Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Wight Winter - Ep. 35: Simply Divine

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

The interns have caught up to V-King Nyve Gørn, but someone else has more devious plans for his royal highness! Between a quick sidebar with a deity, a royal conspiracy, and an Ishbjorn invasion, when will the party finally get some shuteye!? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Treats for every celebration, big or small. Make it easy and breezy with our legendary lineup of summer must-tries from the PC Insiders Report Summer Edition. Like our new flake-outs, there are delicious twists on the croissant donut with 24 layers of croissant flakiness twisted with fancy donut fun. Get ready to go all out for less. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Good day to all you gricks. Worm your way

into the Stinky Dragon and wet your beak with our latest booze, the Tipsy Tentacle. It's a monstrous mix of roving rubble rum, prickly pineapple petals, and a splash of grenadine on the rocks. This barbed beverage has more snap than a kicked-off turtle. Previously, our adventurers found themselves whining and dining at the Hundra Feast, where they performed for V. King Knife Gjorn and his uncle Ward Gjorn. The interns started paving the way to peace, but the party was crashed by an angry Odom. Now V-King Knive has been whisked away and the Ishbjorn invasion is underway.

Let's find out if our interns can save the day. For the sake of my memory, eventually, I need these characters to start having more normal names. I just need King Bob. Like V-King, Knive, Yorn. I can't remember it all. I still don't understand what V King means. Is there an X King and a Y King?

Like a Viking. Like a Viking. Oh. You just blew Blaine's mind? Oh, I thought it was like the letter V. Yeah. Yeah. It is the V King.

V dash King. Oh. But it's like, they're Vikings. It's like Vikings. Because this is all very Nordic. Like, Ishbjorn is a Nordic term. Mm. Oh. But it's like they're Vikings. It's like Vikings. Because this is all very Nordic. Like Ishbjorn is a Nordic term. Mmm. Mmm. Next season, we're going to do Canadian-themed Stinky Dragon.

It's going to be like, oh, yeah, Jim down the block is coming down to shovel your driveway, and he wants you to pay him five gold. He's a real hoot. he wants you to pay him five gold. He's a real hoot. Micah does comment that V-King is Valrasian King. Just FYI. That makes more sense.

It's Valrasian King. Got it. The easy way, John, to remember the names is the V-King is knife, like a knife, and his parents are Sjord and Sheld, like sword and shield. That's cool. It's a very good naming convention. Still hard words to say. Sjord and Sheld, like sword and shield. That's cool. It's a very good naming convention. Still hard words to say.

Sjord. Anyway, yet again, episode 35, Tales from the Stinky Dragon. The tales continue to get stinkier as the party progresses. Are they? Is it because we haven't showered? Y'all have never showered. You all talk about your short rest and your long rest and what you're doing. No one ever says, hey, you know what?

I'm going to make myself a little less stinky. I'm going to take a shower. I'm going to take a bath. That's why. It's called stinky dragon. We're the stinks. Where's the self-care, Barbara? Where's the dragon?

We're stinky. You don't want the dragon yet. Trust me. You're not there. Someone tried to tell me in social media. I can't remember who it is. I'm sorry for not noting your name, but they said, like,

technically you guys met a dragon. It's the guy that makes the coffee. Duncan? Duncan. Because he's a dragon, right? Donut. Or is he like a dragon? Like a dragon?

Yeah, he's a pseudo-dragon. Yeah. But that's not a... I want, like, dragon heart level dragon, you know, to... I want, you know, Smaug or something like that. Something big that's going to eat you in one bite. Like the entire party.

Sure. Why not? I don't like that. I don't want that. Yeah. Y'all would last not even a round. It would be pretty cool. You'll get there maybe eventually.

In D&D, there's normally lots of dungeons. Typically not a lot of dragons. Not until much, much, much, much later. Dungeons and polar bears. That's what we're playing. What are they doing? Speaking of polar bears, a chilling breeze whistles through the hall,

stirring the dancing flames on the table you ignited moments ago. The southern entrance of the hall stands open with brilliant moonlight pouring in around the Valrossian guards still panting. The Ishbjorn, sir! They're here! That's impossible. The Ishbjorn are all dead. My father took care of them a century ago. I know, sir, but I've seen them with my own eyes. Phantom bearfolk led by someone called

the Planar Wraith. They're coming for the V-King, sir. Sir, god, I'm weighing the weights with these names. They're coming for the V-King, sir. What are your orders? Ward furrows his brow and tugs at his lengthy whiskers. Coming for the V-King, you say? Very well. Odom, you deal with these imposters wherever they are and make sure the V-King is,

narrows his eyes, taken care of. Odom's tusked mouth creases into a sly smile. Oh, with pleasure, V-Head Ward, but what about you? Clearly I need to finish what my father started. It's time I ended the Isbjorn once and for all.

V-Head Ward heads for the southern doors and exits the hall into the night. Odin turns and begins scanning the hall with his eyes. And just as a reminder, you guys are standing just outside the northern doors in this hallway. And the V-King is just inside on the other side of this door with, you think, maybe a few guards. I'm not one for, like, saying we should have done a murder. But if we'd done a murder on the ward, this would be a lot easier right now.

Oh, yeah. That wouldn't have been a bad idea. We're too nice. You just got to do a murder every now and then, get it out of your system. Only in D&D. Only in D&D, obviously. Clarify that.

Yes, hello, police. So we're at the door. Correct. You're still in the big hall right by the door on the northern side of the Great Hall. And we're still wearing our disguises, right? The ones that we got at the carnival? Correct.

They might be starting to melt a little bit. They might be getting a little soft because some of them were made out of wax. Yeah. Mud, are you currently a tiger? I think I did turn into a tiger, didn't I? Yeah, for the entertainment part of the party. Oh, yeah, and I never turned back. Yeah.

Okay. Since last time, the fire excuse made so much work really well of the party. Oh, yeah, and I never turned back. Yeah. Okay. Since last time the fire excuse made so much work really well with the guards, why don't I get on top of the tiger and then, Bart, you light me on fire? Uh, you know what, Gum-Gum? Why not? Yes, and.

Gum-Gum watched Princess Bride once and saw Andre the Giant catch on fire and it worked. Is there a reason why we can't just go through the door? I mean, are we ill prepared to fight right now? Some of us have one spell slot left.

Well, we're in a room full of archers and the warden. And the fire. And the fire. The door is where the little Knives Out boy went. V King fire. And the fire. The door is where the little Knives Out boy went. V-King. He has a title. V-King Knives Out. So exit stage

right, right? Yeah. This seems like an opportunity for a boss battle, but like it looks like a skippable cutscene, so let's just... I don't know about that. This seems pretty pivotal. Okay, well Bart wants to have a pivotal fight with the warden. Or as I first said, a pivotable.

Pivotable. Maybe just pivot away. Can we open the door? Yeah, the door is unlocked. Okay, but were you ready to light me on fire? Yes, always, always. When we say that, we could do precedent changing. Nope, didn't get it So close, so close

Worst it's ever been I like Blaine's attempt of like, if I say it fast enough They won't hear me mess up Can we make a shirt that's just like Text that has different mispronunciations Of prestidigitation all crossed out And at the bottom it just says magic That's actually really funny

That's very good That's actually really funny. That's very good. That's really good. Mud goes through the door. And I hop on top of mud. No, I don't want to carry you. Yeah, that's up to mud. I'll hop on top of gum gum. Okay. I want to be on the tiger.

