Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 15. Not 4th July Unless You Lose A Tooth

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

We're talking 4th July, marrying ghosts, misheard lyrics, a lyrics game, nightmare fuel and irrational fears!!Send us your misheard lyrics and irrational fears to [e-mail]. or get in contact on Insta, Twitter & TikTok @tsybpod 

Hello and welcome to Talking Shit with a Yank and a Brit. Hello. Hello, hello hello governor kate you sound so good with your american accent well how are you i'm well thank you poppet how long can we do this i not Not long, I don't think. I'm already running out of things. If I had to say the least amount of words possible, we could probably get away with this.

Well, for anyone who didn't know, I was just doing the American accent then for the intro, and Kate was doing the British accent. So the American was Gemma was doing the Irish accent. So the American was Gemma. Sounded like Kate. We switched. We're so clever.

We really do crack our shit up. That's the best part. I think everyone really enjoys just listening to us make ourselves laugh. That's our appeal. Hopefully, because that's what we do. Yeah, really.

This is for us and not you, okay? For anyone new to the podcast, I mean, it says it all in the title. This is where an American and an English person talk shit about various subjects. And by talk shit, we don't necessarily mean slag stuff off. We just talk about a lot of shit. So welcome, and welcome back if you're not new. If you've stuck with us since day one. Yes, we appreciate it.

You might want to go back and listen because we touch upon such topics as cults and ick factors and am I the assholes and dildos and, you know, the coronation and ballpoint pens. And what foods we detest from each other's countries. Yep. I got some feedback from our last episode, the birthday episode. A lot of my friends and people from my hometown fondly recall Pizza Peddler and the animatronic coyote that brings you pizza called wilbur and how terrifying he was yeah you sent me a picture of that and it was a quite terrifying yeah he he tried but he also looked like he had a really bad case of the mange

but he also wore like a suit sometimes. So it was very confusing. Is he upper class or is he not? I just don't know. He's trying. He's trying to fall upwards, I think. What else did I hear? You know, some feedback about the horoscopes. I still maintain, you know, having the worst sign. But some other folks, my friend kim who i spent some time with last weekend you know she wasn't more inclined to agree that maybe gemini's are the worst sign so i feel a little bit better about that and what else now i'm not getting any feedback from any of my friends so either we're doing something very wrong or well you have to directly ask because when i see people i go oh have you listened to my podcast tell me what you think

right now and i'll say american of you very direct so direct yeah i just stand in the corner and just wait for someone to give me a compliment. They don't. So I carry on with my day. Well, as we've discussed, I very much thrive on people giving me compliments, even if they're fake and I have to force them out of them. Just tell me something nice, please. Yep. Even though it makes me uncomfortable and I'm going to make this really awkward between us, I still need it. And that is probably, you know, my deal breaker or my beige flag. I need constant validation, please.

Thank you. It's a very cancer thing, though, So I'm just living up to my sign. That's all. That was it. You know, I thought the thing that you sent me, what was it called? I'm a manifesting generator. Oh, human design. Yeah.

I felt pretty validated by that because it felt like it was really the most important, very special, unique snowflake type of human design. Yeah, you got the best one, bitch. Well, you know, I have to get some things in my back pocket for a win. Yeah. My mom did tell me when I was asking her what time I was born, she was talking about how they didn't

learn the gender for either my brother and I and yeah my dad was pretty convinced that I was going to be a boy and I think because simply because he and there were two boys in his family so therefore this is how it's going to be didn't seem to think that there are five girls on my mom's side as well and I know that maybe isn't really how it works I don't know enough about that but yeah they didn't so I think they had some names picked out and my mom was telling me some of the names and I was like oh thank god you didn't name me that I really was one grace grace is nice and maybe if I were named grace it would fit but thinking about me and who I am as a person, being a Grace, I think also Laverne, which is my grandmother's name. Her name was Clara Laverne. I think they wanted to name me that. And I was like, whoop. No offense, grandma. Rest in peace. But no.

Rest in peace. But no. And I think they had a little debate over my brother too, but they settled on Alexander and Catherine. So it could be worse. Nice. I was either going to be Alexandra or Jasmine. Really?

As a kid. When I found that out, I was furious because i really liked aladdin and i was like why didn't you call me jasmine i could have been a princess but now i'm just jemma yeah a way to really fuck you over for that i could have been a princess i could have been on a carpet that flew like why do you hate me name me one disney princess called jemma there's none so also to disney yeah we should actually just get some like princesses with really dull names sally oh sally um i went through a phase when i was a kid as well of wanting to be called sarah why because i just thought like a normal name would be better than jam do you think

is jemma i feel like jemma in england is a kind of like the equivalent of Brittany here. Is it not? I don't know. I feel like Gemma's like a very popular British girl's name. I guess it is. There's not many Gemmas. I don't know any other Gemmas. I was going to say you're the only Gemma I know.

Yeah. Pretty unique. Might actually be more common here. I don't know any other Jemmas. I was going to say you're the only Jemma I know. Pretty unique. Might actually be more common here. What about your siblings though? I don't know. My dad wanted to call my youngest brother, who is called Finn, he wanted to call him Jed. And my mum was like, no. Just real American country, get your shotgun, Jed.

She was like, nah, that's not happening. We're not doing that because we also don't hate him. Exactly. So then Finn was what they settled on yeah but not finley just finn not finnigan not finnigan although i like to call him finnigan or finny foo perfect yeah he loves it and i like to call my other brother, who is called Joe, Josephine. Well, I mean. Because why not? It fits.

He suits it better. I like renaming people like Seanford. Seanford. You know, Sean again. Nigel. Shane. Shane, Shane, seen John's sheep.

Those are all ones from you guys. So my mom did say when they picked Catherine, it was because they thought, you know, it could be Kate, Katie. And then she goes, Kathy.

