Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Lisa's Substitute

Episode Date: February 24, 2016

In what some call the greatest episode ever, we cry over a dead spider while learning that Bart would be a successful politician if kids remembered to vote…

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And if you sign up through geekfuel.com slash lasertime, you will get an exclusive Star Wars item worth $20 added to your first box. Ahoy, ahoy, everybody, and welcome to Talking Simpsons, where we demand more asbestos, more asbestos, more asbestos, more asbestos more asbestos more asbestos more asbestos thank you uh this is bob mackie your host for this episode and if you didn't know this is the laser time podcast network's chronological exploration of the simpsons today's episode is lisa's substitute but who else is here along with me today chris antistone henry gilbert uh singing dork dave rudden and this episode uh the singing dork this episode aired on april 25th. Chris, what happened on this mythical day in history? Oh my god! Oh boy, Bobby.

The VCR Plus goes on sale. The average cost of a cell phone bottoms out at $350 and the world is introduced to a brand new sport. Bungee jumping. As yet, legal only from the safety of a hot air balloon in the United States. Wow. That's mixing two dangerous things together.

I feel like that happened in a Perfect Strangers episode. You remember those jokes of you had to go bungee jump in Mexico because it was happening, but it wasn't legal to do in America quite yet. It's true. Perfect Strangers, they got married in a hot air balloon. They didn't bungee jump from it. Police Academy. And I think basically after that, bungee jumping was on every episode of Road Rules.

They're going to go bungee jumping, dudes. My favorite one was from the – it was one of their challenge ones and they were like in some Asian country and they had to find someone to bungee jump with them. Guys, let's save this for our podcast talking Road Rules. Well, they got this old man who didn't get it and didn't understand and he jumped before the other one and they could have died. Like the old man falls before them and they kind of smash into each other the old man and the kid.

They could have exploded in midair. Chris, what is a VCR plus? VCR plus, I think it was like sort of the beginning of TiVo. Like maybe your VCR talked. You could program it to record certain shows

over and over. So you didn't have to put in a time. You just tell it what show. I should have looked into it more, but I do remember it. I do remember it as being like the new technology that will save us all.

Well, that's funny because every time I'm watching a Simpsons episode on this, I remember my flaws in recording of removing the commercials. And I hear half of a line that I missed before. I'm like, oh no, I missed that one.

Well, that's a pretty good lead-in to some of the slipshod clip capture I did. It happens a lot here too. I left the commercials in because I missed that one. Well, that's a pretty good lead-in to some of the slipshod clip capture I did. It happens a lot here, too. I left the commercials in because I was too paranoid. But today's episode, written by John Vitti, I do want to point out he wrote the Alvin the Chipmunks reboot, which he defends on a commentary that

the original script was much smarter and funnier and was not insipid horseshit. Like the new movie, the Chipwreck Roadship. Like 2009 or 2010. The Jason Lee Davey. Yeah, John Vitti has become the hired gun, like the new movie, the Chipwreck Roadship. Like 2009 or 2010. Jason Lee, Dave Arrow. Yeah, the first one. That one had a heart. Yeah, John Vidi has become like the hired gun, like a big time writer of garbage.

Well, not garbage, but like the Ice Age films, like Ice Age 3, he wrote that. You don't want to know why? This is the best episode of The Simpsons ever. I think he has that clout. I mean, it's not my favorite, but it's been called that and I would not argue with it. I can see that being an interpretation that works. Everything about this episode is on point, on fleek, whatever that is. That means the B story is funny, the A story is touching.

The A story, the B story is funny, the acting is great, the comedy is awesome. It has more heart, James L. Brooksy, and I don't know. Well, yeah, because they say in the commentary, VD is the credited writer, but he barely even wanted to do this one because he says on the commentary that they had found how to make The Simpsons this great joke-telling machine, but they keep getting given these relationship

and love stories. And here he's handed the mushiest of them all. And so James L. Brooks did a lot of rewriting. And there's a million lines in it, including the marquee line of the episode, are James L. Brooks, and not John V. And they still work on me. I've seen this episode maybe 30 times, and this morning, I'm like, am I going to cry at this episode?

I'm a little worried once we get to the line of the show. I know. I'm going to break out a little bit. Guys, don't look at me, please. Because I've watched it three times this week. I have captured the audio, and every time, I tear up. Yeah, it's going to happen. I need to mix Mr. Bergstrom and Milo. Was he nominated for up. Yeah, it's just going to happen. I need to mix Mr. Bergstrom in my life.

Was he nominated for anything? I guess Dustin Offen didn't put his name on the episode, but his performance is amazing. It's really good. His acting is amazing. I believe another episode from this season won the Emmy for Outstanding Animated Program.

Before we get into this, this is him as Mr. Bergstrom. Brief clip. Mr. Bergstrom, feel free to make fun of my name if you want. Two suggestions are Mr. Nerdstrom and Mr. Boogerstrum. Yeah, it's some of the best acting I've ever seen from a guest star. Whereas I think another complaint

about Modern Simpsons, it is a joke machine. It is very stagey. And I know this person is speaking to deliver a punchline. They're not necessarily delivering humorous dialogue, which everybody does in this episode. It's a great Lisa episode.

