Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 41. Cobwebs Up In There

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

This week we're talking 1st Class seat dilemmas, hometown cat cafe gossip, dog breed bans, and a right royal conspiracy...Would you give up your seat to a kid? What do you think of the banning dog breeds? Where do you think Kate is?! Send your thoughts to [e-mail] or @TSYBPOD on socials.

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or someone close to you please contact connex ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge bed mgm operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming ontario hey torontonians recycling is more than a routine. It's a vital responsibility. By recycling properly, you help conserve resources, reduce energy use and greenhouse gas emissions, and protect the environment. Toronto's Blue Bin Recycling Program ensures the majority of the right items are recovered and transformed into new products. Recycling right is important and impactful. Let's work together and make a difference, because small actions lead to big change. For more tips on recycling, visit toronto.ca slash recycle right. Hello and welcome back to Talking Shit where We're the Yank and the Brit.

I'm the Brit. My name is Gemma and that is... Kate. Hi, I'm Kate. She's the Yank. I am, I think. Are you? I don't know anymore.

I don't know who I am. The deep questions we ask. Who am I? Where am I? What am I doing here? Why am I here? I'm not sure of my identity any longer. I just am the yank.

That's all I know myself as. Nothing else. That is my whole persona and personality now. I have nothing left. I mean, some people really, I think, do lean into, I'm American. Oh, yeah. I've got the American flag on everything I own. American.

Mm-hmm. I find it weird that people are so obsessed with American flags. Yeah. You don't really see, like, the UK flag here. I suppose you see St. George's flag. You see the UK flag right back there. The red one that slipped around is actually the US flag. You just love flags.

They were gifts. Yeah, whatever. You went out and you purposely bought those flag cushions. I did. You're right. You caught me. You're like, I'm American. I'm going to get me a flag pillow.

Yep. So I can sleep my head on it every night and dream of America. Just remind me who I am. Like I said, that's my identity. No, just kidding, everyone. Sorry. It's not. How are you? I'm okay. I was just telling you just then, actually, wasn't I, that I've been pruning my bush. Yep. And your arms really hurt from it.

Yeah. Because you had quite a dense one. It was full of thickets and knots. Bugs. Bugs. Maybe some fruit. Some lice, yes. Rotten fruit was in there from last season.

We're talking about literal trees, folks. We're not talking about my lady garden. Okay, my actual garden. Pruning my apple trees with my telescopic pruner. It was good fun. Not something I would have ever been like, that sounds like a fucking good time, but I bet it kind of is actually.

Yeah, it was. It was really satisfying. I always like, don't look forward to doing shit in the garden. And then when I do it, I get so into it and I love it. Something about just touching that soil and the nature-y shit really brings me back down to earth.

And I really like it. That's where you and I differ. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't like getting my thinkies dirty. I don't like green fingers. I don't. I do like having a nice garden. And usually every year we'll kind of do a little mulching and try to make our lawn look nice and maybe plant some things.

And then after we do it, I'm like, okay, well, I'm not going to do anything to like upkeep this or take care of it. So good luck plants. Just do your thing. That's hoping. I mean, we'll see what it looks like this year considering the very little snow we had and the weird weather that was concerningly nice this winter. I wonder if we're going to have anything green. Yeah, we probably will. We'll see.

We'll survive. World's ending. True. It's beautiful today, though. Is it? Yeah. It's quite nice here as well. Why are we sitting inside? Our weathers have combined here as well why are we sitting inside our weathers have combined yeah why are we i've been outdoors all day to be fair and he just fucking sat down so it's fine i was

gonna say fuck this podcast let's go outside let's go take outside um but so okay so you had a productive sunday i it's still kind of early here for me. So I haven't done a great deal. I actually slept in until 640 today. I know. Are you ill? I might be, it might be. I need to go back to bed, I think. Or did you just not go to bed till like three in the morning? No, I fell asleep like a normal time. I just got up and kicked my asshole cat out. I don't know what time it was and went back to sleep and then when i woke up again i was like oh shit i better go feed them but maybe that's why you wake up so early just because the cats wake you up it yeah i mean basically where momo left off chips picked up immediately and just oh really

yeah he does this thing where he, he sleeps above my pillow cause he's obsessed with me and then he likes to eat my hair, which is weird. And so I'll put my blanket over my head and then he will just dig at it. And if I try to like give myself a little air hole, he sticks his paw in there and tries to like stick his foot in my mouth or he licks my nose and i just so there's nothing i can't it's the worst no that's not cool whenever i stay at alan's i have the same thing with his cat bod because when i'm not there he sleeps on my pillow so when i am there he is absolutely disgusted that i am on his pillow and And about halfway through, he's alright

to begin with. He'll sleep at the end of the bed or he'll be on the chair in the room. And then at some point during the night, he comes onto the pillow and I just feel his little paw just doing that. Just pushing your head over. Just pushing my face away. Cats are dicks, man.

He's quite polite with it until he has enough and then he's like fuck off get off my pillow and then what do you have to kick him out or do you just get up yeah either kick him out or i just end up just sort of shuffling down the bed without okay you can have the pillow sorry i'll sleep at the end by your feet things we do for our pets i mean i hope to get out for like maybe a walk today. I got to work. I got to go observe some children and parents later.

Oh. Yeah. Well, that's not a Sunday activity. It's the Sabbath. Yeah. Maybe I'll observe them doing Sabbath things. I don't know. It's a day of rest.

