Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 67. Spittle as a Whistle

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

WE. ARE. BACK. BEBE!!! This week we're talking biscuits (obviously), dating shows, sayings that don't make sense and an AITA. Send us your sh*t to [e-mail] or on socials @TSYBPOD ��️

We're starting right now off the base. Why the fuck don't you like Hobnobs? They're the best. I'm just jumping right in. We had to talk about this. They're too Oaty. That's the best part. No, I like a digestive biscuit, like a proper biscuit. I don't want an oaty, bitty biscuit. So I used to love digestives. I'm going to get a little vulnerable right now.

The first time I came to visit Nigel in England was right after I took the bar exam, and I got to try all those things. I brought a pack home, maybe even two packs of digestives, the chocolate kind McVitie's. And I like, feelings ate a whole pack on the plane. Easily done. Yeah. And so I was a big fan of digestives. And then at some point I was introduced to

Hobnobs and I enjoyed, I think the texture with the oats that now, Kushan also brought back some from his recent trip. He brought the golden kind of digestives back. He loved them and I was like, I don't know, this biscuits not bitty enough for me. I mean, don't get me wrong. The hobnob is a very popular biscuit here. I just don't like it as much. Well, so every- Tell you what, it's the best biscuit. Well, hold on.

This is our last podcast. We're no longer friends. What's the best biscuit? So, you know in England, we like to dunk our biscuits in tea. Naturally, that's the only way to eat it. Why do coffee, but yeah. Which is why I think hobnobs are so popular. Very robust dunker. You can hold that for a long time. Which is why I think Hobnobs are so popular.

Very robust dunker. They don't disintegrate. They don't disintegrate. They don't melt in your tea. Fine. The amount of times I've lost a biscuit. Second best digestive is a classic. If you have a milk chocolate digestive, then I find because I don't have sugar in my tea

because I'm sweet enough, that it changes the taste of your tea and then your tea tastes weird. So dark chocolate digestives. Oh yeah. So good. And because they get a little melty, they, that's like a nice way to enjoy it. And yeah, I think that the dark chocolate kind of gives it a little depth without sweetening your, and I don't add sugar to my coffee but I know what you mean it kind of gives me gives it a little sweetness yeah and it gives your taste buds the sweet sensation and leaves them wanting more and you drink your tea or your coffee and you're like oh it tastes like shit I need to put sugar in it. It's got all these bits in it. It's got all these crumbs at the bottom. It's full digestive.

Another one I really enjoy, but it's kind of just as a treat, is a penguin. And I do the penguin version of a Tim Tam slam. So fucking good. So good. Yeah, I haven't had a penguin in years, to be honest. Oh my God, they're so good. So good. I haven't had a penguin in years to be honest. Oh my God, they're so good. I used to have them in my lunchbox every day for school. Yeah, because I've done little jokes on them.

I do think they're probably for kids. I mean, it's basically a cookie, like a fully coated kind of fudgy cookie situation that if you get it kind of saturated with tea or coffee becomes, I don't know, like a party in your mouth. A cake party in your mouth. Caky biscuit party in your mouth. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna be controversial

and actually say the best biscuit is a Jaffa cake. Everyone's probably yelling at me in their heads right now. I'm not. That Jaffa cake is not a biscuit, it is a cake, clues in the name. But they sell them in the biscuit aisle, so. Yeah, they do. I don't mind a daffy cake.

Orange flavored chocolate is not my favorite. Nigel really likes it, and so we'll have them. Yeah, they're good. But I have to stop buying them because I will eat a whole 16 pack in one go. Literally. Absolutely. Just can't stop. They're just so fucking delicious. I like biting around the edge of the jelly so it's just the jelly and chocolate and then I pull them apart and make little Jaffa Cake burgers. Okay, so when I'm over there in May, you're going to demonstrate and we'll see if we

can actually record video, like record that so our listeners at home can, we can maybe do, oh, this is a great idea. Everyone tell us if you want us to do this, we will get a hobnob, a digestives, a Jaffa cake, we'll get some other random shit and we we're gonna do a live testing explanation of them all. Yes, and you need to bring over some American cookies or biscuits and we'll do a UK versus. You'll have to let me know what you think you might like because I feel like an Oreo,

is that something I need to bring or a Chips Ahoy? Like. We have those here. Yeah. Chips Ahoy are more difficult to get. Okay. But I am partial to an Oreo. I saw a video the other day of actually someone using a... What are those things called? Where it's like a gun with fire. Yeah, just like what you use to like creme brulee or brown something. One of those. And they did it on an Oreo and just like nothing happened. Yeah.

They held it on there for like 30 seconds and it didn't melt, it didn't crumble, it didn't. I was like, what are these things fucking made of? Yeah, it's a good question. In fact, like that's why I think deep fried Oreos are popular because they can kind of still maintain their structure. A deep fried Oreo?

Yeah, it's like a common fair food where they dip it in batter and then fry it. It's actually pretty good, if not just really intense. Yeah, I'll try it. And I've had it, so people will put some butter in a pan, melt it, and then put the Oreo in that and skill it. Yeah, it's actually pretty good. Unnecessary, but good.

Have you had, when you've been here as well battered like Miles bar or chocolate bar from the fish shop? I mean I've had a I feel like I've had at least a bite of like a battered candy bar because again that's like kind of fair food yeah you know. And you have one bite, you're like, that's delicious. You have another and you're like, I'm gonna be sick. I feel sick. But you do have that other bite and then another. Yeah, then you eat the whole thing and you're like, oh no.

