Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 14. The Balls Are Being Disinfected

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

This week it's a birthday bonanza!! We're talking birthday traditions and whats normal in the US and UK, such as the bumps, birthday spankings, pass the parcel and the worst traits of our zodiac signs. Follow us on Insta @tsybpod and twitter @TSWAYAAB Get in touch with your stories, questions and queries at [e-mail] 

Hello! Welcome to Talking Shit with the Yank and Britt. Hi. Hi. Happy birthday. Thank you. I'm going to do the whole song or no. I'm just kidding. Don't. It's okay. Thank you though. It is my birthday for all our listeners out there in case they're wondering at the time of filming. Time of recording.

It is June 25th, 2023th 2023 12 03 p.m and it is my 21st birthday i'm so young just a little just a little baby girl who was born in 1987 so to help with the math i'm i 36 today. Thanks. I appreciate that. Yeah. You're welcome. Well, you're still young at heart. That is true. Fresh-faced.

Thank you. Try. Look half-match. Not half. I saw like a 13-year-old girl. Oh, my God. teen just 13 year old girl oh my god I would have really fit in at the Taylor Swift concert then if I were a 13 year old girl oh yeah you went to see Taylor Swift you're a Swifty now I think I've been indoctrinated basically the cult of Taylor Swift

how does it feel um it kind of hurts it stings a little and like because it's just like a lot of sparkles and and you know I guess everywhere and heartbreak writing songs about boyfriends so you feel depressed is what you're telling me. Yeah, but also just because I'm so popular, we all get her popularity. So I also have to. I didn't know that happened. Amazing. Yeah, yeah. Hopefully it'll be projected onto our podcast maybe.

That was a good show. She puts on a good show. She's quite a performer. There was a lot of production involved. I imagine so yeah yeah I hear the tickets are pretty crazy they were I got I was gifted them um which was very very nice and I was I very much appreciated it and didn't know what to expect and was pleasantly surprised um but I also didn't know a lot of her songs like I knew she did all the hits so I knew

the singles but there were so many that I didn't know and I just kind of stood there like everybody else is having a really good time and they all know the lyrics yeah well I'm glad you had a good time yeah me too I it's probably one of those things that I would have never had the opportunity to do, but I'm thankful I did. I feel like everyone's going to see Beyonce at the moment. It's really pissing me off. I mean, not now, but when she was in the UK. Yeah.

Do you want to come here and see her? Yes. I have an in on tickets. Yeah. Next month. Think you can swing it? I will check out flights. Yeah. Next month. I think you can swing it. I will check out flights.

Yeah. Let me know. Where's she coming? Minneapolis? Yeah. She'll be at the Huntington Bank Stadium, which is actually like the University of Minnesota's football stadium. Oh, really? Yeah.

The thing is, I haven't really listened to her new album. I haven't either. I just want to see Beyonce, you know. It'd be really good. I just feel like she would just ask you to get up on stage and sing with her, probably. I doubt it. I'd probably outshine her.

Yeah, she can't have that. Can't have that. She'll just cut your mic. Done anything else for your birthday? We had some people over to celebrate yesterday. It was a little bit of a surprise. That was nice. Good old Nige pulled it off.

Well done, Nige. Sorry you couldn't make it. Yeah, thanks for the fucking invite. It's like an open invite, I feel like. But also, it's kind of like, do you really want to, you know, maybe pay for flights during probably one of the most expensive travel times of the year to just come for my 30th birthday? I mean, Nigel only told me the day before it's happening.

Fucking rude. Didn't give me much time to prepare, you know. I'll have words with him. Don't worry. Yes, thank you very much. But we'll come for yours. I've already decided. Yay. But act surprised when we do.

Okay. Oh my god, what are you two guys doing here i'm so surprised me too i don't even know how i got here uh it'll be a big one for you right 35 35 yeah halfway to 40 hey i'm much nearer 40 than halfway. Birthdays. I'm enjoying my 30s. Feel more... What's the word? I don't know.

A step established? Like who settled in who you are? Didn't we talk about this at charlie and silas's wedding when you and i were sitting outside the airbnb right before the bird exploded the power line i feel like you and i were having this conversation which we might have been well done for remembering yeah yeah this that was intense i didn't know if our conversation had anything to do with it but yeah that bird really wanted to end things

yeah so for context me and Kate sitting outside this Airbnb down in Cornwall having a lovely chat and all of a sudden so like outside the Airbnb there was like a forest basically but with like a huge power line sort of, I don't know, like 200 yards away.

Yeah. Maybe. Kind of on a hill. Yeah, sort of going up a hill. And all of a sudden we just had this massive like crack, didn't we? Looked around. Fucking fireball came out of this thing. We were like, oh my my god all the lights off oh yeah all the power was lost whole village because it's the one pole for the whole village

and they couldn't fix it because of where it was and like getting the crane on the hill up to it. And the precursor was, I think we were talking about kind of where we thought we would be when we're younger and kind of what our lives are like and how we feel, you know, kind of at our age and stuff. And some of it was like, you know, I think I'm okay with this age. I don't know if I am like longing for a period of my life again. Right. Like, I don't know if I am like longing for a period of my life again right like I don't know if I would if someone said you could go back and do your 20s over again or something I might be like oh sure there's things I would do differently but I'm not like oh I wish I was whatever age again same it's probably not less yeah good made it this far. Maybe a few more I got in me. I don't have like super big desire to live until I'm 100, for example.