And I'm like, no, do not perpetuate that more. And she goes, I know you're not a Kathy and I go it's it's fine but I really don't think you ever envisioned yes like let's call her Catherine and she can be Kathy for short baby Kathy baby Kathy there are have you ever thought about like names that would be really weird for babies and then like yeah there's a reason I don't go by Katie I used to go by Katie that was my name up until basically freshman year of college I was

18 there were so many Katie's I was like I'm gonna be Kate but I also was like I can't imagine myself being like a 75 year old woman named Katie fair yeah just it's odd so it is yeah but yeah i was thinking about this the other day like glenn oh look a little baby glenn oh glenn just pooped his pants or her i guess because it's kind of both right i guess glenda another one would be like well karen i think is one that i would have a if i met a baby named karen i'd be like oh keith yeah yeah i only knew one other keith really too growing up but that would be a weird one now what else yeah i knew a keith he was a family friend he was a bit a bit weird.

Roommate? Is that who we're talking about? JK. He's nice. Carl, I feel like would be one that's... you kind of don't meet babies with that name anymore.

Gary. Yeah, yeah. There are names that are dying out, aren't there? Mm-hmm. I don't meet babies with that name anymore. Gary. Yeah. Yeah. There are names that are dying out, aren't there? Mm-hmm. And names that are getting a resurgence, too, like Gertrude. Gertrude. Speaking of babies and births, do you know what today is?

Well, it's a Tuesday. It is a Tuesday. It is a Tuesday. It is Tuesday, July 4th. The 4th of July. 2023. Not July 4th. The 4th of July. Correct. Freedom ring.

So, you know, I'm over here having a holiday to celebrate the birth of a nation. Mine. You just had to go to work and do your thing. Loved that link. my god did you know that england your country and the usa my country they used country if you mean create in the way that like a bunch of british people came over to get away from you know i guess the tyranny of the you know crown and i think there's maybe some religious stuff thrown in there, too. And then King, was it George, was like, I'm coming with y'all. I've got major FOMO.

You don't get across the sea and party without me. I am coming. I'm coming to Newfoundland. Yep. Did create it. And then at some point, I guess, you know, the people who broke off are like, this is bullshit. He is such a downer. And we really want him to go the fuck away and not come back.

So I guess we're gonna sink some ships and throw some tea in a harbor. Is that what happened? I know nothing of the history today so i think it is interesting this is probably another conversation for another day but this revisionist history that we know occurs like if we look in the textbooks here we'll gloss over slavery right yeah but all the things that make america great quote, are definitely probably embellished and heavily focused on in some of her history books. And it sounds like perhaps in your history books, it's kind of like, and then, you know, there was a war. And then everything was fine.

Yeah, it was fine after that. Don't worry about the fact that we, you know, colonized. Colonized. don't worry about the fact that we you know colonized colonized yeah don't worry about the fact that we you know invaded pretty much all the countries in the world and stole their diamonds and made slaves and brought them beans on toast. Yeah. You're welcome. Really? Oh, welcome. So tell me about the 4th of July. I will. And I, you know, the one thing that I have to emphasize is don't add us because I'm, I'm really going to show my ignorance here and about how I went to public school okay but one of the things that I think when Nigel moved here he would get really nervous because he thought that people

were just going to be really aggressive and like America number one love it or leave it get out we kicked your ass and I had to repeat to him like no one actually thinks about what it actually is yeah the origins of this holiday and like honors it in that way now it's about food drinking blowing shit up fireworks partying boats that sort of stuff yeah and like it's independence day but it's also like oh we're such an independent country we got a like we're so great you know it's not i don't but it's also like, oh, we're such an independent country. We got to write like we're so great. You know, it's not really about the history. So I thought it would be funny to maybe share some facts that even were new to me. Yeah.

For example, the 4th of July actually isn't even really the day that was designated. No way. actually isn't even really the day that was designated no way by the continental congress back in you know the day they actually wanted july 2nd yep john adams was like it should be july 2nd and they voted for it to be july 2nd and then for whatever reason they started celebrating it on the 4th and that little bitch was like i refuse to participate in this because i wanted it to be july 2nd it should be july 2nd and i'm not gonna play and you can't have my toys so that's one fun fact it's actually the second of july i guess um and i think also people think about like the declaration of independence right when i say that you know kind of what i'm referring to sort of yeah

so it's this like document i'll try forgive me for perhaps misleading you but uh so it's this document that the founding fathers drafted to basically declare their independence from britain right and it right i believe it pre was a precursor to the war like they did it and that's kind of what kicked it off. Or maybe it was kind of like in the midst of it. But that also, too, wasn't even July. It was not created in July. Happened in November. Yeah, something. And it's just, I think kind of July 4th or July 2nd, it was just the day it was formally dated, finalized, adopted. They voted on July 2nd, it was just the day it was formally dated, finalized, adopted. They voted on July 2nd.

Right. And part of it was like no one actually thought we were going to win. And so all these people signed it. Like if you go look it up, you'll see all these signatures with one really big arrogant one by John Hancock. And that's where it's like, oh, put your Hancock on this. But it's just this really big-ass signature. They didn't want to publicize the document with all of these people, like 56 people who signed it, because they were like, well, shit, if we lose, I don't want to out ourselves.

So it only had two signatures on it, one being John Hancock and then another being this other guy that no one ever talks about, I've never heard of. His name's Charles Thompson. So he just kind of got lost in history. No one cares about him. So it just is interesting because we had this war. We wrote this document. Everyone was just kind of like, we're not going to win.

But I guess we'll just like try. I'm not, I won't lie, mate. I didn't even know there was a war. I'm not, I won't lie, mate. I didn't even know there was a war. Genuinely. I just thought you just, you know, decided, signed a little document and you were like,

hurrah, we're free. This is it. And King, again, I think it's King George, and this is purely based off the musical Hamilton, which is not historically accurate at all. But King George being like, They say the price of my love is a price you're not willing to pay. I really enjoyed that musical. And he just was like, okay, fine.

