Talking Shit with a Yank & a Brit - 7. Royal Chat & Other Crap

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

This week we're talking Royals, Kate shares her clubbing in her 30's tales, we give dating advice that we are definitely not qualified to give and once again ask Am I The Arsehole!Follow, subscribe, rate and share! Send us your stories, questions, problems or dilemmas at [e-mail]

No, it's tradition. I think you'll find that we need a coronation ceremony or it's not official. Okay? Hello! Welcome back to Talking Shit with a Yank and a Brit. I'm the Yank. And I'm the Brit. Howdy. Hi. Good evening. Good evening. We're doing an evening record. Mm-hmm. Happy Friday.

We have some fucking corrections we have to do, right? We do, yeah. We've decided to do right? We do yeah we've decided to do Keith Corrections Corner for the listeners Keith is my housemate who you know kindly listens to the podcast however he has some issues with some of the things we are

telling you Keith Correction Corner is just we are telling you. That's what we do. Keith correction corner is just it's got nice alliteration. Anyways, let's hear it. What did you have for us? So I believe in a previous episode we talked about when you and I went tubing

when we stayed at the lake and we stated in that episode you were there, correct we stated in that episode that it was only me and you that had the courage to get on that tube and whiz around the lake however I have been forcibly told

that Keith also gave it a try you know Keith if you're listening I am so sorry deeply sorry that I excluded your bravery your boldness that day on that lake that we didn't even acknowledge you. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. No, for real.

My bad. We genuinely feel sorry about that. I don't think I actually went with Keith on it. I just was on it with you and just have very vivid memories of you going. This is hell. Yeah. I'm in hell. Um,

second correction of the day. There's two. There's two. Damn it. Actually, this might be a correction for Keith. So we're flipping it back on you. He mentioned that when we were talking about your wedding. um and again i think it i think it was me that said that he and our friend alex was sean's best men on the day um he pointed out that actually ryan um was the best man

however i believe you have some some notes on this I do. You know, we didn't have any sort of like, I don't know why I can't think of the word, pamphlet. We didn't hand out pamphlets that like designated roles or identified who anybody was. And everyone gave speeches. So if I recall correctly, everybody was Sean's best man. In fact, everybody was sean's best man in fact the best people i was sean yeah i was sean's best man even uh my my bridesmaids were sean's best men so i understand the need for clarification but i also don't think that we really we we publicized who was who in that role and i just keith you're a best man in all of our hearts glad we cleared that up thank you yeah now that we got that out the way keep them coming keith we'll do keith's correction corner every time if we have to. We appreciate the feedback.

Okay. I love when people tell me I'm wrong. Oh, you know, so much. I was on vacation for a week. And, like, I'm really tired from it. I was in Maine visiting my friend Lauren and another friend of ours, Brittany, joined. And it was pretty fun. It was tiring.

We did a lot, ate a lot, drank a lot, feeling a bit puffy. But I think I messaged you one night probably well after you were asleep. I was like, I have a story for the podcast. Yes. Tell the podcast. Yes. Tell the story. One night, for those of you who follow us or me on Instagram, I posted that a couple mid-30-something women went to the club, and it was after 9 o'clock before we even left, and it was really hard because that's really late. But this is where the story takes place, was at the club.

The club. In the club, yeah. It was fine overall. I mean, not my scene really, but it was we found some seats and had some drinks and we could hear each other talk. So that's kind of what I need found a nice quiet corner i god did i just i did i just sound like i'm 65 years old a little bit um and we you know there was a varied range of people ages backgrounds whatever we got dressed up because we were like joking about we're going clubbing so bedazzled eyes jewels were like let's be sparkly do we get other club wear I mean so we kind of just jokingly went all out and uh sitting at the bar having a drink and this gal

kind of sidles up next to me and I could feel her looking at me and I was just like, all right, whatever. Like it's fine. I probably look weird. And she leans over and she's like, I like your hair. Thanks. I love when women compliment other women because it feels like it's just like genuine, right? And I was just like, thank you for saying that. I really need to get it cut but I'm glad it looks okay today and I could tell she was drunk and because she said something like I need a haircut too and she kind of mumbled and I was just like thank you and turned away um while she was ordering got her drink and eventually just like slaps a business card down with a phone number scrimbled on it and just goes, I just really like your hair.

And walked away. And all the people I'm with are just looking at me and I'm like, did I just get hit on or does she just want to talk about my haircut? I don't know. Did you cool up? haircut I don't know and I know you know here's the thing is and I I honestly wanted to just be like hey gal are you okay because baby you looked in rough shape and I just want to make sure you're doing okay I mean really nice truly but definitely one of those times where I think I had said I never

want to assume like I'm getting hit on you know but that was in the case of men and I think I don't know no one leaves a number because they like their hair. Maybe she wanted to know who my stylist was. Maybe. But she could have just asked you that. True. But it was just weird how she gave it to me. And she's like, I just really like your hair.

Like, you want to date my hair? Maybe she's just really socially awkward and couldn't think of like a... Possibly. I don't know. Child blind. All I can think of is her hair if she was super flattered in fact that makes me feel better than maybe getting hit on by dudes but um that that happened and then there was you know i watched a really drunk girl demand the bartender's number and like he begrudgingly gave her a pen and paper

she couldn't get the pen to work he handed her his phone she eventually got kicked out and i was like look at that love connection he's like yeah no and then as the night wound down another guy sidled up to us and started he's like you guys are at a club and none of you are dancing. What's going on here? Blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, I can't enjoy music without having to dance, kiddo. Because he was a baby. Kiddo.