Bart and Lisa get to play both joke machines and the children that they are. They get to behave like children. I don't know. I love this. And Yardley Smith recorded live with Huff.

Oh, is that real? It sounds like that? They recorded it in New York because that's where he was, but she flew with them. And she says that she grew as an actress by just working with him for like a day.

Is this in the commentary? This was in an interview. If you're Lee Smith, it wouldn't be this insightful commentary. I think technology has ruined this because now you can just literally phone in your lines where you don't need to be with anybody. You just call them up. It's like Krusty doing those

lines for his doll. Also, this isn't the first miss hoover because she is in brush with greatness so she's not named as miss hoover or as a teacher but this is the first look at the second grade class which yeah not seen as often as krabapples but is a constant and this isn't either the first appearance of ralph but it is the first real r. Yeah. Whereas Ralph is we know Ralph. Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor and I have Lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute

arrives. What's Lyme disease? I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you and begins sucking your blood, malignant spirochetes infest your bloodstream Eventually spreading to your spinal fluid And on into the brain

The brain, oh dear god I have a ton of clips from this episode Because there's so many standout moments And I don't know, this is Yeah, it's mushy and sweet But I still think in terms of the tightness of The Simpsons It starts right here Everything you love about the third season begins in Lisa's substitute.

Yeah, it's a very tight episode. Also, I still had to look up what a schwa was. I didn't know that was... Oh, yeah. It's a letter in other alphabets. It's like a phonics thing. It's a phonetic alphabet letter where instead of saying the vowel sound, you say uh. Oh, children, you're not seeing things.

This, my little friends, is a schwa. Are you the substitute? Yes, sir. Yes, I am. Are you insane? No, sir. No, I'm not. It's my wife getting her attention.

So who is playing our friend Mr. Bergstrom? Does he have a first name? Sam Eddick. Sam Eddick. Sam Eddick is credited in the credits. And he never did anything again, this mysterious Sam Eddick. No,ick and he never did anything again this mysterious Sam Eddick no it's Dustin Hoffman

he just didn't want to be on it he was confused about doing a cartoon voice he definitely didn't do Meet the Fockers this was before that where TV was a big step down if you were going to do that the shitty sequels are totally fine either around the same time

the only time he provided his voice to a cartoon, yeah, now he's in all the Kung Fu Panda films. Yeah, Sifu and Kung Fu Panda. And he has a favor to Steven Spielberg in A Wish for Wings That Work, the Bloom County Christmas special that is also terrible. He convinced...

While filming Hook, Steven Spielberg tricked Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman into providing voices to the Bloom County characters. And it's interesting, only if you watch it. The equivalent of holding an iPhone to someone's face as they're running the set.

Oh, I remember that. They both sound completely different. You can hear catering in the background. That's right. I think Simpsons, in a lot of ways, broke the barrier for movie stars to actually be on television. This was Dustin Hoffman, and this would later be mocked by the Simpsons themselves in the It's a Scratchy Movie episode

where Dustin Hoffman, Michael Jackson, they didn't use their real names, but you could tell it was them. And especially when they do a graduate reference in the show. How long did that take you guys to get? Because I guarantee you didn't get it for a couple years watching this episode. Probably like a decade ago when I first saw that movie

Then I saw Wayne's World and I thought Okay, is there on to something? This is a thing that's happening But in terms of that reference and that shot Which is great, I think it's the show's only clunker But the gun shoot? No, the gag of the graduate Yeah, the graduate is the only one

It just feels like they didn't They couldn't hold back They're like, we gotta do a graduate only one. It just feels like they couldn't hold back. They're like, we've got to do a graduate show. Bergstrom's just running the room, and he comes in dressed as a cowboy. This is one of the greatest lines of the show. It's a little long. I am a Texas cowboy. The year is 1830.

You young'uns ask me any questions you like. Can we play kickball instead of science after lunch? Kickball? Son, there ain't no kickball in 1830. There are three things wrong with my costume. Anybody names those three things

will get my hat. I believe I know the answer. Well, what's your name? Lisa Simpson. Well, go ahead, Miss Simpson. Um, one, your belt buckle says state of Texas,

but Texas wasn't a state until 1845. Very good. Two, the revolver wasn't invented until 1835. That's excellent. Three, you seem to be of the Jewish faith. Are you sure I'm Jewish?

Or Italian. I'm Jewish. And there weren't any Jewish cowboys. Very good. That's excellent. And I'm also wearing a digital watch, but I'll accept that. Here you go, little lady.

And for the record, there were a few Jewish cowboys, ladies and gentlemen, big guys who were great shots and spent money freely. Speaking great, did he improvise that? It feels very improvised. I'm sure all of the Jewish stuff

flew over my head as a kid. Yeah, absolutely. At least he even says later his Semitic good looks. Yeah, which I did not know that. A, I did not know what that meant at the time of watching it, so I definitely didn't get the joke and the credits where that's Dustin Hoffman wanted to be credited as a Sam Eddick. I think Seinfeld taught me that word. I mean, you could, yeah, you'd also you would say that about Dustin Hoffman wanted to be credited as Sam Eddick. I think Seinfeld taught me that word. I mean, you could, yeah, you'd also, you would say that about Dustin Hoffman himself.

