Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 54. Air Con Whore

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

This week it's all about curly Kate, Trumps near miss, a nightmare fuel and how to tell friend you hate their partner. Send your hair curling tips to @TSYBPOD or [e-mail]

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Raise your game to the next level this year with BetMGM, a sportsbook worth a selly, and an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling

or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. hi hi how are you i'm fine how are you i'm all right i'm quite warm me too i guess i have air conditioning though so i shouldn't bitch too much yeah bloody aircon whore yep whoring all the aircon over there yeah welcome everyone to talking shit with a whore and a brit i'm the whore and i'm the bitch.

Well, bottom line is we both are experiencing sunny, warm temperatures right now. It's very, very odd. It feels weird. It's been very, we talk about the weather a lot and this is what British people do. But it's been weird, like sort of kind of mild here. So you just don't know what the fuck to wear. Like wearing a jumper feels like too much, but not wearing a jumper doesn't feel like enough. And then it pisses it down every five seconds.

So I'm like, well, I need a coat or umbrella as well. Randomly today, it's beautiful and sunny. We've had so many storms. I feel like it's rained and thundered almost every single day for the past couple weeks, which is why we're still having flooding issues. And I guess I slept like the dead last night, which I don't normally do, because I guess we had a really bad storm and I did not wake up for it. But it's still really warm and humid and muggy out right now. So I suspect we'll have another. I hope we do to break it. But yeah, it's been, you know, it was mild at

first and then just lots of rain and now it's kind of hitting the hot, humid, gross, someone's breathing on you, making your newfound curl journey a frizzy mess oh god the humidity the humidity it was a bad time for me to decide that i should appreciate my natural hair texture and and try to lean into it turns out everyone i have very very very very, very curly hair. Very curly hair. You probably just realized. Raises questions about why I needed to get perms when I was younger. Because it looked exactly the same as it did when I got perms.

So here I am trying to figure this out. And it's hard. It is hard. Because, like, there's so many things you can do to just fuck up your curls. So I feel for everyone who's been living with this. They just don't want to live. Yeah. Yeah. So.

But imagine if you nail it in this humidity, imagine what a breeze it's going to be in the winter. Oh, man. I will be unstoppable. Yeah. I picked up Sean from the airport yesterday because he was out of town and he was looking at my hair and he almost like reached his finger out to touch it and was like don't touch it what is wrong with you it's made to be appreciated not touched okay yeah yep but that's the weather that's the update on

my hair i wish you well on your hair journey. Thank you. I hope it brings you... I don't know. Something. Something. Presents. Pleasure.

Presents. A new way for me to hold my wallet. Just right in my hair. Yeah. You can just hold numerous objects in there. You're like, oh, you need a tampon. Hold on. Here you go.

You just hold numerous objects in there. You're like, oh, you need a tampon. Hold on. Here you go. My hair is not full of secrets, but it is my purse. Love it. Well, I love that for you. I'd love to see it.

I'd love to hear it. Thanks. You're the only one who can appreciate it right now. Yeah, I know. I can tell you listeners, it looks good. Dumb. dumb i didn't do a while today i was in a hurry if anyone has any curl tips out there please share because as of right now i've been watching youtube videos on reddit reading other things about how to do it and it's just like it's so much and i just would like to know what works for people because yeah surely there must be an easy solution i think it does depend on your hair because of course like

your hair might not like a particular product or it might not like being plopped and it might not like being diffused yeah it's dumb well you'll find your groove with it we'll see we'll see we will see i'll see yeah you know what else we'll see what whether the world's ending i think get it sometime soon i think we'll learn yeah well as we record this we've um i woke up to the news today that uh trump has had an assassination attempt mm-hmm he's got his little ear mm-hmm crazy right just like a tiny little little wound on his ear yeah but someone died right and two people yeah seriously injured so i've only done a little bit of follow-up on it since it's happened but when i heard yesterday my immediate thought was was this was this staged which i hate i hate that i thought that but I was also just like, there would be so many benefits if, excuse me, I shouldn't use that word, if carried out correctly, that would fully benefit Trump and fully ruin kind of any democratic effort. And so that, and I just like wouldn't put past the man. But then I was also like, I don't know if I think he would be willing to be like, yeah, I'm willing to potentially

