Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 58. Trad Wife Yourself

Episode Date: August 29, 2024

This week Kate has a couple of bones to pick with Gemma, some stories from people who realised they were dealing with a monster and a trad wife AITA... Get involved by emailing us at [e-mail] or DM us @TSYBPOD !! 

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And we only know just enough to be dangerous. Okay. Kind of fix the problem. What we do is we turn it off and on again. Just, okay. Control delete. Restart. Click. Seems to work.

Yeah, it did. Okay. How are you doing, you lazy bum? You lazy unemployed bum? Just got tinnitus in one ear, which is fun. Oh. Oh, no. Well, it's from your days in the war.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, those explosives have just really damaged my eardrums. Well, sorry to hear that. Yeah, just been bumming around you know um i haven't actually actually been quite busy sorting stuff out um potential new job for this podcast gig um and i've been doing um a chaperone course so i can chaperone children at dances where you say leave enough room for jesus yep um yeah just you know living my best life man excellent

uh speaking of working yes except for right now because i wanted to chat with you a little bit for our podcast which is what everyone is listening to right now what is it called talking shit with a yank and a brit if you haven't already worked it out i'm the brit and i'm kate the yank Oh, we're both drinking tea. Well, no, you know I'm drinking coffee. Same difference. I don't waste my time with tea. Why?

Tea's so good. Because I want it, I need it to taste bitter so that I never forget how awful life is. Matches your inner core. Yep. Yep, yep, yep yep um yeah not a lot going on just busy with work and trying to get stuff ready because i'm gonna be moving to england yes i'm moving to england and also going out of town england is out of town to be fair so it it's that's true that's true um that is a longer term process of course yeah more immediately i am going to be taking a girl's trip with my gals to maine road trip

road trip we're flying but yeah sure i'm i'm flying the plane so it's kind of like it's a it's an air trip air trip yep oh my god um but yeah it'll be fun i'm looking forward to it yeah that'll be good um i have a couple bones to pick with you though oh shit have i done something wrong yes but i'm willing to forgive you, depending on how this conversation goes. Okay, I'm nervous now. I've got anxiety. So you remember last time we talked about the state fair and then like kind of what a fair is in England versus a carnival.

And I specifically said, yeah, we'd call that a carnival. And you're like, for us, carnivals are street parties. Well, I just learned recently about the notting hill carnival and i don't know why you didn't fucking tell me about this in fact i just was looking at an article that was published on the 19th of august about explaining notting hill carnival to americans so i'm gonna go ahead and need you to do that or to be honest and i just thought you knew about i didn't know they had a carnival. I know Notting Hill is like a place and a movie.

Well, it's nothing like the movie. I mean, based on this article that referenced the streets being filled with pee, I gathered that. Oh, yum. To be honest, I've never been. I've just seen stuff about it online.

But it looks like a riot. Not a bad riot. Like a good time riot. And yeah, there's, you know, what do they call them? Don't know what it is. When we start recording, my brain just goes, you don't know any words anymore. I'm lucky. You're going to sound like a dummy.

Yep. Describe what you're thinking and I lucky. You're going to sound like a dummy. Yep. Describe what you're thinking and I'll try to help you come up with a word. Like moving vehicles with shit on top and there's people in outfits. Oh, parades? Floats? Parades. Floats. Yeah.

Floats. They have floats and it's very like... I think you can just say hippie. Woo woo. No, it's not. It's like celebrating... I think you can just say hippie. No, it's not. It's like celebrating black culture. Oh, oh, okay. Oh, okay.

I didn't know that. Actually, so now that I look at my little page I have up here, which is an article from vice.com, it does say that it is the annual street festival where one of the richest yet most divided districts in europe dissolves into a feral open air house party honoring the seismic influence of afro caribbean culture on london which sounds fun as hell yeah it looks fucking good everyone gets proper dressed up to the nines sequins and bikinis and big headdresses and there's music blaring everywhere looks like a good old time um so we make it like a bucket list thing to go sometime yeah okay cool defo when is that i so this article though it starts off with americans no matter how many mcs fashion einsteins or tech

savants we send your way you insist on stereotyping us all as either evil wizards or pig chasing medieval oafs with accents like malfunctioning car stereos thanks to a hundred years of cultural imperialism us brits grew up with an intimate understanding of the american national psyche so it's a shame that your perception of us in our country appears to be based on the bad guys from Ace Ventura films. And then it introduces, it's not even your new Orleans Mardi Gras or famous hot dotting competition that can lay a finger on the Notting Hill carnival.

