Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Separate Vocations

Episode Date: July 20, 2016

Bart and Lisa’s futures are in flux as they find new careers as a cop and nogoodnick (respectively) in this anti-authoritarian episode of our lovable podcast…

This week's Talking Simpsons is brought to you by Audible and Talking Simpsons listeners can go to audibletrial.com and get a free audio book and a 30 day free trial ahoy hoy everybody and welcome to talking simpsons where we prefer the smell of bank customers i am your host bob mackie and i'm also a military strongman who else is here today uh christopher no goodNick Antistam. Oh, I hate those guys.

Systems analyst Henry Gilbert. And today's episode is all about separate vocations, which aired on February 27th, 1992. Chris, what happened on this mythical day in history? Woo! Oh, Bobby! You would not believe what happened on this day in history. Unemployment is at a record 7.3%. Chevy Chase's Memoirs of an Invincible Man becomes an instant classic in movie theaters.

And NBC announces it will drop Saturday morning cartoons as of next September. Damn, Yo-Yogi killed it, man. Could have been that or Space Cats or whatever the hell else. Nights at the Roundtable. Yes, that one too. I remember being very bummed about this. We have a laser time with the very funny April Richardson AP on Twitter ap on twitter you may have seen her on chelsea lately and other things she's obsessed to save by the bell and i hated it for canceling cartoons around this time

it was much cheaper paying non-union high school kids to prance around as one stage for 22 minutes i not only hated saved by the bell i hated everything they replaced the cartoons with like it was real bad like when saved by the Bell is the best part of that group, it's a bad time. Saved by the Bell is like The Wire compared to California Dreams and whatever else. Poop? Hanging out or The Hang Zone? I don't know. There was a basketball one.

I do remember that. Lost the history, but not The Simpsons. In this episode, I think it's a very Rugrats-y episode in the vein of Bart the General. It's kids doing adult stuff. Like, an adult thing put in the context of kids. Like, Bart being this hardcore policeman, police authority figure. Wow, I never thought of it like that.

Yeah, you're right. It is kind of like the kids play dress-up, and it's a one-to-one match-up. Well, instead of bombs, they're throwing water balloons. And instead of a police officer, instead of a fascist state, he just grabs people by the arm and sends them to detention. Yeah, though Lisa does correctly identify Bart as a fascist. But this episode starts off with an appearance of a famous standardized test that I took several times.

Here it is. We're going to take a test. All right, a test! It's called the Career Aptitude Normalizing Test, or CANT. Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you never even imagined. Others may find out life isn't fair.

In spite of your master's from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor. First question. If I could be any animal, I would be A, a carpenter ant, B, a nurse shark, or C, a lawyer bird. Oh, God, I love it. Question 60.

I prefer the smell of A, gasoline, B, french fries, or C, bank customers. That is one of my lines of the show. I love that so much. I never studied for tests, but I always found tests very easy to read. Not necessarily aptitude tests. Because I remember I kind of nudged my aptitude test towards Stuntman and Goddess. I just knew it would be something like that. No, that was the thing you realize as a kid.

Once you realize that as a kid, you're like, oh, these tests are made by people. It's not some deity handing this down. They want an answer, and you can twist it. They expect you, as a kid, to not know that you can turn, you can direct it the you want it's all about playing the game or like learning the rules and playing it right and uh this is another episode

written by george meyer who his his episodes definitely have a a feel of like absolute cynicism a hatred of family authority and and schools and but also of a smart kid who came to hate school which definitely comes through in that and just god the allegedly the obviousness of those questions of like a lawyer lawyer it's so great it's great like i think i think one of the people in the commentary said as long as one viewer walked away hating cops george would be happy yes yeah i do want to rewind a bit uh they blew a ton of edna krabappel's backstory with just one joke. And keeping in mind I haven't watched the show in probably eight years,

that could be an episode, like learning what happened to Edna. Because I don't think they ever revisit that. She mentions the degree her ex-husband had. No, it's her degree. She went to Bryn Mawr. Bryn Mawr. That's crazy. I wonder what she mastered.

They should address it this season. Well, yeah, she is canonically dead now, so they never will. Unless they're disrespectful like they were lunch lady doris hey they still don't forgive them they created a lunch lady dora they brought back a doris briefly but she's dating fit tony oh by the way this this this episode also won nancy cartwright an emmy for her performance this was the one they submitted for her nomination a great great performance. Also, a bit of trivia. I believe on a previous episode,

way a long time ago, I talked about I was after a Simpsons animation cell. The cell was Bart being handed the hall monitors. Oh, wow. I thought it was going to be Bart taking a picture of his own butt.

Oh, that would be... If that's ever online, please alert me. Because there's at least two episodes where that happens. Yeah, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. That's my Twitter background. It really is.

But the Iowa doing the testing thing. Is that a joke I don't get? Bob, you're from Iowa. I'm from Ohio. An Iowa-like state. It's actually very far away, but just as boring. And they're very dead on in that the Iowa test might not exist anymore thanks to No Child Left Behind.

They have a new standard of testing. It was a real thing. That's why the tests go to Iowa in this episode because all of the testing stuff came from Iowa. I don't think you had to pay for it, but it was basically they were getting free what's the word I'm looking for?

I guess data. They were getting free data about students and learning and things like that. Selling the data to people. I don't know what they did with it, but you can just apply for the test. Sold it to Capri Sun, man. I knew it. I knew it. They're selling our futures.

No, when I was a kid, I felt like Florida, Chris, I think Chris actually might know a bit more about this than me, but Florida would have its own thing, testing. Yeah, it would have FCAT. It wouldn't do national standardized testing stuff. They would do it just for Florida. Because we don't cotton to those other states. I would also hear from teachers who would move to Florida to continue being teachers.