Not for Kate. Not for Kate not for Kate not for Kathy um I actually have a question I've been meaning to ask you yeah it's kind of weird it's probably kind of weird that I'm asking on air you might not want to answer either but it's just been something I've been really thinking a lot about and I need to know. Okay. Hit me. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting in the wind wanting to start again? Yeah, I do actually quite often. It's quite an existential crisis that I'm going through. Okay, good. Like I said, I just needed to know so now i know cool let's move on next every so often that song just pops into my head i don't know if it's because i'm like looking at a plastic bag or whatever but do you ever feel that's the lyrics pretty sure that's right so don't at me

i've got a question for you yeah what is it i saw this thing earlier on in the week it's basically this woman who she sparked a debate because she refused to give up her first class seat to a child on a plane apparently it's gone mad on tiktok i don't know i don't have tiktok but um well you do because we have a podcast tiktok oh yes i do i just don't have access to the app at the moment uh so she chose to assert her position and retain her first class seat rather than offering it to a child on the flight so basically um apparently she went viral after sharing a video explaining that a flight attendant approached her and suggested that she relinquish her 1A seat for a child so that it could sit with their family. It.

Yes. Well, I've got a gender. And I just wondered what your opinion is on this. Would you relinquish your seat for a child well my first question was going to be why does this child need a first class seat but i guess it's because their family was also sitting in first class and they couldn't get the seat next to them for their kid but it's also like um what were the options offered like was this person the woman gonna have to go to like like, economy or something?

And it was, I do think I saw a little bit about this. I didn't really look too far into it. But I, why wouldn't the child and the parent, like, switch spots? Like, I guess I'm just, there seems to be, like, there's probably some other ways to go about this. And the child was going to be go sing next to strangers. That doesn't make sense to me. I don't know.

But then why would you also book those seats if you couldn't have your child with you? Exactly. I feel like it's arrogance a little bit. I mean, my first thought was the parents have bought first class tickets and just shoved their kid in economy. And then be like, it's fine, we'll ask someone to swap. I think people do that. I think people do that. I think people do that and just assume that,

because you hear about like people sitting in the normal, regular, poor people section and it's like, oh, can I sit next to my wife? You know, you have the middle and she's on the aisle

and I'm in the window. Will you switch with us? And it's just like, why did you book these seats then? Yeah. How about no, motherfucker? Yeah. She said, to clarify, the gate agent asked me,

I asked to see the seat map and I didn't like the alternative. They were kind and found a solution right away. The family never addressed me. I think it was even the airlines were all not them asking to sit together uh so probably because they booked a seat and then realized the kid was too young to sit by themselves yeah like the airlines like well that your kid can't your two-year-old can't go sit there by himself next to that person

that they don't know yeah but i mean they should have thought that shouldn't they but fuck no do you know how much first class tickets are so expensive yeah i'd be like i'm sitting where i fucking damn well booked my ticket i paid like 15 grand for this fucking seat fuck off yeah that was probably like so you could sit you you could go sit by the bathroom in coach. Yeah. And we'll bring you your first class stuff and we'll give you your money back. And it's kind of like, uh. I know.

Oh, thank you. Though, thank you. Thank you, but no thank you. Or fuck you very much. So was the debate people like, they were horrified that she wouldn't give up her seat or yeah people were like oh you should have given that essay it's a poor child except their line figured it out so yeah so actually you know it's a non-issue really if anything yeah that's dumb people are dumb yeah i mean i was reading the comments and most of the people are like

no fucking don't give up your seat so there doesn't seem to be much of a debate on instagram where i saw it like the 30 year old that i am 35 year old that i am um yeah I just thought that was interesting that it's just the arrogance of some people yeah well speaking of arrogance I know I've mentioned a few times that I have like some hometown kind of gossip drama that's like a little benign but kind of not that I would talk about and so I thought I could tell you about it today. It seems like kind of relevant because we're talking about arrogant people. So where I'm from, and I noticed this one of the times I went back in the last couple years, there is a cat cafe. Do you know what a cat cafe is? What?

Yeah. Okay. I noticed it. It's in an old subway. Right on the same block where I used to work when I worked back in Iowa. I used to go on that subway too. It was memories. Anyway, so it's a cat cafe.

Man, they do good bread. Yeah, well. And I was like, oh, that's cute. I've never been in one. I've kind of always wanted to go in one because probably a surprise to a lot of people, including you. Cats are okay. I like them. I like cats.

Yeah. I don't have a tattoo of a cat or anything. And so I was like, oh, you know, I should go in there sometime. And I never did. I should go in there sometime. And I never did. And then this past year, some of my friends who I have a group chat with, a couple who live in our hometown still, told me about some drums that's happening. Spill the tea.

Sent me a link to a Facebook post of a former employee of the Cat Cafe. This was January 4th. And it kind of starts off, one of the many reasons I walked out of my former job, coffee and purrs is what it was called. This person, I'll just kind of summarize it. This person is a student who worked there part-time and she was saying I spent, she quite literally sacrificed myself for the cats there. I spent hours multiple times scrubbing the walls, floors, and litter boxes to clean old crusted on cat diarrhea and poop recently. It was so bad to the point where paint came off the walls with me scrubbing so hard. Mind you, I'm barely there because I'm in school and I was shocked to see how bad the cat room was when I came back to work after a while. After I got the place spotless

that day, I sent a reminder in the work group chat to please keep up with cleaning in the cat room because they deserve a clean space to live. Agreed. Well, apparently this just was continually an issue. And so this person was a little bit fed up and this blew up and went viral. or they were also like knew someone who worked there, or maybe they worked there and basically just said these, these cats were super neglected. The employees, like it just, it was a really bad place and they felt really bad for the cats. I think a lot of encouragement about contacting the humane society