And then, so it kind of breaks it down into categories, sound systems, but then one category is toilets. I can't imagine that would be a problem dubious punch hot sauce drugs booze cigs and half a million stressed out people crammed into a few square miles on hottest weekend of the year as well as being a vital celebration of multicultural unity etc etc carnival is also a machine precision engineered to send you repeatedly sprinting for the johns yeah just google notting hill carnival and look at the pictures it looks fucking mad well the pictures on this article are something else too but it looks fun and i just don't know why you didn't introduce me to it last time because maybe

just maybe I would have flown over it's this weekend so you've still got time come over done I'm already gonna be at the airport 10 a.m so perfect actually when this airs it would have been last weekend but at the time of recording I still could make it is what you're saying you still could make it yeah for sure are you

are you available no I've got to cancel all your plans I will actually yeah why not we've had our gig cancelled tomorrow oh

because it's raining forever because it's raining forever I just I was like well let's play indoors they were like no the football's on why the fuck have you booked a band then football is an institution akin to

the likes of there's no one even good playing the pope who's playing I'll to the likes of... There's no one even good playing. The Pope. Who's playing? I'll be the judge of that. Oh, well... I mean, Brighton are playing at half 12. We were going to play at two.

We'll just go in afterwards. But no, apparently they want to play all the games that day. Ridiculous. Why book a band? Stupid. That is stupid and I'm sorry. Do you want to shame the venue publicly no i do but i won't fair enough i'm annoyed because we've got loads of people coming down

for this gig we've got a friend who's over from new zealand who was coming who uh silas's friend jake well i think you just go in the parking lot and play anyway. Yeah. And then Jammer had loads of people coming, our drummer, and they'd all like change their work shifts and book time off work to come. It's just ridiculous. It really pissed me off, actually. I'm really quite annoyed about it.

House show? Can you find another venue? Like, put a show on at your house. I suppose we could do. My stepbrother's band is currently trying to set up a tour where they perform at homes. Really? Yeah, the kickback. That's quite cool.

Just a little tutu for them. Yeah. Hmm. Love that idea. Yeah, maybe we should just have a party in the garden otherwise can you find another venue last minute uh we did try but i don't know there's there's apparently travelers in brighton at the moment that are trashing pubs so the pubs are closing early or something i don't know god it's as if Brighton's the only city you could perform in. I know. But it is annoying because it's bank holiday weekend.

I was just going to ask. And we had loads of offers from people wanting us to play. We turned them down because we've had this gig in the diary for ages and then they've just cancelled the day before. As you can probably tell, I'm rather riled up about it. Call them up and say we're available, folks. Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry.

But we've got another one on Sunday. Okay. That's good. Well, the other bone I wanted to pick with you is... Oh, yeah, all the boners. Exactly. I have a big boner right now for you. Why didn't you tell me about the runaway horses galloping through central london blazing a path of mayhem and injuries in april of this year

i don't know why i didn't bring that up because i see stuff and immediately forget it which is not great for someone who should be writing down content for a podcast but yeah there were some escaped horses it was really sad they had like blood all over them well this picture one of them has blood all over it and it's like horrifying but also like if it weren't for the blood i'd be like oh look they're having a great time they're just running around london here i'm gonna send you the article so you can see the picture but yeah it seems like there are military horses which would explain the blood um got loose you're shooting them i i i assume it's not the horse's blood oh i hope so um got loose in central london early wednesday this article came out in april 24th

2024 galloping through rush hour crowds smashing into, and injuring several people. So I'm guessing it's, you know, civilian blood, which take no prisoners for us. I can go for it. They became loose during a routine exercise this morning. Doesn't sound that routine if you accidentally let a couple escape. But yeah, I mean, this is important news to me. But yeah, I mean, this is important news to me. And I just feel like you need to keep me up to date on any animal related or fun street party related news that goes on over there. Sorry, from now on, I will do that.

I've just been looking because I believe they got rehomed and they're now free. Oh, well, because, yeah, they've gotten the taste of blood and freedom, so they can't go back to being military horses. Yeah, they got put in like a rescue center, I think. Now they just gallop around fields and are happy. I may be wrong about that. I think that's probably what, you know, the government wants you to think. Probably, yeah.

Big Brother's watching. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, imagine just, you know, going to work and there's like a bunch of horses running and not a traffic in London. I'd just be like, okay, just another day. imagine just you know going to work and there's like a bunch of horses running in and out of traffic in london i'd just be like okay just another day i'd be like have we stepped back in time have we entered a portal yep um that's it i forgive you because i appreciate your responses and moving forward you will do better and i will hold you to that. This is a note to myself. Do better.

Do better. Speaking of doing better, I do want to just touch upon something that pissed me off recently. The Democratic National Convention was over the last few days. Yesterday was the last day. And our Governor Walz, who we've talked about, he had his speech on Wednesday. Yeah. And I think I'm feeling a nice type of way about him, probably misguidedly so. If I did a little digging, maybe I wouldn't.

