Tapeworm: A Movie Podcast - Should've Slept With A Breadmaker | Mummy (1999)

Episode Date: August 10, 2025

Remember when movies were fun, dangerous, and occasionally gave you nightmares about beetles crawling under your skin? We do. And this week, we’re cracking open the sarcophagus on The Mummy (1999) a movie that asked, “What if Indiana Jones was hornier and more willing to fistfight the undead?”DJ and Raz dive headfirst into a world where:Brendan Fraser’s hair has more volume than the Library of Alexandria.Rachel Weisz single-handedly increases global interest in Egyptology by 3000%.Imhotep spends the whole film being way too dramatic about his ex.Sandstorms have faces now, and apparently, that’s fine.We’re talking curses, camels, questionable archaeology ethics, and the only love triangle in history that involves a flesh-eating plague. So grab your camel, pack your cursed book, and join us because nothing says “date night” like accidentally resurrecting an immortal murder wizard.

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That's a degree better. Explore more than 350-plus undergraduate, graduate and certificate programs at ASUonline.asu.org. Hey, what's up? Hello, ladies' gentlemen, everyone in Switzerland. My name is DJ. I'm Raz. And welcome to the Tapeorn podcast.

Today, we're checking out what happens if you decide to stick your dick inside of the most important woman of all of ancient Egypt. That's right. We're talking about 1999's The Mummy starring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Wise. Now, Raz, this was one of your childhood movies,

correct? Yes, it was. Was it a daily watch, a monthly watch, yearly? I watched this quite frequently throughout my childhood. I don't know, it was just one of those VHS tapes that was in my entertainment console, and I picked it up one day and watched it, and it just became one of those movies I went back to now and then. Really? This one? Yeah, believe it or not.

I mean, no, I do like this movie. This is a fun movie. I'll be honest, not one that we watched often. It was definitely on. I remember seeing it on the TV, like, passing by, but I never sat down and watched it. To be honest with you, for this podcast for this episode, I watched this movie like four or five times. I cannot tell you how it ends. Like, there's a certain point and then nothing.

I can't remember any of that. So obviously it does not hold my attention very well. I do enjoy it. But for some reason, it just, there's a blank. Now, that being said, we did watch a movie constantly. I'd say at least once a month. That is part of this series, I didn't realize it was part of this series until about four years ago or so. But we watched The Scorpion King so much, which is not a good movie.

I would have much preferred to watch this as a kid. But, yeah, we definitely not one that was on off the movie. We did watch it Probably on USA or some Some shit like that Because, you know, what was it? Was it USA, we have the movies or some shit like that? Do you remember what their slogan was?

That sounds right to me. Yeah. I remember USA raising me more so than my parents did. Like, that and like the sci-fi channel. So have you watched the original, the 1932? I have to say I have not. I'm ashamed to admit that. No, I haven't either.

I think it would be cool for us to like down the line kind of watch the original movies. Like have a series where we watch the original and compare to the remakes. Because we grew up with the remake. I should say technically this is a remake. This is considered a remake to the 1932 Universal Horror Movie. I haven't seen it either. I would like to see it. I just don't know if...

I guess my main thing is the whole catalyst for everything that happens in this movie is Emotep was fucking the Pharaoh's woman. Does that happen in the 1932? Like, what is the backstory of Emotep in 1932? Because are they that progressive, I guess? I don't know. Like... No, I know he's like in it, but...

Yeah, I assume it's a pretty similar plotline. But I don't know. I don't know. I have issues with the logic of that whole thing in the first place, but we'll get into that. So apparently, did you see who was supposed to direct this before Stephen Summers got involved? No. Okay. Apparently, Clive Barker was attached to the film. He did Hellraiser. Could you imagine what kind of movie this would be? That would have been a much different movie. A much, much darker, weird version, especially Clive Barker.

The other one was George Romero. Okay. You know, oh, I almost said the Walking Dead. I am so sorry, George Romero. That was a slap in the face. Night of the Living Dead. George Romero. See, I could see that.

I feel like that would be pretty cool. That would have been interesting. I definitely think he would have made a good movie, a good film. I don't think it would have been the cult classic it turned out to me. Right, yeah. It would have been good. I agree with that. I kind of want to see Clive Barker because, like, I kind of want to see, you know,

EmoTep being all gross and drippy and not live action. That's not the word practical. Practical effects. And Clive Barker is just fucking gross. So I can see EmoTep coming back and just, like, coming on people or something. Just, yeah, Clive Barker is just gross. And honestly, when Summers, Sammers, Stephen Somers, I think, when he came on, he wanted the, he wanted it to be a romantic adventure instead of a horror. Interesting.

So I guess it's, it's kind of a romantic adventure. I can definitely see, you know, hints at that. Yeah, it's, it's definitely not, I guess he was, he was looking for like an Indiana Jones. type deal. Once again, I can see that. You mix Indiana Jones with a little bit of horror, and that's what you kind of get. Honestly, when I was workshopping the opening line for this, one of the lines that I came up with was Indiana Jones meets the Evil Dead, which kind of seems like a really cool fucking movie, in my opinion. Like, could you imagine Indiana Jones fighting the Deadites? I'm just saying, Brendan Fraser is one of your favorite actors, right?

