Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 6. Go Shag Your Balls

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

This week we're talking weddings, stories of shame, ball shaggers and an Am I The Arsehole conundrum...Follow, rate and subscribe for more Talking Shit and send us your stories, questions or problems at [e-mail]

Kids, go and shag your balls. Hello and welcome back to Talking Shit with a Yank and a Brit. How you doing, Kate? I'm good, how are you? Yeah, I'm good, very good. Just come out of a little band rehearsal. How'd that go? Yeah, it's good.

It's like band camp, but no one stuck a flute up their pussy. So when you have rehearsal, is that, that like what's that like do you guys have a plan or do you just wing it like we do with this podcast um it depends on what we're doing really sometimes we have certain songs we want to work on and practice those. But at the moment, we are working on new material. So we might have a little jam or work on and relearn old songs that the band wrote years ago that we might want to play around with. And that's what we were doing. Original stuff?

Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Do you guys ever... Oh, go ahead go I insist go um I don't write much but Chaz does we look at his songs do you guys ever have creative differences that result in almost splitting up? No, it's not that bad. We've been friends for so long now that it's pretty simple. But we have been having a very long discussion on the band name.

We've changed it like three times now. And then we decided on one, but now it seems like we're backtracking and going back to another one so he had band practice yesterday it went well and I realized yesterday when I was chatting with you when you're with them that I've never met jama you know mm-hmm I don't think so hmm him and Chaz have done a lot of traveling over the years so so maybe that's why. But next time you come, I will introduce you. Finally have that introduction. So, and I was kind of giving them shit because I don't think either of them or maybe one of them hadn't listened to the podcast. And I was like, that's really fucked up.

But I think I've shamed them into now being rabid fans. Yes, they have now listened. So that's good. Good. Oh, well, so you had band practice I had um not a lot on but I did recently uh become a clergy because I was pretty official I was asked to officiate a wedding this summer for some dear friends of ours Matthew and David and I had to go through a process this summer for some dear friends of ours, Matthew and David. And I had to go through a process so that I could do it legitimately to make sure they were married.

Yeah, that would help, wouldn't it? Yeah. And it just seems like kind of a joke process. But it's, you know, I went to a website of an organization that's like, pay us some money and we'll make you official based on the state that you're in. And now I have, you know, a credentials of ministry card and a little badge that says clergy and a little certificate and it's all very official. So I can do weddings anywhere in the state of Minnesota now for anyone who's interested. Oh, great. Okay. So it's that easy. soda now for anyone who's interested. Oh, great. Okay. So it's that easy. My fees are very reasonable as well. In fact, just let me eat food at the wedding and maybe have some drinks and that'll be it. Cool. I'll keep that in mind. I mean,

probably not going to get married anytime soon, but I will. Does it last forever or do you have to renew it? I don't think it expires but um for maybe like the jurisdiction you're in you might have to go and re-register there so okay well that's exciting do you feel nervous about doing it I do um it's it's this September so there's still time but I just want to do a good job and I want to make sure, you know, I say the things don't need to do this. But I'll study them and really kind of try to get into the role of officiant, but also them so that I can really speak to their love and their union. I'm going to make people cry. It's my goal.

I'm sure you will. It's going to be emotional. Yep. I'm sure you will. It's going to be emotional. Yep. So actually while we're on the subject, weddings in America seem slightly different to those over here in the UK.

They do. And I don't think I ever really thought about it until maybe we were there last summer and we attended two weddings. And I think there's some similarities. Obviously, it's a big party, ceremony, all of that. But what did you notice for our wedding that seemed unusual? So first thing was the dress reveal okay so in america you reveal your dress to your groom and yourself obviously not just the dress you in the dress and that happens prior to the ceremony doesn't it

and that happens prior to the ceremony doesn't it yeah and you know i don't think i really knew about that until i was in a wedding and actually the wedding that i met sean at and i remember like the bride going off to basically have a little photo shoot of that kind of first look and being like oh that seems like I don't want to do that but that of course we did it and it was so awkward like those pictures from they're not good and I don't think Sean and I really knew what to do with ourselves and like how to handle it yeah and also it it's it just seems kind of dumb I don't know that's a that's a tradition that I think's kind of dumb but it very much is a tradition whereas in in england is it like the first look is when the bride's walking down the aisle yeah and it's traditionally known that it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride

before that moment in time so that's true here too i don't know why this first look maybe maybe we've changed the bad luck yeah to as long as it's not before yeah maybe it's not before the ceremony anymore it's just yeah just the wedding day maybe yeah um but yeah i remember sean mentioning that when we were all sort of getting ready for the wedding and i was like what the fuck you're going to see her before the wedding and he was like yeah i was that's new. I've never heard of this before. Yep. Well, and one thing that I've said a lot about weddings is that they're for other people. Yeah.