get shot somewhere as long as just my ear and I don't die. I just don't think that that's probably who he is as a person. But I do think there's enough extremist groups out there who, because of all the rhetoric that's been going on would maybe try to do something knowing you know like oh we won't hurt our candidate but if if this is done well it will support it'll benefit him and and ruin the democratic party's invite and shot and so i think that's probably what happened is that's i mean i don't know if you've heard about right i hate that i'm even like entering this kind of conspiracy theory belief but like it's just i don't know if you've heard

about project 2025 nope so what i know about this is project 2025 is this like effort ideology ideology organization that's trying to, with a Trump administration, further these really antiquated or extreme ideals, some of which that aren't constitutional. Some are confusing like, and no-fault divorce, which I bet if I looked into it, I would see why they're arguing for that. But I was like, that's just a weird one. But, you know, like send all the non-natural born citizens out of the country, revoke citizenship, you know, get rid of federal legislation that benefits schools and protects youths and, you know, sexual identity, get rid of all of the things that I consider humanitarian in nature, All of the things that I consider humanitarian in nature really go back to this kind of white supremacist, Christian nationalist, traditionalist lifestyle.

Trump says he has nothing to do with it. I think that if that's true, he certainly inspired it. And I think some of his previous administration and campaign people are now working for this group and they said something not too long ago about you know if trump wins this he's gonna enact these things and further these beliefs and there's like a 12 point 15 point list of things that they want to pursue and it's like oh this doesn't have to get bloody unless the democrats and liberals want it to and so like i my yes my suspicion is it's oh, they fired for shots. It's a war now. Like just a way to start something or make him look good, which I think some of the pictures I've, got injured. And then also the gunman has been killed. And it's just very confusing how it went down. And now there's some information about how this person might be a registered Republican. And which could support what I was just saying.

But that also could be some, you know, maybe to make the Republicans look bad. I don't know. I don't know. There's like, you can't believe anything anymore either. That's the problem, isn't it? You can't believe anything you fucking read. Well, yeah. I mean, this is secondhand knowledge from me, but I was told by some, from someone who

was on Twitter. I don't have Twitter anymore, but they saw videos of like just before it happened the secret service like ushering people out the way um so I think Twitter's gone a bit like oh it was an inside job with yeah the Biden administration or it was planned and you know it was a staged event uh and I yeah I don't know he you know he's obviously having an adrenaline rush but like as soon as he you know he's obviously having an adrenaline rush but like as soon as he gets up there's this video of him just being like fuck fuck it just looked really weird i was just like why are you yelling fuck man i mean i suppose if i got shot in the

air i probably would too yeah probably but it's just like this tiny little wound and then they all like jumped on him yeah i said to alan i was like oh they's just like this tiny little wound and the way they all like jumped on him yeah i said to alan i was like oh they basically just like poured a bit of ketchup on his ear just like just stay down for a bit yeah it's just bonkers and i'm just i i'm scared to see what the fallout of this might be people were criticizing biden for not immediately issuing a statement. And it was because he was trying to call and see if he was okay, because that's the appropriate reaction. Condemning gun violence is the appropriate reaction. And of course, like that's not good enough. And I remember all of the things that happened previously, like when the Speaker of

the House, Nancy Pelosi's husband got attacked in his home with a hammer and Trump made comments about, it was so insensitive like oh he had to the effect of like he had come in should have hit it harder maybe you shouldn't be whatever you know and like not compassionate at all whereas i think the right move is are you okay no one should have an assassination attempt on their life yeah well fuck We'll see what happens, I guess. Help me. Help us. How's your new government doing? I think it's going all right. He's got a good cabinet.

Loads of women. Oh, nice. Yeah, time will tell. It's hard to feel hopeful about anything these days well you know there is always the option of just you're in america as well you've got loads of land options just go and get a little cabin live off the grid yeah yeah okay genuinely become one of those preppers just get loads of canned food okay growing your own veg. You can get a donkey, some chickens.

What about my hair though? You can still get them shipped in. All the products. I'll just stock up. Can't live without my curl cream. Just let it run wild, girl. Yeah, that's true. I can, again, tie rope,

trap things with my hair, whatever. It's a natural source of rope. Yeah, you're right. Like fishnets. Oh, you've got endless possibilities. So this was the right decision is what I'm hearing. Yeah, well done. Great. Great and good. Or go to Canada.

Oh, I don't know if they're going to accept us. You're pretty close anyway. Yeah, I could see why they'd be like, no, thank you. No, thank you. Thank you. We don't need any of that drama. Yeah. Well, I hope it calms the fuck down soon.

