Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 100. John Kearns - S14 Ep.3

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

It's the 100th Episode of the Taskmaster Podcast and this week Ed is joined by Series 14 contestant, John Kearns! And what an episode to have John on. The pair discuss THAT sand task and John even shares a Prize Task that never saw the light of day. Enjoy! Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Visit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated

category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's me, Ed Gamble. I'm the host of it. We talk about an episode of Taskmaster and break it down task by task with a special guest. And of course, we're in new episode season and today we'll be chatting about series 14 episode 3. I'm gonna say it, think it's one of my favourite episodes of Taskmaster ever. I have a habit of getting too excited about things straight after I've seen them but I'm just gonna say it. I loved it so much. There's so much to recommend it. We are very lucky today to be talking to one of the stars of taskmaster

series 14 and i think probably fair to say one of the true stars of this episode the wonderful john kerns john is an absolutely amazing comedian uh what a pedigree genuinely hilarious writes beautiful comedy uh a real comics comic uh adored by every comedian that I know and by all the audiences that go to see him. If you want to see John, he's on tour in the spring next year. Go on to his website for more details about that. But for now, let's talk to John about quite an eventful episode for him, Taskmaster Series 14, Episode 3. Welcome, John, to the Taskmaster podcast. welcome john to the taskmaster podcast thanks for having me ed it's an absolute appreciate it it's wonderful to see you john um and may i say i'm absolutely loving you on taskmaster so far thank you thank you uh episode three early days ed early days it's early days but there's already patterns forming is that fair to say

well um i don't think it'd be too harsh to say that yeah i mean you know you've had every you've had everyone come on and say this but it just blows your mind how bad you you cannot believe how bad it's going like i honestly after after recording i think episode one i went back to the changing room and i shut the door went over to the mirror and i was looking at myself and i was just like it can't it can't be another 10 episodes of this. It can't be. They must,

they, you know, they're clever. There's, there's maybe, there's maybe, there's an arc happening here, you know, into the woods,

that book about, you know, how people write stories, you know, come on, they got to read that. They got to be redemption. That's a bad moment if you're looking in the mirror

after episode one and praying for an arc. Well, episode two wasn't that good either. It's sort of an arc that starts quite flat, if it's an arc. I went back in the room and I was there in the mirror. He was waiting for me. And I walked past walked i walked past

i walked past i went no this can't be this cannot be so episode three comes along and uh well what happened happened i suppose well look john you i mean no one's listening to this having not seen the episode. You won the episode. So let's just, bare facts out there, you won the episode. Whoever fills out, you know, the fan grids and all the numbers. Yeah. This, you know, I don't know what you do. I'm highlighted as gold.

I mean, my name's in bold. Look, there's a little trophy next to my name for episode three. I won it. The history books will show. Yes. I won it. But that books will show. I want it. But that's the issue with history books sometimes, is they don't show you the sort of nuance behind the facts. Well, history is written by the winners. Yes.

So, well, you know, you'll have to wait to see who wins the series. Yeah, but you can write the history for this episode, right? Exactly. History is written by the winners, and through the medium of this wonderful podcast, I will write history. Yes, fantastic. So when you got the offer to be on Taskmaster, John,

were you a fan of the show already? Had you seen much of the show? When you got the offer to be on Taskmaster, John, were you a fan of the show already? Had you seen much of the show? I had not, like, seen a series all the way through. Not that I'd bailed at, like, episode six or anything like that. I was aware of how certain people had done for good and bad reasons.

So I felt like I was across it, but I hadn't... I could do the exam, but I hadn't read the book, if you see what I mean. Right, okay. Well, you did. I mean, if you count this as the exam, I guess you are doing the exam in this case. Did you do the...

I mean, you did the exam. You sat the exam so far i sat the exam there's this footage of me sitting the exam yeah you're in there you're in there for the full time for the full full amount oh yeah oh yeah pencils up pencils down i'm there for the old thing you're having a good look at the other students to see what they're doing oh keeping my eye on them but i'm not looking i'm not cheating no i'm not copying but i'm just going oh he's whizzed through that and yeah oh she's not having a great time and you know slowly you build what you know i haven't opened the exam paper yet i just sit there and take in what the

others for anyone listening who might have exams yeah when they say right turn over your paper let's go just watch everyone else do it first read the room and then you know look at your crate look at the crazy guy look at the clever guy look at your best mate and then from that make a judgment on how you know how it's going to go and then turn it over and then you might be pleasantly surprised you know yeah well so yeah uh short short short story though but uh yeah i hadn't really watched it yeah but i think you knew the sort of thing you knew the sort of things to expect. And obviously you knew... I was across it. I was across it.

You were across it. You were across it. And also, you know, I know Alex a little bit. Yeah. I've watched a hell of a lot of... Do you know what I've watched a lot of? Those little interviews that people do. You know the ones that they do?

They kind of release a long-form interview with the contestant. Yeah. Gets into their psychology, maybe. Yeah, you're more of a fan of that, aren't you? That sort of stuff. The psychology stuff is more your sort of thing. When I was offered to take part in Taskmaster, which is a fantastic phone call to get.

I was stood next to Lou Sanders, actually. Oh, nice. And she weirdly knew what the phone call was before I picked up the phone. But she just predicted it. Did she tell you she predicted it after the phone call had happened? Yeah, after the phone call. Yeah, she didn't predict that, mate.

She's made it up. Yeah, she does that. That's classic Lou bullshit. Something to do with the crystal. She said she predicted it. Yeah, I got off the phone and she went, I better know what that was. And I probably should have said to her, well then tell me.

But I just told her. Then she went, yeah. Yeah, I knew it was that. Yeah, she didn't predict it at all. What's the lottery numbers for next Saturday? Well, let's wait till next Saturday to find out, shall we? Okay. Yeah, told you it'd be them.

Yeah, told you. Yeah, 8-14. Yeah. yeah told you it'd be them yeah told you yeah 8 14 yeah can you say it before the ball comes down no no no there it is there here it comes yeah it's definitely gonna be yeah that's that's 21 yep yeah that's lou that's low for you. Your other contestants, John, were you familiar slash friendly or had you even met any of the other contestants before you took part in the show in the studios or indeed the team tasks?

I knew Fern a little bit. Fortunate enough to do Melbourne Comedy Festival with her. Sarah I'd met on Catsters Countdown. But, you know, I was the weird bloke in Dictionary Corner. And I remember when the titles were rolling

Jimmy Carr said to Sarah there you go Sarah what I tell you easiest money you'll ever make in your life so that was my interactions with Sarah there but but no she so i added um i added i'd only met her then yeah um dar i'd met once mania mania was the great enigma to me i only knew mania from obviously his very successful uh videos online yes especially during like the pandemic and all that. But I just, you know, when again, when you get the call and they're going through the,

you know, that's, that's the next question you say, yes, I'd love to do that. And also who else is doing it? When I got that list, I was,

yeah, I was delighted with that. It's a fantastic, it's a fantastic it's a fantastic lineup on paper and in two big beasts to two of the big ones that they're big beasts yeah yeah they really

their availability that worked out well yeah but and for you I obviously shed your wise for the team it's great that it you it all worked out, that you and Dara and Fern could all be on a team because what a team.

