Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Homer The Vigilante

Episode Date: April 26, 2017

Springfield is struck by a crime wave and Homer is out to save the town through vigilante justice. Can he find Lisa’s saxophone, only beat people with knobs, or will it all break down into a film p...arody? Find out in this week's podcast!

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 this episode of talking simpsons is brought to you by vinyl me please the best damn record of the month club and you listeners can go to join vmp.com slash laser time and see how you can save 40 on a full year of badass records i heartily endorse this event or product. Acer Time Podcast Network's chronological exploration of The Simpsons. Who is here with me as usual? Henry Gilbert and I'm full of piss and vinegar. Before it was only vinegar. And who else? Rapmaster 2000, Chris Anteas. Oh, I thought you were Hammer. And today's episode is Homer the Vigilante.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Okay, men. It's time to clean up this town. Meaning what exactly? You know, push people around, make ourselves feel big. And this episode aired on January 6, 1994. Our first 94 episode. Listen, 94 is the year of so many great video games. Donkey Kong 94, Final Fantasy 6, God help me, Super Metroid, Mother 2 in Japan, known as Earthbound here.
Starting point is 00:01:20 It's a great year for video games. I'm sorry, Chris. I just wanted to put that out there. No, no. Sonic 3? Sonic 3, not good. Donkey Kong Country? Also not good. Donkey Kong Country. Also not good.
Starting point is 00:01:26 Let's move on. Oh, my God. Hey, speaking of technology, sales for TV-VCR combos are up 55% right now. Oh, wow. Yeah. At the box office, nobody can out the Mrs. Doubtfire, and a mysterious person viciously attacks gold medal contender, figure skater, Nancy Kerrigan. my goodness man it's a happy new year we i think we're getting dangerously close to doing an episode of talking critic in the timeline but the uh because the
Starting point is 00:01:56 critic is about to premiere but it's virtually defined by these years the critic was canceled what there's a great article called how the critic was killed by nancy kerrigan and it was that the attack on nancy kerrigan made that the one of the most watched sporting events of all time and abc was like nobody watches the winter olympics we're gonna put a brand new episode of the critic on against the winter olympics and it was like the low it set records for low ratings of first run entertainment. I just think of I did a video a long time ago for the top video games of 1994
Starting point is 00:02:32 according to the US box office meaning Toy Story. Toy Story didn't make it in there. But I did a little montage at the beginning and I did a joke that nobody gets where I just yelled it's a pennant in the background of a flashback of the movie Run, Run, and Run,
Starting point is 00:02:46 the Mr. Show movie. And they just do a flashback. You remember seven years ago? And there's just a pennant, small pennant in the background that just says 1994, the year of years. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:02:56 It seems outpreciant to hang something like that. It makes me laugh so much. This is before social media. I feel like events like these were so outlandish and so memorable, they would stick with us for years. If some figure skater got their knee bashed in it would be forgotten in a day but this lived on for so long it was part of the immortal weird al uh
Starting point is 00:03:12 song headline news oh my god which talks about arena bobbitt the kid who was caned in singapore a later simpsons episode and this thing exactly uh yes yeah yeah and well there's a documentary about it nancy and like everybody else is reliant on being invited on talk shows to talk about it because everybody's out of jail. And Nancy Kerrigan's like, I was the best at my sport, and I fucking hate that this defines me. That does suck. Well, and it's also unfortunate that Tanya Harding likely did the planning.
Starting point is 00:03:43 It's hard to see it any other way but she was like it's unfortunate she was cast as like and she's a terrible figure skater had to hurt someone on her team to do better like no she was great like she she could do stuff other people couldn't do like that were feats of strength but it also meant trying and sometimes failing i wish i knew that 30 for 30 about it. It's fucking fascinating. And I think Bolster, because they had just split up the summer and winter Olympics at that point.
Starting point is 00:04:10 It was like the second or third time they'd done that. And I think that brought more attention to the winter Olympics than any qualified athlete would have done. And I think the mastermind, quote unquote, of this plan, Jeff Gallulli, would just be a David Letterman punchline like Joey Buttafuoco.
Starting point is 00:04:28 He would just say Jeff Galooly. Jeff Galooly. It's a funny name, and he just said it for no reason. Ah, Galooly. The 30 for 30 also pointed out something I never knew about figure skating until then, is that figure skating is bullshit because it's all judges. It's all up to the judges,
Starting point is 00:04:44 and judges come with their own prejudices and that includes if you are an out figure skater you might be judged for that and they're like this wasn't a manly enough performance by the other way around if you're the sole not out figures well it's some some figure skating judges are just are surprisingly not cool with gay people and are more very buttoned down and religious. There's, for 20 years, there were jokes, and it's like, ooh, not good for the Russian judges. Well, there's also that. But then Tanya, too, had that thing of, like, they tried to make her girly. They talk in the documentary about trying to make her girlier because she's like, well, if she looks too tough, then they'll think she's not feminine enough and they'll knock against her.
Starting point is 00:05:25 That's bullshit. There are too many factors into appealing to these arbitrary rules and subjective opinions of judges. I know people are mad at us for... That was the cool thing about the documentary. It wasn't that they just came across one another. They'd been touring together for years. They'd known each other for a long time.
Starting point is 00:05:44 And The Simpsons did reference this when Burns' trick knee got attacked by Moe in a mask. It would be like me kicking you in the back because you wanted a RetroNuts episode that I wanted to go on. So this episode, Home of the Vigilante, I'm not sure if you have a clip of this, but a lot of it is based on a really old movie.
Starting point is 00:06:02 This is totally a John Schwarzwalder pool. It is the movie Raffles about a gentleman thief named A.J. Raffles who leaves a calling card behind. He's a cat burglar. So I don't... It's hard to find clips of this. This is from 1939? 1939. It's played by David Niven.
Starting point is 00:06:17 David Niven. Well, I've got more to say. It's like his breakout role. I think so. So I wasn't able to like... There are no clips of this online. There's no good clips, I don't think. But what I did find is why not get someone more qualified? So I don't want to rely on this ever again
Starting point is 00:06:33 because there's not a lot of jobs involved with being on Talking Simpsons. Part of this is doing your own research. But this was a little difficult. I wasn't that interested. So I thought, why don't I just default to good old Turner Classic movies, Ben Mankiewicz. parts, but he gradually worked his way up through the credits, and with this film, at last, he was
Starting point is 00:07:05 getting top billing, playing the title role as man about town A.J. Raffles. He's a star cricket player, he's a hit with the ladies, and he's also an accomplished jewel thief. I like to think of Ben Mankiewicz as a Michael Showalter character.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Don't you ever joke about Ben Mankiewicz, he's the only thing we have left after poor robert osborne he is just the ultimate movie grandpa all my movie grandpas are dying it sucks and whoever that uh that woman who i love and hate on the weekends just because i want her job she's too young to know about old movies no i want her job so bad i want it so bad but so david niven's performances raffles would also be the basis for a character he would play in The Pink Panther. Right. Which is actually closer just in age to the character of Malloy in this episode.
Starting point is 00:07:55 And I have a clip for that too. Do you? Do you really have to leave this afternoon? Yes. Isn't this a departure all of a sudden? Not at all. Why do you think so? Well, I just thought that after last night that that my leaving has nothing to do with last night hasn't it and the music
Starting point is 00:08:12 uses a lot more evocative of pink panther as well it's a straight up pink panther themes for but the reason they cast david in that was because of raffles he's supposed to be playing his raffles type character who steals the pink panther a jewel and he's being tracked down by the police in the film it's supposed to be a david niven film but they cast peter sellers in it who steals every second he is on screen and that's all he does in every movie niven never came i don't believe niven came back for the sequels i think they were just clouseau films at that point yeah and it's funny i re-watched it was hard to even find a clip on youtube that featured david niven from the pink panther because all the clips on youtube are the funnier peter seller scenes and in the peter sellers film that starred Jeffrey Rush playing him I remember in the scenes
Starting point is 00:09:07 during the filming of the first Pink Panther that some person interviews him and said I hear you're stealing this movie from David Niveny and he's like oh no we're working together they've got a basic cartoon character after me that'll run on TNT for years to come
Starting point is 00:09:22 kids won't like it as much as Bugs Bunny. It's no Ant and the Oddbuck. All those MGM tunes suck. Why'd you bring that up? So many wasted afternoons. But so yeah, you look at David Niven in Pink Panther. He looks a lot like Malloy. Malloy is him.