It's getting a bit much, isn't it,ms the fuck down soon. It's getting a bit much, isn't it, really? It's so much. It's so much. Just come over here. Come on. Okay. On my way.

I'm going to hang up now because I'm going to get over there. Okay. When is your flight booked? Now. I'm running late. Again. Have you heard about this thing of these guys in quotes raw dogging flights like raw dogging life well yeah i mean it sounds like a sexual thing to me when i first read it but basically what they're doing is they're refusing to use any in-flight entertainment

listen or listen to anything do anything on their phone they literally just sit there for the whole flight and watch the flight map and it's like this new craze that guys are doing it's called raw dogging only guys apparently so yeah the only thing i've seen is about guys why i don't thank you no no thank you i don't understand it. Read a book. But I mean, some, I think like some psychologists have come out and said, actually, it's like quite a good thing because it's, they're basically unwittingly doing a form of meditation. No, I'm sure. I'm sure it really helps clear your brain and you're not like immediately distracted by all these different forms of media and stuff or like just things that can grab your attention if it were like an hour flight i could probably do it but definitely not for an hour flight no i think you should try next time you come over i want to roll dog the shit out of that flight

would it count if i had pharmaceuticals that knocked me out? I don't know. Okay, look that up for me because that will be my path if it's allowed. To literally just go into a coma. Yeah, just Xanax yourself right up. Yeah, why not? Yeah, all right. We'll give that a go. Sean was telling me on his way home we like i said we had a lot of thunderstorms and stuff and so i think when they're landing there's a lot of turbulence and apparently it was so bad that someone in the back of the plane was like we're going down i was like i if i were on that flight i would have pissed myself yeah literally yes actual touch cloth person and he had wi-fi so he was texting me as it was happening and i was just like oh like thinking about if i were on there i would be i would be dying but i

was like it'll it'll be okay you're fine it's just turbulence yeah turbulence is the scariest thing isn't it I remember when I went to St Lucia that was the worst turbulence I've ever had something to do with the atmosphere as you come into the Caribbean and they warned us but it was

I was like we are going down this is the end of my life yeah it happened on the way home as well it was just yeah i have a friend who's a flight attendant and he was telling me that you know it feels really scary and but i can't remember if he's like there's not really ever been an instance where turbulence has caused a plane to go down i don't know if that's exactly what he said or if that's true but he also had had said, like, you know, you know, it's time to be concerned when the flight attendants are like praying in their seats. Right.

But so I always look at them and I'm like, do they I mean, yeah, they're sitting there and they're not looking like they have a great time, but they look like it's kind of just this is what happens. Yeah. Just when it drops. Yeah. I think that's what happened to make that person yell which i like i understand but also sir keep it to yourself

i don't need your anxiety on mine okay sir yeah yeah this why I hate flying though. Well, you know, maybe you could get a boat. I have a boat. I built one with my hair. Your hair raft. It had so much gel in it, it's waterproof. I'm not sure that would make it across the Atlantic. I'll figure it out. I'll make friends with some dolphins.

They can pull me. Oh, that would be cute yeah yeah not only are you excellent at accents but also dolphin apparently so yeah i don't think i've ever done that before no it's perfect came out speaking of nightmare fuel of flights that in turbulence and fallen out of the sky, I think you said you had some nightmare fuel for me. Yeah, I've got some nightmare fuel for you. Love it. Nightmare fuel. No, I couldn't do it.

I just sounded like a praised baby. I couldn't do it. I just sounded like a praised baby. Okay, so I came across this article, and it turns out that tampons have been found to contain arsenic and lead. Yeah. I saw a TikTok of a guy who's just like, what the fuck is wrong with this country? T have arsenic and i was like i yeah i know

all right so a study found that toxic materials in tampons uh there's sorry there is toxic materials in tampons for several brands. So that's great. It's not just the one brand. It's several brands. So the article reads, and this is on HuffPost and BuzzFeed as well, if anyone wants to read it themselves. So when it comes to health and exposure concerns, tampons are particularly concerning as the skin of the vagina has a higher potential for chemical absorption than skin everywhere else on the body.

However, researchers believe that despite this, tampons are still woefully understudied. And in fact, a new study has revealed that millions of tampons actually contain toxic materials such as arsenic and lead. such as arsenic and lead. Yay! Lead author Jenny A. Shearston, a postdoctoral scholar at the UC Berkeley School of Public Health, said that despite this large potential for public health concern, very little research has been done to measure the chemicals in tampons.