But his speech was good. And the shots of him and his family, he's got two kids and he's married. Those were so sweet because they were so emotional and like proud. And his son, Gus, like was just observantly emotional and it was really touching. And then of course the internet shit all over him because he was crying and emotional. And it's like, okay, regardless of whether or not he's got any sort of, you know, neurodivergency or needs or whatever, because that is a factor. But regardless, like, who fucking be nice to kids? And also, who cares if someone's emotional and demonstrate?

You're allowed to be emotional. Yeah. Especially if you're a boy. Yes. So that really, really upset me. But it was when I saw it, I was just like, oh, like that was my favorite part. So cute. I, yeah, I was going to ask you about these conventions, actually, because like, who the fuck goes to them?

I think that this one um was an outlier but okay so again i'm going to explain this poorly and probably at least partially incorrectly yeah the republican national convention and the democratic national convention are the conventions that basically firmly like kind of identify candidate to run for president right for many Right. For many years, I think particularly this year, there was already a presumptive nominee candidate, right? Trump, for example, and then they had their national convention in Wisconsin a couple weeks ago. And apparently, like, because everyone is in the closet

in the Republican National Party, Grinder broke. And same with Kamala. Like she was the presumptive nominee, but we still had it. And basically the delegates from each state get picked to go and submit a vote to make this person the candidate. Oh, so it's like officiating it. Yes. And, you know, I think in years past when there's a couple of different possibilities, you know, they go and make their case and different people from different states vote who they want. And then whoever has the most becomes the candidate. It was kind of, I mean, there was no one else really trying, but also it was just kind of a formality, I think for both, for both people. Um, but they also really tried to make it a spectacle this year and I think they were successful. I wasn't going to watch it.

I did watch some. I was very upset and disheartened about the lack of representation for what's going on in Palestine and that the delegates who were uncommitted and basically protesting or wanting a ceasefire in Palestine were locked out of the convention, even though they legitimately should have been involved in there. And also they probably should have had someone speak about it. And that, and it was just, nope. I mean, I, the only reason I knew what was happening is because they were posting on X and, but if for all you knew watching it, you wouldn't know that there was like a lot of shit going on outside of the arena. And so I think that that's pretty fucked up. And I have

a lot of feelings about it that I don't know how to reconcile right now. Well, I know how to reconcile them, but I just like I'm feeling torn because it feels like there's really, I don't really have a choice either way. I mean, so, but there are a lot of people who are in the uncommitted movement who are like, well, we just won't vote then. Or maybe we'll vote for Trump to send a message, which I get. And that's the problem with our two party system. But it just, it was, I'm sorry, like I, I'm opposed to killing babies and innocent people and genocide. I am.

That might be. It's a weird view to have but you know i support it yeah i was gonna say that might be like an unpopular opinion and i i get the whole like saying this publicly i realize could result in some you know people feeling a type of way about it i i just general like i'm not taking a position on the land issue and the conflict that's been going on in generations over with Israel and Palestine. But I do think it's wrong. It's reprehensible. It's disgusting that all these children and people who are just trying to live are being blown up and murdered.

I have a problem with that. Yeah, fucking damn right. absolutely horrendous um i'm just surprised that like well i'm not surprised i think if it was a white country then something would have been done having said that yeah you know that's still happening i mean there's lots's lots of conversations and mention of Ukraine at the DNC, but also technically Israel and Palestine. I mean, people don't consider them this way, but arguably are considered white. White, yeah. Yeah, it's fucking ridiculous.

Yeah, something needs to be fucking done, doesn't it? I mean, I read that America is supplying a lot of weapons oh oh no a lot of what's happening right now is a direct result of the current administration the fact that they haven't great yeah i know that's not good that is one of the reasons why i was already struggling with when by like because it was like well like he first and foremost like cognitive ability and age and stuff capacity aside like i have a lot of really strong negative feelings about some of the things that biden and his administration have done during his presidency that make it made it real hard but the you know kamala is part of that so yeah well hopefully

things will change with uh so I'm back to feeling very pessimistic you've done a U-turn again yep okay

well that's my soapbox let's move to Finland yep oh wow well I guess kind of related to Finland. Yep. Oh, wow. Well, I guess kind of related.

