Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Another Simpsons Clip Show

Episode Date: August 16, 2017

Hoo boy, we've really hit a low with this one, the worst clip show and thus the worst episode of The Simpsons ever! But don't fret, we still worked hard to give you a fun podcast where we describe in detail how (intentionally) phoned in this one was. So enjoy this tribute to love with no memorable lines whatsoever!

This week's episode of Talking Simpsons is brought to you by you. That's right, we're on Patreon now, so head on over to patreon.com slash talking simpsons. For as little as $5 a month, you can help our show and get all kinds of great extra content on top of that. We've got a ton of great bonus content waiting for you right now, so head on over to patreon.com slash talking simpsons today. I heartily endorse this event or product. Ahoy, hoy, everybody. Welcome to Talking Simpsons, recorded live on an unusually warm February 14th. I'm your host Bob Mackie, who's not interested in brunch at all.

And this is the Lazer Time Podcast Network's chronological exploration of The Simpsons. Who else is here with me today? Mmm, something. Henry Gilbert. And who else? Didn't feel like writing anything, Chris Anteese. There's a reason, man. Because today's episode is what I feel is the worst Simpsons show ever. Another Simpsons clip show.

All you have to do is think about your most cherished memories. And they sure did. And today's episode aired on September 25th, 1994. And as always, Chris will tell us what happened on this mythical day in real world history. Oh, Bobby, I'll make love to you because TimeCop debuts in theaters. Boys to Men rule the music charts with two. And the music biz is a-changin' with R.E.M.'s Monster debuting alongside Rolling Stone's Visa credit cards. And the quick and uncomplicated trial of O.J. Simpson is ready to start.

Awesome. Turn on Court TV for that one. That Monster album was everywhere. It was so heavily promoted. The Boyz II Men one? Well, that was too, but the... I mean R.E.M.'s monster. If I'm not mistaken, I think R.E.M.

made the most... has the most lucrative record contract in history because they had moved over to Warner Brothers at that point and then re-upped and then after that, the music industry shit the bed entirely. R.E.M. after this was not the R REM after this was not as popular as the REM before this. I want to talk about Boyz II Men real quick, though.

Oh, man, yeah. Because I was in middle school at this point. I recall going to a lot of Catholic middle school dances. And they would play I'll Make Love to You. And even as a 12-year-old, I was like, is this appropriate? Yes. They were such catchy slow jams that they were able to cross over from r&b charts into pop and by crossover i mean white people listen to it

but it was it was on all the radio i heard it all the time i bought the album i loved it and it's like boys to men abc i love that shit i love i love that shit ABC. I love that shit. I love that shit. Yeah, ABD. Another band. I love that stuff. The Slow Jams. It was just so everywhere for so long. I grew to hate it so much. I'm not ready to like it again. I'll Make Love to You is the perfect R&B. It is the R&B genre of like, I will give you oral sex.

I never knew what their name meant. Yeah? That they are boys becoming men? No, there are two kids and two grown men in the fucking bank. Oh, I didn't know that. By the time I knew about them, I think the kids had grown up. I was younger than them. I remember on the

I Love the 90s shows, when they got to the Boys to Men, this album, the actress who played Lisa on Family Matters had this great observation of like how that song was everywhere and she would hear it at weddings i'll make love to you and she's like we're in church come on mike yeah kids didn't need to hear it but i want to say that okay so this is my estimation that this is the worst simpsons episode ever and i'm sorry i'm sorry

we have to punish you with this but we have to be complete and thorough with every episode and this is an episode and we i believe we noticed our lowest performing episode last time was what a simpsons clip show to date our least downloaded non-interview episode was it's come to this a simpsons clip show which i think is because it's for two reasons because the nerds know what it means yeah or you don't know what it means and it seems like well i'm not gonna listen if you're a new listener why would you download that one because it seems that we're giving you a clip show we're not that one and in this one we are not giving you it's very unfair i as homer would say i'm putting my whole ass into this it's worth listening to i agree so i had some twitter adventures because

i was watching this where I usually do research. And I was like, wow, this is the worst episode ever. And I tweeted that out. It's so bad. People don't remember which clip show it is. They're like, oh, I hate that one. That's the one where they're all singing. It's like, no, that's all singing, all dancing.

Oh, I hate that one. That's where the Homer's in a coma. No, that's so it's come to this. They thought it was Gump Rose. No one remembers this episode. And our friend Bill Oakley actually tweeted at me. And he's like, oh, is that the one written by the great Pennywise? Yes. And I said, yes, was that the one written by the great Penny Wise? Yes.

And I said, yes, it's his worst episode by far. And Bill Oakley thought I was making fun of John Vitti. He was like, well, to be fair, he wrote it under duress and, you know, we didn't want to do it. I was like, no, no, no, I was making a joke. I was pretending Penny Wise was real. I love John Vitti. You should talk to us.