Yeah, I'm actually ready to go now. I'm tired of life. Well done. Yeah, pretty much. Well, as we've talked about on this podcast of just like all of the doom spiraling of the future and just everything kind of sucks sometimes yeah it can't get any worse but maybe it can it might get better that's always the way to look at it god we're quite depressing aren't we sometimes i know but we do it while we're laughing which i think is the key yeah okay hopefully other people can relate yes that's part of our appeal speaking of other people though i heard that you heard some stories

about ah yes i did so last week's episode we obviously spoke about cults and mentioned scientology um and you remember me telling you that, obviously, we've got the Scientology place in Cobra and there's one in East Grinstead. So a couple of my friends got in touch and basically told me that they used to go Scientology hunting. Rifles and everything. hunting rifles and everything it's great right so they used to drive around and like um try and split up the convoys so they'd have like you know minibus fans um going from east grinstead to crowborough like transporting all the cult people and um, they used to like chase them and split up their convoys

and follow them to where they were going. And they actually went through, back when they were doing it, it wasn't gated around the East Grinstead HQ. Yeah. So they went right up the drive and literally like stopped there and got out the cars and said it was massive.

And people immediately come out and tell them to leave. You can't be here and you need to get out now and pounce on them. We want to join. Where do we sign up? I thought we could just come and sign up. Is there a clipboard? Yeah. we could just come and sign up.

Is there a clipboard? Yeah. I said it's lucky that you were so young because otherwise they probably would have kidnapped you and brainwashed you or something like that. You'd think they would have done that because they were young though. I suppose people would go looking for them. Yeah, probably. I want to play you

the voice note. I haven't listened to your voice note yet. I was just finishing, well, carrying on with your podcast. I'm at the Scientology part. Did Amy also the voice note I haven't listened to your voice note yet I was just finishing the podcast did Amy also tell you that we used to go Scientology chasing when we were younger I reckon she probably did

but yeah we used to like break up their convoys like Amy and me Brad, Kez I don't know if Andy ever came but we would go over the forest

and yeah try and break up their convoys and we went to the Scientology church in Cobra and Amy when she was younger when she didn't have a licence but but she was like, you know, she could still drive.

Well, not legally. I don't know if my friend Julia from uni was there or not. But we were basically, we used to play hide and seek in the cars as well. And we drove into the Scientology place in Grover and the fucking car cut out. And all these Scientologists that had come back from East Grinstead were like, getting off the bus

and we were like, holy fuck. I don't know if that car cut out or if anybody stalled it or something like that. We fucking shit ourselves. Oh, my God. And then we've actually driven into the Scientology place in East Grunston as well.

I don't think they couldn't have been gated then. But we drove in and it is extravagant. Oh, my God. We swiftly came out. And the one in Grover we managed you know i i think they must have what they did see the car but before like anyone actually got to us or came over we were like we're getting out of here and and i remember him saying like trying to have a serious conversation with me like you really need to be careful because you know they

are or can be very dangerous people you don't want to piss them off and i was like oh my god it's fine they're just a stupid cult like whatever oh it's fine people end up disappearing they have a lot of money and then from that day when he explained it a bit more I was like yeah I think I'm not going to partake in this activity

anymore so I just thought I'd share that with you as well that's so funny and horrible and funny and it makes me think of from my favorite murder one of their kind of like catchphrases is you're in a cult call your dad and so we're talking about her dad being like you can't you have to be careful it Just like, yeah, listen to your dad. You're in a cult, baby. Call your dad. Call your daddy. Oh, it's so great. Some of the reckless things we do in our youth and think, it's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. I'll be absolutely, no problem at all. Out of things I did, we should have died. Yeah, me too. I'm surprised. Thank God I lived in a small town and not a city. Otherwise, I probably would have died yeah me too really i'm surprised thank god i lived in a small town and not a city otherwise i probably would have died right i suppose that's probably the thing that

saved me too to be honest there's only so much trouble you can get into in a small town where everybody knows who you are exactly we'll have to talk about that some of the shit we got up to as kids because yeah i bet it was similar in some ways. Except you guys had like more access to go do things away from home. Because of your public transport, right? Yeah. Like I could drive sooner than you. I could drive at 14, which probably.

Could you? Yeah. Like I was getting my learner's permit and stuff at 13. Yeah. But we could only go so far even with a, I had a car, but it's not like I could drive to California, you know? No, exactly. God, I didn't know you could drive at 14. It depends on the state.

And I think a part of it with South Dakota is because of farming, like people want their kids to be able to help with that and then also being able to drive a distance to get to school because the buses don't go so I think it's just part of that because it's rural right so yeah not saying it's a good decision because I don't think that 14 year olds really have the capacity and skills to be considered good drivers right I know I wasn't so um but yeah we could I could drive at a very young age so that's mad so you can drive at 14 in some states but you can't drink till you're 21 correct that is correct seems uh yeah makes a lot of sense doesn't it checks out yeah well if if we can keep that one in, I appreciate that story.

And if they've got more about that, I'd love to hear it. Yeah, I spoke to Amy as well about it. Amy corroborated. And yeah, it sounds like they had a lot of fun chasing Scientologists and getting told to leave and being mourned off by their parents. Were you like, why wasn't I invited? Yeah. Why weren't you invited? Did they not like you then?

No, we just weren't that good friends then. They were in the year below me. Yeah, that makes a difference, doesn't it? At what age do we stop saying that? Oh, you know, so- so and so the year above me I think I think probably once you're done with school right oh so it's just me well I don't know I guess I still will reference people like oh yeah I didn't really know them that well because they were below me in school or above me in school. But it depends on who you're talking to, right?

Like people, like I'll talk about it to my friends who know who, yeah. It could be. It could be. I'm sure I've heard a lot of people do that. Please, someone back me up. Hello. I think if I'm just going to be referencing people from school, usually it's to someone who doesn't know who I'm talking about. So maybe it doesn't really matter if I identify where they were, you know?

Yeah. Fair. You're just stuck in school. I'm just stuck in my school years. I can't grow up. That's okay. Sorry about that. No, I love it.

Because we're young at heart, like you said. I'm just a sweet little baby girl. Young hearts, run free. Okay, so I think we should talk about birthday traditions. As it is your birthday. Yes. Special birthday episode about birthdays. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

On that note, this is the first thing I want to bring up. Okay. So at the end of Happy Birthday, Yes. He goes, Happy birthday to you. And you go, And many more.