Yeah. And I made a comment about, I can't remember if he said something first. He's like, I've got to go do homework tomorrow or something. And I was like, oh, yeah, school is important. And I think I said something about like, I'm too old to be dancing or something. And he's like, how old are you, 25? And I was like, thank you. Thank you so much.

No, no, I'm not. And I told him how old I was. And he looked like, I don't know. I told him that I was the president's daughter. He couldn't fathom someone as old as me, is what it seemed like. Yeah, but Kay, I know you won't believe this coming from me, a friend of yours, but you do not look your age at all. But also, I'm not that old. That's my point oh yeah how old was he 22 well when you're 22 how old are you 36 35 35 sounds ancient. I recall specifically thinking that people who were 30 were effectively grandparents when I was, you know, I get it.

And now being 30, 31, 32, 33, you know, I get it. But I just like his reaction was kind of expected, but also like, excuse me, sir. So I patted him on the shoulder and said, thank you for making me feel good. And, you know, I was getting up to leave and put on my little blazer. And he's like, that blazer is super. Maybe a few dollars for some candy. You know, here you go, little young man, stay in school, kids. Yeah.

It sounds like you had a great night. Yep. We did karaoke on Sunday. I ran the board because I didn't know how it worked there. And the DJ's like, Kate, you've got like 20 more songs on here, but we're closing. So, but it was a very small venue and I had this guy I don't I guess he also thought I was 22 or 25 I don't know but he came up and he's like we're both doing Disney songs and I'm like and what do you think we're gonna get married now or what's happening sir so all this is to say is this trip was in some ways like validating i guess but also reminded me

at how social interactions and meeting people out in public is just probably as bad as meeting people online and i wasn't even trying to do that oh you got quite a lot of action from the sounds of it. I mean, so many phone numbers. I feel like you should move to Maine. Because everyone thinks you're 25. You get hit on by women, children. Do you want to come?

Yeah. Alright. So that was it. It was was fine i got food poisoning in the end so that sucked and now i'm home cool how's your week um pretty on a well a little bit eventful i've had terrible toothache all week um and I'm now on antibiotics to fix the issue. And it's ruined my plans for the coronation long weekend that we're having here in England. We get another bank holiday, another little public holiday. Thanks to old King Charles, as he soon will be.

Is it on Monday? Yes. Lucky. So we get Saturday, Sunday, Monday off this week. Charles as he soon will be. Is it on Monday? Yes. Lucky. So we get Saturday, Sunday, Monday off this week. We only had one last weekend as well. So yeah, I can't drink now. And that's because of the particular antibiotic.

Yeah. It's a strong one. Do you also know what makes your birth control less effective? Yeah, the dentist did tell me that as well. You got all the details? Yeah. It's a strong one. Do you also know what makes your birth control less effective? Yeah. The dentist did tell me that as well. You got all the details. Noted. Writing that one down. I'm sorry.

That sucks. But you're feeling better at least? I'm feeling much better. Yeah. I was in quite a bad way. But yeah. Mouth shit sucks. It really does does i genuinely wouldn't wish it on anyone it's like and it wasn't a normal toothache it was my whole mouth so like just everywhere um i couldn't sleep because if i laid down it got worse i was taking

like three different painkillers one of them a very strong addictive painkiller that didn't even touch it it was terrible yeah um but good news is is it's cleared up now i'm not in pain and i'm not addicted to that particular painkiller because i was careful good because it'd be hard to make a podcast if you were just constantly like doped up just on coding actually maybe not actually maybe it'd be really good maybe it would be better

we'll table that for now we'll park that for a minute but that's a good idea one day we're going to try this while drinking and see what happens that'll be one of those Yeah. One day we're going to try this while drinking and see what happens. Yeah. That'll be one of those. Yeah.

It'll be one of those maybe lost episodes that never gets published. We'll think it will be amazing. And then in the edit, I'll be like, okay. We cannot publish this. None of our friends are going to talk to us anymore you know funny you mentioned the coronation weekend because i thought oh wait no that's not right. God save the queen. Is that right?

That might be a fun thing to talk about. I was trying to do God save the queen, okay? I don't think you did. I think you did, like, that's a hymn, isn't it? Oh, I don't... Shit, I don't know. God save the queen, a newborn king. oh i don't shit i don't know yeah but uh the real the proper one is did you know that that is actually to the same tune as like a patriotic song here

you probably stole it from us well obviously what happened we came over and it's like we can't make an like a whole new song so let's just there's only so many notes you can use yeah i'm trying to think of which one it is do it do the melody again oh yeah i know that one. Yeah, that one. Of America. Yeah, it's the same song. Who's suing who here?

