Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 50. Dads Are Just Like Us

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

(Apologies for Gem's mic quality!) This we we're talking Fathers day fact, cloud seeding, teeth tales, book to show adaptations and a pastry based AITA!Send in your stories, AITA's, questions and anything you like to [e-mail] or socials @TSYBPOD

Hey, Torontonians. Recycling is more than a routine. It's a vital responsibility. By recycling properly, you help conserve resources, reduce energy use and greenhouse gas emissions, and protect the environment. Toronto's Blue Bin Recycling Program ensures the majority of the right items are recovered and transformed into new products. Recycling right is important and impactful. Let's work together and make a difference because small actions lead to big change. For more tips on recycling visit toronto.ca slash recycle right. Hello and welcome back to Talking Shit with Yank and Britt. I'm the Britt. I'm the Yank. She's the Yank. Okay.

Why am I getting like Dame Judi Dench vibes? I don't know, it just came out. We have Dame Judi Dench today on our podcast or maybe like mrs doubtfire robin williams hello vibes if we had dame judy dench on this podcast I would say we could probably just call it quits after that. That's peak. That is Dench. So Dame Judy, if you want to listen. No, she sure is.

She's our biggest fan. Oh, yeah, cool. She loved her poop episode. Anyway. Oh, God. anyway anyway um on to this week's show so um this is actually episode 50 holy shit it is we've made it oh my god i can't believe I just totally ignored that milestone. Go for us. Go us. Go us. Look what we've achieved. So much talking shit, talking about shit, and shitting ourselves.

Yes. It's come full circle. I mean, over 50 hours worth of you and I talking about all the things. All the things and all the stuff and I'm proud of us well done unfortunately we don't have a very special 50th episode planned for you

it's just gonna be more of the same other than Dame Judi Dench being here yay yay I'm so pleased to be here thank you so much for having me, Gemma and Catherine. How are you? I know we just spent 45 minutes doing all of the shit talking off air, but how are you? I'm doing all right, yeah. Doing okay.

Good. I mean, you probably can't see it's like sun has come out it looks kind of sunny they're far sunnier oh no it's gone oh that was your second of sunlight yeah this has been the shittiest summer i think i've ever known it's just raining and gray constantly it's cold it's like 13 degrees kate 13 degrees celsius fucking cold i don't know how i don't know how cold that is or what that degree is compared to fahrenheit which is the only measure of temperature that i understand because i went to public school in america so it's 55 oh that's like a spring That's like a spring. That's like a spring temperature. Yeah, it's fucking June.

Fed up with it. Can't mow the lawn because it's always fucking raining. It's like a forest out there. It is. It doesn't feel like it, but it's 71 here. Woo! Yeah. Well, that's good. Lucky you. It's kind of overcast and shitty today, but we've had

plenty of sunshiny days yeah i looked at your weather the other day actually and was like you bastards i'm sorry it looks really sunny and warm come visit like i said okay my weather app is giving me rain and sadness though so good not today don't don't come today i have a theory though about why you guys are having such a shit summer oh do tell because you chose to have your summer start in fucking march with british summertime begins daylight savings time that is it's a good point don't do that wasn't didn't the gopher say it was going to be nice though yeah and we had the mildest winter that i've experienced in a long time to a point where i was like oh yeah the world's definitely ending i was worried about like

how like shit was gonna grow but then we ended up getting so much rain that it was fine like we have a gorgeous lawn i'm not gonna lie great i mean we had really it was really bad lawn so we had to like pay a significant sum for people to come and fix it but it worked and it looks really great in fact the pizza delivery guy the other day was like, your lawn is perfect. I was like, thanks. Like he complimented me. I was like, thank you.

Thank you. I try so hard. Well, I learned the other week, people probably know that this is a thing, but I didn't know this was a thing until I found out that it was a thing. That like in really hot countries like Dubai and places like that in deserts, they do cloud seeding where they fuck with the atmosphere and the weather and make it rain.

And I'm wondering whether someone has done that over here and that's why it's fucking raining all the time. Some little asshole is in his tiny little little cessna two when going up and going yep don't you think that's mental yeah learned yet not to fuck with nature now i have absolutely no knowledge or understanding about this other than it is a thing and i remember when i first learned about it i was like that seems like that probably the long-term effects of that is not great no i reckon that's but hey there was a massive flood wasn't there oh yeah so then that unintended consequence but hey you know people at home if you know anything cloud seeding, tell us what the ramifications are on the climate and whether it actually does more harm than good.

Because that's my suspicion. But what the fuck do I know? Yeah, what are they called? Meteorologists? They're the weather people, aren't they? Yeah, climatologist, meteorologist, the weather woman, the weather lady. If someone could get in touch and just explain how cloud saving works, then I can probably Google it to be fair. No, we're not going to.

We're not going to because we don't do that here. Nope. Only if I care enough will I do it. Well, what are we talking about today? Good question. We've not decided well here i have some fun things for you did you know that today june 15th is beer day in britain i did not yeah so go have a beer don't like beer what What the fuck? Why are we friends? I just can't.

I keep trying. I just don't like it. Well, this is what I base my friendships on. So we're done. Sorry. Occasionally, like on a really hot day, I don't mind a very cold, light lager, like a Bud Light or something like that. Yuck. But I'll get halfway down it, and as soon as it gets slightly warm or slightly flat, I'm like, this is disgusting.