Starting point is 00:09:38 It's just that Sam Neill, Grant from Jurassic Park. Who does a fantastic job in this episode. He does, but he's not going for an impression. He's just playing himself. And this is six months after Jurassic Park. Who does a fantastic job in this episode. He does, but he's not going for an impression. He's just playing himself. And this is six months after Jurassic Park. I don't know if Jurassic Park was hot when they hired him for this. Maybe it was just breaking out into a huge movie.
Starting point is 00:09:55 It was always going to be huge, no matter what. I can't... I know I've since seen... Obviously, Jurassic Park was my... Jurassic Park was my get-woke movie. Like, oh my god, I love movies. That's all I love. And I discovered Sam Neill and stuff afterwards.
Starting point is 00:10:08 So I imagine he had some small breakout role. Yeah. But he was much more prominent after Jurassic Park. I mean, yeah, he was in films before him. In terms of what I know about the Simpsons production at this cycle, I don't know what role would have launched Sam Neill into the role of Malloy. You didn't see The Omen 3? I did not.
Starting point is 00:10:26 It's a great movie. A great bad movie. I waited for 666. I loved in the third Jurassic Park film, they tried to turn him into Indiana Jones. It's like, come on, man. Sam Neill's supposed to be just like a geek who hates children. That's his character. He was schlubby in 93.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Exactly. And this is a John Schwarzwalder episode, and you know it is because Homer acts like a dog, which, as Schwarzwalder has said of his way of writing Homer, is a dog that can say its own name. That is how he writes Homer. Ah, that's great. Dad, we've been robbed! Wake up, Dad, wake up! There was a burglar and he took my saxophone!
Starting point is 00:11:01 Woo-hoo! And our portable TV! Go! And my necklace! That's no big loss. Homer, that necklace was a priceless Bouvier family heirloom. Oh, you probably got a whole drawer full of them. Well, yes I do. But they're all heirlooms
Starting point is 00:11:14 too. It's more visual, but I love the ball. Just the big ball of red pearls, whatever they are. They're all family heirlooms, and I like the I also like just the sound of them coming out of her neck like just popping out i think they have to because that's referenced later yeah it's true yeah just the sound of pearls march sleeps with her with her jewelry on i guess yeah and i wanted to ask
Starting point is 00:11:35 you guys um have you ever been robbed like your house no no i have interesting story no i oh boy i had my this is gonna sound so privileged but had my... My summer house was broken into during the regatta. I went to a camp based on hobbies, and I immaculately put... I actually have the folder. I brought it back for the Marvel cards folder. Ah, yes. And my hobby is these Marvel cards, so I brought them, and then I went to lunch, and then they were all stolen.
Starting point is 00:12:00 And it was like the most heartbroken... I've had shit stolen and lost stuff, but that was the most heartbroken I've had shit stolen and lost stuff but that was the most heartbroken i've ever been the i had as a kid it was my prize thing at the time yeah as a kid i was very trusting uh too much of people who just said oh that your super soaker is really cool could you lend that to me and nothing happened and then and then by the end of the day it was returned to me broken and they're like yeah, yeah, we smashed it. Who cared? That's sad. And one time I went to where I had parked my car in front of my house,
Starting point is 00:12:31 back when I owned a car, and it had clearly, like, the seat was reclined and stuff was moved around. I was like, I don't think I left the doors unlocked, but somebody came in here and laid it down in this car. Weird. It was just, but as far as I could tell, nothing was missing, but it was just this feeling of like, this is a massive invasion of my privacy.
Starting point is 00:12:50 This car feels weird now. To my credit, I don't own anything of value. I'm looking around, Chris. I see at least $30 worth of Amiibo on your wall. Yeah, someone sent me a bunch of Amiibos. You would have to know me and the value of Amiibos and get into this house. It would be very easy to find our Malloy.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Plenty of room on the fourth floor. That's a long way to go. Well, someone did break into my house when I was in it, actually. And I blame my sister because at the time she was hanging out with some real bad seeds on the wrong side of the tracks. So of course it was somebody you knew, not just some random... It tends to be how it always is. I think it's somebody that knew there was a person in a middle class
Starting point is 00:13:26 home, possibly full of valuables they could steal from. But I was home. I was slightly hopped up on cold medicine. I was staying home from work because I had the flu. So wait, how old were you? I was probably 18. I had to be 18 because I remember I was playing SSX, the PS2 launch game,
Starting point is 00:13:42 while hopped up on Dayquil. Steelfish, Christ's grail. And I love that song for Dot. I can never get over it. But I was playing it. I hear all these banging around noises. And I'm like, what's happening in my house? My sister's at work.
Starting point is 00:13:53 My parents are at work. What's going on? They're coming from upstairs. So I open the door to my parents' room, which is just a set of stairs up to a loft area or whatever. And I see a man at the top of the stairs. And I am in my clouded flu slash cold medicine line of thinking, and I say, the first thing that comes out of my mouth, which is really stupid, is, do I know you? And the guy's like...
Starting point is 00:14:15 And the sitcom audience cracked up. I mean, I could hear the laughter in my head, but I think the guy said, yeah. And I was like, very well then. I closed the door. And then the gears start turning. I'm like, oh, wait a minute. That's a thief. And then as I realize what's happening, he comes bounding down the stairs,
Starting point is 00:14:35 goes through my sister's room and out the window he came in. And I also go through the same window and running with socks on through the snow through the backyard. He's not even holding anything. I'm like, wait a minute, why am I chasing this guy? He's out of my house now. So then I call the police and it's fine. We got our locks changed.
Starting point is 00:14:51 There was no problems after that. But that was kind of scary. Knowing a guy was in your house and he shouldn't have been there. I should say I broke into a ton of places. Not a lot of theft though. It's more like, what lick are you got? It's more like squatting. That is my brush.
Starting point is 00:15:09 We'll get into that sometime, but I had a lot of runaway experiences, for real. That was my brush with a B&E, and I came out clean. Did you lose your stamp collection, though? I'm not that much of a nerd. It's a crime wave. I love that Nelson calls him to go ha-ha. It is the most extreme
Starting point is 00:15:26 links to a ha ha to this point, but there will be a more extreme one soon. And I do like that. I even took my stamp collection. You had a stamp collection? Stamp collection! Bart's pain is funny, but mine isn't. That saxophone was my one creative outlet.
Starting point is 00:15:50 It was the only way I could truly express myself. Shh. Quiet, Lisa. Hey, the burglar left his calling card. You have just been robbed by the Springfield cat burglar. Cute. Hi-de-lee-ho, neighborinos. Can't talk. Rob, go help hell you folks got robbed too the burglar took
Starting point is 00:16:08 my shroud of turin beach towels wow it's a crime wave there's like three line of the show candidates in there that one conversation yeah it's great i love the uh the bart's pain is funny but mine isn't you know i'll just be in callous i we don't usually we should do it more democratically yeah and like can't talk robbed go hell yeah go hell is the best that's the joke i'm very happy that's our line of the show jingle everybody so i want to ask you um do you have the clip of what was stolen from skinner because i had several questions about this well uh i want to unpack a few things in that scene. Oh, sure, sure. It said that the cat butler was established in 1957, which is a good setup for how old he is.
Starting point is 00:16:49 True, true. He's been doing it since 57. That Homer forgot that Homer should care more about that sax because they don't have an AC unit because he bought that sax for her five years earlier. That's right. He should care more. He should have had time to get an AC unit in the next five years.
Starting point is 00:17:06 The Shroud of Turin beach towels feel... It's a funny joke. It's a cute little joke. But I always think of Catholics when I think of Shroud of Turin, which Ned is not a Catholic. He definitely isn't. And I mean, the joke in this episode in the beginning is Bart is sleeping with a television. That's so funny. And it's like, that's just me today. It's a tablet.
Starting point is 00:17:25 I fall asleep watching things on a tablet every night. It's not even a joke anymore. Every time I'm like, oh, I rolled over on my girlfriend's phone. Oh, it's mine. Because they're both in the bed. I just wake up tangled in headphones every morning. Where am I? How could you put your phone anywhere but out of
Starting point is 00:17:41 hand's reach? You have to have it. You could never not have it an iPhone doesn't sell any other charging cord more than two inches so it's got to be close to you and my phone is my alarm clock so if I put it farther away when it goes off like where's the damn phone turn on the alarm so I do want to talk
Starting point is 00:17:58 about the Norman Schwarzkopf collector plates I was hoping I knew what he was referencing Principal Skinner's Storm and Norman collector plates funny Storm and Norman. I was hoping... I knew what he was referencing. Oh, me too, yeah. Principal Skinner's Storm and Norman collector plates. Funny.