He was one of my favorite childhood actors, yes. Okay. I, yes, that's a better. Brandon Fraser was one of your childhood favorite. Yes. That's, yeah, because what has he done lately? Well, that's the whole thing we won't get into. I'm going to touch into it a little bit here in a minute because, but the whole, the whole reason he was casted in this was apparently because of Georgia the jungle.

His success with that movie is what got him in here. I did not know that what came before. Yeah. Yeah. What was that? Was it 97? Yeah. Yep.

How much about Brennan Fraser do you know? I could not write a biography about him, but I know a little bit. Okay. Do you know that he does his own stunts? I believe it, yeah. Okay. So this man is fucking crazy. Okay.

First of all, he was choked unconscious during the hanging scene. in this movie. He had to be resuscitated. Which, first of all, knowing that and then seeing that scene, when he's down on the ground gasping, it just adds such, like, more realism to everything. But that, not that specifically, but the fact that he did his own stunts is a big reason why we don't see much of him anymore.

He fucked his body up so bad that he's had to have so many surgeries, like his spine is fused together because of stunts gone wrong. And surgeries and all that other stuff is a big reason why we don't see him much anymore.

That mix with some other things, but that stuff we won't get into. Another issue with filming, apparently so the set was built in Morocco and the heat was so bad that they had to create a special drink. Stop them from dehydrating.

Like, they had to create a special, like, electrolyte drink. Really? Yeah. What do they do, throw some salt and some water? It's... No, probably not, because apparently there were sandstorms, too. So, all you had to do was open your mouth and then throw some water.

Um, and apparently some wildlife hazards, I don't know what that means. I don't know what wildlife is in Morocco. I, I am not up to date on Moroccan wildlife. Yeah, neither am I. Oh. Apparently, wild love of Morocco includes the Barbary Lion, although I thought that went extinct, and Egyptian cobras. So I'm assuming they have some snake problems. Okay, I can see that.

What about Scareb Beatles? So, apparently, like, watching the movie, you can tell that a lot of the Scareb Beatles are CGI, but also some of them were glued onto the actors as well, which is fucking disgusting. Like actual live beetles? I don't think so. I hope not. But, I don't know. Could you imagine even a plastic beetle glued to you? It would be a little uncomfortable.

Yeah, yeah, I would. Apparently, Rachel Wise took this role to get away from period dramas. I don't know what other period dramas. She looks familiar, but I can't think of anything else that she's been in. Yeah, I couldn't tell you. I'm not a big partaker of period dramas. Yeah, neither am I. I don't like, honestly, I don't really like period pieces at all.

But it's kind of funny. She took this to get away from a period drama, only to end up in another period drama in this movie. I don't disagree with you on that part. The mummy definitely has a certain, you know, period element to it, but primarily is a action-adventure flick. not a drama. So I will refute you on that. I can see that, but it's still a period piece.

Okay. Which doesn't make sense to me. Why does it have to take place in 1923, 1926? I assume, I'm not an expert, but I assume there was probably a large interest in Egyptian mythology at the time or Egyptian relics. That brought attention to that, and that's probably why that type. period was chosen. Think about if you were making a movie about World War II, why would you film it? Why would you make it about 1939 to 1945? I can see what you're saying. Like the

digs and everything would be happening. But why couldn't it happen in 1999? It certainly could have. Most likely the either the original film was set in that period and they wanted to keep with that kind of time period or they just, they were trying to go for a certain story and they didn't feel they could fit that into a 1999 period. Okay, I can see that. I mean, could you imagine if instead of taking a steamboat down the river, they took a jet ski? I mean... It just wouldn't fit the vibe as much.

Apparently, the mummy face in the sand, CGI trick, was super cutting edge at the time and cost millions. I don't know how many millions, but apparently it was, it was, it was worth. worth quite a bit of money just to do... No, I guess it does happen twice, doesn't it? It happens once in the beginning. And then there's that sandstorm where the face appears as well.

I believe so, yeah. Okay, because I was thinking it was only the first one. I'm like, holy shit, millions of dollars for a CGI effect that happens in, like, what? Three seconds of screen time? Yeah, it was a very short clip. Yeah. I will just say, I think that goes to show the skill, the experience that their CGI studio has,

which if you didn't know was industrial light and magic, that industrial light and magic that was founded by George Lucas. Yeah, I can see that. I didn't know that was his production company or his effects company. Yeah, he founded it. I don't think he has anything to do with it now, but yeah. All right. I think you're ready to get into it? Yeah.

All right. So, we start up. in ancient Egypt in 1290 BC, which I know absolutely nothing about this era. Do you know anything about ancient Egypt at all? Absolutely nothing. All I know is that ancient Egyptologists was a job you could have in ancient Egypt. That's how old ancient Egypt was. Oh.

Okay. It's kind of insane to me. But so during this time, could you have that job in 1290 BC? Yeah, hands down, I bet you. Yeah, Jesus. Ancient Egypt was older. There was a bigger time period between ancient Egypt and Julius Caesar than there is between Julius Caesar and now. Really?