They're like, well, I have to sub for a year until I can pass my Florida test. I pass the test that lets me teach in 49 other states. But Florida is like, no, no, no. You've got to pass our test too, teacher. Does not have a reputation of a very educated populace. This is gonna sound weird, but I really like doing standardized tests because they were easy. And they gave you so much time, so

I was like, I'm gonna bring all my Nintendo Powers to school, my old Redwall books, and I'm gonna finish the test in 45 minutes and then I have like two and a half hours to kill when I'm done. I did like, I don't know, I did like having just a number two pencil and just the feel of filling something done. I did like, I don't know, I did like having just the number two pencil and just the feel of filling something in. The order. Yeah, the order of it. And the kids' results, baby.

J. Lauren Pryor is back. Systems analyst, systems analyst, systems analyst. Systems analyst. All right! Homemaker? Mm-hmm. It's like a mommy. Boo. Police officer will all be jiggered. If you'd like to learn more i could arrange for you to

ride along in a police car for a night hey i don't need you to get me in the back of a police car well i really think you should consider this you know before i saw these test results i had you pegged as a drifter wow a drifter lousy sheriff run me out of town. He's lost my vote. Cool. Bart had nowhere to go but up as far as aspirations went. This is one of many flashbacks or dream sequences where something horrible happens to Bart, but he thinks it's cool. I think even the stripper thing, he walks away from that going cool. All he wanted to be was Rambo without a military pension. I really love the look of Drifter Bart. Oh, that reminds me.

This episode opened with something that was at the opening of The Homer at the Bat as well, of three thought balloons right at the start. I have something going on. And the characters just imagine a little cartoon. It had kind of the feel of a Garfield and Friends type joke or something. Yeah, like one of those really tiny shorts. Yeah, a very visual gag. There's an increase in cutaways in fantasy sequence as we move forward.

Season four is practically Family Guy in terms of how often it cuts away. That's not me insulting it, but it does the same thing. I also love when the kid gets salmon gutter. Ralph gets salmon gutter. Military strongman. They really miss Red Mill House. And my dad loved the system analyst joke because that was his job title at the time. And he laughed because he knew it was like a joke.

No kid wants to be a systems analyst. They don't know what that even is. As someone with no practical skill, what is a systems analyst? The analyzed system? Bob, you got systems. I know Con Super Newsome phone is one on King of the Hill. It's related to economic, or like,

auditing a company, like keeping track of the money and stuff, but this was also just an ongoing thing in my childhood with my dad, of asking, like, I would see on shows, including The Simpsons, characters asking their dad, Hey, Dad, what do you do for a living anyway and then the dad explaining it to their kid and my dad would never tell me like i would

just say so what do you do he's like you never say like and i think my dad is a guy who had begun his life in like law enforcement and he had worked as like he worked as a deputy in california and he had also well he worked like as a bailiff at a court house then a deputy in California. And he had also, well, he worked as a bailiff at a courthouse, then a deputy, then he tried to run for sheriff and would have been elected and the guy closed down. They shut down the sheriff's office so he couldn't be it.

Was he hilarious and charming like Bull from Night Court? No. You ruined it for me. Who else wanted to be a police officer? Homer. You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy. No, the army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.

Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blue starlings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven't decided. Honey, if that's what you want, we'll do anything we can to help. Wait a minute.

Isn't anybody going to follow in my footsteps? I love this. This was a big belly laugh at the Mackey estate this morning. I forgot that how old. The characters all just like, they are all looking around for so long that you feel like one of them would have spoken by this point. Though I do like the kind of division between

Marge and Lisa, which I think they've played on in other episodes, even as recently as this season, the episode I watched called The Martian Chron chronicles it's where marge and lisa are going to go to mars it's it's a five whatever what they went to mars not really but they were training well i'm not gonna explain we'll get to it in 12 years yeah but but anyway the division between them was the lisa's like lisa thinks she's smarter than marge and and kind of

belittles marge of thinking, well, yeah, you're just a homemaker. Who cares? You gave up your dreams. All you do is take care of me, you loser. And then Marge, Marge rebelling, well, not rebelling,

but pushing back against realizing that Lisa kind of doesn't respect her. So you get a little bit of that in this episode that Marge takes it with better humor of just Lisa saying, I'd rather be dead than a homemaker. March is like, but that's the life I chose. Well, chose. She graduated high school to accomplish.

But then also you have to have some sympathy for Lisa because she suffers from the very same disease that will keep Donald Trump out of the presidency. Cool. So you think she has talent? Sure. Oh, do you think she could be a professional someday? Oh, Lord, no. But I'll practice every day. Yeah, well, I'll be frank with you, Lisa.

And when I say frank, I mean, you know, devastating. You've inherited a finger condition known as stubbiness. It usually comes from the father's side. Oh, stupid fingers. You're wrong. You're wrong! You're wrong! You don't need long fingers to play the blues. The blues come from in here!

My God, they are stubby. I like that you can hear the carbonation of the beer as it spills onto the carpet. That's a great foley. The only sound that I didn't get is just Homer and Bart devastating Marge's smiley-faced breakfast. There's a lot of gulping sounds. It's just, om, om. Dan Castellaneta has a way of yell-eating that I've never been able to replicate without almost choking. Om, om.

I think you need to fill your mouth with something safe. But that stubbiness gag was such that is a total Family Guy joke of, oh, you have stubbiness, quick cutaway to Homer, apply that, and then back here. You know, something that you see in flash forwards for Lisa, it's something I kind of forgot that she really doesn't become in none of the flash forwards or imagining of her life. They don't have her be a professional saxophone. That is true.