You know? And so I realized that I could have been like, I'm not doing that. But probably because I thought maybe, I don't know, people wanted pictures or Sean or I don't know. But looking at, I'm not very photogenic. And so I'm just like, these are all really bad. Oh, shut up. I just, you know, it's like, oh, I happen to be kind of looking a certain way and I've got seven chins in this picture. Cool. Fantastic.

I've always wanted that many chins. fantastic i've always wanted that many chins let's just blow this photo up and put it right on our wall yeah yeah yeah okay so ceremony seemed pretty similar i remember crying during your vows actually which i did not expect to happen because i was i'm not very emotional at weddings. Actually, no, that's a lie. Now I'm getting older, I get more and more emotional because I'm just a blubbery mess. Was it because you're like, I just never thought Sean would ever get married? Never thought we'd see the day.

No, it's just really sweet and really honest and uh like genuine i know you've been to kind of church weddings in england up until that point where the vows are sort of very bible based um and they're all very much the same that you know the vicar says something and you have to repeat it. Um, I'd never seen a wedding where it was like personalized vows. Oh, so that was nice. I've had been to them since in the UK. Well, you know, I think that's, yeah, I've been to a bunch of different weddings of different religions and different styles and stuff too. Um, and I think think I just I kind of just wanted to get it over with first of all yeah I remember you and Sean talking about it like in the days on the lead up to the wedding and you were both just like I just want to I just want to get it done now I'm sick of it

yeah yeah and I going I think that's part of the thing with the first look and all the pictures and stuff is I'm just like, I, this is stressful and I'm not actually really enjoying myself doing this, like the pictures and all of that, just because it is really uncomfortable. And so the hope was we could make kind of the ceremony the shortest bit so that we can get to the fun bit really fast. shortest bit so that we can get to the fun bit really fast yeah nice yeah I've been to weddings I think it's catholic weddings here where the ceremony can be like an hour and a half that's too much guys singing up stand up sit down yep yeah I also neither of us are super religious um And so I think both of us agreed that we, what would be the point of having a bunch of biblical and religious dogma in our ceremony he wrote some really nice kind of like personalized stuff too. And then we had our vows and I think the whole thing lasted probably 20 minutes. Yeah, I remember it being quick and it was super hot that day as well, wasn't it? Shockingly.

I mean, considering that early in May, we've had snow. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's end of April right now and we had snow two days ago. So it was always a risk, but I think we lucked out. The one thing that surprised me about my own wedding was getting pelted in the face with rice as I walked down the stairs.

And bye, everyone. Thanks for that. I think they banned throwing rice here now. Is that what you threw at me or was it something else? Birdseed maybe? I can't remember. I think it might have been birdseed. I'm going to attract all the birds

to your hair. Yep, and then I got attacked by a bunch of birds and had to go to the hospital so that was fun. And that was the end of the day. Everyone else had a really fun party and I had to stay to the hospital. So that was fun. And that was the end of the day. Everyone else had a really fun party and I had to stay at the hospital. So yeah, after that, did you do pictures after that?

After the ceremony or was it? Yeah, you might remember everyone went in to kind of have like a cocktail hour and we were poor. So we only were able to put so much money behind the bar and uh we were out taking pictures and I think you know the kind of open bar went within like 25 minutes and we were probably out there for an hour and I was like oh fuck I didn't feel bad though like barely anyone pays for the bar these days in normal working

class weddings anyway yeah I've just been to some with open bars and I was like I wish I wish because that's one of the more expensive things I mean the venue that we had was the the biggest cost but I think it was worth it because we could have everyone kind of stay there, you know. But we did pictures then and I don't think they took too long because I was kind of like, okay, that's plenty. We got enough. And looking back at them, it's just like none of these really are that great or anything that I look back on fondly because that's not who I am as a person really. But, you know, then we came back in dinner speeches so my dad did his speech and flamed me with my embarrassing childhood behaviors and stuff like that and do you remember the dj who gave this who spoke do you remember no oh god it it was so awkward she was like someone i met briefly and she decided to take the mic and