And then you're like, you want to die. Yeah. This is Talking Shit with Iank and a Brit, by the way. Oh, hi. We were catching up because we know it's been a minute since our last episode. It's also been a minute since Gemma and I really connected. And so we were going through a range of different updates and discussions about things in our lives

and it's segwayed into. Naturally, we got onto biscuits. And I was so upset by Gemma saying, she doesn't really like hobnob. So I was like, record now, we're talking about this. This is perfect podcast content. by Gemma saying she doesn't really like hobnob's and I was like record now we're talking about this. This is perfect podcast content. Get on it. Yeah sorry we've been uh we've been busy we've been busy little bees so.

Not in like a fun sexy way though. No like a boring January lasted forever way. Yeah. It did, it really did. But hey, in a couple of weeks, what date is it? Where are we? Who am I? Yeah, a couple of weeks from today, the date of recording, 9th of March. I don't know if it happens for you,

but the clock's spring forward. You guys are always ahead of us. So we have like a shortened timeframe for a period. Like we're only five hours apart, which is kind of fun, I guess. Yeah. For a few weeks. Daylight savings, US. And this is assuming, you know, it doesn't get canceled here because it might. That's always something people talk about. Yeah, I don't agree with it. Just get rid of it.

Let the farmers do what they want. I don't care. Yeah, frankly, I guess I don't really care that much either. I'm sure there's reasons why I should. I just don't know them. I just like to be slightly less depressed in the winter. And I think getting rid of rid of savings would do that. So you said March 9th because I think ours is also March 9th. Oh cool. So whoop whoop

officially the start of spring baby. It is so nice today. Oh is it? Like it's been really kind of cold and dreary here but it's so nice today. It was really nice this morning here but now it is grey and raining like it has been for the past four fucking months. Oh you must be in England. Yeah I am. Oh we went to Wales last weekend. How was that? It was very nice we went to stay in our little yurt place again. Oh yeah. But we stayed in the other, the farm that we stay on have like three different, we've got two different yurts and a little cabin. So we stayed in the bigger yurt this time.

Ooh. Which was nice. But I didn't love it as much because like the other one we went to is like all enclosed with like trees. Cozy. And it feels really like magical and secret and it's really quiet and lovely. Whereas this one was kind of in the middle of the farm.

It was a bit louder and a lot more open and the bathroom was as nice. But the earth was bigger. However, do not recommend doing that in February because it was fucking cold. What time of year did you go last time? April, end of April. So it was all right. It was a little bit What time of year did you go last time? April, end of April. So it was all right.

It was a little bit chilly, but fine. But we would wake up and could see our breath on the bed. It was fucking cold. OK, noted. Noted, noted. We did Topgolf yesterday, which is a primarily outdoor activity. But it's enclosed because it's like a building that has an open-facing wall that you hit the balls outside of, you know, but they had heat lamps.

And it was kind of nice yesterday too, but still a little chilly. Like I had gloves just in case I was cold, but like ultimately was like, oh, you know, I can just have my, I had a sweatshirt on and jeans and stuff. I was like, oh, that is kinda, this is okay. It was all right, I'm surviving. Yeah. Were you doing like physical activity as well? Well, just hitting balls as hard as I could.

As you do. I love them, love hitting balls. The ball breaker. Yep, I actually quite, I didn't, do not care for golf, but like my favorite part when I did play golf was just driving because you just try to whack that ball as hard as you can. And I find it's kind of for people who maybe like, like to get some aggression out by like punching up, you know, a boxing bag or going to one of those rooms that you smash

it, you know, stuff like that. Yeah, I want to do that so bad. I do too. I would totally do that. Top golfolf is a, you know, I think a fair equivalent for me. Yeah. Maybe we should do that when you come over. We're going to do a rage room. Yeah. Get out some rage, you know. Yeah, we've got a lot of it.

I'm sorry. I'm really holding you. Am I boring you? Am I keeping you awake? You are actually. This is my nap time. Sorry. It's not ready. 6pm or 5pm. 5 is my nap time. Sorry. It's not ready. 6pm or 5pm. I used to take naps when I got home from work a lot, but I also didn't sleep for that time period of

my life. So that was like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like a nap, but I'm just not very good at them. Me neither, not anymore. No, it just doesn't work. They fuck you up? Yeah, I either sleep too long, and then I wake up feeling like I haven't sleep shit, and then I can't sleep that evening. Or you don't sleep at all, and it's like, why did I just waste a half an hour lying here? Just laying there, yeah, just thinking and stressing. Yeah, yep.

Yeah, not very good at that. I was the queen of power napping when I was in law school because I had like just a very short window of time between classes that I could like run home and take a quick power nap and it was helpful. I also, that was back when I could sleep for days anywhere, anytime, you know? So like, yeah.

Apparently you're meant to drink a cup of coffee before a nap. Yeah, that makes sense. And have a 20 minute nap, and then by the time you wake up, caffeine kicks in so you feel super good when you wake up. But all that would happen with me is I would lay there

for 20 minutes and then the caffeine would kick in and I'd be like, okay, I'm awake. So really you just kind of gave your body a period of stasis while you let the caffeine kick in. Which I guess is still fine. Yeah, you know. Deep awake rest, I guess. Yeah. Coffee doesn't, I feel like it doesn't really do things for me anymore. It's because you drink so much of it. Unless I don't have it. Absolutely. If I don't have it, I feel like I notice, but I could, you know, like I could drink it before bed and be like, okay, well, I'm gonna go to bed now.

That's because you've got ADHD as well. Apparently coffee does like... What the fuck did you call me? Yeah, I'm sure that does it. That's the opposite for you. Your brain works in a different way. Yeah. Alright, I'm telling you that. Yeah, it's fine.