occurred in that post. And so this poster or someone else did, and I guess the cats got removed so the drama goes on though um because the owner of the cat cafe who was local to our hometown apparently like opened the cat cafe and then just fucked off to new york moved to new york and just met the cats yeah moved to new york i mean so owner like had people who were running the place but just wasn't even remotely close to the state anymore and just like tried to manage i guess from a distance but was not very good at it and

people tried to like improve like the the processes there and couldn't because this person was apparently just a shitty boss and uh so people started blowing up her other business page which was a photography page just saying what about all the cats you neglected in in iowa how's that and she had a post that was like her new year's day like all my goals that i achieved i opened a cat cafe fulfilled my dream of moving to new york i have my photography business and they're like oh yeah was your goal to neglect cats yeah and so it just kind of steamrolled from there just like all this gossip and drama about the owner and um kind of her decision making. Someone posted, yikes, once again, unsurprising you pay a hefty fee to go to the cat room. And I have to say the conditions even for the customers were

uncleanly. The business painted itself as a sanctuary for these animals and as a way for them to be adopted. I do not understand how this business is functioning. so like first and foremost glad I didn't go in there because if I hadn't seen that that would have been really upsetting and two just like I'm glad the cats are okay because on one hand it's kind of like well don't go there and don't give it support but then it's also like are these cats cats going to suffer? Right? Yeah, exactly. But I just think it's interesting that someone could do that and then just not really care, I guess. Why do it? Why set it? I understand opening a business, but you could have just opened a cafe and then fucked off to New York.

Yeah. And let someone manage it. Why open a cat cafe where there are animals that need to be fucking looked after yep it's crazy yep so i went to the uh person's page like the photography page and uh yeah here's the post i can't believe it's actually happening. I've opened, you know, Coffee and Purs and I'm moving. My last day will be December 25th and then I'm moving. And then the comments are like, oh yeah, the secret that your other business has grossly failed. I feel bad for the poor helpless cats in your care as well as the mental health of the employees. But

hey, have fun in the Big Apple. Burn. We're so glad to have you out of the city you're a disgrace to local business owners back home i hope you're never allowed the opportunity to neglect more animals or abuse more staff in your new endeavors good luck scamming new yorkers and then someone posted the the post to the former employees complain on facebook just has anything happened has she been i don't think it's open anymore maybe um i had asked for an update and they my friends didn't really have one other than that she's still in new york and maybe it's closed so oh do you know what happened to the cats did they get taken by a rescue center yeah i think the humane society came in and took them and probably you know house them and you know put them up for adoption there i mean it is a lovely idea i would

i'd like to go to a cat cafe but yeah is slightly unhygienic just to have cats walking around everywhere shedding their fur so they do usually have, like, two, they have the cafe portion, and then there's, like, a room that you then can go into. I just thought that just switched about, and you could have a cuddle with a cat. I think you can, but, like, it's not in the same area where food

and, like, drinks are prepared. So that they can kind of keep it separate, too. And then I think they also kind of like vet people or make them, I don't know, because like you also know weirdos. Weirdos everywhere, right? Yeah.

Also, like I imagine in this situation, when the cafe closed at, what what six o'clock in the evening everyone goes home the cats are just left on their own every night yeah I mean that happens if you think about it that's probably happens at shelters too people have to go home right but I assume they probably center I worked in yeah I assume that they probably get maybe they get kenneled in a way and if there's a separate space that they can be in but i think like if i think something else i heard about that is that there was like water issues leaking in like the cat litter box room too and it was just like really bad i just found an article though from kind of the day after that post that says they revoked the license

for it the city did because of the concerns um good yeah yeah sad oh and then there's a picture of a handwritten sign on a piece of notebook paper that says we are closed sorry for the inconvenience. Crazy. Oh, there's a Reddit post about it even. Nice. Well, hope you're having fun in New York. You silly bitch. Yeah. I hope you're never allowed to open a cat cafe or own animals again.

Yeah, same. Just be in New York and do your photography gal yeah live in a tiny little place because it's super expensive unlucky talking of animals have you heard about the xl bully ban they've done here no this country really likes banning certain dog breeds oh and they've just banned another one and i think it's a joke bullies like pitbulls yeah so like it's a certain breed of yeah like pitbulls um like yeah american bully dogs is what like the full name is they're beautiful dogs they're lovely so soppy oh yeah i mean i see these dogs all the time to

be honest but there's there's a bit of you know a few occasions where the owners have not raised the dogs properly and not trained them or specifically trained them to be fighter dogs um and children have been attacked and there was a grandma that got attacked i think which was like the last straw. But now, yeah, they've now been prohibited under the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991 in the UK. They're illegal to sell, breed or give away. And if you have an Excel bully, you have to have them muzzled when they're out in public now, regardless of what their temperament is. And they tried to as well. So the law came in, I think, in January or in December.

And then by a certain date, if all the XL bullies that were in rescue centres hadn't been homed by that point, they were all going to be euthanised. It was just fucking horrendous. Thankfully, loads of vets and rescue centers were like, we're not complying with this and we will not be euthanizing these dogs just because they're of a certain breed. But it's just horrible. They're such beautiful dogs.

The reality is, like you it's it's the it's the owner it's never the dog and even if a dog for whatever reason has maybe a propensity towards a certain behavior it's because of how it was treated by humans exactly yeah no dog is born aggressive no dog is born born wanting to hurt people. Except for maybe chihuahuas. Yeah, apart from those. They've got issues. It's sad. I was going to ask, so for all the people who have them, like what? But it sounds like they're not saying everyone must surrender their dogs and put them to sleep.