talk and sean and i were looking at each other like what's happening right now please stop talking god well this is what i was gonna mention because this was the first difference um i really noticed in like the like procedure of the day was the speeches so i remember um obviously alex and keith were sean's like best men but he could i think he'd only told them the day before that he wanted them to make a speech so they were like oh my god I've not written anything and really worried about it and so it came to do the speeches now in UK weddings it tends to be like the briding room will say a little something or other

thanks for coming and they thank all their groomsmen and bridesmaids and then the couple's parents will say something and then like usually the best man gives a speech and that's it whereas in I mean I don't know if this is every wedding but

in your wedding it was like everyone involved gave a speech yeah I think ours was probably a little unique because typically it is I mean if anybody wants to speak and like the bride and groom are cool with that then I think I've been to weddings where a bunch of people do speak um and I I didn't intend on speaking but what happened is the mic just got passed down yeah it just got passed down the table didn't it we were all looking at each other like when is this gonna end yeah yep thankfully everybody's was pretty short yeah uh but then it went into the audience and then real my uncle Mike talked, I think. And I was like, okay. And like I said, then the DJ.

But I think the tradition is, yeah, it's maybe maid of honor, best man, maybe father of the bride, father of the that's kind of it and then I you know I said thank you for coming I was like thank you thank you thank you because I didn't prepare anything uh we're pretty bad at like I think following some traditions and then other ones that I didn't want to do like we did you know I didn't want to do, like we did. I didn't want to do the dollar dance. Yeah, we did. And I think if my dad and I had our way, we wouldn't have done the father-daughter dance. But it was kind of funny because really, I was just looking at a picture from us doing that the other day.

And you could tell we both hated it because we both felt so awkward. But it also was kind of cute it because we both felt so awkward. But it also was kind of cute in how we both felt so awkward. Yeah. And we're like, when is this going to be over? And I tried to pick the shortest song. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

So again, that's another difference we found was the dancers. So again, that's another difference we found was the dancers. So obviously here it tends to just be the bride and groom do their first dance, but usually about halfway through that, everyone just joins in. And that's what I kept trying to do. You could have, I would not have cared. I can't remember who it was, but someone like angrily was like, what are you doing? No, you can't join in. And I was like, what? I would have loved that, to be honest. I should have said, it's fine. We can have a minute if people care about pictures. But again, I don't care about pictures. And I think that's what it is. And then the symbolism of it i suppose but that's what i liked about um the weddings we went

to last summer is that you know um charlie and silas's for example theirs was so cute uh choreographed thing and then everyone could come out that was i really liked that and um i can't remember for wicks and vickies did they have a first dance yeah they did but it was also like at some point i think everyone just joined right yeah yeah yeah so for yours it was you and sean danced then you do another dance called the dollar dance which i again was like i was like what is this yeah you get paid i've never heard of a dollar dance i mean that's kind of cool you get paid to dance with the bride and the groom or the bride and the groom get paid for people to dance with them yeah i hate it but i think you know we made like probably 600 bucks which was kind of

cool oh really pretty good and then you had uh father-daughter dance and then it was the groom and his mom so it was first dance father daughter groom our son mother whatever um and then i think the dollar dance or maybe we did the dollar we did some dancing and then we did the dollar dance i don't know honestly i just did what i was told at some point so i just wanted to dance okay i go to a wedding and i want to get on that dance floor asap i was like i can't keep dancing on the side you had plenty of time to get dancing in i did um the other thing that i appreciated about the weddings in the UK was, you know, they didn't do, like, I don't think anyone did, like, the garter shit, which I think is really kind of gross. You know, have you seen those where people, like, the bride sits in the chair and the groom, like, sexily pulls it off her leg?

Why would you want to do that in front of your parents? Yeah, I agree. We didn't do do it but it's one of those things and I think you knew this we I DJed weddings for a while and did like DJ karaoke for a while and so I've seen a lot of different things at weddings there's another one where people like they sit the bride and groom back to back and then they ask questions and it's like who who, who is the messiest? And then they like hold up either the bride shoe or the groom shoe. And, you know, there's the, the bouquet toss. And I think it like kind of, there's an equivalent to the garter toss for the groom or maybe the, maybe the garter toss is the equivalent to the bouquet toss or something like that.

And I did throw my bouquet. I think my cousin Levi got it didn't he how did he yeah he's so freaking tall he just like his arm out there yep pretty much he just like reached over and grabbed it I think he did I can't remember for sure Levi you'll have to correct me if that's wrong um but I just like I said it's for other people and there's a lot of just things that I think people enjoy which is why you do it you know and then you cut the cake and shove it in each other's face and all of that um yeah I do love going to a wedding because it's just a huge all-day party that you've not had to do any organizing for. Yeah. Brilliant. Unless you're in the wedding party, which I suppose when you came over to ours,

you got to just enjoy it and not being involved in it. But then you were in Charlie's as a bridesmaid. So there was a lot more to it for that one. I was the maid of honor. Oh, I'm sorry. You were the maid of honor. I forgot. My bad.