I get complimented on a lot in my responses. I have to take medication for it, okay? I've medded up to the nines, man. Yep. Whereas I cut down on my caffeine quite a lot. I don't drink caffeine after like 11 a.m. And if I do, even just a lovely cup of English tea in the evening, I'm up for hours. So you love your tea and you have your tea throughout the day.

Is there like a non-caffeinated English breakfast because it's, you know, I feel like that's primarily what y'all drink too. Yeah. Yeah. I just drink decaffeinated after 11. It's good. I found decaffeinated Yorkshire tea bags. They are the shit. Yeah. Yorkshire is kind of, I think, my preferred too. But I think that's also just because that's what I've had. Yeah. It's what you've been forced to drink.

Yeah. Like, you're in England now, drink a cup of fucking tea. But there's different brands that people like, like Tetley's and Tetley's and Tetley's, as they had PG tips. PG tips. Jinx. Yeah, there's like Red label, twining. Oh yeah, twining's we have here. That's kind

of prolific, I think, in terms of tea. Well known. But yeah, Yorkshire's the best in my humble opinion and I've tried a lot. Cutest box. Cutest box, too. It is actually a cute little box. It's a sexy box. I'd date it. It's my dick in a box. Ooh, I have a question for you. Okay.

Total Pivot. You, I recall, talked a lot about Love is Blind and you enjoy that show. Yeah, I watched the UK one. There is a Minneapolis one out now. What? Are you in it? Yes, I am. I'm just walking by though. They didn't accept me as one of the bachelorettes.

Is that how you and Sean met? Yep, somehow, even though it was just filmed like last year. We both tricked our way onto it and then picked each other and caused no drama. Yeah, cause no drama. So we are not featured at all. They're like this ugly old broad, this British guy are so boring and our most successful couple.

Have you watched it then? I tried. The show is not something I've gotten into for whatever reason. But there has been drama that has followed this cast. And so back when they were like, ooh, they're going to start filming and people are putting out tentative or speculative like who was on it and I looked at the list and I was like all these people are like in their early 20s I don't know any of them because I was like I wonder if I know anybody none of them but like one guy apparently is like

kind of a predator and well-known like you're like going after really young girls like when he was in college and after college and like lots of TikToks of women being like I dated him he's a monster. Oh wow. Yeah I think it's uh Alex on so I'm telling you because I thought you might since you like it you might be interested in seeing the show based on a place that you've been in America too. I might start watching it then. I need something new to watch. What I don't understand about these programs is like especially them. I need something new to watch. What I don't understand about these programs is like especially Love is Blind and Married at First Sight. There's marriage involved in these. So you think they'd get like a more mature clientele on that know themselves a little bit more, know what they want and actually do want to potentially settle down. Whereas getting fame

hungry twenty-somethings on might create good drama, but ultimately none of the relationships are going to work. You know, it's interesting because it seems to me like there are not old but like women who might be in their early thirties who are a little bit, and I think there are a couple on the Minneapolis one who's like, you know, like I'm kind of establishing my career, you know, been in relationships, I kind of feel like I know what who I am and what I want, and I'm kind of ready to like get into something serious. And then there's, you know, maybe some similarly aged men who are saying the same thing, but we know based on science

that like women mature differently than men. And then we have the mid, late, even early 20 somethings who are saying they're ready and want to, and I'm like, you are so full of shit. And if you're not, then like stop thinking that because like now is the time to maybe just explore and get to know yourself better. Yeah. I just want their 15 minutes of fame.

Yeah. Yep. So yeah, that's a thing for you to consider. What's it on Netflix? Yeah. Cue. Cue, cue. They're doing it state by state now.

I don't, I don't think so. I think this is just purely speculative. They're doing it state by state now. I don't think so. This is just purely speculative. I think the focus has always been in the major metropolitan areas. Chicago is definitely Midwest, but still more New York City and LA vibes than necessarily Midwest. I think they maybe were trying to branch out a little bit.

So Minneapolis maybe was a viable option because it's not Sioux City, Iowa, right? Which would be so, I would watch that because that would be so fucking funny, I think. But yeah, I think that they are looking for stuff where they can get kind of good content and like participants. But a lot of the participants I think even were folks who were like, I'm actually from, you know, East Coast, West Coast, blah, blah, blah. And I moved here a couple of years ago. So not even

like Minneapolis native. There's not a lot of- I moved here a week ago for this show. Yep. Yep. I actually transplanted here for the show. Plus some people who were born and raised here. Oh, that's nice. Okay. Yeah. Plus some people who were born and raised here. Oh, that's nice. Okay. Yeah. Good.

Well, I'll check that out. Thanks for the rec. Well, I don't know if it was a rec, more like a notice to you. Oh, okay. I've noticed this is occurring. Yeah, I tried to watch the first episode and I was like, I'm bored.

Yeah, you have to kind of force yourself to watch. Sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm not boring. That was like, I saw your tonsils. Or myself. They're pretty, aren't they? Yeah, lovely. Yeah, like once you watch one episode,

that's when you get invested because they usually end the episode on a cliffhanger and you're like, oh no, I need to watch the next one. So I do think I probably could be more interested once they pair off, you know? Yeah. But I also like those types of shows have never been my my bag. I think the ones that I've enjoyed have been the ones that are like just so bonkers in premise and how they do it that it's's just too hot to handle and then perfect match.

You're my perfect match, let's go to the booth, you're not. You're my perfect match, let's go to the booth, you're not. And then on too hot to handle when they're like, oh, party, sexy, because they lie to them about it, then they get there and they're like, just kidding, you guys can't do anything remotely intimate or sexual, you have to get to know each other, and then them all trying to find different ways

to fuck secretly and stuff and can't. I've not watched that one. Oh my God, it's so good. I've not watched either of them actually. They're so, I mean, perfect match. I don't know if they've had any, like any new ones in a while, but too much to handle. It's like there's always the couples who try to rule break all the time secretly and not get found out.