Well, yeah, okay. Let's get stuck into the royal family. We can probably cut that part. Anyway. It might be a nice little yeah maybe not drunk everyone if we don't cut it just so everyone knows but i just think it would be good to talk about that because it's not something you and I have really gone into a lot of depth over. And I know there are people in America who really love the royal family. Like we're getting up in the middle of the night and watching the weddings, following, you know, all the drama, probably felt some type of way about the queen. And I never really have. and I know that there's maybe some mixed opinions even over there right yep you don't like how clean what's wrong with Lizzie you snagging off Lizzie

it's not that shit oh god you look so panicked. Upmost respect for the recently departed queen. Actually, no, I feel kind of strongly about, like, the, you know, history of imperialism and kind of conquering and pillaging people. You know what? It's not about that. I'm sorry. I just, it's not something that has ever been a major interest of mine anyway. Yeah, I mean, there are very mixed opinions here as well. You have people that are royalists and absolutely love the royal family

and think it's, you know, a staple of British culture and British history. And there are other people who think it's pointless, a waste of money, and they're a waste of space, and don't get the hype. Where do you fall? Where do you fall? More into the latter. But I do also understand that they do bring a lot of tourism to England. And look, it's tricky. Like, I don't agree with us essentially paying for everything they do because everything they do is through taxpayers' money. It's like this coronation, for example.

How much? It's estimated that it's going to cost 100 million. Bearing in mind, we're going through a cost of living crisis in england at the moment so people and families can't afford to eat and our mouth tax has gone towards this huge ridiculous ceremony where we're crowning our next king like it's ridiculous i've already been king for a while right i know just put the fucking crown on him get on with it ridiculous i honestly thought it already happened i just didn't i missed it so when i saw it was i was like oh shit they still haven't done that so does everything like not count that he's been doing exactly also like they the so the archbishop of canterbury

who's like our kind of head of church in england who will be i guess like overseeing the coronation i'm not really sure how it works, to be honest. Like putting the crown on him. Yeah, and doing all the, you know, you're... Well, I think actually the monarch is the head of the church, actually. So the king himself. Yeah, they're the head of the church. And then, like, the archbishop is, like, under them.

I'm not really sure, to be honest. The vice president of the church and then like the archbishop is like under them I'm not really sure to be honest the vice president of the church yeah vice god spokesman spokesman but yeah so usually what happens during a coronation is the lords again

don't really know who they are but they pledge allegiance to the new monarch so the king or queen that's being coronated okay this time they're not doing that and they have asked for the british public to pledge allegiance to the new king which really kind of got my back up because i was like fuck off mate like they've never done that before never done that before why i don't know like i think the reason behind it is they're trying to like involve the public and make us feel like i guess we're part of the coronation and part of the monarchy family but all it's done for me is just think like feel like you're forcing me to

like kiss your feet and love you yeah it's just weird don't you think? The fact that that's how they chose to make it seem like a more, we're the cool king. We like to hang out with our constituents. Like, I'd rather have you do it in the castle type of thing. That's how they chose to do it is, seems really misinformed. Because I agree with you. It seems like, oh, you know, we actually don't need the lords to do it. We want the public to do it and kind of basically lionize them. And like kind of we want the public to basically say they're going to worship him.

Yeah. And I think it's odd as well, because I mean, even a lot of people that don't like the monarchy still liked and had respect for queen elizabeth because she she you know she was our queen for so long she never yeah she she was old and she didn't you know do anything in our lifetime anyway that was sort of frowned upon and hung out with paddington bear that one time yeah skydived and you know the opening ceremony of the olympics um maybe it was like the least racist one to megan yeah but people because of what happened with diana um there's not a lot i was hoping you would bring her up for charles yeah um he's not very liked at this especially following the how they perceived him in the crown oh yeah okay um but no yeah i just i don't personally know of

anyone that gives a fuck about charles i would have personally preferred William to have been crowned instead actually my top preference would be Harry but that would never happen yeah team Harry fuck yeah all the way is there any

circumstance where Charles could have been like no I won't he could have been like, no, I won't. He could have abdicated, yeah. Okay. But he wouldn't because. He's been waiting for this day since he was. Exactly.

Before he was born, I guess. But we might not have long to wait. I think, I don't know how old he is. I think he's like 74 or something. Yeah, well, his mom did live pretty old age that's it they do have the best health care in the world best health care worst bloodline and genes yeah i mean prince philip looked like he was he was already dead for about 10 years but they kept him going i don't know what they were pumping him full off but they were just weekend at Bernie him I guess

I have questions and I'm trying to figure out where to start I think I'm going to start with the basic of explain to me like in 5 what the royal family does for the country.

Or the king or the queen. Like, what role do they play in governance? So, essentially, not a lot. So they obviously used to rule until we had a government and democracy, if you can call it that. However, it is called the Queen's government, or I guess now it's the King's government. It's really weird saying King as well. I really don't like it. I bet. So every time like a new prime minister gets voted in,

the monarch, I'm going to say, because I don't like saying King, has to sort of like sign them in. sort of like sign them in um and i think the the monarch can overrule on government decisions okay i had always wondered that to be honest but it it would never happen um because they have to be seen like they're working together. The ethics of it is bad, yeah. Yeah. So a lot of people wondered if it would happen with Brexit because it was such a close vote

and so many people were unhappy with the result that we were going to leave the EU that there were calls for the Queen at the time to overrule the decision. To basically veto it. Yeah, but it didn't happen. But I mean, what they do day to day is they're like patrons of a lot of charities.

