Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 52. Humpty Dumpty the Numpty

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

This week we're bringing back british insults at risk of dying out, we try to read each others minds and a dragonish AITAGet in touch with the pod at [e-mail] or @TSYBPOD on socials!

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Welcome back to Talking Shit with a Yank and a Brit. Oh, it's starting again! Leave that in for sure. Hi. Hello. That was a nice southern accent you had going on there. Thank you very much, cowboy. Aren't you sweet? You're just a sweet little peach.

Bless your heart. Little peach. How are you? I am okay. Thank you very much. You all right? I am also okay because I don't think I will ever be good again. Oh, that's very depressing yeah it is but it's also the reality of our lives though I've very recently this past weekend and in other like

other recent weeks talked about how my baseline is fine generally like that's good I don't often say I'm super great I'm doing amazingly I had the greatest time of my life you know so you asked me how my trip was and I said it's fine everything's fine it's just fine yeah it's like how, you know, we say not bad. Yeah, not bad, but not good either. No. Just low-level depressed. Anyway, welcome to the podcast, everyone. We want to bring you to our level. I mean, off air, we've been, at the time that this goes out,

it will be the UK election day on the 4th of July. Oh, Independence Day. On the 4th of July. Freedom ring. So hopefully we'll have a new prime minister here. And we've just been ranting about politics, but we're not going to include that in the podcast because, you know, we may lose a few listeners.

But we're not going to include that in the podcast because, you know, we may lose a few listeners. I also think, though, people should know about the fucked up shit going on in our world and become aware and vote. I think it's important to do that. Obviously, we're not we don't have an election soon, but it is coming. soon but it is coming and there are some concerning things happening that you know if you do want to hear about it if you do want to hear our hot takes on these respective things let us know and we will be glad to share give us a shout and we'll give you our very uneducated opinions somewhat educated yeah some you know more educated than some yes that's right um but you're gonna vote because you think it's important yes i do and actually like i've had arguments with people about this because they're like you know it's people's right not to vote if they don't want to vote and i'm like no you should vote i agree i agree i feel like

i'm a little at a loss about this election given what you and i talked about off air criminal yeah but in the past i've said like if you don't vote you don't actually get a bitch then like i don't want to hear any complaint about whoever is doing what wherever in office you just don't get a you don't get a bitch you don't get a say yeah well we'll see how it unfolds shall we and uh when is the u.s one do you have a date yeah it's always the second t in November. Any sorts of elections. I think that's right. It's in November.

Cool. Well, you've got a few months then. Yeah, maybe something incredible will happen that will save us. A meteorite. Yes, that's what I'm hoping for. Do you want to hear something funny? I didn't. I think I briefly told you, but I want to tell you my saga real quick yeah if i can so i am a very prompt person i like to be on time i'm i'm hardly ever late for anything and if i am it fills me with anxiety how are we friends i'm late for

everything so i don't mind if other people are late it truly that's okay and if it's like a more like hey i'm gonna meet up with you for lunch and coffee, a casual hang, that I'm not as like a stickler about either. I probably still will be 15 minutes early, but that's fine. I'll get us a seat. But I'm not someone who likes to get to like the airport super early. You know, I try to keep it as close as possible while still giving you enough time for any unforeseen circumstances. Well, my flight back

from Maine yesterday was out just after 1-103. And it's a very small airport. So I wasn't like super concerned. I was hoping to maybe get there like an hour or so before boarding started anyways, which is at like 12-18. Well, my pal Lauren and I went to get some food before we went and it took an obscenely long time. It was a great, cute place and kind of didn't really notice or mind until it was like, oh my God, it's like almost noon. I still got to go pick up my shit. And so having been to the main airport, and so as Lauren, you know, kind of being like, it's fine, doesn't take very long to get through. Usually security is not that busy. Well, I arrived after boarding time started, and I had a bag to check. And I roll in,

hand my ID to the lady at the bag drop, and she looks at it, looks me up, and she just gives me a face of like what what do you think you're doing lady hmm this is interesting and I was like I know I'm sorry and she kind of types and she's like I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get you on this plane oh shit really oh okay never happened to me before and she's like hold on a sec and so then she i'm you know calling lauren how did you feel at this point i was like okay um i guess i have what i need here for whatever reason for to be here until the next flight which was thursday so it's like you know a couple extra days fine and i'm just like fuck this is like not gonna be it's's not going to it's going to suck. It's going to be annoying. It's going to fuck up a few things, but it's not the end of the world. Right.