I found this article which is basically loads of people sharing their interactions with people they had that made them realise that that person was really dangerous. Ooh. I thought we could share them with the group and share our feelings on what we think this is now becoming a support group for encounters of the dangerous kind

yeah okay i'm kate and i met dead bundy he was very charming and good looking except i don't know if that's actually true i think that that was kind of a something that was really exaggerated by media and stuff just because of the time and he was a white man who wasn't like a troll yeah but he didn't look like a typical serial killer. He just looked like a normal guy. Yeah. Okay, so first one is I, 20 female, was dating this dude for a few months and we were

getting on really well. Then we both ended up having to move for our jobs around the same time. He wanted to try long distance, so he did. Um around the same time. He wanted to try long distance, so he did. The end. Sorry, someone's texting me. It's just ruined my flow. Yeah, he sounds real dangerous, Gal.

Get out of that one. Okay, we called most days and watched movies together during our time off the time zone messed it up a little bit but it wasn't too bad out the blue one day he just said he didn't want to be together i'm like wow okay a little blindsided but sure so i just started going about normal life again and hanging out with friends um the normal post-relationship stuff. After about a month, he begs, like absolutely begs, to get back together. Hi. It was movie type stuff, sending flowers to me at work, sending handwritten cards almost daily

across thousands of miles, and even buying me a ticket to fly out to see him. So I'm like, okay, whatever, I'll go. See what he has to say. In the worst case scenario, I'll just fly home. So I got a ticket for two days after, because I just figured I could head out if he were being a dick. He picked me up from the airport and acted basically how he used to. He told me he missed me, regretted it as soon as it happened, and it was the biggest mistake of his life the usual we've all had that every day every day

um so we stayed with his family because he's like oh please don't get a hotel i feel really bad about the whole month just stay with us and i thought hey a free room so everything was completely fine for the first few days. And I then got this alert on my phone. It was a hurricane warning saying that they were pushing my flight to four days later. I'm like, crap, I need to get back to work. I only took three days off. When he got back to the house from work, I told him about it.

And he was like, oh, I know. We already started boarding up the windows i was a little freaked out but not too much because i guess that's normal for big hurricanes yes so the next morning he shook me woke me up and told me to go into the living room i was like okay when i do it's him his two two brothers, his sister, his mum and his dad, people I have only met in this one instance, and he has a binder. They sit me down and each of them reads a passage from the binder of why we shouldn't be together and why I need to move on. And he broke up with me in his parents parents house in front of his siblings in the

middle of a hurricane power outage then because of the hurricane i was stuck there for four more days with them probably not the most psychopathic person i've met but this story still is so strange to me that i had to share it wtf i'm i feel like i've heard no the word gobsmacked but never felt it applied but i am right now has your girl been smacked yeah like he did he initiated trying to get back together with her yeah and so like did was this planned like i'm gonna initiate and then bring her out so i can do like what the fuck like was he telling his family that she was like obsessed with him and like flew out there to see him and beg for him back like how how did that even come around i know and like help me read from this binder i thought you

were gonna say they were reading passages from the bible and that would have been equally as weird yeah oh that sucks i would have been like um i'm gonna just go sit in my room and the room until i can leave thanks yeah cheers i'm gonna lock myself in the bathroom for the next four days. I would have actually maybe tried to get a hotel. Yeah. I guess if there is like an actual hurricane on, you don't really want to go outside, do you? Well, yeah, I'm sure she probably would, unless it was like literally the eye of the hurricane at that moment.

And like, did he wait until the hurricane started to like initiate this that's what i thought like he intentionally invited her out to during when he knew a hurricane was coming and to keep her there but then i was completely 180 when it was like they all sat down and read passages about why that she should move on i was like i thought it was going to be like trapped here and you have to get married I thought it was going to be trapped here and you have to get married or we're going to convert you to basically some weird TikTok dance cult religion. We've converted our basement.

You live there now. Yep. You're going to be our maid. Anyway. Shit. Okay, here's another one. I was casually dating a guy. Hold on.

Oh, take a sippy sip. I was casually dating a guy for roughly five months. This weirds me out a bit. Like, casually dating for five months. Five months is quite a long period of time. Yeah. This is where I guess I don't, I have my lack of experience in just, like, kind of the dating world. And whether that is, like, do you see other people?

Or is it just, like, nothing super serious? Yeah, I suppose they could have both agreed that like we're just bumping uglies yeah i guess that could be just a euphemism i was fucking a guy for five months um okay i was casually dating a guy for roughly five months i moved into a new apartment and i'd sent pictures of the interior before i moved he went on on a trip to Scotland and got upset that I wasn't answering FaceTime in the middle of the night. Okay. I decided I wasn't interested in pursuing anything further because of his persistent

pestering and insecurities. Fair enough. I had moved in and was working on unpacking when suddenly I got a knock at the door. No. He found where I was living with just a picture of the hardwood floors and some windows. I don't have the location for my photos turned on so there's no way he could have found it from something simple. He saw absolutely nothing creepy about it and proceeded to push the door and beg me to let him inside i promptly shut and locked the door then made sure