And then there's the person who's like, I came here to fuck, but now that I know there's money on the line, I'm gonna police everyone and get so mad with all of the money that gets deducted every time there's a rule break. Oh, okay, interesting. And they like never pair off

because everyone's like, you suck. You're now just trying to like save our money. And I can't respect that either. They had one here recently actually which was it's called like Your Mom My Dad or something and it's like the other way around so it's the older generation I think like 50s plus mm-hmm doing the dating and then their kids like watch from... Cringe. I know it's pretty gross.

Funny though. I didn't watch it but I just saw an advert for it but I thought that was nice. At least they're giving the older generation a go. Yeah. Yeah not for me. Cringe. so cringe though. So cringe. I think we talked about those shows

where it was like parents watching their kids go nuts, right? Some sex and suspicious parents. Yeah, and how cringey that would be just as someone who maybe, you know, it's like, oh yeah, we're going on holiday. And like, I think we talked about, oh, for me it would just be like,

if I drank too much and then went to sleep. But still being like, oh God, my parents watched all like, I drank too much and then went to sleep. But still being like, oh, God, my parents watched all of that. Just passed out at 10 o'clock. Yeah, fell asleep in the booth at the restaurant. But no harm, no foul, anyways. Yeah, mine would just be like, I ate too much at dinner and need an early night.

I'm just going to go watch a movie. Leave me alone. I'm ready for all. Ain't too much pasta. Yeah. Well, try to think if there's anything else worthy of note. We talked about her hair.

Excited to hear about your potential experience with like a, what did you call it? It's a curly cut. When you were messaging me. No, but you called like a curl artist or something. Curl artist. We decided to start messaging each other as if we were writing Edwardian letters to each other.

Yeah, what was that meme? It was really fun. We should continue. We didn't do it more after that. We should, yeah. But it's that meme where it's like we should bring back basically writing letters to each other as if we're in olden days or something to that. OK, we should all start texting each other like old timey explorers. Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.

So we did. We wrote old timey letters to each other and it was good fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you see what it is. But yeah, I had a Curly Cup booked and then she canceled an hour before it because she was ill, which you know, don't blame her, she's ill but it pissed me off. So I was like, you know, you just get really excited about something.

I was like, oh, get my hair cut, because you can see the fucking state of my hair. I get it cut like once a year. I think it looks nice. I was looking forward to it and then it canceled. So now that's booked for a couple of weeks time. Isn't that like legit a week and a couple of days? Yeah. Yeah.

It's a week and two days. Yeah, a week from this Tuesday. A week from Tuesday. Should that be fun? I'll let you know how it goes because for people that don't have curly hair, they cut maximize your curls and stuff. So that should be interesting. Hopefully it'll be a bit currier. I can't wait for pictures and all of it until you get. I can't wait for the curly hair to begin, begin, begin, begin, begin, begin, begin.

We will never do this because I don't think, I think it would just be, we would be like we can't post this. I've been getting into, I subscribed to Dropout, which is a streaming service that basically is comedy based, improv based, lots of different shows. There is one show that one of the episodes

basically made them do improv musical. And it was hilarious. And then I found a podcast that is called Off Book that has two of the people who were in that episode of the improv musical who do regular episodes where they have like a very skilled pianist and maybe a guitar player and stuff. And they they'll just talk with their guest and each other about nonsense and then the piano will start playing and then they have to take a song,

like make a song out of whatever they were talking about. And it's really really funny. And I, because I love musicals and singing despite being horrible and it would be so funny to do that but we don't have a pianist and I also just think we'd be like well I don't think we can publish this because this is your business too and the content of the songs might be too much for us. Yeah probably. I often make up songs. Yeah, me too. Me and Adam do it quite a lot and it's really fun, but. Usually about my pets, but yeah.

Or just like inanimate objects. But if you got depressed, I'd fail like that. Well, you started with singing about curly hair, so. That's true. I've already started. There you go. I was about to say something then and it's just completely disappeared from my head. Related to sing? Oh, yeah. I do have some news.

Oh, yay. I managed to get Beyonce tickets. Is it the Cowboy Carter tour though? Yeah. Okay. Which, you know, the album was fine. She'll do other stuff, I'm sure. I hope so, yeah.

But I've just always wanted to see her. I remember. You were so mad at me because I was like accidentally going. Yeah, exactly. And I got tickets. Problem is I bought two tickets. They're very expensive because she's Beyonce. Yeah.

I've now realized that none of my friends like Beyonce, not even sort of acquaintances in the peripheral. I've asked a few people and everyone's like, nah, not bothered. And I'm like, fuck. It's the, I think 12th of June, I think. Fuck, I can't come. You won't be here either.

I was going to say depending. Maybe I could just fly over, but I have a wedding and I don't know if I can swing it. Not that day, but shortly before. I could come for the concert and that's it. Pick up, go to concert, drop me off after. That is dedication. I's it. Pick up, go to concert, drop me off after. That is dedication. I appreciate it. And this is purely just so you have someone to go with, because she puts on a great show.

I had a great time. I know some of her songs. I actually also didn't mind the Cowboy Carter album. So I would do that for you. Why do you live so far fucking way? Cost of the tickets and the inevitably expensive food just for you, because I love you. Make Alan go. Yeah, that's I think that's what's going to happen.

