Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 49. Lay Thine Eyes Upon This Bidet

Episode Date: June 13, 2024

We're back with a poo heavy episode (be warned!) with vacation tales, a listener story and a butt based AITA. Get in touch at @TSYBPOD or email [e-mail]

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If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BidMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hi, I'm Kate. What's your name? My name's Gemma. Wow, nice to meet you, Gemma. Feels like I've known you for a long time, though. It does. Feels like I haven't seen you in a long time. Because you haven't. But we're back with Talking Shit and a Yank and a Brit. Hi, everyone.

Good to be back. Hello, everyone. Thanks for tuning in again if you are if you're not then fine we haven't died we haven't joined a cult we haven't disappeared into the ether if you listen to our last little update episode on the podcast platform near you you would recall that we were taking a little break because jemma wanted to go on vacation and i needed to just keep living my boring ass life well should i tell you about this vacation in inverted commas yes i mean i feel like you've been back for how long now i got a little bit of a preview but specifically was waiting for this moment to hear all about it well buckle in that's my seat belt good thank. Thank you. Okay. So it's, you know, it started well. We had an early flight, got to the airport.

Absolutely fine. Had to wait around for a few hours as you do. And I think you've experienced Gatwick before in London. You have to get there, you know, approximately six hours before your flight, but they don't tell you the gate until they're about to close the gate. And then you have to run ten miles to the gate to get there.

And answer questions three from a troll. Yes. You don't need a passport, you just gotta answer these riddles. And luckily... I'm a little leprechaun. Luckily you and Alan were equipped, you studied, Gatwick posts a little leprechaun yep luckily you and alan were equipped you studied gatwick posts a little like here's here's the possible topics for today yeah so we studied it up we thank god answered the questions right we're on the flight

flight went fine what airline again easy jet mate sleazy jet basically got it okay um so yeah got there it's beautiful everything was fine i had a bit of a dicky belly i think sometimes that happens when i fly i think it's like the anticipation and the anxiousness yeah flying makes me have a bit of a well you're doing something very unnatural that god does not want us to be doing so reasonably a little bit anxious you're about to willingly step into a tin can and go to 30 000 feet so with literally just a little click over your lap you'll be fine you'll be all right don't worry if something does go wrong pop your little jacket on and the oxygen is going to come down from the ceiling and you'll be absolutely fine. Don't worry.

Then they go, and if you hear brace, brace, then you must brace. Thankfully, I've never heard that on a flight yet. Not on wood. So you arrived in Greece, right? We arrived in Corfu. Okay.

It's a little island Off the Greek coast It's fine Our transfer was there I had to run to the toilet Because I urgently needed a poo And that really pissed off our driver Because he had another job apparently Traveled to the hotel

Arrived Looked lovely Everything's sort of all white and they were very nice. We couldn't check in until that afternoon, but they said we could put our bags there and go by the pool and lunch was about to start. So it's good. First few days, lovely. Went out for some dinner on the the beach we were like five minutes from the beach very nice um and it's gorgeous the island like it's all hilly and green and lush it's like you're in a rainforest it's how big is that really nice could you like not very big okay like so you could walk

from one side to the other maybe in a matter of hours well you could but because it's so hilly, it's like winding mountain roads. So... Maybe not a couple hours, but if it were flat, yes. It was an hour from the airport, which was west of us. But I mean, if it was flat roads, that would probably take you 15 minutes. Sure. Yeah. So yeah, you know, we chilled out. We had a lovely day out in Corfu town, which is gorgeous.

It's like proper... Mamma mia. You know, yeah. Auth know, we chilled out. We had a lovely day out in Corfu town, which is gorgeous. It's like proper. Mamma mia. You know, yeah, authentic, like, you know, cobbled streets and old European town vibes. There were lots of cats. Yeah. Had a lovely day out there. But we kept hearing around the pool,

there are other British people there, and they kept saying that loads of people were getting ill at the hotel so we were cautious of this because it was an all inclusive hotel so I was avoiding the meat anyway because I was like I'm not getting food poisoning

again but not just meat can give you food poisoning right well alright I didn't know that so I was eating a lot of salad and apparently that's one of the worst things oh i wish i had talked to you and you'd said something to me because i'd be like i'm pretty sure we have lots of equal i recalls for like lettuce spinach all that shit i wish you had told me probably the meat would

have been fine because that shit's cooked to the point to kill all that bacteria well yeah well this is the thing like the food was like meh meh and it even if like like so lunch started i think it was like half 12 and even if you went in bang on half 12 the food was like lukewarm do you know what i mean it never came out hot was it like a buffet or a like so yeah yeah like a big buffet and you could see them like they bring out the food like half an hour before they got started actually allowed to go in. So it's just sitting there getting gross. So anyway, I think it might have been the Wednesday. Well, hold on.