Yes, I'm sure there was. So we start off with Emoetep, the high priest of Pharaoh's sales. SETI. Emotep's kind of a big deal in Egypt. He's basically second in command, but he's got one tiny little problem. He's fucking Anaksu Namun Sedi's mistress. Which, I'm sorry, but if you're going to get your dick wet, maybe don't go after the most watched over person in the area of where you're at.

Like, maybe go after a blacksmith's wife or something. Not the Pharaohs. I'm just, maybe not a blacksmith. They have weapons. But, like, I don't know, breadmaker or something. You could literally choose anybody that you want, but you choose the fucking Pharaoh's woman, which just seems like a bad idea to me.

I agree. It was not his finest moment. I will say a breadmaker is typically called a baker. Okay. Yes, usually. But, I mean, bakers could bake anything. breadmakers, all they know how to make is bread. Just saying.

I will just say, guys. When she tells you not to worry about that guy, this is a movie for you. So Faro Setti has this whole rule. Nobody's allowed to touch her. But Emotep decides, fuck it, whatever, I'm going to get my dick wet. So she paints herself gold. And Emotep just rubs his hands all over her, smearing all that makeup, or body paint, sorry. Setti comes in and is like,

Obviously, somebody's been touching you, what's been happening. She fucking stabs him in the stomach. So this is the part that I don't understand. She kills the Pharaoh and then kills herself. Why? Why did she commit suicide? I imagine it's because in the lore of the movie, in that time period, the punishment for doing something like that was excruciating.

It was terrible. Okay. Fair. So killing herself was the lesser, was a better way to go. Okay, that makes sense. So she commits suicide. Emotep ends up fleeing, taking the body, and they start doing this ritual to bring her back from the dead.

By reading, what is it, they read from the book of, is it the book of the dead to bring people back to life? And I know it's backwards. I believe so, yes. Yeah. So he starts doing this ritual. and then the Pharaoh's guards show up, interrupt the ritual.

You get this cool shot of her soul coming back into the body and then leaving because it gets interrupted. But then they end up doing the worst possible punishment to Emotep called the Hamdi, which... Two things. First of all, would they ever mummify a criminal like this? I thought mummification was for, like royalty.

Yeah, so my understanding is that you would only really mummify people of high importance or people of high importance could mummify things, animals and pets that were close to them. Right. Don't, I'm not aware of any, you know, punishments or, you know, anything like that that would involve mummification. However, in the lore of the movie, it makes sense. Yeah, I can understand the, you know, in the lore of the movie, I was just curious. if this ever actually happened. Then again,

how do we know that it hasn't happened? Well, that was one thing the Egyptians were very good at. They were very good at keeping records. That's fair. True. But that's only if we have been able to translate properly.

Fair. You know what I mean? Watch our entire knowledge is undid by one typo that they did on a stone tablet. Yeah. But anyway, so they do the humdi. They wrap him up like a on me, they cut out his tongue, seal him inside of the sarcophagus, with hundreds of flesh-eating scarabs, and, just in case, if emo, so I guess technically, he, he's never, he, he never dies

inside of this sarcophagus. Is he technically immortal? I'm confused on this part. So, from what I got from the movie is that he did kind of essentially die, but if he ever got woken up, then and regained his full power by consuming other people, their essence, whatever the case is, then he would become truly immortal. Okay. I guess technically, if he was ever, I guess disturbed, which involves finding the sarcophagus, opening the sarcophagus, and reading from the book of the dead, I believe. Okay.

And that's what seemed to wake him up. And then he comes to his full... No, actually, I don't even think he needs to come to his full potential. I think once he wakes up, he brings about the ten plagues of Egypt. So I think what it really comes down to is that he is technically immortal, but he doesn't have all his powers. Okay. Because as he consumed more people, that's when the plague started happening. And that's when he got access to his mystical sandstorm powers and so forth and blocking out the sun.

So pretty much they bury them under a giant stone slab, and they're just like, fuck it. So we cut to 3,000 years later. There's a voiceover here that pisses me off. The whole beginning part is being told in voiceover. And then you come out and you see the Majai, and basically there, we the Majai have been tasked with keeping Emotep sealed away, blah, blah, whatever. making sure nobody disturbs them. I would have preferred if they never announced who they were.

I could do without the we, the Majai. Because what ends up happening is you keep seeing the Majai off in the distance, and then at a certain point, they come in and they tried to kill our main characters. And I feel like it would have just worked so much better if we had no idea who the fuck they were. They were just this weird, mysterious...

For all that we know, they could have been part of Emotep's clan but then later on you find out they're actually the good guys trying to help I feel like that would have been more powerful I agree I think if they would have stayed in the background as this mysterious organization or this group that was trying to kill them

trying to stop them this whole time and then right towards the you know second half or you know last little bit of the movie you find out they've been trying to stop us because of this. Yeah, they were trying to help us by stopping it. But, no.