I did reach out to John Vitti. He said that at the time, maybe I could convince him again, but he said that his uh the at the time maybe I could convince him again but he said at the time he felt the commentaries said all he needed to say on it he didn't want to say more stuff which I get that and he does swim in an olympic-sized swimming pool full of money thanks to the chipmunk movies chipmunk movies ice age movies he wrote the angry birds movies he's he's doing quite well yes and he uh he left the show but he was forced by contract yes to write these which is why he is credited as penny wise but david silverman still in big scare quotes directed

this episode yes by name in the next episode the 138th episode spectacular the next clip show he is pound foolish yes so as in the saying is penny wise but pound foolish in that you're saving money in a way that will cost you money later, which making a cheap ass clip show just because it's another episode you can syndicate damages your property in the long run and hurts it. Which honestly indicated why? Why would they keep doing this? Because another episode is another episode licensing fee. So literally on a spreadsheet, they're like, if we make another one of these, but but cheaper as a clip show we will make two million dollars or whatever on it so the math is there for straight profit if you do a clip show and this these clip shows happened when the 90s was the

death of the clip show like people the 80s were full of them and they were just the cheapest bullshit ever and i knew i knew that ugly feeling as a kid watching tv all the time to realize from the first minute in oh this is a clip show oh no they're trapped in a thing or someone has a scrapbook seinfeld has a good one yeah but it's but it is an assemblage of like it's robot chicken gag style it's just it's machine gun fire uh best of moments but this one i think is so weird because because of the structure they try and pull out of it in the third episode which i feel like is pretty insulting because this is like there are still shows debuting that you need to go up against right and why would so why would you

do this at the start of the season but but and this is this is their most like cynical one too it really is it reads exactly like family guy i do want to tell my theory before we start getting into the episode. My theory is Season 6 was always going to have this clip show in it. And my theory is it was going to be closer to Valentine's Day. It's a love-themed clip show. But the Northridge earthquake destroyed the beginning of Season 6. So Episode 1 is a holdover from Season 5. Episode 2 is another holdover from Season 5.

Next week, nothing. Next week, it's this clip show so we could get out the door yeah needed september needed episodes yeah there's some really bad new animation in this uh yeah i mean they make the joke 33 new footage in the 18 scratchy movie episode this has maybe like 15 new footage at best yeah at best yeah well as they tell them on the commentaries this was forced on them by fox that fox even proposed four clip shows a season to them a season to them and so when they did the april fool's clip show that was a john vd they all are technically john vd and david

silverman because that's the deal that they're forcing on them but when they did the april fool's one they had shame about it and they gave you a full act of original animation before they got cheap on this one this really didn't give a shit on this one and just dumped this one out clear and and i think they felt such intense shame that when the next time they had to do it oakley weinstein went above and beyond to the extreme with 138th episode spectacular. That's one of my favorite episodes. So I'm not anti-clip show.

No, that one was great because they cared about it. But this one, so with the last clip show, what I did was I went and I wrote down how many clips there were total or clip packages. There were 17. For this one, I couldn't because almost everything is a clip. Even the framing device.

So there are two framing devices, them on the couch and them around the kitchen table. 90% of that footage is from other seasons. They are clips. It's not just memories. Right. And David Merkin intentionally tried to make it as jarring as possible. So we'll jump from season to season within shots.

Sometimes they're eating food. Sometimes they're not. Because that was his fuck you to them. Yeah. He's just like, you want a clip show? I'll show you how bad this can be. And their hatred of this episode is evident in the commentary which they do like us they do every episode of commentary but this one

they completely reject even commenting on it and they just explain for 22 minutes the process of creating an episode of the simpsons from beginning to end it's very informative but you will learn nothing about the making of this episode because murkin graining silverman would all pretend it didn't happen either right and i don't want to i don't mean to insult family guy by saying this is very family guy but family guy is making deliberate jokes to serve cutaways that are outlandish and don't fit into plots right this feels terrible because they're making absurd excuses to make cutaways that just go back to regular clips of the show. A Twitter person told me this is sort of like a Simpsons digest where it's like, we'll give you a bite-sized version of these stories, except for Bart's story where you see one scene.

Yeah, one scene. So stupid. And I also was extra angry watching this because I forgot they flashed back to an episode that was three episodes ago the at the very least what clip shows offered in a pre-digital era was your ability to watch oh three runs that you couldn't otherwise when they show you lady bouvier's lover you just saw that yeah it's true and like with the last episode the simpsons sort of have to be omniscient to know every detail of the story they're telling but in this episode it's even more exacerbated, that issue, where it's like, Homer shouldn't know this scene happened,

or Marge shouldn't know this scene happened. She was not there for it. I wish there was a joke cutaway to Marge explaining Jacques, like, Marge, you remember an astounding amount of details. You told me every single one. The closest thing to good jokes in this episode is when they comment on things, when they're making kind of MST3K comments on the episodes of saying like,

well, that plot doesn't make sense or I don't know why that or... Commenting on the lack of jackets on Valentine's Day. Yeah, so you get some good stuff there, but you get about two, no, one minute of new animation at the start of the episode. And here is Marge setting it up. This romance is soge setting it up. Homie, do you think that the romance has gone out of our lives?