Lauren, come come back. And then the bag drop lady's like, well, I might be able to get you on the plane, but I don't know about your bag. Flight's closed, which makes sense because the boarding starts at 1218. They want people to get there an hour before then even so that they can get all the suitcases where they need to go and then they close it and i'm like fuck i was like okay well i can stay until thursday with my bag or i can hope my bag gets on a plane on thursday there's yeah i have the stuff that i need to do work and whatever with me in my backpack but you know it's clothes and shit in my checked bag. So I was like, OK, what do I do here?

And so I'm thinking about this. And then the gal's like, let me call my supervisor because I don't actually know how it really works. If you were to get on the plane and not your bag and what we do with it for that many days. And I'm just like, OK, so I guess i guess i'm staying um and she calls her supervisor and her supervisor's like oh yeah i'll just yeah i'll reopen it real quick it's fine and they're like okay here's your shit go i'm like running through the airport i just got done eating a fuck ton of food and i'm like okay go go go go. Get to security. There's no one there. Do my shit. And of course, coming out, I basically just walked onto the plane. I didn't have to take anything out of

my bag. So this time it's like shoes, laptop, blah, blah, blah. They have to fiddle with my sweater, whatever. And I get through and I run down the steps and I'm running to gate six and I get there and the door is closed. And I'm'm like, I'm here. And they're like, plane's not here yet. Plane's late. Like, you're fine. We haven't even started boarding yet. Turn around and there's like a hundred people sat behind you. Yep. Yep. And I'm like, they told me I wasn't going to make it. So, okay, thanks. Go stand over to the side. I'm sweating and out of breath.

And I'm just like, that's why it wasn't a big deal, I guess, because the plane actually wasn't even fucking here. Oh, God. They could have told you that. I don't know if they knew because on their end, it's just like flights closed. Boarding's already started, right? Yeah. Well, actually, boarding hadn't even started. No, but the time had passed for boarding to start anyway. flight's closed, boarding's already started, right? Yeah. Well, actually, boarding hadn't even started.

No, but the time had passed for boarding to start anyway. And so, I mean, basically, we were late taking off. Well, at least you got a quick workout in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mean, had it not been late, I don't know if I would have made it. So I guess, yay. Or maybe they just all thought it would have been funny to see this happen. Yeah.

They're like, it's been a slow morning. Let's make this girl run. Yeah. So that's never happened to me before. It probably never will again. But it was like a fun adrenaline rush. Did I tell you about the time we missed our flight to amsterdam i don't think so so we had a really early flight this was many years ago now um and we it's a big group of us we all

decided to go to the airport together so we had to leave at like four o'clock in the morning to get to the airport on time getwick yeah went to getwick and we'd booked the parking that is like a 10 minute coach drive from the airport as well and for some reason we decided to go the long way to getwick because if you look at the southeast of England, we're like here and you can go sort of cross country to get to Gatwick or you can go back on yourself onto the N25 and go to Gatwick that way. And we thought that would probably be quicker

because it's a motorway. Fucking wasn't. Never is. Never is. So we got there a bit late, then realized that obviously we had to park 10 minutes or so away from the airport and get the shuttle bus over to the airport. Which was not going to come for another 20 minutes. No, exactly.

And yeah, we got there and basically essentially missed our flight. And we had to all run through the airport like absolute lunatics. You know what Gatwick's like? They're like, oh, the gate's 10 miles away. So running, we've all got backpacks on. We have to backtrack first. Yeah. And then.

