Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 22. One Eyed Paul

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

This week we're talking about cabaret plans, shark porn, we share some more ridiculous reviews and talk sh*t about our worst jobs. If you have a story to share, want to know if you're the a**hole, or need our advice, send us an email at [e-mail] - or message on the socials @TSYBPOD

Hello and welcome to Talking Shit with a Y. And a Brit. Please join us today for a discussion about culture, love, work, femininity. No, I'm just kidding. Fuck that. I can't do that for very long. I wanted to see if I could just really make it sound like, you know, this is Minnesota Public Radio. I'm Kate and I'm here with Gemma and we're going to talk about soup recipes. Right into the show with your favorite soup recipes. Which vegetables do you like to include and how long do you cook that broth for? Now, I think the bigger question is, is are you like a homemade broth person or do you use a pre-made? Because both are fine. It just depends on how much work you want to put into it.

But I do say the payoff is really high when you are willing to put in that extra step and make your own broth. when you are willing to put in that extra step and make your own broth. And I recommend a blend jet for blending up a nice bisque for when you're in the forest. I'm just noticing, does your shirt say sharks? Yep. Why? I don't know. Is it shark week? You a big fan of sharks.

I didn't know this about you. Since when? Tell me some facts. Well, I've just been watching shark porn. You okay? and now i'm thinking no and now i'm thinking about what that would look like is there like a and like it's quite it's quite violent it's like rough and thrashy just thrashing around oh you you like the rough shark wow this took a real fast 180

from calm soup recipes to shark porn cool cool cool and that's dear listener what you will get from us on this podcast. We cover all bases. Nothing is off limits. How have you been? Oh, God. I, yeah, good. That's all we got to say about that. Went on a, I was going to say about that. Absolutely. Went on a...

I was going to say, went on a podcast last night. I didn't. I didn't do that. I went on a hen do. Who are you cheating on me with? I found another girl called Kate and... She's just going to replace me? We're doing a serious podcast about

stews and casseroles. Talking stew with a Kate and a Brit. With a Kate and you. Fine. Hendoo. Yes. You went on a Hendoo. Went on a Hendoo.

It's up in London. Did things and stuff. Did things and stuff and drunk a lot of champagne a lot of prosecco at various bars and then we went to a cabaret night so there was like acrobatics um fire breathing a woman singing very averagely on stage and trying to be funny burn um audience participation i saw there was audience participation yeah yeah yeah we got the hen up on stage and she won a little competition of um they had to do slow-mo baywatch running oh yeah i saw a video of that yeah yeah she she won our table a bottle of prosecco good for her need i think you did yeah we did yeah it's really good sad I couldn't make it

blah I miss the fun stuff yeah why do you live so far away I don't know because God hates me it's always God's fault it is I mean it is really everything is if you think about it

if you believe in that guy then it's his fault yep it is it's his fault. Yep, it is. It's his will. Well, that sounds fun. I mean, I went to a concert last night. Have you heard of Sylvan Esso? No.

So I know a few of their songs. I went with a friend of mine who's a fan, and it was a really good show, actually. I didn't know a lot of the music they played except for the couple songs I know and you know it's a little bit outside of kind of my typical genre you might like them though um it's kind of like I don't know how to describe it kind of indie but like with a kind of a house vibe to it I I don't know. Okay. Her costume change was pretty fantastic. She came out like first in this kind of gauzy thing that was see-through and she had kind of like high-waisted shorts and like a crop top on and these

like thick ass sneakers. It looked, she looked good, but it also was like, is that leather? Are you like, is that really uncomfortable? I bet that's uncomfortable.

That's our go-to now is yeah comfortable she looks uncomfortable go put on some sweatpants it's okay I don't care what you're wearing yeah um but then she put on this like big puffy you know those like um sumo wrestler suits yeah people can put on it kind of was like that except it was tall and it was rainbow and it kind like it just i have a picture i'll show you because i don't know if i'm going to be able to explain it very well and i couldn't see very well but my friend was like oh my god she's can you see that like look what she's wearing oh wow yeah and it's just you know that wasn't comfortable that was super itchy yeah really uncomfortable but it was cool put on a good show I saw is it just your thing to go to gigs now for people you just don't really know yeah it is I mean I've known two of their songs

one was on a running playlist of mine called Die Young and is basically about how they wanted to die young, but then they met someone and now they can't. Very uplifting. Yeah, sounds it. That really gets my run going. Yeah, it's a really good one to run to because I want, I think about how I want to die when I'm running. True, yeah. good one to run to because I want I think about how I want to die when I'm running true yeah then you think of Nigel and you think oh I can't I'll run back to him yes exactly or it's more like but if I I just have to stop running and then I'll be fine then I don't need to die yeah I just can stop and at any point I don't need to die. Yeah, I just can stop at any point. I don't have to do this. And that, dear listeners, is good advice for everyone.

Just start doing it. Decide you hate running. You can just stop it. Yeah, you don't have to do it anymore. In fact, you can sit down. You could lay down, really. People might see if you're okay, but maybe you need that

it's a cry for help going back to what you were saying about the singer the average singing woman singing at the cabaret like you if you had to give her a review see what i did there if you had to give her a review see what i did there if you had to give her a review oh yeah what do you think you would write um i'd say nice bod pretty face but clearly sung on too many cruise ships so savage savage burn but you gave her some compliments which i think is just really important like don't totally put her down yeah and then just cut and shot all over her yep yep shot all over her cut her legs out from under her, burn. Did you just want to go up there and take the mic from her and be like, all right, lady.