Back up a second. So you're like, I'm going to avoid the meat. And Alan's like, I'm a man. I'll be fine. He's like, I'll be all right. So he's like, bring on the meat. Yeah. Which in Greece is going to be lamb, chicken, beef, pretty much chicken beef pretty much yeah there's quite a lot of pork

and yeah i don't think either of us ate the fish because it always looked rank um but yeah and then there's going to be rice lettuce tomatoes feta olives pretty much right yeah and pretty much they always had a um like meat for spaghetti bolognese and pasta just sitting there i want to eat what i eat at home all the time yeah but i kind of wish i did maybe it would have been okay should have just stuck to the chips um so yeah um i think it was on the Tuesday or the Wednesday night. We decided to go out for dinner down at the seafront. And there were a few restaurants down there. And I was feeling a bit weird.

Like, I didn't feel sick or anything. I just felt, like, a bit off and my belly felt weird. And I was, like, super bloated. But, like, at at the top you know yeah also it feels a bit weird but like oh maybe I'm just I've got a load of you know wind need to fart a few times it'll be all right yep ended up eating a massive dinner had uh their moussaka which I really wanted to try because it's yeah native to there um And some proper Greek halloumi, which was very nice. Was it on fire?

No. They didn't do the fire kind? They didn't do the fire kind, no. Oh, that's too bad. And yeah, so by the end of the meal, I was just feeling a bit dodged. So I was like, can we go back to the hotel? Like, I'm going to go back to the room. We went back to the hotel? Like, I'm going to go back to the room. We went back to the room.

I then proceeded to need to vomit, basically. I'm sorry I shouldn't laugh. I went to the bathroom and just projectile vomited. Oh, no. And moussaka too. I know. It just fucking went out of me, like, and moussaka too. I know. It just fucking went out of me, like, honestly. Like Exorcist style.

God. Felt a bit better after that, but then tummy's still feeling a bit weird. So I went to the toilet and just, well. Irrigated your colon. Yeah yeah i'll say it this way alan thought i was having a wee but it went on for a long time you peed out your butt i peed out my butt yeah sorry to be gross everyone but it happens to the best of us i came out and he was like was that a wee? I was like oh no I don't want to talk about it I would not go in there for a while okay

and so then from then on sort of proceeded to ship water for like 24 hours I think it was and not only that i shat my pants twice no how many days i had no control well of course like literally just is leaking out yeah i we're in bed and i woke up and just immediately shat.

Like, I couldn't. There was nothing I could do about it. Involuntary shitting. I feel like this is going to be, this is the thing that you're like, and then I knew that he was the one. Because he gently changed my diaper. It was like, it's fine well the problem is he was asleep and i didn't want to wake him up so i just sort of like had to cover it threw it out the towel over it just like okay but i told him in the morning and he was like

oh okay cool and i was like oh you do love me oh boy so yeah but i sort of started feeling a bit better after like 24 hours and then the day after that alan then got food poisoning and was vomiting and shitting for about four days like still was pretty ill when we left um so the entire time were you just like in your hotel room one of you was shitting your brains out and vomiting and the other was like pretty much yeah from like wednesday onwards tuesday or wednesday onwards that sucks yeah so what do you think you got it from i don't know i mean mine was obviously more gastro yeah related because after i threw up that one time i wasn't sick again it was just the i mean it's the same thing i mean it's just sometimes you get lucky and it only comes out of one and sometimes you aren't lucky

and you're riding the double-headed dragon, as they say. Yeah. So, yeah, that was sort of the end of the holiday. I mean, we had, like, a boat trip planned to go to this, like, private island and private beach, and we couldn't do that. Well, we didn't do anything, really. I mean, obviously, Al has sort of stayed in the hotel room for the last few days, and I just stayed by the pool and would check up on him. I mean, you know, got a bit of a tan

lost a bit of weight can't complain what everyone's dream is on vacation right and then on the way back as well we had a really late flight and by this point we just wanted to fucking go home we were like I'm done like I just this has been terrible I just want to go and obviously when booking it I was like we'll get a really early flight out there and a really late one back to make the most of the holiday yeah and so our flight wasn't until like half 11 at night we got to the airport and it was delayed by like an hour an hour and a half and I was like no I just want to leave yeah so in hindsight remember kids when you're leaving you want to leave with minimal amount of having to wait around at the airport and have no place to go so you time it with when you have to check out of wherever you're at

yes in your flight yes I even ended up paying for a late checkout at the hotel because I was like, Alan's still puking. Oh, you did it after. Okay. So that was my wonderful first abroad holiday in five years.

