Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 53. Larry the Cat's New Dad

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

This week we're talking the UK election results, out of touch rich people, mildly annoying things that really infuriate you and of course, an AITA. Send in your mildly annoying things that infuriate you to [e-mail] or DM us @TSYBPOD

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What, what? Is it 53? Yeah. Are we sure? No. Did I put 51 on our Instagram story and it was 52? Is it 53? Yeah. Are we sure? No. Did I put 51 on our Instagram story and it was 52? Shit. I also said election day was the second Tuesday of November and I'm so stupid.

It's the first Tuesday. Such a fucking big error. I'm a nincompoop. Yeah, you are. God damn. How could you get the date so wrong? I don't know. Because I have an IQ of like six. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. So I'm surprised I'm still alive, to be honest.

How have you made it this far? Don't know. Anyway. Anyway. Hi. Hi. How are you doing? I'm good.

I am good. Fine. I'm fine. Grand? Nope. We discussed this last time. I'm never those things. Just a very mediocre fine. Yeah. That's fine. What have you been up to? I've been doing some things.

And stuff. And stuff. And, you know, bits. Tell me. I forgot to tell you this the other week, actually, but I went to the theatre in London to see a musical. Fancy. Which one?

It was called Standing at the Sky's Edge. Sounds serious. Well, yeah yeah it's relatively new and it's had like rave reviews i'd never heard of it my mom just booked tickets for a few of us to go mm-hmm and oh my god it was so good next hamilton it's really different it was it's a really modern okay musical and it's it's described as a love story to sheffield which is like fucking sheffield it's just town slash city i'm not sure sorry for anyone in sheffield and it's like this really clever story of i don't want to give it away too much but it's like this really clever story of, I don't want to give it away too much, but it's like sort of three different generations and it kind of all intertwines, but the music was amazing.

The story was really clever and actually made me cry at one point, which a musical was never done. Like it was so good. And I highly, highly recommend that people go and see i've even been listening to the soundtrack since because i'm like oh i just really want to hear that song again okay what's it called again standing at the sky's edge it's probably not in america i doubt it no we don't have anything good here yes you do no we don't get all the good ones no we don't yes you do you got little mermaid way before we did little mermaid the musical yeah there's a musical yeah how well

she's a fish yeah well they do clever things, I think. Well, she just wears a nice big tail and just crawls along the floor. Slithers along. Like a half-shroom and half-fish. That sounds like a horror movie. All right. We each have good things sometimes before the other. Yeah, exactly. So that was really good.

I also, this week, was a judge for a battle of the bands. Ooh. It's pretty good. It was just like in a school, so it was like loads of young little bands, but we had to like give them feedback as if we were like on X Factor. Yeah. So were you nice? Were you mean?

Were you middle of the road? Yeah. I mean, I was Simon Cowell. I told them all that they were shit and they would never be famous and they were too fat to do anything. No, I didn't really. I was quite nice. Good.

I just think think you know it children need to not be told they should follow their dreams and they can do everything they want no they should be told the opposite yeah give them a bit of fighting spirit yeah i mean you get a whole generation like us if you tell kids to follow their dreams and we don't need that again if you give people too high expectations then they're only going to be disappointed so i mean we think we have like should should have started a podcast so exactly so were they good were they impressive or what yeah they were pretty like some of them were like super young like babies yeah just imagine a baby holding a guitar like a full-sized adult guitar even they're just in a baby one of those parents holding the cute that's the cutest thing i've ever thought of I might have kids just to do that yep just have a band baby band

and then get rid yep did did so did someone win yeah and win yeah and that's it we had to we all like marked it in categories we marked out of whatever it was and then added it all up at the end and then we didn't realize at the end that we also were meant to be making note and picking like the best vocalist best guitarist best bassist best drummer best other oh sounds like they did a really good job prepping you guys yeah we didn't know that and then we were like oh that that one was really good but what band were they in i don't know it was good it was good fun got three bottle of wine out of it nice um met some lovely people yeah it was good fun are you allowed to give a plug for the winning

band i'm sure i'm allowed but whether i can remember their name or not is another question well maybe next time sorry the dog just barked. Yeah. I didn't know you were going to hear that. I did. Hey. Someone's just walked in the front door. Oh, no. It's a prowler.

Oh, gosh. Someone's breaking in. And this is where I watched Gemma get murdered. Yeah, can you see someone coming through that door? You will know because my face will be horrified. And I'll be like gemma look out behind you i'll see as well to be fair yeah that's true all right um oh and then i also on thursday went to place my vote in the general election for our new government

excellent why oh sorry go ahead sorry i was just rambling saying i exercised my right to vote as Our new government. Excellent. Why? Oh, sorry, go ahead. Sorry, I was just rambling, saying I exercised my right to vote as a woman because women died to get me the vote. Did they? Yeah. Do we know who? Suffragettes. I didn't know they died. Yeah, her name's called...

Wasn't the mom from Mary Poppins a suffragette? She was, yeah. Fuck, I just pulled that right out of the nether regions of my brain. Emily Wilding Davison. She died. She was an English suffragette who fought for votes for women in Britain in the early 20th century. And she ran in front of a horse at some horse race. Okay, so she died unrelated to... Oh, no, it was related to voting.

Okay. She was protesting. Okay. So did she intentionally do that? Yeah. I mean, there are varying opinions, but some people claim that she was trying to stop King George's horse and attach it to some suffragette flags

that she had with her. Oh, okay. So just some reckless behavior that resulted in her death and her effort to get women the right to vote. Okay. Yeah. So that one's for you, Emily. Thanks. I was going to ask why, because you could ask the same thing of us but why on a Thursday in July was it just like this is the day we're gonna do it or do you guys do it the same day every election yeah well I'm guessing a Thursday is a good day I think old Rishi who we've kicked out now I think he just decided the day but I think old Rishi, who we've kicked out now, I think he just decided the day. But I think they usually do it on a Thursday. I would say probably because Parliament don't like to work on the weekends.