Well, I said to Alex, I went, oh, have you done this because of English, Irishman and Scotsman? Oh, yeah. That joke. And he went, I hadn't thought of that. I was like oh I thought I presume that's why

he'd done it yeah as a team well then there's the other classic pub joke the Geordie and the Zimbabwe isn't there so they worked out perfectly

there probably is there probably is a few jokes oh man yeah as a team well i mean look it's early days but i think you know when you're saying to me, you see patterns emerging. Yeah. You also see patterns emerging with my teammates, Dara, Fern. Fern is tired. We have to, you know, you don't know what's going on in her life. She's tired.

She's tired. She's had this thing in the diary for a while you know maybe she maybe she could have been less tired laughing laughing laughing laughing no she'd been busy

thing with Fern very busy yeah and then Dara wow Dara's you know I don't think I don't think and again early know, I don't think, I don't think, and again, early days, but I don't think I'm saying anything crazy here. He's competitive. Yeah. I think that's coming out, that's sort of, that's very much emerged in the first three episodes, I'd say.

I'd say so. He wants to, well, he wants to win. Yeah. episodes i'd say i'd say so he wants to um well he wants to win yeah um and that's why i think it was a bit of a struggle for him having to be in a team with uh myself and um fern the thing is if he was in a team with sarah that would have been interesting yeah because I think both of them are competitive. Mm-hmm. And you would have seen them both there thinking, well, you know, what are they doing? Are they working in Tamden to get maximum points for each other? Or are they trying to sabotage each other, maybe?

I don't know. Anyway, Dora didn't have to worry about that because that's what happened in this episode. Ha ha ha! that because that's what happened to this episode let's talk about the prize task john so far in in the series prize tasks is it fair to say haven't been your strengths uh well well when i uh revealed my prize task and it wasn't in the episode but greg said it's not it's not another bloody book is it It's not another bloody book, is it? Because up to episode three, all I'd brought in was books.

Episode one, I did have an idea, and the idea was... It was bringing something jaw-dropping. Yeah. And I did have something, but it wasn't... They told me the week before we recorded, legally they can't do it. Well, we're going to... I mean, this is what this podcast is for, John,

so we're going to need to hear what that was. Well, it was well it was okayed up to a point it was going to be a suitcase that I wanted Greg to open yeah and then inside the suitcase

would be a video that he watched yeah that would make his jaw drop right I'd got the video off a WhatsApp group. Like, it wouldn't be able to be aired on television, without a doubt. Yeah. I had to send it to the producers, Alex Horne.

I mean, I can't go into detail what the video is. Well, look, tell me. And if we feel like it needs to be cut out, we'll bleep it and I'll tell you my reaction to it initially. Oh, yeah. It is a huge, I'm talking huge, anal prolapse. I got it on the WhatsApp group somebody sent it

and I went that's shocking but then I just thought well it's not aired you know I'm not putting that on television

you just see Greg's and his his jaw would have dropped but yeah five days before they went no guinness book of records guinness book of records which and it's in there annoyingly yeah turn to page 56 that was my original idea it's the biggest one is the biggest one that's ever happened. Honestly, this video.

Also, do you know what? What's terrible is that, you know, you've got this idea. And obviously, they go, well, you've got to send it. And then you're sending it. And you're like, oh, God. Because, you know, the blue ticks on WhatsApp. Silence. You're like, I've just sent that to the executive producer of Taskmaster.

Yeah, but no, this one, I was very happy with this episode's prize task. I mean, I got the full five points. Yeah, this must have been a real boost for you because the first two episodes, it was one point for both episodes on the prize task yeah was it one point yeah it was one point episode one that feels a bit harsh well i feel like episode one and i've talked i talked to chris ramsey about this i think rhythmically you were set up for the one point there because the first two were really good and greg did his thing of going oh it's someone's going to come along and let it down now john what have you got and you said guinness book of records

and then it was one point immediately do you know what ed that is that's very canny of you yeah rhythmically when the taskmaster gets into a rhythm it doesn't matter who's in his way yeah so you might have had a pretty good, you know, prize. Yeah. But if his rhythm is going, if the steam train is going,

you're a dead man. But I got the full five. Yes. Well, the prize task is the thing you want most on a Sunday morning. And you brought in a business card that says, know what you want and have the confidence to go after it. And it's look, it's outside the box. No one else is bringing that in.

It doesn't necessarily speak to a Sunday connected to a Sunday morning. But if you think about it, Sunday mornings when you most need that, right? Well, there was quite. although it is a secular, that's not based on any religious text, that phrase. There is something, just in case you were thinking it was. That was my next question. Look, the price to price asks I found tricky because they're obviously they're open-ended vague and you know you do sit there and everyone plays this at home hmm you sit there and go what would I do everyone listening to this

will be thinking what's the one thing that I'd like on a Sunday morning yeah now I made a list of those things I probably wrote down about 15 things can you tell you give us some examples uh brioche yeah straightforward oh yeah, yeah, this is what I'm saying. Yeah. It's bacon. It's crunchy, not cool. I mean, you're writing this list, and then you go, I can't sit on television and say bacon.

Some people would. Some people actually have done something like that. Well, then Dara gets his frying pan out, and I'm like i mean it's an impressive frying pan it is come on that's different to bacon isn't it yeah it's not just bacon that bit harsher there but um so anyway then i started thinking well the sunday like you said yeah how are you feeling you go for a walk or something. Do you like Sundays? I do a radio show quite early on a Sunday morning. So I'd say I don't like Sunday in the lead up to that because it's quite early.

Love doing the show. And then I'm quite tired for the rest of the day. But I do like, I like that bit where I'm tired. Go back. Maybe have like a roast dinner, something nice to eat. I do enjoy that. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a melancholy to Sundays, though. You know, people talk about hearing the antiques roadshow theme tune and that being like almost the siren for the weekend being over and the school week about to begin. Well, that's it, isn't it? Yeah, that's melancholy connected to when we were at school. It's almost like muscle memory now, right? You can't escape school. It absolutely dictates everything.

I genuinely believe it. Turns out when you spend 16 years in the most formative part of your life at school, that's going to shape a few thoughts, a few behaviours, how you live your life. So anyway, I've got them here, actually. I'm showing to the listener, I'm showing it the actual business card. Fantastic.

I took great care in the design as well. I picked the font. I picked the colors. I wanted to kind of almost... What's the Wes Anderson film? Hotel... What's that film he did? Oh, God.

I know what it is. Grand Budapest Hotel. That's the one. That's the one. So it's those kind of colours, like that kind of mauve with a lovely kind of almost sky blue letter. Soothing. It's very soothing.

Well, do you know what? I'm thinking about it. This guy came up to me, and he was like a Jehovah's Witness. Yeah. And I don't know if anyone has ever stopped you like that, but they'll kind of talk to you, and you'll just think, oh, this is a nice man.

Like, he was quite elderly. And he was talking about my son. He was like, look at you, Daddy, walking your son. Fantastic. I was like, yeah. And he's like, you got to go to the park. I'm like, yeah, go into the park. And he was like, oh, he's such a beautiful boy.