What the fuck is that about? I don't know if that's actually, like how, that's not how it goes, really, right? Like that's okay the way we do it here i think and many more means and many more birthdays right like so we hope you live a long life but i think people there's just a whole bunch of different additions to that song so it'd be like and many more on channel four and then again on channel like i don't know that but yeah i don't know where that came from or it's like you smell like a monkey and you again on channel, like, I don't know that, but yeah, I don't know where that came from.

Or it's like, you smell like a monkey and you look like one too. Like there's just a bunch of different riffs, I think, but, and many more might've just been something from. I've seen it on. Yeah.

Like a few shows can't give you the examples at the moment, but I remember being like, what is this? What are they doing? The song's finished the song stops yeah the song stops there okay so you guys don't have any riffs then on the song but what we do do is do hip hip hooray sometimes is this something you guys do hip hip hooray hip hip hooray hip hip hooray and one for luck hip hip hooray no that isn't I've never heard that oh so I don't know if that's a thing I mean it might be just not in my circle because no one actually cares about me, maybe. I don't get any hip hoorays.

Oh, well, I just did one for you, so congratulations. Thank you. First time. That's kind of nice, but that seems like that wouldn't, like, is that something you guys did in school? So if someone had a birthday at school? Yeah, I think at school it often happens at like old people's birthdays well it's not something we do every time but it's a common thing that people do i think but you have to cheer for the person yeah i guess so hip hip hooray you're alive another year you literally did nothing to earn

this you were just born you didn't have control over it, but yay, good job. Good job on being alive. What a miracle. It is quite a miracle. It is, I suppose. What else? So, I want to know what party games

are tradition at birthday parties, particularly as a kid. I reckon there's games that we played that you guys didn't. Okay, let me think. So been to birthday parties and it might not be, there's, you know, not everyone has, does games, right? There might be a theme or something, or you have an event or an activity, activity but maybe not games but I'm just off the top of my head I would say some traditional ones would be like a pinata would be one though I think culturally that's very like a very Hispanic like tradition that we probably just appropriated and I remember one birthday I want to say I was in like

first or second grade that someone was hitting the pinata and i think a little candy fell out and i was so excited i ran to get the candy and then i got whacked with the bat really hard it hurt and i just because i was very impatient and wanted that fucking candy let me in there yeah i would say maybe like pin the tail on the something you know donkey whatever it could be anything we have that one too yeah and then i feel like it was for where i'm from a lot of birthday parties would happen at like do you know what chucky cheese is yeah okay so it wasn't that because it was sioux city iowa but it was a place called Pizza Peddler and it was like this terrifying animatronic coyote on a bicycle that would come out with your pizza but it was like pizza and games and it was very lame and so we went there a lot and another place

that had like a big jungle gym in it called Jungle Jubilee that's like where we did those things and so instead of games you would go like play video games around yeah what about you um so we used to play a lot of well it's tradition to do pass the parcel okay i need to i don't know what this is i can gather but yeah explain it to me like I am five. So what happens is there's a main prize and then that is wrapped multiple times. Oh, in cling film? No, in wrapping paper. Oh, okay. And on each layer is like a little prize, like a chocolate bar or a sweet or, you know, a little thing or something. And everyone sits in a circle and someone puts the music on and everyone passes the parcel round and when they stop the music if it lands on you you get to unwrap a layer

so um that's past that is fun and i wish we did something like that we have something similar that i've seen like Like maybe it's like a family Christmas thing where they wrap a bunch of shit and cling film and you basically similar. I think you get unwrap as much as you can and get all come out. Yeah. Yeah. What about like musical chairs? Yeah.

We did musical chairs, musical bumps. Wait, what? When you don't have chairs and you just sit on, I think it's like people put bits of paper on the floor or something. Oh, like we're short on chairs, so we'll just... I think it is.

I'm just going to Google it. Yeah, musical chairs. The bumps. Do you do this? So it's kind of like quite an aggressive thing. Okay. But meant well. So the birthday person gets picked up at either end and they get bumped in the air or like almost dropped to the floor as many times as they are born.

Oh, okay. So like you do it with children then and hopefully they're not seen adults do it as well i couldn't imagine that having that 36 times i feel like that'd make me die just die of fear no that is very odd i've never heard of that it does sound aggressive it sounds kind of fun too but also horrifying yeah it's it's both things definitely for sure when were you last bumped many years ago okay to be honest it's something i see men do more that tracks because women are like don't fucking touch me yeah don't throw me up and down please please please please interesting yeah that's i've never heard of that uh or seen it or let alone do like who who came

up with that was it the queen probably uh stems back to 1600s it's actually a form of torture it's just translated into everyday birthday occurrences now correct so i was reading well i wasn't really reading an article i was researching birthday traditions between our countries to see if there was anything i could find and i saw something about birthday spankings in America is that a thing so that might be the kind of our version of the bumps where yeah you get pretty much you get spanked the amount of years you've been alive again sounds very aggressive yeah um and it is I think like thinking about it as a kid kind of horrifying so I don't think you really, you wouldn't really do it to a child, but then that means adults are just spanking each other. So that's kind of odd too. Sounds pretty good.

Yeah. It's kind of an S&M thing, whatever. So you guys don't have that. Okay. Don't do that. No. no no we do have the bumps we have the bumps and hip hip hooray and so at kids parties did you do goodie bags sometimes i feel like it not everyone i don't think we did it because it was kind of like come over and get cake and we'll feed you and might have a fun activity but giving gifts to people I don't think was very a thing but I'm aware that that is now something people do and I'm just like why it's cool but also isn't like you're supposed to be getting the gifts yeah true yeah that's the same as so over here I don't know if it's the same in America but the tradition is when you're in school or at work, when it's your birthday, you bring in the cake for everyone else to eat.

Yes, that's true. That's what really annoyed me. Like, it's my birthday. Why am I buying you all cake? Yep. What the fuck? Come on. Yeah, I never question it.

