Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Marge Be Not Proud

Episode Date: April 4, 2018

Be it Bonestorm or Putting Challenge, if you grew up in the 1990s there had to be at least one game you wanted for Xmas. Well, this holiday classic captures that spirit as well as the childhood shame and a parent's disappointment that feels all too real. Listen along with us and special guest Dave Rudden! Support this podcast at Patreon.com/TalkingSimpsons!

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I heartily endorse this event or product. Ahoy, hoy, everybody. Welcome to Talking Simpsons, where phony tornado alarms reduce readiness. I'm your host, Bob Thrill-Ho-Mackie, and this is a chronological exploration of The Simpsons. Who else is here with me today? Henry Gilbert and I broke the 11th commandment. Who else? Cup and ball hog Dave Rudden. Oh it's so good and today's episode is Marge be not proud. Shoplifting is a victimless crime like punching someone in the dark. Today's episode aired on December 17th, 1995, and Henry will tell us what happened

on this mythical day in real-world history. Oh my god! Oh boy, Bobby! Beanie Babies and Pogs were the top toy on every Santa's list. Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You is spending its second holiday season at the top of the charts, thus cementing it as a standard. And Robin Williams, Bonnie Hunt, and Kirsten dunst all-star in jumanji which unseats toy story at

number one at the box office how dare you jumanji i have actually never seen it but i kind of want to go back uh this many years later and see those disgusting cgi animals and how hideous they look not terrible because i just watched it was a fine. I watched it for the first time this year when they came out with the new Jumanji, which I actually really liked. Which made a billion dollars. I hear that is a really good movie, actually. It is. I really like it. Really? Wow. Fast and the

Furious is kind of good. Yeah, just so insane. And Kevin Hart, Dwayne Johnson, and Jack Black are hilarious. They're playing themselves, but also, I mean, they're not playing themselves. They're playing like teenagers. Playing in their bodies. I do like that.

It's like a woman or a girl is in Jack Black's body. They all have the most inappropriate or the most different bodies in their adult form. It's really cool. The original Jumanji, it was when Robin Williams opened films. It was like, yeah, it's the biggest star in the world, Robin Williams. He was the rock Williams opened films. He was like, yeah, it's the biggest star in the world, Robin Williams. He was the rock of his day. And he came out at his normal hairiness in Jumanji. He's finally allowed to be free.

And this was when Bonnie Hunt got to star in movies. Let's give Bonnie Hunt a try. Who was the cop in this movie? David Alan Greer. David Alan Greer. He's hilarious, isn't he? There was also the hilarious scene, which is only funnier with time, of the old-timey game hunter buying crazy powerful guns for free.

Who, by the way, is not Andy Dick. Every time I see clips, I'll be like, oh, Andy Dick's in this movie? It's not Andy Dick. It should be. This Jumanji talk overpowered the other things. What were they? There was the holiday thing. Pogs and Beanie Babies. Pogs and Beanie Babies.

Pogs and Beanie Babies. Number one toys of 1995. I don't associate Beanie Babies. Not the Virtual Boy, though, even though it was on sale. It was on clearance at this point. But yeah, Beanie Babies, I don't associate with the mid-'90s. I think of that more of a late-'90s thing. But man, like I said, it was when it peaked.

It hit peak Beanie. They debuted in the mid-'90s, but yeah, it peaked. I guess it didn't make the rankings that year. But this year was big for games, because 1995 was the launch of the Saturn and PlayStation, and I don't know about the N64. No, that was 96. They waited a whole other year.

They thought they could pull that. They did it with the Super NES, and then they thought they could pull it off with the N64. It didn't work as well. I mean, that's as good a point as any to say, we are game players and former game writers so we this episode of the simpsons really touched us i would say i mean as also a christmas enthusiast it's also like we waited six years for a new simpsons christmas episode like i

and i thought like you know around like fourth or fifth season like i guess they're never doing that again that's what made this special i mean they would eventually go on to make one every like two or three seasons. But this was a big deal, especially because A, Christmas special. B, like we said, it is a very authentic take on video games. Yeah. Actually, I'm such a Christmas nut that I watched every single Simpsons Christmas episode over the holidays. I also had so much time that I just did it.

There are four Christmas episodes that are interchangeable as the best one ever. Like this, the season one one, I think the season 23 one. Oh, it's Christmas past one. Yeah, and I forget the other one. The Skinner Scents of Snow? No, no, no, the one where they fool the town. Funzo?

No, no, no. Rift of the Magi. No, no, no. It's the one where... My listeners are going insane. Sorry, Bart Burns Down the Tree. Oh, yes. Because I love that and the Christmas of Future Past episode

because they're both almost serious finales. Because the end of that episode is the Simpsons losing everything and still fighting over additional. Even their pets stole it away. But this was the return to Christmas. They were ready for it by this point. They thought they'd never do it again because Simpsons roasting on the open open fire was the first episode if you want to learn about the production of that listen to our interview on patreon with mimi pond the

writer of that episode and if you want to know this true story behind this episode listen to our interview with mike scully on patreon where he talks about being a filthy child thief yes yeah that's why i asked you guys to be on this episode is because I also engaged in some shoplifting, hopefully. Oh, Shaq Azaramesh. I was caught by my mother shoplifting. Oh, my gosh. And that is what made me stop shoplifting.

Wow. That'll do it. That'll really do it. I never shoplifted. Well, maybe I stole a candy bar or something, but I was a goody two-shoes. I didn't steal things. For me, and it's ironic because I would end up in print but i would steal video game magazines wow just put them right in your sleeve right yeah roll them up uh yeah what i would do is i was always paranoid

about those like machines or whatever at the front door that like would beep yeah so i would tear out the upc symbol and just like stick it in my pocket it always takes so long and then yeah one day my mom actually saw me putting the magazine in my pocket, and then I wrote her a note, and I was like, I'm so sorry, Mom, I'll never do it again. And she bought it. And you went on to steal several more magazines. I never did after that.

Bob, you never shoplifted? I was a good boy. I would look down upon shoplifting. What I should have done was made a magazine about my mom and framed it, because then it would be the same sort of retro. Oh, yeah, that's true. It would have been a sweeter ending. Yeah.

You weren't as creative as Bart back then. No, no, no. Though I actually had been the Don Brodka in situations. At a Blockbuster video, twice we had to deal with shoplifters. And my feeling was, I don't give a fuck. Steal the shit. Like, what, am am i gonna get in a fight with you i worked at a game stop where i believe one of the managers was like very vigilant about like uh pursuing shoplifters and actively going after them and i'm like number one you told me like you can't touch a customer even if they steal number two i'm

not like chasing someone who stole yugioh cards i don't give a shit yeah there's that we have shrinkage for a reason it's part of a storage budget i also worked at game stop for a while and like i never actually caught anyone in the act it'd only be afterwards where why are there a hunk of like a giant stack of hey you pikachu's missing the one the best shoplifters were the ones we never caught which they were super smart we at blockbuster we would sell pre-played games and they came in these clamshells and went over the full game case now a fool would try to open it from the bottom where the lock is they'd be like well i'm not getting in there the top has is so easy to crack open the top so they just went to a blind corner of the place cracked open and took and took out the game disc of like 20 copies and then just left and i was like damn that's pretty good because the game just didn't have the thing the scanner thing that would

set off either i blame blockbuster for that because they decided well the cheap thing to do is to just have two people working on a busy sunday if they had a third person walking the floor that wouldn't happen actually when i worked at that game stop it was in the mall and i was dating one of the girls who worked at suncoast that's right we were we were all cross lovers it didn't work out but i would hear her stories about people like coming in like ninjas with razor blades like stealing like hundreds hundreds of dvds just like slicing the little plastic pop like popping it out and like without even opening the case just like sliding it out yeah i. The biggest thievery that happened under my watch at GameStop was

kind of a clever ruse where I had opened the glass case behind the shelf and right after I'd done that, one guy asked me a question about a game in the back and he was working in conjunction with this guy in the front. So when I walked to the back, he opened the case and took like 10 copies of Devil May Cry.

Whoa! That's a good trick like no no go in the back check in the back guys yeah i only learned about it because a another star crossed event happened where someone from eb game said hey we just had uh like 10 copies of devil may cry and like five copies of devil may cry 2 traded in uh do you know what's did you are you guys missing any of them and i turn around i and I'm like, oh, fuck. Well, that's nice that they were helping you out there. But then I was called Devil May Cry Dave for years afterwards. Why not

Devil May Cry? I know. We're not as clever as pun masters as Dave is. Yeah, but then when I started at GamePro years, years later, we had one year where we still used pseudonyms before we just went to our real names and I couldn't think of anything, so I just went with Dave May Cry. Well, in this episode, though, is a real gut punch for me.