he heard my shotgun cock he left and i haven't heard from him since thankfully i wonder if the pictures she sent were from like a listing and he just did a reverse image search yeah probably that makes sense doesn't it weird yeah oh creep that is creepy oh this one's good so i was chatting with a guy in a pub he seemed like a normal nice dude and we got on really well at some point in the conversation he casually mentions that he's not long out of jail for torturing a guy hot and in brackets he never said torturing he said what it was that he did to him oh jesus yeah oh he's like yeah i just got out of jail for pulling a guy's fingernails out waterboarding him and then basically drawing and quartering him but i didn't kill him no biggie yeah i didn't kill him so i don't know why they sent me to prison uh he slipped in the conversation so

casually as if he was just telling me about running to the shop for a pint of milk. Never saw it coming. I asked around another day. I asked around another day and confirmed he wasn't full of shit. So, turns out he was a torturer. Hmm.

Okay, but what if... What if she asked around and people were like, oh yeah, Tommy says that. It's not true. He just likes to make himself sound tough. Would that be worse? Yeah, I don't know, actually. Or would she be like, oh, okay, he just lies about torturing someone and going to jail for it. He just likes making things up like that. So now I want to date him. Yeah, that's just as weird isn't it just but uh story don't torture people don't lie about torturing people

both is weird and if you meet someone who does either red flag run away run fast away yeah okay i'll do one more um i was walking my dog down a main road on leash and a lady was walking her dog off leash. Already annoyed. Her dog stopped on the road causing cars to stop. She had no control of it. Her dog lunged for my dog and I asked her to put her dog on the leash. She said that she would stomp on my dog's head and let her dog kill mine. I knew it wasn't even worth arguing with her, so I carried on my walk. She then set her house on fire two weeks later with her children inside. Oh my God.

Luckily, they were okay. But yeah, madness. Sorry. Yes, I made a statement. Yes, she's currently in prison. was released after the arson, and then re-arrested for further crimes. Her children are aged four to seven. The dog is also okay.

Happy ending, but yeah, what the fuck. And I think, you know, that just goes to show that people who are cruel to animals are a red flag. Mmm. Massive red flag. I kind of want you to do another. Okay, I've got one.

One more. I went on a date, and she casually dropped how she killed her brother's hamster with perfume as a kid because she was mad at him. Like it was just some quirky little story to laugh about. Needless to say, I started looking for an exit strategy at that point. I feel like this is a really well balanced we have a couple guys a couple girls but what the fuck the women are the ones who are trying to kill animals and their kids what's wrong with these bitches

okay fuck yeah actually I just want to do this one as well okay I kind of I'll read it and then I'll say so this one it was was an Uber driver. My wife and I took an Uber down to the bars one weekend.

Once he picked us up, I could tell easily that he was on something. While we were crossing a bridge on the interstate, about halfway to our destination, he said, isn't it crazy that I could swerve off the road and just kill us all right now? Oh my God. Yeah, man. So crazy. Crazier if you don't do it though. But you know, we've all had intrusive thoughts where you're like, man, I could just slam into that car. Yeah, absolutely. I could do that.

Yep. Oh, boy. You know, you don't vocalize that when you're an Uber driver. No, don't say it out loud. No, it's going to fuck up your ratings. Exactly. The guy said that he reported him to Uber so that no one would ever get in a car with him again, which is fair. Not only did he say that, which is scary, but he was clearly on something. I wonder if he was like gurning.

Just wide-eyed and like scatty. Or just literally shooting up heroin in the front seat. Needle, tourniquet. Crack pipe, you know. Oh boy. I mean, you know, it is, I guess with taxi drivers,

it's always kind of been true, but I guess that's like with the company. So you maybe feel safer, but Uber is too. I was just going to say it is mad that we like basically order cars to come to our house and we get in with complete strangers and all of that. There's been so many instances of, you know, girls getting attacked and stuff. Or like I've read stories where it's like my Uber driver is going the opposite direction and not like I'm saying, and they're just ignoring me. And, you know, I've been in this car for an hour now. Oh yeah. That's why, like, I like the features that have been made where you can send someone

your location and when you're supposed to arrive and stuff. But that doesn't like help me now. No, I'm still going to get murdered. At least I'll know where to find your body. That's true, yeah. At least I'll have my exact location. So that's good. Well, I can't,

aside from what I've already shared about just like kind of horrible dating experiences and relationships, I don't think I've met anyone dangerous but i did have to sit next to in court a man who murdered his child's mother while the young child was in the back seat and we terminated his parental rights obviously and i like I had to sit next to him at court. That sucked. Grim. Yeah.