I don't want it. I'll have a cider or a glass of wine. Thank you. It's funny because, like, your beers are typically served kind of warm and flat. So no wonder you don't like them. That's why I don't like them. But then even is like the ales which are usually warm and very heavy and yeah peaty and don't like them they're peaty and earthy and dirt flavored and penny flavored yeah and blood

flavored yeah all of those things i don't like ipas and epas and some ales it's really the i or p and the ep or the p i don't like that ales are okay i don't like the a and b nope nope fair enough fair enough But about today, though, Beer Day, the origins of it are thus because it's also the day in history when the Magna Carta was signed. Do you know what the Magna Carta is? No. I do, but I don't. I mean, yeah, right. We know we've heard this word. We know it was a thing from a long time ago that did a thing and it was like a kind of a thing for things um but it was the pact that a group of english barons negotiated with the king of england i don't know i think king richard or tommy or something uh tommy shelby um the king of england that curtailed, that kind of was the kickoff of the,

no, curtailed the universal rights of the monarchy. So these other rich dudes were pissed at the top rich dude about all of his power and rights, I guess. I don't know. So they did the Magna Carta, but what the Magna Carta also included was it standardized the measurement of

beer, ale, and wine. Ah, very important. Mm-hmm. standardized the measurement of beer ale and wine ah very important i'm sure there is probably a lot of financial ecological sociological psychological zoological reasons why they needed to do that but i thought it was just like and you know what we want our beers served in pints and we want our wine served in pints yes i was about to say we want wine in pints too

and that's the standard you get everywhere so apparently like today is a day when people like to go to the pub and celebrate beer and wine so you can have wine today good okay i'll have a wine um if it was a sunny day then there would would be approximately, I don't know, 10 million people doing that, sitting in a lovely beer garden during British summertime. Not today, though. Sorry, folks. Not today. Well, it is also Dog Dad Day. Oh.

Is there a Dog Mom Day? I doubt it. But maybe. I will Google that. Jess was 10 the other day. Aw. She's reached 70 years old. Is that the equivalent?

Jesus. Okay. Dog mom day is, we missed it, second Saturday of May. Oh, amazing. I assume it correlates with maybe mother and father's day because tomorrow is father's day and i suppose is mother's day the second sunday in may no you guys have a different mother's day a different one i don't understand why this is i think we've already talked about this let's go back and listen to that episode i've already forgotten what we discovered and what we

discussed and the result of our conversation. Mother's Day for cat moms is May 30th. So miss that. Thanks, cats. Really appreciated that card. Cheers for the card, guys. And Cat Dad Day for inquiring minds at home. October

29th. Obviously. It's National Cat Day is National Cat Day and National Cat Daddy Day oh cat daddy I don't know what my obsession is with the today is this day but it just is what day is our

saint whatever what was the name saint colin saint colin of moldovia moldova there we go november oh yeah we put it in our phones didn't we yeah put it in the calendar uh no that's my dad's birthday oh happy birthday dad 13th okay yes that's what i that was that's what i thought um speaking of dads though father's day is tomorrow for both of us our countries right that's the same yeah so i figured we to be fair should share some fun facts about Father's Day since we did that for Mother's Day. Right? Okay, yeah.

Did you know that the oldest Father's Day card, when do you think the first or the oldest known Father's Day card is from? I'm going to say 1735. Well, I only have it that it's 4,000 years years old so let me do some math real quick let's see uh 2024 minus 4 000 is negative 1976 so not right um it i guess a babylonian tablet by a boy named el mesu like i don't know how they know that because i didn't do any research um love from el mesu yep much love el mesu uh dear pops uh i wish you a long life and good health love El Mesu is basically what it said in his language but he carved it so you know it took him a full year

I don't know that's what you call a homemade card isn't it so not so much about Father's Day but a fun father fact Ismail Ibn Sharif

fathered 888 children in the late 17th century. How? He just had a lot of wives and concubines and fucked a lot. He fucks. He fucks good.

His soldiers are swimming. Yeah. Maybe he was like a sultan or king or something and just was like i do what i want and it's good to be the king as mel brooks said in uh history of the world part one yeah so we're probably related to this guy yeah do you know that all people with blue eyes are related to like one, the same one person? Who? Fucking millions of years ago.

Who? Do we know the name? Buzz Aldrin. The first American on the moon, is it him? Yeah, probably him. You know, I feel like I have heard something like that or some other kind of similar fact tidbit about people with a certain genetic trait but that is interesting but why not is it just because it's just like a recessive gene yeah but like people with shit colored eyes or green eyes like me I don't know um what i've learned about myself doing this podcast kate is i i read facts i take the bare minimum amount of information and just fuck off all the rest so i

can't give you any more information on that of course but i like to quiz you anyways and then i panic and i start googling but here's the thing you could just make shit up that would be fine with me well actually what it is is yeah like it's just the whole episode is just wrong answer only that's just my life I had a really funny wrong answer question but that was prompted by what my answer would be um so i'm gonna say it and therefore we can't ever use it again but like something like what would be your favorite or what what would you like have your first dance to or walk down the aisle to and mine was immediately smack my bitch up or i got hoes in different area codes. That would be great. I was just like, that'd be a really good wrong answer only.

Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I kind of got sidetracked. A couple more tidbits. Oh, yeah. Give us some tidbits. So we talked about from Mother's Day kind of like how that became a national thing, the origins of it and i saw that apparently richard nixon who was one of our presidents like who was kind of a piece of shit and got impeached because of watergate right

uh but he did sign father's day guy was he yes dick nixon dick nix yep um i mean there's a that movie with i want to to say Michelle Williams, maybe. It's called Dick. Sounds about right. And it's about that. It's called Dick. Yeah, it's just called Dick. And these two teenagers who, like, it's fictional, but based on the Watergate scandal, like, helped crack the Watergate scandal.

It's pretty funny. Let's see. Oh, so yeah. Michelle Williams, Will Ferrell, Ryan Reynolds, Kirsten Dunst, like a lot of famous people. It's a pretty old movie though. Pretty tiny people. Yeah, 1999.

I watched that. Yeah, I recommend it. I watched the other week. Dogma. Have you seen that? Yes. Yeah, I haven't seen it. I really enjoyed it.

It's been a while. Alanis Morissette is God, right? Yeah. So anyway, I read that Richard Nixon was the one who actually signed Father's Day into law as a permanent holiday in 1972. And then as I was continuing to search for Father's Day facts that weren't just funny dad jokes or gifts for your dad um i came across another factoid that said like lyndon b johnson or woodrow wilson were the ones who did it and so i was like

well what the fuck is the right answer then because if anything i want to be accurate just kidding fake news so what actually based on wikipedia which we know is the source, Woodrow Wilson wanted to make it official in 1916, but Congress was like, no, we're worried. It's going to be too commercialized. So he wasn't successful. And then Calvin Coolidge in 1924 was like, we should do this, guys. And didn't, yes.

But he didn't go so far as to, like, make it a national proclamation. And then a senator, Margaret Chase Smith, in 1957, proposed it and accused Congress of ignoring fathers for 40 years while honoring mothers, thus singling out just one of our two parents. Yeah. That was her soapbox. Quality. one of our two parents yeah that was her soapbox quality then lyndon b johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers for in the on the third sunday in june and six years later tricky dick signed it into law so am i right in thinking then that like national bagel day is also law no i don't i mean there are probably some weird ones that are signed into law by someone you know

kind of like as an honorary shit but um a lot of those are not so it's a shame and then did you know that beavers are one of the few male creatures in the animal kingdom that stick around after mating to raise kids and sometimes are even single fathers oh yeah i didn't either isn't that cute really cute they've reintroduced beavers into our rivers in england and they're doing a wonderful job because we killed them all obviously oh why because people were like well they're making dams and it looks horrible and it's redirecting the water. We can't do that because it will make our homes flood. Okay.

So don't kill them. We got rid of everything, didn't we? That's what we like to do, rape and pillage in England. But yeah, they've reintroduced them. And Alan actually went paddle boarding the other night in a river near him and saw loads and sent me a video. It's like little beavers living on the river. It's really cute. But apparently they're doing wonders.

Like they're really sorting out the ecosystem. Turns out that they had a purpose that benefited things. Weird. Shock horror. Yeah. I thought that was funny, though, because you don't really see that. I mean, we can talk about how seahorses are the ones that, like, carry and fertilize and give birth to, you know, the baby seahorses and all of that. And penguins as well. They mate for mife.

They mate for mife. They don't stick around to raise the kids, though. Dad's fucking off to the bar. To raise the kids, though, dad's fucking off to the bar. So happy Father's Day tomorrow to all the dads out there. I mean, at the time that this comes out, it would have been last Sunday. Happy Father's Day last Sunday to all the dads out there. I hope you had a lovely day. I hope you got a card and maybe an ugly tie and breakfast in bed that really probably wasn't that

good, but you acted like it was. And then I hope you got the nap that you wanted because that's all dads really want. They just want a nap. Yeah. And a nice pair of slippers. Yep. Dads are just so i know you had a fun little doctor's appointment today yeah i went to the dentist and i sat there for four hours with my mouth open first of all dentist on a saturday i was shocked. But I was happy about it because I didn't have to book any time off work. Yeah. I mean, that's cool. I just, that's weird. And so I wanted to talk about some like dental teeth stuff.

And like if you Google like facts about teeth, you're just going to get a bunch, in the U.S., you're just going to get a bunch of dentists' webpages that say – anyway. But I did find an interesting little factoid. Did you know that John Lennon had to get his tooth extracted and he kept the tooth and he gave it to his housekeeper because her daughter was a huge Beatles fan and they kept it in the family for 40 years and it was sold for $31,000 at auction. What? Dude. So someone out there is like, I got John Lennon's tooth, which is weird. I should have kept my extractions.

Actually, I think my mom does still have my baby teeth in like a little pot. Oh, your mom liked you then. Yeah, I think that was a thing parents do. And I thought it was's kind of weird but whatever yeah i saw a quote um i think it was today actually weirdly where it was like like kids don't appreciate their milk teeth like i could really do with an extra set of teeth in my 30s so yeah thank you yeah yeah i feel like i read something recently or someone was telling me a story about how like parents keep teeth or like their parent kept their teeth too like this is not

an uncommon thing at all here but then like proceeded to give it to them like oh i was cleaning out here's your baby teeth and it's like no i didn't ask't ask you to keep those. Yeah, I'm pretty sure my mum did that for me as well. She was like, do you want these? I was like, no. What are we going to do with them? Make a necklace? You absolutely should. I so should.