Go on then. Be free. Have your little toys and your boats and your hot dogs and fireworks it's fine so did he just fuck off after that i mean i think you know he tried tried to keep us in rain and eventually won and i think actually the british army did quite a good job for a while until at some point the tides turned and I think it was a lot of them like really dirty war tricks you know how there's like roles of war which is kind of weird too like people actually follow those but I think um like

the American soldiers like would just sneak up and be like boo and the brits were like ah oh you got us okay we'll leave that's a well-known war tactic i believe yeah boo we win oh you got us yep we'll go okay okay yeah yeah but i think it's interesting we've talked about this before too but all of the very patriotic trappings, you know, our songs, some of the traditions we really just stole or kept. We didn't get rid of those things. And our national anthem is was it was based on a poem by Francis Scott Key that they then use those like the poem. They made it in the lyrics, but we put it to the tune of a british drinking song because even back then there was no new melodies none no one could write songs they didn't have a songwriter at that point so they just kept the drinking songs yep it's songs. Yep. It's the Anacreon in Heaven, which is a British men's social club melody. I know it well. Yeah. Sing the 45 verse drinking song that probably by the time you were done, it was time to go home. So you just have your beers while you're singing and then, all six hours later we're through it I mean you know people like to drink when they're drunk like to sing when they're walking home drunk I mean I do I do too

great so maybe that's where it came from it's a very long journey so they write that because no one had cars horses, and you had to walk six miles uphill both ways in the snow to get to your social club to drink. Yeah. People died. They did. I think that's evidenced in many of our drinking songs. Oh, and Carl died, so we left him there. Bye, Carl.

Now he's been eaten by the rats. Round two. Raise your glass. I guess it was a form of entertainment back before, like, TV. Back before they had electricity or anything 99 bottles of beer on the wall well I have some fun facts for you because I don't think you

haven't been here for 4th of July right but I know I've been in England a few times for it and boy do we celebrate over here i mean oh my god ragers just big ragers and we have so much tea and beans on toast and duels with swords and yeah we wrap you in a british flag and roll you down the hill and oh good times it's not a fourth of july unless you lose a tooth as the old saying goes well here it's considered one of America's deadliest holidays. Ooh. Can you imagine why?

I imagine people get drunk and have fights, shoot each other. Yep. It's just basically all of the reenactments that we do. Sean's not doing one right now. He might not make it back. We'll see. He loves a reenactment.

He really does. Like when I first was first introduced to the existence of him by our mutual my mutual friend who married his friend she was showing me pictures and i was like what is he wearing like a like a british army uniform what is happening there and she's like yeah is he from the 1600s and i was like you want me to meet this person? Like, is he a ghost of a British soldier and just wanders the land? Like, do I have to go to the East Coast to find him? Does he only haunt the halls of this one British pub?

In Massachusetts, yeah. So it's been a long distance relationship um and it's kind of hard to explain but i just say we met on the internet oh my god you're that woman that i read the article about who married a ghost right okay yes but i didn't know they wrote they didn't get my permission so i gotta know more so i can sue them yeah so she married a ghost let me get it up is he cute oh wait it's me i forgot it was me yes he is update she wants a divorce.

Oh! Okay, hold on. Okay. A woman who married a ghost is now considering an exorcism as her husband is making her life hell. Oh my God. god so nice name rocker broccard 38 from oxfordshire married in quotes her husband eduardo five months after meeting him on halloween last year that's not his real name she claims he's the ghost of a victorian soldier and is stalking her

oh my god she's terrifying you married him though her ghost husband has ended up haunting her using the screams of a crying baby maybe that's their ghost baby maybe he just wants you to change its diaper lady pull your weight. Step up. Come on. She says, I'm at the end of my tether and I don't want to admit defeat but I feel like being married to a ghost doesn't work. No shit, Sherlock.

Turns out, despite all the red flags, beige flags, ghost flags, it's not all it's cracked up to be, guys. It's not actually working out. Also, sorry, just an added fact, their wedding was attended by the ghost of Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, and even Henry VIII.

So, true story. Well, I bet they got some good gifts. I bet that party was rocking. I bet that party was deadly. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and I can't believe that's a thing that exists in this world. I know. But okay.

Well, okay. So it's America's deadliest holiday because we fucking love fireworks you fucking love fireworks yeah and so we can shoot like it depends on the state that you're in right for fireworks but where i lived where i grew up it was right on the border so we had a and our state was legal so we had a bunch and our state was legal so we had a bunch of firework stands kind of like in my hometown my first job was that one actually and I remember like walking around looking at some of these fireworks and I'm like that is actually a military grade bomb I think that one and in fact it actually says military

grade bomb not for personal use danger return to the government but it it like fireworks in the fourth of july growing up was very like it was just a big thing and where i lived people like i lived on a lake people would come from the surrounding towns in other states to shoot off fireworks and it was like a literal war zone there was so much smoke and haze like you couldn't see very well and like the noise. And it's just like this actually is really gross. I didn't actually particularly enjoy it because I was noisy. I got injured a couple of times from dumb behavior, which I'll tell you more about. And then the next day I had to go out and clean

up all the fucking litter from all the fireworks that I didn't shoot off that were everywhere. And yeah, so but people really like 53% of firework injuries are burns, obviously. And usually it's hands and fingers are the most injured body parts. And I just have a couple like sentences about some injuries that have occurred. Okay. Hit me. 21-year-old woman awoke to her house on fire after her sister lit fireworks near a propane tank. Good effort.

Yeah. 55-year-old intoxicated woman was holding a firework when it exploded in both hands, amputating most of her fingers and burning her body. Oh my God. I think being drunk is probably a big factor for a lot of these injuries. 37-year-old intoxicated man had a firework go off in his hand, burning his body and causing multiple finger amputations.

21-year-old man was smoking inside his house, dropped his match that he used to light a cigarette onto a pile of fireworks also in his house. It exploded! Shockingly. his match that he used to light a cigarette onto a pile of fireworks also in his house it exploded shockingly i know you weren't expecting that piece but he also and he suffered a lot of fucking burns probably his house got damaged too i mean who is keeping fireworks inside their fucking house like it's gunpowder guys and like you just drop your match just on the ground like yeah what in your house what's wrong with you

i don't yeah i don't know um an eight-year-old ingested gunpowder oh because no one was everyone was drunk and shoot fireworks at each other that this child just was like i'm gonna eat that that looks like chocolate yep another one ran into a firework lighter which is like the stick it kind of looks like incense we call them pucks um and basically poked his eye out yeah a 10 year old threw fireworks at his brother exploded in his brother's face he had eye injuries oh my god and then a boy was hurtled 10 feet into the air after he lit a firework on a manhole cover. Just some examples. So, you know, people are drinking, eating. This is like a holiday where a lot of beer gets consumed.

