Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 12. Damn, Shit, There's Nothing Here...

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

This week we're talking gossip, Trump, being childfree and pet care.Subscribe, rate and review wherever you listen! Get in contact with us by emailing [e-mail], or find us on Instagram @tsybpod or Twitter @tswayaab And have you been looking for a portable blender to make margaritas wherever you are?! Well look no further, visit https://zen.ai/tspod12 to order your BlendJet2 and get 12% off and free 2 day shipping! 

Damn, shit, there's nothing here. Hello and welcome back to Talking Shit. With a yank. And a Brit. That was beautiful. Thank you so much. And a Brit. That was beautiful.

Thank you so much. Could you just sing for the entirety of our conversation today? Sing everything. I can try. It's the musical episode. How have you been, Catherine? Oh my God. I've been all right.

How are you? I'm very well. Quite swell. We're gonna have a talking shit with the yank and a bread musical. Do-de-do. Alright, we'll get on writing that. It's gonna be on Broadway. That's coming up on our 100th episode. So in about three years. Actually doing the math at this rate,

like 90 more weeks, 87 more weeks, if we keep up at a weekly pace. That's quick math. Well done. Thanks. I went to public school. Oh, anyway. How have you been?

Pretty good. Pretty good. It's been an all right week. Not really much to report. The weather's quite warm here. Warmer than here, which is a bit shocking as you can see i'm sweating because our houses are not built for heat yeah i can't see i think you just actually kind of look like you're glowing again uh can't see the beads of sweat it's just a sheen of sweat this time so dewy yeah you guys air conditioning I remember is very uncommon particularly for homes

but I used to laugh too because we would be walking you know kind of in on the high street or you know in London or something in the window stickers would in addition to advertising like the hours and stuff would also say air conditioning inside we have air con here come in yeah like that's a selling point for people which made me laugh because it's just they're it's pretty standard here right show off bad for the environment i think i don't know for sure but it seems like it would be. Yeah, it probably is. I mean, everything's bad for the environment these days, right? Yeah, it's true. It is. Cows.

It's your wake, man. Cows, yeah. It's been fine. I also don't have a lot to report. Just, you know, work. Yeah. And then playing so hard. Work hard, play hard bruh

just kidding I'm so lame but I know you had kind of a long drive for work, didn't you? I did, yeah I went up to Leicester for a client meeting Leicester cheese, yeah

Leicestershire cheese. It was a really long drive and I binged a whole podcast series. It was fabulous. Yeah, I was going to ask what you've been listening to lately, but real quick, I do just want to say the word Leicester to me, among other names in your country, it should be pronounced Leicester. It should, yeah. in your country it it should be pronounced lysester it should yeah and to be fair whenever i type it in my head i say lysester so that i remember how to spell it yep it's ridiculous

i struggle so hard horse ham bro bro bro anyway what are you listening to well um okay so the one i binged it's called the 13th step by nhpr which is new hampshire new hampshire public radio and to be honest a lot seems to go on there I've listened to quite a few I honestly didn't know they had their own I know there's NPR and then there's MPR

from Minnesota so it makes sense that there is New Hampshire but interesting well it's called The 13th Step and it's all about basically Well, it's called The 13th Step, and it's all about basically tales of sexual assault in the addiction recovery space. And it's obviously The 13th Step because it's the 12-step program like with AA right and it's commonly known that the 13th step is when basically men take advantage of women when they're in a vulnerable place and things like that

um it's really interesting I don't mean to laugh that's actually horrifying but just don't you know if I'm at my 13th step so I'm gonna get assaulted yeah but yeah really fucking interesting I'd highly recommend um and there's also have you listened to Bearbrook no I don't know if that's fucking brilliant that's again that was recommended because I've listened to Bearbrook season one and season two um is it fiction no it's like true crime oh okay season one was brilliant and season one season two just came out and again it was pretty good um but it's reported by a guy called jason moon and he's just a really good like investigative journalist um got a nice voice yeah i got a really nice voice and he's like

really respectful season one i can't even remember i added it to my list i'll give it a go yeah give them a go they're really good and then another one i was listening to was believe in magic with jamie bartlett and it's a bbc podcast again a really interesting story about a girl who supposedly had a life-threatening brain tumor and she sets up a charity with her mom called believe in magic and they raise loads of money to help people. And there's lots of twists and turns on the way, and all is not what it seems. Oh, yeah. You mentioned that one to me. I still haven't started it yet, but yeah, I'm really interested in listening to that one.

Yeah, that was really good. How about you? What have you got for me? So I know I've mentioned it a few times. I've been really into normal gossip. You have mentioned that. Yeah. Which I learned not too long ago when I told her about it that my friend Lauren actually already told me about it. And my response to her when she told me, I guess, was, why are you listening to our podcast? Because I don't know if you do this, but there's this other podcast. Excuse podcast excuse me but anyway so she told me about it a while ago and then I probably kept it in my head and stumbled across it and thought that I was the one who discovered it but no um it's really interesting it's literally just as it sounds it's like people write into the host with like a friend

of a friend of a friend of just like some really kind of interesting dramatic but not super harmful gossip about regular people and it I didn't think I'd be that interested in it but some of the stuff is just like oh my god really yes I highly recommend it also I'll try that that reminds me of another one i listened to ages ago they don't do it anymore um it's called gossip mongers and it was originally three people like three comedians again yeah they get like members of the public to send in like gossip back but from like when they're at school and just like it's the craziest shit that like the most unbelievable

stuff like just crazy stories that went around school or like back in their hometown and stuff and absolutely hilarious i love it i'm definitely giving that one a go once I'm through all of the normal gossip stuff because I feel like I don't I don't drive very far for very long or really most days so it takes me a while to listen to even an episode but I just found it like it's just listening to some people's benign stuff is just actually really funny yeah and made me think that probably I'm a bit of a gossip I don't know about you but I think I am I don't think I'm a gossip but I love hearing other people's gossip yeah I mean I think that's how I am too um I mean I'll tell friends you know the tea not that I have any it's usually work stuff I was usually telling like my my work friend the tea but which is also probably really boring if I tried to tell it to my friends

they would be like if I sat here and told you about some of the work stuff going on you'd be like neat we can't use this on the podcast it's so boring but you know it's interesting when you're kind of involved, I guess. Yeah. I remember a really random bit of gossip from my school years. There was this girl, and I can't even remember her name now, but the rumor was that she had two assholes. And literally... Oh, my God. Everyone, she was just known as like the two asshole girl. There's probably no truth to it.

