Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 59. I Can Smell & I Like Money

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

This week we're talking UK fast food failures, fun times at the fair, boomer complaints and werid well paid jobs. Send in your thoughts, stories, dilemmas or whatever you want to [e-mail] or DM @TSYBPOD

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Hello there and welcome back to Talking Shit with a Yank and a Brit. I'm the Brit, Gemma. I'm waving. I'm Kate. Hi. They can't see you waving, Kate. Yes, they can. They can feel it. The wave vibe. They can feel the energy. They can feel the air coming from my frantically waving hand. How's it going? Yeah, all right. All right. I'm, uh,

I think I'm still hungover from double wedding weekend, to be honest. You had a busy weekend. I'm a bit worse for wear, as they say. I too might still be recovering from my vacation girls trip. Uh, that was five days of food fun booze sleeping in various different locations in my friend's apartment and not sleeping a lot yeah it takes it out of you doesn't it i think we're getting a bit old yeah it sure does it sure does. It sure does. But it was fun. Do you have a nice weekend? Yeah, it was really good. It was my dear mother's wedding on the Friday. Mommy, sorry I couldn't make it, Mom. But you looked beautiful.

I saw a picture. She did. She looked absolutely stunning. Lovely little ceremony. And then we went back to the estate that they live on. Party. Reception there there my band played and yeah it was a good time it's very good times and then the next day I had another wedding with Alan's friends and so we had to get up early and drive all the way over there for that and did it all again. Woof two weddings in in a weekend. I can't imagine. I mean, I thought when we came over for our friend's weddings June a couple years ago

that having one on one weekend, a break weekend, and then another was a lot. Yeah. Tried her in it consecutively. Can't. Can't imagine it. We got to about sort of two o'clock in the afternoon and we were like, oh my God, I'm really flagging. Power through. Power through. Get some whiskey. It'll be fine yes whiskey will help did actually i'm like you take a little nap and have a little sippy of some coffee

i did have a cup of tea yeah we noticed in the tent that there was like a tea and coffee stand and i was like oh my god i'm gonna have a cup of tea I'm so excited right now it's those little things best part of the day yeah uh this this makes me think of see if I can find it quickly enough but it's like you we search it one time and then Instagram only gives you like funny horoscope shit right um well there was one that was like a spec. Yeah. So it's like spectrum based, um, horoscopes and it's cancer is a spectrum. And then on one end it has a little cup of coffee that says living for life's little treats, which is seeing a coffee and tea tent at a wedding when you're tired. And then on the other hand, it's like big black hole that says everything is meaningless. And I was like, this one is the most relevant one

to me I've ever seen, actually. Very accurate. Let me see if I can find yours. Okay. So for yours, on one end, it says it's a picture of a skull and a glass of wine and a bottle of wine that says the crushing weight of being human. And you're not going to understand this. So I'll maybe give you an equivalent. And then on the other end, it says finding beauty in a cheesy gordita crunch, which is a delicious little treat from Taco Bell. But for you, I would say finding beauty in a cheese toasty. Yes. That's very accurate. That's what it looks like. But look at that. it's like a delicious soft taco with some cheese and then a heart taco and some delicious yeah oh it's so good next time you come over i'll take you

because i know the taco bell in england is sad shit yes i've only been once i'll never go again yeah it was horrible i remember when we went specifically after the new year's eve party we had drove to that mall which was what like an hour away yeah to find the one taco bell nearby in the food court and i was like you guys have like two things there's two things on this menu one's a taco and then the other one is like a weird burrito this is the thing i'd like to actually raise about English. Yeah, like English chains. So like McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, whatever it might be. Our menus are shit compared to our European neighbor equivalents or the American equivalents.

Why aren't we getting the full menu? Well, I think the thing about the differences in menu is like, obviously, they need to cater to the palates of the nation, right? So like you guys aren't going to have, I don't know, like the triple coronary heart attack burger with cheese curds on it. But you might have. What I don't care is like McDonald's, for example. I'm partial to a McDonald's. Yeah. And every few months or so, they the big tasty in what's the big tasty it's a bigger burger and it's got like a really nice creamy peppercorn sauce in it

and menthol cheese and like big beef tomatoes and salad and stuff it's delicious I'm gonna look it up and it's most people's like favorite mcdonald's burger when they bring it so why don't they just add it to the fucking menu yeah i don't understand but you guys have a big mac right you have a big mac yeah and they keep also bringing in the special at the moment it's mcdonald's 50th birthday i don't know whether you're aware of this and they brought in the double Big Mac, which is just like 5 million pounds. Oh, Jesus.

That makes my heart hurt. I know. My heart is clenching. Is it the 50th birthday in the UK? Because I feel like McDonald's is older than that here. I don't know. Happy birthday, McDonald's. Happy birthday.

The Big Tasty does look good. good it's yummy it's really yummy just add it to the menu it's nice it's no different to any of the other burgers really yeah just a different sauce and some tomatoes yeah it is 50 years of McDonald's UK with three new desserts new birthday cake donut milky bar raspberry

ripple McFlurry and then i don't want to click on it oh some munchies cookie something or other yeah but i you have a fair point for mcdonald's i don't either but i well the ice cream machines never work here that's like an ongoing joke oh good it's everywhere um but i do like going to mcdonald's in other countries because i do like seeing the differences in menus like the ones in france that are so fucking fancy they have like a pastry section and everyone everything is called like a royale and yeah like that it's lovely yeah yeah get your act together chains had enough yeah i agree um i would eat that big tasty though for sure I also like a

McDonald's I don't eat it very often but they just recently brought back one of my favorite breakfast items which is their bagels and we got them one day while we were in Maine because we were hungover as you do and it sounded good but I was just like yes this is my favorite and I was so sad that they took them away yeah why take them away I like people a lot of people here love McDonald's breakfast like you know the sausage and egg McMuffins yeah I don't I think they're disgusting yeah I don't care for those either nope I liked the bagel and I would occasionally eat a breakfast burrito as a kid, but those are actually quite gross, but I do like the hash browns. We don't get the breakfast burritos. Yeah. I'll eat a hash brown.