I mean, me and Charlie have decided that when she retires, which will probably be much younger than all of us lot, she's going to buy a cabaret bar and we're going to put together a cabaret act. I can sing. She can do some acrobatic stuff because she's got a better body than most of the dancers and acrobats that were there. We can get Silas to take off his clothes and do some sort of handstand routine. Like a wall twerk upside down or something? Yeah, something like that. Where do I fit into this on a rope um what can you do what skills do you have literally none oh you can be a shot girl great

awesome i love it i'll teach myself some magic tricks i I don't know. Yeah, fire breathing or like, what's the thing where they spin the baton? Baton? Baton twirling. You know I'm going to smack myself in the face with that thing. You're quite good at sticks and cups. Maybe you could do that?

I could. I'm also good at beer chugging still i mean you can take on the punters and do big competitions with them great you're just gonna be fucked every night i'm gonna i'm gonna have to like constantly like work on fitness and nutrition so I don't end up dying young because you know I'm gonna have to probably do it in some sort of like skimpy clothing too to make it cabaret-ous or are you gonna be okay if I just wear sweatpants and a dirty t-shirt yeah that's the look we're going for it's's like an everyday, everyman cabaret night. Normal woman cabaret.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, it's going to be like, you're going to just be wearing your shark shirt. I'll get a shark suit I think for that Oh like the actual shark suit That like Katy Perry Then you could do some simulation shark porn Yeah

It'd be like one of those sex shows In Amsterdam Just with sharks What are we talking about I don't know Pivoting to that that'll have really good reviews speaking of reviews oh speaking of reviews yes do go on uh i thought it would be fun to just read and react to funny bad reviews yeah yeah um i don't know if it'll top you know pens and the other things we discussed a few

episodes ago but you know we're not looking to necessarily top but just add to the hilarity exactly okay i'm to start with movies. Oh, okay. That's okay. And so the first one, it's pretty simple. And I don't know if you've seen this movie, but I haven't. I'm inclined to agree. It's about the Wolf of Wall Street.

Have you seen it? Yep. Okay. Well, Joe Watson on Amazon wrote, there are no wolves in this movie. That's a really good point, actually. There are no wolves in it. I mean, and like, I think it's reasonable to think because a wolf could be on Wall Street. I mean, there's like, what is that movie where the guy turns into a werewolf and he like goes to college?

I mean, that is a thing so there very well could be a wolf just walking around wall street for all we know but no not in this movie it was not about that um you know as leonardo dicaprio i think you know nicknamed the wolf maybe i guess i don't remember where the wolf came in yeah i guess because he's a big bad wolf yeah he's big bad wolf wall street guy yeah exactly okay so the next one is valentine's day do you ever see that i don't think i have so i think this is one of those movies where it has like a bunch of big name celebs and it's got like a bunch of different side stories on it right so it's not just like one or two characters and you follow them i think it's got but they all kind of link up maybe there's like a connection between them um and this is by roger ebert who is you know

kind of a famous critic and he wrote valentine's day is being marketed as a date movie. I think it's more of a first date movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date. Damn, Roger. Like, I didn't realize you were funny, too, when you're panning all the movies. Okay. This one I wanted to read in particular because well it's twilight and i don't know about you but i'm feeling 22 exactly haha episode 22 today too um

so no in college lauren and i kind of hate read and hate watched the Twilight series movies and books, like because they are really awful, like really bad. I have a counter argument. Okay, go on. So I read the books because my granddad recommended them to me. And he said they were really good. And I'm not going to lie, I really liked the books. I was slightly obsessed with Edward and Bella's love. And it was not portrayed properly in the movies.

That's my two cents well i'm sorry for going after your favorite thing um my counterpoint is it's not so much like the story itself that i thought was bad it's the it was the writing the writing was terrible and I think if I recall correctly I would I read it circled all of the typos and like just bad bad writing and I would like send it to Lauren and so okay like you loved the substance of the stories but can you agree that maybe had someone else written it it could have been better yeah yeah yeah i do agree with that yeah but you thought you thought the movies weren't representative of the books and like that the tingles you felt in your heart hole they were rubbish i did not explore uh well one christian stewart's like a wooden plank perhaps the character or the actor choice

maybe was a part of it yeah yeah i mean what's his face robert Pattinson. Correct. He was alright as Edward. But I think, you know, often when you read a book, you imagine it differently in your head. And it didn't, it just didn't work out to it, I'm afraid. Sorry about that, guys. It's funny, it was like all the movies were on kind of in a row last weekend. And I sure as shit sat and watched almost all of them. I did. I'm not going to lie.

This review, though, is from. I like the soundtrack as well. Sorry. Well, yeah. I mean, Paramore did a song, which is one of my least favorite ones. But yeah. I'm so sorry. But yeah. Sorry. Go on.

Did you know that Robert Pattinson wrote a load of songs for like the first couple? And they're actually really good. Which ones? He sang them too? Yeah. I'll send them to you. Okay. And then we're going to review them um so this was from the austin chronicle by mark salove and i just like want to say probably

men probably don't really like this series but maybe there are some out there correct me if i'm wrong men who listen to this podcast but mark wrote i've had mosquito bites that were more passionate than this undead unrequited and altogether unfun pseudo-romantic riff on Romeo and Juliet and I think kind of what you said about the actor is like I mean I feel like there was more chemistry between like Jacob and Edward than Bella to be apparently it's also one of my friends said it's like not written for Mormons but it's like a very Mormon view

on relationships because it's all like I do think the author is yeah demonizing a woman in a way because she really wants to fuck and edward's like no i can't we have to be married first i'm old-fashioned because i'm 300 years old and you're 17 and she has this like problem with getting like i keep getting older you need to bite me so i become a vampire so that i'm not older than you you need to bite me so i become a vampire so that

i'm not older than you you need to freeze me so that i don't get wrinkles she's got a point i mean fair yeah to be fair um did you ever watch the other woman i don't know i have this thing where i watch films but i then can't remember what they're called. Yeah. Okay. I will skip that one then. How about Silence of the Lambs? You're familiar with that one, right? Yeah. Familiar with that.

