Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Grandpa Vs Sexual Inadequacy

Episode Date: October 4, 2017

Homer and Marge are having trouble in the bedroom and only Abe can save the day. But when Homer and his father take the sex tonic on the road, things all fall apart? All that, plus we reveal how the reverse vampires have been controlling everything! We're through the looking glass here, people...

This week's episode of Talking Simpsons is brought to you by you. That's right, we're on Patreon now, so head on over to patreon.com slash talking simpsons. For as little as $5 a month, you can help our show and get all kinds of great extra content on top of that. We've got a ton of great bonus content waiting for you right now, so head on over to patreon.com slash talking simpsons today. I heartily endorse this event or product. Ahoy, hoy, everybody, and welcome to TalkingSimpsons, where there's more than one way to get high, baby. I'm your host, erotic American Bob Mackie, and this is the Lazer Time Podcast Network's chronological exploration of The Simpsons.

Who else is here with me today? Henry Gilbert, and I'm using my whole ass this episode. Certainly is, and who else? Mount Seldom, Chris Antiston. Today's episode is Grandpa vs. Sexual Inadequacy. SICK! And that's what this episode is all about. It aired on December 4th, 1994, and as always, Chris will tell us what happened on this mythical

day in real world history. Oh my god! Balls is swinging, Bobby. The game show at Network is on the air. The Lion King is also breaking box office records, and the 69 Boys worm their way into our hearts with Tootsie Roll, while Heidi Wood, Madam Heidi Fleiss, is convicted of three counts of pandering. Pandering? Pandering.

Is that a legal term? I don't know. I don't know. Don't tell Big Bang Theory. No. Jail for life. Summarily executed. Buzzing.

We're in the new era of Young Sheldon now as well. But Lion King was in escape blows everywhere though i just heard about how pocahontas internally at disney was seen as the good one and everybody else like people who worked on the lion king were like who shows on pocahontas what the fuck you know jesus they thought that that movie sucks they thought it was going to be the oscar winner they're like if we're ever going to win an Oscar, it'll be for Pocahontas. And I can see why. The movie was really a lot about environmentalism and racism, too.

And they're like, that's 90s gold. Both sides-ism. And can't we all forgive each other? Maybe the invaded are just as guilty as the invader. In hindsight, a healthy dose of whitewashing and boredom. It's also just mega boring. Pocahontas was a bald child that a white man married. It's not that romantic.

Not a Victoria's Secret model. She's not Kim Kardashian like she is in the movie. Milan's the one you're thinking of. That's the good one. And also the Game Show Network. I watched a lot of Game Show Network. What a pile of shit, huh? Yeah, it was.

But if you have to watch something before you do... But it's astonishing. A channel made up of the crap channels used to fill time in between good shows. Yes. A whole channel made up of that, and I have never watched it. I just love watching the ones from the 70s. I do like that. You're going to win $500.

Whoa! Making whooping. That was one of my favorite underrated snl sketches which honestly is a very childish sketch but it was a you're watching the game show network and it's an old 70s thing and it was really about making women had to pretend to do like lick an ice cream cone and and then they obviously look like they're sucking dicks and so that was the joke which whatever but the better joke was that they would say like and it's all right you win our grand they look like they're sucking dicks. And so that was the joke, which, whatever. But the better joke was that they would say, like,

and it's, all right, you win our grand prize, $50. I'm going to Disneyland. Does it exist yet? Yeah. This was in the 70s. I'd rather watch 70s ones, 50s ones of like, eh, this is too boring. I'm going to Marineland.

So this episode is a Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein special because it is about old people and has a lot of 70s references in it as in the first movie that we see. That is true. Well, first, I wanted to say this episode is a special one to me because by the date that we did this, I know that this was the last time my grandfather visited us at my family's house in Florida florida if you like being reminded

about a sexual anatomy it was a weird episode to watch i gotta say i i think i did watch this with my parents i didn't feel shame or anything maybe they just handled it well well so my papa daddy was in town that was a minute yes i know like corrupt governor well this is i read it uh somebody goofed about this on twitter but it is totally like having a southern friend they'll eventually just say like well that was my peepaw and meemaw like you'll just eventually hear them call their grandpa yeah and i called mine papa daddy because he was my father's daddy he was papa daddy still scream that out during sex so but he never came to visit us like we're not particularly close in our family, but we do like to pretend we are.

So he came to visit, and we were just doing stuff. He hated his time here. We went to a catfish restaurant that we thought he really liked, and he just complained the entire time. He's like, whenever you order fish, you're supposed to get bread with him. He insisted they give him a slice of bread with his fish. It was so crazy. This disagrees with Papa Daddy. And so then,

even with him there, we were certainly not going to miss a new episode of The Simpsons in my house just because Papa Daddy was there. And he liked to eat early. So we watched the episode and I remember it so clearly.

We're in my living room in front of our big 32 inch television and it's my dad my grandfather and me and i don't know what this episode's about the effrontery of making fun of moss rinky dink well so my fortunately papa daddy in a terrible impression your grandfather really enjoyed it in in a very and Simpson way, my papa daddy falls asleep after the first joke. Oh, thank God. He just nods off, which in retrospect, I was very happy that happened. But then it was just so weird.

I'm watching this episode with my dad, and it is about a guy Homer's age having a difficult relationship with his grandfather and then trying to improve difficult relationship with his grandfather, and then trying to improve his relationship with his son, or his children. I was like, this is too similar to our situation that we can't talk about it. It's this giant elephant in the room that we can't recognize. This is making me real glad I watched these largely alone. This episode is about sex,

but it's mostly about Homer repairing relationships with all of his family members. Or attempting to. Through sex. Yeah, through sex. This episode is about sex, but it's mostly about Homer repairing relationships with all of his family members. Or attempting to. Through sex. Yeah, through sex. So yeah, why don't we hear the one joke my grandfather heard? We now return to the 1971 film, Good Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout, starring Troy McClure. Slim, if we've got the bag with the stone diamonds,

then what happened to the bag with our stash? There's more than one way to get high, baby. Great San Francisco. Ooh. Please, Marge, how often can I see a movie of this caliber on late-night TV? Is there something wrong, homie? No, it's just that I've only seen this movie twice before and I've seen you every night for the last 11 years what I meant to say is

we'll snuggle tomorrow sweetie I promise wow does that sum up a lot Jesus Christ this movie it's sort of like a take on Freebie and the Bean or Mother Jugs and Speed or one of those ridiculously named 70s movies about a heist. Crazy Mary and Larry. No, not that one.

Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry. Not a goddamn thing. That's a line from the film, Peter Fonda. But if you have an over-the-air antenna, that is still television. It's insane how much 5270s television I can watch now from getting an over-the-air antenna. It just reminds me of what every movie was during a weekend afternoon. Just like, I'm

not watching this. It's like just above Mitchell all the time. I mean, that's how MST3K got most of its movies, or a lot of its movies were garbage that could only barely be dumped on UHF daytime television affordable trash or my favorites of those type of films were ones that were clearly a pilot for a tv

show that didn't go like uh driving with danger the the shake hands with danger i was thinking the the one about the writing with that writing with. Riding with Death, yeah. The wannabe $6 million man show that was also about trucking. It's great. It reminded me of that. But meanwhile, the Homer and Marge thing, I think it's an interesting reversal. The, like, Marge wants sex and Homer's just like, eh. This is sort of what makes The Simpsons the better show of the 90s or one of the best shows of the 90s. Because in the 90s, and previously to the 90s, previously to the 90s but in the 90s especially the gender

politics were women never want to have sex with you. You have to trick them into having sex with you and they don't like it. The Simpsons is like no women can't enjoy sex and women can want to initiate sex and men can be the one who are like I don't want to do this or I'm too lazy or that's too much work or I'm not in the

mood etc. And then into the 90s the male impotence joke which this show doesn't really make. It's something you don't realize until you date someone or live with them for a long time. I was just watching a movie, got drunk, and forgot to get intimate. And that's what the drug is for, to make you super feisty. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is pre-Viagra.

Yeah. Viagra changed America in comedy especially. Yes, a good five solid years of old men getting boner jokes. I love that joke on late Simpsons. And by late, I mean ten, nine seasons. But where Marge says, I've never heard so many Viagra jokes in one minute. That is what comedy was. But then Homer, well, one that Homer says, I've seen you the last 11 years. That assumes he's only, the first time they had sex was when they joined the Castle Club and created BART.

And they were together like eight years before that. From 74 to 80. For six years. I guess they could. It's best not to do the math. It would be weird if they didn't have sex that long, even if they tried to put puritanical politics on Mars. I started watching the show with that 90s show, so my timeline's all messed up. It is weird.

There are basically six unexplored years of their lives where they're together without children. That's true. That are never acknowledged. They should do six seasons of that. That should be the show. Just wait until this gets canceled. But Homer should have used their dead sex life as proof that he hadn't sexually harassed her. Because he's like, no, my dick's dead.