Starting point is 00:18:09 It's another one where I went to Twitter because I get it. I was so hoping it was a comic book character that I didn't know about. Oh, you didn't know about Norman Schwarzkopf?
Starting point is 00:18:15 I did. I just wanted it to be not bad. More interesting. Because it doesn't tell you that much of... I don't think that gels with Skinner very well. I mean, no, it does.
Starting point is 00:18:25 It is. Skinner is a boring guy, and Schwarzkopf is kind of the most boring military hero of recent memory. He won a very easily winnable war. Skinner's not pro-military. He's traumatized. I mean, no, he would respect other people in uniform. He's never done that specifically before.
Starting point is 00:18:42 We'll see more of that in the season 100 100 i'm sorry exactly but so there's a joke here and i get that skinner is lame for having these but it's like they were stolen again so i went to twitter and i was like what does this joke mean twitter at tell me and there were some interesting solutions to this there was the joke is that they should have never been stolen in the first place and they were stolen again it is a very low value item yes the other interpretation was that they were stolen and then returned because the thief realized he could get nothing for them but i am overthinking this joke please let me know in the comments what you think the interpretation is i mean when i think of
Starting point is 00:19:17 norman swartzkopf who is what like the he was the general during he was the the general during the Desert Storm. Desert Storm was such a media-ized thing. And they're like, it's Storm and Norman. He's so cool. I don't fucking care. He was so boring and staunch. And the only thing I think of when I hear his name is the Mad Magazine cover. And someone out there is high-fiving me right now.
Starting point is 00:19:43 I think I had that cover, Chris. It is so symbolic of the era because he was a four-star general and and levi's had introduced the buttonfly jeans i had this i had this and he had a he had a four-star buttonfly hilarious his desert storm fatigue oh my god that's when i started reading mad lady it was that's when i started i started as well i have one last theory about those commemorative plates, why they've been stolen again so he was sold to a degree, like so they would have made stuff like those
Starting point is 00:20:10 but I think they were stolen again because he's a principal and he's being pranked by kids, so the first time they were stolen was by let's say Jimbo that's another interpretation I want to say we should move on, but this is exactly what the show is for. That's what we're here for. I mean, John Swartzwater, if you're listening, please let us know.
Starting point is 00:20:28 But yeah, I... Finally reach out. Barney wakes up naked with everything stolen, which makes me think, so did Maloia undress him, or was he asleep nude? I think he just took off his clothes on a bender and just passed out on the floor. The joke is that he's
Starting point is 00:20:44 been robbed and doesn't notice. And I want to say this could be the last time we see his crappy apartment. I feel like we're seeing less and less of it as he becomes less of a character, more of just a joke that's inserted. It's true. I feel like even in his recovering alcoholism episode, you don't see too much of the inside of his place. You want some more
Starting point is 00:21:05 simpson i love homers i love homers curse you curse you magic beans that's another of my favorite lines it was a little too far but uh this is if you're simpson's nerd yeah i got this down are you sitting down good i wish to report a robbery a robbery right thanks for the report it's another one lou 723 Evergreen Terrace. No. Is it the second time the address is wrong? What was the first time they solidified this as 742? 742 was...
Starting point is 00:21:33 Snake's address. No, all right. So 742 was Snake's address. It was Margin Chains. When they ship the juicer to Homer, it was 742 was the address. Now it's 24? 724, he said? It was 742 was the address. Now it's 24? 724 he said? What did Wiggum say? 24?
Starting point is 00:21:49 He said 23. And I think it's just they forgot it. That's the other side of the fucking street, man. I feel like Oakley and Weinstein would never let this happen again. Remember, it's 742. I'm going to keep my eyes out for this to be the last time they get the address wrong.
Starting point is 00:22:06 I think it will be. I do love their wrong conclusions. Like, move the pins around. Oh, it's pointing right here. Almost. It looks like an error. And I think we've come to the conclusion of what my favorite kind of episode is. It's when all of Springfield is panicking.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Yes. That's my favorite. Because then you get these little moments where characters can shine it's shine like frank well as you can see when the burglar trips the alarm the house raises from its foundations and runs down the street around the corner to safety well the the real humans won't uh won't burn quite so fast and that's a little twister mouth for you. Oh, you're right. In that shot.
Starting point is 00:22:47 A mini twister. And I know now from syndication, that joke is paid off later, and they cut that. Yeah, with the running house. With the running house, because it follows into the laser sequence, which is cut in most of the syndication versions I've seen,
Starting point is 00:23:03 because it's so long to make two jokes. It's something they can cut, yeah, without affecting the plot at all. But when I think of how crazy the show has gotten, the test of him making a miniature running house, that's one thing. But they built them for real and Bart activates one. I'm just thinking of how it would take to install that under your foundation. He built a fake family that could catch on fire and fall out of the house. You have to hope that the house was empty when Bart activated it or he killed all the people in that house.
Starting point is 00:23:36 I do like the idea of the house running away, possibly with the burglar still inside. Or with the family at work. Where's my house? It defended itself. Also, the second Wiggum is there with that dog, you know he's going to be attacked by it. Just like, ma-me-ma-mo-mo. Ma-me-ma-mo-mo. And that Kent is just as bad in this.
Starting point is 00:23:54 Like, Kent runs the news to terrify people. Would you say it's time to panic? Yes, I would. Yes, sir. I didn't get him at all. Professor. I love that. I love the professor.
Starting point is 00:24:04 Yes, I would. But it's time to meet Malloy, I would. Yes, sir. I didn't get him at all. Professor. I love that. He's so great. Yes, I would. But it's time to meet Malloy, I think. It's the cat burglar. Please don't kill me. Abe, can I borrow your ointment? Oh, it's you, Malloy. All right. But this time, clean off the applicator.
Starting point is 00:24:20 Talk about butt cream, everybody. Butt cream. He'll slash you here. Samuel, everybody. Butt cream. He'll slash you here. Samuel, baby. Also, Apu is super aggro this week, shooting at people for a quick moment. Thank you, go to hell. Though he's been robbed so many times before
Starting point is 00:24:37 that I can see this pushing him over the edge. It's about time he starts firing back. The only time this gets better for me is this season, right? The Comet episode? Yeah, season six. I love it when all of Springfield goes insane. Yeah, very, very mercenary.
Starting point is 00:24:51 Anything with just the town hysteria, I feel like, that's his. They shouldn't even be scared of being robbed again because they already have been. Exactly. That's when we get one of my favorite GIF moments I used recently of Homer thinking over jug music. It's so good. What's the point of all these precautions? I've already lost the only thing that matters to me.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Oh, Lisa, stop pining for your saxophone. I got you another instrument. What, this jug? Hee hee! Whee! Whoa! Heel, heel, heel! Lisa, never ever stop in the middle of a hoedown and homer immediately just turns into a hillbilly like oh yeah i love the stepping back and forth while he has a stern look on his face while lisa
Starting point is 00:25:37 looks pissed as fuck it's a great act break joke to go out there are a few things in this world i love more than emmett otter's jug band. Anybody playing the jug? I've used a gif of the Homer thinking to jug music as me trying to think of a subtweet to do to somebody. Or a fucking sub-headline. So Act 2 opens
Starting point is 00:25:57 in the little scene Ned's rumpus room. The bar and everything. You've got a lawsuit on your hands. This would have been my line of the show, but I'm willing to default to majority here, just because I love panicky Springfield people. I do love the I'm someone else line.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Welcome, neighbors. Since the police can't seem to get off their dufferoonies to do something about this burglarino, I think it's time we start our own neighborhood watch. Aroonie! Yes! Who should lead the group? You! Yes! about this burglarino, I think it's time we start our own neighborhood watch. Aruni! Yeah! Aruni should lead the group. You!
Starting point is 00:26:29 Yeah! Flanders! Flanders! Flanders! I don't really have very much experience, but I'll be... Someone else! Yeah!
Starting point is 00:26:37 Someone else! Someone else! Someone else! I'm someone else! He's right! That is so... Just beautiful. I love the fickleness.