I'm like, yeah, he's beautiful. And he's like, and you're such a good daddy, taking him for a walk. I'm like, oh, this is a is a charming charming you know uh interaction and then you know bang just i just remember you know you're you know you're avoiding the pits of hell if you and it starts going that way so i was thinking well let's take the good bit of that before it's yeah getting all that and I just thought imagine someone came up to you you know that old story you know like Bill

Murray those stories of Bill Murray you're at a restaurant he takes a chip and then he goes no one will ever believe you yeah you heard that yeah I believe all of those because he does it so much I reckon yeah he does that yeah so I just thought imagine going up with someone you hand them this business card that says know what you want and have the confidence to go after it you look at them but before you can even ask their name they've put the umbrella up and it's like road to petition gone bang gone you don't know where they are so it's kind of um and also what people it's a difficult line isn't it you don't want to pick a prize task that butters up the taskmaster i think not too much not too obviously but i just felt greg being at the point is the point that he is in his career in his life he's got probably all he wants, all he needs.

He's probably thinking what's next. Know what you want and have the confidence to go after it. Bake off? I don't know. It's perfect. It's perfect for him. You really got into the psychology of the Taskmaster. Unfortunately, so did Dara because he brought in a big frying pan. Yeah, I thought I was buggered when that came out.

Yeah, because Greg's already got one, obviously, because it's right up Greg's street. I think it was good, though. And Dara had gone the extra mile as well, John, of course. Like, you'd gone the extra mile by getting the cards printed. You thought the font and the colour and all of that. Dara had gone the extra mile by showing how you could have

a non-cooked breakfast out of that and then also showing that he didn't waste the food, leading to one of my favourite moments of the episode, Greg saying, oh, you drank the juice, did you? Not that old man. Because that picture of Dara... I burst when he said that and also that is the joy of watching it back

when you've been on it there are moments of real there's one coming up where Greg's response to it I can say it. He just, it's again, it's another group task.

But I won't say exactly what it is. But Greg's response to it is, it looks like he's peering over the wall, looking into a Victorian asylum. As me, as me, Dara and Fern did something. Yeah, he said, I mean, this is the thing with the show.

You obviously, you do silly things. You try your best. And then what you do is for three hours, every episode, have one of the best comedians have one of the best comedians,

one of the best comedians in the country, just completely ripping you to pieces. And I think you're the same, Ed. There's nothing funnier than that. No, it's great. Do you know what I mean? It's an honour. It really is an honour honor that might sound odd but i absolutely love it and uh i gave him plenty of opportunity to do that the relationship

between you and greg is lovely because he will tear you apart and it'll always cut to you and i'd say there's maybe a hang time of one to two seconds while you sort of quite seriously stare at him and then you just burst out laughing every time yeah that's that's i mean as as as you know uh that that but that's just how long it takes me to compute stuff. John's funny, but he pauses before giving an answer and usually talks quite slowly. But that's great. I was talking to someone else about this. You completely, on like a panel show format,

you're completely different to everyone else because everyone else because everyone else is in a rush to get the first thing in and it'll come to you and you'll go okay and you'll take it all in you'll really think about what you're going to say and then you'll deliver it you're in no rush whatsoever do you know do you imagine imagine imagine someone on a panel show and it cuts to them. There's just a moment where they're trying to think about what they're going to say that's funny. And then just as they imagine something, the camera cuts away. And the whole episode is just them just never actually saying anything.

Just putting their hand up going, oh no, it's come to me now. Oh dear God. For people who don't know, when you perform, you perform in a wig and fake teeth, right? Yeah, I do, yeah. Was there any point where you considered doing the tasks

or the studio in the the wig and teeth you know what if i when people heard that when people heard i was doing taskmaster their initial reaction was kind of like, oh, great. And then all of a sudden, like a mournful, like, hang on a minute, brother. You're not doing it in the wig and teeth, are you? And I'm like, I'm not mad. This is my card out of here, yeah? I'm free. I'm free. No, I didn't.

Do you know why as well? Because I thought, I thought, imagine like, I mean, I was never going to do that. But I did, there was of course a small part of me going, well, what if you did? And I just, again,

I just thought, imagine getting like to the end of episode one. Everyone's going, all right, see you in a bit. See you in a bit. And you go back to your changing room and I'd be like, what have I done? There's no way back.

You've got to do this for the old nine other shows. I mean, also I'd be mad. Imagine Dara, Fern, Munya, he's never met me. Imagine Munya looking at me. He'd be mad imagine I imagine Dara, Fern, Munya he's never met me imagine Munya looking at me he'd be like man what is this I've never heard of this guy and yet he looks like that I would have liked maybe uh um no wig and teeth for the tasks and then

for the whole studio you had them on. Well, it would have been. Well, the thing with this show, as you know, is you really can't be anything but yourself. Yeah. And although my act, as it were, is uh an exaggerated version of myself a persona you can't be uh you got you got to be able to laugh at yourself hugely in this show obviously that's that's how it works and um yeah i think part of my onstage persona is... Pride is quite a big part of the cocktail up there.

Yeah. And you can't have too much of that on... Well, you can on Taskmaster, but it has to be all tug-of-cheek. All the skills that you maybe have on stage won't save you in front of the Taskmaster. That's a very good tip for everyone involved. Fern, this is one of my favourite moments of the series so far as well, brought in a breakfast soup from China. And when Greg attempts to eat it, she's genuinely panicked.

I didn't think you were going to eat it, aren't you, from Shrewsbury or something. You look like you just eat roasts, which, I mean, that was it for me. I was absolutely done on that episode then well fern says stuff like that and she 100 means it do you know what i mean yeah she wasn't joking no she's not she says stuff like that like also shrewsbury she's going yeah they just eat that but greg would have been completely in his uh completely it would have been completely right to go well you don't look like you eat that every morning you're from glasgow aren't you you're from Glasgow aren't you but she

Fern can speak fluent Chinese yes she does a bit of that does a bit of that in this episode which her brother said was wrong apparently apparently she gets it wrong I don't know

sounded good to me. Would you want that on a Sunday morning? I think I'd be up for that. I like a bit of spice to wake me up in the morning. Well, yeah, it did seem... I didn't know what it was, though. Was it like a spicy broth? Yeah, it was like tofu and a lot of chilli oil in there and stuff as well.

And like that crispy chilli oil that you get in jars. Yeah, maybe. maybe not first thing i mean she is right i don't think greg would i don't think greg did enjoy it it's not his sort of thing at all so she was bang on he's not a very adventurous eater i think it's fair to say do you well well again what is this I wonder what he does eat for breakfast. Oh, actually, well, if he's got one of those pans. Yeah, I think we all know. Pretty always. I know that he ate 97 Mars bars during lockdown one. Now then.

Why do I feel he kept every wrapper? Do you know what I mean? Framed them. Yeah, you see, yeah, that's on the wall. Lockdown one. Tick, done. Yeah, lockdown two comes along, he's thinking. Do you remember Mars Delights?

They were nice they were but once you've done the marses you can't just move on to mars mars delight can you you need to up your game do you know uh the politician tony ben dead they'll be dead now but do you does that rig a bill yeah he ate a mars ball every day did he every? Every day he had a Mars bar. There's a portrait of him in Parliament. And there's a little Mars bar next to him. Really? Yeah. That's lovely. That's my facts about Mars.

