Talking Simpsons - Bonus New Year's Episode - TalKing of the Hill "Hank's Dirty Laundry"

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

The Talking Simpsons Network is taking a week off for the holiday season, so to fill the content gap, we've decided to post an episode of our Patreon-exclusive TalKing of the Hill podcast miniseries! If you like this episode and want to hear the rest (with more to come every month), head over to Patreon.com/TalkingSimpsons and sign up at the $5 level. Once you do, you'll have immediate access to all of our limited miniseries, covering animated shows like Futurama, Mission Hill, The Critic, and Batman: The Animated Series. So visit Patreon.com/TalkingSimpsons and sign up today!

What you listening to, son? Howdy y'all and welcome to Talk King of the Hill, where the queen of hearts isn't very smart. I'm your host, the rat hair in your tuna, Bob Mackie, and this is the Talking Simpsons Network's chronological exploration of King of the Hill, who is here with me today as always. Hey, it's Henry Gilbert and it's like watching a TV, only the show is about wet clothes. And this month's episode is all about Hank's dirty

laundry. Surprise! This week's episode, or this month's episode, originally aired on March 1st, 1998. And as always, Henry will tell us what happened on this mythical day in a real world history this is hank hill with the news bobby dark city debuts in theaters while titanic reigns the video game burning rangers hits the sega saturn and

my heart will go on is number one on the billboard charts so still was uh the previous uh december november was titanic it's uh it debuted at the end of november and here uh four months later it is still very much the number one movie like all these even big movies that are like oh yeah uh wedding singer is number two essentially it is number one except titanic just won't go away and it's still number one have not seen titanic yet have not seen dark city yet whoa and we were just talking about rodger ebert before uh the recording and that's actually was one of his favorite movies uh one one of i believe two commentaries he recorded one was for citizen kane one was for dark, and they used those commentaries to build his voice when he lost his voice.

Yeah, his computer voice generator, man. Yeah, his interest in it is what got me to watch Dark City later. I didn't watch it when it was new. And it is, I think, too, it also got a new lease on life after The Matrix came out because it is kind of Matrix-y about a year before The Matrix came out. And I believe some of The Matrix was filmed on Dark City sets, like they just kept the sets up and filmed there. I think the rooftops in The Matrix are from Dark City, but not to spoil Dark City. Similar kind of thing as the matrix as well and people said uh anti-matrix folks were saying it was a ripoff of dark city but dark city uh nobody really saw it

it was kind of a flop i'm seeing it just it just made its budget back and that's it but i think it's gone on to become a cult favorite you know it really helped the wachowski sisters that a lot of people had not seen a lot of the uh the source. A lot of the source material of The Matrix. The inspirations for The Matrix. Lots of every creator takes inspiration from lots of things. And I will at least, at least from the anime side of things, the Wachowski sisters did pay it back to some degree with the Animatrix stuff, I'd say.

I was thinking it was a glorious time for filmmakers until maybe around 2004 because you could just steal anything from an anime and say well no one's gonna see this yeah and satoshi kon was pretty mad about uh requiem for a dream yeah uh you know there were some uh you know inspirations from that movie as well i think a scene from perfect blue was just in that movie well i have brand new opinions on that because i did watch the french documentary on the life of satoshi kon called the illusionist it came out last year really really great they talked to almost everybody i'd want them to talk to of his they don't talk to his widow and they don't talk to katsura otomo and they don't talk to susan Sala but they talk to a ton of other people and that also

includes Darren Aronofsky and that is the one everything else I love in it but when they talk to him I don't want to call him a liar but I do not believe when he says like oh you know I think I like met him and asked him if it'd be cool if I could do this. And he thought it was cool. And he said he liked it. And I actually met him before I filmed Requiem for Dream and all this stuff. I was like, no, that doesn't sound right. I think because I what is not said in the movie, because I don't think the movie wants to call one of the most famous people who spoke in the documentary a liar. But Satoshi Kon was very clear in some of his blogs posts that were

in japanese they they weren't in english so not everybody knows them but he was very clear of like no this hurt my feelings this guy yeah this guy stole my scene from the movie which i storyboarded myself and he just took it i mean uh not to go on too long about this but darren aronofsky he's not like michael bay popular but he is successful stoshi cone never successful critically acclaimed but none of his movies ever made money yeah it's uh to the point where his like his his uh you know posthumous work will never be made because it's like well we can't make any money from this so why bother uh yeah it's a it's kind of the uh very heartbreaking ending of that documentary the uh which i was glad i saw it it didn't correct anything there was nothing after i watched it where I said,

boy, I wish I knew this when we did our Millennium Actress podcast because I think I knew pretty much everything that was in that documentary. But there were some cool new interviews in it. We're having some high culture discussion in an episode about low culture arts. Oh, yeah. And the other thing that Burning Rangers on Sega Saturn, that was a whifferoo from Yuji naka and one of the not his last never never played it although i did play the burning rangers song on somebody amigo that's uh and it

was like what it was like firefighters that were like sentai like power ranger kind of people yes it was a sentai meets firefighters type deal and it was on the ninth engine and you played it because it was well because what else were you gonna play on the seth engine, and you played it because it was, well, because what else were you going to play on the Sega Saturn? What else were you going to play in 1998? And also, it was like, you know, the Sonic team made a new game, and you were just waiting for them to do Sonic.

They refused to make another Sonic game until their demands are met. On the Dreamcast, they finally would the next year, but yeah, that Burning Rangers game, you know, the Saturn does its best to make fire appear, but it doesn't really do a great job. uh on the dreamcast they finally would the next year but yeah that burning rangers game uh you know the saturn does its best to make fire appear but it doesn't really do a great job it's barely holding together in that game uh but yes this episode hank's dirty laundry let's talk about the director first we have a new director and that is sean cashman so this is a a fairly common story on this show he's another one of those simpsons guys who would have graduated to director if he had stayed on the simpsons okay another of the like wes archer knows the best

artists or a lot of good artists he worked with on the simpsons and said you're ready to direct something come over here or you're sick of drawing these yellow people uh so probably uh getting leader animatic rewrites than you do on king of the hill i bet i wonder which uh well i guess it'd be probably hard for wes archer to answer like which was harder to work on or had more demanding producers who make changes late simpsons or or i bet it was simpsons because mike judge and greg daniels the showrunners came from an animation background so they understand how animation works from the very beginning of the show and then how would that compare to rick and morty because i i always think back to like our pal ian jones cordy saying like he could not They understand how animation works from the very beginning of the show. And then how would that compare to Rick and Morty?

Because I always think back to our pal Ian Jones' QWERTY sync. He could not imagine a more design-intensive show to work on than Rick and Morty. Well, that's why you get 10 new episodes every 18 months. Yep, yeah. But Sean Cashman, he started as a character layout artist on The Simpsons with 1993's The Last Temptation of Homer in Season 5. And towards the end of his tenure there, he was assistant director on episodes in seasons eight, nine, and 10. So if he had stayed on, he probably would have been directing in seasons 10, 11, and 12, and so on.

Oh, sure, sure. But man, so then that must have... Was he one of the Simpson returners, or did he stay on a different path? He never returned to The Simpsons. Wow. So he jumped right into king of the hill late second season just became a director he did not do anything before that on king of the hill and he directed 10 episodes before leaving in season seven of king of the hill in 2002

wow man see you know if you uh seems like seems like at the simpsons factory if you leave you're not always welcome back to return as a director i don't think he wanted to go back because he was really into more cartoony stuff after he left. So it's weird that he was on King of the Hill for so long because the next thing he did was direct a ton of episodes of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. So a show like the exact opposite

in style of King of the Hill, both in the tone of the comedy and the design of the characters, like the very flat, you know, gross-out characters of that show. know we heard that about the uh the creators of avatar the last airbender who had worked on mission hill they just they got tired of uh even though it had more prestige they got tired of the sitcom style they wanted to get back to more cartooning though in their case more anime style cartooning than than upa style billy and mandy yeah I think he did like cartoony stuff more than King of the Hill because other things he worked on are things like chowder,

which is a very cartoony show. Very overlooked. Check it out. I believe on HBO max and Randy Cunningham, ninth grade Ninja and Sean Cashman is the most recent role. He is a retake director and timing supervisor on big city greens. Another very cartoony show about a southern fried family. I love that show, man.

Yeah, that's also interesting that all these guys, you know, when they get to that age, you don't direct as much your timing director, which does seem like a very expertise-driven role. Like, timing is very important and i think an in-demand skill from older guys like him i think we overlook it but uh it is an important role but that's our pal thad said that timing is directing like that that was a thing he had heard from basically directors yeah that's what it seems like but if you don't know about animation and most people don't i don't blame them there's a lot there's a lot of things you need to know about to live it's boring and it's not i mean don't even get paid well yeah what are you a timer what do you set by set by a piece of paper with a stopwatch well yeah kind of how do you direct i i love on that one commentary where david silverman is asked by um mo by by

the voice of roger myers of this like what is directing a cartoon do anyway? You just tell a cartoon to do stuff. You tell them to dance around. Silverman just goes like, boy, I've only had to answer this question a million times in my life. Do you direct Homer, just Homer? This episode, though, Hank's dirty laundry. I think I got the pun for the first time because, well, no, I understood the meaning. It's like, like oh his dirty laundry is being aired out uh that's what's happening in this episode but it's literally

about he needs to buy a dryer too so it's one of those not as complicated as three days of the condo but it's still a very good pun i think yeah there's the the title and like two big jokes in this i didn't fully grasp until this podcast viewing of it i was like oh this is i mean this is a consistent message on our king of the hill podcast but like this show was smarter than you thought it was two of the best jokes in the series so far and one of the filthiest jokes if not the filthiest joke in the show is in this episode yeah a little bit of the beavis and butthead comes into this if you thought hank trying to poop was uh silly and gross out wait till you hear what happens next on the show uh and uh and yeah this episode it really feels like a judge kind of thing too because it's like it not

only mixes you know porno and it lets him make all the kind of like boing type jokes he would do on beavis and butthead but also it is about the computers have taken over and like a fear of bureaucracy and that you lose control of your life as the as this this you know the matrix takes over i suppose in a way this is the libertarianism i agree with when it comes to mike judge but this episode is made before the patriot Act made us all inside a computer and cameras pointed at us no matter where we go. So it's a very innocent time period for America when you could not just be logged in somewhere or, you know, like constantly being having your phone ring 30 times a day. Telemarketers that will never I think we just can't use our phones anymore. That will never end.

What happens to Hank in this is supposed to be like an accident or accident or like oh this doesn't normally happen this is just your life now everyone we didn't listen to hank's warning at the post office later in this episode we talked about this uh like before recording recently we just you just don't answer your phone anymore no unless you know who it's from you just don't pick it up because it will always be someone talking to you about your car warranty someone trying trying to get your Social Security number. Somebody is always trying to rob and steal from you using your phone, and nothing will be done about it. We're the IRS, and if you don't give us your Social Security number right now,

we will arrest you. A warrant is like, yeah. They're not just preying on old people anymore. Sometimes when the programming gets me with a non-English language automated message, that's where I'm like, you guys need to to fit you should know i don't speak this language if you're watching this closely then you should know this is a miss or if someone with a very heavy accent uh says they have a white name like oh this is uh jim smith at the irs or whatever i'm not going to do the accent by the way but i'm like well you could try a little harder couldn't you like you're

making yourself look bad in front of me well you know you know, my only note on the fear of the libertarian dread of this is that the machinery to keep track of you isn't run that carefully anymore. And nobody's even trying. No. This is going to be a lot of preamble, but it drives me crazy. I'm going to be 40 very soon preamble but it just it drives me crazy i'm turning into i'm going to be 40 very soon so i am turning into hank but it's just like yeah your information is just leaked everywhere every year and you were you received no compensation remember equifax yep yeah they were just ruined by it all of our passwords are just gone and they still exist they didn't have to pay anyone any money and it's like well instead of giving you money too many people ask for money

so you're going to get some coverage well thanks a lot guys yeah i well and i also i had a similar thing with a a online t-shirt company i bought from don't worry it's not the one that we use to sell our t-shirts they've been good but this was a different one where i bought a t-shirt and uh i then had my credit card stolen like like $3,000 of charges I had to undo. And only two months later did I then get a message like, you know, our credit cards were breached. And whoopsie, sorry. You might want to spend about two hours every day getting a new card and changing everything you have automatic payments on. Yeah, one final thing.