I'm not that big of a tiger. What if you pretend to be a tiger gum gum? Yeah, get him. Fine,Gum can get on the tiger Let's go through the door Just whatever it needs for us to progress and do something You open the doors to a wide stone room adorned with arctic animal furs and mounted stuffed heads

To your right are a few portraits hanging on the wall and a side table with nautical instruments and weapons To your left are a few cou hanging on the wall and a side table with nautical instruments and weapons. To your left are a few couches surrounding a blazing fireplace where two guards stand near the shrimpy viking sitting at the hearth. Gong! Somewhere in the distance, a bell tolls the midnight hour and the two guards look at each other for a moment

and then give each other a nod. One pulls out a dagger and the other reaches for the boy. Oh. Should I take a shot? I'll take a shot. Take a nod. One pulls out a dagger, and the other reaches for the boy. Oh. Should I take a shot? I'll take a shot. Take a run. Go, take it. Barb took a drink of her drink

at an inopportune time to react. I actually go, hmm, hmm, hmm. It sounds like Kyborg's taking the shot. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and take the shot, because I'm not going to wait around to see what happens with that knife and that little boy.

Which one are you going to shoot at? The one with the knife. Okay. Well, they are, in fact, going for the little boy and not pulling out. Too late. I already made the shot. 21. It hits.

I think anyone who holds a knife to a little boy deserves to die. Six points of damage. The arrow hits, and it seems like the guards hadn't noticed you at first, but now they definitely do. Their eyes turn and lock at you, the three of you and a tiger. They turn and kind of look at each other and then look back at you guys and put their hands up. Oh.

Oh, that was easy. Don't shoot. We don't want to do it. What were you doing? Why are you touching that little boy with that knife? We're being forced to do this. By who? Do what?

Please, just spare us. We'll leave. Forcing you to do what? Who? V-Head Ward. He's forcing us to take out his competition. That's his son, though, right? No, that's his nephew.

Nephew. Right. Did you hear that, little king? Knife is just like super wide-eyed, standing by the hearth, and really staring at the tiger. Don't worry, the tiger is friendly to you, but not to them. Hush or mush. Are you trying to like hit me with your heels or something?

No, I just said go. Oh, okay. Well, I'll let you go if you drop the knife and all the money you have. And your pants. Drop your pants, too. Yes, and your pants. But keep your underwear on. We're not making this a sexual thing. We're making this a funny prank thing. Make a persuasion

check, Mud. Can I help by screaming intimidatingly? Sure. 11. That's 15 for my intimidation. Why does GumGum have a higher plus on persuasion than i do because he's so lovable his was intimidation intimidation oh okay oh i was gonna say but my persuasion isn't bad it's plus four your persuasion is plus four you have plus okay well mud your charisma seven it's very bad that's the source of your problems.

Yeah, you're not sure. You don't think it really was your persuasion that did it, but maybe the fear of staring at a giant tiger and a barbarian who's screaming at them persuades them to remove their pants and drop their knives and their money. Sweet. How much money do they have?

I don't think they have much money. Sweet. I don't... How much money do they have? I don't think they have much money. Hundreds. No. No, they got paid off by the V... Yeah. Well, they haven't done the job yet. But they have the down payment, Gus. Half up front, half later.

That's right. That's how this works. You've never done a murder? Between the two of them, we'll say they have 40 silver. All right, that'll do. All right, now get, get, get out of here. They like scramble, like falling down

and running out the door back out into the royal hall. Pantsless and weaponless. That's good, that's good. They got any good weapons? Somehow your former character from our previous dnd always comes through they each had a spear and a dagger so there's two spears and two daggers on the floor can i take a dagger yeah bart's a little weapon light the whole time like knife has still been looking around but he seems to really be focused on the tiger still, looking at it. I'll talk to him.

Which maybe, oh, is it strategically advantaged for you to stay as a tiger form? He seems to like the tiger, or at least be focused on it. I think he's definitely afraid of the tiger. Hello, my name is Mud. These are my friends. We're technically sort of superheroes. We're like a step aside from superheroes. Like if you look at the superheroes,

we're the guys next to them. You're superhero adjacent. Yes. And I guess we're here to save your life. You're welcome. As you can see, there's a lot going on and we kind of need you to help negotiate a truce Between their people and the Isbjorn who may or may not be technically

Attacking all your people right now I just want to point out that you just approached this kid who almost lost his life and you're like I need you to sign a 20 year loan 10% APR interest down payment. We got to ease into this. Hey, little guy, I got a rose in this locket. You drop this over there.

We saw you were in trouble. We wanted to help. We need to help. For the first time, his eyes, his concentration seems to really break from the tiger, and he looks away at the flower and the locket. And he says, oh, thank you. I can't believe I left those behind.

He's still sitting by the hearth, though, or standing by the hearth. You all aren't Valrasian, are you? You're a wise dude. You're a clever guy. We will neither confirm nor deny said statement, depending on what your next reaction will be. It does not matter what we are, except that we are your friends. I'm a kitty.

That's beautiful. Okay, well. The kitty's nice. Look. I hug him. You want to give him a friendship bracelet, Gum-Gum? Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

I was like, yeah. An actual friendship bracelet knocking for me. He looks a little confused at the fact that you all are communicating with the tiger and able to speak to it. Is he confused by the fact

the tiger is speaking like common speak? He looks at the tiger and says, Everyone can understand you. Oh, yeah, no, it's not just you. You didn't get poisoned. It's all good, little guy. Yeah, yeah. Only friends can understand it. not just you. You didn't get poisoned. It's all good, little guy. Yeah, yeah.

Only friends can understand it. That's right. Do you trust us? How would I describe it? He begins making, like, a purring, growling, chuffing noise. He's chuffing? My cats do that sometimes. Only mud is able to understand as being tiger speak.

What? He's a man of many cultures. I like that. The prince is doing that? Yeah, and he's in tiger. He's asking you, how did you come to travel with these people? What is going on right now? I wasn't expecting this.

What animal is he? Make an arcana check. The child is doing this, right? Yeah. He's going... I think we broke him. I'm sorry, Gus.

I rolled a four. Yeah, it's really weird. Well, you see, I'm a druid, and these are my friends. How are you speaking in Tiger? Oh, I like talking to animals sometimes. It's fun. Lots of stories they can tell me about the world. They keep me company.

We've got a Dr. Dolittle situation here. He's got high animal handling. That's great. Good for you. You start to hear, like, noise, like fighting out in the hall, in the royal hall you all just came from. And Sleek shuts the doors that y'all walk through and starts barring them and says,

maybe we should get some of the furniture and start to bar this door to keep everybody out. Sounds like things are starting to pop off out there. Did you hit your head? Why are you being so useful all of a sudden? What's going on here? Sleek's real useful. Yeah.

King, is there anywhere to hide Do you have like a safe room He's like we're in it Well normally my guards make this room safe We are your guards We're your guards now Let's make you safe Yeah look at us these intimidating guards

Bart stands up And puts his hands on his hips Make an intimidation check Bart Okay Bart stands up and puts his hands on his hips. Make an intimidation check, Bart. Okay. My intimidation's not that bad. It's not that great, though. Ten.