Absolutely horrified. I thought it was a claymation movie with lambs. I got confused with Shaun the Sheep. My three-year-old hasn't said anything since watching this. And that's an Amazon customer. Wow. Why wouldn't you stop the second it started?

Yeah. The second you hear the spooky music. Yeah. I mean, by the time you get to Buffalo Bill, who's like, would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I don't think she should get... Yeah. No, I'm gonna stop. Okay, a couple more movies.

Fifty Shades of Grey, which we know I think was someone who was a big fan of the Twilight series decided to write her own kind of loosely. Oh, is that right? Yeah, loosely related story that became huge. Again, I've heard it's written very badly i yes i also have read at least the first one and it again is poorly edited and written and i think maybe there was even like a ghost writer situation for that so i've heard i don't know if that's true but i've heard that allegedly yes um okay Yes. Okay, so the review is, there isn't even any butt stuff.

I mean, have you seen the movie at all? No. It's like pretty gratuitous, but on like not super realistic BDSM stuff, I guess. And so it's, what's, I can't, Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson. And I think people watch it because it's kind of like a bunch of you know kind of middle-aged females who have these fantasies about what that could be like but it's not really perhaps fair to the actual community of that kink i don't know yeah that's probably fair but you But it's disappointing that there's no butt stuff.

You said there'd be butt stuff. Community reference. Okay. I'm looking at the rest of these, seeing if there's any other good movie ones. And there's a lot, but I feel like it's not helpful if you haven't seen the movie. Because then you can't. Did you ever watch Crossroads with Britney Spears? Yeah.

Okay. It turns out that Crossroads is not a music video, not yet a movie, but more like an extended play advertisement for the product that is Britney. Oh, God. Burn, burn, Anne. Poor Britney. Yeah, poor Britney. She's not doing well i don't think no he's just broken up with uh the hobby as well yeah didn't like him anyway i guess i didn't know enough about him tell me why you didn't like him well i just think it's um a bit weird that that he came about when she was still in her conservatorship.

Conservatorship. And she wasn't allowed to drink coffee or drive her own car, yet they allowed her to have this young, good-looking boyfriend who clearly didn't have any ulterior motives. None whatsoever. Yeah, I just think it's a bit fishy. I would question that. And I read earlier as well that apparently he is divorcing her. I can't remember the exact. I think it's 17 months, but it's like a certain amount of months

and something days, which means he'd be entitled to more money. He met the threshold of the prenup or whatever if he oh yeah something like that so i mean i guess there's nothing to say like you have to wait until this period of time and not then simply do it like the following day maybe he's just really sick of all her tiktoks are that are literally of her just twirling yeah i had to unfollow her instagram account because i was just like dude so many twirls so many twirls so many twirls and just staring and smiling weirdly into the camera a bit freaky i mean i think she needs some help but no shame but yeah it's that's some point i gotta chill out from that content um moving on i have i think you have some too you said but like uh reviews of places

like landmarks um and i know you sent me one about stonehenge was it yeah that's pretty good i've got that one here actually so uh this is they're all sort of trip advisor reviews which you know means they're legit yeah obviously as this is a review of stonehenge it's titled just a few rocks i was disgusted to find that this was just a few rocks to look at and nothing to do they should knock it down and build an arcade or funfair don't waste your time what a I am so repulsed by the fact that these rocks are here. I wanted to vomit immediately. I don't care if they've been here for thousands of years. I'm sick of the sight of them.

I'm surprised they didn't say put up a McDonald's or an Olive Garden. Have you heard of Arthur's Seat? No. Some guy's chair? Well, no. It's pretty much basically like a hill in Scotland. I think maybe King Arthur or some sort of famous Arthur used to sit there. Put his butt on it.

At some point. I don't know. I could be very wrong on that. Let us know. Don't at me. Okay. Just kidding. Don't let us know.

You can Google it. It's fine. But it's, you know, it's beautiful. It's a beautiful, natural landmark of hills overlooking a lovely view. Green. Beautiful. It's titled Misleading. Not a chair in sight.

Had to sit on the grass and was left with an unsightly wet patch. So it looked like I had soiled myself. And thank you for putting that on TripAdvisor because now I know I need to bring my own chair. Yeah, bring a camping chair. There's a couple of Big Ben as well. I want to hear what you have because i have a funny one for big ben so it's titled it's just a big clock i don't understand all the hype with this clock

it's literally just a clock it's going to be a digital one in 30 years anyway wouldn't that be funny if they took out the face and put in a digital one? Oh my god. There's another one titled Meh. It's just a big clock. Nothing more, nothing less. I've got a grandfather clock at home that's just as thrilling to look at. Mine is, while many Google users rated Big Ben low just because of the scaffolding around it,

others accepted the renovation with a smile. Over a cup of afternoon tea, a Google user said, I'll be honest, I've seen bigger Ben's. And Big Ben is actually one of my favorite things. Is it? Yeah, I don't know why. But I just thought it was really cool and like simple. And I guess I fucking love clocks too, as much as I love eggs. But I just thought it was really cool and simple. And I guess I fucking love clocks too, as much as I love eggs.