That's my own personal thing. I feel like, to me, it felt like it went through, like, a test viewing, and people were like, I don't understand it. And then they had to change with some shitty voiceover. Because it definitely feels kind of shoehorned in. But once you know that fact in the very beginning, I just feel like it ruins it for me But that's my own personal opinion I can see where it's coming from

I think it definitely would have been If they were trying to go for more of a thriller Adventure kind of movie That would have been the much better way to go I think if they went that way though We wouldn't have ended up with the Cult classic the campy Almost comedy that we ended up with

I just I think it turned out The way it turned out Probably for the better I don't know because I disagree with that just because while watching the movie until they show up, I keep forgetting that they exist.

I feel like if you didn't know who these people were that were just kind of watching over, and then they show up every so often, it wouldn't have changed the overall tone of the movie. I think it would have just added a little bit extra to it. Until, you know, act two where it's

like, that makes more sense. I can see that. But either way, they decided to put the damn voiceover in and ruin it for me. I will say, I think that's common for the time period, though, too. I feel like a lot of 90s and 2000s movies had that opening, I can't think of the word. Fair. Anyway, so we cut to roughly about 3,000 years later, 1923.

You know what? So in Egypt, it's 1290. And when we cut into modern times, it's 1923. Do you think that's why it's in 1923, in the 1920s? Because 1290, 1920, just kind of flip the two middle numbers. I don't know if that's an actual thing. I'm just, but we cut to 1923. We're in the desert.

Exposition. Sorry, I just thought of the word. Exposition? Opening, opening exposition. Okay. So dumb. Yeah. I...

Yeah. They were common in that time period. I feel like. I feel like... I guess they are a little less common now. Yeah. It was just a style back in the day. Yeah.

No, I agree. So we cut to 1923. In the desert, in Hamptra, whatever this place is called. I'm going to call it a different name each time, because I don't give a fuck. There's this massive battle going on. And we meet our hero, Rick O'Com.

played by Brandon Fraser. He's in the French Foreign Legion for some reason. I think they say, do they say that he's American? Yes. Later on. Okay, so why is he in the French Foreign Legion? I don't think it ever explains why he's there, but the French Foreign Legion is known for taking people of all different nationalities.

Really? Well, you know what? It does say later that he just wanted a good time, so maybe he just stumbled his way into it somehow, and then became... Well, I think he was second in command during that battle, and then the... Person in command ran away.

So he's in a giant shootout with Desert Raiders. Benny, he says something like, I'm always gonna be with you, and then turns around and fucking bolts. Because Benny's a piece of shit, but you'll find that out later. Brenn Fraser just, like, turns around and runs. He's just kind of like, fuck this army.

And bolts. Fucking... Running through the... runes. It starts like firing and he comes up to a, I don't even know what it is. Do you remember, was it the statue of Anubis? Was it Anubis? I believe so. Okay. Uh, so he comes up to this statue and the local raiders see it and they fucking just turn around a bolt. And you're like, okay, whatever. And then the sand underneath him opens up into a face. And that's how you figure out, that's where Emotep is. I mean, they don't show you. That's,

where Emotep is, but it's heavily implied. He sees that, freaks the fuck out, starts running, and then as he's running away, he looks up and sees the Magi. And they're just staring at him, like the fucking things in Super Mario Galaxy up in the corner. Do you remember those? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? Okay. I'll show you.

I'll show you those at some point. They say they're trees, but they are definitely something. up on the mountain just staring at you. Anyway, the Magi's like, should we kill him? And the main Magi is like, nah, he'll die in the desert. So then we just cut to fucking this librarian who likes to play dominoes with library shelves.

So first of all, why is she? She's up on a ladder. And she's trying to reach across the shelf on the ladder. and ends up somehow getting this rickety-ass ladder, this single-frame ladder, onto the two legs, and just freestanding and balancing. You know, my biggest issue with that is not how dumb that move was. It's the fact that back in that day, those bookcases would have been solid wood and would have been way too heavy for her to push over.

Yeah, true. Mixed with, those are probably like, those are probably like skin-bound books, too. So you know that those books are heavy as fuck on top of those solid wood. There's no way that they were all... And who puts your bookshelves in an oval? In a perfect oval, yeah. Like, it was set up to just fall over, just giant dominoes, which, I mean, it's cool, but also fucking stupid.

Hey, listen, only Americans build stuff in grints. I don't know what to say. I guess. So we go over, she goes over into the other room after that. To the, it's not trophy, what's the word that I'm looking for? The relic room, treasure room. You got a bunch of like sarcophagus and shit like that all around. And she hears this noise.

It turns out it's her brother, Jonathan, which, fuck this guy. I hate this guy for some reason. I don't know why. I love Jonathan. Don't get me starting. Really? Like, he's supposed to be the. comic relief, but

I don't know. I would prefer someone that joins the party later over Jonathan. But we'll get into him. I disagree. I think Jonathan was a great addition to the movie. I think he was comedy relief done right. I, I,

there's something about his character that I just want to punch in the face. But then again, seeing Brendan Fraser do it for me, kind of. So Jonathan has, he found this map and this puzzle box which later turns out is a key, but we don't know that yet. And the map

pretty much just shows this lost city. So they go and show the boss. They show, what's her name? Evelyn? Yeah. So they go and show Evelyn's boss this map and he's looking at it and this dumb ass fucking sets

it on fire. Which I can't think of what this guy's name is, but he was one of the one of the bigwigs from Mr. Deeds and all I can think about is him talking about Wendy's Frosties. So while he's setting this on fire, I just am imagining him eating a Frosty for some reason.