Yeah, you do your best, but inside you're not feeling it. You're trying to put forward a very tough exterior, but you're just not feeling it right now. Is there anything I could borrow the door with? Yeah, there's some furniture, some side tables and couches in this room. I have a spear back from when we broke out of the clink, so I'm going to put that across the door, you know, as you do.

Can I take my manacles and one on each end of the doorknob? Hold on. Hold on. Which way does the door move? I didn't even think about that. It opens coming into the room you're in. Hold up. Hold up. Hold on. Which way does the door move? Oh, shoot. I didn't even think about that. It opens coming into the room you're in. Okay. Hold up.

Hold up. Hold up. I go up to the door. I pull out my immovable rod. I push it up against the door. We're using it. We're using it. I turn it on.

Has been fulfilled. It's finally happened. And now our boons of things. We've held on to this entire time. And I turn, I look back at Gum-Gum and I give him a wink. I blink, but think it's a wink. Okay, yeah. It's an object long forgotten by everyone except for Gum-Gum. Mud pulls out the immovable rod

and uses it to bar the doors. Hell yeah. Door is sorted. Yep. Forever. I go back over to Knive and I do feel comfortable enough to reveal my beautiful elven face

with perfect complexion and long flowy hair. And I say, hey, your suspicion's right. You seem like a really wise kid. But yeah, as you can see, we are not Valrazians, but we would like to broker a peace during these very troubling times. And you seem like the leader that could bring your people to such a peace.

I'm trying to talk fancy. I'm on medications right now because I'm sick. It's all worked out for me, so good, guys. It's pretty good. Make a persuasion check, Kaiborg. Oh man, I'm going to nail this. And Mud, go ahead and give yourself an inspiration die for using the amulet of rot in those doors.

Wait, wait, wait. Inspiration die for doing what you're just jealous that you don't have one. It was an inspiring move. Yeah, it was really good. Yeah, I got 13 on persuasion. He seems to really be interested in what you're saying, Kyborg, and like nodding along, agreeing with it. Yeah, I got 13 on persuasion. He seems to really be interested in what you're saying, Kyborg,

and like nodding along, agreeing with it. Oh, nice. Thank you, fair elf, for your kind and generous words. You're right. I do wish to help my people during these troubling times. May I have my locket and the flower?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I gave that to you. Sorry, here you go. Here, to give to the Isbjorn is a sign of peace. And I make a matching flower. Ooh, so what was it? Was it a rose?

Is that what you said before? Yeah, it was a rose. Okay, so now he's got two roses. He grabs that. I would never say no to another flower. Thank you. He takes the locket in his hand and clicks it open. And Kaiborg, you can see an opaque white gemstone with pale orange glow inset into a

silver half sun pendant. It's really really beautiful looking. When he opens it Mud you notice your amulet also starts glowing at the same time. Upon the opening of the locket? Yeah. Like a matching jewel? Yeah. The silver locket starts radiating with an orange flare while

Mud's amulet begins gleaming with a brilliant blue light. Both gemstone insets start vibrating and shining brighter and brighter until suddenly everything in the room goes white. For a moment, you wonder if you've gone blind, but then your eyes slowly start to make out blurry shapes around you. Everyone go ahead and make a perception check.

Sorry, guys, I dropped a flashbang. It was a flashbang grenade. Breach and clear. What were you saying, Barb? It's just like, it's finally happening. I feel like this is the culmination of the moonstone thingy. Yeah.

15. 15. 20. A 2. Good check there, GumGum. GumGum, your senses seem to be overwhelmed by your surroundings and you're having a hard time making sense of it. But the general vibe is a sense of awe and goodness. It's like normal. Yeah, sure.

Kyborg and Mud, the first thing you notice is a single majestic mountain with seven plateaus in the distance. The mountain is rising from a shining silver sea, and its heights seem to climb for an eternity. Bart, you notice that your body isn't physically here. Whoever here is, if you had to guess, it's more like your inner spirit or soul is here, but you're still able to recognize everyone around you,

like your party members. Oh my God, okay. A soothing voice from behind all of you says, Fear not, mortals. You are not dead. You turn around to see an incandescent being radiating with intense beauty and pure light. Is this Paralite?

I swear to God. It's rather blinding to look at. Perhaps you'd prefer something less divine. The being does a turn and transforms into a humanoid form, a female clothed in multicolored leaves and draped with clouds, her eyes sparkling like lightning. There. That's

probably easier to perceive. I'm Andi, the goddess of seasons, and this is Mount Celestia, part of the Outer Plains. Suffice it to say, I am here to help. Andi holds out her arms and a warm light washes over all of you.

She's blessed you all with divine rest. Oh. Which counts as a long rest. Oh, thank that God. Oh, thank you. Now I'm afraid we don't have much time, but I will do my best to answer any questions you might have. Do you have any mints?

Mints? Andi's mints. Oh. He's been sitting on that since you revealed her name. I got a question for you. She turns and gives you her focus. How you doing? Okay, I could get those digits.

My lady. He realizes that she is just glaring at him, so he slowly backs away. Typically, Bart is not intimidated by a being. There's just something like, it looks like lightning in her eyes. I mean, it's like you've never seen anything like it. Like, when she turns and gives you her attention, it's just like when you go out on a summer day and feel the sun on your face.

It's just like warmth washing over you. You say you're here to help. What are you here to help with? I've seen the turmoil brewing in the land of Kaltberg. I'm here to offer wisdom and insight to answer any questions to help navigate the challenges that await you. You're like Google. Can the little king see her as well?

Yeah. Okay. This magic necklace and muds magic necklace bracelet thing, neck thing. Amulet. What are they and why are they glowing? Those are powerful arcane relics from my time spent dwelling in the land of Keltberg. They were used by the people of the land to commune with me. Why is the amulet... Why was it attracted to me?

Why did it come to me? No, I woke up with it. It's true, he did. He did wake up with it. These artifacts are drawn to creatures with a deep connection to the druidic arts. Creatures who cherish the natural world and all it has to offer. How are we going to convince the Valrazians to get along with the Ishbjorn after years and years of fighting and hunting? Oh, there's just a lot of bad blood.

Is that something you could maybe just flash your eyes and kind of fix? Like world peace for all. Do we need to do like hands across Valras? Do you have anything that we could give them to prove that we have your blessing? Both the Ishbjorn and Valrasians have lived in this region for some time.

And there was a time when they co-existed peacefully. I granted them both the ability to steward over the region together. The Valrasians on a nearby island and the Ishbjorn on the mainland. The Valrasians, however, grew jealous of the Ishbjorn's extensive land and resources, so they chose to invade. This act of violence severed my one strong connection with the lands and people. That's when a long winter began plaguing this region. But do the Valrasians believe in you? I'm afraid the Valrasians, as you know them today,

unfortunately have forgotten much of their past and relationship they once had with the Ishbjorn and myself. However, there is a sacred tree that once blossomed nearby in the Fjordris. The Fjordris. But during this century of winter, it has been neglected and fallen to the ground, nearly void of life. If both these artifacts are taken to the sacred tree,

then perhaps it will be enough to restore my connection with the land and both peoples. And what sort of flower did this blossom look like? In front of you, you see like a giant pulsing purple and blue flower. Like this? Oh, that's pretty. So you're saying if we go and find this tree and we figure out how to restore it,

that is going to reignite your connection to the world, which then in turn, turn what that will help you you'll be able to help us broker peace I can remind the Ishbjorn and Balrossians of their lost heritage remind them of the way they used to dwell together in harmony when I walked amongst

them I like this this is a lot easier than trying to convince one side to completely give up like we were planning. We can handle a tree. This all makes very good sense. This makes a lot of sense. One more question.