Yeah. And potatoes are pretty easy to nail. Yeah. Um, well, I'm glad to hear you had a nice weekend. Like I said, I had a fun trip full of activities. And when I got back, I was like, I don't want to speak to anyone, see anyone, do anything for a little while. I refused to go to the state fair as originally planned. And what do you know, I ended up going to the state fair on Friday. Was it fantastic? Yeah, we went kind of late in the afternoon. And it's the last, like today's the last day. Okay. And so it was pretty busy because it was the last weekend.

And we had, the first thing we got was like a walking shepherd's pie, which was literally like a samosa, but shepherd's pie. It was actually not bad though. Sean's shepherd's pie is better. bad though. Sean's shepherd's shepherd's pie is better. Um, and then we waited in line to get like purple sticky rice with beef. Like this was, it was delicious. I really wanted to try this. Um, like a purple sticky rice thing, Asian thing from a union mung kitchen. And then we walked around, we had more food than we needed to have. We had cookie butter potato or cookie butter potatoes, cookie butter donuts. The one thing I wanted to do was they have this little section kind of for, well, it's for everyone, but it's kind of geared towards kids. They have all these microphones

stuck in the grass and a big screen so that everyone can do karaoke. Oh. And I was like, I want to go do that. It was really fun because last year I went in and yelled somewhere over the rainbow and over all these kids. Right. And't find it and we got turned around and they have like regular karaoke somewhere too we inadvertently went there by the time we made it back to where it was it was over and I was like oh I want to go home and so we did I want to go home they've not got what I want yep right it was fun I mean I it's a lot parking is insane this year instead of like just parking in a lot because they have fairground lots too we decided to try something new which is people who live around the fairground because it's very residential let people park in their yards and charge them for it right yeah ranges from

i don't know perhaps five dollars to fifty dollars but we found one for ten dollars and the guy was like fuck that i'm not charging more than that it's like late in the day park here i don't need your keys because another guy was like oh it's 30 but i need your keys and levi's like no thank you no i'm going to keep those yeah And so that was kind of clutch. And then we walked. We walked a lot, like probably six miles within a matter of, you know, from six to nine, which isn't that far. But for such a small little area, it actually is. We walked quite a bit.

Well, at least you got those steps in, girl. For all the food we ate, probably necessary. Yeah. You just burnt it off as you walked and ate, probably necessary. Yeah. Just burnt it off as you walked and ate. That's the hope. We saw some animals too, which is always fun. Lots of goats and horses and cows and pigs.

Yeah. Did Levi steal any? You know what? That would explain the noise I heard coming from the room he's staying in. Yep. But I do hope you make it over here sometime because I do think you find it mad what it looks like. It's just insane. Yeah. Another one of these American things that just blow my mind. Yep.

Like the, what is it, the Mall of America. It is our culture. This is our our culture we do things big over here big and crowded and fat describe america in three words big crowded fat yeah yeah yeah um so and it's you know it's labor day so i bet the mall of america is insane because even though it's supposed to be a day of like rest off of work there's always those sales and stuff so i bet if we wanted to have another fair like experience we could just go to the mall of america probably yeah probably be insane insane in membrane. I feel like we only saw like the tiniest section of that mall as well. You know, it's hard to say because it all looks the same and there's like four of each store. So you could feel like you're going in circles because you see the same radio shack about eight times.

But really, yeah. Really, you've done the whole thing five times. Yep. But you could walk through it all within a reasonable amount of time. You just need to go through each floor. But it's just like, it's very samey, you know? Yeah. You know, a mall's a mall, really.

Mm-hmm. This one's just got a theme park inside. Yeah, standard. Why don't they all? It's like a turducken, but for a mall. Do you know what a turducken is? No. So it's like a, I suppose it's kind of like a thing people start doing around Thanksgiving

because we always have turkey, but this is a chicken inside of a duck inside of a turkey. Ah, yes. We have that at Christmas. Yeah. Oh yeah. I forgot. That's like your, that's your national dish. Stuffed birds. Yeah. Inside of a bird, inside of a bird, inside of a bird. Yep. Inside of me.

And then inside of me. What do you want to talk about today? Well, I found this article, which basically it was someone on X asking, what's the most boomer complaint that you have? Oh boy, I got some. I've got to say, I agree with a lot of them. I just thought we should share them and discuss them. Okay. So this person,ris chris chris al al

alsican alcican yeah oh yeah yeah oh chris what's what's bothering chris today what's making chris clench today so he says i want a physical disc with the movie on it, a DVD in 4K with extras and director's commentary and in the correct aspect ratio and original color grading. Enough of this streaming content bullshit. Is it just me or did it feel like DVDs came and went far faster than like VHSs and whatever it was before VHS. Yeah. The reels.

I don't know. It just like, I remember when they kind of started becoming popular and then all of a sudden I was like, Oh, you don't actually even have a device anymore that you can play that on. No. Like who the fuck has,

I mean, I have a DVD player and a VHS player just so that if I did want to watch You're feeling nostalgic and want to watch fern gully yeah um but yeah like you can't you don't even get like cd rom drawers in your laptop anymore when i bought this laptop i tried so hard to find one with one because i was just convinced i'd need it i haven't so far are you gonna play the to play The Sims otherwise? Sims otherwise. Exactly. I was like, how the fuck am I going to play The Sims? That's all on fucking line now as well.

Yeah. Yeah, they did. What about CD players and cars though? Oh, sorry. Go ahead. I've actually got one in my car. I don't. It's so annoying. Mine's a 2017.

Wow. But I don't have any CDs. Yeah, I actually got rid of all my CDs. But I still have DVDs somewhere. That's it. We all have a pile of VHSs or DVDs. One day they might be worth millions. So hold on to them.