We do live in the post-Beast world. And I remember a year ago or two years ago ago so we used to be in the games industry there is this convention called e3 it's the biggest thing of the year every games journalist goes there and one year whoopsie doodle all of the uh information about everyone attending was leaked and these are people that bad people send death threats to did e3 still happen yes was anyone given any money to like make up for you know their lives being intruded upon no yeah so this is just what we're living in now people can just steal your information and there is no you get nothing out of it you get nothing in return it's just like uh sorry uh just spend 20 minutes fixing your entire life if you have time well and i i think

this stuff with the beast too that it uh on a reason when we're recording this episode of choppo trap house which we enjoy they talk about like this is a point felix made that was so brilliant about how well we you know information and selling it to people is one of the few things like businesses america has left yeah you just have to steal steal your fucking info and sell to somebody else that's all we can do we don't make anything and we haven't for a long time no oil no nothing yeah can't do it but yeah this uh like that's why i like this episode just like oh 97 such an innocent time i mean there were terrible things happening that i was ignorant of but anything post-patriot

act is just like you are it's it's the post-beast world yeah and they can't and you can't even complain about it because it's after 9-11 yeah like yeah i uh and uh also this pre-internet era of porno is funny to think about like these jokes are ones you can't make anymore because it's not what porno is anymore and and also i spent five years working as a video store clerk uh four ish and i was on the other side of the cash register that hank experiences here uh but i never i never screwed over somebody like they screw over hank that never happens but i have theories okay let's talk more about that when we get to the scene of the video store and i have fear i have a bunch of thoughts about uh the the cusp of internet pornography like the the analog to digital changeover in the world of pornography uh let the record show this guy

knows a lot about his porno uh kind of uh let's start it's a careful dance in this episode to just like with bill to reveal how much we do or don't know about pornography so uh we open on this idyllic spring day uh hank is driving home uh humming america the beautiful so sweet i love bill's excitement like he wants him to honk like he's a big rig driver and then when he does he's just like we're a giddy bill and i like it it's not just like flat affect depression bill uh the bill we love came out of his shell in this season and yeah i did this as a kid and annoyed my parents when you would be driving on the highway you just go in the back window and do this so fun yeah it's so fun man you don't want to know

about the lives of those truck drivers. It's just like, yeah, superhero truck driver. I love it. Actually, my sister did it once when her friend was in the back seat and they were little kids. And instead of honking, the driver showed them porn. He pushed porn up against the windshield. Jesus Christ. So have that, kids.

Oh, man. Boy. And everybody thought things were nicer back then compared to now. No, no. The world of trucking there's some dark sides to it people yeah i love bill uh laughing giddily he like gives a thumbs up and like gives like a salute to hank with his beer i also like dale this the story not being told of like dale with a metal detector in his front lawn like what's he looking for what's he

he's looking for bugs uh peggy is inhaling deeply of the clean laundry she takes it off the line and hank sees peggy waving from the yard but all he can see beyond her is his undergarments his personal private undergarments out in public just hanging for the entire neighborhood to know that he wears them he wears them i love that and this is called h Laundry, and we start with clean laundry. It's airing out, but she just washed it. The dryer is broken, making this clean laundry. But Hank doesn't want the most plain of white boxers to be seen by his neighbors.

And he's very upset about this. We hear why this is happening. Peggy normally doesn't hang laundry out to dry, but the dryer is broken. It's broken so bad, it actually moistens the clothes now. And Hank agrees to buy a new dryer after this public embarrassment. He takes down a sheet to reveal a nearly naked Luann

and then hangs the sheet back up. I love that because it's, Luann is never ashamed of her body. Like in that way, she's not, you know, a regular show would have had her be the one to go like he can cover up or whatever but she's like hey and hank's like like he's he is the one who does not want to see i mean also like luann is not a sexual being to him he does not think of her that way and seeing seeing her in her underpants doesn't help him with that well

there is one episode a few years later that's all about people seeing Luann naked that's a lot that's one of my favorite shots of her um after after Bobby catches her and she moves the curtain thinking she's covered up she just goes like phoo and not covering it but she moved it too far and Bobby is still just agape at her her there's a lot of fun screaming in that in that scene but but i think peggy did this on purpose knowing it would embarrass hank enough to finally buy a new dryer i think she did this knowingly she knows him well so we're at megalomar where the entire season will end up and some very important facts are laid down in this episode we'll get to those soon but they're looking at dryers, being a little weird kid, is way into the idea of getting a new dryer.

I know I wasn't to the idea of any new appliance. Like, oh, boy, a new refrigerator. I did really like doing appliance shopping with parents like three times it ever happened. I think we've ever. But on the opposite side, my dad hated not unlike Hank Hill. He did not like buying new appliances like we had it our dryer it could dry but it moved so much and but he and it was we could afford it this was not a situation of like I'm saying we were too poor because listeners have heard me say how many toys I got

all the cruises all these things but it wasn't my dad was cheap about appliances same same with uh we got one new fridge ever and it was because the other one was far too broken but usually uh we did not go uh shopping for for new appliances and if i wanted to get a fancy if i was like oh look at this dad a fancy one he'd be like no no well like bobby i coveted the the washers and dryers where you could see the clothes spinning around and we never had that grown up either. I had, they were always the clothes. Me too.

It was a mystery. What was happening in there? There is a cut scene though, on the DVD. There's more than usual in this episode. It's a fun Hank joke where we see the Hills walking to Megalomart. Hank has a shopping cart, but he collects other shopping carts on the way in and he pushes them in and he

sneers at the lazy teen hanging out outside, smoking a cigarette. Now I'll say if you, if you don't return your shopping cart to the proper area, you don't have to bring it back to the store. But if you just leave it in the parking lot, you are worse than Hitler. As someone who had to return those carts, I often, uh, I don't go to grocery stores that have like big parking lots anymore. And, um, I'm not driving anymore anymore but usually when i was i would take a loose cart from the parking lot and use that to shop like make their lives a bit easier yeah yeah because i'm a saint you're you're one of the good ones bob i've just been in that position just people like just leaving their carts willy-nilly yeah yeah and it's like i'm done with

this whatever you deal with it isn't it your job you You get it. Yeah, I really want Joe Biden to crack down on this. I do like the way Hank in that deleted scene gives him the stink eye. That is so very Hank. That could have been in any episode. Hank is the exact guy who wouldn't just grab one, but grab all of them because it's the right thing to do. And this is another thing, another one of Mike Judge judge's uh i guess one of his gripes i think overall you see it in beavis and butthead you know what i agree and uh i don't know if he's uh you know finding the right target for his uh his problem here but his thing is and i'm taking a

long time to explain this because i'm trying to articulate it that american service has declined because nobody wants to pay for skilled workers. So all the people running everything are just teens who don't know what they're doing and don't care because they're not being paid enough to. And you see that in Beavis and Butthead when they do the same scene in King of the Hill where Hank is like, do you know what a hammer is?

Mr. Anderson is asking the same questions in Beavis and Butthead to teens who don't know what they're talking about. So this is a big thing throughout Mike Judge's work. It's justthead to teens who don't know what they're talking about so this is a big thing throughout mike judge's work it's just like nobody wants to hire anybody who knows what they're talking about which is why service is awful everywhere in america and will eventually explode the megalomart yes exactly yeah no i think uh it's it's such a great like um breaking point for the american consumer that is perfectly represented in a guy like hank hill uh or mr anderson just going like you know can't you help me you you people used to be good at helping but they guys like hank hill think it is a personal failing on the one employee they got

hired not the business deciding they want to hire the cheapest possible person they can it does feel like uh hank has the wrong target in mind but i think the show has the right target because they're not a fan of mega low martin they're hiring practices you know when i worked at like video when i worked in the movie theater too i felt that i got too good at it and it was they were like they oh they don't care that i've memorized every command in the system. I could teach people things. They don't care. They're like, if you want to stick around and know all this stuff, that's fine by me, but we're not paying you more. Yeah, they'd rather just have someone in that could pay minimum wage again.

You'll learn on the job. So there's a very fun scene coming up next with our first clip where a clerk comes up, asks Hank if he has any questions, and Hank winks at Peggy and actually becomes the salesman himself in our first clip. Could you tell me the difference between an electric dryer and a propane dryer? Sure. A propane dryer costs a little more. Only at first. When you factor in the lifetime cost of ownership, propane comes out on top. Let me run through the numbers. A family of four does three and a half loads a week. Hey. Hey. Hello Buckley! Hey. When did you get promoted to greeter? Yester? Hey. Day. And if the current trend in electric rates continues you'll be glad you did. Here's my card in case you have any other questions. Can we just

take the Spidmore, please? Would you be interested in applying for a Megalo card? No, thanks. The last thing I need is another credit card. I've already got one. Hold on. No money down, no interest for six months, and 10% off our first purchase. 10% off?

Well, Chuck Mangione supports it and his diet shakes did okay by me. What I remember about, I think, Snowjob, there were a few deleted scenes in which that was the joke about propane where the people who were endorsing it had to admit up front, yes, it costs more. But over time... Wait, over time.

If you do math, yeah, they cut it. I remember, too, they cut for that episode, Buck going like, I ain't got three years for it to save me any money. That's right, because all of his appliances are electric. Which also, like, so it's more inconvenient and costs more up front, and you have to tell yourself, well, technically, I did save $30 eventually by being inconvenienced, maybe. And we see Buckley established as working at the Megalomart as a greeter.

And this is very important because he'll play a pivotal role in the season finale. And you know what? We don't even see Buckley that much in the series. Yeah, I remember seeing him more. Although after he dies, he remains in the intro. And when they reanimated for HD, he's still in the intro picking up Luanne. That's so funny. I mean, I guess it's assumed they're like well he's got a helmet on that could be any kind of like numerous losers that luann throws her love at maybe it's lucky oh yeah it

could be lucky lucky's got a similar body type yes i think yeah but i was gonna bring up like the idea of a greeter was like a new funny comedic concept because it is technically i guess for buckley the lowest skilled job they could give him but in reality these jobs are not given to uh you know teenagers they're given to retirees who the system failed them they have no money they need a part-time job so they have to go to walmart and wave at people yeah yeah and they but it's it's uh it makes me sad i see those waivers and i and i know that like oh you you should be just sitting at home you know being racist or whatever tying flies who knows i mean in the 90s there was a push to uh get

seniors back to work that's why in um lisa versus malibu stacy there's a plot about grandpa going to work for crusty burger because there were commercials saying seniors you can work too it's like well didn't they work their entire lives didn't they do enough work yeah in the fucking factory but it's like we found something for you to do just wave at people and maybe that'll help prevent some shoplifting i also love what a great little lie that is of saying uh uh you know i got enough credit you know i uh no i don't need another one like he has he only has one credit card the gag in so many things is like oh i have 17 credit cards i got to pay off this one and that one it's like no hank one is too much for hank as it is he's that

stable of a guy and you know three economic collapses ago uh i think people in the 90s were really living off a lot of credit cards i mean i only have one credit card now yeah and i do the uh the quote-unquote scam of paying it off every week to like to get those amazon points that that is i do the same thing yeah yeah it's i do it for the points so they still got me but i'm not uh for a while i did have a good amount of credit sitting on it and i i thank all you wonderful patrons for for for making that not a case anymore i mean i had to live off credit because i was unemployed so much and i was like paying rent with credit cards which sucked and uh that that rent is sorry that debt is all wiped

out so thankfully that's over with but i also love how bobby forces himself into a b plot that shouldn't exist in this episode yeah that's so great so great. It's very subtle what's going on with Bobby, but I love the B-plot here because Bobby is such a little kid. And when you're a little kid, you're a narcissist because you have no empathy. So you must be thinking, well, I'm the main character

and everyone's always thinking about me. So even though my birthday is four weeks away. You know. Yes. This has to be about me. This trip has to be about me. That's explained in the next scene where another great subtle joke with uh buckley here in that um bobby walks up to uh

luann and buckley says hi to them luann says hi back buckley says nothing luann says he's on a break so he won't greet anyone when he's on a break like hey you know what i he buckley is a jerk but you need to make those kind of boundaries in your life if it's break time at work it's break time you don't know you you don't know them doing any work during that time that includes saying hello you know that's just one task he has to do so he's not gonna do it to bobby on his break yeah yesterhey day that's uh and and bobby's, like, I'll be by the dirt bikes holding a Toblerone.

Yes. That's his dream. He's found the perfect pairing of, you know, gifts for him. But yeah, his idea, he's telling Lou Anne, it's like, well, of course we're here. They're going to see

what kind of gift I want for my birthday. Why would you bring a child to an apartment store to buy a dryer when his birthday is three and a half weeks away? It doesn't make any sense.

And he's building it up so great of just like to have an episode be the story of from his point of view, they forgot my birthday. It's a they forgot my birthday kind of story except he is a month ahead of time already thinking that they forgot his birthday. Like he's such a

his mix of excitement and stupidity is so great this is no uh lisa lisa it's your birthday happy birthday lisa i like how luanne uh she eventually becomes like a sidekick in this plot but at first she's like no i don't think so bobby yeah she's not even like being uh like you know harsh about it she's like i don't really think so and she's not uh she's smarter uh than she normally is written like She's the smart one in this combo here. Only a couple times did she buy into, like, maybe you're right, I guess. Well, she goes in for it by the end of the episode.

Yeah, that's true. But Buckley does say hey to Bobby when his break is over, but Bobby is off screen. He looks at his watch and then says it. And then, I mean, what a great observation to hear that like i've i have speaking of being on the other side of that cash register the scam of and this was like new then the scam of the department store you're at going like and would you want to also get a credit card like it stops everything it creates a gigantic line because you have to take forever to fill shit out like that was also a big movement

in the late 90s early aughts and i don't do like this kind of retail shopping anymore maybe it still happens but it's like do you want the credit card do you want to subscribe to entertainment weekly do you want the game stop card just this litany of questions you have to go through when all you want to do is leave and you don't want to be rude and i had to be the one asking those questions i worked at a game store and it was like well there's a magazine subscription there's a discount club you could join and as our boss said your commission is you get to keep your job which was very inspirational to all of us minimum wage clerks yeah no at blockbuster we had to do the same like but don't you want this plan and they know like they'd they have a secret shopper stick too of like saying, which I don't know if they ever had a secret shopper.