Saxophone guy. Like she doesn't play the saxophone professionally. I think they maybe see, the creators see that as kind of like too little for Lisa. She's a brilliant person who could end up being the first non-lesbian

president of America. But I really like this episode because Lisa becomes disillusioned because her life path is disrupted. But Bart actually finds a purpose or a thing he likes which he's never been motivated towards anything never motivated before and they realize like

it's such a funny idea that a bad kid who defies authority realizes oh i should be a cop you can really shake things up on the inside so he goes on a ride along while lisa is learning about her bad fingers. Do you need straight A's to be a cop? Hey, fellas, let's go shoot some bad guys. It doesn't quite work that way, son. People see movies like McBain and they think it's all bang, bang, shoot them up, cops and robbers. Let's roll. Winners from Tango,

we are in pursuit of a speeding individual driving a red car. License number, eggplant, Xerxes, crybaby, overbite, narwhal. snake it's not snakes first appearance no it's not his voice though right no no he's uh it's like uh he's on the phone and um yes yeah he's on the phone getting invited to party should be keeping more better track of this because also the theory is this the i wanted to know if this is the last appearance from the therapist you remember his name jay lauren prior no he'll actually appear in the episode that explains why lisa has a saxophone remember he has a quick joke of saying like and bart has such obvious homosexual tendencies bart's gay oh bart he realized it's millhouse that he's talking about.

I also want to compliment, this is one of the things I miss about The Simpsons, and maybe it was to parody a certain kind of cop show here. Yeah, definitely they're going for a Quinn Martin production kind of thing.

The music is so cool in the next couple episodes. The camera is... See you in hell, punk! Cliffhanger. Act 2. Death drives a stick. That's definitely a Tim Martin.

See you in hell, punk! I remember how confused I was when I saw this live as a kid because they'd never done a 2B continued before and it was just a joke. It's like when they put the Bart gets hit by a car thing on the screen. We'll never do this again,

but here's a funny thing to do I remember my world was rocked I'd only really seen it in Back to the Future 2 To be continued I'm like what the fuck I don't even know what those words mean And you don't know when it's coming back And I can't gauge how long I've been watching the episode

Is this over? What the hell are they talking about? And I love that on the DVD the joke's ruined Or better, I don't know Yeah, as a kid in 92 i hadn't seen any 70s tv shows i still really haven't seen any 70s i mean those didn't get syndicated much when we were kids like what got syndicated was like donna reed or or really more 50s and 70s or comedies uh but in the whole cop bit there's so many great bits in there like yeah homer freaking out about the copper wire that's awesome yeah we club people with it i love that

line just the same and also uh polling the electorate oh yeah it's such a gross joke i never got i didn't understand what hot and cold running chicks mean but i guess it's like hot and cold running water you're so gay i guess so it means it's like hot and cold running chicks mean, but I guess it's like hot and cold running water. You are so gay. So it means it's like hot and cold running water, except you can just get chicks whenever you want. I get it. I can infer that. I do like the animation when Bart is just firing the gun wildly.

That deserves to be a Frankie act right now. Can you believe Bart fired a firearm in the third season? He was handed a loaded gun and he was firing it at a car. It just seems like, wow, is that too far? Bart shouldn't be firing a gun yet. That should be a whole episode at some point. This is against every rule in the book, but can you cover us? And he's just like, then the next shot of him just idly standing with a gun in his side, like, why am I holding it?

Bart had bad trigger control, I think. It reminds me, remember in Grindhouse the the mother gives her son the gun and like when the zombie apocalypse is happening in the in the first one uh the one that isn't dead death proof that is planet terror in planet terror the the you know the zombies are coming and she's like gives her son a revolver and says you got to protect yourself and it's just like your video games you'll be be fine. Just hold on. She closes the door to her car, leaves him there, and he immediately shoots himself in the head like this. Totally forgot about that. I forgot about that. Me too.

You were talking about the cop lines. I am giving Wiggum my line of the show. That's the joke. Ah, looks like you just bought yourself a lottery ticket to jail. He's unconscious, sir. Ah, I can still hear things. Sir, I know what I want to be when i cough well until then son i'm gonna make you an honorary police officer eddie give me your badge hey i like it like number one his quip makes no sense number two he's talking to a guy that's

knocked out that's what i love about it uh This is a real improvement, though, for Eddie, Lou, and Wiggum, because in the last episode, they railroaded Steve Sachs into jail for the rest of his life. And it's funny how still they're holding back on using Wiggum, because Eddie and Lou are there, and Wiggum pulls up after it's all over. There could have been a lot of funny Wiggum lines in that scene, but they chose to hold back. And a stupid note, he gets out of his car before it stops moving.

It just looked dangerous to me. I also do love the line, damn boxes when they're chasing him. When I thought about it too, it was just like, Snake tries to kill Bart. And for a character who will be a regular character on the show, I feel like they can forgive him

trying to kill Apu, like he shot Apu many times, but that he was trying to murder a little boy. And after he was so kind to Apu with that nylon rope. Almost sensuous. Snake's murderous nature just seems part of the Springfield ecosystem. It's like getting mad at a bear. Or Apuma.

Lake Vigilant Puma. Principal of the Mountains. That Puma didn't come back much in the show as the school mascot. But I can tell you... A few major instances it did, but I'm sure... Yeah, that's true. When I think of the Puma, I think of the first run of Simpson Comics in 1994. They actually got into the Puma a lot.

And in the Bartman comics, he would fight a masked man called the Puma who was obviously Skinner. Not the Puma man? No, he's not the Puma man. Wise like a moron. Like the Puma. And I'm skipping over the little Marge sequence.