I guess it's because I guess whose responsibility is it to keep track especially yeah I do get why they do it but no but it is annoying it's like I gotta go get my own fucking birthday cupcakes right but I was always pissed off because I'm a summer birthday and so school was not in session for my birthday. And I desperately just wanted to have my birthday celebration at school. And so that, yeah, I don't know why. Cause you,

you know, I guess it's like some attentions on you or whatever. Yeah. So when they had a mechanism to address that, so everybody could try to celebrate a birthday by doing it on your half birthday. But my fucking half birthday is Christmas day. So. Shit. Out of luck there yep never ever gotta bring in treats they would put like the locker sign on my locker and it was always over break so i'd come back to it and it's kind of like oh yeah

yep it's my half birthday last week i guess that's something glad they acknowledged it shit that's really crap yeah it was it sucked and now that i'm an adult and have to work every day all year round i have to go to work my birthday celebrate your birthday at work yep pretty much much oh god that's great what's like the no I mean I'm over it now but so you guys would take in your stuff was it like birthday cake cupcakes or is there something some other kind of traditional birthday food dessert no not really um apart from I always remember having ice cream and jelly at birthday parties or jello for you oh okay i was like not jam like grape jelly just right on i mean it people i think people probably do that it wouldn't be that weird but yeah jello is a i could see that being like a

birthday thing or just a dessert thing. I mean, we have so many different desserts that like incorporate Jell-O into it. Like Snickers salad. Does Snickers salad have it? I don't know. But there's also like those old side dishes of like vegetables and Jell-O. Like a whole lot of broccoli and a thing of lime jello have you seen those no all right i will find it hold on yes please do side dish jello vegetables

that's what i'm googling people eat the vegetables i i mean is it just like a showpiece? Look at this broccoli floating in the jello. Okay, here is one called lemon lime vegetable salad. What's in that? Can you tell? So it's like olives? Yep. Like, I don't know, an array of green vegetables. So lemon-flavored jello, lime-flavored jello,

apple cider vinegar, celery, pimento-stuffed green olives, and two carrots. Wow. That looks not very appetizing. No. It actually looks revolting. Here's another one. This is kind of what I was thinking of.

It looks fake. Yep, those are peas. That's disgusting. I know. Vintage Chicago Tribune recipe jellied vegetable salad. Ham and vegetables in gelatin. Just makes me think of that Friends episode where Rachel puts the mints

in the trifle. Yep. Looks like that. Gross. Oh, here's one with shrimp. Oh, no. Fishy jelly. Yep. But yeah, cake and ice cream,

jello, pizza, those are all like the birthday foods i guess especially when you're kicking nuggets you know finger food cheese and apple on a stick what you said that so casually That is not casual to me. Okay. So we have little cocktail sticks. Yeah. There'll be a lovely square of cheddar cheese popped on top of it with a little bit of apple. Mmm.

Delicious. I mean, that's fancy. And you're saying that's just at your five-year-old birthday party. Just the hors d'oeuvre. God, the British are so classy. I'm over here like, here's some popcorn that fell on the floor. It's fine. Kids will eat it.

Yeah. And grapes as well. Yeah. Cheese an apple on a stick. Yeah, look. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's as well, yeah. Cheese an apple on a stick. Yeah, look. Oh, yeah, I mean, that's so fancy. Yeah. Beautiful.

I once had my, just to show you that I'm not fancy. I had my birthday. You can be fancy, it's okay. Okay, thanks. Yeah, I had my birthday at McDonald'sdonald's when i was younger one year did it have a play place not really no it was just like hired out part of the restaurant um i don't even think ronald mcdonald showed his fucking face either but we were playing we were playing musical chairs i think I was about five and I ran

around the table and the chairs tripped up fell onto the chair leg and split the corner of my eye open and that was me done for the rest of the party just had to sit in the corner okay so it was your birthday oh god what is it about birthdays like, the kid who's there to be celebrated getting hurt? I feel like that's so common. It seemed to happen quite a lot, yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think McDonald's is a viable option, but mostly because a lot of our McDonald's have, like, jungle gyms and ball pits and stuff in them.

Extravagant. Yeah. Our McDonald's are fancy fancy pants mcdonald's the idea of going into a play place at mcdonald's is like revolting though because they just like don't you think it's probably filthy in there yeah how often do you think they clean those apparently businesses who have ball pits send away like the balls to get sanitized but i'm just like i don't know i've never seen that happen i've never been in here it's like sorry we're our ball our balls are being disinfected at the ball pit place we sent the balls away don't ask questions don worry, our balls are being disinfected. That's the name of this podcast.

Yep, perfect. Do you feel like, have you been to a kid's birthday party any time in the recent past, like as an adult? I'm going to answer that with a no. No. I'm going to answer that with a no. Do you feel, though, that they've gotten really extravagant? I mean, yeah, from what I'm seeing online, it seems quite unnecessary. I don't really remember any of my birthday parties from a kid.

Me neither, really. I don't remember any of my birthday parties from a kid. parties from a kid me neither really so well but i feel like you're so goodie bags are like gifts and full of stuff for the and usually it's kind of like crap right it's like 25 cent little things for kids but sometimes it's like oh yeah and maybe this is more like celebrity and really wealthy people but it's like oh yeah we gave everyone all the kids like their own little ipod nano and fucking hell i mean we have a performer we have a petting zoo or horse rides and just like and it's all very curated and instagrammy and the invites and people take like pictures and just like this kid's one he's gonna remember this this kid can't walk yet yeah just literally just shitting himself right now but okay I guess it's more for you it's for the Instagram likes baby okay another question though

yeah do you do you guys have like a big birthday so like we have sweet 16 and then there's like quinceaneras and those are like I mean I didn't have a big blowout sweet 16 party but you might have seen the MTV show sweet 16 where it was like really wealthy people getting really extravagant parties for their kids um because like 16 is I think you you can drive you you know maybe get a car or like that's kind of a hallmark age for people I don't know why I don't know why but I felt like the big ones are like 16 18 and 21 but I don't I don't think 16's as big here. We don't do sweet 16. I mean, some people probably do.

