Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 18. Mash 'n' Smash

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

This week we're talking shit about the US abortion laws and the men that want to control our reproductive health, we also delve into contraception and our sex ed experiences. Get in touch with us @TSYBPOD on Insta, Twitter & TikTok or email us at [e-mail]

Hello! Hello! Welcome back to Talking Shit. With a yank. And a brit. We're here again, Coming at your ear holes. With some more shit talking. Mind blowing shit talking.

Oh yeah. We're going to bring you up. We're going to bring you down. We're going to spin you all around. Zig zag ah. Is that the next lyric? Yeah. Yeah, that classic spice girls song which is actually about podcasting i think yeah i believe it is yeah it was the first uh the first documented

yep they don't get attributed for that though sadly no it's quite sad. How are you? I'm very well. Very well, yes. Are you? Very well. Very well, yeah. I've got nothing else to add, but I've had a lovely weekend and had a really big sleep on Friday night, so I feel quite rejuvenated. That is amazing. I woke up at 11 o'clock in the morning.

Oh my God. When was the last time you did that when you weren't ill or something? day nights i feel quite rejuvenated that is like up at 11 o'clock in the morning oh my god when was the last time you did that when you weren't like ill or something yeah when i was like 17 yeah good for you yeah i clearly needed it it's the first time i've woken up in ages where i actually felt rejuvenated and refreshed bird comes in and lands on your finger and you're like, ah. There's a deer outside the window. Good morning, Gemma. Oh, good morning, little deer.

That's what happens. When you get enough sleep, you become a Disney princess. Good for you, though. I don't think I... I need it and it will never happen for me. Yeah, you could do with some sleep. I was up at 4 a.m. for no reason. You're always up at 4 a.m.

I know. But I should have been sleeping because we went to bed late, had been drinking, like all the things that would suggest that I probably at least sleep past 7. But no, 4 a.m. Damn. Yeah. Good times. It's not good maybe you should get some what is it the melatonin tablets girl i have those oh i didn't take i didn't take any yesterday but yeah do they help i think they do i think what they do though is they like help me get to sleep

but i don't know how much it's like a stay-asleep thing um but you know I get I apparently get enough sleep so that I well I guess this is debatable but I haven't lost my mind yet so yet being the opposite word yeah slowly disintegrating but not yet I still function generally good I'm glad you're functioning what have you been doing with yourself you went to beyonce didn't you little bitch i did why are you telling people yeah i did um i had a surprise visit from a friend and had an opportunity to go see beyonce from another friend and we did And then we also just drank a lot and ate a lot and hung out with people and generally had fun. Sounds really fun. I'm not jealous at all that you went to see Queen Bee.

I wished you were here the whole time. Good. I hope you did. For what it's worth. She put on a good show, though. I mean, like. Yeah, I bet she fucking did taylor swift was good i think i said but beyonce was good phenomenal yes there we go i don't have access to that part of my brain

today with the other words for good so thank you for filling that one in for me it's all right you're quite well that's all i'm going to do this episode is just fill in the words that you can't find or just maybe translate whatever gibberish exactly um but I mean it was I've been really busy with work so I it was nice to kind of just intentionally have some downtime and not yeah work because I could have i could have just did that all weekend so good i'm glad you got some time to unwind and you know see old friends reminisce and yep play sports play sports and you know go to a a fun little concert with someone who i all the kids say is really good. All the kids do say she's really good. I've never seen like a video of her. I've never seen her hit a bum note.

No, I don't think she can. And she's doing like all this fucking dancing and shit for anyone who can't see this. Really dancing. Okay, to describe it, one might think that Gemma was having a stroke or a fit, the way her body was moving, but it was also very cool and on trend for dancing. Yeah, I think seizures are the new robots robots what they did reference who does the robot i don't know that one is that just like yeah oh oh yeah oh literally okay maybe i do i guess i said once that i really think it would be funny for like a big group of people to like go to like a dance club i'm gonna make myself laugh just visualizing this like like probably 20 people and we all go to this dance club where probably there's lots of dancing

and people who are good dancers. And we just stand in the middle of the floor and dance like this. All of us. That's all we do. Just very like lean back and limp. I don't know why. I don't know why I think that'd be fun. I'm going to need to describe this for people listening

so she's got her arms by her side leaning back and just shaking her shoulders from side to side like a salmon yeah we're doing that we've got to do that yay

our backs are gonna hurt but i'm glad you're in oh mate that was funny because i just think it'd be really confusing for everybody but also the harmless we're not hurting anyone we're just trying to dance too it's a shame you didn't tell us that before wedding season last year. We could have rocked that out. We could have. We could have like did a choreographed number. Damn it. Missed opportunity.

It didn't even occur to me until like a couple weeks ago. Oh, it's a new thought. That's fine then. Yeah. Yeah. Other than that, though, I mean, good week where I'm alive, you're alive, where you're talking shit about stuff from your ear hole to your heart hole. What?

That was the wrong time to drink. I had heart hole and it made me yeah made me think of a vagina i'm sorry i don't know why okay two things that's actually really excellent segue into what we're talking about today but two is that because like the fastest way to a woman's heart is through her vagina. Yeah, obviously. Obviously. You're right. Okay, well, I just meant we're touching our listeners' heart holes. But now I don't mean that because of what you think that means.