Why? Yeah. It's not like we're putting them, know Inside our bodies or anything To our knowledge This is the first paper To measure metals in tampons Concerningly We found concentrations Of all metals we tested for

Including toxic metals Like arsenic and lead Jesus Christ So of course This is alarming But the health implications of it Are far more frightening Strap in.

Berkeley Public Health said that metals have been found to increase the risk of dementia, infertility, diabetes and cancer. They can damage the liver, kidneys and brain, as well as the cardiovascular, nervous and endocrine systems. In addition, metals can harm maternal health and fetal development. So co-author Catherine Schilling, assistant professor at Columbia University, Mailman School of Public Health said, although toxic metals are ubiquitous and we are exposed to low levels at any given time, our study clearly shows that metals are also present in menstrual products and that women might be at higher risk for exposure using these products. So for now, we don't know if these metals are contributing to negative health effects,

but researchers have stated that further studies will test how much of these metals can leach out of the tampons and be absorbed by the body, as well as measuring from other chemicals. Sheaston went on to say, I really hope the manufacturers are required to test their products for metals, especially toxic metals. It would be exciting to see the public call for this

or to ask for better labelling on tampons and other menstrual products. So this is my public call. Yep. Right here. For us to stand together and ask for our tampons. Let me raise my hand too. I'm raising my arm. I look a bit like Trump. I'm going to take it out. Well, just like this. We'll just do this yeah it's crazy to me that we had like only recently within the last year were studies done on like tampons actually not being as absorbent not actually being tested on blood but blue water and and it i'm now wondering you know we talk about i think we talked previously about toxic shock syndrome from you know now i actually wonder if that's just because of the toxic metals because

if you if you leave it in too long and your tampon is fully absorbed and can't absorb anymore it stands to reason that would probably make the metals leach out and into our systems no fucking shit that people get toxic shock syndrome i can know i think you've just solved the mystery of that well not a doctor but very smart to get an honorary degree from berkeley and columbia that's my that's my hypothesis whoever wants to test that those who can do those sorts of things please do because i it just you know it's kind of like a sponge right it has to it eventually can't absorb any more water and so then stuff's gonna leak out of it yeah so yeah I'm glad that I've made the

switch to a cup but even this most recent round of period I still used a tampon a time or two so cool it also explains my dementia and my diabetes and my cancer and my infertility. Now I have all the answers. This explains a whole lot. Gross. This is the first study. How many years have women been using tampons? I'll refer us back to the, I think it was the mother's day episode where we talked about when tampons were invented so but no one cares about women yeah please could someone just look

into that and just you know put some regulations on uh the excessive amounts of arsenic and lead in tampons that would be quite Remember, they were invented by men. So that's why. They're like, oh, it'll probably help with their hysteria. Might calm them down a little bit if we poison them slowly through their vaginas. Yep. You know what? I'm just going to lean into it.

Maybe it'll give me a superpower. Yeah. I'm arsenic woman. My bones are made of lead. But you know, like there are so many things like lead paint that's not used anymore. Now we have unleaded gasoline because that was, I mean,

if you want to know what maybe some of the prevalence of like cognitive issues in certain generations, they were exposed to lead paint and leaded gasoline with lead in it that would explain a lot over there but we had to stop using lead on roofs because i think they do occasionally but there's stricter regulations around it now and you have to wear gloves masks and because the roofers were dying yep from lead poisoning or going mad going mad yeah yep i mean if it's if it wasn't arsenic and lead in in tampons is going to be something else and there was a study recently that tested like i'll just paraphrase because i can't remember

everything but let's say they tested a hundred men's testicles and semen and all hundred had microplastics in it and that also yeah contributes to infertility and like people are talking about lower birth rates well let's you know it's probably not just because people are like maybe i don't want to have a kid it's because we can't yeah because the amount of plastic we're ingesting yep yeah something needs to be done about plastic i think go back to glass let's go back to glass it's prettier it's recyclable yeah slightly heavier but that's fine you know give everyone a certain amount and if they aren't returning it and they want to purchase more it's going to cost more it's going to be more expensive because i think that's the issue is the cost.

Right. But make it so people don't want to spend the money and they will take care of their glass bottles. Yeah. Make plastic more expensive. Give me a glass tampon. How? I don't know.