What a fun fact for you. Did you know that actually the clock isn't called Big Ben? Yes, I did know that. It was a trivia thing. And I can't remember what it's actually called now it's got a couple names I think but then my question is where the fuck did Ben come from so Big Ben is actually the name of the bell in the clock tower the bell right okay yeah um but the clock is Sylvia Elizabeth Tower is sylvia elizabeth tower oh yeah it's elizabeth of course it's litties yeah okay fine fine fine yeah that was like a trivia question i think at either here or might have been the one time when i went with nigel and his family and i was like you guys don't know this like you're from here

why don't you know this stuff, man? Fuck. This is embarrassing. But yeah, I always thought that was cool. Like, I didn't care that much about any of the bridges because they're just bridges. And, you know, I eventually went into Westminster Abbey, but was just annoyed at how expensive it was. But yeah, Ben is just like one you can look at. It's kind of pretty. Yeah. Lovely bit of building yeah why not okay so um this is a review of ben nevis which is uh i believe it's the the highest mountain in the whole of uk but it is based in scotland It's titled Very Steep and Too High.

Don't go up it then. Exactly. This was almost a full day's climbing, and my girlfriend was crying at one point. When we did get to the top, there was nothing there in brackets. Mount Snowdon has a pub, restaurant, and toilets at its top. Close brackets. Luckily, we had brought some sandwiches and drinks. So anyone else climbing this one, be warned. Mount Snowdon has a pub, restaurant and toilets at its top. Luckily, we had brought some sandwiches and drinks.

So anyone else climbing this one, be warned. There are no facilities at the top. The climb basically went on far too long and the last part was particularly steep and difficult. It was also cloudy at the top, so the view was non-existent. A long walk back down was boring and again took too long see it's like you clearly are not someone then who enjoys hiking or like nature no clearly not what did you expect mate well clearly a restaurant but it's a mountain it's not a tourist attraction no that makes me think of did i ever talk to you about this when i was saw it so i was looking on a map when we were over there like on my phone

and i saw a place called surrey hills area of outstanding natural beauty and i was like what a name like that is a really great name. And why haven't I been there? What is this? And I showed it to Nigel and I feel like maybe Deb said she had been there, was aware of it. And you had said recently you originally lived in that area. So I'm curious if you've been there.

But I also want to say like way to set yourself up with a name like that for people being like, I wouldn't call it outstanding. It was fine. I mean. Well we have loads of them. Eight out of ten. Yeah.

It's right. Kind of pretty. I wouldn't fuck it. Picture looks better than in person. It's like. You know like the Ashdown Forest. And like surrounding area area that's an area of outstanding beauty oh this is like a designation then kind of like um and it's like a classification

and it basically stops people being able to like build houses on it and oh okay so i guess i didn't see any i just saw the surrey one and i think it was because it's not far from where I was at when I was looking at it. But I was just like, I mean, building that up, it better be fucking hot. Like that is a sexy, sexy area. That is a sexy ass hill. But that makes sense. So it's kind of like how we have like national parks and stuff um that are federally protected land or whatever interesting okay basically i learned something you taught me

something yay yay i'm teaching you things any other ones any other places places um so this is the the roman baths okay um which i believe are in bath hence the name yeah um and they're beautiful they're like you know proper roman style big public baths not bathtubs but you know like a pool with like, you know, columns all around it and stuff. Lovely. This person put, yawn. As a young adult, I found this very boring and it was directed towards the older generation, but I will say it's overpriced and boring. Okay, kid. You hate everything, got an attitude, fine. Bet you listen to really interesting music that no one else knows about oh here's another one for big ben all right it's titled i can see why they blew it up in v for vendetta

one stars absolutely terrible i would never ever go again and i'm glad they blew it up in v for vendetta one stars absolutely terrible i would never ever go again and i'm glad they blew it up in v for vendetta it's just a big clock and the whole experience left me unsettled okay but go like you just walk by it like you're just not gonna walk by it anymore i know what are they expecting i don't think you can even go up it can you I was just gonna say is there like an excursion with it because I I can't say I would probably do that but like as far as I can tell it's just something you walk by and you see it and you take a picture and maybe annoy the locals who are trying to walk by because you're standing in the middle of the sidewalk taking a picture and being really dumb tourist um and then you move on

or you are there protesting because it's out it's right next to the houses of parliament oh yeah yeah that too i suppose maybe that was why they had a bad time maybe yeah um are you familiar with the labrador sea between greenland and canada yes yeah i thought you might be. It's a rather misleading name because there are simply no Labradors there. The Kara Sea in Siberia, on the other hand, is great, especially if you are a fat mammal. Which I don't know what that means, but I feel like I could be considered a fat mammal. So I'm going to go. Or are they referring to like walruses? I don't know. It's unclear.

Don't go to Labrador Sea. No Labradors. But Karasi, Arkara, Siberia, fat mammals. Go there. I have a couple like Yelp, which I don't know if you guys have Yelp, but it's kind of like reviews of restaurants, which I think are hilarious and I think might be a nice segue into our next topic. literally nothing that probably will drive me to leave a review unless I'm trying to support

a business, right? Like a friend starting a business or I want something to be successful. But people love like, sure, shit, we'll do it if it's really bad, right? Which there's a benefit there. But I find when I read the ones that are really bad, it's like clearly the person writing it is the problem. Yep. So for example, this one, it's a place in Brooklyn. Well, at least the users who wrote it is from Brooklyn anyways. But they wrote, the entire kitchen and wait staff saw an ice cream truck and ran outside, leaving me alone in the restaurant. Ten minutes later, they all came back with ice cream cones. I still can't believe this actually happened.

One out of five stars. Like, go get some ice cream with them. Yeah. I still can't believe this actually happened one out of five stars like go get some ice cream with them I think that was really cute and funny yeah look at them getting ice cream yeah good for them you didn't say anything about the food

like were you waiting to take was your food cold what happened it sounds like they probably met your needs and then met theirs and good for them, to be honest. Yeah. Damn right. Okay. This one is questionable whether it's a maybe bad review.