I wondered why you were so silent. i didn't expect to actually hear from you that much but i was like should i like i don't want to interrupt and be like tell me how it's going but i haven't even gotten a picture really other than the first one she sent me and then when i kind of had a safe assumption that you were back and was like are you alive and you're like, I'll tell you about it on the podcast. Oh, no. Oh, shit. And it didn't occur to me like maybe you guys got sick. I was like, someone got like someone tried to abduct you or like caught on fire or like I don't like it rain. I don't know. But I can't imagine anything worse when having food poisoning, A, not being in my own

house and B, having to get on a plane. I remember once when I was flying home and maybe had food poisoning, but basically like, and for the most part, it kind of like all of the worst had passed. But I was like, what's going to happen when you're on your plane is you're going to need to go to the bathroom and you're not going to be able to because line seat belt signs on and you're going to shit your pants on the plane so really horrible yeah that's too bad as well it's like usually i take about literally 50 pairs of pants yeah and you didn't this time. I didn't this time. I was quite conservative with my pants. And I shat in two of them. And it was in a hotel, not like

an Airbnb that maybe had a washer. No. I had to use the shower. Oh, God. That's like for the, I think, for the ages of worst vacations i've heard i mean you hear about like going to i don't not trying to stereotype here but going to like

east an asian country or something and yeah because you have like deli belly yeah or anywhere where it's like you're not used to the food the water and then i can't i think it was someone that we mutually know who lives in england where a couple went and it's like but they're staying on a beach and like a hut and like there's a bucket and someone's not doing well and they're just i got i gotta i'm taking the bucket for a while oh dear oh i'm Oh dear. Oh, I'm sorry. You guys need to have a do-over. Yeah. By the end, we were just like, why didn't we go to Wales?

Well, I'm still jealous because I want to go to Greece one day, but that's about where the jealousy ends is just that you've been there. The rest, I don't know. I would not want that. So no, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Yikes. It just sucks because you guys heard other people were getting sick. And so it's not, it's like, okay, something about this hotel is fucking something up here. And it's just like, there's nothing you can do. Like in America,

you're supposed to, or at least in Minnesota, you're supposed to like report when you believe you have food poisoning and where you got it from so that it can be investigated, you're supposed to, or at least in Minnesota, you're supposed to like report when you believe you have food poisoning and where you got it from so that it can be investigated, you know? Yeah, that's it. And I have complained to the hotel or the holiday company who then referred it to the hotel. They said, you need to get a pathogen test to prove it was food poisoning. And, um, when are you going to do that to see the incident report of when you reported it to the hotel? And I mean, we told two different receptionists and they never offered to give us an incident report. So I just wrote back and was like, well, this is it.

I wrote back and was like, can't do that. NHS is overrun. I can't just go and get a pathogen test. And I'm better now. So it's pointless. And we weren't offered an incident report despite telling a few of the staff members at the hotel. However, if you would like to go to room 233, you could probably check the mattress where my shit stains are

from when I shat myself during the night. And literally everyone else who was there during this time frame who either heard of or was sick. Yeah. Done. They must have had a few complaints. I bet they did. Oh, well. Oh, well.

Never mind. Hey, welcome back. Thank you. Was your dog glad to see you? Yes. She was really happy to see me. Excellent. And that was nice.

Excellent. She's currently asleep next to me. Aw. Yeah. Hi, Jess. She's looking around like a little sheep. Jessie? No. She's dead to the world. You Yeah. Hi, Jess. She's loosey-round like a little sheep. Jessie? No.

She's dead to the world. You're not dead, are you? No, she's breathing. Good. Phew. Oh, have you been up to anything? Um. No.

No? Okay. We'll move on. Been occasionally playing video games, trying to go to the gym enjoying the nice weather sort of and working and being otherwise lame so there's that that's it yeah cool well i like it when you're lame so makes you feel better about yourself. I got it. Yep. I am trying to even think if I have even remotely anything interesting to tell you. Think, think, think.

Well, one of the video games I played was called Little Kitty Big City, and that was pretty fun. Are you a little kitty in a big city? In a big city, just wreaking havoc all over the city trying to get home. Well, that sounds fun. It was pretty fun. Shout out to Taylor for letting me know it exists. Thanks for the rec. Yep. And I mean, I guess as far as it's, you know, it's fully summer here and so hot and we have,

you know, our patio shit set up. So I'm enjoying being outside. I have a trip planned at the end of the month. I'm going to go visit Lauren. So that's exciting. And really, that's about it, though. At least you've got some nice weather, because ours is just very average here. Sort of sunny in the morning, and then it just gets cloudy and shit.

Is Italy's kind of, like, warm? Not really. Oh, that's sad. It is when the sun comes out yeah you know and you can feel the sun warmth on your face very nice but no it's not it's not very warm at all no well come over here if you want to sweat while you're sitting inside an air conditioning oh okay yeah that sounds nice yeah um it's pride month too i guess and i'm sad i'm gonna be missing the pride festivities this month because i will be in maine when it happens usually it's like kind of always really close to my birthday but i think this year is odd and also my birthday's in

the middle of the week so it's like the last you i was expecting it to be the weekend before my birthday it is not so but yeah that's annoying it is i wish that the celebration that has nothing to do with me nor is it catered to me would cater to me a little bit more how fucking dare they i Thanks, guys and gals. Right, well, I think we mentioned this on our last full episode. We've actually had a little listener write in to tell us a little story. Been saving it for this moment. We have been sitting on it Been saving it for this moment. We have.