And obviously we all vote on the Thursday and then they count it throughout the night. And the results come in on Friday. And the people who lose are like, cool, three-day weekend. Yeah, woo. Okay. results come in on Friday and the people who lose are like cool three-day weekend yeah okay a couple more questions because maybe that's why we do it on Tuesday because everyone's like well if we want to take Monday off yeah um and then also do they start right away or is it like start in January 1 or like the first event month because ours is like in November and then January is when they take office yeah yeah it's quite a long gap isn't it well it's just I think to you know

January 1 is the start of the new year yeah so the result came in um usually what happens if they're nice the prime minister steps down. Yeah, like hands in their resignation. I think they do that to the king. Oh, yeah. Nigel said Rishi had to march down to Buckingham to hand in it. And I was like, did he literally have to march? And then what? Did people just throw shit at him as he did it?

He's just getting tomatoes and plums thrown at him. And then the new prime minister has to also go to meet the king and get permission to form a new government this would be me if i were the prime minister just going hi it was like a ghost or something i was like are you waving at just waving at the person behind you no big deal no that's me with the king so okay you have to get permission because this is the symbolism of making it seem like the king is still in charge yeah yeah has there ever been a time when a king or queen yeah exactly but has there ever been a time when they were like no no there were like rumors that the queen really didn't want to give permission to Boris Johnson because he's just an absolute buffoon.

He's a twat. Yeah. But she still did. No, I like that about her. That makes me. Yeah. That's cool. But she's kind of like, I mean, I don't really have a reason to.

I don't really have a choice. So. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. so yeah interesting yeah so once he's got permission he's effectively prime minister but obviously the old prime minister has to move out of number 10 downing street and let the new one move in which i'm assuming that takes i don't know a few days a week i don't know actually i'm making this up they hire people to do it in a matter of hours, I bet.

Yeah. So now it's just Larry the cat living there. Aw, I love him. He's a cutie. Okay, I have more questions, though. No. Okay. Go on.

Has any of the exiting PMs ever fucked with the house for the incoming? Like didn't flush the toilet, put some rotting food somewhere? Because I would also do that. Just chuck a little fish in the air vent. Yeah, I would like put a paint can above the door, like Home Alone style. paint can above the door like home alone style um i you know there's there's no sources to tell me whether that happens or not but i'm you know pretty sure it does just a picture of them when they open a cupboard going middle fingers up in the. Yep. So how do you feel about the election results? I am very pleased.

Okay. It's been 14 years of conservative government, and they have shat on this country in every way possible. They're all about austerity. I mean, Rishi Sunak, our old prime minister, is richer than the royal family. Oh, hot damn. His wife is like a fucking billionaire. Oh, it's not even his money, it's hers.

No, but I mean, he's pretty rich anyway. I think he comes from quite well-to-do people. And so he's just, he's never had a fucking job in his life. He's so... And then he just became prime minister man that is the epitome of failing upwards if I've ever heard it but that's the case with so many conservative politicians because they come from rich families they go to Eaton or Oxford study politics and then they become MPs and work their way up. Pivot real quick. I like that a prestigious school like Eaton has a fucking dessert called

Eaton Mess. I know. Because it is a fucking Eaton Mess. Yeah. Anyway, so, okay. So yeah, Yeah, I'm really happy because the NHS is fucked. Housing is fucked. Public services are fucked because they've gradually just taken... Eroded them. Yeah, and pulled their funding and it's just falling apart. And it's finally got to the point where people are like, fuck we need change and i'm fucking here for it you know i was talking to nigel a little bit about this and was like for the people who continue to vote conservative right and complain about the state of the country and like all the things that are wrong with it, yet continue to vote the party that arguably has some responsibility over why.

That confuses me a little bit. And it makes me, I mean, it's very American. Like it's the same way people vote here and kind of have values. It's like they don't think about how – you know, it's like I'm just Republican or I'm just Democrat or whatever no matter what. Even if the thing that I'm supporting really is maybe the reason of what I perceive as problems in my country. Yeah. And I did know when I was watching the election results because it was the 4th of July here so I had the day off. And I did know when I was watching the election results because it was the 4th of July here, so I had the day off. And so I waited until evening time to check and saw that it was like a landslide for labor. But there was still some – like that one – what is his name? Farage.

Nadja Farage. He somehow managed to win. But the – fuck, I forgot what I was going to say. Um, the, fuck, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, that, yes, it's been the last 14 years, but also the amount of loss and the like number of seats they actually have now. It hasn't been like that since like the 1800s. No, this is like history. Yeah.

In the making. So, I mean, that's a pretty clear signal, I think, to the government from the population of England about like, fucking fix it. So I hope they do. What do you think about your new PM? I really like him. How do you say his name? Keir? Keir Starmer.

