Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Lisa On Ice

Episode Date: September 20, 2017

Get out your lucky rabbit's head and Milhouse's teeth for the episode of competitive violence. Lisa and Bart are fighting for their parents' love, and the whole town goes to hell. Listen as the hosts (and guest Kat Bailey) discuss painful childhood experiences with sports. Now here's your turtle, alive and well.

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product. ahoy everybody and welcome to talking simpsons recorded live in the butthead memorial auditorium i'm your host bob mr honey bunny mackie and this is the laser time podcast network's chronological exploration of the simpsons who else is here with me today today? It's Henry Gilbert, and here's your turtle, alive and well. Thank you. And who else? Mighty Pig, Chris Antistam. And special guest? I'm Kat Bailey, and competitive violence, that's why I'm here. Yes, that's what else is sports but competitive violence.

Today's episode is Lisa on Ice. The forecast calls for a 75% chance of hilarity. I like those eyes. That's right, and today's episode aired on November 13th, 1994, and as always, Chris will tell us what happened on this mythical day in history. Oh my god!

Snakes Alive, Bobby! Superior Court Judge Lance Ito deems it's totally hunky-dory to have cameras in the courtroom for the sure-to-be brief trial of Roe J. Simpson. Microsoft unveils the Microsoft Network, better known as MSN, at a Las Vegas trade show, and the Simpsons, ER, Seinfeld, and even

NFL football get clobbered in the TV ratings by the TV movie sequel to Gone with the Wind, Scarlet. No way. Oh my god. Scarlet was a published fan fiction. Who played Scarlet O'Hara? I want to know. I don't remember. I will look it up while I'm still in his voice.

But man, I remember my mom was not happy about that Scarlett thing. She's like, it doesn't count. It's not real. Only a sequel to probably the most profitable movie ever could unseat must-see TV from its throne. Timothy Dalton as Rhett Butler and Joanne Whaley as Scarlett O'Hara. Well, that Rhett Butler comes back. It's like, no, the point is he leaves her. He can't come back. Actually, my dear, I did give a damn. She was a Saoirse in Willow.

I like that this is, like, really bothering you. You're really invested in the Don with the Wind canon. Hey, you know. Well, meanwhile, that O.J. Simpson, like, that ended the world. I feel like if they had not allowed cameras in the courthouse, things would have been different, I think. We just did a Lazer Time show about Last Dead Celebrity and trying to find who was

a celebrity left alive from old-ass movies. And there are like 20 people from Gone with the Wind. Olivia de Havilland, chief among them. So if you're interested in more of that talk, Lazer Time people. How many munchkins are left? One. Just one? Oh, I'm ruining the show. Oh, God. No, I'm sorry. The fact that there's even one left

is pretty amazing, actually. I just remembered, in all the lunacy of the news, I forgot that O.J. Simpson is free now. I forgot about that. Sure is. In 2017, it's that year. Hey, look, I mean, parole... Anything goes. We got a good new

DuckTales and Sonic game out of this. Maybe that's a trade off total fascism great Sonic game yeah best Zelda game too so today's today's episode is another Mike Scully episode

and I think one of our patrons or maybe a comment on Laser Time pointed out that Mike Scully always writes or tends to write episodes about children and they tend to be

in competition he is one of the few writers on the staff at this time that has a family so a lot of his episodes are like based around the children and what they're getting into.

Kids in competition, kids attacking each other, and also very well-observed sibling behavior. As a sibling, I think we all, well, I don't know, Kat, do you have a brother or sister?

I have a younger sister. Please tell me her name is Kit. I have a younger sister. They were separated at birth. She is six years younger than i am so we had quite the age gap so for example i was in like middle school when she was in elementary school uh when i graduated from high school like she was just getting into middle school so we never really understood one another like we weren't not that close and though we did

things we watched cartoons together we played video games together sometimes uh she would bring her friends over and they would harass me and i would lock myself in my room and knock them out uh so that was my relationship with my sibling and sadly and i'm not gonna get too personal here but the sad thing about having a sibling who was six years younger than you is that you move away you go to college or you just leave and then they're kind of like going through their teen years alone and that ends up creating a gap that's really hard to close. Yeah. It's like in Gone Home, the video game. I'm also glad you're here because you are literally the biggest sports fan in the room.

And I know Henry and I growing up, dude, there was no access to hockey. I don't understand hockey. I've never played hockey. Yeah. I mean, okay. So as a little boy in the Midwest, I'm like, I guess I'm supposed to play sports. I'll try every one, and I hated doing all of it. It was too hard.

I couldn't do it right. Hockey seems like the hardest sport to play. It really does, and I had no opinion on sports, really, until they started interrupting shows I liked. And I was like, I hate sports. They're ruining all my cartoons. So that's why I have a, I wouldn't say hatred, but I'm just sort of just like, you have your sports. Well, yes, you're correct. I am the sport-o in the room.

And more to the point, I am from Minnesota, which is the land of hockey. We did not invent hockey, but we are kind of the, we are the home of hockey in the United States. I mean, all those people from Miracle-Eyes, half of them came from Minnesota. I mean. I was just in Santa Rosa at the Charles Schultz Museum,

and among the many things he left behind to the city is an enormous, gorgeous ice rink. So he could recreate his minnesota upbringing it's really weird it's one of the biggest most lavish things i've ever seen for ice skating and hockey yeah so the thing is if you grow up in minnesota i'm not going to bore you with too many details even if you hate sports so in my elementary school you had a ice rink out back that they actually like they would flood the the area out back and you'd have an ice ring with a warming house and even if you did not like sports.

And I did not like sports growing up. You would learn how to skate. That was just a thing you did. The movie Inside Out. Which I love. It's my favorite Pixar film. And it's kind of the movie of me. The main character plays hockey.

And it's like a stereotype. But so many people play hockey. I played goalie when I was forced to play hockey. I played goalie. Because it was the only thing that didn't require too much movement. Yeah. So I totally identify with Lisa. In fact, my girlfriend, like, she decided to recapture her youth.

And she's in a women's rec league here, and she, in fact, plays goalie. So we watched it. That's right. Buddy Evan does that, too. I forgot there was a local hockey league. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing is that when the San Jose Sharks showed up in 1992, it kind of brought hockey to California.

And as a result, like a lot of rinks opened here in the Bay Area. So as a result, so hockey is very near and dear to my heart. I wanted to, I maybe uncovered a mild shenanigan. Because I remember, this is Lisa on Ice, the episode about hockey. And hockey wasn't really, like it wasn't on the Florida radar. And it also wasn't on, it didn't get the same treatment as the NFL or the Major League Baseball. Let's say the big three. So the dumb thing that I remember,

and I don't know if this is shenanigans or Fox making them do it. This was at the exact same time. Fox is struggling to be a legitimate network. And I did some research into this. Federal. Graves. They'll be hell to pay.

Red Wings Rangers. Sunday on Fox. So this is Fox trying to be, it's best to be a legitimate network. It outbid CBS to take away the NFL and they were going to replace it with hockey. I'm like, fuck you, we're taking hockey too. But it was also Fox because of the Simpsons and their cartoons. I was addicted to Fox and they were treating

they were giving it the fucking amazing early 90s Fox treatment all of the hockey stuff I have a terrible clip that made me laugh so hard but you know it took years

to get to the Super Bowl shuffle the second Fox had got the NHL NHL and Fox became a logo and if you were watching the Simpsons premiering weeks from this episode so I don't know if Fox told The Simpsons, premiering weeks from this episode.

So I don't know if Fox told The Simpsons to make a hockey episode. I don't, just because of their production schedule. It's good timing at the very least. It's very serendipitous timing because Fox is launching its first ever live broadcast sports stuff, but the promos, I fell down a rabbit hole of cringe.

Just hockey stars playing their sticks like guitars in front of green screen backgrounds. And this is not going to work well on audio, but it made me laugh so much because it's so Fox in the fucking 90s. The guy's on fire. The guy just exploded.

The guy exploded on the ring. It's like NBA Jam almost. They're editing fire around people, lightning around people. They make songs for the Stanley Cup, like hip, like fucking Motown Philly-esque songs about NHL. Fox's run on the NHL is quite infamous around hockey fans because of the glowing puck. The glowing puck. You don't watch the puck, okay? Like, that is not a thing.

Everybody's like, I can't see the puck on the screen. You watch the players. Yeah? That is not a thing. Everybody's like, I can't see the puck on the screen. You watch the players. Yeah, so that's a thing. Now, the thing that you mentioned, like, hockey in Florida was not really a thing. You're correct. But around this time, Tampa Bay Lightning had an expansion team, and actually, they had maybe the first

and only female professional athlete in the league, and this was Mano Reom. She was a female goaltender from Quebec. She signed a contract with the Tampa Bay Lightning in 1992 after trying out for them. And it was a publicity stunt because she was a new person

and people in Florida were going, hockey women? This feels like a real Air Bud moment. They had to consult a rule book. But when she was growing up... Yes, women are the same as dogs, people. Come on. It's in revelations, people. She was growing up in Quebec, and

even though Quebec, they freaking love their hockey, there was no women's hockey, so she had to try out for the boys' teams, and she eventually made her way into the professional league. She played one exhibition game in 92, one in 93, and she ended up inspiring Mike Scully to write Lisa

on this thing. Because I don't want to totally make a case or controversy out of this, but hockey is being given a spotlight at this point that I don't think had been given around the world. Well, this was a very particular time in history and I, like again, won't bore you

too much with the details. No, I tried to look this up to see the trajectory of hockey. Hockey was very popular in 1994. Now, amusingly enough, this was during the NHL lockout. So this episode aired during the NHL lockout. But at this time, just a few months before, the New York Rangers had won a Stanley Cup for the first time in 54 years, inspiring Sports Illustrated to make a cover that said,

why the NHL is hot and the NBA is not. Gentlemen, we are not. But is the answer because an American team won something? No, it's because a popular New York team won, but also things like the Mighty Ducks were a thing at that time. I was going to get into that later. It started the year right when this episode was probably going into production. Disney had not only made a popular Mighty Ducks movie, but somehow spun off this forgettable

children's film. And this episode has some roots in Mighty Ducks. Well, was the L.A. Kings craze a little before this? Yes, it was. It was like a Gretzky thing, right? Because Gretzky moved to the L.A. Kings in 1988. From Edmonton right Yes from Edmonton

And He's not American He showed up There's a great documentary On this on 30 for 30 He shows up in LA And suddenly LA is like What

The greatest hockey player Of all time is here I don't even know What hockey is But I guess I care now People are literally calling Saying I want season tickets To these LA Kings

I don't know what this is But I'm going to go to it It sounds great. NWA wearing the Kings outfits. The Kings jerseys, not outfits. The sports outfits. He was so not a sports fan to refer

to as an outfit. Mike Scully himself was a hockey fan. He grew up in Massachusetts. Apparently, he would troll players of, get this, the AHL Springfield Kings. Yes, he would go to the games, he would watch them. Apparently, he got chased around by one of them at one time.

And he played hockey, and he ultimately moved to LA. And when he was there, at that time, you couldn't easily follow sports, right? Because you lived in LA, the Bruins are on the other side of the country you can't watch so he decided to adopt the kings and he actually turned multiple simpsons uh writers into la kings season ticket holders probably because they wanted to gamble on it i would guess they do love gambling that was the old staff i'm wrong so in that regard mike scully a bit of a hockey guy and so in that respect like lisa and that was kind of the genesis of lisa nice main over your home and his hockey fandom. Interesting.

I like that. And then Mike Scully mentioned in the commentary that he had recently broke a bone playing hockey as an old man. Hockey is a very violent sport. Yeah. No one encourages kids to get into football. Wait a minute. That's how Alan Thicke died, right? Yes, he did.