I'm just trying to problem solve here. Okay. You should be an inventor. I mean... I just... We have so many ideas and we're solving so many problems on this podcast that not all of them are good, but at least

we're trying. You're a problem solver. Put that on your CV. I should. I should. I will. I will. Well, so in other bummer news about the world you know slowly killing yourselves by just having a period and yeah good times good times good talk hi yep uh oh well you know i have a question for you that also isn't super uplifting, but I'm curious what your thoughts are about this. Okay.

I'm curious. who is dating something, dating something, dating something or someone that you didn't like, or let's say you hated and just kind of, there were a lot of things you didn't like, you didn't enjoy being around them. Where are you at on saying something to your friend about that? Oh, it's a tricky one, this, isn't it? isn't it um i mean i have had it before and and done it before and it didn't end well you want to say more so yeah like when much, much younger, like early 20s. I had a friend who really didn't like their boyfriend. And I also witnessed him cheating on her at a club. And so told her about it.

I was like, one, don't like him. Two, here's proof that he's a twat. And unfortunately, it resulted in us falling out as friends. And they didn't believe me at the time. And it kind of ruined the friendship for a while. And we're absolutely fine now and after years it was fine but it doesn't always go the way you anticipate it to go because love is blind um and there's always that you know friends always say like oh you know in hindsight I wish you told

me or why didn't you say anything exactly yeah it's like well that's why yeah I mean it's kind of a twofold thing I think the conversation about if you had proof of a friend's partner cheating or otherwise doing something really problematic like do you say anything and I think we always kind of look reflect and be like what I want to know yeah but then I also think there's the shoot the messenger type of response I've had that too and get basically got blamed it was much easier to like cut me out versus yeah and the relationship and address it even when it was pretty significant um i do think there's ways you can approach it and you know you don't have to come guns blazing and be like, by the way, I fucking hate your partner.

You could just point out maybe some behaviors that you've noticed that aren't cool or things like that. Wow. You are so smart because the article that I was reading that made me want to talk to you about this said, you know, there's a time and a place, there's certain concerns to share, some to keep to yourself and to really kind of point out behavior, not the person rather than, you know, like, oh, you know, he's a bit of a twat. You would say something like, well, I just noticed that whenever we're together, he, you know, he makes fun of you a lot and it seems like it makes you feel bad or he says a lot of rude things to me and it makes me feel bad, you know, rather than, you know, he's just a prick.

Yeah, exactly. Which will just make them defensive. And it's not going to help anything. Another tip is to be prepared for pushback, too. Because naturally, you know, if they're're with them they want to feel defensive because like i think a part of it too was like oh how does it reflect on me that i'm with this person you know or something like that and that's where i think it's you got to be careful but also it's just like like i get it i can see why you like them i just noticed this and it like i'm wondering if you

ever brought it up or i want you to know it makes me feel bad. And particularly if it's something that's kind of directed towards you. The article also says it's on Vox, by the way. Set boundaries when you need to. So if it starts becoming, you know, an issue and the person's like, well, talk to him about it or, you know, like you're too sensitive, then you maybe just start like, you know, I don't think I'm going to hang out with you and him or her together. You know, I love you and I want to be your friend, but it's really hard for me. And that way it's kind of more about like, I'm going to set this boundary. You can continue to date them.

So. And I guess it kind of depends on your friendship with them as well and how open generally you are. Cause you know, certainly in my friendship group there's some friends that I definitely feel I would be close enough to to open a conversation about or air my views but then there's others where I would feel like it almost wouldn't be my place to say especially if it's between the two of them. But I mean,

if like, you know, I've been meaning to talk to you about Alan. He was like really mean to me last time I saw you guys. Just kidding. But it's when it's not really anything to do with you, except for just sheer concern for your friend. I know that's even harder. And if you are friends with them, but you don't feel like you have that kind of relationship, that's different. But I feel like you would be happy to tell me all the things that you hate about Nige. Or tell Nige all the things you hate about me,

probably to my face. I'm just going to sit you both down and just tell you all the things I hate about you. Stop being so annoying. That'll be our next episode. Can you just come up with a list of things you hate about me for me to fix? Because I love feedback. If anything, that is a strength of mine, my willingness to hear all the horrible things I'm doing. That's so great of you.

