Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Bart The Lover

Episode Date: July 6, 2016

Marcia Wallace deserved her Emmy for this classic episode, Gordie Howe gets a unique tribute, plus Homer is fighting his urge to swear in this week’s loving podcast…

Hey Talking Simpsons listeners, a quick thing before this episode starts. We recorded this one way in advance. We thought, oh, we're safe, everything will be good, nothing will happen in the next few weeks, and then boom, a couple days later, Gordie Howe, Mr. Hockey himself, passed away. So this episode is going to sound a little weird when we start talking about Gordie Howe in the present tense and we don't talk much about things that would have reminded us non-hockey fans about the way Gordie Howe touched society, whether it was with his 26 seasons playing or the fact that Cameron wore his jersey as an FU to his father in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

We don't talk about any of that stuff, but just consider this the, you know, RIP Gordie Howe section of the podcast. Anyway, here's the episode. Ahoy, hoy, everybody, and welcome to Talking Simpsons, where we prefer the old sparkle. I mean, maybe I don't. I don't know about that. I'm your host, Bob Mackie.

Who else is here with me? Wow! Bob Mackie! Thank you, Milhouse. You just screamed at me. And I'm Zero Gravity, Henry Gilbert. Oh, nice. And I'm, I don't know, Chris Antista. Am I the Cobra?

Cobra Chris Antista. Thank you. Okay, there we go. And in case you didn't know, this is the Laser Time Podcast Network's chronological exploration of The Simpsons. Today's episode is about Bart the Lover, which aired on February 13, 1992, close to Valentine's Day. Chris, what happened on this mythical day in history? Oh, my God!

With a loss of $2.3 billion, the Ford Motor Company announces its worst year in history. Audiences extreme show up to Wayne's World and movie theaters. And boxer Mike Tyson is convicted of rape charges. Oh, no. I want to note that I think Nintendo dropped the license before that happened just because it was too expensive. Yeah. And they just reprinted it as Punch-Out!! And now they sell it as Punch-Out!! featuring Mr. Dream just to make it clear.

He's a white version of Mike Tyson, I guess. Yeah. It's so sad because the game is built around Mike Tyson and it works much better with his celebrity in it. Of course, you know, you understand why they cut him out and they wouldn't want to re-up that. If you grew up listening to T.J. Jazzy just in the Fresh Prince, I think you can beat Mike Tyson. It's the only game in town.

No, Mike Tyson was an amazing boxer who then was so amazing that he inspired the Dreddrick Tatum character, a long-running Dreddrick Tatum character in The Simpsons world. You never know what's going to happen to a beloved celebrity or personality. Evidenced by this episode. Boy, oh boy. Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby.

Dope! That's great. That's great. I mean, he did say Donald Trump too, right? We'll get to it. We'll get to it but yeah the the drederick tatum though he went to jail for throwing his mother down a flight that's that's what happened with an even worse person it's weird to think i don't know if i personally forgiven him but i think he is now a ridiculous character and not seen as the menace

he once was mike tyson i mean he's on he's on a cartoon on adult swim now he is but like he raises pigeons. I don't think it's very good. I know this probably isn't the best place to talk about it, but the idea that he's been embarrassing himself for so long in the media, he has become sympathetic by being this Mike Tyson. If you know about where he came from, there's no way he would not have turned into a monster

based on his upbringing, based on how he was exploited and things like that. Not excusing what he did but it's easy to see how he went down that path I swear this is going to get fun people yes yes

enough talk about rape so let's talk about death there we go let's play that death jingle we never play it oh there's a death there's a death what

Marshall Wallace the star of this episode I thought we covered that death stalks you at every turn there it is death wait Henry we never played that but I thought we'd use it a lot more in the first couple seasons that all these Death stalks you at every turn. There it is. Death. Wait, Henry.

We never played that, but I thought we'd use it a lot more in the first couple seasons that all these celebrity guest appearances who died. Something else died. What? Zinc. Zinc? Zinc. Sorry, Jimmy.

Without zinc for the rotary mechanism, there are no telephones. Dear God, what have i done think again jimmy you see the firing pin in your gun was made of yep zinc come back zinc this is so good so i love it so zig what did the simpsons give me the impression that all industrial films were based on someone wishing this is specifically the springy the that's what I want to bring fever a case of spring fever. There are several of these. One of them is called Paper and I. It's as if the wish is like, what if all paper was gone from the world? And it's a hellscape.

It's a dangerous hellscape. But the boy is being shown. The boy wishes paper away. This is getting into shorts we've all seen because we're also mystery science theater nerdos. And riff tracks. And riff tracks. What's it called? A Case of Spring Fever, I believe.

I meant to get a clip of it, but it's an animated character. Some guy wishes springs didn't exist. Everything has springs. Here's what a world would look like with no springs. If you don't appreciate some innocuous part of your life when it was removed from your life you're like I can't live without this and it's just this animated character like what I can't sleep in a bed

no springs what about an air mattress oh fuck you there was a spring in that door no springs but so they didn't use springy the elf in here which seems almost weird it's like wait you would have that you would have shied away from animation.

I've seen the industrial short we're all talking about. Yeah. But I can't distinguish whether Simpsons created this trope or if this trope is actually a thing from the 1990s. Oh, it's a thing. Industrial shorts. In Paper and I, it's like a talking paper bag. It is. It's a paper bag.

The conceit of things being removed from the world that you take for granted is such an industrial short idea which is great i mean the guy said he didn't want paper to exist is that what he oh yeah like i think his parents were taking paper for granted and he was he befriended a paper bag i believe him walking around with his paper bag and they actually take him to a doctor in it yeah and it's like this is what a world looks like without paper my favorite riff tracks riff is just they show a newsstand and all of the all the newspapers and they just say oh my god someone invented the internet oh that's great yeah i think i laughed my ass off i laughed so hard at that that was when we saw it me and chris at least i remember saw it live i don't bob odenkirk said that bob odenkirk okay i saw the one with paul tompkins doing commentary that would be great too but the oh god that's the shorts are honestly my favorite

part of reference i do like when they do movies but the shorts they've my favorite part of Riff Friends. They're great. I do like when they do movies, but the shorts are so good. They've done like 200 of them, and they're all the best. They're all fun. The best part. The one. One got fat. Drugs are like that. So good.