So I didn't really know much about him and he's because he didn't go to ethan or oxford actually i think he had a year in oxford but he got a scholarship ah so he's not of the ilk that we've seen with politicians that's nice he comes from a working class family nice his dad was a tool maker his mom was a nurse in the nhs um he she got very ill and was terminally ill when he was young and so he had to care for her and i heard this story as well that she loved donkeys but couldn't leave the house because she was so ill so they rescued two donkeys and put them in the back garden where her window looked out so that she could sit and see

the donkeys lovely little thing yeah um he obviously he went to oxford for a year but on a scholarship and he's he said openly that he didn't hang out with all the poruses and rishis because he was just yeah yeah they're like we're gonna go on our yacht do you want to come yacht racing with us here he's like i will ride my bicycle but no he said he had one year to use the library there which is like one of the most incredible libraries in england and so he just sat in the library and read as many books as he could i mean this is the oxford that i believe invented the oxford comma that no one gives a fuck about anymore yeah and you know the oxford dictionary yeah um and he also his career before he became a politician,

he is a human rights lawyer by trade. Love that. That's sexy. Which is great. Like, what better person, especially, like, after Brexit and all this horrible racism that's been happening and, like, they've already scrapped the Rwanda plan. I don't know if you knew about that,

where they're just going to shit people off to Rwanda. Yeah. And I watched his speech yesterday and people are like, oh, you know, he's not really got any charisma and he's, you know... Who cares? But I thought his speech was heartfelt and it was it was like a normal person yeah like genuinely talking to you and like from a place of actually caring like he's he's passionate about actually yeah making change and making people's lives

better and i think that really came across to me anyway i don't know what other people thought and i don't give a shit that he's not a trained debater and you know well he is because he was a lawyer so right yeah but he you know people are always not very media trained and he's not very good you know up against other politicians. We don't know that, really. I mean, maybe it just doesn't matter. Yeah. I mean, he wasn't great in the debates because you know what they like.

The conservatives were like, oh, you're going to tax people an extra £2,000 a month or whatever it was. a month or whatever it was and i think because he hadn't had that kind of media training he didn't address it until 20 minutes into the debate so a normal politician goes for the sound right yeah like no we're not going to do that and he was just sticking to sort of his script and it wasn't until further down the line where people probably would have switched off that he actually addressed the lies that rishi was throwing at him but yeah i i think it could be a really good thing i really liked what he's what he said what he stands for and the stories i've heard about him he seems like a top-notch guy I guess when I think about like characteristics of a leader charisma sure is great but that's not like my number one you know compassionate

um you know accountable transparent yeah but like charisma to me is kind of like, I mean, it's like the celebrity becoming president sort of situation. And I think caring about the country is really important. And that's, you know, we talked a little bit, I think, off air last time just about how scary and uncertain things are over here right now. But one thing I can say about the candidates we have at this point is one's a really old man. One's a really old man who's a convicted felon, sex offender, con artist, criminal who is really problematic. One really cares about his country, even if he's done some things in the past. So it's just like, yeah. I don't, I don't like either of our choices, but I at least like no one cares about America. Yeah. You guys are in a really tough spot. Are there not other parties? Is it literally the Democrats and Republicans? Well, we have third parties, but I think they never get enough traction or people to vote for them that they get anywhere. And so what ends up happening is the people who vote for the third party ends up, in effect, kind of giving the vote to the candidate that they wouldn't choose because really most people vote for, you know, Republican or Democrat.

Yeah. And we do have Robert Kennedy, who's the third party. Yeah, I've heard that he's pretty good. No? Do a little research. We'll talk about it next time. Okay. I'm not going to comment today.

I won't be voting for him either. I won't be voting for him either. All right. I don't know. I don't know what – I mean, I know what I'm going going to comment today, but I won't be voting for him. Won't be voting for him either. All right. I don't know. I don't know what, I mean, I know what I'm going to do, but at this point it's kind of like denial, but maybe something will happen and it won't be such a fuck. Won't be a fuck.

Yeah. What would happen if Biden died? Like before the election? Yeah. Then the vice president becomes president and i suppose would then become the incumbent but i guess i don't actually know for sure if that's true i don't know if the rules were if like the incumbent dies that we have to start all over again and pick a new candidate or if it just automatically transfers to harris all right um do you guys pick

Do you guys pick the leader of the party, I guess, or is that within the party? I think what you're asking me is how do we get candidates who end up running for president? Yeah. So, yeah, like there's primaries where it's all within the party. So like well before the election, when we're still trying to decide who to put up for the primaries for the Democrats or the primaries for the Republicans, they have all the people within who want the bid. They have their own debates. And then there's kind of elections for those things too. So like since Biden was the president or is the president, like since Biden was the president or is the president,

there's very, there's only like two circumstances I think where the president wasn't the choice for the party that he was in during the election. So it was just kind of a given that he was going to be, unless he can't because they get two terms. Right. And so it was the Republicans who are looking for the nom and that's where we had like Trump running. And I can't think of who else now. Um, Nikki Haley, uh, just a bunch of Republican people who were trying to become president and then ultimately the country or the delegates for the Republican National Convention put Trump up again. Republican National Convention put Trump up again.

So in a way we do, but I do think it comes down to like delegates who are supposed to like vote for the jurisdiction that they represent, I think. Right. Yeah. And that's same with like the confusing nature of the popular vote and the electoral vote when it comes to the election. I still can't fully wrap my head around it, even though I've studied this somewhat and lived here forever and voted, but it's just like a really, it's a ridiculous system. It's like, you could win the popular vote, which means you got the most votes in the country, but then we

have the electoral votes, which then people go and vote and you, anyway, anyway. Like, I found out, cause we we have a i've mentioned it last time i think the first past the post so each i guess jurisdiction that we have all around the country they have their local mp representative for each party. And so I wasn't voting for Keir Starmer, I was voting for my local MP. And it's whoever wins in that jurisdiction gets a seat in Parliament. And it's the party with the most seats first past the post, I think it's like 329 seats is the majority. And so they win. And we're one of the only countries in Europe to still use this system. The only other two countries are Russia and Belarus. Oh, good company there.

And there has been talk for years that we need to get rid of it because I don't see why we, it should just be done on how many votes the parties receive. That makes so much more fucking sense. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. Well, in this instance, it ended up giving the Labour Party a huge amount. Yeah. Well, in this instance, it ended up giving the Labour Party a huge amount. Yeah. And we were talking about this yesterday, actually, and we said, I wonder if they still would have won had it not been first past the post.