But I remember my 18th being the big one. Yeah. Because you could drink on your 18th. That too. And you guys drive later as well. Yeah. Are you considered an adult? Like at 18?

Yeah. Okay. So there's that too. But why 21 just because I don't really know because that's for the obvious reasons for us yeah you can drink here right yeah I don't really know it just I guess maybe you're sort of you're in your 20s you're 21 now maybe you can hire a car I don't know I think that's like 25 for us still um yeah I don't know is there like a tradition of taking like your driver's test or something on your birthday or anything like that no so here you can start driving when you're 16 okay so people usually get or some people get driving lessons for their birthday on their 16th but no

you have to start your lessons and then can't do your test until you're ready, really. So you have to take, do you have to like show so many hours of whatever? No, not as far as I'm aware. I remember it just being when my driving instructor said I was ready basically but I remember when Claire moved to Australia they could start driving I think at like 15 and a half or something and then they could pass their test but then they have to do 200 hours of driving after they've passed their test with like an adult in the car and uh so yeah it's like you know double-edged sword with that one because you can start driving early but you have to drive

around with your mum for hours and they have their fake brake foot thing going on yeah because they're so scared yeah i know someone when they were learning to drive managed to come off the road and crash into a bench at the side of the road on their first lesson absolutely destroyed it I mean there's a reason why I think it's important to take less practice and like you know

get comfortable because yeah you could die or go to bed you are operating heavy machinery so yeah yep it is a good idea to know what you're doing slightly so it sounds like we've got some similarities with some really weird differences for the most part though birthdays are a thing that's celebrated because i also was curious just thinking about today's episode and the fact that we'd be talking about birthday stuff was like, OK, who decided that this was something to be celebrated? And I think I remember reading something about like the Romans maybe were the first people to kind of start celebrating birthdays. Really?

Yeah. And let me pull up the thing I was just looking at. Yep. Romans, historians believe that the first people to celebrate birthdays were the Romans. And, you know, today birthdays are probably most cherished by children. But in centuries past, birthdays were mostly the domain of adults. It wasn't until the 19th century that children's birthdays were first widely celebrated. So before it was kind of like, fuck you. Try living until you're 30 and then we'll celebrate you. But apparently it was the Germans who kind of started. Oh, the Germans. The Germans. They coined Kinderfest for children's parties.

Oh, it's a Kinderfest, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's a kinder fist, yeah? Yeah. Birthday cakes and candles have potential different origins. Apparently Egyptians used candles during coronations. Greeks placed them on moon-shaped honey cakes

made for the goddess Artemis. And I think I even saw that the Greeks were maybe the first one to come up with birthday cake. So we've essentially just stole all the traditions all over the world and made it our white Western norm. Yeah, like what we do with everything, pretty much. Appropriate.

Good for us. Yeah. I think Christians viewed, this should be no surprise, Christians viewed birthday celebrations as pagan in nature. People celebrate the days of saints whom they were named after. So like, I think, so if I were named after a saint, that saint's day would be my day, I guess, right? Oh, okay. would be my day, I guess, right? Oh, okay. Celebrations were believed to ward off evil spirits that were attracted to people on their birthdays. Apparently, if it was your birthday,

like, you needed to watch out. You might get eviled. You might get eviled. Cursed, I don't know. Whatever the word is. Because good wishes, revelry, and mirth were believed to spook these evil spirits. They hate fun.

Oh. They just don't want to have any fun. Evil spirits and I share that in common. Oh, yeah. Important birthdays for other cultures, like in China, apparently one. A newborn is considered age one. like in China apparently one a newborn is considered age one and so a one-year-old in the west would be two in China that's interesting oh that's interesting yeah what else did I see the most common sign is can you guess cancer no um whatever the september one is virgo

or do you mean the other september one i don't know uh well it's not that it's actually aquarius what is it oh i lied sorry the most common zodiac sign of US presidents is Aquarius. Oh. Well, I'm an Aquarius and that makes sense. So, yeah. I'll take that. Yeah. Important people.

I did see the most common one, though. Hold on. So, you might be right. September 9th is the most popular birthday. So, yeah. That is. I think that's Leo. Isn't that Leo?

I'm just Googling it. Okay. Find it. Tell me. Virgo. Oh, it is Virgo. Okay. Oh, I knew that.

And then Libra and then Scorpio. Because, like, the 26th through Nigel's birthday pretty much is Virgo season. So, okay. Did you know that if you live until you're 100, the queen will wish you a happy birthday? through Nigel's birthday pretty much, his Virgo season. Okay. Did you know that if you live until you're 100, the Queen will wish you a happy birthday? Which is going to be interesting now that she's dead. I know. So I wonder how she's going to do that.

Maybe she's done a huge backlog. They just go out and have everybody's birthday on file so when it hits 100 they just send one. That'll be from Charles now, won't it? Which isn't as exciting. Yeah, no. In Japan, your third, fifth and seventh birthdays are the most important. Oh, why?

These birthdays are celebrated during the festival of Shichigo-san, which began in the 8th century as a way of celebrating a child survival into middle child. Well done, you've made it to seven you're still alive that is like kind of sad actually yeah tells me not a lot made it um a person born on february 29th is called a leapfling. And people born in October are more likely to reach 100. Oh, really? Whereas March through July are less likely to reach 100. Fuck.

Unlucky, mate. I just missed that. Yeah, you're going to be fine. I said earlier I didn't really care to live that long. True. So I guess it's fine. That's probably why. Those spring to summer babies. Sorry.

I wonder why that is. You would have thought that people born in winter would be more depressed and therefore don't live with them. That depression carried them through in some way here's the one that i thought was interesting okay the most common zodiac signs for serial killers there's four of them one from each sign. Gemini. Ding. Scorpio. Capricorn. Sagittarius.

Ding. Yes. Come on. Pisces. Oh, really? And Virgo. Ah. Interesting. Would you like to know the signs of some famous serial killers?

