Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Bart The Murderer

Episode Date: April 13, 2016

Bart dabbles in the mafia and gets to meet Fat Tony for the first time in this criminally great episode…

today's talking symptoms is brought to you by tax act the best deal in tax with free federal and state simple returns and affordable pricing and other services your maximum refund is guaranteed and listeners of this show can go to try tax act.com slash laser time and get 15 off federal and state violence Ahoy, ahoy, everybody, and welcome to Talking Simpsons. This is the Lazer Time Podcast Network's chronological exploration of The Simpsons. I am your host, as always, Bob Mackie. Who else is here today? Christopher Antistopati. Respectable businessman, Henry Gilbert.

I'm Dave Rudnick, and I'm going to eat chocolate until I barf. And today's episode is all about Bart the Murderer, which aired on October 10th, 1991. Chris, what happened in this mythical time in history? Oh my god! Hey, Bobby, you will be so surprised. Eastman, Kodak

and Phillips team up to create a new system to store your photos called the Photo CD. Meanwhile, compact discs are catching up on cassette tapes almost 50-50, and the Senate delays the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas. Uh-oh. There will be a parody of that

in The Simpsons soon, I think. There's going to be a miniseries of that soon, I think. There will be. I think that's... Well, there's also a great documentary called Anita that will explain the entire Clarence Thomas situation in... Is the movie poster

a pubic hair and a can of Coke? No. That's what I remember most from that. I need to watch that. I know. Look, it's very...

That is a very funny aspect to it, but it's actually about internalized misogyny in our country, man. Well, me put pee pee in your Coke.

It's a classic joke. So we are going to move on to this episode. It's sort of a Goodfellas parody, but not really. It's Bart falling in with the mob, Springfield's mob. It's like if they extrapolated a longer sequence from the Goodfellas opening. Because it's very much like that. It's about a kid falling in with the mafia. His parents don't approve. So instead of beating up his everyone around him, they kind of turn that on its head.

But it's like it is it is very similar to a sequence. Right. He has no aspirations to be in the mob. I don't think he knows about the mob. Unlike Henry Hill. I can remember I wanted to dabble in the mafia. That's a Mr. Show.

Mr. Show reference. I like I had never seen Goodfellas as a kid Same here And the only time I watched it I watched it years ago And I haven't seen

This episode in years since So like It's basically Nothing like Like gelled for me The suit scene In front of his mother That's the

You look like a gangster Yeah but like You did hear about The lawsuit That happened just A couple years ago The guy who plays Carbone in Goodfellas, he

also is a character, I think like the brother-in-law in The Wedding Singer. Oh my fucking shirt. He sued The Simpsons because of the caricature of Fat Tony. Not of Fat Tony, the guy with the high curly hair. Legs. Yeah, legs. In his defense, he looks exactly

like that character. That character is very clearly based on him. I don't think that makes it lawsuit worthy, but it is very clearly him. It's a neurotic character. They say they're based on real people in the commentary, too. Like, Louis, the curly-haired guy, right? He is based on Joe Pesci, but he looks nothing like Joe Pesci. As someone who's watched Goodfellas a hundred billion times,

the way Skinner is depicted as dead in the dream sequences is almost all from Goodfellas. That's right, yeah. It's been a while for me. The kid showing up in a suit in front of dream sequences are almost all from Goodfellas. That's right, yeah. It's been a while for me. The kid showing up in a suit in front of his mother is straight out of Goodfellas. The cigarette truck, straight out of Goodfellas. And I had never seen Goodfellas

until another cartoon inspired me to see it in 94. Animaniacs? The Goodfeathers. That one's Netflix, baby. How could that be funny to a child who's not seen Goodfellas? Because they beat each other up. This rated R movie from three years ago. Are you cool?

I'm cool. Oh, bullshit. It turns out Joe Pesci was the perfect cartoon character from the beginning. Yes. I guess. But they have a statue of Martin Scorsese in the Goodfathers bits. It don't make sense unless you've seen the movie. But anyway, yeah.

This is the introduction of Fat Tony, right? Yeah, but this episode starts with Bart's worst day to date, I think. I love this fiction. Anytime I had a bad day as a kid, I would think back to this. The whole opening is visual, but like, I do, this is my favorite line from it. Bart Simpson, you're late. Go fill out a tardy slip. But I'm only 5, 10, 20, 40 minutes.

That's pretty damn late. That's my quote of the show, I think. That is my feeling a lot of time when I'm late. Like, I don't feel late, but, oh shit, yeah. That's pretty damn late. That's my quote of the show, I think. That is my feeling a lot of time when I'm late. Like, I don't feel late, but, oh, shit. Yeah, it's been a while. You're putting up your defense like, hey, I'm not that. No, I'm pretty damn late.

No, well, before that, though, the cereal bits, like, I like the Jackie O cereal with stretch pants, which seems like a fat joke, Jackie Onassis. But in case you don't know, Jackie Onassis, Jackie Kennedy, the first lady whose husband was killed and who then married Aristotle Onassis who will come up later. Yeah, he's a parody to the next episode. But Jackie O, I had to look this up,

she was still alive when this episode aired. She died in 1994. So they're mocking the living Jackie O. And then second homer's satisfaction of having this genuine official police is so funny to me that's officer homer i do like his line which i recognize as a joke calling all cars calling all cars come out with your hands up it's like that that's a joke because homer is stupid and i didn't realize that until now uh i didn't even notice it until watching it this time,

but Bart is going to have chocolate cereal for breakfast on a day when they're going to a chocolate factory. Like, this kid loves his chocolate. And on that cereal box, we have the classic quote, only sugar has more sugar, which is great. There's a great saying for this. Yeah, I love that line. It's a quick psych gag.