Oh, my God. That poor girl. And also, like, it's not even like no one. That's we know it's not true. Yeah. I guess it's kind of gossipy now. But so I went to a pretty small school. I want to say there was probably 30 kids in my grade and maybe like the whole school had 200 kids like high school.

And I went there for almost all of my school years except for the last year of school, my senior year. And I think because it was small, because we all had known each other for a really long time and it was really clicky my grade thought it would be really fun to do this dick thing where they basically all agree to vote for this girl who's kind of unpopular and weird and no one liked and got bullied a lot for like our homecoming royalty and so that was like going around and I was like i'm not gonna do that have you guys seen the movie carrie like let's not be dicks let's not be the stereotypical shit you see in the you know teen movies it's like she's all that yeah something like that

and um so what happened is like enough people did vote for her that she did win. But the school administration was like, we know this is a joke. So sorry, kiddo, you don't get to be queen or whatever it was. And gave it to the person who got the second most votes, who was like another popular girl. Because they're like, yeah, she legitimately would win. We know for sure this girl didn't. And it was a joke. But did the girl that got joke voted for,

did she know that she won as a joke? Yeah. Well, I think she knew she won. And we think this is a joke. And I remember at the dance, she was just sitting in the bathroom crying. Oh my God. I think that's worse. It was really fucked up.

Yeah, I agree. The teacher should have just said yeah take it like wow yeah i i mean but i could imagine what the school my classmates would have done when she got up there you know i just i could see why they did it but you know i just don't think they needed to even say they could have just said we're gonna actually give it to the second place winner and not even tell anybody that she won you know yeah fucking hell so stupid well guys way to break a girl's heart fucking yeah i know i felt really bad just we were horrible i mean there were times when i was probably horrible and had people were horrible to me too it sucked um but it's also i know that part of that is just being in school. I can't remember any specific gossip though.

I mean, there are parts of it that are kind of fun and you can look back on. But for the most part, it's just like we're all a bunch of assholes, huh? Mm-hmm. I mean, you're making fun of a kid with warts. Oh, God. I'm sorry. Well, I will have to give some of those podcasts a listen and I'll report back. But you let me know what you think about normal gossip.

I will, yeah. I'll give that a listen and let you know. Speaking of gossip... Ooh, do we have some? Well, there's something going on at the moment here in the UK with one of our TV presenters. I don't know if you've heard anything about it. Philip Schofield. Okay, so I have seen his name on headlines and in some tweets, but I did never go any further than that.

But he's got gray hair, kind of just looks like a guy, right? Mm-hmm. So he's like a silver fox. Yeah, tell me more. Okay, so to give you a bit of background, he has presented our show called This Morning, which is like our breakfast time everyday TV show.

Good morning, America America 20 years yeah that sort of thing but yeah it's not like a sort of news panel show it's more like loads of random shit on there and like cooking segments and agony aunt segments and the interview celebrities maybe like some current events

but mostly like kind of just human interest pieces and stuff like that yeah so he's done that for years, on Yas, on Yas, and he's always been very popular. And it's him and another female presenter called Holly Willoughby. And they're sort of, everyone loved them. He, so basically, I think it was last year or the year before,

he came out as gay and you know great well done for him he was married to his wife for years but it all seemed very amicable and blah blah blah everyone said he was a hero for coming out and all that jazz sure um however he has taken a fall from grace. And let me tell you, like, this is all over our news. You cannot get away from it. I don't read the news, but it's all over fucking social media as well. Yeah. Are people talking about it in, like, your social circles? Not really.

Okay. So it's not like you can't escape it Bad but you Even if you avoid the news you're still aware of it Yeah So basically what's happened is He took a break From presenting the show for a little while

And it turned out that The reason he took a break was because his brother Was on trial for I believe child porn Or pedophilia. And I think he was found guilty. Not sure. Anyway, he comes back.

Then it's now come out that they had a runner on the show who i think when he started see i don't actually know the details probably should have researched this a little bit more yeah it's okay you can correct yourself next time yeah so the i think the runner started when he was like 14 or something and when the guy was 16 philip scofield, bearing in mind, I think is probably in his 60s now. Okay. Has been having a secret affair with this young runner for years. Oh, God. Yeah.

So he has been sacked by ITV, which is the channel he works for he also presented other shows on that show as well yeah um there's been like a huge fallout from it like other celebrities and presenters are like sticking their oar in and saying what a prick he was and others coming out and defending him he's done like this big interview where it's like to be fair his life is falling apart he's like lost his job like the media are like fucking hounding him and yeah it's like i don't know so much fucking drama around it but as far as i can tell it's morally questionable yeah but nothing illegal actually happened yeah that. That's the gray area, like question about those kinds of things, isn't it? That's it. I mean, some people are saying that, you know, he must have groomed him and. Or, you know, maybe it did start a little bit sooner, but maybe this,

I don't know how this guy is now, but maybe he wants to protect him a little bit. I'm guessing, like, did, did did they did something happen between them and he disclosed or did someone else who like knew about it reveal it or what you know i don't actually know how it came out um but yeah i don't know it's just going fucking mental they've done like this big apology and yeah like where are you kind of it sounds like you're very much like yeah yeah okay let's move on um and i i think i was gonna ask if like the age of consent in england is like 16 i'm guessing it is at least 16 yeah so you're right it's like kind of morally and then there's these thoughts about grooming and he's in a position of power.