It's like if you're going to keep your dog, then you have to put a muzzle on it and basically make your dog feel like a criminal. Yeah, basically. It has to be on lead. It has to be muzzled. And they're lovely doggies. The ones that aren't specifically bred to fight,

which only dickheads do anyway are the soppiest loveliest cuddliest dogs yeah and they were actually originally bred especially staffies um and bully breeds like that in the victorian times were actually bred to look after children they were n nannies to babies and stuff. You can see these old black and white pictures of these dogs guarding children. They're so soft and lovely with them. Actually, I think I might work out with one. Where I do my strength training as dog friendly.

where I do my strength training is dog friendly so on Mondays I often see a little bully that kind of looks like these dogs and she's very sweet she's got a lot of energy but she's a sweet dog they're cute well that sucks

people need to do better for animals they do yeah people do need to do better it's not the fucking dog's fault it's the human's fault i mean really any dog could do something like yeah like i had a boxer he was very nice but he was intimidating because he was kind of muscular and big and if you were on the other side of the fence, he would kind of go nuts. But as soon as you came inside the yard or in the house, he was very friendly, but people acted like he was just like the most vicious dog. He might jump up because boxers do that. That's why they're called boxers, but he's not going to bite you. He's not going to hurt you. The only thing, he was very protective around other dogs because I would go for a walk and he would want to go at other dogs um so that was a bit of a pain

and we tried obedience school but i was also pretty young and my parents didn't really like follow through with maintaining it so again human error human fault and not being able to like handle their dogs you know yeah so it's the same with jess you know she's a rottweiler german shepherd cross so there's been loads of occasions where people cross the road to get away from her do you remember when we're at that pub oh yeah she's like i grew up with blah blah blah and i'm not impressed and i'm like i'm not impressed with you lady i'm not impressed with your behavior geez yeah i mean she yeah that's it there's there's been an incident with a dog in the woods out the back of the house which she put up with for ages and then one day she thought fuck this i'm not putting up with this anymore and so now she is

a bit of a twat with other dogs sometimes some dogs she's absolutely fine with some she's not can't tell but i've since learned that that is my fault i should have protected her when this dog kept coming up and barking in her face i should have stood between her and the dog i didn't know that at the time. I just thought it was kind of funny and like, all right, go away. And actually what I should have done was protected Jess. And I didn't so many times that she thought, okay, I'm going to protect myself. I hope you apologize to her. I have actually, yeah. Because I feel really bad because i'm like oh she felt

unsafe with me so she took it into her own hands yeah um so again human fucking error you need to learn how to deal with those situations yeah yep um so like most cities here have like leash laws and stuff and you can like have your dog off leash at, like, a dog park in certain areas. Yeah. No offense, but American dog parks look shit. Oh, you would really like one of the ones here. It's, like, along the river. It's huge.

It's in the forest. Like, beach. It's pretty cool. When we were dog sitting last summer, we took Thelma there. And I've walked there before. But, like, she had a great time. and she, this dog is a really good dog. Her only issue is with children, like of a certain age. And so anytime we're kind of walking her and like, like there was a little two, two, three

year old who kind of toddled up to her and I put myself kind of between them and she kind of started to go at her and the kid kind of toddled off. And was just like don't worry I got you you know Thelma again that's probably down to parents not telling their kids how to deal with dogs exactly a lot of times kids come over and they're trying to pull dogs tails and pulling on their hair and their ears and if a child did that to you you'd be like fuck off yeah that's all the dog's doing they're just like that's not acceptable behavior so piss off well we had another kid when we took her to the dog park this was the the toddler kind of i think the parent tried to intervene and kind of did when he saw me kind of put myself between velma and the kid um but when we're at the dog park like a nine-year-old

like a taller child who I think probably doesn't bother her as much um came up and was like can I pet your dog and I was like yeah you know what go ahead and you can kind of approach her and introduce her and because I honestly wasn't sure we had just started taking care of her even though I'd been around her um and they are the owners was like she doesn't like kids because and you know it's like kind of five and under the really small one she's kind of not a fan of. And so she must have had a bad experience or something. Or maybe it's because they look drunk and it's a little scary.

I don't know. Because when my cousin's kid was here, when we had Thelma, we had to put her in our kennel. She's going to try to eat Rocco. Yeah. She was not pleased. But she was fine with the older kid and I for me I I have forgotten sometimes but usually it's like if the dog comes up to me and is already kind of touching me then I will but I'll always ask if I can pet their dog yeah and you should yeah I have manners well done good. Also, what annoys me as well is now because of Jess's, I guess we could call it racism,

I have to keep her on the lead all the time. And what often happens is other people with dogs not on the lead will let their dog run up to her. And I'm like, please don't do that. Because I don't know how she's going to react. And if she does take a disliking to your dog, your dog could get hurt. But people are like, oh, it's fine. She's friendly. She's friendly.