Yeah. It's more a Tony Benn fact, I'd say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that's going in the top ten facts about Mars bars. Yeah. There's not a portrait.

It's not me going, oh in the Mars factory there's this wonderful drawing of a Mars bar and if you look closely there's this wonderful drawing of a Mars bar. And if you look closely, there's a little Tony Ben next to it. What? What are you talking about? I'm just saying. Depends how you see the story.

You're either a Mars bar guy or a Tony Ben guy. Tony Ben. Sarah's do not Disturb sign. Only got two points. I think it had a great story attached to it. I think it sums up her sort of like no-nonsense character. I thought it deserved a little bit more, John.

How are you feeling about the Do Not Disturb sign? I think Sarah's right. But again, I think that's maybe because you and I are in her line of work and so very much appreciated what she was saying totally she probably stays in a bit more nicer hotels

than I do so you know I'm happy to get out of my hotel room sometimes. You take one round that says you've got like lit up one saying you're welcome to come in and clean. Please, please, please shower and dress me and have me outside at 7am. I don't like this place. It's a horrible sign.

Well, Sarah's like a huge taskmaster nut. Like, you know, she knows when you go into the room, she always checks under the table kind of stuff. Yes, yeah, yeah. You know, stuff like that. So when it came to the prize tasks you know again advice to anyone

maybe who might be on it in the future there's a lot of points right at the top you've got to go for it I won this episode and I think you know one of the main reasons was because straight out the bat bang

five points well i think the other i think there's another main reason that you won the episode john and we're gonna come on to that um and it's not you didn't necessarily look too happy about it but it does that's on its way um let's quickly talk about money bringing a foot grater in i have no i, I don't think there was time in the edit for him to say why he brought that in. I've got absolutely no idea why he brought that in or why anyone would want that on a Sunday morning. Did he

try and explain himself in the studio? Well, hang on. First off, look at Munya. Yeah. Everything. Everything. Everything is, you know, he's a sculpture of a man. Yes. So, like a lot of moments, actually, throughout the series,

there were things that you're going, yeah, in Munya's world, that's what he does. Sunday morning, he gets those morning he gets those feet smooth. I think what he said in the... I don't know if this comes in another episode, but I think he was talking about having smooth feet. Yeah. And running in the bath. Yeah, he puts Vaseline in the bath to practice standing up in the bath. Yeah, like a treadmill. Yeah.

I mean, the guy... But he says he did it and he was in a Zimbabwe and it was like outside of the window he saw a herd of elephants or something. Yeah. And he's running in a bath of Vaseline. I think someone from Zimbabwe would watch all of this back and go, he's making all that up. I don't know that guy.

He's not from Zimbabwe. And then he's going to get in a flying saucer and we'll never see him again. Boy, he After episode one He came to my room Yeah You were looking in the mirror Yeah

I'm a shell of a man He's googled me I'm the guy I'm sat next to Do you wear a wig Or are you wearing a wig now? Yeah. But he... I don't know how well he knew Taskmaster

because he... I think what... Do you know what it is? It is quite interesting. I think with what he does, you it is quite interesting like I think you know with what he does you only really see him in these viral videos that you know are a minute two minutes long very quick and also he's you know he's quite glam and he looks good wears lovely clothes but at the end of the day it's what makes people go into comedy. Like, what makes people...

Where's that madness? Where's that crazy bit? And in a really good way, I think you see that in Taskmaster with him. You definitely do. Especially as the series goes on. I think those early episodes, he's still be finding his way but just through

bringing in for example a foot grater or stories about getting gardeners to design bow and arrows or running in bathtubs of Vaseline and then you know grew up in Zimbabwe then he moves to Norwich

all of a sudden, the man appears. This is who I'm dealing with. Put down the Prada clothes. Show me the man. There he is. As mad as all of us. I would urge anyone, again, again required reading to go and listen to munya on off menu it is the most insane episode of that entire podcast it is crazy yeah

it's it's it's kind of what um it's what people say when they go uh munya chihuahua they go oh yeah yeah i recognize that guy. Yeah, those videos, fantastic. Have you heard his off menu? And I think this will be, watch the guy on Taskmaster. He's as bonkers as anyone, but in the most delightful way. What a lovely chap. So delightful. What a guy also I was just going to say

also someone who you know when he says oh I want to be known as a comedian selling out arenas in five years there aren't that many people you meet

who you think yeah I think I think you could do that yeah probably probably nice to know you nice to have known him haven't heard from him since.

One point for Munya, two points for Sarah, three points for Fern, four points for Dara, and the big five for you, John. Fern, what have you brought in? It's my favourite breakfast soup. This is her favourite breakfast soup?

Lovely. It's like a savoury tofu poudon... Yep. ..that people have in China. I think Alex has some. Here you are. There's the slop. Yes, try it. Try it. Change your way, sir.

Well, obviously. Oh. LAUGHTER Good. Fishy, it's very spicy and quite crunchy. Can I try some? Yes, please do Oh my god, Greg, I thought you weren't going to try it

Because aren't you from Shrewsbury or something? Well, it seems like O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations,

how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures.

Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Now, we've put it off long enough. Task one, it's a team task. Place

half your hands on half your hips and then leave them there until the second part of the task is over. Also, the hands that are on the hips must only touch these hips until the second part of the task is over. You have two minutes. Both teams straight in with a conga. Part two with your hands on those hips at all times. Put the most sand in the shopping trolley. You may only use the shopping trolley when there is one minute left on the clock. You have 10 minutes. Your time starts now and then we see John a secret little thing going on in the caravan,

a little secret tête-à-tête with Alex, where you receive your secret task. Sabotage your team in the next task. If your team loses the task, you win five points. If your team wins the task, you get zero points. If your team accuses you of sabotaging the task, you win zero points. Now, John, you looked absolutely devastated when you read that. For fuck's sake, I believe, was the first thing that you said.

Yeah, I swore. Well, okay, so... This was... You don't meet your team. There's no bonding. Mm-hmm. You literally... I'm sitting in the caravan. Fern came down from the gates. Dara was in the house.

Alex goes, okay, John, can you leave the caravan? And then all of a sudden you're into a task. So you haven't even said good morning or hello. That's how you meet. Yeah. So the second task that day, probably an hour after you've said hello to everyone they go to me john can we just do this again where you go out of the caravan we didn't quite catch it so i'm like oh yeah sure so i go sit in the caravan waiting for them to say action

just so i can do a pickup shot yeah then. Then Alex walks in. Making me you know, Judas. Did you suspect what did you think when he walked in with that extra task? What was going through your mind? A complete shock. I know that might sound silly because you know you should as soon as you get out of the car and you're filming that show you should be suspicious of everything. Yeah. But I genuinely just thought yeah they didn't get that. Why would they

not get it? They'd be doing full in series. They get everything. And I just also you know he's deadpan face very serious you're reminded as well you're on camera at that moment all of a sudden a cameraman pops up in the in the window and you're like shit and then it's the betrayal betrayal and is that how it felt even though you'd only really met them an hour before, did it still feel like a true betrayal when you did this?