Bob and I were talking about this beforehand. We're both mama's boys, the mama's boys of Talking Sims. Big time. I mean, yeah, I'm kind of a mama's boy, too. And yeah, this happened to me probably a year or two beforehand. It's like, oh, boy. And I mean mean this specifically didn't happen to me but i've definitely felt the sting of a disappointed mother oh yeah and this

makes me want to the ending every time it's like i wish i had this i miss my mom it does remind me of even being an adult and fucking up it just like okay what can i do to make this better and the other person just like i i don't know just like you're like i just want to do something like let me do something yeah just like it's like being punished with guilt i mean rightfully so but it's just like the sting of guilt hurts more than than the sting of punishments yeah and uh yeah we were all hardcore gamers probably in 1995 playing they did a really good job in this episode of like capturing like the gaming zeitgeist at the time yes the it totally in your face console wars era where advertisers are screaming at you and calling you an asshole and telling you to buy

the games i didn't even listen to the commentary or anything but i assume that the guys are playing games at this point i think so i mean there's a lot of deep cuts on this that like this would just be like a weird donkey kong pastiche or something if they weren't actually aware of these games it's something that always drove me crazy like say in roseanne where they actually had a good episode about getting a super nes and then almost bankrupting them to get that christmas present but when they talk about the games they're playing she's like i got the fifth crystal skull from the brass monkey or i'm like that's not a game just say you're playing super mario sound effect on the screen he's like blank blank yeah it drove me crazy before we get to bone storm i want

to say uh that was named by the great writer dan grainy who re-interviewed one of our greatest interviews they're all great but i love talking to dan and i do want to say also that there was a blood storm before bone storm it was a 1994 fighting game in 2011 there was bullet storm and in 2016 i believe there was storm blood uh That is the Final Fantasy XIV second expansion. That's right. But no game can now use Bonestorm. But tons of games really want to use Bonestorm, but they can't. There's Mr. Bones. Mr. Bones.

And you can hear all that interview at patreon.com slash talking simpsons. Or you can sign up today. You've got to get that plug in early. I've got to do it. Why don't we get to our first clip here. It's a crusty kind of Christmas. It's a crusty kind of Christmas Christmas, brought to you by ILG, selling your body's chemicals after you die.

And by Little Sweetheart Cupcakes, a subsidiary of ILG. Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in. Welcome to my home. And no. Say, did I hear some carolers come they told me hey it's respected private citizen tom landry and south american sensation Shusha, shusha, shi, shusha, boy. Now, stay tuned for a video Christmas card from Tupac Shakur. So was that Tom Landry?

He was still alive. Yes, he was still alive. Homer wouldn't buy his hat just yet. The writers were on a real Tom Landry kick at this point for some reason. I always took the line, respected private citizen Tom Landry, is that they legally couldn't mention the nfl on crusty show yeah that's a good point yeah that's how i read that joke now and i love unironically and ironically musty old christmas specials like this one but one of my all-time favorites is the colbert christmas it's timeless it's so great yeah or the on the kids in the hall one the buddy

cole christmas special that was another great one. I always thought when I was a kid that Christy botching that name was just an excuse for him to say shit. Oh! Shit, shit. So Shusha Shitla is based on Shusha, who I was tweeting about yesterday. People were like, how do you know about Shusha? So Shusha is and was then a brazilian entertainer kids entertainer the thing about her is she was extremely hot and wore really revealing outlets on kids shows and um i uh i don't know if

i should be ashamed of this but i think the show was secretly for guys boys going through adolescence because at 12 i'm like i'm on board the shusha train i will take let it take me anywhere and now as an adult i'm watching um Shusha clips for this episode. I'm like, I think my ideal death is Shusha killing me. Here's the clip you have here, Bob, of the Olsen twins on Shusha. Yes, I want to point out, listen to how media trained they are. They are just savvy and cynical immediately. These poor kids.

Tell me about it, the movie. It's spooky, but it's funny. Good. Can I ask a question or another question? Can you come again? Yeah? Maybe.

Maybe. Okay, I know, I know. We stars. Little and big know, I know. Stars. Little and big stars, I know. Have a lot of things to do. But if possible, you come again? Yes. Good. That's good.

Here we go. I love how Shusha's being, they're clearly not into it, but Shusha's like, yeah, you big star, you too busy for Shusha. Too busy for Shusha, but come on, say yes. Someone turned me on, it's fully subtitled on YouTube. I recommend the 1989 movie Super Shusha vs. Satan, where Shusha fights Satan, and she's wearing hot pants throughout the entire movie, and it's great.

She's actually very conservatively dressed in that one there. Usually you see her entire midriff at the same time. But yes, Shusha, if you're listening, pick up the phone. Is this the first time that But yes, Shusha, if you're listening, you know, pick up the phone. Is this the first time that Krusty appears in something that has the initials KKK? It is, but they're not getting it. It's not as obvious.

I think that was definitely intentional on the writer's part. Yeah, and the Zoom. I guess it's Krusty crying at Christmas. I don't know if it's a C or a K. It is a K, I remember seeing. That Zusha stuff too she was her name is shusha henry and we're married now shusha was on american tv here in on the family

channel of all things it's shocking yeah they and uh zushik shushashi she would return in season 12's trip to brazil i do want to say it was sort of like When you were a small boy of 12 And you could not access pornography You would watch The Grind or whatever This was very similar Or you'd maybe stay up late and watch E's Wild On perhaps

If you could And Tupac would be dead Within a year of this joke And I say dead in quotes Because we all know he's still making albums off somewhere else he made like 30 albums after his death that's true and i'm sure they're all good because they were they were not released before he died so i always thought whatever names they're supposed to be like charo charo no that was sort of like 20 years ago that

sort of figure although she was for adults and i got i got her confused with the sabato higante ladies as well which is of a similar vein and then the joke about a jewish entertainer doing a christmas special like barbara streisand did that all the time same with kathy lee gifford yuck yeah yuck or kathy lee epstein is her real name is well it is when people of all religions gather together to worship jesus christ and then we get an ad that is so... They got the 90s ads perfectly here. You want excitement? Jump this up your stocking!

Whoa! Hmm, that looks entertaining. Oh, yeah So tell your folks, buy me, Bonestorm, or go to hell! Buy me, Bonestorm, or go to hell! Bart! Young man, in this house we use a little word called please The coolest video game ever!

I'm sorry, honey, but those games cost up to and including $70 And they're violent and they distract you from your schoolwork. Those are all good points, but the problem is they don't result in me getting the game. I know how you feel, Bart. When I was your age, I wanted an electric football game more than anything in the world. And my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, good night. Well, first off, let's talk about the game of Bonestorm is very much Mortal Kombat.

Yeah, I mean, that song is very Mortal Kombat-y, and the idle animation they have when they're, like, dazed is the, you know, do the fatality animation. The boring game that they show is basically Liu Kang fighting a tank. Yeah, and then afterwards, it's two Goros fighting each other. I don't think the Mortal Kombat franchise had reached that yet. I don't think they had anyone besides Goro who was forearmed yet. Well, by 95, I think they were up to Mortal Kombat 3. That Centaur guy was in it at least.

Oh, yeah, Kataro. And then they had a Lady Goro. They had multiple Goros at that point. I apologize. But also, you couldn't find a tank yet, though. And the logo of Bonestorm is very Mortal Kombat as well. They reference it very well.

And I will... The Santa Claus is not based on a video game ad at all. He's based on one Dave and I know very well. Jim! Gotta have beef. Gotta have spice. Need a little excitement? Stamp it into a Slim Jim.

Oh, yeah! Man, I never really thought about that. He says, need a little excitement. That's what Santa says that right before shoving something up your stocking. See, I was always hung up on the fact that, like, is this guy supposed to be a character in the game? Because it seems kind of short-sighted to have a Christmas-based character in your game. Like Clay Fighter?

Yeah. That's true. Yeah, so I really want to say, thinking about it, I think that the... So the boring game that we see is Liu Kang fighting a tank. I think they're escalating

the Street Fighter, you beating up a car in the bonus round. Oh, yeah. And one other thing, this episode takes place in winter, which is why we see snow, but a weird thing that they're doing is they're using crickets to signify nighttime,

which you're not going to hear crickets in winter. They're all dead. Yeah, or they're in jail. If they're in jail, break out. And they also didn't get, like, Homer, like, was it nighttime when he made that, when Bart made that request? Because I thought they were watching date, I guess, that was a thing that would air in primetime. Yeah, they were watching a primetime

special while Marge was making dinner. Or, no, cleaning up after dinner. She was washing the dishes. Yeah. And I would definitely, if a video game commercial told me to say something, I'd say it to my mom. So that's very true of Bart, too. And we should say these commercials, or commercials of this type, were airing during The Simpsons. Yeah. This was the market because, as Bill Oakley told us, kids were watching The Simpsons more than adults.

And this was the era of, in my opinion, unforgettable commercials. Like the Mortal Kombat ones, where it's just a a person in the streets yelling Mortal Kombat and the NBA Jam ones. Or perhaps this play it loud commercial for Killer Instinct. it looks like the arcade man 16 bits 16 bits all you can say is killer instinct only on super nes complete with counter cut game music cd it's totally wow so i should point out that the play-it-loud era of Nintendo was a reaction to Sega's

in-your-face marketing. Nintendo was not ready for that. So with Sega's marketing, they would reference other games like, look how shitty the Game Boy is, look how shitty Mario Kart is. No one's going to remember that game. Exactly. But even with Nintendo being edgy, they still don't acknowledge other games. Like, nope, that is just a commercial for

them. This is a commercial for us, and we will say, we are in your face, and a fat man will explode. But even though they're in your face, it's like, but we're going to censor all that. I remember they'd had the butthole surfers on, and I was like, well, I think they don't say the word hell in it. Yeah, they bleep out the word hell. It's like, what did they say? The closest thing to mentioning another game

in there is that in Killer Instinct, they say completely uncensored, which that was Nintendo having to say, like, look, we did censor Mortal Kombat. We know that you know this one isn't censored. We're sorry. And when they say who needs a new system, that was definitely their 95 ad campaign of like, why buy a PlayStation? Doesn't this look as good as a PlayStation game? It's a Killer Instinct game. No way. The polyg as a PlayStation game? It's a killer instinct game. No way. Those social polygons are the best.