Also, do you remember when you'd fall asleep during a film and then it would go back to the menu page and it would play some really loud shit and you'd be like oh my god yep just over and over over again yeah yeah until you wake up at four in the morning like what is this shit but you know what it never stopped to be like hey are you still watching are you still alive are you okay do we need to call 9-1-1 which maybe maybe that's a good thing i don't know yeah i don't know it's kind of calling me out on my obsessive watching of friends which i don't appreciate yeah it's like we're concerned about you it's just background noise netflix leave me Paranoid's Netflix. Leave me alone. Yep. Yep. But I feel that, Chris.

I'm with you, Chris. Right. Drew Rich said, bring back physical tickets for like shows. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. I mean, I guess sometimes you can get, like, so you can choose to have the mobile delivery or have them mailed to you or pick up. And I think they, at least some of the ones I've seen, and like you do that if you want, maybe for nostalgia purpose.

Maybe you collect those things. I don't know. Like my parents and stuff still have like tickets from like the Bowie shows they went to and stuff. Or like festivals where it's got all the lineup on it and stuff. It's cool to look back at that shit. And now all I've got is a poxy email yeah that goes in your wallet yeah yeah sean has like a poster frame thing that he put a bunch of tickets in that's cute yeah i get it i get it but i also feel like i would lose mine so i maybe i don't feel as strongly about this one

I get it. But I also feel like I would lose mine, so maybe I don't feel as strongly about this one. No, to be fair, I did used to keep them all, and then I think last time I moved, I was like, I'm never going to need these again. Threw them all out. Yeah. Swings and roundabouts. Pastor Kyle.

I don't know if he is a real pastor. Ask him. Kyle? Kyle, if you're listening. you're a buster um this one i highly agree with having to download an app for every little thing is ruining my life bro like let me just pay for parking like a normal fucking person yeah it is annoying i've got about, I don't know, six different apps just so I can park in places all in the same county. Yeah. One, use the same fucking company or just give me a ticket machine. Amen, Kyle.

Amen. Amen, Pastor Kyle. I think not even that. Like everything has an app. I think not even that. Like everything has an app. You know, a clothing store that I shop at a lot is like download our app and you get 40. McDonald's even has an app now.

I know. Fuck. The next one is actually restaurants and other business need websites. Not an Instagram account, not a Facebook page, a proper website. What if they're a small business and they're boomers who don't know how to make that? Well, you can just go on, you know, like fucking, I can't think of any right now. Yeah, there's lots of ways to make a shitty little website. Yeah.

There's fucking loads of ways. Angel fire. Yeah. When I see, when I go to a website of a restaurant and it takes me to Facebook, I immediately stop looking at it though. I'm not like, this isn't going to give me what I need, even if it could. I want a menu.

Yeah. I'm not going to, I will just look up someone who took a picture of the menu and put it on the Google website. Talking of menus jenny wants a physical fucking menu at a restaurant and none of this qr code bullshit that is something that my friends and i have discussed when we've gone and it's like scan here for the menu which is i think a residual effect of covid yeah and i get that and I think it's probably ultimately cheaper because if you change your menu a lot, then you don't have to continue to print stuff. But I feel

it. And I miss the days of when you didn't also have to order on your phone and then pay on your phone and all of that, even though it's convenient and you can do it in a way so you don't have to worry about splitting the bill in a weird way. Right. i i get it we've talked about it and we're like oh man i remember when they used to hand us a beer list and i have to look at this and and yeah i think most places here do still have menus um but i do like it when you're like at a bar and you can just order drinks on your phone and they bring them to you you don't have to talk to anyone that's fun yeah i don't have to queue that's very nice yeah um this lady abstract biscuit oh cute name says can canceling subscriptions shouldn't have to take two weeks, a blood sacrifice, a 401k, and half my liver.

Are you sure you want to cancel? What if we gave you a discount? What if we gave you more of a discount? What if we paid you? Okay. Is there anything we could do to make you change your mind? No. No.

Please comment here and send it via pigeon carrier and you will receive your cancellation notice in four to seven business weeks that's very much what it's like it's also annoying when they're like you can't cancel unless you ring this number yeah that is like one and they're like you've bested me because i will not be calling you just keep going i'm going to cancel my card. Right. Stuart R. Kelly. I hope he's no relation to R. Kelly.

Mm-hmm. I was just going to say, oh, who gave him a computer in prison? Seems weird. He said, stop getting rid of physical switches and buttons on cars and tethering everything to the fucking radio.

When it dies, everything dies. I want a knob for my radio volume, knobs for my AC that click and a physical key. If I want a fancy ass radio, I'll fucking buy one. Okay, Stuart, deep breath.

Let's talk about your need for sensory feelings. Because that is what I'm hearing from you, Stuart, is that you need the noise, the texture, the vibrations. And that is okay. I agree, though. Like, I want a key for my door in my car. Interesting. I don't think I've stuck a key in a car door in a long time. Really?

I mean, it's the clicker, right? Yeah. I mean, I've got one. Yes. But if the clicker dies, I also have to. Yes, then you have a backup, right? Yeah. Then you have a backup, right?

Yeah. And also, having worked in fraud, I know that it's very easy to steal a keyless car. You can literally just buy a device off eBay, stand near the house, copy the sensor, steal the fucking car. Easy. I think people can do that with garage doors, too, which is why we had this rash of garage break-ins because there's only like so many different signals that exist so like it's gonna work on probably a third of the garages you know so we don't keep anything valuable in our garage except for our cars but there's nothing valuable in our cars yeah kind of makes a garage fucking useless then doesn't it yeah nothing too terrible has happened we just had some people get in and like go through them so but they left my ray-bans they actually left a lot of cash that was i was like what were you Yeah. Nothing too terrible has happened. We just had some people get in and like go through them.

But they left my Ray-Bans. They actually left a lot of cash. I was like, what were you looking for exactly? Like the things that normal people would take, you left. Weird. Yeah. What were they doing? Maybe they're trying to gain access to the house as well.

Yeah. Well, good luck because it's detached and on a hill. Yeah. Good luck. This person, Sage Club, says, I don't want your chatbots. I want an actual contact number that I can call for support. So, you know, it's catch-22. I don't want to call someone to cancel my subscription.