I don't know. Took a first date here because I really wanted it to be the last date. Unfortunately, the food came out delicious and very fresh tasting. They were not rude to my date at all, which pissed me off because I was totally banking on that. Worst of all, they don't make curry pizzas. What type of establishment doesn't serve curry pizzas? Seriously, get with the times. So curry pizza. That raised a question for me, but also like call ahead or just be a man and say, I don't want to go out with you anymore. Yeah. So here's a five out of five for McDonald's. Thank you for helping me maintain my weight. But yeah, so some of these, there's a lot of them and it's just like looking at these

you might as well shit in a cup and mix in some m&ms you wouldn't know the difference i feel like is that about dairy queen which is also a good segue anyway like some of these reviews is just like now i kind of want to go like you're making me want to go and give them money when you come over I think uh we should go to that restaurant in London I think it's a diner actually Karen's where they are purposely rude to you I really want to go they're gonna make me cry because I'm gonna take it so personally there's a place here called dick's last resort that's like that too and like they're mean to you they make these hats and write like insults on them yeah and i just like it could be funny but they will pick something they will know what my insecurities

are and they will tear me apart and it will be so horrible that I will never be the same but yes let's go do it yeah sounds fun yeah um but I also can't help but like feel bad for people who deal with like the people who are like this because and just want to like destroy your business because working in hospitality yes is the worst have have you ever worked in hospitality yeah i've worked in bars i've worked in restaurants i've worked in leisure centers and public swimming pools which i'll tell you about a little bit more um please do i've worked in supermarkets oh me too i've worked in supermarkets. Oh, me too. I've worked in kitchens. Me too. And people are the worst.

Yeah. And I think it's like this entitlement of like I paid something so like I expect more than what I'm just paying. I don't know because I've worked in bars, restaurants, kitchens, clothing stores. I've had some terrible jobs. And I think the terrible part is because of the people, hands down. You know? Whoever said the customer is always right was wrong. I mean, I bet they probably would take that back, the person who coined that.

It's like, I actually changed my mind. These people are terrible yeah and I feel bad because people like owners and people who are in positions where they have to like try to kind of make people happy have to really throw their employees under the bus but I um do you have any examples of particular bad experiences well I just like so I worked at Dairy Queen which is like a fast food ice cream fast food place like they serve regular food too and I did that kind of like high school and then a little bit in college when I would come home and for the most part like people were pretty kind because they're fucking getting ice

cream right and they love it but it's just like the amount of times people are pissed because they didn't get enough goddamn oreos in their blizzard and it's just like well i make it to the specification that the corporate yes like and i was the type of person who would like load shit up i didn't care and i to the point where people are like this is actually too much i don't i would have to remake it and i'm like what the fuck is wrong with you but those people are always polite um but just like there's like hardly any in here and it's just like for fuck's sake then you should have said you wanted extra and then i would have to charge you but god damn it i'll and i would just like fix it i wouldn't charge people because the thing is it's just like i don't care like i'm not paid enough to deal with

this and i'd not but i mean i would have managers not just for me but like talk about having you know you guys haven't added that customer said you had an attitude. That customer said that you, you know, just dumb shit. No, not me necessarily. All of us. Because we were all in high school. Like, we were kids. And it was just so dumb. And my manager was also a kid.

He was younger than me. And I would just be like, Dan, I'm not, I don't care. Dan, I'm not actually going to listen to you because like I'm older than you. I did have an attitude problem. And he'd just be like, okay. Okay, so okay. Pretty much. And I was like, I think they asked me to help out when I was home for a spring break.

And I just very much was like, you're so lucky I'm here. I'm not going to do anything. I'm not cleaning. I'm here to basically work this shift and leave. And so that was on me a little bit. But I worked in a grocery store. I was like the bagger. And the grocery store had people carry out if they needed it, which I was happy to do. But the amount of times, because we were very close to one of the colleges in that town, and the amount of times that guys would come in and be like, carry my 30-pack of beer out, 14-year-old female. And I'm like, okay. I'm like fucking out with it. And they don't have anything

else. And I just, it's just so, it was making me feel, I don't know, were you flirting with me? Because I'm an infant. But stuff like that. Or people calling and saying, the bagger crushed my bread. And it's like, did I or did you crush it when you were driving or whatever? Yeah. And managers would have to come over and be like, you crushed her bread. And I'm like, I don't even know who you're talking about. Like, I literally bagged about 45 people's groceries today so thank you for the correction I guess I will do better

yeah it's ridiculous we used to have I used to work in a supermarket that's one of my first jobs and there used to be I used to work like Saturday evenings in the Sunday shift which I hated because I was young and all my friends were out partying and going to the pub and I was stuck working at the supermarket until like 10 o'clock at night. And every Sunday we had this guy who would come in and purposely look for food that had gone out of date, buy leave and then come back and kick off and complain that this food was out of date and i'd just be like dude like you've got too much spare time on your hands why are you going out of your way to do this just buy food that's in date

or come to the till and tell us that it's out of date and we shouldn't be stopping it because it shouldn't be there anyway did he get like did he get like oh sorry for your trouble here's like an extra discount on something or what it seems to me like exactly so you're in the same position that you were before yes i don't understand i think some people just like complaining and they like arguing and i think he was one of them he just wanted to pick a fight with 15 year old teal girls basically so what was the best job you've had none of them jabs suck yeah it's like when people say

what's your dream job I don't have a dream job my dream is to not work exactly that's a stupid question okay another really bad one though is I worked at a public swimming pool