Yeah, it's close to an arsehole, I guess, which is also close to an arsehole. Literally and figuratively. Oh, this is taking a funny turn already. Yeah. I mean, since we're going to be, I mean, I brought it up, segue about vaginas. What do you got for me? Well, this week I'm going to really shake things up. And I'm going to start.

Put your thing down, flip it and reverse it. That. So I was looking for am I the arseholes for this week's episode ofs. And I came across this one, which has subsequently been removed by Reddit, which is very annoying. Gasp. But it led me down a rabbit hole so basically the am i the arsehole was my boyfriend got me pregnant i want to have an abortion but he's adamant that i don't am i the arsehole it was essentially two i believe it was

like two 18 year olds they'd got drunk, had sex without a condom. She'd even taken the morning after pill afterwards, but that didn't work. And a few weeks later, I found out she was pregnant. She wanted to get an abortion, and he was like, no, you need to have the baby because you have to, because I said so. Oh, my God. because you have to because I said so.

They had a big argument about it and she was like, look, I don't want a baby. I'm really fucking young. I've got my whole life ahead of me. I'm going to get rid of it. And he was like, no, you need to have a baby and I'll raise it. Ended up not speaking to her and just leaving. Ridiculous.

He seems ready to have a kid yeah well i guess my my reaction is not an asshole right okay he's the asshole that one yeah i'm just gonna undo my bra because oh good going to have a good idea. Oh, fuck. That's better. Let those puppies breathe. I'm sorry. I'm so weird. Today. I'm so sorry. I love it. Okay.

So in the comments of said, am I the asshole? Gemma's not topless right now. I just want to say that. I feel like now I left that open for interpretation. We're just, you know, part of the podcast is we just don't wear tops when we do this. We just show each other our tits. That's all we do. I'm sorry.

Go on the comments. Someone posted in the comments so someone posted in the comments um this reminds me of the guy who forced his girlfriend to have a baby and now she wants nothing to do with it someone popped the link in below good old reddit here we go prepare yourself for this shit he wants legal advice so this is going to be good for you okay okay um i got a girl pregnant and she wants to get an abortion wanted to get an abortion rather but i didn't want that she ended up not getting one but now she's not involved at all we weren't in a serious relationship when she got pregnant when she got pregnant um she has never met her son even after the birth she had no desire to see him we went to court to figure custody and support out and i have

100 full legal and physical custody her name is on the birth certificate but she has no custody and no right to visitation or to make things like medical or educational decisions. She didn't want any of that. Every month she pays 125% of the court ordered child support. And she says that if I ever marry someone who wants to adopt him, she will agree. But until then she'll pay support. It's been this way since our son was born. I'm now raising my son all on my own. He's 18 months old and he has never met her and I don't even have any photos of her even. I am burned out and hate being a single parent. I love my son but I resent him. My family tries to help when they can but I do it most of the time. I would never hurt or neglect him but I'm exhausted all the time. I tried to go to court to give her split

custody but because she wanted an abortion and I didn't and she made it clear she would never be involved after the birth and because we went to court when he was six months old because we went already after he was born and agreed on things and that she now pays more support than the court ordered the judge said that he can't force her to look after him i haven't seen her in almost a year and the last i heard she's had a tummy tuck and laser stretch marks treatment and is working at a gym she also told her friends and family that she's an egg donor and not a mother she's a deadbeat mum and the court won't do anything and is forcing me to struggle as a single parent do i have any legal remedies here that last comment sent shockwaves through my skin yes i can only assume that's like the rage oh my god

i don't even know where to start mate mate she wanted a fucking abortion you told her not to i mean the fact that she actually didn't still is so incredible to me because yeah but she's like all right right, here you go. Which, good for you. Yeah. So I have had to say this in my line of work and some of the people I work with. Because there have been times where it's not quite you would expect where maybe one parent is like, I don't, you would expect them. I don't want them to see. They don't get any time, whatever. I've had a few where it's like, I just want them to

have, like, take their kid and like, be a parent. And I'm like, we can't force people to be parents, unfortunately. Because if we could, things would look a lot different, I think. Yeah. So I'm sorry that you have this person, whether it's because you didn't know him that well or you did and things changed. Who doesn't want to be a parent? And like that is kind of what it is. But his audacity to call her a deadbeat mom when she did everything she needed to. She communicated clearly, agreed to have the baby, basically was like, here you go. I basically acted as your surrogate.

Now I'm done here. Like the one thing that I was expecting is maybe that she kind of was like, I voluntarily terminate my rights, but at least she's doing a fucking responsible thing and contributing financially to this child that she didn't want, which is not often seen. Both I think stereotypically and in reality in my line of work. And I think we, you know, we hear those things about people. I don't want to gender anything. So I'm just going to say people. But she actually is taking more responsibility than what was even required of her.