I just watched the new thing on Netflix about the Lacey Peterson case. Did they touch upon the fact that now there's reason to think he might not have done it? Not really, no. I mean, he's claimed his innocence the whole time. I think there's DNA evidence that recently came out, but I don't remember seeing the result of that.

Because apparently there is another documentary from his perspective on, is it Paramount or something like that? Mm-hmm. Which I haven't watched yet. But I mean, from watching that documentary, it's fucking obvious he did it, quite frankly. I can't see any evidence, apart from the fact that there wasn't any physical evidence

to tie him to it. But all the circumstantial evidence just screams volumes. The affair and the money and stuff, yeah. Yeah, and just like he bought a boat on the day he told his mistress Just screams volumes. The affair and the money and stuff, yeah. Yeah, and just like he bought a boat on the day he told his mistress that his wife had gone. Mm-hmm. And then her body washed up fucking like 100 meters from where he said he went fishing that day. He'd never been fishing before.

He had like a tarp in the back of his car. And yeah, just loads of shit. It's just like, yeah, mate mate you did it come on well supposedly the innocence project is working on his case um which is a non-profit that basically takes cases and looks into exonerate like so you know before dna evidence was a thing all those people who are wrongfully convicted they've done a lot of that like i think i don't think the innocence Project is necessarily doing like the making a murder guys, but there are people obviously working on that too. And maybe it started there.

But I'm, I feel like if they're actually looking into his case, then. Then there must be something then. Or they think it's worth investigating. I mean, I think they've probably had instances where they do investigate and then either confirms it or they can't make any like it's not conclusive enough but yeah you know i guess there's usually even if there's like it's kind of like if it walks like a duck it smells like a duck and there is a reason why they say it's typically the husband but i don't know yeah Yeah. It's, uh, it looked pretty straight to be,

but you never know. Stranger things have happened. We are happy to acknowledge if we're wrong, if that happens, but, but they were like things as well. Like I particularly enjoy, not enjoy, but I like watching how they react and he at no point looked like a

grieving husband whose wife had gone missing he did tv interviews to try and clear his name in the media because the media were accusing him before he even got arrested and stuff yeah um and you know psychopaths or sociopaths have this thing called like micro expressions. So they'll be telling us, you know, it can be a really sad story. He's talking about his missing wife and just, you'll just see him slightly smile. And it's just that tiny little micro expression that indicates that they know they're getting away with it or think they're getting away with it. And he did that a lot. And obviously that's not hard evidence and I'm no expert,

but I think I'm quite good at reading people. And that's what I got from him. He didn't seem that fucking upset to me. Yeah. It can't just be about that because I think there's also plenty of research and like anecdotes that show when the opposite was true,

people judged based on like the kind of weird sounding 911 phone call or someone's interview or, you know, with the police where ultimately they didn't do it or something like that. Because I think we, I don't necessarily know how I would react if I, something horrible happened to me and I had to make a call. Like, would I be hysterical? Would I be too hysterical? would i be not hysterical enough would i be like basically in a state of shock you know so i think i agree with you that they're like that is always people look at that and they're like what the fuck you don't seem like you're worried about your missing wife pregnant wife but also because people when they experience trauma, do things so differently. It just can't be based on that, I guess. No.

It's not a science. Yeah. Well, it is a science, but it's not. But there is something to be said about our intuition. One of the things that in the TED Talk that I went to that I talked about last time was kind of using, it's called the two-eyed method, which is rooted in Native American kind of spiritualism and culture, where it's like you have your one eye, which is kind of looking towards data, scientific evidence, evidence-based, you know, like information. And then the other eye is looking kind of relying on intuition, gut, experience, things that you can't articulate in the same way as you can science but like you just know it and there was something like the person talked about nurses who could identify someone

was coding before it happened even if they couldn't articulate how they knew and that was just based on their experience intuition gut and yeah interesting yep there's a lot to be said about her. Gut feelings and intuition. It's usually always right. Except for the girl who needed the blowjob wig. Except for her. She ignored all her intuition. You know, or just was like, oh, that's weird.

Oh, well. Oh, well. Should we do an am i the asshole yeah so i'm assuming you've heard of the trad wife thing that's trending on twitter and um tiktok and stuff now i have but explain to me like I'm five anyway. So it's basically women wanting to return to the traditional gender roles and be a stay-at-home wife have her husband provide everything for her and you know live in but they also want to live in like luxury and have a really lovely time i know you say stay-at-home wife and not stay-at-home mom which in which case then if i could be a kept woman i that i would totally be honestly it's a bad thing i wouldn't be probably traditional but

if i could do whatever the hell i wanted and not have to work and not have to worry about money yeah for whatever i would you do have to clean in house make sure food's on the table at the end of the day no that's not for me okay I could get takeout and hire a cleaner okay so here's this woman's story of trad wifedom. Sort of, yeah. So, she says, I'm a woman in my late 50s, married to my husband, who's in his early 60s. We've been married for 30-odd years,

and I have fulfilled the role of, in quotes, traditional wife for much of our marriage. I left paid work soon into our marriage. My husband is very successful in his business, and we live comfortably. All our children are adults now. My husband built his business from the ground up and I was instrumental to the early success of it. Till as old as time.