I can't even imagine. I feel bad for Marge that she constantly is just like, so let's have sex. It seems to imply at least six months go by that they never have sex. And Marge is so ready for sex, she's willing to let Bart endanger his life by going on the roof when he thinks he sees a UFO. And he just falls off the roof. And they don't seem that alarmed. They're like, oh, I guess Bart fell off the house. Yeah, well, and it's also extra sexy of when they're like, don't turn on the light!

Don't turn on the light! Though I also, I can absolutely identify with Homer. Your partner wanting to be in the mood, and you're just like, enchiladas. It is weird weird i never thought anything would be more important than sex and then i got netflix and uh delivery food and booze and marijuana i wanted video games oh my god i saw i saw a friend who reasonably just said

like i'd rather have a professional massage than sex it would be preferable i can't even i that's more expensive than sex these days. Absolutely. Well, and speaking of Bart's obsession with aliens, that was another thing that happened to me as a kid. I don't know if it happened to you guys. I got obsessed. I would get all these stupid, awful books in the library because apparently anybody and everybody will write a book about UFOs, and I would just wait on the roof to see if anything happened.

Well, and not just UFOs. I definitely liked UFOs. But, like, I watched Unsolved Mysteries and believed all of it. It scared everything. My mom just told me a story about me and Unsolved Mysteries I had forgotten, which was I watched one about a guy who kidnaps children. And then I, for a long time, told her, like, no, don't leave the window open at night. Like, somebody could come in and kidnap me.

Like, don't do it. Like, she told me I was terrified of that. The Sasquatch that never scared me, I remember specifically, it was one Unsolved Mysteries, where a woman washing dishes was shot through her window with no suspects and for no reason. And at, like, seven years old, I'm like, I don't want to be near any windows at night ever again. That's the true terrifying thing of unsolved mysteries like it's not well i don't understand i don't understand the sphinx it is i don't understand how someone could do random violence to another person for no reason and it

could be me and i remember i had stopped sleeping with stuffed animals this and it gets even creepier and i had to start again and i don't know why i chose it i chose this awful terrible cheap ass chucky cheese doll and I'm talking old school, fucking dead eyes and derby hat Chuck E. Cheese. It's like a Five Nights at Freddy's action figure. It is a Five Nights at Freddy's and I didn't feel safe so I ripped his eyes off. I ripped his eyes off

so I wouldn't be shot in my sleep. What the fuck was wrong with my brain? Chris did not grow up to be a serial killer, at least as far as we know. Not yet. I'm saving that. That's what TV can do to kids, man. It does influence children, man. It does. But I think it's smart that they plant this seed in Bart's brain,

believing in UFOs, as early as possible in the episode. It's very smart. Yeah, it's good writing. And then also that Marge is so thirsty that she will let Bart perhaps die just to get her rocks off but homer's already out of the mood like he's already deflated by the time she comes back as a super nerdy uh note a rare

appearance of a television in margin homer's bedroom that's true always in someone's bedroom when they need it yeah if he needs to eat a bunch of food in bed while watching somebody sick also though i think march should have just let homer watch a porno in bed like that was the first time he's like oh okay like no a tasteful book yeah come on marge if you really want it like this is the first time homer showed any interest watch porn together that's what it takes marge is too much for prude i think in that case she definitely is and so uh so then they go to the bookstore and homer i as a kid i always thought like this i didn't ever hear it is this guy looks like a poo on my first watch i thought i thought it sounded like this guy looks like a poo or like look i never heard a piece of poop i guess i i don't know how i heard it, but I didn't read it as, these people in the Kama Sutra look like our Indian friend Apu.

Ah, okay. Which, it also shows you how much they counted on the audience at this point. They're like, Apu's not in this episode. They just are like, you know, if you're a viewer, you know who Apu is, and this won't just sound like a random thing Homer says. Yeah, they're not putting him in the store to give you a visual reference. But anyway, so then the family buys books together. This one's a good choice, and it's not too smutty.

It's a book on tape by Paul Harvey. You know that nice Midwestern man on the radio who's like a pleasant version of Grandpa? Ooh, Mr. and Mrs. Erotic American. Mom! Dad! Look, this biography of Peter Uberoth is only 99 cents, and I found the new Al Gore book. Same planning, sensible tomorrow.

Yeah, I hope it's as exciting as his other book, Rational Thinking, Reasonable Future. I'm getting this book on UFOs. Did you know they're real? But there's a huge government conspiracy to cover it up. Oh, that's just a paranoid fantasy. X-Files music. Data transmitting. How is this? Mr. Vice President, someone finally bought a copy of your book, sir.

Well, this calls for a celebration. Celebrate good times, come on. I will. It's a, Al Gore. It's great, and I'm so familiar with that clip, I will. I forgot the setup entirely. I forgot that the joke was, I don't know, it's such a good joke. It's such a good joke that you think that this will prove, the setup is that this proves there is a conspiracy about the ufo but it it's really that

somebody actually bought al gore's book which i did look up what al gore books are uh so al gore had published some books as a senator but at this time when he was vice president pretty much he did reports that then would be published as books you could buy that i think maybe he didn't even make money off of because he was vice president. But while he published in office, the closest entitled to saying planning sensible tomorrow was creating a government that works better and costs less. Catchy title.

And he also wrote books with his now ex-wife about the power of family. And also some boring books about climate change, which might as well be man bear pig it's so fake right the verdict's still out on that i know like al gore what a fucking idiot before we leave books books and additional books uh the sign outside says mickner goes for uh $1.99 a pound james mickner writes or wrote when he was still alive just 800 pound uh family sagas about entire generations in an area.

One of them is, I think, just called Alaska. But he won the Pulitzer for Tales of the South Pacific. Wow, I didn't know that about him. I missed that joke. I wanted to make a note. In order to avoid discussing who Paul Harvey is, go listen to Homer's Barbershop Quartet. Oh, you're right.

We talked extensively. Bob does have a clip, though, if we want. This is NewsRadio 610 WTVN. Hello, Americans. This is Paul Harvey. Stand by for news. Everybody, everybody seems to be talking about the importance of calcium in the diet for both women and men. And yet 80% of Americans are not yet getting enough calcium.

You know there is one delicious way to get a goodly portion of the calcium you need? It's a commercial. Total? Total breakfast cereal? Shut up! That was a news break! Come on! That masqueraded as news! Paul Harvey, no one sounds like him,

but he's kind of bad at his job as an announcer because there are just these huge pregnant pauses. Pauses. Yes. And it happened. But I did point out before, he has been broadcasting the rest of the story from World War II. Yeah. It got spun off into its own show in the 70s, and he continued it until his death in the 2000s.

It's one of the most long-running things in the universe. I would listen to him on AM radio on my commutes to college just to laugh at his crazy voice and crazy inflections on things. News! Stand by for news! Also, though, Paul Harvey, apparently he didn't write books about erotica. No, I mean, the joke is that he would never write this book, but it's very

much focused on Americans and patriotism, so it's like a Paul Harvey version of a sex guide or something like that. And also, kids, if you don't know Robert Mapplethorpe, which was the joke that Homer holds up a book with a butt on it. Well, first off, a childhood secret, which obviously this is pre-internet porn, a childhood secret you needed to know, was like at a bookstore in the photographs section was a perfect place to find naked pictures of people. A treasure trove of free playboys. Exactly, yeah.

It would be an easy way to find pornography. But, again, who fucking cares? It's everywhere. You can't not see. A photographer famous for nudes, male, female. Oh, sorry. Robert Mapplethorpe was a big, big-time photographer who did take pictures of celebrities like you can look at

maplethorpe photos of like schwarzenegger and and all these other famous people and he also took photos of normal people and he was most famous for nudes and overt homoeroticism in his work and bdsm he did a ton of b so in a more innocent world that didn't know about fisting and BDSM, his photographs were like, there's a rope around a penis? Mother, come take a look at this. And same with like, if you imagine the 70s in an innocent time where most people had never heard of fisting before, let alone seen a picture of it. Even a beautiful picture of it by Mapplethorpe probably freaked a lot of people out. It's true. And so Mapplethorpe at the time was actually used as a bit of a cudgel.

And again, the completely bullshit argument against the National Endowment of the Arts were like, well, your taxpayer dollars are paying for this gay butt sex. There's a great Mr. Show about that. Yes. And Mapplethorpe was. And it was something that really pissed me off about people like hillary clinton but but people like hillary clinton who used video game violence as something to prove that their family values while meanwhile she absolutely defended maplethorpe like that was she defended art from the government in that way but when it was video game violence

she's like i'm with you parents this is. This is scary. Like, fucking A. I just want to get on my soapbox about that. It's cool. What about Peter Uberoth? Ah, Peter Uberoth. Well, my brain honestly shut down reading facts about him. It's on the line. I was like, I'll let someone else do this. It makes sense that a biography of him

in 1995 would go for 99 cents. So he was basically a rich executive asshole who ran the mlb in the 80s the major league baseball and uh in 1989 he had to step down because he had colluded with team owners to basically control pay for players to be like let's all agree we're not gonna pay above this certain thing and fucked over the players researching the news there was something about salary caps for the mlb i assume lisa was only buying it for the value because i don't know why she would want to know about this guy or enjoy him and it doesn't seem like a very lisa figure no and he's and he's still around being a rich jerk like nothing no punishment

he screwed he screwed ball players out of millions of dollars but like he's still fine so that's it that's all i know about peter uberoth i really could not learn anymore but this does show you how big the x files was at this point that the simpsons was making such an overt reference to it it was much bigger than the simpsons even yeah it was it was it became it was a hot thing for about four years it does it does always surprise me when i look up at the news that the simpsons wasn't anywhere close to the top of the ratings, and not only that, that every other Fox show

beat the shit out of it. Yeah, for the first season, that move to Thursday killed them. What was number one on Fox this week? Beverly Hills 90210. A show that stands the test of time and holds up to this day. Though I still wonder if The Simpsons, if season two had stayed on Sunday

and let's say it continued the it only increased the popularity from season one into season two, would season three be what season three was? The more successful it was, maybe the less they would have gotten away with it. It's interesting. The less cool stuff they would have gotten to do. We'll never know. Not a ratings thing. It was almost a prestige show. If it had more attention, maybe it would have been noted to death.