Mine isn't always. So unless you've got great recall on your dog don't fucking let it off the lead please it's funny i was actually just talking to my brother about this because he has a little dog who doesn't do great with dogs and you know so he anytime will scoop his dog up because he's smaller to not only keep his dog safe but the other dog safe because that's you don't know well he it's like so if he gets into the elevator and there's a dog in there yeah it's not necessarily like out in public but it's just like this is a confined quarter i'm just gonna pick him up you know know? But so I forgot where I was going with this. But basically he,

no, it's okay. He, in his apartment complex, he got into the elevator with a woman who had her dog and her dog was not on a leash. And so he got in and he picked his dog up. And when the woman got off and she goes, sorry, you're so leash dependent and he he said something back to her that made me laugh but i won't repeat it um because it was quite harsh and uh but it's just the thing is it's like do you do you want your dog to get hurt even if your dog doesn't need to be on a leash and is very well behaved you don't know anything about my dog yeah exactly that's it you can't assume that everyone's dog is friendly but yeah i've had people do that with even before jess started her dog issues and she used to be very friendly with dogs she loved all dogs and what

people would do especially people with little dogs is pick their dog up because she was a big scary looking dog even though at the time she was very friendly um they pick their dog up and all that does is actually increase their like prey drive and their inquisitivity so she would then want to sniff the dog even more and want to like start jumping up and then that person would freak out and be like oh my god your dog's attacking me yeah i'd be like no she's not she just wants to sniff your dog's ass like if you'd left it on the floor it would have been fine yeah but the fact that you've picked your dog up it's made the whole situation more heightened and and also she's feeding off your nervous energy and yeah yeah i think it's hard to say you know because what's because it's animals are unpredictable and i think the instinct to protect a dog too like you want to

do that but i also like if you have a dog you can learn some of the best practices about how to handle these kinds of things. But I think the bottom line is, is it's just like respect other people's dogs. If your dog maybe has trouble with dogs and you want your dog to enjoy life and you want to take them to the dog park, for example, then like maybe your dog does need to stay on a leash um or you know you just got to be kind of careful with that but sometimes i feel like people just are like well my dog has a right to be here too yeah but then if there's a dog fight what are you going to do like are you going to be able to intervene do you know what to do exactly exactly people need to be responsible pet owners exactly read up on dog behavior before you get a dog um get a trainer yeah and then follow through with it because that's the thing is so many people do yeah like obedience school and stuff and they're like well we did it and now we don't implement any of the things i did one class so it's fine fine. Yeah, my dog's perfect. It's like their kids. My kid's perfect.

I don't do anything wrong. Nope. So I think that's another reason why I would like to get a dog, but I also am kind of like, here's how I want to live my life. And that isn't really conducive for a dog right now. Yeah. But if I were, I would probably read all of the books and try to do all of the things. Yeah.

But I also. I watched so many programs and read so many books before getting my own dog, even though I'd had family dogs. Yeah. I was like, this one that I want to get is going to be my responsibility. And it's going to fall on me if anything goes wrong or. Yeah. They're a twat. So, yeah. Do some learning, people.

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responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. So are you up for a cheeky little, probably ridiculously crazy conspiracy theory? Absolutely. Now, I'm sure you've probably heard. But there's some shit going on with Kate Middleton.

Who? Who, for anyone who doesn't know, is Prince William's wife. So really, she's not even Kate Middleton anymore. She's Kate Windsor, I guess. Prince William. She's Princess Catherine of wherever the fuck they are. Aren't they like Duchess of, Duke and Duchess of Windsor or something like that? Something like that, yeah. I don't even know, to be honest.

Yeah. But yeah, okay, so I'll give you the lowdown, right? Yeah, tell me. She's not been seen since Christmas Day in public. And now to any normal people who don't give a shit about the royal family, this isn't a big deal. You're like, and what? I don't really care.

But they released a statement in January, I believe, saying that she was scheduled to have abdominal surgery. I think she was seen no she wasn't seen going into the hospital obviously because she's not been seen since christmas day um so she wasn't seen going into the hospital she wasn't seen leaving the hospital which again might sound normal but for the royal family that is usually a great opportunity for a photo op and bearing in mind like the day after she had all three of her kids she was outside the hospital doing the photo op you know looking stunning as fucking usual no one's seen her go in no one's seen her leave um they've all been very quiet about it.

It's not been reported in the media, which is weird because we know how much the media love reporting shit on the Royal family, like, you know, especially fucking Meghan and Harry. Yep. So people have started speculating about what is going on because there have been a few weird things. So firstly, the palace announced that William and Kate were going to be doing some international trips for the royal family in early 2004. That's now.

That's now. However, obviously, if she's had scheduled in quote marks surgery that they said would require weeks of recovery they wouldn't have scheduled these uh international trips bit fishy the plot thickens now neither of her parents or the children have also been seen since Christmas Day. It's like they've just vanished off the face of the earth. Abducted by aliens. Where have they gone? Why are they hiding?

What do they know? An ambulance was also supposedly called to the royal family's christmas compound that sounds like a fucking cult but there was no public report that anyone was taken ill or removed by the ambulance and if it happened it's a secret. Now, I don't know if you know, but King Charles has got cancer. I did know that, yeah. He's been having cancer treatment.

We don't know what the cancer is, but he's been very open about the cancer and the treatment he's having. He's talked very publicly and very openly about it. Very good of him. But again, where the fuck's Kate? Why is no one talking about kate's abdominal surgery why why did she need abdominal surgery what was wrong with her what's going on liposuction maybe well she was super skinny so there'd be nothing left of her she's probably getting plastic surgery and it got botched also William never visited

Kate while she was in the hospital fucking rude I know rude he while she's been in hospital and supposedly recovering he has done obviously things on his own he did something for the BAFTAs

and issued a statement about uh i think it was his godfather who died issued a statement about it but used his own personal crest rather than the one that represents them as a couple which is a little bit weird um okay they have separate crests of course they do darling of course they do this is the royal family for okay but usually now he's married they're like a unit so yeah i guess i just don't know what family crest i guess so why would he even ever need to use a single one anymore exactly so unless you're using it now yeah but you know what that makes me think they if they really were if there was a conspiracy he is a conspiracy okay if something happened to her that they're trying to

hide he would have you continue to use the couple's one well yeah but he just basically gave a bunch of fodder for people to like gossip about yeah there were tabloid reports that the couple had been fighting lately he killed her um exactly and that he was thinking of divorce so have they divorced secretly and just not announced it is this why she hasn't been seen but they would announce it eventually right like that is something they would announce and why i guess why not now? Maybe because King Charles is ill and potentially Fulium is going to be king pretty soon. They're like, oh, you can't divorce her because you need a queen or something. I don't know.