And he calls her a deadbeat. And he's like, I'm tired. Wah. Wah. Sorry, did you not consider what looking after a child would be like before making this decision? Like, come on now. I think he did not think that she would actually do all of the things she did. I think he thought she would have the baby and her mummy instincts would kick in and she would change

her mind and be like no I want to raise the baby too and I'll do all of the work don't you worry yeah you can be fun dad or whatever the relationship is or was at the time don't worry because I bet his experiences whether it was talking to his father or if he had male friends who had kids and he thought it was going to be real easy yep yeah i think she's a good mom actually i agree you know she was clear with her terms she's paying more child support than the court ordered with her terms she's paying more child support than the court ordered um and she knows like i have no business i'm inserting some perspective here that we don't have but my guess is i have no business being a mother i will not be a good mother if i were to actually have to mother this child and i don't want to and so what would be best for this child and me is well to get

an abortion at first but okay if i'm gonna have this kid this child needs someone who wants him yeah and now lo and behold he resents it i resent my 18 month, who, who I exclusively, I mean, he wrote it. I forced her to have a baby, right? Or maybe he didn't write it. Someone described it that way,

but like it, it is your fault, dude, that your baby is there. He didn't, it's not his fault. It's not his fault. It's your fault.

You made that decision. You agreed to it. You went to court and got full custody. Mm-hmm. Yep. So, yeah. So that wasn't specifically an am I the arsehole. It was on the legal advice thread.

Well, I guess the answer to that is no, you don't have anything. Unless you want to give your baby up for adoption because you realize also you suck and that baby probably deserves better than you do. I think that's probably the best option. This was seven years ago as well. So I wonder. I wonder how that kid's doing. so on that note i thought we could delve into abortion laws because as some people may be aware some people may not be um there's some pretty fucked up abortion laws happening in the old us of a one way to put it yes do you remember like I think I was actually literally standing in front of you

when I saw what happened with the supreme court over yeah wait I think it was like and I I don't know if you remember but I was like I felt sorrow a little bit like I was very distraught defeated yeah and and even though it wasn't a surprise I guess I thought I just had had like maybe this modicum of hope that even though the opinion had gotten leaked in part months earlier so just like still this modicum of hope that maybe just maybe it won't happen so for people that don't know explain like i'm five what the roe versus wade was why it was overturned okay and this is i probably could have benefited from doing a little bit of a refresher more specifically about that court case because there's – it's more nuanced than just like abortion, you know? Right.

And the way like constitutional law works and states making rules and stuff like that or laws and then people trying to challenge them. But Roe v. Wade is a United States Supreme Court case that basically decided that they're through the right to privacy. It's not like I have a right to an abortion. That's not what we're saying. That kind of involved more human-y stuff like interracial marriage and LGBTQ's ability, you know, people in this community, their ability to get married. But basically that women have the right to privacy and making choices about their body, which includes terminating pregnancy. I don't remember what year that was. Let me – I can look it up real quick. 1973. So I think that kind of nutshell that might not be fully accurate is like a woman wanted an abortion, couldn't get it, sued,

made its way up to the Supreme Court. Supreme Court did some wordsmithing and looking at all of these kind of inalienable rights that are listed. We've used the right to privacy before. Why couldn't we extend it to women? So on and so forth. And basically, it's also saying like you just can't put – states can't put unreasonable restrictions on it or outright ban it. And so that's why we've seen a whole bunch of cases like challenges to abortion laws after because they're like, oh, okay, well, we can't ban it, but we can do it. You can't get it after two weeks or you have to have like a waiting period and you have

to see all of this literature that's going to make you feel bad about getting it, you know, or, you know, just a lot of states who've tried to kind of circumvent that rule and they'd be like, that's too restrictive. That's fine. That could like a little bit more be like that's too restrictive that's fine that could like a little bit more that could be too restrictive and so then with the current case that was addressing it which I honestly because of how you think I'd even know what it was based on how much it was in the news but I don't remember what the name of the case was

that most recently they used, the Supreme Court justices used to say that, you know, states can do what they want in terms of restricting abortion. Does that make sense? Yeah. So it's not so much that there's been like, they basically said no abortions like abortions illegal they just basically said states have the right including making abortions illegal in the states you know and so then you have like these states that you would think would be the ones like texas who are like yep nope no

one can and not only that we can criminalize it and so and then we have the states who are a little bit more liberal that are like we're gonna going to try to make women's health, reproductive health, you know, care very easy and accessible for people. So then there's these concerns that people are going to start traveling to those states. And then other states are trying to criminalize people who do that or people who help people do that. Oh, my God. And it's becoming very Handmaid's Tale in some ways. Oh my God. And it's becoming very Handmaid's Tale in some ways.

Like Nebraska, where I lived for a period, recently convicted a woman of helping her daughter get an abortion. And Facebook gave them the evidence they needed to do that. No way. Yep. I don't know all the facts, once again, but that is the gist. They basically, Facebook turned over a whole bunch of messages and stuff. That basically was the evidence they needed to convict this woman and her daughter. Oh, my God. And so has she gone to prison? I don't know what the sentence was.

It could be. I mean, she probably had some jail time. But, yeah, I don't know. Oh, it makes me so angry. I don't know. Oh, it makes me so angry. Like, I mean, it's still, I'm sure it's still illegal in Northern Ireland over here. Let me just check. I was also reading, while you're looking, I was reading about a woman who had a miscarriage kind of late term.

had a miscarriage kind of late term and she was in a state that basically sent the government to her door to be like did you really have a miscarriage we would like to look into whether or not you actually had a miscarriage or if something else happened Oh my God. Yeah. That's so fucked up. Yeah. On so many levels. Yep. If I, because it was someone who worked probably like for health and human services, which is very much the field that I've kind of been in, in different ways. And if I was working for health and human services and they're like, guess what? Your job now is to do this. I'd be like, fuck you and quit. Get the fuck out of here. I'm leaving. Yeah. Yeah. I can only imagine that probably the people who

do that job probably are super into it. But I also just when I was reading the title, I was like, was this person like a year ago, like trying to help people? And then all of a sudden they're not. And how are they still doing their job? But then I was like, I probably hired that person. Fuck mine. Okay. So now abortion in Northern Ireland was decriminalized three years ago. Oh.