The rink killed him but I always found it bizarre most soccer is what they push people into you fall down you hit grass it's nice though if you do a header you can get a concussion micro concussions but hockey is

it requires more coordination than I can ever imagine having oh god yes I mean on this topic I played a lot of sports video games before they got too realistic. And I would play hockey games and it gave me the impression that there was fighting constantly. Like, you would always be fighting with your fists.

I mean, there really is a lot of fighting in hockey. But I mean, like... The first fighting game I ever played. Like, every minute there would be a fight. But I'm glad you brought that up, Bob,

because also this was around the time that the greatest, maybe greatest sports video games or possibly greatest video games ever came out. NHL 93 and NHL 94. Yeah. I think one of those is the Mallrats and Swingers yeah but oh by the way Swingers that reminds me there was an oral history on that scene they said that they wrote they wrote in the script like yeah then this guy bleeds and so then when they're filming it they're like I'm trying to make this Gretzky bleed and he's not doing it.

And they had to ultimately get somebody to make it up, to make the scene, add it digitally or to build it with in-game to do it. That's sort of like how in Back to the Future 2, the version of Wild Gum and Marty Plays is just CGI. It never looks that smooth in the real arcade last my last hockey anecdote i won nhl 95 for the sega saturn in a tiny tunes call-in contest well actually the fighting that reminds me of the one hockey game i ever went to in the late 90s they were aggressively advertising the jacksonville lizard king that's a great name unless you're. Unless you're Jewish and take offense. I want to cheer for the Lizard Kings. I mean, it's the secret team of the reptilians, right? The lizard people.

They have their own hockey team. Is that Jim Morrison? I'm confused. That was the cat's old governor. Okay. Jesse. So they wanted to bring in families. It was family night.

It was Disney night. And so they were having like Disney trivia to give away Disney VHSs. Frozen is a glimmer in walt's eyes and they they got in fights every five minutes to the point where the announcer apologized of like we're so sorry for the fights everybody because you just know the the owner of this place is like we told it was family night and these guys i remember the moment where like you know the guy threw off the gloves, takes off the helmet, and then he just looks at the other guy

and like motions like, come on, come on. I was like, whoa, this is, this is rougher. And as a non-sports fan

and a total wussy pacifist. I never understood why fighting is still allowed in hockey. I'm going to say this. I don't, I don't understand it either. I think it slows down the pace of the game and everything.

But, and honestly, like, there are a lot of really sad stories about... If you ever watch the movie Goon... I love the movie. I made a reference to it while we played Shadow the Hedgehog on our YouTube channel. Sometimes trash flies in my face. Many sad stories. My team, the Minnesota Wild, had an enforcer who was quite beloved,

but he got addicted to painkillers and ended up committing suicide. That's the darker side of it. That counts as a forfeit, right? They're not fighting one man just trying to help the other man take his shirt off. It's not working out so well. Before we get into the episode,

I also wanted to say that this episode is important to me, but in a bad way in that Homer is so awful. He's super jerk ass. But it hurts me in the way of seeing a mean father be mean to children. Like, it does hurt my feelings. That was another. And this could be going too far.

Did anybody have a father who pushed them into sports? Thankfully, no. But because my dad gave up on sports. By the time I was seven, he's like, you're not playing. My dad pushed me into sports, but he was playing soccer. So I was like, you should play soccer. I'll coach the team. It'll be fun.

But the disappointment and judgment was there for my dad. He just didn't need sports. This is exhibit A for the case that Jerk-Ass Homer did not suddenly start when Mike Scully took over the show. He had been there before this. This is a prime example. Right, but I mean, he didn't write the entire episode. No, and they let it happen.

But Homer shouts in Bart's face, like, think of all the time I wasted on you. That's my favorite point and I'm going to adopt it. Arch the elbow up. And he makes him flinch by like almost swinging a punch at him.

That is my line of the show. It's so messed up. My God. It is, but I think to its credit, it's a fucking buffet of the worst traits a father can embody. And it just gets, it's ludicrous. The entire point of the episode is that making kids be in a competitive sport

destroys them. They don't get to enjoy the sport. They just have all your shit put onto that. And how it's really more about the parents, not what the kids want. And honestly, there's a youth sport industrial complex in this country now where, I'm not joking, where kids who are good at sports are basically like, people show up and say, hey, do you want to put your kid into traveling teams? Okay, well, you're going to pay thousands of dollars.

They're going to travel around. They're going to play year-round, and they have a 1% chance of maybe making a pro team someday. And parents who are awful will go, oh, yeah, I want my kid to be in the NBA or the NFL. That's what I did, actually. I was on a traveling soccer team. I had to make it.

It took me years to make it on the team, but they're one of the fondest memories of my life. Most of it, watching Aladdin and Ernest movies in a van and the first ever TV in a van that I'd ever seen. No wonder you were such a messed up kid, Chris. My God. Tallahassee Rangers. On that traveling team, Chris was the new sparkle.

Well, wasn't there just recently a new terrible sports dad in the news of LeVar Ball, right? LeVar Ball. I mean, I wouldn't necessarily call him a terrible, overbearing sports dad. That's a great name for a sports dad. Tiger Woods' dad was a terrible sports dad. Oh, yeah. Is he a tiger dad? I'm done.

I'm leaving now. Bye, Bob. It was fun. LeVar Ball. I only know LeVar Ball because he was in WWE. He did an appearance. He wants to have his own business. He wants to sell shoes.

But anyway, I think Homer's behavior can be hand-waved away if you say, he's caught up in hockey fever. Once they're out of hockey, he's not this bad again. Hockey does turn you into a terrible person. I can say that for myself. They bring it to a ludicrous extreme beyond hockey. Yes. He is the bad father across the board. South Park does this as well in an episode. say that for myself they bring it to a ludicrous extreme beyond hockey yes like he is every he is

the bad father across the board south park does this as well in an episode relatively bad dad yeah that's america that was a really that was the little league one i didn't hear no bell this starts out with david murkin has some amazing mockery of news but this is my favorite and when i think of disingenuous news, I think of this. Great Harry Schur performance. It's Channel 6 Action News. Ah, Action News. Last place an impressionable kid can go for TV violence.

Now, here's your action anchor, Kent Brockman. Hello, I'm Kent Brockman. Our top story tonight, a tremendous explosion. The price of lumber. President Reagan dies. His hair. His hair. Gary Trudeau in his new musical comedy review.

But first, let's check the death count from the killer storm bearing down on us like a shotgun full of snow. Well, Kent, as of now, the death count is zero. But it is ready to shoot right up. Oh, my God. Damn you, snow. So you guys didn't have snow days in Florida. No, we had hurricanes.

But we would, every winter, guaranteed, you're going to be like, here comes a killer storm, everybody. Yeah, missing two weeks of school. I mean, I'm from Northeast Ohio in their snow belts. Probably not as bad as Minnesota, where you work at. But, yeah, it was guaranteed a good two weeks of school. Oh, it was just extreme cold a lot of the time. And that too, yeah.

Do you make it up at the end of the year? If you miss too much days. Yeah, I don't think we ever missed enough days for that. But things like before this, there was the blizzard of 93 and we did miss like a good two weeks. It was the Halloween blizzard of 1991 where like, I mean, it was like three feet of snow and it just kept on snowing. It was the Halloween blizzard of 1991 where, like, I mean, it was like three feet of snow and it just kept on snowing. It was pretty amazing. We had hurricane days, but unlike snow days, I can't go out and play in a fucking hurricane.

Yeah. Like, there's no real fun to be had and the power's not on or in the hot water. Let me tell you, the days when I wake up in the morning, you just sit there waiting on the TV and you're like, come on, come on, Burnsville, even Savage, come on, come on. And then when it popped up, you're like, yes, this is the greatest day. I'm turning on the TV and be like, come on. Come on, Burnsville, Evelyn Savage. Come on. Come on. And then when it popped up, you're like, yes, this is the greatest day. I'm turning on the Nintendo. My mom was really cool about Snow Days, though, because she was a very

protective mother, a very nice mother, not too overbearing, but she was like, you're not going to school today. It's too dangerous out there. You're staying home. And I'm like, thank you, Mom. And that's why I'm such a huge nerd today. But I think of that... God, I just love that. President Reagan dies.

His hair. His hair. In nude Gary Trudeau. Like, my... I think I recall my mom gasping and hearing, like, President Reagan dies. Like, even though we know we're watching a cartoon,

we know it's fake, but to hear that then, like, Reagan would live another five, six years. Died almost exactly a decade later in 2004. Wow. Yeah, but his brain died about a decade before that. It happened in office. He didn't tell anybody.

I got to say, watching this news segment, you guys are out of the journalism business. I'm still in. And watching them come up with snappy headlines made me kind of go, ooh, I felt a little triggered right there. It's kind of like clickbait. Old-fashioned clickbait. I mean, that's what it was.

There's always been clickbait. They put a thing on a newspaper to make you buy a newspaper. Guess what? Going back to the 19th century, that's how we got into the Spanish-American War. This weather report is all of us. I got so many of the heels with Kate Brock. I guess Hearst did invent clickbait. He did, yeah.

It involved a small orphan boy with a big head. It was called Yellow Journalism. I also just love, damn you, snow! And then when they talk about the weatherman, which that was the opening clip there, I didn't catch it before. I had always heard it as the Springfield Laugh and Brew with burgers and fries. But no, the name of the place is Springfield Laugh and Brew with burgers and fries, but no. The name of the place is Springfield Laugh and Brew and Burgers

and Fries. Yeah, I caught that for the first time, too. Which is a terrible name for a comedy club. Which all have terrible names. They all do, yes. Rooster Teeth Feathers is quite a... It's an old-timey thing, and I'm only reminded of that if you watch Bill Maher's show at the end, like, thank you, good night.

I'll be at the Chuckle Factory. Are are you plugging your date you're a television star i mean look people yeah well it's jay leno the the old joke about jay leno was that he he kept his show money and never spent it and the money he always spent was when he would go touring which is just like you work five days a week on this show, and then you're going to go on the... And none of it is good. So this action news segment, it's really funny. Don't get me wrong.

And everything leading up to Bart thinking, oh, man, it's going to snow and everything. Really good segment, but almost a total non sequitur for what is to come. Yeah, because there's no snow. That is true. They were just time wasting, you know? In fact, it's never... You wouldn't know it's winter the entire rest of the episode. It is a normal outdoors for the season.

It was almost like they were kind of just putting you in the mind of like snow, hockey. Like that was my first, I was like, oh yeah, okay. It's a winter episode. And then like, I haven't seen Lisa and I in ages. And then all of a sudden it's like, nope, head fake. Okay, going to school now. This is also yet another episode, I think I've mentioned that before,

that didn't air a lot in syndication for some reason. So I read more about this in my episode guide than I, before I got a chance to see it. I saw this a fair amount in syndication when I was watching it. It took me a while, but it was like this in the Maggie flashback, like didn't air a lot.

Another one that's my favorite. Well, I mean, later in this episode, not too long after this, we learned that Lisa's failing gym, but her just agility and strength, just like hitting bart with a snowball then sliding down the stairs like she is she should be better at jim right well her snowball throw is not the same as her terrible throw of the into at the waist pass yeah yeah it's so i i it's it's like such a great looney tunesunes chase to like. Okay.

I called it a non sequitur. It does establish like the mood in this episode between Bart and Lisa, where they are very typical siblings of around the same age. Yeah, it's true. And I do love it when they get to be kids. Yeah. Yeah. This is sort of like a Bart prank that Lisa's doing.

It's true. She's getting Bart, but it led to Bart's embarrassment of being outside in his jammies. You're going to eat a blizzard of unseasonable warmth? I made the snowball from the frost in our freezer! Nice PJ, Simpson!

Did your mommy buy him for you? Of course she did. Who else would have? All right, Simpson. You win this round. I wish in real life pointing out the bad logic of a bully beats them and they immediately left. Instead of they just go like, ah, whatever, nerd.

Punch it. Bart has like cowboy pajamas. It's extra. It's not just his normal pajamas. They're from like the 50s. The pajamas from the 1950s. Yeah. It's something you'd see in a Christmas story, you know.