There are some stats I saw about, like, beer consumption. And so it's, like, drunk people, adults and children. Maybe children maybe the children are drunk too I don't know lack of supervision like people just really go nuts and I just as a kid personal anecdotes like do you know what a roman candle is no a sparkler no so it's a tube it's like a long tube. Yeah. Kind of skinny. And you light one end and the other end shoots out like just like little tiny. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it's like multiple and they're usually colorful. It's essentially a wand. Yeah. And like you basically light it and you just shoot it at people. Seems really safe. Yeah. Yeah yeah or i've known people who looked right in the face i never did that thankfully but i did burn the shit out of my hand um as a kid on a sparkler was back when there were metal still and i just like was done and i just grabbed it and i had to wear like a bandage over my hand like that whole summer afterwards like I couldn't go swimming in the lake I just like had to sit and eat popcorn

with my good hand and watch Gumby for the rest of the summer and uh my brother liked to tie bottle rockets to our dock just like a string I thought you're gonna say to your dog then i was like oh my god no we'll talk about pets in a second though oh no to our dock like just a string and it would shoot up and one time he did it it shot up the recoil from the string caused it to go under my foot and explode oh my god because i was out there watching because i'm like what are you doing i was fine but was terrifying. So like I don't particularly care about fireworks, but we always have them. I can see why. Yeah.

And the other thing is too, like pets hate them. You know, it always freaked our dogs and our cats out. You know, we've had friends who really don't go out because they have to stay home and like hold their pets. who really don't go out because they have to stay home and like hold their pets yeah that's i i'm that's what i was gonna say is i hate fireworks now because i have a dog that's terrified of them never thought about it before but now every year on firework night like which is sake tonight is it tonight no we have it on the 5th of november which is where we celebrate guy forks who nearly blew up parliament so we'll cover that on a different episode strange tradition it is i can't wait to hear more because i only know a little bit about it but that

is i i suppose the like a kind of sort of equivalent of celebrating this kind of weird thing that maybe people don't really think about the origins of anymore too right yeah yeah it's yeah really odd but yeah so i don't i hate fireworks um and i think it's stupid basically it's my thoughts on it once you've seen one firework display you've seen them all there's only so much you can go, ooh, ah. That one exploded. That one exploded in pink. That one exploded in the shape of a flag. Exactly. That one had music set to it. So that was kind of nice, I guess. Oh, they're all going. I appreciate the day off. I appreciate

being able to like hang out with friends, grill outside. That's what we did yesterday. Even though our power went off randomly, I think a firework maybe blew up our transformer. I heard fireworks and then all of a sudden someone pops their head out and they're like, your power's out. Fuck. Shit. It was very hot yesterday too, so that sucked. But we made it work. We ate food and we had hot dogs, which I think you should know that on this day, each year, Americans consume at least 150 million hot dogs.

Wow. For context, that is if you lay them kind of in a row, you can lay it from Washington, D.C. to Los Angeles more than five times. What? Yeah. It's a fuck ton of hot dogs. And hot dogs are gross. Oh, that's incredible. Wow.

I mean, I like a hot dog. I mean, I do too. I ate some yesterday. I'm not going to lie. But they are made out of little shit. Yep, they are. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Parts that no one else wants.

Yum. Yum. The other thing that is annoying is that fireworks are going to be going off for days like they started it's always was around my birthday when you could start shooting them off there was like a two-week period where backward from you could start shooting them so it was like every night for two weeks fireworks it's unnecessary it is it's excessive yeah but you know i'm the un-american one because i think noise and pollution is can be bad and annoying and let's not terrify our pets and our children and like

people getting their eyes shot out whatever such a party american to have some fingers lost hey look guys i fucking blew up my fingers yeah is that where that comes from definitely because they're just waving but it's really just really any combination we got the i love you we've got the rocker we've got hang ten people lost their fingers and that's the best they can do it's the only thing that is actually waving yep take my strong hand it's just my pinky but whatever um but yeah that's that's just some fun facts about the fourth of july so great i hope you can join us one day and you can experience the revelry and drunken shenanigans of it all as well

i would like to yeah I'd like to experience one. I mean, we were out there. Did you guys leave before the 4th though? I think we must have done because I don't remember celebrating it. Yeah, I don't either. I feel like you came like the few days before my birthday, but then you must have left before the 4th. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I can't remember. Oh, top news story today. Rash of mass shootings kills 10 in the US ahead of July 4th holiday. So that's also fun. I know. We're doing really good over here. Everyone's really well. Thank you. We're coping fine. Nigel actually asked me when he shared that earlier and he's like,

do you think like people are just like, look at my gun. Probably. Maybe. Look how it shoots. Yeah. The motives and the mental health of the people who are doing this it's sometimes you got to wonder if it's just as simple as this is my right i'm crazy i don't know yeah i mean well you know according to the nra that's the problem it's not the guns okay no no no it's the mental health that's the problem

it's the people it's the people guns don't kill people people do okay you know and i get so sick of that because then i hear other things like where that you know depending on what side you're on you want to attribute something to like the thing and not the person. But with guns, it's like the opposite. I can't think of an example right now, but I just read it's like, Oh, tell me more about that. But also, guns don't kill people, people kill people. And it's just the hypocrisy of it all. It's so annoying. It's ridiculous. And if you'd like to hear more, then go back to one of our previous episodes called Wall of Guns. Yeah, that was like episode... Four?

Yeah, I don't know. It might be four. Yeah, I think it was four, actually, according to our little note thing here. So episode four, Wall of Guns. Check it out, baby. Do you want to play a game? Yeah. Or do you want to talk about the post that you were going to share with me first? Oh yeah. Let's go into that first. Okay. Okay. So I saw this post about when people get song lyrics wrong. And I love it. And I want to know if you had any.

And I'm going to share some of these ones. I know I do, but you'll have to. We'll see if this triggers any in my memory. Okay, so growing up, I had a friend who was convinced the lyrics were don't go jason waterfalls i think about it constantly why would it be that who is jason stick to the tony's and the rogers you're used to and then uh someone else said legit used to think the lyric in the little mermaids part of your world was pregnant women sick of swimming and they would be like that is understandable

so i'm so pregnant i'm so tired of swimming why am i here so you know toto's africa someone thought it was i left my brains down in africa i left my brains down in Africa. I left the brains. Okay, no scrubs. I love the ones where it's, oh yeah, tell me. What did they fuck up?

