Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 26. Sad Lamp

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

This week we're talking about sayings that dont make sense or annoy us, drinking cultures and Am I The A**hole is back!!Connect with the pod on socials @TSYBPOD and email in your stories, dilemmas or questions to [e-mail]

Hello and welcome back to Talking Shit with Yang and a Brit. I am Gemma the Brit and with me today is Kate all the way over in America. I'm Flemish. Oh yeah. I've since moved to Finland. And with me today is... Talking shit with a yank. And then phlegm. With a phlegm.

I'm feeling phlegmy, so maybe that's fitting. Alright, well I fucked that up, so sorry. No, you didn't. It's perfectly fine. We're just two tired women sitting here, probably on, what, day two of a hangover from the weekend, just doing our best. Mm-hmm. Just really doing our best. And if you guys don't like our best, then you can't handle us at our worst, which is also right now. That is not how that saying goes, but you get the point.

You get the fucking drift. All right. Well, we both had weddings. Yeah, we were both at weddings. Not the same wedding. Sadly. Yeah. But different weddings at the same time.

So it's kind of like we were weddinging together. Except yours was six hours ahead of mine. And mine was six hours after yours. They probably overlapped a little bit though. I bet. Yeah, a little. Yeah. But they were fun and we celebrated our respective couples

and well, it sounds like maybe you, based on what you heard, like based on what you shared with me, you didn't break your feet trying to dance in any ridiculous shoe. Neither did I. No. I even changed into flip-flops for the evening. Smart.

Part because my feet were killing me after about an hour. I wore a sensible low heel with a stacked little heel on it. Good idea. Good idea, Catherine. I hear that you're now a reverend as well. Well, yes, I finally was able to, you know, utilize my ministry credentials that I got back in, shit, I don't even remember when that was now.

I still got my little clergy badge here too, which I didn't wear because it clashed with my outfit. But I did refer to myself as a messenger of God several times. And was like, I have to go pray now, so excuse me. Oh, dear. To people who didn't know me at all and probably didn't know if I was joking or not. So there's that. It's even better.

At one point, it was... I'm a messenger of God. Well, it started with... It was supposed to be a beautiful, fully sunny day. Of course, despite the forecast, there was a tiny little bit of a cloud front that came in made things a little bit breezy and I was standing next to um one of the grooms and I go that's rain and he looked at me with such like rage as if I by saying that somehow made it happen like the reason the rain came was because I spoke those words aloud. And I was like,

I might be a messenger of God, but I did, I am not able to conjure weather. That is not within my power restraints. Okay. No, that's witchcraft. That's satanism.

Yeah. But I'm a messenger of God. Of God. Here to bring the, I'll pray for sunlight and then it went away so there you go fucking hell maybe you are jesus it might be jesus in a dusty rose pink ish jumpsuit that's pretty low cut and got to show off my six-pack sternum so there's that i don't know about you but i off my six-pack sternum. So there's that. I don't know about you, but I got a six-pack sternum.

Nothing else about me is bony except for right here. No, I don't have one. That's a shame. It's because you... That means you have boobs. No, that's not what that means. It means you don't have just two flaps of skin on your chest that really don't have anything inside them. Thank God you haven't had kids and breastfed.

Because I hear they really fucking flatten. I mean, I might as well have. Yep. What else have we been doing? I saw some pictures of you and well, I want to talk about what you guys wore. Oh, okay. Sorry. Because you all looked really beautiful.

Thank you. Yeah, your outfit was stunning as well, actually. Meh. Yeah, it was fine. I liked it. I don't think I can wear it again, though. I think it's probably ruined but it was it I know isn't that true but yours you all look like you were like at this like

really posh like garden part formal garden party I don't know if that was intentional or not but I liked it and I was sad that I couldn't be there yeah it was a shame you weren't there really well yeah it was quite uh it's quite quaint and british it was this lovely uh village sort of pub and venue with a barn um and it was very nice very lovely uh nice weather as well i think it was the last day of summer because since then it's just been shit. Shit. Feels like winter's here. It's dark early and I'm already depressed. I feel like I've been feeling that since like the end of August as the days started to like increasingly get dark earlier. Like I was very acutely aware of that. As soon as it happens,'re like oh fuck it's coming

yeah it's not even like daylight savings time yet which is when you really know and I'm just so cool I'm glad I'm going to feel miserable for I guess the next six months really I might get one of those sad lamps seasonal

effects disorder lamps were you just thinking of a lamp that was really sad like the pixar lamp but with a sad face i mean it's out of solidarity that he feels as sad as I do. I have one or I had one of those. It was just like a little box. Yeah. And it was, I tried it.