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that was a thing you like laser time shows then you might like bonus time laser times weekly bonus show exclusively on patreon.com slash Lazer Time. Here's a taste of what you've been missing. More Idaho shit. A bunch of fucks in RVs sitting out and reading books. What a bunch of dorks. No, I always say I've never in my life thought about retirement. I was just like, holy shit, that looks awesome.

That motherfucker can leave and go wherever he wants and gets a chillerize all day. I'm tired of this shit. I gotta start looking towards retirement. I'm either gonna move to Orlando or Anaheim and just be full-on Disney vlogger. I'll be a 70-year-old Disney vlogger. Yeah, I'll be in Dave & Buster's every day. You have your own secret menu

and you'll get your own red car. Hey, Jessica, how's it going? Yep, it's dinner time. Oh, bring me the number three. Yeah, this Frozen Babies thing is just ruining everything that's important at Disney. I think I'm saving Assassin's Creed for retirement.

I feel like by the time I'm old enough to retire, there'll be 40 of them and I'm like, I haven't even touched one. But I suppose she's starting now. That's me in Game of Thrones.

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You'll help us live, and we'll do our best to help you never be bored again. So yeah, Bart didn't write his book report, but he's thankfully saved by an interruption. A class assembly at the Butthead Memorial Auditorium. Attention, this is Principal Skinner, your principal, with a message from the principal's office.

All students please proceed immediately to an assembly in the Butthead Memorial Auditorium. Damn it, I wish we hadn't let the students name that one. Children, the times, they are becoming quite different. Test scores are at an all-time low, so I've come up with these academic alerts. You will receive one as soon as your grades start to slip in any subject.

This way, your parents won't have to wait until report card time to punish you. How innovative! I like it! Hey, Dolph, take a memo on your Newton. Beat up Martin. Eat up Martha. Bah! Oh boy, let's get into the Newton.

Well, first off The Butthead Memorial Building I swear is a reference To a real life thing too Do you have this? I do Oh wow I meant to find

I wanted to find a news clip But instead I will just read The article in a news voice I guess I can get into that later But I like The Simpsons has been One of my favorite things For so long

And phenomenons have come and gone And I love it when they acknowledge them Ren and Stimpy Later on I feel we have a gamera mst3k reference yes uh in the show but like beavis and butthead was white hot premiered in a march of 93 so it was really really big right now and i love it when the simpsons kind of tips the hat to the new simpsons but it couldn't have been hotter but what had happened in greenwood, South Carolina, to teach the kids about participation and voting, they allowed the children to vote on the name of the elementary school. And all the children, of course, chose Springfield Elementary School.

So I'll try and read this as a newscaster. This is a news piece from Greenwood, South Carolina. And it's just really funny and old-timey. Once again, the rascal Bart Simpson is causing commotion in school, but this time it's not the Fox Network cartoon. It's here in the city of 20,000 in northwestern South Carolina. Parents and teachers want the school

board to back off. It's sent approval of the name Springfield for the district's new $3.6 million elementary school. That's the name of Bart's school, and teachers say it's hard enough to win respect from children without having to tie a cartoon character known for bucking authority figures and disliking school. This is a Bible Belt. Let's be real, said Greenwood County School District 50 spokesman Furman Miller Jr. Some parents are offended by someone like Bart Simpson.

He's obnoxious. Talking back, little kid, he's a rebel. And most kids today need to be more respectful. You don't know how hard it is to deal with kids these days the whole episode being harmlessly enough uh just before christmas when school officials decided to make the naming of the new school a learning exercise they asked students to choose a name and then compose essays on why theirs should be selected and this won by a landslide when are people going to learn democracy just doesn't work in favor of 2017 it would just be schooly mcsface. Well, so that, yeah. Hitler did nothing wrong elementary.

So yeah, I read up on this too and that they left it up to the kids and the kids' parents didn't know it was Springfield. They had no idea. They didn't know what Simpson, Bill Oakley said it to us in our first interview with him.

Like, kids watch the show, not adults. So you could get it and believe it or not, it stuck. Like, I found, I'm one of the, I was the 301st viewer on a video of teachers from Springfield Elementary. But it was just so great. A recent video from there of kids at Springfield Elementary. If you Google it, it's just a fucking school. It still is a school.

But it's not in Springfield. No. And it's home with a fight in Christ. Well, now those children who named it, it's like in Springfield. No. And it's home with a fight in Christ. Well, now those children who named it, it's like they're in their 30s. Yeah, I know. Still laughing. I do like hearing kids these days. They're our age. Yeah, they're our age. Wow. Millennials.

And so, yeah, that happened just early enough. This aired in November, and that happened in January. So I think it's absolutely about that. I'm learning. And I went and looked up this old article for Beat Up Martin because I thought we talk a lot about how Simpsons warms its way into our lexicon, but it's interesting to see how it warmed its way into Apple itself. When coming up with the iPhone keyboard, Eat Up Martha became kind of shorthand for what not to do. And in an interview with Fast Company, Scott Forstall, Senior Vice President of the iOS software, like the iPhone,

in the hallways at Apple, while we were talking about the keyboard, you would always hear the words, eat up, Martha. Nina Guitara, Apple's former Director of Engineering of iOS, if you heard people talking and they used the words, eat up, Martha,

it was basically a reference to the fact that we needed to nail the keyboard. We needed to make sure that the text inputs work on this thing. Otherwise, everyone would say, here come the eat-up Marthas. Yeah, and I have more info about the Newton.

Oh, gosh. It debuted at $700, not adjusted for inflation, in August of 93. Dolph should not have thrown that. It's a very expensive piece of equipment. Also, it was basically destroyed by the Palm Pilot,

which is a much better piece of technology. I think Steve Jobs killed the Newton when he went back to Apple. Everybody points to the Newton as the nadir of Apple. When the Steve Jobs movie came out in 2015, they had the little montages between each segment. And that was one of them. They had a clip from this episode showing that this was Apple at its absolute worst point. This was the first damn you autocorrect joke, too, in all of history.

It was, well, I think their reach outseated their grasp with the Newton. Like, it is, the ideas of an iPad are right there, but technology wasn't. Yeah, and the interview went further into the idea that, like, it's the autocorrect that needs to work. And I think that's some technology we overlook, that it's, we don't really get a lot of nonsense when we're autocorrected. And you definitely did. They just love telling you, you know, you meant to say ducking. Yes.

Like, why can't I just say hell and not the contraction he will? Yes. Like, I'm not saying that. My biggest autocorrected noise right now is when I write remember, when I do R-E-M, and then the center choice is like,

yeah, you mean the REM right? So my dad was a techie and he was the kind of person who always got all the gadgets and he was smart enough not to get a Newton but he did get a Palm Pilot so he gave me a hand-me-down Palm Pilot that I took with me to school which made me just the most popular kid in school

but I was using this thing in like 1996 or something like that and at the time I'm like going why would I use this thing in 1996 or something like that. And at the time, I'm going, why would I use this thing? It's actually really a pain in the ass to use. I just threw out a bunch of them that I inherited somehow and never really used. It just seems like because of the Newton, they seem like the most expensive things in the universe. It was a freaking notebook that was digital.

It did not save time at all. And you had to charge it. I have one more Newton story. So as a young apple-cheeked boy in the 90s, I was a reader of the comical book Spawn by Todd McFarlane. And I would read the letter section. In one of the letter sections, they pointed out like, hey, we're moving our offices. If you send us a self-addressed stamped envelope, we will fill it with things we don't want anymore. And I did that.

And one of the things I got back was an Apple Newton keychain and I think 1997. And I might still have it. As soon as I got it I was like, I just immediately thought of Eat Up Martha and it was great. So thank you Tom McFarlane for making us... For buying baseballs and creating Spawn. That is amazing. Well,

right after that is actually my mom's favorite line in Simpsons history that she quoted to me all the time. All right, first academic alert. Wiggum, Ralph. I won! I won! No, no, Ralph. This means you're failing English. Me fail English?

That's impossible. I meant to say that at the top. I was astonished by how many famous Simpsons catchphrases come from just this episode specifically. Yeah, it's disappointing that I've heard this so many times it has lost all meaning and effect on me. I think this is one of the first Simpsons waves I downloaded. Like somebody's Simpsons wave site.

Like this is one of them. It's perfect for a t-shirt. It's nice and distinct and it's a Ralph is stupid and doesn't even realize it. Ralph is sliding from being socially awkward to just being illiterate. Let's speak English. You guys have been chronicling the decline of Ralph, and this is like a new low right here. He can't even compose a proper, very simple sentence.

I'm failing English? That's impossible. And that goofy little walk he does up to the stage is great. He's floppy. My mom said that line all the time. If anything of grades was mentioned, she's just like, well, don't fail English. That's impossible. So I have a Ralph theory for you.

So in Archer, one of the things for Carol slash Cheryl is that she gets kind of dumber throughout the run of the show until she kind of goes insane. And I think it's because she's huffing glue. Yes, for Carol Sherrill, she is always huffing glue and doing other drugs, but mainly huffing. So it's established that Ralph enjoys eating glue. Is it possible that he is huffing glue and actually suffering brain damage? Maybe not even intentionally,

but just thinking, like, glue smells nice. Yeah, so that's my theory with Ralph. So Nelson is congratulated by Skinner for his good grades in home ec. And this before or after, he's telling the other bullies about how to use confectioner sugar to, you know, eliminate the tartness of something. I forget what that's from. I believe that's in Lard of the Dance when Lisa comes up to ask them out and they turn him down. So they're building that into Nelson's background, I guess. I think it's a softening of nelson that mike scully enjoys and i they didn't have this in my school like anything like

it of these humiliating you are a bad student let's tell everybody in school about it if you were doing poorly they'd tell you privately and you'd feel humiliation but not in front of the whole school i just remembered something that's very similar to this in Catholic school. And now, in retrospect, it feels kind of unconstitutional where it's just like, okay, so Catholic school is a racket. It costs money. And then when you go to Catholic church, you've got to put money on a plate. I don't know if that's true of all Christian churches, but it is true of Catholicism. And they were like, oh, these kids aren't going to church anymore so basically uh in order to enforce the kids to go to church on a

non-school day a sunday we had to basically turn in a coupon into the collection plate that says i went to church this day and i think parents complained because that ended after about a month but i remember going to church with my mom and we were just like we hate church why are we here these old people are all sick this is boring uh this is our sunday we're wasting it so that was a very it was kind of a similar thing to this, but it just, I just popped into my mind right now. Yuck. And then poor Lisa is embarrassed of being so bad that she's this terrible at gym to

get an F. Like you have to be really bad at gym. Yeah, they give everybody at least a C in gym. That whole class is a participation trophy. Yeah, exactly. I feel like even if someone is bad at sports if they're bad enough to get an f it could be like a disability or something like that even like the 1950s would a smoking coach give you an f for dropping a fly ball yeah it wouldn't i can't imagine that happened i was not an athletic child but at least i could at least get a c in gym you got a c in gym

oh god yes because i mean for one thing like i could never participate in a lot of things because nobody would do anything with me. Nobody wanted me on their team. Nobody picked me as a partner because I was the nerdy girl. Come on. So much. You're tall.

You look like you'd throw a ball. I was also just a terrible, gawky athlete. Oh, my God. I was an okay goalie, like I said, but because I was really good, I was like, I am going to keep this thing out of the net. This is not getting past me. But when it came time to hit a ball, I would just be like, because I was really good. I was like, I am going to keep this thing out of the net. This is not getting past me.

But when it came time to like hit a ball, I would just be like, I am waving this bat. Oh my God. What is going on? Oh yeah. I mean, I deserve to fail at gym. I remember going to summer gym, which we took in the summer to avoid having it during the year. And it was one of the first days.