It's like paper craft in front of me. So Marge's comments about games costing up to and including $70 is still true 23 years later. In fact, if you buy a game for $70, you're a sucker. Wait two weeks. They all go down to like $30. Although even back then, I remember games like Phantasy Star 4 was $80. I paid a year before this episode, I paid $82 of my own money for Final Fantasy 3 slash 6. You think that had extra megs was usually the catalyst?

$32. All those megs, they cost a lot, man. And Homer's opinion of electric football is a little higher than the critics, which this game sucks. It doesn't make any sense. Not a metaphor. And then, so then we get a bunch of corny mom-ness, which all of these just get me because my mom, I think we all had like corny moms who didn't care that they were a big lame. This is very much like, look out for the shack attack. All aboard the sleepy train to visit Mother Goose.

Barty stop his snoozy lane to rest his sweet caboose. Mom, I'm not a little kid anymore. Tucking time is lame. Well, if loving my kids is lame, then I guess I'm just a big lame. Mom, it's lame to be proud of being lame. Well, life is like a box of chocolates. Mom, no. Mom!

You're gonna get. Marge seems completely unfazed that her son has put a garbage pail on his head. Yeah. Probably filled with filth now. She's seen this a lot from him, I think.

The sound design is great on that without seeing it. It's very well done. What did she say during that part? See, it makes me sad because I'm like i did

that to my mom i was like mom come on just quit being so you guys also have like tuck-in traditions i got tucked in i got a tuck-in and a kiss on the forehead but it wasn't no no song or anything nothing elaborate so the thing is i i shared a room with my younger brother from the time when we were like you know both toddlers up until probably like middle school. And like during the prime tuck-in time, the thing my mom would always do is like, you know, she would say goodnight and then she would kiss each of us. And then she would whisper in our ears like, you're my favorite.

And then when she left, we'd compare notes and always be like, mom. What was she lying about? That's cute. So then we get the dream of renting a video game for 99 cents, which would never happen in 1995. I want to buy a copy of Bonestorm. Here's 99 cents. Allow me to summarize the proposed transaction. You wish to purchase Bonestorm for 99 cents.

Net profit to me, negative $59. Oh, oh, please take my $59. I don't want it. It's yours. Seeing as we are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I shall close the register at this point and state that 99 cents is the rental price. Then may I please rent it, please? No, you may not.

I am all out. Though I do have a surprising abundance of Lee Carvalho's putting challenge. So I want to get into Lee Carvalho's putting challenge because it is a deep pull to a game that no one remembers. And I'm guessing at least one writer remembered it because it has a weird name. So Lee Trevino's Fighting Golf was a 1988 NES game that's exactly the same as every other NES golf game. And I think the reason it has a weird name is because it's a Japanese game. In Japan,

it was just called Fighting Golf, which is a very Japanese name for a thing. In America, they got Lee Trevino to be on the box, and they called it Lee Trevino's Fighting Golf. There is no fighting. There is golf. There is fighting in Outlaw Golf. Oh, that's true. But that would be much later. That's shocking. Well, I guess it's not too shocking because they got

Mike Tyson at that time, too. Celebr celebrity endorsements on a video game were definitely yeah this i mean this is around the time that like tommy lasorda had sega written on his hat that's true yeah so yes leetra venus fighting golf don't play it you can't but but they had to make up a new name and i i like carvalho anyway i am carvalho they can bring back carvalho whatever they felt like but there were multiple things I found weird that, first of all, comic book guy, I'm glad he's in the episode, but he all of a sudden has started to rent video games. He's a video game and comic book store. I know from how comic book stores are a pennies business.

You don't get rich on that. And you certainly don't have the overhead to invest in game rentals. This is back in the day, though, where you would find game rentals at weird places like the grocery store. Like, here's Super Nintendo games by the bananas. I guess I'll look at these. You would see that sometime. But I guess I think of it with the I worked at a mom and pop video store from 2006 to 2008. And there they didn't rent video games because the boss was like, they're too expensive and people steal them.

Like, no, it's not worth it. I have to point out an easy solution for Bart's problems in this episode. Wait one day. Yes. Someone will return their copy, ask to be called when it comes in. I mean, which, like, when I... Yeah, like, my local rental place that wasn't Blockbuster, they would not call you when the

thing was in because, like, otherwise they would have 50 people to call. Yeah. You just had to hope it was there. Like, got to rent tiny tuned adventures on nes there's a tiny tunes game oh and the bucky o'hare game i was just super i i wanted to play those games desperately for some reason and never could because they never usually only had just one copy of stuff yeah and in my local video store had this awful way of like all all the games were out there you had to go up and ask in every individual game oh that's terrible man that's a bad system there but uh somebody was able to get their hands on the

game new house has boom storm this is great and all i've done is answer my name thrill house say cool dude can I play too? Uh, uh, it's only a one-player game. Then how come it says second-player score? Mom! Bart's swearing! What the hell? No, no, out, out, right now. So that shot of Millis in the chair is taken from a Maxell cassette tape ad.

I don't know if the print ad came first or the commercial. I've seen them both. But it's a guy sitting in a chair. Basically, the music is blasting at him like a wind machine. But we have the commercial here. It's like a butler bringing him a cassette tape and then him getting blown away by the music. The usual, sir.

Please. Even after 500 plays, our high-fidelity tape still delivers high fidelity. Maxell, it's worth it. And the music sort of like blows a glass of champagne towards him. That's cute. I mean, maybe I did see these commercials they indoctrinate me because I usually went with Maxell. I went with Maxell or Sony brand tapes when I would make my mixtapes for myself, not for people. They were just for me.

Only I could appreciate this mix of They Might Be Giants and Weezer songs. Also that Thrill Ho joke. It's so good. That's a thing that I feel like kids today wouldn't understand, where it's like you have limited space to put in your name and game back then. I don't know. Some RPGs are still like that, though. I mean, there's still character living on some stuff,

but the kids playing Fortnite now don't know about the pain of Thrill Ho. The pain of Thrill Ho. Poor Milhouse, too. He came up with a great online nickname for himself, too, of Thrill Ho. The pain of Thrill Ho. Poor Milhouse, too. He came up with a great online nickname for himself, too, of Thrill. There has to be a million Thrill Hos out there on the internet. And a million more with a number after it. Thrill Ho 420. What's your favorite not fully completed Milhouse name?

Mil Ho? Or, sorry, Thrill Ho or Milpool? Milpool is pretty good i think millpool the thrill ho definitely has some extra that that millhouse doesn't know what it says yeah that he doesn't realize oh thrill ho is a real self-owned there i was not like millhouse my care my family's house was the game house much to my parents chagrin like we when we had video games we were the kids that everybody would come over to and play multiplayer games with so though i definitely i do love millhouse's selfishness of just like uh this isn't a two

player game though really he's he's denying himself a better gameplay experience it's who's he's gonna fight the computer? Fight Bart. I think he's just being a selfish little kid. I weirdly played Mortal Kombat a lot, single player, because my objective was like, look, if I'm going to spend so much effort trying to beat my opponent, it's going to be impossible for me to do the fatalities

that I scribbled on a notebook paper. I'm playing against myself and just getting perfect victories and then trying to do the fatality. I would never play it legitimately, any of those games. I would rent it, then do every fatality, babality, animality, friendship, secret thing, and then bring it back to the store because

it's just like, well, I've done it. I've done it all. And once YouTube was invented, you could just watch those. You wouldn't even have to do them yourself. And now the Mortal Kombat fatalities are just too disgusting. They're too realistic. It's not like 15 lungs popping out of someone when they explode. It's just like, we're going to graphically tear off someone's skin

and we model this to look like actual nerve damage. I'm kind of surprised that didn't make Trump's gameplay highlight reel. I know. Whoever was compiling that for him really messed up. They used the x-ray stuff from Sniper. I think what they wanted were ones with guns in it. So Mortal Kombat isn't that. This man in the corner, he said toasty and it was disgusting.

The Simpsons will be right back. One little excitement. I know you could shove up your stocking. Patreon.com slash Talking Simpsons. That's what supports me and Bob Mackie doing this full time every week in and week out. Patreon.com slash talking simpsons if you sign up there for just five dollars a month you'll get access to every episode of talking simpsons a week early and ad free not to mention every episode of what a cartoon our new animation podcast a week early and ad free as well plus our brand new patreon exclusive podcast talking futurama where we go

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exclusive to our patreon at patreon.com talking simpsons just recently we interviewed dan grainy if you don't know who he is he was the writer of such classic episodes as king size homer and he's the inventor of words such as embiggen and creator of characters such as gill he is a longtime fixture of the simpsons and he has tons of stories to tell us about working on the show and what it's like in one of the most creative and fun writers rooms in television history not only that but we have so many other awesome interviews including a chat with mike scully the writer of this episode of the simpsons who was executive producer of the show from seasons 9 through 12 and tons more really cool podcast interviews that you can only find at patreon.com

slash talking simpsons which you would get access to for just five dollars a month sign up today hey this is sideshow luke perry you're listening to talking simpsons on laser time when you really care about someone you shout it from the mountaintops. So on behalf of Desjardins Insurance, I'm standing 20,000 feet above sea level to tell our clients that we really care about you. Home and auto insurance personalized to your needs. Weird, I don't remember saying that part. Visit Desjardins.com slash care and get insurance that's really big on care. Did I mention that we care?