But the one thing I can relate to all of this, the montage of bad things happening to a kid, starting with stepping on a stegosaurus. It is plight. I know that plight very well. What about tearing your pants in front of girls? In front of girls? It happened to me in front of families like two months ago. It's like the second consecutive episode.

That's kind of a fat joke, I would assume. More porn joke. Yeah, that too. You can stop looking at me now. But the biggest deal for Bart is, and this is the first time as a kid that I felt real anxiety, was the anxiety over forgetting a permission slip. Because that meant, you knew the kids who always would forget and they would have to stay

behind because their parents sucked. They probably had a shitty home life. It's like applying for health insurance and taxes and shit. I would have this exact reaction. Well, it's nearly one o'clock and you and shit. I would have this exact reaction. Well, it's nearly 1 o'clock, and you know what that means. That's right. It's time for our field trip to the chocolate factory. I trust you all remembered to bring your permission slips.

A little psycho riff there. Bart's face right before he realized that. He's got such a peaceful, like he's so beaten down, but it's like finally. This is the one thing that's going to fix it. This has been the worst day ever, but who cares? I say this is a terribly planned field trip. One, it's happening in the middle of the day. That's an all day time field trip. It's going to be a one hour trip at the most. And then second, you collect

the permission slips the day before or before that day. And also, be nice. Lisa has her permission. Her parents aren't opposed to chocolate factories. Maybe you give the courtesy of the housewife a call. Giving the housewife a call.

Lisa's not helping. Her waving at Bart. That was a jerk move by Lisa. Chris, if Bart would have died like Uter did much later in the series run, they would have been screwed. That's very important for them to have those slips. I see what you're saying. But all the kids are going to go to the

chocolate factory. Offudge. Did that ever come back? I don't remember. I don't think it has. It definitely wasn't at the candy. I don't believe it was at the candy convention. No, that would be the one place they couldn't bring it back to. They got to see an awesome industrial film with Troy McClure. The first industrial film

he's been in. Yes, because this is like the lamest the Troy McClure movie titles get. They're the most tame they get. And then it leads into this wonderfully racist depiction of an old cartoon. That's right. I love that Indian. It was one of the first things I ever put on Instagram. It's literally the Cleveland Indian.

And it holds on it so long. Like, get it? No, he becomes the Cleveland Indian. And it holds on it so long. Get it? No, he becomes that exact Indian. Welcome to the Chocolate Factory. I'm Troy McClure. You probably remember me from such films as The Revenge of Abe Lincoln and The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West. The history of chocolate starts with the ancient Aztecs. In those days, instead of being wrapped in a hygienic package, chocolate was wrapped in a tobacco

leaf. And instead of being pure chocolate like we have today, it was mixed with shredded tobacco. And they didn't eat it. They smoked it. Smoked it. There's a bit of Heston in his voice, like, welcome to the chocolate factory. I was wondering if he had a cold. The way he says chocolate

factory, that seems almost like sexual. Jonas Adventure. Almost sexual. En route to the chocolate cold the way he says chocolate factory like that seems almost like uh sexual adventure almost sexual en route to the chocolate factory when they're getting on the bus it's one of the things i noticed like immediately as a kid that ralph has nelson's voice when he says i'm gonna eat chocolate like barf i mean it's an in-between voice it wasn't exactly nelson's voice well when they went to off fudge it reminded me of i don't know if you guys, have you guys ever taken an equivalent type trip like that before? Never to like a Coke factory. A food place.

I've been to the Coke factory in Atlanta when I lived in the Atlanta area as a kid. I got sick as a motherfucker. You get free sodas from around the world as much as you want, and I'm a kid. I got really sick. However, I hated it. I hated that trip because I don't drink soda. I hate carbonated beverages. So even though there were...

I used to drink Pissy Liquids. I'm going to do all Mr. Show lines the whole time. But I did go to the Jelly Belly Factory in Fairfield. I'm sorry, Fairville, I think it is. Around here, right? Yeah, it's near here. But the all fudge bean just looks very similar to the jelly bean of Jelly Belly Factory. Coco Beanie himself.

Yeah, all of the industry in my neck of the woods left like 10 years before I was born, so there was nothing to visit outside of like, here's another abandoned factory, kids. Sorry, Bob. Go ride or play sports. The sound of when Coco Beanie is getting kids. It's like, ah! Ah! Sounds like one of my favorite lines in The Simpsons.

It'll take us years to get to. And it's nobody else's favorite line from the Itchy and Scratchy Island episode. When they just take off his face and it just goes, ah! I hate it when they scream. That's my favorite moment of that whole episode filled with great moments. That is a great moment. Do we have the game that Bart's playing with Principal Skinner to pass time? Don't worry, Bart We'll find something fun for you to do

Ah, here we are There's a whole box of unsealed envelopes for the PTA You're making me lick envelopes? Oh, licking envelopes can be fun All you have to do is make a game of it What kind of game? Well, for example, you can see how many you can lick in an hour and then try to break that record.

Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me. Yes. Well, get started. I love when the facade drops from Skinner. He's like, yeah, I can't do this anymore. I think of it whenever I've done repetitive tasks at jobs, I always think back to this. We literally stuffed envelopes for Patreon prizes.

But self-sealing ones we didn't have to look at. But I feel like we did make that joke two or three times. Just like, let's see how many we can do now. Bart should have had a sponge and some water, I think. I had to do it as an actual job. Yeah, you had to use a sponge attached to a water container. You don't want to die like George Costanza's fiance. Well, it was a cheap brand of glue, though.

It wasn't just the glue. Wait, you think Springfield Elementary can afford good sponges? And that, man, the way the second hand moves backwards when he's watching.

I think of that, too, when I'm watching the clock as a kid. This episode, directed by Rich Moore, has fantastic camera angles, great animation, just Bart's disgusting

dried out tongue. You only see it for like five seconds. It's so perfect. Did you guys ever do that when you were a kid like just dry out your tongue I might have done that yeah I preferred putting glue on my fingers and peeling it off that was more preferred but uh also I when Milhouse says my glasses like that and I've said that not ironically many times and Milhouse has repeated that line a couple times. Yes, it's kind of his catchphrase. It sadly is.

That is. But the most important thing that happens this entire episode is that we're introduced to one fat Tony, ruler of the Springfield Mafia. Hey, what's with the kid? Hands off the material. What do you know? The kid's tough. His cat's a punk. I wonder if he is lucky also.

Pick a horse, kid. Shelbyville Downs, third race. Make it a good one. Eat my shorts. Eat my shorts. Ah, okay. Let's see. Hey, wait a minute, you little punk.

Eat my shorts is in the fifth race. I said the third race. Don't have a cow. Don't have a cow in the third. Put a deuce on him. Bart's joke at the expense of Bart's popularity. The way Bart was lucky that it started raining once he left the school, because if not, he would have run into them with the dry tongue,

and he wouldn't have been able to communicate. That's true. So that was the... Cat-eye-do-dow. I like that legitimate businessman's club. That's great. And, yeah, Fat Tony, let's talk a little bit about him. How did that happen?

Because Joe Montagna was kind of a real movie star they wanted to make him special because it was going to be I believe Hank Azaria just doing the voice I think so yeah but then they thought no this character

can be somebody special a guest star and Joe Montaigne was a he was a character actor he'd been in major movies I believe he's

a lot of mammoth films he's in Godfather 3 isn't he he's like the concierge. I knew him from Airheads. That's right. One of the leads. If it's too loud, it's too old, baby.

I know him from being referenced in Waterboy. But yeah, Joe Mantegna was a famous-ish actor and an Italian-American who's played a lot of Mafia guys. So when they hired him, they thought it would be a one-off, but it was not. And he has gone on to say, if Fat Tony belches or grunts, I want to do that. That's what I've heard. He's so up for everything. Do you remember

the episode where he is not voiced by him, where Dan Castellaneta or, sorry, I think it is, Hazaria does it for once. I know Hazaria does Alex Rocco's Roger Myers character once, but I don't know the one where... Okay, it is... You don't know it either! A fish called Selma.

He says, I thought you said he was sleeping with the fishes. No, what I meant to say, please, I just had a big plate of gabagool. Oh, I forgot the end of that one. And I love Dan Castellaneta's legs, too. Or, no, the... Louie and legs. Yeah. And if you haven't been watching the

show in a while fat tony is dead yes he's all right i actually let me see that exactly fat tony died fat tony demico died 2010 uh in an episode uh yeah it was donnie donnie fatso where homer was an undercover guy in the mob he dies is, is replaced by his cousin Fit Tony, who's in great shape. But by the end of the episode, in an Armin Tamzarian-ish move, Fit Tony, the stress of being a mob boss, turns Fit Tony into Fat Tony, and he is then

exactly the same looking, still played by Joe Mantegna, and is still a picture on the show. It's the joke of the fat guy in Beer Fest, essentially. Thankfully, Joe Mantegna is still alive, and we also hear Fat Tony's full joke of the fat guy in Beer Fest, essentially. Thankfully, Joe Mantegna is still alive. And we also hear Fat Tony's full name for the first and only time, William Fat Tony Williams. His name is William Williams.

Yeah, that is a great joke, but it got retconned by his third appearance. It is Fat Tony D'Amico. As you know, this comes from a love, not a place of hate or scorn. I love Phil Hartman. And I remember I had some official Simpsons book. Like, Phil Hartman, he voiced five Simpsons characters. And as we go by, I'm like, that's not true. Some of them just never appeared again and don't have names. And Phil Hartman does more than Troy McClure.

He does like four to five voices in this episode. Fabulous man. And I will never, yes, I will never not capture a Phil Hartman voice performance. But even before that. Hey, boss, here's the call for the third race.