Drugs are like that. It's so great. Setting up a room. Setting up a room. 30 minutes of setting up a goddamn room. Fun with grass. Put it over here. Oh, fun with grass.

Make a mask. Like it's. Okay. The zig thing is great, and that they're watching on a film strip, which is like, 91 nobody did. In 92, nobody did. But I, okay. No.

No, I did. I'm a little older than you, or maybe I'm from Florida with a poor public school, but like, I watched a ton of these industrial sports. I did too. I did too, Chris. I watched slide. I watched slide projectors. Microfiche slide projectors.

Yeah, strips. But ones of like, and boop, next thing, boop, next. I watched slide projectors. Microfiche slide projectors. But ones like, and boop, next thing, boop, next. I watched that. But actual reel-to-reel, like 8mm or whatever, never watched those. Oh, totally. That was all over my elementary school classroom. It's slightly off-topic, but my OCD fired up whenever a teacher was one step behind on a film strip. When she was one slide behind and no one noticed but me. I'm like, you're behind when you missed one

beep. Teacher, teacher. You're the only person in charge of paying attention to this. Please. I know you didn't feel like teaching. You're being paid. But I asked for the death jingle because, yeah, Marsha Wallace plays Anna Kravopel. This is her tour de force up to this point. She wouldn't have

a featured episode until when she dated Seymour Skinner in like season seven. Oh, lucky boy. I love that episode too. My favorite line. But in this one, it's also worth mentioning because she won an Emmy for this,

primetime Emmy for best voice acting. And because she counted as a guest star, so it was in the guest star thing. She's always listed as a guest star. She always listed as a guest star. It's probably a contract thing. No, I did an article on LazertimePodcast.com about every dead Simpsons celebrity, and it's always listed as a guest star it's probably a contract thing no i did an article on leisure time podcast.com about every dead simpson celebrity and it's always disputed

because of people like her because no one can decide whether she's a cast member or a regular well she's not that famous like no offense to her like she she was great as bob newhart's receptionist on the original bob newhart and that's my bush yeah that's where i got to see her in person wow that's Edna Kerboppel. I'll watch that show just for this. She was a very funny woman, and when she died, they were going to play this episode on Fox

as a tribute to her, but there was too much legal red tape or contractual stuff, and they couldn't license it. They're like, we're just not allowed to license this to air it on network. We can't.

And so they instead aired like the, remember that lame thing over the summer They're like, we're just not allowed to license this to air it on network. We can't. And so they instead aired like the, remember that lame thing over the summer of should Ned Flanders date Edna? They play that episode. No, F that so hard. And she is dead on the show. They didn't have a death episode of her, but they had the scene to say goodbye to her where they must have had like one last line with her or something, dancing with Ned, but it's in Ned's dreams, and he's saying goodbye to her, and he's wearing a black armband, and he's like, I miss her. He talks to a picture of her next to his bed.

He's like, oh, I miss you. Poor Ned. And then Nelson walks by and says, ha ha, I miss her too. Aw. And so, yeah, so that's why this is a time to celebrate Marshall Wallace. And I am just so sad they couldn't air this one. They really wanted to on Fox. Like just to have this episode air, a 1992 episode of a TV show air on Fox primetime would be amazing in its own right.

And it's such a great and complex study of her character. I mean, before I think she was treated a little unfair. She was like, oh, she's the horn dog. Like she'll do anybody. But I mean, good for her if she was treated a little unfair. She was like, oh, she's the horn dog. Like, she'll do anybody. But, I mean, good for her if that's what she wants to do, you know? Yeah, though,

if she wants to fuck Aerosmith, more power to her. That's a strange and flaming mo. She seemed to be, you know, getting it done. Hey, sailor, yeah. Trying to get it done.

But in this one, well, I guess it was all bluster in that, because this one, she's got nothing. She's established immediately as lonely. To learn more about Zink,

they're welcome to stay. We can talk about anything. I'll do your homework for you. Now, the next scene that I wanted to point out, did they establish as a visual gag what kind of soup she

eats? I remember talking about it. Insert it. Lonely... Yeah, but Apu says it. I don't think I've seen a Simpsons visual gag this early being said by the character. Oh, yeah, actually reading the joke out loud. Yeah, Apu says it when she goes to buy it at the Quickie Mart. Chef Lonely Hearts. Soup for one.

One scratch and win, Apu. Mrs. Krabappel, I haven't seen you since we doubled our prices. Still teaching? Let's see. One more day at least. We also find out her ex-husband is interfering with her life. Yes. Oh, sugar in the gas tank.

The ex-husband strikes again. Bingo. Sugar in the gas tank. The ex-husband strikes again. I love a blue-collar Hank Azaria character. A great Bronson voice appearance. And I like that this is setting up. Who knows everybody

in town? But I wonder if that saying of the joke was because this episode has multiple things that padded out time. Yeah. They talk about how they added something to pad out the time. Really? You don't see much of Edna's cat, though. I do think you see her on one of the dates

at Skinner with her in her home. But she only has a cat, just to make it clear. Like, what a loser. I want to just say that my highlight of the episode is the yo-yo sequence. It's so beautiful. Oh, wait. Before we get to that, when she's looking through the magazine, I did like the quick joke of like, a chat with J.D. Salinger. And she just turns up and you're like, that would be major news.

And it's in the Springfield Shopper. I can't believe it's in the local newspaper. But, okay, did you have these glorified commercial assemblies as a kid? Yes. I definitely did. Oh, yeah. I mean, a lot of them were them trying to get us to sell things for us. Sally Foster's gift wrap.

Yeah. Things like that. We got all this chocolate and you can get a bike. I'll never forget the time I went to the assembly room. Of course, they don't tell you what the assembly is. You show up and like, all right, kids, it's time to learn about a little thing called taekwondo. And it's my taekwondo master.