But they would say, I know there's going to be a secret shopper soon. And if you end up getting them and you didn't offer them the new super plan or whatever, you're in trouble. What is at stake besides your $5 an hour job? Yeah, I know. But you think you've got your young to... Another reason they get you young is so... You're like, well, I don't want to disappoint them. They're my new teacher or whatever.

And you fear the district manager when he's just some guy with a bachelor's degree in business. I worked with a guy at that video store who just would steal... He stole thousands of dollars and he actually got arrested at the store in merchandise or just like out of the register uh he got up to i have access to the safe and can take money out of it well about and he got arrested you know they count that money yeah i don't know what he i never heard enough i just got to see him walk out in handcuffs and that was insane but uh but yeah i i have been on the other side of cash register of also at a video store when at blockbuster a person comes in and says uh they

come up they put down their uh dvds and they say well i don't have a membership yet i go like well stand over there and fill this out yeah it's gonna take about 10 minutes and then i have to input it all this involves paperwork all my retail uh things are coming back to me now i remember this is the last thing sorry to bore everybody out there if i am doing that but i remember when i was working in retail at like a game store msts were a big thing i think i've complained about this before multiple skew transactions and they were like another like category you had to hit when you're making a sale where it's like a manager tells you i don't care what they're buying you find a way to sell them

something else too if they're just buying a sucker you find something else to sell them it's like what does it matter if they're buying a 60 game is that enough is that enough for you they have to also buy like a controller no you find a guide. Throw it down in front of them. And if not, that's a, aren't you excited for that game that just got announced? Give us $10. You know, the sequel could be around the corner. Yeah, yeah. Well, you'd want to get it, wouldn't you, man?

And the way in the episode, to get back to the episode, the line of people behind Hank like this, it is again, like you said, shows how customer service gets shittier because of this. Like what was more important than the dozen customers behind Hank is making sure Hank has a credit card with the company. Like that's what's most important. Another subtle joke I noticed this time is that as this line stretches behind him, the sign above Hank says instant credit. That's a good joke. I missed that. Very subtle. that's a good joke so very subtle uh there's one cut joke where uh hank says if you're going to make people wait this long you ought to at least give them an eyeglass repair kit to play with

that's cool so that's cute i like that hank could be like tightening his lenses or whatever while this is happening you know it's important you got to stay on top of that but now glasses are so disposable i well not that disposable but i I got a new pair coming soon, actually. I get my yearly pair. In 2022, Hank can be on Twitter while this is happening. What? I don't think so. Let's hear about Hank's credit woes. Okay, Mr. Hill, your credit has been rejected? Huh?

But why? Well, the computer doesn't say. I'm sorry. Next. Hold on a minute. You made a mistake. I have perfect credit. I think I recognize a frowny face when I see one.

Hank, why don't we just pay with a check? Uh, sorry, we can't take checks from people with bad credit. I'm having the time of my life, and it's on sale. Thanks for trying, Melinda, but I'm pretty sure you can't just look up my credit unless I send some kind of permission letter to my credit bureau. Nah, it's a piece of cake. All you need is a $10 processing fee. I'll just deduct that from your paycheck. Mr. Strickland, I was just, uh...

Hank's got bad credit. Well, there's the right hair in your tuna. Seems like you're in the whole $40 to Arlen video. What? It says I owe $40, and that can't be true. I always bring back my tapes. Look for yourself. I've returned the great Santini 23 times.

Okay. Hank Hill, June 23rd. Yeah, you rented and never returned cuffs and collars. I've never even heard of that. Have you? Uh-uh. Unless it's got the name Merchant, Ivory, or Billy Crystal above the title, I am not interested.

So I do want to talk about a few of the cut jokes in the Strickland propane scene because there's a few funny Buck jokes. So after Melinda tells Strickland Hank has bad credit, I've rarely seen Melinda, yeah. She'll pop up a few times, but not a big character. But when she tells Buck that Hank has bad credit... When you really care about someone, you shout it from the mountaintops.

So on behalf of Desjardins Insurance, I'm standing 20,000 feet above sea level to tell our clients that we really care about you. We care about you. Home and auto insurance personalized to your needs weird i don't remember saying that part visit dejaden.com care and get insurance that's really big on care did i mention that we care he goes uh well you can't have bad credit with what i pay you and then he goes well you got a wife and kids don't you so he realizes you can't pay a man enough to feed his family that's a great line and that also Hank is still even though Hank

is his best employee he's like oh wait you got a wife and a child don't you like he doesn't even remember he's looking at Hank's credit report and he says oh that truck you bought you bought it for a song and Hank goes uh that's the price of my house that's what I bought my house for but what Buck sees is the price of a cheap truck that was the price of my house that's what i bought my house for that's a great gang but what buck sees is the price of a cheap truck that was the cost of hank's house that's so it shows their class difference too it's so good i love that and just also like hank is he has to pay the ten dollars to do it i also love hank's naivete of like you couldn't just look at my credit score whenever you want no one should be able to do that and it's only i mean i don't need to tell

you this 25 years later it's only gotten easier to find everything about everybody yeah yeah you can you can know everything about everyone and the only difference is now people tell you it more i mean well like this is already the beast coming in here because it's like why does this guy not give them a credit card well a frowny face the computer showed him a frowny face he's like uh the computer that's a frowny face no one can actually help you it's you can't actually blame anyone it's always the computer won't let me do this or the computer says this no one can actually take like make an executive decision no employee can do that i know yeah i i mean look when you're on the other side of that cash register i definitely liked going back on sorry the thing won't let me you can see the bind i'm in like i can't i can't do it computer won't let me like you can just and sometimes that's a lie

just to get out of it but there's one more cut joke in the strickland scene where uh when strickland finds out hank only owes 40 he thinks hank is just that poor he can't pay it so he gives hank the march of dimes display oh that's so funny he's pay it. So he gives Hank the March of Dimes display. Oh, that's so funny. He's going to steal from charity. He's like, here, you can take this. He won't give him a bonus or anything. No. Let's talk about The Great Santini.

Oh, sure. Let's talk all about this movie. A perfect Hank Hill movie, I'd say. Hank rented it, what, like 28 times or something? Yeah. So this is the first time I had to look up information about this movie. So it's a 1979 movie. stars robert duvall it's about a stern and abusive marine father with a sensitive son which is probably why hank would enjoy it also spoilers for this movie in the end uh the father

dies during one last aerial mission for the marines and his son takes over as the head of the household which fulfills his dead father's wishes so it's about a father uh who's heroically dies and his son grows up because of that and finally he taught his kid a lesson by dying this jerk i know i mean robert duvall he looks like a perfect military uh gruff dad and i mean this is like uh having just watched a bunch of yellowstone with uh with my stepdad and he's a big fan of it. It was a nice time to watch. Like I now have been thinking about, oh, this is dad.

This is the dad content. You know, things like the Great Santini, Band of Brothers, Yellowstone, like all this stuff made for dad. For my stepdad, it was the Postman, that movie. Ah, see. He's a big fan of that. You know, but it sounds like your stepdad was more into like uh genre fiction he's more of a nerd that's true see uh you know tougher dads well my stepdad has a military background i see so i think but again nice guy i love i love my stepdad

and listeners heard me cry about my stepdad that's true go back to the christmas episode yeah okay uh so one thing about this movie is that i didn't know so thank you to uh just brief research on wikipedia one scene from this movie is parodied a bunch so in the movie the dad is playing a one-on-one basketball game with the sensitive son and he starts bouncing the ball off his head and saying are you gonna cry are you gonna cry and uh that's a scene in the movie that's been parodied in things like the simpsons roseanne and the second austin powers movie and also robert duvall came back to do a parody of that scene in the 2005 movie kicking and screaming holy crap he revisited that scene like 20 plus years later with i'm guessing will ferrell wow i had no clue they

did say that's so funny i didn't i just thought, you know, a regular old tropey thing that anybody did. I didn't think it was specifically from that movie. I mean, as I think I don't want to watch this movie, though, as no, no, son, I don't want to project the mean dad wins in his rights. Yeah. You know what? That's sure. Some other people will like that.

But yeah, well, and, you know, that great Santini, sure some other people will like that but yeah i uh well and you know that great santini though it's also funny to me because obviously he could have bought that vhs the price of the vhs was five rentals at most especially for an old movie like that by 98 at megalomart he could buy a videotape of the great santini for ten dollars i think hank might think it's a little like uh too fruity to own a movie that's true movie ownership that's for that's for pansies well you like a movie so much you gotta own it it sounds pretty artsy fartsy to me uh back to the episode though uh peggy's tastes are merchantchant Ivory films and Billy Crystal movies. What a great definition. It really runs the gamut for her.

All right. So look, now Hank's Tales of the Tapes, renting them. Okay. I worked at a Blockbuster and I worked at a mom and pop video store, not unlike Arlen Video. And I have been the guy at the register in this thing. Though in the cases of Blockbuster when people say, I don't remember that or whatever, I didn't do that, which my instant reaction was, you are a liar. You are lying and you don't want to pay this. But half the time, I think I would just side with them of like, well, yeah, but fuck Blockbuster.

Why do I care if they get your 20 bucks and so sometimes if they complain enough if a hank person complained enough at our store if the manager was there if i or somebody above me certainly they would say well i want to speak to the manager i don't know 50 on this movie then you send it to the manager and usually the manager's tactics and this would be the one i would take if a manager wasn't there was to say well okay how about we just put this in half and you just pay 20 and we move on and we unlock your account and you can rent that movie and they go like five the manager gets paid slightly more to eat shit yes that's their job yeah so so that would usually be how it is like that is a difference in this episode no i cannot remember at either video store a point where you stood firm on somebody saying but i should i did return it you know now uh at

the mom and pop store it was run by an extremely cheap uh small business uh despot who who you know was a nice enough guy also as a person but he was he was really a small business despot and he would never forgive something like this we if he was there he would be like all right let's talk this out buddy but if he wasn't there then i would just go like i was older than i'd say like whatever just give me five dollars and i'll just delete it i you also did have more control over the computer at this place than a blockbuster like a blockbuster you really could just say this is the this says you owe 40 from a store like 50 miles away i can't do shit there's like the the god of corporate like oh these are rules set that set down by corporate

corporate won't let me and unfortunately the a a problem for this episode where it meets reality that they have to kind of change up is that by 98, Blockbuster had taken over most mom and pop stores. And certainly in like a suburban area like Arlen and Blockbuster is based in Texas. But Blockbuster does not rent pornography. So it can't be a plot about pornography if he has an out-of-date yeah a rental of a porno tape and we were questioning if uh there was a blockbuster in arlen and in the peggy the boggle champ episode a season one uh luann rents a movie from blockbuster and she says they edited out the the you know the spicy scenes or whatever right right so yeah they they have a blockbuster but uh yeah the only way they could rent porno was for this and i did

uh rent pornography at that mom and pop shop but it was you rented it to people yes yes yes yes hey i i borrowed some and brought it back the next morning no no okay but i actually wouldn't because that one i know the internet is and two that uh that small business despot he bought the cheapest shit he could like he was like oh is this a four dollar he would go to like a cheap adult store and it's like oh these are four dollar dvds i'll buy a hundred of them and just shove them on the wall and they would be the most inartful of dvds there would be no stars no production values, often foreign productions that I would think probably didn't pay anybody who starred in it. And they would just be very direct in their titles. You know, they wouldn't be something clever like Cuffs and Collars.

It would just be like Anal Play 4 or something. That's another thing. Well, we're talking about the world of pornography. This is all very cute to me now because, you know, older have told me this i don't know anything about it but now now pornography yeah it's like the title is nothing clever it's just like here is what you will see literally here are the acts you will see here is maybe the race of the people in the video you'll see it's direct yes exactly no well and hey, I blame SEO for that. Oh, absolutely, absolutely.

You can't write a good headline anymore. You can't write a good porno title anymore. It removes so much creativity from all walks of life. But yes, I did rent porno to people, usually older people. The funniest, it was usually guys who were like, oh, you're too old to know how to use the internet so here and now i get to know your particular sex tastes uh including occasionally it was about a nine to one split of gay to straight dvds is a nine straight dvds for every

one gay one and uh the ones that stick out to me like oh i didn't think that you were a person who would rent gay porno and just that that kind of moment. But most embarrassing was when a woman my age came there and she was like, well, yeah, I want a porno DVD. This I have plans tonight with a friend. And she came in like, oh, this is like the cheapest shit possible. I was like, yeah, I know. Like you just buy porn somewhere else. Like this is crappy porn. You're not going to get anything good here.