They open loads of, you know, new hospitals and gardens and i don't know stuff like that visit a load of countries there's obviously the commonwealth which is essentially loads of countries that we colonized years and years ago and then the the royal family created the commonwealth to make it seem like have your countries back and we'll all be friends um so that was their way of fixing that little problem um and how boy did they boy did they make super happy yeah um and also you know they do the commonwealth games so every year it's essentially sort of like the olympics for just the commonwealth countries and where they all have a little a little run and long jump and some people win some medals and everyone feels better about the whole situation

australia yeah australia some of canada all of canada oh i don't know if canada is actually hold on i mean they have fucking queen elizabeth on some of their money true so we've got obviously the United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Gambia, Botswana, Canada, Ghana, Barbados, Fiji, Nigeria, although I believeawi, Mauritius, Dominica, Cameroon, Namibia, Bangladesh, Zambia, Cyprus. May say this wrong. Guyana? No, I think you said that right. Good.

Wait, Ghana? No, it's G-U-Y-A-N-n-a yeah i think it's guyana uh rwanda brunei kenya seychelles um tanzania uganda jamaica belize granada the bahamas malta that is so many that yeah there's quite there's 65 there's there's more if you want me to keep reading them i see 56 just so you know oh there's 56 uh but you know close enough yeah keep reading because i just like i just wanted i thought it was like four uh where did i get to see malta uh lesotho never heard of that so many I haven't heard of Eswatini

I may get cancelled for these I do apologise if I'm pronouncing these wrong to anyone listening Singapore Vanuatu Tuvalu, Mozambique New Zealand Kiribati Tgo sierra leone

nauru maldives pakistan samoa trinidad and tobago antiga and uh buddha sri lanka tonga mal, Malaysia and Gabon Gabon there's so many I haven't heard of that I couldn't even tell you if you were getting it right or not so which I think speaks to your ignorance

the success of our public school education wow I mean that's you know public school education wow I mean that's the royal family in a nutshell okay so next question is while there still seems

to be kind of this love and reverence for the royal family I feel like with Diana it was a little different yes so so obviously she was not part of the royal family but married into it um and people loved her because she obviously was a very good looking woman. But she kind of broke the steely faced, non-emotional persona that the royal family had always given. She was very personable and very much into sort of charity work.

So the public loved her the people's princess right that's what yeah so they called her the people's princess that's what they're trying to do with charles they're just doing it really wrong yeah look charles you can't decide we don't love you sorry it's not gonna happen you can't decide. We don't love you. Sorry. It's not going to happen. You can't sit with us. Okay. So, yeah, so she was just really popular with the public and the media. But there was also, there's similarities, I think,

between kind of her and Meghan. At first she was loved. And then when, like, the divorce happened and the marriage became a bit rocky, the media turned on her. So, yeah, it's weird. There's a weird relationship between the press here and the royal family. Like, I think I watched a bit of that Harry and Meghan documentary on Netflix.

Oh, yeah. And to be honest, I wasn't interested at all. I couldn't give a shit what they do with their lives, to be honest. Yeah. Put it on because I was bored and actually got quite into it it was quite interesting um and yes they were saying the truth about that yeah i do to be honest i i think i'm quite good at reading people and picking up on deceptive behaviors and i didn't get any of that I think that in some parts Megan came off as a little sort of

poor me and attention-seeking but um then again she has been through an awful lot with being involved with that family yeah I mean and I think that like you just said there's kind of this steely faced persona they put on that you don't expect I think them to be any other way so the fact that she's maybe emotive shares her feelings it could seem like that because of that juxtaposition I don't know anything about it I haven't I know the barest minimum about it I didn't watch any of that stuff I just like that because of that juxtaposition. I don't know anything about it. I know the barest minimum about it. I didn't watch any of that stuff. Just like basically kind of what I saw in passing. But from my perspective, it's hard for me to see what benefit they would have

to basically remove themselves from that, knowing the protection, the benefits probably from sticking it out over there and dealing with it and being a part of it is there there probably are a lot of benefits so to me it's kind of like i don't think people No, that's it. Their main reason as well was because, you know, Harry could see the same thing happening to them and to Meghan that happened to Diana, and ultimately she was hounded so much by the press that it ended in her death. And, like, if you do watch the the netflix series

you'll see like some of the headlines they were writing about her was absolutely unbelievable um and that's gonna hurt anyone regardless of whether you're already an actress and already in the public eye yeah um and it's it's like another level like i don't know if you've seen much about the differences between how our press and your press works but like there's kind of no boundaries here they just hound people and it's constant and it's, um, yeah, there's, there's no let up.

There doesn't seem to be any rules around what they can do and when they can take photographs. And some people will argue that that's, you know, got to be accepted if you're going to be in the public eye yeah um but people are real people as well so give him a fucking break man well i think what you're describing is kind of how the paparazzi are here which are part of the media but there's kind of like news media and then more like pop culture media you know and

i think there's a lot of intersection and sometimes lines blurred so much you don't really know i have a lot of problems with like our media for different reasons but like it's are you saying that kind of like whether it's the sun i think that's one? That's like a big kind of tabloidy one versus BBC. They're all the same. I mean, they're essentially, yeah. Media's media really, isn't it? They're all trying to get the best story and sell the most papers. Yeah, and do whatever it takes.