And we got there and it was, it was, the gate was closed. No people there. Flight had gone that kind of late. no people there flight had gone that kind of late yeah um so we had to then go through the whole process of going like back through security which is a right palaver let me tell you they're just like whoa we don't know how to deal with this this isn't all exit only exit only um and it was with easy jet sleazy jet so obviously we instead of them just popping us on a later flight that we had to pay a shit ton of money to get a later flight um whose fault was this did you guys all blame one particular person i can't remember now but anyway we ended

up going back to the car because we had to wait a few hours for our flight and we went back to the car and look we were all stoners at the time hence why we were going to amsterdam clearly so we all just sat in the car and got really high in the airport car park and then nearly missed our second flight oh my god yeah it's bad we got there in the end we had a lovely time but great it was terrible now if i were in that circumstance probably some anxiety but also like with a group of people it's fine whatever it's kind of funny sure now then going and getting stoned and doing it all over again you guys would have had to put me in the hospital somebody called an ambulance i think kate's having

a heart attack yeah yeah because uh too much internal stimulation and external stimulation and she like being high i get so paranoid so i cannot um just so anxious ball of nerves that's me oh fun tell us about your missed airport stories folks yeah if you've got any that would be quite amusing or any horrible airport stories because like frankly I think airports are the worst place on earth people lose all sense of decorum and like how to be people in the world i hate it thankfully this last go around was not bad i didn't have to deal with any but like i just am amazed at how how entitled people think they are at the airport sometimes and how shitty they treat people who work for airlines too ugh. Yeah, it can get quite disgusting.

Yeah. And people should be happy, you're going on holiday. Calm down. Well, you're making some assumptions about what they are. I am making assumptions, yeah. But I think if you are, you can assume that everyone around you is too. Why not? Exactly.

I'm happy. I'm going on holiday. Yeah. So what do we got today? Well, I came across some British insults that are apparently at risk of dying out. So I want to draw internet attention. Yeah. And raise awareness for these insults, but also wanted to run them by you to see if you'd ever heard of them whether you'd ever used them um and whether you would like to now add them to your vocabulary i'm down i think we need to save the insults

so if the insults that's the jingle particularly if i envision they're probably going to be really classy because that's what everyone associates with an English accent. Yeah, you clearly haven't been to England if you think that. True. Okay, so number one. Prat. I have heard that one and I may have even used it. Oh, good.

Doesn't it kind of mean like you're being a prat, like a twat, a brat, an idiot? It's kind of multi-purpose, but generally like stop being so ridiculous. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think it's sort of a more polite version of twat. I'd say you're a prat. You're such a prat. See, there's Chris Prat. I was just going to say, you're such a Chris Prat. And the reason they're dying out is because young people don't know what these mean anymore, apparently.

Because they're not teaching them in school anymore and they come up with new words like riz and stuff i can't think of anymore because i'm not done with the kids according to oxford's oxford dictionary derogatory informal an incompetent or stupid person an idiot okay but i think language takes on new meaning all the time right so people have probably used prep because someone's being a dickhead or you know rude um but it also means a person's buttocks oh so you're being a person's butt you're being a person's butt i love it even more now i'm gonna keep that one okay what about plonker? I don't think I've ever actually said that, other than maybe being like, did you just say plonker? But Nigel does, or has.

And I'm probably not going to say how or when, or quote how he's used it, and I've heard heard it because it's going to sound so horrible, but yes, I have heard that. It means Willie, right? I don't know. Does it? I think it does. I mean, this says it's a plunker. A foolish or inept person.

Well, yeah, I think that is the way it kind of is interpreted, but I feel like it's also another word for penis, isn't it? Yeah, Mr. Jobsworth realizes i'm pulling his plonker and suggests i leave oh okay yeah in the uk urban dictionary it's also a man who sanctions sexual relations between his girlfriend and male friends oh so like a cuckold yeah great cuckold just what is that cuck um it makes me think of a cuckoo bird i think i mean it could be that's sort of how it is derived but in cuckold it's a male who well i think like the legitimate definition is a male who unwittingly invest parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring. But I think it's like it's a type of fetish, too, where it's like watching your person have. Yeah.