I'm in his taekwondo class and I'm in the second row and he constantly calls me out by name oh geez i know chris knows how to do this shop i know he does and like and it didn't hit me until years later like he paid the school yeah to sell his taekwondo classes how crooked i'm glad they called out in this episode even but the yeah i had one it was it was for a uh i guess a jaw harp a jews harp boing bring boring oh my god instrument salesman yeah the thing the thing snoopy the thing snoopy so uh plays in uh one of those guys jews and and it was again an easy sell to kids like i want to

have one of these things in my mouth boing it sounds like yogi bear farting i have two i have two examples of these one of these was one of those. Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. It sounds like Yogi Bear farting. I have two examples of these. One of these was one of those hey kids, sell things for your school where it was like this Ernest-style character named Mr. Earl. And the principal,

there was not an assembly, the principal was like, we have a friend visiting us, his name is Mr. Earl and you hear the needle being put on the record. It's like, hey kids, it's Mr. Earl,

you should go out and sell these things for your school to really help us, everybody. Yeah, and I had a Mr. Earl sticker on my alarm clock for like 10 years. But another one I thought of was one of those things where Miss Hoover was like, I don't see the educational value in this.

It was an old guy who came to our school. We had a huge assembly, and he did whip tricks. This very old man with a trembly hand, like whipping playing cards out of people's hands and doing tricks. And he did one of the things like, let's get your principal up here. Let's whip things off of his head. Oh, just like Skinner. Exactly like this. And I was like, I would

not want to go anywhere near this old man with a whip. It was very much like that Bill Murray sketch. The whip master. By all means, let's get your principal up here and emasculate the shit out of him for all the children. A good way to get the kids on your side is to fuck with your teachers. Let me play the clip real fast. It's Twirl King

Yo-Yo. Kids, this is a yo-yo. Kinda dull, huh? Not much competition for a video game. Or is it? Presenting the Twirl King Champions! These guys must be millionaires.

I bet they get all kinds of girls. I question the educational value of this assembly. Hey, it'll be one of their few pleasant memories when they're pumping gas for a living. This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.

This is not the song. It's a reorchestration of the song for the Simpsons or a yo-yo convention. I like that Lisa is kind of crushing on Sparkle. She's like viewing her as like a role model. Like, I could be as glamorous as Sparkle. Well, that's why they make multiple characters so kids can pick their favorite one. Yeah, Ninja Turtles. If I could go back in time, the one assembly I wish I could be in now was, with the knowledge I have now,

was it was one of the abstinence-only, like, scary things. It's just this guy like, I've got AIDS, or I wish I had done this. And the one that pissed me off the most in memory of it, she said, guys, I got to tell you, this is just a scientific fact. Sex between two men is the most dangerous you can have, and it's so gross. I wish if I could go back in time. You probably never thought of it before then, Henry. It just hit you right then. If I could go back in time, I would stand up and say, well.

Now I can't stop thinking about it. I'd say, if we're talking about hygiene, sex between two women is the most hygienic one. So are you saying that we should be doing that? Checkmate, sir. Scissors for everyone. Let's get penises out of this entirely then we did have a prisoner come to our school to talk about his mistakes and he told this story as if it was true and i think he went 10 years into the future and stole like an email forward where it's a story of like this this train engineer brought his son to work and his son got

caught in some gears and he had to decide whether to crush his son or to kill a train full of people and it was all about the harsh decisions you have to make it as a person in the world and he had to decide whether to crush his son or to kill a train full of people. It was all about the harsh decisions you have to make as a person in the world. I was like, this didn't happen. People are crying in the auditorium. This is bullshit. Alright kids, I'm out of here. Make sure to like and subscribe. Can you help me with these handcuffs, kids?

I had a scared straight one that they showed us a video of. There were students in the year ahead of us who robbed the Fazolis or attempted to rob the Fazolis. Oh, Fazolis, I miss you. I wish that could be the title of this episode. Then they shot one of the people in the leg. They didn't die.

And it was just a video of them. And then it ends like, well, we wanted to show you they're actually here. And they walk out the people in their prisoner orange. And it changes to be like, they're in jail. Like, don't do this shit. And of course, they were all black. And it had that extra level to it. But anyway.

That can't happen to me. I can rob all the facilities I want as a white man. Yeah. But OK. So the yo-yos. Yo-yos. I could never make a yo-yo do what I wanted it to do. I also sucked at yo-yos. I didn't buy the yo-yos. Yo-yos, I could never make a yo-yo do what I wanted it to do. I also sucked at yo-yos.

I didn't buy the yo-yo ball, which is like yo-yos for dummies. Yo, yo. It's a yo-yo ball. We have talked all about this. It's been a laser time topic somewhat recently. It's so much fun and easy to do. Wherever it goes, it comes back to you. And I think the, I love the touring company of this,

the kids are impressed with them when they're actually just like carnies out of a van. I want to say this. We did get a yo-yo auditorium convention thingy at our school, but it was definitely Duncan. Duncan yo-yos. Yeah, the writers mentioned this was a part of their childhood. The touring Duncan company coming around, getting kids into yo-yos again. Yeah. Well, they also talk about how it seems like a cycle, a planned cycle of every five years we're selling a new generation yo-yo.

So only buy it then, and then they'll get tired of yo-yos because they suck. Yeah, I went through my yo-yo phase at age seven until I was like, this sucks. I can't do this. I can't. I do. I just love the old line. Walk the dog. Walk the dog.

That's the old Sparkle. That is my favorite line. One of the darkest things. Like, I have to get into a van and sign this picture of someone who isn't me. Something clearly happened to the old Sparkle. Something happened to the old Sparkle. That is my favorite line. One of the darkest things. I have to get into a van and sign this picture of someone who isn't me. Something clearly happened to the old Sparkle. Something happened to the old Sparkle. They haven't made new pictures of me, Sparkle.

I'm dying to play this line because it's Homer ascertaining Bart's yo-yo skill. Bart is supernaturally good at yo-yos. But how outrageous this line became as of two years ago. 25 years later. As of two years ago.