I think that's probably the big one, because even if this kid was much older, like it's Philip Schofield. But, you know, I guess I would want to know if that's what this person is kind of alleging right now. It sounds like just based on what you know, it's just the sheer fact that they were in a relationship and he was when they first started, supposedly really, really young. Yeah. But not like probably like not illegally young. were in a relationship and he was when they first started supposedly really really young yeah um but not like problem like not illegally young but yeah i think it's just kind of like 16 year old versus a 60 year old that's a really bug big excuse me really big fucking difference in age yeah and life stages it is yeah, yeah. But it happens. Like, you know, like Stephen Fry.

He is, I think it is 60s or 70s now. And when he married his boyfriend, he was like mid-20s. There's lots of other large age gap relationships. I feel like people people talk about it like you know i'm sure you've heard the jokes about leonardo dicaprio yeah kind of ditching all his women after they hit a certain age like 25 yeah and i think you know we've talked about that but i also feel like sometimes we don't even bat an eye when it's like a younger woman and an older man but it seems like if it's reversed or even you know two men then it's like we want to we're gonna talk about

this yeah it feels really unfair actually yeah yeah well i'll be curious to hear i mean it sounds like probably it'll fade away or maybe something else big will happen but i'm wondering if there is more to the story because there's been such a huge pile such a huge fallout from it and it was like when it came out it was like a really serious statement from ITV

that just seemed over the top from what happened and I'm like is there more to this or are other things going to come out do they know more than we do who knows I'll keep you posted yeah please do I wonder if they have like I doubt it

but I suppose they could have been like it's just against our policy for this sort of like relationship but I bet not I'll have to see if I can read more about it too I mean I have some I guess gossip as well but now I'm trying to decide if I can read more about it too. I mean, I have some, I guess, gossip as well, but now I'm trying to decide which one I want to tell you about because one is maybe a little bit more related to that and the other one is just like really current. So what would you prefer? Oh, I don't know. What do you think?

Well, I suppose just for a palate cleanser and maybe a little bit more humor, I'll go with the current one and save the other hot goss for another day. Okay, okay. Because it's kind of more sad and gross. All right, so you are aware of former President Donald Trump. Unfortunately, yes. Yeah. unfortunately yes yeah and he since he's you know

no longer been president there's been some stuff about some stuff that he did and whether it was problematic or criminal and even was like civilly found guilty for I can't remember the charges but like basically he wasn't found civilly guilty of rape

but like sexual assault of this woman oh yeah wasn't there a whole Stormy Daniels thing as well or was that what that was found civilly guilty of rape but like sexual assault of this woman oh yeah well their whole stormy daniels thing as well was that what that was that was a that's a different woman okay there's so many women wow i'm not surprised this was a yeah jean e carroll i think is her name the one who sued him civilly um but then I do think the Stormy Daniels stuff is being investigated because there's some like

concern about like misappropriation of campaign funds and stuff to like pay her off, I think. But there was an indictment for some stuff out of maybe New York. Recently, he was indicted again.

And I did look this up because I wanted to be sure that I knew what the language was. But it sounds like indictment is the same for both the UK and the US so everybody listening should kind of know what that means um and then I also was like I'm dumb because our criminal justice system is based on England so um but yeah he was indicted because you have you also heard about these whole like confidential document stuff yeah so I heard he got raided or

something that was quite a while ago so yes there's like this whole he's got these documents and then it was kind of like lots of people do it and then like biden had some and maybe even like his vice trump's vice president pence had some and like blah blah blah and then of course hillary clinton and her emails before trump was elected that was like kind of related to confidential information and personal use and stuff and so trump kind of campaigned on we got to like secure our confidential documents and make sure people can't do this well so mar-a-lago his home in florida did get raided and it was a realty at all these documents well an investigation followed. And this week, hold on, I need a drink. Sorry, I have a little bit of a cold.

Okay. So it's like 37 counts of different, like having confidential documents, hiding them, lying about them. And it, oh, like a hundred years in prison, maximum sentence if he's found guilty of these things. And I think the thing I wanted to read to you, I didn't want to go through the whole indictment because it's actually a lot of legal jargon, kind of boring. But it's interesting. And so someone summarized this tweet or summarized this indictment in kind of their own words on Twitter. It's really funny. The person's name is at Metro Adlib.

So I'm just going to read you what they wrote. Okay. This was a deliberate and concerted effort to remove the most sensitive docks the country has and keep them and show them to people at his leisure while acknowledging that he is neither supposed to have them or show them. He haphazardly stored the docs any damned where, including in a goddamn bathroom shower. And there was a picture

of this bathroom with all of these boxes. Yes. They were chucked into some random room in Mar-a-Lago, and occasionally the boxes, because there were so many, would tumble down in top-secret documents. Documents having to do with defense plans,

military campaigns, nukes, you name it. Documents clearly marked top-secret and secret and confidential and two other designations I'd never heard of before today, but which apparently means super-duper double-pinky-swearsies-reelsies secret. These documents would just spill out onto the goddamn floor and lie there exposed for all to see just naked and bearing all to the world like a national security full monty and as if

that weren't enough the archives the national archives which is a um an administrative agency responsible for like storing documents right like historical stuff yeah the national archives asked this motherfucker 50 11 times to give all this stuff back in 45 would be all i gave you everything i got damn shit there's nothing here and then he would have his aides move the boxes he would travel with the boxes and some member of his family ivanka or melania or lara also knew he had the boxes, but he would travel with them because that was presumably the only way he could make sure he kept them. But what's wilder still is that this motherfucker had lawyers who were like, fam,

for serious. You need to turn in anything that you have that is a file and belongs to the U.S. You need to turn in anything that you have that is a file and belongs to the U.S. government. Dead ass. And 45 was all to the lawyers, to these officers of the court. Couldn't you all just tell them there's nothing here? And wouldn't it be better if we just kind of like burned all this shit, you know, if it were here? Hypothetically speaking. And one lawyer was all, here's the picture. That's why I wanted to read it. So one lawyer was all sorry the picture that's why i wanted to read it so one lawyer was all like girl then he was like you got the subpoena on may 11th i'm coming through

on the first of the month to run through that whole shit and i'm gonna make sure there is nothing that belongs to these god damn united states in this garish garish monstrosity you pretend is a house. So 45 has his body man and his aides move the boxes again. Just like scores of boxes, he has them move a gazillion boxes again to hide them from his lawyers. And then the night before the day his lawyer is supposed to come through, he called him and was like, hi, dog. You still coming tomorrow?