Talking of songs. I heard, but actually, it was a real I watched a reel the other day of a very popular Queen song that I've just never really listened to the lyrics of. You'll know it, it's another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust. Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? That one. Yeah. So we're talking like not the chorus, not the part that everyone knows. Not the chorus.

I just sort of never really thought about what the song was about. When I was a kid, there was a program called Gladiators. It is actually back on TV now, where it was like muggles go head to head against athletes. Okay, normal people fighting athletes. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. And you'd have to do like loads of random shit. And that was like a little theme tune to it. If someone got fucked up, it'd be doon, doon, doon, everyone point their big foam fingers. Another one, burst the dust. It's great. Loved it.

But never really listened to the verses. So I just wanted to run this by you. Okay. Steve walks warily down the street with the brim pulled way down low. Hold on though. Steve walks warily down the street with the brim pout down low. Is that the tune? That's it. Okay. Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet. Machine guns ready to go. Are you ready?

Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Out the doorway the bullets rip to the sound of the beat. Yeah. Do do do. Do do. Another one bites the dust. So Steve is a machine gun wielding on his feet maniac?

Yeah, and another one gone and another one gone. Just murdering people. Another one bites the dust. Oh my God. Yeah. It's full on about murder. I was like damn, I did not know that. Yeah, yeah, cause you think about it as more like just, oh, you lost.

Yeah, another one bites the dust, but it's like, oh no, another one's dead. Another one's murdered by crazy machine gun Steve. Yeah. Fucking Steve. Is it all about Steve or is there like a separate story in another verse? It's, yeah. Kind of, it doesn't really go on about Steve anymore,

but it's like, how do you think I'm gonna get along without you when you're gone? You took me for everything that I had and kicked me out on my own. You ready? And then I'm gonna murder you because you broke my heart. Is that the vibe we're going?

Yeah, seems like it. I mean, honestly, so many songs about something like that and or shooting people. I mean, I shot the sheriff, but not the deputy. And then like a lot of like, fuck the police cop killer, stuff like that. I think even weird Al Yankovitch's like Santa goes crazy is about shooting. So many, no wonder Americans love guns so much.

Yeah, it is just woven into the threads of our society. It's literally. Literally. I've also written down some sayings that I recently realised I have been saying wrong all my life and I thought you'd enjoy them. So there's the saying, bold face lie. That's a bold face lie. Are you saying bald? Well, yes. I thought it was bald as in like a bald man. A bald faced lie. A shaven faced lie.

Fully bare, fully bare of hair. Waxen faced lie. But it's bold. As in, you know, bold. You know, the nice thing about your accent though is like... Can't really tell the difference. No. No. See, that's where I think it gets lost in translation.

Yeah. Yeah. Because like you could have said bald and I would have been like, she said it right? She said bold. Yeah. It's fine. But it's for anyone out there. It's bold face lies. Like you're boldly to my face lying. Yeah, boldly lying. Which makes so much more sense.

Which makes more sense. Absolutely. Yeah, when I found that out I was like yeah, makes sense. Checks out. Checks out. Next one. I thought it was rest on your morals. Rest on your laurels? Yeah. What are laurels? Well, it's a laurel tree. And I looked up the meaning of it and it goes back to the ancient Greek times when people would wear laurel crowns. If you were important and intelligent, you would wear the crowns.

So people would say, don't rest on your laurels. Like you got credibility just by virtue of that, but that's not enough. Resting on your laurels, I think generally could be a negative thing, but also I've heard it in the context of I'll just rest on my laurel. Like, you know, basically kind of like I've got established this the context of I'll just rest on my laurel. Basically, I've got established this kind of credibility that that is enough. That's enough for me, but not your morals. No, but you know what? That one could still make sense.

It makes more sense in my head than laurels. Yeah, because you need to know the context of it, I suppose. If you had said rest on your morals, I wouldn't have corrected you even though I know it was laurels. Thank you I appreciate that. And then going down that train of thought I kept across this post of, I really like them actually, so it's like common things that people say that make no sense at all. Mm-hmm. I got one more before you go down that this was my experience of a thing that I said wrong and I learned a while ago that I've been, it was wrong. So I've been better about it.

I also don't say it that often, but like I used to think it was for all intensive purposes, like intensive. Intensive. And then I, intense and purposes. I was like, I hope no one actually realized what I was saying, but I don't think, you know, I'm not the only person in the world who fucked that up, but it was like, Oh, okay. Both makes sense to me.

There have been loads more, but like we said before we started recording, I forget to write them down and then I forget them. But when I do come across more, we'll draw them in randomly and see if we catch it. That's a good idea. See if anyone picks it up. Okay, so first one. Yes, go on. I slept like a baby. When they famously sleep awfully. They famous so yeah and you know I wonder if when people used to say that they meant they slept awfully and like

maybe yeah cried and needed to be breastfed or bottle-fed as the case maybe. Maybe that's why we as adults are not getting enough sleep. Because there's no one there to feed us warm milk when we wake up. Yeah, I need someone to gently nurse, rock me back to sleep. Maybe give me some milk or something warm. Yeah. God, let's bring that back.

Yep, just hire someone to do that. That is a fetish actually, isn't it? Yeah, I believe so. Healthy as a horse horses are not ever healthy it's so expensive they can't even throw up there is always something wrong with them horse fact I didn't know they can't huh apparently not they are very expensive yeah I did that. I used to work with someone who had a horse and would talk to me a lot about that. Yeah. I mean, they break a leg.

You shoot them in the head. Yeah. Or they're like hoof splits or something. Hoof. Just one. Not all of them. That's how you say it. I know, it's just funny. You already have a plural. Yeah, hooves. Hooves. Hooves. Hooves. Do you say hooves? No, I say hooves.