It really did. Because also, it's not like maybe other TV where when they go, and cut, you can look at them and go yeah I was only mucking around there all I had to do that because of this you got to go back sit and have a cup of tea Dara's just kind of shaking his head and like I said I've only met him once before so he's thinking like this guy's thick like that's crazy what what he just did he's thick fern and fern you know fern's fern really blunt yeah she's like she's just kind of going do you know what the worst thing was actually this is the worst thing i think to them it looked like i was trying to be funny oh that is the worst thing by messing it up they thought you

were deliberately messing it up to try and be funny like i was on tv and i'm trying to be the funny one and i could just yeah yeah do you know what i mean though yeah and that's that's obviously the last thing you do on that show yeah but you go oh this will look fun you don't do that you just have to do the task and so when i tip the hat upside down full of sand i think they were just going oh all right john mate like yeah that that's funny to do but come on. Are you that desperate? And the hardest thing as well is, I don't know, we filmed that in January, I think. Five months I had to sit on that.

And Dara's touring around the world, 2.3 million Twitter followers, meeting lots of acts, doing Mock the Week. Everyone likes Dara. And in the back of his mind, maybe he's had conversations with ed burn there's this guy yeah he wears he wears yeah wig yeah wig he's doing task monster yeah really is he wearing the wig he ain't wearing the wig he's trying to be funny are you joking yeah is this one task he tried to be funny god what a twat yeah so that's that's what was chewing me up that i i i just thought oh this

looks like i'm so yeah however the hands on the hip thing yeah full disclosure I I had no I'd like even if they told me sabotage it I would have done that even if I wasn't sad but I had no idea what was going on also I'm touching Fern I'm basically grabbing her ass I'm like this i don't you know yeah not not an ideal situation no it wasn't ideal there's a lot going on in my head if you look back if you watch the footage there's a lot of uh do you think john though and this i'm just playing devil's advocate here you say that you were worried that they thought you were trying to be funny do you think there was a, maybe a way of doing it,

sabotaging them more subtly than, than you did? Maybe, maybe because remember, do remember John, that one of the main aims in the task is sabotage them without them noticing. And I'm just going to run off a quick list of some of the things you did. noticing and I'm just going to run off a quick list of some of the things you did every time you tipped sand out or you tipped the hat over or you knocked a thing over or

started tipping sand into the trolley you laughed out loud and looked down the camera every time you deliberately made a mistake, you'd out loud go, oh no, or in the least convincing way possible. So I just think there is a moment, you know, you forget,

you forget what you're doing, but then you watch it back. There is a moment where I thought, I thought, my God, what am I doing? When Fern went, oh, we can't use that bucket. It's got a hole in it. And I went, oh, no. And I'm watching it back and I'm like, bugger me.

But also, but again, right, what's's happening it's kind of why i said earlier i i've just met them yeah i know fern a bit i don't really know dara that well you know you're spending a whole day with them doing tasks i thought if i if i come across here and do like uh because obviously there was a small part of me going get them to read it again like act like you just do not understand it but you can't get it in your head or do you when we had to walk from the front door back around to the boxing ring I was thinking of just kind of falling over and like and like lying there and kind of falling over and lying there and kind of saying I'd hurt my ankles.

But all of this is going on in my mind. But by the time I thought, do that or maybe do that, Fern's shoveling sand into this thing. Dara's holding. Also, that was another thing. Dara has got hold of my waist. Yeah. But it's not like how i'm holding fern where i'm very delicately just hovering he is he is he's grabbing me and he's leading me dora's you know

dara's you know he's a he's a big strong man and so when we're in that conga i immediately thought well this you should like if you're at the back you could wander off if you're at the front you could leave them someone else you're in the middle here why have you i said and you know i remember and i know what you mean i did look down the barrel of the camera and laugh but do you know what do you know what and i reckon you might have had this as well when you watch yourself back on this show you are like laughing like you haven't really seen yourself laugh before does that make sense yeah yeah there are some moments where you're like yeah i know i'm genuinely laughing there yeah and when i tipped that hat out and i saw that perfect mound of sand and how smooth it looked like it

looks very it looked pleasing yeah it looked funny yeah a top hat with sand now yeah just look it just looked funny like a hat made out of sand so because I'm looking at Fern's ass and Dara's kind of looking the other way there isn't anyone else to look to so there was this rare you know like that moment at the beginning of Goodfellas where Pesci's staring down there I just looked down the bar of the camera yeah and at that moment the camera's my friend and I just laugh I'm like I hope you've got that on film because uh a top hat full of stand is like you know that's like lewis carroll stuff the amount of the just the amount of stuff you were doing that would have made it clear if they'd

had the slightest suspicion that you were definitely deliberately sabotaging it there was no there was no attempt for you to be subtle like at the end just tipping stuff everywhere pretending that you didn't know what the task said that you thought the task said you've got to get it in that one big that one big vase putting the task in the vase tipping more sand on top of it pretending like you can't get the task out from underneath the sand dara getting so angry with you it was it was incredible you gotta go you can't go to them yeah i was joking because they told me they were like john you got to keep this hush right yeah i was like yeah yeah of course i will but you're sat there with them and it's when the

cameras stop right there's he's still going at me yeah and also i genuinely believe although when the reveal comes you know dara immediately and he he thought, I thought this guy was a proper idiot. I still think, even though it was revealed that I was, you know, sabotaging it, I still think there's 5% of him going, yeah, that guy's still, that guy's still thick. Well, I think the only thing that would stop him thinking that is if they then said oh

john was also told to sabotage a lot of his tasks in the first two episodes but again it's like there is a part again like when you get told sabotage something to sabotage something you have to understand it's like les dawson playing the piano he has to play the piano well to play it badly to sabotage something you need to understand the task well enough to think how can i then make it look like i'm you know i'm doing i'm doing it well yeah but i'm bad yeah about it kind of thing yeah well they didn't i couldn't get my head around the task so then when you're told to sabotage it you're like i'm just gonna tip it upside down see what happens they did something similar to this in uh in taskmaster new zealand in series two

um i believe it was laura daniel who had to sabotage and they had to get balloons from the caravan inflated balloons from the caravan into a car that was parked near the caravan um and may i say she did a masterful job john she went with the ankle the wounded ankle uh and then yeah but the key to hers was that they were all separate they didn't have to hold on to each other so she could do things while they weren't looking that then they wouldn't know it was her so she could do things while they weren't looking that then they wouldn't know it was her so she could open the door of the car and let let some of the balloons out and stuff and pretend like she was chasing one balloon around for ages but you you were unfortunately uh shackled to your two teammates who i mean especially dara had absolute eagle

eyes on you the whole time so i was watching you tip tip the sand down and stuff didn't take his eyes off me and like i said he's he's not a small guy yeah when you've got that chat behind you saying turn left you're turning left um look this is obviously it was obviously amazing um and i'm so glad that it went the way it did and i'm so glad that you got you got the point you got the points but in the most heartbreaking way possible by 0.1 kilograms of sand um sarah i mean do you know what's mad is they are obviously obviously don't make anything up. It was by that much. Crazy. Crazy.