I don't know the rules. Can I read you a line I'm looking at? Yeah. the rules can i read you a line i'm looking at yeah the inescapable truth is that the unlikely event that the cambridge marriage between william and kate ever becomes trouble the whole windsor house of cards could come tumbling down kate has become a cherished national icon of flawless motherhood oh she is oh yeah are they saying basically like they would revolt like they did diana or what possibly yeah okay sorry go on um what's also weird is as i said the tabloids have been really silent about her disappearance

which would suggest that they could be under a DSMA notice, which is basically a defense and security media advisory notice. So that's something the royal family deploys if ever something terrible's happened. Like when the queen died, queen died nothing is in the tabloids until they give the say so or if you know for example prince andrew decides that he's a pedophile and is all up in jeffrey epstein's grill they they would put one of them on to try to stop the media from talking about it anyway it's nice that they have that card and they listen. Yeah, this comment said, they are usually all up in the royal family's ass,

but they have absolutely nothing to say about this. Spanish tabloids, however, are reporting that Kate is in a coma. They have a nanny who is from Spain and is thought to be the source of this tidbit. So is she in a coma? Is she dying? Something very seriously wrong with her. I think it's so weird that they just wouldn't be transparent about that.

But I know if anything, the Royal family is all about appearances, right? Like, so when all the shit with Meghan and Harry was going down and they were just like, look, we're perfect and we're going to pretend that's not happening. We're just going to pretend that nothing's going on here.

It's fine. Yeah. Yeah, so I just thought I'd share that you um and see if you've got any opinions about where she is and what she's doing because i initially didn't give a shit um and then i i obviously went down a reddit rabbit hole with it and was like, ooh, so exciting, so juicy. What's happened to Catherine? Well, first, I will say she's Princess of Wales, just to correct ourselves. Sorry.

Princess of Wales. Yes, there. So we got that out there. I think it's weird. It's weird. And I can see why people are going down a rabbit hole of it because it's just, it's bizarre. And the fact that like, if she is alive and well, like, why wouldn't she just be like, hey guys, I'm fine. Here I am.

Yeah. And if they weren't, if they are getting divorced, then the fact that they're making her not go out in public is weird you think they would be to try to maybe negate yeah but you think if they want to negate that rumor they would have her out being like everything's fine see i'm still doing my princess of wales shit yeah so like obviously they can't do that. If she was well, like if she's okay, why haven't they just even at a window? Do you know what I mean? A little window. They love it when someone's like waving her arm.

Like a puppet. So that's it. That makes me think like it can't be a divorce cover up or a potential divorce cover up because they would it would be better for them to continue to have her out in the public eye and if they could. So if they can't because something's happened to her, she's in a coma, she's still in the hospital. surgery and her recovery is taking longer some complications occurred i mean they've been honest about that for other people in the past i guess i still having a hard time understanding why this needs to be so secret other than like you said maybe they need to i don't i honestly i can't i can't there's no reason i can i don't know there's also also rumors that... She's probably dead. Exactly. I think she died a long time ago. No, I'm sorry. Oh, I should also say allegedly before everything.

Allegedly. Please don't sue us, okay? Thank you. Insert allegedly into everything we just said at the appropriate points. In fact, on the edit, I'll do it. Thank you. edit i'll do it thank you um allegedly someone has said allegedly that she um had an eating disorder problem and has gone into a clinic to sort that out that i can wrap my head around she had a mental breakdown eating disorder needs some sort of treatment that is

stigmatized in a way or very personal and maybe she doesn't want that aired i can understand that yeah still doesn't make sense why he uses personal crest though yeah why is he doing that okay someone's commented saying the lack of news is the news. The official line is that she's recovering from a planned surgery for several months and is being given privacy and time with her family. But no royal has ever been given this kind of total blackout of privacy for so long. Remember, this is the same woman who was posing for the media in heels and makeup hours after giving birth. Remember, this is the same family that refused to get the press to grant Harry's family privacy when he publicly begged them for help.

Remember, they hounded his mother to death. Now, suddenly, they're capable of getting their future queen total anonymity for months. People are speculating that it must be much worse than anyone is letting on, in brackets. She's in a coma, she's left William or run away somewhere. I'm about 50-50 that this is true. She's actually just needed surgery and then time for normal human privacy to keep from imploding.

I wouldn't blame her. There's a chance that the palace might have learned something from Harry's situation and decided to keep William's family a little bit happier. So I wanted to know more about like this crest thing, because apparently this just blows my mind that it is a thing. But so they do, they have their own personal crest. As you said, they have a joint one when they get married. It sounds like he hasn't used it since he's been married, but would use it for personal statements. And I think the one that you were referencing was about what's going on with Israel and Gaza. And while people think the fact that he used it could suggest they're splitting, perhaps they have a disagreement about that. And she's like, don't put my name on that shit.