Oh, man. Can you believe it? Pretty soon I'll be able to quit my job and live off the boy. What? Name me one person who's gotten rich by doing yo-yo tricks. Donald Trump? No. Arnold Palmer?

No. Bill Cosby? No. Arnold Palmer? No. Bill Cosby? No. No! Arnold Palmer, the only one not tainted by time? The Smothers Brothers was right there, Homer, and you missed it. I mean, that's what most people know them for, not being controversial people on TV. I love the Smothers Brothers. I'll watch them all day, man.

They're like, they're Mike Garrison Keillor. Just like, this is old-timey entertainment. It's great, because they've never not looked like they were stricken by Alzheimer's. So they can tour willy-nilly. But hearing Homer say Donald Trump felt weird to me. I was just like, wait, these words shouldn't be in your mouth. He shouldn't exist in your word. Bill Cosby's one thing, but Donald Trump, it's just... Well, you know, do not think about what you think about Donald Trump right now.

He was synonymous for a rich person. Yeah, he's been a cartoon his entire public life. Do not think about what you think about Donald Trump right now. He was synonymous for a rich person. He's been a cartoon his entire public life. When I started reading Mad Magazine in 1988, there were Donald Trump jokes. That was a common thing in every issue. You started reading the same year, man. Oh, really? I think the Gremlins 2 cover. I remember Alfred E. Newman on a float in the Arctic.

That's all I remember. Trump was so established as a living cartoon character that they had to tone him down to turn turn biff into him in in back to the future too yes he oh it's so great and i also saw people saying like this was my rebuttal to somebody saying oh everybody's calling donald trump a racist now and then sharing all these pictures of him with black celebrities and i said they're not just calling him it now here's the first story that he was ever in the New York Times for, 1973, because he was being sued for denying renting to racial discrimination. Like he wouldn't rent to people. I should use this as an example to plug one of my favorite ESPN documentaries because we did that on a radio show. Small Potatoes.

It's so much fun. It shows you the history of Trump through how he basically collapsed this NFL competitor that was doing pretty well until Trump came aboard. Because he wasn't allowed to own an NFL team. So he had to come over here and just, like, I'm not only going to rule this team, I'm going to take down the NFL with it. I'm like, please don't do that. It was a long-term scheme to like he killed it to sue the nfl so they killed him bitterness out of bitterness and anger but

they show like yeah he trump wasn't really a a guy until like he became famous for pestering people yeah as a very rich person and people listened and then said outlandish things and he got rewarded with attention and it's been that way for 30 years. In the words of Miss Hoover, he's bad, but he'll die. So I like it. Can't happen soon enough. Bart shows off his trick called plucking the pickle, which they had apparently pitched many other masturbation

euphemisms, but that's the one they could get away with. Like, alright, plucking the pickle. I was wondering about it. It's a new one, but they wanted like wanking the snake, tugging the dolphin. I guess that about it. It's a new one, but they wanted like wanking the snake, tugging the dolphin. That sounds like one efficient jerk. And I do love that when he kills the

fish, he's like, I didn't do it. It's such a good joke that I couldn't capture. It's such a visual joke, and I should say that Carlos Baeza, this is one of the few episodes he directed, and they compared him to a renaissance artisan in the amount of time and craftsmanship he put into these episodes. I'm so sad he didn't stay with the show for longer. That is a beautifully staged, visually staged joke.

That Bart throws his yo-yo in the fish tank, says, I didn't do it, as the camera follows the string to Bart's finger. Oh, so perfect. So good. The Simpsons will be right back. How we use electricity can be smarter, cleaner and greener. At Electric Ireland, we can help guide you there. You see, our new Net Zero Hub has all you need to know about smart meter plans, EV tariffs, solar panels, and much more.

Making your usage clearer, your trips greener, your home cozier, and your world brighter. Find our NetZero Hub at electricireland.ie. You like Lazer Time shows? Then you might like Bonus Time, Lazer Time's weekly bonus show exclusively on patreon.com slash Lazer Time. Here's a taste of what you've been missing. We went to Vegas for Money in the Bank. Yes. It was fun.

It's always fun being in one of those shows live, and I scream super hard. Henry, in his own words, was yelling so hard he was retching. Yeah. Which is easy to believe. I stood in line for a beer. I see Michelob Ultra and a Hefeweizen. And I'm like, I'll have the Hefeweizen.

And the guy, he just has a look of like, uh, and he points at Michelob Ultra and he's like, this one? That one! The one that says in a bold impact font Hefeweizen. But you're in Vegas. People only drink trash. He pulled the tap and poured it, but

with a look of like, if you say so, man. So then I go get another beer. And it's me again with the same guy. And I'm like, Hefeweizen. And he's like, which one? And I'm like, again? And then I hear them go, it's time for the Money in the Bank match. They say Chris Jericho.

And he's like, Chris Jericho is still wrestling? I'm like, you'd remember Chris Jericho. But the word Hefeweizen is complete fucking jargon. I was going to say, you couldn't be worse suited for this particular job. It's a wheat berry, stupid idiot. Get bonus time, Laser Time's weekly, full-length, uncensored, and ad-free Patreon-exclusive podcasts, as well as weekly full-length movie commentaries, wrestling and cartoon video commentaries, physical rewards, the first season of Talking Simpson, and more at patreon.com slash lasertime,

starting at just five bucks. You'll help us live and we'll do our best to help you never be bored again. And all the teachers are just sick of yo-yos, like, no more yo-yos. No Booker ports. We couple that with, like, Krabopoulos lonely, Bart is in trouble, and in detention. And they become, I don't know, they learn a little too much about one another. One plus one equals two?

Recently divorced fourth grade teacher wishes to meet man age 18 to 60. Object, save me. Write Edna K. Box 402. Hmm. Dear Edna, I never answered a personal ad before, but I found yours irresistible. My name is... Woodrow. I like holding hands

and dinner by candlelight. And oh yes, I really hate yo-yos. Oh, Woodrow. So, uh, every bit of that sound will make this show timeless. It's just such good sound work,

such good visual work. I love that. The flamenco guitar in the background. Yeah, I wanted to play that just because, like, that's how Bart's letters are read from there on out.