Been sitting on it, saving it. And I have not read it. Well done. So it's going to be a really fun experience for me, I think. Yeah, this should be good. Okay. So,

hello ladies. Hi. I've been exploring the world of online dating for a while now. We all know the hardships of online dating, the ghosting, dating politics, everyone's favourite, oh and everyone's favourite story, the unsolicited dick pic. So you can imagine my delight when I found myself chatting to a lovely like-minded guy that knew how to hold a conversation beyond, what are you looking for and do you want a shag?

Do you want to see my penis? I'll send you a picture. So things were going well. Paragraphs were being exchanged and this continued for about two weeks. He asked if we could chat on the phone and after some initial hesitation, I decided to put on my Brave Girl pants and chat with this guy on the phone. That is brave. Phone calls are awkward. Yeah, I hate phone calls. Even with people I know.

Yeah. I mean, I think it's kind of like specific, more specific to our generation, but no, just send me a text. Yeah. We're millennials. Fuck off. Okay. It was pretty evident that we were both nervous, but conversation flowed, and for a second I thought, we might be onto a good one here. Ooh. Then came out the pour of red flags. No.

Okay, let's hear them. So, this dude goes in strong with his anti-vax views, and a very bold, wasn't COVID, just basically a cold anyway. Bear in mind, I sit very firmly in the vulnerable category, so I'm sure you know which side of the fence I sit on. I managed to brush over this one with a very understanding mindset that it's each their own on things like this. their own on things like this. So we continue and I'm quickly learning he is a pro at bringing the conversation back round to him and his interests, all the while not really giving a shit about any of mine. We spent a fair amount of this hour-long conversation talking about his new employee that isn't learning anything, only for me to establish that's because he isn't being taught anything

by this guy. And somehow this is still the fault of the new untrained employee. But the final straw for me is when he tells me about putting his kitten in timeout. Okay, so I'm, this is a phone call still yeah and he's running the gamut of anti-vax anti-covid to chit-talking his new employee in a way that is very clear that he's a bad boss to then moving to how i discipline my kitten yeah oh my god okay so he tells me about putting his kitten in timeout because he's, in quotes, being an absolute dickhead. That's the best part about kittens, though. Yeah, that's it.

So she goes on to say, in actual fact, it turns out the kitten was just doing kitten shit, like playing. Yeah. How does timeout with a kitten work i hear you ask well it works because he puts the kitten up on a shelf so high that it can't jump down without fear of broken legs but it's still gonna try because they're so dumb so i just basically put it on a tower It's like putting a toddler on a roof. Yeah. And now you stay up there.

Oh my God. What a dick. Yeah. Clearly, I don't hide my disgust well. And when asked if he was being a knob, I couldn't help but highlight that he is likely to be, that is, sorry, it's likely to be ineffective and slash it's animal abuse. Safe to say, I made my excuses to leave the conversation and swiftly ended this the following day, much to his disgust. How do I even find these men?

Any help or advice for my tragic dating life would be much appreciated. Love your work always. for my tragic dating life would be much appreciated love your work always well i will say like the that was like the appropriate vetting process yes imagine if like she'd been stuck in an actual room with this guy yeah like oh i'm gonna go on a date to your house like which people do and i'm no shame there but like then that's even harder to extricate yourself from and I mean phone call just it leaves kind of a nice separation still so yeah I think you did everything right and unfortunately you can't really know until you know you know that's it at least you dodged that bullet you know I feel bad for that kitten so do i should we report it yeah i guess i also want to know like well you could start how do you discipline your

yeah okay so next day this will be your opening line how do you discipline your pets or just like thoughts on disciplining pets yeah does it Does it make sense? If so, under what circumstances? Because, right, I suppose you have a dog chewing something, chewing a shoe. You take corrective measures so the dog doesn't chew the shoe anymore. Whether we want to call that disciplinary direction, fine. Right? But you could find out, yeah, my kitten is being a kitten, but it annoys me. And so I like to stick it in the toilet and flush.

That'll teach it. That's going to be a no. I that's gonna be a no waterboarding and then it's fine yeah that'll be a no versus if i i give my kitten lots of enrichment activities and toys to play with so that it doesn't play with things it shouldn't and it feels entertained it does astound me how many people get kittens and puppies and like... Don't know what to do. Get pissed off that they act like kittens and puppies. Yeah. What did you expect? I expected this one to be special and smart and to know better.

I thought it would be born fully trained, actually. In that I wouldn't have to do anything. It wouldn't destroy my house, which they do, unfortunately, sometimes. I mean, he can't even teach his employee how to be an employee, so it's no wonder his kitten is so naughty. Yeah, exactly. Maybe COVID fucked with your brain, mate. Most certainly did, I think, and probably some other things in your life considering you have those viewpoints. But feel your pain, dear listener. But I will say it sounds like you've got kind of the appropriate process in place so that you're not having to physically escape scenarios or put yourself at risk because you're opening yourself up to someone without knowing them that well.