And rooves. Okay, another one. I'm sweating like a pig. I say this a lot. Pigs do not sweat. They don't, famously. But we consider people who are pig-like to be sweaty. Yeah.

Like what a disgusting pig of a man. Yeah, that's true. I would envision that person being fat and sweaty and smelly and dirty. Poor pigs. Why are they taking all the brunt of this abuse? I don't think there's ever a comparison to a pig that is meant to be nice. Pigs are lovely.

They're smart. They're very smart. They're smarter than dogs. The little babies are. Little piglets and little teacups and even like the pot belly fat adult ones can be cute. I think the thing that bothers me the most about pigs is like them eating people and like leaving the teeth.

I don't love that. No, I mean, I don't know how often that really happens outside of the film Snatch, but. Yeah, it probably doesn't, but. And they're actually very clean. People think they're dirty. When I worked at the rescue center, the pigs were the cleanest animals in the whole place.

I think they roll in dirt, but they let it dry. And then they like, That's how they cool off, right? Cause they don't sweat. Yeah. I think it's pig pens. Like the fact that we keep them confined is what makes them dirty.

So it's our fault. Yeah. It's how you look after them dickheads. Say it, maybe I'll know. 6 a.m. in the morning. So it's just redundant you don't need to say 6 a.m. in the morning you say 6 a.m. or six in the morning it's kind of like yes saying ATM machine when the M is machine so that is a good one yeah yeah we say cash machine so yeah a bit different clean as a whistle notoriously one of the most germ-ridden items on the planet so full of spit most germ ridden items on the planet? So full of spit.

So full of spit. Spit is full of germs. Did COVID not teach you anything? Spittle is a whistle. Spittle is a whistle. Oh, I'm just writing that one down. You just started saying that? Oh, episode names, got it.

Just adding that to my daily vocabulary journal. I'm gonna turn in the phrase to Spittle as a whistle and no one's gonna be confused whatsoever. Okay, people referring to a lion as being the king of the jungle without realizing that lions do not live in jungles. Yeah. Isn't like king of the jungle technically some sort of like ape? Yeah, I'd say gorilla. Yeah, like George of the jungle was about a guy who lived in the jungle with a bunch of gorillas slash monkeys, whatever.

Yeah. Although, you know, in the jungle book, it is the tiger that is the scary geezer. Do tigers live in jungles? Yeah, some jungles. So when did the lion get in and change that? Fucking big lion. They are always fucking shit up for the other animals. Just forcing that perspective.

Okay, the early bird catches the worm. You know who woke up even earlier than the bird? That fucking worm. That worm. So like, maybe it'd be better to say, sleepy worm, late worm doesn't get eaten. Yeah, lazy worm. In response to that, early bird catches the worm, late worm doesn't die. Do you know a phrase I've never got as well is, two in the hand is worth one in the bush.

What does that mean? So here's my theory could be wrong. If you have two birds in your hand, the fact that you caught two birds is somehow like more impressive or worthwhile than being able to be like, what got that bird in the bush over there? Like, I could try to catch that. I think something to that effect, you know, it's kind of, yeah, I think, but hey, we could look it up right now.

We're not gonna, listeners at home tell us. I'm kidding. Okay, we're gonna gonna listeners at home tell us. Okay we're gonna never mind. This says two and a bush. That's wrong. Worth two and a bush? Yeah it's better to hold something in one it's better to to hold onto something that one already has than to risk losing it by trying to attain something better. Sure, sure, sure. So like appreciate what you have versus like speculating on something you could have, I guess. Like putting all your eggs in one basket of unknown-ness. Yeah. Yes. Diversify.

I don't use that. That is not something that is a common phrase I use because I think there's a way better way of maybe saying it. Well, yeah. I did see it. I'll try and find it for next time. There was a post of like sayings from different countries. And some of them were fucking funny. Well, I think the thing I appreciate about other countries and like maybe language, like, you know, there's so many ways of describing things in like, I think Japanese that kind of encapsulate this like feeling or vibe that is really hard to articulate in like

English. Like there's this, I have all these books and I love books. I intend to read them, but I also, part of me thinks I buy all these books just to have them and like stack them. And there is like a Japanese word for that. Oh really? Yeah. You just- Yep. This is a good one.

It's an Australian saying. We're not here to fuck spiders. Are people there to fuck spiders sometimes is my first question. It basically means you're not there to waste time. Yeah. Well, that doesn't seem like a waste of time. It seems like a very, very like specific purpose to be somewhere. Example, you walk into a barbershop and are greeted with the question, you here for a

haircut? And they say, we're not here to fuck spiders. So it's also just being a bit of a controversial or contrary dick. Yeah. That's funny. Well, not here to do my taxes. Yeah, the Japanese word for having too many books or the term of act of buying books but not reading them is called tsundoku. And it's the characters of pile up and read anyway.

Yeah, I've got about five down there that I haven't read and six over there that I've read. I'm not going to even tell you how many. Oh, I have a box also in storage of books. I've read those. I was just going to say, but you haven't or have read them because I have lots of books I have read. Do what you need. Audible. I have Audible. I also do that. I'm a monster and I love spending money. You just like to throw money down the drain. Sure do. I will read the books eventually. It might be in several years, but I will. One day. When I'm dead. Anyway, we're not here to fuck spiders. All right. Well, on that note, do you want an I'm I the asshole?

You know I do, baby. Sometimes you feel like an asshole. Sometimes you don't. Oh, people are assholes in this world. Let's judge them till they're not like the musical I just found it out that's good well done thanks all right am i the asshole after years of no sex from my husband I left him and I've been using a couple of male-ex escorts for safety and less hassle reasons. My friends say I'm taking advantage of desperate people. I'll keep this short and sweet. Since I left my husband... That was the title. That was the title, yeah.