He has Semitic good looks. Same with like him and Ellie Gould. That's a thing in movie stars in the 70s. You'd be Jewish, but you could still be a Muslim. Or whatever the fuck charisma is dripping off of Gene Hackman that made him a leading man as the ugliest person in the world. Who let that happen? He's great. I love him.

How did that happen? Did you take offense at him being like, no, I'm not Italian. And I keep, we keep remarking at deaths. I keep saying this on our pop culture shows. We are too pop culture aware to not experience the death of someone every day. Yeah.

And that's what it has been for 2016. It keeps happening. RIP. Yeah. That was a while ago at this point. Yes. But I keep looking. Gene Hackman has not been in a movie

since 2004's Ray Romano vehicle. Welcome to Mooseport. He is either senile or on his way off of this mortal coil. So we need to watch some Gene Hackman movies. So in today's post-Columbine world, did a man shooting fake guns in a school seem a little less whimsical to you guys now? I didn't think of that. I'm usually the first one to think of those horrible, depressing things. We were talking about that on Laser Time recently about the Breakfast Club.

We brought a gun to school, but it doesn't ring with the same connotation as it does now. So right after that, then they introduced the B-plot of the election in the Fourth Glade cast, and Martin has got my vote. His talk about sci-fi, like his sci-fi library. Do you have that clip?

Martin? As your president, I would demand a science fiction library featuring an abc of the overlords of the genre asimov mr clark well what about ray bradbury i'm aware of his work thank you and keep watching the skies excellent that's probably the first time i got a fact because i I was only reading Ray Bradbury at this point. Yeah, me too. As I've grown, as I grew as a sci-fi reader, I came to agree with Martin that I think Bradbury's

stuff is good for kids, but especially like Fahrenheit 451 is not as groundbreaking as it seemed when you first read it. No, and he became such a, I mean, every sci-fi writer becomes a crazy crank, but Bradbury really turned it up, or cranked it up. Yeah. Well meanwhile like Clark Bester has him off there.

Their stuff holds up a lot more. For sure. Admittedly. I read the Martian Chronicles like once every four years. Their short stories

are fine. I like their short stories. They are good. But meanwhile like Bester's The Stars My Destination is great too if you

know it's got a rape scene in it. Doesn't make it automatically bad. Let's smarten up this talk. This plot line is kind kind it's a lot like an old save by the bell episode that predates it by two years where uh just like bart zach he wants to run for president but not to be president just because well in that case he it was a free trip but it's also similarly you know a kid who doesn't who shouldn't be president and jesse's running against him yeah i didn. I think I've said over and over again how I found an analog in Bart myself.

Not in the running for class president thing, but what Mrs. Krabappel says here at the end. I'm an eight-foot six. Speech! Speech! I had a speech ready, but my dog ate it. Children! Good bark. I need someone very reliable to deliver an important message to the principal's office. Would you do it for me? Why, Mrs. Krabappel, how would I know where the principal's office is?

People, what have I told you about encouraging him? So that was said about me when I was around two people laughing at me. This is not something I even thought was a joke. I just experienced that as a kid i was laughing at barb but now i am i well i'm not on krabappel's side but i can i see it in krabappel's perspective just don't laugh at him anymore kids like he's distracting everyone and he's hurting himself by not learning and you speaking of krabappel the quick graduate scene i do i do like this overacted sequence. Loveness. This profession can put a lot of strain on a marriage. Since he's been gone,

I've been looking for a substitute to teach me a lesson I sorely need. Mrs. Krabappel, you're trying to seduce me. Well? I'm sorry, Mrs. Krabappel, you're very nice, but it's the children I love. Does that feel slightly weird, that line now? It's a little too stoic.

Also weird that she's doing the seduction in front of an open door. Yeah, in the school. I mean, she'll do dirtier things in the school very soon. Yeah, but behind a closed janitor door. And we've seen her making out with the sushi chef, but this is the first time we've heard of Mr. Krabappel and what he's been up to. He was supposed to be in the upcoming War of the Simpsons episode, but they wrote him out of the situation. Yeah, that graduate scene, I didn't see The Graduate for probably another four years, and The Simpsons and a dozen other sitcoms at the time.

Clearly, to reference it, I think it's obvious that the writers grew up loving The Graduate. It was so very influential to young men at the time the graduate maybe teaching them the wrong ideas we could absolutely do a whole show about that the movie's about assistance that's how you win on the yeah on the the best show one of my favorite podcasts he talks about how the graduate he just did this whole rant about the graduate saying it's a great movie but it inspired a ton of awful films that were for these comedians to be like i could be said to like zach braff in well most of his career uh and also david schwimmer in the pallbearer like all these things are just like people with not having real problems it does it does not that shots that's referenced in that

clip but the last shot of the graduate is i don don't know, to me, one of the best last shots, most profound anything. Because you're just reading looks on people's faces. Like the end of Grandpa Simpson. Yes, it's in that too. Wingsworld 2 is where I first think, like, oh, this is definitely a thing, this Graduate thing. I don't know what this is. There was a Graduate

parody before this with Homer pounding on the window. Yeah, he's running home on his own. That's right. Yeah, so there running home on his own. Yes. The wolfish episode. That's right, yeah. Yeah, so there's a ton of graduate parodies. But again, I love this episode because I love Lisa.