It didn't, if anything, it just made me feel like I was getting a sunburn. And it was kind of obtrusive. So I don't think that sunlight is my issue. I think it's because I'm constantly vitamin D deficient. So like that isn't my challenge. My dad got one and said it really helped him. So maybe I'll just nick his for a bit and see if it works. It's because he clearly like has some seasonal effective kind of impacts whereas i just

am year-round a miserable bitch well yeah so you're just there's only so much you can do about that yeah that's what i mean like a little sunlamp's not gonna make a difference because i'm like that in the summer sitting full sun i fucking hate the sun fucking hate the sun. Fucking hate the rain. Pretty much. Oh, gosh. But yeah, take your dads and report back on whether you thought it was effective. Because maybe other people will give it a try and it'll help them. Because I do think these days, winter, darkness is a bummer for a lot of people. Especially the Finnish.

So, they get a lot of darkness in the winter we're very happy though apparently we're very happy people figured it out lots of drinking they all have sad lamps that's why yep sad face lamps um i also went to the Lake District last week. It was beautiful. Can you tell me more about it? So it's like in the north of England. How far from you? It was a six and a half hour drive. Which for us is a lot. How much did you want to die?

Yes, that's what I'm asking. To be honest, honest it went really quickly it was actually a very smooth journey so i'd highly recommend um i wonder if that's something to do with the company you kept though maybe it was just quite easy because you literally go on the m25 m, and then M6. So it's just like three motorways, bop, bop, bop, and then you're there. Easy. For six hours, though. I mean, that's like a drive for me to my hometown, which I've done, like, in a day. You do it all the time.

Well, there I'm back. Not maybe in a single day, but, but like i would go and then literally turn around and leave the next morning wow that's a bit much yeah yeah but it's really uh it's really nice pretty really pretty um it's like something out of a movie everywhere you look just rolling hills mountains with clouds cascading down them and lakes everywhere that's why it's called the lake district you're probably very surprised to hear that but well i just thought there were no lakes in england so that's why they called it just a sarcastic name yeah because. Because we love sarcasm. Way Lakes, wink.

We're just a glorified puddle, mate. Oh, that was pretty good. That was good. I just have to sound like a dumb man and I can nail the accent. Keep that in mind. Yep. keep that in mind yep um so did did you camp or did you stay somewhere or what yeah we camped we actually camped on the grounds of a big manor house called ridal hall um which was very pleasant actually very, very nice campsite.

They also have, like, eco pods and these little, like, Hagrid huts that looked fucking amazing. Aww. Yeah, it was really cute. So, like, tent glamping, but not a full-ass yurt that has a floor and a queen-size bed. They did have yurts as well, actually.

We did standard camping, which... So you didn't bathe? You shit in the ground? No, they had a lovely toilet block with showers. They had a little cafe. You still didn't bathe? Teas and breakfast. I know you didn't. No, I didn't bathe at all.

Of course I didn't. I don't bathe when I'm at home. Of course I'm not going to bathe when I'm camping. Yeah, it was really nice really lovely but good I did discover that I don't think I can hack camping for more than like two nights you just learned that about yourself yeah yeah I just, I just missed like, no, that sounds rough. Like I missed walls and I missed a proper bed.

Especially my tent is one that you can't fully stand up in. So whenever you're getting changed or whatever, you have to sit down and like bend over. Yeah. By the end, I'm just looking forward to an actual room now yeah no i learned that about myself probably by the age of like four oh you learned young yeah no not really but we used to take a camping trip a lot where it would be two nights and i i would say i was ready to go probably after

one but you know fomo but the other thing is it's like you think you've got this great tent it's like yeah it's a six-person tent but in reality it's like two people can sleep in it and not be like literally on top of each other right because the amount of shit you have to bring as well Yeah We've got like chairs, we've got You know, cool boxes We've got bags of food And bags of clothes And I'm like where the fuck is all this stuff Going to go

Yeah I also discovered that my tent Isn't overly waterproof I mean it is waterproof but not if it really rains And it did really rain for two of the nights. So that was fun. So it's like water resistant-ish.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good description of it. But no, overall it was really fun. We did loads of walking, loads of we did a bit of wild swimming. Oh. Yeah, it was really fun. We did loads of walking. We did a bit of wild swimming. Oh.

Yeah, it was really good. Sounds like I looked pretty. I looked pretty. I would just probably want to stay in the yurt at this point if I was going to do more. Oh yeah. I think next time I'd get an Airbnb. Or stay in the yurt. Stay in, yeah. Like a day or two. Yeah, I think next time I'd get an Airbnb.

Oh, yeah, stay in the... Stay in the hall. A cabin or something. Yeah. Or the manor. Also turned out that the campsite we were on was... We found out when we got there was a Christian retreat. We're like, shit.