Paralyze is what? Did it work? Did it work? Did it work? Not being Paralyte, I would not say what. And what do you think of this little king? I mean, big king. Oh.

Are you talking about Knife? Yeah. The king, like, is he on board with this? All I've ever wanted is peace in the land. And now that you've mentioned it, I think I've heard of this tree. The birds told me about it. This kid.

Alright, well, do you think you could maybe lead us to it? Like, do you know very well where it Alright, well do you think you could maybe lead us to it? Like, do you know very well where it is, or do you might need some help? Here, take my mighty steed. Well, the birds told me it's not too far from the Fjortris. The arena was built around it for Hundrafest.

Oh, we've been there. You might have even seen it and not realized it. All at once, everything goes white white and your surroundings become blurry again. Oh no. As you're gathering your bearings, Mud and Knife notice that the amulet and locket are missing. What? Without warning, you each feel an arrow pierce your body. Oh!

You look up and see a handful of archers standing in the doorway with their bows drawn. Out from behind them steps a brawny Valrasian with a pronounced scar across their chin. Odom. He's armed with a gleaming silver shield and an anchor-shaped sword. You notice the amulet and locket are both hanging around his neck. My, my. I seem to have underestimated the resourcefulness of you criminals. You made it all the way to the Royal Lounge to assassinate Knive here.

It's just a shame I couldn't break through the doors sooner to save the poor boy. A smile comes across his scarred face. Rest assured, I will be hailed as a hero when the kingdom learns I single-handedly slayed the killers responsible for the death of the V-King. The archers up there just give like a really loud, uh, uh.

Everyone go ahead and roll initiative. Ah. Do you have any questions about the show? Perhaps a query for the cast, a character? Maybe you're curious what's going on behind the DM screen? Go ahead and post it on Twitter using hashtag StinkyDragonPod, and maybe it'll end up in the show. That's also a good opportunity to follow us on Twitter or Instagram at StinkyDragonPod.

Maybe share some of the stuff we post, because word of mouth, it's the best way for a show like this to grow. And speaking of social media interaction, we've seen you all asking who voices different characters, so we're going to start including them here. In this week's episode, as Goddess Andi, we have Lindsay Washburn from Funhaus. V King Knive is

Caden Hildreth from Achievement Hunter. Sleek is our own Ben Ernst, who's one of our producers on Tales from the Stinky Dragon. V-Head Ward is voiced by Patrick Brown from Funhaus. And Warden Odom is Aaron Porter from Achievement Hunter. What's behind the Dairy Farmers of Canada blue cow logo on your favorite dairy products? It's high Canadian standards,

which means we meet 42 food safety requirements We work with a team of animal care experts And work towards a sustainable future That's what this logo certifies We're behind the Blue Cow logo Dairy Farmers of Canada That's Dairy Farming Forward Who doesn't love a winner? For your next trip, put your trust in Air Transat of Canada. That's dairy farming forward. every step of the way. So, book with Air Transat today to embark on new adventures and make your travel dreams a reality.

Wait, what happened to the king? He's there with you. Is he pierced? Oh yeah, everyone has been hit by an arrow. Oh, everyone. Okay. Yeah. I rolled a 24. 12. 20. Oh Oh, yeah. Everyone has been hit by an arrow. Oh, everyone. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I rolled a 24.

12. 20. Oh, yeah. 22. Okay. Now let me roll damage for each of you. Bart takes two points of damage from the arrow that hit him. Gum Gum takes three points of damage.

Mud, you take five. Kyborg takes three. And Sleek is dead. Oh. No. 17? I just saw 17 get rolled. That was his initiative.

I forgot to roll his initiative. He takes 17 points. Sleek takes one point of damage. The arrow just hit him straight between the eyes. Hey, you see the rolls. I'm not fudging them here. So they broke through the door around the movable rod? They just break the door or something?

Yeah, they broke the door itself and started chipping away at the masonry around it as well. Bart, what do you want to do? Okay, so how many archers are there with him? There are four archers standing around Odom. Okay, what's the layout of all of them? Like how far apart are they? Are they like all in a straight line?

Trying to get a visual. They're all pretty bunched up by the door. Like they came in and saw you guys and immediately fired some arrows. So they're still all grouped up together at that door you all came through where the immovable rod was or still is. Could I cast Cloud of Daggers centering on odom but hoping to get

some other archers that are kind of close by him yeah how big is that like a how big of a cube five foot cube so you could hit odom and one of the archers would say okay that's cool with me all right i got a nine nine Nine points of damage. So would it be the archer to Odom's right or Odom's left that took it? You can pick. Which would you prefer? Let's say to his right. So our left.

Your left, his right. Got it. That has lasting effects. Yeah, that is correct. If they start their turn in the cloud, they take damage. And then could I also move further back? So I'm just kind of like a bit more shielded behind the tanks of the team. Yeah, just reposition yourself.

So you're not in the front line. Yeah. Anything else, Bart, or is that it for your turn? When he says that, he goes, I'll make you pay for taking away Andi from my life. I loved her. Oh, that's great. Never wake Bart from a good dream.

Bart has like compulsive flirting disorder where he just has to flirt with everything in his path. CFD. Yeah, I've seen commercials for the medicine for that. Yeah. We all suffer from it. Gum gum. If we were to get past them to the tree outside,

we just got to get the king to the battle thing. Is there any other way to the exit? You need the amulet and the locket, which Odom currently has. Oh, he has them. Yeah. Okay. I want to go into a rage,

and I'll run my rage craziness right now. Oh, right. Get a good power. We need it. Come on. We need something that is helpful. A flarb or whatever it was called. A flarb? The tentacle things. A flampf. Show me flampf. Don't do the teleport

thing. Alright. No, I like the teleport thing. It's awesome. It's not helpful. Six is until your age ends, you are surrounded by multicolored protective lights. You gain plus one bonus. They see, and while within 10 feet of you, your allies gain the same bonus.

Not bad. Is the cloud of daggers in such a way, is it centered on the warden, or is there a way where I could hit him without being in the cloud of daggers? You could hit him from his left side because since the cloud of daggers was shifted off to his from his left side because since the cloud of daggers was shifted off to his right so that he could get the archer as well gotcha all right i want to run

to the warden odin the left side using my great axe i want to scream at them you're betraying the king he he's you know the great god lady she told us that there's peace possible, so stop fighting the king. He's really winding up that swing, that yell that long. Very Peacemaker vibes. I'm trying to fight for peace, so I'm going to kill you. Yeah. That's a 14. It's not quite good enough.

You don't get a bonus because you're raging. He rolled low. He rolled a seven. Yeah, I rolled a seven. Yeah, so you only get additional damage. I should have attacked with... I should have done reckless. Dang it. Yeah, the... You give your really long speech

and maybe you wound up a little too long and your weapon comes down, missing Warden Odom. Ha! You're pathetic! And I growl back at him and all the archers okay mud reminding everybody mud is still a tiger tiger mud tiger mud does whatever so being a tiger i run at one of the archers uh to the right of odom who is not in the cloud of daggers and tries to claw him.

So that's the same side where Gum-Gum ran up to an attack. Yeah, but he attacked Odom and I'm attacking the archer. Okay. That's a 14? Yeah, that hits. Okay, good news. That helps me do a few things. One is I'm going to roll for damage on that.