Now, this one, today I learned something. Okay. Okay. So it says, a scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly. He's also known as a bus stop. I thought it was bus stop. You did? Yeah. But apparently it's not.

You know, and I wonder if like, you guys, your buses and bus stops are like a very good public transportation. Yeah. That's where i grew up so i was like it's got to be buster well i was like that must be an american thing i don't i don't know what it is but also known as a bus stop because he's got no car and he's broke a shit So it got me thinking about potential ones. And I remember when Drunk in Love came out by Beyonce and Jay-Z. And there's that bit that goes, We woke up in the kitchen saying,

How the hell did this shit happen? Oh, baby. That bit. I thought she was saying, Woke up in the kitchen saying, how the hell did this shit happen? Oh, baby. That bit. Mm-hmm. I thought she was saying, woke up in the kitchen, how the hell did all these dishes happen? I was like, why is she singing about dishes? I don't understand. Because she's a lady, and that is where we thrive, is the kitchen.

Exactly. Doing dishes. And she's just like, I didn't make this mess. Clean up after yourselves fools turns out drunken love is actually the anthem to moms everywhere you'll like this one it's egg related i like eggs so backstreet boys i want it that way yeah they said ain't nothing but a hot egg tell me why ain't nothing but a missed egg tell me why so I I feel like any of my misheard lyrics or kind of things that I thought were the song probably aren't that funny, but there's this TikTok that I've seen, and it's a guy, I think, doing some songs where maybe if you listen, it kind of sounds like one thing. Yeah.

There was this one by, it was Adele rolling in the deep, and it's like- Yeah, I think I've seen this. Pigeon carnivore. Could I have bare feet? Or all the things with rain and it's like, I set fire to the rain. Oh, the rain gets set on fire so much. Or I left Lorraine down in Africa. That gal.

So this person says, you know, truly, madly, deeply by Savage Garden. Instead of, I want to bathe with you in the sea. She thought it was,

I want to bake with you in the sea. Just pictured an octopus in an apron helping you bake a pie. I mean, why not? It's like whiskey. Back to the Little Mermaid. That probably happened. Yeah. It all comes back. It's all related.

Okay, Benny and the Jets. He's got electric boobs and Prada shoes. That's great. So I know I used to hear, you know, we built this city, right? Yep. On rock and roll. Or I've heard from Nigel. we built this city on sausage well there was a charity song in england oh okay where someone did a parody of that

and so that actually draws i think it's actually actually been our Christmas number one for like the past three years. Not even Mariah Carey? She's been dethroned? Yep. Oh, I bet that pissed her off. Yeah, I bet it did. How about Sweet dreams

are made of cheese Who am I to disagree? Bree. I would listen to that song. Absolute tune. So yeah, if anyone else can think of lyrics that they got wrong as a kid. I know there's loads more.

Because we couldn't Google lyrics back in the day. It wasn't until you bought the album and you got to look in the sleeve book yeah hoped that they put the lyrics in there oh shit that's completely wrong there's a another one i saw like a video where it just did a bunch of songs and it's like popular ones so like selena gomez's 14 carrots and it sounds like she's saying I'm farting carrots. Or I think it's Echo Smith's Cool Kids where it's like, I wish that I could be like the cookies. All the cookies, they seem to fit in. There's a mustard.

It's monster, I think i think mustard under my bed there's a mustard under my bed yeah i do enjoy it and i know i like i said i'm sure any of the times i've gotten lyrics wrong they were not funny but I know I get lyrics wrong because I'm dumb and why wouldn't I? There's so many where I don't even know what the words are, so I just sing, like, noises. Yeah, what it sounds like, yeah. Yeah, and she's like...

Yeah. And I'm a singer, yes. Speaking of that, because you're a singer... Oh, no. I thought it would be really fun to test your knowledge because when we're thinking about lyrics, I think a lot of the ability to know lyrics and recognize it is because of the tune too, right? Yeah.

And so I wanted to just read you some lyrics in the most bland, neutral voice possible and see if you can identify the song. Okay? Yeah, okay. Are you ready for this? Okay, and I did really try to pick songs that you should know, either because of their popularity

or just like what I think I know you listen to over the years or currently. But if it's a song you don't know, I apologize, okay? We could be here for a while guys okay first one i mean me and her parents were kind of cool me and her parents are kind of cool. I've got no idea. So I picked a couple different ones that get increasingly easier for you. So that's like round one.

Yeah, so that's like the hardest one. So the next line, hey girl, coming right around. This is so hard. So can you do the first line and the second line they're but they're not together and that's wrong no okay no it's different parts because obviously I could do the rest of the lyric I could if you would like I can give you this last lyric I think it'll help you I think I think I've got it is it Craig David what's the song um fuck so the lyric again hey girl coming right around I'm right around so we why were you creeping around late last night can you fill me in? You got there. Good job.

Yay. Thanks. I'm so proud of myself. This one, I think you should be pretty easy. So don't bother paging me because I'll be on my way. A little context clue for you too with paging. It's an old song. Destiny's Child?

You want the next line? Yes, please. Not the next line, but the next lyric. You're going to miss me, baby, hate to say I told you so. God, this is so hard. It's not even ringing any bells. Just like a cow gone commercial light. Gotta get up here and go somewhere.

Don't recognize that. So pack up my Louis Vuitton. Jumped in your ride and took off. Nope. Nothing. Okay. Maybe you didn't know this one. Shake It Off by Mariah Carey.

Oh, no. I just didn't know that. Shake it off. Shake, shake. Cause the loving ain't the same. You never heard that one? Okay. My bad.

We don't know. I don't really know. Okay. All right. My bad. We don't have it, but I don't really know. Okay. All right, my bad. Okay. So while you fill the streets, it's appealing to see. No. Next one, please.

Line them up like ass cracks line them up like ass cracks mm-hmm and i think this last line is the follow-up to that lyric too so so don't stop get it get it until you jet ahead and watch the way i navigate ha ha ha gorillas which song i don't fucking know that one line them up like ass cracks i had no idea it said that feel good ink is the song that's it i thought you would know that one no you i mean you you are getting there it's okay you don't know the title, but you know the song, I think. All right. Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace.