It's the commander of the internet suffering succotash by a neck over yabba-dabba-doo. Two legs back to eight, I am stinker and that's all, folks. I am what I am, can see them all. But here comes Don't Have a Cow

flying on the outside and at the wire, it's all Don't Have a Cow. Hey, I like this kid. I can't believe we were going to shoot him. Can you mix drinks? I don't know. I'll have a Manhattan.

Make legs a Manhattan. I'm not sure. It's so weird. I don't know many mixed drinks. I just like whiskey. And when I go to a bar, like, what can I make you, sir? I'm like, I have no clue. Bart made a Manhattan once.

Can you make the tap pour beer out? I like fruity cocktails, but Manhattans I've never had before. Bob, you're more of a warm-on. I don't do cocktails, really. I like Chris. I like a strong, hard liquor, a nice beer. I want to feel it. But Bob, you're right.

You mentioned that John Lovitz is also, he's kind of a utility player on a lot of these episodes, too. In the beginning, they would find other roles for these people. I don't think they do that as much anymore because their time is more valuable. I think contracts, like, ended up getting weirdly extended with fine print. Oh, yeah. It's like, we have to pay you for this two-line character or whatever. I believe I heard Seth Green say something about Robot Chicken that he's like, you do a ton of the voices on the show. And he had to say, like, not because I want to.

It's because actors, according to the Actors Guild, can only do five. And anything else, I have to do. I didn't realize that was a union show. Well, that's also... That's weird. But that's also why when he would cast like, oh, Dean Cain's on this episode. Dean Cain plays like three other people on the episode just to get best use of his time. Oh, speaking of actors,

one last thing about Fat Tony I forgot to mention. They originally wanted a different celebrity to play him, Sheldon Leonard, who played Nick the bartender in It's a Wonderful Life. Now, why do you keep calling me Nick? If you have friends with this guy, then I know you ain't good. He poisoned a bunch of kids.

Scram. Did Pixies go with that guy? Sheldonard is also known for playing two characters on big bang theory is there a leonard on big bang theory it's got me right it's a nerdy name i'm sure i'm giving angels wings ding anyway bart gets a job you got a job doing what uh i don't know mixing drinks picking horses cutting cigars you know a job you're Uh, I don't know. Mixing drinks, picking horses, cutting cigars. You know, a job. Bart, you're father, and I don't want you doing that. Homer, say something.

How much does it pay? 30 bucks a week. I make more than that. Something that struck me about this episode, that's a great line, by the way, but something that struck me, even, like, especially as a kid watching this, it's very risque for the Simpsons.

Like, Bart is mixing drinks. There's a cigarette in his mouth at one point. are guns in his face a lot like it feels like very they're putting a small child in these situations you really shouldn't be in at the time but as a cartoon like this is like this is clearly going beyond the bounds of anything i've seen made for television in my entire life The Simpsons will be right back. How we use electricity can be smarter, cleaner and greener. At Electric Ireland, we can help guide you there. You see, our new Net Zero Hub has all you need to know about smart meter plans, EV tariffs, solar panels, and much more.

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And, of course once again you listeners can go to try tax act.com slash laser time and get 15 off your state and federal filings thank you tax act for reminding us we are running out of time to do our taxes that homer there reminds me of the difference between compare that Homer to the Homer of the previous episode when Flanders failed. That Homer is just aggressively disinterested. And also, like, he seems to think he's in a contest to eat chocolate ice cream as fast as he can. Just like just shoveling in his mouth and then says, I make more than that. He's just eating it right out of the cart.

And part of what I love about whatever realization happened in between the second and third season, one of the best old characters that comes in and gets to be really interesting is Wiggum. Yeah. Wiggum gets to use his Edward G. Robinson voice to be a real hard-nosed cop. He still has his black hair, but I feel like in season two they didn't use him. They would use Eddie and Lou a lot, but they would be like, why would Wiggum be on this call? But now Wiggum does everything with Eddie and Lou. Maybe they were just too logically interested.

Like, well, the police chief wouldn't do that. Did we ever see Wiggum in season two at all? I'm scratching my head for it. It must have happened because he was in the last major role I remember him in, like of being a bad cop, was in the Krusty Gets Busted episode from season one. But, boy. Season two, I think it was just,

we just saw Eddie and Lou a lot. Yeah, write us in to tell us how dumb we are about remembering this. But he was also black here back then. Yeah, but I love this. There's a callback to it later on as well. Chief Wiggold, you honor us with your presence.

Baloney, I'm not going to rest if one of us is behind bars. You! You wouldn't happen to know anything about a cigarette truck that got hijacked on Route 401. What's a truck? Don't play dumb with me. Relax, Chief. You seem tense.

You know the boy here makes an excellent Manhattan. I'm still going to put you away, you know. Good for you. so patronizing yeah i just i think they realize until one of us is behind bar it's such great crappy dialogue they had fun with him in that carsey gets busted episode but i feel like from this episode onwards they realize that they can just make him even stupider than homer the one person in town is dumber than him and i mean by the end of the season they came to love him so so much, they just make him Ralph's dad. Yeah.

Another retcon. This is a very specific reference, I think, to Goodfellas, because this is what the kids did when they worked with the Mafia. They worked in the joint and heisted cigarette trucks. That's what Tommy does his time for. You got pinched, you did your time, and you didn't talk. It's the kind of thing of like, well, we want these to be funny mafia guys. Well, they can't murder people.