But if I've got a problem that I need fixing, I do want to speak to an actual person. Yeah. So when you're doing your chat and it's like, oh, you know, I'm robot 440 who's here to help you. And then it's like gives you three options. One's other. And it's like other. And then it's like try to tell me what the problem is. And you do. And it's like, I don't know if I can help you with this.

But do you mean this? Take me to our FAQs. No, I've done that already. Mm-hmm. It's not in there. Person. Person. Person.

Person. The equivalent of pressing zero a bunch. Yeah. This one's spot on. Tom Meade. Everything should have a checkout as guest option i don't want an account and an app for everything here's the money to pay for the thing here's the address to send the thing now leave me alone i agree with that particularly because um you know it's a one-off thing but i have run into the issue where when i do check out as guest and i then need to see where my order is at like you get the email with the order number but sometimes they don't always they're not great about updating you and emailing so then it's

like i go to the website and try to input that but it won't work but i don't have an account to like go see my order history and follow up on it. And that's. Yeah. That sucks. So. Yeah. Yeah. I suppose so.

But I also think it should be easy to buy something. I can't make any more. Yeah. Like you can just go to a store and buy something and you don't need to be. Yeah. But even in the store they're like can I take your email address for the receipt. No. Just fucking give me the receipt.

Or I don't need one. That's fine too. Yeah. Then you try it on at home and you're like oh fuck i should have got a receipt in that instance yes but i mean there'll be times where i'm buying like popcorn and it's like yeah i'm not gonna return this so it's fine they're pretty good here and they ask everywhere if you want the receipt now and i'm like nah keep it don't waste the paper baby yeah this guy i can't pronounce his name so i'm not gonna say it um says put your fucking headphones on when you are in public what the fuck is the matter with you i was waiting for this one this is a complaint of nigel's it's

complaint of from i've heard from other people and i've even and i think we've talked about this i've found it a little bit annoying and it seems to be the younger generation just yeah fully fine with either music full bore tiktok full bore my friend was talking about how she was in target once and someone was just walking around listening to an audiobook with sharing it with everyone i guess she just couldn't stop listening she was in and she's like on my ear pods oh well um and it's it's I hate I hate so much that I sound like a boomer when I talk about this but I because I know I do but it is it's not super respectful and that's fine because but it's also like one instance Sean was at the gym in the sauna which is he's like just but like there were a couple young kids in there playing tiktok music whatever and it was like this is like a

yeah first of all that but it was also like this is kind of a quiet space it's a quiet space like read the room we're all in here just trying to decompress after a workout whatever um and I that that to me is like there's times and places for things you know yeah for sure like if you're on the subway that's annoying but it's not like it's a quiet space people are talking whatever it's loud I think that is a quiet space I need to think about my dread about where I'm going wherever you're going fair enough I mean do I think it should happen? No, but I'm probably less likely to be staring at that person,

glaring at them, or even would say anything on a subway. I probably wouldn't ever, but in a sauna in a really small room where it's you and three other people and this person's playing smack my bitch up really loudly, I might be like, could you just turn that down just a little bit? It's really hard when someone's going, snap my bitch up.

Yeah, very annoying. I once went in the sauna at the gym and this guy was in there who just proceeded to just, he was very lovely, but he would not shut up. You shouldn't talk about Alan like that. That's how we met. That's how we met. That's how we met. And that's on air. Yeah.

No, but he was, yeah, he was a lovely guy. Just wanted, clearly very lonely and wanted to talk. And, you know, he was asking me where I'm from and, you know, what I do for work. And I was just like, I couldn't be rude. Because he was being nice. Yeah, because he was being really nice. But I was like, I just want to sit rude. Because he was being nice. Yeah, because he was being really nice. But I was like, I just want to sit here in silence and sweat, please. So that's what I'm here for.

Yep. That's what I mean. That is just as bad to me, particularly if you're, because I'm sure you're putting out signals. And also, because it was like mid-conversation, I couldn't leave. So I was in there for like double the amount of time I should have been in there. And fuck me, like it was touch and go. I had to down about three liters of water when I came out. And I was very lightheaded.

And it's actually very dangerous. Yeah. I mean, there's, it comes to a point where it's like, I'm just going to be rude and probably feel bad about it afterwards but like i gotta go bye yeah i think i was in the end i was like i'm really sorry but i've got to leave because i'm about to faint so yeah thank you and goodbye okay last one restaurants have absolutely no reason to be paying club club music at a brunch turn the volume down so i can hear the person sitting next to me but what if it is drag show brunch is that okay yeah i suppose that's acceptable because you expect yeah yeah i haven't been to brunch where there's house music just booming out of the speakers no i haven't but what does annoy me

is when you go into like a closed stop i can't speak today closed shop and the music is so fucking loud like it's unnecessary they want you to feel like you're at a party i don't want to be at a party i just want to find a t-shirt in the room really not maybe it's to get people in and out really bad at it really well yeah i was gonna say there's got to be specific brands that are worse at that it's like edgy brands that think they're trying to be really cool and down with the kids so it's like we're gonna blast out fucking club music and drum and bass and it's just really unnecessary there's a story you guys probably have it too Abercrombie and Fitch yeah yeah so in our malls dark pumping cologne music and it's like