She's always the voice of reason. She's stuck being audience surrogate girl character who has to be the voice of reason. But occasionally she gets to act like a little kid so I like scenes like this.

When I fall asleep, Mr. Bergstrom is the last thing I think of and he's my first thought when I wake up. I feel that way about your father. No, no, you don't understand. When Mr. Bergstrom is the last thing I think of, and he's my first thought when I wake up. I feel that way about your father. No, no, you don't understand.

When Mr. Bergstrom smiles, you only see these teeth. But when you really make him laugh, you can see these two teeth. I think they're called the eye teeth. I don't know if he had orthodontic work or what, but they're absolutely perfect. I notice little things about your father, too. No, Mom, this is different. I mean, this man makes you feel like there's nobody better. Your father does that to me.

Mom, are we gonna talk or are we gonna talk? Lisa, we can talk, but first you have to accept the fact that I feel that way about your father. Fine. What if she's speaking for the viewers too? You can't actually love him though, right? You're stuck with this guy.

That to me feels like the most James L. Brooks-ian part of the entire episode. He did a whole movie about a character like that. I'll do anything. I'll say anything. Oh, God, that piece of shit. Yeah. I mean, it's sweet, and she's a little girl, but I think Lisa is suffering from what's known as the Electra Complex, where it's like the reverse Oedipal, where it's like Mr. Berksham is a but she's also in love with him well if you want but it's a very confused like little kid way of

like you know attachment yeah if you want to deconstruct it on that level she she's an eight year old eight year olds have crushes yeah no matter the gender or whatever it happens but bergstrom also recognizes he's definitely not reciprocal of that thing but he does recognize she doesn't have a good father figure. Yeah, immediately. He's very careful, but he's like, yeah, I'll support you in a fatherly way. You need this. I didn't get that clip, but it's emphasized immediately after that

where she talks about him crying, reading Charlotte's Web. This is great. He read a Charlotte's Web and cried at the end, never trying to hide his tears. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! The book made him cry. Boo! the end never trying to hide his tears I love how cruel they are also in second grade they read Charlotte's Web to us because Charlotte's Web is like hey kids

this is what death is and a spider is going to die but then everyone you know is going to die after that in real life. Do you get it? Let's soften this with a little Paul Lynn as is a rat eating garbage. See, I never read the book as a kid. I watched the Hanna-Barbera thing, which is about Paul Lynde is a rat eating garbage. That's there for the kids. The rest is him, the rat.

That film is filled with gay people. So the gay character is a thieving rat. Let's take that apart now. Well, there's also the... The scavenger. Wilbur is played by a gay actor, too, I think. Or I don't know. He was always the effeminate one in comedies of his days.

What do you mean, Sean? So just real quick, just because I have the clips. The B story, again, is super fucking strong. I think it could have been an entire episode unto itself. It really reminds me of the Trump thing, even up until the end. And I was going to preface it with, like, there's no way we can't compare this to Trump. But I think any loudmouth idiot candidate at any time will find an analog with Bart here. Trump is not a new candidate in that way.

In a sample taken in this very classroom, a state inspector found 1.74 parts per million of asbestos. That's not enough. We demand more asbestos. More asbestos. More asbestos. More asbestos. More asbestos. More asbestos.

This was almost line of the show. Oh, it was for me. He says there aren't any easy answers. I say he's not looking hard enough. In 1991, that's a perfect tweet. Perfect tweet. When you really care about someone, you shout it from the mountaintops. So on behalf of Desjardins Insurance, I'm standing 20,000 feet above sea level to tell our clients that we really care

about you. Home and auto insurance personalized to your needs. Weird, I don't remember saying that part. Visit Desjardins.com slash care and get insurance that's really big on care. Did I mention that we care? What is up Talking Simpsons fans? Chris here. Briefly jumping in to tell you this show is brought to you by GeekFuel. And if you go to geekfuel.com slash lasertime right now,

you can get a free Star Wars item worth $20 just for signing up for a mystery box. What's in the mystery box, you ask? Six to eight items, an exclusive T-shirt, and a $50 value of Kit and Kaboodle featuring famous stuff from Marvel, DC, Nintendo, Zelda, Game of Thrones, Pop Figs, pint glasses, posters, you never know quite what it's going to be, but it's like a delicious geeky gift that shows up at your door whenever you feel

like it. And oh, guess what? They've had Simpsons stuff involved in the box in the past. So go to geekfuel.com slash laser time right now, sign up for one of their boxes, get it as a gift for a geek in your life, and get a free $20 Star Wars item right now. I could actually hear Trump saying that. Yeah. Like literally in my head. That is almost like a Strangers with Candy-esque joke where it it's just like almost like a mind-bender, but still. Very Chuck Noblet. Yeah.