Yeah. Harry Shearer doing the voice of Woodrow Howell. One thing that is dated, kids, is the personal ad. Before you had a computer in your pocket that gave you a list

of people to fuck, you had to write to a newspaper saying, I'm available. Please write your letters to me. Only then could you fold right. Yes, exactly. And it would take weeks to get newspaper saying, I'm available. Please write your letters to me. Only then could you fold right. Yes, exactly. And it would take weeks to get one date, I would think, just waiting on the mail. I miss Play Dude magazine.

Play Dude was right on top of that. Is that John Updike on the martini? Yeah. That's so great. It's a very great 70s Playboy article. I know, but they never do. I feel like when they would later have playboy it would just be playboy yeah it would be play dude and uh yeah woodrow named after woodrow

wilson and that he's uh the voice is based on ricardo montalban it's a confluence of three real people from yes from conquest of the planet of the apes and in the picture bart uses is of gordy how i only remember because like tyler was yelling at me about not knowing anything about hockey and like name a hockey player and I said Gordie Howe and he's like, how did you do that? So once again, the Simpsons gave me one hockey player and like 10 baseball players to know and that's all I'll ever know.

So originally that was going to be Johnny Unitas but apparently they asked for his permission and he said no. Al Jean is from Detroit and was a Detroit Red Wings fan as a kid, and he loved Gordie Howe, and so he asked for permission,

and boom, put him right in there, and so Gordie Howe was a handsome man in an old school way back then, I would say. I thought there was some caveat there, because the idea that they show his stats at the end, like,

is a joke that doesn't totally work? It's just a great non sequitur, where it's just like, here's the guy that Bart stole his picture of. Bart catfishes her. That is what people do now. I did love her date with Jasper. That zoot suit picture of him was amazing.

I had to look it up because I still didn't know what that was. Just because there's a little snow on the roof, the next line is, doesn't mean there isn't a fire in the fireplace or slash furnace? So it means... His butthole. Butthole is in flame. Just because his hair is white, his dick can still get hurt, I guess. Yeah, my dick still works, buddy. That's what I'm telling you. So something

I noticed in this episode, it comes in with the swear jar B-plot. Yes, get a good little clip of this. Oh, sure. I think he needs a doghouse. Yeah, but what are you going to do? I bet we could buy a nice doghouse for $50.

Marge, you're a tool of the doghouse makers. Love it, love it. Yes, you are. You've been brainwashed by all those doghouse commercials on TV.

I know. I'll build him a doghouse. Oh, I don't know. Don't worry. I just drew up a little blueprint. Let me walk you through it. This is a door.

He goes through that. This is the roof. This happy character here is the sun. He shines down on the house, see? I love that line. Thank you. The way Dan delivers that, it's like he shines down on the house, see? It's so casual.

It's the first time I think they've shown Homer as the drawing ability of a five-year-old. It also implied that Homer thought he could convince Margie to somehow design the sun. You're a tool of the doghouse makers. I wanted to get that clip. I'm glad you guys liked it, for real. I know from my experience watching this syndication,

this is what's cut out normally it's the longest scenes that maybe have good jokes but we establish that a dog it doesn't you don't need to establish a dog house shows up yeah so this is what was cut out in my syndication weird uh the one thing i wanted to point out is something i noticed only this time i've seen this episode probably 40 times by now, is that the seasons change from scene to scene. In one scene, it's winter. It's the dead of winter. Santa's little helper is frozen outside. Another scene, Bart is walking around outside in a short-sleeved shirt. There's no snow, no ice. In some scenes, Homer's

wearing a life jacket. They didn't know what season they were in. Does that imply that Bart is fucking with Edna for months? It could be a months-long deal, or at least a month-long. I think they just didn't have continuity in terms of what they were trying to portray. I mean, this episode aired in February,

and I think they wanted it to be a winter one, but that wasn't really communicated throughout every scene of the show. Or how do you visually convey that the dog needs a doghouse in four seconds? Exactly, yeah. And now somebody who I've now been around, friends with kids,

I do worry I swear too much. I think I do swear too much. I can't stop. You know our friends kids are sponges and like I always curse in front of them. I hope they know not to say that. I hope so. They remember everything. Here's the thing though. Homer's catchphrase is a censored

swear word. Doe. Like as if he's going to say damn but he censors it into doe. So it's strange that they're giving him this personality trait that he can't stop swearing. I like it. It's so fun. It's so great. It feels like a response to parents who said the show influences kids to swear.

Which it does. There's no two ways about it. Homer influences Todd to swear. I do love when he calls Flanders a dirty bastard. You're a dirty bastard. Yeah. You dirty bastard. All of this is great.

Wait, let me, before we, let me burn this one off. Edna writes back to Woodrow. Dear Woodrow, I must admit I'm intrigued. You're not like the other men I've met. Yeah, I'm the 28th president of the United States. But I've had some bad experiences with these ads, so I'd like to learn more about you. Please write back soon. Here's a photo that'll

get your pencil moving. You've got a date with the Xerox machine. When that joke happened as a kid, my mom went, oh, poor Ed. It is, like, that's just sad. Bart is really cruel in this episode.

It's a peace offering from a desperate woman and Bart's going to use it. Yes. We didn't see proof that he actually did it. I'm glad that he didn't fall through with that. Yes, but we all know Bart can make a photo viral. Yeah, that's true. It's been proven. Before the internet.

But yeah, so I also do like when Todd says, I don't want to eat my damn vegetables. I got it. All right. Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables? Hell no. What did you say? I said I don't want any damn vegetables Alright, that's it young man

No Bible stories for you tonight So good My second line of the show is Maude saying He thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous In terms of Davy and Goliath I wish I could get a line of the show too too, because Flanders, I wish this was a more recurring gag of him calling Reverend Lovejoy for very, very minute problems. It's so great.