But commissioned abortion services are still not established so it's no longer illegal but you still can't get one and if you do it could be like unsafe or yeah so this was the thing is people were either getting you know what do you call it like Back alley abortions. Back alley abortions or travelling to England or Scotland, I guess, or Wales, the UK, to get them. I just, it's not your body. You don't get to decide. I understand not allowing abortions after a certain period. Like once it's, again, that's a very difficult argument to have

because we don't know when like a child becomes conscious or brain activity, I guess we know when brain activity starts, but you don't get to decide what I'm going to do with my fucking body. Like it's not your uterus. Fuck off. So it's, you have access to abortion and services like that where you're at. Mm-hmm.

And do you know how long that's been the case? No. I mean, as long as I've been around. It's never been a concern for you anyway. No. I mean, as long as I've been around. It's never been a concern for you anyway. No. I mean, I knew someone in school who got an abortion. And it wasn't an easy process, but it was a case of going to the doctors, finding out you're pregnant and then saying on abortion, getting referred to the clinic, getting it done, you know. Yep. I think the thing that I struggle with, well, it's multiple things actually. One being that like no one's talking about the other person involved in this equation, right?

the other person involved in this equation right like i'm not getting pregnant unless someone helps me on that endeavor right yeah and no one is like talking about men you know and the contributions they play in that and like the states that don't even want to do exceptions for like rape and incest and like risk to the mother. And it's like, because at some point, like I matter less than the, like the not yet born fully formed person or the other person who's going to be on the hook for co-parenting with me and paying and all of that once I have this kid that I don't want. So, and then like the fact that it's men who are making these decisions about women too. Um, and then doing a really poor job making accessible things that would also address people, you know, not getting pregnant, um, like birth control and stuff like

that. Like all the shit about like whether insurance covers it, you have to have prescription for it. Like some of the changes that, um, the current president has done, I think, is make it so certain contraception can be available over the counter. And Walgreens, one of the pharmacies here. I think it was a Plan B pill. I'm pretty sure. You can just get it and you can get other things now and it's and I think that's good because that's the other thing is like I had many privileges and like one of them is if I needed it it wouldn't be too expensive for me to just go buy that you know but it was like 50 60 70 bucks behind oh really like a lock and key thing and so like the shame of having to ask for it yeah and like, could you even afford it and stuff like that?

So it, yes, it's really upsetting, but going back to what you said about like, you know, we know, understand maybe limiting it at a certain point because of what we're talking about, like, well, that child could survive if it were born at that point, you know? But then there's also a lot of double standard and like talking outside the both sides of your mouth where we talk about on one hand, it's a person. And we're going to say it's like this baby is considered a person for purposes of like their life. But then I can't, because the baby's not born yet, I can't sue them for child support to pay for things because baby's not born yet.

can't sue them for child support to pay for things because baby's not born yet. And it doesn't, and like insurance covers the mother's stuff. But once that baby is born, then it becomes a separate individual. And only at that point do we like bifurcate them. And it's just, there's so much inconsistency. And I know there's a lot of other examples too that I just am not coming up with off the top of my head, but it like is it a person or not for one yeah and why does this person who has not come into existence yet even though we're acknowledging it's a person contributed to anything in the world yeah basically get a say over yeah me more rights than me yeah wow and infuriating then of course feeling this way means that we love abortions right and hate babies and that is not the case at all and i think there's people out there who truly believe like well i don't want people using abortions as like a form of birth control no one's doing

no one is gonna do that no one does that it's not an easy procedure it's not an easy thing to go through regardless of how far along you are yeah no one wants to do that no no one's doing that fully insane i know and it's like also then the other responses and so what if they are? How does that impact you? Because again, it's like when people talk about other rights of other people that literally has no bearing on their own rights, but somehow it's very important. Sorry. How is this affecting your life?

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? The only life it's going to change is mine. And I'm the only person that is not allowed to make a decision on it. Yep. Unbelievable. Yep. Unbelievable. Okay, so actually, it would seem that abortion remains a criminal offence in Great Britain under the Offences Against the Persons Act 1861.

But there was an abortion act brought in in 1967, which permits abortion on the grounds of risk to the life of the pregnant woman, preventing grave permanent injury to her physical or mental health, risk of injury to physical or mental health of the pregnant woman or any existing children of the family, up to a term of 24 weeks of gestation i hate that word okay or substantial risk that if the child were born they would suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities to be considered as seriously handicapped

okay so there's like enough gray area there that you could say, and I'm sure it's probably not this easy, but basically like my mental, emotional well-being would be impacted if I were to have this kid. Yeah, basically. So yeah, you could pretty much say, I don't want this kid. It's going to ruin my life. That's enough. It's going to ruin my life and also i might ruin this kid's life and then it'll just be an ongoing cycle of life ruining also there's like a serious population problem in this world like yeah we don't need to be