We're going to get pulled into a... Oh, my brethren of the cloth were all there yeah we met some of your uh fellow brothers and sisters yeah nice i hope they prayed for you and your souls they did yeah we went to early morning prayers every morning at 6 a.m that makes me think of when i went to camp like kids camp that you see in the movies like you know in the parent trap with lindsay lohan they go to camp i went to camp like that and they they they made us because it was also kind of like a christian camp and they made us pray very early and all the time and even as like a 10 year old or whatever who didn't you know wasn't at the point where it's like god i gotta

sleep in until noon um i was like why god doesn't care if it's at seven or eight or nine why does it have to be at 6 a.m actually i think God would like me to have a lay-in today. I think God would prefer that I don't bite the head off of the next person who talks to me, because I'm so crabby. And that, yeah. So, well, cool. Sounds like you had a good time then. You were doing fun stuff, and I was just in the trenches.

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, qub, garb, garb, garb, garb. Yep. Yeah, I get paid the big bucks for that. No wonder you're so successful. Truly, people really respect me in my field i want to bring up something with you something that annoys me it's a bone to pick it's not it's not entirely your fault but you've probably had something to do with it. Okay. Okay. So, Americans, instead of saying by accident, they say on accident.

And I just don't understand it. How does something happen on accident, on an accident, on accident? Well, Gemma, if I may, this is because accident not only is a verb, but it's also a noun in this sense. Oh. So on accident means, you know, unintentional, whereas an accident is, you know, something like a car crash or an injury or like a physical thing.

And maybe verb isn't the right word for it. I suppose it still is a noun. Just pretend audience at home I'm making sense here as I try to articulate this thing that I actually don't really know the answer to I think it's the same as people saying I hear I don't know if this is true but people are like oh can you borrow me can you borrow me 50 quid or 50 dollars and it's like no no like you're not doing the person you're asking is not doing the borrowing you're doing your borrowing they're lending yes yes there's another word for this yeah just how language maybe has evolved probably yeah

just but on accident to me doesn't sound weird. I just, by accident also sounds fine though. Does it? Yeah. I like them both. So do you think you lot say them both? I think probably I have maybe also said them both and have heard other people say them both but on accident

if I ever hear you say on accident then yeah right in the face right in the kisser and then maybe coming back for the forehand I wouldn't blame you it's just when I keep hearing certain things,

people are like, yeah, you know, it happened on accident. I'm like, it didn't happen on accident! It happened by accident. Tell me more about why this grind your gears so much. I don't know, I do get a bit funny about certain language things maybe it's like the what's the fucking word

I want to say patriarchal but that's not right the what's the word when people really love their country patriotic patriotic maybe it's the patriotic side of me it gets annoyed because people change our lovely language i don't know what it is so I did a quick google I mean

your by accident is the correct phrase but on accident I think has it's considered non-standard which doesn't mean incorrect it's just based on country dialect whatever and this

reddit post which is always accurate says it's more common acceptable among younger speakers of american english and then under 40 so and this was posted two years ago which means i have a couple more years yes i have a couple more years of being able to use on accident before you can back hand to me. Okay? Fine. I'll give you a couple of years. There's another one which you mentioned earlier,

actually, which was could care less. So in England, we say I couldn't care less. As in to express how little of a shit I give, that I have no cares left to give, and therefore I could not care any less. Mm-hmm.

But I've heard the old Yankee Doodles say, could care less. So that implies that you could give less. So that implies that you could give less of a shit. So actually... I give some shits. Yeah. So you and I agree here.

The people who say could care less are just wrong. They're fully wrong. That's not what the phrase is. Um, and I think it's just people when we speak and shit runs together. So then like, it's,

you know, when people say, I couldn't care less, like people, maybe they just hear it. Yeah. Okay. They hear it wrong.

Yeah. I see. Well, but people do say it cause I've heard it and I'm just like, Oh, okay. So you do care. And that's great. hear it wrong yeah i see well but people do say it because i've heard it and i'm just like oh okay so you do care and that's great what was the other one it's the same as like irregardless irregardless yeah regardless is one intense and purposes and people say intensive purposes yeah um i know there's more uh but something i know brits say a lot

to be to be fair i feel like that's something you guys use a lot yeah no word of a lie and these don't necessarily annoy me they're just like sometimes i'll hear them and i'll be like what did that phrase like add to your overall point and actually they usually mean the opposite in it confuses me in it oh sorry go ahead so with like no word of a lie, often people will be embellishing a story. Like no word of a lie, that man had five penises. It would be something like that. I would believe you. I would believe you if you said that.