Starting point is 00:26:47 They just want a quick solution with no problems that are evident at all. Ned's momentary pausing just to accept, like he is accepting, is enough for them to go like, no, we lost trust here. Then Homer... He's right! Mo is my favorite yelling person in the mob. Yeah. Let's go get some cider! I mean, I think mo's violent tendencies really come out the mud he's slowly turning into more and more
Starting point is 00:27:11 of a dirtbag yeah i think we see a lot of that in this episode that homer describes himself as as something all mobs loves like we need to we don't need a thing or we need to do or someone who will act without considering the consequence an outsider yeah yeah an outsider running like a business uh and then came a joke that i was glad it was on the dvd that was never on my vhs because they cut it for uh at least i swear to god the the gun scene was not oh bart with the gun was not on there. They cut before showing Bart with a gun. I remember that one. Yeah, the DVD Bart with a gun is on there. Okay, but syndication. In the first run that I taped, my first version did not have Bart with a gun. It's funny, on the DVD they said they had to fight for that,
Starting point is 00:27:54 so maybe the first airing did not have it, and they put in subsequent airings. I don't think the guns are a good idea. Bart, we're responsible adults. And if a group of responsible adults can't handle firearms in a responsible way sorry me again
Starting point is 00:28:12 sorry yeah that reveal of Bart's is very great so great eventually everyone gets into different costumes it's so weird because Barney's just dressed like someone at the gulp and blow. Yeah, exactly. He's a gulp and blow employee. Apu is dressed as a Sikh, I think.
Starting point is 00:28:29 I thought he was a Hindu. That's true. Are you saying they don't understand Indian culture and just made a joke? This is the portion of the show where Chris pretends to know the difference. There is a difference. And Skinner is dressed as a green beret. Literally wearing a green beret.
Starting point is 00:28:45 He is a green beret. He beat up those lawyersner is just as like a green beret, literally wearing a green beret. He is a green beret. He beat up those lawyers from Disney and identified as a green beret. And Moe is like a World War I, like, what do you call that? Kaiser helmet. Recruitermeister. Or whatever, I don't know. It's an interesting gang, though. Now it is.
Starting point is 00:28:59 They immediately fall into violence, as with all people who just want to protect their neighborhood. In a post-George Zimmerman world, this is less funny. Captain America said it. Immediately fall into violence, as with all people who just want to protect their neighborhood. Yeah. In a post-George Zimmerman world, this is less funny. Captain America said it. Everyone who starts a war before it starts, innocent people get hurt. Yeah. Every time. And what is Homer dressed as? I really can't tell.
Starting point is 00:29:17 He's got this weird fisherman's hat on and just a tan UPS driver outfit. I didn't figure it out either. I thought I found it familiar. Is he in a literal brown shirt, but it's more of a tan shirt i think i'm just thinking of bruce dern from the birds i think of dudes wearing that hat in the jungle like in the jungle yeah but i can't i can't identify commenters have that if you're banging your ex-wife's uh adopted asian daughter and you're woody allen is that what he does he just wears that hat when he does it fisherman hat.
Starting point is 00:29:45 Oh, yeah. That's where the Pits and Vinegar line comes in, where Abe wants to do it, and he can't. They barely use it as a story point, but they're like, we don't want your help, Abe. You're old and useless. Establish three times. So if there is a rule of threes that the elderly are ignored, despite the wanting to help. And he's proud that he racistly ran out to the Irish of Springfield. What a fine job you did. One of the darkest jokes that I can remember, just thinking, like, what is the darkest Simpsons joke?
Starting point is 00:30:12 It's Abe saying, though, like, this tickling me is a form of abuse. A form of abuse. Yeah, it's like, that's just a really, like, just starkly dark joke. Yeah, it is. We never thought of it because it would never occur to you to tickle an old person. And tell them that you're so useless, aren't you? Disgusting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:37 The Simpsons will be right back. When you really care about someone, you shout it from the mountaintops. So on behalf of Desjardins Insurance, I'm standing 20,000 feet above sea level to tell our clients that we really care about you. Home and auto insurance personalized to your needs. Weird, I don't remember saying that part. Visit Desjardins.com slash care and get insurance that's really big on care. Did I mention that we care? What up, Talking Simpsons listeners?
Starting point is 00:31:14 I'm assuming right now, if you have gotten all the references in this episode, you are a classy, classic media savvy person like me. And if you are, you might enjoy Vinyl Me Please, the best damn record club you can go to join vmp.com slash laser time and see how you can save 40 bucks on getting a record delivered to you every single month if you're like me i'm kind of getting into vinyl a little bit obviously it also feeds into my little collector's mentality and it's really cool to
Starting point is 00:31:40 discover not only old stuff but new stuff uh through a record of the month club at a very inexpensive value. The vinyl me please features one album that is essential to the modern vinyl collection and sends it to thousands of their members worldwide. And better still each record comes with exclusive features. You won't get anything anywhere else like bonus tracks, inserts, exclusive arts,
Starting point is 00:31:58 new packaging, and even, uh, even printable cocktail recipes, uh, to pair with your listening experience. This month's record is Fiona Apple's breakthrough debut, titled from 1996, in a remastered double LP with exclusive art,
Starting point is 00:32:12 12-page lyric booklet, and gatefold jacket. I want to call it a guilty pleasure of mine, but hey, man, Criminal's just a good song. That is on this album, baby. But guess what? If you don't like the record of the month that month, you can swap it out for something Vinyl please has previously released in their archives which just so happens to include a double red pressing of uh gorilla's demon days weezer's pinkerton my
Starting point is 00:32:34 morning jacket the fugees and a whole lot more there are dozens to choose from no contracts no hidden fees no extra charges and top-notch customer service can get you whatever you need as soon as humanly possible that's vinyl me please and you can go to join vmp.com slash laser time right now and see how you can save up to 40 bucks on a bunch of cool new albums you like laser time shows then you might like bonus time laser times weekly bonus show exclusively on patreon.com slash laser time here's a taste of what you've been missing. I had a slam-banging weekend. Saw a ton of people. Old GR friends, Charlie and Cherry.
Starting point is 00:33:10 That was... I didn't really invite Charlie over as much as he said, we paid for a babysitter and we're going to do shit. But it's like, we have one night, we're forcing ourselves upon somebody. Oh yeah, I would absolutely do it. Thank God you did. Whose house is open?
Starting point is 00:33:21 Because I'm going to be in it very soon. It really brought me back to like, who moved out right away? Oh, man, let's go over there. What is he doing? Let's all meet over at his house, whether he likes it or not. I lived in a house towards the end of my Illinois run where it was like, yeah, just come over whenever. And then it was, oh, good.
Starting point is 00:33:37 I'm glad there's always a party here. I would, like, come out of my room and be like, there's 50 people here. I don't know most of them. And, like uh then there's one point cops show up because they're like yeah we got reports i'm like from who i couldn't hit a house a neighbor's house with a football but then they're like we heard there's a report of underage drinking and i'm like no no no no every literally everybody get out of my house right now we had a dumb the cops can't say anything if you have a sign in your door that says no one drinking under 21
Starting point is 00:34:03 like that is there's no way that's the law. I can Mario Paint out a picture that says no one under 21. I'm under 21. That is impossible. And the picture was my friend in a full bali-claw and Kevlar holding a shotgun
Starting point is 00:34:19 to my head as I presented my ID. Someday I want to find that picture. It was great. Get bonus time, Laser Time's weekly, full-length, uncensored, and ad-free Patreon-exclusive podcasts, as well as full-length movie commentaries, wrestling and cartoon video commentaries, the first season of Talking Simpson, and more at patreon.com slash lasertime, starting at just five bucks. You'll help us live, and we'll do our best to help you never be bored again. But of course they go to Herman's shop to get these things.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Like, if Herman didn't exist before this episode, they'd have made him up for this. Yeah, yeah. That's a good because a very rare appearance. He's used tactically. I mean, he's using the Pulp Fiction parody, obviously. I'm sure he'd be in the Falling Down parody if they made one. He's a Schwartz Welder character. He really is. Yeah. His burger doesn't look anything like the pictures.