I mean, you would think so. You'd hope so. But that's the curious thing about, I think, the different ways of voting people in. We've had, I couldn't tell you all, I wasn't a poli-sci major, and like my own kind of knowledge about this sort of thing is recent because I like had blinders about anything political for a lot of my life. But I have a, for people who listen at home that I know, I'm sure they're probably like, God, Kate's a fucking idiot. I had no idea this whole time. Anyway, there's a lot of different ways you can elect people. But then it's like there's one way where it's like if parties don't receive a certain amount,

then it's a runoff. And then we have to vote for them again. And it's like, who got the most votes? Yeah. It doesn't matter. Fuck's sake. If people don't want to vote, then that's fine, I guess. But if only 25% of people voted in a certain jurisdiction and someone still got the majority of those votes, that should be enough. That should be the winner, yeah.

Yeah. Stupid. Yeah. Well, so coincidentally, it was the 4th of July on your election day, as we discussed last time. And it was a shit day anyway. I mean, normally we would have at least probably hung out outside and played sticks and cups and grilled, but it was a really terrible day.

And weather-wise. And I chose to basically hang out in my basement and play video games because I also didn't really feel like celebrating America's birthday. I don't even think this should be Independence Day, like I said, on our Juneteenth episode. But I also just didn't think there was a lot for me to celebrate. I also really don't care about fireworks that much. No. Again, I think we've spoken about this.

I just, my dog doesn't like them. So I just get fucking annoyed with fireworks now yeah and you guys love a firework on father july they are can be i mean one day is fine but people particularly where i grew up there was like a two-week period where you could start and like have to have them done by and people really maximized that oh god so and then i feel like once you've seen one display you've seen them all yeah you know oh my god yeah but it's also about the ones that just make noise and like the ones that injure people that's one of my complaints is people are stupid about them and they get hurt like someone died i'm sure a lot of people died but i saw me

like early on on the fourth that like a little boy died from fireworks and you know they litter um i mean they're just essentially bombs aren't they so waste of money yeah yeah it's it's quite mental but there's also you can get silent fireworks now, so use them. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Choo-choo. Yeah. Chips was – it was his first fourth with us anyway, and he kind of was just like, what's that?

And he wasn't super scared, but then I – I have a picture of him sitting in his little perch looking out the window, and I caught it right at the time there were fireworks and i was like oh he likes them he's like oh pretty lights yeah pretty much cool so you spent fourth of july gaming away yep hiding in the basement yep and that's it sounds like a good day off i mean i also worked on friday nigel didn't so it didn't really feel like a day off because it was just like a good day off i mean i also worked on friday nigel didn't so it didn't really feel like a day off because it's just like a random day like do nothing in the middle of the week sort of situation um but yeah now here we are on saturday it's for right now for nice out so maybe i'll be able to get outside and enjoy the day dios mich Michelle we've got some fucking weird weather at the moment

it's currently sunny, blue skies but I guarantee you in five minutes it will be pissing it down with rain it's pretty shit and actually my computer says earlier that we are the temperature is at record lows for this time of year

so that's cool welcome to England yeah we got a fuck ton of rain The temperature is at record lows for this time of year. So that's cool. Welcome to England. Yeah, we got a fuck ton of rain for, I mean, in some ways, the rain is kind of normal because we've had several dry years and drought years. And so having a bunch of rain after that is normal. But the sheer amount of rain that we've had has resulted in some really bad flooding back in my hometown in Minnesota. It's horrible. It's horrifying. We're not prepared for it.

We got to do better about preparing for this, particularly with climate change and seeing kind of more natural disasters like this. Like there's a theme park not too far from me, Valley Fair, underwater. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. We need to also address the fucking cause don't we yeah which is one thing i'm hoping the new government will do because all the old politicians are in the pockets of the big oil companies so they don't want to stop them drilling for oil

and burning fossil fuels whereas i'm hoping the new labor government will have a hopefully a different perspective on it well considering like the majority of europe has been leaning very far right and the fact that the uk took a different route is interesting and also like um like i'm really glad obviously but it's like is he gonna like they're gonna be the only you guys are gonna be the only ones doing like anything to like for climate change and stuff and it's just gonna be met with a lot of resistance and i'll be curious to see what happens if he who shall not be named wins what that relationship is like yeah that would be interesting i'd like to see be a fly on the wall there. Yeah. I just think, guys, like, do you not realize if we don't do anything, there might not be humans in 50 years or...

People don't care. We're going to be very fucked. Yeah. Well... And there will be mass immigration. Yeah. mass immigration and there will be nothing to stop it because so millions and billions of people are going to be displaced because their fucking country's going to be underwater yep uh so i guess if they don't care about their children and grandchildren yeah then yeah carry on. And I think people don't. Clearly not. No.

No. Well, on that joyous note. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Pivot. Okay, well, you were talking about rich people, like Rishi, and never having a job. And I thought that was kind of an interesting segue into an article

i found about uh comments out of touch comments rich people have said oh my god brilliant um it's from buzzfeed and it's you know there are two types of rich people the grounded wealthy people who go about life quietly and the flamboyantly rich who make their affluence known to everyone. So Redditor umonthicy1 asked, what's the most out of touch thing you heard from rich people? The first one is a coworker asked me what bank I use for my safety deposit box. I told her I didn't have a safety deposit box. And she responded, but where do you keep your jewels then? deposit box. And she responded, but where do you keep your jewels then? All your riches and jewels in the heart of the sea from the Titanic. I have that jewel. Where do you keep your pearls? If someone said that to me, I'd be like,

you know what? I buried them. Yeah. There's only one person that has access to the map this one is this one it's i think yeah i know there's a lot of reasons to have safety deposit boxes i don't have one but you know if someone had said oh that's where i store my passport or like things that i if my house burns down i don't want to lose right like oh that I, if my house burns down, I don't want to lose. Right. Like, oh, that's a good idea. I probably should get one. Sentimental stuff. Where do you keep your jewels and bars of gold? It's ridiculous. Okay.