Oh damn, okay. I mean, this is, you know, expanding on that. So I'll keep this short and sweet. I left my husband and I decided to treat myself as I've gone so long without. I went on an escort site and I picked a guy who was verified and had a lot of positive feedback. I'm terrified of meeting strangers online and I thought that getting an escort would be safer.

As I can see, he's verified, has met loads of women and couples and he's going to has met loads of women and couples and he's going to be good and I'll enjoy myself. I still had a friend waiting with me when he arrived at my house just in case though. Lol. Could you sit and watch just to make sure nothing weird happens, pal? Can you sit in the wardrobe? Thank you. He was a lovely man. We had fun. I've hired him since again and also one of his friends. I much prefer this as it's safer. There's no messing around or going out and trying to hook up or talking to strangers online and

then finding out they're dangerous or terrible in bed. I just go on the website, arrange a time, send the money and they turn up. Sounds like a dream. On Saturday we had a bit of a girls night at a friend's and we were talking about sex and hooking up and I mentioned what I'd been doing. One of my friends was horrified. She said I'm taking advantage of poor desperate people who have to sell their bodies to make ends meet. I said it's nothing like that, then stupidly mentions that the main one I hire is a handyman as his main job and I've hired him to put up a shed that I've bought. She said something along the lines of oh so you're giving him sympathy jobs too, how awful. It's not a sympathy job, it's again someone I trust being alone with and he's doing a

job for me at home. She was going on like he's some weak little man who's being pimped out. He lives in the expensive part of town and he drives a 50k car. She hasn't let this go and is saying what a terrible person I am and yesterday I had to tell her if she messages me again about this I will be blocking her. For context, none of my other friends agree with her or support this crusade she's on but she's made me feel like a dirty old creep. Am I the asshole? So this just reminds me of like the negative responses and like negative critics always speak the loudest even when you know like like, you know, you get a bunch of praise from your boss and they have one thing that they're like, you could do better here. And that's what sticks in your head, despite all of the other things that you heard,

the fact that this one person out of all your friend group is really getting at you, though I get it, like it's maybe a worthy consideration, but I also do not think this person's the asshole, but I also do not think this person's the asshole because like, yes, people who are in the sex work industry because of like sex trafficking, because there's like a pimp or a person forcing them into it who like feels like they're like addict and homeless and live on the street and they feel like that's how they have to, I think those people are the people who do get taken advantage of. But like when sex work is

legalized and able to be done safely and like kind of at the discretion of the person doing the sex work fully, this person chooses to do that job and it sounds like doesn't have to but realized his skill set and decided to capital. It's by a door. Yeah. And like the sympathy job thing, it's kind of like meeting someone organically and learning that they have a particular skill set and then, or like word of mouth being like, oh, you know, my friend, whatever does this and then hiring them for that.

So like this person was hired for a thing and then learned that they also can do this. And so it's like, well, I'm going to give you some business then because I have a need. Yeah. Supply and demand. Yeah. So I'm a little bit like annoyed, miffed at this person who can have her opinion for sure, but is conflating, I think, two different sides of that coin and when it can be done safely and kind of regulated in a safe way versus when it's not and when people are taken advantage of. But the fact that she continues to just text

and say those things, like this is all she thinks about, makes me like this person is a dick and clearly holier than thou. But also, is there something on it? Do you just want the information of this person? So you can maybe- Do you want me to give you his number? Yeah, because that's what's happening here.

So yeah, I think this one's pretty clear cut for me. I mean, you kind of said what you think, but- Yeah, I agree. I think she's done quite a, you know, mature and safe thing by doing that. Escort services are professional and... Well some I suppose. I'm assuming that this one is pretty well established and transparent.

Yeah. If you've got a website and recommendations and things then you know? And like not... You know, if you've got a website and recommendations and things, then I would assume that it's... And I think, yeah, like, especially after being married, probably not being on the dating team for very long. It's a safe way to get back in the game and to have some fun.

You know? Yeah. I'm trying to think of it as like, if it was the other way round. I think it's very easy to also maybe pathologize, you know, if the roles were reversed, but I also think about the industries where it is primarily female and it's regulated, like Amsterdam or parts of America, like in Las Vegas or somewhere,

like it's legalized and how it's done there kind of safely. And therefore, the hope is that there's some autonomy and choice in the people doing it. And I think that's always a risk, but I think that's also kind of up to the person who's maybe seeking these to explore whether it's reputable. That's why I'm saying, I'm assuming this person picked a website that is clearly reputable. But here's the thing, there's so many predatory practices and different regulations, like hairstyling and, you know, like kind of contract based services that like,

let's examine those two then and what we may be engaging in unknowingly. Um, that is supporting that. So, yeah, there's a big thing here at the moment about nail bars. Yes, those are I think a lot of them. There's a lot of predatory. Yep. Yep. That's why my nails are shit because I don't want to, you know, pay for that. Look at the look on. Yeah, I mean, comments are not the asshole. When you first were reading the title, I didn't realize it was going to end where it did. And I thought, like, am I the asshole for getting escorts

after leaving my husband? And I wanted to be like, well, no, but like, you probably don't need that to get laid. I think it's an easier for women. And then I was like, oh, that's actually not the point of this. So I will refrain. But I see where they're coming from. Because like, having been in the online dating pool, there's a lot of fucking terrible men out there. You have to wade through a lot of shit before you find a good one. Well, and if you want to just get laid, then go for it.