Jonathan's like, I got this from a guy, Rick O'Connell. They go to meet him. He's in fucking jail. And not only is he in jail, for having a good time, but he's about to get hanged to death for having a really good time. I kind of want to know what he did, because to me it kind of sounds like maybe he fucked the warden's woman, the same thing that Emotep did just 3,000 years later. It wouldn't be some poetic irony. Yes, it would. So they're like, you're here just in time to watch this man hang.

so they put him in the gallows. Evelyn's trying to convince the warden to be like, no, let's save his life. He knows how to get to this lost city. Warden's like,

I don't need money. And then proceeds to be all disgusting towards her. And she's like, no, we're about 25% of what we find. Well after this man has been hanging, like his net, they dropped,

him and his neck did not break, so he's gagging on this fucking rope. And you get to watch him dangle for a very uncomfortable amount of time, especially knowing that he blacked out during this part. It's not great. So Evelyn's like 25% man's like cut him down. So then we cut to a steamboat or getting outside of a steamboat ready to get on. And Jonathan, Evelyn, and Rick all meet up. And then the fucking warden shows up. And he's like, I'm here to collect. Do you know who this

warden reminds me of? No. I can't think of his name. But in the Phantom Menace, Star Wars Episode 1, they go to a junkyard parks dealer. That alien that runs that parts dealership. I think, was it for C3PO?

I forget why they were at that parts dealership. That alien reminds me of this warden for some reason. I could see that. So they get onto the boat. They're going down. They meet another group of people that are basically like, we're going to race you to the whatever.

They find out that Benny is on their way there too. None of that really matters. The Magi comes onto the boat and tries to steal the map and the key. But does one of them shoot them? I feel like the Magi gets shot. by... I believe... Yeah, at one point, during the actual battle of the boat where they're fighting and trying to not die.

Yeah, I believe so. I'm talking about the main guy who sneaks into the room. The main magi who sneaks in... I don't believe so. No? Okay. Because there is a huge, like, gun battle. Mm-hmm. And somehow everybody just, like, ends up jumping...

Oh, the boat catches on fire. So everybody jumps off the boat... Off the boat into the river. Benny's like, we're, we're gonna beat you or some bullshit like that. And Rick goes, hey, looks to me, you're on the wrong side of the river. I don't know why that line sticks with me. But I have a vivid memory of that line for some, I don't know why. It is a great scene.

It sets up, if you haven't figured it out at this point in the movie, and sets up Benny as an idiot. And I think just driving that fact home is what made this particular scene so iconic to so many watchers. I'm sorry, I was expecting you to say like traitor or something like that. So I turned off my mic to take a sip of water. And when you said, idiot, I almost spit out all of my water. No, no. Now, it was set up very early on that he's a cowardly traitor.

Yes. I think this is where they're supposed. start showing him for being the the idiot, the incompetent fool that he is. Yep, so they end up, they end up literally racing,

which, I don't understand why they were racing. They are on camera. It was just a side bet that they made. Oh, that's, that's right. Yeah, as the, what was it, the sun was rising or falling and showing the city through the

mirage. Yeah. through the haze. Yep. They made that side bet. Yeah, okay. That is right. Because they did, and even on the boat, they made the bet of, we're gonna, you know, we'll get there first, blah, blah, blah.

Once again, it's not needed. It really doesn't matter. Because once they get there, it's kind of a free for all anyway. So everybody starts digging. Evelyn finds a hidden chamber and ends up finding the book of the dead. and the Americans dig in a completely different spot and end up finding Emotep's sarcophagus, which I think it's the American group

has this cool thing where they find before they find the sarcophagus, they open up a panel and end up getting shot with like acid or something. Yeah, they were breaking open some wall to the actual holding place of the sarcophagus, and they made sure the Egyptian workers were the ones to open it just in case. No, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because as you find out, these Americans are assholes, but whatever.

For some reason, Evelyn's super excited about the Book of the Dead, which I mean, it is a pretty fucking cool, cool-ass book. A big metal book, locked with a puzzle key. So Jonathan steals the key, opens it, and Evelyn decides, to, you know, what you do with agent texts that have quote-unquote curses around them. Read it out loud. Because that always ends very well for everyone. She ends up chanting a spell from the book, the wind howls, the sand shifts,

ghostly screams that go through the tombs, and, you know, EmoTep wakes up. So, when EmoTep first shows up, he's like half mummified, which I think, I think looks really cool. Definitely, the CGI is definitely aged. But I still think that it looks really cool that like he's half see-through and all this other shit. But basically, he wants to resurrect his mistress. So in order to do that, he needs a human sacrifice. And Evelyn's the only female.

I feel like that's really the only reason. They say that they look the same, but I don't see it. There was a passing resemblance, as well as I think she had on, was it a necklace or something? I don't quite remember, but something she had reminded him. Yeah, I can see that, which is another reason why if you're going on an archaeology dig, don't put on things that you find. Like, I just feel like that's basic, you know, this shit is probably cursed. It's dungeon exploring 101.