Keep doing what you're doing and you can I guess take each time as a lesson and learn from it. But I do think putting something in your profile about animal discipline might be helpful. I don't know. And keep going. There's someone out there for you.

You just haven't met them yet. Just haven't met you yet. Just haven't met you yet. Thanks for the write-in. Send us more if you got more, if you know about that kitten. Yeah, if you could. That would be good. And just give us an update on your love life, you know. We want to hear all about it.

Yeah. We love to hear it, baby. We love to hear it, baby. Baby. All right. about it yeah we love to hear it baby we love to hear it baby all right um i asked you about this the other day have you seen dancing with the devil yet and i know i said i haven't seen it but i i've seen it you know and then that was the end of the conversation how was that yeah so i have seen it on netflix as a thing but i and i maybe even watched a little bit of like the trailer looks freaky um why have you watched it yeah is it and i think you'll love it really yeah it looks so scary it's not really scary creepy it's culty. Okay. Okay. And it's also like, you're a TikToker, aren't you? You're on TikTok.

I have seen TikToks and I have the app, but I do not TikTok myself. If that makes sense. Yes. You're a viewer. Yes. Yes. So you would have seen these videos where it's like these people dancing and it's like always the same like guy and girl i haven't seen those

sorry listeners i'm just showing her a little video um anyway so it's like not super essentially impressive dance moves they're pretty basic no i mean some of them are good but it's like... Not super impressive dance moves. They're pretty basic. No, I mean, some of them are good, but it's essentially like a dance cult. Oh. Yeah. It starts from the perspective of one of the girls in it, like with her family and her sister and how she's like disappeared into this.

It's like a... It's a story? Yeah. It's happening like right now. It's like a story yeah and it's happening like right now it's yeah get into it you'll love it okay noted thank you yeah all right the insane true story behind netflix's dancing for the devil okay yeah i wonder if i'm thinking of something else that's creepy that maybe has something to do with devilhood maybe uh there's something about like it i'll figure it out if it's different than that because this doesn't seem creepy just seems kind of sad and interesting yeah

and it is like there's there's heartbreaking moments in it as well but it's also like fuck you to surprise surprise the guy running it of course um i did watch something recently that was pretty good naked attraction Always. That's every day. Maybe it's – no, it's not that. Okay. It's called Under the Bridge and it's on Hulu, which I don't think you guys have here, but I think you can get Hulu stuff on a different streaming service. Yeah, possibly. But it's about these kids in Canada who basically just like murder a girl and it's based on true story

and it's just like really horrible like this girl really wanted to fit in and these kids all like were it's in the 90s and like they all thought they were rough gangsters and like it's true and it's based on a book by a journalist who either is from there and went or went back to like report on it and so the net the hulu series is like kind of fictionalized but overall based on her book and what happened and it's just really sad and like one of the two like a bunch of kids were convicted but two were actually convicted for murder one was a like a 16 year old boy who really didn't know her but was just kind of at the time there at the time and kind of was like bad upbringing drunk and just was kind of like yeah whatever i'll get in on this they all basically attacked her and beat her up but then this one girl and then this guy eventually like went back and And so the girl was one who was like, I think, primarily responsible for her death.

And she's still in prison because she is horrible. And she I think she's gotten let out on parole a few times and is back and has managed to have like two kids while she was out on parole and stuff. But she can't even like she still was denying it up until recently whereas the boy ended up doing a bunch of restorative stuff in prison and even the parents of this girl forgave him and advocated for his release yeah so there was kind of like that right spot but i just like this girl was such a piece of work and just like just a major yeah and even like the actress who played her like i couldn't differentiate between her and the actual human that she was portraying and i was just like i don't know horrible so hard to watch so i recommend that i mean it was it's it's a difficult tough like kind of dark drama yeah Yeah, but it was... I'll write it down then.

It was interesting. Under the bridge. I'll check it out. Do it. And I'll check out... I'm in a mood to be depressed. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