bringing every fucking baby that or every cell that begins to grow in a woman's uterus into the world. There's just no need for it. But the people I just feel like the most sorry for are like, yeah, like rape victims. Imagine going through that ordeal and then being forced to have that child. Like that is possibly one of the worst things I can think of imagine being forced to have that child and then like we don't need to speculate on why or why someone would do that but deciding to keep it right you know it's not the baby's fault whatever maybe like whatever and then having

that your rapist basically say like i want parenting time i want to make decisions and like you and there are some laws out there that like in some states that kind of don't let that happen but if it's not like if there's not a police report and it's really clear cut which as we know sexual assault is hardly ever that um like you don't really get to decide and then all of a sudden you have to co-parent and send your kid off to your rapist every other weekend and one night a week and make decisions about school and attend conferences with them that's fucked up yeah it is it really is fucked up really fucked up um isn't it isn't there one state where they're trying to make abortion punishable by death yeah i think we taught yeah i think north carolina or some one of those kind of like east

southern states that was like something someone was proposing so we're so pro-life that you can't get an abortion so what we're going to do is kill you if you do that so then this baby won't have a mother um you're not good enough to live but the baby is I think that's already been established we're not good enough for really anything god that's mental I think the other thing that sucks about it's the supreme court case is the dobbs case too by the way um is that it really opened the door for those other things that they use the same kind of argument and right for so gay marriage um probably argument arguably the interracial marriage which stems from loving and loving

versus virginia so it's just like oh okay like just gonna walk back all of those things and then like our health insurance like is the our health insurance company is able to like decide they don't want to provide contraception either and so like i then i guess i don't get that or i have to pay out of pocket for it because like you're literally forcing me to basically become a stay-at-home mom i guess is what yeah the the hope is oh my god and i don't know about you but like i've been on birth control for a lot of my life. And it's not just designed to, you know, limit pregnancy, ideally prevent it. But, you know, it's like 99.9% effective, right? It also helps with health issues or regulating some of our cycles and hormones and stuff.

I mean, I thankfully, as far as I know, don't have some of those kind of like reproductive health conditions like PCOS and endometriosis, which is really painful. And sometimes you need – or getting pregnant while having those is bad. Yeah. So like it serves a purpose more than just that. And I just think it's not just about abortion, I guess, from my perspective. It's about a whole bunch of other things, too. And I worry about what that means for some of those other things, like my access to reproductive health and stuff. Well, it just seems you've spent so many years, you know, getting to this point where people are understanding

and have more liberal views on not just abortion, but as you say, you know, interracial marriages and gay marriage and, you know, trans rights, everything like that. And in just one fell swoop, it's like they've stepped back 30 years in time. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it does feel like that. But it's also really concerning

that people still have those views. Do you know what I mean? I just didn't even consider that... I guess America's a much bigger country and there's a lot of there's still a lot of twats in the world here and there. Yeah. But it felt like it also sort of opened up. It like allowed people to start being misogynistic and homophobic and it really fucking opened the door didn't it i think that was happening in other ways before that but like one thing that i think followed with that was like the politicians who were really pro-life and in favor of overturning roe v wade

life and in favor of overturning Roe v. Wade, like people are doxing them and talking about their history and like, oh, she had an abortion and oh, he had a mistress who had an abortion. And it's just like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You all are hypocrites and you saw a need and no judgment there for whatever reason you needed it or whatever reason your person needed it for. Because like I think probably for most people, it's a very hard decision that they have to make that they don't take lightly. But it's just like they act as if they're so above it and would never even dream of it. Yeah. Then here we are like, oh, yeah, I had an abortion when I was you know whatever because I I don't know and it's so upsetting because it's just also like I see women who have vocalized things that are so against their own interest you know like

why do you hate yourself yeah much I just why do you have no um and no – you've been through that already. How are you not comparing the lives of other women or other people to the experience you went through? I just – I cannot wrap my head around it. No. Me neither. It's upsetting. I think that we never try to target the – like what is the issue here, right? We want – like people have these pregnancies that for whatever reason they don't want or can't have. and then the other side of the argument is that's life and all life's valuable. And we'll set aside like probably some of the things we can say about that, right? Because no one's saying all life isn't valuable. But if that's the root cause, then what can be done

so we don't have to get to that point anymore? What needs to be done? Is it- Better sex ed? what needs to be done? Is it better sex ed? Better sex ed or more access to things and like just better understanding about bodies? Because one thing, and this is aside from an abortion debate, I think that we're doing kids a disservice by not only having better sexual education in school, but talking about what happens after you fucking have a baby and like conflict resolution and going to court for your kid because like so many people have kids and then spend like the entire rest of that kid's childhood fighting and like battling. And it's just people probably need to know more about what it looks like before they get into that situation.

And part of that is, you know, also talking about like rep your tool. Stay in school. Yeah. Stay in school. Rep your tool. That's what Catherine says. Perfect. That's our new slogan.

New slogan. Yeah, I agree. What was sex education like for you in school did you have it we had it I remember having it in primary school which is quite young like so you were a baby no not kindergarten so what you would call uh what's after kindergarten there so it's basically kindergarten first second third fourth fifth sixth just so many yeah so like kindergarten through like it depends on the school but maybe like third or fourth grade is elementary and then middle school is like maybe fourth, fifth, sixth. And then seventh and eighth is junior high. It's still middle school, but it's also called junior high because it's

right before high school, right? And then usually 14, depending on when you're born, you could be a little bit younger or older. 14 to 18, you're in freshman, sophomore, junior, senior high school. to 18 you're in freshman sophomore junior senior high school okay so we just have preschool which is before you go to school and then primary school starts i think age four or five and goes until you're 10, 11. So you don't have like separate classes per se or levels like I just described. You're just kind of in that school until you're done? Yeah. I mean, when you're in the school, you're only with your year group, your age group.