We don't even talk about Sarah and Munya. Pretty good team. Thought they did quite well. Just solid. Just solid team. Really seemed to get on well with each other despite not having met. Munya so strong lifting that trolley over the ropes. So impressive Munya lifting that big trolley up sarah's just having a nice day out it's the perfect it's the perfect

way to equip themselves i thought it's funny watching them because you're like you think oh they they probably had a really nice day you know they had a bit of lunch uh cups of tea oh we're off to do a toss now lovely to meet you mania oh fantastic sarah you're on tour yeah yeah we'll catch up oh brilliant no within about an hour of me doing it i've got dara going well this guy's as thick as a plank i've got fern fern can't even look at me she keeps saying oh you've had a kid yeah you must Oh, you've had a kid. Yeah, you must be tired. You've had a kid. And I got to sit there going, Well, there we go. I got hold of secret in now for five months. Oh, mate. Well, look, it was five points. I felt bad. I

felt I'll be honest, you know, you see my reaction in the studio there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Phil it feels maybe maybe another person would have jumped up and gone you know like relished in it but I am yeah no I felt terrible I still I still do but I would have loved it there is footage of me laughing my head off yeah looking down the camera. Looking down the camera. Do you know what the thing is, though? This is going to sound silly. Because you're filming it, right,

and this is going to sound maybe mad, but because there's only two cameramen and Alex, and Alex is stood behind me, I know the cameraman's in on it. Yeah. So I'm kind of, because I can't laugh with anyone else, I am just kind of looking at the cameraman, just being like, you get it, right?

But obviously he's got his camera and he's like, yeah, we're getting this, brother. The other option, John, in that situation, I think, is to not laugh with anyone because you're supposed to be pretending it's not a sabotage. Yeah, no, I did think that watching it back this morning. I was like, why are you why are you like this is not how spies behave well it was five points to you john no points to fern

no points to dara and five points each to sarah and mun. He's not even making eye contact with us now and this feels like one of your relatives has been talking to the FBI about you and then just silently lifts up their t-shirt and there's a microphone pack on their body. Can I say it's actually kind of a relief because at the time I thought he was an idiot.

I just thought John was an idiot! Oh, fucking hell John's been sitting on this for four months now you had such a go at me task two identify the ice cream flavours most correct ice cream flavours identified wins you have ten minutes and you must find every flavour delicious. Your time

starts now. Just going to run the listener through the flavours quickly as a reminder. Marmite and porridge, curry and naan bread, cornflakes and chilli, white chocolate and macaroni cheese and bechamel sauce and Brussels sprout puree. How do you feel about this one John?

Well you kind of you know these ones are coming hmm you know there might be a taste a taste task at some point no one is ever sad to see ice cream but you immediately know it's it started off well I think I think it was marshmallow the first one I tried white chocolate well i think i think it was marshmallow the first one i tried white chocolate marshmallow maybe no you thought it was white chocolate marshmallow it was white chocolate macaroni cheese i'm still uh i'm still eating that um tonight john you know you know this isn't marshmallow yeah, but it all tastes the same.

No, it doesn't. It really doesn't. I know you think it does. Because you saw bits in it. You said white chocolate straight away, right? And then you went, but there's bits in it. There's bits in it. And Alex says, tell me more about the bits.

And you say, marshmallow? They don't come in bits. I mean, you know, you watch yourself doing these things. You're like, this is crazy. What were you thinking here? You did well, though. You guessed three flavours. I mean, you know, you watch yourself doing these things. You're like, this is crazy. What were you thinking here? You did well, though. You guessed three flavours. I think that's pretty good.

I mean, it was the same as Fern, who also guessed breast milk and petrol. Which one did she think was petrol? I don't know. She kept going, breast milk! And then she just went, petrol or something! She guessed petrol or something about five different times. Petrol ice cream! Oh my God!

No, that was... It wasn't... It wasn't pleasing no but you but you did the task because you acted like you found it delicious and so did dara so dara very committed went for everything very competitive like you say got four flavors but also every time you're saying it was delicious you were saying it was delicious every time everyone else fern sarah and munya making absolutely no effort to say it's delicious whatsoever yeah it's like they forgot the bait like i kept saying you know you must give me the recipe um where did you get this tell me more tell me more so where do you get this is an interesting question because I

something occurred to me while I was watching it no one decided to there's only one freezer in the taskmaster house is it not a case of going to the freezer and looking at the tubs and hopefully they've written the individual flavors on there yeah i mean yeah i imagine have you got the wording of the task there yeah uh most correct ice cream identify the ice cream flavors most correct ice cream flavors identified wins you have 10 minutes and you must find every flavour delicious your time starts now so you don't have to stay in the lab

you don't have to taste it you don't have to taste it no just identify the ice cream flavours is there again this is stuff that you only find out after you've filmed it but they could have written what it is underneath the jars, maybe.

Maybe. They've done that before. There's one task coming up. Again, I won't give too much away. But I asked for a magic lamp. And when the task came along and I was given the magic lamp, I didn't use it to maybe how I could have, because I got told later on

and this is what the podcast is for obviously, this kind of stuff. They said that if I'd rubbed the magic lamp the garage door would have opened and there was a bloke dressed as a genie and he would have given me the wishes.

And they just never told like you'll know when you see the episode what i do with the lamp i basically just chuck it away and they and it was only later that day they went you know if you rub the lamp we'd paid an actor to be a genie and he was waiting but you just never did it and i was like are you i was like surely you give me a little heads up and they were like well you didn't do it and i'm what are you telling me in there was a guy, like he covered in blue paint waiting to go.

And I just chucked the thing away, went, yeah. And also they don't reveal that. There's no like, there's no bit of the show where Greg goes, well, John, you know, you chuck that magic lamp. Here's the guy waiting inside. Alex doesn't mention it and I thought this shows crazy this stuff this stuff going on that they don't even use that's insane I know I know Alex was like yeah we thought we were gonna rub it and then

you asked for a magic lamp so we there was a budget and they said that they paid they would within the budget yeah because that you had a certain amount of money to spend was this actor that they got in for the day to be my genie but I just didn't I didn't you know so stuff like that's going on all the time yeah what's going on with the ice cream flavors ice cream yeah cuz it's interesting listening back to that all where it says you don't have to taste it well Munya tried to not taste it right because he was on a no sugar diet

yeah I mean it's that wonderful moment where Alex says is it going to have an instant effect on your body and he just sort of meekly nods yeah yeah it is that's brilliant stuff Is it going to have an instant effect on your body? And he just sort of meekly nods. Yeah. Yeah, it is. That's brilliant stuff from people.

But you know, like everyone doing that task or any task throughout the history of the show where they've got to taste something, everyone tries the littlest amount possible. Munya to the extreme, where he's like literally like a cat but is you just wonder you think yourself now what if what if you just put a whole big spoon of that in your mouth yeah would the flavor reveal itself a bit more than you kind of meekly kind of well i guess you have more time

you have more to work with, you can swill it round you can get a bit more, but you know it's disgusting isn't it, you don't want a mouthful of bechamel sauce and brussels sprout puree ice cream really. Well that's that's the issue Yeah, you and Dara were taking some pretty nice

tastes I think, Sarah just I think Sarah was just like, absolutely not. Absolutely disgusting. You famously do a food podcast. Yes. You work in the food industry, I'd say. Nothing wrong with bechamel. No.

But it's cognitive dissonance though, isn't it? You lick at a cold ice cream, you're expecting something sweet. So that thing of then... I mean, cornflakes and chili to me sounds quite nice as an ice cream yeah that wasn't bad cornflakes and ice cream's a thing yeah well it was that day yeah i thought you and Dara were the most committed. I think you definitely deserved the points. Fern, Sarah and Munya, I felt, should have been punished for not finding it delicious enough.