But some are more ruthless than others and considered bottom of the barrel, like the sun is proper bottom of the barrel. And then things like The Guardian and The Telegraph are more sort of respected newspapers and media outlets. But they'll do terrible things like uh there was for example this is a suicide trigger warning um by the way there was a presenter here called caroline flack she presented our show love island yep um And she was going through some personal stuff in her personal life

where she appeared to have some sort of violent relationship with her boyfriend. Nobody really knew what had happened, but she was pictured like with blood on her and stuff after a fight with him. But then a story came out that it was her that hit him on the head with a lamp while they were having an argument. So the son then went crazy, was printing stories daily about her being like a man beater and, you know,

just printing terrible shit. She had like an upcoming court case about it. She was like, let go from presenting love Island while that was all going on. Um, and ultimately she took her own life because of everything that was happening um and then the son who was printing all these stories and really the one that was you know pouring fucking petrol on the the fire to keep it going

changed their tack you know 360 and we're like you know this is terrible we all have to be kind together like we have you know kindness is the way it's like mate you fuck you did this like what are you doing so I think that there needs to be some accountability in the UK especially for um what they're printing and how they can ruin people's lives basically my guess is they didn't say we acknowledge that we likely had a heavy contribution to this i think they also deleted all their like previous articles about it as well just like it baby yeah we got screenshots motherfucker oh god that's i heard about that i didn't know all of that and that's so sad and horrible and just like so hypocritical too if that's like they can't you

know to be like oh this is horrible we should all really be kind to each other when you know we could probably pull up since that all the times that they weren't kind to anybody exactly yeah yeah i think that we have similar issues in our media but it's more about like misinformation slanted yeah you seem to have quite a big problem with that don't you yeah like i watched bbc during some of the election stuff because i was just like i just kind of want to see maybe something that could be a little more objective please and yeah that's we've got our own stuff but we also you know i think part of like our equivalent to the royal family i guess is our like the president i suppose yeah and they're part of the typical current event news politics issues so like they're often put in the media but we don't we don't revere them and like hold them kind of in the same way that y'all do with the royal family

and it's mad how crazy people go with it like for example there's been people camping outside buckingham palace for 10 days to get a good spot outside the gates so that they can see king charles wave on the balcony after he's been coronated for like a minute yeah what the fuck yeah i even saw a video earlier of people that had come over from america that's what i mean people here get really big into them too the girls i knew in law school were like we're gonna get up at 2 a.m and watch kate and williams wedding and i was like who yeah see that is a funny point though because I again didn't give a shit about

the weddings but I did watch both of them and I got really into both of them as well it's hard not to I know I suppose I mean I was you were even younger but I remember when Diana died I was like

this memory will stick with me forever I think mostly because I was like horribly sick I was I don't know I think I was seven uh and horribly sick like the kind of sick where you're just like in bed for days you have your little little bucket. Yeah. Like fever, all of that. Mom take care of me. And I was sleeping probably finally. And my mom woke me up to go, Princess Diana died. And I was like, who? Well, I was like, who?

Why did you wake me up? I've been so sick. But like I think people then really – people over here I think really kind of enjoyed her too. But again, it was – I was too young to maybe care about that. But then, you know, we had the Elton John, the Beanie Baby. Like, she was a legacy. She was, yeah. Yeah, I remember when she died as well.

I remember waking up really early, as you do when you're young, to go downstairs to watch cartoons in the morning before mum and dad got up and there was nothing on telly apart from the news that diana had died so me and my brother ran upstairs and we're like mum dad diana's dead oh you cared i didn't really know who she was the cartoons are broken there's no cartoons on because Diana's dead and mum and dad were like what no she's not and I was like no she is turn the tally on

I love little Gemma voice did they take it hard they didn't really care to be honest I mean they did because it was a shock yeah because she died very suddenly in a horrific car crash And they didn't really care, to be honest. I mean, they did because it was a shock. Yeah, yeah. Because she, you know, died very suddenly in a horrific car crash. Yeah.

But my parents aren't, they're not into the royal family. So it wasn't something that was kind of part of your life growing up to make you care about it, which I suspect is probably why we see people who really do care about it which i suspect is probably why we see people who really do care about it because it was a it it was a value i guess is the word i'm looking for and yeah it is kind of gross though this whole coronation and the money spent i mean i appreciate the day off bro i guess yeah that's it you know i yeah i appreciate the day off but also what I guess. Yeah, that's it. You know, yeah, I appreciate the day off. But also what annoys me is that he's like super or says he's super into like environmental issues and helping, you know, climate change and helping all these charities. And it's like you could have just said and what would have actually brought you a lot more public. What's the word?

Just like approval? Yeah, public approval would be to say, actually, I'm not going to have a big coronation. We'll have a quick small ceremony where the Archbishop will pop the crown on, blah, blah, blah. And I'll donate the money that would have been spent to it to, you know, social issues or helping families that can't feed their children currently or about to be homeless back into the economy yeah no i think that actually would have been really smart of him to do um particularly since they're all about changing up the history and tradition with the lords and stuff like no one you don't have to have a ceremony bro like everyone knows you're

king no one's gonna fight you about it do what you want like you're yeah who cares if the archbishop vice president puts the crown on you or not and people see it no one cares and like that's the kind of stuff that you would hope people would do but probably he's not of that generation like maybe you could get that from harry i don't know that's what i was gonna say harry would do it but then you're gonna get all the people who are like but no it's tradition i think you'll find that we need a coronation ceremony or it's not official okay oh i love okay two good ones in like a matter of a few minutes beautiful baby jim and old posh royalist

dame maybe maggie smith or judy dench one of the two i bet they don't own the royal family even though they have been damed yeah they don't get to meet him well I found that really interesting and just because like I said I didn't realize it was tomorrow and it is and I never really asked you much I kind of had a feeling that maybe you weren't like yay queen

yay king camp outside the palace type of person but I just I guess i never wanted to ask because i don't want to offend anybody like do you like the king and the queen really no it's weird it's just something you kind of just grow up with yeah in this country it's just sort of like I guess a norm and is it weird looking at it from the perspective of a country that doesn't have

a royal family is it an odd concept that we do have it I think I didn't think so initially until I started having maybe a little bit more critical thought about like, what do they do? Like they they she actually like she's not a president. She doesn't or he doesn't do the things our president does. Like they're just kind of figureheads. And then I was kind of like, then what's the like? What's the point? Yeah.