I loved it. It is so cute. I think if that came out now, that would just be merchandise overnight and everybody would be dressing like that at Comic-Con. Your Little Marge minifig or whatever. Yes. She's in cities on the moon. Her feet are tucked in pointing at one another and she's all little and cute and her voice

is sped up. It's great. I love how deflated Marge was after that anecdote. She's like, oh, I actually didn't do anything by telling this story. Right, I do have it. You know what I want to be when I grow up? A girl on the oatmeal box? Huh?

No, I'm going to be an astronaut. Women can't be astronauts. Why not? They distract the men astronauts so they wouldn't keep their minds on the road. There will, too, be women astronauts. Huh? It's true. And we'll all live in cities on the road. There will too be women astronauts. It's true. And we'll all live in cities on the moon. So you see,

my sisters were wrong. Except about the cities on the moon. I was wrong about that. So, well, you can see how anyone can be wrong. That's a great reading. That's great. March doesn't get many things like

that that was more like a homer story and so i was glad march got to have a funny story like that and they're figuring out giving her things to do yeah which is great yeah i mean this is post rancho relaxo and she she got a lot to do then the sentence will be right back. How we use electricity can be smarter, cleaner and greener. At Electric Ireland, we can help guide you there. You see, our new Net Zero Hub has all you need to know about smart meter plans, EV tariffs, solar panels, and much more. Making your usage clearer, your trips greener, your home cozier, and your world brighter.

Find our Net Zero Hub at electricireland.ie. Ahoy, ahoy, everybody. I know I you're asking. Simpsons listeners can go to audibletrial.com slash lasertime and get started with a free book and a free 30-day trial just using that link. I know what you're asking. What kind of stuff does Audible have on there? Well, they have your Harry Potters and your Game of Thrones and your girl that kicked the carcass of doom. I don't know what the girl series is called. But I went and looked for specific Simpsons stuff.

And, of course, they have tons of Simpsons stuff. A lot of it related to O.J. Simpson, a character I've never heard of, but we're only in the third season. But look at this. We put the spring in Springfield, chronicling the golden era of the Simpsons by Justin Sedgwick.

That is yours free by going to audibletrial.com slash lasertime, as well as The Gospel According to Simpsons, a book that explores the spiritual life of the world's most animated family, or even The Simpsons and Their Mathematical Secrets. That's a right triangle, you idiot. Yes, I believe the whole book is about the stupid math stuff hidden throughout The Simpsons. But again, there's that, of course there's that, and a bunch of other stuff you might be interested in. And you can go there and check it out at audibletrial.com slash lasertime to get your free 30-day trial and your free audiobook just for giving it a shot.

Thank you so much, Audible. Back to the show. You like Lasertime shows? Then you might like Bonus Time, Lasertime's weekly bonus show exclusively on patreon.com slash lasertime. Here's a taste of what you've been missing. Zero Time Delivery came out on 3ds and i was trying to call around uh calling around to gamestop it was always like look thanks for

calling gamestop were you and i'm like oh right there's like a 60 second preamble before i can engage with you human okay i know it will towards the person who has to do it because like that's your job and for you know i'm the district manager calling just to see if you did it that's um just so you can go you weren't nice enough. Oh, really? For $5.25 an hour, I wasn't nice enough? You didn't mention all six of the add-on things per sale. I worked at Suncoast, the movie outlet in the mall,

and I have never in my life at 20 years old had a job that I'm good at. I am really good at this job, and then every morning when I'd be chewed out, you didn't sell enough Sports Illustrated. I don't want to push that shit. I can literally sell any movie in this fucking store to anybody. I'm the Ricky Roma of Suncoast employees. And it didn't fucking matter how many DirecTV subscriptions. That kid buying Dumb Dumber on VHS really needed a Sports Illustrateds subscription.

He just wanted to buy Fair Game. What a beautiful choice! That's all I wanted. The game stops. Thank you, Car Track. That's my favorite line from that movie. I don't remember it at all. They hack into Car Track to find Cindy Crawford. And the Russian terrorist...

Ah, Car Track. Thank you, Car Track. He thanks Car Track. It's great. Get bonus time, Laser Time's weekly, full-length, uncensored, and ad-free Patreon-exclusive podcast.

As well as weekly, full-length movie commentaries, wrestling and cartoon video commentaries physical rewards the first season of talking simpson and more at patreon.com slash laser time starting at just five bucks you'll help us live and we'll do our best to help you never be bored again This was a first in this episode, not for Snake, but for Armin Tamzerian's background as being in Vietnam. When he sees the, after Lisa and the bad girls egg the puma. I got it. What are you looking at?

Nothing. Then get out, because we're figuring out stuff to egg. What bad girls egg the puma. I got it. What are you looking at? Nothing. Then get out, because we're figuring out stuff to egg. Okay, but if you really want to honk Skinner off, I suggest you attack the one thing he truly believes in. I saw some awful things in Nam, but you really have to wonder at the mentality that would desecrate a helpless puma. I never thought I'd say this, but the no goodniks rule this school.

Language, Skinner. Yeah, that is the introduction that he had been in NOM. And it was just a one-off joke for them. But clearly they fell in love with it because in the next episode, Dog of Death, he will say it again. Like, I've seen a lot of my time i was a nod for six years and then it cuts away it's great when you see when they find something they like it's like malibu stacy happens a couple episodes in a row it's like we want to use this joke again yeah and though who knew that it would grew to him being like they he would by

the end of season four it be introduced that he had been a prisoner of war and that he also had seen... Reenacted deer hunter sequences. Yeah, he had reenacted deer hunter sequences, apocalypse and owl sequences, and would eventually be set up to be Armin Tamzerian, a man who, no good Nick himself, who then would replace Seymour Skinner's life. We will get to it. I kind of like that episode. Shock.