So I saw this headline the other day. There's not really much more information. And to be honest, I've not done any further research or looked into it any further. But I just thought it was interesting. Yeah, it's a standard for us. So a baby girl has been abandoned in London

who is full sibling to two previously abandoned babies who have since been adopted. Which means previously abandoned babies who have since been adopted which means it's the same mum and dad that are having these kids and then abandoning them

for unknown reasons well they don't want the kids well yeah we can probably make that assumption where are they leaving these kids the kids well yeah you know we we can deduce probably make that assumption yeah yeah where are they leaving these kids i don't know london um but yeah it's just a really weird scenario and like everyone was commenting on it saying the fact that it's the mother and the father being

the same they could understand if it was the mother who may be getting pregnant by different men, you know, could be in a bad situation, but it's the same parents. So a lot of people are saying like, it's reminiscent of like a Joseph Fritzl scenario. Oh,

well, I was just going to say, do we know if these children have any sort of like genetic issues that could mean that mom and dad are related in some way and shouldn't be having kids? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I didn't say as I said, I did not look into it further. I just saw the headline, started reading the comments and got lost down a little rabbit hole i mean on one hand like i'm glad that they're obviously doing something to make sure that their kids are found when they don't feel like they can be the ones responsible

you know and i know there's i don't know how it is in england but like you're maybe not here once upon a time here i think you could like go leave your kid at a fire station and yeah yeah something like that yeah yeah um and they would your kid would you know be taken care of and i think it's a better option than just like well i'm gonna put you in a dumpster sometimes happens too um but i would be very curious after i mean three is it is, it's just like, there's other things you can do, right? Have the, like carry the pregnancy full term and, you know, like there's birth control even.

So. Yeah. Do you think they're trying to identify the parents at all? They must be, mustn't they? There must be an investigation into it. We have worked 24-7 in each of these three cases to identify the parents so far and without success. Baby Elsa was found wearing a large dark coat with a light-colored scarf or hood around her neck and had a... Oh, she had a little backpack.

Aw. Aw. And she was an infant and they left her... She was discovered by a dog walker in newham borough on january 18th oh so sad i mean like the not the best scenario but the like the best scenario is that it's a couple with like really bad mental health issues yeah that kind of after or it's some poor woman that's being held captive by a wanker and so the dad is like ditching them or someone else

is ditching them to help cover oh god well i hope i hope that's like it's the best case scenario which is just two people who really didn't feel like there are other options but wanted to make sure their kid was safe and did it kind of poorly but it worked out i guess i don't know oh she's found in a shopping bag yeah in a shopping bag yeah oh man it just gets worse sorry i shouldn't have brought this up no i i guess when i'm thinking shopping bag it could be one of those like reusable ones that they oh yeah it probably is you know i initially just thought like a plastic bag yeah i mean they put her in a coat and also a little backpack so it feels like you know they wanted to at least like the intention was for this kid to be found i think yeah god where i hope they go on

to live a good life yeah damn man so sad so sad um did you hear that you know former president trump got convicted i did yeah several felonies isn't that interesting has he gone into prison yet no he probably luck him up yeah i know luck him up my god i saw so many like just old videos of him in like 2016 yelling about hillary going to jail and shouldn't be able to run for president and it's just like oh, like changing your tune now, I bet, though. Are there not rules to stop someone with a criminal conviction being president? You think that would be a thing, would you not? You would think so, but there isn't actually, as far as I know, like if you can't be president, if you have, you know, a felony or whatever. And there's probably reasons why, because I suppose

there's felonies, like wrongful. I don't know. We won't go down that rabbit hole. But I think the idea would be like, well, constituents aren't going to pick a person who has that kind of history. And that's know i think why people don't run for offices it's because it's like no because they're going to use my past whatever against me so and i don't really want to go through that and so but unfortunately in this case it's i don't think that's going to be a a barrier for him no people people don't seem to really care do they no not at all in fact they're probably like yeah i like him more now yeah probably i love that he's got 34 felony convictions he's got so much street cred yep he's just like martha

stewart everyone loves her oh god yeah just like every day it's just something new and worse and it's just like oh well i guess if we thought yesterday was okay, today is going to be okay. Today is fine too. Yeah, are we moving to Finland? Well, I'm still working on my application, but it should be done soon. What about you? Cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, mine's just gone through the postal service.

Okay, I better get mine in the mail then. Yeah. Well? through the postal service. Oh, okay. I better get mine in the mail then. Yeah. Well. Well. Should we do a... Am I the asshole? You know you are, baby. Baby.

We'll work on that. We're just a little rusty. I thought it was quite tuneful, actually. I mean, you tell me, Miss Expert Songstress. All right. I enjoyed this one. I hope you do, too. I'm sure I will.

You know me well. Okay. you too i'm sure it will you know me well okay am i the arsehole for not warning my wife about my arse rag say that one more time for me am i the arsehole for not warning my wife about my arse rag all right let's go let's dive in okay context my wife is weird about butt stuff i'm not talking sexual butt stuff that's obviously personal but up to the individual i mean her unwillingness to acknowledge that anything comes out of butts or that people even have buttholes i think it's very clear by even this episode in particular that you and i absolutely refuse to talk about or acknowledge anything comes out of her buttholes i will not talk about that it's way off limits okay so i've you know people like her exist in the world i think even once upon a time i was

probably one of those people oh at least when it comes to like i don't want my boyfriend to hear me go to the bathroom oh yeah sort of you know i think all women are a bit like that yeah yeah yeah okay so when we bought our house i wanted to install a bidet bidet a bidet a bidet we call them bidets but i know you say bidet well it's french i know you guys love french you're so close to the French. So I wanted to install a bidet, but my wife was against it. I told her that she doesn't have to use it, but she said just seeing it would gross her out. I will instantly vomit if I lay thine eyes upon this bidet.