Because this is a great scene. Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. Our son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables. Well, you know, kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus? No, Reverend, the point is he said a bad word. Oh, oh, right. Yeah. Well, kids usually

pick these things up from someplace, find out who's doing it, and direct them to the Bible. Where in the Bible? Page 900. That's great. Damn Flanders. So good! That's the repeat of a joke from, I think, Lisa the Greek, where where does it say gambling is legal

in the Bible? Homer goes, somewhere in the back. Somewhere in the back. I never noticed until as a kid that it was, he says damn Flanders because his ice cream melted on his Alamo cake. I didn't notice that before. This was before his

short-lived model train obsession, which I really liked as a part of his character. And that was such a great, and it came together so well that he then saves Flanders from a train. And if only more people had thought of that in pulling up a giant train set when it was time to save someone from giant apes.

Where was Reverend Lovejoy then? I really love the scene where Bart reads Homer's love letter to Marge. Oh, that's great. Hey, Mom, did you save the love letters Dad sent you? Of course I saved them. Well, actually, there's only one. It's more of a love postcard from some brewery he visited.

Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge, but you got a butt that won't quit. They got these big chewy pretzels here. They're all you guys want to beer. They got these big chewy pretzels here. Oh, you guys with the beers. Five dollars? Get out of here. Wow. Sight of dad I've never seen. That is something that's stuck in my brain forever.

Five dollars? Get out of here. I think butt that won't quit still works as a compliment. Butt that won't quit is so hard. Butt that won't quit. It gets referenced later. Dear Edna, your photo took my breath away. Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.

Yesterday morning, I put your picture up in my garage to inspire me while I gapped my spark plugs. That's the filthiest thing I've ever heard in this sentence. Yeah, gapped his spark plugs, and then she dives under the bathtub. And I know back then, I don't think it's visual shorthand anymore, but single woman turned on woman in bathtub meant masturbation. Yeah, that brings us to the next clip I have. Is that like Smithers being gay was, I think, developing as a joke. But you couldn't really say a character was gay in 92. I believe this is the first time they've used the word gay.

Yeah. In an entire series. Are we flash forwarding here? Well, no, no. When he talks to Flanders. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you.

Look, if it's about your camcorder, I lost it, okay? No. I came to talk to you about your potty mouth. What the hell are you talking about? Look, Homer, all of us pull a few boners now and then. Go off half-cocked, make asses of ourselves. So, I don't want to be hard on you, but I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys. Oh, come on now, Flanders.

I don't complain about your mustache. What's wrong with my mustache? Makes you look like you got something to hide. Yeah, it's loosely implied. But as a kid, I never, ever got... How many innuendos

were in that Flanders statement? Oh, yeah, I don't want to be hard on you. They said hard on. Matt Groening hated those jokes. I got that now. Matt Groening thought that was them being

like little five-year-olds giggling. Like, we got away with it. Was that a Sam Simon thing? It was a writer's thing, definitely, that Groening... Groening just grouses about it.

I only say that because Sam Simon went on to make, I think his only other show was the George Carlin show. And I was watching it as a kid and it was just George Carlin. It's kind of a terrible show, but he was still George Carlin.

He's like, look, there's so many other words that people think are dirty. But you can listen to what I'm about to say. And on Fox at 9 o'clock, he's like, he took his hammer and cocked it and gave him a hard blow. And it's almost verbatim that. I feel like they fell back on swearing a lot in these early seasons because they had something to prove. We want to get away with this. We want to show you a cartoon can be adult.

Yeah, like, things like Son of a Bitch Bastard, I think, were big things in the early seasons. Yeah, that's why Sorry, Ask, Goodbye. Yeah. One more fuck joke for Homer, like screaming fuck later on. But they introduced the swear jar eventually. Flanders thinks I swear too

much. Marge, you're not laughing. Well, you know, maybe he's right. Well, what a surprise. Marge sticks up for Flanders. Can we have one conversation where you don't bring up your hero, Ned Flanders? Actually, Homer, you brought up Ned Flanders. Look, we're past that.

I never said a word about Ned Flanders. Maybe I do curse a little, but that's the way God made me. And I'm too old to stop now. No, you're not. When my father got out of the Navy, he used to curse a little, but that's the way God made me. And I'm too old to stop now. No, you're not. I like that. When my father got out of the Navy, he used to curse a blue streak. It almost cost him his job as a baby photographer. So my mom put a swear jar in the kitchen.

Every time he said a bad word, he put in a quarter. What do you think? Bring on the swear jar. Clancy Bouvier would become a flight attendant yes i was gonna say uh that unless he became like did he lose his stewardess job and then uh go on to become a baby photographer look at me well no because she said he left the navy and then became a baby photographer so then after that he becomes a steward and but marge is so little when she thinks he's a pilot so i've i think that's a lie she's telling herself that turns out she's just a gay nancy i need an

official timeline i think where's simpsons historia but he almost lost his job as a baby photographer i don't want to let go of how perfectly written that show is. It is great. It's great. And also the continuity, good continuity there. Homer says, I don't know where your camcorder is. He borrowed his camcorder in the Blowfish episodes to film his goodbye. And I meant to mention that because the camcorder was still like $700, $800. That's why I like when Homer said, I lost it. I lost it. I lost it.

And I'm not going to replace it. The swear jar was inspired by Al Jean's dad, who was a swearing dude. So he had been dropping the coins in there. And the montage of Homer swearing. It's so good. And the beehive, goddamn, is the icing on the cake. I just cursed. That's unfair.

He should be allowed to swear. That feels like, Homer said, if I'm on fire, can I do it? And Marge is like, but, oh yeah, the dirty talk. That, yuck. I didn't like that. What about when we snuggle? That's okay. Fuck me in the dark hole.

We don't want this. I mean, there's enough animated gifs on the internet. It's the worst. You just want to go to a free streaming porn site. I want regular porn, sir. Why is Bart always the one fucking somebody in every one of my cartoon porn ads? Was that too Andy Rooney

of a read for me? Why is it? That's why I appreciate it when it's like Ned and Marge or something. It's at least age appropriate. Yeah. Hey, but it's established here, Bart has an understanding of sexuality. Yes. Join me at the G established here, Bart has an understanding of sexuality. Yes. Join me at the Gilded Truffle this Saturday at 8.