But as he is fucking with Skinner, Skinner notices bart is showing an aptitude for authority i'll get you bart simpson if it's the last thing i do now what is this all about well it's quite simple really i observed our friend groundskeeper willie burning leaves with a blatant disregard for our clean air laws bart simpson on the side of law and order that's the world gone topsy-turvy? That's right, man. I got my first taste of authority, and I liked it. They make a point in this, like, authority's not good. Like, authority is not inherently good. Bart is still fucking with people, which he loves.

He can now just do it with no impunity. Legally, yeah. At what cost? It reminds me of this comic I'm really enjoying right now called The Fix, which it slightly spoiled The Fix for you, but the opening to it. So you think you're reading like a Tarantino-esque crime comedy type book, and the guy's talking about, like, when I was a kid, the coolest guy I ever saw was this guy who came in and robbed a bank

while me and my mom were there, and then he got shot in the face by a kid, the coolest guy I ever saw was this guy who came in and robbed a bank while me and my mom were there. And then he got shot in the face by a cop. And then he's like, and then I love that cop. That cop was the coolest. And so it was just a guy who liked being a criminal and then realized he could be a more successful criminal under the guise of being a police officer. Well, thanks a lot, Mr. Spoil the Comic for me. It's like seven people.

Or you could become a hall monitor. God. How would you like to be a hall monitor? Wouldn't that mean squealing on other kids? That's the meat of it, yes. Here we go. Now, Witness X, would you please tell the court what you saw? I'd be more than happy to.

I saw Mr. Bantone there seal the late Mr. Palaccio in an oil drum and roll him off the pier. I kill you! Hey, caramba! Chris, dust off your death jingle for Steve Allen. Yes! Oh, shit! Yeah, I believe it died in 1999.

We have to go get that. Oh, no. We have a death jingle to signify when someone has died on the Simpsons episode of Death Star. Death! Stalk you at every turn! Ah! There it is! Death! Steve Allen. Who would later turn against the Simpsons,

I think when he was getting old and kind of losing his mind and that happens with older celebrities they will be preyed upon by interest groups talk about how good we are talk about how scared and simplistic you are in the last years of his life he got approached

there was a group in the late 90s called the Parents Television Council who were taking down lots of network shows they saw as being too gross or too bawdy or whatever. And the two of their biggest things were things I love very much, pro wrestling and the Simpsons. And so they got in pro wrestling's WWE specifically. They got in WWE's face so much, they even made up a group to be enemies in WWE to face who was called Right to Censor the RTC instead of the PTC.

It's not ironic that these groups only attack popular things. Yeah. No, I mean, Christians who get mad at Harry Potter, there's way more things for Christians to be angry about, but less popular ones. You seem like, I think I might have get mad at Harry Potter, there's way more things for Christians to be angry about but less popular ones. You see, I'm like, I think I might have a problem with the Golden Compass. The Golden Compass hates you. Yell about the Golden Compass.

They're sincerely anti-you. I remember everything on these Watchdog group lists, like, this is the worst thing ever. But it has to be popular so they can capitalize on the strength of that show to get their message out and they get to be on tv and the best thing was on number two beneath family guy in the early 2000s was arrested development but arrested development was still on fox and its ratings were poor so they were like fuck yeah we did sneak cunt on the air awesome let's publicize this music loving woman yeah or whatever that line is. So yeah, the PTC. They complained specifically about anal rapists being visible on TV. So the PTC, to me it always felt like they got Steve Allen and his older confused state

to just sign a thing. Or maybe he did just feel that way later in life. Yeah, things were better then. I'd be happy to represent you here. You could have changed his mind. But he had appeared twice on The Simpsons and he had been on multiple wrestling things.

Like, these were things he supported, but then... Steve Allen was the first host of The Tonight Show or the second? Was Jack Parr the first? Jack Parr was first and I was second.

Yeah. So one last thing about this fantasy sequence. We're kind of stuck in it, but it is actually a parody of a famous rape trial. William Kennedy Smith, one of the Kennedy brethren,

he allegedly... One of the Kennedy brethren raped? Yes, apparently. Well, actually, he was acquitted, but I assume that he did it because he's a rich guy. That's a confirmation. And he's a Kennedy, too, so you know them. And basically, it was one of the first major... That pussy is mine. It was one of the first major date rape trials

that was, I guess, televised. And the woman asked for her identity to be censored. And I was looking up, like, why? What was there? I mean, I know the reason behind it, but I wanted to see what people were talking about. And, like, I Googled it, and every editorial was like, this woman should not be censored. If she can accuse a man, they should know who she is. It's like, wait a minute, guys.

What a funny retribution. By booing at his face. Oh, no. Mike Reese hates this joke on the commentary. He's like, oh, how funny. We parodied a real rape. How hilarious. I had no idea.

So, yeah, that blue dot is essentially, like, from that trial. Because before it would just be a mosaic, but I guess the mosaic wasn't enough. Though I do love that, like, I kill you. I kill you. I carumba. And this also was not the last. This might be the first time, but it's certainly not the last time Groundskeeper Willie has sworn revenge on Bart Simpson.

And he's almost killed him, not even counting the Halloween episodes, he's almost killed Bart like four times in my memory. He's kind of like a Mr. Burns figure in that he never gets his revenge, really. He always swears it. But he also gets to go so far of just like, wait, you should be fired. You shouldn't be working with children anymore after trying to kill them. There's another great joke in between all this.

Homer forgetting his daughter. Bart's grades are up a little this term. The leases are way down. Oh, we always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good? We have three kids, Homer. Marge,

the dog doesn't count as a kid. No. Maggie. Oh, yeah. What about Stitch Face? That'd be two years from now. He doesn't even feel that bad about forgetting. He's like, oh, yeah. It's a genuine revelation. Yeah.