People. I watched a program recently. I can't remember what it was, but the woman in it was cuckold with her husband and used to watch her husband like have dinner and treat another woman really well and then have sex with her it was weird well if that's your thing more power to you but yeah i i that's not something that i would be into i don't think no i'm not into it yeah i think back to plonker though it maybe meant penis for a while what insults don't yeah and but like also penises are dumb so why wouldn't it also mean a dumb person you plonker you absolute plonker sounds better in a Cockney accent as well. Yeah.

Okay, what about numpty? Nope. No? First time hearing that and I didn't like it on my ear holes. You bloody numpty. What? What is it? I mean, they all kind of just mean idiot, really.

Yeah, okay. Okay, British slang, chiefly Scottish. A stupid or foolish person an idiot i don't love how it sounds but it also is kind of funny i like it he looked a right numpty standing there in his pants he did yeah he sure did i think we should bring that one back okay i can adopt that one because it's not necessarily evoking penis here. It makes me think of… Humpty Dumpty? Yeah. An egg sat on a wall being crushed by hundreds of hooves.

He was such an umpty. Humpty Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty. um also talking of Humpty Dumpty at no point in that story does anyone describe Humpty Dumpty as an egg you're correct we just assume he's an egg I guess from the name I also think like if we're looking at it in a book right nursery rooms sometimes we're ill I think he was straight up an egg someone must have just thought he's an egg yeah yeah he's an egg he sounds like an egg was Humpty Dumpty an egg oh well that just populated because my um computer is listening to us okay so the HuffPost uk actually in 2023 has an article called so humpty dumpty isn't actually an egg and the truth is weirder than you can imagine

tell me good news everyone your childhood has been a lie uh so he first appeared as an egg in lewis carroll's 1872 novel through the looking glass chapter six of the book is entitled humpty dumpty where he is described in all his eggy glory um but it's lewis carroll for you the truth has been uncovered via twitter his true identity is okay tweet said who decided humpty dumpty was an egg it's not in the lyrics and he and deciding he is a giant egg is quite a random leap for someone to make everyone else being like yeah a giant egg on a wall of course and imagine having no army because they're busy fixing a broken egg yeah that's what I was gonna say like why did all the king's horses and all the king's

men even try to put Humpty together again? Here's why, and it will make sense. He was a cannon. There was a cannon named Humpty Dumpty that fell. And because he was a cannon, it's very important that he get fixed. Yes. Who else is going to defend the walls? Yep.

Used in the English Civil War of 1642 to 1649, specifically in the 1648 Siege of Colchester. Okay. So that was a fun little pivot that we all learned something. Yeah, today I have learned. Humpty Dumpty's a canon. And an umpty. I'm pretty sure you're going to know this one. Git. You daft get you daft get come down here you get yeah i do know that one i don't hate it it also makes me think of another one that i don't hate dozy cow or dozy bent you're just like get your fucking idiot yeah dozy bent yeah um what about

scallywag that is a word i've heard um i don't know if i've ever heard it in the context of an insult or if someone was basically like just in their normal parlance calling someone that i feel like it's always been in the context of a fucking someone doing a pirate accent like pretty sure scallywag yeah it's usually used uh to uh sorry my brain's just gone black so it's like a kid who's been naughty is a little scallywag ah sure this is a person typically a child who behaves badly but in an amusingly mischievous rather than harmful way a rascal oh okay so chips is a scallywag because he's cute and a cat even though he's so fucking naughty is he still really naughty while i was gone i got a video from nigel um chips is on the

floor looking up at him and he like kind of pants over and the cabinet is open where all our cat food is stored in their treats and a bunch of shit's knocked out and there's a bag of treats that's been torn open and i was like that fucking cat finally figured out how to open a cabinet good for him yeah well excuse me yeah is he a like batter when you put something on the side and he'll just yeah bat it off thankfully not like glasses of water which i kind of would love for him to do that because you see it so much. But no, he like right now he likes to take the coasters off the table and play with them. Oh. Yeah.