I can't breathe I can't see what I'm looking at the clothes and I also can't hear anybody when they're helping me find the clothes that I'm looking for. I've got a real thing with the noise thing in restaurants, though, because like even if it's not music and it's just a really loud restaurant. Like I've lost a lot of my lower frequencies in my ears. So I really struggle to hear people talking if there's any other kind of higher volume of background noise um and especially men because they've got lower voices i can't hear them i have to literally lip read them yeah so if a restaurant's got music on that's too loud which is then making everyone talk at a higher volume i can't hear fucking anything yeah and it drives me insane because you don't go to dinner just to sit there and stare at people

that'd be weird no and i do find that's like bars whether you're going to eat or drink and stuff like i've been there are times i'm just like i didn't hear that but i'm gonna pretend that i did because it's just easier oh so many times that's my life yeah yep yep well if anyone else has got any complaints um that would you know age us and make people realize how old we are you can send them to talk shit to us at gmail.com or get in touch at tsybpod i think it just goes to show like we shit on boomers. Well, we shit on all the generations for different things, but we shit on boomers for having like all these like,

well, you know, you should be able to buy a house and work and you know, like, oh, and I did it and blah, blah, blah, even though things are vastly different. But there are things that we associate with boomer behavior beliefs that are true for you know just people across generations but also we the other thing is we truly do turn into our parents yeah it does happen unfortunately not unfortunate my parents are cool but there's things I do and I'm like oh my god I'm my mom yep no offense no offense but it's just

those things where it's like oh I'll you know I'll never be like that and then it's like oh I get it now I've also reached the age where um like you know we have the radio here is bb like the main radio station is like bbc so we have bbc1 bbc2 bbc3 bbc4 bbc1 is like the cool hip current music yeah, yeah. BBC Two, always thought that was, you know, for the older folk. I think BBC Three's classical music, possibly, and then Radio Four is like, for really old people, it's like the dramas and, you know, weird stuff like that. For the people who didn't have tvs growing up they listened to the radio for their stories and they wanted to continue that yeah that's it but i have now moved

to radio too because i can't stand the shit that they play on radio one and i'm like oh no it's yeah i don't listen to i if i'm in my car my phone's plugged in and it's music podcast audiobook i don't listen to the radio i don't even really know what radio stations are like ones I'd listen to here in Minnesota. As a result, I don't have to listen to some of the shit that plays that is current and new. But I also miss out on some of the good stuff too. True. I just get my songs off Instagram now. Yeah.

I eventually come across it. Yeah. Or someone will play it for me and be like, this is really good. And I'll be like, I haven't heard this. And they'll be like, what do you mean? So I'm behind. But I get it eventually. Yeah.

Yes. Well, I feel those things. We're with you. Speaking of getting older and news, because like for me, I always thought the news, NPR, NPR. I said NPR just for people at home, Minnesota Public Radio or National Public Radio where they did news and they did like kind of the human interest pieces. So boring. And whenever my parents would listen to it in the car, I'm pretty sure that contributed to my car sickness. But now that I'm older, I'm enjoying those things a little bit more I mean that's why I like podcasts because I you know get the things that

are kind of more interesting newsy stuff and so I thought I'd share some interesting news pieces with you that are just kind of funny or fucked up okay one I'm sharing because uh the picture is hilarious but also kind of a weird story. I'm going to drop it in the chat so you can see it. But the news story is methamphetamine disguised as shipment of watermelons seized at U.S.-Mexico border in San Diego. I saw this. Look at the watermelon. It's so bad.

They didn't even dry. No. it's so bad they didn't even dry we'll just put some watermelon wallpaper or wrapping paper over it they won't notice is yeah it's like they colored some plastic cling film kind of like a watermelon but then they also wrapped duct tape around it yeah and it's just like um yeah so that watermelon doesn't look like the actual watermelon sitting next to it can we take a look at that one i think i saw a picture where there's just like fucking hundreds of them among real watermelons officers found220 packages wrapped in paper colored to look like watermelon skins. So there was over a thousand.

Just hoping amongst, sprinkled amongst some real ones, hoping they wouldn't notice. And it's like, this is when you might want to reconsider your life of crime because you're bad at it. That was not a good choice, guys. And another funny one's also drug related um it's always the drug ones that are funny i know new zealand charity accidentally gives out meth instead of candy oh did you hear about that that's not good no i heard about that so a new zealand food bank unwittingly unwittingly distributed candies filled with methamphetamine after someone donated the sweets. They received what they thought was a donation of candies. They only accept sealed items, and the pineapple candies and wrappers from Malaysia brand Rinda appeared as such when they were donated.

And so they started giving them out, but they weren't even laced, just straight up meth rock. Oh, shit. Yep. Yep. And I wonder how many people consumed that before they figured out where it came from. Oh, my God. Jamie's very hyper on those sweets compared to normal. So for those who consumed the candies, one of them reported the funny tasting candy while

others were taken to the hospital, including one food bank staff member, one child, and one young person. Fuck. Imagine a kid taking fucking meth. Who now suddenly has a meth addiction and you have to like get them help because all they want is meth. Give me some of that pineapple meth. No, Timmy.

You're going to treatment now. Oh, fucking hell. This one's less funny, just more weird and interesting. I'll send you the link for this one too so you can see the picture. But this one is,

I thought was interesting, mostly relevant to my day job. But Kentucky man jailed for nine years after faking death to avoid child support. Wow. Yep. That's an effort. So he used the login details of a doctor to register himself as deceased in Hawaii,

which is kind of clever. Yeah, it's kind of clever to be fair. But he really just didn't want to pay for the kids that he had. He didn't want that responsibility. Oh, he's going to have to pay it now. Yeah. While in jail, man, you earn like pennies on the dollar. Fucking hell.

Yeah, and he just looks like a tool. Just a douchey, douchey tool. He does, yeah. Wow. So don't do drugs, kids kids and pay for your kids don't do drugs kids and don't have kids if you don't want to pay for your kids kids and kids if you're gonna hide drugs and watermelon like baby use a real watermelon yeah just like make a hole poke it in fill the hole plug the hole back in with the piece. They probably wouldn't have noticed that.

No. See, we just problem solved for them. Once again, ask us before you do stuff like this. If you need to transport a shit ton of methamphetamine, come to us first. We'll judge your efforts and let you know if we think it'll be successful.

We'll give you an audit on your packaging efforts. The other thing I thought would be topical to talk about, and amusing for me anyways, maybe you, is as it's Labor Day, which I think we've already kind of discussed what Labor Day is on a previous Labor Day episode, even though this will come out after Labor Day, is weird, interesting jobs that pay quite well. Okay. Hit me. I'm interested. Yeah, I need some. All right. Well, first you could consider, okay, so we'll consider the segment jobs for Gemma to consider pursuing. Yay. Yep. I'm in. Legal bank robber. Oh, I'm interested. You want to hear more? Yep. Okay. So imagine robbing a bank without a potential for punishment and the unpleasantness of the shower, which I think after you get arrested. Okay. Yeah. The prison shower. The prison shower. Right. I like a shower.