So how do you describe years like you say I'm year year one year two year three year four year five so maybe that's kind of the first second third yeah we just don't call it year that we just say I'm in first grade so yeah okay yeah yeah so you were You were maybe like year five? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, I guess. Which could be like nine, ten, eleven-ish. Yeah, that probably sounds about right. Yeah.

Okay. It was a very embarrassing experience. Why? Just because there were boys in the class. It was really embarrassing. Fair. Why? Just because there were boys in the class. It was really embarrassing. And I think like a lot of the girls and boys obviously hadn't reached puberty then. So you're not even aware of sexuality or anything like that at that age. The whole concept of, you know, a willy.

Is that, this is a willy? Is that how it's conveyed to you guys? This is a willy um is that this is a willy this is a willy yep to make a baby one has to go and mash and together mash and smash that's not what they taught us yes it was have i been doing it wrong all these years? Well, you haven't gotten pregnant, so there's that. To be honest, it was so long ago, I don't really remember what was covered. Do you feel like as you got older, though, you wish you knew some things. Yeah, I guess so. But you sort of learn through friends. And to be honest, TV shows really was the big one when we were teenagers. I remember they obviously told us what sex was, how it works,

and that it results in a baby, and that you should use a condom to not get a baby and then I think they showed us like part of a porno yes that's what they showed us

no like a a birthing video so I think maybe that's what's put me off. Just a woman in absolute agony. I mean, I guess scaring is one way to do it. And I think actually we had a little bit more in secondary school as well. But it was more like science-based. It was in like biology.

So it was talking about. Like health class. Yeah. Yeah. So it was talking about- Like health class. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what was yours like? Sounds pretty similar, except for a few key things. Okay.

One being they kind of started having the pre-talk when we, maybe primary school around the same age. I think I was in fifth grade. So I would have been like nine or 10, but they separated us. So the girls were in one room and the boys were in another room. I think we were separated actually as well. Yeah. Well, good. But we don't know what they taught the boys. And I think that's part of the issue. And it was very basic stuff. I don't even know if it was really like,

it was more about our bodies, right? So like, you're going to have a period soon and you're going to have to wear a bra soon and hair and like your body's going to go through these changes. Right. So like probably embarrassing in its own right too. Cause it's like, what do you mean?

I don't want that. I don't want babies. Yeah. And I think probably even some of the girls in my class were already like, because it's like what do you mean like oh i don't want that i don't want boobies yeah and i think probably even some of the girls in my class were already like maybe they had their periods at that point which is probably why they choose that age yeah it might be early but some are hitting that so and some were wearing bras and i remember the boys always snapping those girls bras and one time like someone tried tried to do me and I didn't need a bra

and I didn't have one and then like I was the weirdo I was like I'm not the only one she's like the only one who has a bra but stop doing that because that's kind of gross and feels a little bit sexual harassmenty but you know I wasn't a 36 year old in a 11 year old's body so and then I think like health class junior high like when we're just about getting ready to go into high school, it was together. That's where we learned a little bit more about like reproduction and stuff. But not that it was probably like a one class. And then like the gym teacher handed out a bunch of razors and deodorant and like maybe a box like some tampons. And it was like,

all right, kids, this is what you need to carry on with your life. Yep. Be an adult, I guess. And I mean, thankfully I had, you know, parents, I guess, who could answer questions if need did, but I feel like I probably didn't ask, but I do feel like I didn't really have a good sense about like when I, when it was time for me to start menstruating, like what, what does that mean? What should I plan for? And like all of that. And now of course, being an adult, I know a lot about it, but no one's still talking about like, you know, diva cups and tampons and what's better. And I've still still I was actually having a conversation with my friend because I was like I'm honestly a little freaked out by these and she's like no I love them you know and so I was just like okay maybe I should explore that but I just like it's because no one ever talks about what to expect yeah like you get told you're

gonna have a period but they don't tell you the different variables and like what can happen to some people might not happen to other people some people have a very short period some people have a very long period some are heavy flows some are not like and i remember i had my first period and then i didn't have another one again for two years. Lucky. Well, yeah, at the time it was. And I remember feeling like something was really wrong with me. Yeah. And I don't even... So all your friends were like, no, mine comes when it's supposed to.