Which set it up to what it is today. Now, we were having lunch with our children when my son mentioned that his wife didn't want to be a trad wife and do what I did to raise the kids. She raised concerns about how vulnerable a position it is and that she doesn't want to depend solely on him for money. He wanted me to talk to her

and convince her by telling her how it worked out for me. I said I understood where she was coming from and being a housewife is incredibly risky and vulnerable especially if he leaves her and she's been out of the labour force for a while. He countered that it worked for his father and me because I trusted him as my husband to provide for me and why couldn't his wife do the same. I told him that I have a meticulous record of all contributions that I have ever made to the family business, recently digitized with the help of my

daughter, so that if the worst ever was to happen, I wouldn't be relying on the mercy of a man to feed myself. I told him that I have made many contingency plans over the years to minimize the risk of being a housewife and compensate for my lack of pension and benefits that I'd had had I not left the labor force. This angered my son and husband and both said that it showed lack of trust and my husband especially feels that I've had one foot out the door our entire marriage and that my little escape plan included plans to shaft him of his business. I told him that the fact that he refers to it as his business rather than ours is precisely why I kept those records and why I won't be telling my daughter-in-law to do what she doesn't want to do.

Am I the arsehole? Nope. Okay. This first and foremost reminds me of a fact pattern that I use in a training I teach where a stay-at-home mom and a dad are divorcing and the dad has a business that she helped, you know, keep running for free, like did a lot of stuff for and feels entitled to, you know, something from it because of that. And the husband is very resistant to that. I mean, we have something called alimony or spousal support here. And the fact that first and foremost, the son saying that and being like, I was waiting for her to be like, well, your father and I's relationship is like different than yours

and she's different than me. And I don't know, like, I don't know. She probably has her reasons and whatever it is that like, if it's legitimate, you guys need to have a conversation about it. It might not be about lack of trust or something like that. But the fact that this smart woman did that, this mother, um, and the way her son and husband reacted is, to me, this like – like to basically make it seem like it's lack of trust, trying to shaft one foot out. Like that is like this really subtle form of course of control and gaslighting that is all too common and really I, kind of continues to uphold the patriarchy. And really, he should be, her husband should be kind of glad even if they're not on the precipice of divorce because that would mean he wouldn't need to have to pay her alimony, or at least there could be an agreed upon amount that if she hadn't done that, like,

it could end up being a lot more. And the fact that she kind of was making sure for whatever reason, you know, what if he died before her? And since he owns his own business, like it's not like he has a pension necessarily that she would automatically get because he works for a government or as a police officer. And so like that is actually just smart and probably what a lot of attorneys, whether they represent a husband or a wife in that scenario, would recommend people do.

Even if divorce, like no one is thinking about it in terms of like, oh, you're going to get divorced so just be prepared. But there's a reason why we have retirement plans and make wills for the worst case scenario. Exactly.

She's just protecting herself. No, not the asshole. and make wills for the worst case scenario. Exactly. She's just protecting herself. Ugh. No. It can happen. Not the asshole. I think that's so ridiculous that she would even have to ask that question. So this person replied, I mean, it's pretty much that across the board. You know what I mean?

Good. This person said, not the asshole. That's legal savviness right there. What do men obtain from getting their wives to throw their financial security into the wind? Barring separation and divorce, what happens to the wife if the husband unexpectedly dies? Does she throw herself in a fire, end up living on the streets because her husband provided and now there is no provider and she has no savings, no plan? What is this modern obsession with trad wives in society where it takes two salaries to care for a family? The son is an arsehole for not respecting his fiancee slash wife's wishes. What if she wanted him to be the

house husband? What gives him the right to demand of her what she won't give? Husband is an arsehole for not understanding that protecting yourself from very possible hardships that have very practical ramifications has nothing to do with not trusting him. It has to do with self-preservation. Amen. Amen. Amen. like the whole intention is to just limit their wives opportunities to leave them like make it harder like trad wife isn't or at least from the male perspective at least these two men's perspectives isn't about like this is our partnership this is what I do this is what

you do we're equal contributors we both have both have important jobs. I will make sure that we'll treat it like a job. This would be truly the way to go is treat it like an equal job where she also has an account that automatically filters money from his paycheck into hers, puts it into a retirement. Because then it's treated like a job. to a retirement like that because then it's treated like a job you know and that's what they say it's supposed to be and so like the fact that they can't do it just like seemed like no we do this because i want to make sure that you stay with me forever and you're at my mercy which is controlling yeah exactly loads of people were sharing their cautionary tales as well. This person put, I'm a woman. I trusted my ex. I raised our children as a stay at home mother.