Yeah, yeah yeah yeah i mean it could be something like pretty serious like ovarian cancer yeah or something and maybe she's had surgery and is now having you know chemo and treatment and doesn't want anyone to fucking see her yeah um oh this says he used his personal crest when when he issued a statement about his grandmother two years ago oh okay so it's not unheard of but i think you're on to something with perhaps she's not well and doesn't look great and she's been this icon of beauty and flawless motherhood, as that quote said. And I do know it's important for them to look good. Even with the queen and her partner, as they got up there in age, I think they really tried

to avoid having them out when they looked unwell. Yeah. So and if that's the case, i get why she wants to have some privacy there um and i guess even just saying she's not well she's recovering here like could result in tabloids and news and like people trying to like get at her and get that picture you know because we all know that like even if she's beloved they probably like news would love to get a picture of her bald from chemo or something like that you know yeah i'll be like i love that wouldn't they yeah but it is interesting that comment it just like she gets complete anonymity and you know basically no one protected Diana. Yeah.

I mean, maybe they have learned something. I've just seen a comment. Oh! I shouldn't laugh, but recently there have been various audacious rumors that got hashtag Prince of Pegging going on Twitter. That again? I remember when going on twitter. That again? I remember when that came out. Do you?

I don't remember anything about it. I just remember that being a thing. Do you remember? No, I don't remember it, but it's the salacious rumor that William likes women going at him with a strap on. Yes. The rumor was accompanied with the pretty harsh comment that kate was too prudish to do it herself so let him go elsewhere as long as his dalliances didn't turn into

emotional affairs then the rose hambry rumors resurfaced that the affair had restarted i've never heard about this and that was around christmas apparently yeah at a recent media party this is an article from the rolling stone i was told the real reason for the affair was the royal's love of pegging which his wife is far too old-fashioned to engage in the wife doesn't mind her purse the person who will peg him and the fact that her husband prefers getting his sexual needs met elsewhere as long as things don't become emotional kinks man that's it I just want to reiterate I'm not laughing at people wanting to be pegged

peg away it's just funny that it's associated with yeah the hashtag yeah oh gosh yeah oh and it was apparently wasn't it a mutual friend that like rose her name looks like rose oh is it hanbury or something she's like i'll peg the prince i volunteer it's for a beaut i will take that duty good for her bizarre

I don't know if you had to actually seriously kind of guess what's going on here what would you say I wouldn't be surprised if she's in some sort of rehab facility the eating disorder thing wouldn't surprise me

because she has always been really skinny but in recent years even more so like in a way that doesn't actually look natural on her body like she's a bobblehead yeah you know bony and gaunt and not not a healthy weight potentially maybe something did happen and you know they released the surgery comment just to cover that up or maybe she is seriously ill and

she doesn't want to be pictured or she's in no fit state to be pictured and that's why we haven't seen her either way pretty horrible and people should probably stop gossiping about it like us yeah but well we're reporting on the news reporting yeah we are doing the news its job because they're not reporting on it and someone needs to. It sounds like we need to whip out our to-go mics and go do some investigative exploration at whatever hospital she would be at. I'm sure we'd get in, no problem.

I will put on my nurse's costume and you can put on your doctor's costume. Yeah, so that's that's that guys if you know if you've got any theories that we should be aware of um or you've seen her yeah in the park picking up dog poo anything like that then you know please send your stories and quips into talk shit to us at gmail.com um or you know forward the link on instagram t TikTok, you know, all the socials. So we can report this to the wider world. Yeah. People want to know where Kate is. Hashtag where's Kate?

Okay. Shall we end things on a uh a thing yeah send things on the things doing stuff and things jamming kate doing things i just want to clarify we weren't talking about you in in that segment no No, I'm Kate Middleton. I've been here the whole time. You've not gone missing. Right. Just to verify. Hashtag where's Kate the Brit. Where is... Not Kate the Yank.

Where is Queen Kate? There's only two of us. There we go. There's only two Kates in the whole world. Okay, so this week I haven't got an am I the arsehole for you I've got an off my chest post and I just thought it was quite

interesting and I thought I could share and we can get people's opinions and your opinion. How do you feel? Okay. I'm into that. But first, I was just going to say, what's our off my chest, the jingle? Can I get something off my chest?

Love it. That's it. Can I get something off my chest? Yeah, just like that. A little Maccabees kind of flair. Maybe a little bit vampire weekend of don't give a fuck about Oxford comma. Drinking or tied off my chest. Oh, no.

Scratch that. Sorry. Go on. Thank you. Okay, so it's titled, My husband admitted that he didn't expect anyone to want to fuck a 42-year-old woman when he asked for an open marriage. Okay. Hope this ends in divorce.

It might. Okay, so initially I wrote a very long post with our whole backstory but before posting i deleted the entire thing it was a pointless sentence we didn't need to know um she goes on to say i'm assuming she yeah she said woman um it really didn't matter how we got here but here we are he asked for an open marriage after 20 years of happy marriage because he wasn't attracted to me anymore, and even though he still loved me. Maybe it was a midlife crisis,

but he was panicking about not having been with other women his entire life. I left him and asked for a divorce. Quite understandably, really. End of story. Yeah, that's it. Bye. Glad she got that off her chest yep uh the separation devastated us mentally and financially my children suffered the most and started hating me for leaving and breaking their happy home when we got back together i agreed i agreed to open the marriage

but i didn't want to know details. Everything was great, according to him, apparently. Around New Year's, when everyone starts thinking about their lives and planning changes, I realized I couldn't live like this anymore. I haven't had sex for five years. I downloaded Tinder. And that's a dry spell, isn't it? There's going to be some cobwebs up in there. Sorry, I don't know why I said that

that was fucking funny keeping that one in so I haven't had sex in five years I downloaded tinder and at the end of the evening I had matched with 40 guys and was talking with 10. Good clean up on Tinder.