Starting point is 00:35:17 I mean, Schwartz Welder, I believe, wrote the episode, the Bart's War episode. Bart the General. Bart the general. And that I think a dark side of Schwarzwalder is, is Herman. I'm just the guy who wants to hunker down with his guns. But he also wrote the cartridge family. And just like the scene in this, it shows that guns are bad in the hands of the wrong people.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Like Homer and Mo and Barney. And, and Herman who like this second Homer says, like, I'm part of a neighborhood watch group. Like, well, then all can be trusted and shows them an awesome missile. And it's just weird that this is like,
Starting point is 00:35:51 this is a very specific Doctor Strangelove reference, even though the last episode title is a very specific Doctor Strangelove reference with no references in the cartoon. I credit Oakley and Weinstein. I think they are the most involved, interested in the Strangelove parodies. Yeah, and to their credit, that scene, it's Slim Pickens riding the bomb.
Starting point is 00:36:10 But even in the cartoon, it's matted in the same way. It is. There's the same amount of shadow on that sequence with Homer riding the bomb. It's magical. I love it. This is what caused me to watch Dr. Strangelove, I think. And Dr. Strangelove is one of my all-time favorite movies ever. It's so good. If you think Stanley Kubrick can't do comedy, he is a master.
Starting point is 00:36:31 He was a master of comedy. He just didn't do many other comedies after Strangelove. Again, with Peter Sellers, multiple roles. And I think it took me maybe two or three viewings to realize, oh, that's one guy playing these different people. Yeah, me too. I didn't realize he was the fae French officer and the president. He was in London.
Starting point is 00:36:53 He was a British officer at the fort. Then he was the president muffly. And then he was Strangelove. And he was originally going to be a guy in the play. And he was going to be Slim Pickett's part. But he just couldn't do it. This was also from the Geoffrey Rush thing i'm just like i can't do a southern the beautiful thing i want to point out because i just watched the side hackers which has a lot
Starting point is 00:37:12 of patent references which because that had four stars in my tv guide i watched it all the time despite not loving it no george c scott is so fucking funny in this movie and he's not a funny person you know in person he's not funny. Of Owl My Groin fame. That's why it's funny to see him hit. When you stick your hand in a pile of goo. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:33 That he's. Oh he's so good in Doctor Strangelove. He's perfect. It's the same way like Robert Stack is perfect in Airplane. He's a serious actor. And I think. I could be remembering this wrong. But Kubrick intentionally told him to, like, play it up.
Starting point is 00:37:46 We won't use these takes. Just have fun with it. And he used all the takes that Dorsey Scott was just going crazy in. That is a story, yeah. But he's so awesome. They're like, ah, the Ruski, and oh, they can't think of something like this. And Krusty would basically play him in Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming. That's true.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Yeah, he's the same. I cannot suggest Strange Love enough. That's true. Yeah, he's the same. I cannot suggest Strange Love Enough. It's so great. And also that Slim Pickens was playing it straight too that they said as King Kong
Starting point is 00:38:12 was his character. I don't know Slim Pickens from anything other than this in Blazing Saddles. Well, he was just a guy who was in dozens of Westerns. He was like, you're the Western character actor.
Starting point is 00:38:22 That's why they cast him too. But he's the embodiment of that archetype for me. Totally. And like rich Texan kind of guy. Yeah, he's awesome ah you're the western character actor that's why they but he's the embodiment of that archetype for me totally like rich texan kind of yeah he's awesome and i also think because he is that guy and james earl jones in that movie a young james earl jones is one of the pilots in the plane yeah i think he's probably one of the only people still alive from that film he has to be and then originally in that film it ended with a pie fight in the war room which they cut it's on youtube it's so great Because there's a joke of the president going down and getting
Starting point is 00:38:48 shot and they're like well this isn't so funny after the assassination of Kennedy months earlier. But here's a Dr. Strangelove reference which leads into another thing. Take that Maynard G. Krebs! See this sign?
Starting point is 00:39:08 That was an atomic bomb built to be dropped on beatniks, and Homer says, take that, Maynard G. Krebs, which is Bob Denver Gilligan's character on Dobie Gillis, who was the model for Shaggy on Scooby-Doo. That's true. Which wasn't a real beatnik. He was a parody of beatniks. He's not, but the last remnant you have of beatniks from the 50s is Shaggy, who looks the same in 2017. I gotta say, watch the Roger Corman movie Bucket of Blood.
Starting point is 00:39:33 It is a movie of that era that is a horror movie with Beatniks in it. It's a Beatnik-based horror movie. It is a Roger Corman movie, so it's not that great, but it's a lot of fun. All starring Ned's parents and their friends. Yes, and you hear a lot of bad beat poetry. Yeah, let's parody it in this episode. What I got to say, I think the Rap Master 2000, it's funny in a way, but it was a lame joke that was dated them. It's a very lame joke.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Yeah, I was like, why do people think he's Hammer? He's a big, fat, white guy. Yeah, and Hammer wasn't cool to think of in 98 anyway. No, not in 93. Just watching, it's like, so the writers don't like this music and think fans of it are so undiscerning. Maybe that's it. They could mistake it for anything else.
Starting point is 00:40:12 They're poom, poom, poom. Yeah. Bart, give me that megaphone of yours. It's not just a megaphone, Dad. It's a Ratmaster 2000. Never mind the commercial. Just give it to me. I do like it.
Starting point is 00:40:22 I've got to whip this neighborhood into shape. Move along there. I was capturing this in front of our other LaserTime team, and with no sound, it's still hilarious to look at. because that motorcycle sidecar is like that just doesn't exist whatever whatever dancing is really funny it's it's great animation of them they're what they're chasing after him but also dancing at the same gym reared an episode by the way at the same speed and like we just i just you know fucking obsessing over the idea of like phil hartman characters standing around not saying anything they just designed all new characters for the sequence
Starting point is 00:41:08 and they all look like they're ripped from Do the Bartman. I couldn't confirm that. But they're very evocative of the era, more so than any other resident of Springfield. I love that they immediately embrace Jimbo. They hurt innocent people, but when they find somebody who actually is a hoodlum, they embrace
Starting point is 00:41:24 him. Because he idolizes them. Hey, you're that drunken posse. Wow. Can I join you? I don't know. Can you swing a sack of doorknobs? Can I? You're in. Here's the sack. But you gotta supply your own knobs.
Starting point is 00:41:40 That was almost my line of the show. I do love the mission statement of the vigilante group. Push people around. Make ourselves feel big. Well, so then came a reference that I didn't ever know was a reference until now from doing the research. Is that so at the dinner table where they're explaining what they do and Lisa says, who will police the police? Who will watch the Watchmen?
Starting point is 00:42:03 Homer. Homer says, ask for your grandma. Like, your car flipped over and ask for your grandma. She shouldn't have mouthed off like that. That's a funny line as it is. But it is the plot of a Flannery O'Connor short story. A very dark one. A very dark one called A Good Man is Hard to Find.
Starting point is 00:42:20 The short version is a family, their horrible grandmother who's very annoying they go they go on a trip she smuggles her cat into the car the the cat jumps out of nowhere they crash the car and the car stops to help them it's a hearse i believe it is a hearse and guys get out and they realize it is this guy called the misfit who has been murdering people all around town and the grandma says oh my god you're the misfit and then he says well she now i know she knows it's me so i have to kill all of you and the book the story ends with the entire family including children taken to the woods and murdered. It is a great short story. Spoilers, they all die.
Starting point is 00:43:07 A good man is hard to find. See, I couldn't... One of my favorite lines was just them going about their vigilante business. No burning leaves without a permit. I got one. Too late.
Starting point is 00:43:20 I got one. You see that with awful corrupt regimes like, I can't do this long. Too late. Or you can't fly over here. Yes, we can. You can't bring a computer. Well, we already blew up this thing.
Starting point is 00:43:34 Too late. Sorry. Too late. You're in jail. Too late. And I like that Homer self-identifies as a mob. It's a bully. He says, the mob has many other plans.
Starting point is 00:43:45 This is one of my favorite lines. He's on bully. He says, the mob has many other plans, Lisa. This is one of my favorite lines when he's on Smartline with Ken Brossman. I love this whole sequence. It's so good. Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charge that petty vandalism, such as graffiti, is down 80% while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking 900%?
Starting point is 00:44:02 Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 40% of all people know that. I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing? Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes. Touche.