I was sitting here talking to the homies and we're like, we don't know why you're coming. Why are you coming? And the lawyer was like, presumably deep sigh here. I already told you I'm coming through to move the whole house and make sure I can't tell them we complied with. I can tell them we complied with the subpoena. I'm going to make sure you don't have anything you're not supposed to. OK. And 45 was like, oh, right. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Come on through. And then he made more people move more boxes. And so it goes on and on for a while. But I think the rest of it is like his lawyer came. Basically, it was like, oh, yeah, like show him what he needs. And then he looks around and finds 38 things that were top secret. And it's like's like honest to god i think they left the stuff there deliberately so it

wouldn't look like they cleaned house lawyer comes back and he's like what's up how we looking as if he didn't just direct everyone to clean up his house and hide these things the lawyer shrugs and is like is this all you have and i'm gonna bring this lady through and tell her this is all you have and then we're gonna take this document and certify it with our names on it with an official ass piece of paper that i'm tendering to the feds and we don't lie to the feds so is this it donald and 45 is like on my mama so the lawyer brings in the other lawyer we're good put your bar id sworn statement we've complied we're doing this and then basically it comes out they take it to the national archives and they're like yeah he has way more than that so this is obviously a very paraphrased description of what was in the

indictment but i just thought it was so funny wow oh donald you naughty boy yeah and i was just curious because like a part of me is kind of like man i'm not surprised whatever i hope he gets held accountable and but like looking at the things are so confidential that there's parts of the like filing system that they have that they can't even reveal to the public because it's that confidential and this idiot just was like showing people like, check this out. I'm not supposed to have it, but I do. It's kind of a big deal, but don't tell anybody it's a secret. It doesn't fucking surprise me.

Such an imbecile. Yeah. And so like now he's, you know, he's still trying to run for president again too. And my concern is like people are going to be like, I don't care. It's fine. I really hope not. And if that happens, then I guess we deserve whatever happens to us. So this is my question.

So he's been indicted. So is there like a warrant out for his arrest or? So probably the same thing will happen that happened with the other indictment is like they work it out because he's such a public figure. It's going to be really hard for him to flee, you know, work it out. They go appear in court and he gets basically released on his own recognizance. such a public figure it's going to be really hard for him to flee you know um work it out they go appear in court and he gets basically released on his own recognizance probably they say you can't leave the country blah blah blah but like he's not going to be able to hide anywhere like

we know this no he's too orange to be missed yeah yeah and so it'll probably just be worked out that he goes appears and pleads not, and then it goes from there. But yeah, I mean, like, probably a warrant is issued, but it's kind of like he's going to arrange his surrender, and he'll get booked and released, pretty much. Send him to prison. Mm-hmm. Lock him up. Me too. I'm not surprised. Me too.

Lock him up. Me too. I'm not surprised. Me too. I remember when he was president and like, like we hear a bit about, you know, the US president or, you know, something crazy is happening overseas or whatever. Yeah. But with fucking Trump, it was just all that was in our news.

Mm-hmm. And it was like, it was just all that was in our news and it was like it was exhausting and he I just cannot comprehend of like how much of an idiot he is like the shit he would say I was just like how is this man running the United States

of America it blew my mind four years I legitimately thought he was gonna win again and i like was like what do i do if that happens is like you move to england yeah but i imagine it probably overshadowed any like relevant local news for you guys everything yeah i mean to be honest at the time we had fucking boris johnson in as well so it was just two fucking blonde haired twats running both our countries basically

you think it's bad here folks check out what's going on in america let's watch this dumpster fire instead yeah it's probably all uh what do you call it like a ruse to yeah everything is just a smoke screen yes that's it a smoke screen so while that was happening that's when your nhs was deteriorating yes exactly and then covid happened and we were like oh fuck we've got these two idiots running the place what are we gonna do i know we're so screwed um speaking of the nh NHS real quick I in like the listen after our episode was published I cringed when I heard myself say that we go to the dentist twice a month I just want to clear the record and say that's not accurate um some people might it's twice a year we're supposed to go and get like insurance covers cleanings and stuff like that. Not twice a month.

I did think of it at the time. No wonder your teeth are so nice. Yeah, fucking hell. Sounds like overkill. No, why did I say that? Yeah, that would be. Okay, so I saw a really interesting article this week about a woman who is 108 years old. Man. Damn. Good for her.

Exactly. And she looks good for 108. What is her secret? Oh, it's a little bit... I can't see that. Yeah, she looks good. And so she was asked what her secret was. And in this article, it says she revealed some rather surprising advice

on how to live a long life. So Ada Daniel, 108, says the secret to longevity is to raise dogs instead of children. Yeah, that tracks. Yeah. And I personally think she has a very valid point. Yep. I don't disagree, even though I don't currently have a dog. But I think the overarching thing is the kid thing.

Yeah. So I thought it would just be cool to talk about our opinions on this, really. Because obviously we are childless at the moment, child-free. Yep. And as for my opinion, I don't think I want kids. Has that always been true? No. But I think I only wanted kids because i am a woman and society has trained me to think that as a woman you get married you settle down you have babies it's true and it wasn't until I was faced with that reality that I thought, hold on a minute, I have a choice.