Ooh, I recognize that one. I didn't say it neutrally enough. Fuck. Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace. Hmm. Hmm. Uh. Uh. Okay. You want the next one? Yeah. Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time.

Oh, fuck. Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue. Do you want the last one? Hold on. This should give it to you too oh fuck um okay next yeah next one

remember listen as your day unfolds challenge what the future holds. Try to keep your head up to the sky. Desiree, you gotta be. Yep, good job. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You gotta be wise.

Isn't it crazy? You really know the song. You might even know all of those lines, but you just hear it so out of context. You're like, I don't know what the fuck that is oh god okay i got a few more are you enjoying this okay okay peep game come take a look through my telescope game I seriously like sat on my phone and was like songs which lyrics this one's good maybe picked line them up like ass cracks intentionally I don't know next one please because right now I'm up in here stunting. Frunting?

Stunting. No, but is the song frunting? Oh, no. Just because it rhymes with stunting? No. What was the telescope one again? Peep game. Come take a look through my telescope.

Can I peep through your telescope? I recognize the telescope bit, but the other one didn't ring any bells. Last one? Yeah. You're Grammy or Auntie or Mommy or Mammy. I'll take those flannel zebra jammies secondhand. I'll rock that. Whoa.

Oh, that's completely thrown me. Really? Yeah. I thought that'd be easy. What, what, what, what? Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da. Oh, he got the Velcro. I'm going to pop some tags.

Only got 25 in my pocket. Oh, okay. I'm gonna pop some tags. Only got 25 in my pocket. Oh, okay. I'm coming. Looking for a come up. This is fucking awesome. Your mammy, your grammy, your auntie, your mommy, your mammy. I'll take this flannel zebra jammy secondhand. I'll rock that.

Shit. Thrift shop. Macklemore. Okay. I get it now. Now you've sung it. God, shop. Macklemore. I get it now. God, duh. Okay.

I wasn't sure if you would know this one. So it won't count against you if you don't. Okay, thank you. Slowly learning that life is okay. Depressing. Actually quite is.

The song is a little bit like, thinking about those lyrics is kind of bad. I need the next one. Today is another day to find you. No. I'll be coming for your love, okay? I don't know if I know this one. Take on me.

Take on me. Take me on. I'll be good in a few two Yeah. Aha. Take on me. I like that song.

It's true. But it's actually really really kind of horribly dark. I'll be coming for your love. Okay. Okay. I guess. All right.

Fucking hell. Okay. I have four more and I think these last few you should get okay this next one i'm also not sure i also liked it because it's you'll hear this first line it's a little bit topical yeah okay i'm thinking about the fireworks baby you're a firework no that would be too obvious the only song I know with fireworks in it

oh I don't know I mean the song isn't about fireworks but that is a lyric you want the next one who can explain the thunder and the rain I love your acting with it as well it's great it should be a good YouTube episode

you can explain the fun and the rain again that one is tickling my brain stem. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Yep. Fuck, I don't know.

Last one? Yeah. I see neon lights whenever you walk by. Don't get me wrong. No, I'm not a Chrissy Hynde Pretenders fan. My bad. I was trying to pick British ones, too. Because the Pretenders don't get me wrong.

Cool. My bad. Are they British? They might not be. That might have been really misguided on my part too. Okay. You should get this one. And if you don't,

you will probably want to drive off a bridge. Okay. I like to reel it in and spit it out. I like to reel it in and spit it out. I like to reel it in and spit it out. Oh, shit. It is. Oh, God. Why is this so hard, Kate?

Because of my American accent. And saying it like a 36-year-old white woman. All right, hold on. Let me think. Fuck. I know this one. I know it. I don't know.

That's the problem. Next one. And I am fascinated by the spiritual man so it's more set um i like to ruin and spit it out i'm frustrated by your apathy mm-hmm good why are you so petrified here i'm gonna undo this all I really want good job yeah tried to pick one that wasn't the like I could have I could have just said

thank you thank you that would have been great oh well done that was cool uh oh I still got two more don't worry

oh okay woo ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me ride over me hussy uh don't know

take on the whole world fight with the young girls forgive me father why should you bother now did that do it forgive me father why should you bother now? It's Billy Talent. Try honesty, try honesty. Good song. All right, last one.

Yep. Rounding it out. Okay. It song. All right, last one. Yep. Rounding it out. Okay. It's going to be a good one. Chatting on the phone. Can't take back those hours. I feel like there's going to be a lot of silence I'm just thinking

chatting on the phone can't take back the hours chatting on the phone can't take back the hours oh god next one oh no I feel like I could get it from that you'll probably get it from this one don't tell me that you didn't try and check out my bum

no that's that's fine with me okay maybe the next one we'll give it to you clue about maybe where the singer's from though dancing at discos eating cheese on toast dancing at discos eating cheese on toast. I don't know. Yeah, you made me, Mary made me very, very happy.

Obviously, you didn't want me around. I don't know. Do, do, do, da-do-do, do-do-do-do, Kate Nash, Mary Happy. Oh. Fuck, it's so hard i mean it is and i part of me wanted to pick like really obvious songs but i know like if i picked but i mean like you probably would have known any of the spice girls songs i did you know like i though i could have dug through and picked like one of those lines that just like no one ever thinks of or a line that I've been singing wrong my whole life oh yeah yeah well now I know some of some of those so I'll try to do that okay well next time I'm gonna do you

yeah I'm gonna do terribly so you don't worry about that I could know a song back and forth by heart. It could be like my karaoke song and you could play probably the first few seconds of that. And I'd be like, Mozart's Fifth. I don't know. Well, that's what I wanted to do with you was do the intro game. Yeah, we can do that next time too. Yeah.

Whatever. I'm terrible. So terrible at it. I love terrible. So terrible at it. I love those. Like the Nevermind the Buzzcocks when they do like the instrumentals where one person's like the guitar and the other person's doing something else. And I'm just like, I know what that song is, but I don't know what it is. So frustrating.

Are you ready for some nightmare fuel yeah mayor all right so this is from an article called 21 disturbing facts that will keep you awake at night i'm only gonna do a few but i saw some of these and I was like, what the fuck? Okay. Okay. So first and foremost, the one that I think really, really bothered me, you know how your dogs like toys? Yeah. And even like squeaky toys.