But I love this speech with Bergstrom right after that. Bergstrom telling Lisa she's going to miss Bart. This actually touched me the most of any line in this one. You'll never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator. You're going to miss your brother's antics. When? When? When your life takes you places

the rest of us have only heard about. Places where my intelligence will be an asset and not a liability? Yes. There is such a place. Believe me, it's true.

I believe everything you say with your words, your body language, and your Semitic good looks. I'm glad Bergstrom reacts like, whoa, you shouldn't say that. Yeah,

because I never really understood that look because I didn't know what she was saying, but it does make sense now when you're talking like he's not reciprocating. I think he gets the idea that there's a lie that you shouldn't say. Yeah, because I never really understood that look because I didn't know what she was saying. But it does make sense now when you're talking like he's not reciprocating. He gets the idea that there's a little crush. He's like, yeah, I get it.

It's a schoolgirl crush. I'm not going to reciprocate that. But what touched me in that scene is that it touched me now because I equate my smarts with cynicism. Like, I'm smart enough to know everything's bullshit. I'm super cynical. And that's how Lisa's reacting too. Just like like you never go wrong uh appealing lowest common denominator but bergstrom who's also smart he's more empathetic instead of just shitting on this with lisa he's like you're gonna miss your brother like let's like it it touched me i was

like i wanted mr bergstrom to say that to me he's clearly the adult who has seen more and known more he is easily the most mature and empathetic person in springfield ever yes that's it he's like the most unrealistic character in a springfield environment i mean he only has like one joke in this whole episode near the end like that that i counted i just i like the joke about jewish cowboys that was yeah okay okay he's got two yeah this is a well this is funny to me. Hey, kids. I've learned that in two weeks, the Springfield Museum of Natural History will be closing forever due to a lack of interest. I urge you to see it while you can. At the time, a couple years ago, I thought that was hysterical. Then I went back to Tallahassee.

They have a great museum. They've been closed due to lack of interest. It really happens. 20, 25 years ago, it seemed impossible to close. Like, it's a museum. You don't close a museum. Did you get the Ralph letter right before that where he's like, this is a picture of a spirochete?

That is the first true Ralphism. Kevin, you have Lyme disease. I have the most clips of any episode ever in this episode that I've had to truncate. Just because even Homer has great standout moments. I just clipped this to lousy brain. If you were smarter, you might think of something, but you're not, so you just might as well.

All right, all right, I'll take her. This is the first. That's the first Homer talking to his brain. It happens in the next episode, too. Did they stumble upon this idea? What if Homer could talk to his brain? They learned the back and forth of that is so great. He actively loathes his brain.

I think by season five, they just stopped because they did it so much. There was a lot of it in season four. Like, I'll stab you with a Q-tip. I can get back to killing you with beer. But it's so hilarious. You can stay, but I'm out of here. I can't wait for that in three years. But the suggested donation sequence is, again, a triple-A perfect comedy.

What do you mean by suggested donation? At the museum. Pay any amount you wish, sir. And what if I wish to pay zero? Well, it's up to you. Ooh, so it's up to me, is it? Yes. I see.

And you think that people are going to pay you $4.50 even though they don't have to? Just out of the goodness of their... Well, anything you say, good luck, lady. You're going to need it. Mr. Bergstrom. Hi, Lisa. Hey, you don't have to pay. Read the sign.

You know what? I hate to say it, but Homer's right in this situation. They're closing, so what do they need the money for? That is true. They're shutting down. It does really set Homer up as being... I mean, we know he's different than Mr. Bergstrom, but just that scene shows

how he does not value this experience at all for him and his daughter. Then he'd rather save $9. Yeah. I love the sweetness of the sequence, which I decided not to clip,

so please don't hate me too much for how many clips I do have. But that Lisa's so mad at Homer, and he makes an innocent comment about the Wolfman, which is something I would say in a museum. But she hates him for it.

I don't think he was being, see, we're just making a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Lisa, oh, that's what I wrote down, because the line starts with, actually, Mr. Simpsons, they know plenty about the mummification process.

What did Homer ask before that? How did he even do this? How did they wrap this mummy up? I think that thing about the donations is the type of thing they don't do on the show as much anymore. Just like, let's get a long clip of Dan just acting and give it space to breathe. Like him just going,

oh my goodness. I feel like they'd be tighter on it now. They wouldn't give it that kind of space. They'd be worried that it would die on the screen without constant jokes. I had to cut down these clips because so many of them needed a minute to breathe and I don't feel like Modern Simpsons takes a minute

with dialogue anymore. Yeah. Except for that episode I cited last year, the Halloween one. It was one of their best in a long time. This is another long clip with Homer and Mr. Bergstrom. I have noticed that Lisa seems to feel she has no strong male role model. She said that? Well, no. She didn't say it, but, you know, she...

But you can tell, right? She looks around and sees everybody else's dad with a good education, youthful looks, and a clean credit record and thinks, why me? What did I do to deserve this fat old piece of... Mr. Simpson, you have got to be a bigger man. He's weaving.