That's it. And I don't even think I even spoke to anyone because I was embarrassed about it. And, you know, just lived in fear for two years that I was abnormal and something was terribly wrong with me. You were regressing in puberty. Yeah, I was like Benjamin Button. Yep. Yeah. So, yeah, there needs to be definitely more of a conversation about it. And even it's only been in recent years that i've

even learned that things are dramatically different for women i've only had my experience and to be honest i've not really sat down and had an in-depth conversation with any of my friends about what their periods are like it's only because i've taken it upon myself to educate myself about it or i've seen a program about it you're on telly or something like that that you're like oh fucking hell people have different experiences like i feel like this is because it's something we're taught to be ashamed of yeah and that is how they can also get away with i think the other things that we were talking about too with like our body like we like we're born we're women literally no control over those things

right and everything about what makes us this particular thing is like shamed we're supposed to be ashamed of it we're supposed to be discreet about it and like it's just not um proper or like appropriate to discuss and we also are so we we don't get to make decisions about it no that's it i hate it here come over here okay i'm on my way i mean it's not much better but you are allowed an abortion and you'll get it free on the NHS most probably nice well and that's I was gonna actually I was curious about this too um because my experiences again because I didn't want to talk to my parents about it we had planned parenthood I was able to actually go get birth control when I needed to rather than have to like just do without it or have that like what I was worried about a conversation like with my mom would be and like

I could do that and that's the other thing is that people who think Planned Parenthood only provides abortions no they do so much more than that too like help me never have to get to the point of needing one exactly prevention yeah come on but no one in school told me about that I think like thankfully it's just something you learn yeah I had friends who also like had to do it you know um and that that was a place you could go and do that at and it was like it just there was and it also was really embarrassing to go there because there's protesters there all the time and you felt like you're doing something wrong when you're just trying to take care of yourself oh my god yeah yeah I imagine that would have been awful because it was embarrassing going anyway at that age I used to think oh my god everyone must think I've

got an STI but actually I'm just here to get the pill. So you guys have like special clinics that you can go to and like deal with it? That's it. So we had a, they called it a family planning clinic. Right. But we know. Which is annoying. Like I'm not here to plan family, but whatever. But yeah, it was like a sexual health clinic.

Like can I just be called that? Yeah. Even then it's a really funny experience. I don't know what it's like for you guys but you'd go in and and they you know do your blood pressure weigh you and all that you know take your your basics and your vitals and all that then you'd sit down with a nurse and they'd have a conversation and they'd ask really you know personal questions so when was the last time you had sex how regularly are you having sex are you in a relationship now

and it feel really you know and is there any chance you could be pregnant now i'd be like no and they'd be like are you sure are you really sure because we're gonna make you pee in this too so yeah yeah so it's like just like i'm pretty sure then yeah if you really want to know i'll do a fucking test but it felt really like judgy and i'm sure it wasn't like that everywhere it's probably just those specific nurses that were a little older and probably a bit more judgy and they maybe make some assumptions because they feel like they've seen it all and yeah i know that then we get like a certain type of person here and it's like what i'm sure i'm not saying i could be wrong or i'm not wrong but i'm i'm pretty sure

and also like i wouldn't lie about that because i'm here to deal with this stuff. So if I thought I might be, I'd probably just say so. Exactly. I'd probably be here to get a test in the first place. Yeah. So that's, I think that's the other thing too. And just as a white woman, I haven't had to deal with this, but like doctors are horrible to women of color and there's like huge disparities in the medical system, like more women of color die giving birth. Like that shouldn't happen. No. What the fuck? And so like you don't even want to put yourself in that position anyways because that nurse is going to be like, well, I think you probably need to have some STD testing too. And are you on drugs?

And, you know, just make me feel like shit more. Yeah. That's fucking ridiculous. And it seems to be like a thing women are less listened to than men when they go to the doctors because of our periods and our mental cycles they just attribute everything to that now you're on your period again i guess that's why you're being such a b oh it's probably that like you're probably just hormonal at the moment um but like for us you kind of when you first go to a sexual health or family planning clinic or your GP, they kind of just tend to put everyone on the same pill. And obviously it doesn't suit everyone. And there are so many

different types now and there's, you know, even more different forms of contraception like the coil or the implant or the injection. And unless you do your own research, that doesn't seem to be given to you as an option. And luckily I did my own research and found out about the implant, which I got. But there was one time where, so I'd had two implants that were absolutely fine, had no side effects whatsoever. It's brilliant.

I shove it in your arm for three years you're sorted um i went and got it changed for the third time and they said oh by the way it's it's now being made by a different company yeah it's called something else it's the same though no it's not it's called you know something else but it's actually exactly the same product and i was like okay fine not a problem popped it in and within like a week I was getting the worst side effects so getting I was getting like hot flushes oh my god oh you just went into early menopause that's what happened yeah that's what it felt like um like sickness nausea so like every day I felt really sick I even threw up a couple of times. I was like, oh my God, am I pregnant?

And like weird, like I like the sun, but I could not sit in the sun or in any heat because it made me feel fucking terrible. And I knew it was the implant. Yeah. Because I know the symptoms started as soon as that went in. I know my body it wasn't right it wasn't anything i was eating or doing like the only thing that the only variable

in this situation was this new implant so i went back to the doctors yeah and i said look i want you to take this out it's making me feel terrible i can't deal with it and they were like well it's complete it's exactly the same as the last two you've had. And they were like, well, it's complete. It's exactly the same as the last two you've had. I was like, yeah, but it's not, it's not, I'm telling you it's not. Well, you know, I really don't want to leave you at risk of getting pregnant. Um, now you're concerned about it. Yeah. So what I think we should do instead is um we should run some different blood tests um check you for all stis get you another smear make sure everything's okay down there before we consider taking it out i was like what so you want to spend more money

this is actually like kind of the first thing that they should do is like the path of least resistance very easy to do yeah just take it out see if that makes a difference give me a bag of condoms or something else if you're really that worried about it that's it there are other forms of contraception that i could have used like and it was just that like not being believed yeah even though i knew full well that that's what it was and ended up having to go through these tests everything was fucking fine you're like give me that scalpel i'll just do it myself yeah i'll just fucking take it out myself and you know luckily in the end i think it was after about six months the symptoms did calm down and i