Wake up! Which, Marge, it's 3 a.m. and I worked all day. It's 9.30 p.m. and you spent your whole Saturday drinking beer in Maggie's kiddie pool. And then we have our first clip. And boom, which is a new kid on the block from season four. Homer fishing a hot dog out from his crotch area in his new pool. I remember watching it as a kid and being like, oh, no. Just seeing that clip, I was like, oh, no. Because we didn't know the titles of the episodes.

Yeah, and I didn't. There was no way, like, unlike television now, there was no way to see the title of this episode. So you don't know it's a clip show, and I don't really know what I'm watching in the beginning. Unless you had a very accurate TV guide that would actually list the titles. I mean, most of us didn't or weren't looking at that yes uh and marge was reading the 50 shades of gray of the early 90s oh come on it was but it was not twilight fan fiction made into a legitimate uh book i mean it was a popular romance novel with women that was everybody was reading and sold a million millions of copies that's that's it yes it's hard to compare it to uh

to twilight fan fiction turned into legit quote-unquote legit in quotes yes but eventually got us to see in meryl streep naked clint eastwood starred in and directed the film of it and say the name of it is the bridges of madison county and if you'd like to know the plot actually this this stand-up on dr cats is what i always think of at Bridges of Madison County, and this bit explains the plot. You know, they say men aren't supposed to cry. I mean, I saw Bridges of Madison County, and they fell in love, and everything was good. And then they realized they shouldn't be together, and they break up. And then the real husband comes back. And he's waiting behind Clint Eastwood in the truck.

And it's raining because everything bad happens in the rain. And the light turns green, but Clint doesn't move. And the guy's like, boo-boo, today, boo-boo, today, you know. And the husband says, what's he waiting for? He's waiting for her. Hey, you want a tissue? Can I have a minute, that's great that is the plot it is and the tv show duck man would do a beat for beat parody of this movie and i think the second or third season that is right yes in the in the film

meryl streep's family she is a mother with children and her husband isn't even bad it's just she has a fun fling while they're out of town with a National Geographic photographer. It was unfortunately Clint Eastwood. I can't imagine ladies rubbing one out to dirty men. Hey, he was very handsome. Was he? In 95? Remember that ad?

Oh, in 95, maybe not, but maybe women in their mid-40s still saw him as attractive. Even after almost making out with an orangutan? He should. Must be a beautiful woman. I wonder if that was just him kind of pulling the, like, I'm the director and the star. Oh, he directed it? Yes. Okay.

In the mid-90s, it was pretty rare for Clint Eastwood to appear in anything he didn't direct. So yeah, Bridges of Madison County has inspired Marge to be interested in love while Homer does not give a crap about the book. Homer, young people learn about love from adults, and we've been setting a terrible example for our children and the community in general. I want us to deal with the issues raised by this book. Hmm.

I know we shouldn't have put a fireplace in the bedroom. Which would never exist again. Every joke in this episode is not canonical, by the way. Is the fireplace with the book going? Does that reuse animation as well? That is from Dog of Death. It's not, though. The cover is the Bridges of Madison County.

Okay. Maybe they pulled the scene and just put a new cover in. I think they did because it is the exact same shot as when he throws the lottery into the fireplace. Or maybe the adding of the cover was a digital effect that they could just slip in there. Could be. Like an early digital effect. Well, because he also, yeah, but it was absolutely the same animation. So it was reused.

I'd also like to point out having a fireplace in their bedroom makes The Simpsons Home worth a lot more. Yeah, yeah, it is. It makes sense because the chimney is on the bedroom side. Oh, wow. That is true. I need that Lego model to find out. So then we cut to some very jarring season one animation. Oh, boy, oh, boy.

The footage of the kids watching Itchy and Scratchy is from Crusty Gets Busted. Right. But the film they're watching, Flaming to the Moon, is from Homer the Heretic. And the character designs just change on a dime. Sometimes they'll put little lines behind their mouths. Sometimes they won't. It drives you crazy. And then Lisa explains what a clip show is.

How many times can you laugh at that cat getting hit by the moon? It's a new episode. Not exactly. They pieced it together from old shows. And it seems new to the trusting eyes of impressionable youth. Really? Ren and Stimpy do it all the time. Yes, they do.

And when was the last time you heard anyone talk about Ren and Stimpy? Damn. Marge, come on now. Ren and Stimpy was doing just fine. It was only in the first season, actually, that they would reuse the little Bullwinkle-esque shorts. Because that was their compromise with John Christopher Lucy, the creator. Like, it takes you so long to make cartoons. We will let you shuffle around these shorts and reuse them

like Log and things like that. Ask Dr. Stupid. I remember, because I don't think, were they not going to release Big House Blues? The intro? Because Ren and Sibby didn't do a clip show but they did like They just shuffled things together.