Well, who doesn't? They're fun toys. Yeah, it's my favorite toy, to be honest. Yeah. I'm bored. Give me a coaster. Give me a couple bucks on a coaster and I'm a happy cat. You basically got a spaceship and the coaster's your steering wheel.

See? Fun. Okay. What would you think if I called you a nitwit? Okay. So that is an insult. That is, I think, I don't think people use it very often anymore, but American too, because I feel like that has

been in books I've read. But yeah, I would say thank you. That is so nice. No one's ever said anything like that to me before, because then I truly would be a nitwit, right? Yeah, exactly. All right. Stop being such a pillock. So I was about to say a fish, but that's pollock, I think. Pollock. Or pollock. So no, don't know that one. Pillock.

A stupid person. A complete pillock. Rude. You're a pillock. No, you are. You are. And you're smelly too, you dozy cow. What about toe rag?

What? Toe rag. Like poop rag, but for your feet? Yeah. No, I haven't heard that one either. Again, I think it's like a mischievous stupid person because apparently you're either a stupid person or a mischievous child yeah

oh so oh a contemptible or despicable person apparently it comes from beggar tramp pieces of rag that they wrapped around their feet yeah is that what you're seeing yeah hmm interesting okay so like they are poor homeless people who don't have shoes. They've got toe rags on.

Now that's become an insult. That's basically how language works, right? Yeah. Your toe rag. Deriving from a rag tied to a toe line, either on the road or on the river, it would then become dirty naturally, hence the amplified phrase of you dirty tow rag. You dirty rat.

You dirty rat. You know, that one can go away. I'm okay with that one dying out, I think. Okay. We'll scratch that one from the list. Tow rag, not acceptable in modern language. Extinct. You heard it here first, folks. Extinct. This is one of my favorites, and I do think this should be used in everyday language again.

Toss pot. Have I heard you say this? I feel like I've heard it be said. I think I've said tosser before. Yes. Is it similar? I assume so. Tosspot origin. Yeah, stupid or obnoxious person.

Or it can also mean a heavy drinker. Oh, okay. Okay. Dr, okay. Okay. Drunkard. See, it makes me think of throwing up, like tossing your cookies. Because the toilet's a pot. Do you see my face? I'm just like zoning out thinking about this now.

That one's really captured your attention. It's not, I like it too. I like that it is kind of innocent, but it's also got like some real nice like at the end, you know. Toss pot, toss pot. And then also you could be like, stop being a drunk, you toss pot. Yeah, I like it. Drip. Oh, yeah.

I think that is something that's like real I don't know what era it is but like oh man you're such a drip man such a drip man such a wet flannel you're just a wet fucking fart but yeah that's what it'd be kind of like lame right don't be a drip yeah I believe so.

Ninny. Childhood. British child. Victorian child. Insult. Ninny. It's also nincompooper. I've never heard of... You've never heard of nincompoop? No, I have heard, but I just haven't heard people use that in a long time. Oh, no. Only old people.

Such nincompoop. A fool or simpleton. I mean, it sounds smarter than fool or simpleton, I guess. You can only sort of hear posh people using it, you know?

Yeah. Like, I don't want to swear. No. And I want to still sound polite. Yeah. But you're being such a ninny. Or nincompoop. Yeah.

What about blighter? Mm-mm. No. Maybe. Maybe? No. No, I haven't. blighter no maybe maybe no no i haven't blighter blighter bet it means stupid person yeah disliked or contemptible person oh okay so like donald trump's a blighter yep worthless did i use it right especially man, scoundrel or rascal. Yeah, we'd never call a lady a blighter. No. She doesn't fit. The little blighters next door have trampled all over my flowers again.