So that's four damage. He needs to do a DC 13 strength saving throw or he is knocked prone because I have pounce. Oh. If you move at least 20 feet towards an opponent and 16 on a claw, I do a pounce. Ah, he saved it. Yeah, 16.

Save successful. I'm pirate. Pierce out of nowhere. But you are up close with an archer, so. Yeah. I'm like, I clawed him. So I'm right on his butt. Right on his face.

And his face. Which, you know, you could just say looks the same to insult him and bring down his morale. You got butt for a face. Little vicious mockery. Yeah. Anything else, Mud? I smell him because I have keen smell. What's he smell like?

He smells like polar bear because he's draped in furs. Oh, that's not nice. I'm done. Okay. Knife. He's still kind of in the back with you guys.

He reaches under his cloak and pulls out a dagger. He's not advancing, but he seems like he's kind of preparing to defend himself. That's good. He's not advancing, but he seems like he's kind of preparing to defend himself. That's good. He should not advance.

The archers all draw their weapons like they're waiting, and then Odom snaps his finger. All the archers concentrate their fire on one person in the party, and that person is... Don't say Bart. Sleek. Kyborg.

Come on! I thought that was coming down. So just so you know, for transparency, I rolled a D6, and I went down your initiative order. So it's Bart, Gum Gum, Mud, Sleek, Kyborg. I rolled a five. Kyborg, you're number five. So yeah, all four archers release all of their arrows at the same time.

Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw, Kyborg. All right. You're number five. So yeah, all four archers release all of their arrows at the same time. Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw, Kaibo. All right. I got a 19. It's good dex. Not bad. Yeah, you know, you see what's coming. You can read the writing on the wall,

so you take half damage from the archers. I want you to roll. What if they rolled individually, and then I do a little dance on dodge? So all told together, it uh 13 points of damage so you'll take care of that so take six points of damage not too bad considering you just got four arrows uh fired at you you guys are the worst archers ever you're just doing that just thrusting my hips side to side. They're somehow missing. Like Elvis or something. Yeah.

I was thinking like an old Looney Tunes cartoon where it's like stuff's going all around you. It's like Elvis mixed with Looney Tunes mixed with Neo from the Matrix. But he gets hit. He gets hit. Yeah, not much. You can only kind of see.

And two of those took Cloud of Daggers. You're right. So one of them would have taken damage at the start of their turn from the Cloud of Daggers. So one of the archers that already got damaged by the Cloud of Daggers gets damaged again. Can you re-roll some Cloud of Daggers damage for me, Barbara? Please? Absolutely. Cloud of Daggers coming in.

Oh, God. Not very good. Seven. Oh, that's it. That's enough. That archer actually falls over dead. So you would have not taken one of those die of damage, Kyborg. Nice.

So we'll say you didn't take the one. It was a one, five, three, and four. So yeah, you still end up with six points of damage. Okay. I'll heal myself for one. No, he's saying you still took six. No, you still take six. They rolled one, five, three, and four. So I just took the first roll and said it didn't happen, heal myself for one. No, he's saying you still took six. No, you still take six. They rolled a one, five, three, and four.

So I just took the first roll and said it didn't happen, which was the one. Okay, then I'll find Cheater. Cheater. So now it's Sleek's turn. Get ready, everybody. Prepare to be whelmed. Sleek begins muttering under his breath an arcane incantation. You hear him whispering.

Rack'em, rack'em, rack'em. The archer that Mud is mauling needs to make a wisdom saving throw. Just imagine him going like, Shaggy, shaggy, shaggy, shaggy, shaggy, shaggy, shaggy, shaggy. And it fails. So it takes a little bit of damage. A little bit of damage is what I want. Sleek also steps up, not to the front line, but maybe kind of in the middle of the party.

Is that the damage he rolled? Yeah, he rolled a 1d4 for damage, like two points of damage. So again, just to continue this narrative of Sleek being all but useless, he finally did something where he damaged a guy. Gus rolled a d4. That's what this guy's attack did, was a d4.

Listen, he got tortured. He got healed by Andy. What's her name? Magic Woman. Yeah. Andy. He doesn't have his loot. There's so many excuses for

this loser. His fingers literally went like, like re-healed on his hands. Kyborg, it's your turn. Then Bart, you're going to be up in a little bit. Okay, I want to start with a bonus action where I stare at Sleek and I roll my eyes.

Okay. Sorry to do, like, trigonometry right now, but we got people up in faces, and I have an area of effect attack that I want to, like, launch. It's after shooting the Longbow of Triumph, I want to hit with the Bursting Arrow, which is 10 feet of damage. So I need to figure out, Gus, in the simplest way, who can I hit that will then hit the other dudes without hitting my team?

At this point, I don't know if you can do that because Mud and Gum-Gum are up close. Like Mud is attacking the archer immediately to the left of Odom. Gum-Gum is attacking the Archer immediately to the left of Odom. Gum Gum is attacking Odom. You could hit maybe the other Archer and position it in a way to where it doesn't hit anybody. That's probably your only bet at this point. Okay. Well, then let's just keep it simple.

Kiss. Keep it simple, stupid. I'm going to aim for Odom right in the noggin. That's not a called shot. I'm just going to shoot at Odom. 18. 18. That connects. And That's not a called shot. I'm just going to shoot at Odom. 18. 18. That connects.

And that's eight points of damage. Nice, nice, nice. Ooh, nice. Yeah. Odom is preoccupied with his standing off with Gum Gum. He doesn't see the arrow coming in, which hits him for eight points of damage. Is that the best you've got? You thought I was done.

Oh, no. Action surge. Action surge. You can I was done. Oh, no. Action surge. Action surge. You can take one additional action on your turn. I'm going to take another shot at Odom. Oh, that's a 10. Does that hit? No, that does not.

It does because I rolled an inspiration die. Whoosh. 18. 18. That does hit. Ha ha. Seven. Seven. Oh, look at you. Aha! Seven. Seven.

Oh, look at you. That's another seven points of damage. Yeah, Warden Odom looks incredibly angry. Wait, but how does he look like health-wise? You know, obviously he's not whistling, walking down the road or anything, but he's not, like, you know, about to fall over or anything. Okay.

And then is there a way that I can kind of, as with Bart, sort of, like, get behind cover or move in a position that's not going to open me up to attack of opportunity, but get some strategic distance between myself and idiots? Maybe a piece of furniture to hide behind? Yeah, there's some couches there that were arranged around the hearth that you could use. Okay. I want to do a cool roll over a couch. Actually, I don't want to do that because then you're going to make me roll for it. Yeah, that's my turn.

You walk safely around the couch. Yeah, but then when I'm back there, I take another bonus action, and I just stare at Sleek, and then I roll my eyes at him again. You only get one bonus action. He's just looking at Sleek. Lots of bonus actions going on.

Thanks, Chris. Thanks for keeping me accountable, bud. He's here to help. Chris is all about rules. Rules. And following them, not questioning them, remembering them. It's just like his thing. Okay.

It's now Odom's turn. Bart, you'll be up after him. But Bart gets to roll damage. Oh, right. Yeah. Go ahead and roll me some Cloud of Daggers damage. Bart. Max damage.

Ten. Good damage. Four, three, two, one. Ten. That's a lot of damage. Yeah. Odum doesn't like that. He does not want to start his next turn here.

