta damage myself and I'll just make the math. Damage. You have I think uh...

52. 52. I've done it! What is speed? Let's go, Missy, and we're going to Spun Money! We're going to Vegas next. Shopping spree! Vaniagus. Yeahania, I guess. Yeah, Vania, I guess.

Let's go to the slots. Okay. Anyways, so following up, if I could take out something from my dad's account. Of course. Once you bring Count Van Brath here, we'll happily do that. You know, I'll follow up. We'll be here. Okay.

All right. So Ravenverse looks at Barney. What about you, sir? Money, Barney. I believe you've taken enough from us. We don't take, we exchange. We have a very fair exchange rate here at the Vladbank. Matisse just in the corner, like flipping one of the hemo pieces.

What happens if you give the hemo piece back? Then we'll consider it a deposit. Yeah. You don't get that to your health? No, there's no, unfortunately, there's no way to do that. You know, Barney, you know, if we get attacked in this town, it could be bad for me and Mateen. Do you have any, like, healing things, like group heals? I really just am feeling really vulnerable.

Barney's about to, like, clk both of y'all in the head and drag you out. Okay. No hemo pieces for Elga. Not right now. No hemo pieces for Barney. Let's go shop. Take your blood money.

I will take it to the bank. Too late. I'm already there. Barney, go ahead and give yourself an inspiration. I like that one. Yeah, where do you all want to go? Do you want to go back to Marin's Mattlery or do you want to go somewhere else?

What else was there again? You want your sash? I could probably hold off if I find something better. I'm in need of a weapon. A Vlad Bonk, of course. Lowe's Hanging Fruit. Alden Wares. Marin's Mattlery.

And Vineyard Valhalla. Let's go to Vineyard Valhalla. Let's go. Yeah. Yeahhalla. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. You all walk over in that direction, and it's an outdoor wine bar. They have a bunch of patrons sitting under shade trellises, sipping from goblets and flutes.

There's a bartender there who appears to be a female goblin. She's currently holding a corkscrew wearing a blood-stained apron. Bonjour. We are visiting your fair city for the first time. What is it that you offer at your fine establishment? Welcome. I'm Valhara. Pleased to meet you.

We have a fine assortment of beverages. She motions behind her, and you see that behind Valhara sits stacks and stacks of barrels with thin cubes spiraling out, funneled into wine bottles. Why don't you make me a perception check, Mateed? Can we also tell if she, is it like a stutter or is she nervous?

You can make me an insight check, Elga. Good catch. 19. Mateed, you notice that the barrels shudder or moan every now and then. Oh my God. Also, I did a nat 20 on my insight check. This place is delight. You may think that maybe it's not necessarily fear. Okay.

But it's not like her speech. It's not like a stutter in her speech kind of thing. Yeah, it's kind of like just a general stutter of the speech. Okay. Yeah. You would assume so based on your insight check. Okay. Are all of your beverages, let's say, blood-based?

Or do you have things that are for those of a different palate? Oh, this is all various vein varieties. Now, are these... Would you prefer a dark vein variety or a light vein variety? Are these cruelty-free sourced or? Oh, yes. Grass bed or? Farm to table.

Elga, would you like to have something since this place seems to be geared towards you? Yes. Barney just leaves. I would love a glass. What would you recommend? We have a dark vein variety, Rote Rosso, Luna Noir, or the light vein varieties like a Gundak Seko or a Jaculi Blanc.

Have the noir one, please. Maybe in a vintage, yeah. A selenogical essence fused with the delicate malicious undertones. She pours you a glass. That's one HP. I toss a coin. Thank you, my dear. My pleasure.

So is it like you said the barrels were shaking? And moaning. Yeah. So is it like someone, a living creature's in there? I don't know. No, it's like, you know, at Disneyland when there's like a little attraction, it's like all for show. Is there someone? Is there a creature in that barrel?

Who are you asking? What's what's their name? Her name is Valhara. Valhara. Oh no that's a vein variety source. Can I insight? Yeah. 17.

You think that she is being honest about it being about what she said? No, but was she when I asked if there was something living in it? She said it's a vain variety source. Does that mean there's something living in it? Living. Maybe. You're very inquisitive.

He's new here. Don't mind him. He's... What kind do you want? She's asking you, Barney. I don't want anything. I'll take his. Your loop luna noir is very delicious, Elga.

Does it do anything to me? You think it may be dire wolf blood. You've had this before. Hmm. Hints of dire and hints of wolf. Notes of wolf. She's spinning the glass around in her little hand. That's exactly

how a little kid would play at a winery. She drinks it and it leaves a little milk mustache. It's horrible. Got dire wolf? No, it doesn't give you any effect. What was that other place? It was the wares. Olden wares. Got dire wolf? Yeah. No, it doesn't give you any effect. Okay.