Because you said no word of a lie. So that's just confusing tell me about in it because i feel like that is used in such a way because it sounds like you're saying isn't it right and it's kind of a mash-up of that yeah but then it's like it's just slang and laziness for isn't it let's just go in it but i've seen it on in it bruv shows yeah where people are using it and you wouldn't be saying isn't it before or after the sentence like i can't think of an example now maybe it's like in the misfits and there was like a like a fight and they're like you taking the piss in it or something and it's like a like a fight and they're like you taking the piss

in it or something and it's like that doesn't make any sense no it doesn't actually does it yeah i know what you mean actually yeah taking the piss in it i guess yeah also in that context means aren't you okay so okay so it's kind of like some languages have certain phrases that kind of pivot depending on the context yeah okay i accept that maybe i mean we've got loads that come in and out of fashion. It tends to be the youths that come up with them. Well, yeah. You know, like at the moment, quite a popular one is say less,

which is like your say more, but say less. It's like, yeah, I understand you. I agree. Say no more. Yeah. Say no yeah no more yeah that would have made when i heard recently that i had to clarify with the youth i was talking to he he kept referring to someone as laid down and i was just like okay do you mean chill or laid back i just need i just need to clarify um because that's how i'm perceiving it but i've like or are you actually talking about this person laying down this guy's laid down man yeah i had never heard it before so that was a new one that is a new one what would you say is the funniest british word

would you say kerfuffle or flabbergasted i don't use kerfuffle really at all but but I know, and it's a word I'm familiar with. It's a good one because it's just, honestly, it just makes me think of like marshmallow whip. I don't know why. I've used flabbergasted a time or two so i think probably for daily use flabbergasted but there's a time and a place for a good kerfuffle oh yeah it's nothing better than getting in a good old kerfuffle just getting all stressed and there's stuff everywhere and oh god i'm in a right kerfuffle it's very um like grandma not wanting to curse kind of word right yeah i guess so i say it quite a lot to be honest i've never heard you say it once

well you've never seen me in a kerfuffle have you i guess not you're very laid down god and you'd think we scripted this i know that i've gotten into debates with nigel and maybe even some of you guys about just like some of the words you guys use me being like that doesn't make any sense. Like somehow I'm the arbiter of your language. Maybe I should be because I'm always right. But one thing that confused me was homely here means like ugly. Like that is a homely woman. Really? You are an ugly woman.

Yes. And it's not what that means there. No. Not at all. I'd take I take home quite a compliment yeah yeah you're just over here insulting everyone in your head more like I hear someone say it and I'm like I would disagree that is not ugly or she is not ugly or this is not ugly. What are you talking about? That's great. I never knew that one. It's a weird one that got switched because I feel like homely in the way you guys use it kind of makes sense.

Like I think we would just say this is homey and cozy, right? Yeah. But no, it had to be different homely we would say cozy as well yeah how interesting did you know just because i saw it the question was why do british people say in it so much um it's shortened form of the phrase isn't it it? And it has roots in Asian and Jamaican communities in London. Did you know that? Yeah, I would say that.

Yeah. Well, then nevermind. You already knew. My mistake. What about chuffed? That is a word that makes me maybe a little uncomfortable. Oh, really? Just means I'm really happy.

Pleased. Yeah, but it sounds like chafed. It does, yeah, doesn't it? Or guffed. What is guffed? A fart. No, it is not. I've never heard that i've never heard any of you say that you are literally pulling my leg right now literally not i couldn't even if i wanted to literally let go of my leg. Yeah, it's like, you don't, I guess we just say fart or.

Yeah. Wind, even. Or wind. But it's, I guess it's something like parents would say in front of their kids so that they don't pick up the word fart. It's like the real proper British, so like the Queen says gust. they don't pick up the word far. I don't know. It's like the real proper British. It's like the queen says guffed. Yeah, I've just guffed.

I don't know. I don't think she would say that. She'd probably just not say any of those words because she was the fucking queen. I don't think she ever farted, actually. She probably didn't. That's why she looked so crabby all the time. Yeah, maybe.

A word I learned like, I think, yesterday. Gip. Gip. Gip. Gip. That's what gip is. Yeah, I didn't...

Never heard that before. No idea. Is that because Nigel was gipping? So just like a fake vomit noise? Yeah. Or like, I guess it could even mean actual vomiting. I'm gipping out. I used to say that quite a lot back in the stoner days.

Gipping out. Oh. Because you've gotten too many substances. Okay. Too many substances. I mean, vomit is an ugly word. So, I get it. We say wig out quite a lot as well.