So the joke of Try and Save being open on Christmas is not a joke now. All stores are open on Christmas. You've got to... I love that they're trying to paint this anti-worker thing as a tribute to Christ. To honor Christ, we're making people work on Christmas. There was a couple of years, within the last few years, where some stores were actually saying, no, we're going to actually close on Christmas. I appreciate that.

But they actually bought them of Delta Beck. No, well, because you're giving up money, it seems like, and that's the one thing, you know, everybody's like, oh, America's such a Christian nation. Not when it comes to giving people the day off, like on Christmas Day, we're all Scrooges. Scrooge gave people a day off on Christmas Day,

so you're actually worse than Scrooge. No, I always did love, like, day after Christmas was a terrible day to work at GameStop because it's like like, just as bad as Black Friday except people are doing returns now. And they have the post-Christmas depression happening. But I love that the people – some people – like, there would always be, like, 25% of the people who came in would be angry. Like, you didn't sell me this extra thing I needed, so we didn't get to use this system all day. I'm like, awesome. The idea of Christmas was ruined.

You're being a jerk to me right now now and i retroactively wish that upon you i i had that at blockbuster too if people call and like look do you have this i worked on two christmas days of blockbuster video and both times people called him like do you rent systems i was like we don't anymore i'm sorry like but we need a ps2 i bought the wrong game for this well i can't help you help you. I do have What About Bob on VHS. Everyone loves that. Yeah, and then I liked working on Christmas to the degree that I got time and a half. And when I worked at a movie theater, they would buy, like, not great catering, but catering. They'd get you food.

Like, so time and a half and food. One of the last times I went to a movie theater on Christmas Day, there was a technical difficulty at the beginning and they had to restart the film and someone had to go and tell somebody to restart the film and when she did she came back and said i asked him to restart the film and also did you know they're not getting paid extra today to work on christmas and that like broke my heart as a as i had gotten that privilege 10 years earlier and then and then an asshole behind me said they should be happy to have jobs i would have twisted his head off and ran out of the movie that guy's almost a big jerk is gavin gavin don't you already have this game no mom you idiot i have blood storm and bone squad and blood storm too stupid oh i'm sorry honey

we'll take a bone storm get two i'm not sharing with caitlin that must be the happiest kid in the world so yeah dan grainy we interviewed him i congratulated him for making the first joke about millennials ever on television he He invented Range Rover Mom and Gavin, as it's called. And he talked about that Mike Scully is not a fan of those characters. And I have to say, I believe it was the Ayn Rand Institute, or maybe just objectivists in general, who were passing something around the internet, or someone had scanned it, and they were trying to appear hip and cool.

And it's like, the left wants you to share your Switch with your sister, who always drops it. And I immediately thought of Gavin. Like, get to. I'm not sharing with Caitlyn. So it's like, yes, never share. I'm Ayn Rand. Poor, I mean, Gavin is being abused in a way by his mother of just being so horribly spoiled.

And then he's turned, he's just a mean kid. And it's depressing. I can see why Mike Scully was depressed by Gavin Jones. And I do like her kind of checked out, like buying an ultra game for her son just like we'll take a bone storm yes yeah that that's what i i whenever it only happened to me like twice where i even cared but when somebody rented a gta game for their child in front of me i was like okay do you know what's in this though i mean are you sure like they're like look it's a game i'm getting my kid a game there's nothing better than like getting a parent to not buy a game for a bratty kid.

Oh, man. That must feel great. It's all the joys of being a parent without the actual responsibility. And also, Gavin and Caitlin are very, like, mid-90s names. Oh, for sure. And also, what's very accurate here is the case where the games are in. Like, that's very, that reminded me of the ones at Target and Kmart, I would say. At Toys R Us, RIP, they had these slips of paper you just took to the back.

Little tickets, yeah. They just died. They're just closing all their stores as of this recording. Sad, sad times. Another part of our childhood is gone. And I just also love Bart gets to meet all the kids like the other two kids show up and i i kind of agree with nelson that if you're stealing from a giant company and it doesn't impact a uh it doesn't actually impact one of the workers i think it's a victimless crime too it's like

fuck jeff bezos like i don't care i don't know why but for that for a while watching this episode i mistook what nelson was saying which i don't know why i but for a while watching this episode, I mistook what Nelson was saying, which I don't know why I did. But instead of punching someone in the dark, I guess because I'd watched Monster Squad so many times, he said punching someone in the dork. Not in the nards? Yeah, I don't know why. I don't like dork as a synonym for penis. Wolf dork. It's weird. I do love how Nancy hits punch, like punching somebody. Sorry toonym for penis. Wolf dork. It's weird.

I do love how Nancy hits punch, like punching somebody. Sorry to hit the penis in the mic like that, but it's good. That would be a very victim-full crime to punch someone right in the weenie. Yeah, but also punching someone in the dark is not victim-wise. The victim doesn't know. I do have all of the fake game names. Some of them are very good. They are.

Yes, Swim Meets, Save Hitler's Brain, Canasta Master, Operation Rescue. have all of uh sorry i do have all of the fake game names some of them are very good uh yes swim meets uh save hitler's brain canasta master operation rescue i love that one uh a street car named death robot stampede and sim reich sim reich that's really though though bob you missed my favorite angus pod corny's caper talk how did i miss that wow it's like seeing all those weird like snooker games that are on steam like who is this or like a some guy's a football manager i forget the exact name of it but one of our favorite games to like rag on when we worked at gamestop it's called jimmy white's professional snooker or something yes and it's just this sweaty guy who's like not ready to be on the cover of a video game and he looked just like our boss so i would i would see that too

with uh the darts games you'd get from the uk too where they put on the professional players and you're like well you're just like a fat guy so it's funny it was not who you would they're not the fashion icons they'd put on like tiger woods games or whatever so this borders on very special episode of bart stealing and learning a lesson but they make it their own in this show it really works and then we get a cavalcade of video game stars go ahead Bart

take the bone store the store is so rich she'll never know it's the company's fault for making you want it so much don't do it son how's that game gonna help your putting just want it so much. Don't do it, son. How's that game going to help your putting? Just take it! Take it, take it, take it, take it, take it!

Take it! Sonic sounds a lot crusty. And those are spot on Mario and Luigi. Well, more Mario's voice. Because I think this is before. Yeah. Pre-Charles Martinet. I wrote that down.

So unless one of the writers went to E3 in like 1994. Sorry, CES or whatever it was they wouldn't know this but yeah this is debuting uh mario luigi having falsetto voices before that was their official voice now i do want to say in case you don't know this is super deep knowledge i just found out charles martinet or martinet martinet martinet the french pronunciation charles martinet that mario voice debuted in a game in mario teaches typing a game for the pc and you will not believe how much dialogue he recorded for that PC game. It's all on YouTube, and I just found it.

It's amazing. Wow, I didn't know that either. They did not know about that game. I'm going to say they didn't know. At this point, all of the Mario voices we had heard were like, gruff Italian guys. Hey, Luigi, I like pasta. Hey, paisanos. Yes, like Captain Lou. But Donkey Kong was very much what you'd imagine.

But the cartoon got it wrong, the CGI cartoon. It's like, hey, guys, I'm Donkey Kong. Oh, man. Now, by the way, I just found this out. So in the new movie, War of the Planet of the Apes, the apes that turn on Caesar and join the humans, they have the word donkey written on them, which I thought was just an idea of like, yeah, you're pack animals for us. But no, it was a derogatory term from the humans of calling them Donkey Kong. Like they turned Donkey Kong kind of into a slur in the War of the Planets. Donkey Kong is like the most advanced ape there is.

He wears a tie. That's true. You figured that out at least. And yeah, Sonic there is really – he's kind of off. It doesn't sound like Urkel at all. Sonic has never had a consistent voice. He's Jaleel White. He's like a cool guy.

Well, it's been Roger Craig Smith for many years now. Including this clip. I would have grabbed this clip anyway, Dave, but you beat me to it. So you're the LEGO's dimension expert here. So what's the story? Well, I mean, LEGO Dimensions, it's kind of – what do they call it? Toys to Life. Toys to Life. Toys to Life.

Now dead. But it was kind of its own thing because there was Disney Infinity, but that had to be just Disney characters. And I think they were probably contractually obligated to use some Disney characters that they wouldn't want to. But with Lego Dimensions, it's just a grab bag of Warner Brothers stuff, but also stuff from Fox. Whoever else wasn't in Disney Infinity and could be brought in through the Lego mold. Yeah, and there were so many weird different licenses.

There was also Sega. There was Atari, Doctor Who, just like the weirdest smorgasbord. And some fandom that you're a part of is in there uh but yeah i didn't know even though i you know i played it a bit at launch uh and bought a couple of the packs like especially the back to the future stuff because like at that point there was the only other back to future game was from telltale which is also pretty good but yeah every every other back to future game was terrible yeah but it was made clearly by huge fans and dorky fans of all these properties. Would just slip in crazy references, like if you have the Sonic pack and the Simpsons pack,

I think it's not even the main pack that has Bart Simpson, you have to buy the sub Simpsons pack. The $20 pack. Second pack. If you have Sonic and Bart together on the screen, Sonic actually interacts with Bart in this way. Hey, Bart, remember, if you see a gold brick lying around, just take it!