Souvenirs for my enemies I've slain. Yes. Ignore that they're very small. They weren't children, I swear. small they weren't children i swear they're also testing a new drug that regrows adult teeth oh interesting i've just started the human trials so but how do they know where to grow well this is it i've going to grab your elbow in my ear gross okay yeah you know what i'm probably good but i hope it's effective and the people who are trying it out don't end up having teeth in their butthole or something yeah i mean i i

remember you know when you're a kid and your milk teeth fall out and the pain of a tooth coming through your gum, not fun. I'm sorry. I guess I didn't have that experience. I didn't think it was that painful. I know teething for babies is really hard. Well, I just didn't know what was fucking going on, do they? That too. But, like, I guess i don't remember in particular feeling

like i lost my teeth like a normal person does i swear and don't i feel like i don't recall no i think the thing is though when you're a kid because you've lost your wobbly tooth you've kind of got an open hole haven't you yeah but like your gum's not like if i was to grow a fucking tooth in my gap now i I reckon that fucking hurt. Yeah. It would be like when you were a baby teething because it literally is erupting through the gum. So yay teeth things. Yay teeth. So one story for you that I read that I thought was pretty horrible. I mean, I read so many horrible ones, but this one was not so horrible

that like we needed to go, we would need to go like shower. Um, and it's short. So this person on Reddit wrote that my girlfriend is a dentist. She worked at a kid's dentistry for a few months. One day a mom came in with her son. The mom was clearly not the cleanest person. Apparently she looked, and this is in quotes, cracked out right which i don't love that but you know use your imagination it paints a picture yeah uh they bring the son back who's been complaining about his gums hurting extremely bad thought it was an infection or a really bad sore and wanted to get it checked inside his mouth was a an apparently disgusting cyst, which I learned today, cysts in mouth are a thing. One of those nasty pulsing ones that you see in an alien movie when the protagonist gets onto the mothership and finds the incubation room.

Another nice picture for you, right? Like, I'm really visualizing it. Anyway, so after some discussion, they decide to do the procedure in a semi-normal way. Numb the kid up. Ahem, it says. Deinflate the cyst, then remove it. Easy as can be, sorta. Yeah.

So they numb the kid, prepare for an incision, and cut away. Out crawls a larva. No! No, no, no, no. Yes. I thought it was going to be something like this. Yes. I thought it was going to be something like this. Yes. Thing from this cyst had – out crawls a larva thing from the cyst it had been living in.

Honestly, I had to tell her to stop telling me about her day at work right then. I don't know what happened after that as I was desperately trying not to puke while driving as she told me this. She had a bit more detail. No. And I saw other ones. How did it get in there? Exactly. I saw another one where a dentist was like,

a patient came in and a live bug flew out of like one of the holes. What the fuck? Yep. Or a woman, a woman who super glued fake french nail tips onto her teeth because she i guess she thought it looked better than actually just going and getting her teeth fixed and like she did it for years and then fine yeah but i'm also trying to envision like what that looks like so but then she finally went to the dentist and was like i need you to actually use like dental glue and the dentist was like i'm i'm not doing this and she has like eat well exactly and she

had like years of dental glue and like shit stuck to her teeth because of it and like he was like we need to clean all of that off and i'm not gonna be gluing them back on for you that nail glue is like toxic as well so imagine like the state of your gums yeah just like burn it away yeah oh my days take care of your teeth and don't do weird shit to it folks yeah floss yeah apparently flossing is actually well if you don't floss it's like the quote I read was, it's like wiping your butt cheeks, but not your crack. Right. Continuing on from last episode. Continuing the butt humor.

Yeah. Yeah. I think there's like a, like, not a problem, but I don't remember, the dentist telling me to floss when I was a kid. Yeah, your dentists hate you guys. Yeah, it was never a thing. It was a real conversation for, like, every single time. Now I use teepees. Yeah, I have a water pick.

Dental brushes. Yeah. Water pick. Ooh, fancy. Yeah, because I'm not a super consistent flosser. I will floss too, but the water pick is the daily thing. And floss, this is what my dentist told me. The water pick is great.

Still should floss, but you can do it probably a couple times a week instead of seven times a day, as they advise. Yeah. My earphone's really hurting my ears this week it must have got bigger yep they're growing yep um you have an article for me i do yeah so i came across this a little while ago and i just thought it was quite juicy and I'm sort of into the drama of it. So it's... Spill that tea.

It's people sharing how they caught their partners cheating. Oh, yeah. Mmm. So, a Reddit user recently asked, for those of you who caught your spouse cheating, how did you do it? And here's some of the tales

prepare for the juice so i found a message on his phone from a mutual friend of ours that read i can't stop thinking about all the things i want to do to you when i see you again we'd been together six years and i was four months pregnant at the time ah so like saw a text message that pretty much clearly yeah which is i think probably how a lot of people find out but i wonder what the response was yeah yeah that's gotta hurt another one said she had done some unexpected personal grooming and packed lingerie to take to work with her. When we got home at the end of the day, she went off to get ready for bed, clearly not intending to sleep with me. I pulled the very used lingerie out of her bag and confronted her.