I'm wigging out. Stop wigging out. We did too. Yeah, we did too. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So, what else about my country pisses you off? I was just going to read you some of it. Like we have like sayings that say something but mean something else.

So like this is a list of things that Brits say when they're absolutely livid. Okay. What's going on in here? With all due respect that means there's no respect. Absolutely no respect.

I beg your pardon. Um Absolutely no respect I beg your pardon I've had just about enough of this That's a good one Just about enough of this Now look Can I help you these are all things that if British people say them to you they're probably really pissed off

just keep that in mind so what I'm hearing is the Brits are actually more passive aggressive than Minnesotans are. We win. Which is interesting. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's, I mean, I'm sure I feel like I've been asked how someone can help me many times while I'm over there.

And now I just think I just greatly upset all those people. It really depends on the tone, though. Like if you're in a shop and they ask, can they help you? Then they're probably genuine. No, we're going to help you. But if someone looks at you and goes, can I help you? Then that is someone about to kick off. Okay.

Also, what you're looking at, that's another pre-punch-in-the-face line. Yeah, I feel like that one's used here and pretty, like, you got a steering problem kind of theme to it. Take a picture of your arse longer. kind of theme to it. Take a picture of us longer.

Did I tell you about the time I was at Windsor and I basically got screamed at by the docent in the church or whatever? No. It was no photography. Right? As they say.

And I pulled out my phone and I was like aiming my camera at Sean's sister. But the guy saw me and he at the top of his lungs in a very quiet, because it was like Westminster Abbey or whatever, but in Windsor. So whatever the church is there. I think where. Cathedral. Someone was buried there. Yeah.

Well, it wasn't a cathedral. I don't think maybe it was, it wasn't very big. Anyway, uh, he screamed at the top of his lungs, madam.

So very politely yelling. So very loud at me. And he like marched up to me and did this kind of like army step he was like no photography and i was just like oh my god i wasn't actually i didn't even actually take anything and i wasn't taking a picture of anything and here it was of her face and like i'm sorry it was the shame i felt yeah the i was like i need to get into one of these graves right now someone open it up so i can crawl in there and die because i that british guards just told me off for taking a picture badly

and i still hear about it to this day so that's nice oh you get reminded of that one and i still see his face as he like marched up to me i made it maybe cause some trauma yeah i was gonna say your face is indicating that this goes deeper i don't like being yelled at i think the embarrassment was like all the people looking at me because I know like people in Britain really don't like to make scenes like that. That's kind of the stereotype. You caused a scene, Kate. Yeah, I did.

I think everyone there was embarrassed. I'm in the Queen's house. Who do you think you are? I don't know. I've had just about enough of this conversation. Sorry, I'm just abusing you whilst you're... That's okay. I deserve it.

But anything you could have just came up and whispered to me, like, man... That would have been better, yeah. I mean, I would have been better yeah yeah i mean i would have listened would have probably been as equally ashamed because i don't like you know doing things wrong i don't jemma yeah whatever rabble here i am i actually do like to break the law breaking the law beautiful did you ever drink before you were 21?

no no I hope my parents aren't listening yeah I fucking did a lot is it easy to get booze out there? No. I hope my parents aren't listening. No. Yeah, I fucking did. Yeah, I did. A lot. Is it easy to get booze out there before you're 21? You know, I never actually had to really try myself. It just, like, other people did it.

And I think either it's because they had a sibling or a friend or a relative or a parent even who was old enough. I'm not like other moms. I'm the cool mom as long as you're in the house kind of behavior. But yeah. And then when I was in college, you could get into bars and stay in bars until midnight if you were 18. But no one was walking around looking for the 18 year olds to kick them out and you just found someone to buy you a drink yeah you know okay so i don't think it was hard i mean certainly there was probably times where it's like oh a party's not happening

couldn't get any booze but that was weird i always thought that i just got the impression from what I see of American culture on, I guess, shows and movies, that Americans just don't drink before they're 21. Like, it's just not done. But I must have that very wrong. Well, you saw American Pie. Those kids were all in high school. True. Actually, yeah, that's a very good point. Well made.

That's where the red cups come from, right? Those are the house parties. Yep. I've got some of them for you so that you feel at home. Oh, good. Thank you. You're welcome. You're not 21 until you're, like, if you go to college, you're not 21 until like at least your sophomore or junior year too. And so a lot of those college movies, I think those people, all those actors obviously are way over 21. But I think the idea is that that's all like kind of 18 to 22 years of age, you know. So then there's the people who could buy the booze.

And then there's people who get fake ids i actually found someone's id on the floor of a bar one year in college and like was it mclovin hair white girl yes it was no it was some brown-haired white girl who had similar height and weight and didn't look too far off of me so it was passable she was a couple years older oh nice um and it yeah and it worked until the bouncer's like this girl's my class brilliant yeah i mean i started drinking he didn't like 14 um yeah started going to pubs then. It was much easier to underage drink back in our day. Used to just go to the pubs.