But again, I had, I mean, me and Charlie are pretty sort of laid back and, you know, aren't the type of girls that have spent years dreaming about our big day. That's not us. So sort of when it came to it, I was like, what are my duties as a maid of honor? Like, what do I need to do? And she was like, I don't know.

Just be here, make sure nothing goes terribly wrong help me with stuff I was like okay fine uh my maid of honor was my friend Lauren and I think she similarly was like am I supposed to be doing stuff and I go you know what I don't think so but then I have like my mom and other people saying no she's supposed to be organizing the bridal shower and the bachelorette party and this and this and I was like no I'm not she's not she's not doing that she's not gonna do that we're not yeah that's the only thing I did know that I had to do was to organize the hem party which is kind of a fun thing, right? Yeah, it was fun, but it's quite difficult organizing. I think it was like 13 women to all be available on one day and all enjoy all the activities. It was really good in the end, but it was quite stressful.

Yeah, what did you do again? Because I remember being sad that I couldn't go. Well, I wasn't invited either but well it's because you live so fucking far away Kate we did uh during the day we did a dance class so we did like a lindy hop dance class oh fun um and initially Charlie wanted like a pole dance class. Ho. Yeah.

Which would have been really fun, but no one wanted to do it. Oh, I would have. So I just. I would have broke something, but I would have. Yeah, same. But I needed a certain amount of people to do it in order to justify like the cost and the class. But I needed a certain amount of people to do it in order to justify the cost and the class. So that then got changed to a Lindy Hop dance class, which was really fun and really funny.

And then we all went out in the evening to a burlesque and drag show. And again, that was a lot of fun. We drank a lot of cocktails. and generally i just had a wonderful time nice yeah it's really good i think we need to normalize having i guess we'd have to call it something else because and i do think it's interesting that you guys call them hen and stag parties and ours are just bachelor and bachelorette parties but yeah um our hendoos right and but normalize uh basically just going out to celebrate something and making that person wear dumb sashes and hold a giant inflatable penis or something yeah like charlie was quite vocal that she did not want like penis straws

and things like that she didn't want it to be cheesy or too over the top but i did buy sashes because i was like you have to have something we need people to know you're a bride yeah so for me um i kind of i was very blessed that i had a lot of people who wanted to kind of do stuff like two of my friends um you might remember casey and jamie who kind of helped with the stuff at the lodge too yeah um they put together a co-bridal shower so it was really like me and sean and all our friends and stuff and i just just wanted to hang out. Like if we're going to have a party, like fine, but no one needs to bring us gifts. And we, we got some, which was great, but we didn't need to. And I remember sitting around, uh, opening them and one was a vibrator from my friend, Brittany's mom. And I was like, Oh,

my mom, my mom's right there. And that's fun. Thank you you but i think that's kind of i don't know if you guys have bridal showers or not but like i think it's a little bit of like you give the bride gifts for the honeymoon i don't know i guess some people probably do i've never been to one though so it's kind of like a baby shower you know, and you also have to get him a wedding gift too So Things like that do seem to be coming over Because We never used to have baby showers here

And now that's a thing Yeah No, you let us all know how strongly You felt about baby showers I think what you said was I'm not going to get you a gift for not wearing protection or something like that there goes episode one I'm so lovely

it's fair though I it's it just I get I get why people do it because it's kind of like you know housewarming party too or even getting wedding gifts it's kind of to start the new life but it also yeah I don't know I love a party but it's just like it's the forced fun and the pressure of having to buy decent gifts for people like birthdays and Christmas is enough it's enough pressure i agree that's why we didn't want gifts in fact we're like if you want to get us anything just give us money so we can pay for this wedding uh it was a great day though that lodge was awesome yeah it was nice um i also remember the next day having to drive back because it was quite away from where you guys lived, wasn't it? Or where we were staying.