The pilot and I remember like months later if there was no new episode, they used half of one regular episode and put in the pilot. Yeah, it was like Fire Dogs with Big House Blues. So it has, like, Ren and Stimpy sadly has, like, season one episode A and B because they're the same shit in some episodes, but no clips. Well, because really Spumco only produced i think six episodes of actual episodes right anything you could criticize run and stimpy for never reusing anime by this time uh john k had been fired for two years uh games animation had taken over and run and stimpy would end in 96 but uh these are the years i really like i mean the original ones are great but i still was hanging on run and stimpy marge needs to take those words back right now bob camp

is my hero the games animation years were doing good like in january that year was i what i think of as my favorite games animation episode which is uh stimpy's cartoon show oh oh okay yeah i actually have a drawing of that by the great bob camp yeah the inserting of wall of cob cop walter cob's one of my favorite late, well, not late, but post-Spumco recurring characters. Like, the Lummix is funny and the cheap Irishman played by Scrooge McDuck is funny.

Oh, Scotsman. Haggis McHaggis. I mean, we're going on a Renistimpy tangent, but it's fine. There's nothing else to talk about. We've got to fill time some here. But I love Wilbur Cobb,

the old man in Renistimpy, because it was like the grandpa jokes on The Simpsons exaggerated. Like, parts of his body could fall off. Oh, every scene, something fell off his body. When he cleans his glasses and rips his nose off.

His ear slides down his face. And then they just are like, he's been in jail the entire time. You'll be where I am. Half the scene takes place with them inside of his pants. So please look up Stimpy's cartoon show. Maybe we'll do a Ren and Stimpy for talking cartoons, whenever that show will be called if we unlock it yeah pledge right there on patreon.com talking sims we're getting there then bart cuts away to the fluffy bunny

scene which i would think that would be burned in bart's memory and that is the fluffy bunny from bart's friend falls in love which is the only real stuff you get of that love story yes and as always i love throbbing biological urges. And then somehow Marge remembers Smithers' fantasy about Burns from Marge Gets a Job. Exactly. The Simpsons are omniscient now. They are gods in their own world who can see into other characters' brains and see scenes they weren't present for.

It's amazing. And there'll be a clip that is reused in 138 as well. So it's a double-clipped clip. I love that clip. It's an amazing clip, but it doesn't work as a thing Marge can remember. And I at least like, as far as quality goes in the episode, they at least front-load it with a couple of montages. So first we get the Moe montage.

Out of nowhere. Oh, it's tapping. Hello, is al there al yeah al last name alcoholic let me check phone call for al alcoholic uh jock strap is ip freely here hey is there a butts here seymour Butts. Uh, homosexual. My crotch. Uh, Amanda Hug and Kiss. Uh, huge ass. Ivana Tinko. I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt.

That will be printed on my tombstone. I, that also breaks a rule of mine that I hate in clip shows where they pretend a memory from a Halloween episode works. When it's like, no, Treehouse of Horror is non-canonical. I can't remember it. At best, you can say this was a dream Bart had and he remembers that dream. But they still, it is a great closer, but I just hate that it's there. I mean, the reason Mo said that is because Bart had magic mind powers and Mo had to say it. Yes.

I do love that clip, though. I feel like it was worth it. Except that Mo undergoes several dozen dye jobs. Yeah, and his voice changes a lot. Yeah, and just, we were watching the Simpsons movie for the commentary.

I think it's on your Patreon now. Just, I never read Mo as an old person, but he now, his model is like, just, you are gray haired. Gray haired, yeah. And that was such a gradual change in this clip further emphasized that it bounced back and forth that was going great how did they introduce the bart calling mo as part of just saying like remember don't you remember happy

things you've loved and then bart remembers that and what a bad setup i think they do both of these because from one of the best parts of the apr Fool's clips was the dough montage. They could at least put together a montage of similar things. It's what Duckman did really well on its clip show, which was a way better clip show in that that was literal torture to Duckman. They're like, if we're doing a clip show, it is torture. It's a real clockwork orange situation.

Then there's another montage of mmms. No, ask your heart what its fondest desire is. Mmm. Mmm. Chocolate. Mmm. Invisible cola. Mmm.

Forbidden donut. Mmm. Sacralicious. Mmm. Snow. Mmm. Freerilicious. Snows. Freakoo. Something. Now, as far as I can tell, that was original animation.

Something had never been before. If you go to the Simpsons Wikia, which God help you if you go to Wikia, but that was the best list of sourcing every and i mean every clip in this episode right something they say is completely original oh they're trying to fool you i guess i guess so or it was a deleted scene perhaps that wasn't in the deleted scene set for last season maybe they're showing just how easy that joke is he could say anything and it's funny that felt like the writer saying like these jokes suck you could have him just say something but it's a great closer to the montage i only take issue with the sacrilegious because there's a setup to that

that doesn't work in clipboard yeah i mean we don't know why it's sacrilegious well in this now it's if you're watching this for the first time like why is homer talking about snouts it's mostly snouts and entrance oh you're right yeah it's it's when homer is sad that the dog's eating better than he is because they're eating was that the uh dog of death that is another dog they get a lot of dog of death out of this the sentence will be right back. listening and hey we're sorry it's a clip show but i think we're still having fun right and you know this is brought to you by patreon.com slash talking simpsons yes we wouldn't be able to do a podcast about every episode of the simpsons and that includes clip shows without your support right there five dollars a month gets you so many things on there not just early access a week early to every episode of the show and they're ad, but you also get every episode of Talking Critic,