It's like, okay, we're going to do layup drills. Everyone get ready. I'm like, I can't fucking do this. Oh God. Yeah. Playing basketball. That was torture. I will tell you the first time I did it, it perfect and the coach was like wow that's great to go

i'm like that's not gonna happen again i guarantee it's not gonna happen again i do remember i i i we did the first time we did basketball in gym i was like the worst and i went home and i practiced for two days on my own and got way it's It's just so weird. You practiced on your own? I did. Yeah, like throwing the ball at the neighbor's hoop for hours. Playing basketball in gym was my least favorite because it was the most glasses breaky you could have. That literally happened to me. I was playing soccer and the ball went right into my face.

Basketball is the biggest ball and thrown at your head by people with their hands told that story on a billion podcasts but a playing basketball at my fucking back east hill baptist church camp a girl threw a basketball at me while i was holding a basketball and it hit my finger and broke it and i was too embarrassed to go to the doctor because i didn't want to admit a girl hurt me yeah and so i made up a lie about a wandering cowboy whose heel stepped on my, when I had my hand on the floor. It's such an elaborate lie for a broken bone.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, Chris. Teenage girls are vicious. Now Chris has a wooden finger like in the Royal Tenenbaums. We're all revealing our wussiness, but I remember I would see, oh, people play catch with their dads. It's a thing you do. I'm going to play football catch with my stepdad. And after a few minutes, I'm like, catching a football hurts. I don't want to do this again ever.

So I never did it again. And it's like, how do you even catch a football? If you want to humiliate me right now, put a gun to my head and ask me to throw a football with a spiral. Oh, my God. I have no idea how it's possible. I would just spike it and run away. Well, speaking of interactions with your dad,

this is the start of Jerk-Ass Homer in this episode. Oh, yeah. Lisa, your father and I are very concerned about this warning. I really hope you try harder. That's all of them. And I'm so proud you didn't try to forge my name. How about a present, son? Well, I could use a new pair of hockey skates. Done and done. That's not fair. Welcome to the tyranny of diminished expectations, people.

I set the bar low. I feel there's an implied sexism there, too. A bit, yeah. Bart has such a low bar that not forging his name gets him a present. The huge stack of pink cards in front of Homer and him shaking his hand as if it had hurt to sign all of those.

Yeah. And that the... I actually really caught it this time that the animation is part of the joke, too, that you see Homer writing his name but you think Homer is writing his name on lisa's one and then you get the reveal that bart had a lot more more than the amount of subjects in a school i think yeah so i also feel bad for lisa that pointing out homer's favoritism gets her

nothing homer's just like but i mean this has been the case for like from the start was like lisa's generally ignored by the rest of the family, and it's actually pretty sad. She is going to have a lot of issues when she gets older. Or, I don't know, kids I knew like that whose parents ignored them always end up fucking excelling at everything because they were desperate for attention. And I guess, yes, that probably has negative

feedback in your 30s and 40s. Then we meet the little scene character Coach Pommel Horse. Oh oh right she's just like she just exists in season six i think for the most part wonderfully lazy name yeah pommel horse i think it's pommel horse like she's german lunch lady doris but she's a gym teacher it's trust mcneil doing a lunch lady doris impression yeah it's pretty weak honestly and there's it's not a surprise why pommel Horse barely has ever appeared since then.

Yeah, not a great character. And I like that Lisa points out basically the plot of the episode of, like, that it's parents chasing after their own failed dreams of glory. But it also shows that just because Lisa is smart enough to notice the problem doesn't mean she can avoid it. Yeah, nobody wants to hear her social commentary. Yes. And then her trying out for stuff.

It makes no sense, but that Lisa has her hair is sharp enough to pierce a volleyball and deflate it on her head is beautiful. I think it's the first time they make that joke. Like the Simpsons hair is like powerful. It always makes me think of the joke from my all time favorite episode, 22 short films about Springfield, where goes oh i love it i finally look like a real person it's true yeah she'd her her hair the sharpness of her hair has always been there but they've never done a joke that it is literally sharp and can cut things cletus brought it up oh yeah look at that pony hair to little girl look at it crazy critter some credit. And you really feel for Lisa. She's crying at the idea that she's like, I'm really scared. We saw how bad she acted about getting a B in Camp Krusty.

I've never gotten a B before. I feel so dirty. And then just Homer's entrance of sports, sports, sports, sports, sports. That's how I wake up every single morning. That's what's going through Kat's brain at all times. Immediately after Marge is telling Lisa sports aren't everything. Yes, and I just love Bart's silence, shaking his head. He's vetoing Marge, suggesting Lisa ride in the front.

And I love how that scene ends and immediately cuts to them in the car, and Marge is smiling in the back seat. Marge can't even sit in the front seat of her own car. Bart gets that seat. Okay. So I like this episode. Don't get me wrong. But this is where they completely decide for one episode.

Okay. Tire family dynamic is now changed. Bart is now a jock. He's excellent at hockey. Bart is an overbearing sports dad. And apparently they're a sports family where Bart sits up front all the time where up until this point Bart has been a mischievous little fat kid who has apparently never been athletic at all.

Completely disrespects Homer and if Homer liking what Bart does would never matter to Bart because he would just say shut up Homer. I'm an achiever and proud of it. Homer has an infatuation with Bart in this episode we rarely see. I think it's just because

of what Lisa tells the coach. Yes. Characterization for the convenience of the plot. And I believe Chris called this the best line. Let's do it. That's the joke. Okay, son. Just remember to have fun out there today.

And if you lose, I'll kill you! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Even though we've seen Homer strangle Bart a thousand times, that is still the most sinister thing he's ever done. Bart flinching. Okay.

Now, I'm not excusing abuse or anything, but I feel like there's a comical, like, this is very cartoony and then when an adult like curls up a fist at a kid like the child flinches that's why it's funny yeah well not just curls up a fist but also like kind of moves forward towards like very threatening to show him like i mean business you will die puts his hands up like please no but bart's sound of just like it's the biggest laugh homer's gotten out of me without a word set it does deflate bart a bit because he does have something to hold over lisa but it's also a very toxic relationship he has with his father he has

control over homer so long as he wins yeah if he can't win then he doesn't have that influence on homer and uh and i wonder too if bart's aptitude at putting is what makes him such a good shooter right that never came up again wow i forgot there was another sports episode remember and and homer is a bad parent there too but it's but they at least have a better explanation he's pushed to it by his competitiveness with flambeau he has a redemption arc in that one and not in this one. Yeah. Kat, what position does Bart play in this? I mean, he would be

like a forward. I was going to say forward or center. So they don't say whether it's a winger or a center, but I'm going to go on a limb and say

he's a winger because we don't actually see him taking the draw. I'm more familiar with the Mutant League version of hockey. I think the rules are mostly the same.

Is he the werewolf or the zombie? I never played Mutant League. Oh, it's the only hockey game I actually got into. I love that. I want to make one more observation.

So one of the things is like that by season six, money, like the Simpsons money problems are kind of in the past, right? I want to point out that being a hockey family,

very expensive. That gear is extremely, extremely expensive. And that's why it's a hard time. It's a white person sport, frankly. How much did that 44-ounce big lush cost Homer at the arena?

That's a lot of beer. I'm talking about skates, the stick, the helmets. It requires so much gear. The fact that they have two kids in there, I just want to say, there's a reason that only the rich neighborhoods really have hockey teams. Oh, yeah.

It's an upper middle class sport. And they're slightly lower. Yes. And then we get the Mighty Pigs, which is obviously Mighty Ducks. Yeah, they've been founded the year prior. In Anaheim? But I thought that was evidence of the rise of hockey. Yeah.

So Mighty Ducks takes place in my hometown. And so it's kind of the movie of my childhood because it's set in 1991. And they do things like the rollerblading through the skyways of Minneapolis. They're going to the Winter Carnival. They're going to notable landmarks all the time in the movie. And then at one point, they go and the Minnesota North Stars, who left the city in

1993 to become the Dallas Stars. Like a year after the movie's release? Like two years later. They're like, whoa, it's Mike Madonna. Hey, kids. So yeah, I watched it. I have a lot of fondness for the Mighty Ducks. Would you rather people think of the Mighty Ducks than Fargo when they think of your home?

Yes, I would actually, because the Mighty Ducks. Would you rather people think of the Mighty Ducks than Fargo when they think of your hometown? Yes, I would actually because the Mighty Ducks actually takes place in Minneapolis as opposed to Fargo, which really doesn't. It takes place in the north. I mean like 20 minutes of it takes place in Minneapolis. It mostly takes place in Brainerd, a tiny town that is literally three hours away from the Twin Cities. It's no Eden Prairie, I'll tell you

that much. I remember Mighty Ducks being a huge phenomenon but it's clear now that everybody saw it at some point. I saw it. Every kid wore shirts of it. It was one of my favorite hats. I remember Mighty Ducks being a huge phenomenon, but it's clear now that everybody saw it at some point. I saw it. Every kid wore shirts of it. It was one of my favorite hats. I bought the team Mighty Duck hats because it was just a Disney duck's face. The duck bully mask. That's what the Mighty Pig is.

Apu is running the Quickie Mark Gouger. He is, but there's one specific Mighty Ducks joke. It's Milhouse being tied to the goal, which is a direct reference from that film. Really? Mike Scully said that's what a coach he knew would do to kids to get them to be less afraid of the puck.

It could have been a common thing in that era. It must have been a pretty common thing. It's Bart concusses him. And then they make a kid still play after being knocked unconscious. I mean, this was the 90s. They said, shake it off. You got your bell wrong. Take a I mean, a football coach just...

You got your bell wrong. Take a salt tablet. A football coach just killed a high school student with a log recently during a practice grill. Oh, God. Yes, but I want to point out, Apu running a hockey team, that's cool and I like him in this episode,

but he has no children. We're a little jomshed. I mean, there's no real connection. Like, why would he run? I mean, he's busy enough at the Quickie Mart. Who's minding the Quickie Mart? I think I saw Sanjay at the party later. Maybe it's a brother's thing and Sanjay, maybe.

Maybe he just loves hockey. Maybe. He loves hockey so much. Well, it's also a funny episode. Apu's past relationship with the Simpsons has nothing to do with this plot. He calls Lisa little girl multiple times. After the hockey game, we see Lisa

fending off Bart's attacks. Apu decides, he says, what if these same skills apply to hockey? I'll put her life in danger to find out. As we can see, children are very expendable in this episode for the sake of the adults. I want to point out that that's a reference in this episode for the sake of the adults. I want to point out that that's a reference, actually, to A Leak of Their Own.

Oh, really? Yep, they throw a baseball at Geena Davis and she catches it with her bare hands. Interesting. Thank you, Kat. You won. So I'm going to live up to my side of the agreement. Here's your turtle, alive and well. Oh, my God. Oh, thanks, Dad.

How about some adulation for my little sister? Wow, Bart, I'm so impressed you were able to give Millhouse a concussion. Well, you're just jealous because of you acting half-ass sports. Cut it out, Bart! What's this? Oh, you know, I wonder if her skills will transfer over to the game of hockey. Well, only one way to be sure. Heads up, little girl!

That's terrible. Goalie of my dreams. Let's try a hard one to make sure it wasn't a fluke. Hey, where did I got my teeth? Hard one to make sure it wasn't a fluke. Hey! Where did y'all got my teeth? That's it, Milhouse. Keep up the chatter. At least they're baby teeth.

I think Pooh is trying to make sure he doesn't fall into a coma because he clearly has a concussion. That's true. Yeah. So, yeah, the puck right at Lisa's face, but let's not overlook, like, Homer was going to kill Bart's turtle. Kill or mutilate it. Yes.

At the very least, he said he was going to do that. And Bart just happily accepts it, like, okay, yay. And he hugs him. The turtle that we never see again. Yes, yeah. Jesus Christ. Whatever. That's so bad, though.