Yeah. Why do you think your dog just loves squeaky toys so much? Well, I think I know because Jess likes killing small animals, so. Because it reminds them of animals screaming. Isn't that fucked? I thought that was really fucked up. Yeah, it was fucked up. But another one that also got me, like shooketh as they say as we all was yeah

uh shit i'm sorry there's so many on here i have to scroll up and down okay since 1948 about 90 commercial airliners have disappeared without leaving any evidence of what happened to them 90 9-0 yes 9-0 10 away from 100 what the fuck no trace we don't know what happened to those 90 airliners i mean i've i watched the documentary about the what is it the mal flight? Yeah. Which I was obsessed with. 90? Yeah. No trace? Yep. Wow.

I'll never go on a plane again. No. Okay. And here's a, you know, kind of a more traditional nightmare fuel. A cockroach made himself at home one night inside a woman's ear i've heard these stories and they like intense pain borrow awakened her yeah um the thing that made me save this though is that climate change is making spiders bigger oh joy yep finally some good news yeah so you know just bigger and bigger spiders for them to also crawl crawl into our ears and mouths and

well isn't it like a myth that we eat like seven spiders a year in our sleep so i think that's like I remember hearing that it might be a myth it might also be like it's perhaps it's just like that's an average and maybe depends on where you live and how you sleep but I remember hearing that as a kid and also people used to say if you wake up with like a tickly throat or a cough it's because you ate a spider more likely that you've been snoring but yeah I once woke up when i was a kid actually and turned to the side and there was a huge house spider sitting on my pillow yeah your breath smells terrible this pillow is very comfy i hope you don't mind i just decided to rest here spell

so i don't know if you guys have these here but they terrify me they're like the centipedes that tend to like be in basements i know basements aren't as common for you guys but they're like they're just oh they're so fucking gross oh one time i it was when i was living with my grandparents and i like walked into my bedroom and turned it on and i watched one scurry across my pillow and across the bed and under the cover and just disappeared and i was like oh no i guess I'm gonna sleep standing up in the living room or maybe in the shower I'm just gonna stand up in there all night guess I'm gonna set my bed on fire now yep oh god oh god they creep me out I hate bugs so much and so like thinking about how climate

change is just making spiders bigger than they already fucking are really bothered me and is just something that probably would keep me awake at night i'm actually okay with spiders um i've made a pact with them years ago all of them genuinely yeah um and i said to them look you're you're fine in the corner of the room if you stay in the corner of the room you can stay there i'm not gonna kill you as long as you don't come near me freak me out how does that explain the one on your pillow though well this was after the pillow oh so you made the pack after the pillow situation yeah i gotta get it because i gathered well they eat other insects so i mean there's one there right now in the corner. He's fine. He's cool. What's his name?

I'm going to call him Roger. Okay. But yeah, they eat mosquitoes and flies, which, if anything, are more gross than spiders. Yeah, isn't, like, what do they say about, like, flies? Like, they literally vomit or shit, like, a billion times the second they touch whatever surface they're on yeah if they land on you they're just shitting and puking all over you it's disgusting and also there's nothing worse than being in bed and hearing yes

there's a fucking mosquito in here just right into your eye yeah i hate it oh i've got a story about spiders actually oh tell me so i once had a boyfriend believe it or not and his dad used to uh i can't remember, he used to do, you know like when you, this is going to sound really stupid, you do like deep sea diving and then they do like welding under the sea. Oh yes, I know what that's called. That's called ocean mechanics. It might be. Anyway, he worked abroad. Okay. I think he was in like Africa or somewhere.

Did he miss the rains? He missed the brains, yeah. He missed the brains. He woke up one morning and couldn't open his eyes. They were like all swollen. So he went to the doctor and they were like all swollen so he went to the doctor um and they were like oh yeah what's happened is um a tarantula has been sitting on your face overnight and sucking the blood out of your eyeballs and that is why you can't open your eyes you just nightmare fueled me majorly Oh my god. I know.

Ugh. That's gross. And they just oh yep they're the little fang marks just vampiring your eyeballs. They're just like yeah that happens here so get used to it.

You'll be fine. Yeah. You're like do I sleep with a helmet on or like what do I do now? Like just a motorcycle helmet with a face shield

that's what I sleep on or sleep with. Yeah. Oh my god gross well on that note i'm gonna go blow myself up with a firework so okay well at least there's some around should we cover irrational fears or should we not um we could because like my irrational fears relate to bugs and elevators pretty much. So I've got one with elevators as well. Oh, okay.

Well, let's talk about it. You know, for the audience listening, one of the things we talked about covering was like, let's just talk about some of the really dumb things that we fear for not really any good reason. But I think what we've learned just now is like flying, even though people say it's the safest way to travel, your plane can disappear. Yeah, probably go to another realm and no one will ever find you. So maybe not that irrational. Bugs, which spiders in certain places

suck your eyeball blood. Or burrow in your ear and lay their eggs, whatever. You know, maybe less irrational. And elevators. I've always kind of been freaked out by elevators what freaks you out about them well so kind of full circle the place where pizza peddler was was in something called the katie station and it was like an old slaughterhouse and it was very old building and one time house yep wow okay carry on so they'll the elevators were old and i remember one time we were going i was with my dad and we were going to like get my brother he i think he was at a party

at the pizza place or something i mean it's been a bunch of different things over the years and so we got in the elevator and it closed moved and the doors opened again and there was like this much of a and i got so freaked out i think i already had a fear of elevators that i like dove out of the elevator and my dad's like what the fuck are you doing and the doors closed and i'm like oh well it's nice knowing you dad and i was pretty young i just like they seem like death boxes. And, you know, I'm thinking, I think it was in Resident Evil, like the first one where the woman's like head is stuck out and goes up. And one of the nightmare fuels on this list involved a woman whose foot I think got cut off by an elevator. Yep.

Elevator shot up the moment she set one foot inside and it drug her body between the elevator shaft and the wall and murdered her god like she just it just opened she stepped inside and it was like bye yeah dead and like thinking about them snapping and dropping yeah that's my fear in them same for you say more yeah so it's just that. This is sort of what all my irrational fears are about. I just have intrusive thoughts of something going terribly wrong and me falling to my death. So, yeah, with elevators, it's just, yeah, whatever fucking holds them up snapping and just plummeting to the ground to my early demise.