What's he going to do? He does have a great sword and a shield in his hands. And he's like, you know, threatening with Gum-Gum who's up in his face. But then he kind of like shifts them both to his sides

and just kind of with his body tries to slam out and hit Gum-Gum with just his massive weight, his heft. Feel the power of Valrathian might. Okay.

Odom used Body Slam. Which hits an AC 21, which I believe would hit you. Doing 15 points of damage. That was 2d6, we're both six. And the slam actually slides you back a little bit. Oh, you take half of that because of rage. So you'll take seven points of damage. Okay. And i slide backwards yeah

you slide back a little bit like uh five feet away then uh warden odom you know uh starts stepping out of the cloud of daggers and begins moving in a straight line towards or he moves around you to try to get closer uh seems like he's trying to close the distance get closer to knife was that close enough to him to get an attack of opportunity with him moving away? No, it was like one square over. One square over too far, I should say. Which is why I had him do the slam so he can get away. Oh, I know that. I know that.

So yeah, he's kind of more at this point now behind where Mud and Gum Gum were, closing the distance to the couches over where Knife is. So it seems like he's really going for Knife. Yes, from what you can tell. Then he's kind of, like I said, he's kind of in the middle of the room, and he kind of looks like he pulls up his shield to kind of hide himself behind it.

But when he does that, the shield starts to vibrate, and you see Knife's body start to inch toward Odom, almost like it's pulling him. Knife has to make a strength saving throw. Oh, no. Oh, but he makes it. Yeah! So the shield starts to pull Knife in, no. Oh, but he makes it. Yeah. So the shield starts to pull Knive in Odom's direction,

but Knive quickly grabs onto some nearby furniture and secures his foot. Cool. I'm going to steal that when he dies. Already planning. Bart, you're up with Gum-Gum after Bart. Okay. Am I close enough to Knive to touch him? No, I think you had fallen back a little bit.

A little bit, yeah. Yeah, to try to be away. He's like kind of on the other side of some couches from you. Could I move

towards him so I'm like right next to him? Yes, you absolutely can do that. And then may I cast invisibility on him and I?

Oh. I guess I can only do it on one person, right? You can do it on one, yeah. Okay, I'm going to do it on him. Nice. Interesting. All right, yeah, you're totally able to do that. Nice. Cool. I guess I can only do it on one person, right? You can do it on one, yeah. Okay, I'm going to do it on him.

Nice. Interesting. All right. Yeah, you're totally able to do that. Nice. Cool. Good call. Unfortunately, though, I think that's my only action I could do.

Yeah, it is like casting a spell. It's an action. Yeah, unless you have like a bonus action. Stupid spells all being one action. Could I actually cast Bardic Inspiration on my party? No, yeah. Bardic Inspiration is just a bonus action. Yeah.

Nice. And that's a party effect? As in you give it to all of us? No, it goes to one person. Okay, I'll give it to GumGum. Nice. Thank you. You're welcome.

So it's like an Inspiration die, but a D6 instead of a D20. Cool. And it's to add on instead of replace. Oh, right, right, yeah. So the same, but totally different. Similar qualities. Is that it for you, Bart? Yes.

Okay. Gum Gum, you're up with Mud after Gum Gum. Could I, I don't know if, without this taking up all my actions, can I use the jump ring to jump over the warden to put myself in between him and the, and the where Bart was just standing? Yeah, that would just be your move action to do that. Yeah.

Cool. So I jump over him and then I, reckless attack. I reckless attack with my what is the attack a reckless attack oh yeah that's a nat 20 for 27 nice nice yeah so i'm gonna assume that would hit oh yeah absolutely that's hit so it doesn't matter that you had advantage because you rolled uh uh nat 20 how do we calculate that i just rolled damage and it was uh 15 but normally what i do is uh you roll damage and then i'll add a maximum die damage to it as well okay so since your damage is a d12 you rolled a 15 we'll add another 12 to that so that's 27. plus two for raging so it'd be 29 29. how don't tell me this guy's alive at that. He's not looking good at all, but he is still alive.

He is still breathing. Bro took 29 damage in a single hit. Yeah, I mean, he could be beefy. He's a beefy boy. He ate his Wheaties. Do they still make Wheaties? Yeah, 100%. Okay.

This is the person to ask. John's here. This is real, yeah. Yeah, that's pretty sweet moves person to ask. John's here. That's pretty sweet moves you pulled off there, GumGum. It actually worked out. You got anything else in your bag of tricks? No, unless I can blow my magic whistle as a bonus action.

No. Has that worked yet, the whistle? I don't think it has. Not once. Mud is up, and then a bunch of npcs and eventually you kyborg uh okay can i how far away is odom now uh at this point he would be behind you say let's call it 15 feet okay i'd like to lunge at him uh just as an fyi if you lunge away that would provoke an attack of opportunity from the archer you are engaged with. I'm okay with that.

Okay. The archer, you jump out of the way or away from the archer who very quickly and deftly pulls out a short sword and takes a quick swing at you. Attack of opportunity. Little attack of opportunity. That's a 15. Does that hit? That's my of opportunity. That's a 15. Does that hit?

That's my armor class. That hits. So you take five points of damage. Okie dokie. Okay, but yeah, you pounce away over to Odom, who, like I said, not looking that great. Yeah. And I do a claw. Rolled a two.

That's not good enough. You know what? I'm going to use my inspiration die. I want to help. That's not good enough. You know what? I'm going to use my inspiration die. I want to help. I want to do something. The angels from heaven sing. I rolled a two again. I rolled a two again.

I rolled two twos in a row. I will say, I do appreciate you, you know, getting an inspiration die and immediately using it. I like it. I like that attitude. Like the go in, just dive in, use it. Use it or lose it. I like it. I like that attitude. Like, they go in, just dive in, use it. Use it or lose it. Sorry, Mud. That's two twos. Even with an inspiration die, that's a terrible break.

Don't worry. I can do nothing else, so... Enjoy a short turn, everybody. It's Knives' turn. You really can't see him, though. Bart, make a perception check. Bart, okay.

What do I see with my little Bart eyes? 19. Whoa. 19. Even though he's invisible, since he was right next to you, you can kind of make out what Knives is doing. Like you can hear where he's going and you kind of like have a sense for what he's doing.

And it seems to you like he's taking, he's walking in like the opposite direction, like counterclockwise away from Odom, like trying to sneak out towards those doors to the south. Copy. Like behind everyone who's coming in. Like the old, like getting behind him and sneaking away. As he's making his way around the room, Bart, you happen to notice his gauntlet on the wall get jostled

and the light flickers for just a moment. Implying that that's where he is. And then an invisible form sets on fire. Okay, that's it for Knive. The archers. Once again, Odom snaps his fingers. They all draw, and who are they all going to fire on? They're all going to fire on...

This is just so Gus doesn't have to resolve three different NPCs all at once. It's much easier and quicker this way. That's what I'm saying. Just do it all. I rolled a five again. Do y'all remember who five is? Catborg!

Gus, we need to have words. We need to have multiple words. Listen, all it is is that they see the other archer as the most concerning thing to defeat another archer. Yeah, what scares an archer the most? other archer as the most, you know, concerning thing to defeat another archer. Yeah. What scares an archer the most? Another archer. Yeah.