I have a lot of experience just renting videos in general because I grew up in the 90s. We didn't go to Blockbuster. We had Principles, Henry. It was too expensive. There was nowhere else. For me, there were two local video stores on the same street five minutes from my house, so I was spoiled. They were so local, they had a guy's name in the title. Well, at least one of them did. One them was called anthony coca's video land this guy also owned like pizza red chains too so just some guy and also uh front row video or first row

video i forget what it was but yeah like it was cheaper than blockbuster and we uh didn't like blockbuster so i never actually rented at a blockbuster no i mean we got to i got to learn how evil blockbuster was live like as a little kid loved blockbuster and then a new video store opened up across the street from the blockbuster that undercut it and then blockbuster across the street took down its prices and then bought the other store across the street and it taught me a lot a lot a harsh lesson about monopolies well they didn't want to buy netflix and look at them now yeah they got fucked man and then and then they fucked themselves yeah yeah which i mean it was just a big bigger fish eating another fish but and on netflix that blockbuster documentary if you have nostalgia for blockbuster

will supply that but it is far too nice to blockbuster and they they bring in lloyd kaufman who look like kaufman from trauma he's he is a bit wacky but every point he says about blockbuster being shit is correct and how it kill hurt movies in the 80s and 90s and they treat him like a crank when he's saying that which i did not they play like circus musical ice talking they kind of do yes yeah but yeah so no blockbuster for me but i i'm pretty sure in my ohio town there's still like a family video all that exists now are family videos wow and there's uh i think now if any video store exists it is only through the kindness of like uh strangers who just like here's fifty thousand dollars on gofundme just keep going you should

exist no one will come there it's for like money laundering oh sure it's like it's like the car wash in breaking bad yeah and then eventually you read a headline of like oh this 80 year old man who had been running it died and of course it's not there's no one's gonna inherit it and keep it going it's just gone oh one thing i forgot to mention about video stores is the porn sections uh the one at the the first video store was in a separate room so i never saw one went in there uh the other one was in the section that used to be the kids section so it had these it was like this little walled in section but the walls were about three feet high and it was right by the front of the store too so it was, very conspicuous.

Man, see, now I lived in suburban Florida where you couldn't, like, I think it was, you actually had to go across the county line to like, oh, there's the, I know I crossed the county line because I'm in, there's the adult store that's right on the corner. So I didn't have any video stores around Porto. When I moved here and worked at one, it was a shock to me. And this, but again, back to the cheapness of the guy running the place, he didn't have any video stores around in Porto. When I moved here and worked at one, it was a shock to me. And this, but again, back to the cheapness of the guy running the place, he didn't have a beaded curtain. He didn't have saloon doors.

It was a corner, the farthest corner from the front of the office or from the entrance. There were walls up around it and it just had one opening and it was like, okay, enough shelves to hold a hundred-ish DVDs. And then he put like a curved mirror on top.

So if you were working the front, you're like, okay, hey, did a child walk into the porn section? Okay, they did not. The porn corner. Yeah, I think the repurposed children's section was set up up with like swinging saloon doors so there was some like doorway into it but they were just like uh not taking up the entire doorway well that and that was also a structural problem with the place too so technically we had a bathroom for employees but only employees but occasionally you would have somebody go like please please i got to it's like to do this i have to escort you to the

bathroom because it's in the office and you will walk by the porno section to go there and once or twice it was a parent with their kid who was like my kid's got to go and i was like all right there's only one bathroom again you deal with how i i kind of just looked at the porno section like see what's there you better shield your kids eyes or something there's no time to turn all these tapes over yes well no that was it was so also it was the covers on the shelves we had the actual dvds by the counters and again so cheap that these covers did not demure from nudity on the front it was like the the money shot was on the front cover. You want to save that for the back.

I know. Again, like as I said, in artful, cheap porn DVDs. One last thing about porn. We'll talk more about porn later, folks. Don't worry. But I just remember as a kid understanding like, oh, these are naughty videos. And, you know, there's naked ladies in them. One thing I remember is like, oh, the things you bring up to the counter are huge.

They're like the size of PC game boxes. Right, yes. Because I think when they're being sold in those very seedy warehouse stores, they don't want people shoplifting porno. Oh, that's why they were so big. Yeah, that's why the boxes were huge. But to bring the giant box up to the counter to get your tape, you can't shoplift just the cover of the box. But it's there because it was really sold at like a store and you know by i didn't see it but a co-worker at the mom and pop store told me like there was a dude who would come who came in a couple times would

look like he was looking at the porno films but not read anything but secretly have brought with him a razor blade to cut out the pictures and take them oh the pictures jesus not stealing the actual dvds but to steal the the dirty pictures on the covers i i dated a woman who worked at suncoast like 20 years ago and those damn bladers they come in with the razor blades they steal the dvds see that's uh this guy could only steal the nude pictures on the dvd boxes that was the only benefit of snapper cases. They help Warner Brothers prevent theft. That's true.

And that's it. They look shitty on your shelf. Also, that Kung Fu poster, that's just the Beverly Hills Ninja poster. That's true. Bobby would be a big fan of that movie, I think. I had pulled it up recently because there's a scene where Chris Rock says, Everybody's trying to kick my ass and he actually flinches at uh chris farley trying to hit him which you know it's funny i guess

listeners you know we did this after yeah i know guys we did this after he got hit on stage by yeah smith we talked about it on talk to the audience but we recorded uh traffic jam weeks before the oscars yes yeah. Hey, it happens sometimes. You know, if something crazy happens with pornography after we record this, I'm sorry. We're out of here. By now, Will Smith will have been brought to justice. He's making license plates now. Oh, God.

He'll be banned from everywhere. Yes. Anyway. We're back in the video store, folks. And Bobby is questioning Luann to see if they're really here to buy a movie for his birthday. But once again, Luann's like, no, they didn't tell me anything about that. So this is when Hank asked Bobby, have you ever heard about cuffs and collars? And this was what puts Bobby's in Bobby's mind that they're here to buy a movie for him.

And he basically gives the description of every cop movie ever made where Bobby says, oh, yeah, two cops't get along but then they do but then it's too late because he's dead but not really and i know you've seen it no yes yeah so i think that answer is that bobby wants it whatever it is and he thinks that's why later he is like oh these are all cop movies when he sees them he thinks this is just the police films i think bobby would be more into police academy movies though i did like the uh speaking of those deleted scenes the one of peggy with her old paper card as somebody who had to create laminated blockbuster cards in the machine that was always my least favorite part of it like all right beep boop beep oh it printed it out wrong time to do it again and and you just feel this anxious pressure of like the line is building behind them and they're all

gonna be mad at me when i have to help them after hey i remember the changeover from paper cards to plastic cards and video rentals it was a big deal you know they they were more durable now i i think uh i think i threw out my blockbuster card finally a long time ago. I would hope so. So Luanne says she's never heard of it either. And when Peggy turned back around, Bobby congratulates her for trying to cover it up. He's like, you are so smooth, Luanne. He's building up himself to be disappointed.

When I watched it with my husband, he'd not seen the episode before. He's like, oh, man, how disappointed is Bobby going to be at the end of this episode? I told him, like, no, no, don't worry. Don't worry. He'll be the happiest little boy ever. A very lucky boy. Back to the clerk. I love this line from Hank where he's like, well, I didn't rent it, so I want the $40 removed, and you can penalize yourself whenever you think is fair.

That's so good. It's him saying, like, yeah, this can be the deal. I won't be too mad at you, but yeah. I love the voice on that cashier, too's like a cuff and collars like he's got a little lisp to him but he's just doing his job and and just like me and blockbuster he's like hey man it's the computer i'm not i can't do nothing buddy and uh yeah the entire point of this episode is like hank just paid the 40 dollars but it's the principle of the thing principle and he won't budge and yeah hank thinks he's being tough but fair but the computer won't let the clerk erase anything until hank can return the tape or pay the 40 dollars so again it's it's the mike judge nightmare it's just like the computer won't let me

uh at me as a clerk can offer you no customer service it is sort of just the like hey buddy i just work here kind of deal you can't talk to anyone there's no conversation to be had it's just pulled away and and also think of what an inverse this is of today like this is a joke about late fees and how horrible it is you pick one movie and if you keep it out too long it's you get charged a late fee as opposed to you have access uh you pay a monthly fee to one thing and you have access to hundreds of movies you never watch. And nothing's ever late. You just don't watch it.

Very, very different. And I went through a similar Hank dilemma with The Computer Won't Let Me very recently because to make a long story short, I have this thing called a Nexus card. It makes it easier to cross the border. I do it a lot because I go to Canada a lot. And when I got my Nexus card, they left the junior off of my name uh i'm a junior by the way i don't like it uh and even though all the information is where it should be it's like well that's my date of birth that's a that's a picture of me i had to give an interview to get this card it's it's all legit it wouldn't work because the junior wasn't on it uh so after covid lightened up and i

was able to actually you know get an appointment and you know go in and say i need this fixed uh the lady was very mad at me and she was like well what are you talking about i was like well there's a junior uh that should be on this card and it's not on this card and i need it there for me to use it and she's like we put whatever is on your passport on the card and i said the junior is on my passport it's not on the card and she says we don't make mistakes and i said well you did here's my card and i was like she was trying to get me to go somewhere else and i was like this is i don't want this the akafka thing please don't turn this into a kofka thing so she eventually uh relented and made the correction but she was so mad about it because

it should be someone else's thing to do but she had to do it there was nowhere else to turn there was no manager i could talk to uh i had to make her do this and she was so mad at me that is you know see that's what's not covered by the beast here i'm just like but nobody wants to do anything yeah but it sucks to do your job. And maybe she'd get in trouble for it. Who knows? Yeah. Yeah.

That's why she was mad. Like, I can't believe you're making me do this. I'm going to have to explain this to like, yeah, it's just logical. Yes. I,

this is why stuff like King of the Hill works too. Like, well, we all kind of have been felt this way at one time or another in the, you know, harsh world, an impersonal world that is today is society yeah yeah no one can help anyone and we're all uh we can only be punished so we're always afraid to do anything and you must either become hank hill or the joker the

only two choices i was very nice to the woman and i think that made her even more angry ah that's good i mean also too that like she probably is used to just saying, well, I can't. And the person just goes, like, okay. And they just walk away. Like, if you actually, if you have answers or know the system as much as them or close to as much as them, then you're really forcing their hand there. My theory is her strategy was to try to escalate any argument to the point where they can say, well, I'm going to call security or, like, I'm not going to help you with that tone, sir. But I was like, oh oh could you please help me you know i would bet she has had uh i the the woman in your story i do feel a little bad for her because probably also in customer

service of the last two years especially you've seen the worst of humanity by times 10 like i couldn't imagine that video store job in keep please wear your mask sir times i couldn't imagine doing that job you know in a way i i was not mad at her because i understand and i hate walking into any customer service situation like this but you walk into it knowing they can never give me the benefit of the doubt ever yeah because they're always on guard and i have to break through that guard because they are trained to never give anyone the benefit of the doubt well because if they trust somebody who then is proven to be a liar then they'll get in trouble later their boss will tell them didn't you know why didn't you ask him about this why didn't you ask him about this it's a very american thing where we all have to suffer because a few

people broke the rules or a few people could break the rules a very very small amount of people that are insignificant teachers punishing the whole class. Exactly. Sorry, a lot of personal gaps on this episode. Let's learn the truth about cuffs and collars in our next clip. I told you I didn't rent the tape. Now, who's calling me a liar, you or the machine? Because I want to know who's ass to kick.

I'm not calling you a liar, sir. Fine. Now, where's the ass on this thing? I need a dryer, Hank. Just pay for the tape. Absolutely not. I won't pay for someone else's screw-up. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if that tape was sitting on the shelf

right now. Where would cuffs and collars be? Action adventure? Action comedy? Action action? Make a left. Okay. Oh! Action, action. Make a left. Okay. Normally, I think porno music is very hacky, but this is kind of the last time you could do it. Though I would get mad when they would still do this

about 10 years later, because I don't know a lot about porn, folks, but it doesn't sound like this anymore no no if you turn on porn and there's music you're like what's going on here yeah what century is this who pays for music you know that must have gone out with the steel drums of girls gone wild that was the last music they put on a porno it became so hack that it was like a freaking uh commercial slogan like wow yeah that's right i wanted to vomit yeah again i you know what that that clerks movie they were getting it right in that titles like cuffs and collars there were still some of them but in the second half of the joke of randall ordering porno tapes yeah yeah all the the names he says in that that

was the names of the ones that my boss bought like usually just an active an action and a participant named in it i mean i don't want to reveal this much about this element of my life but like when at this point in time yes i was very interested in porno i was 15 years old i was about to be 15 years old and i remember uh the first pornography i had access to was i think i was maybe 13 or 14 there was a new kid in school and to win everyone over he brought pornography because it makes friends fast yes yeah he came from uh california the mystical land and his friend would go like dumpster diving for porn and the first porn he gave me a very few pictures it wasn't a penthouse forum it was like mostly text so it was like a a

text magazine with like lots of filthy stories and that was the first porn i had access to and then later in uh early high school there was lots of talk about, oh, the Pamela Anderson tape. Oh, the Tommy Lee tape. I never saw that. And I was like, well, how do you get this? How do you see this? Because you had to go to like a store to access pornography. I mean, there was internet porn, but you had to have the internet, the fast connection.