There is a wonderful girl's future at stake. Well, if she's so wonderful, give her an A. I am giving her an A. Great, but don't tell her it was a favor to me. Tell her she earned it. Mr. Simpson, she did earn it. You are smooth. I'll give you that.

Even what they're eating shows who they are. Homer's eating a burger and fries. He's eating a salad. He's the much better human. Yeah, I didn't notice that, too, because I'm fascinated by the Simpsons meals at this point because every drawing is super crude. Yeah, like purple sludge. They're eating purple goop.

They're eating purple goop. And one of the, I was watching with my girlfriend and I just, I made a disgusted moan when Lisa's playing her saxophone outside on a baseball diamond that to scale,

she looks like she's 40 feet tall. It is one of the worst drawings ever from a perspective level. I need to go back and see that. But this is, but to show you how good this episode is, this also could have been line of the show you see class my life disease turned out to be psychosomatic does that mean you're crazy oh that means he was faking it no actually it was a little

of both i love that she's not even as insulted like no let me clear this up for you and this i mean i always thought of when i heard psychosomatic and people thinking they got a disease from reading it everywhere. I always think back to this. This is the Prodigy song. No, I don't know that. It's amazing being psychosomatic pre-internet where nowadays it's like, oh, my arm is a little bit tingly. Let me look that up. Heart attack?

What? WebMD says go directly to the hospital now. I smell almonds. Am I having a stroke? Also, WebMD says, go directly to the hospital now. I smell almonds. Am I having a stroke? Also, the visual of Hoover. So Bergstrom's gone. Hoover's back. Is Bergstrom gone?

And just when Lisa opens the door, she's so crestfallen and broken. And Hoover's erasing Bergstrom's name. Yeah, it's a great moment. Just to make it very clear. Because at that moment, Lisa was to make up the bad museum visit was going to invite Mr. Bergstrom to dinner.

And that felt like it was about to happen, because that is a sitcom-y thing to happen. Every time I expect it to happen, I'm like, oh, the episode doesn't end that way at all. Yeah, the third act is kind of a surprise, even though I know how it ends. It's just like, oh, he doesn't go to dinner. That's right. And just to jump back to the B-plots, this is also an unbelievable line. Everybody forgets to vote

for Bart, even though he seems like the clear leader. I demand a recount! One for Martin. two for Martin. Would you like another recount? No. Well, I just want to make sure. One for Martin, two for Martin. She's so mean about

that. It seems like they're saying elections are just arbitrary because everyone is too lazy to vote, which is still true. Nobody votes. I heard the argument about why you shouldn't even think trump it could even possibly be the republican nominee is because people just in a poll will say i've heard of trump so yeah i'd vote for him but they don't actually show up you're not registered you're not any value of your sense of time you're not an 80 year old white man you're

not actually voting for him this does remind me me of elementary school election that I took part in where I was – so this kid actually didn't really like – he hired me as his script writer. It was a thing in class. You had to pick a president, vice president, and they had to pick a treasurer and a script writer and all that. A mudslinger. And I was like, I i gotta write all this stuff i like i wrote in one poster and then the day of the like the speeches i'm like oh i'm sorry i didn't write it and he had a he had a wing it and he lost i was like you know what i don't really like you i like the girl

that you're running against more so sorry sex now that i have your attention vote dave rubin this seems like it's saved by the bell plot yeah You'd be the Screech in that situation. Yeah, you would be the Screech. Screech let everybody down. Oh, I dropped it in the toilet. But my pet cockroach ate it. Did you guys get that Dewey defeats Truman joke? Yes. Only because like...

Not when it happened. Not in 1991. I didn't, but like a few years later, HBO aired the Truman movie with Gary Sinise, and that was like in the trailer prominently that Truman won the election, but the paper predicted he would lose, and that was like in the trailer prominently that Truman won the election but the paper predicted he would lose and he held it up and it's a

very famous picture I don't know if anybody would get that now or if I would have gotten without that HBO film I mean it's one of the most famous pictures there is but cited where and when like if you're like I haven't looked at a history book in 20 years people will bring it up of just saying don't count

your chickens before their hatch yeah yeah but so this is uh this is my line of the show. Let's see if I can keep it together. Because it's the longest clip we've ever had and my line of the show is buried somewhere in the middle. There's about four in here.

Well, the joke where he says he can't lie, that is his biggest joke of the episode. It made me laugh. Let's just play it. There's a line that confuses me in here.

We can talk about it. That's my line of the show. Okay. That's the joke now boarding on track five the afternoon hey mr braggstrom hey lisa hey lisa indeed what what is it oh i mean we're just gonna leave just like that oh i'm sorry lisa you know it's the life of of the substitute teacher he's a fraud today he might be wearing gym shorts tomorrow he's speaking french or or pretending to know how to run a bandsaw or god knows what you can't go you're the best teacher i'll ever have oh that, that's not true. Other teachers will come along. Oh, please.