I rolled an 18 on dexterity saving throw. All right. So you take half damage. So you take half of 15. So we'll round that down to seven. So you take seven points of damage from three arrows that all come flying your way. You're starting to think that maybe this is something personal, Kyborg.

Yeah. These guys aren't archers. They're just dudes with bows and arrows. There's a difference. They're not even good at it. Wow. Wow. Big words from Kyborg there. Sleek. Alright, Sleek. Don't let us down this time. You can do it. We really believe in you.

He begins muttering arcane words once again under his breath. It's funny you say that. That's kind of how I was picturing it too. Then one of the archers needs to make a saving throw. Ooh, that's a fail. We'll say this is one of the other archers. It takes three points of damage. Are you happy, John?

That's better, right? It's still lame. I mean, I know I just missed. It's still lame. Three is more than zero. Just throwing that out there. It is. It is. But if he's the infinite, this throwing that out there. It is. It is.

But if he's the Infinite, this is like Iron Man doing three damage. Come on. He doesn't have his loot. I can't wait for the day for him to get his stupid loot back. Stop making excuses. Kyborg, you're up. Okay. All right.

Let's get a lay of the land again. I know that mud is all up in Odom's grill. Yeah. And then wasn't gum gum as well? That's just gum gum. Yeah. Okay. And then so then those other archers, dudes with bows and arrows, they're

kind of concentrated still but far enough away from the others that area of effect attack wouldn't hit anybody, right? Correct. Yeah, they're all still kind of up against that southern wall about 15 feet away from where the rest of your party's engagement is. And there's three of them left?

Correct. Okay. Mud growls and does the whole, like, eye-pointing action at Odom. These guys have shot me twice in a row. Like, specifically pointing at the severe amount of wounds on Odom. Sometimes when you're fighting a boss, like an MMO,

you take out the adds before you engage the boss. You know, there's benefits to each strategy. Plus you guys are all grouped up on, I have literally arrows that explode. I could take these guys out right now. They'd be done. And then they'd stop hitting me. It's also, it's a thing.

It's a pride thing, John. It's a pride thing. There we go, we really hit it. All right, I shoot the one that looks the weakest. Oh, you're being dumb. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Just as long as we're alive. I shoot the one that's the weakest.

Okay, that would have been the one, initially when they walked in, that would have been the one immediately to Odom's left. Okay, so then is he still within 10 feet of the other two guys, but not 10 feet of the other guys? Yeah, I would say he'd be able to hit all three at this point. Here we go! Longboat triumph.

That's 19. 19, that hits. Alright. Excellent, excellent. Okay, so then I'll do damage to him first. That's 11 points of damage. Alright, well he already falls over, uh, falls down dead. Okay.

And now I'm imagining his two little buddies stare down at his body at a sizzling arrow because what do you know? That's a bursting arrow. So it's a 2d6 of damage. So I'm going to roll that real quick. And skipper black. Five points of damage. All right. They both take Five points of damage. All right.

They both take five points of damage. They're still alive, but yeah, they're now... The two remaining guys with bows and arrows are hurt. Jack Black does all the foley work for Kyborg. Skipper Black.

And then I say, that's how you shoot an arrow. Crocodile Dundee over here I That's not a nine Second wind once per short rest you can use a bonus action to regain 1d 10 plus 4 HP I'm gonna go ahead and do that Alright, so I'm gonna roll a 1d 10 real quick. It's been lobbing arrows inaccurately at me Scooby-Doo-Boop.

Nine plus four. 13 points. I feel like 100 bucks. Nice. Did that move upgrade? I don't know. Maybe from 1D6 to 1D10. Yeah, I don't remember being that high before.

I'm kind of a big deal, John. And then with that, I again stare at Sleek. And I just kind of, you know, the guy on TikTok that he does things easier than everybody else does. And he kind of gives this like really, you know. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I do that to Sleek. So second wind, the way it works normally is you're getting D10 plus your fighter level in hit points. So the only upgrade it would get is whenever Kyborg levels, he gets another plus one added on every time.

Which is why he gets, see, level four fighter, so that's why he gets D10 plus four. Just for our listeners or anybody who might be wondering how it works specifically. Cool. For our Johns out there. Is that it for you, Kyborg? Yep.

All right. It's Odom's turn. Then after Odom is going to be Bart. What's he going to do? He's surrounded. He's got clowns to the left of him, jokers to the right. Here he is. Look in the middle.

Oh, man. He really wants to get to Knife. Knife is invisible, but kind of fumbling around right now. Oh, I know what he'll do. He'll go after Sleek. Yes. I mean, no, don't do that. Anything but that.

He winds up with his great sword. Who's he going to attack? His sword. Evens, mud, odds, gum gum. Mud. I thought he had a big old pickaxe thing. Lots of them do have pickaxes. The warden right now, however,

has like a big anchor looking great sword. Copy. So yeah, he winds up, takes a swing at you with it. He hits AC 14. I have AC 16 because I'm next to Gum Gum. Oh. But even then it wouldn't match because I'm 15. So it misses.

But then the swing, he keeps like following through with the swing and he attempts to hit Gum Gum with it. That would hit an AC 21. Yeah, that would hit. I learned this move in Tuscany. So I duck, it misses me and it just connects on Gum Gum.

Yeah, pretty much. Like how you roll to see Wu if you're going to hit him. You're like, never mind, I'll hit him both anyway. Well, it's to create the suspense. Who's he going to attack first? Yeah, going through the process.

And how much damage did it do? That is 12 points of damage. So six. Yeah, you take half because of the fact that you're raging. And yeah, just FYI, I know people might remember, since you reckless attacked,

he would have had advantage on that attack, but it doesn't matter because it hit anyone. He rolled with the confidence of somebody with advantage. He knew he didn't need it. Okay.

Then I know this is not good for him, but he's going to go ahead and step back. Y'all are both going to get attacked. Attack of opportunity. He's trying to withdraw to get back to the door. I do a bite. Mine's only 14.

I know I miss. I'm going to swing my great axe. Do I get to recklessly attack with that? Not for attack of opportunity, right? 10. No, they both miss. This is it. The best you both miss. This is it. The best you've got.

This is it. Guys. So it actually works. He is able to step back. He's exiting the room, leaving, going back out into the great hall. Don't let him get away. But he's at the door. No, at this point, he has enough movement.

He would have stepped through. He is on the other side. Bart, you're up. Gum-Gum, you're after. So he's out the door? Yeah. There are also still two archers in this room. Okay. Clean them up. Could I, how close are they together?

They are right next to each other. Okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna cast Dissonant Whispers on one of them. The one further to the right. Okay, so the one furthest away from the door. Yeah. Okay. Bart begins whispering. So they need to make a wisdom saving throw. 14.

Your save is 13. So the archer or the guy with the bow and arrow manages to save. That's always fun when your spell doesn't work. Tell me about it. So Dissonant Whispers, you start whispering, but nobody seems to be listening. Maybe they've got too much wax in their ear. Yeah, dang it. Okay.

Well, I'm going to move further away from the archers now. Okay, so retreating back further into the room? Yeah. Okay, putting another couch between yourself and them. Is that it for you? Bart just starts making forts with the cushions. Gum you're up and then Mud is after Gum Gum Okay so can I do my jump move again and get between him and the door? He's already out the door

Okay then can I do it and get on the other side of the door of him? Or between on the other side of him? Between on the other side of him Yeah Yeah I mean yeah sure why not Yeah you can absolutely you can jump through the door and get on the other side of him into the hall all right i'm gonna do that and recklessly attack and be like you tell you get away from me go for it that's a 20 and uh 23. damn incredible okay yeah you you definitely hit. All right. Six damage.