Also, I love the animation on millhouse's wedgie walk when he gets that wedge he's like thanks bart i think that's that's that's that's non-homer physical comedy that doesn't really occur in the simpsons all that much yeah but the thing is that bart stops it by just saying like his belly's not getting any pinker yeah i think millhouse is the only child that can really hurt that much, outside of maybe Martin. Yeah, they're kind of the only ones. And, well, Bart can sometimes, like, get hit so hard. I just remember in the hockey episode where they go, like, this is for wasting teachers' valuable time.

They're laying into him so hard. I cannot wait to get to that. That episode is a moment that makes me laugh so hard we'll get to it in about a year year and a half, 18 months but meanwhile Lisa is just on a slow descent in a just full on rebellion

and this is just a great line Lisa, you're not sprinkling your sparkles shove it I have never seen a good student take such a slide. Lisa, what are you rebelling against? What do you got?

And I had to look up that clip because that's a Marlon Brando reference to the movie, what is it, The Wild One? Yeah, The Wild One. And like, I'd seen the movie but it's just not read like that at all, and there's no sting to it.

Hey, Johnny, what are you rebelling against? What do you got? But it's colored my... That line should be Brando's, but for me it's now Lisa's. Yeah, but that movie is such a B movie. They would definitely, they parodied that more in the OK episode with the hell satans in it,

if you remember that one. About the Christ punchers? I preferred that one. They were good. See? There's some good jokes. We will appreciate them more, I think.

But by the way, Lisa's bad girl friends, they don't show up that, like, they're well designed. They should have showed back up again. I think they were expelled, they don't show up that, like, they're well-designed. They should have showed back up again. I think they were expelled after this. It's weird that those characters, though, are the only ones who are visually representative of the time period The Simpsons is being made.

That's true. Everybody else is in a plain shirt, plain shorts, and could be in any decade. I mean, Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney, Nelson, like, they're the bad boys. They don't have, maybe Jimbo has the closest... Oh yeah, that's what kids... I guess. Then again, Jimbo Kearney. The third one, Dolph.

Dolph with his side parts. That's fully back now. Yeah, it is. It's hardcore. I do love that Skinner celebrates that the school has become a police state. Yeah. And I absolutely dreamed of the stolen goods.

The confiscated goods locker. So great. And I think this has to be lost references now. You know, before there were some corridors of this school, you'd just never go down. Now I feel safe anywhere. Every day is a new fight, sir. Bart, the school is a police state. Students are afraid to sneeze.

I have you to thank. Come with me. Madre mía! Legends were true! Yes, Bart. Whenever a teacher confiscates something, it ends up here. Salacious halter tops, complete collections of mad, cracked, and the occasional issue of crazy. And this fake

plastic derriere. Now, to show my gratitude, I want you to help yourself to an item of your choice. Right! Ooh, now you be careful with that crossbow. I will. So, wait a minute.

Was Crazy the Marvel ripoff of Crack that lasted for like 10 years? I don't think it was fake. I think that one was made up. I thought Crazy was real. I'm pretty sure it is real. I normally check for these things, but I assumed it was fake.

It was making fun of that stupid naming convention or the fact that Crack didn't really bother coming up with it. It's just so weird to think of Crack as a terrible Mad Magazine ripoff when that brand is now more valuable than Mad. Especially Cracked as like an insult. Like, oh, man, you're totally cracked. I know that Marvel.

Oh, wow. Now you are correct, Bob. From 1973 to 1993. Oh, 93. Damn. Marvel's version. Because Marvel had its own joke book called What The. But I'm surprised it took him until 73

to, sorry, 73 to 83. Oh, 83, got it. I'm surprised it took him that long to rip off Mad. I was pretty shocked that you and I, Bob, were just both obsessed with Mad Magazine in the same period. I was, I had a Mad Magazine club that made a little fucking fort house out of a stupid cardboard

box that had Alfred E. Newman and I'd try and draw the logo all over it. I use a ruler to do the fold-ins to make them perfect. Must preserve Al Jaffe's art. I saw a great tweet recently where DC Comics tweeted out a cover for Mad, because DC Comics owns Mad Magazine, or whatever. So they tweeted it out. It is a cover making fun of

donald trump because they make fun of every single public figure ever it is and then every reply was like i hope you're doing hillary one oh you've lost all you've lost all credibility with me how dare dc comics be like this it shouldn't be political i was like it's fucking mad it does this every time it does this with everybody nine million million Clinton blowjob covers, I bet. Yes. Somebody in the replies are like, here's the Mad Max cover with it's Hillary is Furiosa. They just did it. Oh, yeah.

I have that issue for some reason. I do want to ask you guys, have you ever had anything confiscated? Oh, yeah. Please do tell. I had one really awful, awful teacher, and I hope she's dead now. And I sincerely mean that because I sincerely believe at the time when I was 10, I'm like, I might be smarter than this adult. I might be smarter than her. And I would always get my tests done like half an hour early because, as we all explained, we're all child geniuses who became dumb adults.

I'm now drinking so I can be dumb. So I would always get my test done early, and she would take away anything I brought to read after doing the test like give me that like spiteful about me not finishing things quickly like I wasn't trying or something I don't know give you extra attention so I hated her I'm not going to say her name

no you know I don't I think maybe I had like a toy confiscated or something I've had were confiscated. Maybe once. One of the most disillusioning things, so I'll save that one. It was always something I felt I really wanted.

My parents really didn't buy me toys and really were very late to trends. I'd always get the rip-off of whatever was popular. And we weren't necessarily poor. They were just dicks. But I finally got a fucking, this is like second grade, a glowworm. whatever was popular. And we weren't necessarily poor. They were just dicks. But I finally got a fucking, this is like second grade,

a glow worm. Everybody was talking about glow worms. Yeah, it's like a rigid finger puppet that's cute and glowed in the dark and came in its own little bag. Yes, totally. An awkward flashlight you slept with. Yes. And I got one and I was like,

I couldn't wait because I felt like I was the last one to get one. And everybody was talking about them. And I'm going to miss the trend. And I went in the lunchroom to show everybody. And a teacher just came up right away and confiscated it. And at that point I thought, I'll get it back eventually. I never did. No one ever figured out what happened to it.