Yeah, it was in the middle of a cornfield. Yeah. And we'd hired like a big, you know, like a multi-purpose bus. Wasn't it a minivan? Yeah, like a minivan. And I think we'd agreed before agreed before like who was going to drive there who was going to drive back and it was my turn to drive back and I have never been so hung over or so sick like I literally nearly threw up in my mouth about five times on the way back and

I had to keep pulling over I was like guys like but everyone was in the same boat. It wasn't like anyone felt good. And they were like, we all felt the same. I was like, I'm literally like, oh, it's so bad. You mentioned on another episode about your boyfriend throwing up and passing out early. He probably felt the best. Probably. Yeah. Cause he slept felt the best probably yeah because he slept through the whole thing but he couldn't i don't think he could drive because he was too young at the time oh yeah he was like 15 he's not 15 i'm not a pedophile okay he was i think you also could only have how it works here is you can you can add

drivers but it's expensive and people need to have certain like credentials and stuff so you guys probably just picked a few of you to do it right yeah i think and you had to be over 25 i think or 26 oh yeah he was like a year under so he couldn't drive he was loving life yeah so he couldn't drive he was loving life yeah just got chauffeured around for the whole three weeks yeah oh it's good though good times no i think um um i was just thinking about that i had two hendoos one was in Sioux City with Casey and Jamie and some of my like work friends and I too did not want like big inflatable dicks and all of that but they took me to you know the one gay bar in Sioux City that was having like an all-male review so lots of men dancing and it was it was fun and cheesy and stuff and I enjoyed it but I was also like this is not my style I would have been fine with just you know going somewhere and having a couple

drinks and then we ended up some of my bridesmaids and I ended up going to Vegas too um which was fun I mean it was a lot because as they say you know the city I think they say the city that never sleeps maybe that might be New York anyway and I think there were times when we were up until like 4am and I'm just like, I can't believe it's 4am and you know, just like constant noise and drinking. And it was a lot. And thankfully none of the gals made me wear, I don't think i had to wear a penis maybe i had like a crown or something like that but it was pretty low-key nice yeah that's another thing as well like hen do's and stag do's can be like crazy now like people will go away for like a week to a foreign country and it can cost like a couple of grand each it's like guys like that's mental yeah I mean I guess if it's like an opportunity to have a vacation

and there's just like a focus yeah but I just don't know if I could you know people get asked there's I know some people who've been in a ton of weddings and I'm just like, yeah. And then every time you have to go away for a week and it would be really, yeah, I don't know if I could do that, you know, and then pay for the dress. That's something I felt bad for because I would have loved to have been able to absorb all those costs for my bridesmaids. able to absorb all those costs for my bridesmaids but you know I didn't think I was going to get married let alone in my you know kind of mid to late 20s and I was a public defender so didn't exactly make bank and I just so I was really I tried to emphasize to my bridesmaids like I don't care you pick a dress you like feel comfortable in yeah it doesn't have to be expensive i don't i really don't care um do as little as or as much as you'd like because

like my friend allison had to come from ohio so she you know it was kind of a journey for her in addition to you guys which is why why I appreciate that Keith and Alex were willing to be in the wedding. But I also didn't want to put a lot of pressure on you guys because you had to travel here and the car and accommodation because we couldn't put everyone up in our homes. And so I just wanted to make it as easy as possible and not stressful for you guys. I know those spray sprayed hands were stressful though was a bit stressful yeah never had one before they're good though they are good better for you

anyway better than some bits so the weddings this last summer, though, were there things that even kind of deviated from the norm of traditional UK weddings? Or do you think nowadays things are, you know, you kind of it's up to the bride and the groom? Yeah, I think it's just up to them, really. I don't know. Some people can be really particular about how things are going to go. And it's a very regimented day. And, you know, you're going to have the ceremony and then you are going to go and it's a very regimented day and you know you're gonna have the ceremony and then you're gonna go here for drinks and then we're gonna do this and that but then yeah i guess our friends are pretty chilled about it which is quite

nice yeah thank god yeah yeah oh weddings, you're next, Gemma. And, you know, I'll officiate if you do it in Minnesota. Okay. Noted. I don't actually particularly want to get married. Yeah, I was the same way. But yeah, maybe, you know, you never know. Maybe I meet someone and fall head over heels in love and want to marry them but uh one I don't have the money for a wedding and two I don't know just

I don't want to sound really depressing but I don't know whether I believe in it you know yeah just because so many marriages end in divorce and um maybe I'll just have a big party you know well how about this you just pick a year a big birthday and we're just gonna to have a very wedding-like celebration for you. Yes. Yeah, I would like a nice dress. So, yeah, can we do that? Yeah, absolutely. I'll buy a nice white dress.

Shove some cake in your mouth, get some gifts. Have a date with whoever the fuck you want. This sounds great. Perfect. Into it. I'll get to planning. Deal. It's my 35th next year, so... Oh, God. That's so soon.