which is exclusively available there, and tons of other extras like our Season 5 wrap-up and special interviews. We did one before with Paul Provenzano, which I think was really great, and now we have a brand new one on there. What? That's right. It's an interview with reed harrison an accomplished television writer who has worked on multiple episodes of simpsons as well as related simpsons

products he is the man who wrote the episode the springfield files aka the x files crossover and he wrote the season 19 episode papa don't leech which brought back lurline lumpkin onto the show not to mention that but he also worked on the lost season of the critic what's that well you'll learn all about it from our conversation with reed harrison and that interview is right up there on patreon.com slash talking simpsons and again five dollars a month supports us and helps us keep going strong. So we thank you very much for all your support. Hey, this is Jerry Cooney, professional boxer and official greeter of Mr. Burns Casino.

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Popsicle, shirtsicle, that's how it's spelled. Or you can go to tiny.cc slash talking shirt, and that will take you directly to the page. I already bought mine! Lastly, this week's podcast is brought to you by audibletrial.com slash talking simpsons and you can get yourself a free audiobook of your choice just for signing up and starting the trial. If you're a big comedy nerd like me,

I know multiple books I could direct you to, but the one I'm going to pick is Hollywood Said No! The Abandoned Screen plays of the Mr. Show movies if you're a fan of Mr. Show it's an amazing book just to get but they go way overboard with the production of it basically the guys behind Mr. Show and the almost everyone who was in the cast comes back together to create audio plays of two of the film scripts that they never were able to produce. And it's all right there on Audible.

And you can get it for free by signing up for a trial of Audible at audibletrial.com slash Talking Simpsons. Check it out. You like Lazer Time shows? Then you might like Bonus Time, We'll see you next time. We were staying at a place where, like, oh, yeah, there's just always beer. It was a fun trip. Like, the place we stayed at was fucking amazing. Like, rented an Airbnb of this dude who was a five-bedroom, five-bathroom house. Outside there was a giant pool with a water slide and a fucking grotto in the back. Water slide? Wow. I love water slides.

But the problem is we were probably, probably like a mile from the strip. If we wanted to get food, we had to order it. And the thing I love about Vegas is you eat shittily too. We ordered shit from Safeway. That's awful. And more than half of the stuff we ordered, they were like, we didn't have it, so here's your order. There's crackers and cheese.

There's no bacon in this order. So just have eggs. We were eating extremely shittily, like, Homer making a meal for himself, kind of like...

Some moon waffles were being passed around. No, cloves and fucking Tom Collins mix. Let's go get your mother. I looked into it because apparently that's what

cruise ship dining is too. It's just one, like, prolonged buffet. Yeah, that fucking failed music festival. Fire music festival. That's what we were eating. Oh shit.

But I chat in five different bathrooms which is nice. I made that my mission. I'm like, look, I'm going to find every bathroom here and shit in it.

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video commentaries, the first season of Talking Simpson and more at patreon.com slash laser time starting at just five bucks you'll help us live and we'll do our best to help you never be bored again so the next part is basically a recap of Life on the Fast Lane. This is when it gets weird. Well, oh wait, I didn't want to play this clip real quick. This is Lisa describing the death of romance.

Oh, it's the one good line from this episode. Yeah. I guess that's the line of the show. I mean, romance, not love. Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece. That's not true! Romance is all around us!

I guess. It's okay. I'd almost say, if something counts as a new line, I'd give it to that. It's an alright line. It's okay. And, uh, when Marge is describing things to there's moments where she's like, she says, no, remember a moment of romance.

And then Homer remembers kissing Ned from Homer Loves Flanders. Right. And it would seem to imply that Marge, whenever someone remembers something, Marge sees it too. She's the head vampire, Henry. Yeah, that is true. Well, one thing I want to point out is, I i mean i think the end of the episode addresses this it's that marge reads the book uh bridges madison county is like uh this book is telling me what a good model for love is let's tell stories about our loves and it's all horrible stories and two of them involve infidelity yes and i love marge's line if you mentally snip

out the part where i had a husband that's my ideal of romance so she's saying what i had with jock was great if homer wasn't there yeah the so this is when the episode gets it laziest which is just explaining six classic episodes of the simpsons to you so sourcing the clips isn't hard because you just know the episode marge saying that she's like she's explaining her plan infidelity for the first time in front of her family is fucked up yes it is and uh but seeing this reminded me julie and albert brooks together really good and they should have more scenes yeah i mean you talked about the mst3k comments i love the line thank goodness i drove down that ironic street yeah so uh yeah this is the best line to it thank goodness i drove down that ironic street i I made the right

decision to stay with my homie and there was no harm done. So if you kind of mentally snip out the part where I already had a husband, that's my idea of romance. Marge, I want you to stop seeing this jock. You can let him down gently,

but over the next couple of months, I want you to break it off. Okay, Homer. That was a close one, kids. Homer is kind of okay with it as long as it ends eventually. He's just like, well, hey, it's like he understands. Look, okay, I understand you've had an affair, but I want it to end. You know, to take care of Jacques' feelings.