It's really lazy, I gotta say. I mean, it's a funny joke. Don't get me wrong. It's a funny joke, but it's I mean, it's a funny joke. Don't get me wrong. It's a funny joke, but it's just like, okay, way to introduce this point of characterization that never existed and will never exist again. I mean, he had a frog in one episode, and I think it would have been weird

to have it be Santa's little helper or Snowball, too. Oh, that's true, yeah. It's threatening a pet. Oh, my God. Yes, yeah. Well, and then they go straight in the next scene. Homer gets even worse visa if the bible has taught us nothing else and it hasn't it's that girls should stick to girls sports such as hot oil wrestling foxy boxing and such and such i think women should be able to play

any sport men play but hockey is so violent and dangerous. Look at Milhouse's teeth. Mom, will you stop showing us those? Why does she have Milhouse's teeth? I categorize it with her same affection for potatoes. It's just Marge has weird things she's into. Little children's teeth. I think it runs deeper. It's just sort of like a talisman

she can show the children to warn them away from danger. That's true. She can just constantly warn them like, hey, remember Milhouse. These could be your teeth. So I think this is the absolute lowest for Homer. He's telling his little girl that the only thing that she should be doing is hot oil wrestling. Ew.

And foxy boxing. And such and such. Yeah, I love the laziness of saying and such and such. And that also he's very blasphemous too. He's like, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't. Well, we learned that the Bible is too preachy earlier. He thinks that. It's just so amazing that Homer can't see a woman playing any sport other than stripper sports.

So one of the reasons I like this episode, actually, is that it shows Lisa being a goalie. She's playing with the boys. It's like actually no big thing. They make make reference to it but the other boys don't make fun of her and in fact fear her and respect her and she is excellent at being a goalie and i think that's awesome because frankly women playing sports aren't taken seriously enough women's hockey is so much fun to watch our women's soccer team is amazing i'm just learning of this well in fact like the reason that the u.s women's hockey team is amazing i'm just learning of this well in fact like the reason that the u.s women's hockey team like is consistently one of the best in the world is

because there are no other nations that really play women's hockey so our teams like just go out and kick butt same with our our soccer team it was not until reason it's not been until the past four years or so that other countries like brazil the you know for freaking soccer was practically invented, they're like, oh, we should let women play soccer or something. Wow. It's sad. At least we weren't the last to do it then.

I like that. So any positive portrayal of girls playing sports, I will just be like, yes, up with this episode. I mean, they do address the possibility of Lisa being made fun of, but Homer is the one that ends up making fun of a child on the team in that scene. Well, this is kind of in, this came out of the post-Title 9 world, too. Of the government

funds supporting women in sports. There's a Great King of the Hill episode about that, actually. Oh, yeah? Yeah, where Connie wants to be a wrestler. Yeah, I remember that. Women weren't, like, people thought women running in the 1960s was insane because our uteruses might explode. Why, their breasts could kill them. Exactly. No, they literally thought, like because our uteruses might why their breasts their breasts could kill them exactly no they literally thought like our uteruses would like fall out or something my ex-girlfriend would tell me because there wasn't

a woman's soccer league for a long time so if a woman what a girl wanted to play soccer she had to go on the boys team but it's like right around that time and like yeah girls are icky so she would walk alone play leave alone what if they were menstruating and a mountain lion was nearby? I mean, these are like little kids, though. Just to play on the team, she still had to suffer loneliness instead of be on the road. Well, and then we get a thing like, this scene taught me the words President Elect. Elect. I now pronounce you President of these United...

Stop the inauguration I just discovered a president got it up in second grade gym class in that case I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on monster island don't worry it's just a name he said it was just a name. What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula. That does not sound safe. I love that joke.

I also tell you, in about 10 to 12 years, they reused that joke. I think they were doing a Bachelor parody, and it was called Bachelor Island. And there's like, we have one thing to tell you. Bachelor Island is actually a peninsula. No. They did the exact same joke. I'm like, how could you not know? This is one of the best Simpsons jokes.

You can't copy it like that. For a Bachelor joke. In terms of, I love the Simpsons, and I would wait, just because of the Ren and Stimpy references, I would wait for them to reference my new favorite thing, and Mystery Science Theater 2000 took a while, but I thought this was a gateway. Gamera. I totally

think, if it wasn't for MST3K, Gamera would not be in that shot. It would have been Godzilla or Ghidorah or another of the Toho monsters. Or King Kong. MST3K did make Gamera cool again. And Gamera is still pretty cool. You should watch his movies from the early 2000s. They're actually pretty good.

Brave, yep. Little would Lisa know how low the bar is for the presidency. I might want to be the first to trip over it myself and make that joke. I was imagining... You can do way worse things than that. I was thinking of it. I was imagining the scene during the inauguration, that's for sure. It's like, it's not too late, stop the president-elect.

Trump could not survive months around, there was no KFC there. So it would not work out for him. Or golf. Or drain his battery running from all those monsters. Yeah, you only have so much in your battery that's how science works um i love just that marge also refusing to get back the teeth when the dentist is there with millhouse so like no those teeth are a lost cause i mean they should be in a class of milk or water or something like that yeah well curiosity anybody lost a tooth and my front tooth is fake oh my god it makes me cringe.

This is a worse reveal than the peninsula thing. It sucks. It's like it's old and too small for me. I got it in eighth grade. The worst I got was a chipped tooth that I had to get. I broke it off at the stem. Oh my god. I did a pratfall in trying to make my sister laugh.

Lost a tooth. Root canal, cap, it sucks. I hate it. I think it's hurting me and I need to get it fixed. Well, you have a long time with hockey players, then. Yes. It's true. You can find a silver lining in anything, Cap.

So, like you mentioned, Homer is worried about Lisa in the locker room, even though everybody else isn't. But Homer, even when this is like the most noble he is in the episode, and even here he's cruel. Okay, Hotshot, now that my daughter is on your team i want to make a few things clear please dad i'll be fine i don't want anyone to give her a hard time just because she's different no jokes no taunting look the kids got buzzers who's got a wet towel Homer loves abusing children in this episode Another Udo Chocol reference The last one we saw in Lisa's rival I begged you to let me go first

So I really identify with Lisa As a woman who plays a lot of games Cause I don't really want to be treated Any differently when I'm playing games. So anybody who's pointing out is like, now here's Catherine and she's a girl who plays Madden. I'm like, please shut up.

I don't want you to be bringing this up. Reviews Madden for almost a decade. Yes, exactly. It's like, you don't need to bring up my gender. Thank you. Yeah, I think it should be evident. And I'll just... You need the toilet seat down when you play Madden.

So I was actively kind of cringing a little bit when he's like my daughter here who's a girl and i don't want you treating her any different because homer thinks he's doing a good thing by that instead of yeah i i i've heard that uh from other women in the games industry for sure my uh one of my friends she joked about how she first went to this demo and the person was like oh so does your boyfriend like these games or and then afterwards when she wrote up the article they said you don't even know how to play a first person shooter and she's like oh yeah my vagina was in the way of the controller i just couldn't touch it my vagina was just too close like yeah it's so i like how luther

can be so honest of like i'm full of chocolate like that he ate a ton of chocolate before a game i think a very uh subtle and great marge line i forget where it happens i think it's right after the scene is uh marge saying by blocking the net i really think you helped your team yes yeah oh god that's such a great mom line yeah well right right before that, though, Homer and Bart are laughing at Lisa as she screams. Oh, God, that was horrible, too. Yes, yeah. Homer has little moments like that, like, with her, I'm laughing with her. Like, you're not.

She's not laughing. Yeah, I mean, I played baseball. I tried every sport but hockey once, and I hated baseball because I was afraid of the ball. It was too hard coming at me too fast. Me too. I hit a grounder to the face one time, and it traumatized me for the rest of the season. Now I'm more of the school of George Michael Bluth. You give it your back and just let it bounce off.

I was the best right fielder you'd ever seen in your life. So this is where I'm going to put on my hockey nerd hat. The way that Lisa is playing goalie is very strange and animated very strangely because the way that you play goalie is that you go down right okay so like you do splits uh i'm not going to get too deep into this but let's just say that eight-year-olds aren't going to be doing slap shots at you they're going to be like trying to get in and being like and trying to bang it through your pads and everything so it's and you don't use your stick like a freaking ninja. They all have a lot of strength to their shots, too.

The director, Bob Anderson, this is a great-looking episode, but he had never really watched a hockey game before, I think he said on the commentary. Yeah, I can tell. But just the amount of work that goes into these hockey scenes, although it's not realistic, all the crowds and stuff like that, I give him credit for that. Oh, I totally give him credit for it. But it's not a, all the crowds and stuff like that, I give them credit for that. Oh, I totally give it credit. But it's not a realistic hockey game anyway. The trivia according to the wiki is the first time you see, like, Lou and Eddie outside of uniform. Yeah.

That's true. Lou is very distractingly behind Homer during all of the last games. You're right. But, yeah, so this is after Lisa's first game. You really think I did okay out there, Mom? Absolutely, honey. By blocking the net, I really think you helped your team. Okay, little buddy.

Hop in. I mean, my little girl buddy. That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love. Okay, hon. Sucker! Competitive, violent. That's why you're here! Ha ha ha!

So there's a montage after this where Lisa gets over her fear and becomes angry at the puck. And then Homer just laughs in her face again like, no, it is for competitive violence. I don't have just fatherly love. It's not unconditional. But I think, is this the first time we see Apu's apartment in the entire series? I think so.

Nope, nope. We saw him in bed with Princess Cashmere and Homer in Lisa's Pony. That's right. But not in anybody's bed. It could have been anybody's apartment. That could have been Princess Cashmere. That has such the scene of him going like, oh, I can't. Oh, right. It's supposed to be him worried about Homer, but could easily be heard as him finishing with Kashmir

and then worrying about Homer. But, yeah, it wouldn't be a sports episode without a training montage and seeing Lisa hardening. Yeah, then at the party, I think it's weird. I get that he's her brother, but to have an opposing team's player at your big hockey party, you should not have invited Bart. Bart should not be here.

It's weird, but they just wanted him to have him there for story purposes. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. Which I then love Milhouse. Milhouse is really great in this next minute of it. Him trying to help out Bart. His logic is great. Hey, Bart.

If Lisa's better than you at hockey, does that mean you're going to become better than her at school? Maybe I will, Milhouse. Maybe I will. Who can tell me the capital of Spain? Bart Simpson. The square root of 36? Bart Simpson.

Who freed the slaves? Bart Simpson? Bart Simpson. Bart Simpson. Who freed the slaves? Bart Simpson? Bart Simpson? Bart Simpson? Bart Simpson, will you stop raising your hands? You haven't had one right answer all day. Sorry. This is for wasting teachers'

valuable time! I think that music is the same as the music we heard when Smithers and Burns are fixing the plant in Last Exit to Springfield. It's very similar, at least. I think you are right. And just, it's such, it is one of those gags that only works once. Just like, this is not a dream. But, the reveal that like,

you think that the episode is taking a completely different turn and now it is that Lisa is a jock and Bart will be good at school. And then the reveal like, Bart has been raising his hand but is wrong at everything because he doesn't know anything and Lisa even saves Bart from the bullies yes yeah the the first off just the sound of like that's for wasting teachers like they are pummeling him and Lisa pulls Jimbo's

shirt over his head just like you do in hockey yeah she did the hockey attack it's great and they just run from her and then Jimbo has anotherachi is like, did your mommy buy it for you? You're lucky you're your sister's brother. But I think Jimbo is on the same team as her, too, so maybe that's why he respects her as well. Oh, you're right. All the bullies are on Lisa's team, I think. It's unfortunate for Bart.

Is this the first time Milhouse gets a crush on Lisa? I was going to bring that up, Kat. Ah, yes, well, so let's hear this real quick. Don't worry, Bart. They won't bother you anymore. I hardly ever let Mother fight for me anymore. Sorry, Bart. I'm going to hang out with Lisa for protection and to be seen.