Take it, take it, it take it take it take it take it that was the real Sonic saying to the real Bart the line from this episode the exact same reading too but also Sonic's final take it it's just like Sega we do have a clip of that commercial I mean it was in several commercials that was the tagline

okay so that was a digitized version at the beginning of a game but that would be the almost at the end of every Sega commercial That guy going, Sega! Sega! Yeah I like the classier Sega That is much more classier

Much more Japanese take on that sort of idea But when I saw, shared on Twitter The first time I saw that Sonic saying take it I was like, well, this Lego Dimensions is great I'm not going to buy it because this is too much money. I mean, ultimately, I think it's for adult nerds to indoctrinate their children into things that they like. These are gremlins.

What are those? Well, 30 years ago. You like them now. That's what they are. This is mine. Now we're going to go see Ready Player One. I don't want to. You'll like it.

So Bart thinks he got away with a victimless crime. I'm outside. I got away with it. I'm free. Sir, would you open your coat, please? Uh, I don't think this is the kind of coat that opens. Please step back in the store, sir. That boy's parents must have made some terrible mistakes.

Shut up, Mom! That's so awesome. So mean. The kind of coat that opens is a thing I think about a lot when I'm putting on a coat. As a matter of fact, when I came in here to do the podcast, this is a shoes-off household, and I tried to make the joke. Oh, I thought you were being serious. I mean, they are shoes that take forever

to take off they're prescription shoes yes so lawrence tierney uh let's play the death jingle so now dead he died in 2002 born in 1919 a notorious troublemaker for his entire life and bill oakley told a great story of uh you know getting lawrence on the show and how a driver showed up with him and said i'm not coming back yes i guess he wasn't that unpleasant around the voice directors no he said he was very unpleasant okay i couldn't remember that we've done a lot of interviews and bill oakley explains that a bit in our interview with him yeah and that he he wanted to do the character in a southern accent hanging around them too much and that he's he was also just character in a southern accent right hanging around them too

much and that he's he was also just this even as an old man he was this just gruff scary dude and they're just like these dweebs like he's surrounded by comedy writer dweebs i mean this is a similar situation to what i think maybe a year or two before this he was on an episode of seinfeld where he played elaine's father yes there's has a clip here, actually. A behind-the-scenes story from all the cast members and the director, I believe, Larry Charles. We kept our eye on Lawrence because Lawrence stole one of Jerry's knives from the set. And it was clear that he had taken one of the actual knives

from the kitchen part of Jerry's apartment. There was a knife block, and he had this large butcher knife, which I guess he was going to steal. And I wasn't about to ask him for it back. Well, of course, Jerry, who is an unusual person. Instead of going, I think we should all maybe, you know, back off. Went up to him and he goes, hey, Lawrence, what do you got there in your jacket? What's with the knife? And you see the color drain out of Tierney's face because now he's been caught.

And then Lawrence tried to make a joke about how he was, he put the knives in his jacket. He thought it would be funny. By pulling it out and going and making the psycho sound and advancing on Jerry a little bit. And Jerry didn't back up. So I don't know what was in his mind. And I remember looking at Tom, I remember looking at Julia, and just going, this is, this is, we're in the land of the sick now. We're in really scary territory. Yeah, that's Lawrence Tierney. I got to say, that was from the Seinfeld DVDs. That was back when people actually gave a shit about DVDs.

Those DVDs have, like, a featurette for every episode. And I think, like, multiple commentaries. Yeah, commentaries. Those DVDs have like a featurette for every episode. And I think like multiple commentaries. Commentaries. They would also have the trivia track. Yeah. That was like the captions but just trivia stuff. Like pop-up video stuff. Yeah.

And then like every episode had like a three-minute like behind-the-scenes featurette. They spent so much money on it. And probably – I wonder if they made their money back on that. And having put together interviews, it's like you interviewed all the people about one story and then intercut them together. I'm just – okay, this is me as an editor applauding them. It's amazing you interviewed all the people about one story and then intercut them together. I'm just the man. OK, this is me as an editor applauding. It's amazing. Yeah. But I think it speaks to how good Lawrence Tierney is, is that like those early seasons

of Seinfeld, like half of the parents were just recast. But they were just like, well, we're not bringing Lawrence Tierney back. So we'll just never see Elaine's dad again. Yes. He's out of the picture. Like we won't. But we don't want to replace him because maybe they're too scared to. Well, Lawrence Tierney was a scary guy.

I mean, they tell the story on the commentary that he was too rough for Hollywood in the 50s. They kicked him out of Hollywood. And he was back in acting in the 90s thanks to being in Reservoir Dogs with Quentin Tarantino. Because Tarantino loved him in old movies because he's an old movie freak. But he would find out on the set that yeah oh this is an insane person he's he's impossible to direct there there are multiple stories on the on the many many many different versions of reservoir dogs they put out with tons of different things of like him almost getting in fights with michael madsen

him getting in a real fight with the late chris penn it like all these things of them of tarantino telling him like say the line this way he's like that's uh not how a tough guy would say but his voice is so specific you're not gonna get anybody else who sounds like warren's tyranny and i always remember i love the line in reservoir dogs where they just say like the thing he looks like the thing it's it's just beautiful i love it too and he's it's perfect casting but he was apparently a real nightmare to work with on the sets as well for like they the way bill oakley explained it he was there for two hours tops and they're like get him the fuck out of here he has like three minutes of dialogue in this entire cartoon but yeah bill oakley and

josh weinstein their seasons famously they just got a bunch of old men on the show. Like David Merkin, sexy ladies. Oakley and Weinstein, old men. Mike Scully, famous rock star. Yes. But before we get to hear much from Don Brodka, we've got another amazing guest star. Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such public service videos as Designated Drivers, The Life-Ss, and phony tornado alarms reduce readiness. I'm here today to give you the skinny on shoplifting, thereby completing my plea bargain with the good people at Foot Locker of Beverly Hills.

Shoplifting began here in ancient Phoenicia. Thieves would literally lift the corner of a shop in order to snatch the sweet, sweet olives within. Oh, Shehekezeramesh, will you ever learn? Flash forward to ancient Babylonia. Alright, show's over. Yeah, I feel like they either couldn't think of more jokes or they just couldn't have time for it, so he just shuts off the tape after one example. He also makes up that

with the beginning of the Stealing Cable episode. Yeah. That's true, but they had to make a lot of room for Don Brodkaka he just says which don brodka another name that they pitched on for eight million years like but it is the perfect name it is very evocative of who he is for some reason and uh this is the entire this just long don brodka bit is this is why you high on lawrence tierney and i would say it it was worth the trouble. I'm calling your parents. Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson.

This is Detective Don Brodker from Try and Save Security. That's right, Don Brodker. Your son, Bart, has been caught shoplifting. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's a shame, I know, but... Well, try and have a Merry Christmas. They weren't home. Uh-huh.

But I left a message on their answering machine. That's right. I'm okay. I've really, really, really learned my lesson. Can I please go now? Yeah, get out of my sight. Hey, kid, one more thing. If you ever set foot in this store again,

you'll be spending Christmas in Juvenile Hall. Capisce? Well, do you understand? Everything except capisce. Yeah, it's great to know that he's also losing his mind. He's talking to an answering machine as if someone is on the other line. Like, uh-huh, uh-huh. There's so much

to unpack there. Like, the fact that he finds himself a minor celebrity. Yes, yes, that's right, the Don Barocca. That he's got these weird affectations where, like, uh-huh, that's right. Alright. Yeahocca. That he's got these weird affectations where like, uh-huh. Yeah. That's right. All right.

Yeah, I did. All right. It's very rhythmic. Yes. And when I watched the DVD for the first time, that smoke up my ass thing was a shock because I taped my VHS copy did not have that line. See, I saw that in the, I forget what they call the book, but it was the first eight seasons.

Yeah, I had that still. I forget what they called the book but like that like it was the first eight seasons yeah i had that i forget they called it that was his line i think like on the sidebar thing that was his line and i think i taped this episode off syndication so i never saw i thought i just assumed it was cut from syndication i it was not in my original airing of it i figured my local area was like you can't say up your ass. You can't say ass in Florida. Certainly not. But, though, it's a cute line. It deserves a laugh. Bart's right to nervously laugh at that.

And also, behind the scenes, they said that Lawrence Tierney didn't understand the idea of this one-sided phone call joke. And that they had to make up lines with him on the spot of like, okay, fine, here, this is who you're talking to, okay? And they just cut it out. I love him trying to eat the handy snack, too, at the end. Yes. And then cursing the cracker. By the way, in real life, the handy snacks, I've had some recently, they don't even come with the red stick anymore. It's a BYOS?

Yeah, you just dip it in the, they call them dippers now. It's like, how dare you save, like, what like what a penny less than a penny on one of those red sticks probably a choking hazard or something i do i do love something that'll come up later in the episode where it's like when you work in retail you sometimes just have like a little retail universe so like that kind of thing will fly at lamps plus where it's like yeah when you work in a mall or whatever you know the other stores and like hey see the person over at the orange julius or whatever yeah the person at chick-fil-a or it's like hey see the person over at the uh orange julius or whatever yeah the person at chick-fil-a or it's like everyone uh fears the the district manager like he's god but he's

actually like a a failed college baseball player who hates his life i am the in the re the realistic look of the behind the scenes store of just like this is this is a store that only the workers see and then shoplifters who are taken backstage there's a weird shot of a woman staring into the middle distance wearing just a bra and smoking and like staring at mannequins it is creepy it's i think it's supposed to be a non-sequitur you're not supposed to know what it is and then they kind of have a ferris bueller scene of bart racing the parents home i was surprised they didn't go for that reference with like the music or anything like that i'm glad they meant more with the dramatic there than the musical reference.