But Homer also doesn't understand the end of the story that Marge didn't have sex with Jacques. That she just lusted in her heart, as Jimmy Carter would say. I would argue she went further than Homer did. Yeah. In terms of deception. Well, she didn't kiss Jacques. Homer kissed Mindy. Yeah, but there were deliberate deceptions and meetups.

That's true. Marge knew what she was doing. Homer's kind of naive. And he was sad about the inevitability of having to have sex with Mindy because they were both attracted to each other. The cookie told me. It's so delicious. And so instead of remembering the Lurleen episode, which honestly, he remembers this one, Mindy instead of Lurleen, which I think the only reason they did that is because that would have involved licensing songs again for this episode airing and they didn't want to spend more money.

It's a clip show. I got to make them cheap. Yep. And so, though, I wonder if they had, I bet having all these guest star moments, they have to pay the guest stars. They're credited on it. So I think they're paying them. I based this just on a joke on Steven Universe where they don't do a clip show, but they

have a flashback to the one time Nicki Minaj voice to character on the show. So they play her voice and then the character literally says, we don't have to pay her for that, do we? Oh, we do? Fair play. I would take that as a true thing. But anyway, Homer is actually more empathetic than Marge here that he recognizes they are traumatizing their children by telling these stories. Okay, Marge. As long as we're traumatizing the kids, I have a scandalous story of my own. And we get a recap of The Last Temptation of Homer from the last season.

And Homer remembers Burns sending flying monkeys after him even though he couldn't have been there. Somehow he remembers that. I love that joke so much. Continue the research. And then we get non-canonical story of what happened to Mindy. I don't like how mean they are to Mindy. Mindy met well and she was a nice person. What happened to Mindy?

Yes, what did happen to her? She hit the bottle pretty hard and lost her job. Good. Aw. Geez. Yeah. Good. But don't worry.

It's non-canonical. It's non-canonical. It's non-canonical. Mindy would appear in multiple background scenes in the Springfield Power Plant in seasons eight and nine. Okay. As well as she would be on, well, as a Team Homer episode. The Homewreckers. She is on the Homewreckers team with Jacques and-

Princess Cashmere. Jacques, Princess Cashmere. And was it Larlene or was it- Did she ever voice by- Maybe Larlene and Mindy. Michelle Pfeiffer again? No again no no she never talked again but but she would be mentioned so don't worry folks that did not happen to mindy lurline would go she would wake up in a ditch but that would happen in lurline which is very mean those are both very mean lurline would return in like a season 20 something

episode in a better position common trajectory of he common trajectory of hee-haw musicians. It's like any character who comes to the show and tries to disrupt Homer and Marge's marriage, they must be punished by the universe. And Bart's what happened to Mindy scene, that is from the Blowfish episode. You can tell by the telltale catch-up on his plate, which is from pouring all that catch-up with a fart sound effect on his meatloaf. Once again, watch these scenes. The food transformsaf. Yeah, once again, watch these scenes. The food transforms every moment. Exactly.

I said watch these scenes. Don't watch these scenes. But if you watch these scenes, sometimes they're eating, sometimes they're not eating. Sometimes what they're eating changes. Sometimes they're holding food, sometimes they're not. It's so bizarre and just really messes with your mind. Yes. And then we get to Lisa misremembering the Valentine's Day episode to make it depressing

to then completely cut out the third act. Yeah. Does anyone else have a love story? Yes, I do. And just like your love stories, it's tragic and filled with hurt feelings and scars that will never heal. It started appropriately enough with an innocent boy being embarrassed on Valentine's Day. Yeah.

The choo-choo-choos me episode is one of the best ever, but it only works if you know the ending or if you see the ending, that it just ends with the classic scene of his heart breaking in slow motion. Yeah, we don't see the let's be friends scene where they come to terms with each other. Yeah. Well, because the point of this episode is that they all have to be heartbroken until they hear the last story. Yeah, and all we get of Bart's story is one scene with laura yeah the whole we don't even get any context like oh this woman

broke bart's heart yeah and that it was yeah that god that it broke bart's heart and that there's nothing else about laura there's none of the jimbo stuff like he could if they they wanted to break more hearts they could talk about how like it was with Jimbo and Jimbo's awful. But they only had time for just that one cutscene of the heart being ripped out and thrown. It's a cool scene, but... It's well animated. If you're wanting scenes of heartbreak, then fine. and then what has to be the laziest act break to reopen too of just like it ends on them all just sad

and reopens in the exact same setup the exact same scene it's just again like so lazy on any other episode they would have at least changed the animation setup to make it interesting it's a really bad act break and then Marge has kind of a joke

well as Jerry Lee Lewis would say, there's a whole lot of frowning going on. Mom, doesn't any love story have a happy ending? Of course! Remember when your Aunt Selma got married?