They can't have prostitutes. They can't sell drugs. Okay, then they'll just steal things that you could buy anyway and sell them. They imply all that is happening. They do. They did murder a Chinese guy with a mustache. That was, you're ruining my, I wanted to reference the killing of a Chinese bookie, and now he's I'm sorry.

This is a tactic I heard that happened to friends of mine when I was younger. I found a pack of cigarettes in your backpack. You're going to smoke them all. I'm like, that seems torturous, illegal, and like child abuse. There's a great King of the Hill about that where it backfires on, and Bobby becomes obsessed with cigarettes. Yeah, it's great. That's so great.

That's Hank, right? Yeah, the whole family. That's where that picture of Hank Hill, right? Yeah, the whole family. They all start smoking again. That picture of Hank Hill looking like he's high comes from. Well, yeah, because he starts smoking in

out of stress and then not knowing it he takes a half inhale of a marijuana cigarette while the guy is trying to get weeble wobbles off of eBay. My weebles.

Bart, Bart, Bart and cigarettes. Bart! Have you started smoking? No. Don't lie to me, boy. Uh cigarettes. Fart! Have you started smoking? No. Don't lie to me, boy. Aha. Cigarettes, just as I thought.

They're not mine. My boss said his warehouse was full. Yeah, right. Son, I'm going to teach you a lesson. I'm going to stand here and watch you smoke every one of those cigarettes. Then maybe you'll learn. Fat Tony sent me over to pick up the goods. Right in here, my man.

Hey, kid, you look good with that cigarette. Kind of sophisticated. I will never doubt you again. What a bad lesson to teach kids. Yeah, you'll look cool with a cigarette in your mouth. Homer just let this guy in his house, apparently, too. Bart does look cool with a cigarette in his mouth. He does.

I just love the way that guy says, kind of sophisticated. We don't see Laramie, even though Laramie was never shown as anything but disgusting and evil just pointing out again nameless hank is area work yeah they lighten up the laramie references as the seasons go on they don't seem as much as jack larson i like jack larson because cigarette brands aren't as ubiquitous i bet if you were to ask 14 year old name a brand of cigarettes it might be tough it might tough. I had heard it's kind of like soda, that they're all just going down and cheeseburgers as well. It's not that we're all that much healthier than we used to be, but we're not eating the same unhealthy things we used to. You don't have to tell us for 20 years we're eating garbage. We're unhealthy in different ways now.

Who knows what vapes do? I couldn't capture all this. I really wanted to because it's so funny, the press conference that Wiggum holds. I mean, then we'd just be listening for like two minutes. Yeah, it's so funny. Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer and I am the...

What? Your cancer. Mark, is your boss a crook? I don't think so. Although it would explain an awful lot. I think it's a different press conference he has later that just has really weird animation where he's talking about we're trying to employ the best body-finding technology.

But he's smiling at the beginning of it when he shouldn't be, and then his eyes just space out when he doesn't know what to say. Yeah, that was a little off. I liked Homer having fun with the mafia guys and just not getting it. like and he doesn't know what to say yeah that was that was a little off i liked homer having the fun with the oh yeah the mafia guys and just not getting it and then they reused the shot from the end of the mr burks from episode where homer's like they're just a bunch a bunch of guys having

their free time and i didn't know that was reused yeah it was totally just the scene where he marge is like so did you talk to everybody like let's go to bed. I'm on the roll of my life. Same scene. I think as they realize Marge should get an update from Homer and know to not worry. Here's something I thought was great because I had to look this up because I never knew what this was. Bart sings a song.

Supoibe. Those fingers through my hair That's like a hither stare. That strips my conscience bare. It's witchcraft. Give me three fingers of milk, ma. Parents had to explain to me what fingers mean.

That's a way of measuring alcohol back in the day. Yes, a stupid way of measuring alcohol. Especially if you have male and female bartenders. I mean, the same way that Roger Rabbit taught me, oh, rocks means ice in a drink, not actual rocks. So it's funny you bring that up, because I had to look up that song, because I'd never heard it before. It is Frank Sinatra's Witchcraft, which is sung by the sword in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, so it's technically the first Frank Sinatra song I ever recognized. It is witchcraft.

Bart is not doing a good job at all of actually covering the song. I just remember hearing it in a commercial as a kid. I want to say it was for Shampoo. And I know it's simply taboo. Was it for Lipton brisk iced tea? Could be. That's brisk, baby. I don't miss those.

How do I know that still? I hate myself. I like the return of I Am A Wiener as a nice little season one callback. It was a good callback. It wasn't a good sound clip, but him patting Skinner on the cheek. Yeah, stuffing a 20 into his shirt pocket. So good. And so then the Kiss of Death guy, do you have that?

What have I done to deserve this flat, flavorless Manhattan? Wow. That's Phil Harden? Come on, boys. The kiss of death. That's all I need. I think I prefer Hank Azaria. He's like, I know I'm just a stereotype.

I know it. I am. I know I'm just a stereotype. I know what I am. I know what I am. I like that one because it reminds me of the forgotten Godfather character, Clemenza. It was just like, what have I done? I'm one of the best there is. I come from a...

It hurts to do it. I can make fun of these guys all I want, in case you don't know. Full disclosure, I'm Italian. What? I'm Italian, and my grandfather is very Italian. One of these guys, and he retired to an old folks home. That is what all of his friends sounded like before he died.

Christopher, how you doing? You doing some computers? Ah, that's great. I want a second cup of pudding. I love Clemenza. I fucking love that character. You heard of this Lady Gaga? She got her album with Tony Bennett.

Pretty good. Tony Bennett. Tony Bennett. This is why I think it's a deliberate Goodfellas parody. It's just a parody of a section of Goodfellas because Bart never grows up to be Henry Hill. Exactly. Because he can't.

But eventually Henry Hill stops going to school they the mafia guys go grab the mailman and put like beat the shit out of him put his head in the pizza oven that's right like no more mail comes this that house not ever and like this is the same thing lousy skinner you are late for work of course i'm late for work how can i be on time when principal skinner keeps me after school? Is Guy Skinner causing you trouble? He sure is, Patron. Hmm. Perhaps we should go to meet and greet this individual. I honestly wouldn't have met Fat Tony if he had left school early.

Ooh, Skinner arranged this. I don't have an appointment with any large men. That's my favorite line of the show. That's Bob's line of the show. Mine has not come up yet. When this turn came here for the third act, that's when I remember this was a John Schwartzwelder episode. So much happens.

It is such a crazy elevation, and it's one of those classic, like, from where they threaten him, the only thing they're going to do is murder him. But they have to be like, hey, we're really sorry. All right, don't yell. And they just,

for it to be such a turn is the kind of ridiculousness John Schwarzwelder specializes in. Yeah, Skinner's the one who's angry. He's like, get out! And what I love about that, how batshit it gets. Is this like the craziest it's gotten so far? Yeah. Bart is on trial as an adult for murder. Yeah, yeah.

And then Wiggum calls in a psychic. I see wedding bells for Vanna White and Teddy Kennedy. Wait, Princess Opal, if we could just stick to Principal Skinner. Chief Wiggum, I am merely a conduit for the spirits. Willie Nelson will astound his fans

by swimming the English Channel. Really? Willie Nelson? I love that line. I'm here to translate one of the psychic's predictions. I hear it's split spill for Delta Burke and Major Dad. Major Dad, the guy who started Major Dad married Delta Burke in 1989. And they're still together. That psychic is so wrong.

Yeah, they're so beautiful. I'm surprised they're still alive. Wow, that makes the joke even better. Yeah, Princess Opal was wrong there, man. I wonder if they were thinking about it and then like, no, we're going to prove the Simpsons wrong. I love that they called it out as Major Dad. Yeah, not the guy's name. I love Delta Burke, but Delta Burke, she's also been open about that she has a hoarding problem.

She has a hoarding problem that she had 31 storage units at one point. Wow. It strikes me as someone who doesn't leave the house that much. I've not seen her in 25 years. I do like Wiggum's response like, oh, they seem so happy together. I think that's like Gerald McRaney

doesn't have the celebrity enough for anyone to recognize who he is. You have to say Major Dad. In 91, you know who Major Dad was.

If it had been four years earlier, they would have said Simon of Simon and Simon. Did we say Major Dad was a CBS sitcom? Exactly.

It is so lost. You would never know that. Major Dad, I never saw it in syndication. I always just mix it up with Coach. It's like tough dad, daughter who is emasculating him. But I love Joel McGraney. He's great. He was on Deadwood as William Randolph's hearse father.

He's the gold guy who's like, I just want to know what the color's in it and he's he is fucking amazing in this third season he's so good almost my line of the show because as if this third act couldn't get more like bat shitting all over the place there's also a dream sequence such great animation beautiful they're there but looks beautiful kill my boy kill my boy kill my boy yeah over his mouth not really moving it just kind of opened

yeah Reverend Lovejoy's they're there Bart they're there they're there I would do that like to my brother and sister so many times

like they're there Allison I like the bit where they dredged up a scuba diver I also this was the return of groundskeeper Willie

and I forgot he like he slaps Edna Kropopoulos so hard in front of the wee bairns yeah but it was one of those classic like 1950s movie slaps of an hysterical woman I'm not saying you should slap

hysterical women guys but hysterical women from the 1940s they're over 80 airplane you can make a good joke out of it what I've learned is if someone passes out, give them brandy. That's what they need.

But I think we start seeing Edna's secret, maybe, passion for Skinner. She is so broken up by it. You don't believe what happened? And I love that Skinner's missing. Everybody knows it. I heard Skinner's buried

under his parking spot. I heard he was ground up in the hamburger and served us at lunch. I heard Bart had Skinner's buried under his parking spot. Well, I heard he was ground up in the hamburger and served us at lunch. I heard Bart had Skinner killed by gangsters. That's not true. It's just a rumor. You're engaged in speculation.

I know the law. You can't prove anything. See, and at the time, I didn't know the Simpsons well enough to know that they wouldn't kill Skinner at all. I wasn't positive there would be an end to this mystery. I wasn't totally sure. I mean, I knew they wouldn't kill Homer at this point. I knew that wouldn't happen. Only because of a specific episode.

Yeah, I didn't know the rules of TV yet at this point, I don't think. Okay, the bit where they say, like, did you kill my principal? Who, the Chinese guy with the mustache? I am certain that is a reference to the John Cassavetes film, Killing of a Chinese Bookie. Oh. Which is a very weird film. I haven't seen it. See if you can sit through all of it.

I bet you can. I've seen it. It's actually a really great, strange, almost completely improvised feeling film. But it's just really good. And it's kind of like the Stranger Guys, where a person is very full of existential dread and kills a person he doesn't really know as part of just their disconnect from reality. Now I've really got people on my board by

talking about a Camus book. I thought you were going to be talking about when you use your left hand. That's a stranger to me. Killing an Arab. We should mention that Sideshow Bob is sharing his cell with Bart in like one scene and he's buff as hell. He comes back later in the season not as buff.

Talk about very quickly retconned stuff. And also, Bart is in a jail with adults. Like, what? How is this possible? He is being tried as an adult. I don't think they would keep him in. I forgot he was in this episode. I was so happy when he showed up.

Because Bert does only this episode once to deliver what I call the line of the show. That's the joke. That Simpson boy is looking at 180 years Thank God we live in a country So hysterical over crime That a 10 year old child can be tried as an adult It's the most On the nose political I think the show ever got

There's no real joke there And it's weird that Burns would say it Exactly Burns is not the guy to say it Again that's reused animation So it could also just be time. We're two minutes short. That's the only time he's in the episode. I love this sequence.

You're eight hours early for work. I like that. Did you kill my principal? A Chinese guy with a mustache? No! My principal! That Skinner guy? No, we didn't kill him. Nobody more! You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner. What's a murder?

Don't play dumb with me. Cuff him, boys. Cuff him, boys. Uh, what's a murder? Well, when Lionel Hutt shows up and says, Murder one. Oh, Bart. Why couldn't you have gotten a paper rule like other boys?

Wait till I get you home, boy. What's that guy doing here? Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of murder one. Wow, even if I lose, I'll be famous. They didn't get a lot of mileage out of him, though. Four Phil Hartman characters in one episode. Three lines.

That is a great line, though. I love that so much. Murder one, even if I lose, I'm famous. Would a ten-year-old white kid especially ever be tried for Murder One in America? They really do believe all the mobsters when they're pointing the finger at Bart.

There's a Godfather 2 scene. Testifying montage is so good. I didn't order to skin a guy killed. But aren't you the head of this gang? No, I just stop by the club occasionally to read the complimentary newspaper. Then who is the kingpin, the capo di tutti capi?

That's the guy. Forgive me, Don Bartholomew. We tried to stop the kid, but he wouldn't quit. It was like he went crazy. Prostitution, loan sharking, numbers, the kid liked the weather's bleak in everything. Mr. Simpson, you've been the boy's father for ten years.

Do you really think he could be the leader of a murderous criminal syndicate? Well, not the leader. I mean... Oh, it's true! It's true! All the pieces fit! Wow, way to throw Bart under the bus. It's a lost joke. Mr. Simpson, you've been the boy's father for 10 years. That is a joke, yeah. It's so good, you miss it.

Chris, as an Italian, do you know what Blue Haired Lawyer is saying when he says, what is it, the capo di capo? The capo. By the way, they mix up the lawyers because that lawyer is not there when the trial is made a mistrial. Well, not a mistrial. It was just shut down. Can you have more than one lawyer, though? Yeah.

Are you not watching the OJ show? That's what I meant, yeah. It's true. There's more than one. But Skinner being alive, it is a ridiculous, like intentionally stupid ridiculous. It's a MacGyver ending. This is the first MacGyver parody before it became Patty and Selma's love interest.

Yeah. And also that... But also, one, he'd be covered in shit and piss after getting out from there. And two, Agnes Skinner doesn't exist in this thing. She would be there. I could see her even intentionally ignoring him, but she's just not there. My theory is that the cat that is in the house turned into Agnes Skinner because that cat is never around again. That's true. Or maybe that cat died

because he was so, like, he couldn't feed that cat for days. I blame the vacuum they have from, like, 30 years before 1981. That can lift a 200-pound man. Now, Agnes, I don't think he lives with his mother canonically yet because she needs to be reminded when it's 7.30. We all know that from future episodes. That's true, yeah.

And also, it is impossible the cops wouldn't hear him. Yeah, he's screaming when the cops are in the other room, and here's Skinner explaining what happened to him. I suppose you're all wondering where I've been. It all started a week ago. I was at my desk revising and updating the school dress code when I was suddenly confronted by a gang of toughs acting on behalf of one Mark Simpson.

Or so they said. We really think there's promise in a boy. Get out! Okay, okay, you don't have to yell. To get my mind off that ugly confrontation, I went home and began bundling my old newspapers. But suddenly the pile fell. I was trapped.

Let this be a lesson to recycle frequently. I wonder if he revised the dress code because of Bart's short-splitting incident earlier in the episode. So, did you get a clip of when the judge says... Yes! This is something Brett and I say all the time and I just forgot it was a Simpsons reference.

Yeah, it's going to be in my book of the episode. Here I am! The prosecution moves the principal Skinner's testimony be stricken from the record! Good night! Do I still get paid? You're on. The prosecution moves the principal Skinner's testimony to be stricken from the record. Denied! Mr. Smith! You're on. Do I still get paid? Denied!