Perhaps later we will smooch up a storm. Sexually yours, Woody. Sexually yours. Sexually yours. Sexually yours. I'm signing my next official email. Sexually yours. Bart was watching colorization theater.

Another joke lost to time when Ted Turner was destroying old movies by making them quote-unquote more marketable for TV audiences. I want to stand up for Ted Turner because he's a giant movie fan. I think he thought the same way most... The same philosophy that made The Simpsons have to go widescreen when it went to FXX is to make it look modern and presentable to audiences that won't automatically think it's old. I do remember reading interviews with Ted Turner.

He loved these movies. Oh, of course. I feel it was him holding a gun to the head of old movies and people being like, oh, these are valuable. We should protect them. Like, he made them realize these are worth protecting these things. You think it was a new Coke-type trip? Possibly.

I think he wanted to make money off of them, too. Well, I think he had Turner TNT coming out And maybe wanted that To show colored movies there No one right You mean Song of the South Chris Turner was so ahead of the game On buying content to have on his network So other people were like Just license it

Just get a hundred episodes That they're all purple It just looks so hideous I remember watching Everything is painted like an eas Easter egg in those movies. It's terrible. Colors, I wish we could, it might be impossible to go back

and revisit that era of colorization. Just be glad you didn't live through it. I do love Colorized Reef for Madness, though, where the smoke they blow is like green and purple and pink. So Bart pranks Edna, and it leaves her sad at the Gilded Truffle. Well, he goes to watch Ernest Needs a Kidney. I just want to point out that font is dead on.

It's great. Brett should be here. They made three Ernest jokes. Why isn't Brett sitting right here to let us know? I mean, I prefer Ernest go somewhere cheap. That's a bad one. No one has ever recreated the Ernest font. And if there's an Ernest font on the internet, please send it to me.

Yes. And within five years, he would be a guest on the show. I believe it's called Varney Bold Condensed. I do love Bart's reaction of like, I feel slightly responsible. Yeah, that he feels really bad about it. Oh, Woodrow, how could you stand me up? Mrs. K, whoever this guy is, you don't need him. There are plenty of good men around.

Bart, you are the closest thing to a man in my life. And that's so depressing, I think I'm going to cry. That's hard to listen to. It is. I forgot how long they held on her crying. Yeah, if you haven't listened to a bunch of this show, I was kind of a Bart character, not actively trying to hurt anyone's feelings,

but constantly making people's lives hard just by being slightly mischievous and curious. And when you realize you've pushed an authority figure to the breaking point, like a parent or a teacher, I've had a couple of those moments. Yeah, I mean, I've been in classes where the teacher did start crying

because you were being so bad. I'm like, oh, this went too far. It was always my fault. And I did like her explanation of who she wouldn't date. Yes, I truncated the clip. Skinner is like his mommy won't let him out to play, which was very true, though she would still then date him later. So what is she implying Willie's into? That he films people.

That's true. I don't know that. Every Scottish person does it, though. He is rowdy. Rowdy, rowdy peeper. Okay, so that is what he's into. I was curious if they were going for the classic farm animal stuff. I wanted you to make sure you got a good line of the show in here.

But if it wasn't for this, this is my favorite scene from the entire episode. Homer has contributed every time to the swear jar, and has finally broken himself of the habit. Oh, fudge. That's broken. Fiddle-dee-dee. That will require a tetanus shot. That was so painful. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to kick this doghouse down! Dad, this is not a commentary on your skills, but we bought you a new doghouse.

Where'd you get the money? Well, there was more than enough in the swear jar. And if you look inside the doghouse, there's a little surprise. Maggie. Oh, cute. No, behind her. Beer. How did you know?

His foot's great. His foot's still bleeding, though. The sound of the nail going through his foot is grotesque. I've definitely done this on occasion where if I stub my toe or something and I don't want to shout, I go like, fiddle-dee-dee. The biggest fight I've had with my girlfriend recently. You've seen our new coffee table. Doesn't leave a lot of room in our small Tetris block-shaped San Francisco apartment.

I've hit my knee on it the same way like six times. And I finally just went crazy. And it makes me believe, like, maybe Homer didn't need a swear jar, but like a violence jar. Because I just started punching cabinets because it hurts so much. My favorite reaction to Homer when he swears in the montage

is when Lisa says, where's the house dog supposed to get in? Well, he... He just said, and I think him shouting damn in church, that's bad. I know, it's also visual visual I wanted all of it but you need to see this episode Just for that sequence alone people

There's a really fun thread in this episode that I caught This first time in that Bart becomes sort of like A mini handyman in detention And he's not only good at it he likes it He looks like a bartender in most shots Yeah like I think he's missing out on his vocation And he's in trouble Yeah and he says he's getting a handle on the wax yeah floor wax yeah all that great stuff

like there's your problem melba stacy had in the sink and i did like the little cut to it was it was it was just for flavor but marge going like where's maggie where's like they don't do that they have a fucking no maggie doesn't exist yeah like do all this stuff all the time like it was such a great... Her blowing on her tummy was such a cute thing. I remember like... Not everything has to be a joke. I was doing eight things at the same time.

Like, oh, they're treating Maggie like a baby. That never happens. Yeah, I know. Almost never. And so them writing the letter... So Bart finding it out. And I felt bad. Like, don't share that photo with...

I guess he needed that as proof that he was actually doing it. But him sharing that photo with them, like, oh, Edna didn't want... The family? Yeah, Edna didn't want them to see that. But at least he localized that kind of embarrassment and damage. And so then them writing the letter together, that was a James L. Brooks idea.

He was like, this will be so sweet. Oh, it seems so James L. Brooks-y now that I think about it. It's a very sweet way to type the episode that involves some ribald humor. That instead of telling Krabappel the truth, they all write her a letter of why Gordie Howe can't see her. Yeah. Woodrow Gordie Howe can't see Krabappel again. Homer takes a first stab.