And I think as like I imagine that's probably very expensive to fund them and all of that. But I suppose that's what tourism also does is helps with that. Because people, I think there's like a fairy tale to it a little bit. Yeah, I think that's what it is as well, isn't it? It creates this image of England being this, you know, fairy tale country with a king or queen ruling and Buckingham Palace and Frogmore Cottage and all that. Cockshut Road. Titty Ho. Yeah, I mean, you guys all sit around and talk about your awesome royal family and have awesome shooters and talk about how awesome and whimsical England is yeah that's all we talk about here actually I just you know you got to change all that money you got to change

your words you can't say queen anymore. You've got to say king. That's all really hard, and I don't like it. I don't like it either. I don't like singing God Save Our King. It doesn't roll off the tongue like the other song did. I don't like the fact that actually I saw a coin with Charles on it the other day, and they have really exaggerated his jowls. Good.

Which I really enjoyed. Good. You don't get all good on your coin. Send me some pictures, and, like, when the bills come out and stuff, I want to see that. I just actually, when I was in Maine, saw the Canadian loon with the queen on it and stuff. It's pretty similar.

I wonder if they'll all change their money as well. I guess they'll have to. I assume so. God. It's all changing. Yep. Good talk. Good chat, yeah.

Good talk. Good chat, yeah. That's going to be our new intro music. Love it. That's the new bright music. Okay, dating corner dating corner have you got any questions for us uh jemma you know how we have that email yeah talk shit to us at gmail.com yeah i think i've heard of it Talkshit2us at gmail.com We've got a letter

Oh my god We've got a fan We've got a fan One fan and it's not my mom Someone wants some advice from us Are you up for it? Yeah I don't know if I'm qualified to give advice but I'm up for it well you know maybe we need to go back to doing disclaimers that we don't know what we're talking about we're not experts in anything we probably get stuff wrong because

memory is infallible and it's reconstructive so we might forget that Keith was on that tube at some point. But, you know, we offered for people to write to us if they want to hear from us. So when they're seeking it, with that disclaimer, let's give it. Right? We can only but try to help. Do or do not, there is no try. Yes. I don't. Sorry. Scratch that. Okay. Moving on. All right. Hi, friends. I'm a gay man needing some dating advice from the experts, both near and far. Okay. We just

said. We are not experts, but thank you for saying that. My boyfriend and I met in a mid-sized Midwestern city and spent the beginning of the relationship in close proximity, spending all of our free time together. He's since moved to New York after eight months for personal growth and development. Good for you, man. Which I fully support knowing he's never experienced life outside of my metro area. It's been eight months apart with visits every two to three months, and that's been sufficient for me to stay monogamous. He's confessed his need to lean into sexual desires, lots of sexy people in NYC, and now wants to shift into a committed, non-monogamous, or open relationship. to shift into a committed, non-monogamous, or open relationship.

My logical and very queer-centric brain believes this is possible by standards outside of society's portrayal of normal, quote, heterosexual relationship standards. My emotional and trauma-filled brain is fueling anxiety and stress about the thought of sharing my partner with other people intimately. and stress about the thought of sharing my partner with other people intimately. So far, nothing has occurred aside from chatting on the internet with some of my followers, O-O-M-F-S, which I had to look up. And I got the attention of a young cutie at my volleyball league who asked for my Snapchat a few weeks ago. My boy is an incredible communicator and shows me in so many ways that he's in it for the long haul. He's been extremely supportive of me turning a leaf and opening up to someone local as

an, quote, incubator or someone to have fun with in the interim as well. I would be lying if I said it wouldn't be nice to be nice to someone to hold. I mean, hold periodically. Ha, ha, ha, ha. If you were me, what would you do to get over the stress of sharing a partner in a long-distance committed non-monotonous relationship? Please help and keep the podcast coming. Sincerely, your biggest fan. Anonymous, who says he loves us bigger. Right. So I do just want to point out, like, way to go on being able to recognize kind of where you're more rational and where your irrationalities are. It's clear you've done some work there.