Well, yeah, but this was before prestige TV. It was before people... Not for Fox. Well, what I mean is reviewers who jerk off to The Sopranos. It's before that. But it was Fox. They were playing a different ballgame because they couldn't compete with the other networks, really. So they had to hold on to their critically revered number one shows a little longer than nbc or cbs would yeah that's true well as bill oakley told us that it was

the secret was it wasn't a popular show and then nobody no adult watched it he said they'd go to table reads and people wouldn't laugh at jokes because they're like this isn't for me i'm i'm in it yeah i get get the suspicion that no one really was casting a huge eye towards The Simpsons until syndication money started. Then the attention really started. Meanwhile, baths together could be fun in a big hot tub, but in a home bathtub, there aren't space for two adults. Maybe just speaking for me.

I'm a longman, and I can't fit into any bathtub. I remember the one time I was in a hotel suite because it was paid for by a game company who was bribing me. There was just a gigantic bathtub. I was like, I can finally take my one bath per decade because I can finally fit. Yeah, masturbate like a girl. Exactly. So many jets. So many jets yeah and i it was it's something that's bummed me out when i've gone on some

bribery trips that uh that they don't have baths at them i'm like oh what a rainforest shower i can shower at home i want a giant bath i miss it because uh man those that gta the gta set up they put me in the nicest hotel i've ever been in as a as one human being and then they're so rich they instead bought a giant loft apartment in San Francisco so they never have to fly me to New York in the Gramercy Hotel again. Wow. Just to have a business. And I'll never take an appointment with them again.

But it's okay. None of us will. I'm not jealous. I like their desperation of like, kids get like, they're just trapped in the dark, soaking. Homer looks like he's in a lot of pain too. Well that thing the faucet jamming into his back, it just hurts to think about it. Yeah, I totally have a friend who had to be taken out

of a bathtub by the fire department. Oh, boy. He doesn't like to talk about it, so neither will I. I wouldn't. And then, well, like you said, with Paul Harvey's commercial, he then basically inserts into his audiobook a commercial for AAA. A romantic vacation can provide titillation.

Sensual sanitary seclusion awaits you at any of America's fine AAA-approved motor lodges. The Arabian Nights room looks nice. The Pharaoh's chamber has a vibrating sarcophagus. Sorry there, Fred Nethel. Should have made a reservation. We only got one room left.

The toilet is overflowing in the caveman room. Oh, here we are. The utility room. This isn't very ironic. I think it's an actual utility room. No, honey. It's a romantic fantasy. I imagine I'm the janitor and you're

the janitor's wife who has to live with me in the utility room. That's such a great bad fantasy. I love this joke. It's like a total lack of imagination. You can't think beyond the utility room. Or being married.

It's like he couldn't create... The point of it is to role play. And even when he's role playing, he's like, well, you're my wife who's trapped here. And these things are... Are they called like Fanta Suites? So this specifically in design, the inn is based on the Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo, which did have themed rooms, though not as fancy themed rooms as this. And according to Priceline, you could get a room for like $200 a night right now.

Go to Priceline.com. So the Madonna Inn is still in operation. But I always associated this more with the jokes you'd see in anime about love hotels. Yeah, love hotels. The love hotels of Japan. I didn't know they were themed. I guess they would have to be. Yeah, love hotels. The love hotels of Japan, which I think are in America. I guess they would have to be. Oh, yeah.

Well, if you saw the film The Wolverine, there's also a joke about it there, where Wolverine, but it's also in a million animes, where they go to a love hotel, which is an hourly hotel. It's something, this is me as a white man

assuming things about Japan, but I believe it is, love hotels were created for the same reason other people in America would rent one hour hotels for a hook up and then to leave but it's also that you don't want to take somebody back to your tiny apartment and have sex on your little

bed you'd meet up there or you'd have it was also like casual sex was in the 80s especially when love hotels were in vogue the casual sex was, in the 80s, especially when love hotels were in vogue, the casual sex was definitely frowned upon. And so, even though Nintendo invested in love hotels before they hit it big. They had a lot of failures before video games. Yeah.

But they also had very themed rooms. The scene in The Wolverine is them pointing to, well, this is this theme room, this is this theme room. Like, theme rooms were part of it. Though, obviously, you could also find love hotels that are just, it's a bed. A bed and a bathroom. Done. I also just love how Homer goes, the utility room. I like the, and I didn't really get this until the stupidest reasons.

Fred and Ethel. I love Lucy reference. I don't know if that's a specific reference to an episode where the side characters look like Fred and Ethel going on vacation. You don't want to be compared to Fred and Ethel. A famously cantankerous couple on TV. Yeah. And I didn't know if that was a reference to the episode. I only got it because someone pointed out when I got Satellite Radio, he's like, you know the stations are named after I Love Lucy characters.

I'm like, I did not. But I did wonder why I listened to stations called Fredred ethel and lucy wow i didn't know that i don't i don't i haven't had in a while i don't know if they're still named that i also like that the guy comes to get the wet dry vac and it is because of the overflowing toilet in quimby's room that's it's it's dressed like a flipstone Just knowing he can walk in at any moment, too. And it's very cartoony, but I love the back and forth driving over of the tape. It's so great. And that obviously Paul Harvey could not get them off.

He failed. He failed. Which I also get this moment confused a little bit with Natural Born kissers because they kind of have a similar situation to this except then they end up having sex in a barn that's right in front of the cow who's really liking it that's right likes what he sees what a filthy episode even filthier than this one they're back home and grandpa has this is where grandpa enters the tale yay welcome home son i broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?

Never mind. You wouldn't understand. Flu? No. Protein deficiency? No. Pneumono-ultra-microscopic-silico-volcanoconiosis? No.

Unsatisfying sex life? Yes! But please, don't you say that word! What? Sex! What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had sex! Dave Castellaneta is making his ape even more decrepit.

His voice is just wavering all over the place. I've had sex! I think he had to extra turn it up because he has so many scenes with Homer. Normally he doesn't have to do. For the longest time I thought that I should have known it wasn't a fake word and that the nucleophilosophia scoliosis is a real thing

but it's kind of fake in a way. It's a real condition about bad lungs but it is purposely invented as a word to be the longest word in the dictionary. It was invented by the president of the National Puzzlers League in 1935. That entire giant word that Abe says is just a synonym for silicosis. It's when you inhale too much ash.

It's a condition that your lungs get. Not very funny. That's very serious. It is very serious. So, yeah, it's just a freaking dork name. It's just a dork word. A nerd made it up to win a contest. That's all you need to know.

But then to be used as a – I mean, it's better than anti-disestablishment. It's no better than anti-disestablishmentarian. I think it's more of a mouthful and a good reading on that with Dan. Yeah, I wonder how many takes that took there. They spelled it out phonetically. I also like that Abe knows how useless he is. That he's just like, oh yeah, I lost all your mail. How's your wife? I definitely

would never want to hear my father talk about sex. Never, ever, ever. We never did. I never had to hear. I had the sex talk with my mom. I did not have to have it with my dad. It was very unengaged. We got the sex talk at school. Shifting the burden. How dare they?

They probably told you the wrong thing about it. No, they told us gay sex was dirty. Oh, yes. Same message I got at my school. I wonder if kids today get that same message of just like, this is a side tangent, but I had to go to an abstinence only thing, which like scarred me for life. It was a big, basically a sermon, sermon quite honestly but they just don't literally say god but they say wait for marriage marriage marriage and they had to have a section where

this woman said you know anal sex is the most dangerous filthy sex you could have with two men and he's just so fucking i look back on it now like that is so gross and cruel you're just telling kids who are already homophobic they're like oh, no, you should be more homophobic. Those people are dirty. Teaching them a safer way to do it or offering them the aids and tools they need to do it appropriately. And again, though, I feel it's only fair if they're going to say sex between two men is somehow filthier. They should be telling girls that sex between two women is the cleanest sex you could have, actually. It's the most fun to watch.