But you're no plus rage, so that's eight. I know, but the range of Gum-Gum's damage went all the way down to eight from 29. He's got a lot of range. Yeah. Odom looks surprised as you reappear from the air in front of him. You swing your great axe, and he falls down dead in front of him. You swing your great axe, and he falls down dead in front of you. Oh, yeah! Damn, coach!

But, you know, you entered the royal hall, and what was once a small flame has now grown into a blazing inferno. Scorched tables and chairs are all knocked to the floor with cutlery, glass, and food scattered about. Banners burn overhead along the balconies where gleaming suits of armor reflect the dancing of the fiery flags.

And if that weren't enough, the moonlit hall is now crowded with polar bears and Ishbjorn spirits brawling with the Valrasian guards and nobles. Bear claws and walrus tusks spilling blood left and right. And somewhere far off, a familiar ethereal wind howls like a distant tornado.

Bear crawls are my favorite donuts, by the way. Based on the setting, it seems like this is the point where Gum Gum becomes evil, like he's turned to the dark side. He just killed a guy and then there's a fire around him and he's like, I have given in to my evil ways. Can I grab the necklace and pendant from the body? And the shield. Nice, good, yes.

Sure. In the middle of all this chaos around him, Gum-Gum begins going through Warden Odom's pockets. Saluting him. Of course. That is 100% where Chris's desire to maintain character ends entirely. We need him. We need him.

He took the... I'm aware. I'm aware. The looting in the middle of like just fires blazing of going for the shield is a total Chris move. I'm just going to... That's the hill that I plant my flag on. I'm fine with you doing it, but I have to point it out. That classic song, Nessun Dorma

is like, duh, duh, duh, duh. He's just going through a dead body. Yeah, do I find it or anything else? You bend down and you start taking the amulet and lock it. Gotcha. And shield. Go ahead and make a

strength saving throw, GumGum. He's going to say that that shield's way too heavy for you. Wait, I have advantage on strength saving throws. You do? Yeah, I'm still raging. Wow, you're alright. You do have advantage on that, which is lucky for you because, you know, you're not looking around at this crazy battle going on

and as you're going through Odom's stuff, a huge polar bear runs right into you as it's trying to charge into a Valrasian on the other side of the hall. And it would have knocked you prone, but you managed to brace yourself and the polar bear bounces off and continues on its charge.

Wow, well done. I just bumped bellies with a polar bear and won. Yeah, so you get the amulet, the locket, and yeah, you grab the shield as well. Are you going to look for anything else on him? Yeah, I mean, anything else to value money. You could also, if you wanted to, grab his sword, grab his armor, and he's also got

a money pouch. Sure. All of the above. Jesus D. The money pouch has 18 silver and 16 gold. Wow. Remember when Gum-Gum didn't want to do anything to hurt people and would just hug them in battle? Oh, he's a change right now. Now he just murdered a man with a great axe

and then took all of his belongings. Now he knows that they have goodies. He's turning evil. I think Blaine has it. It is the arc of Gum-Gum going evil. Yep. The two remaining archers look down at Odom's lifeless body being picked clean by Gum-Gum.

Then they look around at the flames climbing higher and higher throughout the hall and without a word, they both take off running away from you all. These archers are running away? Yes, they are running away. They are back in the royal hall. They have left the room that you all were in. And we want them dead, right? Or do we want to let them run away?

I feel like they are ancillary at this point since Odin was the big target. Yeah, we got what we needed. We Odin was the big target. Yeah. Yeah, we got what we needed. We just got to get the king to the place. Maybe save your spells and we just kind of disengage? Yeah, I don't think, I feel like we just let them run away

if they're not really actively trying to fight us anymore. That is unless Bart has the same bloodlust that Gum-Gum apparently has now. Could I maybe just send my mage hand out to, like, slap him around a little bit? And, like, point at them, like, really menacingly? Like, you better not return. You could have it. You'd make it appear 30 feet away from you and, like, shaking your fist at them. Yeah, let's do that.

Make an intimidation check. Because why I ought to. 22. 22, yeah. they are really intimidated. They were already scared and even more so now as they see this spectral disembodied hand shaking menacingly at them. Little did they know it was just rolling some dice.

Y'all are out of initiative now at this point. Yeah, they're all pretty much run away. For out of initiative, I still, they're 150 feet away minimum. I want to take another shot with a longbow. I can't let this slide. Please, guys, I need this. You've lost them at this point. There's fire and smoke everywhere.

They may be within range, but you cannot see them because there is so much going on. Okay, it's alright. I got Seeking Arrow. I've got Seeking Arrow. It's fine. Let me do this. Save your spells. Don't you have to see them for Seeking Arrow? No, that's the point of Seeking Arrow. You can choose a creature

that you've seen in the past minute and fire an arrow that flies towards the creature, moving around corners and ignoring three-quarters cover and half cover. Absolutely. Okay. So I shoot it. I want one right now so badly.

That's a 20. They need to make a dexterity saving throw. 12. So, yeah, you fire your arrow and it disappears into the smoke and fire. You're not sure if it hits or not. I'm pretty sure it hits. Guys, I'm pretty sure it did. I'm pretty sure it did.

All right. What are the rest? What's everyone doing at this point? I'm pretty sure it hits. Guys, I'm pretty sure it did. I'm pretty sure it did. All right. What are the rest? What's everyone doing at this point? I guess we should get knives. Should I? Yeah. Could I like stop concentrating on my invisibility spell to show himself? Yeah.

You stop concentrating on it and a knife pops into existence at the northern end of the royal hall, kind of where the thrones were. Bart, what do you start concentrating on to then break concentration of that spell? I start daydreaming about... Andy? Andi. Andi, yeah. I start daydreaming about Andi and just what our life

would be like together. You feel almost like you can feel her warm gaze on you, but you realize it's just the flames all around you. Aww. So, that's sorted. And now we need to find a tree. Yeah. As you all reconvene in the

royal hall, you hear like... I grab my immovable rod. I'm saying it. I'm saying it. Sorry. I grab my immovable rod. Thank you. Very, very important note. We were wondering about that. You were saying things like we were moving out, so I gotta make sure to interject. Sorry not to step on you. John's very important note. We were wondering about that. No, you were saying things like we were moving out, so I got to make sure to interject this. Sorry not to step on you.

John's not going to forget that. You feel the sweat dripping from your bodies as the flames dance higher and hotter all around you in the hall. You also hear a low groan getting louder and louder until finally you hear a faint snap and the whole roof caves in. That's what happens when you do a fire.

To find out what happens, tune in next time for the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Every time. Find out if Kyborg made that shot. The dexterity saving throw they needed was a nine, and they rolled a twelve. So metagame, I can tell you, it definitely missed. No, no, no. I'm pretty sure it hit, though.

I'm pretty sure it did. If you hadn't pressed it, he would have left it just be mystery, and you could have just thought. Now I will say, canonically, they are still alive. They are going to come back. They're going to train for their entire life and be the evil villain you encounter.

All right. Well, that's it for this episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. We'll be back again next week with another episode. Till then. Bye.

Tale then. Bye. Stay stinky, friends. you