Yes, I would. Do you want to just name one and I'll see if I can tell you? Ted Bundy. All right. One second, please. Mr. Bundy. Ted Bundy is a Sagittarius

Is he now? I'm going to need to google serial killers Who are the top 10 serial killers? You probably are familiar with Jeffrey Dahmer Yep He's a Gemini As is the son of Sam, David Berkowitz. Oh, really?

I could name some other ones, but not all of them are familiar to me, so I don't know how they are for you. John Wayne Jensey? Yep, he's a Pisces. The Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez, is also a Pisces. The BTK killer, Pisces. Wow. Didn't know Pisces were so fucking... Stabby.

Ed Gein, Virgo. Paul Bernardo, Virgo. The rest, I don't know if you know them because I don't but like Richard Beaconwald, Terry Blair, Dean Carter Not heard of them no. Funnily enough I'm going to a show on Wednesday

called The Psychology of Serial Killers. What? I want to go I know but you're very far away Can you just like put me on FaceTime I could actually should I do that tell me more about like what is it

like it's a live hosting or is it a taping what is it yeah so it's a live hosting I think by a expert of some sort like a psychologist potentially yes bat of some sort? Hold on, let me look. Like a psychologist?

Potentially, yes. It's Netflix Live, The Psychology of Serial Killers. Okay. See, I don't really know what it's about. It looked quite interesting there. I think it's someone just talking about serial killers. I know you and I have talked a little bit

about true crime and stuff, but I guess I didn't realize that maybe you leaned into that dark shit. I live by it. I love it so much. No, I find it interesting. And my mate Nat also does. So we often send each other these things to go to that no one else wants to because it's dark yeah i'd go with you if i were there for sure you and nat and i could enjoy listening to the psychologist talk about you know the trifecta of traumatic brain injury torturing animals

setting fires bedwetting or whatever and like those things being shared in common with a lot of serial killers maybe you should do a show could maybe we're doing it right now oh yeah hey everyone listen up let's talk about serial killers no we won't i do want to read you this uh i'm gonna read you your horoscope from a document from 1979. You ready? Okay. Yeah. Okay.

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you're stupid. Everyone thinks you're a fucking jerk. This feels like a slight attack on me. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would feel attacked. Don't worry.

I'll read mine now. You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a sucker. You are always putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a cancer. Wow.

That's great. Yeah, you want me to read any other ones? Yeah, give me some more. Okay, Capricorn. You are conservative and afraid of taking risks you are basically a chicken shit there has never been a capricorn of any importance you should kill yourself are these serious where are these from like a newspaper it's just something it's so shared by a twitter user who goes by friends 3000 this baffling horoscope written several decades back hilariously insults every single sign. Basically, we're all jerks in our own little way, which is true, at least sometimes ready for this special personal attack written in the stars. Here's Aries.

Yes, I was gonna ask for Aries. You read my mind. Do we do we know some Aries? Yeah. Yes, I was going to ask for Aries. You read my mind. Do we know some Aries? Yeah. Yep, we do. You are the pioneer type and think that most people are dickheads. You are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a prick. Prick me.

Lovely. Succinct. I love it. Yeah. Pick another one. Give me Leo. You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot.

Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and can't tolerate honest criticism, and your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving and motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors. Yep. That's brilliant. Yeah yeah i love it you lie a great deal i'm sorry they're just little white lies so i don't want to hurt your feelings it's okay i

appreciate it because my horoscope is that i'm a sensitive little bitch. Exactly. Just trying to protect you. Okay. I think horoscopes are fun. I don't really put a lot of stock in them. It's kind of like having a psychic or a fortune teller who just kind of says really basic things that most people can relate to. Broad statements. Yes. I enjoy it. But one thing that I struggle about with my sign is that I often feel like it's considered the worst. Really? Sometimes, yeah. I actually think Geminis probably get shit on the most, but it's just like you are a crybaby and super sensitive and you're really loyal, but you also hold a grudge forever and you just want to make sure everybody likes you, but you also really get hurt when someone

maybe doesn't give you enough attention and you want to stay home. Yeah, pretty much. And I'm just like, God, you know, some of that's true. I do like I'm very an empath and I am kind of sensitive. I know those things are true but I my birthday is so close to the cusp of Gemini that I almost fear that I've got some Gemini qualities yeah yeah I'm a Cancer Sun Gemini Moon Cancer Rising so I am your Cancer Gem cancer, Gemini? Cancer. Yeah. So I basically need to be. You've got a split personality, but you're super sensitive. And I will make you baked goods, I guess. One might have poison in it, though.

Put me in a straight jacket in a padded room. I quite like my star sign. Because we're meant to be the inventors and the innovators and we're humanitarians but the main thing that keeps fucking cropping up is we're really aloof

yes and I feel like that's an insult probably because it's true so another of my good friends is an Aquarius and I have like you both have these these traits that I think they say is true for Aquarius is that are I think are really cool and admirable and I wish I was an Aquarius oh thanks but we all have those negative traits too right like and being aloof or emotionally detached and stuff is yes the one but i think you could also just say it means you're independent you know yeah that's what i'm gonna say just entirely intellectual and creative marked by

independence i know tell me wants to be everybody wants to be their friend or be that person or date them but they can't get close to you because you're so emotionally detached detached from everything cold-hearted bitch and so mine are nurturing protective affectionate imaginative tough tenacious dependable proactive home loving like home buddy they keep and i don't know maybe since covid yeah but i don't i don't know um loyal caring observant negative traits moody pessimistic clingy worrier obsessive manipulative overly cautious evasive possessive lazy suspicious and aggressive like ding i know you're over there going yep yep yep yep yep mean you're none of those things

oh that's great i also have the worst name, cancer, the worst symbol, a sideways 69, and the animal is a fucking crab. So it's a good thing I'm not going to live until I'm 100. The animal is a fucking crab. I'm just a fucking crap yeah i've never really thought about it like that yep i mean i'm a water bearer what does that mean however it's an air sign so it's very confusing that is confusing i've never thought about that it is okay interesting get your shit together zodiac what an absolute crock of shit i mean none of them really so it's like one's like a half goat the other i suppose the archer one's kind of cool right and like maybe this libra scales isn't that

weird i don't yeah i like Libras like as people or just yeah I've got a few friends that are Libras and they're just they're cool people so that's like the October folks yeah right okay I think my brother's Libra loads of my friends are Sagittarius cancers as well oh yeah because me stone who else oh happy anniversary to oh yeah charlie and silas just wanted to get that out there oh that means this time last year we were all together having a marvelous party yep it was a really good time me dipping my sleeves in Thai food and an outfit change yeah it was a good time it was a good time good times good times I think that as far as like thank you for letting me vent about my horoscope by the way that was really important for me.