Starting point is 00:44:19 Touche. Perfect beef. It's great. I mean, I don't care much for the 40 joke. I feel beef it's great I mean I don't care much for the forfty joke I feel like it's one of those what's the number for 911 style jokes
Starting point is 00:44:29 I do just because I'm an avid watcher of shitty pundits and like there's let's just say some guy with a Greek last name that's also Milo
Starting point is 00:44:41 it's just fact here's a statistic I'm pulling out of my ass that doesn't apply to what i'm talking about but you can't fact check it on the air therefore it's true you can't stop this entire conversation to fact we can do it afterwards but by then the damage is done look at the slices of this pie chart and yeah it's yes and like and kent brogdon's like yeah i just got steamroll i got steamrolled by this dumb fact that doesn't apply. It's true, but it also just works in a post-fact world. But I just love the saying of, like, I'd be lying.
Starting point is 00:45:12 That is my line of show. I mean, we're all writers, and I've done it for years. I can take facts and make them sound any way I want, and I can phrase them in a certain way where they're inarguable. But this whole smart light sequence is the best. It's so good. It's one of my favorites ever. I love this.
Starting point is 00:45:27 Well, it looks like we have our first caller. And I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show. Hello, you're on the air. Hello, Kent. Hello, Homer. My arch nemesis. Yellow. You do realize who this is?
Starting point is 00:45:43 Marge? No, Homer, I'm not your wife. Although, I do enjoy her pearls. As a matter of fact, I'm holding them right now. Listen. Why, you monster! And you have my daughter's saxophone, too! Homer!
Starting point is 00:46:00 Homer! That's our stage manager! Poor guy. You know, Homer's yellow. I remember that from the Simpsons arcade game. Homer! It's our stage manager! Poor guy. You know, Homer's yellow. I remember that from the Simpsons arcade game. That's what Homer is saying on his little profile screen. Yellow.
Starting point is 00:46:16 I always said yellow on phones many times because Homer showed me to. I said embrace nothingness, which is Lisa's catchphrase from the arcade game. And then Homer even tries to throw the commercial break. We'll be right back. I get to say that. But Malloy announces he's going to steal the world's largest cubic zirconia, which, if you don't get the joke, cubic zirconias are man-made. They are synthetic false diamonds. And that's also why they...
Starting point is 00:46:39 The opposite of precious earth stones. While they are pretty, they have much less worth because anyone can make them. And so there is no world's largest one. You make it as big as you can and then someone can make a bigger one. I feel like the early 90s were a good time for this because I remember watching a lot of QVC, Quality Value Channel, growing up and they would always have diamondique. Diamondique. It was another synthetic diamond.
Starting point is 00:47:03 I don't know if people still care about synthetic diamonds well if you should never buy a real diamond by the way that industry is fucked up yeah i'd rather get something fake and somebody's like well that's not almost worthless yes yes how many fingers were cut off because this person didn't deliver the diamond fast enough blood diamonds are a real thing the beers doesn't want you to know about them but they're a real deal i'd i would rather have somebody say like yeah this is fake you can't even cut glass like yeah no children died for this i think i think buying jewelry is stupid anyway personally but uh i though that's maybe just because i don't like the feel of things on my fingers or my neck yeah no way but but are old people useless son we want to help you catch that plug ugly Yeg.
Starting point is 00:47:49 Dad, the best way for you to help is to set a good example. Just stand around and don't steal anything. He immediately steals. We're on a break. We're on a break. I love how Apeis is the term Yeg, which is an old-timey term for a safecracker or a burglar. Yegmen. Y-E-G-G, Yeg. I wonder if that is either, I mean, that could definitely be Schwarzwalder.
Starting point is 00:48:08 That's totally Schwarzwalder, yeah. That could be O-N-S, O-N-W as well. I'm pretty sure Yeg shows up in a Schwarzwalder book at some point. It's just, I don't know. I want to show you later in the show how you can, I give the Simpsons writers a lot of credit for having all these weird, old-timey words, but I want to show you where they might have gotten them from but
Starting point is 00:48:27 then we have a Dragnet reference like three episodes after yeah any sign of the burglar yet? it's his job he's a burglar just nodding for 30 seconds. I feel, again, if I didn't say it in the last episode,
Starting point is 00:48:47 I feel fortunate enough to get this. Because Dragnet, in terms of pop culture in 94, was one of the most successful things ever invented by human beings. It ran for a long time. It started in radio. It has multiple television variations. A full-length, feature-length movie starring Tom Hanks and Dan Aykroyd. And a classic rap.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Yes. Steady a crime. And this is when we found out Homer's canonical age to this point. He is 36. He says 36 years ago, someone gave birth to him. I was going to say that. Chris, you are officially now older than Homer Simpson. That's really weird.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Well, as Marge, canonically, it actually works both ways, that Marge will later correct Homer that he's 38. Right. So Homer just might not, like, Homer is stupid enough to have his age wrong, so he might actually be 38, but at least... If every episode of The Simpsons is a day,
Starting point is 00:49:39 that at all. Oh, Homer actually died in the first episode, and this is all a dream. I read it on the internet. And I think, for as bad as the Kill the Alligator and Run episode is, it cemented Homer's official age from that point on as 42, which feels like a much better age frame than 36. As I'm speaking as a 34-year-old man.
Starting point is 00:49:56 You want to think that now. But as an unqualified parent who's your age right now, three kids, Homer makes a lot more sense. Yeah, it's true. I would be drinking quite a lot, even with teens. And TV would be your best friend. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:09 I wouldn't be asleep at the Switch. I wasn't asleep. I was drunk. I believe you, Dad. So if all the crime somewhere commits, he gets drunk with minors. That's pretty bad. Yeah. Shugging contest.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Yeah. Shugging contest. Yeah. And I don't believe you have it, but I do love the line of Jimbo so much of like, I don't believe in nothing no more. I'm going to law school. No. No. Which Jimbo doesn't do. If I haven't told you, my dad is a lawyer, his brother is a lawyer, the family are lawyers. They all quit that profession and kind of told me not to do it. Conversely, all the people I grew up with went to law school in their mid-30s.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Just what the fuck else are you supposed to do? You get a loan, you go to law school. I will take on six figures of debt to be a lawyer maybe. Exactly what several of my friends did. Law school is very expensive. I also like that Barney was part of the mob and even saying, Go home, Samson! As he leaves his house.
Starting point is 00:51:12 He's in front of his home. Yeah, another old-timey reference when Grandpa makes his way into the house covered in shit. Oh, I love all of this. Oh, Grandpa, they pelted you too? No, actually, I fell down at the big boy. Son, I've come to help you i know who the cat burglar is what oh huh what well well well before i was too old and no one wanted my help suddenly look who comes to old grandpa wait where you going come I'll tell you. He was right under my nose the whole time.
Starting point is 00:51:47 He lives in my retirement home. His name is Malloy. So it's like there's so many great things about sneakers for sneaking. And unlike most retired people, he had the world's largest cubic zirconium on his coffee table. There's so many great things about this scene. The big boy, if I have to say it, only because I saw 700 local news pieces about how the last big boy is closing. And they're still open.
Starting point is 00:52:13 And a big boy is marked by what's essentially Lard Lad. It is a giant fat mascot that has a statue in front of every restaurant. Based on an actual big boy. Yeah. Yes. But he looks exactly like Lard Lad except he's not holding any a donut or anything he's holding like a platter right yeah i think he is in some of them but sometimes he's just doing like a fucking shuriken in the air um and and i just love when he's doing that that joke works visually
Starting point is 00:52:39 because of how fast the camera pans out to show the family has been, was walking away. And it's, it's just, it's a little thing, but it's like, yeah, that's why you could, you couldn't do it with live action. You wouldn't be able to hide that joke from people.
Starting point is 00:52:51 Oh yeah. That is so great. They just walking away. I feel like his whole explanation scene is a parody of Matlock of just like, yeah, explain everything. It's his beloved Matlock. And he could have just said the last thing first,
Starting point is 00:53:03 like, oh, he had the thing that was stolen Then that's how he found out I put the clues together But again it all gets even better for Chris personally Because it relies more on Springfield The resident of Springfield doing the right thing
Starting point is 00:53:16 Which they can't possibly do So Mr. Malloy It seems that the cat Has been caught by the very person That was trying to catch him. Oh, ironic. Homer, old chap, well done. If anyone was going to catch me, I'm glad it was you.
Starting point is 00:53:33 Actually, it wasn't me. It was my dad. Grandpa. Thanks, son. So you see, old people aren't so useless after all. Malloy's old and he outsmarted a lot of you. And I'm even older and I outsmarted him. Shut up.