and my job was to clean out the changing rooms oh and my god it was the most disgusting job i've ever done in my life i bet so gross like people leaving like their kids dirty nappies on the floor used plasters which gross me out so much those are like ubiquitous at a swimming pool i just feel like there's band-aids all fucking over i know why are there so many people with fucking open wounds walking around with open wounds getting in water seems healthy um i once found a used tampon on the floor as well i'm like guys there's toilets go into the fucking toilet and just like copious amounts of like hair and dirt it was just the worst how long did you last at that job about a month yeah no i couldn't it was so disgusting yeah kudos to the people that do that job yeah it was fucking rank

i mean i have in working in restaurants and stuff part of it is like cleaning out bathrooms and cleaning up after people and people can be really gross. And thankfully I don't have anything that's like too seared into my brain as a bad experience, but I worked at a call center twice actually. And I did not last very long at either. Cause there's something soul sucking about those jobs. You know, one was for like, fuck, I don't know, like phone service or cable service it was called MCI and I truly sucked at it because I did not try whatsoever and if someone actually like wanted to buy something from me or like sign up I wanted to be like really are you sure you sure though because it's pretty shit it's pretty shit and I feel like I had like

the people who did it were like old people who probably are, you know, being taken advantage of in a way. And so but people are really horrible. I mean, I think I've probably been horrible to, you know, scammers and telemarketers and stuff, too. Not necessarily in a disrespectful way, but just like kind of fucked with them, you know, but people were horrible. And I would just put them on mute and like listen to people and they'd be like that fucking bitch hung up and I'd be like no no I'm still here I'm just listening I've just put you on loudspeaker for the whole office yeah we're all listening it's really funny um but I only did that for like a month and because I was probably going to get fired anyways because I was so horrible and then sometime like a summer between college I worked at

another one that literally was like calling old people about old people services. And I just they just wanted to talk. And I was fine with that, but also would have like messages like you need to circle back or get off this call. And it's just like, what do you guys expect from us? Literally targeting 55, 60, 70 year olds. Like, yeah, they're lonely. They lonely they want to talk yeah so hate this job too i think i just stopped going to that one to be honest i had a similar one where i was selling magazine subscriptions and yeah the amount of people i called where it was it wasn't like cold

calling so it was people that had previously taken out a magazine subscription and you were like calling up to try and get them to subscribe again and what have you and the amount of times you'd call up and it'd be this lovely old lady and I'd be like oh hello is Mr Jones there

and she'd be like oh sorry dear he passed away a few months ago and I'd be like oh fuck i'm so sorry i won't call you anymore bye and she's like it's okay he was a bastard and then the manager would be like didn't you try and sell it to her and i'm like no she's a grieving old lady i'm not doing that he clearly handled the finances and i'm not about to put that on her right now. Yeah. God. Yeah.

It's just a really, yeah, soul destroying job, that kind of thing. I think that I actually kind of enjoyed bartending, but I think it was a special circumstance. It was a relative of mine who owned the bar and I kind of just filled in sometimes. But like it was a small local one with lots of regulars and I would go there and spend time with like my relatives because that was kind of like my aunt's place too. And so people knew me and like I was a terrible bartender and people did not care. Tip me still. I burned drinks, which again, kind of like when I was at Dairy Queen, it would just load

people up with stuff. I was like, you again, kind of like when I was at Dairy Queen, I would just load people up with stuff. I was like, you don't want more booze in your welcome. And they're like, I can't drink this. It's burnt. I was like, what? What is wrong with you? Drink it. Pussy.

You'll be fine. Pussy. But it was fun. I mean, it was tight. What, are you still kind of pussy? Yeah. No. Okay.

Let me get you a little pink umbrella. God, I'm being a little bit sexist now. Obviously joking. But like I, you know, I worked on Christmas Eve, which wasn't my favorite thing, but I was happy to do it. I made like a thousand dollars in tips, just like something obscene because people are in a more giving mood and they're drunk and it's Christmas Eve. And I was, you know, the niece of the owner.

So that was, that was fun um but i think overall probably having to do that like as a job would suck and i just yeah i had i worked that for a while i disliked it i don't like dealing with drunk people when i'm sober yeah and also well that was your mistake. Yeah, true. The worst part as well is just the cleanup at the end of the night and cleaning up the men's toilets. Oh, yeah. So great. What do men do in there? Why is there piss all over the floor? I got it. You know, I think that.

But then I've seen women's toilets and I'm like, who? Who's done this? Who raised these people? Who shit on the floor? Who floor on the floor at my wedding yeah actually i've just thought of a job i did quite enjoy was when i took like a little career break and went to work in animal care oh yeah i remember when you did that um i worked at kennels first which was fine but i personally don't really agree with kennels so when you say kennels what do you mean what does it be like when people went on holiday okay yeah boarding their dogs got it yeah so they just basically chuck their dog dogs into a cage for two weeks um and expect their dog

to be fine with that and their dogs were not fine with that majority of the time and they were super stressed and thought that they'd been abandoned yeah it was pretty heartbreaking and also we were only open from i think it was eight till five um and so at five o'clock it just gets locked down all the lights turned off everyone fucks off home so the dogs are just on their own for like till eight o'clock the next morning it's horrible yeah i wouldn't i wouldn't want to do that to my dog no i couldn't do it like i used to take jess with me to work um and I don't know whether it's because she's got some sort of like leftover trauma from being a rescue dog and being in kennels before. But she used to freak out when I put her in a kennel while I was working. She would lose her shit.

And she was the best escape dog. She was a little Houdini. She got out of every fucking cage I put her in. I don't know how she did it half the time but i'd walk in she'd be out of the cage still locked i'd be like and she's like look i'm fine outside of the cage yeah leave me outside of the cage i'll be fine mom i saw her literally climb like a nine foot like link fence and then tight rope walk along it. Like a cat. She's not a small lady.

No, she's a big girl. But she was good at climbing. God. Yeah. But then you went to a nonprofit, right? Yeah, I went to a rescue center charity after that. And that was good. And I probably would have stayed doing it, but just the money so bad.