You do. I do. And also I've never been like hugely maternal. I'm not one of these women that see a baby and go, oh, like my ovaries don't do fuck all. If see a puppy i'm like oh my god a little puppy i just want to squeeze his little head but a baby i'm like get away from me i think i just figured out why you and i are friends because you legitimately just described the things that I have said and done. In fact, I'll go on a walk with my friend Lydia, and she will be like, oh my God, look at this cutie pie. And I'll be like, I know, so cute. And she's talking about the baby in the stroller, and I'm talking about the dog walking next to the baby in the stroller.

dog walking next to the baby in the stroller. So, yep. Anyway, say more about what you said about not feeling maternal, because I've said that too. And I suspect that if you've ever said that to someone who maybe doesn't know you that well, the response may be, oh, well, that would change once you have your own or you, yes, you would. You know, stuff like that. Or I've had people clearly judge me for it and think I'm cold hearted and not a proper woman. Well, you're not. Clearly not. I've not pushed out a womb goblin yet. No, we're very improper women. a womb goblin yet so no we're very improper women same and it's weird because i work with kids i enjoy like talking with kids and working with kids and even like being around with brown kids like i

truly do but never has the it has nothing to do with the fact that like i want my own that i think i'd be a really good mother because I don't I just like they're just people that I like and they're kind of fun because they're less serious and like I can play pretend and it's not weird and I can act like a weirdo and like kids are accepting of that so I don't mind it but then there are also times where I'm like oh I can't be asked to like spend time with these kids right now so yeah and also in that situation you're not responsible for them you're not responsible for raising them giving them potential traumas and paying for them and feeding them and yeah also i think like we're in such a difficult time in the world right now like shit is up in the air like the planet is burning

we're in a global climate crisis people like donald trump are becoming president and ai is potentially going to take over the world yeah so it's just not really an environment i would want to bring human beings into at the moment really i agree i i think i'd never envisioned myself having kids from as long as i can remember i think i always kind of said i i don't want kids i don't want to get married and of course it's always like that'll change when you get older, you'll change your mind. And yes, I am, I am married, but I have never once wavered on having children. And for a lot of the same reasons you've said, um, I don't, I, I worry about like my capacity. I, and my maternalism, um, I worry about like the things that I could do or influence them in certain ways. Like I very much want people to be functional humans. I also enjoy my freedom.

like the next few years, particularly with climate change and, you know, food, water shortage over, you know, all of those things, the terrible things that are happening. And thinking about myself having to live through that, and then knowing that a potential child would have to live through it and like exist in a world that's even like harder than it is for us feels like that gives me anxiety and I don't have a child. Thinking about the child that I don't have and won't have having to survive that is horrible. Yeah that's exactly it and like the cost of it as well like you said like things change completely I've seen it with you know friends and family members that have had kids your life is completely turned upside down your whole world revolves around this little person that you're bringing up

um and on average it costs three hundred and ten thousand six hundred and five dollars $310,605 to raise a child currently. How much in pounds? That is crazy. I don't know how much. I think it's like 250 grand, something like that. Yeah. And it's like, that's the average. Yeah, that's the average.

So like you have a kid who wants to be in dance or has special needs or is sick or something or twins or multiple kids oh my god can you imagine having twins wow that's also something i'm scared of is that twins like do run in my family and it would be just my fucking luck that i would have twins. I don't want this one baby and now I've got two. What do I even do? One on each tit? I don't know. I don't know how it works. I need someone to

hold this baby while I hold my other baby. Oh, I love the stories though where people are like we were pregnant, had a baby and then the doctor's like, the other one's coming. And we're like, what do you mean? Like, I don't know why they didn't know or just that whatever. But I'm just like, you're fucked.

That would be my nightmare. I also like remember being a teen and even in my like 20s, like the fear of getting pregnant was unbelievable. And like you hear those stories of women that didn't know they were pregnant and like went to the toilet and had a baby. My God, that is genuinely my nightmare. Like, oh, I'd hate that so much. Can you imagine? I hear about, no.

And I hear about just like pregnant, like giving labor and delivery when you know you're pregnant and you're not even trying to do that, like no drugs, natural birth or home birth. You're at the hospital and like all the stuff that happens to you or could happen to you is so horrifying to me that I and then afterwards in the recovery, it sounds horrible. And I just, that scares me. And then like, I don't believe I would be someone who's like, I love being pregnant. I feel so beautiful. And I feel so mother earth, like hippie flower child. I love it. I just like, I just can't get enough of it I first of all I think that's those people are liars but also I if they're not that would not be me yeah like it's weird a part of me does want to know what it's like to be pregnant because it's something my body can do

so I'd like to experience it in one sense but I don't want the child at the end of it. So yeah, well, I guess there's options for you. You know, I have jokingly offered to be surrogates for people. I don't know if I could actually do it. It's quite a bit. I think the crappy thing is, is it's not like, you can be like, nevermind. I think the crappy thing is, is it's not like you can be like, never mind. I mean, I guess you can in some ways, maybe under a lot of circumstances, but like at some point you can't be like, never mind. I don't know. I don't want to do this anymore.

Don't want to do it anymore. I just want it to stop now. I'm just going to end this process so sorry guys just push the button I'm out yeah and it seems to be a more and more popular choice now like people are not having

kids until they're sort of mid to late 30s now that tends to be the girly age those geriatric pregnancies that is mad as well i know it's so fucked up i do have an interesting fact for you this is really something that kind of blew my mind so apparently and i someone sent me like a meme of this on instagram and i didn't fact check it so it could not be true i recognize. But apparently, like when you and I were fetuses developing, you know, in our mothers, we had all of the eggs that we will have for our entire life, which means that I was an egg

when my mom was a fetus in my grandma's belly. Whatever. You guys know what I mean? So I fetus in my grandma's belly whatever you guys know what i mean mental so i was like in my grandma i think that's i do think that's mental to be honest and i made me think about like oh generational and blood trauma really is a thing look at the science behind that so yeah 100 that's crazy well i mean there's a new thing now called Dink, which is double income, no kids. And that sounds wonderful. Well, I guess that would technically be Nigel and I, wouldn't it?