There weren't a lot of videos. But the first time I actually saw hardcore pornography was when I was 14. And my friend lent me a copy of a Jenna Jameson video that he got from his downstairs neighbors. And that's the first time I saw full penetration when I was a young lad of 14. But now, any kid with an iPad, it's just like whatever act you want to see, whatever celebrity or porn star you want to see, they're just there waiting for you. And you don't even need to be looking for it it will just be in your search results yeah i if you say for podcast research look up a famous person's name you might just see them naked in in the image results no i

mean i also experienced straight pornography in that way through pals in you know yeah closeted childhood like i saw i i definitely saw the pam and tommy tape and man which is in the news these days and man tommy his dick is huge well now there's a hulu show about his dick and it talks to him yeah that's what i heard jason manzoukas i've heard it should be john benjamin but but but anyway yeah that that was how i saw uh hardcore pornography as well but it was from a friend who stole it from his dad who was a uh a bill type who owned a whole lot of pornography and he would miss it like uh the like 10 magazines and three tapes that my friend had his dad never missed like he had that much pornography so i remember

before that uh maybe when i was like 10 or 11 it wasn't hardcore pornography but there was like some playboys floating around there was some woods porn that was playboys and penthouses but when i was a kid what disappointed me was there's actually not too many naked ladies in playboy it's like there's a centerfold maybe a few other things but 95 of the magazine is articles and cartoons and stuff and as i recall a lot of perfume are cologne yeah yeah the smell of a play boy is a bunch of colognes mixing together in my memory a lot of a lot of inserts but like the playboys i saw were all from like there were friends dad's playboys from the 70s so it gave me a misconception about what women look like naked uh from that point on it's still

my imagination now they all look like pamela anderson right well uh not in the 70s no oh no no no but uh anyway yeah i guess this is it's a funny time to remember our childhood was like the start of internet pornography and like one of my friends he did have i downloaded some images but uh starting out for me it was more it more written based, which you could download and view much faster. But we're revealing all this stuff about ourselves because talking about 1998, you can't get porn into your house. Porn cannot infiltrate your house. You have to go to a place and get it if you're Hank Hill. And that's why this is such a violation of everything he believes in, because wants to keep this away from him and his family but it's coming to him and

that shouldn't happen he entering the beaded rooms he is so innocent he doesn't even realize this is the adults only room which is so great and i mean the the reaction of red corn and nancy oh right judging him for that is so funny they're in the romance section renting movies that's so good there's another great joke with them in this episode too that i really like uh so uh lots of fun personal stories here in this episode uh act two starts uh hank is horrified he wants to know how could they how could they ever think i'd run a stag film peggy i'm married that's so funny uh hank thinks porno is still called stag films and that you only see them like at your bachelor party like oh here's a nudist camp movie what married man would look

at pornography i'm married yeah that's such a funny idea and yeah i also i didn't know stag film that term there's a joke about it and i was re-watching littleugs Bunnies and the one of him trying to get the Oscar from like 43 or whatever. He says, hey, play my play my movie. And the thing starts playing and it's just a drawing of a bucket. It says Stagg really like, no, no. I needed to wait till I was older to figure that out. That was when porno was like illegal. And you were like, oh, I got this real.

You know, you won't believe what happens on it. And you show it down at the Elk Lodge or whatever, you know. Yeah. Keep the ladies away. Which like that's all these World War II vets watching pornography with their like friends. Like that feels strange to me. I don't know. And by the way, a stag is a male deer, which is why in that stag film joke, there's like a deer like pulling down its pants or something.

Or like there's like a sexy deer in that Bugs Bunny joke that's correct yes so uh Hank is beginning his investigation I like how this is like a procedural too because Hank is like oh June 23rd that was the day I rented the video supposedly but wasn't I you know installing grab bars in my dad's shower and Peggy was like no um I went to play Boggle with Nancy and I left you at home alone. Alone. Yeah. Peggy is obsessed with like, also that she treats it as this huge crime of like, if Hank Hill ever masturbated, it would be the end of their marriage. Well, by the end of the episode, it's never resolved.

But Peggy definitely believes Hank was actively masturbating in their house. Yeah, she does. To pornography. Which also would would there's no pro that's not a problem but i guess if they if part of their relationship is that she doesn't want him jerking off then i suppose she finds that as a betrayal but he she just wants him to pay the 40 bucks and in her mind she's like you're probably embarrassed because you did do this and you don't want to admit it and she goes you know it doesn't matter if you did or you didn't he's just like i need you to believe that i didn't it does matter yeah she's like okay i believe you but just one question did you rent that tape no yeah well okay but whether you did or you didn't just pay the 40

i like the circular argument where he just keeps saying no and she goes well it doesn't matter if you did i didn't well even if you did it's didn't. Well, even if you did, it's like, but I didn't. Yeah. And so great that then it builds into like Bobby takes their secretiveness to be like, ooh, it's a present. Oh, boy. Because Peggy goes, I don't want people to be talking about this, especially in front of Bobby.

And he thinks they're talking about his birthday present. So it's a great mislead for him. And it's great how he pops into the room. I just love the little detail that Luanne is braiding her own hair as she does that and then later in the episode her hair is braided that's good it's not even for a joke it's just like well luann is bored and she's braiding her hair she doesn't have a ton to do in this episode just react to bobby yeah but uh the boys weigh in on hank's porno problem so nancy tells me she ran into john redcorn at the video store. The two of them heard you complain about some porno tape you lost. Yeah, man, talking about that dang old cussing collars, man.

Like when they come over to clean that pool, man, start going... Quit it. I didn't rent that movie. I'm glad. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is disgusted by pornography. It's offensive. It's demeaning. It creates a standard of idealized beauty that your average man can't compete with. Don't worry, Bill. I'm not going to let my credit and good name be done in by a damn computer error.

Computers don't make errors. What they do, they do on purpose. By now, your name and particulars have been fed into every laptop, desktop, mainframe, and supermarket scanner that collectively make up the global information conspiracy otherwise known as the Beast. Dale, I'm having a problem with one videotape. Not some kind of high-tech boogeyman. You just be careful. Computers have already beaten the communists at chess. Next thing you know, they'll be beating humans. Oh, so good, man. This is a real, it's not his story, but this is a great Dale episode.

This is really good. Yeah, they're finding more to do with these guys outside of having them just comment on the story. We're going to get a Bill episode pretty soon. I like that Boomhauer, he admits to like oh yeah i know what cuffs and collars is because he watched because he is an unashamed single man who uh probably brings it i i would think he has watched pornography with his random partners he's had in his life uh but meanwhile bill doth protest too much which yeah i did i i think on first viewing, I did not even see it coming, even though it is so obvious that a lonely, sad man like Bill is actually secretly an expert in pornography and owns all of it.

He's a porn freak. Yeah. I mean, I think he was protesting too much before. I think he was talking about like pudding wrestling and how it's disrespectful to women and pudding. And pudding. Yeah. Yeah. about like uh pudding wrestling that's right how it's disrespectful to women and pudding and pudding yeah yeah i bet too part of bill when he gets mad at the all the stuff coming in the mail the bill's like i have a private po box to receive my pornography you can't take that similar care come on this is real bush league crap although i do agree with dale again we're all trapped in the beast and it's like when you see an ad on your

phone or on twitter or whatever you're like oh i was just talking about that is my phone spying on me and i think the scarier thing is like no you based on information people have about you they know what you're going to be thinking about and they can shove something in your face like i was just thinking about a subway sandwich and i want to eat one yeah it can remember like the inserted amazon ads are like well you did just we know you just went to Amazon to buy more fiber bars. Don't you want even a different fiber bar? What about this one? Yeah, it's creepy.

Yeah, I mean, the beast is how, like you said, we have nothing to sell in America except for information on people. And that's it. And I'm sure there's no like horrible end point to that that could happen. But I also love Hardwick. The way Hardwick delivers is kind of tommy jones type monologue like so good outhouse but yeah like but but for desktop mainframe is so good the beast and dale is correct yeah he actually is right uh that's what drives hank crazy it's like oh wait dale was right it's it's a horrible horrifying situation in which dale is correct uh also that he does not view communists as human that's very that's also very dale that's

a good deal line uh we're back at strickland propane hank answers the phone it's a guy named matt we know he's a telemarketer but hank is like oh shit i forgot who this guy was he's a customer he's like flipping through his rolodex like oh hi matt he's too friendly he can't he gets completely disarmed by this guy i just love man the acting on herman onx like uh hi matt he's too friendly he can't he gets completely disarmed by this guy i just love man the acting on herman on this guy i go oh he's great it's me matt it's the end up peggy like he's just uh and also that he editorializes too and by rugburn too i mean rugburn also rugburn too isn't very good yes it's it's a great reading by him uh he's he's trying to offer more hank more uh porno because he's from a company called Consenting Adults.

That's a good name. It's more of the office space style humor because you see where this guy is working. His job sucks. He's just surrounded by cubicles with people doing the same thing. Oh, God, yes. Yeah, you're right. Very office space. They all have to dress that certain way and just this like uh endless depressing bill and and to then think

that that's a better situation for workers 25 years ago than it is now it's true nobody's hiring americans to do this work anymore no one's paying a livable american wage for this like they don't they found they found it's cheaper and can export that misery to people who aren't in america hank i think thinks this kind of conversation is illegal because he goes, this is an interstate phone line. That's so funny. This chatter going across state lines is illegal. And yeah, cuffs and collars, rug burn, jailbait.

Well, jailbait is very direct, but comedy writers love writing porno names. It's an attempt to be both bawdy, as our pals on Podcast Ride would say, and clever. And to push the envelope on what you can do on Fox at 8.30 on Sunday. And they go pretty far.

Oh, man. There's a couple. But yeah, I mean, Rugburn already is like, okay, I think we all get what that means. Don't watch Rugburn 2. Hank is like, how did you get this number? And he's like, well, I can't tell you that, but I can tell you we have a wider selection and lower prices than Arlen Video. And that's when Hank goes, Arlen Video told you I rented pornography?

And that's when everybody appears in the doorway and Hank is just like, who plays the most hits? Y104. And he's trying to play it off like the radio station pranked him. He's like, oh, that crazy morning zoo. That's a smart turn by Hank there. He's like, okay, just pretend it was a prank. But poor poor hank he must be humiliated and degradated by life and yeah

i then the way it's it's too ambitious for tv they i think they do a fine job with it but having a full turnaround on the telemarketer like yeah it's like five frames of it and it still works but yeah they needed more frames and that's expensive, but they do a full turnaround and then we go past his head to see the computer. He's saving Hank's info and then we see the process of what happens next. He's feeding the beast. To think you'd even have to press save on the beast now. It's like, no, you can't.

It saved it the second you typed a letter. You can't tell it not to save. So we cut to a location printing out hundreds of address labels for hank we see that his zip code is the same as austin's zip code oh wow well that really drives home where this is he doesn't live in anywhere near austin no no no he wouldn't want to keep it he would want to do the opposite of keep austin weird he's keeping his distance from austin and hey if that's where if that's where fucking tesla and joe rogan are i i'm fine with that yeah although

i feel bad for the people in austin hey yeah they they got to be too cool that's their problem it's the danger hey sf sucks way worse it got turned even worse that's true yeah but we're moving on to uh the cargo it's being offloaded onto a mail truck and then we cut to the hills mailbox stuff with letters there's so many things there's just like packages piled below it and there's a cut joke that i'm glad they cut it's like kind of gross where yes after all this machinery is in place uh the final part of the process is some shirtless guy in a dark room pops a cd-rom in and he like selects hank's address and then digs something out of his belly button so it just shows you how uh both high tech and low tech this effort is to market to Hank. It's a clever idea, but yeah, too, too gross kind of derails this sex thing.

The comedy of the sex thing to make you have to look at some gross shirtless guy picking at his belly button. Before we get to the scene where Hank is in front of the mailbox, there's a big cut scene and Billy West is in this episode. I don't like when Billy West is in King of the Hill because his voice is too cartoony for this kind of low-key show. But at one point in the episode, Hank was going to see a

lawyer and this is all preserved on the DVD in animatic form. And we cut to the office. It's about a one minute or 90 second scene where Hank complains to this lawyer. He's getting harassing phone calls at work. He thinks it's spreading and Peggy's like, yeah, I tried to use the ATM today and it gave me instructions in espanolish so it's almost too stupid for her to say espanolish there's a very good uh line from the lawyer where he replies i don't think i can

help you i know i might be able to help you so that's a that's a good line from him i i also i love how hank uh i remember this now where hank says i came here because your yellow pages ad had a woman saying we can help you but now i see that like we can't help you and the woman is you yeah that that's when the scene escalates he does explain to hank okay i can get this under control hank but first you need to control your spending habits a man with your salary and a narrow urethra should not be renting more than one explicit sex tape a month. Oh, is that why Hank doesn't masturbate as much either because of his narrow urethra? It could be. That it's less enjoyable for him?

This lawyer is making a medical evaluation, but Peggy wants to know, like, well, how do you know all this stuff? And he's informing Hank more about the beast. Like, anytime you make any transaction, even order a pizza, it's logged somewhere. And Peggy's like, oh, even a plain pizza? So she's, like, interested in knowing about this. That's so funny. It's not creeping her out. She's like, wow, that's so fascinating.