And this is perfect Uncle Weinstein of Abe telling pointless stories and old-timey remedies. You're home safe. Done my duty. See you the next time we need your signature. Oh, you never want to spend any time with me, but I can help you with your loving problem. I got a home

remedy that'll put the dowowsers back in your trousers. Legend has it, my great-grandpappy stumbled upon this recipe when he was trying to invent a cheap substitute for holy water. Here you go. Hi! Homer just laughed. Here you go, you ingrates. Think of me when you're having the best sex of your

life. I love that line. Drink it! You want to call that line of the show? Sure. Yeah, let's do it. That's the joke. That or any of the readings where he says, Sex! Sex!

Sex! That is the line of the show. It says, Sex! Sex! That is the line of the show. It never occurred to me that Abe is essentially making a flaming Homer using only ingredients you find in a bathroom. I thought of that too. He stumbles upon it just like Homer did, or his great-grandpappy did. That's true, and the first time I noticed

Abe has asbestos pills in his... This is the second episode about a potion that a Simpsons makes. That's true. He makes a potion that apparently gives you a boner that he just remembered he could make. And though it's a rare time where, in the past when Abe has these remedies, they don't work and are poison. Well, this is poison, as Dr. Haber points out. Yes, it is poison.

And again, we already mentioned it but yes this is a pre viagra world this joke exists in a little miracle was wasn't with us yet yeah it's that blue pill would not exist until then and now now guys can have boners whenever they feel like it which is disgusting i don't want i some some old some old rich guy shouldn't have boners but this poison does give homer a dowser in his trousers it certainly does i like that animation i'm just like perking up you know the second he's a little like wiggle like oh that you just know horny now you should just know that homer's rock hard for the rest of these scenes you're watching like keep that in your mind i just love that he immediately throws the kids out and like just gives them 50 dollars go and say, carries Marge and kicks the door behind them. Yes, he is raring to go.

And Homer's raring to go, and then the kids go off to watch a... The stock footage festival is great. It's a great cutaway. It's a great joke that only works once. But the reveal when I first saw it was just falling over laughing. And the wieners on a conveyor belt,

which they, Oakland Weinsteinstein take credit for inventing. I love it. I love it. It's only topped by that Mr. Show sequence where they just have a clam and a hot dog and two chestnuts taped to the end of it and shove them together. And it's kind of fitting that two of the only people in that place are comic book guy and Herman. And again, like stock footage, I don't know. Technically, stock footage is as big now as it ever was. I've heard so many ads on other podcasts saying,

hey, sign up for this place for HD stock footage of everything you want, just to put it in your video. And you say, well, I have a B. Oh, well, here's a B. Well, I mean mean this was the 90s and i think maybe 80 of all music videos were just stock footage 80 of super nintendo commercials it was like half indenberg's and opera and that guy getting shot with the cannon yes homer later becomes and i just remember the the plane with like 10 10 levels falling apart

and the shaky bridge yes oh the shaky bridge. Yes, oh, the shaky bridge. So many classes. And then always the atomic bomb test footage somehow worms its way in there. That's true. It's a little scarier. It is a little scarier, but I guess as Dr. Strangelove would teach us, you've got to laugh. You've got to laugh. The Sentence will be right back. How we use electricity can be smarter, cleaner and greener. At Electric Ireland, we can help guide you there.

You see, our new Net Zero Hub has all you need to know about smart meter plans, EV tariffs, solar panels, and much more. Making your usage clearer, your trips greener, your home cozier, and your world brighter. Find our net zero hub at electricireland.ie. Thanks for listening to this surprising and herprising episode of Talking Simpsons. Though if you'd want to listen to it a week early and with no ads, well, there's an easy fix for that. Just go to patreon.com slash Talking Simpsons. If you're a new listener, you might not know exactly what you get.

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and check it out and help us get one step closer to our goal to launch another podcast. Check it out. Want to look as sexy as Rex Reed and Paul Ankaul anka all rolled into one well i've got an idea what have you had a talking simpsons t-shirt yes that's right a talking simpsons t-shirt we're selling them and you want them where is it at shirtsickle.com go to shirtsickle.com you know popsicle but with shirt and go to the podcast pages and you'll see Talking Simpsons in there. Or you can just go to tiny.cc slash talking shirt and get your hands on one of those for yourself.

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Here's a taste of what you've been missing. Oh, man, I am in a little bit of pain. My girlfriend got, uh, horse riding Groupon a couple months ago. And so did we, and we let them slice. The last thing I expected you to ever say. Yeah. Have you ever ridden a horse before? I, the last time I rode a horse was probably, like, in the third grade. The thing we ended up doing was not on a trail.

We were in, like, this little kind of arena, almost like medieval times. So we just start off learning the basics. And then I was fine with the first 15, 20 minutes. But then the rest of the hour was us doing fast trots. My girlfriend has a much better horse riding skill. So she knows how to post, which is like you anticipate or in rhythm with the horse, you kind of stand up so you're not hitting yourself all the time. She's also not.

Beyond the fact that I can't do a squat. The first thing she said was like, okay, it's like doing a squat. I'm like, I can't remember the last time I did a squat. I don't know how to do this posting stuff. One of my feet kind of gets caught in the stirrup, and I didn't realize it because I couldn't step up on a stirrup like you're supposed to to post. So basically for about 30 minutes

anytime the horse would trot it's just like It's like Dave's getting fucked by a saddle. Exactly and it gave me a new appreciation for anyone who gets fucked that much. Because anytime I've ever done that it it's just like, yeah, this is fun.

It's like, I'm not thinking of what the other person has to experience. Did you get a little mirror and look at your taint? I didn't. I think I'm fine. I was going to say, like, you do it right now. Get bonus time, Laser Time's weekly, full-length, uncensored, and ad-free Patreon-exclusive podcast. As well as full-length movie commentaries, wrestling and cartoon video commentaries, the first season of talking simpson and more at patreon.com slash laser time starting at just five bucks you'll help us live and we'll do our best to help you never be bored again So then, after a night of intense lovemaking...

Laborious sex. We find out what Marge gets hot and bothered with, and that's Paul Anka and Rex Harrison. Two kind of, like, fae men you wouldn't consider, like, super masculine. Paul Anka... Dr. Doolittle? I don't think of Rex Harrison even as fae. I think of him as just like grumpy. I think of him as a Stewie from Family Guy.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. He is fae. Yes. And then meanwhile, Paul Anka, who still is alive, a future guest star on the show, and one of Trump's few proud celebrity friends. I know.

Most celebrities run away from him, but Paul Anka's like, I would have sang at his inauguration, but I was at my grandson's whatever. Why would the star of Girlstown betray me like this? I love Girlstown. Yes, he's most famous for his appearance in Girlstown, the MST3K classic, which... Mamie Van Doren. I can't believe it's actually on their last collection. They finally made it.

At this point, listeners, MST3k is putting out its final dvd collection because they've just they say like they've tried with everything but there's like 10 films like 10 or 11 movies woman owns like five of them and they don't know how to talk to her yeah so you'll never get those if you'll indulge me you may know wait who is it paul anka yeah paul anka from uh yeah used to do a little write-up on all these christmas specials a canadian a great canadian special called george and the star and all the music is by paul inca and not christmasy at all it's sci-fi as shit and it's awesome wow interesting shout out to my canadian one two three that's that's classic paul and so i i also it had been a while since we'd seen homer get magical stubble reappear but it's a very like um we saw that in One Fish, Two Fish when he shaves.

Does the muzzle immediately grow back? It immediately grows back by the time he says, and that's how we shave. Boom, and it's back. But it's a very traditional thing of like, after a night of love and making with your woman, you wake up and shave. That is what they do.

And I also do love that Homer's literal New Year's resolution was to avoid his father. He's like that Homer's literal New Year's resolution was to avoid his father. He's like, what about my New Year's resolution? Oh, yeah. How disgusting are Homer's blue pants that Ned is just like, get him in a garbage bag. Just the idea of their secular lovemaking. Yeah, maybe that's how they're disgusting. You just be ready with that garbage bag.

They're a married couple making love. They should be fine. I know. God, Ned's hung like a horse. Yeah, I got to say, how can... He's packing some serious hog. How can Bond take all that? I have to say, like, she's...

Boy, I don't know. He has a scary wang. Well, speaking of dicks, Homer is... Homer has some dick-focused sales. I love this. Sir! Hello, hello, sir! Yes, you look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife.

Because people have some sort of moral objection to our sex drug. Let me tell you what you get! Step right up, folks, and witness the magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Sons' patented revitalizing tonic.

Put some honor in your larder with our energizing, moisturizing, tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising, herb-rising, revitalizing tonic. I doubt very highly that one elixir could boast so many fantastic properties. Let's say we amscray out of here and have a wild wing-ding at the cyclotron, Doctor. Anything you say, Professor. I like the dorky girl. Like a Mrs. Frank who, though, by the way, he technically has a wife. My wife is going to kill me. Yes, but this completes the joke of he's always been the nutty professor Frank is.

And so when he drinks it, he becomes Buddy Love, which is really just Jerry Lewis doing a Dean Martin impersonation. Oh, you're right. But here is some classic Buddy Love from the film. All nice kids. They have very, very good taste, you're right. But here is some classic buddy love from the film. All nice kids. They have very, very good taste, I might add. I'm glad. It would be a shame to waste the genius of yours on the riffraff.