I mentioned not feeling clean from just wiping with paper and she didn't understand not everyone has a naturally hairless arsehole barely requires wiping she asked if I could find an alternative I said I could use wet wipes but they're not flushable none of them are by the way yeah so garbage can yeah so they'd have to go in the trash she didn't like the idea of poopy things in the trash can and told me to figure something else out um i guess i'll just take a shower every time i shit some people do that you know yes and fine but like holy water bill yeah fucking hell um so she didn't like the idea of poopy things in the trash can and told me to figure something else out that she didn't have to know about so

so onto my ass rag i took an old towel tore it up and installed a discreet hook behind the toilet to hang the rag. It's completely hidden. And the way our bathroom is set up, we only have one. The sink is right next to the toilet. So I'm able to wet the rag, clean up, wash it in the sink and hang it back up. I swap it out a couple of times a week. Gross, maybe. But I figured that's my business since my wife did not want to hear about my butthole cleaning habits.

Okay. Recently, my wife and I were showering together and she forgot to bring in a washcloth for herself. No. Sorry. I don't use one. I use a sisal pouch with bar soap. Hold on.

How's that spelled? S-I-S-A-L. I need to know what this is. Yeah, me too. Oh. Clever. It's like a little loofah that you put over... Oh, that is clever.

Yeah, it makes your sofa loofah. Nice. It's like a little bag. You pop the soap in. Lovely jubbly. Great idea. I'm going to get one. Where was I?

Sizzle pouch. Sizzle pouch. Sizzle pouch, sizzle pouch. Oh, yeah, okay. I offered to hop out and grab her a washcloth, but she said, no, don't worry, I'll just use yours, and reached for my arse rag. I thought you couldn't see it, sir. Very good point, Catherine. Well done.

I said, you don't want to use that. She asked me I said just trust me and she kept pushing so I came clean about my arse rag she was horrified started dry heaving and kicking me out of the shower apparently she'd been using it as a washcloth for years whenever she got us which is often oh my god and i met like face armpits, boobs, toes. Okay. Yep. Her own butt. Oh, man. Okay. So apparently she'd been using it as a washcloth for years whenever she forgot hers, which is often.

What I don't get is how she thought it was my washcloth because A, it's hidden behind the fricking toilet, and B, she knows I don't use a washcloth. We got into an argument. From my perspective, it was obvious that my arse rag wasn't a washcloth. We got into an argument. From my perspective, it was obvious that my ass rag wasn't a washcloth. All bets are off when you use someone else's shit without asking and her butthole hang-up is interfering with my personal hygiene. From her perspective, I violated a clear

boundary she set years ago and I'm just an overall gross person. I did apologise but I was upset and my apology wasn't really sincere. I'm sleeping on the couch right now to try and give her some space, but I'd like to know if I owe her a more sincere apology over this arse rag fiasco. I'm really not sure, and her reaction has me thinking that maybe I am disgusting and that I'm lacking perspective to see it. I also don't think her butthole aversion is normal, and it's the main reason I ended up resorting to the Arsrag solution in the first place and not telling her about it. Am I the arsehole?

Um, no. You have an arsehole that might need some special attention. I just, I can't get over the fact that, like, he went to great measures to hide this thing behind the toilet and thought that, like, it was not visible. And she found it and was like, this washcloth in this unusual space is not sus. For my face. Not sus at all. And I'm gonna use it. I just, like, that in and of itself blows my

fucking mind and if she's so disgusted by like that sort of thing i am surprised that she'd be willing to use someone else yeah especially one that's hanging behind the toilet. Right. It's bizarre. It makes no sense. No. And like, I'm sorry if I found that washcloth. My first question would be, babe, why is there a washcloth hanging hidden behind the toilet? Oh, that's my butt rag. Okay. But like, I do think there is something like, he's not disgusting.

He's trying very hard to like, take care his hygiene and not be disgusting yeah and she basically is like you can't do anything that normal people who also want to take care of their bathroom needs do and it resorted to this really kind of bizarre workaround um that ultimately then led her to be in this mess and like sure okay bidets are i've seen the ones that you can put on your toilet they're not super cute fine i get that she maybe is wanting to draw the line there but like the toilet wipes fine get get a trash bin in your bathroom that has a lid on it so you don't have to see it then. Because to me that's like... And make him clean it out. Yeah.