And I think that's really important and good to acknowledge. And I hope you've shared that with your partner, too. But I'm going to throw it to Gemma now. Okay. So I think it's a great thing to try um you know it's great that obviously your partner has decided to expand their horizons and move away from was it a small town mid-sized midwestern city okay so a mid-sized city um and you know it's a lot of people are trying non-monogamy and open relationships or poly polyamory as it's also known frappled them frappled them yeah um and i think as long as there's open communication and you set your boundaries and you're both on the same page and in agreement about it then fill your boots

so to the question of what would you do to get over stress so putting yourself in our listeners shoes and I realize it might be like I'm not sure this would be something I could do maybe set that aside but like how would you for yourself like try to navigate that well as I said before I think boundaries are really important um so it might be the case that you don't want to know about their their other partners or the other people they're seeing or it might be the case that in order to relieve some of that anxiety you need to know everything you guys together need to work out I think how this is going to work for you and how it's going to look for you and I think you also need to accept that there will be jealousy. I don't think

that's something we can get rid of. Especially if you care about a person. And it seems like you do really care about this guy. And you really care about each other. So I think accepting that jealousy is going to be a part of it, it's a natural human emotion, but it's having that open communication, setting the boundaries and talking regularly about it, I think, as well, rather than just kind of going with it because you think the other person wants to do it. If it's no longer working for you, then communicate that. Or if there's, you know, certain things you have an issue with, again, communicate that and talk through it and see where the other person's at. That's my hot take. You know, I think what you said about jealousy

is really important because that's, I think, a really kind of innate human reaction to things that we have as early as, you being young kids you know with friends with relatives with parents and I think what I if I were in your shoes I would want to ask I would ask my partner like if I'm feeling this way do you want to know about it am I allowed to tell you about it is that going to cause issues are you allowed like I are do you want to know about it? Am I allowed to tell you about it? Is that going to cause issues? Are you allowed, like, do you want to tell me about your jealousy? Like, how do we want to handle this when we're feeling this way? And like you said, Gemma, like, what are the parameters and boundaries that you both need to ensure that your needs are continuing to get met? Because this

is what it's about, right? There's like this kind of one need that you guys can't meet on a regular basis. And so there's kind of this discussion about like how do we do that while maintaining your other needs with each other in this relationship? And so where are the no-goes, the lines that can't be crossed, and the expectations there, and you got to be on the same page, and whether you just kind of, I don't think it's bad to just re-emphasize, like, communication is key, but how, when, how often, check-ins, like is it once a week?

Is it, you know, anytime you're feeling some type of way? Like get on the same page with all of those things to the point where it starts – it feels a little annoying even. Not in like a bad way, but just like, okay, I got to check it. Like I'm feeling this way. Because I think when you start to stuff, it builds – resentment builds secrets. And like feel – like and then you boil over you explode and that's when everything comes out and you throw everything at them and it's like this thing six months ago yesterday right now and it's not really fair it's not fair um also it seems like

from what you've said that um this isn't a permanent solution um so it doesn't need to be seen as you know this is a long-term decision that you're making and that it sounds like eventually you may once again live in the same city again um and it it won't need to be that way but then again if you if you enjoy it and it works for both of you then it might be something you want to continue but that's a good point like is I wonder if if there's conversations about like how how long is this arrangement not necessarily just like the non-monogamy but like the separation so like indefinite could probably make it feel more stressful if that conversation hasn't happened and maybe it can't yet. It's too soon. But like if there's at least kind of an idea, yes, like the plan is this. We don't know when yet, but that's kind of what we're working towards. And also like I think it would be really important to when there are visits, like there's like no other people, right right like the focus is on the two of you yeah

then I I just think and that might seem obvious but I think that that would be really important for me if I were in this situation that's like when you're here and I'm there like that's it I think I'd still need to feel like the priority yeah um regardless of whether there was an open situation you know you two are number number one and then everyone else is kind of fulfilling other needs but yep yeah agreed nice nice job i hope that was God, we should be like relationship therapists. I mean, maybe we are now. Maybe we are, yeah. Today.

I'm getting some business cards made up right now. Me too, me too. Hopefully that was helpful, dear listener. And if you have additional questions, needs for clarification, want to follow up, you know what to do. And we will be happy to talk about it. And anyone else having heard our brilliant advice now, hit us up. Yeah. Talk shit to us at gmail.com.

Hey! Ha-bop. Hey! To finish things off, I thought we'd visit the Am I the Arsehole? segment of the pod. Yes. I've got one for you. Can't wait. So I'm going to read it out loud,

and then you're going to tell me whether you think they're an asshole or not okay oh that sounds brilliant mate i'm super chuffed to be doing this with you fantastic okay so the title is would i be the asshole for spraying some kid with my garden hose daily after he walks all over our lawn grandpa is that you okay

I live me blah blah blah hi-ya loronic I live with blah blah blah hyaluronic hyaluronic okay I live with fucking hell I live with my wife

and son and daughter 9 and 11 respectively. Recently, there's been this kid who comes by our house after playing soccer and either rides his bike or walks over the lawn with his cleats on his way home. I don't know what cleats are. They're soccer boots, basically. Ah, okay. Yeah. Makes sense.

Football boots. Ah, okay. Yeah. Makes sense. Foot pockets. So it started out as me giving him stern looks whenever I saw him and then slowly progressed to me asking him to just go around. The last time I asked him to stop, he made a point to stomp extra hard and twist his feet into the grass to piss me off.