She really misremembers that one. But how does she... I guess maybe Selma told her later about that scene of the rubbing the feet. Oh, yeah. Like Marge couldn't have been there, of course. Was that on their wedding tape? No, that was post-coital. Right, right.

I think I lost a filling. No, one of my fillings popped out. That's how she said it. Yeah, and then they just cut to a couple of the quick ones just to shove in a couple extra things. That was from Black Widower. Then they flash back to three episodes ago. Hey, but that was a whole like four months ago, right? I know the summer was in between it, but still.

I forgot what happened. I was taping them every episode and re-watching them. It was... That doesn't seem like a happy ending. That seems more like a detached tale of modern alienation. I give up. Did anybody learn anything about love tonight? They learned it screws everybody up.

There's that side of it. But there's also... Help me out here, Lisa. Sorry, Mom. I've decided to save my love for someone who is guaranteed not to reject me. Soon, Cory, soon. Now, that's definitely a John VD touch. The non-threatening boys magazine.

And maybe the last Cory reference we get. So, first off, they cut out the Sound of Grandpa song there again to save money. They don't have to license that song again or pay the ASCAP. That's different guitar noodling. Yes. I like that Lisa sort of reviews The Graduate there. Just saying that's what the plot of The Graduate is. And actually, Bob, according to the Wikipedia I checked out,

this is the final appearance on the show of Corey. He has never returned. Yeah. The days of the Corys were long gone. It was definitely over at that point his name was like his movies were straight to sega cd at that point and yeah this so the last reference to cory and even though it's not a cutaway non-threatening boys is a reused joke that wasn't a new name to a magazine it was magazines that had been read before that's

right so kind of a cheat there too i we haven't had many clips on this one but i did forget to say marge's whole lot of frowning going on is a reference to whole lot of shaking going on which was the other big hit of jerry lee lewis other than great balls of fire soon to be a wwe pay-per-view it was a wwe pay-per-view and a very uh very lame theme but whole lot of shaking going on i found found out, was actually a cover. He had covered an original song by an African-American musician, Big Maybel, who she had a modest hit in 1955 with it before it blew up with Jerry Lee Lewis. Let's hear the original.

When one drums on the whole bass horn, and somebody beating on a ding dong. Come on over, baby. Whole lot of shaking going on. Very different from Jerry Lee Lewis. It's important to note that Jerry Lee Lewis is from Shelbyville, and he did marry his cousin. So write that down, kids. I don't know.

I at least like somebody hitting on the ding-dong. I like that line there. But sorry, I got to go to something here. But yes, that was the end of Corey. I think Yardley Smith didn't like the Corey jokes. Yeah, she felt Lisa was too young for that kind of fixation, an 8-year-old. I don't know 8-year-old girls. of fixation, an 8-year-old. I don't know 8-year-old girls. I've never raised an 8-year-old girl, so I don't know if it is weird for an 8-year-old girl to have a crush like that or not. I don't recall my sister getting into that kind of stuff until she was at least 10 or 11.

I was there for the New Kids on the Block craze. That shit was all over the ladies' folders. And yes, I called the 8-year-olds ladies. And then the Jonas Brothers just a decade ago, too, which in my mind, the Jonas Brothers are recent, but they aren't. Yeah, I last knew Nick Carter as a child. Now he's a haggard 50-year-old man in a mugshot. Oh, my God. That shot of Nick Carter.

Or was that Aaron Carter? Oh, it's Nick. It's Nick? Okay, yeah. Oof, oof, boy. Things are bad there. Backstreet Boys are alive and touring with Boyz II Men and New Kids on the Block, and my friends are seeing them all over the country together.

Oh, wow. But then Homer saves the day by remembering one of their first ever flashbacks. Well, kids, I tried, but maybe you're right. Wait a minute, Marge. Love isn't hopeless. Look, maybe I'm no expert on this subject but there was one time i got it right so the kid should be extra bored by this because they've been told this story before there's not even a blackout yes and that i think it's kind of disturbing that where homer begins the story he's telling him like your mother was being molested by this guy

unwontedly yeah he jumps right to to the third act of that story. Yes. It really does. If you didn't know the story, it's a young Homer Simpson with hair whose first line is, All right, I'll walk in the mud. I love that line delivery. It's still my favorite. All right, all right, I'll walk in the mud.

Yeah. But a new viewer might not even recognize Homer. Oh, yeah. In the flashback. Or even like, who is Artie Ziff? Who is this guy? Why is he voiced by the critic? This is strange.

And it's the town. And then we get a kiss montage between them. Yeah, which is a pretty lame-ass montage. But yes, just to show you how crap this episode is and how little the writers thought of it, the children are bored by the end of this and watch something else. Yes. See, kids? That's what I meant by romance. I like the sound design of them laughing in the other room.