Man or child, especially an annoying one. That's from Cambridge. FYI. Brilliant. And the last one is lummox. This feels very much like fool lummox i feel like either i'm thinking of a different word with a similar ending like an oax ending or i have heard this because i just like oh you're such a lummox like you're you're so foolish just a really foolish idiotic clumsy person yeah goofy awkward clumsy me

kate the lamux that's me that should be a tv show it's actually yeah maybe we should write a screenplay okay cool and i'll be your cool cool British aunt that comes to stay. You could just be my friend. Okay, fine. Do you want to be the aunt? Because then we can make my character younger. And then, of course, I could still play a very young person

because I'm so youthful and vibrant. And they'll totally believe you're my aged, cool aunt. Exactly. I'll don a wig and a bonnet. You can get more Botox to make yourself look youthfuler. Whole face transplant, actually. Yeah, I'm up for it. Cool, we'll get started on that.

Alright. Bow! And we're back. We are. Here we are. Here we are. Do you want to play a game? You know I want to play a game you know i want to play a game do you want to play a game i only ever want to play games all right i mean we can give this a

go i don't know how it's going to go because i there might be a slight delay because you know to our listeners we are in different continents so we have to record this remotely we can't we unfortunately can't afford to fly out to each other every week. I'm still working on my teleportation machine too. Yeah. That's coming along nicely though, I hear. I haven't seen Lucy in a couple of days, but I assume she's thinking 1864. Oh, that's time travel. I think she's in Croatia. So I want to play a game where we say a random word and we keep saying random words until we

hopefully eventually end up on the same word.'s couple questions yeah how many when like when do we give up or do we just record until we get to the word tomorrow sometime um maybe like 10 try 10 10 rounds and see if we can do it and if we can do it in 10 then we didn't fail if we can do it in eight doing okay if we can do it and if we can do it in 10 then we didn't fail if we can do it in eight doing okay if we can do it in six that's great if we can do it in four excellent if we can do it in two we're amazing and if we can do it on the first go then we should win a nobel peace prize or something yeah i mean what i should do is just hold up a card with a word on so that no one can hear right now and they'd be like oh my god we're so in tune i actually don't know if you even need to do that because we can just edit it out to

make it seem like it so just tell me the word cut it out we'll do it that would have been easier um second question is okay so like if to avoid as much of a delay as possible do we do like one two three go yeah and then i could just go like this or do you want me to count let's count after three so it'll be like one two three soup yeah okay don't you soup okay now i've got soup on my mind haven't't I? Yeah. Okay. Well, maybe we'll end up with soup. All right. I'm up for it. Okay.

Count us in, baby. One, two, three. Elevator. You're still thinking soup. I know. All right. So I said elevator. I hope that you would think of soup as well and go bowl. I actively tried not to think of soup. Okay. Fine. All right. So I said elevator. I hope that you would think of soup as well and go bowl. I actively tried not to think of soup.

Okay. Fine. All right. So we got elevator and bowl. Yep. All right. One. Hold on.

I get now. Scratch. One, two, three. Spares. Oh, we've gone in the opposite direction. Okay. two three spares oh we've gone in the opposite direction okay well i might just have to pivot here all right one two three carpet banister i was gonna say floor i changed my mind kind of back aligned a little bit now though I changed my mind kind of back aligned a little bit now though

one two three walls you said walls right yeah I said walls what are we on right now what round I don't know fuck it yeah okay

one two three roof all right one two three couch One, two, three, couch. Window. Window. One, two, three, curtains. Oh! Yeah. I don't know how many. I'm'm gonna say we did that in three yeah that was impressive pretty good look how aligned we are look how in sync we are yeah yeah yeah oh that was kind of fun um one more yeah why not okay you can count this time okay one two three plants credit card does that count it's two words i guess it's an item though okay okay you said plants i said credit card all right okay one two three money does that count?

I, not quite. I don't think. And we're running in a tricky territory here. Where do we go from here? Currency. Okay. Okay. One, two, three.