No problem. I had one more thing, unless you had anything else too. Have you heard the poem about like children born on the days of the week? I think so, yeah. It's called Monday's Child, I think, and apparently it's in old English. So, okay. Do you know what day of the week you were born on? I think it was a Saturday. Yeah, okay. Do you know what day of the week you were born on? I think it was a Saturday.

Yeah, Saturday. Okay. So do you know what they say? No. What's a Saturday's child? Tell me. Saturday's child works hard for a living. Well, it's questionable. So initially when I first heard this poem, I thought I was born on a Wednesday and I was like, fucking Wednesday's child's full of woe. Why can't I win? No wonder no one wants to be my friend.

I am basically human Eeyore. No, but then I was corrected. I was born on a Thursday. But then I read that and I was like, Thursday's child has far to go. Like, you got a long way, kid. Like, fuck off. But actually what that means is I was like, what does that mean? Apparently, like, you have a long life ahead of you, which I also hate.

Monday's child's bare face. Soay's child gets to be cute tuesday's child's full of grace and then the rest are kind of just like full of whoa you're a cunt that's actually how the poem goes i know i know it very well but the child born on the sabbath day is bonnie blithe good and gay so it's obviously this is big religion writing this yeah oh that's really funny yeah that made me roll fun facts fun facts and tidbits about birthdays. I've got a fun fact for you. Well, not a fact. I mean, I want to know if you knew this was a thing because this blew my mind. Okay. Saw an article. It's named, if you need to splint when you poop, it may be a sign something is wrong. Had you ever heard splint before?

I was just going to say, could you use splint in a different sentence so that maybe I can interpret the meaning? I mean, normally a splint is like a bit of wood when you break your arm or you get shin splints. So I was like, what does this mean? So I read on, on curiously you know so apparently this has been going around on tiktok i don't have tiktok so i haven't seen it but maybe you've seen this craze i doubt it because my tiktok is literally cats to be honest okay so it says user ambria alice walterfield first posted a video giving the reason why she was happy to have a vagina. I was like, what? Where's this going? Even more curious.

You know when you're sitting on the toilet and you're struggling to go for a poo, she told the world. But you can just like... And at this point, she makes an ambiguous waggling motion with her thumb which many people thought needed an explanation i thought yes i agree explain more tell me so apparently people were then like what the fuck some people were like that's called an Adele it's saying hello from the other side so in a follow up video she explained what the hell she was talking about and basically

she said that when you're constipated and the poo is there but you can't quite push it out what you can do is hook your thumb into your vagina push it out what you can do is hook your thumb into your vagina push it out no no you can't and you don't so yeah apparently this is called an adele and it's also known as splinting and the method is performed by some people who have difficulty

emptying their rectum whether due to constipation or other medical conditions and all these people have apparently come out and said they do it what the actual fuck okay so you and i are in the same camp of never heard of this this is not anything that anybody ever told us about or taught us or was recommended by our physicians no exactly apparently so it says the method is effective for people and can help relieve constipation following childbirth. So maybe it's something that women get told. Yeah, that makes sense. And I've also learned that also if you have a child, you get severe constipation, clearly, if you're having to insert something into your vagina to push your poo out.

You basically are like manually expressing your bowels yeah is what's happened and i just are doctors saying like yeah but like you know be careful or is there like any yeah i just want someone to be like don't do this they said it's not something you should do regularly. And if you feel the need to do so, it may be because something is wrong. I would tend to agree with that statement. So go to your doctor, pretty much. Yeah.

It's something you've been relying on. Can you believe people are doing that? I... What the hell well i'm today i learned today i learned something i didn't need slash want to know yeah yeah that's that's accurate and i can understand you needed to share that with me just to like yeah spread spread the discomfort and i get that so. Thank you for letting me. Sharing's caring. I need you to be traumatized as well.

Even though it's my birthday. Oh shit. Sorry. Happy birthday. I give you the gift of splinting. Yep. Wonderful. You know what?

If I died now, I think I died complete. Knowledge fulfilled. It's power for you. Oh, my God. Well, for those listening, if this is not news to you, then please forgive our reaction, I guess, is going to be the word I'm going to use. going to be the word i'm going to use even though i could also say horror um dismay discomfort because i it does sound like probably there is a time and a place that that might be something you have to do and i'm sorry to hear that take some laxatives yeah yeah i definitely i seek medical help i think but i guess it is more of a natural solution. Yeah. If you're caught out in the wild or at a festival, say. So what about men? Men can't do this.

Oh, I guess not. No, they don't have a vagina that they can stick their thumb up. So men out there, tell us how you – no, please don't. I don't want to know this. Tell us how you splint. Yeah, how does splinting work for you? And if you could email your thoughts, feelings, whether you've ever splinted before, to talkshit2us at gmail.com,

that would be marvelous. And we'll share your stories far and wide with, I was going to say the whole internet, but probably about 30 people. I mean, maybe 40 at this point. Maybe. We do have quite a few downloads now. Yeah, we do. Probably about 30 people. I mean, maybe 40 at this point. Maybe. Mm-hmm. We do have quite a few downloads now.