Well done. Thank you. That's the thing I love about you. Thank you. great of you well done thank you that's the thing I love about you thank you I just thought it was interesting though because I've had at least two experiences where I've had to I I said something um about someone's partner and one resulted in the friendship being over and I'm also learned later that I'm not the only one that it came up again, this kind of continued same behavior. And then they got cut off and it's just kind of, it's really sad. Yes. Yep. Because I think the person also probably doesn't feel like they have an option because, you know, they have kids and all of that with this person. And it's very sad. The other time, I think I was perhaps a little sensitive and hyper

aware of things that were – and just it was a matter of getting to know the person better. And thankfully, raising it to my friend, it didn't end the friendship. But I think I approached it poorly. And I also think that it was a bit subjective you know like it was you know xyz but really it was my sensitivity on a thing rather than this person's personality characteristic and getting to know the person better ended up you know I grew to love the person so well there you go don't fucking jump to conclusions yeah Yeah. Bottom line. But also like, you know, there's, if you're concerned about someone's safety, if you suspect abuse, there's lots of resources out there on how to approach it and it might backfire. And, you know, I think the

only thing you can do is continue to be there for your friend too, even if they set boundaries with you, because probably one day, like you said, with your friendship, you guys are friends again. And, you know, probably they'll even say you're right right i just couldn't hear it at the time and i'm sorry you know that's it um and it also depends on the dynamic of the relationship as you say if they are in an abusive situation or being emotionally manipulated then they are not going to want to hear it yep or do anything about it so sometimes it's just the easier route you know like yeah it's easier to believe the person that i'm entangled with in this way versus the friend who maybe is looking out for me but like if i were to believe them the things that i'd have to do in response are really difficult it It's, I think, just like when you're thinking about ending a relationship,

sometimes people drag their feet because it's hard to do. Yep. And often in those times, you don't do anything about it or leave until you are at breaking point or pushed to do it. Sorry, I've got a dog just jumping at the door. Let me in. I have thoughts on this particular topic. I want to tell you, Jess or Eric. I think it must be Eric because I think Keith's just

got home. Well, I think Eric has lots of good points and I've always appreciated his insights. Yes, he's a good boy. He's a good boy. He's a good boy. He's a good boy. He's a good boy. He's just very excited. My name is Eric.

My name is Eric. My dad makes cheese. The cheese tax. The cheese tax. Yep. It's a real thing. Gotta pay the cheese tax. You do gotta pay the cheese tax.

And the ham tax. And the chicken tax. You do gotta pay the cheese tax. And the ham tax. And the chicken tax. And... The treat tax. The treat tax. The lock tax. The lock tax. Animals are expensive.

So many taxes. I'm demanding as well. Would you like to hear an Am I the Arsehole? You know I would, baby. Ow. I was listening to Michael Jackson's album the other day. I can never remember. Dangerous.

The one that's all like gold with his face on it. It was the first album I ever bought, actually. Oh. And I went through it and was the first album I ever bought actually oh and I went through it and was like oh my god there's some bangers on here but the thing I was most astounded about is just how high that motherfucking can get like even his

it's fucking hard to do as a woman yeah like his falsetto sounded good it wasn't like I can sing this high but it doesn't sound pretty sort of thing yeah it's just damn good you have quite some talent there oh r.i.p that's so funny that was your first album because i feel like it depends like i want to say the first one that i intentionally bought or got outside of like disney soundtracks was probably paula cole who's that where have all the cowboys gone

her great yeah yeah explains a lot about you i mean i don't yeah i don't think i i think it was that one song my friends were buying it i remember when we got it, my parents looked at it and they're like, I mean, she's on a swing naked. You can't have this CD. And I was like, why? Why though? It also might have been TLC. That's where I can't remember for sure. So one makes me very cool.

The other makes me questionable. But, you know, it balanced you out. Yeah, for sure. That's why I contain multitudes. Okay, sorry. We digress. Yep. Moving on.

Am I the arsehole for not telling my wife that I lost my virginity to a man? Okay. Let me just buckle my seatbelt up for this one my safety helmet let's go get it me 45 year old male and my wife female 41 are in the process of separating nothing too dramatic just the usual error i can't say the word irreconcilable differences. Namely money, social behaviour and what we want to do with the rest of our lives. She's happy with the house and her work and I want to experience more of the world before I get too old. Sex isn't one of the reasons for separating even though it has been sporadic over the last few years, putting it mildly.