No, I can't, Lighty. I am the best. But they need me over in the projects of Capital City. But I need you too. That's the problem with being middle class. Anybody who really cares will abandon you for those who need it more. I understand. Mr. Bergstrom, I i'm gonna miss you i'll tell you what whenever you feel

like you're alone and there's nobody you can rely on this is all you need to know thank you mr bergstrom, I guess this is it. Oh, God. It's crushing me. How's everybody doing? I didn't quite get the tears out. I'm a little tingly. I got a little tingly, too.

That's the thing about being middle class? The thing about being middle class is he just tries, like, he kind of mumbles it, so this is the first time I actually heard it, I think. I had to check the subtitles to make sure it's what I heard. Me, too. Yeah, and I was wondering, is he saying, saying like the system sucks because no one can get the help that they need like yeah you're just shuffled around with the limited resources you have and no one can get the education that they actually need well the projects capital city need him yeah you're

a middle class person in a public school the rich people will take the best stuff from you and then the people who will work for free they'll work for free for people who need it more than you do it's weird. I guess the middle class was more of a thing in 1991 which is why I'm like, middle class, am I that? No, we're all poor. Now we are, but I mean, we grew up middle class.

But they've destroyed the middle class. So, the notes. Oh, good story. This was something I didn't know until Every Simpsons ever because I was following the Twitter of all the writers like jumped on Twitter and were just like live tweeting episodes they wrote. The notes, that would have been like my line of the show because I love it, but it's not spoken. You are Lisa Simpson is the note. So John Vitti, the writer, he tweeted during when it aired.

He said that there is supposed to be an exclamation point at the end of that note. And he missed it in the animatic. And then it animated. He said that there is supposed to be an exclamation point at the end of that note. And he missed it in the animatic. And then it animated. And they're just like, you can't undo it. And so he curses it to this day that it doesn't have an exclamation point. It still totally works. It 100% works.

I almost think it would be. I like it more as a subtle statement of you are Lisa Simpson. Not like, you are Lisa Simpson. Go get it. It feels more sincere with the period. Also, the way John Vitae got that line, they were all stuck on what Mr. Berkson would write on the paper. James Brooks, sorry, not James Brooks, James L. Brooks literally writes you are Lisa Simpson and hands it to John Vitae.

He opens it and that's how he gets the line. And they all shrugged when they saw it the first time. They're like, so we are Lisa Simpson? What does that mean? If only James L. Brooks was on the set of Lost in Translation. We would know. Yeah, there were a million. They mention it on every commentary almost where they can say, oh, that was a great line in my episode that James L. Brooks wrote.

But this was the one most of where they say everybody will tell them, oh, I write. They'd say, I write for the Simpsons. Oh, you are at least a Simpsons. I'm like, yeah, I was. James L. Brooks, the genius. Chris, don't you have a friend that keeps that in their wallet or something? I do. I don't think so. I don't remember.

Like, Chintz Spire or somebody keeps a note that says, I am Lisa Simpson in their wallet. I find it stupidly inspirational. I can totally see me keeping that in my wallet. I keep it in my iPhone E-Evernote. At the train station, do, there's a very conspicuous background character. That's Jim Reardon, one of the Simpsons directors, who loves

trains. He hates flying. He takes trains everywhere. So that was a huge gut punch. And I feel like the episode could have ended there, but there's an even more devastating moment emotionally after this. Like, I forgot about this scene. I thought it just ended with the note. Yeah, if anything, it's only... The previous scene undercuts it

because this is resolved too quickly. I feel like they had to say, we've got to build Homer back up. Homer looks so bad here. We need Homer to get better. He says a hilarious line, but it's so sitcom-y.

You're like, why did you fucking say that to your daughter? I don't know. It felt very... It felt real to me. What are you so mopey about? Nothing.

Lisa, tell your father. Mr. Bergstrom left today. Oh? He's gone. Forever. And? I didn't think he'd understand.

Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. I'm glad I'm not crying because I would hate for you to think That what I'm about to say Is based on emotion But you sir

Are a baboon Me? Yes you, baboon, baboon, baboon, baboon I don't think you realize what you're saying Baboon That's intense It's totally intense I think Homer was used to just saying

And now I'll say a joke And then somebody has an honest emotional reaction to that joke That makes it realer But everybody has to act in this episode Yeah, it's a hard one for the actors Compared to their usual million dollar Easy street But I mean that scene spoke to me

More than the Bergstrom scenes, honestly, because I've been angry at the dinner table with my dad and just like, though I choked back emotions instead of saying anything.

That's why I'm more repressed than Lisa, yeah. But also then when Homer, obviously at my dinner table, my mom wouldn't have called out my dad for being mean. I do have that. Like Marge,

I'm very glad that Marge just immediately goes like, no, no, Homer, fuck you. You got to fix this. Somebody was bound to say it one day. I just can't believe it was her. Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon. The stupidest, ugliest, smelliest ape of them all.

Homer, you're not allowed to have hurt feelings right now. There's a little girl upstairs who needs you. Her confidence in her father is shaken, and no little girl can who needs you. Her confidence in her father is shaken and no little girl can be happy unless she has faith in her daddy. Jesus. It's heavy. I have to keep that in mind too for myself even, that feeling of

you're not allowed to be hurt right now. She's sadder than you and I don't care if you're hurt by what she said. I truncated this scene a little bit but it is very sweet. Again, I love Lisa juxtaposed with the hyper-intelligent member of the Simpsons. She's still a little girl. I also have a continuity complaint about this scene.