Yeah. Dual income, no children. However, I mean, and this was kind of the other part of the conversation too, like, you know, what was her name? Ada, the old lady. Mm-hmm. Ada. You know, she said raise dogs.

So we had, you know, cats. We have one cat right now. Rip Momo and Milo. And I think there's people who think, like, you know, pets are fine and stuff, but it's not the same as having kids or, you know, pets are fine, but they're just practice for kids. And then once you get a kid, like your pet kind of doesn't matter anymore. And, you know, pets are a responsibility, too. And it's a lot. And I think about how much we've put into.

I mean, you are very well aware of what, you kind of has gone in in our lives with our our pets um it was a lot and like we had to change our lives a little bit and it was so expensive dealing with some of the issues that came up um can you imagine if that was a human exactly like that's one of the things I was really conscious of when I got my dog, Jess, like the burden of being responsible for this little fluffy thing was like overwhelming. Like beforehand, I was like, yeah, I'll just get a dog. It'd be lovely. I really want a dog. I love dogs. And then actually when I got her, I was oh wow like the yeah like the responsibility is heavy like I've got to keep this thing alive and like feed her on time and take her for walks and like you know her life is now my responsibility so yeah having that but a little human that can't

even fucking walk or talk or you know wipe its own ass i mean the dog can't wipe its own ass but she scrapes it along with the grass she can she does and like the unconditional love from a dog or a pet or a cat like there's no guarantee when your kid's older that you will have like because you know you hear about kids who maybe cut off their parents and stuff or kind of estranged from them because of shit that happened when they're growing up or just the relationship being problematic and like i feel like i've you know all the reasons for wanting kids that i've heard people say feel very selfish to me too and this is not to offend anybody that I know and love and care about who are having kids, want kids, had kids, whatever. It just, if you think about it, you know, I want a family. I want someone to like take care of me

when I get older, you know, all those things. It's actually really self-motivated and I struggle with finding a good reason. I can't, I can't even think of a good reason that people would say to have children that isn't self-motivated. Cause I don't think I've ever good reason that people would say to have children that isn't self motivated because I don't think I've ever heard someone who's like I want to have a child who can maybe do something good for the world I don't think I've ever heard anybody say that you make a very valid point

it's funny actually because I've had when I was speaking to my brother about this and he was like who's going to take care of you when you get old I said well the care home I mean

yeah either you or the care home that we're all ultimately going to end up in anyway they're going to look after me my fucking children if I had them wouldn't look after me anyway once i reached that age no so yeah i mean yeah the thing is you know never say never maybe maybe i'll change my mind one day i doubt it but yeah I don't know yeah same I I don't think I will change my mind either

I feel like at this point at my age it's kind of like the reasons that I've listed will never change because I'll never be able to hypothetically experience pregnancy or hypothetically experience birth that makes me think like oh that wasn't so bad and turns out maybe I am maternalistic and the world isn't a shit show like none of those things are going to change so I mean if the world completely turns around in the next five years then it's very unlikely all bets are off yeah I agree I you know you have dogs too And something that came up that I wanted to talk about, maybe we could just do quickly now. I learned recently just in my experiences of, you know, Momo and his, his vet adventures. The vet that we were working with, you know,

told us about, she studied at Cambridge, I guess, for a period. And she talked a lot about kind of the differences in the UK versus the US around like veterinary care and pet, like having pets. And like, I think in the UK, like people have pet insurance, like pet insurance is a huge thing, whereas like here, a lot of people don't. It's kind of newer still. Yeah. And like the way that like veterinary medicine works there and kind of expectations on vets about like being available and accessible and probably a little more affordable for people are different than here.

And like the things that they will do and like the research and pets, which I just thought was kind of interesting. And then like also just knowing you guys and, you know, other people over there, family members who who truly truly love their dogs and their pets and their cats and like their world revolves around them whereas here you could I don't know like drive down the street and see the same dog chained up outside all day every day or you know just kind of like they're kind of treated like objects or property yeah that was something i noticed when i went to australia as well is that a lot of people have like their dogs live in the garden and they're i guess they're seen as guard dogs rather than pets our family members i guess yeah but i found it like really difficult to accept i was like but your dog's sleeping outside like he's cold let him come in

but they're just seen and yeah in a completely different way but so what were the like differences in veterinary care that she mentioned? I'm trying to remember specifically what she said, but I know she was talking about, like, kind of some of the things that we, the treatment that Momo needed. Like she worked at a university and so like I think people could go to Cambridge to get stuff done that maybe either is like research based or maybe like subsidized for people like but also like research based. And people would be bringing in animals that very much probably should be euthanized just because it's like this is cats. This dog's quality of life is really bad and we could certainly do something. Oh, do we have a little puppy in here now, too? Good timing.

Like quality of life is really bad, but like the owner's like, I want you to do it. You know, either it's because of like, I just want to do everything I can for my cat and I'm having a hard time letting go. Or just if you can fix it, fix and like her struggling with like i really think this cat's time has come yeah and the the like head of the program's like we've got to do it so you're gonna have to like perform this procedure even though like probably gonna not do anything not change anything for it could even be worse so like in a good and i think it's a like it's kind of like do everything you can sort of thing but also people maybe really because of how they feel about their pets not understanding like yeah that's the thing that

i struggled with is like particular no one's gonna be being like my kid's not doing well let's just put it down you know you can't do that actually. But with pets, like you are in a position to make that decision if it's not a natural cause or like a tragic injury, accident or injury or something like that. And it's hard. It's hard to be the person to decide that something should die. And I didn't want to have to do that for either of my cats. It sucked. And, um, I think that I understand why someone might want to try to have everything done,

you know, like that. I'm assuming the best about that person, but like at one point, at some point we had to look at Momo and be like, let's not do anything else to him. look at Momo and be like let's not do anything else to him no it comes to a point where it you know it comes down to their quality of life really doesn't it yeah um I remember we put down my family dogs and it was like the worst thing but the vet vet said to us, like, when the first dog went, his back legs went. Oh. And so he was, you know. Yeah.