Well, honey, I always say, if you're good and you know it, why waste time beating around the bush, true? I don't even need Dean. That one's so obvious. I didn't even think of that before. I never really watched the movie, no i have i just i love slack it's fascinating i don't want to go off too much on jerry lewis but we did just lose him yeah all right i feel like we've talked about him every episode since his death but it's just the idea of someone who you will never really find anyone

in in your life your grandchildren's life who will be as famous a celebrity as jerry lewis but he lived so long he outlived most of his fans and contemporaries yeah when he died he did any you know kind of a dick as well when he died it's like it was a murmur and i just thought that that's bitterly tragic like the idea that someone this famous and popular outlived his own fan base. It's true. I mean, he was famously an asshole like that, but he was also the genius. That's how Paul, when Paul Rugg on Animaniacs would make fun of him. Yeah, Mr. Director. As Mr. Director, that was him like, I'm a genius.

Everybody should listen to me. But he wasn't genius. He technically was. He was really good at everything, but that's also why he didn't make good stuff for the longest time because he was an asshole and people could stand like fine be a genius over there we're not making this shit with a fascinating person it seems like the world should have stopped for his death but it occurred 30 years too late yeah it did he i believe it's 10 years after his death is one day the clown cried we'll be be free. Oh, is that? I meant to look into that.

I believe that was what I read before his death, that he had given it to the Library of Congress or whatever, but under the condition that it couldn't be seen until ten years after his death. So we all have to hold on for another ten years. The jails and the killing and the... I'm sure it's very tasteful. Very tasteful. Like, life is beautiful. Certainly.

I mean, people have read the script. They know how bad it is. The person who's famously seen it and talked about it. Harry Shearer. Harry Shearer. You can't imagine. Whatever you imagine, it's not as bad as you or it is worse than that.

I also love the sign of homemade medicine. That's such a great sign. You can indulge me for a moment. I had an incident where uh i was camping and i went to i was in big sir and i went to the henry miller museum tropic of cancer that's it don't don't don't pretend to be fascinated it's not interesting but but inside there was like one hippie girl who clearly lived in the museum but she's she's

listening so i'm like what is this i'm like oh this is har is Harry Potter. Again, I'm watching this episode at the same time. This is Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets as read by Jim Dale. And I started looking up Jim Dale because Jim Dale, let's face it, there's a lot of people who didn't read Harry Potter. They listened to the audiobooks. And he now embodies every single character. He's very good. I have heard a few of those.

The Weasley twins. Yeah. But for me, Jim Dale is the most famous from Pete's Dragon. Pete's Dragon. And it is the only context I have for the medicine salesman, the snake oil medicine salesman that Grandpa is. So I'm playing this clip because I love Jim Dale. Go for it. Listen.

My specialties are audiology, mycology, serology, teratology, embryology, psychology, zool Dragon, and I instantly got the joke because of Peach Dragon. And he's clearly dressed like a curly type of person, so I know it's a reference to something else. Gesturing at things with a cane. It was a very familiar kind of stereotype of that era. Yeah, but I can't draw it back to anything other than like fucking Music Man, but he's not selling medicine. Yeah, I mean, if you've seen the, or if you've played the video game red dead redemption there's a medicine man character in that as well but that also implies again that these jokes that in 1990 abe has to be 100 yes to be familiar with the routine and everything and i guess he did this in between working as a

night watchman for a cranberry silo that's right it's previously established job but honestly any joke in the front like man that's not real it doesn't count but the just homemade man and it's the just stamp the ticket guy who punches homer in the face and was a return of him i also did love the line homer said like i know i'm gonna get rich with this scheme and quick it's so great but all right so then we see all the parents getting turned on by the drug i love i think this is when oakley weinstein really fell in love with millhouse's parents as a gag i feel like you see the beginning of this joke ends in their divorce and doing a whole thing about kirk and luellen's life like Have we ever explored their troubled marriage? Not really, no.

We saw that Llewellyn, when we'd seen Llewellyn before, she disapproves of Bart's friendship with Milhouse. But Kirk isn't even there. And Kirk approves when Milhouse is full of beans. Yes. And they're definitely united front against Homer trying to overcharge them for an elephant ride. But this is the first time that there's been any idea

that they are not getting along. Yeah. And the idea that, like, they normally sleep in separate twin beds, which is, like, 1994 is, like, you guys, like, you have major problems if that's how it is. I mean, I found that out about,

I guess I can throw them under the bus, my sister's former in-laws. They were, like, weirdo creeps who made us pray at meals and things like that whenever we saw them. And then I found out they slept in separate beds. I'm like, it makes sense. It all makes sense.

I know almost all my friends' parents did. When you talk to everyone now, my parents were the weird ones. My parents always had a shared bed. That's some hippie shit right there. Same bed? What? Can't you see why? My own comforter? I guess. I mean, yeah, you get to roll over and just keep your own thing.

But my new trick with that is, like, you just buy a king-size thing to go with your queen-size bed. More blanket. I love Kirk's line. Yeah, every single night. Every single night. And then Milhouse is just, like, bobbing his head back and forth. His head bobbing in his pup tent is great. Remind me to loop that for myself.

Because it's just the physics, the perfect bobblehead physics. Yeah. Meanwhile, the silhouettes are going at it behind him, just like five feet away from them. He has just no clue. Well, that's the great joke that none of the kids realize. They don't know what sex is, and so they don't realize their parents are ignoring them because they're fucking

too much. And wow, Mrs. Hibbert. Man, the animators had some fun with her. She is smoking hot. Yes, which I guess like they would. I feel like they even sexualized her in the way Felicia Rashad was sexualized on the Cosby show as well. She was always wearing like, it wasn't revealing lingerie, but she was always wearing like. Exciting lingerie.

Yes, like very like with lots of big collars and frills and things. 80s lingerie. And as Dr. Hibbert though says, says, like, it is poison. Like you're poisoning yourself. But, but, down the hatch. As long as it works. So then we get to see that the parents are missing and the kids don't know what to do. Listen to this.

Unexplainable behavior. Individuals acting in a secretive fashion are often involved with UFOs or other paranormal phenomena, e.g. telephone explosions. Jeez, if it's in a book, it's gotta be true. Scary, no? And this guy's head of the spaceology department at the Correspondence College of

Tampa. Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove. Oh, that book. That book. That's great. The Spaceology Department of the Correspondence School in

Tampa. Harry and I are laughing a little harder having seen Tampa. Yeah, Tampa sucks. Nothing accredited comes out of Tampa. Nelson, clearly uncomfortable without having any sort of authority figure to rebel against. Carry on. Carry on. Now he's the the authority that scene has a very good like twilight zone vibe of when the town only full of children no parents there it also features a rare appearance of one of my favorite characters in the simpsons the orange sky the orange sky of dusk uh it almost never comes out

and i just love the look of the alien expert is perfect. It's exactly the meme dude of aliens from History Channel. Every expert they talk to has unkempt hair, glasses. Hair like a falcon. I know everything about it. And I also love Milhouse's reaction. Like, if it's in a book, it's got to be true. Which, that extends to just all the internet now.

Like, well, if it's on the internet, it's got to be true, which that extends to just all the internet now. Like, well, if it's on the internet, it's got to be true. Somebody wrote it, didn't they? I have absolutely been that person who will retweet a story. They're like, well, this seems true. And then I should go like, this is not a real website. This is too good to be true. This story fulfills a personal bias of mine. So I just believed it.

I source all my news from Bored Panda. Telephone explosions. That's a weird one to pull out i don't i don't know the conspiracy behind this but i do i just love that kids are so into conspiracies love this stuff and because they are still figuring out the world so this stuff could make sense to them they they realize that adults once you realize adults could lie to you then you do wonder, is everything a lie? But there's also some quaint nostalgia for me of pre-9-11. Yeah. Pre-9-11 of conspiracies that don't involve, none of those involve saying the Jews controlled something.

Now we know the government is too inept to pull off any conspiracy. They can't even build a fucking bridge. I know. We have the return of Spittle County. Yes, yeah We have the return of Spittle County. Yes, yeah. The final appearance of Spittle County. Oh, no. Yes, introduced in Colonel Homer.

That's where Lurleen lived. And where they drink fud. The fud, yeah. We got a lot of tonic to sell and a lot of towns to visit. Frigid Falls, Mount Seldom, Lake Flaccid. Great. I'm going to be stuck in a car all weekend with that wheezy windbag. That is exactly what it's like to drive with an old person.

They will tell you what's wrong with your generation, and you just have to grin and bear it, because what are you going to do? Tell your grandpa he's wrong? I've been in that situation. I definitely, as a a kid did not get those sex puns of mount seldom and lake flaccid and uh but yes they get to they get to spindle county and that's when they meet i also love this line actually i love the way this is delivered i'm not convinced i've had bad luck with aphrodisiacs all questions will be answered

all fears will be allayed with one incontrovertible demonstration. May I have a volunteer from the audience? Yes, you, sir. Now, sir, you've never seen me before. Is that correct? That is correct. Well, then, how come his face is on the bottle? You're the worst Jill I've ever seen You're a disgrace to the medicine show business

They didn't start chasing us Until you turned on that getaway music They sadly turn around Happy to report that the music Is Earl Scruggs The Foggy Mountain Breakdown and the Foggy Mountain Boys.