They sure do. Okay, so I met three. One of them is someone I continued meeting. I still use Tinder and I meet with people and I still get matches every time I log in. Oh, these girls are hot. Now, my husband is frenetic about it and obsessed with what and who I match in. Oh, this girl's a hottie. Now, my husband is frenetic about it and obsessed with what and who I match with. He thinks I'm doing it the wrong way. I don't know what he means by that. He was the one who wanted this, but I am the one doing it wrong. He demanded to know everything

about the guys that I meet because he says that we need to be open in an open marriage. I agreed, but I still don't want to know about his women. He has full access to my phone and he knows everything about my dates. It didn't make him feel any better. I was so confused. I'd asked him what more he wanted from me. I've done everything that he asked for. And he finally admitted that he never expected any man to want me. 42 year old woman married mother of three when there are so many young women out there so it tells me he's having trouble because he's actually yeah the gross one yeah someone's going to saying he's projecting hard he wants younger women therefore he thinks every man wants younger women on top of that he's probably not as successful with those younger

women as he hoped and he's jealous that you can easily get some while he can't. I mean, that's basically what I thought and kind of said in a much better nutshell. Yeah. Yeah, so he sounds like a twat. An asshole. He sounds like an asshole. I'm just thinking about, like, I know she didn't elaborate but he wanted an open marriage she left it was bad she came back and was like okay for the sake of the kids I guess fine and he's like but I don't want to hear about it like so do what you want

don't tell me about it and he's like great, great. And then after a while, she's like, well, this is really lonely. I don't love this. So I guess I will play the game too. And then because she had no problems whatsoever, he all of a sudden was like, that's not an open marriage. We have to be honest with each other, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't care if you don't want to know but I deserve to know because I guess this somehow threatens me as your husband because I truly meant by open marriage that I want to screw other people and you get to not do anything of the sort what he expected is to go out and

fuck whoever he wanted but wanted his lovely wife to stay at home and look after the kids by the sounds of it yeah he wanted to get i think like kind of the non-sexual needs of his marriage from her and the sexual needs elsewhere and she can do everything else and everything gets to stay the same for her fuck. Yep. What a twat. Yeah, I just... One, I would not give him access to my phone. Mm-mm. Fuck him. Maybe she's kind of like, if you want to make yourself feel bad, go ahead.

Yeah. Have your own feelings. Look at the huddies that I'm sleeping with. This is like, you you know destined to fail do you know what i mean i think he wants his i know a lot of people have like open relationships now and you know polyamorous and all this stuff but i just can't i've not yet found, like I listened to a lot of obviously podcasts and documentaries and I've

watched and listened to a lot of stories about open relationships and polyamory and stuff. And it never seems to work out like it does to begin with. Yeah. seems to work out like it does to begin with yeah and then some sort of jealousy always comes into play or someone realizes actually we just weren't happy in our relationship and that's why we wanted to be with other people I've never once heard about it actually being successful apart from maybe like swingers yeah but then they're like both there at the same time so maybe that's different it's more of a kink thing rather than yeah yeah I think success is different for different people like what what does successful mean? Like, because I've heard of them,

like long-term open marriages that, or relationships that change after, you know, a decade, five years, whatever. Because at some point someone catches feels, you know? And I think one of the big tenants, and I know it's not true for everyone who maybe has an open relationship is like you like it's you know physical you can see someone you can have a boyfriend whatever but

like you like the the romance and the like commitment and stuff is the the relationship the base relationship and I think it's hard for people sometimes to separate physicality from feelings and stuff. And so I have heard where it happens that it's like I actually have feelings for this person and I would like to, you know, pursue a long term something with them. And that's when it changes. And so I think the big thing is like setting the ground rules and you guys have to agree to them and be on the same page. And I think we talked about this when we had that listener write in, right? It's about communication. And if things start to change, being open about it. Because when people start to not communicate and still kind of pursue things, then that's when I think feelings get hurt. And for this, like when he said he wanted an open marriage, it was more like I need to be able to go do whatever the fuck I want, fuck whoever I want, and I need you to just continue to be my wife and act as if nothing's wrong. But you don't get to have sex with me or anyone else. You just get to be the celibate mother.

Because you're an old woman. No one's going to want you anyway because you're 42 and that's really gross. Ew. No one wants your old fanny let's go sew it shut it's full of spiders anyways jemma said that's annoying though because like i think that this guy i actually wouldn't be surprised if it was less about him not being attracted to her and more about him feeling bad about himself yeah and thinking that like being attracted attractive to other people and having other people want to touch as willie would make him feel better i don't know and so it's upsetting to him that maybe now his wife is not interested in having sex with him and also having sex with other people. Yeah. Lucky, mate.

You've shot yourself in the foot there. And also, like, younger women don't like older men, really, unless they're famous or rich. I think there's probably plenty. Occasionally it happens. Yeah. You know, typically you've got to be rich mate depends on the age difference because like if i'm thinking a 21 year old and a 48 year old like you're in a lot like really different places in your life

really different places in your life what do you have in common yeah yeah what are you gonna talk about you would have been at nine she stays out until two she goes on tiktok you don't know what tiktok is you have a hangover after two glasses of wine she does shots exactly it's not gonna work guys yeah yeah well on that note glad i got none of my chest yes well i think just to summarize do better for animals hope kate's okay yeah men are babies that's today's episode folks hey well well right into us about your thoughts on polyamory open relationships if you think that we got it wrong if there can be success there what do you think needs if you think that guy

was fucked up or the woman was fucked up if what do you think happened to kate is kate at your house um and then also talk about you know dog ownership tips yeah that'll be great for jemma actually lovely tsyb pod for the socials uh tiktok uh instagram twitter um myspace vine biba biba uh neopets yeah you can find us all there and uh talk shit to us at gmail.com we love you love you bye love you bye Bye! you you