And this scene ends with the lawyer saying, well, Mr. Hill, you can't fight the computers. He's like, oh, yeah? And he unplugs a plug from the wall, and it's not the computer plug.gy just goes oh hank and she does it herself unplugs the computer uh you know i can see why it was clearly cut for time but it was a real funny scene yeah yeah i mean just again hank's trying everything i guess this would explain why he represents himself later instead of going at which seems dale level crazy for him to do well you you think that um he hates lawyers because of the the crack episode right he just does not like to be put in that position and i'm sure he hates anything involving lawyers that's true that lawyer did tell him to plead guilty to a thing he didn't do yeah and again he should pay

the 40 that's what the lawyer's advice is he's going to pay the lawyer a lot of money to be told to pay 40 yeah i know that this it's such a beautiful story that it's all just 40 it would it's all he has to do is just admit just pay the 40 but he can't do it his pride his pride so meanwhile uh Bill is shocked by the amount of pornography piling up under Hank's mailbox. Shame on you, Hank Hill. What you do in the privacy of your own home is disgusting enough, but to let it spill out into our streets where my future children will someday play,

well, that is going too far. Shame. Well, that is going too far. Shame! Shame! I would like the luxury of vomiting on myself right now, but I don't have any clean clothes to change into. Would you just pay the bill so I can get a new dryer? It's too late. The beast's already got him in its jaws. Your only way out is to start life over with a new identity.

If you want, I can get you the birth certificate of a child who died in 1953. It's hardly been used. No, I am not a quitter. Who's not a quitter? My dead friend Hank Hill or my new friend Rusty Shackleford? Look, just help me get this smut back to the post office. Bobby! Do not get off the bus! Look at all those cards and gifts.

This is gonna be the best birthday ever. So that clip has the debut of Rusty Shackleford. A running joke and Dale's alias. We love Rusty Shackleford. It's such a great name. It's an amazing fake name. You know, it's a great fake name,

but if it wasn't Johnny Hardwick saying Rusty Shackleford, like we probably wouldn't remember it half as much. It's a great reading of that crazy name. I mean, that probably sold the joke in the room of him saying Rusty Shackleford. I want to know the entire list of names that was read out in that room. Oh, so good. And yeah, to find out that in season 11

they finally did an episode of like, you know what? There's a real Rusty Shackleford. That's right. He comes back to claim his identity. I didn't realize it was so... I had to look that up on the wiki. I was like, oh, wow.

That was that late in the series. There's one cut joke from the mailbox scene in which hank is horrified that the mailman also saw this oh i wish they'd have kept that he's like who else saw this well the mailman god like yeah it's like of course the mailman delivered it he doesn't he doesn't want to be shamed in front of the mailman i also love bill again bill protesting too much but his saying like where my future children will someday play it's it's a great version of that like whatever you do in your house is fine he's like no what are you doing your house is disgusting

yeah it's disgusting enough yeah yeah it's so good uh this is pre-peggy uh crush bill yeah it's true he's not imagining his future life with peggy yet yeah he can't say what you want you want to leave peggy and leave her all alone? I can't let that happen, Hank. So they go to the post office next. Dale and Boomhauer are there. He's trying to return everything, trying to get his equipment, as he calls it. Magazines and equipment. Yeah, so I do think, though, I get that some free things would be sent to you. Mainly though catalogs like actually at that video store uh i'd say quarterly

there was a porno ordering catalog that would get sent i saw that a couple times but uh but actually sending like plugs or wands and whatnot like those things aren't cheap you don't just say i could see maybe one or two companies would say if we we send it to him and he doesn't pay us for it, that we can bill him later or something. Maybe. But I don't think you just get a catalog, not the actual item. Yeah. I guess this is an era in which you were sent free samples in the mail. That's true.

You could feel three kinds of softness. But those massaging ones, those weren't cheap. Yeah. Or maybe they were and they just like scalded you or something. Yeah. Maybe it was a very cheap version being sent to hank perhaps but but the clerk uh can give hank no real answers uh he's like you just need to cop you need to contact the company you buy your pornography from uh i think it's a great

extra humiliation to hank that when he gets to the front of the line with his arms full of pornography it is an attractive young woman he has to say it too like it's also extra humiliating and uh he gets outraged that she's accusing him of buying pornography so the lady gives him a form saying you know fill this out we'll put your information in the computer and then dale's like no forms no computers we were never here don't feed the beast yeah i mean in his case he's like yeah more forms aren't going to help you Hank it'll just make it worse but he just and just are saying like well we can't we're the post office we can't remove you from a mailing list we just have the things and we give them to you that's our job and the last shame is an old lady asks Hank if he wants to prolong his love making pleasure for

just pennies a night she's reading from the box like mr hank and he he warns us but we didn't listen he said it could be you or you next time and yes we all you know the of of mail that i get that annoys me it really just is and it annoys me and just that it feels wasteful i uh this is not me bragging but I did give to some charities, especially in the last few years. College boy. And like food banks or Trans Lifeline or Southern Poverty Law Center. And I swear they spend more money on sending me letters to ask for more money than they did. They spent the entire amount of money I gave them on sending me more letters for it. Yeah, we talked about phones earlier. When I get a text, it's either spam or bernie sanders texting me for donations not him literally but like

whatever place has my number that i gave to don't get me started on that man i gave i happily gave bernie 2020 money and then i know that's the only reason i'm getting texts of like hey i'm a shitty democrat d can you help us save the... I'm like, goddammit, Bernie. There's a new most important election every week. Yes, yes. They are important. I know.

I know. But Hank takes a stand in our next clip. Don't you people understand? If I don't fight, someday it could be your name on these plugs. I'm doing this for all of you. Do you know this guy? No dadgum way, man. It's just some dirty old man hanging around sex toys.

Back in my place, if you're interested. Boom, Howard. No, I can do without Bill by my side. He brings nothing to this fight, but you... You should have seen this coming, Hank. One by one, your friends will desert you. I'll be next. Now, Dale, this stuff about the beast, you made all that up, right?

Of course you did. Oh, no. Everything has been foretold in the book of Revelations. Uh, you just stepped in a diaper. Damn it, it's the vice Squad. They must have followed us. Quick, Dale, bury the... Dale? Uh, sir, this is a municipal dump. All garbage must... Wait a minute. This Superglide is oil-based. That's a petroleum byproduct. You can't throw that out here. Same with the batteries in your vibrator.

This is not my... And it's not a... It's a wand massager. It says so right on the box. Oh, I love that. I read that box like a thousand tiny butterflies urging you to let go. I was kind of shocked in 1998

they could say vibrator on a show like this on a cartoon uh definitely in florida at the spencer's gifts i remember my friend who worked there would joke of like yes we have a lot of we have several massaging wands we sell you know this is hitachi's they're not used for backs i'm sure it rubs it out great in your back you know really rubs it out just blast those muscles but you know also that when they talked about the chuck mangione credit card i also love the typeface oh yeah yeah six months with zero percent interest feels so good he's such a shill but he'll get exploded soon but but yeah everything was foretold in

the book of revelations he just stepped in the diaper and uh dale does abandon him next as he predicted yeah that's uh it's also funny hank says like uh you know bill brings nothing it's like no bill actually secretly is your best friend in this thing he has not gotten the tapes yet uh but yeah again this the only thing that feels different from 90s america to 20s america is this cop wouldn't know the rules he would just say well you can't do this like don't go away like they wouldn't cite rules or say like this actually feels more like a 90s libertarian thing of like hey you can't fish here you don't have a fishing license or it's illegal this is a garbage dump but technically this garbage can't be here it It has to be there. Like,

which I'm not saying there are rules like that, but I don't feel like they're enforced. Like, I feel like I could, I could pour oil straight into a sewer in front of a cop and the cop would just, I think in this case for this scene, it's the cop is identifying items and making Hank even more embarrassed. He's not just saying you can't bury that here.

He's like, well, look at this lubricant. Look at this dildo you have. That's true, yes. Bringing up the oil-based lubricant, which, you know, water-based is a smarter tool. It's true. What are you doing, people?

Yeah, come on. Figure it out. I guess, you know, it's the cheap ones getting sent to Hank here. He's getting the cheap oil. Though, perhaps in 1998, the technology wasn't as good for water-based. Loop is so advanced these days. Ask your local loop salesman for more information. There's another mention of a computer because the cop asked for Hank's license.

Like, I'm going to run you through the computer. And Hank is like, computer? Hank lies. He says he doesn't have his license. And I like how subtle this joke is because he's like, but I can tell you I was born in 1953. As a child, I was quite ill. He doesn't say my name is Rusty Shackleford, which would be a cheaper way to make that same joke which is funny but i like how it's dancing upon him admitting he's rusty shackle just in case he needs to use it i mean also too this shows you how far hank has been

pushed he's running from the police and evading arrest this is not what hank would do i think this is like a pretty bold move for hank at this point in the series uh and i guess too this is where i remember another deleted scene from it that showed the line of what's too dirty for fox for sure there's one more scene like that that they will end up revising to be less dirty but in the cut scene the foam the sex foam he sprays doesn't work so he pulls out uh benoit balls behind him and scatters them and the mix of the balls and the foam causes the cop to slip i didn't know what benoit balls are you put them in your vagina that's what they are i i know it as a word yes yeah i didn't know it as a word i'm like i've never i've never heard of this in my life uh though i mean the the foam's slippery enough to explain

the cop slipping and falling but yeah that felt like a line in the sand for fox like we're not you can say the massage or you can say vibrator we're not having benoit balls and balls too specific yes we're back in luann's room uh her hair is fully braided and she is doing like surprise party training with bobby where bobby is like trying to figure out how to react like how long have you been planning this oh my gosh. So good. And then, you know what? That practice shows off in the later bits. If you're going like, eh, I guess.

He makes that. That's, I guess, what him and Luann agreed upon was the best, like, I'm surprised noise. That's a great noise by Pamela Adlon. I might play it again later. When you really care about someone, you shout it from the mountaintops. So on behalf of Desjardins Insurance, I'm standing 20,000 feet above sea level to tell our clients that we really care about you.

Home and auto insurance personalized to your needs. Weird, I don't remember saying that part. Visit Desjardins.com slash care and get insurance that's really big on care. Did I mention that we care? And yeah, that's what that little scene is about. And then we cut to Peggy. She's having a great time driving along to Juice Newton's Queen of Hearts. And look up the video.

It's very fun. It is fun. I did look up that. I never watched the video before. It's a lot of fun. She's very cute. I also love like peggy i mean it is so perfect character thing of like peggy is a woman who listens to a woman singing a country song and excitedly sings along like but says the words wrong like i also love

that like peggy says you know she isn't very smart but it's actually no and it ain't really smart i know she just like but it's one of those things like oh yeah uh it's there's a bathroom on the right and not a bad mood on the rising it's just you you hear these in the pre-google world you just you don't have lyric sheets you can't just google's killing lyric websites by the way now if you just search song lyrics google just puts them there you don't even have to click on the website it's killing them i yeah i don't like that i even noticed that with like i wanted to look up old articles i did uh for a website you shouldn't go to but on that website i did do and got seo rank on like best spider-man games and when i google that now it just tells me what the 10 are at the top like the 10 best spider-man games and this is, they're not even clicking on my article.

It gives you a summary, like, don't go to that website. Read the summary instead. Yeah, here's the list now. Or same with videos. It's like, oh, this video that said 10. Here's each video, like, pointed. Google, the beast has changed quite a lot in this time. I would jam out to Queen of Hearts in uh grand theft auto san andreas because

it was on the country station i'd say it's a it's a classic i'd say it's a classic by by old juice newton so she stops and pulls over when she sees hank standing in the bed of his truck covered in dump stains and holding a sign that says boycott arlen video and i love uh this camera move which is like sophisticated for the show because uh the what we see of hank uh when it's established is we see him through the window of the truck or sorry we see him through the window of the car the car stops peggy gets out the camera stays in the car as she walks up to hank and the first few words of the scene are muffled because the camera is inside of the car still that is really good yeah that's very that is very ambitious camera work there. I love that. And seeing Hank as such a perfect crank who looks like one of a million people you see in the internet videos these days on Karen accounts perhaps.

Or protesting in front of the gates of Walt Disneyland. Yep, yeah. But yeah, he just looks disgusting. He's got a clipboard around his neck. And he's boycotting our video. But yeah, Hank is taking a stand. He just looks disgusting. He's got a clipboard around his neck. He's boycotting Arlen Video. Hank is taking a stand. Hank Hill, I want you to get in the car right now before the whole town sees you.

No, I am not a quitter and I don't rent pornography. I'm begging you, Hank. Pay the $40. We will buy a new dryer and you can finally change your underwear. Honey, it's the right thing to do. Not until I prove my innocence once and for all.