This one I've made jokes about, so I thought it was kind of funny, but it's not. I was told my degree was worthless because it was from a public university and they don't teach stuff over there no we don't learn anything only go to oxford and eaton and harvard and princeton yeah they're the only good ones excuse me i need a little sip of water oh have a little sip of water. Ooh. Have a little sipple. Have a giant cup. Stop talking about my cup. Okay.

My favorite has got to be when my younger cousin said, Hawaii is my favorite place to go when we want to go on a quick, cheap vacation. Oh, fuck you. Fuck off. I know. Oh, God. Yeah, we can just take our private jet and it's not that much in fuel. Yeah, it's absolutely fine.

Don't worry about it. It's only 10,000 pounds a ticket. This one made me laugh for a lot of reasons which hopefully will be clear to you at least you've never been to disney did your parents not love you or something bitch my parents were raising three kids working two jobs on poverty wages like i never have been to disney my parents didn't love me though no clearly not to be fair i have been to disney My parents didn't love me though. No, clearly not. To be fair, I have been to Disneyland Paris. Yeah. It's different for you though, because it's like so close, like your ability to go to Paris and I'm not saying it doesn't cost money and it's not

expensive, but your ability to go to Paris is like me being able to fly to Chicago for a hundred dollars. Exactly. And I was going to tell you, it was very disappointing. You told me once, I remember, I think it was one of the first times, you know, we've met a few times,

but you're like, Oh yeah, I went to Paris Disney and the person at the gate was so unenthused. It was just like tickets, please. Tickets, please. I thought I was going to be met by a princess.

No, just some dude named Pierre smoking a cigarette going to be met by a princess. No, just some dude named- Oh, welcome to Disneyland. Pierre smoking a cigarette. If you want your ticket. Great. Okay, couple more. It's just so easy to drop a grand at Target, you know?

My coworker in Calabasas, Kardashian Lan, said after he spent $983 on toys for his four-year-old nephew's birthday. What? Not even his own son. Oh, fuck it. I'd love to be that rich where a grand on birthday gifts for a child. Just don't even think about

it. God. I search on Amazon to find the cheapest version of what you're looking for oh they love paw patrol let me let me find one that's called paw petrol or i'll go to the fucking charity shop and pick up a second hand one yep um this one's a little offensive but her dishwasher broke and she complained about washing her dishes by hand. She even said that she felt like a poor person.

Oh, wow. Fuck you. I mean, sometimes even I have a dishwasher and wash my dishes by hand. There's some dishes that need to be washed by hand. A friend's sister told me how hard it is to live in Jackson Hole because, quote, you have to fly in your help for cleaning and yard work and stuff

from Salt Lake. Wow. Wow, what a privilege to be able to fly in the help. Yep. What a privilege to have help. I mean, yeah. Okay, two more. How could your family's accountant let this happen?

This was the response when we discussed how growing up we couldn't pay the bills and had our electricity shut off multiple times. As if it's just the accountant. Oh, fuck. I turned off auto pay sorry oh fucking hell um a rich person once asked me why don't you just buy a second house for your vacation getaways as if owning one house wasn't already a huge financial stretch oh mate these people are so fucking removed from reality yeah so just sometimes rich people are not just like us i i i don't think i you know i don't think we were poor growing up. We were certainly not wealthy. But my vacations consisted of driving to Des Moines, which was about two and a half hours away, to see my grandma. And we would go to Adventureland, which is a shitty little theme park.

Awesome. Yeah. I mean, yeah, we weren't poor at one point. We were quite well off. Dad was doing all right. But then that went. Yeah, it happens. So, yeah, I did have a little bit of the rich life.

But I remember at that time in my life, I was actually embarrassed about it because I just wanted to be normal like all my other school friends. And so when we did have to give it all up and move to a small house in the local town, I was like, yeah, I'm normal. Slumming it. Like the prince and the pauper. I just want to experience what it's like to be a poor person. Switch spots with me that's you yeah it's only for a few years guys okay i was not raised with a silver spoon well i was gonna ask you if you ever had the experience or heard about people being like when i was younger and i went to a friend's house, this is how I knew they were wealthier. This is what wealth is. And it was like, for me, like they had a walk-in pantry that had like

four pound bags of gummy bears in the giant tub of cheese. Like you could walk into like a little room that had all of their food in it. And I was like, wow. And you have an island in your kitchen. That means your family's rich. That means you've got money. You have a basement that isn't creepy. It's fully finished, and you have a second living room. You have en suite bathrooms. What the fuck?

Oh, I don't think I realized that was a thing until college. Really? No, I mean going to rich friends' houses I did. Yep. How the other half live, hey? One more pivot, sort of related. I forgot to tell you this. When I was in Maine

standing outside we were at karaoke night but we're either getting ready to leave or something. And we're standing outside, probably having a bag. And these three youngish girls who were in the bar, they were over 21, but they looked only just, they parked their car haphazardly at a spot they shouldn't have next to us and kept running in and out of the bar because I guess they had a bunch of songs. They're getting ready to leave, but their songs came up. And so like they left the Mercedes running and would run in, window down, and were just like, I mean, it must be nice

to be that young and carefree in your Mercedes. Well, they came out and one of the girls to someone in my group was like, I will give you $1,000 if you give me a cigarette. And he was kind of like, I was like, I mean, that's a contract if I've ever heard one. Yeah. You better go get that 1K. And then she holds up a $5 bill and she goes, I mean, I will give you 1,000 quid. And I was like, or something. And she's like, she said something about quid. And it was like, well, technically 1,000 quid is more than $1,000.