That's all I'll say. Well, I agree. I agree. You had to keep smiling. You had to keep saying to Alex, you know, can I take some of this home with me? Oh, I'd love to, you know, can I take some of this home with me? Oh, I'd love to, you know, I'd love the chef to come and show me how to make this, please. You know, you're saying all this stuff.

Obviously, none of it makes the edit. It's just you eating ice cream. But yeah, I remember watching it in the I remember watching it at the studio being like. Within one mouthful, they've forgotten to say like Fern as well. She's just screaming how disgusting it is i'm like fern screaming it's not breast milk is it is it breast milk breast milk ice cream i wish you know when you see people and you're like god i wish my brain had that where on the tip of her tongue as flavors was breast milk and petrol i mean on reflection you sounded like you were in a kebab house throughout

this whole thing i don't know how to whether i'm going to penalize people because you were supposed to make out it was delicious throughout sar, the very first thing you said after you tasted one is, and I quote, what the fuck is that? Like, ooh, what the fuck is that? Yeah! Task three, catch something. Most spectacular catch wins. You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now.

Let's talk about Fern first of all because the first three thoughts she has are catching fish birds and people yeah kidnap as far as i know at no point because she then goes on to catch a falling star at no point does she consider catching a ball no she she goes uh she she she yeah she thinks kidnap she thinks let's kidnap someone or an animal or a bird catch the word is catch yeah this was an interesting one and because my initial reaction was to do like a cricket thing like i always think one of the best catches is always when a cricketer on the slips maybe you know cricketer gets a little uh little nick and at full stretch yeah quick to catch it it always looks incredible what was that so that it was you

wanted to hit the ball over the house and run all the way to the other side and catch the ball as it comes down was it the first time that you tried it or or while you were doing it that you thought realized that that was absolutely never going to work i mean it's it's very very quickly very it's impossible because you're in one place and then you hit it and you think you can zoom over and catch it but i'm gonna i'm gonna but is, Ed, we're sat here now, September. I did that in January. I've watched it back this morning again. I sat in the studio, watched it back. I am sitting here looking at you now

and I'm telling you I would do it again. And I don't know why because I think you're right I think it is impossible yeah but I will no hang on take that back I don't think it's impossible I don't think it's impossible now maybe it is for me because I'm five foot, maybe nine. That's called me nine. 13 stone. Yeah, maybe impossible for me. But I don't know. I'd like this.

I reckon someone can do it. Do you know what? Also, I mean, I don't know the last time I picked up a tennis racket, but obviously the strings are designed for power. I'm kind of forgetting that. Yeah. Gravity, of course course plays a big part as you speed up as it took from the toilet rolls gravity is important it's amazing what you learned on this show yeah you throw set out however however high or however high or hard you throw something up it will come back

faster yeah than you expected and you know if you have the aid of maybe a really posh tennis racket oh god yeah hadn't thought it through but again you just keep you just keep going you just keep going you've got to you've simply got to John I've got another question why are we wearing Oh, God. Well, again, you know, look, well, I thought I had a big image that I'm whacking this ball. I'm running around. For some reason, I've got time to wait. That was the craziest thing. I'm thinking yeah I'll be waiting around there a while for it to come down

The idea that factored in a wait time And then the idea I was saying to the crew I was like I Mean again, this is crazy, but I'm like well my you know, I might die for it And they were like, okay. well, don't hurt yourself. I'm like, don't worry about me. They were like, well, where are you going to dive? What, on the gravel? Yeah, and they're like, well, you can't just dive on gravel.

Also, the idea that I'm going to do it in one go. Yeah. So they went, well, you've got to pad a pad up maybe just in case you hurt yourself anyway obviously it was going so bad i never had to dive once no and so for some reason like you know as you have rightly asked i'm wandering around uh basically watching a tennis ball fall out the sky dressed uh dressed in just a knee pads, shoulder pads, a helmet, a helmet,

I mean, a helmet, what, but like, yeah, I mean, why? I mean,

eventually you do catch the ball, but you celebrate as if you had done the thing that you initially intended to do. You hit the ball straight up in the air, basically. Run a couple of steps to get it and then scream, something's happened, something's fucking happened.

Oh, shit. I mean, it's great. It's wonderful. Well, I mean... But again, I mean, you're doing that for ten minutes, right? Yeah.

10 minutes does feel like a long time. And also, they were getting, you know, everyone else was getting a bit excited. Like, oh, go on, John. Oh, go on, John. And you're thinking, yeah, I'm on to something here. You're puffing and you're thinking yeah I'm on there something here you're puffing and you're whack yeah yeah you whack that ball in the air and you run back around and oh yeah but honestly it was um it was really and also I was kind of really concentrating on it because like I said Alex

wasn't there and Alex as well some people might say having Alex there it can be a distraction hmm he might throw he might throw you on a wild goose chase here or there like he can he can be you know he very canny man yeah knows what he's doing So I felt like I was on my own. But as the task went on, I was very much thinking, yeah, you might be able to do this. Yeah. And that was wrong. Couldn't do it.

Munya attempts something which I thought was equally impossible. But he doesn't nearly manage it he's sat on the statue of Greg and gets Alex to throw the tennis ball into the bucket from quite far away impressive it's really impressive that he finally gets there especially as Alex is quite

he misses the first couple of times and is I think quite angry with Munya to be honest he's not enjoying it no he's not enjoying himself but I can't believe they got it so close I know with Munya, to be honest. He's not enjoying it. No, he's not enjoying himself. But I can't believe they got it so close. I know. But again, I don't want to dwell on it.

But I was watching the videos where, you know, like Fern catching the star. Yeah. Sarah's kind of big production. And I like and you know you sit there knowing yours is coming up and you're like yeah mine's trying to hit a tennis ball over the house wearing a helmet um but i still prefer that other listeners to this podcast will know i am never a fan of ones like ferns and to a certain extent sarah's where most of the work has been done for them by the team afterwards so alex even shows a picture of fern the effort that fern put into it which was just jumping up in the air and going

to try and uh to try and give the impression of flying off into the sky people love them look this is just my thing. But any time, like, SFX is used to rise. That's the thing. You're sat in the studio. You're sat in the studio. The crowd are going wild. Greg's like, oh, my God, I wish I could give six points.

I'm like, yeah, why don't you give six points to the editor? He's done a good job. Yeah. What about me? I'm shattered by the end of that. I agree. I agree with you john it should be more points for you less for sarah caught fire and i enjoyed that that was more perspective though i

was more into that as an idea um but she was expecting some editing uh to be done and alex to be taken out with with this fire extinguisher but they were obviously spending far too long on ferns to do that well that's what yeah watching it back i thought yeah yeah maybe they'd done ferns to do that well that's watching it back i thought yeah maybe they'd done ferns they'd done sarah's and they'd thought oh yeah we need we need a straightforward uh throwing a ball in the area let's talk about dara's before we move on. This is, I mean, this is outstanding. This is genuinely bizarre. I mean, I guess there was more discussion in the studio about the character that Dara

played the, um, the mother, uh, wearing the poncho saying, Oh my baby. And, and also,

yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of chat about this. I, it felt watching it iconic when he stands at the gate screaming

as the pram rattles down the thing and his face yeah I don't know if he's ever acted before if he's ever done anything like that but so expressive. Yeah. And also, as I have learnt through my own career,

you whack a wig on people, what happens is it means they very much focus in on the eyes. Yeah. It almost kind of like people go, yeah, yeah, okay, I know what the hair is. It makes people look at people's eyes a lot more closely. And if you re-watch that footage of Dara, you see the pain. You see a mother's pain, a mother's worry.