It was recorded in 1940 but made famous in the film Bonnie and Clyde. That's right. That is why people of Oakley and Weinstein's generation

probably know it. I had no idea what it was. And through a recent thing on Vigigame Apocalypse, we could trace back the guy who talks

like this. It's Ed Wynn. Comedian Ed Wynn made famous for most of us in Alice in Wonderland as the Mad Hatter. vidya game apocalypse we could trace back the the guy who talks like this it's edwin right comedian edwin made famous in for most of us in alice in wonderland is the mad hatter right you're right but it's the voice of the beaver on family guy and king candy and wreck it ralph it's a very good cartoon voice it totally is a good voice i wanted the like why did the skeptic hillbilly never return he's he's such a great and he's hill Benz. And his hillbilly face, like his long nose, his giant ears. Just like a smash cut to his face and his hands waving back and forth.

It's so funny. And that he's had bad luck. That he's had bad luck with aphrodisiacs is such a funny history to get into. What's up with that guy? And I also like that they're so bad at the grift that they put their faces on the bottle but made Homer his patsy in it. And it's just like, knock on your faces on the bottle. made Homer his patsy in it. And it's just like, knock on your faces on the bottle.

I just love how the guy says it. And Bonnie and Clyde, for our generation, I don't think means much because I think a lot of people watched it. It's a fine film, but I think they watched it just because no film had been that violent before. That movie rules.

It is awesome. It was just striking violence and sexual, too. Sexy violence. Sexy violence, which everybody loves that. Meanwhile, the kids act out in real life what happens every second on Twitter all the time, which is inventing a conspiracy theory together. Okay, it's now painfully clear. The adults are definitely paving the way for an invasion by the saucer people.

You fool! Can't you see it's a massive government conspiracy? Or have they gotten to you, too? Hey, hey, hey! Stop it! Stop it! Why are you guys jumping to such ridiculous conclusions? Haven't you ever heard of Occam's razor? The simplest explanation is probably the correct one. So what's the simplest explanation? I don't know.

Maybe they're all reverse vampires and they have to get home before dark. Reverse vampires! Reverse vampires! Yes, I'm dead! Vampire. Lisa's sarcasm really backfires there. Yes, well... Because they're so credulous.

Nothing's impossible to believe whenfires there. Yes, well. Because they're so credulous. Nothing's impossible to believe when you're believing a conspiracy theory. You'll create anything in that. But absolutely you see that on Twitter. If somebody's saying, well, this is a conspiracy by Russia to make you believe that. That's exactly what a Russian agent would say on Twitter. It wasn't that. It was this. Nobody believes anybody on Twitter. It's just

the exchanging of conspiracy theories. I believe only what validates my own opinion. Exactly. You're pretty safe in that way. But it's also a wonderful... It's not a callback, I think, but to three men in a comic book. Same music. Same people fighting.

I wonder if they just pulled it out of the library. They're like, oh, what happened? The last time Milhouse and Bart fought in the same location, too? Is that West Side Story-ish music, I'm guessing? It's more like the Star Trek fight music to me. Or a Star Trek fight music. Pay attention, Seth MacFarlane. You'll need it for the Orville.

It's not bad. Fine, sure. Anyway, I also like lisa tries to tell them they're wrong and they just build a new conspiracy it's just perfect and so uh then we get to this is a side of homer's upbringing i kind of forget that he grew up in a like on a farm until he was like tan it would appear in the middle of nowhere They got real lucky they never showed the exterior of his home residence until way later on. Though, I have to say, when we get to Mother Simpson, they clearly live in an apartment in Springfield. They do not live in the city.

They did abandon the farm after the cows started giving sour milk. So they were only there until Homer was, I don't know. Well, Homer's scaring them off, he seems older in him scaring them cows than he does when he sings the Fig Newton song sung to him by Mona Simpson. It's a brief slip up in the Rock Salt Simpson's continuity. But it also dates Homer's age that clearly is like he's eight when Kennedy is a new president. Yeah, actually, this episode officially ages him up. Previously in Homer the Vigilante, he was 36, and now he's 38. That's true.

Because Josh Weinstein and Bill Oakley, they were only in their early 30s, but Homer seems much older than us. We need to age him up. It's scary to become as old as Homer. Yeah. Oof, yeah. And he's almost, you can never make him over 40. They're like, nope, it's too old. Homer can't be over 40.

I still don't think he is. I think in Kill the Alligator and Run, they age him up to be in 40 or 42. Oh, really? Yeah, because he's taking that quiz in the beginning. A classic episode. That's the worst. Can't wait to get to that one. That is, if anybody who says that Principal and the Papa ruin the show, I'm like, watch that Spring Break episode.

That is the episode that breaks the show. We're going to that we just got to it on 30 2010 actually really yeah the principal the pauper i'm glad you guys are working to it yeah uh and though it's weird homer did i don't blame homer because he was a child but he technically ruined the family by by scaring those cows like they had to sell the farm and leave because Homer scared the cows. I think he should have been supervised, Henry. Let's not blame the child. Yes, that's true, that's true.

Abe, well, what are you saying, Bob? Abe's a great parent. Look at me, Mom. I am President Kennedy. Oh, Abe, maybe our Homer could grow up to be president someday. Gil, President, this is the greatest country in the world. Maybe our Homer could grow up to be president someday. You president? This is the greatest country in the world.

We've got a whole system set up to keep people like you from ever becoming president. Quit your daydreaming, melonhead. Quit your daydreaming, melonhead. Dead. This does go along with, you know, when we saw Younger Abe before, and I believe the way we was, he really loves setting low expectations for homers. Like, pick the dented car. The most attractive.

Yeah. He kept telling him to have low expectations. And this is like, this is kind of the meanest. Well, actually, in the way we was too, the way he says, like, I just collect the cans, Danny. Oh, right, right. the way he says like i just collect the cans dead oh right like but this is the way he taps him with the newspaper it's like i will hit you i could hit you right now this is a threat of violence and they do cover up uh his mom's face because they weren't ready for that reveal yet yeah obviously not glenn close there but though we'd already seen her face in the flashback of Homer's birth in the Half-Brother episode. Oh, you're right.

So we had seen Mona's face then, but they kind of wanted to walk that back. I forgot they showed it then. Yeah, wow. It's really, well, I mean, that whole episode is ridiculous from a history standpoint. They forget a lot of things in that history. And I also do love the nuclear shadow of little homer on the wall from the radiation king radiation king jesus but i i get it there's well actually the new season of bojack is also all about how horrible fathers were then and it was just expected like yeah your

dad's terrible he's he's a man in the 50s who's not expected to have emotional intelligence and he's not going to learn and that's pretty much how abe is there too just like no fuck you kid like you annoy me you're and i guess homer is getting revenge on abe by ignoring him and being cruel to him now which is definitely it's a great plan to have with your elderly parents if you don't like him i look forward to it myself so one day they'll be weak and sick and have a lot of money put away yeah but but then if they get alzheimer's you can't they can't even hear you when you make fun of them. You've got to move fast. Just scare them with puppets. That's true.

Hey, I would never do that to my mom. Anyway, so the fight between Abe and Homer in the car is so, it's really raw to me. And it is things like, I want to have this argument with my dad. I suppose. And it is things like, I want to have this argument with my dad and tell him, like, you never, I know you, Chris, in the past have said your parents were really positive to you. Annoyingly so. But, well, I had the opposite. Like, I've never had my dad say he was proud of me or say he thought I did a good job at something. I've always been doing the wrong thing.

Want some money, Nancy? Yeah, well, I went to the wrong college. I didn't get a good job. I'm way too liberal. I liked rap music. Where's his podcast, Henry? Where's his podcast empire? Exactly. Who's getting the last laugh?

He's probably got more complaints than you. The last time I had the closest to this conversation was when we started the Laser Time Patreon and I was telling him how successful it was and he's like well alright that's good for now I guess I was like thanks and it was

right after Dave had had his dad on a podcast tell him live on the air like I'm proud of you son I'm really proud of you I'm going to become a patron to hear that and then to hear my dad go like well well, all right. It's just, it hurts. My parents were nice.

They left me alone by my own request, though. Just let me do my own thing, and don't make me play sports or attend extracurricular things, and I'll be fine. Yeah, this is a, play the clip. Yeah. Your whole life, you never said one nice thing to me. That's because you're a screw-up. You're the screw-up. You're the screw-up!

You little... All right, that's it. We're going home. I'm sick of you and your stupid tonic. If I hadn't taken that stupid tonic 38 years ago, you'd have never been born and I'd have been happy. You were an accident. Get out.