How come? I don't know. There were just some pubs that were relaxed about it and clearly just wanted the business. So we'd just let anyone in. And it was definitely easier for girls. We could just get a little bit dressed up put some makeup on and they'd just fucking let us in and serve us so it was fine um so yeah we were going out

drinking rather early really and spent quite a few nights mum don't listen to this just sort of really, and spent quite a few nights, mum don't listen to this, just sort of passed out in the middle of a field, you know, when I was actually meant to be staying at a mate's house having a sleepover. Yep, did that a few times. I also remember once there was a bunch of us down at our local rec, like the recreation ground. And I remember I got a couple bottles of wine, but no one had a bottle opener, obviously, because we were in the middle of the field. No. So I just smashed the end of the bottle. And we were all just drinking out of this like shard of smashed glass at the end of the fucking wine bottle.

Classy chick. Classy chick. Classy chick. Who got injured or ingested glass that night? Well, no one as far as I can remember. So we did pretty well. And that's why kids at home, you go for the twist top wine. Not the ones with corks your palate isn't refined enough to enjoy the expensive stuff anyways just get the boone's farm it's cheap and it'll get you

drunk in england we have the blossom hill so you can get that oh fucking basically the same thing, I'm sure. Yeah. I imagine it probably is. Really disgustingly sweet, pink, sometimes yellow, white. Maybe there's a red. It doesn't taste like wine. It just kind of tastes like alcoholic juice. Sugar. Sugar. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Ugh. Blah, blah, blah. Used to drink a lot of that I think that's why I like beer because Smirnoff Ice and like the malt beverages and the Mike's Hards and stuff just like

were so gross to me I quite liked them because I didn't like the taste of alcohol when I was a kid so anything that tasted like you know yeah WKD smell of ice anything like that was lovely bit of hooch oh a bit of hooch hooch I don't think our hooch is the same as your hooch okay because ours is literally like gasoline or lighter fluid. Ours is like an alka-pot. Oh, so it's just like a brand

of booze called Hooch? Yeah, it's basically like alcoholic orange juice. Oh. It's quite nice. So it's a screwdriver, pretty much. Okay. Yeah, okay. Can you tell me

about like the kind of the vibes as you got older so you could go to pubs but they tend to close around like 11 midnight so then where do we go after that, Catherine? We go to the club. Okay. You pregame at the pub. Well, we used to actually pregame, pre-drink at home, then go to the pub, then go to the club.

Is that true? Yeah. Because a certain someone I know know who shall remain nameless insists that pre-gaming was not a thing and always like bitched about that when in my younger days i did this or was trying to get this person to, my husband is who I'm talking about what did you pre-drink? like we spent most of our the whole point of it was because it was cheaper

so we could get drunk at home go to the pub and have a couple of drinks just to tide us over and then you went on your way for a tenner not according to nigel oh maybe his friends didn't pre-drink but me and the girls certainly did now that i think about it i think his bigger complaint was that pre-drinking started at like

nine or ten yeah it sometimes did yeah well which would make sense i guess two for us if bar close was later because usually it's like two here so if you start at nine you go to the bar and then you have until like i guess like 11 to 2 and right but then you go to the club our club still closed at two as well i think there was maybe some that could stay open a little bit later but not anywhere that i grew up at i don't think i don't know i also didn't i don't go to clubs no and i well suspect mainly because we briefly spoke about this earlier, that our clubs are different to your clubs, potentially. Describe it to me. So, there tends to be a bouncer outside who sometimes searches your bag, sometimes doesn't. Some clubs want you to pay like 14 quid to go in them,

bearing in mind they're usually open till 2, 3 in the morning, so you're paying quite a hefty price for a three-hour visit. They're usually very dark, often below ground or above a venue. You walk in, can't see shit. The stairs are lit up by little lights in the background. You can hear a beat pumping. Floor is slightly sticky. Floor is slightly sticky floor is really sticky our local club floor was held together by

duct tape which was really classy but you couldn't see it because it was dark exactly it was only once you got stuck that you were like oh what's happening oh it's duct tape on my feet um yeah they tend to be yeah dark locations with very loud music where people dance and they're already very drunk and you pay extortion on prices for drinks because they know they can get away with it so those are you described our clubs too turns out they're the same great there were a couple places in college that like really wanted to be that kind of club one was called the union um i had a boyfriend that worked there as