Always identify objects before you put them on. Like, have these people not watch courage? That's all I'm going to say. Our favorite purple dog? Purple doggy. So, he wants to resurrect his mistress, and he chooses Evelyn for that. So in order for him to regenerate his body, he has to, like, I guess, suck the life out of normal people. it seems like, at least at first initially, he was just taking body parts that he needed.

So he had no eyes, so he took the guy's eyes. Now, why he took the guy's eyes who needed glasses? I don't know. But... Yeah, true. Boy choice. The other thing, too, he takes the eyes, but he doesn't take anything else from this man until later. Yes.

They catch up with him later. Like, why couldn't you just do everything all of that one time? Didn't have the power, I guess. He needed to take a nap. But hey, you can't say he's not committed. He came back to finish the job. No, he didn't. No, he didn't.

He did not come back. Much later. He did not come back to finish the job because he recruits Benny, and Benny just does the fucking work for him. He just sits there, wrapped up, in a fucking which okay he's wearing this cool ass mask

and like robes and everything which once again doesn't fucking make sense to me because he's covering himself up for the man that he just took the eyes of the man can't see him why is he covering himself up

I think there's a bit of context clues here you might take he didn't have the power yet to brainwash everyone in the city it was probably a disguised he could walk through without getting stopped by cops or whatever. Right. But once you're in a room, you don't have to wear it anymore. And he had to take it off anyway to get the body parts.

I will say, the man seems to love his drama. And he played into it. It was one point for him. What it says to me is the movie didn't have enough budget to keep animating this man. That's what it feels like to me. Most likely, yes. We only have like 15 minutes of animation for this, so let's cover him up or something.

Couldn't blow the whole budget on a few scenes. Or maybe they already did. All right, so pretty much, EmoTep goes around and just starts killing all the Americans, sucking out their life and everything, and he ends up coming back to his full, humanized glory. I mean, to me, he... I don't know the actor's name,

but I kept thinking that it was the lead singer of Disturbed for some reason. Maybe it was just because he's bald, and I was probably very high while watching it. I was like, bald man, disturbed. But nonetheless... You got beef with Drayman? Yeah.

No, actually, I'd love it. He's the reason I got... got my lip pierced. Like, do you remember the giant spike that I put in my lip? Yeah. That was the reason. Anyway, so Emotep ends up, I don't know, kidnapping Evelyn somehow. I don't really remember how.

It was a ultimatum. If she left within, he would have let her group live, which he immediately, you know, goes against him, backsab them. That's right. Big bad. That was in the middle of the street, right? Yeah, with the horde of brainwashed civilians. Yeah, which is another thing that I didn't fully understand.

He can just brainwash people. Seems to, yeah. He's in his full human glory, as you said. Yeah, I... He had all the mojo. I guess. He ends up taking Evelyn. I don't even know.

Well, he traveled in the most elegant, badass way possible. Well, where... The giant sand tornado. Yes, but where does... does he go? I thought back to the city of the dead. Okay. Okay. I thought I had it written down somewhere, but I guess I don't. So anyway, he ends up taking

Evelyn back to the city of the dead, I think, in that giant sand tornado, like you said, which is fucking cool, but also apparently very expensive. So, Rick ends up meeting up with, do you remember what this man's name is? Yes. Winston.

Winston. Who is a, what is he, a British? He was a retired Royal Air Force pilot. Okay. They basically meet up with him and he doesn't really want anything to do with them until they're like, we need you to fly us somewhere. And he's like, oh, hell yes. No, you forget the best part.

He wanted nothing to do with it. until Brandon Fraser's character, I can't think of his name. Rick O'Connell. It's going to be really dangerous. It's going to be an adventure, and you're probably going to die. That is right. Because you do meet Winston earlier, and he's basically talking about how he wish he died. So then when Rick...

He's a man after my own heart. What can I say? When Rick's like... I love Winston. You might die. Winston's like, cool. Spoiler. He dies.

Winston, no. He gets eaten by a sandstorm. I mean, technically, he might have survived. No, he died in the crash. Spoiler, the plane crashes. And then he lands in quicksand. He might have survived. I mean, maybe he was just taking a nap,

but it quickly turned into a forever nap. What if that's like the real tragedy of this movie is that Winston survived? Like the Suicide Squad, the Weasel. The Weasel. Like, for whatever reason, they would not let him die. I think it was a tragedy. I think Winston was the best character in the movie. Really?

Yeah, Jonathan No, though. Yeah, no. We somehow missed it, but my favorite character died. He got eaten to death by Scara Beatles. There was a few of them. The prison warden. We didn't get there yet. a long...

That happened when Emotep first woke up. Didn't it? Yeah, he picked out the scarab beetle off the... Off the... I almost called him caves, but I know it's not caves. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Yeah, because before Evelyn even reads from the book,

Jonathan's like... He might have been a really shitty person, but at least he has good hooch, and he just starts drinking all the... I forget what kind of liquor he had on him. But yeah. You're right. I do remember that now. And I will look it up because I'm curious what kind of liquor it was.