Can I have a little more time? Okay. Well, aim for my 40th, then. That'll do. That'll do. That'll give everyone time to plan. And if you want to... You can pick if we need to travel, all of that. Cool. All right. Deal. And then you'll probably meet your future husband on that day.

And it'll, you know. Like a fairy tale. No one will want to come to your wedding because we already basically did that. Didn't you just have a wedding? No, it was my wedding birthday. I'm celebrating the love for myself. Okay. Right. I have a question for you. Oh yeah. Go ahead. So I heard something yesterday and I want to know if this is true. So I heard that in America, the word shag means something different. So I heard that it means to collect or pick up.

So, for example, a physical ed teacher could say, kids, go and shag your balls. Is this correct? I am. Am I pleased or sad sad i'm not sure i am one of those things to say that is correct go shag the balls yep go shag the balls shag carpet is a type of carpet yeah i know about hashtag carpet yeah but it definitely does not mean to fuck really i think austin powers actually like introduced us well i'm sure there's probably other people probably knew that that was something that the brits say, but I think Austin Powers really kind of hit it home so that when kids would hear their PE teacher say, go shag the balls, kids, then that's when you do the shag the balls. But yeah, that's funny. Is that what Jamette asked you to ask me?

Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Mm-hmm. Yep. And, like, I don't know if we use snog in any other context. I don't think that's really a word here that is used, but I know that means to, like, suck face. To make out. Make out, yeah.

Oh, it's funny, but it goes back to, you know, root. I'm going to fucking root you. Give them a good old rooting. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. I like that. Well, now today I learned, or today you learned, that shagging means fucking and collecting balls, which could be a euphemism for touching balls. Touching them balls.

Touch those balls, baby. Yeah, that's funny. I like that. I mean, I didn't know whether they were just taking the piss, because they often do that and will tell me stuff, and I believe it. And then later find out that they were completely taking the piss so I was like well I'm gonna ask Kate I wonder how he heard that

or learned about that I'm curious yeah I don't know Gemma write in how you know about that please yeah if you could elaborate talk shit to us at gmail.com don't forget we have an email now okay Talk shit to us at gmail.com. Don't forget, we have an email now.

Okay. I'd also like to read you some funny stories I found. Yes, please. And I'd also like to use this opportunity again to encourage our listeners to send in any of their own embarrassing stories or you know silly situations they've been in weird traditions from weddings yeah um yeah stuff like that anything really doesn't have to be anything related to what we're talking about. Just if you want to just share something with us about yourself. Yeah. Okay. So these are, this is like a thread of people.

They've just done something really embarrassing in a stupid situation, basically. So my dentist asked his assistant to suction, brackets the water out of my mouth but i thought he was talking to me so i sucked his finger i'm mortified no that is making my skin crawl a little bit, actually, because I'm envisioning doing that to my dentist. Can you imagine? Bless. Okay.

I meant to say, hold on for a second and give me a minute to a customer and it came out as hold me for a second what a monday i love those like when someone's saying like enjoy your trip and you say you too yeah you're not going anywhere or if you just confuse like two words i've often done it with like um uh what was the one i did the other day i think it was cheers and great and i was just like cheers that's no word yeah okay i was at the airport and the tsa agent told me to scan my license face down but i just heard scan your face down so i put my face on the scanner and waited i wish this was a joke but now it happened and the tsa

i could not stop laughing and now I have to go into WITSEC. Oh god. Fucking hell. Ooh and the amount of people that were probably there and saw that too. Just cause airports are so busy. Yeah. Just putting your face on the fucking scanner.

I feel like I have to go die now yeah I'm leaving this is like the previous one so one time I went to hand someone a bowl of hot soup and my brain tried to say it's careful it's hot and here's your soup so instead I blurt it's careful it's hot and here's your soup so instead i blurted out

careful it's soup oh that that would have made me laugh a lot if i were that it still works careful and soup you know what to do yeah do you know the one i always do is when the delivery guy brings a takeaway round and he says enjoy your food and i go you too yes that exactly he doesn't have any food poor guy's probably so hungry what else this makes me feel better about my life i'm not gonna lie same okay was once followed by an oddball in the supermarket i was frightened so i started to speed up so did he ended up with him literally chasing me up and down the aisle. Eventually he caught up and then he asked if he could have his trolley back. Why wouldn't you just say, ma'am, that's my cart?