Coins. Okay. I thought you were three. Coins. Fuck. Okay. I thought you were going to say quid too. All right. One, two, three. Dime. Purse.

I think we won it with dollar and money, to be honest. I mean, I'm willing to give it to us. Let's try one more. Okay. Wait, what did you say? You said dime. Okay. Okay.

One, two, three. Nickel. Penny. Oh, fuck. I was going to say penny. I thought that would be like, because I know you have pence, but like maybe you use penny too. You don't have fucking nickels. I know.

I was thinking of you. I was going to say penny and then I thought no, because that's English. We can get this last one, I think. Okay. You ready? Oh, no. Sorry. Excuse me.

Zoning in, zoning in. We're going to get it. One, two, three. Pound. Yes! You were glaring real hard at me. I was. So scared. I was. I was so scared.

That was my... That's how I read your mind. Well, it worked. It just scared me a little. I bet if we do this enough, we'll probably be really good at it. Yeah. I reckon if we were in the same room, we'd just be like, bam. Pound.

Pound. Curtains. Soup. Chauffeur.eur bathroom butler roger yes one day we'll do that next time we're together yeah that'll be fun um is it time? I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening. I'm coughing. Dust. You've got the consumption.

Just like sateen in Moulin Rouge. Oh, poor woman. The sparkling diamond. Maharaja. Maharaja. Would you like an am I the arsehole? You know I would, baby. You want to do an accent again?

Yeah. Yay. I think people really enjoy that. Okay, good. Well, have you seen House of the Dragon? Is that the new Game of Thrones? Yeah. I have been around when it's been on TV.

All right. Well, you might not get this. You might. Who knows? I'm very smart. Okay. Okay. Am I the arsehole for killing my nephew after he took my eye?

arsehole for killing my nephew after he took my eye. My 18-male bastard nephew, 10-male, smashed me across the face, or smashed me across the eye rather, when we were little during a fight after I took one of my family's dragons that was unclaimed because of his previous rider died. Long story. Anyways, he wasn't punished for it because his bitch mother was my father's favourite precious little baby. And I was but the second son. A few years later, one of my brothers took the throne after my father asked for him to be king. Ridiculous as I was the better choice. And I was sent to gather support of one of the aristocrats of my country. choice and I was sent to gather support of one of the aristocrats of my country. He was there as well to do the same thing. Now I asked the aristocrat to gouge his eye out to make things even, but the little arsehole refused. After that, he fled on his own dragon and I

decided to follow him in my dragon to scare him a little bit. I wasn't really going to hurt him. The petty lizard he rode on however decided to attack my dragon and vega my dragon ate him with my nephew riding it oh so yeah i didn't mean to kill him i'm sorry for it but deeply i do think that he had it coming coming as punishment for my stolen eye do you think it's fair am i the arsehole are you sure this wasn't like written by prince harry as punishment for my stolen eye. Do you think it's fair? Am I the asshole? Are you sure this wasn't like written by Prince Harry? I think the story is, you know, roughly based on this.

Yeah. I mean, I heard recently that there was some sort of royal dispute about their dragons. I think overall, the whole family needs some therapy, probably. And I get, while I get that, you didn't, you just wanted to take your nephew's eye. You didn't mean to kill him. Criminal laws typically kind of have this, you know, rule of transference. If it doesn't, sometimes it doesn't really matter what you intended if you're trying to do some harm. And I would say that here in America, I'm making some assumptions that you're not from here. So maybe the rules are different in your country. But here in America, if you acted with reckless disregard and maybe you didn't mean to kill someone, but you did,

you're still going to get probably charged with some form of murder or manslaughter. Now, does that make you an asshole? This is where I'm a little bit split on i would be mad too about losing my eye i think that that's justifiable that you would want to you know have a little eye for an eye see what i did there but uh it's also like that's what i mean by the therapy like you need to let it go probably it sounds like you've been holding on to it for a while i imagine probably that's really pickled pickled your insides a little bit and now you maybe are a bit of an asshole you did call your sister a bitch and all of that and i don't know therapy therapy man sorry about