Right. And this way, I mean, again, if you find a source that makes it pretty clear about safe sex practices and like non-predatory and stuff like that, then you can kind of trust and of course still use protection. But when people are like, oh yeah, I'm clean and or whatever, or you know, not a psycho and you can't, there's like no background checked, check there. I mean, yeah. So, yeah. Here's not to play devil's advocate, but other side of the coin. This comment is, I just feel like this is a double standard.

If a male wrote this, 99% of people would say they're objectifying the escort. I don't think I would. But I do think that that is true, that people would. I just don't think I would. All the facts were the same, except for the sexes of the different people. I think I would come down the facts were the same except for the sexes of the different people. I think I would come down the same way. Of course it's hard to know.

But I think I would. Yeah, I think it comes down to, she's not bragging about it. She said it came up in conversation and she told her friends, if she was going around to everyone bragging about how she fucks all these escorts because she can, then it would be... Yeah, it is a bit of the attitude and motivation to, right? And I think that is also a difference between men and women sometimes. But if it were like an older gentleman after losing his wife or a kind of a dead marriage and like this is rather than maybe because he didn't want to or because he was having

a hard time on the dating scene. Like I and basically said everything else is the same. I found kind of this reputable service, and there are reviews, and there's established checks, and safe sex, and protocols for me, and things I can't do, and what I have to submit. Some places will make you submit your own background check and stuff, and testing.

To make it really safe for everyone, I would kind of just be like, yeah, do what you gotta do, man. Yeah. Now if he was like, I just drove down an alleyway and picked up the first hooker I found, that would be different for me. Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, I have known people in the past

who had a really difficult time with women and meeting women and losing their virginity. And so went down that route for that. I think that's like a common theme, particularly for men on TV shows, right? Like not, there's a TV show about a guy, it's like fictionalized, obviously, but he's got like, he's like, don't know exactly what condition he has, but some sort of physical condition, disability, and like having a really hard time and I do think eventually gets a male escort because he's queer to help him with that you know. Exactly I think

like as you said like there are obviously situations where people are being taken advantage of, but people who are consensual sex workers and enjoy their job, there's no problem with it. They're providing a service that people want. Yeah, sex work is work. Like, is no one caring about, you imagine doing that every day. Oh. Like strippers.

Like they, you know, people act like that's small and like it isn't always, but also if it's like, I actually enjoy dancing and you know, like this is how I express myself and I get paid really well cause I'm good at it. And like, okay, good for you. Good for it man. Yeah. No one wants to pay to see me do that, so more power to you. I used to really want to be a coyote ugly dancer. Well, yeah, because that looks fun and also moderately more modest too, but also still

no one would hire me. I'm like, hey, hello. For the listeners there, Kate had little sort of T-Rex arms. Yeah, and a dumb face. Well, it was just my normal face, but it looked dumb. Well, there we go. I think we all agree to that. No, you're not the asshole. I think your friend's a bit of a prude and needs to just back the fuck off or go and hire an escort herself. I think she wants his number. To check and see if he's okay.

Yeah, just to make sure he's alright. No, I think that the fact that everyone else in your circle is kind of like, we don't agree with her perspective on your scenario. I think you could all sit down and talk about when it is exploitive, right? And probably everyone would agree with that. But the fact that she's just assuming things and conflating both like the scenario this person described

and what we know is a predatory dangerous and exploitive part of the industry, it doesn't sound like the same thing. And in fact, the only way to really kind of eliminate the exploitive part, in addition to better ways to address sex and human trafficking, is also to make it legal and regulated so that people can have some autonomy there.

Agreed. I think what they should do is get this friend and this male escort in a room together. So he can talk about like, oh, I hear you think I'm just this poor victim. Yeah, I hear you think I'm being exploited. Yeah. Let me tell you all about how I'm not. Yeah. I also just think you just don't need to talk to this friend anymore.

No. I mean, it's not like friendship ending stuff, but she needs to get a life, grow up. Well, if this friend's like, you're a horrible person and I'm going to continue to berate you for this, it would be really hard to be like, can we talk about something else? Can you be friends with me? Considering you don't like my life choices? Considering how you don't like hobnobs? I'm going to pretty much constantly text you about this now and then we'll see if you life choices. Considering how you don't like hobnobs, I'm gonna pretty much constantly text you about this now and then we'll see if you wanna be my friend still.

Okay, fine. I just think they're like, being really taken advantage of and the type of stuff I'm getting a look in. I just don't, I don't agree with that. Okay, let's mash them together. I just don't, I don't agree with that. Okay. Let's mash them together. Let's make little digestive hop nut burgers.

Ooh, that sounds good. That would be a dunker and a half, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would. You get a little bit of both. You could dunk that all day. Dunk all day. All right. I think we've hit our shelf life for this. Yup.

So we're back. No promises. We're doing our best to stay on track and put out episodes. Busy period. Hopeful that we can kind of get some more consistency and regularity with our episodes But as always write to us with your responses to anything we talked about today including biscuits sex work commonly Misheard phrases or misspoke phrases Phrases that don't make sense

Anything else talk about how annoyed you were that we haven't published for like a month. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Talk shit to us at gmail.com. Correct. And then you can find us at tsybpod on various social media and like, rate, review, subscribe. Share.

Share. If you need someone who just needs some lighthearted, I mean, you know, there's some heavy episodes, but most of it's lighthearted entertainment. Just give us a listen. Yeah. Two friends cracking the shit, talking about biscuits. There you go.

Spittle whistles, whistle, spittle, whatever I said. Spittle is a whistle. Spittle is a whistle. Yeah, until next time. Until next time. Ciao for now. Okay. Love you. Bye. you