I've been reaching out to a lot of my old social peers for support during this time, as has she, and I've reconnected with the man I lost my virginity to at 16. He was 19 at the time. We met up for drinks a couple of nights ago in town and had a really good evening, at the end of which we said we should hook up once the separation was moving forward the next day my wife confronts me asking why i hadn't told her that i lost my virginity to a man i asked her what she was talking about and it turned out that one of her work colleagues was in the same pub the previous night and had overheard us talking my wife was and still is furious that i hadn't said anything about this for the 18 years that we'd been together and says that i've deceived her and now she believes this is the reason why i instigated us going our separate ways she's now telling everyone i'm a closet

homosexual and have been all of this time am i the asshole oh it's so funny that you picked this one for today because I was just within the last week reading maybe it was a twitter thread or something about how it's recently become a thing that a bunch of young men aren't are now talking or like there's like like people men losing oh i'm just hanging out with my homies this is what we did but it wasn't gay but it's like they were hooking up and like like not talking about it in that way i i guess i'm not explaining it well but that was basically the theme of what i was reading right yeah um on what I you know my inclination is no it you're not an asshole because you didn't disclose that the person like the gender of the person you lost your virginity to I would think that does it matter ultimately I guess

to me it only matters if you're like, it impacts your kind of, I guess, orientation or gender identity. I do think being honest about those things with your partner is good because then you can like, if there's needs or expectations that need to be set and it feels like you're missing out on those things, like it's good to be honest. I suppose also there are risks that could be associated with it just because I think there's correlation between like exposure to, you know, HIV and AIDS, unfortunately, with male on male, I guess is what I'll say. I don't think that's the right term, but it's kind of escaping me. But I also think things have improved since the AIDS epidemic because a lot of it was like on the down low and not using protection and not a lot of conversation about it. But there are those risks, right? And so being transparent, but I also think like if this person was, you were 16 when it happened and that has not been like, you haven't engaged in same-sex intercourse since then, I don't think

it matters unless your partner directly asked, hey, what, did you lose your virginity to a male or a female? And then you lied, then that is a problem. And it's unfortunate that she is associating this with the end of your marriage because she think, you know, because she didn't know, but also, you know, she could have asked i guess but it sounds like it wasn't something that like this person whether he's bisexual or it was just like a one-time thing it didn't impact the marriage no anyway just some extra points that he's also put um he said the age of consent in the uk is 16 i think a lot of people were kicking off that oh about that age difference sure um and he also said my wife and i never discussed sexual history

it may sound impossible to believe but it's true she was just never that interested in having that conversation and sex wasn't ever hugely important to her as much as cuddling etc yeah i was gonna say i mean it i'm sure they maybe had like probably talked about previous partners a little bit but if they never were like tell me about all how many people what's your body count what are the genders of your body count and some people don't want to know that information either yeah my guess is if she asked this person probably would have been honest but she didn't so exactly she sounds a little bit like a prude um

but yeah i don't think he's the asshole at all i don't think it really has a bearing on things other than the points you mentioned she didn't want to know about your previous sexual history so it hasn't come up and also like what a bitch for the person sitting in that pub overhearing and then going straight to your wife to tell her like get a life yeah i i'm curious to know why all of a sudden this even though she's not right the fact that she now thinks that their marriage is ending because he's a homosexual like why that matters all of a sudden because if he had come to her and said i actually am gay and i don't want to live in this i don't want to live in the closet anymore i want to be able to freely explore that part of me i want a divorce would she be like oh okay yeah i mean obviously she's like walking around outing him now it feels like yeah it feels like an attention thing yeah oh it's not my problem

we broke up he's gay that's why like it's all fucked up actually i think she's gay. That's why. It's all fucked up. Actually, I think she's an asshole a little bit. Yeah. I do too. Conclusion. She's the asshole. What did the comments say? Top one says, well,

the good news is what's she going to do? Leave you. Fair. Fair There's people like asking a lot of questions So like saying Who did she think you lost your virginity to But he obviously hadn't Added the extra Bit hadn't added the extra bits someone said OP would be the arsehole if his

wife had no idea he was ever with or into men everything else aside you lied to her for the entirety of your marriage and even if you say it isn't this probably played at least some part in your lackluster sex life and probably the divorce as well um but that person has been called out for being no i don't sorry someone that other comments called them out yeah just saying like this is

extremely biphobic and bisexual people can have fulfilling relationships with women and men regardless of gender right there's nothing to say that it played a part in their sex life or their divorce perpetuating the stereotype that bisexual people can can't be fulfilled by a relationship with one gender is incredibly harmful um of course i would would expect op to have discussed his sexuality with his wife of 18 years however it would be very weird if this was ever brought up. And he also commented. Where is it? He said, I've been around homophobia enough while playing sports, football.