So you should make up your mind here. And she's like, no, that's fake money. It's fake. That's not real. It's from, I can't remember if she said, I think she said Game of Thrones or maybe Lord of the Rings. But she's like, no, Quidd isn't real. It's made up.

And I was like, it is real. And it has been doing better than the dollar for a while now. So $1,000 is actually going to be better for you. But then she was holding up a five and the guy was like, just have it. Just fucking take my cigarette. What an idiot. It's not simoleons. I know. it but fucking take my cigarette it's not simoleons i know she was so like shocked that i was telling her that that is a legitimate actual real currency currency yes that people use in this world read a

book lady no shit so that's rich people for you and rich 21 year olds for you, maybe. Well, speaking of things that are annoying, I've got something for you where it's people sharing mildly inconvenient things that annoy the hell out of them. Love it because everything annoys me. So probably going to relate hard. Yeah, you may feel seen. So here's a few slow walkers and people that stop walking in the middle of a crowded area and don't move despite people being behind them yeah i try really hard not to do this and despite being of short stature, I can Zoom. And I hate when I'm with people who are taken forever.

We have to get to where I'm going. I don't care if we're on a scenic walk. I am quite a dawdler. Yeah, that's why I can't hang out with you. Yeah. But I mean, when I'm in a city environment or a town, then I'll walk fast if I'm on my own because I've got places to be. Yeah, you're getting pointed. If you're just going on a walk or a stroll, it's a little different.

Unlike a dog walk, I just like a nice gentle stroll. I mean, I've gone on some long ass dog walks with you too. And if I were to like power walk through it i'd be waiting for you guys for a while exactly we like a country dawdle here um okay so this user said when i drop something small onto the floor and have to pick it up i've completely turned into my father i usually roll my eyes sigh as i bend down to pick it up and then growl angrily when it takes a second or a couple of tries to actually pick it up it actually kind of annoys me when nigel does stuff like that because he acts like he'll be like for fuck's

sake and i'll be like did you cut your hand off did is our cat dead what happened and he's like i dropped the butter knife oh okay well i'm gonna go back to what i was doing now how about just pick it up yeah calm the fuck down this person said being asked to do something that I'm already doing which is annoying or like when your boss or someone will say and don't forget to you know do x thing that you do as a regular part of your duty and have never once missed it or not done it and it's just all of a sudden like oh thank you for telling me to submit my time card. Dick. And also, this one really gets me. Getting a pocket stuck on a handle or a drawer. Or like your belt loop.

Yeah. And you're like... Yep, yep. That really fucks me off. Oh God, that is annoying. That's not mildly inconvenient, particularly if you fuck up your pants or the thing you

caught it on. I dropped my computer in England because my sleeve, I had a big billowy sleeve and it got hooked on one of those door handles that comes out and then goes like this. So it got stuck and my computer flew out of my hand. That was not mildly inconvenient. That was upsetting. And I was mad for like a mad rage filled yes um oh when a motion sensor sync turns off before i'm done with it i can't even get those fuckers to turn on and then i have to wonder if i'm actually alive or exist can people see me

am i a ghost yeah i hate all of those things this person and that's why robots can't do every job i just want to say that that is true idiots this person just said fucking wind there is an actual like condition where wind fills people with rage really yes and my friend ryan has it where it's just it's so so rage inducing for them and it's like they can't think of anything and they're so angry yeah i think it's maybe sensory stuff too but it's just it is annoying i, the wind! Yeah, I think it's maybe sensory stuff too, but it's just, it is annoying. I hate the wind too.

I hate the wind as well. I'm just trying to be chill. Wind has got no chill. Wind can ruin a really lovely day. Wind can ruin your hair, your makeup, a game, homes. Yeah, yeah. Fucking hurricanes, they fuck people up tornadoes

I feel like that's kind of uber wind uber wind that should be their new name uber wind uber wind yeah that's just next episode we're going to rename horrible things

to make them more tolerable okay this person says people who listen to things in public without earphones please i do not want to hear whatever shitty tiktok you're watching oh had so many conversations about this my friend lydia was at like target this woman was listening to a fucking audio book. Yeah. We get it all the time on like public transport here. It's usually young people. It's always young people.

Just listening to like fucking rap music. Yep. Or TikTok. Bliering out of their phones. I'm like, dude, we're all here as well. I know. Fucking shut up. The entitlement.

Oh, I know. I love sounding like a boomer when I talk about this because well. I know. Fucking shut up. The entitlement. Oh, I know. I love sounding like a boomer when I talk about this because I know I do. I know I do. I'm people these days. Yes. Okay, this one is, please remove item from basket. Please add item to the basket. Please wait for assistance.

I fuck those things up all the time too. I can't bear it. the one in our local supermarket is so obnoxiously loud it's to start screaming thief because you put something on the on the thing bagging area too soon fucking ridiculous yeah please remove last item from bag and you're like, fucking Jesus Christ. Again, robots can't do every job. Oh, this one really gets me. Okay, we're getting activated here. I am going to invent something to stop this from happening because I fucking hate it.

So when you're washing your face or brushing your teeth and a little trickle of water just runs down your arm yep really annoys me yeah i don't like being like very very slightly damp in one single spot either no no i gotta be fully damp or not at all but But it's when it goes down the sleeve. Yeah. Oh. That's why you can't wear a shirt when you do those things. I know. I've never learned.