For it then to... But that is the success, because then the redemption of the baby being cool yeah is what as a viewer and that I thought was actually the perfect marriage of teamwork and the other test of yeah yeah because Dara is doing the work they put on a dress he's put on a wig he's chucked his baby down the hill yeah he's also then maybe you could argue a bit like how i actually tried to do in real life ran to the other end and caught the baby dressed as someone else yeah and got himself a cocktail yeah maybe

maybe the team could have gone yeah john what you're trying to do is impossible mate so we're gonna edit it where you catch it now they did do that they actually let me try yeah oh yeah all my baby the face the i mean there's almost sort of he can contort his face and some it was quite grotesque actually the the pain and the uh the suffering on his face it's painful to watch yeah it to watch it's painful to watch I think it took people by surprise he's got such an expressive face I thought hmm he's tapping into something there

he won yeah? Oh yeah he got five points yeah so yeah five points for all my baby four points for Fern catching a star on a big fart. Sarah three points for catching fire. Two points for you, John, and one point for Munya. I think that should have been nought points.

He didn't actually catch anything. What was it you said, Rony? Munya quite reasonably asked you to put more power into your throne. I don't know. What did I say? I'll tell you what you said. You whispered to yourself, fuck's sake. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

13 and 2. That's the first time you've ever sworn. Well, how do you think that made Munya...? Look at Munya's face now. Yeah. He's only 21 or something. LAUGHTER The first time I've ever sworn. Jon, this is what I wrote down. When I was at primary school, there was a boy called

Morgan who got sent home one day because he tried to eat the hood off his own coat. Throughout that task, you reminded me of Morgan. Did you enjoy doing the live tasks, John? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm awful at them. Yeah. You got four in this one. Yeah. Well, this one was all right. I mean, you didn't even have to move. Yeah. No, the live tasks were good fun.

This one especially because... Yes. A, the great elaborate... Well, do you explain what it is yeah so it's predict whether an item will create a higher or lower number of decibels than the previous item if you're wrong you are out last player standing wins so yeah simple higher and lower game what makes the noises with the decibels for me best part of this was greg had to do it yeah and uh you really he he likes sitting in that throne yeah the idea that he has to get up and do stuff he's not delighted with that but he's so funny in this though the the uh thrust when he's talking

about thrusting the toothbrush in a regulation manner and then miming it is absolutely hilarious. Yeah, I mean, you know, you get to see heroes. The great thing about comedy is very early on you kick with someone who's your hero. Yeah.

To see a man like that proud, tall, handsome, funny, jabbing marbles with an electric toothbrush. I was delighted, absolutely delighted. But yeah, what was very funny was it was over very, very quickly. Yeah, they had all that other stuff set up, that huge elaborate set up for all the other objects

and just done, just done almost immediately. Sarah won it with five points. You got the four points and three points for everyone else. Meaning, John, you take home your first episode, which I don't think anyone would have expected from the first two episodes necessarily that you'd be claiming a victory so early. So I'm absolutely delighted for you.

Did that relax you a little bit at that point were you like good i've got one under the belt well again you know this again i keep saying this but this podcast is very much talking baseball talking shop please it was at this moment after two shocking episodes every single person has hope in their heart at some point in a series and this is probably where mine peaks yes because I'm not gonna lie to you the episode finishes the audience applaud applaud. You go home. And in the car, I'm thinking, well, maybe. Maybe they got me wrong. Just maybe.

Maybe. You know, there's still six episodes to go. Yeah. Don't just count me out. Just yet, you know. Just, you know. Yeah, you had your fun at the beginning. Yeah, we all laughed.

All of a sudden I've won a prize task. But you're the idiot who brings in books, aren't you? No. I've designed a business card. Oh yeah, John, you're thick. You're thick. You just turned the sand upside down. You're thick.

Yeah, I am thick, Dara. Roll VT. VT. And then, live task. There is me and Sarah battling it out. And for the fans, still a bit of, you know, idiocy trying to hit a tennis ball over a house and catching it. So, you know, but that's my point.

Every single person in the series has their moment where they go, hang on a minute, I actually might be able to win this. And that is where the genius of this show works because it's only then when the series finishes that you realise how manipulative the team actually are and how they just bill it all in where they've built you up. They knock you down. you think you're great then they go no he'll do rubbish

so you leave it a husk, you're exhausted but like I said by the end of this episode winning all the prizes standing there looking as everyone cheers I'm thinking well who's laughing now who's laughing

now john thank you so much for coming on the taskmaster podcast you've been an absolute delight and i'm glad i got to chat to you on your sabotage episode and an episode you won. Currently in the series, you are in the bottom, but like you say, don't count you down, you know. Don't, don't. 41 points. You're very close to Fern.

Munya's on 46. It's very strong grouping at the bottom of the league table. Then Sarah on 51 and Dara on 64. 64. 64. I mean, he came out of the traps. He really, really came out of the traps, that guy. I mean, to be fair to him, last episode was a big scorer for him.

It was a big scorer. It was what's known as the clean sweep. Five points, ten points, five points, seven points, three points and then 30 points overall he got in the last episode, which is almost unheard of. Yeah, I mean, I don't think I'm ruining anything by saying that never

happens to me. I'm not giving too much away there, but I'm just saying that never happens. John, you're going on tour? I'm on tour in the spring, Ed, yes. Starts in London in February and then rattles around the country to lovely little venues that I've played before,

but hopefully there'll be people there this time. Where can people find out about the tour uh well if you go onto my twitter at john's fur coat uh that's where all the details would be including a website which um uh will be all updated soon and uh yeah spring next year spring 23 fantastic now john on the taskmaster podcast we always ask our guests to rate their experience on the taskmaster podcast between one and five points in the style of the taskmaster i hope you've had a nice time but would you please rate your experience between one and five points thank you john ed you are phenomenal host this podcast was an absolute delight i hope i let you in on some little secrets there i feel like i've got a lot off my chest i'm giving this a big fat five points five points thank you so much

john uh you're welcome of course back on the taskmaster podcast anytime um and uh you know who knows we might be seeing you on the final episode that's the that's the thing you never know never never count this guy out john John Kearns, thank you very much. Thank you. Well, there we go. Thank you so much to John for coming in. What a guy. I mean, I could have genuinely talked to him

for about six hours about that. As it is, we talked for two, which is way longer than normal. He's absolutely brilliant. Do go and see him on tour next spring, as he says. Just check out his Twitter for more details of that. And return here next week. Watch Taskmaster on Thursday at 9pm on Channel 4

and then return here next week at 10pm to listen to us discuss 14.4, Series 14, Episode 4, with another brilliant special guest. I've been Ned Gamble. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.

Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly.

This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative.