Talking Simpsons - Talking Simpsons - Two Dozen And One Greyhounds

Episode Date: December 13, 2017

Simpsons meets Disney in this iconic episode. Santa's Little Helper misses casual sex, the family ends up with 25 dogs who love Models Inc, and Mr. Burns shows off his wardrobe in this classic. We comment on it all with our special guest, Kat Bailey, so get a big bag of chips ready and listen!

This week's episode of Talking Simpsons is brought to you by you. That's right, we're on Patreon now, so head on over to patreon.com slash talking simpsons. For as little as $5 a month, you can help our show and get all kinds of great extra content on top of that. We've got a ton of great bonus content waiting for you right now, so head on over to patreon.com slash talking simpsons today. I heartily endorse this event or product. Ahoy, ho, everybody. Welcome to TalkingSimpsons, hosted by a bunch of Rory Calhouns. I'm your host, Bob Mackie, one of the models, Inc. And this is the Lazer Time Podcast Network's chronological exploration of The Simpsons.

Who else is here with me today? It's Henry Gilbert, and I'm hankering for a spankering. Hankering Gilbert. Who else is here? Continuing the streak by Ray Stevens, Chris Antiste. Oh boy, and a special guest. She's the fastest, Cat Bailey. Yes.

And today's episode is Two Dozen and One Greyhounds. Because it's spanking season and I got a hankering for some spankering. And today's episode aired on April 9th, 1995. And as always, Chris will tell us what happened on this mythical day in real world history. Look at my fucking vest, Bobby! This week, Henry, is the time where Drew Barrymore flashes David Letterman on The Late Show. There we go.

Mortal Kombat 3 debuts in arcades, and 90s kids everywhere are seeing things eye to eye with a goofy movie. And a young Cat Bailey turns 12 years old on this day. Wow. Goofy movie, secret best Disney movie of the 90s. It's really fucking good. Yeah, and now millennials think Adult Max is hot.

And Adult PJ. I'm not saying it's overrated, but it's just a movie that Disney didn't do very often was a movie set in the present. Yeah. And that's super important. Goof Troop was my least favorite of the Disney afternoon shows. Oh, it is way better than Goof Troop, though. It's a great movie.

I love it. No, I think many furries were turned on by that film. Not just Grown-Up Max, really his girlfriend in it, or his girlfriend-to-be. I found it interesting that they decided to age him up for that movie. Yeah, that was weird. It's a movie about puberty, really. His nightmare of becoming his

dad is so great. He's already got those awful teeth. Yeah, and just is like, This will happen to your prostate, Max. Also, Goofy is legitimately scared by the principle that his son is going to join a gang. Yes. I forgot about that. Wow, fears I outlived.

Holy shit. That's a good topic for a laser time. Now we are Goofy's age instead of Max's age. I'm a real Goof. But Eye to Eye, I love that song. Power lines, Eye to Eye. Tevin Campbell forever. Tevin Campbell, who is, he got outed, unfortunately, by being arrested by a policeman.

He's gay? Yes. Is that what that song's about? Oh, that's so great. He propositioned a policeman undercover and then was also caught with weed on him. But who cares? Tevin Campbell's the best. I love that he, Laser Time buddy Matthew Jay, in his video on Goofy Movie,

pointed out that Powerline is basically the fictionalized alter ego of Tevin Campbell, not unlike King Mob is for Grant Morrison in the comic book Invisibles, which was a reference only for me. I like the song After Today. That's a reference only for me. I do love that. Did you see the live action version of After Today? No, no. It's a cute little shareable snackable online. I love snackable

content. And their song on the car. It was beautiful. It was a great father-son movie. You wouldn't believe it was done with a smaller budget than they do. It's by the... Yeah, it's Teletoon. The DisneyToon Studios.

Is that what it's called, Chris? Yeah, the Australian... The Australian... Yeah. The Paris-based... It shut down, like, right after this because the DuckTales movie and this didn't fare very well,

but I think this holds up... Wait, there was a DuckTales movie? The Treasure of the Lost Land. Oh, God, I just... I forgot about that. Featuring Rip Taylor, Christopher Lloyd, and Dijon, a character that will stand the test of time and hold up forever. Wait, does he say Yabble Dead?

No, that's the Hanna-Barbera one. What's his thing? What does Rip Torn say in that movie? Jabouie. Jabouie. Jabouie. Because I watched it a lot and Goofy Movie holds up way better.

Way better. But not unlike Mask of the Phantasm if we may throw our 90s animation credit out there. It was something that started out as a straight-to-video thing but ended up being elevated to a theatrical release. But Goofy Movie looks a lot better.

Oh, yeah. It's a really good-looking movie. And it's the cheese effects on it are just amazing, too. Which, by the way, it's like the best thing Pauly shore's ever done is being in that movie i agree and i don't know like i love this week's news in particular it's making me misty because it feels like did really all these important things happen in like it was exciting to see very more flash david letterman on that dirty old man david letterman though uh soon he would get lap danced upon by Elizabeth Berkley.

What is going on in that studio? This was when Dave Letterman was still cool. That's right. You got any cum? Oh, Jesus. The tail end of him still being cool. Oh, boy. Okay, so this episode's idea was actually given to The Simpsons or left over by Al Jean and Mike Reese, former showrunners.

So it's their idea, and Mike Scully took the ball and ran with it. I'm fascinated as to where it came from, because they've almost avoided Disney references, whereas this just gets wall-to-wall a celebration. It's really three Disney references in this whole episode, united. David Merkin hates Disney and wants to make fun

of Disney, and Chris, you'll have to help me out here, at least, because I've never seen Lady and the Tramp. I've never seen 101 Dalmatians. Fantastic. I don't know how I missed them. And Chris, you'll have to help me out here at least because I've never seen Lady and the Tramp. I've never seen 101 Dalmatians. Fantastic. Wow. I don't know how I missed them. And like I just said, I think 101 Dalmatians has the distinction of being the first Disney movie with a fucking car in it because it's the only one that took place in the modern

day. Yeah, in a television. Like, that never occurred in a Disney movie. But it takes place in like the 40s maybe? No, it's kind of the 60s. 50s or 60s. Yeah, I mean, it's from the 50s well they have a housekeeper which was very much a middle class thing a lot of money as a songwriter

that's right uh pongo i love that i watched that show so i watched that movie so many times recently it's fantastic it's really good i love Cruella de Vil is such a perfect villain. Like great Disney movie Cruella de Vil. Which is also a little sexy too. Musical number acknowledging Beauty and the Beast so it's all over the place with Disney references.

One of the few good movies to really come out of that era that was kind of the 1960s kind of era. The dark age of animation. Jungle Book was kind of the end of it. This was right

101 was right before Jungle Book. Or was it the Silver Age? No, 67, 67 for Jungle Book. Yeah. It's difficult to know because like,

I think we all watched those movies in the 10 years we were growing up. Yeah. And they came out across 70 years. Well, they were all re-released in the 90s. The Aristocats.

Clamshells. Yeah, the Aristocats is equal to 101 Dalmatians to me. It's like, they must come out at the same time, right?

No, they're decades apart. But they look the same. What we said about Goof, in hindsight, those movies seem weird and aren't as beloved because they don't take place

in a far-off fantasy setting. They look like period pieces to children now, maybe? I don't know. My family loved 101 Dalmatians. I love it. It's so good. We had a pet Dalmatian

who was deaf, Jenny the Dalmatian. She died when I was six. It broke my heart. It's so good. We had a pet Dalmatian who was deaf, Jenny the Dalmatian. She died when I was six. It broke my heart. It was so horrible. So when the 101 Dalmatians got out of the Disney vault, it was when we were just ready for all these Dalmatians. And it's an amazing technological accomplishment in the movie that all their spots match. They match and every dog is different. It was the creation of the Xerox method,

which is not a very complimentary way to describe the process, which was harder than that. You're not just printing cells. People still have to paint shit. It makes things look very sketchy. It does. But it's fine.

But it looks pencil-y and I love it. And if you think you hate Disney movies, like this isn't really a musical. The songs that are sung in the movie are like a guy writing a song on screen. It's more of a caper. Yeah, and I think it's fantastic. I watched it recently. The Blu-ray is littered

with special features hosted by YouTube stars that makes me sick to my stomach. Have they all been scandalized by now? It's like Nazi, Nazi, Nazi. It's also Disney. We were talking in regards to the Manson murders and I love that show, You Must Remember This, that framed it as like, Hollywood is losing eyeballs and willing to reach out to whatever group they can to get the youth audience back.