Like that makes the most sense to me. But also like, Gal, you can't really, I don't think you can kind of like dictate people's bathroom needs. No, I agree. people's bathroom needs no i agree they could have also got one of those fancy japanese toilets where everything's like installed and you can shove perfume up your ass and it cleans you and dries you and plays music while you poop i suspect that they maybe would have gone that route if if money wasn't a factor or i've seen those before they're really big the way they described their bathroom it makes me think of one of the ones in our house where it's like toilet is really right next to the sink it's kind of a small one and then the shower is right across from it yeah that I it makes me wonder if

even like it would be difficult to put about a toilet like that in that bathroom but I'm you know if I had enough space for a bidet well because the bidet is really just like um an attachment that goes under the seat it has like somehow you hook it up into your tank so that it can squirt water out it's just it's it goes on the toilet rather than a separate unit i've never seen a bidet like that we have like a separate yeah well that's usually what they are they're like a separate little baby toilet right no but you can get ones that you can like attach to your current toilet it's just like a little device that kind of comes out from under the lid

clever yeah clever yeah i mean you know how was he meant to warn her about something that she specifically wasn't allowed to talk about yep so i don't i don't think you're the asshole sir no 100 not i think you were just trying to clean your ass yes and she she is the asshole and maybe got a little bit of what's coming to her because there's no world where i would be like what is this oh no matter i I'm just going to use it to clean myself. Yeah. That is so bizarre. Yeah, I don't understand. Why wouldn't she just use a sizzle bag with the soap in it?

Yeah. And also, like, if you have your own washcloth, why are you taking it in and out of the bathroom? Just leave it in the fucking bathroom? Yeah. It does sound a little bit like they have, like, little shower caddies that they stuff in yeah or do oh they live in a dorm ah that's we've got to the bottom of it yep oh no what do the comments say i'm very curious um not the arsehole they're sort of giving him suggestions

uh someone's saying yeah you should get a bidet it's much more hygienic this woman has suggested that bidets are very good for when you have a period so convince your wife to agree because of menstruation

yeah hold on i'm one of those really long comment things where it's just loads of people talking oh like the threat yeah yeah um someone said okay here's the issue with this issue she has can she wipe her own arse if If she can, then her aversion is purely control of others. A bidet would allow her not to have to wipe her own arse, as it's way more hygienic, not to mention you can get the Tushy

Electric, which also does front and back, and heats the water and dries you. Oh, wow. Exciting. You respected her boundaries by finding a solution and didn't tell her which is what she asked she violated your boundaries by using your hygiene item i.e butt rag even if it even if it was for your face which i agree why would you hide it behind a toilet

she chose to use it which is cross contaminate cross contamination not to mention if she uses makeup she's now leaving product on your hygiene item stand your ground set the terms you followed um sorry she set the terms you followed you chose she chose to ignore your boundaries and use your item without your permission she's only got herself to blame she's also needs to go to counseling for her projecting her issues onto others seriously this is unhealthy and screams control versus actual aversion nailed it yes madam yep nailed it yeah I disagree I did enjoy that one also just like it just really kind of had a little story in my head I imagined as you told me about it I thought about the cutting up the towels and the little hook like a little command strip hook behind the toilet and he just had his little thing and he

hung it he's on the toilet reaching around for it and then like washing it and then which is like that's a kind of some extreme shit there too i would be really annoyed if that's what i had to do yeah i'd be like i'll empty the garbage i will make sure there's a lid on it i will put it in the little thing so you don't have to look at it. We can have a separate garbage that you can use, and I'll have a little closed bucket for my wet wipes. I'm also assuming she puts her period products in the trash. That's different. That's not poo.

Poo wipes. I don't know. This is someone who I'm guessing some of this stems from probably how she was brought up, too. But that person had a point. Like, does she not wipe her own butt? Yeah. You all do, guys. I've got news for you.

I mean, I'd hope so, anyway. I pay someone to do mine. Oh, do you? Yeah. You've got one of those ass cleaners. Yeah. Yep. Very nice. His name's roger i was gonna say roger

because that is the most natural name for a butt wiper of course duh it's the first choice yeah that's when you, I think, put a little listing out for it's in need of, Roger, a butt wiper. Fucking brilliant. Well, there you have it. Not the arsehole. Nope. She needs to lighten up. Yep.

Well, it felt good getting back into the swing of things. How about for you? Yes, I've rather enjoyed our chat, although it was bum heavy, which I'm very sorry about, listeners. Bum heavy and, yes, poop heavy. That's life. It is. We didn't slag off men that much. Oh, funny thing, we slagged off women.

Yeah. Well, it was good to see you and we will be back again back once again for the renegade master d4 damage power to the people what no seriously what but until next time you can find us on all of our usual haunts which is instagram twitter slash x tiktok other things tsyb pod at tsyb pod or send in your send in your poo horror stories where your horrible dates or other weird shit that's happened to you at talk shit to us happened to you. At TalkShitToUsAtGmail.com. What, what? What, what?

Boop, boop, boop. World star. And on that note, I bid you farewell. And peace be with you. Peace be with you. Au revoir. Goodbye. Adios.

Goodbye. Weios. Goodbye. We out. Bye! you