I couldn't live. It was minimum wage. I couldn't live on the money. Well, and I think the location too was a factor as well, right? Because you came back to kind of where you're at now right yeah it's when I came when I moved back yeah that's when I went to the charity oh I thought it was the same place okay no go on um and it was really I really love looking after all the animals it's really hard work really manual physical work, really manual, physical work, but really satisfying.

But there at this particular place, I'm sure they're not all like it, but there wasn't enough staff to care for the amount of animals that there were. So I didn't feel like they were getting the care that they needed or any sort of rehabilitation. And so that sort of sucked. That was a bit heartbreaking as well um i think that would be a reason why i couldn't do that because i would a like i was at a pet store getting some food for my cat yesterday and they had like a little adoption thing with a bunch of cats and i went in just to like kind of say hi to the cats and they these were all cats who like are in foster

homes right they're not right like their foster parents were there and stuff but I still was like I want to take you all yeah with me right now me guys no one will know yeah and you know of course they were like oh you know are you interested and I was like I love cats don't tempt me just I just lost a cat our other cat is older and like not in super great health and so my husband and i just like we need time and we also don't want to really do that to our other cat and they're just like do you want to cuddle some cats instead and i was like how did you know yeah but i i think i would struggle to work and see them every day and see the ones that are getting adopted and the ones that aren't and wanting to take them.

I've always said like next, when Jess goes, God forbid. She'll never go, don't worry. She's just aging backwards now. And I think about getting another dog. I'm going to go to like a rescue center and just be like, which dog has been here the longest? What's the dog that no one wants? I want that. And they take it to the dog that

has one eye, one ear, a wheelchair, a diaper. Actually, it has a condition where it just randomly vomits blood. But it's fine. Totally fine. Lives a normal life life you can't leave it alone for only gonna cost you 500 pound a month in vet spills and you're like fuck i committed to this on the podcast and i'm gonna have to do this so i know what you mean though he's called one eyed Paul

he's my new baby can't be around men, women of a certain age children, other dogs couches yeah he's scared of cups if you go to the bathroom he will need to be locked up because people sitting on toilets is a trigger

i can't wait to meet one night fall though oh my heart oh when I pull I love that little guy he's so sweet I can't wear white at your house because of all the blood vomiting but I love him I've had to just get plastic covering

for everything he's really for about 10 minutes every day between just after his dinner and before the blood vomiting starts we have a lovely cuddle he's really nice to be around so it's really fulfilling and if i just put on a hazmat suit we can spend a little extra time cuddling even if... Because, you know, I can deal with the projectile blood vomit. Oh, God.

Okay. We're okay. I'm okay. we're okay i'm okay you're okay crying about this poor made-up dog oh i'm breathe oh fuck I'm breathed should we move on to our final segment nothing's gonna be one-eyed fool now

we've baked we can just stop, be done it's the end you can have your stew podcast with British Kate oh fucking hell alright are you ready for

an am I the arsehole you know you are baby yeah okay right fair for this Am I the arsehole for breaking up with my girlfriend After she rejected my proposal

Twice Oh, okay Sierra and I have been dating for four years Oh, he gave her a name? He's given her a name Okay, alright Sierra and I have been dating for four years And I absolutely love her Oh, he gave her a name? He's given her a name. Okay. All right. Sierra and I have been dating for four years, and I absolutely love her and felt like she was my soulmate.

I knew I wanted to propose to her two years into dating, but decided to wait one more year so that I could get in a better financial position. Smart. Last year, I proposed. It was a private proposal on the beach where we went on our first date she looked at me and said I want to marry you but not right now she said she wasn't in the right space personally to get engaged and to give her some time that stung but I was okay with it after all I put off proposing so that I could be in a good position and it's only fair that I give her that chance too. So it's been a year since then and I decided to propose again. This time I asked our friends to help me set it up because I wanted to do something nicer. We orchestrated a nice dinner and a

proposal in front of a nice fountain in the city's botanical garden. Everything was ready, dinner was great and we went to the fountain she saw the roses and everything and then I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me she teared up and told me not just yet this stung really bad I knew I wanted her in my life forever and this is the second time she's turned me down I asked her why and she told me the same thing as last year I asked her if something was holding her back or someone was holding her back maybe a friend or family and she told me the same thing as last year. I asked her if something was holding her back or someone was holding her back, maybe a friend or family. And she just said, I just want to make sure that things will work. This helped me more than the two rejections. I told her that

if after four years she isn't sure, then what the hell will make her sure? She asked me to give her time and I told her no. I told her that I'm not going to keep wasting my time and love if she's going to keep saying no and I told her that I can't do this anymore. She began begging me not to leave and said fine I'll marry you just please don't go. This made me mad and I didn't say anything and I left. My phone's been blowing up with some of our friends, her parents and her telling me that I'm an arsehole for throwing away a four year relationship because she said no And that I was being a big baby, she just needs more time The other half of our friends aren't on my side, but they aren't on hers either I don't think I'm an arsehole for this, did I overreact?