She evaded initially, but ended up confessing that it was some guy from her work that she'd only met a couple of days earlier. that it was some guy from her work that she'd only met a couple of days earlier so she just was like perfectly fine being like packing for work and pulling out yeah like her corset and boots like garter belt and just like oh yeah just taken to work okay so that was three weeks ago she's still sleeping with the new guy while i've moved out i'm trying to figure out how we sell the house we bought together seven months ago. So fun times. Oh, sad. Dude.

Interesting. Okay. Oh, yeah. What a camp. Yeah. I say interesting like, hmm, interesting. That's rough. But I also just can't get over how dumb she is.

She might have been purposely making it obvious. I was just going to say it could have been intentional. Okay. My ex used to run a construction business with a childhood friend. They were very close and his friend was at our wedding. with a childhood friend. They were very close and his friend was at our wedding. My ex started stealing money from the business

and lying about jobs. We didn't know this until his friend showed up at our home demanding that we pay him back. My ex refused and told him he was going solo in the business.

The friend looked me dead in the eye and told me the woman's name. No other info but just the name. I immediately knew what he meant by the dead in the eye and told me the woman's name. No other info, but just the name. I immediately knew what he meant by the look in his eye. He then gave me the address. The house was built by my husband four years prior. Oh.

Yeah, I suppose that's, I mean, it's petty, but yeah. That's what you get for being a loud and treating. Yeah. But also, like, I was willing to Yeah. For being a lot untreatant. Yeah. But also, like, I was willing to keep this secret until he started stealing from me, which I was watching a reality TV show, and one of the questions that was asked of the contestants was, like, would you keep a secret for your friend effectively of that? And I think the majority of people said yes, which I also understand. But it's also still, like, well, until he wrongs you.

And then it's like, fuck it. That's it. Okay, another one. He told me that he was at his parents and would probably be spending the night. I was over at his parents for dinner. They'd seen me on my way home from work and invited me over i was about to ask him when he would be finished with work so that he could meet me there then i saw the message wow what an idiot so he actually was like i'm at my parents and i'm staying the night rather

than i'm probably gonna stay the night at my parents tonight yeah she's like oh She's like, oh. She's like, so I'm sitting here. Yeah. Oh, God. Oof. So we've talked about me like having a TikTok so I can watch TikToks. And there's this one that comes up every so often. And it's like a radio show. I think it's a radio show. It might be a podcast. But it's like people in a room, a couple, and it seems like it's a radio show.

podcast, but it's like people in a room, a couple, and it seems like it's a radio show. And what they do is they have like a segment where people call in who are like, I think my partner's cheating on me. And so then they give them the partner's phone number and someone calls to be like, hey, you're randomly selected to send flowers to any person of your choice for free. Who would you like to send it to? What would the message be if in like just a bunch of stuff like acting like a company calling and saying you were randomly selected you know yeah and the people who agree obviously they don't show i mean i wish they would show the ones where the people send it to their spouse because that would be nice but they it's always like i think he's he or she's cheating on me with so and so the one i just saw recently was like his student, I think adult student, but,

um, and he was a Spanish teacher. And so he sent it to the person that this woman thought he maybe was having an affair with. And then the message was in Spanish and I was waiting for them to translate it and they didn't. But then what they do is after they get it all, after they get all the proof and the spouse is on the, like on the other line listening, do is after they get it all after they get all the proof and the spouse is on the like on the other line listening um they say okay so you are on a radio show we're here with your wife and we just she just heard you basically or he just heard you basically send flowers to another person yeah yeah oh it's devious but i love it it is yeah fuck got any more yeah i got more um this guy says she said she was a friend studying i had suspicions about a guy she was working with so i drove 30 minutes to his house and found her car

there i parked out front and called her she picked up and I just let her bury herself as hard as I could I asked her what she was studying what the girl's name was that she was studying with where she lived and everything I could everything I could think of to make her fumble about then I told her to look out the front of the house that she was in when I I saw her peek through that blind, I waved and told her to come find a new place to live and get her things. Well, I mean, I suppose you want for sure evidence, right? Yeah, oh, this was quite good. I was rubbing her stomach in bed and she made a joke about not being pregnant, assuring me that she'd had a pregnancy test two weeks before. We hadn't seen each other in three months because she'd been studying in Scotland.

Oh. Oh. What a weird thing to say, too. Yeah. I'm not pregnant. Definitely not pregnant. I've tested it, don't worry. Okay. People are weird. Um... definitely not pregnant i've tested it don't worry okay people are weird um maybe she just likes to take pregnancy tests randomly for fun just just to be sure yeah we all do that don't we yeah yeah it's like uh you know waiting for your period

it it's also just fun to be like, still not pregnant. Yay! Let's party. You need a reason to celebrate in this day and age. True. Okay, my boyfriend and flatmate went out for drinks while I stayed at home with the flu. I fell asleep on the sofa watching TV

and woke up to noises upstairs. Sounded like moaning and kissing. My heart sank and I felt like throwing up as I silently crept to my bedroom to peer in. My flatmate was on top of my boyfriend half naked. She saw me and leapt off then ran to her bedroom and shut the door. I yelled and banged on it but she ignored me. I went to him to yell to get an explanation, but he pretended he was asleep, completely ignoring me and denying it the next day. Okay. Very shaggy style.

Wasn't me. It wasn't me. I was going to say if that person like invited someone to her house while she was asleep, that is quite a pair of balls. But the fact that it was the flatmate, still ballsy, but at least, at least they were already, should be like living there. Pretended to be asleep. What, what happened? She was, I was asleep this whole time. No idea.

she was i was asleep this whole time no idea oh she left her diary on the lounge floor when she went to work i debated reading it but eventually gave in it was then i found out about her screwing my brother multiple times while I was working night shifts. Dear diary, I had sex with his brother again today. I just can't help myself because he looks so similar. They're twins. I got confused. You know, I, people, you know, I get that people journal and stuff like that. But also just, I don't like, if you don't want to get caught, that seems like a really dumb idea

yeah really fucking dumb yeah you said when I confronted her about it she called me out for reading her diary and for working the night shift therefore not being home when she was horny uh classic classic victim play I'm not going to lie well done you yeah there you go people oh we laugh because like sometimes just like this

cheers people are interesting I'll say that yeah people are horrible aren't they you know and like i yeah and in my so this is something that comes up a lot in my work and i you know like it is also like it is unfortunately just like what happens in relationships far too common and so people come and talk about like infidelity and and stuff like that that resulted in ultimately separating and and i want to empathize like i do empathize

because it sucks it's hurtful but i also i'm like you know i'm not the morality police here though so i i can't really like that in and of itself isn't, I can't base, base my work on that. Right. So, but I hear so many, so many different stories about that kind of stuff too. And some are similarly bonkers or just like, wow, dumb. Yeah. Well done. You ready for an M I the arsehole oh you know it baby I just thought this would be a nice

light hearted one really oh good after talking about weird gross teeth stuff and infidelity that's perfect just bring it round am I the arsehole for not getting my girlfriend a pastry Tooth stuff and infidelity. That's perfect. Just bring it round. Yeah. Am I the asshole for not getting my girlfriend a pastry because she's on a diet? Yes.

Yes, you are. I don't even need to hear it. Girl is hungry, deserves a treat every now and then. No, go on. Okay. My girlfriend of two years is absolutely gorgeous, a stunning woman. I love every inch of her and don't think anything needs to change. Over the past few months, she went through a really rough time with some family and work stuff, and as a result, ditched a lot of her exercise and healthy eating habits as you do yeah

as a result of overeating junk food she put on about 10 pounds while i tell her every day that she's beautiful and i mean it too she is uncomfortable and two weeks ago started talking about how she wants to cut out junk junk food start exercising again and go back to her baseline weight i support her efforts to return to healthier habits. So last week, on my way home from work, as I often do, I stopped in my favourite bakery in the city. I usually stop at least once per week. And while in the past I would always pick up something for myself and my girlfriend,

this time I only got something for myself because she's been vocal about how she wants to cut out pastries. I got myself a big cinnamon roll with cream cheese glaze. When I got home, she saw the bakery bag and asked, what did you get? I had to admit that I didn't get anything for her since she said she wants to cut out pastries. She got upset and said I should have texted her when I'm at the bakery and asked if she wanted anything. I said I just didn't think she would since she's been so vocal about not about wanting to cut out certain foods. She then said I shouldn't have gotten anything for myself either since now I'm just flaunting it, making her feel fat.

She cried a lot, but she's been a bit cold towards me. I'm genuinely confused. Am I the arsehole? Oh. Okay, so like my first thought, even before you really kind of started getting into it, was like, you could have just asked her, you know? Yeah. So, and she pointed that out. I think that that would have been the very easy choice right

um but also i understand his perspective of like she's been saying this um and so you know i don't want to basically enable enable is not the right word but like i want to support her and me texting her to be like do you want a donut babe and? And she probably does. And, you know, in a moment of weakness, but like I also think unless you guys talked about the I want to not have junk food in the house or, you know, I know you, you know, kind of like said because sometimes people can, you know, she can make her own decisions. Maybe she does have the willpower to be like, I don't want a donut, but thanks for asking, you know, or maybe maybe she was like, oh, I'll have like a little bit and then maybe, you know, I can – whatever. Like, or I've been doing well.

I think that unless that conversation happened, like he shouldn't have just assumed for her because that's just kind of not fair. But do I think she should make him out to be this big asshole about it? No. Now, her saying you shouldn't have any, you shouldn't have gotten anything and you're flaunting it, that is unless again there was a request that and he agreed to we're not going to have junk food in the house because it's too tempting and he agreed to that.

Like he's not on the diet. If he wants to have a cinnamon roll he can. If you guys live together like that's a little unfair so she's being a little bit of an asshole with that but however as someone who's um at times been uncomfortable with my body and my weight like and being uncomfortable on your skin it can have an emotional toll so while i do think she's being an asshole i also bet it that's a big part of it. And it's sad, but you know, really just fucking talk to each other, you know, don't, don't impose your dietary restrictions and like kind of body lack of confidence onto him and have him expect

to do the same thing, but talk about how he can support you he could have eaten the cinnamon roll in the car he could have actually yeah yeah so but i i mean i suppose he probably didn't know that she really felt like there's we just need to not have it in the house at all and then in which case let me just eat it right now is buzz throwing himself at the door yeah you must come back in there he's like i want to hear about the cinnamon roll. I like cinnamon rolls. I like the top comment on this. Basically sort of saying what you're saying. It says, you're not the arsehole, but you fell right into that trap.

No matter what they say, always ask the question. I'm at the pastry store. Would you like anything, dear? Trust me on this one. Save yourself a headache. It isn't about the pastry. It shows you're being meaningful and taking her possible needs into consideration, regardless of how bad she felt about herself. On, say, Tuesday, she wants the option to say yes or no to the pastry.

Yeah, like if he stopped by and just brought it home for her without asking every time before and did it again, then I would also be like, dude, she's on a diet and trying to cut out junk food. Like now just picking something up and bringing it home for her is also kind of ignoring that and a little bit rude, assholey behavior, even if you think you're being nice. So like the right move here would have been, I know you want to lose 10 pounds. I want to lose three pounds. I want to get cheese fries. Like you could have just been like, I'm getting my weekly cinnamon roll. Do you want anything? Do you want it?

But equally, like, I see what he's coming from. Totally. Like no offense to guys, but sometimes they think they're doing the right thing. Whereas the way women's careers and brains work, it's not the right thing. So he thought, she's on a diet i'm not gonna tempt her with nice food because she's on a diet she's told me she wants to stick to it i'm gonna help her out with that so he thought he was doing a nice thing um and i also like when i was trying to eat really healthily and clean like i have like no willpower yeah like if keith or someone was to say to me

do you want to get a takeaway i'd be like go on then yep so you know but you express that i mean i assume you know because it's not keith or or keith's responsibility to police that for you either you know but? But like, that's why it's like, this is what I need to do. Are you comfortable doing this? Or are you, like, if you're going to get a takeaway, just don't even ask me because I'll say yes. Fine. But I agree with you. I think in this case, probably she was going to be upset no matter what. The only right answer would have been if he didn't come home with anything because it wouldn't have started a fight, right? I don't think she should have reacted the way she did um but i can understand because it is hard when you're not feeling confident about yourself but like whether he brought a

donut home without asking asked her did what he did like she's probably gonna be upset because she feels bad about herself and that's being projected onto him. And so I'm not inclined to say either of them super assholey, particularly him, I think, but like could have done a better job. Right. But her a little bit assholey, but also just maybe communicate rather than get mad,

you know? I don't think there's any assholes here but maybe you should split your cinnamon roll yeah or just give her a little nibble it's fine a little little treat now and then is fine a little bit of your cream cheese yeah um any other are there any uh controversial comments like you are a fucking prick mate you're an absolute arsehole someone said you're the arsehole mildly this was thoughtless of you and you should have been a bit more sensitive and not brought big pastry home to enjoy in front of her while she's gay without that is a real girl's girl and i can appreciate that but i still think that's a bit extreme wow okay so i said you can make your dietary changes while also indulging once a week yeah i guess you don't understand your doubly bad choices you not only did not

text her and assumed she wouldn't want it but then you brought yours home to what eat in front of her eat it in the car or at work you're the arsehole i think moving forward dramatic readings of comments are an absolute necessity did that person write anything in all caps or was that just you? No, I just went for it. Perfect. I just felt the vibe for this person. I mean, that's exactly how I would have heard it.

Good. So. That's funny. I love this section and I love those subreddits or yeah, those, those Reddit communities. But sometimes I'm just like, you guys, it's not that deep. Like it doesn't need to be.

Yep. You're the asshole here. She's asshole. And I know there's like, nobody's the asshole option, but also it's just kind of like, yeah, you could have done better.

She could have done better. I'm guessing you guys aren't breaking up over this. Yeah. And if you do well then you probably weren't yeah she wasn't it wasn't meant to be now you can have all the cinnamon rolls you want do you know the craziest thing is um i don't know whether you're into it but bridgerton came out this week the final section of season three uh obviously i binged it in one evening I didn't know you were such a Bridgerton fan a Bridger

I'm not a fan of like period dramas and stuff like that you mean you don't love Downton Abbey well this is what I'm about to say so I accidentally got into Downton just because I was feeling really oops

oopsy oh I've watched five seasons oh no I just wanted something like oh I'll just put it on and everyone fucking loves Downton I know I don't know why I don't think anything happens isn't it just like six years of preparing for the king and queen to visit um but I put it on and you do just get into it there's just something lovely and charming about it and like homely and I ended up fucking watching all of it and the fucking films as well I don't know what it is it's just it's yeah it's a comfort watch it's a comfort watch but it's also there is a bit of drama and you know relationships and it's the rich people and like the servants servants as well and yeah you just you do get hooked into it so then when bridgeton

came out i was a little bit intrigued because it looked sort of similar modern and sexy sexy so yeah watch that um that's even better because it's like it's it's like a period drama on steroids yeah and it's like it's taking the piss out of itself it's very extravagant and like all the music is like modern tunes but which i actually really love that juxtaposition i've seen that in some other shows and like when the music i can't think of an example but it was you know just for hypothetically like a really old-timey medieval thing and it's got like uh my dick bigger than the eiffel tower by j cole or whatever playing in the background but you can't quite work it out i know this song but because it's like an orchestra yeah well because they have i was gonna say they have instrumental don't they

and it's like is that is that vitamin string quartet playing that's it i believe in a thing called love by the darkness yeah but it's also very sexy i've heard i've seen the first episode yeah ooh saucy dirty little Bridgerton people and also like in the recent series you've probably heard of the carriage scene that everyone's talking about

I haven't is it like the Titanic scene with the hands lighting up but sexier two characters who they've been in the show the whole time and they've been friends and they finally well they won't she's been in love with him forever

and then he fingered her in the carriage fingered her in the carriage and the song that was playing was Pitbull which one? I can't remember she's going down I'm yelling timber I think that's Pitbull Which one? I can't remember. She is going down. I'm yelling timber. I think that's Pitbull.