And they already had a cooler musical reference ready. We didn't have a message when we left. Very odd. Hello, mother. Hello, father. Here I am at Camp Granada. Marge, it's Lisa at Camp Granada. Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada?

Now, to put this tape where no one will ever listen to it. Poor Alan Sherman. I know, right? He's fine. I mean, so one of my favorite lesser-known shitposts is they do that scene, but Homer listens to the entire song just by standing there and blinking, and then when the song ends, like two minutes later, he says, Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada?

It's just so perfect. The Camp Granada song is about a terrible camp. That's the gag. And Alan Sherman, poor Alan Sherman, they not only pay for his music, but they're like, no one would listen to this. Who would pull it out? As a kid, if I heard Camp Granada

on the radio, I'd be like, this is a fun little novelty song, but I would never buy it. It seems like if anyone in the family bought that in the first place, it was Homer.

He buys all those shitty records. It's true. This Thing I Believe and stuff like that. He should know what it is. I had Camp Granada on tape. It was part of a

Dr. Demento 20th Anniversary collection. Sorry, yeah. I think the answering machine and the video game technology is the only thing that really dates this episode. Yeah, Bart can't get home and replace the voicemail with Alan Sherman. The joke now, I guess, would be that voicemail, they just say like, well, your parents didn't set up the voicemail yet, so we couldn't leave it for them. Lisa really gets nothing to do in this episode which i think really pays off at the end but her getting chest pains from drinking eggnog i've never liked eggnog even with alcohol in it as an adult i just like yuck don't yeah it's like okay so bourbon is

already bad enough for me why i don't want to add it to like egg egg pudding you know just give me the bourbon it's the only time i found egg eggnog delicious or delicious looking was in Christmas Vacation when they're drinking out of the Wally World mugs. I do like that. I just want the Wally World mugs. And I wonder what Marge is using two teapots for at the same time. It's a lot of tea. It's a lot of tea. But it's such a great little cartoon visual made realistic for no reason.

This is post the Red Hats being flown up into the sky. I love how they're playing with these classic cartoon gags. I love that too. Speaking of specific jokes, Bart's vision of Juvenile Hall is so amazing. If you ever set foot in this store again, you'll be spending Christmas at Juvenile Hall. Juvenile Hall. Juvenon Hall. Joveron Hall. Stand behind the yellow line. You will now receive your Christmas presents,

donated by the Port Authority Lost and Found Office. Pass your chit to Santa to receive your gift. If you do not have a chit, you will not receive a gift. Wow! The March 8th newspaper! Cool! A book of carpet samples! Come on, new bike. Oh, a soiled wig.

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Do we all give that line in the episode? A soiled wig? Yeah, I love it. That's the joke. So that Merry Christmas isn't happening around here, that's actually Josh Weinstein doing a voice illegally. He's not supposed to do that.

It's so garbled you can't tell. I have to remind myself the next Christmas when rolls around, I want to do a poll to find out which of those gifts would you prefer. I switch between the carpet samples and the newspaper. I'll take the newspaper. Something to read. March 8th is pretty exciting. If the carpet samples and the newspaper I'll take the newspaper, something to read

March 8th is pretty exciting If the carpet samples are clean, then I'll go with carpet samples But if that wig came from the wig sphere then that changes the discussion altogether But soiled wig, it's the soiling I'm not into It's a very good adjective, soiled And hearing Nancy say to you soiled wig

is so great And he knows the other kids would be locked up as well. I, I also, I feel like two years in a row. Now, Josh Weinstein has tweeted out. That scene is like,

I also love the little gag of bar of Homer, not wanting to go upstairs. If Bart has trouble with his zippers, you get to see all the photographs. I love those photographs. The family. Bart is Hitler. Yeah, Bart is Hitler.

Bart, his planning with the word balloon is so perfect that he somehow snuck the word balloon with him all the way to the photo and then held it up. And Homer thinks he said it out loud. I mean, it's good that he got away with it. It's better that that's how Homer thinks dialogue appears when you're speaking during a photo he thinks we live in a cartoon world i mean he does but yeah and i saw some some internet pedants point out that just like how can maggie be in three different christmas photos and it's the marge doesn't say those are christmas photos those are family photos so in the year that maggie has existed those are three photos they've taken.

So there. I outdid you there, guys. And they have to keep going back because Bart fucks it up. Yeah. Also, though, I feel like Santa's a little helper. He would be throwing up a lot for meeting that fake nose. Hopefully it's non-toxic. I don't know.

I feel like Bart couldn't afford the non-toxic kind. So when they head there first off, I love that Bart can't even remember Capiche. He remembers it as catfish. Yeah, Capiche. And there's another Don Brodka weird aside. I hope you're not going to the Value Vista. Oh, yeah, the Value Vista. That's right.

Which is like a – I don't know if they've ever referenced that one again. It's not like Shelbyville. That's true. How many times away is Value Vista? I assume Value V is uh location i feel like a uh like an outlet mall or a strip mall or something like that it sounds like a strip mall to me or also like it for la residents it's like valley village the the uh crappy area of la and though this another one this feels so real to me of like it would sometimes feel like an event if

my family all went to a big box store together like a kmart or a pick and save which was like the closest thing to a try and save in my atlanta area so we're just gonna do this photo and get out right but a bing but a boom i want to look at the pets and write things on the typewriters and see if the new dictionaries are in okay i want to price some flip-flops and smell the new tires and consult the pharmacist for some free medical advice sure we're gonna have a great day bada bing bada boom right bart bart what's wrong honey uh-oh somebody's got tired little legs oh i love homer's being so sweet there. Yeah, Lisa's version of, uh, Lisa's thing about the typewriters is like a few years before making the offensive screensaver at Best Buy on all the computers. Oh, man, I never thought to do that.

Or writing nasty things on the word processor. Oh, wow, man, I should have thought of that. Do they still have just computers out for you to fuck with in stores? I don't think they do that anymore. And they kind of have them all behind glass these days. It used to be a big deal, look computers touch them before and after my magazine thieving days i went like that was a thing like if we went to like a kmart or whatever where are the books i'll just hang out by there for the whole time you're shopping and then just

come over here and pick me up yeah it was it's on the floor and read a thing yeah that is how i would treat it as well i just read well i just going to read every magazine while we're here. I'll read this Mario, Super Mario RPG preview five times in five different magazines. Wow, there's a guy in here named Mallow. I don't care. And then we get such a cute little nothing joke, but I love it, of Homer thinking not getting marge's obvious ask for a present and this affected me in a different way as a kid because i swear to you my dad never bought a present for my mom or at the very least not unless he was guilted into it not even for christmas no really he also

never really thought he left christmas present buying to my mother for me and my brother and then he'd be mad that we thanked her and not him we knew she bought him and he didn't and but then because he left it up to her she wasn't buying a gift for herself so he was it just ended up as no present like uh you know presents are a sign of weakness and the the quick zoom in on homer's head is a little different approach to the classic brain gag like it's it's presented a bit differently, but I do love that he thinks an Irony Board cover is pretty great. And I do miss the nostalgic artifice of the Kmart Photo Center,

the family photos at a Kmart or a Walmart or whatever that basically Goofy's job in the Goofy movie. That's right. I have, like, in the last decade, went to one of those. Like, I think Sears still has them. And it was literally... And I just went there with, like, a bunch of, like, in the last decade, went to one of those. Like, I think Sears still has them. And it was literally. And I just went there with, like, a bunch of, like, this is probably, like, late 20s. Like, a bunch of other late 20s friends. We just went to one of those.

And, like, let's get a picture together. Like, let's all dress up nice and take a picture together. So many of their photos are just ironic ones now. Like, yes, yes, we only do this ironically. No one actually wants this. Still makes money. Your money isn't ironic. Your money is all too earnest.

Also, your phone has a better camera than us. But they know composition and shit like that. It's true. Well, they got the props, too. You don't have that background. I also look way better in that photo that we took at the Sears than most photos. You don't have a giant basketball at home you can lean on? So when I was a kid, I did not know who Ansel Adams was.

I thought at first Bart says asshole on TV. Like, hey, asshole Adams. He kind of has to over-enunciate it now. Ansel. Hey, Ansel Adams. It's the guy's real name. I mean, come on. How would Bart know that?

That's weird. Some history class. They take the photo and bart is caught that i told you don't return for busted merchandise what are you doing to my son i'm afraid your son broke the 11th commandment thou shalt not steal that's crazy bart's not a shoplifter he's just a little boy oh sure. He's just a little boy. Oh, sure. Now he's just a little boy stealing little toys. But someday he'll be a grown man stealing stadiums and quarries. My son may not be perfect, but I know in my heart he's not a shoplifter. Fine, play the tape. Then everyone can see you've got the wrong boy.

Wait! Mom, I don't want you to see this. Play the tape. Then everyone can see you've got the wrong boy. Wait. Mom, I don't want you to see this. I did it. So Brodka thinks he's going to turn into Carmen Sandiego. Is that what's happening? Stealing quarries and stadiums. The 11th Commandment line is so great because you think he's about to say a joke is in the 11th Commandment. Don't fuck with Don Brodka.