That's why I'm taking Arlen Video to small claims court, Peggy. I'm putting the whole system on trial. You have not heard a word I've said. What do I have to do to get through to you? Do I have to take off my shirt and dance like the women in your movies? I don't rent those movies. Hank, if you want to keep up your silly little battle then you go it alone i am sorry so even his wife won't be on his side here by

everyone at the end he's his darkest hour at the end of that too i especially i love the the parting shot of him just in the dark in front of the closed arlen video that's uh but i also just love i love that line by peggy because it implies such innocence like she also doesn't know actually what porno is she thinks it's like oh should i take off my shirt and dance like the women in your movies which she thinks like oh it's just like filmed strippers perhaps like that she doesn't seem to think much more than that happens it's's like dancing girls. Yeah. I remember like I had seen pornography at this point and I think the topic came up, not, not me seeing it,

but the idea of pornography came up with my mom and she was like, well, they don't actually have sex in those movies. Right. And I was like, uh, no, no,

they certainly don't. Wow. That's how innocent. Yes. Yeah. That's so crazy. Like, uh,

no, I, I fortunately never really had to talk about ever talk about with your mom you know no she did say like she would comment on erotic thrillers and theaters about like well you're not getting to see that kind of thing but yeah it uh i kept i kept that pretty private i don't think i brought it up no no my mom i think the closest i can remember my mom mentioning that she saw the independent film sirens and was shocked by how many naked women there were in it which that's it's like a hugh grant and what else is in it portia de rossi and uh i think people rented

it because like there's some some supermodel does like her first nude scene okay or whatever but there used to be a draw it used to be a draw in a simpler time in a pre i mean also all these jokes about like nudity and stuff this is the pre mr skin era which was like you'd have to you'll be told rent the movie sirens you'll see that supermodel naked instead of just be like well just go to mr skin and find the 40 seconds that that actress is naked and do your business speaking of the b the speaking of the beast it's now it's like well this actress was never naked in a movie but we hacked her phone yes so there's all of her nudes there no that's horrible yes that's so horrible i'm not i don't approve of that by the way no

that's that's awful i feel very bad but just how easy that's all your data is just available for anyone if you if anyone tries hard enough to get it no that's been the most depressing one of those the thing i talked about later previously of doing like podcast research on a celebrity and then seeing naked pictures when I'm trying to find information. Yeah, I feel the worst of like I've seen those hacked pictures in there, too. I was like, I never wanted to see these. Google should not be hosting these things. It's a fucking crime. Yeah, it's like revenge porn.

That's horrible. I'm not blaming the victims either way. You should be able to take as many pictures of your butthole as you want to without anyone leaking them. Yeah, yeah. That's what cameras are for. This is a filthy episode of our podcast. Hey, it's behind the paywall. Yeah, it's true. It's their fault. They made it about porno.

Porno, porno, porno. Act three begins. Hank is sleeping on a chair in front of his mailbox. He's got a sign that says, honk if you hate Arlen video. He's woken up by one honk. And Dale is feeling very bad for Hank because his trial is tomorrow. All he has is six honks and one signature. And that's on his leg.

Dang taggers. So somebody graffito tagged Hank Hill while he was sleeping. And I love that Peggy has joined them in the drinking. Like she's, this whole thing is frustrating her too. Yeah. She adds her, oh yeah, to that. Yep. Yep.

It's really sad. All he wanted was for his clothes to be dry. And Hank thinks he's got a supporter. He hears three honks, but it turns out to just be John Redcorn there to pick up Nancy. Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar is playing and Dale laughs at hank oh that's so good that's so funny he thinks things redcorn is approving of him when he's just like saying nancy come out here we're gonna we're gonna go fuck yeah and dale thinks the joke is on hank that's so fucking funny so the next scene is someone leaves a stack of tapes on the hill's welcome mat.

Wearing little white gloves to not leave fingerprints. That's true. Very smart of Bill. And he rings the bell. The tapes are Cuffs and Collars, Jailbait, Hung Jury, and Illegal Entry. And Bobby is the one who opens the door and he gets the wrong idea in our next clip. Mom, look what Dad got me. There's Cuffs and collars

and a whole bunch of other cop movies. Jailbait, hung jury. How dare you try to expose my son to these police tapes that are so degrading to law enforcement officials. You never saw these. Gotcha.

It's a surprise. Don't worry, I didn't read the card i believe you hank the answer is in the tapes a friend i need these back when you're done, a friend. I love that second part of the note where it's like, well, yeah, I'm going to help you, but porn is expensive. Yeah, that stuff's expensive. It's part of my collection, too. You know what?

Thanks to the Supreme Court ruling not too long after this episode, titles like illegal entry don't work anymore because sodomy laws were finally struck down. Oh, that's what that's a reference to. Okay. Yes. Yes. I mean, you know, it goes uh it's not just a gay thing was that like 2003 or something i feel like it was three or something yeah which was um insane it took that long and then it would be another like 11 years to till gay marriage but fortunately after that no more homophobia mainstreamed in america it was all wiped out thankfully yeah uh there's a cut joke in this scene before bobby enters hank is going over paperwork and we find out that he's done a credit check on every employee of arlen video he finds out that one of them has a japanese

car and he goes i can use that that's a great one so that's just damning evidence uh yeah like a lot of places in america probably there's probably still places like that but in my hometown if you had a japanese car it was a scandal it's just like they've got a foreign car maybe hank thought it would help him with the jury yeah the character thing again yes like would you trust a man with a japanese car oh no yeah and not in texas no way and uh yeah that is a great car i love if i ever own a car again it'll be a hot if i ever owned a car ever it would probably be a japanese car at this point uh so hank locks the door closes the blinds unplugs the phone in luann's room he's doing this all in luann's room that makes it extra funny that it's like he's doing this dirty business on luann's bed yeah that he also has to put down that he's

like i can't let my family photos see this and witness this. It's a great touch because they never took a family photo with Luann. So Luann has taped her head to a picture of Hank, Peggy, and Bobby. Oh, that's so good. A picture of her head. That's so funny that it's such a sad little thing about her. And Hank sighs. He pops in cuffs and collars. Then we cut to him grimacing and cringing at this plumber sex scene.

At the start of it, like from the dialogue, people are seemingly still clothed. Like it hasn't. They say, well, I'll show you where the leak is. Well, that could be where Bill left off. Oh, that's true. I'm not even thinking about this in VHS terms. You know what? Rewind.

Be kind. Rewind. Maybe Bill actually left him at the best parts to lead him to it. He's like, if you just hit play on here instead of rewinding, you'll get to the key scene. We don't know how long this took because a very funny joke covers that up. It's one of the most subtle and clever jokes. I love this joke so much. That's now very anachronistic and it's hard to explain to modern people, but an amazing time cut joke.

Normally you cut to a clock, you fade to a later time. The clock is blinking 12 on the vcr because no one said it we can't we cut from it flashing 12 to it flashing 12 more so there's a time cut but we don't know we don't know what time it is because no one set the vcr clock yeah it's so great that's so yeah like and hank is just the type who would never set his vcr clock that's so funny i think you, when I got my own VCR, I did finally set the clock, but when it was the family VCR, I don't think it ever got set. Oh, I was the clock setter because I was recording things using the timer.

Oh, I see. And I had to make sure that thing worked. But yeah, this is an era in which the clock would flash 12 if you didn't set it to remind you like, hey, this is annoying. You must set me. My grandma didn't set her VCR clock clock what she did was put a piece of tape over that so she didn't have to see it oh that's adorable man you know and now i'd say the equivalent today is coming home and seeing that your parents uh still have on motion smoothing on their tv when it's like god damn i turned this off the last time i was here this is the wrong way to watch some other child must have changed this.

You know, also speaking, I'm going to steal a joke from the comedian Howard Kramer. He has a joke about working at a video store that rented VHSs of pornography. And he said that when you would get the tape backs from guys, you would know what moment they finished. Because if you hit play on it without rewinding like oh that's when he finished like that's it was information you didn't want to know but could know curves don't rewind yeah oh actually like the two best jokes uh are back to back because we get the time cut joke that that makes no sense because there's no real like time passing that we can tell and then there's a great great joke that we can tell. And then there's a great, great joke

that I didn't get the first time I watched it. Me neither. But in my 20s, I got it. So Hank's pen gets clogged while taking notes during this cop sex scene. And he's shaking his pen to try to get the ink flowing again. And that's when Peggy opens the door. She sees Hank doing this and she goes,

Bobby, for the love of God, get out of the house. And Bobby just goes, OK. OK. So in the deleted scene version of this, there's an animatic version that's much dirtier because in the final version of the scene, we don't see what Peggy is seeing. We just see, you know, the view, the camera pointing at Hank and him shaking the pen. We just imagine Peggy thinks he's jerking off. But in the animatic version, we see Peggy's perspective and it is Hank looking like he's jerking off. The wrist action, he is hunched over at the edge of his bed, wrist action.

And it is more of a jerk-off maneuver. I think they toned down even the handshaking to make it less of an explicit jerk-off motion. But it's enough to sell the dirtiest joke on fox at that point i think in the pre-family guy yeah fox yeah i think i think could be the dirtiest ever i i bet there was a negotiation with the censors of like his wrist can move twice but not three times or something like that a very careful dance but this was on like after the simpsons. I know. Unbelievable. Yeah.

So, so funny and dirty. And that, again, Peggy is scandalized that Hank is seemingly masturbating. It's so funny. Yeah. And this episode ends. It's not commented upon, but Peggy thinks Hank was jerking off. Yeah. And that he's a porn freak.

Which he is. I mean, he is watching the porn. He is seeing people fuck in front of him, which he's, I like that he never enjoys it, but eventually he starts to watch it with a detective's eye. Yeah. He's on the case. So what Bobby does, he leaves the house to go to,

I mean, this joke pays off plot-wise because he says, Bobby, get out of the house. So he goes to where Luann is at the Arlen Beauty Academy. Bobby is getting his buzz cut trimmed by Luann. He doesn't really need a haircut, but he tells Luann like, oh, yeah, they told me to stay away for three hours. So they must be putting together my birthday party. I love it. She goes like, I'm still supposed to charge you for the shampoo.

So it's free haircuts on your birthday, but nothing else is free. Not great training for her as a barber, though. I feel like anybody can buzz cut somebody's head. You know, this is why she didn't stick around at beauty school. Also, it's not good. She's too good for beauty school. Yeah. Yeah.

But in our next clip here, Hank finds a clue. Here, let me hold that. Thanks, officer. Say, are you a mounted police? Not yet. But a girl can dream. Wait a minute. That's it. That's it.

That's it. Yeah, that's it. You are hereby ordered to pay damages in the amount of $1.50 and return the plaintiff's sunglasses. Next case. Hank Hill versus Arlen video mr hill you allege that you have been the target of systematic harassment at the hands of a major international computer conspiracy known as the beast that is correct your honor mr hill why don't you just pay the $40? Because I did not rent the tape, and I can prove it.

I love Quartzies and King of the Hill. The one I'm thinking of that I like even more than this one is the low-flow toilet episode. Oh, right, right. Where Hank has to prove they're not efficient, and by doing so, he's outing Peggy as taking huge dumps. Right. Oh, God, that's such a good one. I forgot that one. Like, some of us have to flush seven times.

Oh, fuck, that's funny. Yeah. Yeah, forgot that one. Some of us have to flush seven times. Oh, fuck, that's funny. Yeah. That's funny. He has to humiliate his wife. I mean, that's an even more heightened version of this, of to prove he is right, he must degrade himself. It's such a great comedic idea where to prove that he is a newbie to porn, he has to prove how much he knows about it

i know yeah to prove i didn't rent the tape i will tell you everything about that movie it's so oh god it this is where it really paid off so much to me i'm like oh this is a 10 times smarter joke than i thought too but just so great that like everybody's humiliated at this court case even uh everyone else is looking at him like, God, this man's insane. He's even talking about the beast to a small claims court judge, which is, that was what a commenter let us know about when we talked about Judge Judy.

He's like, yeah, you know, yes, these judge shows take advantage of people, but seriously, small claims court is perfect for television drama because it's probably two different cranks who both think they're right and they're that's the kind of person you want to put a camera in front and most people that don't have big personalities aren't going to go to small claims court they're just going to say oh forget

it who cares it's not worth it the 40 bucks hank is giving up hours of his life days to prove this rather than pay 40 on a thing that's okay. And by the way, the judge in a very small role is played by the late Lynn Thigpen. She was in a ton of stuff, a character actor, but we know her best as the chief. Thank you. In the early 90s kids game show, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

All right. So that was her. Thank you, Bob, because I actually, as you maybe saw me typing, I went to the IMDb for this because I was like, wait, isn't that the chief? It's the chief. Yeah, there she is right there. Man, it didn't hit me during the episode. Imagine she's talking to gumshoes and not Hank.

It's funny. This is her in her much more buttoned down role than saying like, listen, gumshoe. By the way, Carl Tart does one of the funniest impressions of the chief out there. Oh, really? He plays on Comedy Bang Bang, that comedy podcast. By the way, Carl Tart does one of the funniest impressions of the chief out there. Oh, really? He plays on Comedy Bang Bang, that comedy podcast. He has done the chief character. Really?

I'm sure Scott Aukerman is just confused. Yes. Yeah. Because it's a 90s reference and he was like 25 when that series... He was writing for Mr. Show when that show was on TV. There's a great Defunctland episode about that series. Oh, yeah. If you want to learn more about it. But I liked it as a kid. I didn't know I was secretly learning. tv there's a great defunct land episode about that series oh yeah you want to learn more about it but

i liked it as a kid i didn't know i was secretly learning that fig pit lady she she ties it all together if you take the chief out of that i mean the host is also really good too but i think the chief you need the chief ordering around these kids tell these gumshoes what to do can't even think of what the host looks like it's all about the chief for me and the cartoon villains he's like a white guy with a kind of any monster while just a high forehead okay i remember a head on that man sure he'd wear a hat too but of course we all remember acapella oh geez how could we forget but anyway so uh bobby and luann they've returned home nobody is there there's no one parked outside bobby doesn't know where the magician could have parked. Oh, that's so good. This whole sequence is so fucking funny.