You may work as a penetration tester, which I like legal bank robber better but okay the official title is penetration tester fine or as they're called in the industry a licensed bank robber the role's objective is to evaluate security measures in place and in the past the job simply involved breaking into the bank so kind of an adjacent to your job where like you're detecting things like I could do that absolutely and I'm happy to help. Yeah, I could be up for that. Basically to try and get past their security. Mm-hmm.

Yep. Number two is kind of appealing, I think. I don't think I'd be very good at it. I'd probably get fired right away. But a professional sleeper. Oh, yeah, I could do that. I thought you might. So basically you evaluate the comfort of beds

in Finland dream job I mean we want to move to Finland so there's a hotel there that has staff people who basically sleep in their beds and review them to determine level of comfort if there's anything that needs to be changed

I didn't know this was a thing but I want to do it yeah okay we're definitely moving to Finland top of the list if there's anything that needs to be changed. I didn't know this was a thing, but I want to do it. Yeah. Okay. All right, we're definitely moving to Finland. Top of the list then? Yep, that's going right up top. This one's a little sad and kind of weird, but also I suppose kind of nice if it's needed.

Okay. Professional mourner. Right, say more. So a family will engage professional mourners to attend a funeral service when a significant other passes away without friends so basically like a like a extra at a funeral because they're like they don't want it to look sad yeah oh that's kind of sad objective isn't to improve the deceased's reputation which which I kind of argue doesn't really fucking matter. No, he's dead.

Yeah. People can earn $40 to $100 or 30 to 75 pounds every session and take part in the meal that follows the burial. So a little bit of money and some free food. And some free food. Yeah, I can do that. Okay, I'll consider it. This one I could do.

I don't think it pays as well, but it certainly is easy money. Movie Watcher. Yeah. I think a lot of people would like that. Alan would like that. Yeah. Basically, you view and evaluate movies and TV, and then basically the companies that produce them just use that to decide whether they want to actually release it.

And the income ranges from 12 to 15 dollars or nine pounds to 11 pounds per hour and yeah i mean easy yeah kushti entertainment i get bored before they're out well you know i mean i think this is like a side hustle thing right like you just gotta go see a free movie once in a while. Yeah. I get free cinema tickets with my bank account randomly. Oh. And the last couple of films we've gone to see have just been crap. Okay, pause. Which ones?

We went to see, I can't remember what it was called. It was the movie with Henry Cavill in it and like Dua Lipa. And it was like. Oh, Argyle? Yes. Argyle. It was the movie with Henry Cavill in it and like Dua Lipa and it was like... Oh, Argyle? Yes. Argyle. It was all right. It was...

I liked the cat. Yeah. It was meh. That was my review. I was like, fine. Probably wouldn't have paid to see it. Thank God these tickets were free. The other week we went to see the new

deadpool and wolverine movie i heard people liked because you you shouldn't have high expectations for it well yeah maybe that's that was the problem because i like the other two deadpool movies a lot i really like yeah you like them but you also know that they're trash i suppose so yeah this just felt like more trash switched together let's try and fit two superhero movies it didn't really have a plot i just i didn't really like it but then i've you know i've got friends that have seen it and i've seen it twice in the cinema because they loved it and i'm like why are you wasting your life yeah yeah i i'm quite hard to please with films like i i have high expectations if i'm going to the cinema especially because it's so fucking expensive i expect a good bloody time and i want to be enthralled from start to finish

or at least the ending needs to wow me and have a big twist or something but if it's just like this is a movie I'm like I have wasted my life I'm never getting those three hours back

Gemma did a little hand bop with that just so everyone, it was very amusing, it kind of makes me wish that we recorded video sometimes. That's my movie dance. Yeah, and this is where you and I, I think, are complete opposites because I could go to a movie and there's very few that I've been like, that was so horrible that I actually wish that I didn't pay for it and I could have that time back and that I've never seen this movie just because I'm like, I'm here to get some some use something to entertain or otherwise have my attention for a while and for the most

part I'm like it successfully did that even if I was like this is stupid this is where you and Alan will bond yeah because he can watch he just watches terrible films like the shit are the better and he likes them because they're shit

you know what I mean? And I have no patience for that. I don't want to waste my life doing that. And also, I get super fidgety in the cinema because you're stuck in one place. And I want to be able to pause it and go to the toilet or go and get some sweets, and I can't do that because I'm in the cinema. I mean, that's also why I haven't gone to a movie in a long time, to be honest. Yeah, it's bad. Just watch it at home.

Yeah. Didn't the new Deadpool movie, though, basically introduce the younger generation to NSYNC, though? Yeah, to be fair. And the dance, which I have known since I was, like, 11. I haven't seen it, but I heard that. Okay. A few more. A few more jobs.

Okay. Yeah. This one is interesting. I don't think I could do this. Maybe I could. Online dating ghostwriter. Right. For like profiles?

Yeah. So basically someone who writes your online dating profile for you. Probably gets information from you. I would not be good at that And then does it for you I found it very hard to do my online dating profile So you would need it I would need it, yes You can expect to make an average of $900 or £670 a month

What? That's pretty good Yeah To be honest, I'll just get AI to do it I think that's the other option these days but you know sometimes it sounds like it's written by a robot true um okay number six zombie and this is actually in london it's for the london dungeons exhibit and it's an average income of 30 000 pounds a year oh you just gotta play a zombie let's try zombie faces

maybe i could have one of my eyes falling out yours is great thank you yeah clear like mine is one of the like they're too too alive still yours is straight up a dead person i've watched a lot of zombie films. I think you should apply for this job. Maybe I should. I don't want to go to London though. If you're good, you can get promoted to become a tormentor or Jack the Ripper. Oh shit.