like bouncer slash or door guy i guess because they wanted to be classy and they'd make the door guys wear like suits and stuff and um there would be cover or maybe if you knew someone or if it was like ladies night or whatever, you wouldn't have to pay cover. It was kind of multi-floored. There was dance space. It was dark. Everything was very gross and dirty still, though, because like it's a club where people are getting fucked up and like the staff also probably are getting fucked up. And they're also the staff is like college students so we had a couple of those um and yeah it was like watered down drinks you know people hooking up in corners because it was kind of dark i think

they even had like a studio 50 for a night which is kind of gross wow yum yeah give me a good old pub any day yeah damn right we also have quite like a binge drinking culture here so people get i mean i'm sure it happens everywhere, but apparently we're famous for it. Who knew? Whey! Beers! Get the beers in, son! But on average... Rich? Yeah, get the beers in, lads. Whey!

Thank you. So apparently Brits are among the world's biggest drinkers, each downing the equivalent of 525 pints of beer a year. Oh, I bet I'm up there. Just kidding. Yeah, I think we have a binge drinking culture too, to a certain extent. It's very much like colleges, right?

If you were to look up the biggest drinking cities here, it would be a lot of the college towns and a lot of them would be in the midwest and i think when i went to college like my college was in the top five biggest party schools you know yeah and i think that the older you get i think the more removed you get from it right yeah um or ideally uh unless you're one because alcoholic yeah um one because like for me uh hangovers are a thing two like you do start to notice that your metabolism isn't quite the same as when you were in college. Yeah. And three, like, yeah, it's really bad for you too.

So I don't know if you've ever gone to the doctor. You start to care about your liver. Yep. Or you go to the doctor or whatever and they're like, how many alcoholic beverages would you have in a week? Would you say you, you know, drink more than five in a given setting and stuff like that. And so not that that doesn't mean it's not bad for like college kids either, but definitely big drinking culture. But I've noticed about being in England and just kind of seeing TV and stuff is they're like going on the pub and having a pint is not like that could be a daily occurrence for people and it wouldn't really be that big of a deal no yeah there's plenty of

people that yeah we'll go out the pub every night for a drink or five and that's just british culture man it's just accepted i think for us it's kind of like is there anything else to do? So some of the heaviest drinking cities in America as of July 2023, I'll have you know, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine of them are in Wisconsin, which is just a stone's throw away from where I'm at. Brilliant. Two are in Minnesota. Several are in Wisconsin, which is just a stone's throw away from where I'm at. Brilliant. Two are in Minnesota. Several are in Iowa. So all these states that are in like my life or near my life.

North Dakota. And then there's a random Arkansas, a random New York and Montana. Oh, Nebraska is on here too. You just come from all the drinky places. That's what you fit in so well here. Yeah, I think that's exactly it. I can hold my own. Maybe. No one at me about that who knows me. You're a great chugger. Great chugger. Go to bed right after. Do you want to do an Am I the Arsehole? You know I do, baby. I have to read this one in a voice because I just

feel like it's necessary. What region of the country are we hailing from for this one, Jenna? Well, I don't know. I just get the impression that she's possibly British, but a twat. Okay, perfect. But like a chab twat or like an Essex chad or like a Yorkshire chad. Okay. Am I the arsehole for thinking my friend is very ungrateful for cat sitting while she's away?

Do you see what I mean? Yep. My friend asked me to cat sit for her while she and her mum went to the cottage. It was initially supposed to be four to five days and despite being allergic to cats, I'm not a cat owner myself, I love her cats and they love me so I said yes. I was supposed to feed them once a day and play with them a bit. On the day of her leaving she sent me a text saying she was worried about the plants outside her mum's room. To be honest, I didn't take it very seriously because it was supposed to rain a fair bit. One of her cats typically goes outside and she told me to let him out. Because I'm scared of losing him, I kept inside the first two days and on day two, I get a picture from her of a coyote

with a cat in its mouth and she says that the neighbor sent it to her i tell her that her cats are safe because i haven't let them out for this exact reason also i plan to let him out tomorrow because he was very antsy to leave the house i'm not fucking surprised if you kept him indoors for fucking two days um the next day comes and her cat suddenly refuses to go outside and is acting depressed. I tell her, I text her to let her know. She doesn't seem that concerned and says they never left the cats alone for so long, so it's normal. On the day she's supposed to come back, she texts and says that she'll be back Friday, two extra days. At this point, because I'm allergic and one of her cats is shedding like crazy, my husband is coming with me every day to help brush the cats and remove the fur

so it's not all over her house. She also informs me about these extra days by way of, please take the trash out tomorrow, texting me the next morning of, which I don't see because I'm working. On Friday, I get another text saying she'll be back Saturday because of her mum's health. The next day, I get a bunch of pictures and texts of what's this? Why are my plants not watered? Why is this angel in my water fountain askew? Followed by five hours later, receiving pictures of the litter box and OMG, because the cats have pooped a fair bit in 10