Am I an arsehole? And if so, how much more time am I supposed to give her? Edit, we're both 29 years old. Second edit, the second proposal wasn't done in front of my friends. They just helped me plan it and stuff. It was just her and I. Edit three, we had discussed marriage shortly before I proposed for the first time. She was into it and even told me that she couldn't see herself with anyone else. And she seemed eager about the idea of marriage which is why I was shocked the first time and then angry the second time okay it sounds like some of the comments um that prompted those edits are kind of what my thoughts were I guess I understand this person's perspective about you know tried to propose twice And based on what she said,

he's feeling like, what's the point? But, you know, I also point out like you want to be with this person. And like, it doesn't sound like your goal is to just get married. Like your goal is to marry this person. So I'm having a hard time reconciling the decision to end the relationship with that, even though that person would be well within their right to do that, right? I get it. You guys are on different pages. Time to move on. But I also question, after the first proposal when she said, I want to marry you, To me, you didn't need to propose again. You needed to talk to her about where she's at, if she wants to get married, if there's things that she has concerns about. And just doing a second proposal, whether or not, especially an elaborate one, seems like

you don't actually care about her feelings or where she's at. You didn't even need to do that because you proposed. She said, I want to, not yet. So then the question is, how are you? Where are we at? Do you want to get married? I would even say you could kind of consider them engaged after that, but not necessarily because she said she wanted to, but not yet. So we're

not talking about marriage yet, but we are committed to each other. Do you know what I mean? So like you kind of acted like a baby and you're sending mixed messages to her in a way. So I would say there's a bit of an asshole-ish behavior there. But I also think like, you know, I guess if you're not on the same page with that person and you guys and it's not what you want in the relationship you're allowed to not be in that relationship anymore what are your thoughts yeah I agree I think I don't know how much they've talked about if they even see a future together. Like, he obviously saw a future with her. But yeah, maybe she just doesn't want to... Maybe she changed her mind about getting married.

But I can see it from his point of view. Like, you know, if your partner said that they did want to get married and then turned you down twice, that would hurt a lot. Yeah. And you'd start questioning, well, clearly they want to get married, but obviously not to me. Yeah. So, you know, you don't have to get married.

You can just be in a relationship for a long time and not get married. It's not, you know, a be-all, end-all. But they're clearly not on the same page. but they're clearly not on the same page um i i think he maybe could have ended it in a kinder way um but i i don't really i don't particularly think he's the asshole i think he's been hurt um and he doesn't want to be hurt again no assholes here perhaps because it's just two people who maybe are having a hard time communicating them to each other about like the relationship because to me it is it a question of you being married is like really that important to you because if so

you need to tell her that and you would be entitled to like well I important to you? Because if so, you need to tell her that. And you would be entitled to like, well, I want to marry someone and have a family and stuff. That's like my ultimate goal. And you should be able to have that if that's what you want. If that's not what she wants, then she needs to say that to you too. Yeah. The fact that she felt so like desperate to say,

okay, fine, I'll marry you. Like, I'm glad he didn't turn around and say, okay, great, let's move forward then. Because that would have been- That would have been a fun marriage yeah some red flags there but i i agree i don't really think there's i still think it was a mistake to try to like do this big elaborate proposal a second time without actually fucking talking to her you know yeah but yeah you probably should have just you know been like hey remember how i proposed two years ago and you said this and like how do you feel about that now yeah yeah because i still got

the ring like i will propose again if that's something you want or you can actually put it on your finger and we can say we're getting married like those are our options here um but i think it it sucks all around for everybody because it sounds like there's some confusion also ballsy of her to say no not once but twice twice yeah that would be hard i think yeah yeah and like on her end if that's how you're feeling, maybe you also need to be like, hmm, maybe we need to take some time apart and think about this a little bit and reflect. Yeah. Yeah.

Because a part of her might be like, I don't want to marry this person and that's telling me something, but I also don't want to. Leaving a relationship, particularly one that's kind of long-term and serious, whether you live together or not, is hard. It's hard to extricate yourself because of comfort the pain you know sometimes you second guess yourself I get it so but also it's better to be on your own I think than be yeah in an unhappy or dead-end relationship totally no one's winning in that situation so and it's even harder once you're married oh and if kids are involved so do it before like don't make it harder to leave is my

point i guess yeah yeah yeah well that brought my blood pressure down quite a bit from one-eyed Paul. Well, there we are. Another relationship saved or people saved from a relationship. Take some time on your own. Learn to love yourself. And the right person will come along and want to marry you. yourself and the right person will come along and want to marry you and you know i think it's really important to just have those opportunities to like make cheese and crackers for dinner and

not have to worry about another person or whether you pick up your socks or whether you do the dishes right away yeah it's freeing people it is really really freeing. Yeah. No. Okay. Well. Well, there we go. Once again, we have taken you on a roller coaster of knowledge, hilarity, advice, and what else did we talk about? Bad reviews.

Don't go to Big Ben. Don't go to Big Ben. Arthur's seat. Don't go there. There are no chairs there. Yep. So don't go there. Mm-hmm. Fat't put it there. There are no chairs there. Yep. So don't go there. Mm-hmm.

Fat mammals in Siberia. We just boosted the tourism revenue for Siberia by this podcast. You're welcome, Siberia. Yeah, if you'd like to sponsor us, that would be great. Thanks very much. This podcast is brought to you by Siberia. The land of the mammals fat ones i actually don't know enough about siberia but i suppose if they want to sponsor us i will learn yeah i'm not very good at geography so oh yeah tell you much about that

place never been there um i feel like it's like the joke of if you want to go somewhere where there's nothing, it's Siberia, right? Yeah. You're going to get taken to Siberia and banished. Yep. That's where you get exiled. Prove us wrong, though, if that's not the case. There's fat mammals. I don't know.

People who've been there, tell us. Tell us about it. What was it like? If we have any listeners in Siberia, then do email us at TalkShittous at gmail.com or reach out on social media at T... Fuck! T-S-Y-B pod. T-S-Y-B pod. Thank you.

If you have suggestions for better social media names, let us know. Because clearly we can't get it. Or just one I can remember. That would be great. Yeah. Well, it was good talking to you. I can remember. That would be great. Yeah. Well, it was good talking to you. I hope you have a good week. You too, girlfriend.

See you next time. See you then. Bye. Toodle pip. Субтитры сделал DimaTorzok you