She'd write her another letter. One that says goodbye, but lets her feel loved. Step aside, everyone. Sensitive love letters are my specialty. Dear baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Feel loved. Step aside, everyone. Sensitive love letters are my specialty. Dear baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you. You, baby.

Dear baby. You, baby. That's so great. Dear baby. And then he keeps trying to insert, like, I'm gay. Three words. I am gay. Home around, you can put that in there. That type of advice would continue on into the Valentine's Day episode where he said six simple words.

I'm not gay, but I'll learn. Again, the first time they've said gay. I mean, they've insinuated characters were gay, but they never ever said gay. This is what put The Simpsons into the next echelon for me because I'd never heard another show say this. Not even Roseanne people don't correct me It did feel like as a kid I'm like that's not They did a naughty thing They acknowledged gayness

And any time I hear the wind blow It will whisper the name Midnight Oh that's very good Lisa P.S. I am gay How shall we end it? How about with a love that will echo through the ages? Oh, that's

sweet. Oh, Homer, you old honey dripper. I love Homer gently tousling his hair. It's a nice animation. Yeah, and even though it's not in the voiceover, the love that will echo through the ages is written on the letter that Edna looks at.

Speaking of that, it is kind of odd how Edna looks at this sexy man in his childlike writing and buys it. Like, why is his penmanship is that of a 10 year old? She's very desperate. Yeah, that's true. Very desperate. That's his one flaw, I guess. Yeah. She wants to believe whatever.

Like, who cares? And this guy is perfect. Perfect. Oh, I did love the joke. We skipped past it. Just when you said happy hour in the teacher's lounge, she just gives everything a B. whatever like who cares and this guy is perfect perfect oh i did love the joke we we skip past it just when you said happy hour in the teacher's lounge she just gives everything a b b b and that squeaky marker sound is so great perfect yeah and she accepts it and then bart kind of hangs out with her more and learns to appreciate her at least for this episode it'll be reset again

like everything else yeah but another sweet ending all of the season three is definitely where they're getting jokier but they're not as season five is when they just well actually i'd say halfway through season four they go like not cynical nothing means anything and everything's wrong yeah and screw you for watching screw you for watching but in season season five is where like homer loves flanders literally ends with them saying this will reset next week so this progress reset next week, so this progress is meaningless. But at this point, they're still like, no, happy ending.

Warm and fuzzy. Let's make him feel this way. It does seem like a... I just thought while watching it, this is James L. Brooks. I got a little goose bumpy when Edna tells Bart, let's have the tension outside today. It's so nice out. I like that Bart became her shoulder to cry on. Even if he emotionally manipulated her, I feel like she became a better person for it in some way yeah i hope you know

she wouldn't get anybody again until seymour in a few years but it'd be four years until that one yeah i think so season seven years but though she's never as desperate as like patty and selma are seen as the ones who would like literally trap a man in their apartment. I believe at one point their apartment complex was named Spinster City. Remember that? Reference kids? Spin City, right. Of course, yeah.

I get it. It's a reference to something old. Bill Cosby. Dope! Oh, great. That needs to be like a text notification or something. Bill Cosby. Oh, God.

Well, I guess that's the episode. That's it, yeah. I mean, I liked it. Bart the Lumber ate good. Bart was really good in this one, I Oh, God. Well, I guess that's the episode. That's it, yeah. I mean, I liked it. Bart the Lover ate good and Bart was really good in this one, I think, especially. It was a good platform for Bart, but it wasn't just about him being like, cowabunga, dude. And it wasn't

his story either, like how Bart gets an F. It's about him crying and his frustrations. It's about him learning empathy. Yeah, Towards a teacher, which I remember being this age. It was hard. But if I've never told that story,

I was Bart's age, also terrible. And then every semester, my krabappel would read the comments on a report card and ask the class to guess who it was. And it was always me. And I didn't realize now that, like, we should be in jail.

That's just like psychological torture. Yeah, like, why did you do that to me? That's singling out a student like something you should never do. It's Chris again. Everybody's right. Yay! They all single Chris out for being bad.

That's pretty terrible. I think Edna will be much more unfair to Bart in other episodes. That's true, yeah. When she will just call on Bart first and knowing to single him out. But that is also, that's more in the David Merkin era because he really hates teachers. He does, yeah. He cannot stand them.

I feel like he was a little Bart when he was growing up. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's the one who invented the little bastard kits that came in in his seasons I rebuilt one of those we'll get to it well thanks for listening so much guys I've been your host Bob Mack you can find me on Twitter as Bob Servo you can read my writing at usgamer.net

or somethingawful.com and you can hear my other podcast Retronauts the Classic Gaming Podcast all these guys have been on it it's great comes out every week go to retronauts.com or usgamer.net to find that podcast or just find it in your podcast device how about you guys what do you do you can hear bab occasionally on the laser time show the show that started this whole dumb network on podcast.com and we did an episode somewhat recently within the month about um i did an accompanying article on it uh animated endorsements that wouldn't die

and that bart has been endorsing Butterfinger for almost a quarter of a century. Through all its many forms. On and off, on and off. But who else? Yes, Fred Flintstone. God damn, you're ruining the whole show for yourself. It's a great episode of Laser Time. I love it. And if you like this travel backwards through time, there's

302010, where you go through the events in a given week 30 years ago, 20 years ago, and 10 years ago. And yes, the Super Bowl and Challenger happened at the same time and in the same week. A crazy time. And you can learn about all that type of stuff right on that podcast. And of course, this was brought to you by Patreon.com slash LazerTime. If you'd like to support us and get the first season of this for just five

dollars a month head over there and if you are a new signee and you're looking for links to the first season if you scroll through scroll through the most recent posts by laser time you will find a picture of blacksmithers waving i'm actually white and and calling you to action to find the first 13 episodes as well as our season two wrap up. Right. 13 episodes waiting for you, including a season two wrap up, which is real fun. You should listen to it. If you want to hear about Nazis on tap and you're asking, what is that?

It's a secret Simpson short you've never seen or heard. Probably. So, yeah, thanks so much for listening. We'll be back next week when we talk about Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw. Later, folks. Wow. Infotainment.