Or sir. I didn't mean to assume that person's gender, but like you just running up it you just be like i'm you have my cart okay i was in a park and a lady loudly called out anyone who wants ice cream come over here so i headed over with several of several others no she handed out the ices to all of them and then asked me who are you and i realized the rest were all her family 30 years later i still cringe i mean if you're a little kid come on yeah i mean even as an adult i'd be like well i want ice cream yeah i'll come oh this one was a good one

right so i meant to say oh crap i left my phone in my car but what i almost said was oh no i left my cone in my far and damn wouldn't have that been embarrassing but i caught myself and what i actually said was ah my fart cone just imagine being the person hearing just be like what what oh my god oh that's great so next time let's spend the next week thinking about those moments that now make us lie awake at night and we can share some I know I've got some because I'm an embarrassing awkward person and you know the Trevor might be an idiot

story is one of them but I know I've got more than that so that's your homework okay G okay I can think of one now oh share it haunts. It haunts me. It's just like a really stupid thing, but it's, it's one of those memories that just replays in my head over and over, especially when I'm trying to go to sleep. So I was out to dinner with a load of friends and someone mentioned seasoning on their food. And at the time I'd been listening to a Nicki Minaj song a lot where she says, let it soak in like seasoning. So I said that and literally everyone just stopped and stared at me. And was like all right fucking hell that just makes my skin crawl I just think why did I fucking do that like it's so embarrassing

who I just who are you with that I because I feel like I would have loved that and accepted that so those people need to be cut from your life I don't care if it's keith or other people that i care about dead to us dead to us yeah that's just it's one of those little things i bet no one even remembers it but i fucking remember it every night it's like the thoughts that you roll through that's just one of them yeah so this i i guess i do have one that's kind of embarrassing but it's also kind of sad you ready okay okay so i for whatever reason don't like when people compliment me, it makes me very uncomfortable.

And so one time I was meeting with my boss and I don't remember. I was probably following a report I had to write or something. And he was saying some nice things about it. And he was saying some nice things about it. And I started to cry because I didn't know how to react. Oh, bless you. And then he started to cry because he was so uncomfortable. And I think he also was like, this is so sad that I paid her a compliment and her reaction is to cry because of it.

So you're both just standing there crying. Yeah. And his was like a little, like, I think his eyes just kind of teared up and he kind of like, and I was like, oh, fuck, I made him cry. Of course, you know, me crying, it's just like tears. And I'm just like, thank you. That's so nice of you to say. But yeah, not really, I think, shaped our relationship from then on, because even now that we're remote and not in the same room, I'm still like so awkward. I think I really make him uncomfortable because of how awkward I am.

That he's like, I need to not talk to you anymore. I have to go. That's why you're still remote and not allowed back in the office. Everyone else is in the office except for me. Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me. They've just done a really good job with their backgrounds, making it look like they're at home. She knows we're here.

She's going to come. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Really funny. I love us. And we're so awkward. Yeah. Let's try and think of some more of those. And if anyone has their own that they want to share, that would be super

great. That you want to share on a recorded podcast with millions and millions of followers please do we'll keep you anonymous like i said yeah or if you you know if you just want to join in our shame we appreciate the solidarity shame corner perfect shame corner um so i thought this might be fun. I'm just, I want to read you a post. Okay. And basically it's one of those, am I the asshole things, right? You know that?

Okay. So I just found one and I just want to know what your answer is. And then I'll share maybe what the consensus is too. Okay. So I get to decide if they're an asshole or not. Yep. So I think it's like, you're the asshole, not the asshole. Everyone's an asshole. Okay. Those are kind of the choices, but...

Yeah. Okay. So the title is, Am I the Asshole for Not Carrying My Wife's Purse? carrying my wife's purse. I, a 32-year-old male, work fully remote, and my wife, a 30-year-old female, works two to three days in the office. On days where she commutes in the morning, I wake up early with her, make us French press coffee while she gets ready, and I walk her to the ferry, which is approximately a five-minute walk, and then approximately a five to ten-minute wait for the ferry onboarding. On our walks, she insists that I carry her purse, saying that her bag is heavy, that she has to carry it all day, and that if I carry it on the walk, it would mean a lot to her.