Yeah, we do. We are quite famous. I feel like our talk shit to us kind of just took on a dual meaning. Send us all your poo talk. You want to wrap up with an am I the asshole? Yeah. Am I the asshole? You know you are, baby.

Yeah. Birthday edition. Okay. So it is my turn again for the reading. And I picked a birthday themed one because I am nothing but not predictable. Nothing if not predictable. Yes. Okay.

So are you ready? Yes. Am I the asshole for eating my husband's entire birthday cake by myself? I'll preface this by saying that my husband's family and I don't get along. Like, at all. We're rarely ever on good terms, and for my mental health, I decided to put distance between us. Boundaries are important. Fit.

Especially after I was blamed for my most recent miscarriage that happened three months ago. What? Wow. My husband can still see and visit them whenever he wants. For me, I don't attend any of their events, not even Thanksgiving nor Christmas. My husband's 30th. Oh, well, yeah, me too. My husband's 30th birthday was two days ago.

I planned to celebrate with him. I bought a cake and a gift, but he said that his family invited him to celebrate his birthday. with him. I bought a cake and a gift, but he said that his family invited him to celebrate his birthday. And he really, really, really wanted to go because the birthday parties his family throw are like no others. We had an argument over this, but he told me to wait for him until he finished celebrating there with his family and then we could celebrate together at home and eat cake. After he left, I felt so terrible. I called him, but he turned his phone off. I was so mad. I took the cake and brought it into the living room and started eating from it. I ate the whole thing, not saving him a single piece. I guess I was so angry and it made me hungry.

He came home and saw what I did and blew up saying I did this to spiteful. I think it just said to be spiteful. And to punish him for not ditching his family on his birthday like I wanted him to. I reminded him I paid for the cake, but he called me petty and nuts. He ranted and ranted and then said he didn't get to eat cake as parents because lots of kids were there. And he didn't get enough cake. And what I did was ten times worse. He's been upset ever since.

Am I the asshole? He's 30. That's a reminder I mean I feel like she might be the asshole In this situation You've eaten the whole cake love That's his birthday cake And

I didn't like it when she said He celebrated his birthday with family instead of me. Wah. Like, grow up. Come on. You ain't as old as that cake. So, it is petty. That is petty and kind of childish, right?

And it is kind of spiteful. Like, those things he said are accurate. And it does, I kind of am inclined to also say that she might be the asshole too but then I'm reminded that his family apparently blamed her for their miscarriage I'm not saying his family are not also assholes they're assholes too so maybe everyone's an asshole in this situation but he is entitled to go and see his family on his birthday. And it was her choice not to go there. Yep.

And then to get all petty and spiteful about it and eat his whole cake. Come on. Yeah. I mean, if it were her birthday and he did that. Exactly. The tables were turned. Yeah. Yeah.

Surprisingly, the consensus is she's not the asshole. What? Husband still wants to reap the benefits of his family's adoration of him while still having the love and respect of his wife, who they treat horribly. OP, tell your husband he can't have his cake and eat it too. Well, he definitely can't, can he? He literally can't. She ate it. can't, can he? He literally can't. She ate it.

I think a lot of the people are like, you know, his family treats him really horribly. He probably should have, you know, be kinder to his wife, maybe. Someone else is like, anybody curious why he turned his phone off? So, like, I think i get yeah i get what they're saying her reaction

maybe everyone's the asshole really is the answer here he's kind of a childish dick you know she's also a childish dick his family sucks too right i'm gonna say you should all go to therapy not together yeah yeah i'm gonna read you this one comment because I think it's a pretty popular one. And then you can give me your kind of concluding thoughts. Okay. Not the asshole. The second they blamed you for having a miscarriage, your husband should have very firmly put the distance between him and his toxic family and stood behind you. That he'd choose them over you repeatedly shows just how little you matter to him.

A good husband would never allow anyone to blame his wife for a miscarriage must much less his own family and if he wanted to eat birthday cake with you he shouldn't have chosen them over you again many to understand the second they get married their wife becomes their nuclear family and always comes first yeah some fair points it's now making me wonder if i'm the arsehole oh you are you are. And I'm also an arsehole. But we don't know these people. It's not about us. I guess I... It's hard with families because her feelings about them

and her setting up boundaries and she even said, like, I've not been like, you need to cut out your family because that is kind of a toxic trait too. Now, you would hope that maybe he'd be like, yo, you guys, that's fucked what you're doing. And if you guys don't change your tune, then, you know, you'll probably be seeing less of me. But I also, you know, family is sometimes it's hard to do that.

Yeah. So I don't know. I guess I I'm struggling with this one because I I think there's good points to be made like that one I'm also just like you know he wanted to go celebrate with his family as he probably has done in the past I know you were frustrated that he didn't pick you maybe that was kind of something you were hoping

he would do and that piled upon other things led you to be like fuck him I'm just gonna eat this cake but it's still kind of assholey behavior yeah you could have at least replaced it afterwards you know or just saved him the tiniest little bit of yeah tiniest little bit was this cake do you know how big it was maybe like so i mean birthday cakes can go from very small but very large so yeah i envisioned it being like probably in reality

it was probably like sort of two to four maybe a small cake because I was just going to be the two of them but you know she ate a whole cake I'd struggle to eat a whole cake to be fair I would too well good one

thank you for joining me on my birthday thank you for doing this on your birthday. No problem. I have no other plans because I'm a homebody. Clearly. The stars have spoken. I'm not even going to say goodbye because I'm aloof.

Do you know how badly that will stress me out out and think like does jemma not like me anymore it will send me into a spiral don't do that to me you're just too fucking emotional yeah i i will go to therapy to try to work on it it's good to see you and you this was fun time next week same time next week all righty you know where to find us talk shit what is our email talk shit to us at gmail.com There we go Find us on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter One day YouTube Maybe Yeah

One day there will be YouTube Yeah, one day When one does it Yep One day Alright, well I'll see you Next week then I guess And we'll just talk some more shit about shit

stuff and things stuff and things and shit on shit yeah okay great bye bye We'll see you next time. you you