Something like that. But instead he says what is the 7th or 8th Commandment depending on your definition from season two it's homer and lisa homer versus the eighth commandment yeah so it's so he said so it's just such a good joke i love that joke instruction there but then they just go with the emotion here and it's just so this was an episode when i was a kid i didn't like re-watching it as much or sometimes even when I got to this point, I fast forwarded because I didn't like the emotion. I just wanted to laugh at jokes. But maybe I was really hiding from my emotions by not wanting to watch it. But I mean, to Bart's credit, he didn't want Marge to see it.

He wanted to tell her. He wanted to confess, even though it was literally at the last possible second. He could have said it slightly earlier. By the time that Brodka's got out the VHS tape, you've been caught. It's too late. It's over. And it was on every TV in the store. How humiliating.

And the way it really hurts hearing, too, how Homer says, my son's a thief. He's like, ouch. And that Brodka humiliated him like that in front of everybody like it's poor you just feel so bad for bart and i i have felt that like tiny and awful in front of everybody and that kind of thing i hate it i hate that feeling and this is a fine line with homer here because i have been yelled at by a father in this way of like, oh, you think I did that for fun? Like, but Homer also has to be funny in this scene. So he has to yell at Bart, but also be funny.

Dailing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain, what's his name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those police academy movies?

For fun? Well, I didn you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Hug, hug. Hug, hug. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Stay out of my booze.

Mom, I'm really sorry. I know you are. Is there anything I can do? I don't know. Why don't you go to bed? Okay. As we learned last season, Homer thinks the movies are painful and disturbing. The Police Academy movies.

Oh, God. I just love that. I didn't hear anything else happen. Did you? Stay out of my booze when the second he's derailed he thinks that bart drank and that's why he's mad but i just love the animation too when he goes honk honk like the it's kind of like he's saying that there was a football goal he's like honk honk and helmer is clearly clearly no michael winslow like the faces he makes for all those like there's one where his like bottom teeth are like jutting out it's like that's not as it doesn't correspond to the noise

he's making but it's funny it's such a funny drawing i i and but then marge is like muted disappointment that's that's the whole point of this scene is scully saw it you're ready for your dad to scream at you but you're not so ready for your mom to just be like shocked and just empty and just like, I know. And like, I've gotten the yellings from my parents, but it's when they just are so disappointed that they just can't like register to you. That's that hurts way more. Yeah, it does.

The parents out there use that trick to hurt your children back. Warp them. I love seeing Bart and Lisa have conversations in the kid's bathroom. Like the kid's bathroom is great. back like warp them i love seeing pardon lisa have conversations in the kids bathroom like the kids bathroom is great and how we use electricity can be smarter cleaner and greener at electric ireland we can help guide you there you see our new net zero hub has all you need to know about smart meter plans ev tariffs solar panels solar panels, and much more. Making your usage clearer, your trips greener, your home cozier, and your world brighter.

Find our net zero hub at electricireland.ie. Bathroom rugs are disgusting, or they can be if you're not taking care of them. You know what's worse than a bathroom rug? A bathroom with carpet in it. I've been in them, and I'm like, this is just, I'm just stepping in pee and poop. A carpeted bathroom? Who would do such a thing? It's a nightmare.

So I love when we hear Marge's version of the Tuck in Time song for Lisa. Just the line of, her ticket is a candy cane made out of gingerbread. That's nonsense when you deconstruct it. It's a candy cane made out of gingerbread. We're in Mother Goose territory here. It's true. I gotta say now, as an adult, the scene of Marge worrying about Bart

getting away from her, it's just like, this just hurts now. I'm like, oh, I see this from Marge's side entirely now. Oh, great. The tuck-in express is right on time good night i figured out the boy's punishment first he's grounded no leaving the house not even for school second no eggnog in fact fact, no nog, period. And third, absolutely no stealing for three months.

I always thought I understood my special little guy. But somewhere along the road, his hand slipped away from mine. Eh, what are you going to do? He's not my little baby anymore. Maybe I mother him too much. Oh, just hearing, he's not my little baby anymore. Maybe I mother him too much. Oh, just hearing, he's not my little baby anymore. Yeah, and she's holding up the little hand imprint of Bart H4. And Homer's drawn a robot.

I forget what it's called. He's cooking a hot dog over a trash fire. Yeah, that's true. With the word robot and arrow pointing at the robots. I thought he was taking notes about what he was going to do to Bart. He's not going to remember any of this in the morning. He's kind of checking, like, what are you going to do? And then also his punishments are all bad.

When he's trying to punish, he's just no good at it. They're all weirdly strict. Take a break from stealing. At least three months. Can you give him that? And then Bart gets up bart is feeling the emptiness of marge not being in his life the the not getting the marshmallow in his cocoa that i could go for a marshmallow soaked in hot chocolate i'm in yeah camp grandpa yeah give me

a slice too i can eat like one marshmallow a year that's it for me. I just love that shot of Grandpa. He's like a cartoon hobo about to eat one bean. He's just got those two knives. Save some for me. And that giant marshmallow reminds me of the cranberry sauce a la Bart. Oh, yeah. Those are Clown Party brand marshmallows. Clown Party. And that Bart has questions for Milhouse that millhouse doesn't have the

emotional understanding to answer do you ever worry that your mom might stop loving you what i'm more worried about piranhas did you see that movie where they sent a nuclear submarine to fight the piranhas and one of them swims right down the periscope and bites the guy in the eye and he goes and that old lady told him it would happen? Yeah, that's pretty good. Hey, how come you're not playing Boomstorm? Ah, it got boring. I'm really into this cup and ball now. Whoa!

Wow! Man, you never know which way this crazy ball's gonna go. Yeah, right. You're just trying to trip me because you don't want me playing with your video game. Here, go ahead. No, let me try the cup and ball. Get your own! Come on, don't be a cup and ball hog.

Hey, give it! That's mine! Get it now! Come on, give it a cup and ball, you cup and ball hog. Come on, you little oink oink. Mom! Bert smoking! I love the two scenes of Luanne kind of patting him down the stairs.

Yes, those are great. But the bone storm really is a flash in the pan. He's just done with it in two days. Is that like Outbreak? I can't remember. What movie is that? I couldn't... Maybe the movie Piranha or Piranha 2?

For my research, it's not a specific movie I can find. But commentators out there, let us know if we're missing one. I'm sure you will. But also, Luanne lets you know watch and play some like twisted stuff yeah yeah she's already a pretty uh absentee parent before the divorce the family is falling apart as we speak yeah but i do love uh bart wanting to do mom stuff in a very sad way all right go go go go go okay okay, I won't bug Milhouse, but... Well, Mrs. Van Houten, this is going to sound kind of dumb,

but can I hang out with you while you do mom stuff? Hmm. Who are Dan and Sherry Adler? Just friends of ours. Oh. And who is Warren Burke? He used to tune our piano before we got rid of it He grew up in Mechanicsburg

Really? Tell me I'm good Oof Those are some Oakley and Weinstein-ass jokes Like, he used to tune our piano He grew up in Mechanicsburg Like, it's an interesting fact And before they sold it.

Yes. Before they sold it, yes. That's how sad their lives are. It's like we have to keep in touch with everybody. Well, I was like – this was kind of the warped view I had where I thought like at the age I am now, I would be sending Christmas cards to all sorts of random people that I knew at one point in my life. I can't even send Christmas emails to people. I was just like, thank you, letters like that. I think I sent out Christmas cards up to a point,

but I wasn't getting anything back. And I'm just like, this is too much work. At least send me something. Yeah, a little reply, a thank you, a thank you would be nice. So here is Bart actually motivated to lick envelopes. That's true. He knew how to make a game of it by now.

And then we get the little bit with the snow, the family of snowmen, which is also painful of just like the symbolism of it. Like, man, we don't need Bart. Like, Eric, guess if you want to build it, you can make it out of the snow under the car. Yeah. Your family doing things without you is like, that's the toughest. Yeah. That snow under the car is very familiar to me as an Ohioanan i'm sure dave you as a new yorker where uh so you know it would snow in the winter but for months after the winter there would be these what we called snow boogers which

were the hardened just like boulders of grime like street grime and snow that would take like another month to melt it was just like a solidified glacier of just like dirt and ice and it's just disgusting. You'd find in like shopping center parking lots they would just like make a big pile of it. It's like whenever they would plow the driveways in those shopping centers they'd always shove more into that giant glacier and make it even filthier. And if you were like desperate because it hadn't

snowed in a while like you would approach that and maybe climb it or throw it. This soot snow. Because you only when you imagine snow, you imagine happy, white, fresh snow that just fell down. Not the kind that has been made gray with garbage. It's disgusting.

That's what Bart is made out of. His snowman is the broken garbage snow. It looks like, to make another video game reference, like a Mr. Saturn but Bart. Just a giant head. Until a crow just destroys video game reference, like a Mr. Saturn, but Bart. Like, just a giant head. Until a crow, like, just destroys it. Yeah, it's such beautiful imagery.