Denied! I need that localized. I just love the prosecution's last-ditch attempt. Can we ignore the fact that this case is closed? Can we ignore that I just lost this case? The prosecution moves the principal Skinner's testimony to be stricken from the record. Denied! Denied! Denied! It's a great reading is that is that dan i think it's dan yeah and then i think blood on the blackboard is one of their funniest standings and

unlike the last episode which was just happy singing and friendly yeah this is a this is it's a cynical jokey and it's fourth wall breaking. Bart says crime doesn't pay, and then Tony gets into a limo with a beautiful woman. Yeah, that's great. But even this is the very end of the show. Blood on the Blackboard, the Bart Simpson story. Starring Richard Chamberlain as Principal Skinner. Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony. That's great.

Jane Seymour as the woman he loved. And TV's Doogie Hazard, Neil Patrick Harris as Bart Simpson. Bart, I'm scared. Let's get out of here. Shut up! Where do you want it, Skinner? Not smart. Cool!

Hey, when do we get to check for this? Well, they said they changed it just enough so they don't have to pay us. Oh, you know who the real crooks are? Those sleazy Hollywood producers. And then names come up on the screen. That was my first inkling of like, Doogie Howser might be cool. We don't know it yet. It's the first time probably in public Neil Patrick Harris got to be funny.

That he was funny and that Joe Mantegna was playing for Tony. He played two roles too. This is maybe the most star-studded episode so far. There's a lot of guest voices. Doogie Howser, Joe Mantegna. Major Dad, Delta Burke. This is maybe the most star-studded episode so far. There's a lot of guest voices. Major Dad, Delta Burke. That was just so funny. And a quick behind-the-scenes thing. I've been putting together a list of names of crazy old TV movies because it's something you forget.

And that casting is perfect, too. Who are actors who don't get to star in movies anymore? That's who stars in motion pictures. And Richard Chamberlain and Jane Seymour were on that level. That's before Dr. Quinn, right? Yeah, it's before Dr. Quinn. A little show called Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. It does make me miss that era because

there was an entire Mystery Science Theater riffing sequence where they had to watch credits. They didn't know what to do. So they would just make up USA original movie titles. And we don't get those anymore yeah i was a little disappointed to learn that neil patrick harris is not in a movie with dennis franz who played homer in a tv drama innovation oh man too bad i don't care anyway who played uh who played margin that uh when she was replaced by mr burns jesus i don't forget okay oh wait wait

oh well if she said it's not the wit and wisdom of Murphy Brown, I don't think any of them identify themselves. Homer's Michael Caine. You'll all be doing Come Blow Your Horn at the Westport Dinner Theater. It doesn't seem like we're quitting doing this anytime soon. I guess we'll get to it. We'll get to it by gum. Anyways, thanks for listening so much.

This is Bart the Murderer. Such a fun episode. So good. This is like, man, like the roller coaster is just about to teeter over yes become full on Simpsons we got season 2 out of the way and now it's just

pure insanity and greatness so yeah thanks for listening I'm Bob Mackey your host of course and you can find me on Twitter as Bob Serbo also look for my rating

on USGamer.net and listen to my classic gaming podcast Retronauts all these guys have been on it and you'll like it a lot go to Retronauts.com or USGamer.net or search for Retronauts

in your podcast machine everybody else where can we find you? the retronauts i'm chris you can find me on twitter but i wouldn't recommend it but also but you should listen to laser time in 30 2010 two other shows i work uh i work on with these guys and i would also like to plug our youtube channel youtube.com slash laser time network uh hank has not only been like uh giving like dispelling the history of a bunch of superheroes uh we have all joined banded together to discuss the marvel trading cards of the 1990s in the most fun way we could think of those are great they i thought they were i thought those cards were amazing and they made me fall in love with the marvel universe a bunch of other youtube stuff on there including a lot of recent batman superman stuff also we have streamed almost every

simpsons game so if you think we're nerdy about this see what we look like live while we're talking about it. You can watch Chris escape from Camp Deadly himself. We have not done this. We gotta get Michael Raparis for that one. There's a long joke there. So guys, let me tell you about

patreon.com slash laser time. That's the most easy, direct way to support this and it is how talking simpsons came to be and in fact that's where you'll find the entire first season of talking simpsons if you're a new listener 13 episodes baby and our season two wrap-up special is so much fun tons of fun hour-long special you got to get five dollars a month to see it but it is well worth it as are all the other extras we have and i do cape crisis the comic book podcast oh and a bit of trivia we missed in the last episode when flanders failed is a reference to a saying from the world war one in flanders field oh wow

i think it's from a poem i was i meant to call that that is some of the worst writing in the world is found in simpsons titles yes and when flanders failed like that, that is some of the worst writing in the world is found in Simpsons titles. And when Flanders failed, I'm like, that's perfect. Just do stuff like that from here on out. No more puns. Or Bart the Blank. Bart the Blank. Homer the Blank.

And I host a cheap podcast, a pro wrestling podcast, and this is reminding me to do an episode entitled Benoit the Murderer. Ooh. I don't know about that. Anyways, we'll be back next time when we all pull a Homer. Later, guys. Wow. Infotainment.