Yeah. I want to hear the sound again. That sharp like bleh. So good. And just also the animation on like how he jumps in like bleh. Like his hands out, like kind of crouched over. Like just like the court scene. It's such a great comedic device because Bobby is not only expecting a surprise party, he is going to be the surpriser.

He is the one jumping into a room. He should be the one being taken by surprise, but it says he's the one jumping in to surprise people. He needs to walk in normally instead of going like, yeah, it actually ruins the surprise. Wow, you're right. He's getting this even more. It's backwards uh i think my favorite uh like classic king of the hill not paying off a joke kind of comedy of nobody's there it's obvious no one's there he gets in his room and when he goes up to his closet

puts his ear to the door he like knowingly smiles to luan like i definitely hear people in here and starts opening it. Then we cut to the courtroom. So good. You don't even get to see his disappointment, but just the smile on his face when we know there's no one in there, but he thinks there is.

It's so good. It's great that by the end, and we'll get to it, he still thinks this has all been planned out for him. It's all been a big mislead. And it all pays off. He learned nothing about pornography. He stayed innocent. So our next clip here, been planned out for him it's all been a big mislead and it all pays off none he learned nothing about pornography he stayed innocent so our next clip here hank delivers some porn facts

cuffs and collars the tape i never rented 68 minutes into the film actress dd cup bends over to shoo her horse now if you pause the tape and look closely, you can just make out a tattoo on Dee Dee's left buttock that reads, I heart Charlie Sheen. Mrs. Cut also makes an uncredited cameo in Jailbait, a tape which marks veteran porn star Fernanda Valli's return to the adult film industry on the occasion of her 18th birthday. Now, at the 70-minute mark, Dee Dee bends over to shoo a donkey. What do we see on her left buttock? Nothing. There is no tattoo. This can only mean that jailbait was made before cuffs and collars. Now, why is this important? Because Fernanda Valley turned 18 on July

5th, two weeks after I supposedly rented cuffs and collars. Is it possible that I walked into Arlen Video on June 23rd and rented a movie that didn't even exist? I think not!

Ah, so wonderful. I think not. That's great. I like how it gets smug. Like, is it possible? Is it possible? That's so good. I mean, now Hank. Okay. So the funniest part of that is like, let's talk about the tape I didn't rent.

So 68 minutes into the movie. So perfect. So perfect. That's so funny. And man, the way he, I mean, the names are funny too. Like DD cup, which should be like double d cup not d and then also the uh fernanda valley meaning it's because for in the fernando san fernando valley is where a lot of pornography is filmed so the person's fake porno name is fernanda valley they're very good

yeah they're great and then i think to the 18th birthday joke is also a very dark one. But I think it's a reference to Tracy Lord. It absolutely is. I share a birthday with Tracy Lord. Wow, how do you like that? Happy birthday, Tracy. It happened this month. In case you don't know, Tracy Lord, she started a bunch of porn saying she was of age. Then when she turned 18, revealed that she filmed all that porn illegally and thus making her

previous pornography actual crimes yeah and so it was a big deal i believe it uh you know it's like porn front page news for a time and now i think it caused at least in the american porn industry a lot more checking of uh ids and making sure someone is definitely lots of disclaimers and you know older boys told me this but often they will show the date they filmed it yes that's true yeah in the i mean if you're watching a full porno tape you'll see that at the start but in our in our on-demand clips world it's so convenient now you're not seeing that you're not seeing dates and times i need hard evidence also hard evidence oh that's the name of another movie and also um mention of charlie sheen this is like 15 years before the tiger blood era that's true and then

it's not funny anymore because he has hiv so that is sad the charlie sheen jokes aren't really uh doing it for me anymore but the gag that yes charlie sheen was good friends with this poor this porn actress but you know i actually, I actually was just watching a wrestler video, a real one. This isn't pornography I'm talking about. A pro wrestler, but he's friends with this woman who just appeared in the background of the video that I didn't notice, but all the comments were like,

whoa, that's this porn star lady. She knows him. I was like, oh, how do you like that? So the wrestling, was it wrestling? This was an actual professional wrestler. This is is not wrestling porn which is also a thing i was gonna say uh do the wrestling and pornography worlds cross over a lot i i think they know each other well as i did slight amount of research this actress ryan keely uh she has been in wrestling pornography so i wonder if she got trained by actual wrestlers and that's how she befriended

them i see but but i think she actually she there i then found a picture of her with uh at an event a wrestling event with minoru suzuki who's like one of the most hardcore japanese wrestlers around so i was like oh she's a real fan and she's getting pics with minoru suzuki but anyway so i wonder what uh industry treats the employees worse porn or wrestling boy tough you know i bet the in wrestling i bet the highest paid person's getting more than the highest paid porn star i bet i would hope so although uh now uh porn stars have like only fans and i think like a lot of them have pivoted just to doing only fans because there's no boss you set your own hours and there's no like exploitation really boy i would bet in the

pandemic too that probably really sped up the use of only fans and i mean yeah if you're if you're just uploading it to a website to the same as your boss is like it at the very least for pro wrestling you need to have a rich person who can rent an arena and broadcast it on TV. You don't need, there's not as much overhead for pornography. Not even close to it. You don't even need to rent the mansion they film all porn in. You can just do it in your apartment. Yeah, yeah.

Or at the very least, someone's Airbnb. Yeah. Have you gotten a thing where an Airbnb has made sure to say, like, and this is not for porn. You cannot use this for pornography. Oh, I don't think so. But maybe that's included in like parties i swear i've seen those warnings of like and obviously well they they don't say pornography they say you can't film no filming yeah i think maybe that was like one of the many bullet points on something i rented which hey when we did that we only recorded a podcast we weren't filming anything we didn't break the rules yeah so

shove it buddy another uh early thing in this show that really shows uh just you know where this takes place in or what time period it takes place in is that all hank needed to know is the release date of cuffs and collars you could find that online now if you wanted to like the store would say release day blank whatever wherever you're buying it but he had to like literally sit down do research on fernanda valley and uh look compared like her birthday to like the state of the tattoo or whatever and to know that when bill gave him that pile of tapes that bill had already figured all of this out like the puzzle all interlocked like the second he heard the name cuffs and collars bill doesn't react to it but in

his mind he's thinking wait i know cuffs and collars probably because he bought it when he was new and he's a fan of the star he's like i know cuffs and collars came out after the date hank would have is said to have rented it so yeah and like no bill gave him the right evidence because you have to think like these women were probably in 70 movies that year or something like that you know your're working days you can only film so many things you gotta the work ethic on a porn star is equal to that of a podcaster that's true you gotta pump out everything you can really quick get it all out of your system stockpile it and at the end you feel dirty and tired as well you know so i can't i i love uh that's a joke i love porn yes the uh pay for porn everybody

that's that's the real lesson today uh but hank doesn't have to pay for his porn because he didn't read it the judge rules in favor and he's and the judge says let the record show that mr hank hill really knows his pornography and hank just goes thank you your honor like he's overlooking the fact of the literal thing that she just said and thinking that she's congratulating him for doing a good job that is so fucking funny to me it is so good because this entire time hank is trying to make it so the computers don't think he does tech pornography and at the end a judge puts it on the permanent record that hank hill officially knows his pornography yeah it's it's more it's more concrete than even a computer to have it be a legal record that you know your pornography but now hank is thanking her he's like thank you it would also be a funny

joke if hank just said no but in this case it's even funnier because hank doesn't realize what she's saying and she thinks like oh you did your research mr hill good job well you really do know porn yeah you you recognized uh and you know on an sdtv him being able to read that tattoo i guess the camera's pretty zoomed in perhaps but i think when she shooed that horse they zoomed in on her butt yeah it's true yes i you know that was my favorite line are you a mounted officer not yet but i'm trying mike judge and kathy and jimmy playing porn stars is always funny that's good they're very flat acting is very funny yes so uh peggy tells hank it's time to put this nightmare

behind us and hank says it's not over yet and that's right after uh bill grabs the tape so good uh i think it's obvious uh after the fact but i love the reveal of like oh they were bills poor the entire time of course of course they're he would be the porn freak in the alley i mean i assume boomhauer has almost as much porn yeah you know i bet he has a healthy collection but also like he does have a swinging singles life so you know he doesn't have as much time for the porn he's making porn remember the camera oh that's where the news clip comes from. That's right. Yeah.

So we cut to the megalomar. The clerk is once again signing them up for a line of credit. This time they're approved because the computer gave them the smiley face. That's so funny. Like, yep. See, the computer told me this. Like, I can't. It's good.

It's either a smiley face or a frowny face. And then Hank happily wheels a drive out of the store and then we get our final clip of this episode i can't believe they forgot my birthday oh don't worry they still got a whole month to remember you got me luann you knew the whole time, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah. I don't believe it. A dryer.

It's perfect. Yep. This is the best birthday ever. Great ending because all Hank hears is Bobby saying, a a dryer it's perfect he's like yes it is son it is perfect he doesn't realize bobby thinks that he's getting a present uh and bobby hugs the dryer you know it's also sweet because like bobby i hope actually gets in a month a real birthday present and it's like oh okay i get like but maybe hank and peggy are like well if he thinks that's his birthday present let's save ourselves some money,

not buy a real birthday present. We'll have an extra 80 bucks in the bank account next month. That's so, I mean, just the way he hugs it is so funny. And also, yeah, what a great victory for Hank. He gets to now have debt with Megalomart, and they have more information on him by being a credit card user at that place. I just realized that

by doing this podcast, we were put in the same position as Hank and that we had to talk about how much we know about pornography. That's true. Yeah. But remember, an older boy told us all of this. Yeah. We don't know these things. Exactly. Yeah. People on Reddit had to explain that porn started me. Yeah. Yeah. I'd ask a lot of questions. But yeah, i you know my last thought i i wanted to share was i do think that the cashier who ran the place who since he was the defendant in the courtroom i think he must be the owner of arlen video too i think he or another employee thought hank was a lame guy or hank probably like pissed off the employee through something and to get back at them they fake rented uh a porno tape on his account to mess with hank later like i i could

see a disgruntled employee doing that it could be foul play you never know i think so i don't i i now with all my life experience i do not think this was a computer error that started all of this i think it was spite spite of some employee of arlen video uh hank pissed him off and they got back at him by fake renting a porno on his well i believe the beast is real yeah and some missed keystroke destroyed his life and it was he finally got back his dignity at the end by it by watching hours of pornography by having a courtroom full of people see how much he knew about pornography i also love he takes a polaroid of the screen too because that's what you had to do then you know that i that's so great and

you know what we're doing that today because uh no streaming service lets you screen cap anything anymore so it's like if i want to take a picture of this funny screen cap i gotta put my phone up to the tv like an idiot uh you know when occasionally i've wanted to be like well i want a video of this like uh pinocchio scene for instance i just went to youtube because i couldn't like it wouldn't record my screen on disney plus oh yeah youtube will let you still youtube and i hope youtube never takes away screen recording like just let us take a fucking screen video. We're going to post clips and screenshots no matter what. Yeah. Who cares, man?

You know, porn stars, they put everything on their Twitter pages. That's true. They're not worried about it. People have told us this. We don't know this, actually. I feel bad. You know, I do feel bad for their Patreon. I looked into this, too, because there was a lot of talk of patreon how they treat uh the adult

accounts on patreon and how tough it is for them i i was reading an article about that and how the uh one of them was mentioning like it's hard enough because i make these things exclusive just like we do and for uh say if you just have pictures of your naked body that are exclusive to people you it is instantly like if you're popular enough to be a popular Patreon person for that, there's obviously going to be people like, okay, cool. There's my pictures and on Reddit. There you go. Or just on some other site in there. Just take away all the value of the product the person made on their adult Patreon.

There are also a lot of legal stuff happening now because of SESTA-FOSTA and it's like that was a law to try to fight online sex trafficking but it also destroys the lives of legitimate sex workers and people trying to make their own

pornography and stuff like that. It's too complicated to go into on this podcast but if you want to learn more about it, you can look it up online. It's not a good thing. President Trump signed into law. It can't be good, right? As a person on Patreon, I feel camaraderie with the adult-only accounts that are just trying to do the same as we are. We're trying to sell our smut all over the place to your children. We do it with podcasts about King of the Hill. They do it with drawings of furries fucking each other.

Everybody needs their content. But please don't get off to this. No, don't tell me about it if you do. Well, if you do, up your pledge. How about that? And also don't tell me. But we'll see you guys again next time for the final Shinsaul. Take care. ស្រូវានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប� Peggy, you don't think I actually rented...

Oh, Hank, I don't care if you did or you didn't. Well, you should care because I didn't. Oh, really, Hank? It doesn't matter. It does matter. It's important you believe me when I say I didn't rent the tape. Honey, okay, I believe you. Now, I just have one question. Did you rent the tape?

No! All right, then.