Of course you are. I want to say it was scotch. I was going to say, I'm almost sure it was a scotch. And I love my scotch. So Walsh Winston is flying them in this plane. Emotep ends up making the sandstorm come through. The fucking sandstorm has his face in the sandstorm, which is an awesome shot. Super cool.

I don't know. if it was worth the millions, but it is a really cool shot. They end up crashing, Winston dies, Raz's heart breaks. Yes. And... I'll never recover. Spoiler, he comes back for the Mummy, too.

He does not, I wish. I'm sorry. Quick little fun fact. The total budget of the Mummy was 80 million. The CGI, the special effects, which probably included a little more, but mostly CGI, was 15 million. Nearly a quarter.

of the total budget. How much did Brendan Fraser take home? Let's see. And I meant to say plot twist, not spoiler alert, that Winston comes back. You can't get my hopes up like that, man. I'm sorry. What if I haven't seen the next movie yet? If you haven't seen the next movie yet, we have some problems.

Yeah, no, don't worry, I've seen them all. Plot twist, Winston comes back for the Tom Cruise version. Oh god No please One day we're going to have to watch that Alright so Fun fact As I'm trying to figure out the costs

And I might itemize list of the mummy costs You can get mummified Really? In the US Yeah There's apparently a service that covers For about 67 grand You can get mumfied

Okay And it's a donation apparently A donation to what to get mummified. Like, I have to donate my mummified body? No, like, the money you spend to get mummified, it's, it says this donation. It doesn't say cost, it says donation.

Okay, so it's a taxable thing, so I can write it off. I mean, I think your death is almost always a taxable event. No, I'm sorry. Yeah, you know, I get what you're saying. I'm saying it's always a taxable event in terms of, of either positive or negative on your tax spill. Fair, yes. All right, so I can't find the cost, it seems.

How much they paid him? Not, yeah, without specifically looking for that one particular. I can't get an itemites list. Okay. I have to search each one individually. Okay, that's fair. If it was smart, I hope he took royalties. Yeah.

So Rick realizes the only thing. way to defeat Emotep is with the book of Amun Ra, which is a gold book that can control the undead and send Emotep back to the underworld, which I don't understand why it's not the book of the dead, because I feel like the book of the dead should control the dead and not the living, but whatever. So we're back to Emotep taking Evelyn to sacrifice her to bring back his mistress. And so he wants the mistress's soul into Evelyn's body. So I feel like it's just he has a thing for Evelyn. Like he has a sexual attraction toward Evelyn.

Like, I want to fuck that, but I don't want to cheat on my mistress. I mean, that's one way to look at it. The look on your face is like, I broke you. I was thinking more so, I don't know. So that's just not the way I would have put it. Fair. Okay. So this is where I completely forget everything.

None of this is coming to mind. I am reading it. And I don't. I can't imagine anything that's happening. So he ends up bringing back his soldiers. He raises them from the dead. And Brandon Fraser, O'Connell, and Jonathan, they have to fight off these soldiers, these mummies,

while Evelyn is trying to find the right spell to make him morally in. Okay. And I think this is a key point because throughout this whole movie, you see both Benny and Jonathan being the comedy relief in certain segments, but I think this is where you see them for who they are truly really come to light, because as Jonathan has been a coward in certain parts of the movie, he steps up when he needs to. And then in these moments, you'll see Benny being his foil,

where he shows his two colors and he runs away when he should really step up. And that's been a theme for them throughout the whole thing. Benny has always been a coward and still is. And Jonathan, and probably why I like Jonathan, because he is the comedy relief, but he does step up when needed. You see him really helping here. Okay, that's fair. Yeah.

I still, I have an issue with him, and I don't know what it is. But, yeah, I will say I like Jonathan a whole lot more than Benny. Yeah, no, Benny is a cockroach. Speaking of Benny, going a little bit off topic here, Benny, one of my favorite lines from Benny, aside from the river scene where we got all the horses. That's what it was. Looks like we got all the horses. What was it?

What did he say? It was like, you're on the wrong side of the river. Yep. Looks like we got all the horses. Looks like you're on the wrong side of the river. But one of my favorite lines by Benny is when, after the boat scene, after they get to, I forget if this is before or after I'motep wakes up, but O'Connell finds Benny. And he says, well, if it ain't my little buddy Benny, I think I'll kill you.

And Benny's, think of my children. You don't have any children. Someday I might. So that happens on the boat. That happens on the boat. Rick comes up and he shows Evelyn this giant pack of weapons. And he like sees something off in the corner. So he goes after and pulls hit.

Pulls Benny out of the corner hiding. Yes, it's a funny scene. just feel like that whole boat scene is just kind of filler more so than anything that's why i kind of breezed over it i can see that i think it was a way to set up the magi getting involved more directly and i think it would have been if they went more of the mysterious you know secret group trying to stop them route i think it would have played in a lot better because that would have just been like the first event of multiple. Yeah.