I'm sorry I said that. Out. I'm going to get out of the car, and I hope you'll find it in your heart not to drive away. Well, I'll be all right as long as I can remember my army training. Dang. Does anybody in this room know if they were an accident? I said exactly the opposite

because my mother, you were conceived in the Elmore Hotel? Like, my parents intentionally got a hotel room to fuck and make me, and my mom just... You were like a project. Yeah, my mom tells me all the time because I do think their generation,

maybe Oakley and Weinstein, like, for some reason that was important to let your child know they were intentional and they were wanted i don't understand i honestly don't understand how telling your kid they were an accident or unexpected how that is harmful i guess you understand how sex works for homer's generation it was expected like your parents always wanted you okay and instead being left with like well we didn't want you but we love you like that it may it does make you feel unwanted in a way it's like you were a surprise and you made our lives worse because we were not ready for you and it's kind of shifting the blame onto the child who did that's exactly what i did

no i think we all made our parents lives worse yeah yeah that's why they didn't follow their dreams and i'm following mine without children. I was created intentionally to my knowledge. Like, I was actually born in September because this shows you my dad's priorities. My dad was actually a Little League coach before he had kids. He just loved— Oh, my God. You were such a disappointment, weren't you?

Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh that loud. I i know no yes i get you all know the end of this story already sorry keep going but so he if i were if his children were to be born in the early fall they would then be selected earlier in the they would be the oldest kids in the in little league thus having a physical advantage presumably named after other kids oh no he did not oh no he oh sorry henry's first real name is babe uh but no i'm named after henry gilbert but the but so when I was born I was born in September Conceived in I would guess

January or December with the plan So your dad was starting a team? Yeah your dad wanted to get you drafted It was definitely the plan I would be on his team Which was called the Optimists How we use electricity Can be smarter, cleaner And greener

At Electric Ireland We can help guide you there. You see, our new Net Zero Hub has all you need to know about smart meter plans, EV tariffs, solar panels, and much more. Making your usage clearer, your trips greener, your home cozier, and your world brighter. Find our Net Zero Hub at electricireland.ie. We need 11 more of these, honey. It was a really, honestly, like, I also think of what a pessimist he is and how negative and cynical we all are that his team was called the Optimists. And again, I had no sports aptitude from the beginning. I did not like it.

I was a creative little gay kid. And obviously obviously you know maybe you're disappointed by that i know i was an accident i was not told in a moment of anger i was told because i was a little kid i was like why didn't why did my sister get a baby book and there's all these pictures of her and you guys all this stuff from her her you know babyhood or whatever it's like well bob let's let's talk about it we didn't plan for you and my mom was going through some things with my dad i I haven't seen in like 20 years. That's a preferable way to deal with a father who sucks, Henry.

Don't see him for decades. Don't call him. Don't see him. Don't talk to him. Don't email him. But I'll tell you what. Mistakes are the better kids because they have to try harder. My sister is a fuck up and they plan for her.

Meanwhile, I have to work harder and I've earned everything. I'm not bitter about it at all. So i don't think you should feel if you were revealed to be an accident i don't think you should feel no i was just like oh that explains why there's no baby book for me with like all these like the first time he did this and the first time he did that yeah i i had a family friends too they did have they had a kid they called the surprise where it was you know one kid they had one kid then three years later they had the other kid and then like eight years later they have another one and that is the whoopsie kid but they they love that kid all the same and even though she's a huge lesbian they still love her like and and i would feel shame i don't know

why no i kid but i wonder too if that army training line helped inspire Oakley and Weinstein to later do the Flying Hellfish episode. Yeah, I mean, we did see a bit of his army background in the Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy episode. Oh, that's true. Where he's having like a war flashback with the headset on. And as we all know, he did wear a dress for a time in the 40s. That's right. They had designers back then. And he seduced Hitler. That was made up. He admitted that was

made up. Homer basically sentences him to death by abandoning him on the side of the road, by the way. In real life, if you leave a hundred-year-old man on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere who doesn't have a phone, he's dead. He will get torn apart by birds.

Yes, but he survives long enough to buy flowers to try to apologize to Homer. I love him mashing them through the mail slot. They look so pathetic. It's so great. But Homer is right to ignore him. But I think also I love that this shows this is how cruelty is passed on from generation to generation

is by being mad at your parent, but not understanding you have similar faults. Homie, are you really going to ignore Grandpa for the rest of your life? Of course not, Marge. Just for the rest of his life. He said I was an accident. He didn't want to have me. He didn't want to have Bart. I know, but you're never

supposed to tell the child. You tell Bart all the time. You told him this morning. But when I do it, it's cute. I love that this morning but when i do it it's cute i love that but when i do it it's cute that i mean bart does know that and like i guess there's a difference between an accident that between a married couple accidentally has a couple and this you were an accident in that i was forced to marry this person I wouldn't have married otherwise if they didn't have my child. That's also a plot in Rick and Morty. It's why Jerry is with Beth. It's because he got her pregnant.

As Rick says, you put 10 cc's of failure in there and I've been stuck with you forever. And Lisa is the only planned child, right? Yes, yeah. Because in the episode where she's born, it's like you're going to have a little sister And they're fine with the idea Well actually Marge presents it as we're going to have There's going to be twice as much love in this house And Homer's like we're going to be doing it twice

So it was a surprise to Homer too All three were surprises But Homer was happy about Lisa not so happy about Bart or Maggie Yep yeah those are the only Though then again in Maggie Makes Three, there's an apocryphal that I will tear apart when we get to that episode. Oh, believe me, I know.

But the way Homer learns of all their pregnancies are wrong. They are misremembered. When he tears out a tear, that's like, that's not how it was in the other two flashbacks. It's a good joke, though. It's a great joke, but it destroys continuity. Boo, I'm getting angry now. So you've ruined your life. Yes, yeah. It's a great joke, but it destroys continuity. Boo.

So you've ruined your life. Yes, yeah. So it's also funny that they mention telling Bart stuff, and then they cut straight to Bart and his subplot, basically just settling it. So finally, we're all in agreement about what's going on with the adults. New house? Okay, here's what we've got. The Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people. New house. Okay, here's what we've got. The Rand Corporation,

in conjunction with the saucer people, under the supervision of the reverse vampires, are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner. We're through the

looking glass here, people. I love that. I love that line so much. This honestly makes more sense than Pizzagate. It does. It absolutely does. It's a good observation that in order for all these nuts to get along, they have to begrudgingly acknowledge each other's conspiracy theories as a vast network.

Yeah, just to work together like, fine, I recognize your fiction if you recognize my fiction. And the, we're through the looking glass here, people. It's from JFK, and I have a clip from that. It's a very minor line. We're talking about a crime, Bill. Pure and simple. Y'all gotta start thinking on a different level like the CIA does. Now we're through the looking glass here, people. White is black, and black is white.

That hand motion is the same one. Melon, right? You're right. I just realized that. From JFK, which of course I didn't get at the time. Oh, neither did I. And what I also didn't get is that's Kevin Costner just dispensing a conspiracy to both Yondu and Newman from Seinfeld. There's a later scene in there where I love the scene where Michael Rooker quits.

And he's just like, the conspiracy was getting too big for him and he couldn't believe it anymore. And the way he says, like, how do you know who your daddy is? Because your mama told you so. I'm out of here. Just like that. He was basically saying there's a bedrock to existence. And if you even question that, then you can't believe anything. And it's just pure chaos.

I like that Wayne Knight went on to be in a parody of JFK. Yes, that was beautiful. Yeah, a few years later on Seinfeld. So the Rand Corporation is a real thing. Oh, yeah. And it is a government think tank that is at the center of a lot of conspiracies. And you can see that it's perfect for conspiracy-minded people. It's full of globalist Henry.

It is. The Rand Corporation has existed since, like, post-World War II. Maybe they recruited some Nazis But it was a post-World War II creation Where it's a government funded Think tank That hires the best and brightest in America To help come up with ideas

A lot of those ideas involved spying But on the Ruskies, not Americans, right? They never do that Certainly not And so a ton of phd laureates were there like all these people were there nobel prize winners were there john nash of a beautiful mind was a member of the rant corporation and the closest thing to a reference in something is actually dr strangelove himself he is based on a famous member of the rand corporation who

had said publicly even if we were to get in a nuclear apocalypse scenario against russia we would survive as long as we had just bunkers underground that people could live in if you call that living and it that's it was things like that that made people distrust the rand corporation that they were just like yeah we thought of the apocalypse. We've come up with those. We've made it manageable. So in the real world, I would think the Rand Corporation probably has come up with lots of ideas how to do stuff. How much the government executes it or not, that's another question.

Probably more than you think, I would say. But yes, that is what the rand corporation is still in operation there's actually we are within um miles of a rand corporation um one of their outlets there they're based in santa monica that's where their headquarters is but they also have a san francisco branch that we could visit right now and be shot on site yeah look forward to our upcoming interview on the talking simpsons Patreon. But I like that Bart's going through all that conspiracy stuff. They have to put that to bed before Homer can try to be a better father, which Homer and Grandpa are basically divorced now.

And first off, I just love the scene of Grandpa and Barney on the road. It's so funny that that's who he recruits. Another Dan Castellaneta voice character, too. And just feast your ears on this tantalizing testimonial from my own flesh and blood, the son who puts the fun in Simpson and Son, my son, Bernie! I used to be a fat, disgusting slob!