Do it topless, gal. I'll get that a go. Thanks. So you don't need to invent anything. Just take my top off. But I... Okay. So what would you invent? Would it be like little

elizabethan collars yeah around your wrist yes like our cones like animal yeah like an animal cone a scrunchie with an animal cone coming out of it really just collects the water and then i can just pour it out afterwards jemma you know they make wristbands that are meant to collect sweat sweat bands yeah oh shit yeah that's a great idea thank you thank you no thank you you owe me some money if you make money off of this they've already been invented yeah but repurposing things is helpful true um okay this person said, having nasal congestion on one side of my nose and not the other. And then when it switches sides.

Yeah, that's really annoying. Or when you're, it's all right when you're on your own, but I find when you're in bed with someone else and you just have that little whistle. I just get really paranoid about it. Like, can they hear my nose whistling? Yes, they can. And I'll lay there like flaring my nostrils to try paranoid about it. Like, can they hear my nose whistling? Yes, they can. And I'll lay there, like, flaring my nostrils to try and stop it.

Yes, they can. They can hear it, and they're too polite to say anything. This probably annoys a lot of people, because loads of people have road rage. Someone pulling out in front of me and then driving slower than me. That's irritating. I do not have road rage but I have road rage when other people get

like I have road rage at the person who gets road rage when I'm driving. A.K.A. Nigel. Because I'm the person who has to deal with it. The other driver doesn't hear you. I know. I have the same problem with Alan. He's very annoyed about things.

We're really talking shit today. Calm down. Sorry. No, I'm not. This one also gives me instant rage. Getting wired earphones caught on a handle and just having them ripped out of your ear i haven't got airpods i haven't done that because i'll lose them i still have the traditional wired earphones um and every time i'm in the kitchen listening to something that fucking happens

does my head in so let me just say that I had to go to wireless because not only has that happened, but I wildly gesticulate so much that I yank them out of my ears myself. Like I am not safe with wired. I've done it, I think, on this podcast before. That's how I knock my mic off. Stop gesticulating i can't

this person says when ketchup or other sauce gets rock hard around where the sauce comes out of the bottle and you have to make sure it's clean after every time i use it i mean i don't make sure it's clean, but yeah, it's gross. Oh, this is annoying. When I'm on Reddit or other social media platforms and my finger accidentally taps the top of the screen on my iPad, which suddenly causes the page to scroll all the way to the top and then I have to see everything I already looked at again. That's very annoying. That is a dumb feature. I thought they were going to say I accidentally like something

that is on the post of someone that I dated six years ago and I'm looking back at their child and I accidentally liked it. I mean, that's happened to the best of us, isn't it? I mean, it actually hasn't happened to me but I worry about it. Well, I feel annoyed thinking about all the times all these annoying things have happened to me,

and they haven't happened today, so that's cool. That's good, yeah. So if these things haven't happened to you, you've had a good day. I'm gesticulating now. I'm just bashing my microphone around i think i bring that out in you you do yeah you make me passionate you're welcome glad i could help with the wristband conundrum too right go straight on amazon and buy some sweatpants that's gonna be your nightly

the head one would also be really good for like holding back the hair when I'm doing my facial routine. I use one when I wash my face and stuff. So yeah, I do have bands, but I always forget to take them into the bathroom. Keep them in the bathroom, you dummy. Well, I don't really have anywhere to put them. It's a band. You can put it on the doorknob. You can put it around. I don't have doorknobs. I've got these lovely little country clasps. You can put it around. I don't have door knobs. I've got these lovely little country clasps. You put it around your skincare bottle.

Yeah, I could do that. I'm a problem solver. You are. Put a little safety pin in the wall and hang it on that. Rental. Not a safety pin, a thumbtack. Safety pin would be really difficult. Don't do that.

That would be really difficult. A little thumbtack. I'm going to do that with a safety pin and send you a picture yes do it thanks Kate look what I achieved uh

you up for an am I the asshole yes yes um okay what accent should i do um do mine like not american do me do me. Do me. Do me. I don't vocal fry that much. I don't vocal fry that much.

Okay, you know what? Never mind. Don't do me. Don't I take this back. Okay, I'm better at British accents, so I'll do one of them. Um. What are you going to do them I'm gonna do I'm from Scouse

Scouse I could do Scouse, I'm not very good at Scouse I'll do it, I'll try Manchester You could do Essex too, that one's kind of easy right I could do Essex, yeah, okay Am I the arsehole for slapping a teenager? Okay am i the arsehole for slapping a teenager okay essex is perfect right i 32 mate female sorry was at a water park this last weekend with my husband who is 32 and male and my daughter um we were in one of those

pools practicing swimming and keeping to ourselves there was a group of teen boys there and while i was working with my daughter on swimming on one of them sorry while i was working with my daughter on swimming one of them came up behind me and i felt a tug on the strings of my top untying it. I spun round saw this 15 to 7 year old with a smirk and I slapped him. This caused a scene the park staff got involved as well as the boy's parents who were livid at me. My husband and another lady saw it and confirmed that he really did grab my top. and another lady saw it and confirmed that he really did grab my top. There was also a camera around the pool that kind of shows it, but it wasn't the best angle. The boy's parents threaten assault charges and I threaten sexual assault charges if they decided to go that way.