I told her that she's putting me in an awkward situation where I need to either A, carry her purse, which I would prefer not to do, or B, have an argument first thing in the morning because I refuse to carry her purse. Maybe I'm just stubborn, but to me, carrying my wife's purse and then standing in line with all the commuters waiting to board the ferry as I hold my wife's purse for her commute into work is a bit emasculating and humiliating. She, on the other hand, thinks that it would be a nice gesture, and the fact that it, I it I find oh there's a typo the fact that I find it embarrassing for me is irritating because I should a care more about what she thinks than what other people think and b be comfortable enough in my own skin not to feel emasculated or humiliated so what do you think am I the asshole for telling my wife I don't want to carry her purse

hmm I mean is she asking him to carry it all the time from what i gather is it's almost every walk because it says on our walk she insists that i carry her purse so each time he walks her to the ferry and it sounds like then they get on the ferry together and he holds it on the ferry for her too. Wow. Or she wants him to anyways. Yeah. I mean, I kind of see both perspectives, to be honest. I don't know.

I don't really know I mean I think it's okay to ask a guy to hold your purse like every now and then if it's super heavy and they don't have to but equally he's doing a nice thing for her by waking up early in the morning and making her coffee and walking her to the

ferry he doesn't have to do that and now she's like take my fucking purse too. But I do think he needs to man up in a sense of like, why do you feel emasculated holding a purse? Get over it. Everyone knows it's not your purse, mate. holding a purse get over it everyone knows it's not your purse mate so i think the general consensus is kind of like if carrying a purse for your wife who you're with in the optics of other like from other people

and how they're perceiving that you find emasculating like one response was go to therapy like i think if you're really concerned about people seeing you with this purse and what they might think i think they're also going to realize that you're probably holding it for your wife exactly and then they would probably think that's nice another comment was where is it um the other night at a bar, I asked my partner to watch my purse while I went to the ladies. When I came back, he was gone, my purse was gone, and I was like, uh... And then I saw him up at the bar getting

drinks, talking with people, and happily parading around while wearing my purse. No fragile masculinity there. And it's kind of like, I honestly don't know if people really would think twice about it. And if they did, like, then they're kind of the problem. But I also think like,

girl, maybe you need to figure out something else. Like maybe you need a backpack. Yeah. And that's, I think what some other people were saying is someone said, not the asshole. She needs to find an independent solution here.

And someone else said, look, I find it ridiculous, hilarious when men behave like purses are poop grenades. You should really question yourself why you are embarrassed and what she is trying to tell you. However, asking you to carry it every day is also ridiculous. If she can't carry her purse, she should find an independent solution. So I'm kind of like, if the purse is the issue, put it in something else. So maybe he could carry it and not feel like he's being emasculated. But I'm also like, if for whatever reason, he can't walk her anymore and she's on her own. Is she going to be okay? Yeah.

What was she going to do if he's not there? Yeah. Stop putting so much be okay? Yeah. What was she going to do if he's not there? Yeah. Stop putting so much shit in your bag, okay? Yeah. I picked this one because I do think I sometimes get really annoyed by this whole, like, fragile masculinity kind of thing. Like, oh, I don't want to assume gay. Like, that we sometimes hear. And it's really annoying because I it just is like what what

is that actually really saying and let's dig into that and there are times when I've heard guys you know say things where it's like oh you know I'm not going to do that because I don't want people to think I'm gay or a woman or whatever and it's just like i don't think people are thinking that you know it's like this whole alpha thing that's going on at the moment um and my thoughts on that are if you consider yourself or call yourself an alpha then i'm gonna wait for the beta because you're clearly full of bugs i'm waiting for the round two rollout because you need to do some work on the viruses you have inside you. Yeah. I think one day we should spend some time talking a little bit

about toxic masculinity and some of the kind of pressures that society put on men and this masculinity and kind of perhaps why we see some of the shit we see yeah and like why women have to you know moderate their behavior in order to stay safe and also deal with things you know just like oh i was just complimenting you and kind of just be like well that didn't it felt gross to me. And I think I should be able to say that without being told that I need to lighten up, you know? Yeah. I agree.

For another time. Yeah. But if anybody's got some experiences with that that they want to share that we could use to illustrate that kind of concept we'd love to hear them though i know jemma you and i probably have plenty of our own so yeah well some fun bants today a bit of bants lovely enjoyed it yeah um well i don't know about you Bit of bounce. Lovely. Enjoyed it. Bit of bounce. Yeah. Well, I don't know about you, but I feel like we talked some good shit today and I'm a little bit shit tired. A bit shitted out. A bit shitted out, as they say.

Yep. But until next time. Until next time. Gbag. Remember when I was telling you the other day about how it's hard for me to leave my home because I don't want to leave my blender? Yeah, your emotional support blender you called it, which I thought was weird and maybe a little problematic. I said it feels like my emotional support blender because of how many smoothies I make and how good I feel these days because of them. Okay, go on.

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