That's it. So Pitbull and Kesha. Give me everything. I don't know it. Wait. Give me all of you tonight. No it sing it for me you're the singer you have to cut out all of my singing I don't know it

but yeah sorry going back to my point is it's just finished and like the reddit sub for Bridgerton is just people just take it so seriously and they're like looking into every little detail and how they're disappointed with the showrunners version of this and that's not what the character should be like and I'm just like guys just enjoy the show it's nice was it a

book or a book series yeah okay I didn't know that either yeah so when you have that too people do get really upset like well i know you love harry potter yep so were you ever disappointed about the books and how it was translated into movies yeah the movie yeah but you didn't read the books so you were able to kind of enjoy the series truly yeah but there's one thing they're getting really pissed off about is there's um a couple in this season and they're quite sort of neuro divergent and it's quite cute to watch it's not like the normal steamy passionate romance that we're used to in bridgeton but then at the end they introduce his cousin i think it is um and there seems to be implications that the girl is going to have a lesbian relationship

with his cousin and everyone's kicking off because in the books like they're such a beloved heterosexual couple and they're just forcing queerness into it for the sake of it yeah it's just like guys just chill out like it's a fucking tv show isn't it it's not even real yeah go read the book if you need to like reinvigorate that storyline but like there's a like i think very few translations from book to you know video or whatever movie film uh tv it's very rare that it's actually as good well or just that they'd follow it exactly because like it's difficult like i don't know if any of those people have ever written a screenplay but as i understand it having also never written a screenplay it's very hard to fully translate exactly everything in a book and sometimes you have to mix it up because either um you want to keep

the storyline going because the book series undoubtedly ends right and um and also in the book there's so much more detail because you're you're often given an insight into that person's thoughts and how they feel about everything so it's very difficult to translate that into an on-screen unless they're an incredible incredible actor and can do it with the face like it doesn't work and also putting the whole of a book into a movie is very difficult because you don't have time yeah you have to cut a lot of and like just plot points are hard to i think share in as linear a way i don't know there's probably a whole master class on like how to write a screenplay and what like what are challenges about it yeah but i said that though i will never get over the fact that

harry and voldemort just flew around fucking hog Hogwarts at the end and then he disintegrated into fucking ash that did not happen and it shouldn't have happened that way so what happened well in the books they're like circling each other in the great hall everyone's watching this has been building and building for all the seven books seven books he's got rid of all the horcruxes so it's which is the things that are tethering Voldemort to life. So it's just Harry and Voldemort, and they're circling around each other, and basically Harry just tells him all the mistakes

he's made and why he's going to die, and even then, Voldemort is like, ha ha ha, you're just a little boy, watch me kill you. But because Harry is the owner... Nope, I was going to say, there's no spoilers at this point, I don't think. but because Harry is the owner I was going to say there's no spoilers at this point I don't think

so earlier on it's very complicated but so do we save this for another episode where you basically explain to me what happens in Harry Potter because I don't I mean I've seen some of the movies but I haven't really read any of the books oh man you need to read the books but he does something and kills him but it's not like what happens in the movie no so the reason he dies is because one

he's a normal fucking man he's no better than anyone else no Voldemort oh okay but the wand that Voldemort is in possession of harry basically technically owns it because the the wand chooses the wizard and it's all to do with like who took the wand off who so he's like so the question is is this this wand going to respond to me or you and then they like do their spells and it fucking obeys harry and voldemort dies just like a normal man and everyone cheers and it's amazing and i was so looking forward to seeing that and then in the movies they just like grab each other's faces and they're just like flying around Hogwarts and then Voldemort dies and just disintegrates into ash no one sees it I'm like oh I'll never go over it so that is an interesting like choice

because it seems to me like it almost would have been easier to do the scene that was in the book i mean obviously cgi these days you can do fucking anything but like that's what i didn't understand yeah i was like what a weird creative choice well on that note weird creative choice of this podcast is that we talk about what we fucking want yeah we're just talking alike yeah we're creative that's why it's called talking shit with a yank and a brit exactly see what we did there on the 50th episode we finally tied that together finally learned that is the secret that's our secret sauce yep well happy 50th happy 50th you look great for 50 thanks man i've been really working on uh skincare and not gonna say the same thing to me fuck you then

we're both 50 today you're looking okay but no i'm joking, you're the gorgeous tip yeah, happy 50th and if anyone wants to celebrate with us and send us congratulations then get in contact by emailing us talkshit2us at gmail.com or on social media and stuff, which is

at T-S-Y-B pod let us know how much you love the podcast ding ding ding which is at T-S-Y-B pod. Let us know how much you love the podcast. Yeah, I've enjoyed this journey with you and I'm looking forward to many more. Many more. On Channel 4. Have a good rest of the weekend.

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