He's so excited. And to be seen. She's now a hockey celebrity. So what's he even doing on the team, though, now? I feel like he's just, like, backup goalie. He never plays. Second string goalie to Lisa. His teeth are fine.

That's good. You need a backup. Yeah, that's true. But it's just that he's... Also, that Skinner line is great, but it implies, like, him and Anna have been watching the entire time as students beat each other up. Yeah, you need something to cheer up your day. It's just so... We're constantly fine with that, but I just like how much Milhouse is into it.

And you think this is the first of the Milhouse likes Lisa bit? I think this gave them the idea to do it later. If I may talk in anime terms, I hate that future episodes of the show in banana means one set in the future treat Lisa and Milhouse is the one true pairing yes I prefer that I prefer Lisa's wedding set that up like well Milhouse doesn't count yeah exactly my other

favorite episode Lisa's wedding as you were just saying like I feel like I'll have you back the key example is when Lisa is talking to Milhouse in the car and she's like i'm not really into you and he just starts crying like i don't think i'll ever get married like i think a lot of women have that guy where it's just like no sorry yeah like i so i i guess i don't see it as a one true pairing thing at all no but but they did like in what was originally going to be

their final episode the christmas special from about three years back that is in the future and that lisa is with millhouse like they are they've acknowledged several future episodes yeah and in that one though too it's it has a really interesting i like the device of the flash forward of like they take the family picture every year and in this family picture them is the kids and then two years later and two years later and it shows Bart brings a girlfriend to one Lisa brings a boyfriend to one and one year Lisa brings a girlfriend to one

and then brings Milhouse to it so but I like that joke of just implying like yeah Lisa is bi like or whatever I like but Bart is falling further away from Homer and in fact, Homer won't even watch the last three episodes

of Cops, of a five episode marathon. Which yes, Fox would show a lot of Cops. This made me assume it was Saturday night because I feel like

that was the most Cops heavy night of Fox programming. Cops premiered before The Simpsons and had it not been canceled, it would have held the record.

Yeah. Because I think they brought it back as well. It's on a different channel. Yeah, but it would have been, it would have held the record. Because I think they brought it back as well. It's on a different channel. But it would have beaten The Simpsons. Well, not scripted. In the summer of 2004, I did not have internet and I didn't have

cable. I just had broadcast TV. And I watched a lot of cops, let me tell you what. It was just being marathon. In hindsight, just so fucking boring. Free to go, sir. Like, what? I watched this for 10 minutes. I got to say, watching Bowling for Columbine kind of ruined Cops for Me because they make a very good point in Bowling, in the Michael Moore film Bowling for Columbine.

Like, it's more of, oh, what's the only time you see black people on TV? Ah, they're in cuffs, sir. They're being chased by the cops. Like, it adds to... Fox Network, booty, booty, booty. Well, you know, Marge is no Harvey Globetrotter, but she wants to cheer Bart up with her Shaq attack. So Shaq was just getting started in the NBA in 94, right?

I think he was famous at this point as being a monster who would destroy basketball hoops with his slam dunks. Oh, actually, on The Critic, we talked about the movie he was in, Blue Chips. Oh, yeah. I thought Shaq came into the league in, like, 96 with the Orlando Magic. No, no, no, no. But he must have been in there earlier because it was in Blue Chips. Oh, he was. I thought Shaq came into the league in like 96 with the Orlando Magic. No, no, no, no. But he must have been in there earlier

because it was in 94 or so. I think it was like 92, 93. I only know for a fact I know a lot about sports. Seventh grade, and this is how I know it, not through sports, because the Shaq slamming Pepsi,

the one liter bottle of Pepsi with Shaq's face on it, was when I was in seventh grade, so yeah, that would have been early 90s. This was also the first time I... And I had Shaq Diesel. I'm outstanding. And also, this is the first time I

heard of gelatos, which now I have gelatos every once in a while. It's delicious. There's several great gelato places. The Aoli of Ice Cream. Come to my place for free gelato. It's so sad that nobody wants to spend time with Marge, even though later on they established that apparently she's the favorite parent, but nobody actually wants to spend time with her.

And Homer's cruelties in this episode is, you know, it's such a small cruelty of just like, look, you know, you're not as good at sports as her. I don't want to be around you. It's the status quo now. Yeah, I think it's like Marge's love is unconditional, so it's not as valuable as Homer's rare love. Yeah, watch out

for it. And smacking Bart in the face of the basketball is pretty mean, even if you say you warned him about the Shaq attack. Then Lisa is doing better and better, and this is, this is the, well, the threatening to hit him is worse, probably, but this is real

bad. Wow! Eye of the tiger, mouth of a teamster! Just think of all the I have lost his shin guard! Hack the bone! Hack the bone! Wow. Eye of the tiger, mouth of a teamster. Just think of all the time I wasted on you. Well, not wasted. I love you. Wither. That line, I feel like, is their compromise.

I feel like in the original script, it would have just ended with him saying, like, wasted on you. They wouldn't have had the softening of Homer. I don't know. I think a very popular Simpsons joke of this era is a character saying something outlandish or something that would give them away, and then they just immediately back out of it with no justification. Just like... Just did it. Yeah. Yeah, it is lines like that that hurt my feelings, that bring me back to being a sad kid compared to his younger brother who is more athletic than him. Or being told like, no, Henry can be in the school band, but Sam's too much.

Sam's not a dork. That's for dorks. He shouldn't be in the school band. Yeah, it was a nice thing to hear from my dad. I was the good kid, so I got none of that. My mom was, she was very hurt by that too so i will say my mom was much more supportive but anyway just that yeah it really does hurt to see and i can totally feel for bart when he is angry and then also sad in lisa's room while waiting

and hearing her getting all these extra hugs yeah let's be honest this has been the absolute worst homer has been in the series to this point like he he is like beyond the pale awful and like every time he's on screen like you're just he hits a new low every time he's on screen it's amazing he'd hit new lows all over the place but it's it's harder to overlook this as you get older that no this is him being the worst parent not the worst employee a new low as a dad yeah you it is different when he's a bad employee to Mr. Burns or even a bad son to Grandpa. You know, it's very different.

It stands out a little different now. And then Bart first shows his revenge of destroying his own toy. I just love his little kissing on Honey Bunny, especially in Homer going like, Give it to him! That's what makes it great. Homer yelling at him for kissing his destroyed toy. That's too awful.

But that's one of those things I still do. My girlfriend would just be cooking me food in the kitchen. I was just, keep it down. Keep it down! Just to be a Homer jerk. And then, this was I think the most well-observed sibling thing of...

So, at least with me and my brother if you just got in a fight with your brother and instigated it then you are at fault but so you had to find workarounds to say I didn't start the fight and saying like hey I was just moving my arms in this direction and he

ran into it and so that's I see that as kind of those like kid getaway sub-clauses. Like a kid technicality. Yeah, kid technicality. But I just love this. I'm going to be doing this. If you get hit, it's your own fault.

Okay, then I'm going to start kicking air like this. And if any part of you should feel that air, it's your own fault. Great sound. I better go kick that out. Now, Homer, don't you eat this pie. Okay. All right, pie, I'm just't you eat this pie. Okay. All right, pie, I'm just going to do this.

And if you get eaten, it's your own fault. Oh! Oh! Oh! My! What the hell was that? And the image of him eating the pie is just like... A handful of pie.

It reminds me of one of my favorite visual jokes from Brother from the Same Planet where he beats the garage and the little dent on the top of the oven makes everything perfect. That's great. I love it. And just the sound and his reaction.

Everybody knows that sharp pain of bumping your head into something you didn't mean to. And I also just love Marge's delivery. She's in a Yogi Bear cartoon. That's what it feels like. Now, Yogi, don't you eat this pie. What do you say, Mr. Reed? So with Bart and Lisa fighting each other, it's easy to attribute that to Mike Scully

because obviously he was the dad and all that. But apparently Mike Scully said that scene was conceived by David X. Cohen. Oh, okay. I guess that was how he was with his own siblings. All right. I mean, yeah, you get in fights with your siblings, but you either win. Marjorie, well, I rolled around with my brother. I never punched him in the face.

I just had an odd conversation with my sister in our 30s, and she's like, yeah, and you used to beat the shit out of me. I'm like, ah, wait, no, I didn't. I yeah and you used to beat the shit out of me i'm like ah wait no i didn't like i didn't i had a friend who would beat the shit of his sister and it like scared me like we never actually hit each other ever lots of yelling and pushing but no one hit me it's my sister and i screamed at one another yeah but we never attacked but she thought i did like did i no i didn't i never hit you i think if you're a kid you don't know how to throw a punch and you hurt yourself by punching and kicking and stuff.

Yeah, I would cut her hair when she slept. Oh, my God. That's normal. Awful shit like that. You're an awful brother. I lost a tooth trying to entertain her. I just told this story. I get no fucking credit.

It's all worth it. It's all worth it. Well, and then Marge tries to de-escalate the situation, but to no avail. I love this. We love you both. You're not in competition with each other. Repeat. You are not in competition with each other.

Hey, a poo just called. This Friday, Lisa's team is playing Bart's team. You're in direct competition. And don't go easy on each other just because you're brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

It's a great act break. Great shot. This strobing of it and the only insult to injury that had lighting. And then Homer had to emphasize, like, I mean it. You better fight each other. Don't hold back.

I do like when Marge does it first. Bart's like, Mom, that is so annoying. Yes. And I also like the archedness of saying, you're not in competition with each other. Homer could appear after the first one of those, and the joke works the same. But her having to say, I repeat, it's almost like Homer missed his mark. Yeah. She has to say it again mark yeah i mean it echoes that old joke like sports and everything sports sports sports sports sports sports sports sports yeah it's great so homer always knows his cue except for that moment yeah uh and then uh then we get

a scene of wigum freeing every prisoner just so they'll go to the game which is like the game doesn't need people to go to it. It's the hottest ticket in town, so why does he need prisoners there for it? I don't know, just to make... Yeah. But he's a bad negotiator. Oh, and to explain why Snake is there. Yeah.

Well, and also, though, seeing this Snake stuff and seeing this scene in the prison and after us just watching a bunch of critic episodes, it made me thankful that I don't think they've ever done a prison sexual assault joke, especially not with Snake.

Snake shoots people all the time, brutally beats them, murders people, but there has never been a prison rape joke. I think at some point Wiggum tells Bob to not drop the soap in some episode. Yeah. No, it's Krusty that says, don't drop that thing in the shower, Bob. Is that Krusty Gets Busted? No, it's Black Widow. Black Widow, right.

He could have been fingering. I don't know what happens in jail. But they never did that with Snake. It would darken the character of Snake if they went to that place. It's not gay if it's in jail. So in terms of it being the hottest ticket in town, this is a very kids' sports movie thing.

So at the end of Mighty Ducks, obviously the Mighty Ducks are playing the Hawks, and you have the entire arena, which is like, I actually knew that arena. It was actually in my neighborhood where I grew up. But the entire arena is packed to the gills, and everybody's wearing merch, apparently, that they bought for these two teams,

waving their flags and everything. And you're like, they had extras, actually, from my community who were appearing in that movie. But so like that, the fact that the entirety of Springfield, including the criminals, are like there to watch Bart and Lisa play hockey is a conceit that's a very kids' sports movie conceit.

The quality of my life is entirely dependent on how these 10-year-olds perform in front of me. What about the Topes, man? Come on. I mean, I went to a bunch of high school football games. That's minor league baseball. It's a little different. Also, if it's kids' hockey season, then probably minor league baseball isn't playing right now.

Yeah. So good. Oh, sorry. In high school, I would just go to football games to hang out, you know, not to watch a football game. But there was always like... Sad adults there. Sad adults without children watching and getting really into it. Like, dude, what is your story?

High school football even though is different. This is peewee hockey. It's true. There's more at stake. Mo is such a degenerate, by the way, that he's gambling on peewee hockey. I mean, Wickham was. He bet against his own team earlier in this episode. And they couldn't get pizza.