ended up leaving it in but i shouldn't have had to live through that though no yeah I think I saw I know you sent me a video where it was a little bit of like oh it's a period then yeah that's we're pretty sure um and then there was I saw a tweet where it was like don't let google like trump my four years of medical school. And then the response is, don't let your four years of medical school trump my living with this issue my entire life or knowing – like being the person who's coming and telling you what's wrong with myself. really fair because I will not pretend to know like when I go in and I'm describing my symptoms and stuff that I know what's wrong with me and that there could be other things. But if I'm saying, or in your case, if you're saying it's the implant and I would like to see how I feel with it out, that that should be good enough. It's not like you were asking for drugs or some

sort of like ridiculous procedure or anything like you almost would have had better luck just going I want to get pregnant so it's time for this baby to come out and like they would be like great so it's just that's really frustrating and I'm sorry you had to deal with that yeah that's crazy isn't it yeah but then it's also mad that we you know i think i went on on the pill or on contraception when i was 16 and then had pretty much been on it you know my whole adult life yeah until a couple of years ago more than a couple of years ago about six years ago um or i found myself not in a relationship so i thought great i'm gonna come off contraception and see what my body feels like naturally because i've never known what that is but isn't that mad that i don't know

didn't know what my natural flow was how my natural hormones fluctuate like turns out even your personality fucking horrible yeah yeah but there's also studies as well that show you're attracted to different men when you're on contraception yeah so i mean I didn't test that out but that's really it's almost like I don't know I that is interesting I have same like generally been on since I was you know about that age and I'm very curious to like know what it's like to just not have that and what and I there was a period of time where I like stopped because I was on the pill so it was very easy to just be like well I just won't take

it anymore yeah um skin freaked out and I was like nope turns out guess this was really helping my skin thought I just maybe didn't really have a zit problem but maybe I do maybe I'm one giant zit if I'm not on birth control. I don't know. But I don't – did we talk – did you share that statement about like being attracted to other people in a previous episode or did we talk about it? Because I had that conversation with some friends of mine not too long ago. And like someone shared, you know, kind of like, yeah, I was, you know, on birth control stopped. And then I thought like, you know, the smells I, I, I was smelling things I'd never smelled before and stuff like that. Like pheromones or like, well, maybe, or just like whatever maybe was blocking or inhibiting something like it's not anymore. And now this particular scent I find really repulsive or something that maybe it didn't bother me as much or I didn't

notice. And so I would be curious to know if like that, if I've changed too, but I also look at like my slew of men. You absolute whore. Yeah, no. I'm joking. I'm also joking. No, I'm not actually. No, you're right. I. I feel like I have never really had a consistent type though. So I don't, I'm curious. Maybe I only like one type of person really. And it's Ewan McGregor and that's it. But birth control has allowed me to swallow my revulsion. But birth control has allowed me to swallow my revulsion. So now you'll just get with anyone.

Yep. Big whore. That's all I'll say. Well, and I think we joke about that because I also think they're much like with people who have some really concerning views about abortion it's also like the whole well i don't want you to be on birth control because i just don't want you to think you can go sleeping with everyone like i feel like yeah we can't do anything right i know but what if i need it because my period sucks really bad and i'm dry heaving and i just actually need a little bit of support in that regard and And so many women use birth, take calling it birth control, but like contraception for

those reasons. It's not because they're trying, not trying to get pregnant. It's because it's controlling what will normally be a terrible monthly experience for them. Yep. Yay. Well, that was thinking about that guy's again saying deadbeat mom

and how much rage I was filled with and then every everything. This was a talk shit day, I think. It was a talk shit day. We spoke some shit.

Crazy. Well, I hope that our listeners either can relate to some of these experiences, you know, for all the people who have periods out there and have experienced these things. I'm sure you probably can really relate to some of this. Maybe you can't.

And, you know, for men, I hope this, you maybe have some empathy, I guess, because it does suck. you maybe have some empathy i guess because it does suck and the fact that like we have all this responsibility and have to pay all the pink tax for all these items and we also still don't get to decide about what happens with our body is really frustrating yeah and also use it as an opportunity to educate selves. Read into it. The amount of guys I've spoken to who are adults who didn't realize we had three separate holes. It's quite astounding.

There's the heart hole and the butt hole. That's what they are men you're welcome today you learn something thank us later okay great well with that shall we call it for a day yeah i think we've talked enough shit about yeah all of that um if anyone wants to get in touch and give us your opinions or your questions your queries stories stories anecdotes anecdotes um you know recipes secret recipes from your grandma for that jello casserole. Gemma's really interested in trying. Yeah. I love a casserole. If you prefer diva cups or tampons, I'd like to hear more about that. Tell us your preference on your sanitary requirements.

Then just get in touch with us on our various social media pages, which is Tsybpod or on our email. Nope, I updated the Twitter too to reflect that. So, it's all consistent. Oh, fantastic. Yes, I just think. tsybpod

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I'm pretty sure it is... TalkShitWithUs or ToUs? Well, goddammit. Now I don't know. I'm second guessing myself. It's TalkShitToUs at gmail.com. There we go. Thank god.

Had a mind blank then same all right cool well till next time you next time. you