your eye sorry about your what do you think yeah you know i agree um obviously holding on a lot of resentment for for losing your eye um but from what i hear you do have quite a scary cool blue sparkly thing going on underneath your eye patch now so cool it's pretty hard um but yeah think, you know, killing in revenge for an injury probably is a bit arseholery. Well, asshole-peeper, yeah, a little bit. You know, I don't know how the laws work in your land, but it's probably an offence. You know, you've probably broken a few laws there. He did say he didn't mean to and he's sorry he did yeah um and i think that goes back to the you know the old tale that really people can't control

their dragons um it's true you know they they are beings on their own so we just get the privilege to ride them um i do think there should be better more like more training around dragon riding though like a little more education maybe make rules about like can't ride your dragon until you're 21 or older probably and maybe even with an adult for a little while after that. That's it. And these guys are really young, you know, 18 and 10. Maybe you shouldn't be sending these guys to, you know, talk with lords over these matters. So, you know, maybe the parents are to blame. Who am I to say? Overall, I blame the schools.

Always comes back to the school Overall, I blame the schools. Always comes back to the school system. Yeah, I blame the schools. Imagine your sister's probably going to want some restorative justice or revenge too now for her baby being eaten by your dragon along with his dragon. So be prepared. Watch your back with your one eye, I guess. Keep that one eye open. Maybe she might just take your other eye and then what are you going to do?

I mean, one of the episodes was an eye for an eye. And then another episode was a son for a son. Oh, wait, episode. Oh, I don't. Is this fictional? No, I don't know what, sorry, that slipped out of my mouth no i don't know what sorry that slipped out of my mouth i don't know what you're talking about uh so one of the top comments is you're the arsehole you lost an eye and gained a dragon he lost two eyes and a dragon not really fair agree yeah um also i should point out that this the op's dragon is the largest dragon in the world

it's fucking massive so he should have taken that into account largest dragon in the world 18 bigger 10 year old his little baby 10 year old dragon with training wheels that does not seem like a fair fight i'm sorry that he got the jump on you and was able to slash her eye but you know kids are little scallywags and well you know they just kind of like frenzy around you know they don't know the rules of things i like the flapping you're doing just frenzy about that's what that's what kids do with their swords when they're fighting with swords uh this person said pet owners these days

i swear if you can't control your pet you probably shouldn't have it before you know it they're flying around the countryside eating small folk sheep. That goes back to what I was saying about better education around dragon ownership and stuff. But I also want to just say dragons are not property. They should be treated with respect, okay? It is a privilege. Well, there you go. So I think in conclusion, yes, you are the arsehole for killing your, what was it, nephew?

Nephew. Nephew, I think, right? Yeah. Sorry to say that, but, you know, I'm sure revenge will be sweet. Yep, and sweet. Yeah. Good luck. Ta-ta.

He is a scallywag, isn't he? Yeah, I think so. Both of them. Yeah. His brain's not fully developed either, and I assume losing that eye probably had a big impact on it, so I do have some empathy. A little.

But that doesn't justify anything, young man. Go to your dragon room. You can't just go around murdering all right well i think on that note it's a really great place to end you can't just go around murdering that's advice for you all i hope you take that on board bring back these insults um tell us which ones you like, if you got other ones, because I know there's some really old ones that are like, you, sir,

are a piece of bog cheese. I'll have to find the list I'm thinking of where it's just like very old insults. Yeah. Okay. We'll just keep getting older and older every episode yeah okay that sounds good okay just like us in real life yeah each day we're closer to death um and on that note you know if you have any more insults that you'd like to tell us about then send them in to talk shit to us at gmail.com or chuck us a DM on

socials, which is T S Y B pod. And we'll reply. Yep. We will. Cause we love it. And read it out. It was good to see you,

your toss pot. And you bloody nincompoop till next time till next time bye oh that was quick. That was really short. Ta-ra. Bye. Bet MGM is an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League

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