Yeah. So first off, they're having dinner together before the big game. And then just the ketchup being passed and then the mustard. Hey, he's eating a salad. First off, he would put ketchup on salad and then he doesn't want mustard,

but it was given to him so he just puts it on his salad. Great animation, too. Yes, and then Mo arrives. Hello. Hello, what are you doing here? What? What, a bartender can't come by and say hi to his best customer?

Hey, how you there, Midge? Oh, gee, I like what you've done to your hair. You caught me at a real bad time, Mo. I hope you understand I'm too tense to pretend I like you. And how are the little kids doing? I mean, really, how are they doing? Any disabling injuries? Something, say, that the gambling community might not yet know about?

Come here, let me see those knees. Mo, I think you should leave. But Blanche, you gotta help me out here, please. I'm 64 grand in the hole. They're gonna take my thumbs. Okay. 64 grand in the hole on peewee hockey. Yeah, that's pretty crazy.

So he calls her Midge and Blanche, but this whole take my thumbs thing is from the Pope of Greenwich Village. Pope of Greenwich Village. I've never seen it, but I know this reference. It's the fucking best. This might be take my thumbs thing is from the Pope of Greenwich Village. Pope of Greenwich Village. I've never seen it, but I know this reference. It's the fucking best. This might be a church, but I'm the Pope of Greenwich Village. Really good movie, Mickey Rourke. Eric Roberts' best performance. Eric Roberts, you have never seen a person act this hard.

Yeah. It's not a great performance, but he acts so fucking much it hurts. Let's hear it. Holy crap. Charlie, they took my thumb, man. Who did? It hurts so much. What happened?

The bad blood took my thumb, man. Oh, no. No. Jesus Christ, I want to fucking kill him. No, child, Luke. That guy's a fucking psycho, man. He'll chop you up. Oh, man, it hurts so much.

Holy shit. Did they give you anything for this? Yeah. What'd they give you? Yeah, they gave me this stuff. They gave me this stuff at the hospital. So, yes, a man had his thumb cut off because of gambling debts. It only keeps repeating.

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i love that fucking movie it's really good that mo who was in love with marge seven episodes eight episodes earlier yeah the last time he was in their house. Was the first time he called her Midge? Yes. I think so, yeah. We'll do it again. Now he doesn't know her. I think Midge is a short term for Marjorie, but Blanche is completely unrelated. Yeah, I prefer Midge to Blanche. I'm glad he didn't call her Blanche again.

It all sounds like the sound effect of a Don Martin character stepping in shit. Blanche. With a giant foot. And yes, they are gambling tens of thousands of dollars on that. Okay, so knowing how this episode ends, I think they should have taken Moe's thumbs because in a tie, I would think nobody wins then. You'd have to bet on a tie.

That's true. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I haven't done a lot of sports gambling. Is it just... I mean, would he have been betting on the over in terms of the score, for example? That they would score more than six goals?

Then it's a push, too. So complicated. But hockey is so low-scoring, I feel like that's not... Could you gamble on the spread like you do with the NFL? So what you're saying is if they... If you gambled on the spread

Then I don't know like it depends on Which oh my god this is such a boring conversation How much can I put down But yeah on a tie I would think just all Bets like well if you didn't bet that There would be a tie then we take your money either way Marge was nice to Mo when he came To their house in that season 5 episode

But she's just like I'm too tense to pretend I like you I love her admitting Finally like I don't like you mo i've i have no energy to pretend like i do it's uh so then they get to the game and uh lisa's wearing the lucky rabbit's head too and and i do love how apu says like save that precious precious hatred for the game i love vicious competitive Lisa. Like, I love it any time she gets outside of her little box of being, like, sanctimonious. And she either gets to be a kid, as you've said in the past, like, that she actually gets to be a kid. Yeah.

Like a sibling. Or she gets to come out and be like, no, I actually am kind of bloodthirsty. And I am going to destroy you, Bart. Let me have a bad moment. And Homer is grilling Marge on which child she likes best and if we find out that the kids love Marge the best and he's just like hi kids when they're both saying hi to Marge and not him.

Yeah that had a moment for me as a kid of realizing like I wonder I would think my dad probably knows that we like me and my brother I think like my mom a lot more than him if we had to pick one. I think Homer puts in the terms, like, your child versus mine. Yes, yeah, but he won't name the child.

He just says, like, your child versus mine. And also, he's like, Maggie's never done nothing for nobody. And she saves him from brain damage. And also gets him a free beer, probably. Yes. And that's why I think this is him so being blatantly the worst father. Like, dialing that up to 11 and then showing that he's missing out because of his own obliviousness. It's a great sight game, though,

of Maggie catching the beer. It really is. She kind of like floats up. She is the most athletic Simpson. She leaps up and is like, bam. Yeah, it's true. It's like she caught a fly baseball. Well, clearly it's in the genes.

Like, Lisa has it, too. And, you know, I was also wondering in this episode why there's no announcer, like in other things, other sports parodies. It obviously isn't needed to tellifies well they yes but i mean like for putting thing had yeah very dignified british announcer for plot purposes in in fictional sports things they usually have announcers there just to explain rules to people who don't know i

think homer is sort of the announcer in this episode. He already functions. And his story is more important than us really knowing what's happening in the game. Yeah, so if Craig Brockman showed up to say, like, oh, this person scored this thing or whatever, the game is tied. And then we get Krusty singing that national anthem. This has happened a thousand times before, correct? Well, yeah, I think...

I feel like this is a reference to Roseanne singing it in, like, 1990. She sang it correctly, but she did it badly and grabbed her crotch and spit, and people were like, my word. Yeah, she tried to do a funny take on it. It was really bad. She was doing, like, the super high-pitched voice, and she wasn't, like, trying anything. It was kind of disrespectful.

They hired Roseanne to sing the National Anthem. I mean, that was their first mistake. How good could it have been? Ma'am, that was my favorite song about ramparts, and you ruined it. Though they mention on the commentary, too, that like 30 years before this episode, at a boxing match, Robert Goulet sang the Anthem wrong, too. Now, there have been a ton of bad anthem singing since this episode. You can find a ton of lists of the 10 worst anthem singings

of whatever. They're usually from an American Idol star. Roseanne's rendition was a legit scandal back in the early days. I recall an In Living Color sketch about it. Tiny Toons parodied it too. Of course. Right after Read My Lips, No New Taxes.

They were on the cutting edge. Here's how Krusty messes up our national dignity shouldn't turn down those cue cards Probably will, yeah. But yeah. Shouldn't have turned down those cue cards. Actually, it turns out Tom Brokaw is the hockey game announcer. Oh, yeah. That was Tom Brokaw. They have a point, though.

The language in that song is so antiquated, I think most of us learn it phonetically without even thinking about what the words are. We all over the ramparts we watch. Yeah. As Eddie Izzard says, keep confirming and denying. I said something,

I guess it was ignorant, like I can't believe we had to sing the National Anthem every day in elementary school at public schools. It seems very old timey and I'm like,

there's no way that still happens. Everybody corrected me. It does still happen. We never did that. We took the Pledge of Allegiance. We took the Pledge of Allegiance, so. We took the Pledge of Allegiance, and then we always sang one American song. Wow.

At the end of the day, we had the Pledge of Allegiance. Very patriotic. In Catholic school, as part of the separation of church and state, we would say the Our Father over the PA as part of the morning announcements, and then a rickety-ass record of the Star-Spangled Banner would play. We had to stand with our hand over our hearts. So, if you don't mind me getting on my soapbox really quickly, I think it's dumb that they play the National Anthem before every single game because, frankly,

it cheapens it. It should be only played before a big game like the Super Bowl or the World Cup. Or international game, too. It is just kind of annoying. As it is right now, I want to be literally anywhere else than standing up and listening to the dang national anthem again take a knee yeah well man that was at the

last sporting event i went to was last year i went to an a's game and this was uh post capernick and there were people sitting down and i but and i honestly would have sat down too but i was there with my mom and stepped down i was was like, they got me that ticket. I didn't want to hurt their feelings by making a scene. I'm a National Anthem hipster. I was protesting the National Anthem before it was cool to do the Iraq War. Hello. Now, as a kid

I hated, eventually I came to be like, why are we saying this stupid Pledge of Allegiance? Why? Because Joseph McCarthy thought that the communists were coming in? That's how you weed them out. The one's not standing.

Put that in the Pledge of Allegiance now. Well, now that we've torn apart the National Anthem. I have one more story. I think I might have told this in the Dancing Homer episode. If not, I went to a local wrestling match

in maybe 2009, and they started playing, instead of the National Anthem, they played Lee Greenwood's I'm Proud to Be an American, and everyone stood up. It's even worse. My friend and I were like, let's go get beers. we did and it's just ending as as we were coming back

with our beers everyone is giving us dirty looks like this is not the national anthem this is a lee greenwood song and he sucks all right well i remember that too and i went to a video game event that was also at a bull riding event and they yes well they made a bull riding video game for the we believe it or not oh my god and that was an event they had them they had a pr budget at oakland they were just having a bull riding event and so they're like hey we're coming for it i stayed for 30 minutes until eventually it was like no offense to the people who are professional bull riders it is a hard job but as as as a thing you watch is like this is boring i am watching i i watch somebody get thrown off the thing after eight seconds and then they are put and then another new person gets on it and then a clown gets chased occasionally uh though

you know bullshaming though at wrestlemania actually the tradition is to sing america the beautiful not the national anthem so it's a little different there. But, oh, yeah, I was going to say Lisa is lucky to have all the bullies on her team. I think maybe, like, Nelson, Jimbo. She has the goons. Yeah, they are all there to be the goons to beat up Bart. But also, like, if Lisa is such a good goalie, she misses the first thing thrown at her. That's right.

Okay, let's be fair here. Bart has exactly one move, but it's a move that no eight-year-old should have. That is the slap shot. The slap shot. He's extremely good at getting the puck, getting it on a breakaway, but instead of coming in and doing actually stick handling around her, he just stops, winds up, and bam! Hits a crushing slap shot that no eight-year-old goalie can stop.

I'm sorry. No context for this at all. It's not realistic enough. They need to learn some tactics here. Actually set up and move the puck around the zone and then get it in. But no, they rely too heavily on Bart's slap shot. When you see hockey goals,

it's just like with the grace of a curler, just swish, gently pushing it through the goalie's legs or something like that. Also, I had a question about goalkeeper, goalie masks. Okay. So Milhouse has the Jason mask, but meanwhile,

Lisa has more like kind of almost like a football player cage or whatever. Yeah. So which did you prefer? What are the pluses and minuses? I mean, the Jason mask is from like the 80s. Yeah.

And I only played in gym class, so I did not have a mask because none of the kids could do slap shots. Were you using a real puck? Oh, yeah, we were using a real puck. I've held one of those things. It's heavy as shit. It's heavier than a baseball. But I mean, they were just pushing it around the ice.

I mean, they weren't actually like getting air on it. It's really hard to get air on the puck. Really? So, yeah, but nobody wears the Jason mask. So I think I caught two mildly funny sign gags for the first time. One is for Moe's Bar, who's advertising at the game. Apparently he can advertise there, but he's still in debt. It says, Moe's Bar, the 70s are back, so let's drink like it.

And there's also an ad for Laremy Cigarettes that says, Hey, kids, Menthol Moose says smoke Laremy. And it's Menthol Moose who exists, as we learned in Sideshow Bob Roberts, he exists in the same world as Joe Camel. That's right.

How do we reconcile that, folks? I don't know. One is, everybody's really getting into the game and getting bloodthirsty about it.

Hans Mole Man falls over and everybody gets excited about that. I like the guys like pointing at him. Yes, yes. He gets steadily heightened

like people are going ahhh. And Mole Man is back to his brown skin instead of the yellow skin. He kind of still fluctuates between the two. Even Marge falls prey to the bloodthirstiness once her child is hurt. Eat shrimp, my boy. I demand vengeance. I want vengeance.