And I was, as a little kid, really devastated. And then later in middle school I got a – I was pretending to be in a sport so I could fit in. But I was actually just really into cartoons and Mad Max. I faked liking sports for a few years. So when Disney bought the Mighty Ducks, I'm like, I'm going to wear all Mighty Ducks. I wore sports shirts every day to try and fit in with the fucking cool crowd. But when Mighty Ducks came out, I'm like going to own this shit because this is a Disney property. It looks like Donald.

Uh, and I sneak in your love of cartoons. Yeah. Did you, your hat, your house, your, your schools have hat rules.

Like take them off. It was a Catholic school. So it was like no hats at all. No hats period. Like, so ours was no hats. And like, I walked through the threshold.

I remember feeling it was like, it was unfair. Uh, like I walked through the threshold and hadn't taken off. And right when I'm an inch past the threshold of the door, the teacher grabbed it, confiscated it, and gave it. He's like, you were warned. We just increased hat violation rules.

This has to go to the principal. That's the chair for you, Chris, the hat chair. I was saving up for three weeks for this hat. And what I do is I go and I get a copy from the library of the school's and the Florida Educational Board's rule book on what's allowed to be confiscated and what isn't. Objection. And I stay up all night writing all that information down.

And I write it all down, like, according to statute and bylaw, this and that. And then I walk to the principal and I give this speech. And, like, he is, like, he's behind his desk, but a giant black man. Was it principal black man? He's quiet. And then, like, statute like statue byline then according

to that you will be subject to and he's like what get the fuck out of my office and like all that work to try and trap him it just took a little yelling and a swear word and like he did not get out the board of education in other words no no that was yeah i would never bring mad magazine to school uh because I was like, this shit's too hot for Catholic school, man. I can't take it. Well, the worst I had was a teacher who really, well, no, I definitely had a worse teacher than this,

but I remember in elementary school, a teacher, she didn't confiscate anything, but she was very against the gifted program, which I was a part of. She felt that it was favoring some kids and making other kids feel bad that they weren't in the gifted program. So, of course, it was your fault, Henry. And so, yeah, when a child would return from the gifted program,

I heard this happen once where she, this wasn't me, but it was another gifted kid in the group, that she said to them, like, oh, you think you're so special in the gifted program, huh? All the other kids here are learning just the same as you. You're so special in the gifted program huh all the other kids here learning just the same as you you're nothing special like whoa like that you're saying that to a child you find carmen san diego egghead yeah just showed you uh i mean gifted classes had their own negatives but yeah uh but you know this this episode is like both nice and mean to

teachers like it definitely thinks teachers are frauds, but it feels bad for them being frauds. They're like, they don't want this either. They don't want to be teachers, and they don't know more than the kids, but they're trapped, and they're just sad, desperate people. This actually illustrates a problem in academia

in which educators used to be gatekeepers to knowledge, but now the internet exists, so it's like, why are we here? Why are people paying us? You're babysitters with arbitrary trivia. Yeah. And that's what it proves. It doesn't seem to hate teachers.

It's just the idea that, like, if you chose to shepherd a child, do you tell them about the Battle of New Orleans? Of course you don't. It's not an interest to you at all. But you have to be taught that in a 90s era school. I feel like it's been forever since we played a clip. More awesome music and a

character I wish got brought back more. Seymour, this is an absence slip signed by Nelson's mother. And this is Nelson's English homework. Notice the identical elongated loops on the D's. Forgery! So he didn't have leprosy. This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again. Oh, things have changed.

There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glasscock. Mr. Glasscock. Love it. Did they say cock on television? They did. Crazy. They can just pretend it's a real name. And I know someone named Glasscock now, and I can't... I know a Taylor Cock, who's a friend of ours. He's the Cock Man.

But, well, Bob, you're saying something like you've been a teacher. Like, you've taught. I have been, yeah. I taught college writing classes while I was in grad school, and thankfully, I guess the furthest you can go is, like, Wacky Macky, but there's nothing really you can do with my name. Swacky. But a lot of the kids called me Mr. Mack, which I thought was like,

okay, I don't want to be the South Park guy, so let's just get away from that. Yeah, I was like, I turned the chair around. My name is Bob. Mr. Mac is my dad's name, but I don't know where he is. I'll come up with something. I'll come up with something.

I just love the, you do feel, I feel so bad for the teachers in this. And though also I totally, Lisa, angry Lisa, the Lisa who is like full of contempt for teachers that she thinks she knows she's smarter than. Lisa, what 19th century figure was

nicknamed Old Hickory? I don't know. You. Perfect kid insult by the way. Lisa, if you'd bothered to do the assignment, you'd know the answer is the Battle of New Orleans. I mean, Andrew Jackson. Well, you're earning your 18 grand a year.

Stupid Hoover. I think she's so smart. She wouldn't be so smart without her teacher's edition. Music in this episode. I think I, watching this, I regretted valuing being like smug or dickish to somebody I didn't like. Instead of like, maybe I could have worked harder on myself. But instead, I worked hard to think of a clever, mean thing that really gets you and embarrasses you. It took me a while to get over that.