days. Am I the arsehole for thinking it's totally unreasonable just to assume that a non-cat owner would just manage your house for a while while you're away and know what to do? Especially when she was away for 10 days. At no point did she leave instructions to clean the litterbox or water the plants and I have no idea how she got her statue so askew because I was never in the backyard um was that like a kind of an Adele Londoner accent or yeah I guess it was kind of a a kind of posh Londoner yeah yeah okay that's what I thought um well she sounds hideous I on one hand like as someone who's asked people to do things while I'm out of town I am very clear about my expectations and what I need so that they can be like, yeah, I'm not doing that.

You're going to have to find someone else or at least ask if they're willing to do something. And so, you know, I think people I think if I'm going to be cat sitting, I'm probably going to have to change the litter box. Like that is something i i realize about cats and she said i love her cats and they love me even though i'm allergic so that tells me at least she has an understanding about how cats fucking work and if she doesn't let them go outside they're probably gonna use the litter box more right yeah so that's a bit dumb of her yeah and. And I think most people don't. So that's a bit dumb of her. And I think it's not unreasonable for the person to be like,

he didn't scoop the litter box at all. But again, I guess. Yeah. I guess maybe it's kind of her fault for not saying, you know, I usually, if the cats don't go outside, I clean their litter box, you know, twice, two to three times a week because they will go outside. But if they're not, then, you know, maybe once a day, whatever. Could you scoop it a couple times while I'm gone? And then when she extended her stay, asking permission, like, or would you mind taking

out the trash for me since I'm staying a little longer? I'm really sorry for the inconvenience. I'd really appreciate it. I'll pay you for your trouble, whatever. But this person seems really fucking stupid. And she did mention the plants and she's just like, well, not my problem because it's going to rain. Or I didn't take her seriously, I guess. Like you're kind of just a shitty house watcher, cat sitter. Yeah. You've done a shit job basically big time and so i don't know i guess could have been could have done a better job on both sides but i also just think like if you're house sitting maybe do what you would at least want other people to do for you if that's like the bare minimum like wash your teacup exactly treat thy neighbor how you wish to be

treated i don't know if that's the saying treat thy neighbor like thy wish thy thy to be, thy treated. Thou is. I think you should do all of the am I the assholes in an accent, though. Just basically get a vibe for who you think the person is. Yeah. I would agree that person is obviously British. I mean, she said mum and the cats going outside and stuff. Yeah. But then she did mention the coyote, which I was like, oh, this must be in America.

We don't have coyotes here. But maybe she's a Brit in America. I just got a very British snobbish vibe from her. Do you think it could have been like a badger and she was just really dumb? Could have been. But yeah, you're right. Now,

if there's no coyotes, then it wouldn't have been. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, the general consensus on this one is that everyone's

an arsehole. Or everyone sucks, rather. Yeah. Because she's a twat and sounds like an idiot. Surprised the cats were alive by the time my friend came back. But also, like, you can't just get someone... Friend was taking the piss a little bit.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so everyone sucks on that one. But I hope you enjoyed my accent yeah and let me just say if you were to ever have me come over to like watch your dogs or check on them or if you have a cat or whatever like i will do things that make sense that you have not asked me to do as well so i will know how to take care of your house and your pets awesome i mean whenever i have someone look after jess i write like a essentially a manual of how to look after her what to do what food to give her when you know especially dogs are cats too but like dogs i know kind of maybe

have a little bit more strict feeding schedule you know i think people are less likely to just like free feed their dogs yeah um i don't do that with lucy either because she will eat everything and then act like she's starving still yeah but um cats are you know you just kind of come in you feed them you scoop the litter box you make sure they're okay you maybe pet them a little bit do the laser pointer whatever it's not hard no um so i think yeah don't be an idiot lady sir whatever guy buddy cool well i think that's all we've got time for ladies and gentlemen if you feel like we just chatted a bunch of shit about shit, you are right, because that is what this podcast is about. And Gemma and I are both tired and still recovering

from our long weekends. Correct. So if you would like to help us out, just send some content, ideas, stories, dilemmas. You know, if you're wondering if you're an arsehole, then just give us a little email at talkshit2us at gmail.com or hit us up on the socials, as people call it now, socials. At T-S-Y-B

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I'll write you one. Oh, please do. Can we be pen pals? got very excited did we just become best friends yep right well on that note thanks for listening

again everyone and um have a good one yeah we'll see you soon okay bye bye bye Bye. Bye. you