Female Jack the Ripper. Break that class ceiling. I know he does. I've been to London dungeons. He just runs through the end of the exhibit. You watch a little movie about it.geons. He just runs through the end of the exhibit. And probably makes the most money. And then the guy runs through going, everyone's like, oh my God, he's alive. That's it. And he probably makes like 70k.

Fuck, I could do that. Maybe this is the career path for me. Why do they have zombies at London Dungeon? I've never been, you tell me. I didn't see any fucking zombies. Because you're visiting a dungeon where people... Do you know what's really horrible about London Dungeon? What? It's like, the smell.

It smells like a dungeon? Yeah, but it like, smells of like, musky death. Ew, I suppose that's probably intentional. Yeah, but it like smells of like musky death. Ew. I suppose that's probably intentional. Yeah, I don't, I think it's just the smell of like hundreds of years of people being tortured and dying down there, to be honest. Right. It's not nice. That's what it smells like.

Yeah. I don't like it. Well, so maybe that's why they pay people so well, because it's like. Maybe, yeah. You can't smell this all day. Okay, two more. Professional apologizer. Oh, I could do that.

I'm British. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's just, you just apologize on behalf of someone. Yeah, I could do that. So sorry. Oh, this one's good professional cuddler

no thanks oh wait it's a picture of a dog so i was thinking animal but actually i think it's where you have someone come and cuddle you in your bed so never mind okay paper towel sniffer um i need more information on that one why are we sniffing the paper towels um is there stuff on the paper towels okay let's face it when you buy six rolls of paper towels the aroma is what you care about most the paper towel sniffer is a new kind of hero to make sure that producers make high quality goods devoid of an offensive odor so you know sometimes you get things and it's like i don't actually like how the smells yeah okay i guess that i can't say i've ever smelled paper towels no me neither i do like the smell of a new book though yum i think it's more

the glue they used to hold the book together that smells good and like the paper process has that kind of yeah bit of smell too um fifty52,000 a year or £38,000. Oh, fuck. I'll do it for that. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Okay, one more. Hangover helpers, party cleaners.

I, for one, can say probably would have benefited from someone coming and helping me clean up after a party sometimes. Yeah. I tend to try and clean the night of your future self thank you for that I was once at a party as a teenager and someone spilt like crisps all over the floor chips over the floor and I got the hoover out and hoovered it up because I was like this is going to be terrible in the morning if everyone walks this into the carpet it's going to be a nightmare yeah to be fair I do that too I try to like either not create mess or clean up after myself but also will find myself like oh i'm just gonna pick up all these

cans and glasses and go move them in the back and then in the morning you're like oh thank god i did that because i can't be bothered yep um panda fluffer though oh this is where you try and make a panda get frisky hey yep so you. So you're basically jacking off a panda. It's feather dusters and other things, I guess. Oh, okay. They utilize feather dusters in considerable caution to help them perform in order to get reserved animals in the mood. Fair.

I mean, they do need help because they're not doing a great job they're so lazy they are but they're so cute they just want to roll around yeah that's why like when I originally read panda fluffer I was like oh you just go and like spruce up their fur brush their hair yeah just clean them up a little bit for the audience can't they just artificially inseminate them though? Yeah, I think they do. I think they have. Oh, and that's not working either. Well, I think that's perhaps not preferred, right?

We want them to be able to do it on their own. They don't want to. No, that's okay. So that's some weird jobs for you to consider. Let us know what you think Gemma should do. Yeah, send in your suggestions i'm gonna write them down and i'm gonna look into them especially the tissue sniffer because yeah i

mean easy money jesus easy money i can smell i can smell too yeah me too would you like an Am I the asshole? You know I would, baby Okay So we've got an Am I the Asshole story here We've also got an update on this one Which is why I wanted to do it Because we all love an update

I love some closure Am I the asshole for leaving my partner And refusing to be involved in any way We all love an update. I love some closure. Am I the arsehole for leaving my partner and refusing to be involved in any way, shape or form after they stopped taking the pill and pierced our condoms to have a child? Noft. Okay, original post. My partner has been on the pill throughout our relationship

and we've been in a bit of a battle these past few weeks over having children. I categorically said that I do not want them and started using condoms for double protection. This morning, she told me that she's pregnant. And I asked how. Sorry, I asked how this could happen when we've been so careful she admitted to coming off the pill and piercing through the condoms that we have stored I've said that I don't want this and I'm not up for marrying into relationship based on lies she says she's keeping it and has already told her friends as according to her she's done the

test eight weeks ago and was keeping it quiet in the hopes that I'd change my mind. I have no idea what to do here. Help. I'm in England and I'm 29. Tell me if this seems a bit too much of a stretch but we talk about consent a lot and consent also is based on how you're addressing the consequences, safety. It's kind of like when a man is like, I don't want to use a condom. Well, you have to, and then they take it off halfway through and continue. Like that is that sexual assault. I actually feel like, like the misleading nature of saying you're on the pill and then stopping and then piercing the condoms, like tampering with the contraception is an equivalent to that. And I feel very strongly. And like, not only that, manipulating someone into having a child is not a way to have a child. It's not. And then, oh, I didn't say anything because I was hoping you'd change your mind is

the literal dumbest thing I ever heard. And also probably not true because the longer she waits, then the harder it'll be for her to terminate. Also, someone in the comments pointed out that reproductive coercion has been illegal in the UK since 2015. So they should seek out legal counsel as soon as you can. Yep. Oh, that's fucked up.'t that fucked yeah no not the asshole for that because that you that happened to you yeah um other people were saying like you should get a dignity test she's crazy she may very well have cheated on you and just lied about the condoms it's possible um that or she says she's pregnant but isn't hoping that he lets down his guard and has unprotected sex thus resulting

in a pregnancy seen it happen to a few friends, this person says. I mean, those things are based on if what she said she did wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility. And like, if you want kids, just go and find a partner that does. Because most people, not most people, I don't know. I don't know the statistics, but when I was online dating and stuff, the majority of men wanted kids, which was a deal breaker for me, obviously.