And then he just sees that they're all watching TV without him. They're just like, I guess Bart's not part of the family anymore. I guess he doesn't want to be. So, is that normally the angle that they have the TV in that house? I guess they set it up differently. Just to make Bart sad. Maybe to make room for the tree. yeah i don't know but so then bart heads back to try and save after realizing he could still steal stuff like how nelson does which i i just love the line of like i knew you'd like it which i love how just uh again these are very oakley and weinstein ass

jokes a replacement tire for a wheelbarrow. Next season there will be another very specific wheelbarrow joke. Wow, a yard king. I forgot that one. And so then Bart seems to imply to the audience that he's about to steal again. He's going to show them what a black sheep can do.

And he arrives home just as Lisa is suffering from horrible brain damage. She gets it real bad in this episode, Lisa does. There you are. You can help me spray the cookies. Are you hiding something? What do you have under your jacket?

Nothing. Oh, Bart, not again. Give it to me. I told you I don't have anything. You can't hide from me in this house, Bart. I spend 23 hours a day here there's no place left to run Bart hand it over Oh Bart I can't believe you did this I wanted to surprise you for Christmas. Oh, sweetie, this is the best present a mother could get.

I love you so much. My little bitty Barty. Mom. Oh, it gets me every time. Like when I confessed to my mom, it was like I needed to do this to make things like the way they were before where like I'm still like your little boy. Yeah, I know that it didn't scar you for life or just say like, no, our relationship's just over now. You're not the innocent I thought you were. But this this moment with that, he reclaims that he fixes everything.

I don't know how he was let back into the Triumph Save. Yeah. Even to make a purchase. He went to the other one remember there are two he must have gone on a bus or something to go there but the Don Brodka I gotta say he's good at catching Bart not

anybody else like Nelson is constantly going in there and stealing stuff everyone else is stealing yeah it's true but I think you were going to point out Henry like when I just noticed at this time after like 40 viewings when she adds Bart's picture to the family picture, it straightens out. It's a very clever visual metaphor for the family. It's beautiful that it really does recenter the family and fixes things and sets it right by putting it in there.

And so it's just a beautiful imagery there. And he's pretty lucky that receipt was stuck to it and saying paid in full which it's not really what receipts say paid in full on a frame it's like five bucks it'd be weird to uh go in and get your photo taken and steal it it's like they have a record of that they have like negatives that's true i but i guess they had to make it painfully obvious to viewers like look he didn't steal this he paid for this but god just the way she like hugs and kisses him and says my little bitty bardy it's like which i think is a reference to billy bard i think so the actor and i do have a clip my favorite clip of him no i've looked all

over i don't see a noodles mcintyre that's it he plays Noodles McIntosh The tiny cameraman in UHF You know who he beat that role To get that role? Gilbert Gottfried Yes he talks about how Billy Barty Got that role instead of him

Wow I had no idea I also recently saw Billy Barty Not recently in that the movie was recent Because I think he might be dead He's dead But at the Alamo Draft House They they play weird movies like on Wednesday and Tuesday nights. And one time they showed Skatetown USA, which is a movie starring Patrick Swayze and a bunch of other famous – it's like Patrick Swayze's first role. And it's about a roller disco rink and like a big competition that's happening that night.

And Billy Barty plays the husband of Flip Wilson, who was in drag. What? What a choice. What a brave choice. What a movie. Wow. I have never heard of this movie. I kind of want to seek it out now.

I think Scott Baio is like, because Patrick Swayze is the villain. I think Scott Baio is the lead. Hey, a family can be Billy Barty and Flip Wilson and Drag. Who are we to judge? That's a family. That's a family. But I love the line, I spend 23 hours a day in this house. And that's a thing I would think to myself a lot when I was underemployed and would spend

four or five days in a row in my apartment like, oh, yeah, I went to get food, but literally I did spend 23 hours of the day in the house. I've had a lifetime of my life like that. Yeah, me too. I also love Homer's supportiveness of this, too. Like, get him, mom. He turns into like a southern sheriff. It's beautiful. Get him.

But so Bart has made things right, and then we get one of the most meme-worthy scenes in this whole episode. Since I got my present early, I think you should get yours early, too. Bart got a present early, then I should get a present early. I want a present. Lisa, you have to wait. This is the worst Christmas ever. Now, I know you love video games, and I asked the clerk which is the one every boy wants. You got me.

Oh, yeah. Thanks, Mom. He got Battleborn. Yeah, I've seen many jokes like that. Battleborn and Overwatch is the best one. Yeah. Oh, you got me. Oh, yeah.

The comedy duo Garfunkel and Oates do a song called Present Face, which is about this of putting on your present face and not showing disappointment at a gift somebody got did you guys ever have this happen with video games where you got the wrong one not with video games because i would get very specific well but i was extra young any game was the game i wanted if i got a game i was happy for it as i got older i just knew to be specific to santa and then mom of like this is the game i always got the impression that my parents and like anyone who would buy a video game for me for

a gift they would usually get it at the bargain bin yeah I remember when the Super Nintendo came out I was like if I get a Super Nintendo for Christmas can you please get me WWF Super WrestleMania and my aunt got me Desert Strike which was also a pretty good game

but it was like this like I felt like I got Lee Carvalho's fighting a helicopter good game but it was like this like i felt like i got lee carvalho's helicopter game i don't really like helicopter well if you see my podcast notes you know they're overly elaborate and there's way too much there that was my christmas list like i want this game here's how much it costs here are the stores that carry it here's a backup thing to get me like here's a game here are the games i don't want it was like very very specific it's like i want here's a here's your agenda your shopping agenda the way that lee carvalho's popping challenge is presented during the credits it makes it seem it's like a calico vision game

because it's like they use a giant keypad or it's a pc game with all that dialogue it feels like it have to be a pc game you certainly couldn't do it with a uh sega genesis s6 button controller no no way like he wants you to enter numbers. I wrote down the Intellivision, which is like, the controller looks like a phone. It's got a dial and a bunch of numbers like a phone keypad, which sucks. It really sucks. But just, too, I'm mad. If I would have been

furious at that store clerk who lied to Marge to sell a bad game to him. They were trying to offload that game. The comic book guy said there were tons of copies of it left. It's just so beautiful. Like, what's the game every kid wants? The one we're getting rid of.

It's beautiful. It's half off. The closest thing I did to this, this made me feel it's brought back guilty memories for me because, look, I was only six or seven at the time. So I had some wrestling toys, and these were the bad wrestling toys, like the thumb fighter ones you put on your finger. You put on your thumb of like Roddy Piper fighting the Iron Sheik.

You couldn't even get freaking Hulk Hogan because he was usually sold out. And I already had them. Then we were visiting a friend of my dad's for Christmas, and he got us gifts. And when he gave it to us, it was those guys again. And I just said out loud, like, I already have these. These are good. Give them to a poor kid. My parents made me feel bad afterwards.

By made me, I mean they reminded me of, like, that was very rude. Yeah, it's a lesson you kind of need to learn. Yeah, but then again, as I would find out later as as i grew older and learned emotional intelligence i realized that guy's very racist so i don't feel too bad about hurting who was the wrong one in that situation i know he needs to grow up racist i own these yeah i'm too young to know what a slur is but it's a sad one. Yes, a great episode. Very emotional and very painful if you're a mama's boy like all of us. And it makes me tear up every time when she hugs Bart again.

I'm like, this is me. I want my mom to like me. The worst thing is like the lack of respect or I guess love from your mom or the withholding of love because you fucked up. It's just like it is still painful. Yeah. Ouch. It hurts. This is a beautiful one about video games, too.

Few things in pop culture really crystallize what video games were like in the mid-90s than this episode, too. And it was a worthy follow-up after six years of there not being a Christmas episode that this one. I mean, in my opinion, depending on the the day of the week I think it's better than the pilot I think it's better than open fire I do I mean yeah this is the Simpsons that we know open fire is still like weird proto Simpsons who are not where they need to be yet and Barney's got a

girlfriend we don't want to talk about that anymore so yes thanks for listening folks I've been your host Bob Mack he's been talking Simpsons you can find me on Twitter as Bob Servo please follow me I make lots of jokes there my other podcast is Retrons. Find us at retronauts.com or look for retronauts in your podcast machine. We've been going on since 2006. I recommend you find a topic you like and download that episode and I might be on it. And if I am, I think you'll like it. You'll like the other ones too uh everybody else patreon.com talking simpsons that's what supports this show and you can hear every episode a week early and ad free it also supports our new animation podcast what a cartoon where we go through a different cartoon each week in the talking simpsons style like king of the hill batman the animated series steven universe there's so many great ones and

you hear those a week early and ad free and if you love futurama which if you're listening to this come on you do you do you want it you want to hear us do talking futurama where we go through the entire first season of that and as we said multiple times on this episode but it must be said again we did an interview with bill oakley and an interview with mike scully and an interview with dan graney all that cover aspects of this episode and along with many others and you can only hear those for supporting us for $5 a month at patreon.com slash talking Simpsons. And you can follow me on Twitter at Dave Rudden. And if you scroll back to Christmas of 2017, that's when I did my ranking of every single Christmas episode.

And I'm looking at it now. This was the number one episode. I give it number one. Me too. And last place was Killgill. Killgill. No thanks. No thank you. Thanks for listening, folks. We'll see you next week with Team Homer. See you then.

Welcome to Lee Carvello's putting challenge. I am Carvello. Now, choose a club. You have chosen a three wood. May I suggest a putter? 3-wood. Now enter the force of your swing. I suggest feather touch.

You have entered power drive. Now push 7, 8, 7 to swing. Ball is in. lot would you like to play again you have selected no