Jimbo Jones called for trippingpping A penalty shot will be taken by Bart Simpson Oh my god Marge A penalty shot with only four seconds left It's your child versus mine The winner will be showered with praise The loser will be taunted and booed Until my throat is sore

Yes as we all learned from Itchy and Scratchy Land Violence is fun if it's happening to other people so it's fun to watch but then Homer Homer even recognize like I am going to taunt them until my throat is sore like I am my plan is to be cruel to the loser of these two kids God Homer said but okay I want to have the floor for this next

joke because this joke had two different meanings and one I only one I only accepted as the true meaning recently. So we have up next the kill Bart, kill Bart line. Can we play that? Stop them, dead little girl! Kill Bart! Kill Bart! Kill Bart! Kill Bart! Kill Bart! Kill Bart!

Okay, so originally I thought the joke was, for about 15 to 20 years, that the joke was, oh 15 to 20 years that the joke was oh actually everybody hates bart but the joke is one side is saying kill bart kill bar once i once i saying kill bart kill bart's a comma in one of them yes yeah no that's how i always read it really yeah i always read it like that was the joke is that one side's like going like this slight indonation suggests one side wants bart to kill and the other side wants Bart killed. For the longest time, I thought it was just like, oh, all this time everyone hated Bart and that's funny.

But it turns out that one side is saying kill, Bart. And you can see it in the captions. It's reflected in the captions. I was going to say, where's your proof? I always heard it as that. It's just that tiny little difference like kill Bart. That's great. That's what makes the joke so funny.

Kill Bart. In hindsight. 25 years of hindsight, yes. Yeah, I mean, it's a very hard, I mean, the joke works extremely well on paper. It's kind of hard to communicate with a chant. Like, with the chant, it's hard to communicate that comma. You need a subtitle for that joke. Yeah, I like both interpretations.

I like the idea that everyone hates Bart, but also, they're saying the same things, but it has vastly different meanings. I also like that the whole crowd is reversed, too. I know it was an animation saver, and I don't blame them for that. Because, hey, could you draw 17 different crowds that say words? I was actually surprised by how many unique people they drew in the crowd. And there's also a really great shot. I forget when it happens.

It's a camera shot where the camera is facing jimbo and the background sort of like fading into the distance as he approaches the camera it's like this really technical animation shot that they didn't have to do but it was just it looks so good so then bart and lisa are facing each other in the penalty shot it is as dramatic as it could be and then they have flashbacks to that remind me a lot of lisa's first word where where just seeing the two of them hang out together. They're really sweet. They are well-deserved. Like the ice cream cone, them helping them find the cookies.

It did warm my heart as a sibling. I'm like, aw, having a sibling can be nice. It's not all cruelty. I feel like even if you don't have a great relationship with your sibling, you have at least a few happy moments. Not me. Not me at all. Not like literally zero? Nope.

Nope. Kat, question for you, though. Does the penalty clock, does the clock tick down during a penalty shot? No, it does not. Yes. I knew something was wrong. That was an error that was not corrected.

Yeah. Mike Scully acknowledges it on the commentary too, but it's like for plot purposes, they have to tie with the time running out so there's no other way to do it than having the time run out but yeah also there was no ot that's true that's true well springfield's uh peewee hockey league has some weird rules i mean bart and lisa i think they just agreed to stop playing when they skated off together just pointing out there aren't really ties in hockey anymore.

That was kind of a joke in the 90s. It was like, hockey has ties. That makes it a dirty foreign sport like soccer. And people legitimately hated the ties. Actually, the first professional hockey game I ever went to was a tie, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a 3-3 tie. That's a lot of goals for hockey.

Yeah. I swear to God I'm with you. I piss off basketball fans because, like, dude, the score is 100 fucking points. It's not exciting to score a point in basketball. It's only interesting when you don't or somebody steals the ball. Or it's the last two minutes. Yeah. When they score a goal, like, the horn goes off.

People's really exciting. People jump up and down. It's a genuine event when a point is scored well i am famous for saying i my my favorite team sport is baseball because there cannot be ties there's like maybe one tie ever because the yeah the all-star game yeah but but mainly in major league baseball they never have a tie. And it's just like, no, it is a death march until somebody wins. And you, as a viewer, too, are just like, I stayed for 14 innings. But if they end in the next inning, I'll regret not staying. And then it's three innings later, it's the 17th inning, I want to go home.

So baseball is sunk cost fallacy, the sport. So hockey does not have ties anymore. So what are they doing? NHL changed the rules? So in 2005, they fallacy the sport. So hockey does not have ties anymore. So what are they doing? They shall change the rules. So in 2005, they had a lockout, another lockout, and it lasted a full year. We lost the entire season because of it, and it was brutal, and it nearly killed the sport. I don't remember that. They keep putting their keys in the wrong place.

But one of the things, they kind of came out and essentially rebooted the sport in a lot of ways. They changed a lot of the rules to encourage offense, and one of the things they did was instead of having a tie they changed it so there was a shootout at the end of the game yeah so you could win to have a shootout and like later on they changed it further so that you would have three on three over time to increase the odds of a goal being scored i like the one quarter where it's multi pucks that's my favorite part of the hockey that's blurn's ball right there. That's true. Multi-ball. There should be more ramps in hockey.

There might be ties in Olympic hockey, but I'm pretty sure it ends on a shootout. As someone who played as goalie, I hate that because you just made the whole result of the

game come down to the goalie. It's his fault whether you win or lose. It's bullshit. And so then Bart and Lisa are happy while the entire town riots.

And the background shot of the rioters are actually from... They throw down their gloves and hug instead of shoot, take the shot. Oh, yeah, that's cute. And the rioting mob is taken from Bart's inner child. You'll see exactly the same dude strangling the other dude shot from Bart's inner child. I'll forgive it. Corner cutting there. Again, like...

It's a lot of people to move around. Yeah, and so Marge is happy, Homer less so. out so i'll forgive it corner cutting there again like it's a lot of people to move around yeah yeah and uh and so marge is happy homer less so they're both losers. Losers. Rip off. We paid for blood. Let's splash a part. That's great.

Way to go, Billy. Those kids are like so sweet. If only they had had peewee hockey when I was a lad. Oh, well. I love Hickazaria's grunts, but also the animation of him just ripping into

chairs with a crowbar. Yeah, just his, like, you can feel the extra grunt when he goes like, like, it's... So that scene at the end, by the way, is a reference to the greatest hockey movie ever made. Slapshot?

Slapshot. Oh, you're right. One of the best sports movies ever made. Yes, Conqueror. One of the best movies, anyway. Yeah, so there's a ride at the end. Well, before we go, a story David Merkin told on the commentary

is that he was not... This episode won some award. He won't say which, but it was from a conservative organization. He was like, oh boy, should I go to this ceremony? a conservative organization. He was like, oh boy, should I go to this ceremony? And he did.

And when they played the clip, it ended at Bart and Lisa reconciling. It did not show the riot. So he said on the commentary, my entire speech was me yelling at them for not showing the cynical ending that I wrote. So I don't know what that award was. But I guarantee,

like anything evil had the word family in it. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh man, I forgot that Yeah. Oh, man. I forgot that story. It's great. Thank you, David Merkin, for being yourself. But yeah.

This was a really good episode. I like them in the competition. Homer is unforgivable in it, but it is funny. It's funny every time. It's funny every time. I love it. I mean, yeah. Sorry.

They really hit the jokes a lot. But like I said, it really speaks to me because I think Lisa might be my favorite character. And the fact that she's a good athlete, that it's a very positive portrayal of female athletics and all that stuff. It's awesome. I like that. And it's hilarious. So many good jokes. It's a good hidden talent episode that doesn't feel cheap. And I really love these episodes we're doing that just have a solid story no weird b story that distracts us i just about the sugar

exactly i mean this is kind of my favorite too because she's the only one who gets real stories like if they're centered around her yeah yeah but i think it's a legitimate criticism to say that they completely change the family dynamic like all like homer is like just complete jerk ass homer and it's but like almost out of character. Like, he's a sports dad now. Like, Bart is a jock. And they, like, wheel this out again, like, when he's playing football later on. Like, Bart has no interest in sports and does not play sports except when the plot demands.

And I'm like, okay, yeah, whatever. But I find that jarring to watch in some ways, even if it does make for an entertaining one-off episode. I will forgive it. So thank you, you everybody for listening to Talking Simpsons. This has been Lisa on Ice and I have been your host, Bob Mack. You can find me on Twitter as Bob Servo. My other podcast is Retronauts every Monday at

retronauts.com or just search for Retronauts in your podcast device. It's there. Look for it. And if you want to get into the show, find a topic that you like that involves retro games, of course, and find that corresponding episode. We in this room, except for Kat, have talked about Bart vs. the Space Mutants and we've also talked about things like

Bart's Nightmare, Simpsons Video Games, but Kat's been on a ton of episodes, even before I was on the show, goddammit, so please listen to Retronauts. Everybody else, jump in. Yeah, I mean, you'll usually find me on the Final Fantasy episodes. I think we're doing a Final Fantasy 6 episode really soon. Look for it in January. Yes, I'm excited.

Hi, I'm Kat Bailey, and I run US Gamer. You can find us on usgamer.net, and we write about all of the video games. And we have two podcasts, the US Gamer podcast, which airs on Wednesdays, and the Acts of the Blood God, which airs on Fridays. That's our RPG podcast. So if you want to hear me get real freaking nerdy about RPGs,

which are kind of like sports, actually. They both are stats heavy heavy you can listen to that that's on Friday so make sure to subscribe and review and rate if you enjoy the sound of my voice or something. I love that in the games press world like there are people who are the sports reviewer and there are the people who are the JRPG reviewer

but there is only one cat who does can do it all. Spoiler sports are actually RPGs. I actually found my opposite number. I found another me. She works for Game Informer. Her name's Kim Wallace. Wow, I didn't know.

I knew Kim Wallace was in JRPGs. I did not know. She's in the JRPGs, and she's a Chicago Blackhawks fan, which means I hate her. You have to meet her and fight her. There can only be one. Well, that's CM Punk's team,

so I'm also a fan of it. Oh, my God. Anyway, well, hey, I'm H-N-E-R-O-I-G on Twitter. You can follow me there. fighter there can only be one well that's cm punk's team so i'm also a fan of it oh my god anyway well hey i made you any roig on twitter you can follow me there and uh if you're a listener to this but you didn't hear any ads that's because you're a patreon supporter if you did hear ads and you don't want to hear them and you want to hear an episode in a week early be a supporter on patreon.com slash talking simpsons where you will also find exclusively there every episode of talking critic where we do the same thing but for the Critic series. Also a bunch of awesome

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show. That's patreon.com slash Talking Simpsons. And then last and definitely least, Laser Time, the Laser Time Podcast Network. It rules. We did a bunch of...

Laser Time's a topic-based show, so if you like, we do hear the research and the sound effects and all that shit. You might like Laser Time. Silliest censored movies and music is something

people really like that we did recently. And a look at dead theme parks but we have a bunch more fun stuff for you there please listen to the fart episode it's one of my I feel like we should have cancelled the show after that 30 2010 is also a show Henry is on

from time to time where you look at the world and pop culture and news 30 20 and 10 years ago real fun we even cover sports I won't touch it anymore when there's a Super Bowl I'll bring it up or the AFL Super Bowl Super Bowls I don't touch it anymore because I'm always wrong. When there's a Super Bowl, I'll bring it up or the AFL Super Bowl. Super Bowls, I don't know anything about that.

Then we've streamed a bunch of bad Simpsons games on our YouTube channel, youtube.com slash LazerTime. And we have a Patreon, patreon.com slash LazerTime. Simpsons movie commentary is up there with you guys.

How about that? Yeah, please check it out. Thanks, guys. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week with Homer, Bad Man. See you then. Oh, no. Thanks guys Thank you.