There's someone out there for you, gal. It made my pool very small, but so many men want kids because they want to carry on their lineage. Just get someone that fucking wants kids instead of forcing some poor guy into having kids that he's going to have to fucking pay for. He's going to want nothing to do. You're going to be a single mom. If you're just going to be a single mom anyways, then go get knocked up and be a single mom by someone else. Yeah.

Or go to the sperm bank adopt yeah dick so dumb yeah no that is upsetting what's the update yeah where's the updates hold on okay um she said firstly thanks for your comments i didn't expect this to blow up quite as much as it did secondly i want to get up quite as much as it did. Secondly, I want to get a few things straight as people seem to be struggling with timelines. Um, my partner and I were due to get married in a few short weeks. We have had many long and involved conversations during our relationship about us both wanting to remain child free over the years that we've been together. been together around two to three months ago they started to appear to change their mind which i feel insecure and unhappy about because it's not something i want from my life which is why

i'd booked a vasectomy through the nhs um she admitted to tampering with the condoms and said that she'd come off the pill several weeks ago at that point prior to her saying that kids might be an option for her um we were still having sex and I was under the impression that we were protected as she was on the pill. I've made no secret about how I do not want kids and she is fully aware of my reason behind it, which I don't have to share with strangers on the internet. Fair play. She showed me a test and it confirmed that she is pregnant. I have asked that she get an abortion she has refused and i feel the trust has gone completely from our relationship we are now in the process of

cancelling the engagement which she isn't happy with at all and says that i'm ruining her life oh who's ruining your life ma'am yeah yeah dicks um now for the people telling me to go to therapy, man up, or that I'm lying. It's great that you disagree with me, but I'll never tell you to attend therapy if your worldview differed to mine. And that I should be at fault after my partner has lied to me, apparently for months. Here are a few other things for you. No, I do not like kids. I don't like, and I don't like entitled parents. I see it the same as disliking dogs, cats or birds.

That's my opinion. Not for everyone and not all people have to tolerate your madness. It's my dislike and lack of care towards them that is one of the many reasons why it should be idiotic for me to be a father. Update two. I spoke to a lawyer earlier today who has advised that as we are not married, that I won't be automatically added to the birth certificate. Woohoo. My ex partner can still claim that I'm the biological father but without my consent to a dna test is unlikely to be able to prove it unless it's ordered by the court but as i've been coerced into this my lawyer

thinks my ex-partner and family will back down as i have evidence the lawyer advised that i don't waive my parental rights yet as it would indicate that i still believe the fetus could be mine yeah so i have to have to bide my time time and leave the country till this all blows over. Oh, my God. Wow. I don't understand why I would need to leave the country, but okay. Maybe to avoid a service for a DNA test, maybe? I don't know.

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. The lawyer also suggested that I go self-employed, but didn't divulge the specifics. My partner has admitted to coming off birth control and piercing the condoms which she said she'd done around three months ago exclamation mark as she knew I was due a vasectomy early next week and thought I'd changed my mind she has refused to have an abortion which is her right and I've refused any involvement um has anyone been through this before and managed not to pay out i think i've got a pretty good case

damn drama drama drama drama this is something i think about a lot when not the circumstance but when like someone gets pregnant the other and you know we have circumstances where the father doesn't want the kid ask asks the female to give the mother to get an abortion. She doesn't. She keeps it. And kind of having to be on the hook for this kid in some capacity for your entire life, whether you're involved or not, courts will make you pay child support if the mom needs it, pursues it. If she gets benefits, the county will pursue it and stuff. And part of me feels a little, but it's also like that's kind of the consequence of having sex I guess but this person like did all the things right you know to like avoid that consequence

and was getting a vasectomy to make it even you know safer in that way and she really did manipulate and course him into having this kid and now he's tied to her until he can prove that he shouldn't have to be yeah that's so hard i feel so bad for that kid yeah man i mean it's it's rape really isn't it like i didn't want because i know it's that is for rape victims like to compare, I can understand how that would feel, flippant or minimizing it. But, like, to me, there is, there's an assault development there. Yeah. For sure, man.

Ugh. Not the asshole. No. Wow. And it sucks that his whole life has to like change too because of this like you have to leave the country for a while i know like it's completely fucked his life potentially and she's like you're ruining my life you're ruining your own life love let me tell you yeah so not only am i not marrying you but good luck with this kid And have fun explaining to the kid why their father's not in the picture when they're older.

Yeah. Or lie to them. Or lie to them. Yeah, or lie to them. He was a piece of shit. Yeah. Now that, that's, ugh. That's messed up, man.

Yeah, what the fuck. Wow. What the fuck indeed. Well, I hope he gets, like, some evidence. the fuck indeed well i hope he gets like some evidence a lot of people in the comments were saying like he should text her and bring it up in the text and get her to admit to it so that he's got the evidence because she could just turn around and say yeah no the pill didn't work we weren't using condoms and well or condoms fail right yeah exactly yeah i think that like there's ways a judge can determine credibility there too you know and if he told people what

happened afterwards and she admitted it to them afterwards too then those could people could be yeah but yes if there was a recording or she admitted it in writing or or whatever then that would be a lot better but damn well yeah there we go this week we've spoken about fares boobers and unwanted babies yeah yeah you know sometimes we uh we can get really singularly focused on something that is quite a bummer sometimes we can be funny and light-hearted and sometimes we can just run the gamut and that is just what makes our show so great so share us with your friends yes please do um and it's really helpful as well if you wherever you listen to your podcast if you can like subscribe or follow or like whatever it may be on that

particular platform because it helps other people find us and listen to us and I think we're both agreed that we'd like to say a big thank you as well to our listeners for joining us every week on this crazy journey that we provide absolutely because without them we wouldn't be what was it number 12 of all time yes in general chat and number 10 all female of all time that's's right. We made some charts. We have charted, people. Next up, the moon. Next up, the moon indeed. Well, it was good to talk to you.

And you, my dear. Until next time. Over and out. Bye. Cheerio!