After 25 years of struggling under financial control, we divorced. My library skills are outdated. My work history is no longer relevant and I'm financially struggling. I had the house, the retirement account, the cars, and now I've got nothing. OP, you're not the asshole. You're savvy. To document, document, document. Your son needs to get his head out of the sand and support his wife in her career.

And the fact that her daughter helped her digitize things and kind of organize things to keep it updated and modern and accessible tells me that we've got two kids who are fault, like who basically idolize or, like, align with their gender. Ooh, balloons. That hasn't happened in a while. Idolize or align with their same gendered parent and, like, our, like, patriarchy son, feminist daughter. And so I just think that's interesting, too. And I think all the more reason why, why like how you role model as a parent is really important.

That's it. And I think these young idolizers of being a trad wife, I think are probably quite naive to. Well, it's like what I said. Oh, I don't have to do anything. Yeah. Like that's it. Like that's what you're thinking.

Oh great. I don't have to work. I can just stay at home and make some dinner. You're not thinking of the longterm. Like, great. I don't have to work. I can just stay at home and make some dinner. You're not thinking of the long term. A lot of relationships don't work these days. And what the fuck are you going to do if you don't have an agreement in writing that he's going to give you a certain amount of money if you do divorce? You're fucked. anybody who's considering that sort of arrangement that there actually be a prenup where basically the arrangement is highlighted and it's enforceable upon divorce. It doesn't have to be a prenup about if you cheat or don't bear me a son, you don't get this. It's just this is the arrangement. This is what this will look like. This person commits to this. This person commits to this. Upon separation, this is how assets will be divided and how like you

know kind of what each person will take away from the partnership assuming the contract is followed yep which makes it really less romantic and sexy but hey like when you get divorced the romance and sexiness just is gone anyways exactly yeah so no we are agreed not the arsehole i think you did the right thing there and um someone else made the point of as well like if he's so upset where is it my life my wife how did i get the balloons to go i was just like wildly gesticulating as i do and it was like party party thumbs up great celebrate fireworks how is this happening i don't know celebrate celebrate party working now fireworks oh okay no so this person said not the arsehole

they've never had to think about life this way so they have no idea what really goes on why aren't you co-owner of the business he really thinks that you were part of it then why wouldn't have he had made that happen? Well, he doesn't, obviously. Yeah. He said it was my business. You're trying to screw me. You have one foot out the door. But she chose to stay as well.

Like, she could leave. It doesn't sound like she necessarily wants to, but she also just knew that was a possibility, among other things, that she would... What are you looking at? There's a magpie and a jay having a fight outside. Oh, what do you think they're fighting about? I don't know. The apples on the tree.

Fair enough. Well, anyway. Sorry, I got distracted by nature. It's kind of best that way. I saw a weird-ass woodpecker the other day. I didn't know what it was. And someone was like, that's a woodpecker. And I'm like, woodpeckers look like that?

What color was it? I'll show you. woodpecker and i'm like woodpeckers look like that what color was it i'll show you it had like a red head of hair and then it was kind of like cow spotted oh that's maybe not cow spotted but it definitely looked like a punk rocker look it's got like a red mohawk and then like shaved black for feathers down its back of its neck and awesome then it's as big as like a fucking pheasant. It is big, isn't it? Yeah. Wow.

I was like, everyone come look at this bird. It's huge. Yes. I thought it, yes, we commented on it being Roadrunner-esque. Anyway. Anyway. I got to get back to work okay you do that um i am not gonna work perfect i hope if you throw a house show but without the husband you're tradwifing yourself yeah love that for you I hope you have a house show or do something fun with the people coming down and I hope the show

on Sunday goes well if you want to toot toot that or plug that show go ahead it'll be too late it's already happened wait is it the one in Cuckfield yes have fun in Cuckfield I did have fun it was great It's already happened. Oh. Wait, is it the one in Cockfield? Yes.

Have fun in Cockfield. I did have fun. It was great. Have fun in Maine. Thanks. I did have fun in Maine. Good. But because of that, folks, might either have a late or skip an episode next.

Wait, no. I won't because this is what it is. So never mind. Yeah. I'm so confused. Time is weird. It's a conception that we've made up. Yeah, it is. It's a social construct. Okay. All right. Well, it's good to see you. And you. Take care. Bye. Then ta-ra. Get ready for Las Vegas-style action at BetMGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas Strip excitement MGM is famous for.

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