Peeing and pooing all over the house. And you could see in his eyes. He was so embarrassed by it because he'd been such a clean dog. And so he took him to the vets and they gave him, like, steroids. And they were like, you you know this will probably help But if it fails again Then you're going to have to make a decision Kind of thing

And it did fail again But you could tell Like the vet said he was like you'll know When they're ready And I was like I don't think we will Like I love little Juki he'll be fine Like we'll just do everything we can But we did know you know

he would look at us and be like this isn't how I want to be I'm embarrassed like I can't get up I can't move but it was still one of the hardest fucking things like as you say to make that decision because we don't do that in any other part of our lives, as you say, like you wouldn't just put down a family member because their leg doesn't work anymore. Deciding to, yeah, someone's been in a coma, horrible accident. And they're like, yeah, there's like, yeah. Yeah. And even then that's questionable. Yeah. Yeah like yeah there's like brain activity yeah yeah and even then that's questionable closest thing yeah yeah but there's been times where people have come out of comas when they're meant to be brain dead and yeah it's tricky but I mean it's weird I mean some vets here um i was reading about this couple actually that that both used to be vets and they quit because they um basically they were saying that the sort

of the industry in the uk is like seriously corrupt oh and that a lot of vets will push medications and treatments on animals that don't need it because they make a fuckload of money from it. Right. And they spoke out about it and got like, you know, totally brought down by. Yeah, blacklisted. And I do think a lot of vets are like that. And I do think a lot of vets are like that. I've been to vets before where, you know, you go in for a minor problem and you come out spending hundreds of pounds for an issue you didn't really think was there.

But people trust them because they're the experts, right? Exactly, yeah. But I now go to an amazing vet and it's actually 40 minutes away from where I live. Oh, worth it though, I bet. It used to be closer, obviously, when I first started going there. But I will not... And pretty much all my friends go there with their pets as well. Because they are so genuine. And I've been there before for stuff with Jess.

And they just didn't charge me. They were like, no, no, don't worry about it. It was just a quick consultation. Don't worry. Whereas another vet, that would have been a hundred quid consultation and you would have come out with antibiotics and yeah but they're great there so i recommend them to everyone so i think it's a case of finding people that genuinely care about animals rather than people that are in it for the dough yeah i think that's a legitimate concern here too not only in like that industry but

other health care dental blah blah blah we've been lucky in that particularly since living here like the vet that we were taking the vet that we were taking and we still will just because i like him and he's very he's like literally two minutes down the road he's very much like uh if there's nothing wrong with your cat like why would we because I after Milo died I took Momo and Lucy in to be like I just want they're older I want some blood work done just to see I want to make sure they don't have like kidney disease and he's like have you noticed any changes in behavior eating you know litter know, litter box, anything like that? And he's like, no. And he's like, then why, like, why, why do you want to do this then? And I go, well, I just don't, I'm like really triggered by this. And he's like, okay, so that's more about you.

Yeah. I will do an exam. Like, but here's like what you watch for. Right. And this is, if you want to like avoid those things, use this food, do this. And I like really appreciated that. And then the other vet that we had to take Momo to and we've taken Lucy to, they're a little bit more of like a hospital rather than just like a little, you know, one vet guy. Yeah. They have like all the things. So like you go there because it's and that's where he referred us when Momo started having his issue. And she very much was like, you know, cats with this type of cancer usually have really poor outcomes. But and I, I'm not the type of person who's like,

let's try everything. Let's we could do this and this, even if it's probably not going to make a difference. She's like, I've had to have that. Let's talk about keeping them comfortable. And, you know, this, but she's like, with Momo, I think we have a good shot. But of course, like if you guys don't want to go through with that. And we obviously, we wanted to do whatever we could and really relied on the fact that she thought it was a good shot. And unfortunately, like, yeah, he is a really aggressive cancer. So it didn't quite work out. But I didn't once think that she was trying to like get us to do all of this stuff

to spend all of this fucking money because it was a lot and that's why i think pet insurance is good um even though the insurance industry is also bullshit um but it's and then you know after we we would take her to see him and they would similarly be like there's no charge on this don't worry about it like especially in the past couple weeks they were like bring him in we'll give him a shot of this don't worry about it i loved that um didn't love it but like i appreciated it because it's also like pretty far away from us even though it's not really it takes like half an hour to get there just based on traffic and stuff and so um i i thought that that's like kind of a like you said you just got to find the right one who you feel like you can trust and they're genuine and actually care about animals, too, because I feel like there's probably some that don't. We had a dog that my dad took to this vet in our hometown.

That's where we took all our cats. And he was very kind of a gruff, no nonsense, like if it's not broke, don't fix it type of guy, too. Yeah. But like, you know, our dog had issues and he had lymphoma and the guy was like it's just like fatty lumps and then our dog had seizures and my dad took him to a different vet and he's like uh this is obviously cancer obviously so I was like that guy sucked yeah that's it I mean the vets are human really aren't they so some of them are gonna be dickheads and yeah some of them will actually care. So I guess in sum, have dogs, no kids.

There you go, people. That's our public service announcement. You heard it here first. And you'll live to 108. I also don't know if I need that, but... But I understand her sentiment okay well have we got time for am i the asshole you know you are, baby Hell yeah Okay, so

This week, I think I've got a pretty clear-cut one But I'd like to know your opinion On whether this person is an arsehole or not Alright, I'll do my best Am I the arsehole for disposing my pads in my boyfriend's bathroom? Okay. My boyfriend and I have been together for about three months now, and this is the first time I've spent the night over at his flat while I was on my period. Since yesterday, I've been changing my pads in his

bathroom and each time I wrapped the used pad in a plastic wrapper and put it in the trash can. The trash can has a lid and there's a plastic garbage bag in there, so the pad was touching nothing but the trash that was already inside. Okay, sounds good so far. Yeah. I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal until my boyfriend took out the trash this morning and noticed the plastic wrappers in the bag. He knew they were the packaging for my pads because he had seen them before and quite outraged, he asked whether my used pads were also in that bag. I told him yes and he dropped the bag, calling me disgusting and telling me to take out the trash myself. I did, but then asked him where else I should have put my pads. He told me that I could have just kept them in my purse until I got home.