Starting point is 00:53:51 I've had my moment. It's immediately taken from him. It's like five seconds to gloat and it's taken away from him. And Mo's my favorite mob member all the time. So just like in the Pink Panther, he steals a valuable gem. But also in the Pink Panther, he is intentionally caught to escape later. So he is totally Niven from the Pink Panther. But there's the misdirect of him apologizing to everyone.
Starting point is 00:54:16 Wiggum coming as the buzzkill. As a kid, I really did think they were going to let him go. We did almost miss that Selma has a lock. Sorry, a ball of Richard Dean Anderson hair. Who knows how she got it? I like that she keeps that ball the same
Starting point is 00:54:31 like Marge's ball of Bouvier heirlooms. That's true. The Bouvier's like to keep things in balls. But Selma is the gay one of the twins, correct? No, no, Patty.
Starting point is 00:54:39 Patty, oh yeah, right. And I collect celery that has been in MacGruber's ass. Exclusively. Watch that movie, people. It's fucking great. But Wiggum comes in to be a buzzkill.
Starting point is 00:54:49 And although I have stolen your material goods, let me assure you. Dad, you got it back just like you said you would. I sincerely regret any inconvenience I may have caused. And although I have stolen your material goods, let me assure you that your dear town has stolen my heart. Oh, he's so charming. Let's let him go! Oh, sorry, folks. Gee, I really hate to spoil this little love-in, but Mr. Malloy broke the law. And when you break the law, you gotta go to jail.
Starting point is 00:55:20 Oh, that reminds me. Here's your monthly kickback. When you really care about someone, you shout it from the mountaintops. So on behalf of Desjardins Insurance, I'm standing 20,000 feet above sea level to tell our clients that we really care about you. We care about you.
Starting point is 00:55:38 Home and auto insurance personalized to your needs. Weird, I don't remember saying that part. Visit DesjDen.com slash care and get insurance that's really big on care. Did I mention that we care? You just, you couldn't have picked
Starting point is 00:55:55 the worst time. I do feel like that is Merkin going against the of the time sitcom convention of everyone says ah and the episode ends and it's all resolved. Yeah, like very full housey which is still on at the air at this time barney let's let him go yeah let's just know barney yeah that's what should happen i just love how he says that it almost sounds like like peewee herman in the tequila bar and wigum still takes the kickback and puts it in his shirt like he's
Starting point is 00:56:19 like well it's embarrassing but i still keep this money take my bribe and then we roll into uh homer goes to the jail cell just to mock him. Yeah, let's hear that. I suppose you're wondering where I hid all the millions of dollars that I stole over the years. Shut up! All right, wait a minute. Maybe we should hear him out. Where'd you hide the loot, Malloy?
Starting point is 00:56:36 It's buried right here in Springfield, under a big T. No kidding. Big T, huh? tea no kidding big tea huh well i guess i'll be going to my home now and sleep yeah me too i will also go home or sleep this is so fucking i i don't know why i love this so much i love this uh i mean it's indulgent to the extreme yeah i do kind of refuse to watch It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Oh my god, really? Because it seems like a three plus hour comedy that would be unbearable. It is unbearable, but like, you know one of my favorite comedies the last couple years?
Starting point is 00:57:18 This is the end. I see. And it's... You know, it's kind of similar. It's not amazing, but it's just like it has a ton of funny people in it for four seconds who get killed. Or, like, just show up for a second and do something funny and leave. Well, I will say that I have seen the 2001 movie Rat Race, which ends with what I call a smash mouth ex machina to wrap up the story. It is the only time in a movie you'll hear the line of dialogue wow smash mouth
Starting point is 00:57:45 that will never happen again so this movie can never top rat race there is a scene in rat race where John Lovitz makes his daughter shit out of van window and she's screaming at the top of her lungs while they fly down the street and like that is undeniably funny for this terrible film maybe 10 good
Starting point is 00:58:01 minutes of rat race the smash mouth finale nothing can stop it. Mad, mad, mad, mad world. Four mads. It is... Everybody, everybody is dead. Even the... Everybody.
Starting point is 00:58:13 The Three Stooges were there, dying on screen. They're dying on screen. Jonathan Winters is in it. W.C. Fields. W.C. Fields is in it. Jimmy Durante is dying on screen. Don Knotts.
Starting point is 00:58:24 Don Knotts is in it, not credited in the fucking trailer. He. Fields W.C. Fields isn't it Jimmy Durante is dying on screen Don Knotts Don Knotts isn't it not credited in the fucking trailer he was a surprise Ethel Merman Red Skelton it's crazy so it's again if these names don't ring a bell
Starting point is 00:58:34 duh but like it was every famous comedian in this giant long overly indulgent comedy all to just have scenes with each other to be funny yeah
Starting point is 00:58:43 so like this episode made me watch Strangelove, I rented Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World almost immediately after seeing this episode. On two VHS tapes. Two VHS tapes. Now as a film fan, I'm actually mad I saw it that way
Starting point is 00:58:57 because it's filmed in CinemaScope which means extra, extra widescreen. It's 2.35 to 1, right? Yeah. It sucks. It's such a35 to 1, right? It sucks. It's such a weird juxtaposition. There are so many practical effects of people nearly getting hurt in great camera shots.
Starting point is 00:59:12 And then it cuts to blue screen of celebrities in vehicles that looks totally unconvincing and terrible. There's multiple like that. This was the era where it's like movies have to compete with TV, so this is going to be a long-ass movie in CinemaScope
Starting point is 00:59:24 with everyone you've ever heard about every expensive thing you can be well the 60s in american cinema were defined by not knowing what the fuck to do against television and the director the directors of the 70s haven't started yet so they're just like let's make paint your wagon let's make then, like, when you talk about throwing ideas at the wall, this is every idea and every person. Pretty much, yeah. But it's full of so many hilarious scenes. Jonathan Winter's destroying the garage. It looks expensive.
Starting point is 00:59:54 And, oh, the big T is the big W. Yeah. A Jimmy Durante dies in the start of the film, and he tells them, like, I buried all my money under a big W. And these few people who saw him die, they know where it is. And they're all like, we gotta get to this W first in Hollywood and get that money.
Starting point is 01:00:16 And as they go, then more people start finding out until a bigger and bigger mob. But what they don't do is immediately shout out everybody! It's under a big W! Spencer Tracy's out until a bigger and bigger mob but what they don't do is immediately shout out everybody it's under a big w yeah but it's the secret spencer tracy i gotta i gotta show you a bit from the trail because yeah there's so many people in this movie from four continents history airlines jet lands in los angeles launching the biggest entertainment airlift in motion picture history
Starting point is 01:00:40 the world's press some 300 newsmen from four continents arrive for the hollywood premiere of stanley kramer's there was a certain amount of money buried down in this park now i suggest that we quietly get into our cars and then when we get down there we dig up the money providing that there is some money there there's only only one way to figure it, and that is every man for himself. That's a bunch of people running off to their own cars to race for the money. Spoken by Buddy Hackett, who we didn't even mention, and Mickey Rooney, who are also in the fucking film. And Milton Berle. And Milton Berle. It's crazy.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Every human. This episode uses the music from the movie directly. It's not a sound like they actually use the theme or whatever song. I love Beautiful. I give the Simpsons writers a ton of credit for coming up with these old timey words I don't know. But remember they grew up with this trailer. And so like they grew up with this movie. They grew up in this time.
Starting point is 01:01:38 And so like this is a hyper indulgent. I love old film trailers, but it's like four and a half minutes long. And half of it is screaming out quotes from publications who I think have been dead for almost a hundred years. Let's see. But this is my favorite one. Wild and hilarious all the way. It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world is everything its extravagant title suggests, says the New York Times. A wham-doodle humdinger stemwinder, said the New York World Telegram and Sun.