That is above and beyond kind of work for the show. If they just sounded like they were in the same room, it would have been the same level of effort. I would have forgiven that level of low effort. Yeah, and I have to say, we're pretty mean on this episode but we don't blame any of these people like i've had to do creative work against my will and i put like a like a tenth of my ass into it i do 11 000 of these podcasts no it uh perhaps at the website i just quit i put very low effort into some things and i would really hate it if people did a whole podcast obsessing

over this thing. I was like, you're not supposed to obsess over it. I was forced to do it by a shitty corporation and it exists to, because I was made to. So by extension, we're forced to obsess over this episode, which we don't,

we don't blame anybody for it. It just, it's bizarre because it sticks out like a sore thumb in a sea of beauty. That is the Simpsons. In their golden years. In their best years where they're doing their best work that they just completely don't care and don't try. And even that they've reused so much old animation, like, venomously so. And that's kind of, that's the best I can appreciate it of just like, yeah, this is extra bad.

So Merkin could tell Fox, fuck you for making me do this. Then I like I like that he did that. It was made with an extra degree of spite, which I appreciate. And part of I like this, but part of the Twitter fun I had was people saying, that's not the worst one. What about the panda rape one? What about the alligator ones? Like, no, at least they had new jokes and they tried something. They were not allowed to do anything but be as cheap as possible in this episode.

And it's so unmemorable, no one remembers it. And hopefully we didn't traumatize you by making you remember it exists. Homer's smelling of Panda love is at least an attempt to be funny with a new joke and new animation. I don't like it at all. I don't like it. I'd be fascinated to know, I mean, is this still in syndication with 600 episodes to choose from? I want to say they probably take these clip shows out. Oh, absolutely.

Maybe not the first one because it is a new story in a way. And I would think 138 should stay in there as well. Oh, yeah, for sure. And All Singing, All Dancing even is a good mockery of being made to do a clip show and they make new songs. There are new songs in it, yeah. Yeah, I think that they joked in the previous clip show commentary that, can you imagine a time where there weren't enough Simpsons episodes so they wanted us to make clip shows just to increase the episode count? That's kind of what it's about, too.

And it is a gross, cynical effort to increase an episode count, to have more episodes in syndication. And yeah, this has to be gone. And it is, even for Simpsons obsessives, this is erased from your mind. After this episode goes out, this will go back under the waves again. And I will never remember this episode because it is made to be unmemorable and empty. Even the one sort of good joke is not very good. Not either.

Yeah. Well, thank you for listening, everybody. This has been Talking Simpsons. I've been your host, Bob Mackie. You can find me on Twitter as Bob Servo. My other podcast is Retro Knots. Every Monday, there is a new Retro Knots episode all for you. Every classic gaming topic you can think of.

If you haven't gotten to it yet, we will get to it. So just go to RetroKnots.com or search for Retro Knots in your podcast machine. You will find it. Download an episode about a topic you'll like, and I swear you'll probably like it. And if you think we shortchanged you this week by giving you a clip show, a not-so-great episode of The Simpsons, we can tell you if you go to patreon.com

slash TalkingSimpsons, we have so much bonus content that we'll make up for this week. Oh my goodness, yes. You can listen to our Season 5 wrap-up. You can listen to and watch the deleted scenes from Season 5. You can listen to the first new episodes of Talking Critic.

That's right. We've done community-driven episodes, too. There's a ton of extra stuff on there. So this week's episode, which is about half as long as our normal ones, there is a ton more there. So you will never run out of Talking Simpsons content if you go to patreon.com slash talking simpsons. $5 a month gives you access to so much cool stuff, and it lets Bob and I do this full time.

It pays our rent. It buys our food. That's right. And we appreciate everybody that helps us, even if you can only afford $1 a month. That all adds up, and we appreciate everybody who is a patron. And, of course, you can follow me on twitter h-e-n-e-r-e-y-g yeah thanks so much for your support and chris yeah you'd be also on your patreon as a full-length commentary for the simpsons movie that was so much fun which we

did in honor of its 10th anniversary which is part of our show 30 2010 we look back 30 20 and 10 years ago to that week in history mostly pop culture not a lot of news and it. And it's bizarre to me that the Simpsons movie is 10 years old. This thing I felt like I waited my whole life to see is a decade behind me. Yes, and I know some people, I think I saw a couple comments that were like, oh, you should do an actual talking Simpsons movie episode. I was like, I do want to do that, but that episode will be four hours long. I think it would be like two parts yeah we could we'd kill ourselves doing it all in one recording session yes so wait a decade wait a decade and

we'll be ready for it then in uh what boy a decade from now that's also on the laser time uh patreon patreon.com slash laser time which helps support laser time which is a topic which started out as a topic-based show we've done stuff about the simpsons it leaks into practically everything we do which necessitated this whole show. There's 302010 and the weekly video game show about new vidget games and old vidget game apocalypse. Yes, if you like us remembering stuff on here, you should listen to 302010,

where we remember stuff that we remember the shit out of stuff on that. Yeah, it's like the news portion that I usually do. It's really fun to see what that week in history looks like. And it usually will open up a window to your past because that's sort of how... Not many people remember things by date. You remember things by events. In a recent episode, I got to talk about Robocop and End of Evangelion in the same breath.

Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week with a great episode, Itchy and Scratchy Land. See you then. Wow. Infotainment.