Eventually, we were both asked to leave, and I haven't heard anything since. My husband, though, thinks that I overreacted a bit, which I don't. Am I the arsehole? Wow, this is a tough one, but I do want to re-emphasize that I think that was a really good accent choice for that one, too. and you did well okay i'm just gonna get it out there like adults shouldn't hit kids i mean hitting is bad right but there i also think if this were an adult male who did this like that is from my opinion reasonable self-defense and a reasonable reaction to someone who is committing some light sexual assault there. Now, I think her turning around and seeing and visualizing the age of this kid tells me she had enough time to be like, this kid probably shouldn't hit kids. That's not

it. I don't know this kid, but I should be able to, I should do, I need to go to take this kid to the lifeguard or the authorities here, find his parents and tell him what he did. Now, I think given what happened, it would be really hard to get that rational that fast because I would be fucking livid if someone did that to me. And particularly if it was intentional, right? If it was like a three-year-old that clearly was just like grabbing shit, right? Okay. But I think the level of assholery here depends on to the extent that this person had enough time to see and visualize and perceive the kid who did it versus just immediately turning around and slapping whoever did it, right? So I'm going to say not the asshole, but like also hitting kids is not the behavior we want to role model for stuff like this. But I also think like defending

yourself from sexual assault, sometimes you have to respond with force, right? So I'm a little at a loss here. I think that the parents' reaction to what their child did and, you know, the slap isn't the same as a closed fist, I guess, and it seems like there's probably no like injury there. The parents' reaction is very assholey and way to teach your kid not to you know grab women um consequences for your actions yeah so i don't know i got to think about it a little bit more what do you think i mean i've read the comments so my opinion is swayed by them, but most people are saying, like you said, that it's an instant reaction thing. Mm-hmm. Not a considered thought about, oh, I'm going to slap you.

It's a reaction. Turn around and slap, yeah. Like to someone trying to touch you or someone trying to pull your top off. So, yeah, a lot of Like, um, so yeah, a lot of people are saying, you know, not the asshole. He was clearly sexually assaulting you.

You use proportionate force in self-defense. Ha ha. I just, it's really hard for me to be like, yeah, slap that little fucker. Thing is, it's not a child.

I mean, it is technically, but he's a teenager yeah he knows that you shouldn't do that i mean i agree yeah um not the arsehole that's a natural reaction i probably do the same by natural reflex and then loads of people were like yeah like a similar thing happened to me and the message didn't even reach my brain before i turned around and whacked them. So maybe it's just something that's kind of ingrained in women as well, just to be like, ah, make a dash, bash.

Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's certainly reasonable. It's not like they whipped out a knife and shanked him either, you know? But what if it was a little kid who acts like was falling or drowning and flailing around and grabbed and reached out and yanked off her top or pulled the string and then she whacked them? Like people would probably have some feelings about that,

but it also again was like, well, yeah, when you're kind of in fight mode, it's hard for you to rational – like rationally walk through your reactions to it. I'm uncomfortable being like, slap children, hit children. I don't want to say that, but I also don't think that this is really that unreasonable. No, and it depends how hard. Yeah. I bet she's not, like I said, she's not decking the kid in the face and breaking his nose. It sounds like he got slapped across the face which is some form a form of punishment parents have used you know or have used at least you know i feel like i got slapped in the face for being sass mouth when i was a kid so yeah okay here's some controversial comments so this person said your husband's a douchebag he should kick that kid's ass well and then the next person said let's not

normalize hitting children as someone who was beat as a child for doing things i didn't know were wrong to me at the time it didn't help me learn it just made me problematic and then the next person who said he assaulted a woman he deserves to have every bone in his face broken oh he's a teen he knows damn well what sexual assault is the smirk tells me that i mean we had kids snapping bras when i was younger you know and it's like they know exactly what they're doing even if they are 10 11 12 right they may maybe don't think about it as sexualized in the same way but this kid he probably didn't mean any you know maliciousness by it it was just oh this would be funny yeah he's being a shitty little kid um a lot of people hating on the husband uh your husband is a bitch he should have defended

you those little predators tried to sexually assault you find yourself a real man and press charges on both the perpetrators and their parents i think that his husband's reaction is disproportionate like if he was like i don't know if i would have slapped the kid but i you know was fucked up and you shouldn't have done that and i'm you know i'm glad you responded right i don't know calling her the asshole is the right move here No Well Hung jury on that one Not really I just it's a complicated Situation

Where I don't think there's a blanket response That I'm going to say yep Always do this or always don't do this I just Really wanted to say on the record That I don't condone hitting children that's all disclaimer neither jemma or i hit kids yes with that often hard often. Hard.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it was a good shit-talking episode today for not having a lot planned. We're just riffing it. We just riffed it, guys, so give us some props here. We're just riffing. We're just improvising. Oh, we're just coming up with the first thing that comes into my head.

Yep. I like your lobster claws. Thanks. I don't know where that came from. Again, improvised. Let's do our shoulder dance that no one can see but us. New dance. Literally no part of your body moves except your shoulders. Just left and right, left and right, left and right. Up and down, up and down.

It's kind of hard, actually. It is, yeah. Especially when your shoulder's out. Well, if anyone has any other opinions on that Am I the Arse Who? Or if you could send in other things that mildly, well, mildly annoying but seriously infuriate you, that would be cool. I'd like to read a few more of those.

Yeah. I'm genuinely curious what listeners might think about the am i the asshole too and also mildly annoying but genuinely infuriating things that they've experienced that i've also undoubtedly experienced but can't think of i just want to continue to be anger anger i want to continue to be anger i am great anger. I am rage. But yeah, talk shit to us at gmail.com. Or tsybpod on socials. All of the socials.

All of the socials. Not Truth Social. Fuck that website. Oh yeah. I completely forgot that even existed. It might not anymore, to be honest. I bet it does, but... Yeah. Well, on that note, dear Catherine... What a gemma, what a gemma, what a magnifying gemma.

I actually like this one. What's this about? Grab something and pull it back. Yeah, just come to me. It was good to see you. And you. Till next time. Till next time. next time great bye Bye. We'll be right back. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only.

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