What was that other place? It was the wares. Olden wares. Let's go there. Are you good, Erica? I think so. So you said these were like, you said vein sources? Vein varieties. Vein varieties.

Vein varieties. I'm looking for the pun or the hidden meaning. Well, they said it was like different. You know, it's like if you feed a cow grass or if you feed it, you know, butter. I don't know. The cow butter? Oh, God. Okay, well, thank you, Valhalla.

I guess we'll go now. Walking away. I think Barney is just like, I hope you enjoy your day. Thank you. I hope you enjoy your day too, sir. I'm not talking to you. Are you talking to me? I'm talking to you. For all you know, that could be my family.

Is your family a dire wolf? No, but they could have ended up in the same... I don't know. So it's all fun and games. I'm glad you're having a good time. Thank you, Barney. I'm having a great time, actually. It's just Elka swirling. No, it's like dripping out of her mouth.

Barney's imagining his family locked in a barrel and being blood dried. Well, that seems like a you problem. I have not done anything bad. I have given my blood and that's all I've done. And now I'd like to go see what they have at the Oldenwares, Bonnie. Is that okay with you? Yes. Okay, thank you.

We'll go. Thank you. As you all are walking over to the sign that says Oldenwares, you see a crowd forming near the middle of town in front of the vamp spire. In the center are a few people shouting at the top of their lungs. Dracula? More like Draculaire! Uh oh. Your own so-called leader has broken the Vainian vows himself. And yet he refuses to answer for himself! The crowd begins to grumble and shuffle closer.

You catch a glimpse of three protesters interlocking arms blocking the entrance to the vamp spire. They start shouting in unison, You can bite! We won't budge! Till we get some oversight! People in the crowd start to shout at the protesters, Where do you come off? Yeah, Dracula would never break the vows! Who do you think you are anyway? The protester in the center steps onto a pedestal,

and you finally see it's a fetching woman with green eyes, fading long auburn hair, wearing a floral patterned blouse. She looks familiar. Our names aren't important! But our cause is! woman with green eyes, fading long auburn hair, wearing a floral patterned blouse. She looks familiar. Our names aren't important, but our cause is! The alchemist's jaw drops. That's... that's my wife! Francesca!

The crowd becomes irate and starts charging straight for the three protesters. Francesca! find out what happens in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon hope they get here faster than us yeah I didn't think we'd be seeing Frankie

well we had a bit of a detour that's true what were we doing? perish oh man alright well thanks for listening everybody we'll see you guys next week through. What were we doing? Perish! Man. Alright, well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you guys next week. This show is directly supported by First

Members. We love them. We adore them. We hug them with consent. And you can become one, as always, at StinkyDragonPod.com slash First. I want to shout out some amazing little stinkers like AtLonsoon or AtMirandalorianK. They couldn't get enough, so they became a First Member just to watch Second win. That's what I heard down the I want to shout out some amazing little stinkers like at Lansun or at Miranda Lorien K. They couldn't get enough, so they became a first member just to watch Second Wind.

That's what I heard down the street. We got Suki Rosela. We got Darfs. Darfs, yours is a fun one to say. And we got Armalika. Armalika. Both. I'm saying both.

Both are proper pronunciations. And they discovered us through reels, specifically this one reel about vertical staircases, which don't exist. They're all directly supporting the show and they get access to great content. Everyone knows this. Everyone's listening to Second Wind or watching Second Wind

or they're joining us in our subscriber-only Discord channels and events. I know you've already heard this. I'm sure you're already a first member. But if you're not, or if you got a friend who's not, go to stinkydragonpod.com slash first and subscribe today. That'd be cool.

We can't thank you enough for your support. Some cool listeners that interact with us on social media and Discord, If you're not, or if you've got a friend who's not, go to stinkydragonpod.com slash first and subscribe today. That'd be cool. We can't thank you enough for your support. Some cool listeners that interact with us on social media and Discord, they had their NPCs named after them this episode, which is super cute. We had Marin the Modest, who is inspired by Talahia, who is a first member voiced by Keri Shawcross at Keri Shawcross. We had Ravenworth the Teller that was inspired by DV Ravenworth, who is a first member. We had Ravenworth the Teller that was inspired by D.V. Ravenworth, who is a first member, and Valhalla the Connoisseur was inspired by Child of Chaos, who is also a first member. Additionally, the Alchemist was voiced by BlizzBear, who can be found at BlizzBear. The Sferatu were voiced by David Sagnier, at David underscore Sagnier.

Francesca Esteban was voiced by Jessica Vasami, at Jessica Vasami. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst. This episode of Tales from Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Sanier. Head on over to stinkydragonpod.com slash first for all things Stinky and tune in next time for another thrilling episode

of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I did not mean to roll initiative. Darcy just rolled initiative. I guess, Elga, you better make a reflex save or something. No, no, that was an accident. I fidget when I'm uncomfortably fidget, and I clicked initiative.

Well, in that case, Elgaroll's initiative.