I'm staying at his place for three nights because we both have some time off and I wasn't going to keep my used pads in my bag for days on end. Imagine the smell. used pads in my bag for days on end. Imagine the smell. He stated that he didn't want my blood all over his trash and that I should find another way to dispose of my pads ASAP. I don't think my attempt of an explanation of why period blood isn't as disgusting as he thinks has got through to him, but he's quite set on his opinion. I think he was a bit childish because I don't understand how an adult straight man can be so disgusted by period blood, but when I texted my brother about it, he sided with my boyfriend. As I've been outnumbered, I wanted to see whether other people also believe what I did was an arsehole move. Oh, deep existential sigh.

I think the only thing I can say is break up with your boyfriend. Yep. Your boyfriend thinks that your natural thing that every single woman does is so disgusting it shouldn't touch his trash. is so disgusting it shouldn't touch his trash if that doesn't tell you that he by extension doesn't think that you're disgusting particularly when menstruating then i don't know what will and you are not the asshole he is 1000 the asshole and so many men like your brother are like him and it is so frustrating this is something that happens to us every fucking month yeah from the age of like potentially 12 in some cases until we go through fucking menopause in ours, 50s. Well, it depends. It depends on the person.

But, yeah. Like, get over it, guys. Okay? Fat enough. My God. I just, like, this is, and I know I know so many men who are like this and, like, feel this way. And it just, it is so upsetting to me. Because it's just, just like no one is talking

about like your weird puberty experiences like random ejaculations and hard-ons and like peeing all over the seat and like I just it's so unfair, by the way, that thing that you think is so disgusting is like what enables like you to, you know, I guess. Exist. Yeah. And, and have, yeah, like you were, you came out of that bloody. And like, that's why, that's like how we have sex and that's how i know i'm not pregnant and i am so upset by this i'm so mad you read this to me i'm sorry it's okay i'm not really

mad at you but i am mad yeah i just saw it and just thought what the fuck mate like yeah first Fuck, mate. Like, yeah. First opinion. Dump this dickhead. In her purse? Like, I know. Like, what the fuck? Get a life, mate. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, you know, the general consensus is exactly the same. I mean, every single one better be the same.

But I know that there's going to be some men responding and probably will side with the boyfriend yeah i'm sure there is i'm not even going to read them though because that'll get me really angry oh god i just so upsetting so upsetting i know guys look we can't help it okay Okay. We don't like it either, but it happens. No, it sucks. It's completely natural. Half the population get periods. So I think it's something we need to talk about more openly and accept. Also using blue liquid in like pad commercials is not helpful. No, it's not. I think, well i think well the whole industry every everything about

the industry from pads and tampons and and birth control is the it's created by men and it's designed to i think make men more comfortable like why do we have scented tampons why why it can't be good for us. Yeah, exactly. Like, did you want lemon or lime flavor? God. I'm having a very citrusy period this time. You know, my periods often are like,

they're sparkly and I use those pens for women when I'm on it to feel even more feminine. But yeah, there's also these like adverts that I'd never really thought of before, but like, you know how like,

it'll be an advert for a tampon. It's like, look all the amazing things you can do now that you use these tampons when you're on your period. Like, all that's actually doing is like putting pressure on women to push through the pain and they're feeling uncomfortable and feeling gross like i don't know if you've seen any of the videos of men trying these

uh period pain simulators like that yeah yeah they have like, guys, we have that for a week and we just get on with shit. Sometimes longer, sometimes more than once a month, depending on like, I mean, because there's so I think we're going to save a lot of this conversation for next time or another podcast, but like there are so many methods of birth control out there that are supposed to like stop you from getting your period, you know, for a significant amount of time. And like I'm just a special someone. Who those don't work for. In fact it's like twice as much. Oh wow.

It's just yeah it sucks. Yeah it's a bitch. And also like people have to get on birth control. Because of how bad it is for them. Or you know like. Like incapacitating cramps and I don't know about you but when I was in school like the first day I often had to stay home so yeah I remember one time where I mean I'm quite lucky I get I do get cramps and back aching period pains but it's usually like the first couple of days and then it subsides yeah but I remember one time it being so bad that I couldn't move

from a fetal position I just genuinely couldn't move um but yeah it's never know what you're gonna get I'm very irregular sometimes I'll have like two week periods and I'm like is this ever going to end or am I just going to bleed forever same and like the fact that it's like so what am I just supposed to like constantly just wear a tampon or use a pad like just in case like

surprise I'm back thought I was gone but I'm back girl give you a couple days here I am yeah it sucks yeah well yeah we'll talk about contraception another time another day

good talk yeah I enjoyed today me too not that I don't enjoy it every time good because that's how I perceived that and I was offended well I hope you have a good week and I think quickly like everyone has heard I think at least once now if not more check us out on Twitter Instagram uh TikTok uh talking Shit with the Ink and a Brit T-S-W-A-Y-A-B

I forgot something. I really did not think that acronym through. T-S-W-A-B. You'll find us. T-S-W-A-B. And on Instagram it's T-S-W-A-B underscore pod. There you go. And you can also email us at talkshit2us.gmail.com. Give us a like, rate, subscribe. Follow.

Follow. Compliment. Thank you for listening. Have a good week. And you. I'll see you soon. Bye. Okay, bye.

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Me too. It looks like there's tons of different styles and colors, so you can have a margarita blend jet for work, a protein blend jet for the car, and a... Soup blend jet for the forest? Sure. I want the camo one because I am a certified badass.

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