I'm not using the s word soccer i assume um and i know that saying anything about any sexual contact at all would get me ostracized from almost all of my social groups including sections of my family um even though i may have deceived in quotes deceived everyone um would it be right to have lost my whole life just because of who i was attracted to at one point in my life um yeah it's kind of like i mean people you know we talk about the closet and stuff but sometimes people just are also like i don't think i need to publicly announce my sexuality straight people don't have to do that. I don't have to be like, I'm straight and I'm attracted to men. So like do it.

But, and it sounds like there would have been a good reason for this person not to do that, even if they weren't like actively trying to hold themselves out one way or another. But, and it also, again, sounds like it was, this was like the first exploration of any sort of sexual identity. And then after that, ended up with women. I don't know. Yeah. Just like people can like whoever they like. Yeah.

There's plenty of people in the world that gender isn't even an issue. They like the, what is it, demisexual, is it? Where you fall in, you're attracted to the pansexual? I don't know. Let's probably look that up and get it correct. But you're attracted to the person and the personality and the soul rather than the genitals. Demisexual is a person who only feels sexually attracted to someone after creating an emotional bond so your respective gender pansexual is not limited in their sexual attraction to in regards

to biological sex gender identity or expression so i think you know one is like it doesn't matter the other one's like as long as i have an emotional bond um yeah great great everyone just like let people this goes back to i think things we've been kind of talking shit about this just like let people be themselves and don't worry about what they're doing in the bedroom if it's none of your business like if it doesn't impact you you don't really get a say yeah so grow up grow up that's why other people sex and worry about your own yeah yeah yeah not the asshole not the asshole enjoy your freedom baby get that dick or whatever you know whatever

a jine willies whatever you fancy well another good episode I think for the books I'm just gonna go ahead and do her own horn

and if you've got any um advice for kate in her hair curling journey could you please send us a dm at tsybpod or email us at talk shit to us at gmail.com um give some tips and stuff and also if you could give me tips on my straight hair and how to make it more curly, that would be great. I mean, I can tell you what I've learned so far. I was going to get this product that I keep seeing called like MerWave or something. And they claim that like if you have wavy hair when you let it dry naturally, then actually you've got curly hair. You're just not using the right products that's exactly what kind of led me here was because if i let my hair air dry i it's

not stick straight and it gets pretty frizzy and i was like i just have shit hair but i learned actually no that's a sign that you have actually either wavy or curly hair and it requires a specific kind of method of styling and products in order for it to look good. And I was like, well, let's just see what I can do with this because I've been letting my hair air dry for a while because I just think it's better. And I was like, I wonder how curly my hair can actually get. Turns out Shirley Temple level. Yeah, it is curly. Yeah. And that if I do it right, I can have really nice, smooth looking hair, which is not something I ever thought I could have even in efforts to like straighten. And I mean, I think that's the issue is that I've spent so many years straightening and fighting my hair that I have to actually like let it become healthier because it's just I think I've just kind of tormented it. Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know, fingers crossed that I can make it look nice. Like what did you say? Slash? Yeah. She hopes that I can grow it out and be like Slash the guitarist. That is not my hair goal. Or like a share.

Sure. You know. I just want to see what I can do. I'm probably going to not end up liking it, but it is funny that I would spend time blow drying it, straightening it only to then curl it. Yeah. That does seem a little bit backwards, doesn't that?

Yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to see where this journey takes you. Thanks. And if you find that you might have a little bit of wave let me know and i'll tell you what i know and you can borrow the tips we hear from the listeners as well fantastic i look forward to it great new hair new us oh new pod the curly hair pod i think there are a couple podcasts about curly hair so we might be reinventing everything it's true there's not one about kate and jemma talking shit except for this one there is this one this is our niche

yep all right well thank you for listening everybody if you could also wherever you're listening to your podcast either like follow like whatever it is and what you're listening to smash that like button. Give us a little review as well. Cause it helps us get out there. Baby, baby, baby, baby,

baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, curly hair.

I regret even saying anything to you about this now. My curly haired friend. This is me with my curly hair. All right. It was good to see you. And you. Have a lovely weekend. You too.

Bye. Bye. Bye. you you