Since then, I've just been hosing him. The first time I sprayed him with the hose, he ran off. But then for some reason, he just started standing there while I hose him, like he enjoys it. It's now progressed to me sitting on my lawn chair, pointing my hose at him, and him just staring at me while him just staring at me while he does so sometimes we even make small talk um i'm not gonna lie it started off as a really bitter relationship but i've actually gotten to know the kid quite well we talk for maybe 15 to 20 minutes every day and he doesn't seem to mind being hosed down after sweating hard playing soccer he comes by daily and we just shoot the

shit while i hose him and he stands there for a bit my wife told me i need to stop even after i explained to her he likes it yeah she said i'm making us look like childish idiots i guess i could stop but honestly it's really funny waiting for him to come by and i see no harm in it would i be the arsehole i went through such a range of emotions listening to that that i'm just gonna process it as it happened. Okay. Okay. Initially was kind of like, oh, fuck that kid. Yeah. You are not the asshole.

Yeah. And then I had to pull back and be like, it's a child grown man. Like, okay. But also was like, hmm. Like spraying with a hose. Like I've heard worse things, but I suppose there could be an argument that's kind of assaultive anyway but clearly this kid is abstinent does not really respect other people's property or

requests for boundaries and stuff like that and that of my kind of professional brain is thinking like what's up with this kid but when I heard heard that, like, asked him to stop, he'd glare, grounding his cleats in. I was like, oh, that little shit's going to get it. Always going to get hosed. Always going to get hosed. And then, like, the fact that the kid came back and just stood there, I was kind of like, okay, yeah, we've got one of those kids who really consequences be damned. Whatever. I'm going to just do it, like do it like fine like kind of against my

better interests or whatever but the fact that this now turned into like this kind of a routine of ours we're kind of pals now i'm starting to get to know him very well like i it was kind of sweet but i'm also just like okay at this point sir have you – dude, we've run the gamut here. We've done this for a while. It's kind of funny. I'm happy to continue to spray you down. But just like what's the deal? Like why?

I mean if you're becoming buddies with him, why don't you talk to him about it? I'm not sure I want to say he's the asshole at this point, how it ended. It seems like this is kind of a mutual thing routine that he's like kind of but i also just want to point out this person like is the grown-up in the scenario i think i guess i didn't catch if he has an idea about how old this kid is i gathered pretty young but if he's like an 18 year old then no but if we're talking like a 14, 15-year-old and this guy is in his 20s, 30s, 40s, you're the adult. And so maybe you need to talk to his parents. Maybe you need to put up a fence. Maybe something, he is trespassing. I'm very against just saying call the cops,

but there are other mechanisms. But again, I go back to the fact that like this is not a it didn't it didn't it's not what it started as. No. So I don't I don't think he's an asshole. And I get why his wife is like you're his wife is like you're kind of embarrassing me now. But it also is like clearly something they're both kind of enjoying and it's something they expect. So if you were to stop all of a sudden, this might kind of upset this kid, hurt his feelings. And maybe he's got abandonment issues. And then you're just going to basically traumatize him again.

Exactly. So a lot of the comments are sort of saying that it could be that this guy is, you know, now one of the only male kind of father figures in his life. And this could turn into a really fucking lovely relationship like yeah one of my favorite comments is kid fuck you adult fuck you too kid did we just become best friends adult yep yep um but yeah i chose it because it is a roller coaster um but I found it really heartwarming like I like the fact that he comes to like every day to be hosed down and they have a little chat and one day he might graduate from college and come around to this guy's house and sit there

and have a beer with him and get hosed down and tell him about his graduation I I would love if there's like a follow-up to that I don't know if that's a recent one if they do like an update to it because I want to know more like does the guy maybe what has he learned about him and maybe now you could invite him in after his soccer game for you know like a snack or something instead and try to teach him to use the sidewalk i don't know is it on the way home was he doing it because he saw this family and kind of just like to see them because maybe he doesn't have that what's going on in his life that he felt he needed to do that yeah um did you have the same reactions as i did yeah i just gotta know

oh boy another comment that i just want to bring up is uh sounds like his wife's jealous wants a good hosing or his kids are like why is daddy hanging out with him and not us yeah i'm sure she's probably just. Yeah. She just doesn't understand it. She's confused because he probably was coming and being like, that fucking kid is back, Cheryl. I'm getting the hose.

Tom, don't get the hose. Cheryl, I'm getting the fucking hose. And now he's out like got his little juice, juice or beer. And he's like, hey. Want a beer? Hey, Saul. Do you want a juice box? there we go okay kiddo I don't know

oh god I loved that one please keep updates if there are any yeah I'll let you know if I find any wow I think that that is it for today don't you i believed we've talked enough shit definitely i mean it's what like midnight there on a friday for you you fucking nerd loser wimp friendless loner pretty cool i'm up at nearly midnight so 6 p.m on a friday here years old so you know what i'm gonna do go put on sweat

pants and sit with my cat already beat you to it my sweat pants already well i hope you have a nice weekend with your coronation celebration and happy birthday keith thank you Let us know what corrections you have. Yes. Yep. If you could send an email to us. Yeah, do it that way. All right.

And again, thank you for all our listeners for listening again. We really appreciate it. We love it. If you could just subscribe, give us a cheeky little rating and a follow and share it with your friends and family, whoever you think may like it. Spread the word. If you can review, do that too. We're not even saying it has to be good. We'd love it if it was good.

Preferably five star. Yeah, preferably good ones, but we're not going to be like that. No. Whatever you want to do do but five star would be great please like us please until next time peace out gbag remember when i was telling you the other day about how it's hard for me to leave my home because i don't want to leave my blender yeah your emotional support blender you called it which which I thought was weird and maybe a little problematic. I said it feels like my emotional support blender because of how many

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