I think we've, I didn't miss one thing that I did want to say. There is a, there's a scene where you see who the leader of the Magi is. And it's the motherfucking boss who set the damn map on fire in the first place. So he ends up setting the map on fire. That way they can't go find it at all. As a way to stop them, yeah. Yeah. But little did they know that,

Rick O'Connell memorized the damn map because he's autistic. All right, so anyway, we end up getting this big climatic battle. Rick's fighting mummified priests chopping off limbs and shit.

Jonathan's frantically trying to read hieroglyphs from the gold book while Evelyn is seconds away from being sacrificed. Finally, Jonathan recites the right incantation. Emotep loses his immortality. Rick stabs him through the gut.

Emotep's collapses in a pool of souls, dramatically declaring that death is only the beginning, because, you know, mummy too needed to happen. Got to set up the sequel. Yep. The whole city starts collapsing into the sand. Our party barely escapes on camels, as the whole city just sinks back into the desert.

And, of course, they ride off into the sunset with the treasure, because no adventure movie is complete without a pile of gold. And the best part is because the warden died, they didn't have to share it. They didn't have to split it four ways, only three ways. But in reality, it only ended up having to get split two ways. Well, actually, no, I guess they split it three ways. Yeah, think about that.

So they split it three ways, right? between O'Connell, Evelyn, and Jonathan. Yeah, but then O'Connell and Evelyn start banging and have a fucking child and get married, so now theirs become shared. So they get two-thirds. They definitely got the better end of that stick. Definitely, definitely.

The part of that scene that I like is that they didn't even know they had the treasure. Because if my memory serves me right, it was Benny that was taking the treasure out, and he got greedy and went back. in and that's how he ended up dying but they were able to live or take the goal that he snuck out.

Really? I see, I don't remember any of this. I don't know if I fell asleep, but this is just like a black void in my head. Well, I mean, you have a lot of those. That's fine. I mean, yeah. But yeah, that's

the mummy. So what do we think about this overall? I mean, what can I say? It's a classic. I mean, I grew up with it, so, you know, I have my rose-colored glasses on. But it's just a good adventure flick. I don't see what you can hate about it.

Okay. I have problems with it. Mostly, just a lot of the logic in the beginning. A lot of this could have been avoided if Emotep just fucked a baker. A breadmaker, you mean? A bread baker, yeah. A bread maker. Bread maker.

here yet. Anyway, so I definitely liked this movie. I did enjoy it. I found it funny at times. I found it suspenseful at times. Literally anything's better than the third one. I thought the third one had issues, but I enjoyed it. I turned that show off. But again, it was a childhood movie for me, so I could be yes. One out of five stars. What would you give this? And okay, you are, you are allowed to give it five stars for an install? Like, you're allowed to rate you. it whatever the fuck you want. You don't feel like you have to like take points off for anything.

I'll have to say I gotta give it five. I just, I'm trying to think of other childhood movies and it's up there. If I can't give it a five, I'd still give it a four. It's just a timeless classic to me. I'm thinking maybe a four.

It's definitely something that I'll watch again. Maybe not any. time soon. I did watch it like three or four times, maybe five or six times for this episode. I'm not gonna... I remember watching it once just to watch it. Then I watched it again because this was supposed to be recorded months ago, but it didn't happen. And then I remember watching it again to take notes on and then watching it again because I didn't finish taking notes. But all of those times, I don't remember how it ends. Like, that's why it's losing a star for me.

Because I don't know what, if I fell asleep, I don't know if it just, like, lost my interest at a certain point. But the fact that it can do that makes me a little hesitant to give it five stars. I mean, that's fair. Now, that being- I can respect that. That being said, it's a fun movie. I'm going to have a fun time.

I will watch it again. I don't think it's a, perfect movie. I can respect that. In light of that, I think I will give it a four and a half now. That may be, you know, a point, give or take for nostalgia factor, but it's not a perfect movie, but yeah, it's a good solid four and a half for me. I feel like we need to get rid of the star system and maybe just make like a yes or no system.

Like, like, yeah. Why not both? Why not both? Yes and no? Yeah. What do you mean? It can be a four and a half movie and you never want to watch it again. Okay, that's fair.

I guess, like, maybe we'll, like, I don't know, we'll workshop that one. It'll make our reviews easier at the end. Yeah. If we can just, like, yes or no. But yeah, anything else that you want to say about the mummy? No. I think we covered pretty much everything that I wanted to. I'll just add a little advice for all our listeners.

Never read from the Book of the Dead. You know what? Never read from any ancient book that you find buried in the fucking sand. Never, anything buried in the sand, maybe just don't touch. Because either A, it's going to be cursed, or B, it's going to be like battery acid that you find on the beach or something. Anything that survived that long is either immensely valuable or definitely cursed. Yeah. And if it's valuable, you're going to break it. Let's be honest. You're a clumsy little fuck, and you're going to break it. So that was 1999's The Mummy with Brandon Frazier, Rachel Weiss, and my favorite, John Hano.

Thank you guys for listening to the Tafe Worm podcast. Join us next episode when we talk about Georgia the Jungle from 1997. Apparently we're just sticking with some Brandon Fraser because fuck it, why not? I guess it's Brandon Fraser Month. Fuck it. I'm down for it. If you like this podcast, please rate it in your podcast app. We'll see you next time.