Also, I'm scared of swings for a similar reason. I will go on a swing, but I'm terrified that the chain's just going to snap and I'm just going to fly off and die. So you just very gently swing. Very gently swing, yeah. I'm not an aggressive swinger. Don't swing competitively. Okay, well, that's one for me now because i didn't have that one but now i do so also um a lot of them i think are final destination related oh yeah like the thing going through the car yeah so like driving behind lorry trucks lorry trucks that's fine because there's the lorry trucks there's the mary trucks there's the

todd trucks driving behind trucks with logs on them is terrifying also like scaffolding poles not a fan of that either um i can't go on roller coasters because i'm terrified the wheels are just going to come off the track or something's going to crack. Did you see the recent thing where there was a crack on a roller coaster? And I think it was last year or the year before in Alton Towers. One of them crashed and like loads of people lost their legs and stuff. I just saw about a little girl on the same Nightmare Fuel getting scalped. Scalped? At an amusement park ride in Nebraska. So she literally got her hair stuck and scalped scalped at an amusement park ride in nebraska so she literally got her hair stuck in

scalped and the thing is with roller coasters is they are manned by humans and usually like teenagers who work really for the summer so how safety conscious are they well have you do you guys have those ones because i know we do and i refuse to go on the rides for those where they literally pack them up and move them to different locations yes and i'm like i am not trusting the person who forgot the screw on the thing holding my cage no i will not thank you though you have fun on your death trap yeah same same um and then a final one is like this is gonna sound really mental say it i gotta know so i went through a weird a weird period where i started thinking about houses and the structure of houses.

And I just thought, how are they being held up? Like, obviously, I know it's got walls and stuff. This is magic. It's magic. I thought, like, my bed is really heavy. And all that's like between the walls there's just you know plastic well like you know like the the ceiling joists like that's just bits of wood my bed and my wardrobe and my drawers are all really heavy bits of furniture so has anyone actually tested like the weight that they can hold?

They don't put weight limits in your houses. Exactly. I've never read like a listing. Don't have a bed heavier than 200 pounds. And also like I've heard of baths falling through ceilings. Yeah. If you put a lot of water in a bath, that's a heavy fucking object. Like how strong is that ceiling? And I just get very paranoid that shit and like in my loft

there's a water tank in my loft it's a very big fucking water tank like how who's tested the weight limit there I just now I'm thinking about it again I'm working myself up into a bit of a frenzy I don't like it makes me paranoid yet another reason that I think you and I are friends because I have constantly thought anytime I'm in like well my house has got two floors in a basement right but anytime I'm in like not on the ground floor I think about my bed collapsing through the floor or like the whole floor collapsing like that apartment building you may be a couple years ago in Florida that literally just collapsed I was like that is why I'm not gonna live in a apartment complex taller than you know however many floors like I I looked at a condo on the 27th floor of a building in St. Paul and like I actually couldn't

like stand I had to like crouch over looking out the window i couldn't go out in the balcony because i was like so terrified and i was like if anything happens like i'm just gonna die because i'm not gonna be able to put my cats in a backpack and run down 27 flights of stairs i guess i just throw them over the edge and hope for the best like in the elevator and that will fucking crash to the floor as well well yeah so i can't live here because I will be constantly like just army crawling around the apartment I won't be able to walk and house fires like I saw someone told me about how like smoke detectors actually fail a lot and I was like I'm gonna die in a house fire didn't sleep for like six months yeah so I had a similar thing because my dad for a short time was a fireman fire officer he told us that like

the majority of house fires are started by um like multi plugs yep or just like your appliance that's in every house right exactly and so like for example the other week when we had a heat wave i've got a standing fan that i had in my room. I thought I'll leave that on while I go to bed. And I'm laying in bed and all I could think was, I was just literally visualizing the plug setting on fire and setting my room on fire. I don't know why that's any different to like my charger being plugged in or the telly or all the fucking laptops and everything I constantly leave plugged in. For some reason, the fan, because it moves, that just made me very nervous. It's got extra mechanical that could go wrong. There's a motor in it.

I don't like it. So I have to turn that off. Well, in that big apartment building in London, I think that was a fridge, right? Do you know which one I'm talking about? It was years ago. Oh, Grenfell. Yeah. Wasn't that based on a fridge?

Was it? I think so. It was all the appliance that went off yeah like to everything yep yeah that was horrendous yeah so again maybe not so irrational but things that keep us awake at night that like probably don't happen that often another one and i didn't tell you this before we did it but when we went tubing as a kid i used to just watch the rope connecting the tube to the boat i would just watch it because yeah i was wait for it to snap and basically ping back and you know basically knock my eye out and i used to just get didn't tell me that and i would get on the tube and I'd kind of like sit and like cover my face. Like it was not fun. Why did I do this?

Like I actually really hated it. Fucking hell. Yeah. Well, sleep tight, everyone. It's like that one song by Lonely Island called YOLO where it's like, don't travel by plane. Don't travel at all. Build yourself a titanium room with titanium walls. Don't touch kids because they're full of mad lice.

Like basically don't leave your house. But also leave your house because it's going to start on fire or collapse. Or collapse, yeah. Like sinkholes. Like I live on top of a sinkhole probably. And we'll just fall into a sinkhole one day. Why am i alive why am i here oh god tell us about your irrational fears your misheard lyrics your nightmare fuel that keeps you awake at night so that we can share it with the world and ourselves and add it to our list

of things that give us anxiety and make us nutcases. Please talk shit to us at gmail.com. And we're on Instagram and Twitter as well. Oh, and TikTok. And TikTok. And TikTok. And Facebook. Well, no, not Facebook.

No, not Facebook. But we have lots of social media. You can find us. If you guys would be interested in seeing some of the pods like video recorded youtube we would be happy to do that though we're gonna have to like go shopping get my haircut get a facelift yeah maybe get my nose done get that boob job just a face transplant might be an option yeah okay cool well on that really positive and happy note we'll leave you there and uh we'll see you next week yeah good to see you and you catch you on

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