That medicine seems to be giving your son a lot of gas. I assure you his belching is the result of an unrelated alcohol problem. It just ain't the same without Homer. He knew how to drive a car. Yeah, so this is like the third time we've seen Barney as a bad stand-in for a celebrity or a needed person. So we had him standing in as Krusty, Bart, and now Homer. He must work so cheap. And yeah, he was also on Bart Chat.

I didn't do nothing. I didn't do nothing. He just has to be so cheap. And he had to play the governor instead of the town drunk. It's like, how does Barney get all these jobs? Central casting works again i would hope he's at least working for free but i i do love the way grandpa just throws off like unrelated alcohol problem and uh so then we get to see well first off when homer when he decides he's going to be a better parent he ignores maggie

completely i love that joke you can barely see her behind his head yes it's a nice reveal at the end of the uh the end of the scene i didn't get that in my first viewing but then homer is uh his half-assed over parenting is he's beautiful i think i have gone through this with bouts of my father going like no i'm gonna be a good parent and he only has a stamina for like a week a week at best and then afterwards you just settle back into your old patterns of neglect. Your very first bike. Number one, I know how to ride a bike. Number two, I already own a bike. And number three, that is a girl's bike.

You're no girl. You're a boy. A good boy. You can be president. Scratch that. You will be president. Dad! I think Lisa needs another push on her new tire swing. No, Dad. I want to get down.

This tire is filthy and the steel belts are poking me. No! No offense, Homer, but your half-assed under-parenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed over-parenting. But I'm using my whole head. Yeah, Lisa covered in grease being, like, torn apart by, what were they?

Steel belts. Steel belts, yeah. Yeah, just, like, poking her. Like, I have been in the tire swings that are really just an old tire. Like, ugh, this looked fun. It's horrible like and and that the idea that homer one didn't even know bart knew how to ride a bike and owned his own bike it's it's that that level of just check outedness of home of bart's life that homer doesn't even realize

yeah i didn't do any research yes and that then lisa lisa can at least recognize this is half-assed over-parenting, and it's scary love. Too much of your love can be scary. I like that quote a lot. And they're just so used to them being raised by TV instead of Homer. It's like, please. I would be that way, too. I know you maybe, with both of my parents, I'd rather watch TV. I kind of liked being not paid attention to a lot of the time.

I'd rather play video games. Like, this is outdoor and activity, and it's no fun. Like, Lisa and Bart just both accept, oh, yeah, he means drinking. Yeah, yeah. They know he means that. It kind of deflates Lisa. Yes, I thought so. Yes, I thought so, too.

They both know that. And it's rather distracting, too too that the backyard tree is blue. It's weird. It feels like an animation mistake that they just couldn't do it. Then meanwhile, they go. Oh, tiny update. The hurricane knocked down my childhood tire swing. Oh my goodness.

I'll never ever forgive the hurricane global warming and this administration for that. It's finally gone too far it's gone it destroyed a 30 year old tire swing it's kind of a pat ending but i do like that they come back to the house where it's built where all the problems started it's nice like storytelling symmetry yeah even though they don't notice two cars parked in the middle of nowhere well they're very dry he must have gotten gotten a lift from Jasper or something. Yes, or he just kept walking from the Barney thing to go back

home. I took a get-around. Here's where it all started to go wrong. How am I supposed to be a good dad when I never had one myself? Dad wasn't even around on Christmas morning when I actually got to meet Santa Claus. Some father.

Wait a minute. Dad! Oh, this photo is a blessing. It eases my pain. Oh! Oh! Oh! It's touching that Homer's positive memory burns down his house and destroys all of his past.

Yeah, meanwhile, Abe is throwing the tonic into the fire, the highly flammable tonic. Yes. I love it. He's like, you've done all the damage you're going to do, and then it almost kills him. And, though, actually, I can identify a bit with Homer's misremembering of meeting Santa Claus. Like, I've had that moment as a kid, or as an older person. I won't say adult, but I was just saying, like, yeah, and then there was a time Santa Claus dropped off all my presents while I was on vacation. Oh, wait a minute. Everything you ever got for Christmas is the result of the parents you may or may not like, Henry.

Yeah, yeah. No, but it was just that realization that you'd always assumed in your head it was Santa Claus until you just talked through it out loud. You're like, oh, wait, no, my parents did that. Or they made that happen. That's great. They put me on the lap of a strange man in the mall. Why would they do that? And though I also think Abe doing that one nice thing and pretending to be Santa Claus,

maybe it shows that he did other nice things. Homer doesn't remember, but I'd say overall, Abe was a bad parent just as Homer was a bad parent. They were both bad parents or are bad parents. And, uh, though it's,

it is kind of a touching ending. I will say like the ending of parental, you know, reconnection. I'm a screw up. I burned down our house. No. I'm a screw-up. I burned down our house. No, I'm a screw-up. I burned down our house.

You know what? What? We're both screw-ups. It doesn't matter. What matters is you were right when you told me I never said anything nice about you. So, are you going to say something nice now? Well, I hadn't thought that far ahead.

Okay, here it goes. I'm not sorry I had you, son. I was always proud that you weren't a short man. Oh, Dad. Oh. that you weren't a short man. Oh, Dad. What do you say we roll out of grass, son? I'm with you, Dad. Dad. Great, great ending.

I like how there's kind of like three stories going on in this episode, and they all get resolved in a satisfying way. They're not just left lingering. I mean, that really, that ending, hearing it again there, just really gets me of saying, you've never said a nice thing, and then Homer just has to settle for like a terrible compliment. He's like, I'm so glad you weren't short. Short man.

And it's like, aw, dad. That's the best he can get. And on the observations of classical hand-drawn animation, shorts. Short man. Aw, dad. That's the best he can get. On the observations of classical hand-drawn animation, something the new show can't really do, the fire in this is so luminescent. Yeah, I'm sure that's an actual light effect. Yeah, it looks really cool. It's really gorgeous. It is.

Them being backlit by the fire in front of them, it it makes it even more powerful the you know symbolic scene of the them making up while their old house is destroyed like all the old memories are being burned away and hopefully they can start over on a new foot they won't no they never will so that is the problem in general of taking this as reality of like the realization that you and and a parent that you don't like are both flawed can lead to a nice reconciliation. But central to that is forging a better relationship with that parent. And that is not what Homer and Abe do. Neither actually learn something from it.

And Abe is senile enough that I get it, that why he wouldn't learn something, but Homer just, he doesn't learn something. He is a terrible parent onward from this episode. And I guess he just learned that like not to be as intense and not to try as hard because it scares the kids yeah passive parenting is the best yes i just stand back it's like it says sun tzu said the best

kind of king is when you don't even realize my dream parenting situation involves me meeting a 15 year old who alleges to be my son. I really want that to happen. Somebody did all the horror. Oh, yes. Go back in time and sell that script to Paramount. I think they went starring me instead of Adam Chandler. That reminded me of the Robin Williams Billy Crystal classic, Father's Day.

Father's Day. I prefer My Giant. Much better movie. So, yes, this has been Talking Simpsons. I've been your host, Bob Mackie. Thank you for listening, everybody. You can find me on Twitter as Bob Servo. My other podcast is Retronauts every Monday.

And occasionally on Friday, we have episodes for you all about classic gaming. Just go to retronauts.com or look for Retronauts in your podcast device. I think you'll like it. Everybody else, jump in. H-E-N-E-R-E-Y-G on Twitter is where you'll find me. And that's where I tweet about new releases from the Patreon and other Talking Simpsons stuff. And obviously, if you are not a Patreon subscriber,

you really should be because you would have heard this episode a week early and without ads, as well as a ton of other extras like Talking Critic exclusively on there, a ton of interviews, special videos, like all three of us watching the original shorts that started the simpsons which uh have aged beautifully they all look great and so many more things uh i never say i'm cantist on twitter and as i just got an alert from tank rizzo am i the only person that likes to imagine kirk van houten is the guy singing in Lens, Steal My Sunshine. Ah, I was lying on the beach. That's Sunday morning.

If we meet Hank Azaria, we have to get him to do that into a microphone. Oh, it makes me laugh so much. And we do a bunch of other shows, Lasertimepodcast.com. We just launched a brand new show in honor of October being the Halloweeniest month around. An Elm Street Nightmare with me and my buddy Lizzy Cuevas.

We'll be breaking down every single Friday the 13th movie except the remake or maybe we'll do that. I'm not going to say there might be other Patreon rewards for folks out there but I

should check that out every Tuesday before this show airs. Later time Monday and Elm Street Nightmare Tuesday. This show Wednesday. Fill all your time with

that stuff guys. And then 30, 20, 10 Thursday. Yeah. And then VGA Fridays. Five days a week. But what am I to do on the weekends? And Patreon.com slash SazerTime.

We have an exclusive show every Tuesday. I understand if you don't need this much of me in your life. Oh, come on. I know I don't. Thanks so much for listening. We'll be back next week with Fear of Flying. We'll see you then. Wow. Infotainment.