Starting point is 01:02:09 So the New York World Telegram and Sun, which sounds like the result of 700 mergers, called this movie a wham-doodle humdinger stemwinder. It's a contrabulous fabtrap, Jim. I have to hear this again it makes me so happy New York time a wham doodle humdinger stem winder I would not like my stem winder tonight
Starting point is 01:02:32 I'm sorry that sequence over this bit is from the destruction of the garage and it was something too that I loved as a kid seeing that Phil Silvers is in it and I'll get to Phil Silvers in a second but Phil Silvers is in it now i'll get to phil silvers in a second but phil silvers is top cat stole phil silvers like top cat is sergeant bilko 100 and including his sidekicks the guys who voice his sidekicks two of them are the
Starting point is 01:02:58 attendants at the place and i just as a kid heard like hey wait that's the that's the pudgy cat who's with you have the basis and the ripoffs doing scenes with one another yes it's beautiful like I I always found this hilarious Bill Silver's is so fun before I knew the source material this is like in the middle of the sequence it's just Bart waving to a guy freaking out in the car great animation on this too yeah what's the matter with you kid you told me the stream was shallow why are you hey so this is the most direct reference i have that scene i have the scene i got the scene i got the scene as well but it's just of, it's a fucking 1950s movie,
Starting point is 01:03:46 so this sequence takes like 45 minutes to occur. It's no Aquacar. But it's a kid coaxing a guy like, yeah, it's shallow enough, just drive across. And it's Phil Silvers. And hearing this right after watching this made me laugh for like two fucking hours. It's too deep! It's too deep it's too deep your
Starting point is 01:04:07 little rat thing why didn't you tell me it was deep why do i don't stand i get somebody don't this is no place for a conveyor belt it's no place for a conveyor belt he's saying that right to the camera and i mean i was watching this episode with good headphones on for once, and the music is just delightful. It's just so great. Phil Silvers, he's the best, he's the sketchiest guy in the group. He finds Jonathan Winters, who then tells him about the Big W, and so then all he does is trick multiple people into like, oh, well, of course, we'll work together to get that money. Hey, would you just throw your bike over there real quick,
Starting point is 01:04:45 and then you can get in the car. He has just basically killed Don Knotts. Yes, he's like, Don Knotts, do you see that? It's a police helicopter. Of course, that's what they use. What do you mean, they? What do you mean, they? They're great together, too.
Starting point is 01:04:58 It's amazing. It's a little slice of wonderful, and I don't know. I'm happy to bring it up, because if you give a fuck about old Hollywood or famous comedians before we were born, this is the most of them that have ever been assembled. Maybe I will watch it. And then Ethel Merman is really funny. Get really high. Just do that. When I was reading about this on Wikipedia, I was like, I feel bad I never watch this.
Starting point is 01:05:18 And I was like, original cut was 210 minutes? Dear Lord. Yes. That's like almost four hours. I remember. There's an intermission. I would use it a lot. There better be. And what was that version of charades we'd play in a pool where we have to give an abbreviation of the name oh no you'll never get this uh it's six m's in a row
Starting point is 01:05:35 so and they draw in the characters you will see milton burl in the background you will see buddy hackett you'll see phil silvers even after he drowned you'll see phil silvers looking at the camera and smiling behind homer and as well as lionel hutz who never talks that's true and then at the ending i always well i don't i wonder if you got the clip but i always think of this line it's just a piece of paper it's mine rightfully sorry but there is no hidden treasure i have already used this time to escape from your jail bondus wishes we can't make out the signature keep digging we're bound to find something dig up stupid i'm sure stupid is my favorite it is it is a great way to explain getting out of a
Starting point is 01:06:19 problem the wrong way thinking like boy i really dug a hole for myself. How do I get out? Dig up, stupid. Meaning, make more mistakes. Keep digging that hole. Start your own Patreon. You'll end up digging your way out. It's funny to see Marge's in that hole because I feel like she would be sensible enough to say, let's stop this. That was my exact note, too. That 10 feet in, she would have said, okay, it's not there.
Starting point is 01:06:42 But I like it. It's a very good idea. Every single Springfieldian being as stupid as the next. Yeah. It's great. And they're all going there in different ways. Like Barney is in a biplane with Patty and Selma, which is great. That's all the conveyances are from it, too.
Starting point is 01:06:56 The motorcycle with the sidecar, the plane. That was fun, right? Yeah. All the stuff is in there. I'm telling you, it's a great movie. Maybe I will eventually see it. I am not vouching for it on that. Well, I'm not going to say great.
Starting point is 01:07:08 Good movie. But Bob will have a blast with it. I'm not recommending it. I have to set aside an entire afternoon to watch it. No, you care because you know who these people are. Oh, yeah. I know who all of them are. I don't know if there's been a film that assembled this many people.
Starting point is 01:07:25 Rat Race, once again. Again, it's seven. It's seven people. Yeah, that's true. Around John Cleese. That is true. He's in that movie. No movie has spent as much money on getting all these comedians in one place.
Starting point is 01:07:35 Yeah, it's insane. And it's a swan song for some of them. Yeah, this is a fun, goofy episode. And for some reason, going into this, I felt like the Mad, Mad, Mad mad mad world stuff was a huge part of it but going back I was like no it's like a minute. It's a minute of this episode. It's so powerful at the end. But on the dragnet ending from Marge and the Lamb it is
Starting point is 01:07:54 the more indulgent of the parodies. It is. Especially because like I didn't fucking get this when I saw it on TV. It made no sense to me as a 10 year old but or 11 year old at this point if you're following Henry's age along with the show. It was still funny, though. Yeah, it was.
Starting point is 01:08:08 It still came off as a wham-doodle-humdinger. A real stem twister. A stem wunker. This is a very hilarious episode that, if you wanted to pick apart the story, it kind of falls apart in the third act. It kind of doesn't really track super well. But who cares? It works really well as a cartoon. It's so fucking funny. Yeah, they're having more fun, I think, with just kind of being all over the place well. Yeah, but who cares? It works really well as a cartoon. It's so fucking funny.
Starting point is 01:08:25 Yeah, they're having more fun, I think, with just kind of being all over the place but still telling really good jokes. I really like this episode. Want more? Like it. So thank you so much for listening. I have been your host for this episode of Talking Simpsons. My name is Bob Mackie. You can find me on Twitter as Bob Servo, B-O-B-S-E-R-V-O.
Starting point is 01:08:41 I also write about video games and occasionally anime for fandom at fandom.com. And I also do a comedy article every other Thursday for somethingawful.com. And my other podcast is Retronauts every Monday at retronauts.com or just search for Retronauts in your podcast machine. Every week we bring you a new episode about classic games
Starting point is 01:08:59 if you want to get into the podcast. Think of a game that you like. We've probably done an episode about it. And listen to that episode and I guarantee you will like it, especially if it's our Bart versus the Space Mutants episode or our Celebrity Games episode where Chris and Henry are both on it doing our regular goof-em-ups as we usually do in Talking Simpsons.
Starting point is 01:09:15 Anybody else? What do you do? H-E-N-E-R-E-Y-G on Twitter is where you can follow me and that's also where updates when a new episode goes live comes from so follow me there and you can see my work on fandom.com as well
Starting point is 01:09:30 and also you know let me tell you that you should give us reviews on iTunes we always love new reviews on iTunes so if you can't support us other ways at the very least give us an iTunes review but if you want to give us a little more support say $5 a month there's a great place to do that patreon.com slash laser time this is a
Starting point is 01:09:51 fan-funded show and all the even five dollars a month will help us out and keep this show going this show exists because of the success of patreon and as i say every time and you gotta hear it again the entire first season and the seasons two three three, and four wrap-ups are all there. All yours for just $5 a month along with hundreds of hours of more content. That's very nice of Henry because he doesn't receive any of the Patreon money. It's me and the other guys, but it helps keep the equipment, the hosting up. This studio exists because of that. It is, and if you feel like it's not your responsibility,
Starting point is 01:10:22 a lot of people feel that way. And it's gotta be someone's responsibility of people feel that way and it's got to be someone's responsibility or we can't keep it up uh nobody's i'm not complaining not rich but not poor it's just great and we try and make it worth your while to join up and help support us um and you can find a bunch of more stuff there and on lasertimepodcast.com if you like how deep a dive we take in some of the jokes laser time, we recently examined who was the tallest movie monster. We looked at the entire history of the Power Rangers, where they come from,
Starting point is 01:10:52 and how many iterations there have been in America and Australia. If you look at LazerTimePodcast.com, click on Lazer Time, see a picture of Seymour Skinner, who inspired our out-of-touch quiz. Do you not like Five Nights at Freddy's, Big Bang Theory, and Madea movies? I don't know them either, but we all quizzed ourselves by how little we know about these Titanic franchises to embarrass ourselves. Awesome.
Starting point is 01:11:17 Well, thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week when Bart visits the box factory, everybody. See you then. Oh, my God. My show's a box. Wow. Infotainment.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.