Oh, me too. I know you're... This isn't going well at all. Look, if you just want me to forgive you... No, no, no. I just wish I knew what to say. Although maybe this music will help. Now, you lost someone special and it hurts

I'm lucky because I never lost anyone special to me Everyone special to me is under this roof It's true Now, you'll have lots of special people in your life, Lisa There's probably some place where they all get together And the food is real good and guys like me are serving drinks. Oh, well,

maybe I can't explain all this, but I can fix your dollhouse for you. At least I'm good at monkey work. You know, monkey. You know what I mean? I can hold these nails in place with my tail. That's what got me the most choked up.

They bring you down so low, and then they bring you back up immediately. It's like an emotional rollercoaster. And that's such a beautiful scene. Even in these old episodes, you don't see that much that it seems to be Dan doing it live with Yardley like there's parts that feel like that wasn't in the scripture going like yeah i don't have a banana you got a banana you got like that it does feel improv-y like i can hold the nails in place with my tail so homer homer saying he never lost anyone special to him his mother abandoned him and as far as you know she's dead yeah he had a great relationship with her when she was around yeah i guess that hadn't been established you know no they didn't know the new mona wasn't around but they didn't

it was an unanswered question for eight years there is that part to it but it i think what they're saying there is that homer's apology does work but it's just really him saying like you are better than me let's say even now you are and i can't understand i can't i can't react to you on your level and probably never will be but i still can have a moment of sincerity with you and be and i definitely love you i mean yeah and i love you like it's it's touching that way and then the follow-up of homer helping the other kids and that's a fun too it's a cute finale it's beautiful and he's on a parenting role here and i keep meaning keep meaning to put this line in my actual vernacular again. Anytime someone's bitching about something on Twitter,

I should end the conversation like this to myself. Would you have gotten any money for being class president? No. Would you have to do extra work? Yeah. And is this Martin guy going to get to do anything neat? Like throw out the first ball at the World Series? Well, no.

So let the baby have his bottle. Huh? That's my motto. Let the baby have his bottle. Working that back in. It is nice to see Homer being a good parent in like a tiny dose.

Yeah, very tiny doses. The parting line where Homer says, I'm on the roll of my lifetime, let's just go to bed. Now I read it as him saying, we're going to have a really great, let's screw our brains up. Now that you know I'm on the roll of my lifetime, let's just go to bed. Now I read it as him saying, we're going to have a really great let's screw our brains up.

They're seemingly going to bed at maybe 6.30, because they were just eating dinner, and then that scene happened, and then he's like, yeah, let's just go to bed. She didn't even wash the dishes yet. She didn't even finish her tea. So how do we feel about this episode? Is it the best Simpsons episode ever? I think it's tightly packed with jokes

and makes you care about the characters more than the show ever cares to do in the future. It's focused on the family specifically the entire time, no one else. To me it is the most emotionally impactful but that doesn't make it my favorite. The best ones to me

are the jokiest. Ones that are on my best list are Homer Goes to College or Marge vs. the Monorail or Bart's Comet. Ones like those that are super jokey. I can't wait for Bart's Comet. I don't think another episode we will watch will

touch me as much as this one. This is the nicest episode, but I don't think it's the funniest. That's my criteria for Simpsons episodes. There's too many great Bergstrom lines delivered very well by the only three-dimensional character to ever visit Springfield. You know what the sign is? I haven't gotten anything from

Frankieack.com from this episode. Whatever I get the most from, that's what is my favorite episode. In terms of emotion, I think it ties with Mother Simpson for me, because that episode I get choked up at the end. Like that scene of Homer sitting on his car.

It's great. Makes a good Facebook cover photo. I can't even think about it. Stop making me cry, Funny Show. This is our longest episode yet. Wow. Might be. So I guess we should wrap up, everybody.

Thanks for listening. I am Bob Mackey, as always, your host. And you can find me on the internet as Bob Servo on Twitter. I also host the Classic Gaming Podcast, Retronauts. Find that at retronauts.com or usgamer.net.

Everybody else, what do you do? Laser Time, the stupid little show that kick-started most of this stuff, via Patreon, ironically. But patreon.com slash laser time. That's where you can find the first season of this show. We wanted to jump straight to the stuff people loved, but people who are willing to support us and make the show a reality, they get exclusive access to the stuff people loved, but people who are willing to support us and make the show a reality, they get exclusive access to the first season. And also,

if you like the dates talk that we had in this one, there's 302010, the weekly podcast where we go through the pop culture events of 30 years ago, 20 years ago, and 10 years ago, like the Super Bowl, the Challenger explosion, and Dave Chappelle getting interviewed.

And now it's Cheap Podcast, the pro wrestling podcast. I don't know how to tie it to this. I'm sorry. Thanks for listening and a shout out to our friends in Winnipeg for putting us in a goddamn newspaper. What? Yeah. We'll see you next week, everybody. Later. Wow. Infotainment.