I pray to God I still don't act like that. I mean, like six years ago, I was in. I have five hours of audible proof every week that I do still do that. Actually. Six years ago, I was in this time management meeting thing. It was like an all day thing. It actually wasn't that bad. And I did learn some

things from it but i came in with a total chip on my shoulder and i'm sure the the guy who runs runs those meetings sees a million guys like me he asked me a question and then i replied with a question he's like you know i find that you you always you often answer a question with a question and i said oh do i and i was like boom i got you buddy but and then he just kind of like you often answer a question with a question. And I said, oh, do I? And I was like, boom, I got you, buddy. And then he just kind of like, yes. And I was like, okay, I guess this won't work the same as it did in school. Like, I'm getting paid by you guys. I'm 30.

This might not be the right place to do this. I just idolized John Lennon. That's all he did, right? Yeah. Is it really wrong? Anyways, the teacher's edition are stolen. Ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened. Some sick, twisted individual has stolen every teacher's edition in this school.

What do we do? Declare a snow day. Does anyone know the multiplication table? Please, please, don't panic. They can smell fear. I love the montage of the teachers being terrible and improvising. As a kid, this gave me the fuel to be like, yeah, teachers suck. But as an adult, I'm like, they hate the situation too.

I call teachers suck. This is what the clip is called. I know this is highly irregular, but for the rest of the day, Martin will be teaching this class. I will? But I wouldn't know where to begin. Just do it, Brainiacs. Have I ever told you kids about the 60s? I've got to get out of here.

We had a substitute come in and he clearly wasn't prepared to teach geography in middle school. And so he just sitsares at the class and puts a boom box on the table plays this up and tells us the story of james taylor's fire and rain like about how it was about james taylor's girlfriend dying on a plane crash in a plane crash on her way to come see him again i always thought i'd see you again i just remember he's like and some people say this song and he's like crying and trying to explain this James Taylor. This is

a teacher improv-ing. And so what I learned that day in geography was about James Taylor's Fire and Rain. That's great. For the longest time as a kid, when I heard her calm blue ocean thing. It took me until I had captions to know that. Yeah, I was just like, is this

just her mantra? Is this like are these made up words I can't understand? I read it as one word, calm blue ocean. I'm like, is that just her mantra? Are these made-up words I can't understand? I read it as one word, combluotion. I'm like, is that a word I don't know? Yeah, that it would be something spelled like C. I think it's something in Yelled and Killer Instinct. Combluotion. Yeah, it would be something like C-O-M-B-L-U-T-I-O-N.

I assumed it was a word I couldn't figure out. Let me try and wrap this up because I love these clips. The cops breaking into the library. I love that. That is so funny. It's just a perfect cutoff for the joke. It's bam, bam, boosh. It's a battering ram.

It's so fast and so great. It's perfect Simpsons pacing. I love that joke. It's like my favorite thing in the episode. But I also love, it's nice to see, I love Bart and Lisa moments. And Bart is with Skinner trying to track down the teacher's edition. We get the return of the Axel F theme parody that they had put in Radio Bart. There it is.

But Bart's discovery of Lisa being the criminal here. Lisa! That's right. It was I. Lisa, why did you do it? Come on, Bart. In your pre-fascist day, you knew the giddy thrill of feudal rebellion. Yeah, but even I had my limits.

You're looking at expulsion for this. I know. I know. Really like both of the reads there. Very convincing as children. It is a very sweet brother and sister thing. And ultimately, I love how low the stakes are, because Skinner says, you should have

saved the school $120. The books! Oh, answers! Answers! Simpson, you just saved this school $120. Who's behind this monstrous crime?

I am. I've been so blind. In retrospect, the signs all pointed to a rogue hall monitor. Sorry if I betrayed your trust, Principal Sucker. Now, Bart, in light of your recent service to the school, I've decided to be lenient. 400 days detention. Yeah, 400 days. I can do that standing on my head. All right, 500 days.

Woo-hoo-hoo, big man. 600 days. Maybe I'll just shut my big mouth. So I stupidly went and looked up how many days are in a school year. Like 200? No, 180. Oh, so Bart's going to be in high school. Bart's not going to be allowed to go to high school

because he'll still be in Springfield Elementary detention with 600 days detention in the fourth grade. Maybe time off for good behavior. I do love his chalkboard, the end of the show chalkboard gag of, I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. That is so great. Yeah, this is a really fun episode.

And then Milhouse then becomes the new strongman, too. It's just a cute, cute aside. It's super cute. It starts where, I mean, there's no surprise first act that leads into something else. It's all one strong A story, and I love it a lot. It's very heartwarming, a lot of great character moments, and more info about Skinner as a character. That's what I like to hear. And also, Bart is right that in the futures we've seen of The Simpsons, Bart is the freeloader,

taking advantage of the much more upwardly mobile Lisa. He'll be there to borrow money. Exactly. In that terrible episode. Smell you later. Gross. So yes, thank you for joining us everybody. I've been Bob Mackey, your host. You can catch me on Twitter as Bob Serbo. I also host the classic gaming

podcast known as Retronauts. You can find that at retronauts.com or usgamer.net. I also write for somethingAwful.com. Lots of fun humor jokes for all you friends. Who else wants to talk about what they do? LaserTime is the show that kind of started this whole operation. We have a Patreon, patreon.com. That made this whole show happen, and

the first season is available there free for patrons, and I understand there's an asterisk in that sentence somewhere. LaserTime is a pop culture show that's sort of like this, but takes a singular pop culture topic. And we kind of used, if you're a Simpsons fan, we kind of used Jay Sherman's appearance on The Simpsons as a backdoor pilot for a recent topic.

And it's a lot of fun. You should check it out. And if you like traveling back in time through audio, there's 302010, where we talk about the big events in a given week, 30 years ago, 20 years ago, and 86 96 and 2006 it's surprising what stuff happened around the same times and also i write for fandom.wikia.com thanks again for listening we'll be back next week with dog of death later Wow. Infotainment.