And that's how Charles Manson ended up in the room with executives with no talent or demo tapes. Actual beach boys. But you seem to have sway over the youth. And the only modern example of that is fucking YouTube stars who end up on Disney Channel before they're scandalized. Because you're reaching out to the worst pieces of shit in the universe because they're popular on YouTube. You're saying PewDiePie will have a death cult this decade. I'm talking specifically about Jake Paul. Oh, okay.

Jake Paul. He is the Manson of this generation. Yes, it's a great time to be alive. Just want to remind people. I thought wrong. So 101 Dalmatians definitely enjoyed a renaissance in the 90s. I mean, my little sister had a Perdita stuffed toy. And then it was so big.

We had the rolly one, the fat one, whatever it was. When they had the scamp or whatever. And it was so big that it ended up becoming a live action film with Glenn Close. With the sequels. Yeah, and it actually caused animal rights groups to be like, don't get Dalmatians. They're all hopelessly inbred and they're mean and they're hard to raise

and you'll just put them in the pound and we'll end up killing all of them. One of the first examples of that followed by Finding Nemo, don't get clownfish

and also Harry Potter, don't get owls. I wasn't trying to insult your dead dog, Henry, by the way. It was very nice. I was actually excited for this episode because it means Henry gets to talk

about the dog track but a light refresher on 101 Dalmatians I love it it's important it did a lot of shit it has a lot of different fans for a lot of different reasons it's the only classic Disney film with a next generation version you might know Scamp it's one of the only Disney movies with two live action sequels

it's one of the only Disney movies with a dream cast game in a TV show the only Disney movies with a Dreamcast game. In a TV show. Now every Disney film has a live action version. They will, and it makes me sick to my stomach as well. Live action in quotes for Lion King. We don't know yet. We don't know. What the fuck? Nobody is real. People in lion

costumes. I would prefer that to CGI. Those better be the most expensive hats in history if this is really going to be a live action lion king and well meanwhile lady and the tramp is a story of class it is and it's it's very it's awesome being the first disney movie to depict sex and courtship yeah uh lady lady fucks the tramp people do not deny it she wakes up at his house and is ashamed of herself but also the tramp gets around i love when she finds out oh, we've all fucked tramps. Like, everybody's been with this guy.

He's a tramp, but I love him. I love that song. A dirty, dirty dog. And there's also a, you know, collar-tucking song by the Siamese Cats. That's the only song I like from him. Those evil Orientals are at it again. Come on, he's a tramp is a good song. If you don't please.

Hey, look, I got my Italian stereotypes in there. There's a Scotch stereotype that we bear. Because that's what Luigi and the Simpsons is based on. Like Tony from Lady and the Tramp, and he gets to appear. So it's great why he's in the scene. But speaking of animals. Before we move on, it's important to know that Matt Groening was apparently inspired by 101 Dalmatians.

Was he really? Yeah, he loved this episode as a result. Because it does seem like a bizarre subject matter at this point in the show. He said he especially loved on the show in 101 Dalmatians, it was cartoons watching cartoons. Yeah, it blew his mind. It's why Itchy and Scratchy exists. It'll make you feel really old. It was the first time

that it happened in a Disney movie. They watch TV. They're watching TV at the start of this episode, and I love this opening so much. Welcome to the 6 o'clock news in our brand new studio. Looking good, Springfield. In today's news, a two-ton rhino escaped from the Springfield Zoo, but zoo officials were quick to act, and Petunia, as she is known,

is safely back in captivity. In other news, a three-ton rhino that escaped from the zoo last week is still at large. Good joke. Two things. Watch the final guy the rhino hits brace himself for impact. He's just like standing there with his teeth clenched and his eyes bugging out of his head.

He can't move. He's too scared. He's frozen with fear. But second thing is, this is a parody of the Today Show's Windows on New York set. I couldn't find an exact date when it happened. It was the 90s. But this is the Julianification of Times Square. Right, right. Where they kicked all the porn shops and prostitutes out and allowed all the corporations in. I don't know that it's still cluttered with studios, but it was like TRL, Good Morning

America, Fox News, The Today Show were all shooting outward into Times Square and people would show up with stupid signs. I haven't noticed that at Times Square. The things I noticed at Times Square is the bus, which is like the bus that has an audience facing a glass window to stare out at it, which on difficult people, they made a great joke about it, that they would hire people to act as New Yorkers in front of the yokels in the bus. But I do remember walking out in front of the Fuse building that did have like, we film

Fuse here, which is like knockoff MTV, not cool, not around anymore. How about the M&M Monolith? Yes, that M&M store. So my mom loved watching the Today Show in the morning. So it was on every single morning. And obviously back in the mid to late 90s, they had the outdoor studios. So I will always associate that with growing up to my massive sugar. I can't confirm.

I know they still have like a shot of the outdoor. But I think in the... I think they still do. I don't, I know they still have like a shot of the outdoor, but I think in the, I don't want to talk about, but I've seen the Good Morning America set. They, they have a window, but they don't have

the anchors in front of it with a hard camera on the outside because in a world of social, don't want to blame social media. Why the fuck wouldn't I put a dirty sign on the Today Show

and share it with all my fucking friends? It'd go viral. Yeah, it was a simpler time in the 90s with like, did you see me on the Today Show? No. Can I see it? No. Never. If we weren't taping it, it's gone.

Surely they have security screening the signs. I would think so. Still getting in a lot of trouble with the FCC. I still would like to press my dick and balls up against the window. Famously, the UCB would prank them. They did it. Little Donnie was there. They did it once where Al Roker is interviewing

them outside and Little Donnie is with them and they have a sign that they're holding down covering his exposed fake penis. Yes, but first Little Donnie is a child character played by a grown man in ill-fitting clothes but he has like a horse dick or whatever. Yes. And they saw a

penis scoop on his bike. Yeah. Basically a giant dildo hanging out of his pants. Yes. And they treat his a scoop on his bike. Yeah. Basically a giant dildo hanging out of his pants. Yes. And so then. Or shorts, sorry. At the very end of the interview with Al Roker, they then reveal the dick to Al Roker and then he goes,

all right, well, we're gonna, we'll go over here now. Like it's, and they worked on Conan sometimes too. So I think probably Al Roker figured that out. Yeah. But the, now when I watch the Today Show, it's only

when it's on holidays at my mom's place. What is it, Megyn Kelly? Did she take that over? She's a third hour. And she closes the blinds. She's bad, man. So it's her, then Kathy and Hoda, and then Megyn Kelly though who knows for how long. She's getting

bad ratings. The Today Show has famously ruined a couple of people. Tiki Barber, the former football player, is another one, where they tried to turn him into a star. Well, they tried to turn him into, who's the gap-toothed guy who actually, Michael Strayan. Yeah, Michael Strayan. He transcended.

He got to be a star. He replaced Regis, I think. Yeah, no, Tiki Barber famously went on the Today Show. They were trying to turn him into a major star on NBC. Immediately flamed out. Ended up just sitting on his couch unemployed watching DVDs. Now he's trying to make a comeback. But Megyn Kelly is definitely following the Tiki Barber trajectory.

Tiki Barber sounds like a Jungle Book character. Well, they keep trying to make Megyn Kelly a thing. Racist. Wasn't racist. Tiki Barber. NBC keeps trying to make Megyn Kelly a thing. Everybody's like, no, we don't want this. She complained about

Black Santa Claus. Get her off TV. Kids, he's white. You can't pretend to be a beautiful centrist when you spent the last 10 years complaining about the war on Christmas. No, and I've watched

Kathy and Hoda with my mom. I watched them literally do Facebook quizzes on the air. I was like, this is TV. Has it come to this? I would never watch any of that shit,

but one, Terry Crews was just on one of those shows to talk about being sexually assaulted and name names. That was fucking rad. But my favorite clip is, aren't Kathy and Hoda drunk constantly? They're wine moms. They play wine moms. And them talking to Martin Short, how's your wife? She's dead. Thank you.

Thank you for doing your research. I'm sorry. She passed away, actually. The fact that the Today Show is a thing with our parents' generation just goes to show the generational divide. I remember you guys talking about how during the 90s when people were writing The Simpsons, adults simply

didn't watch The Simpsons. A lot of adults now watch The Simpsons. Only my dad. I would never watch The Today Show in a million years because it's so boring. So boring. When you said the third hour, I was just like,

I can't fathom what the show is. It's so surface level garbage. I'm sorry. And so it just really speaks to how bad the taste in watching TV our parents have.

I don't listen to the lamestream media, man. No way, dude. Bright part for me. None of that deep state coffee for my ass. So,

Santa's little helper is destroying everything and has tons of energy. We are talking about the Simpsons, it's true. I love that they can't even notice him destroying stuff

until he literally tears apart Homer's shirts. Great animation. Bob Anderson really knocked it out of the park. SLH2, that he has all this energy.

This is the first time I noticed in the ball throwing back and forth scene that it's him picking up their hands to throw the ball back and forth. So he has that much energy. Turns out that greyhounds actually have a lot of energy. Yeah, let me say this. Greyhounds are great pets. But unfortunately, if you don't get one at birth,

you should absolutely adopt a race dog. But know that they've likely been tortured, and they have a lot of issues they're going to have to get over. And Dalmatians are the product of inbreeding and insane and usually end up mauling their owners. Yeah, they have. Never get a Dalmatian. Mine was deaf.

It was all I've defects. I've heard the same about Jack Russell Terriers. Everyone was getting those when Frasier was huge and they were all jumping out of windows and freaking out. Both Ernest and Pee Wee had one. How was I supposed to resist it? But Santa's Little Helper is destroying so much stuff. I think there's really something wrong with Santa's

Little Helper. He was up barking all night and dug up the backyard worse than ever. My bongo drums! My strobe light! My Best of Ray Stevens featuring the Streak album. So it was the dog that buried all our stuff. Yes, the dog.

Oh, my God! He's got the precious cable TV cable! Always use fresh macaroni. If the box rattles, throw it away. Always use fresh macaroni. If the box rattles, throw it away. Your cable TV is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.

Well, I'll be damned. He's not even angry. Replace TV with smartphones. Yeah, that's true. We're always looking at him. I can't turn away. I just love that Wiggum's like, I guess that's my penis. I have impotence.

And that he wears his police hat in bed. Hey, the Simpsons got cable. Yeah, at some point they've gotten cable in between then and now. It was unavoidable. I don't even remember being alive when cable was an issue of rich or poor. It was just like, you have a phone, don't you? Then you have cable. You just do.

I had cable my entire life. But I also came from a family that did okay. I don't want to say I'm a classist. Bastards. I always had cable too. I just love to imagine that the cable of cable TV is a single cable that runs through everyone's house. That's beautiful to me. And that just all the things that Marge had buried and taken away are exactly the things a mom would hate.

I just noticed that too. And also Lisa has bongo drums. Of course she does. Those would drive me crazy. I was like, oh, getting rid of that. Though strobe light is the one I hate the most. I know I might have to run away in this episode, so I hate to elongate it.

But there's a couple of, one, first my observation when I saw this, I thought it was going to be about spaying or neutering. Because this had just happened to our first dog. She immediately got spayed. And I was just shocked that it didn't go there, that they were going to touch that subject matter. The Simpsons are very bad pet owners for not giving a visit.

It's white trash to not spay or neuter your dog. Spay and neuter your pets, everybody. Even though it feels very cruel. Bob Barker was right. But they're atrocious pet owners. Because not only that, they don't take him out for a walk. You literally never see them taking him out for a walk They don't train him They took him to one obedience school thing

They just throw him in the backyard and let him poop everywhere They ignore him most episodes I mean So I foster cats Or I did foster cats Now we have a permacat And we had like 12 cats And I mean we generally were trying

to find good homes for them because there are a lot of abandoned pets the simpsons are the kind of people that we would end up having to take a cat in from because they're the kind of people who are like i don't know whatever i guess these pets are just kind of here because they're to play things or whatever it's even worse with birds cat it even worse. But my big thing here that I want to give a shout out to, because it's a showcase for him. We're in December, and I used to write a bunch about Christmas specials, and one man ended up being the voice of Santa

Claus more than any other, and that's Frank Welker. Who specializes in fucking Santa and just about everything else, but also dogs and animal noises. Wait, he fucks Santa? He's fucking Santa in like 800 different specials across 30 years.

He's Fred. He's Scooby-Doo. He's Megatron. But he weirdly gets a ton of work as animals. He's Nibbler on Futurama. He's Abu. He's Abu in Aladdin.

He was the Jetsons Nibbler thing. Slimer's an animal yeah he's been he has 800 credits and is somehow it also involved in the Simpsons and this has more exclusive Santa's Little Helper girl than any other episode yeah they've said in the past if they just need one sound for SLH they'll just

have Dan do it but for a focused Santa's Little Helper episode they'll get have Dan do it. But for a focused Stanislaw Helper episode, they'll get Brayden Welker. He is a voice acting legend. I have never seen him talk in his own voice, but he's Garfield. He's the new Garfield,

which I do not accept in my life. I was watching that Lorenzo music back. Oh, I watched Frank and Weenie, which is, I hate Tim Burton's last 10 years of work, but Frank and Weenie

is fucking excellent. Well, that was the original. Huh? Frank and Weenie, which is, I hate Tim Burton's last 10 years of work, but Frank and Weenie is fucking excellent. Well, that one's the original. Huh? Oh, no. Frank and Weenie was a Tim Burton original. The new movie version. Right, yeah. I'm saying that Frank and Weenie is like, sorry, vintage Tim Burton.

He's the dog in Frank and Weenie. He specializes in these animal voices. I love Frank Welker. I've always wanted to showcase every time he's done Santa, because it technically puts him involved in so many universes, including one on Retronauts where we talked about Christmas comes to Pac-Man. Christmas special.

Woof. I'm sick. Can you be Pac-Man today? Be Santa Pac-Man. Oh, I don't know. Well, whatever you say, Santa. Whatever you need. Sounds like a good laser time episode.

Oh, God. Did I just make more work for myself? Yes, you did. You did it, Chris. I just want to do a huge shout-out to Frank Wel God. Did I just make more work for myself? Yes, you did. You did it, Chris. I just want to do a huge shout-out to Frank Welker. He's a voice acting legend. I love that he's involved in The Simpsons,

and he gets a chance to shine in this episode a lot. He's so good. He gets to fuck. He does. He gets to fuck. But first, they try... Before they fix him that way,

they try to fix him with a... This is the store All Creatures Great and Cheap, but they don't show the sign for the store. Really? It just says Springfield Pet Shop. All our pets are flushable. Well, at this place,

the Charles Bronson voice guy doesn't work there either. This is the William Daniels guy. There's no need to murmur, man. Did anybody else look in the Hearts Mountain? Yes. It's a real thing. It's a real Japanese Shell company That acquires real estate

It's very strange I feel bad for them I'm like Whenever I see your dog food I'm like If you want to make this job Unenviable Look up Hearts Mountain

Recall Scandal Or controversy Because it happens Every two months Henry don't feel bad There is a website Called heartsvictims.org

It's been around Since 2002 It's been around since 2002. It's constantly updated with people telling their stories about how hearts killed their pets. Every six months they recall food, dog treats, toys. But I didn't notice that. Wow. He's making a very specific joke. Take it up with Hearts Mountain.

They're the one killing your pets. I was like, which scandal was this? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. It keeps happening. It's never stopped happening. I didn't know that was so real. It happened four months ago.

All right. Well's never stopped happening. It happened four months ago. All right. Well, fuck those guys. The Simpsons will be right back. You don't have to be one of the Models, Inc. to support Talking Simpsons. All you have to do is go to patreon.com slash talking simpsons and pledge today. If you'd like to hear these episodes a week early and ad free, along with a ton of other extras, all you have to do is go to patreon.com slash talking simpsons and sign up.

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Please check it out. You see, our new Net Zero Hub has all you need to know about smart meter plans, EV tariffs, solar panels, and much more. Making your usage clearer, your trips greener, your home cozier, and your world brighter. Find our Net Zero Hub at electricireland.ie. Okay, so look, you maybe don't have a real gorilla chest vest or loafers made of gophers, but if you want to be a fashion icon, I would suggest buying the Talking Simpsons t-shirt. If you haven't got your hands on it yet, you can go to Shirtsickle and check it out for yourself, or go to tiny.cc slash talking shirt and get one. The Talking Simpsons t-shirt is beautiful sky blue and based

on the ion springfield logo designed by the wonderful friend of the show nina matsumoto and it looks great i got him for myself i think it really holds up well 1999 plus tax and shipping ships somewhat internationally comes in tons of different sizes. You should all check it out at Shirtsicle, like Popsicle, but with shirt, or at tiny.cc slash talking shirt. It makes a great present for the holidays. Darn it. Hey, this is Hank Azaria. You're listening to Talking Simpsons on Laser Time. I didn't know that was a thing. Is the world of today getting you down? Well, then why not check in on some of the good stuff that happened this week in movies, TV, games, and more 30, 20, and 10 years ago this very week with our show 302010. Here's a clip from 1987.

I thought this was a TV movie i guess i'm incorrect and you are the devil's spawn evil from the moment of conception flowers in the attic yeah that could be a tv movie exactly what was eventually but there have been tv versions yeah with all with all of the same twists and turns? I don't think you see as much. Because the husband of the mother was the uncle of the father. So the children are the spawn of incest as well. And then get locked into the attic and we have some more. Wait, Chrissy Swanson is the result of incest.

Yeah, way too symmetrical. is the result of incest. Yeah. Way too symmetrical. Then we need more incest. More incest. Well, there's never been a better time. Nobody actually liked that. Next Laser Time ringtone. More incest. And when I was in school.

Jump into the past with 302010 every Thursday on LasertimePodcast.com or iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Let's visit the special. Let me try a canine human mind meld. It's an incredibly rare psychic power possessed only by me and three other clerks at this store. Okay.

Bruh! Bruh! Bruh! I'm bored. I'm restless. Need change in life. Bruh! Like imported leather leash. Bruh! Uh, blue

contact lenses? Ruh! 200-volt shock training collar? Well, problem solved. Homer, hold on to the wheel! You got it. So, yes, the mind meld is... Kat, do you only come on episodes with Star Trek references? No, that's the rule.

You've had two in a row so far. Well, yeah, so since we do have a Star Trek expert here, Cat, the Vulcan mind meld, what's the deal? The very first episode to feature the Vulcan mind meld was the one where they had a guy escaping from prison and

there were people being brainwashed and everything. And the story goes that there was going to be a very long and boring interrogation scene. And Leonard Nimoy said, why don't we come up with something else? Whoa, really? Something kind of interesting. And so they were like, okay. So they turned it into he does the mind meld.

And they originally framed it as a very dangerous thing. But later it was just like, yeah, whatever. I'm going to do it through the wall. It's time for this episode's mind meld segment. Yes, exactly. I just love the intimacy of how he does it sometimes. Like, looks in your eye, face-to-face with you, looks in your eye, and then puts his hand, like,

right on your cheek. The greatest mind meld, in my opinion, was in TNG, where Picard mind melds with Sarek. Yeah, when he cries for serek and about his family and then much later in the episode unification uh spock gets to mind meld with picard and for the first time realizes that his father like sees his father's feelings for him which is a really nice little thing yeah it's beautiful but here is a classic from the tos uh mind meld moment our minds are moving closer closer closer closer james kirk closer

no james kirk No. James Kirk. Miramani! No. You picked a good one. Yeah, what's happening in that episode? That's the one where Kirk loses his memory and ends up getting married and has a kid, I think? Looks like he went to a Vulcan spa or something. Yeah, he's wearing the Native American drag. Yeah. It should be noted that David Merkin, the showrunner for seasons five and six,

is a huge TOS fan, which is why it's referenced so often in his episodes. Over and over again. So a great animation of Santa's little helper turning into liquid metal, basically. And like tumbling down the road. And then I also love Homer's line, we'll catch him or run him over trying.

And yes, then we are back to the birthplace of state well not birthplace but where they found slh in the simpsons roasting on an open fire slh origins yes which is why matt granny liked this episode because it was a callback to that episode it's sweet it's sweet in that way and i did spend a lot of hours at a greyhound track because my dad loved it though i delight in these horrible stories i mean my dad would spend a lot of time in the greyhound track because my dad loved it. I delight in these horrible stories. I mean, my dad would spend a lot of time at the Greyhound track because not even betting on the Greyhounds because it wasn't as fancy

as horse racing via satellite. He's there for the ambiance. Yes. He's there to smoke cigars with other guys smoking. I don't know anything about Greyhound racing, but my partner's father is huge into horse racing.

Well, they are little horses, as this episode says. With no jockeys. Yeah, you don't have to pay jockeys, so jockeys are out of work, and so he just removes the human element. Hey, Homer, don't bet the favorite. Yeah, the odds should be really poor on She's the Fastest

if she really does. Yeah, you're not going to make a lot of money on She's the Fastest. It's like, you bet two bucks, you're going to make, what, five cents? Yeah. This episode quickly forgets that SLH's bitch is called She's the Fastest. Yeah, they never say it again after this scene. And I forgot that was her name, too. Yeah, the wiki credited this as Bart's second curse word.

I'm like, fuck you. No, he said bastard, hell, ass, man. Bastard was a curse word. Hell was a curse word. It's the second time he said bitch. But bitch was second level on network TV back in 1995. But it was technically accurate. He's such a bitch.

But yeah, I also, I've said before on here, I connect Simpsons with it too because I would read Simpsons comics a couple times when I went there with my dad and was just bored. And so I would just reread the same Simpsons comic over and over again. It was nice to be like, you know what, I'm not going to go to the dog track anymore. Put a little money on the puppies. And also, every time we would drive home,

if it was crisp, on the drive home in Florida, we would drive by the racetrack. And if it was crisp, it was the holidays. My mom would always joke like, well, let's stay there because we got to open the gifts after the seventh race. Call back to

the first episode. I like that the racetrack announcer seems to know that he is in a TV show and it's being dramatic. She's the fastest. I don't think that means necessarily... And they're off! She's the fastest! Jumps out to an insurmountable lead!

You're lucky you got looks, Marge. As they're on the far turn, it's She's the fastest, followed by Always, comes in second, and I'm number three. Yes, come on, you little horse. And they're in the home stretch. It's, wait, another dog is on the track. It's Santa's little helper. The mystery dog is gaining fast on the outside.

Of course, he could never win this race. Or could he? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I did not get this joke as a kid. Very much a joke. Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it. Come on, boy, you can do it! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end. This is the end of dog racing. Marge is so naive.

I love the triumphant music set to dog fucking. Yes. But that camera move that just follows his head as it goes over her butt is really risque for 95. It is. And just seeing their heads in position, they're like. It's really risque for 95. It is. Just seeing their heads in position. They're like, oh, he's humping her. Okay, the dog has entered the other dog. Yeah.

And that she's the fastest in its amount. I just love the guy's like, he could never win this race. Or could he? And we get an appearance of the rich Texan who owns She's the Fastest. I like to think he's the brother of rich Texan because he's got red hair. It's not exactly the same. I do like his lady. You're all right. No one would actually befriend a dog.

They're property you own. Won't you miss her loyalty and companionship? I do like that they even have the rabbit run the rabbit doll that tricks the dogs into running as fast as they can. That was the mascot of our local JCKC dog track. That's beautiful.

Florida's just lousy with dog tracks. What are you people doing over there? Well, horse races are like, yeah, horse races are kind of illegal in Florida. They're harder to get permission to do. On the surface, it seems like the dumbest loophole I've ever heard of. Horse racing's illegal. What about dogs? Don't say nothing about dogs.

Nothing in his rule book that says dogs can't race. All of the race-based gambling in my neck of the woods was off-track betting. You watch video of a race, which seems like, that's stupid. People bet on fucking wrestling. I just don't understand gambling at all. People bet

on everything. And I don't gamble, but I kind of find the process of gambling fascinating. I think you would, because you're more of a sports fan. I'm definitely don't gamble, but I kind of find the process of gambling fascinating. I think you would because you're more of a sports fan. I'm definitely a sports fan, but I just like finding the right odds and getting the optimal results and everything. I enjoy listening people talk about gambling for some reason. I thought the generals were due.

One of my degenerate friends explained it to me. He's like, I can understand why you'd like sports more. It makes them more exciting. That's what Homer says. It makes a good thing better. I tried gambling on football for like a year and got bored really fast. From winning all that money? No, I did terribly.

At a certain point, I hit zero after putting a certain amount of money in. On the Vikings, I know, Kat. This sounds like sour grapes, Kat, and I will not stand for it. Maybe just a little bit i when i'm in las vegas i do enjoy gambling quite a bit but i don't go out of my way to gamble more it outside of it like it's just it's more of a trip thing but it's just too much luck though it's shot like a greyhound owner would never give away a greyhound like that. Well, heck no. Okay, so they had a she's the fastest, a really good greyhound,

and oh look, another greyhound who's almost as fast as she is, possibly faster. Well, SLH is actually a very bad runner if he isn't full of sexual frustration. It's a man thing. If you're horny, it's like spinach. But the point is that he has good genes.

He's just not well trained. That's true. Oh, they should make the fastest dogs alive. Yes. As we discover. That's what the ending is. Rich Texan did not think of that, but just to let you know what actual dog names are of popular race dogs, the first and

second place of a big race this year were Fantabelle and Ramifications. Which is quite something. But the names of race dogs are the craziest because they are named by rich men who don't give a shit about a dog. And it's named after an ex-wife or something. Someone posted a bunch of race horse names on Twitter. And they were pointing out these are all Dark Souls bosses. Hitler's dissertation.

Man O' War. Man O' War. Classic Man O' War, who almost got, no, Man O' War did not get the, I know too much about horse racing because my dad. Dude, and there's a giant section in Tallahassee, Florida, where every street name, like, where did all these bizarre street names come from? They're all from Kentucky Derby race horsesorses for a four-mile radius. Shotgun fodder avenue. Who wants to live on Man O' War Street? But I also like that Homer doesn't think they're in love.

He more rightly pegs it as casual sex, which is, I think Homer's always projecting that he misses casual sex, perhaps. But, yeah, again, the Simpsons, irresponsible dog owners are like, okay, we now have these two dogs. They both need to be fixed right now because they're fucking constantly. They should know puppies are due. Yeah. How can they all be that stupid? But I do love the cute, long sequence that's all visual,

but the lady in the tramp sequence, especially them fighting over the world's toughest spaghetti. But them also on the date laughing at the fat dog is pretty fucking... That's a Sharpay, the wrinkliest dog ever. Look at her real picture. It's ghastly. I love them. Chows are also quite cute. Things are going to grow in those folds?

You got to clean them? You got to clean them. You got to vacuum them, Chaz. But yes, then Bart and the writers get away with having him say bitch on television. I love Marge's reaction to this word. Me and Santa's little helper used to be a team, but he never wants to play anymore since his bitch moved in. Bart, don't ever say that word again. Well, that's what she is.

I looked it up. I'm going to write the dictionary, people, and have that checked. Feels like a mistake to me. Hey, look. A really small dog just fell out of Santa's girlfriend. Oh, my God. She's having babies. I'm sorry, girl. I thought you were just getting fat. Look. It's twins. No, it's two sets of twins.

Two sets of twins and a triplet. Homer. Homer, find a place for all these little miracles so i've seen pregnant dogs and uh they do not just look like they're getting fat no especially with 25 puppies and a greyhound especially where a dogs would be they have no stomach they have a concave stomach so if they they're pregnant... You're going to see things moving in there. And that dog is laying there, and it's obviously pregnant. Yeah. So I want to mention one thing.

The largest litter of puppies ever... Ah, you looked this up. Yes, it happened in 2004. 24. Wow. And as expected, three died in the first week. So 21 dogs survived that litter. Yes, exactly.

There is a stillborn dog in 101 Dalmatians as well, but they resuscitated. Yeah, they got him back. So they almost hit a Simpsons dozen. Yep. And there's a great

Aronson and Zukowski-style joke between 24 and 25. Yes, yes. Oh, my. I've never seen anything like this. How many more can there be? 22. 23. I've never seen anything like this. How many more can there be? 22?

23? 24? 24? 25! Such a beautiful, like, fuck you. It takes her six hours to have that 25th one. And just, like, where did the idea, why did it need to be 25 dogs? I couldn't find a plot-based purpose.

In 101 Dalmatians, it's 19 dogs, I found. It's quite a lot of dogs. It is, as they meet up with other Dalmatians at the factory. Yeah, but Perdita has 19 dogs. But I didn't know, was it to meet, did they come up with a title first? And then, like, it's got to with a title first? And then like, it's got to be that many dogs?

Two dozen and one greyhounds? Yeah. Probably. It should just be a lot of greyhounds to match the lot of Dalmatians. Ten greyhounds

are a ton of greyhounds. I believe it's in, it's like a gaggle. It's like, it's called a shitload of greyhounds. Five. Five is a shitload

of greyhounds. I think ultimately two dozen and one sounds a lot like 101 and that's the joke that's the point that's the joke

but I just love the idea that this might be 25 because they found a funny title that's the only reason that's probably the only reason yeah

and that made Bob Anderson draw 25 in his team draw 25 puppies although they cheat all 25 puppies are not present in every scene

I think people would kill themselves if it happened I also love the animation on like the sleepy confused just, just-born dog. Especially in Marge's hair. In her hair.

Covered in mucus. Also, it's such a goofy joke, but I love it, of the cat kicking the cat into the side. Basically having the drunk guy reaction of throwing the booze away. It's a joke from the 30s. It still works. On that note, I gotta run. Laser time, all that garbage. Thank you for coming. Cats, come by more often. Thank you, Chris. Go to watch cartoons!

I'm on the cat side on this one. Yeah, that's too many dogs. It's funny that they even thought they could keep that many dogs and be okay. No, it just shows that they're stupid. I'm sorry. I mean, they're irresponsible. I mean, come on, 25 dogs? That's like crazy cat lady levels at that point.

Yeah, and also that Bart... They can't even take care of one dog. Bart is also stupid enough to think just-born puppies are an army of puppies that will protect him from Jimbo. And he calls him a jerk face. I enjoy, hey, jerk face, you have the face of a jerk. Very good. I think of that all the time. He gets off pretty easy with Jimbo, only punching And he calls him a jerk face. I enjoy, hey, jerk face, you have the face of a jerk. Yes. Very good. I think of that all the time.

He gets off pretty easy with Jimbo, only punching him in the gun once. And I'm not going to read every dog name, but- A lot of them are sequels. Yes, yeah. I like- It shows how maybe creative they are in coming up with dog names. Though they do have Dave, Jay, Paul, and Branford, which were named after Jay, Leno, and Branford, which were named after Jay Leno and Branford Marcellus. And their band leaders.

And David Letterman and Paul Schaefer, some band leaders. Also Sleepy Dopey Grumpy, Donner Blitzen, Grumpy 2, Dave, Jay, Paul, and Branford 2 as well. King, Queenie, Prince, and the puppy formerly known as Prince. Very timely joke. He had been the artist since 1993, so it's just like... Rest in peace. All right, Minnesota's own.

There was a joke about this in Lisa's wedding, too. Yes, they were really into that. The reason he did that, by the way, folks, why I didn't know him as Prince at first, because when I started paying attention to music, and his music in particular would have started in 93, and he was the artist formerly known as Prince to me. He was always the symbol.

Symbol boy. Yeah, so it was weird when he finally was just Prince. And he did that because he was under contract at Warner Records and pissed off that they wouldn't let him out. So he changed his name to a symbol, and everybody called him the artist formerly known as prince it was like an epic level troll at the music industry he also would play music live with slave written on his face and he did five albums in two years to get out of it then signed with

arista but didn't change his name back to prince in public until, which would be his name until his death in 2016. I am ready to talk about Models Inc., though. Yes. Lost to time. Look at Brantford, too. Isn't that cute? He thinks he's one of the Models Inc. Get that cat out of the way!

Love how angry Homer is that the cat just flying. They all stare at the cat. Hey, guess what, puppies? Once the novelty's gone, you'll be treated the same way. So you guys need to know about Models, Inc., and I'll explain it all to you. If you were around in 1994,

I'm just settling in. would you would know let me let me spin a tale for you you would know how much fox was hyping this this show was launched in the summer of 94 it was post 90210 post melrose place this is an aaron spelling joint and it was like what if it was just like the point of the show was just like these are all beautiful people they're not just people who happen to be beautiful they're all beautiful people i mean it seems like can't lose right aaron spelling models i mean come on it did lose it only had one season and it was off the air by the time of this episode so this was likely written during the huge hype for the show generated by fox and it was gone after i believe like i don't know 20 30 episodes it was gone after, I believe, like, I don't know, 20, 30 episodes. It was canceled on, last new episode aired March 6th, four weeks before this episode aired.

How did it flop so hard? I think Melrose Place was just still too big. It was just overkill. People didn't have room in their life for a third Alan Spelling sexy rich people show. But they didn't have smartphones. I mean, watch TV about models. What? It just didn't have a breakout person mean watch tv about about models what it just

didn't it didn't have a breakout person on the show either like no not really doherty or another locklear no luke perry or luke perry none of that yeah they didn't really have the heartthrob thing i think too that like 90210 let them get teens and then i guess teens kind of graduated melrose place but it let them get to mid 20 year Mid-20 year olds. And so, Model Z just was not as popular, but I just love that they picked such a dated thing for them to be watching that, of course, the Simpsons would be

watching the popular Fox show. I feel like the writers thought, like, this will be huge. Everyone will be talking about Model Z, so the Simpsons will be watching it. I love Marge saying he thinks he's one of the Models, Inc. Or they're being ironic. Beautiful. I have a clip of Models, Inc. It's a promo for an upcoming episode.

So, you know, stay tuned for that, people in 1995. Next Wednesday on Models, Inc. Through the window I could see Terry. She was fighting with Hillary. A few minutes later they found Terry's body. Your mother's got blood all over her hands. You'd think that I pushed her off the balcony.

What is this thing, a funeral or a fashion show? Oh my god! It ends with a woman being shoved over a coffin at a funeral. The coffin spills over. And by the way, the VHS vault wants you to know, that clip is not for sale. You cannot sell that Models Inc. clip on YouTube, family. Oh, that's beautiful. That looks so bad. Yes, I mean, Oh, that's beautiful. That looks so bad.

Yes. I mean, look at the crappy editing. God, so bad. Next week on Model Zink. Is this a funeral or a fashion show? But there's also none of those people are interesting. No, no. They're all just boring, pretty people.

It just comes down to casting. They needed a breakout star, and they just did not have that. Unlike, they could have Brian Priestley and Luke Perry. They were blessed with hunk of two. Lots of sideburns in the 90s? Oh, Jason Priestley. Now, there's a name I have not heard in a long time. I don't think he's with Megan Fox anymore, is he?

He was with Megan Fox? Or was the other one Brian something? One of those, I gotta look this up. Brian Austin Green. Brian Austin Green was with Megan. Yeah. Yes. Uh,

but hey, who having these puppies seems like a blessing, but not so. Mom, why do I have to wear a flea collar? No, it's just easier this way. Uh,

don't, uh, don't, uh, don't, don't, uh, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't don't don't don't

don't this time don't don't this house stinks you're not just putting the new newspapers over the old ones are you do you have a better idea

yeah that swish you have a better idea oh yeah that that squish you here i can smell it yeah yeah you ever hear the definition of insanity yeah well first he like pops the bag open which is great just like pops it in half you can hear the pop of the bag but also that this time is dan castellaneta doing ad lib and it it makes you realize how many lines were added to the show by Dan. Yeah. A trained improv comic. I love this time so much. This time.

Anytime I'm doing something and I'm doing it for the third or fourth time, I'm like, all right, I'm going to plug this in. Nope, it's up this time. I just always say it in that way. Knowing, too, that this will not be the time it works. Setting yourself up for failure. This time. It's just beautiful. God, I love it. And not be the time it was. Setting yourself up for failure. This time. It's just beautiful.

God, I love it. And the reverse flea collaring. And also the great animation on the pile of dogs tearing apart his socks. It's like piranhas almost. Yes, yeah. Which is a great setup for a plot important thing, too. But it just seems like a gag those are the best kind of gags that it's it works on its own as a gag but it sets up plot things for later it's it's

great and they're opening up the drawer to find like these little piranha puppies just all your socks gone gone from these they they've got a lot of strength real fast. So I guess that makes sense for soon-to-be champion greyhounds. Also, as a young boy, I didn't have a clue what culottes are. So this taught me that term as well. Same here. Did you know what they were, Kat? I still don't. Okay.

And then we get to see poor, sad grandpa just like, hello. A great little cutaway. But anyway, on an unrelated topic, let's hear this clip. All right. We'll give the dogs one more chance. As long as the puppies don't do anything else wrong, they stay. On a completely unrelated topic, I'm having a very, very important dinner party tonight. Splendid.

Who's coming? Reverend Lovejoy, your old army drill sergeant and the regional director of the IRS. Oh, just lovely Marge. The whole town will hear what a perfect evening this was. Nothing at all went wrong. Simpson! This evening has gone so flawlessly

I'm gonna forget that you were mistakenly let out of the army a month early. And I'm so impressed by this problem-free evening that there's no need for that audit A toast to the Simpsons And to the delectable turkey That's walking around the table Dear lord, it's a demon bird Simpson! See you at Reveille 0500 tomorrow Samson

see you at Reveille 0500 tomorrow see you at the IRS see you in hell from heaven great joke okay I just realized that music was also

a reference to the just the artificiality of the scene being the most the biggest sitcom trope ever it was basically every plot of Three's Company or bewitch or i dream of genie yeah and hank azaria is sergeant carter from gomer pile yes homer's drill instructor i just love i i guess in between scenes here homer

went to the military for a month and then came back but in separate vocations we find out he was too heavy for the army the The police said he was too dumb. But just the, I love Marge's, on a completely unrelated topic. Yes. And Homer's like, splendid, she's coming. It's also, again, Dave, we said it a million times, Dave Merkin hates sitcoms. And he wrote for Three's Company. Yeah, he both hates sitcoms but cannot escape them. Yeah, Three's Company was his first TV writing job.

Actually, he mentions, not in this commentary, but that he had a very aged cat who had just died when they recorded it. His name was TC after Three's Company because he adopted the cat in the late 70s when he wrote for Three's Company. Wow, that's an old cat. And the cat lived for like 20 years. Dang. But just see, it was a very stock scene, but the idea that the puppies were fighting inside the bird, that was clever. Yes.

That was a smart thing. They were in there the whole time. Or sleeping inside the bird, too. So, Bob, were you sad to find out that Abe Simpson apparently killed a parent at some point? How we use electricity can be smarter, cleaner, and greener. At Electric Ireland, we can help guide you there. You see, our new Net Zero hub has all you need to know about smart meter plans, EV tariffs, solar panels, and much more.

Making your usage clearer, your trips green solar panels, and much more. Making your usage clearer, your trips greener, your home cozier, and your world brighter. Find our Net Zero Hub at electricireland.ie. I was a little disturbed by it. He uses the word accidentally

killed that smart mouth bird, so I want to think that... Characterizing the bird as smart mouth, though, makes me wonder how accidental it was. I have a smart mouth bird, and want to think that uh characterizing the bird is smart mouth though makes me wonder how accidental it was i have a smart mouth bird and uh i think of bringing his tiny neck sometimes but no i love my bird it's okay uh but yes then mr burns uh answers the call we've got to be realistic kids who's gonna have a big enough heart to take care of 25 puppies and i know the little fellas would love romping around my many acres, chasing my many cars, drinking from my many toilets. Who wouldn't?

Mom, don't give the puppies to him. He'll be mean to them. She's right, Homer. There's something about his face I don't trust. Uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Burns But you can't have these dogs Am I fired? Oh of course not They're your pets You can do as you wish

Good day everyone My he certainly took that well A little too well if you ask me I'm sure he's plotting some brilliant scheme to get those puppies. There you go. There you go. You too. Honestly, sir, you just don't put the effort into your schemes that you used to.

We will see Mr. Burns' ultimate scheme at the end of the season, though. Yeah, I wonder if he took that as a challenge. He was like, you want a scheme? I got a scheme. The Simpsons, for that joke to work, they have to teleport six feet over in between saying those lines. And Homer scratches his ass

as Mr. Burns is stealing the puppies. I think as a hanging a lantern on, how weird that move is. Just how ridiculous it is. Like, well, they can't really be far away. Or the box has to be like 20 feet long. Yeah. So this is only the third time that Mr. Burns is actually a kind of major character in this season.

This season? Yeah. And we're relatively late in the season as well. Well, he was also just star as Burns, too. Yes. They know they've got to go hard on Burns. I think later in the seasons is when they get more desperate and are like, we need Burns. Well, we go back to season two

or whatever where in season three where they're like oh we love burns every episode is burned season five is pretty burns heavy we have uh springfield and we have uh rosebud rosebud and springfield pretty close together yeah yeah and but i just it i like homer scratching his butt it's just i don't even recognize like, it's obvious they're too far away. It doesn't work. Wiggum shows up again to show how useless as well as impotent he is. I like that Marge actually buys him dusting with a powder dough. It's like, oh.

And though he actually is useless in tipping off the kids to go to Burns' place. Yeah, like he knows Mr. Burns suddenly has 25 new dogs, but he doesn't know what happened to the Simpsons' 25 dogs. And also, it's worth noting, the last scene of She's the Fastest is when, let's find our babies! And then they get turned around by the food. Oh, that's the last time she shows up?

Until the very end? Never seen again. Never. Doesn't matter. Yeah, she is not seen again in this episode or anyone past that. And so i'm guessing she's the fastest either ran away or maybe she was adopted and became a race dog again or something

i just prefer to imagine that in the process of giving away the puppies they also decide to give away she's the fastest because they're like we really can't take care of two dogs yeah alone one or that she gets pregnant again because they didn't neuter her and they're like we're giving her away this time too. This dog, Sam's little helper's just going to have to have blue balls. Congratulations, you ruined an amazing champion race horse, a race dog. It's what men will do to women, man. They'll destroy you.

But yes, they get to Burns' place for one of the oddest references they've ever done in the show. I love it. Smithers, look. He's standing up. I've ever done in the show. I love it. Smithers, look. He's standing up. I've never seen anything so adorable. You know who it reminds me of? Benji?

No. Lassie? No, no, no. A person. You know who I mean. Snoop Doggy Dog? Bob Barker? David Brenner?

No, no. The person who's always standing and walking. Rory Calhoun? That's it! Okay, I want to tell people out there, don't think too hard about this joke. People overthink this joke. The joke is, this very broad description is applied to a very specific and obscure person, but it has nothing to do with the dog.

So it's like this three-level thing, but the fact that it's Rory Calhoun has nothing to do with Rory Calhoun. It's the fact that it is a very specific person that no one really knows about who is known for, quote unquote, standing around and walking, which is something every human being does. Yes. And it's a joke on, you know, a friend or a family member going like, no, you know, the one person. Come on. They were in movies. Yes, exactly. They played the guitar. I mean, come on, they were in movies. Yes, exactly. They played the guitar.

I mean, come on. And David Brenner does not have a dog-based name, but he has a very hangdog look about him. So that is the David Brenner joke. Well, supposedly George Meyer came up with the gag and Groening was like, well, nobody knows who Rory Calhoun is. And he was right.

Nobody does. But it doesn't matter. I didn't know who he was, but I got the joke that it's like, it just, Mr. Burns is ascribing these very broad traits to one specific person but if you really want to know what he sounds like this is him from there are 800 rory calhoun movies on youtube that no one cares about the copyright of because it's like they he just did 80 westerns that aren't classics.

There were the John Wayne, John Ford A-level westerns, and then there were the B pictures. And honestly, Rory starred in C pictures. So here's a scene of Rory Calhoun in Red Sundown, also with Martha Hayer. Paint your sundown with blood, I gather. Well, you about half scared me off. What's the matter, have I got two heads? No, I gather. Well, you about half scared me off. What's the matter? Have I got two heads? No. Two guns.

So do half the men in town. They don't use them as well as you do. Look, I came here looking for a job with cattle. Jade's trying to change my mind. See what I'm really out for is a place of my own. I've heard that same speech from every gunslinger who's come to town. Y'all, you gunslingers want one thing. That's what martha said he's got a severe widow's peak i know that was his look though yeah that's so he was much more known for that instead of standing and walking which

he was standing and walking in that scene yeah he's more like moving his foot from side to side yes but yes don't overthink it. It doesn't really matter who Rory Calhoun is. It could be literally anyone. It could be anyone, so, but Rory Calhoun is probably as obscure as it gets. And it's a funny name, too. Yeah. In 1999 is when he passed away, so he's still alive to see himself referenced

on The Simpsons, though I highly doubt he watched it. But, yeah, 8 million Westerns with Rory Calhoun you can find them on youtube if you really care and want to check them out now the only reason i would watch one of those movies if they're ever on mystery science theater that's the only reason uh so you know what so then we get one of the best songs in simpsons history it is uh yeah their parody of be our guest written by mike scully did it. I think this could be the best song.

So I previously said that Put the Spring in Springfield song was my favorite. But upon hearing this song again, I think it is. And I think it is my new favorite. And also, I heard this many, many times on Songs in the Key of Springfield before I saw the episode. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Because the animation, I mean, the songs, the animation is amazing. The animation adds so much to it.

Burns has never been more spry. Just dancing around and being, yeah. And all the different designs for every animal he names. And I will give it really to Harry Shearer, too, for acting so well in this. And singing in Burns' voice, too. Yeah, it's a real challenge. Are you sure you want to go through with this, sir?

You do have a very full wardrobe as it is. Yes, but not completely full. For you see, some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food. The only thing I'm

hunting for is an outfit that looks good. See my vest. See my vest made from real gorilla chest. Feel this sweater.

There's no better than authentic Irish setter. See this hat, it was my cat, my evening wear, vampire bat. These white slippers are albino, African endangered rhino. Grizzly bear underwear, turtle's necks I've got my share. Parade of poodle on my noodle, it shall rest. Try my red robin suit It comes one breast or two See my vest, see my vest See my vest

Like my loafers Former gophers It was that who skinned my chauffeurs But a grey hamper tuxedo would be best So let's prepare these dogs You too for matching clogs See my vest, see my vest Oh please won't you see my vest

I really like the vest I gathered you He's gonna make a tuxedo out of our puppies Na na na, na na na, na na na All right I gathered, yeah. It is catchy. I sing this in the shower all the time. I love it so much. I really like the vest. I gathered, yes. That's, I love the double joke on it that, like, one,

in the world of a sitcom, if someone sings, you're not supposed to recognize it as a song. Yeah. not only does smith is going like well yeah you just sang for a minute straight about your vest but then bart is humming the song like he heard it like it's pretty funny how they turn what could be a brain dead parody of one title of a song into an entire great song like be our guest see Guest, See My Vest. And then that spins into this amazing song. And that was relatively a new thing in 1995 because Beauty and the Beast was

three or four years old at that point. Yeah, three or four. I think it was 91. But it was an Oscar. It was the Oscar-nominated song. It was the song that Jerry Orbach sang at the Oscars. Not Tale as Old. Well, actually, I think they maybe did it medley, but he definitely sang Be Our Guest at the Oscars. Not Tale as Old. Well, actually, I think they maybe did it,

they did a medley, but he definitely sang Be Our Guest at the Oscars. And the critic had Beauty and King Dork in the first episode. Yeah, but it's such an exciting song. I think my favorite one is the Red Robin suit, In Comes One Breast or Two. God, what is mine?

Grizzly Bear Underwear. My favorite is. It turns you on. Yeah. There's no better than authentic Irish setter And a hat that plus his cat And brave poodle

On my noodle it shall rest It's all great But so that's why he was cleaning The dogs because he doesn't even Just want to kill them later And get them bigger so he can make it like He's killing them tonight. Also, with a gun.

Yes. If you want the most fur from a dog, don't shoot a puppy with a gun. Yes. Maybe, like, poison them and then skin them. Yeah, lethal injection or gas. So I think this is the most evil thing that Mr. Burns will have ever done, including putting the Springfield into an eclipse. Well, I don't know. He also banks her up to school in that, too.

Yeah. Killing puppies. The internet tells me that's the most evil thing you can do. That is true. Killing puppies. And he really doesn't care. No. Then they have to get away from him.

And the doorknob turning all the way around backwards. It makes no sense, but it's great. It's just like like no door works like that it just needs to give them more time because in a dramatic in a dramatic situation when you hear the door rustling you really have maybe two seconds until someone opens the door but they need to express dialogue to each other so they have to cheat it all the time in dramas and in the simpsons they have to double cheat it off this door is impossible to um it spins all the way around so beautiful let's be honest in real life it's half a second yeah you basically just have half a second to like

hide your pornography when you hear that door open but they they find the perfect statement i think this is my line of the show. Sorry, Monty, but you're too big for this ride. Quick, let's get going. Going somewhere? That's impossible. How did you get here first? Oh, there'll be plenty of time for explanations later. Right now, I'll be taking my puppies back.

But there are! You stole them from us! Here's a phone. Call somebody who cares. I really love it. It happens a bit later in this episode. I love the pose of Burns with the gun. He just has his hand behind him. He's holding the gun out like execution style.

It's very Quentin Tarantino or something. Yeah, I just love his, there'll be time for explanations later, meaning we will not explain this. He like teleports downstairs. Mr. Burns threatening to kill children on network TV. Yes. No, actually, yes.

This next scene is my line of the show. His plan, Bart's plan of hiding the Rory Calhouns, and then the only one that stands up is clearly his dog. Little Monty. And I just also love the arch. Okay, I'm going to play this. This is the best

line here. That's the joke. Now it's simply a matter of bending down and picking up the one and only. This can't be happening. They're all standing. I can't be happening.

They're all standing. I can't tell them apart. All right, you win. I'll have to kill them all. But they're so wretchedly adorable. 25 little Rorik Elhouns. I can't do it. But I can kill you.

Why? No, I can't kill you either. Look at you, standing there on your hind legs like a couple of Rory Calhouns. Burns needs to kill something. He's like, I can't kill you. He's just so ready. He's like, I can kill children. He's just so ready. He's like, I can kill children. The sound that Lisa makes, too.

Yeah. They're really, like, that's a traumatizing event for them. Yeah. I do want to point out that the joke is

they land in a very ordinary basement. This joke was also in Last Exit to Springfield. I should really stop ending the tour here. Also, we seemingly see Mr. Burns' underwear.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true. Or Smithers, but Smithers has his own apartment. Yeah, that'sers, but Smithers has his own apartment. Yeah, that's true. He wouldn't besmirch Burns by washing his underwear in the same place.

But man, just the gag of a couple of Rory Calhouns. And it's like, just a simple matter of bending down and you could have picked up the dog. This episode's unusually genre savvy, for sure. Yeah, it's really pointing out all the contrivances.

But just that it is a realization to Burns, like, but I can kill you. Yeah. It's so great. For nothing. It's just like, there's no reason for this. He's just like, well, but I could murder children and get away with it. And he would. He would get away with it.

Mr. Burns at his most casually evil. And once again, not recognizing Bart, his heir, from last season. Wait a minute. Yeah, he will recognize them at the end of the season. Everybody but Homer. But the shooting guy that he's ready to kill. By the way, did you guys hear about that tech guy in some country in the Netherlands who, like, obviously murdered a woman on his boat or on his sub? I buried

her for you uh yeah I did you a favor uh don't ask where the corpse is she fell and died on my ship uh accidentally and I just dismembered the corpse there and just threw it out of my submarine it's a common submarine practice yeah it's very normal yes I've definitely not heard this thing never trust a rich man on his private submarine. Yes, never get on a submarine, period. That's my philosophy. Deal. I've been in a scuttled submarine,

as in it's not going to go anywhere. Me too, like as a museum piece. This is in World War II. And then it's crazy to think, wow, how did men not go insane on this thing, in this tin can? But speaking of going insane, then we have quite an ending that I think came in in a rewrite or something.

It feels, it feels a little tacked on. I feel like the episode could have ended with Burns saying that he will kill animals again, just not ones who can do an amusing trick, but a quite dark little tease here. Well, Mr. Burns,

I hope you've realized the folly of killing innocent animals for fashion. Do I have, I have. I swear I'll never wear any clothing made from an animal. It can do an amusing trick. Another victory for Montgomery Burns' champion greyhounds. 25 dogs, 25 world champions, which so far have earned their owner over $10 million. I'll bet whoever gave him those dogs is kicking themselves now. Almost swinging. For the love of God, no! For ten million dollars. I'll bet whoever gave him those dogs is kicking themselves now. Hold on.

For the love of God, no! Marge, you know that batting this light bulb is the only thing that cheers me up after giving away those million dollar greyhounds. Go! I love the ending. Again, like a lot of these Merkin jokes, they only work upon your first viewing. But that first viewing was kind of shocking. Like, what the hell? Yeah, like seeing the shadow of his legs dangling.

He loves fucking with the audience like that. Making them go like, ah, they did this. It's been a long time since I've seen this episode. So I was like, I knew that Homer obviously hadn't hanged himself. But I was still like going, what is the gag here? Oh, my God. It's a shocking sight to see the shadow just hanging there. It's very dark for a network comedy cartoon show.

The last episode Lisa's Wedding had, if only your father was still with us. But he left for work a few minutes ago. Again, these are all trademark David Merkin era jokes. Beautiful. I love them. I don't know. They're so great, and they're so self-aware. And in the mid-'90s, this was a very novel thing.

Now everything is so genre-savvy. So back in the mid-'90s, The Simpsons were a huge breath of fresh air, especially with David Merkin. And they pushed the line. I think a lot more shows got to be genre savvy because the Simpsons did it first. Simpsons did it. And I also want to say a compliment to this episode, which is really good, is that this aired in April. We are late in the season. Oh, my gosh.

And in other seasons, they get tired. Like season four, at this point, they're like, boy, this is getting tough. This is really hard. We're at like the front, which is a low point. A real low. Even though it's fine. It's all right. I even that's fine it's all right i enjoy it but it's not season four caliber episode but meanwhile on this one they're like you

know what this is still really good i think instead of there may be it little drops in quality but it's really just that they get weirder and darker if anything and it helps that david murkin was not working on another pilot during the end of this season like algin and mike reese are working on the critic towards the end of season four of The Simpsons. Yeah, they're all working on pilots. So I listen to Talking Simpsons as a fan when I'm not on the episodes. And season six, oh my gosh.

Like, it has just killed it. Yeah, I mean, we'll wait and see for me for season seven, which is my favorite. Season six is now my current favorite right now. Season five was really good, too. It's also really good, yeah. I like them both better than season 4 which everybody always kind of lionizes.

It's amazing. What I'm not looking forward to are Round Springfield. I feel like Round Springfield is a worse episode than anything in season 5. I think it's the first bad episode. Which one is that again? Blood and Guts Murphy episode.

Bleeding Gums Murphy's death episode which is such a like a calculated tearjerker we'll get to it and also that season six in his production has the worst clip show too which season five does not have but that's my favorite episode who shot mr burns and i can't wait to get to it i'll make that episode be five hours long it will be quite long i can't wait to listen to it yeah this is a real this was a really good one i think it's uh i i do also think this season you know i thought stars burns in my memory was weaker than it was. But then when I watched it, I was like, it says every meme I've ever memed.

Like, it says every Boo earns. That's the joke. That's the joke. All of it. Well, this episode came at the perfect time because this is really the height of Disney. 1995, Lion King had just come out. We were watching, when disney film came out during the summer it was guaranteed blockbuster massive deal and for the simpsons and of course 101

dalmatians had come out on vhs at that time so it was just perfectly timed and i mean it's not just references it's genre savvy and it really up, especially because of the really good music. And, oh, what a great episode. Yeah. Yeah, I love Mr. Burns, so See My Vest is my favorite Simpsons song of all time. Very tightly constructed, only in A plot. Yeah, too.

Didn't wait any time with Bart Does Ballet. And I love when it's just one strong plot that starts from the very beginning. It just goes from there. So, yeah, great episode. Anything else to talk about? Nope. Cool.

So thank you for listening, folks. I've been your host, Bob Mackie. This has been Talking Simpsons, by the way, in case you forgot. You can find me on Twitter as Bob Servo. My other podcast is Retronauts. Find it every Monday at retronauts.com or look for Retronauts in your podcatcher of choice.

You'll find it there. It's a classic gaming podcast. We've been around for 11 years. So if you've never heard it, look it up and look for a topic that you're into that's video game related, and I swear we have covered it or we will cover it. Thank you very much. We did do

multiple Simpsons ones on RetroNets as well. I haven't brought those up in a while. We've done the arcade game. We've done Bart vs. the Space Mutants and Bart's Nightmare. So we've done three episodes on two awful Simpsons games and one very good Simpsons game. So check them out.

I thought Bart's Nightmare was so cool back in the mid-90s. We all did, Kat. But, you know, time makes fools of us all. No, it's true. I had a hard time playing it when I actually played it because I was like, well, this game's gorgeous, but the game's not actually that good. It's the Dark Souls of Bart games. Speaking of Dark Souls, you can find me on US Gamer, which is my day job, and we talk about video games on the regular,

and also I host a podcast, it's called Axe the Blood God, and it's about role-playing games. We're currently doing a episode-by-episode deep dive into Final Fantasy IX, so it's kind of the Talking Simpsons of Final Fantasy. Very exciting. Has Dane gone Super Saiyan yet?

No, he's not. I think that's in the next episode. Oh, boy. Yeah, very exciting. Now that I'm a weeb, I know to call him Zidane. Oh, no. I've been doing it wrong

the whole time. And you can find me on Twitter at the underscore catbot. And I'm on Twitter at H-E-N-E-R-E-Y-G. And this podcast is brought to you by Patreon.com

slash TalkingSimpsons where we're supported by wonderful listeners like you, I hope. And me. Thank you, yes. And for just $5 a month, you get access to every episode a week early and commercial free, as well as classic TalkingSimpsons, now with the commercials removed, just like you did back on your VHS copies of Simpsons back in the day. And there's a ton of extra stuff on there, including us going through every episode of The Critic

in the same way we do this. We have our monthly community show. We have tons of videos on there. We have a bunch of awesome interviews. In fact, some cool interviews are brewing right now as well. We're really hoping to turn out good. I'm so excited for those. But most importantly,

I've got to keep telling everybody about this, is that Talking Simpsons will have a live podcast recording in San Francisco. We are official big shots now. At the SF Sketch Fest Festival in 2018, January 28th, 2018. So sooner than you think. 5.30 p.m. at the Piano Fight Bar. We will be doing a live recording of the podcast and how much money does it cost to get into this exclusive event it's free what i i can't promise there

isn't like a drink minimum or something there but it's it's free admission to come in and watch us podcast around and i i'm super honored we i've been going as an attendee to sf sketch for over a decade now and I just love it so much. So be sure to check that out for yourselves if you can, if you're in the Bay Area, January 28th, 2018. Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you next week with the PTA Dispense! Ah! Wow. Infotainment.